All language subtitles for Non-Transferable 2017 720p WEBRip 600 MB - iExT

Welcome to Spontaneous Travel.

How may I assist you?

I have an overnight
delivery for an Amy Tyler.

Oh, that'll be the
productivity pod on your left.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

Start-ups.

Have a spontaneous day!

Yes, sir, I can imagine

it's not very fun in Syria right now,

but traveler's insurance does
not cover political unrest.

Amy Tyler?

Can you hold on a mo-mo?

Can I help you?

Yeah, urgent for Amy Tyler?

I'll sign.

Amy, it's here!

Just in time.

If I'm not careful, you could replace me.

Oh, I could never be a ginger. Here.

Oh!

Robert, you are a life saver.

Okay, my turn. The
Wainwrights are in Sweden?

You mean Syria?

That, and then there's also a thingy.

A military coup?

I don't know, listening
is not really my thing.

What about reading or watching the news?

Oh, gross.

Get Phillipe at Hotel Plaka on the line.

I'll take care of the rest.

That's why you're gonna
own this place someday.

No, that's why I'll
sell this place someday.

Mr. Wainwright, it's Amy
from Spontaneous Travel.

I understand you're having a
once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Let's see if we can't
find you a better one.

Yes, sir, I'm looking at
a direct flight to Athens

that leaves in two hours,

and we will transfer your
hotel reservation at no charge.

I've got Phillipe on the other line,

who will take great care of you.

Direct Message me if you
need anything after hours.

No, thank you for choosing
Spontaneous Travel,

where we plan...

...for you to improvise.

You have every luxury hotel on speed dial,

and I'm shooting my videos
in an active coffee shop.

Vanilla hemp latte for Sandra!

Right here!

You don't spend three
years making travel videos

in Europe without getting
to know a few hotel managers.

Yeah, and you don't create
a start-up travel agency.

Global Concierge.

Ugh, global concierge,

without it being more than a few.

All I'm saying is you could hook a girl up.

Wait, is that why you called?

- No!
- No.

We wanna know if it came.

You mean, this?

Aaah!

Yay, what are we celebrating?

Take a bow, Robert.

I'd like to thank the Academy
and my husband, Anderson Cooper.

I still can't believe you got
a passport in less than a week.

Who knew the Department
of State was on Grindr?

Ding-ding goes the trolley.

That makes so much sense.

And Josh still has no idea?

Nope! I cleared the dates with his firm,

booked the flights, even
double-dipped on a few discounts

because we have different last names.

I planned it perfectly.

Except, you forgot to check

if your boyfriend's passport had expired.

That's why I have Robert.

Did you confirm the
Wainwrights' Athens flight?

Oh, Ames, that's so five minutes ago.

I even got them a Groupon
for the Aeropostale.

You mean the Acropolis, right?

Your trip with Josh is gonna be so amazing!

It's gonna be perfect, Amy.

You could just chill
out and focus on seeing

all your favorite places in the world.

With your favorite man in the world!

Barf!

That sounds so cheesy,

but so amazing that I don't care!

And Josh has always talked about proposing

in front of that fountain
where his grandparents met.

I told you about that?

Only ten times.

I hope he can just take the hint.

- Men can be so oblivious.
- You're telling me.

I reminded him about dinner
tonight, and he tried to pretend

he had something really important planned,

but I am pretty sure he just forgot.

Or maybe he's planning a
little surprise of his own.

No.

You think?

Oh, but he knows I hate surprises.

Honey, you've cashed
in thousands of dollars

and dozens of favors for this trip.

In a month, I better see
two carats, or a new man.

Oh, my gosh, I'd love to plan your wedding.

- Ew, no!
- Absolutely not!

All right, all right, all right.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Right now, I just have to focus
on getting to dinner on time.

You mean five minutes ago?

Crap, yes. Robert...

Already Uber-ing.

Oh, sorry I'm late.

Oh, um...

I was just finishing up your surprise.

Amy Tyler, late for something.

The apocalypse is nigh.

For our anniversary, grumpy pants.

Yeah, Amy, about that, um...

Can I just tell you what your surprise is?

Well, I think we really need to...

And I cannot keep a secret so...

Amy! Just...

Yeah, I'm just gonna give you two a minute.

Amy, you're a great girl,
and we've had a lot of fun...

But this doesn't sound very fun.

I just feel like things
are moving too fast.

We've been dating for two years.

