All language subtitles for How To Marry A Millionaire - S01E24 - A Call to Arms

Ancient Roman orgy of
feasting and pleasure.

Of course, it's a little late
to be invited to one of them.

Oh, there are ways a girl can get
to eat well and have a little fun.

I'm all ears, lady.

She can marry a millionaire.

We're in the hands of the
receivers, and she's shopping.

That's just why I bought this.

It's a morale builder.

Here, give me one of those bills.

Nate's delicatessen, $52.40.
Looks pretty awful, doesn't it?

There.

Doesn't it look a lot better now?

She marked it paid.

All right.

So you built our morale.
We're happy. We think it's paid.

But what about Nate? Who
let him buy his own stamp?

How much did this happy gimmick set
you back? What difference? I charged it.

I'll get it.

It might be a man.

It isn't a man, Loco.
It's your press agent.

Hiya, fellas.

If I were a man, I'd resent
that. Down on your knees.

Down on your knees in gratitude to your
press agent that... Sign right there.

What are you reading that
stuff for? You're not a lawyer.

Just look at the numbers at the top.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Well, I just... Go, girl.

Go, go, go. Oh, what a break.

Loco Jones, I hereby dub ye...

Queen of the Madison Square Garden Rodeo.

Oh, Jack, you're doing it!

Now, wait a minute. We
got a lot of work to do.

I'll see you Saturday at
the garden when I will

introduce you personally to your horse.

Did you say horse?

Yeah. He ride it around the arena.
It's part of the deal. Look here.

It says...

Party of the second part.

The party's over.

Horses terrify her. She
won't even eat animal

crackers if there's a horse in the box.

I'm not afraid to eat tigers.

Honey, you don't have to eat this
horse. All you gotta do is sit on it.

It's a nice, tired old rheumatic mag.

For $500, I'd write a broom.

Well, I'm sorry, but I... All
right, all right, all right.

Obviously, nobody here needs 500 bucks.

Oh, Loco, please. Just this once. Oh.

All right.

Ah, atta girl. Listen, I'll have you
ride in that mag before you can say,

Sessu Hayakawa. Mighty pretty, partner.

Loco, if all cowgirls looked like you,

there wouldn't be any
cowboys to round up them

there doggies and
cayuses. What's a doggie?

Well, I'll tell you what's a doggie
if you'll tell me what's a cayuse.

I wish I could sit on that
fence instead of a horse.

Howdy.

Howdy.

Howdy.

Howdy.

My name's Kirby.

The boys just called me Idaho.

My favorite name. But I'm afraid
you're in the wrong corral. Oh, no, ma'am.

I just dropped by to...

Well, you might say I just
dropped by to be neighborly.

Oh, are you the man who
just moved in next door?

No, no, I'm your neighbor from
down a piece. About two miles.

Two miles?

Look, cowboy, in New York, there are
about half a million people between us.

They're gonna feel mighty
hurt that you snubbed them.

I see what you mean, but,
well, where I come from,

the nearest neighbor is ten miles
away, so that makes us right close.

Well, thanks.

Enjoyed the visit.

But I ain't said what I come for yet.

A cup of flour?

A recipe for peanut brittle.

I've come to say something to Miss Loco.

Me?

I know this is going to sound
silly, but, well, I'm with the rodeo,

and I've seen your picture on the poster,
and this is going to sound even sillier,

but I fell in love with it.

Well, it's very sweet of you to come
all that way over here to tell me that.

Right neighborly. Right. And if
you'll send us a self-addressed envelope,

we'll mail you an autographed
poster of local for your very own. Bye.

Isn't that sweet?

A cowboy's in love with me.

What does he look like?
I like a cowboy in love.

It isn't such a compliment, honey.

All he ever sees are cayuses and doggies.

What are doggies?

Oh, no, we're not going into that again.

Who would believe it?

Here we are right smack
in the middle of New York

in a penthouse 21
stories above the ground.

We open the door and find a cowboy.

Knock for me, will you, cowboy?

Oh, sure. Can't wait to see Miss
Loco again. Is she a friend of yours?

No.

I'm in love with her.

Huh?

Now, look, cowboy.

Let me in, Mike, will you, please?

Sure, Jack.

Please, why don't you go back to Idaho?