- I know.
- We live together.

Exactly.

I'm just not ready for
this kind of commitment.

Well... I'm not saying

we have to get married right now.

Oh, thank God.

Great! Good.

No, I'm glad we're on
the same page with this,

because I feel like you're always making

these big, romantic
gestures and wanting to spend

all this time and money together.

And I just don't want to do that anymore.

So...

Ahh. Good.

Whew! Heh.

Uh, that went much better
than I thought it would.

What did you want to talk about?

I booked us a... a two-week trip
to Europe for our anniversary.

What? Are you... Are you crazy?

I... I can't take two weeks off.

No, I cleared it with your boss.

You talked to Mike behind my back?

That's how a surprise works.

What am I gonna do in Europe for two weeks?

You love Europe.

You studied abroad in Amsterdam.

We met dancing in Ibiza.

You've always wanted to
propose at the fountain

where your grandparents met.

Amy, I told you that
on, like, our third date.

I thought it was romantic.

I thought it would get me laid.

Just gonna take another
lap around, no rush.

Well, I wish I'd known that
before I fell in love with you.

I wish I'd known that
before we moved in together.

And I really wish I'd known that

before I booked us a non-refundable

two-week trip to Europe
for our anniversary.

Amy, I think a vacation is a great idea.

You know, just maybe...

...from each other.

Are you breaking up with me?

No!

I mean...

if that's what you want.

What I want is to be with someone

who sees a future with me.

I'm not a fortune teller, Amy.

Well, at least I already started packing.

Amy, wait.

What are you gonna do with that ticket?

So maybe I can get it
exchanged for another time?

I am gonna taze his ass!

Amy, you can stay as long as you need.

Why didn't you make him move out?

Eff this, I'm ordering a pizza.

We've earned it. You've
gotta still go, Ames.

I would kill to see Turkey!
Literally murder bodies.

The girl just got dumped.

What's she gonna do in Turkey?

Well, we don't know his name yet.

Marcie's right.

I can't go anywhere right now.

I don't even have a place to live.

It was a stupid idea anyway.

Amy, you dropped, like,
thousands on this trip.

Of your own money.

At least give me the tickets.

You don't understand.

They're nontransferable.

Our names are on everything.

Plane tickets, hotels, tours,
even dinner reservations.

I can't go without him.

Amy, I am so sorry,

but we're your girls, okay?

- And we're here for you.
- For anything.

Can we do a gluten-free
crust? I'm on a thing.

The next time that Josh
Merit parks anywhere,

I'm gonna be there to turn that meter off

and ticket his ass.

Wait, you can do that?

But you have to forget about him, okay?

Forget about this trip.

Maybe that's him!

What part of "take her
damn phone away from her"

did you not understand?

Please, she's too sober to drunk dial.

Bitch, you are not a Breathalyzer.

He changed our relationship status.

- What?!
- Ouch.

He listed himself as single,

so now it says I'm single, too.

I guess it's official.

And it wasn't official when he turned down

an all-expenses-paid
vacation?

Yeah, he should have at least
led her on for another two weeks

and gotten a free trip
and vacation sex out of it.

- What?
- Girl, I'm gon...

He changed his profile picture.

Sandra, I need your computer.

No, Amy, calm down.

What if it's with a new girl?

The new picture won't load on my phone.

Girl, take the hint!

Okay! Okay, grabby.

Pizza's on you, then.

Why can't I find him on here?

Did he block me?!

Breathe.

It's logged into my profile.

I am not friends with the A-hole

formally known as your boyfriend.

Okay, just search for him.

And once you're done,
we can go to the club.

He changed his picture, so
I can't tell which one he is.

Whoa, there must be at least
a dozen Josh Merits on here.

Okay, I think this one's him.

Okay, see? No new girl.

Just a bunch of
douche-nozzles doing shots.

Wait, no, go back!

No, this is him, Sandra.

We don't need to look at
a bunch of random guys.

Yes, you do!

- Huh?
- What?

You need a new Josh Merit.

Now, I know you're not thinking

what I think you're thinking.

Honestly, this is the
best idea I've ever had.

No, no, no.

Absolutely not!

Come on!

The best way to get over one guy

is to get on top of another one.

This one time, it's a good plan.

I mean, think about it.

You've already prepaid for this two-week

dream vacation with a Josh Merit.

You can't change the tickets,
but you can change the guy.

This is ridiculous.

This way, you get to keep your trip,

your plan, and maybe even find a rebound.

You'll never have to worry
about saying the wrong name.

I am not taking a stranger to Europe!

Isn't that what you do for a living?

Well, what if he's a total creep? Hmm?

Or a knife-stabber.

This is the whole reason
that I stopped making videos

and dealt with other people's travel.

People are unpredictable.

Like Josh.

Okay.

Do you wanna make a pro and con list?

No.

But you love pro and con lists.

- I do.
- Okay.

You get to relive Amy's Adventures.

I haven't vlogged in years.

- Meet new people!
- I hate people.

Well, we'll run a background check.

Make sure you're safe.

You're a parking enforcement officer.

I still work for the state.

And we can figure out
where these guys hang out

and go window shopping.

I can't just write a
bunch of random men online.

What would I even say?

"Hi, we've never met,

"but you've won a free trip to Europe!

"And also, there's a Nigerian prince

with an exciting financial opportunity."

Who is gonna turn down a free trip?

Better yet, offer them
a deal on the tickets

and make some of your money back.

What am I, Living Social?

No, you're "Living Single."

All you have to do

is write a few Josh Merits.

We'll take care of the rest.

Guys, come on.

Do you really expect me

to contact every guy on the Internet

with my ex's name?

No!

Just the cute ones.

I heard that!

- Where do we start?
- Yes!

You don't waste any time.

Yeah, maybe this was a bad idea.

Uh,
d-d-d... no.

- Hold on!
- No, no.

That's him.

- Who?
- Our first Josh Merit.

I posted that I was
looking to book Josh Merit

on my show, the Internet
took care of the rest.

You can find anyone.

Except a sponsor for her YouTube channel.

Focus, ladies.

He's a 30-year-old
musician from Tennessee

with a body like Ryan Lochte

and a voice that sounds like rainbows.

He is the definition of a rebound,

and he's standing right over there.

Ladies and ladies,

please welcome our first
contestant, Josh Merit.

How old is that photo?

Girl, if you don't go over there, I will.

I... I... I can do it!

OMG! Josh...

- Yeah, Abby?
- I love you.

Yeah.

Are you gonna play "Falling" tonight?

Yeah, I think I can make that happen.

Can we take a picture together?

Can you?

Uh...

On three, say,

"I mistake attention for love."

All right.

I'm your biggest fan.

See you after the show, Josh.

Yeah, okay, thanks.

Sorry about that. Do you...

Did you wanna get a photo?

Oh, God, no, heh.

- I'm sorry.
- No, okay.

It's... it's cool.

I personally prefer to
be heard and not seen.

So how long have you been playing?

Oh, wow, you really did not come here

to hear me play music, did you?

No. I'm sorry.

No, no, don't worry about it.

It's, uh, it's actually refreshing.

And who knows?

Maybe Josh Merit can make
a fan out of you tonight.

Yeah, you're gonna have to work really hard

to make me a fan of Josh Merit right now.

You know, um, I'm usually surrounded

by either fans or crazies.

But it's nice to meet,
you know, someone like you.

You know, sometimes I just fantasize

about just taking a trip.

You know, just... get away from it all.

Well, it... it's funny
you should mention that

because, um, this is crazy, actually.

This is, like, the weirdest thing
I've ever done in my entire life...

Put your hands together

for the very talented Josh Merit!

That is my cue.

Um, thank you for
accidentally coming tonight.

And whoever you are actually
looking for is a lucky guy.

Come on, San Francisco!

We can do better than that!

Yeah, I didn't get to ask him yet.

- Uh, but he was nice.
- That's good.

...and this is Josh Merit
and the Paper Heart Band.

- He's cute.
- He's really cute.

And this first song is
dedicated to a new fan.

She, uh... just might not know it yet.

Dear Josh, you don't know me,

but I am in a weird
situation and need your help.

My ex-boyfriend is also named Josh Merit.

And before we broke up,

I booked a nonrefundable
vacation under his name.

So, I was curious if you'd be interested

in a no-strings-attached,
platonic trip to Europe

for a fraction of the ticket price.

If you're interested and
have a valid passport,

write me back as soon as possible,

and I'll give you more details.

Thanks, Amy.

Ugh, where is he?

I thought you said he'd be here.

This is exhausting.

Now I actually need a vacation.

Look, it's been almost a week, Amy.