Ma'am, I'm from Texas.

All right, Texas.

Texas? Look, I know I'm
going to hate myself for asking,

but why don't the boys call you Tex?

Oh, that's what they
call my brother. So they

decided to call me
Idaho. Just kidding, right?

Oh.

Well, give my regards to your brother.

That about does it. Thanks very much.

What's this all about?

Well, this morning I'm
working out in the gym,

developing this physique
you're looking at. Suddenly,

I look over in the corner
and it comes to me in a flash.

I repeat, what's this all about?

This is Loco's training horse.
It's electric. Here, plug it in.

Now, let's get going. The first
thing you've got to learn is mounting.

This is very important
because everybody knows

that a rodeo queen has to be graceful.

Must always look graceful.

Must look like you know
what a horse is all about.

She must put her foot in the
stirrup and just... I don't know.

Well, don't worry about it. Just
watch me. Now, back up and watch me.

Watch how gracefully I
swing into the side.

Nice going, cowboy. It wouldn't
have been so bad if he'd been sharp.

I'm just used to taller horses. Come
here. Your horse will have a longer neck,

so when you sail over, you'll
grab it. Now, come on, let's try it.

Well, maybe we better call it off.

All right, all right. Look, I'll tell you
what we'll do. We'll try it Eastern style.

Come on, up you go, up.

It's a cinch.

All right, honey, you ready? All
right, kid, we're off and running.

Hey, hey, take it easy.

Ride him, local, ride him.

Shh, shh, shut him off. Stay
with him, honey, stay with him.

Hey!

Nobody ever believed that
you were afraid of horses.

Thanks.

Oh, it's no use. She'll
never make it by Saturday.

Farewell, 500.

Oh, not so fast. Not so fast!

I'm going to get somebody to teach her.

Well, there's a riding
stable on 54th Street.

That's great. That's great, 54th
Street. Oh, and make wonderful headlines.

Rodeo Queen takes
horseback riding lessons.

Why couldn't you be afraid of kangaroos?

I am.

Idaho.

Oh, no, it's too far.

Much too far. Oh, Idaho is a rodeo
cowboy. He's in love with local.

He'll keep his mouth shut.

Mike, you're a genius. You're a
genius. Even my aching back forgives you.

I'll find him. He may still be out there.

Most of those rodeo boys live in
rooming houses near Madison Square Garden.

I'll try Mother Johnson's.

That's a real popular fleabag.

No one by that name, huh?

Goodbye.

I've been to every
rooming house in the book.

Maybe he can't afford a rooming house.

But he said he lives two miles from here.

Come on. Where are we going?
Central Park. That's two miles from here.

We're even checking benches.

Well, well, well?

We covered every bench in the park.
Nothing but nurses and baby carriages.

He's not a Madison Square Garden, either.

I left word.

That's probably the bellboy.
I got him checking stables.

Well, I got your message at the
garden. You wanted to see me? Oh,

how we wanted to see you.

Ma'am, from now on, I may
just shave around that spot.

Isn't he sweet?

Easy, local. He may not
look so good in a beard.

Well, why don't you relax a
minute? You must be tired, huh?

Put your feet right up here. Much obliged.

That's all right.

Look, partner, how
would you like to make a

little extra money? Say, 50 cents an hour?

I'm not particularly interested in money.

Well, okay, we're not hard to deal
with. You can do it for nothing.

Sure, what's money? Money is dross.

What's dross?

You know they were meant for each other?

You teach this little lady to stay on
the horse, and I'll get you in a western.

How'd you like to be on
television? Well, I like television.

It's a deal. That's why I bought
me one of them television stations.

Well, you see, I play a little
guitar, and my aunt in Oklahoma,

she's got the rheumatism, and
she can't come to Texas, so...

So you bought the station so your
aunt could hear you play the...

Some Texans like television
stations. Others like oil.

I hate oil. My gushes is
crowding off all the cattle.

You know, Loco, your hair is
like the Texas sun. Gold-like.

I, uh, I guess we've
been wasting your time.

Forget about the riding.

Oh, we will not. You want to ride a
horse? Well, that's going to be my pleasure.

Come on, honey, I'm going to
put you on a big, tall horse.

Oh, good.

And while you're picking me up off the
ground, you can tell me all about Texas.

Did you hear what he said
to her? He called her honey.

Yahoo!

Huh? Yahoo!

Everybody, how'd you do today? Oh,
the horse is beginning to like me.

He only threw me twice. Oh, I'm starved.

Well, let's eat.

Idaho's sister flew
in. Spring, you're over.

She's here to case you,
the first step to the altar.

Oh, what'll I do?

Well, just act natural, honey.

Gosh, I'll be lonesome
way out there in Texas.

Well, we'll come to visit
you for two or three years.

Married to a Texas millionaire.

Breakfast in bed, the three of us.

Wouldn't I have breakfast in Idaho's bed?

A real Texas breakfast.

Thick fillets rare, scrambled eggs easy.

Chuckwagon lunch by the swimming
pool while we watch the gushers gush.

And in the afternoon, we'll
climb into our whirlybird

and off to the shamrock for tea and tango.

Howdy, gals. I brought my
sister over. Come on in, Kate.

Howdy.

Sis, this is Mike, and this is
Greta, and this is... Don't tell me!

Welcome to Texas, honey!

I can't tell yet. I'm still numb.
We were just having a little snack.

Would you care to join us?

No, thanks, honey. Ain't she nice, sis?

What there is of her.

Don't you worry, honey. In a
couple of months at the ranch,

she'll put some real muscle on you.

Muscle?

Oh, locals talked about nothing but
the ranch. Well, no more talking.

From now on, you're gonna be part of it.

I can see Kate really likes you.

If she liked her anymore, she'd have to
go on her honeymoon without her sacroiliac.

Come over here, honey child.

Boy, are you going to love
Texas. It is positively beautiful.

There's nothing like it. Up at 5,
after the corral, and off to the range.

Sir, is that 5 a.m.

or p.m.? Oh, Loco's been
up at 5 many a morning.

Well, that's when I get
in from the Copacabana.

You may be a little sleepy at first,

but wait till that tough Texas wind
bites through you. That'll snap you awake.

And roundup time. Good old roundup time.

You take that hot Brandon iron, and
you stamp our brand on a new cap.

There's nothing like the cinch of
burning hide in the clear, cool morning air.

You don't mind Brandon, do you?

Me?

Well, my skin is a little sensitive.

Knuckle has a real feeling for Brandon.

Yes, she once sat on a hot iron.

When do we tango at the Shamrock?

Shamrock?

Why, girlie, we're a
thousand miles from the Shamrock.

But don't let that throw
you. You'll have plenty to do.

There's milk in the cows, pitch in
the alfalfa, paint in the corrals,

and nothing beats a thrill
of busting your own bronco.

Aye, but push the bronco. It's
like falling off a log, only higher.

I'll teach you everything, because the
three of us are going to be real pals.

That's right. Kate's going to live
with us, because she manages the spread.

She sure does. Don't you worry.

I ain't the kind who's going to
try to run your life for you.

After you hitch to
Idaho, it's your spread.

You're going to be the boss lady, honey,

because you know sis
ain't the interfering kind.

Right. I don't believe in interference.

Now, about the wedding.
I've taken care of everything.

You're going to be married
and stop. Western style.

Yippee.

Well, I can just hear
the wedding march being

played on a guitar.
Idaho, you're very nice.

But I'm not sure I want
muscles and branding and bucking

broncos and getting up
at five in the morning.

That's only all weekdays.

Sundays, we don't get up till six.

Ah, that's what I'm
looking forward to most.

You cooking me those big
Sunday breakfast barbecues.

Well...

Yes, sirree. We don't
want no trouble with anybody

who don't know her way around the kitchen.

Well, kitchen is our
little local's middle name.

As a matter of fact,
she was going to barbecue

for you tomorrow.
Weren't you, sweetie? I was?

She wanted to surprise you, and big
blabbermouth me had to go and spoil everything.

Even I'm surprised.

That's right nice of you, honey.

Kate and I are much obliged to accept
your invitation. What time do you want us?

Oh, about 6 o'clock.

Okay.

Come on, Idaho.

See you for breakfast. I'll
see you at 6 p.m. for dinner.

Oh, dinner.

Well, see you then. Oh, Mike.

What are you trying to do to me? You
know I don't know anything about barbecues.