We're not looking for your soul mate,

just a double to get you
checked into airports and hotels.

Okay, this final candidate is Joshua Merit.

He's originally from Minnesota.

He got his masters at UCLA,

taught kindergarten until last
week with the state cutbacks,

has no criminal record
and type O positive blood.

Well, that's a deal breaker.

You know she likes her men type A.

How do you find all this information?

You can find anything on the Internet.

Really? How big is his...

Stop! I swear you guys

are more invested in
my love life than I am.

Wait, I think that's him!

He looks so sad.

Well, he did just lose his job.

And he drives a scooter.

I can't really tell what he looks like.

Well, all I can tell from here is he's got

the buttocks of a thoroughbred stallion.

Wait, he's looking over here!

Oh, okay.

What are you doing?

He doesn't know what you
look like, crazy pants.

Okay, your flight leaves in 24 hours, Amy.

You can't afford to be picky.

Maybe I just shouldn't go.

No! He wrote back and
said he was interested.

We've seen every Josh Merit in the city.

This Josh'll do.

And if it doesn't work out,

you can just give him his
return ticket and then go meet

some mysterious stranger
who doesn't speak English

but makes you orgasm in five languages.

I worry about you.

- Me too.
- Okay...

Fifty Shades of Gross
here has got it right.

You need this, Amy.

Besides, whatever Josh
you take with you to Europe

is better than the one you had.

Uh, oh. Oh, uh, Josh?

I still think you should have
gone with Personal Trainer Josh.

Well, this is the only one
that said yes to my offer, okay?

Wow, even my standards
are higher than that.

This Josh is single, drug-free,

and as far as we know,
not a knife-stabber.

Okay? We're lucky he said yes.

Those are impressive credentials for any
man from the Bay Area, regardless of name.

I mean, if the state trusts
him to teach children,

I'm gonna trust him with you.

Not to mention, he has a valid passport.

And a great butt.

What? It's important!

Okay, remember we have to pretend
like we've never seen him before.

So, put the sign back up and play it up.

And, Sandra, try not to hit on him.

But how will I resist his unemployed,

scooter-riding charm?

Regardless of anything,
I just want you to know

I'm really proud of you, Amy.

I mean, you could've stayed home sulking

and missed out on a trip of
a lifetime, but you didn't.

I know.

I mean, this is crazy,

but I'm actually kind of excited about it.

And at least someone's
getting to use the ticket.

He seems like he really needs it.

You know who really needs it...

Wait, guys! I think this is him.

Play it cool.

Hey. Uh, sorry I'm late.

I'm Joshua.

"Josh."

You couldn't have shaved?

Or at least showered?

Uh, sorry.

Thought we were gonna be
on a plane for 12 hours.

Don't worry about her.

I don't mind the scruff, heh.

Thank you.

Uh, Amy, I'm guessing?

No, it's nice to meet you though, Joshua.

I'm Sandra.

Who will be staying here, with me.

This is Amy.

Hi, Amy.

I mean... I'm Amy.

Hi, Amy. Uh, Jo...

Uh, we already did that.

Um, can I help you with your bag?

Uh, do you have a bag?

Uh, didn't have much of a heads-up,

so just threw everything
in a backpack and left.

Have you ever tried a rolling bag?

Have you ever tried not
micromanaging other people?

Okay, Joshua.

See, the thing is, Amy here,

she's calling all the shots.

Except in the bedroom.

Then she likes a little dominance,

and her safe word is "stop."

Guys...

Everything is in both of your names,

so if you can't play nice,
you may as well walk away now

or you'll be limping away later.

You don't have to play nice with me.

I like limping away.

- Seriously?
- Wow, heh.

Maybe I should get my return
ticket now for safe-keeping, huh?

Sure!

And if you wouldn't mind waiting

until at least Sunday to dump me.

I've already been through
that once this week.

Okay? Everybody happy?

Great. Here's your boarding pass.

I'm glad you came, I'll
see you on the plane.

Amy...

Is she okay?

Don't worry, she's much
more friendly at 30,000 feet.

And don't forget... any funny business,

I won't be afraid to use this.

Did that say Parking Enforcement?

Just get on the damn plane!

Okay, folks, I need two lines!

Okay, have your documentation out.

I'm not going anywhere.

Next!

Sir, step up, please.

Sorry. It's, uh, early for me.

Hmm...

The name on your boarding pass

doesn't match the name on your passport.