Sweetie, you sound like you want to go
through with marrying this plow jockey.

By the nerve of that guy, expecting you
to get up at five and fix his breakfast.

With all his money, he
could buy the diner's club.

But I promised, and it isn't
nice to hurt people's feelings.

Especially a nice guy like Idaho.

Well, don't you worry
about hurting his feelings.

After he takes one bite of your
cooking, he'll never want to marry you,

and then your conscience
will be absolutely clear.

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.

Well, this will taste like one.

You gals sure are a circus.

There you are, all ready to serve.

To look at them, you could never tell the
difference. But to taste them, you could.

Now, tell me again.
Which is the stuff I cooked,

and which is the stuff we got from
Smokey Joe's? All right, Lucretia Borgia.

The two on the left
are for Idaho and Kate.

The others are for us.
What's taking you so long, honey?

Now, no Fair Peak in Idaho.
Besides, the kitchen is no man's land.

Loco will be with you in a minute.

The two on your left.

The two on my left.

I'll get the others.

Man, that barbecue sauce smells delicious.

Sure does, but you don't eat with
your nose. The proof is in the tasting.

Well, I hope you're hungry, Idaho.

Hungry? The way that boy eats, you'd
think food was going to be abolished.

Now, if you weren't from Texas,
I'd say you were exaggerating.

You didn't have to wait for us.

Good things are always
worth waiting for, ma'am.

And this is just about the goodest.

Boy, that's the best
barbecue I ever sunk my teeth into.

It is? But it couldn't be.

I mean... Oh, you're just being modest.

What's the matter, girls?

I really put too much pepper on mine.

Yes, too much pepper. Me too.

Oh, well, shucks then.
Trade with Kate and me.

You're a real gentleman.
Man, this is even better.

Idaho, it looks like you got
yourself a mighty fine wife.

I got bad news for you, kid.

You've been peeking.

I heard about Loco and
that Bronco buster. She

can't marry him. Not for a while, anyway.

She can't?

That's wonderful.

Huh?

Come in and tell us all about it.

Jack has wonderful, I mean, terrible news.

The marriage is off for a while.

Well, when I got you
signed as queen of the rodeo,

I promised that you
wouldn't get married for a year.

If I go back on my word
now, I'm dead as an agent.

Jack, this is terrible.

Loco's heartbroken.

Aren't you, dear? Oh, sure.
Gosh, I can't wait a year.

I gotta be married by next Sunday.

What's so special about next Sunday?

Well, if I'm not married by my 30th
birthday, I don't get my inheritance.

And Sunday is his 30th birthday.

Well, it was only a verbal promise.

Maybe if I... Oh, no.

Your word is a bond, and a bond is a
contract. And a contract is a contract.

You can get in trouble if you go
back on your word, and so could Loco.

Gosh, I don't want to
make trouble for Loco.

You're a square shooter.

Real square.

And we'll miss you. Now, don't you
worry yourself none about Idaho.

There's a gal back home that's
always been hankering for him.

Guess he'll have to give in.

Yeah, Matilda don't hold a
candle to you as a cook, Loco,

but I guess she'll soon be Mrs. Kirby.

Well, good luck. Yes, lots of luck.

Come on. Have a good
ride, boy. Enjoy yourself.

Poor Matilda.

Oh, I don't know.

She'll probably enjoy being Mrs. Kirby.

Sure, but if her cooking
can't hold a candle to

Locos, she'll soon be
Widow Kirby. Bye, kids.

Hi.

Anyone interested in the
evening mail? No, thanks.

I know what you mean. Bills, bills, bills.

Hey, here's a letter from Texas.

It's addressed to all three of us.

It's from Idaho.

Dear girls, thank you
for your nice telegrams.

Sorry you couldn't attend the wedding.

Matilda looked beautiful. Regards, Idaho.

P.S.

Seems Matilda don't
like ranch life as much as

she thought she would before we
were married, and... You read it.

And we're coming to New York
to live, so you better finish.

So if you can find us a nice big
penthouse and a couple of servants,

Matilda sure would
appreciate it. Oh, isn't that nice?

They're going to live in a penthouse.

How about you fixing us some dinner?

But you said my cooking
was absolutely poisonous.

We know.