Uh... let me see.

No. Says right there, "Josh Merit."

It says Michael Joshua Merit.

Yeah, so Michael Josh Merit.

That don't fly.

Well I mean, not flying

is not really an option right now, so...

I won't allow you to board
with the wrong documentation.

Are you serious?

There's nothing wrong
with my documentation.

Do I look like a terrorist?

You wanna check up my butt, see
if there's anything up there?

Oh, I know something's up there,

but you want me to find out.

Ah, you must say that to all the guys.

I'm sorry. Is... Is there a problem?

Uh, yeah, honey bear.

Uh, you used the wrong name on the tickets.

That's funny, I thought
Josh Merit was correct.

You two are traveling together?

She does this all the time.

- I... What?
- Uh...

- Josh was my middle name, pumpkin.
- Really?

You don't know your man's middle name?

She means, really?

That makes a difference?

I'm gonna have to ask the
two of you to step aside.

I cannot believe I got talked into this.

What were you thinking?

What were my parents thinking?

- Exactly. Michael is a terrible name.
- Hey, my name's Michael.

Well, don't tell her
that. She'll get all crazy.

I should have gone with any of
the other guys that I looked at.

Well, that's just hurtful.

Even the guy who dealt drugs
would have been better than you!

Ma'am, do you have something
that you would like to declare?

Uh, Pookie-bear, let's not
make the nice man upset.

I just wanted to take
a nice trip to Europe.

- You have ruined everything.
- Oh, sure, this is all my fault.

No matter what I do, no
matter how hard I try,

- nothing goes right!
- Nothing goes right for you?

What about me? I just lost my job!

I just wanted to go to Europe!

I just wanted to help children!

I am gonna die alone!

It's like you don't even know me!

Oh, hell. Uhh!

Go on, it's fine.

Really?

Thank you so much.

Y'all crazy.

We're in therapy.

See? That wasn't so bad.

You were great back there, by the way.

Let's be clear... I'm
not going to let anything

take this trip away from me, okay?

Okay.

Thank you, by the way.

For everything.

You have no idea how badly I needed this.

Well... me, too.

So... thank you.

Uh, before I forget...

this should cover my half of the trip.

It was a great deal, by the way.

You got really lucky.

It wasn't luck.

It took a lot of careful
planning and scheduling.

Uh, excuse me, Miss?

Yes, sir, can I get you anything?

Could I get a scotch
and soda before takeoff?

Of course, sir.

Thanks.

What?

It's a little early, isn't it?

Um... I thought we were
going on vacation, right?

And did I mention, free scotch?

See, um, this is really more
of a retreat than a binge.

I'm just having a drink to calm my nerves.

Well, it would really calm my nerves

if I knew I wasn't
traveling with an alcoholic.

What are you, Mormon? It's one drink!

I don't know anything about you.

Like, apparently, I don't even
know your real name, Michael!

Look, no one's called me
Michael since I was seven.

- Uh, Michael?
- What?

Uh, your drink.

Thanks. Sorry.

Enjoy.

Lush.

Actually, you know what, Miss?

- Let's make it a double.
- Sure thing.

Seriously?

When in Rome.

Look... this is just

a really sensitive time for me,

and I need to know you're not a creep.

You approached me on the Internet!

I thought we were way past creepy.

You want your return ticket?

Fine.

When we land,

you can just turn around
and go right back home!

Come on. Seriously?

Fine.

If it will make you uncomfortable,

I won't drink.

Thank you.

Sorry. Mom won't let me.

Oh, God.

Okay. Oh, no.

Don't be a baby.

Please stop.

Sorry, I can't.

You're freaking me out, Joshua.

I don't like flying.

You don't like to fly?

I'm scared of flying!

Then why did you agree to fly

halfway across the world with me?

How the hell else was I
supposed to get to Europe?

You never fly?

No, I drink, then I fly!

Then why aren't you drinking now?

You told me not to!

Sir! Please calm down.

We're in the middle of takeoff!

Sorry! Oh, God, oh, God...

Don't worry, Joshua, I have got this.

No, no, I'm fine.

You are gonna drink this.

No, I'm not.

- Yes, yes.
- Just gonna sit here.

- I can handle it!
- Drink.

Drink it!

Drink... Damn it, drink it!

I don't want it anymore.

- Open your mouth.
- No...

- No, thank you!
- Open your mouth.

Open your mouth!

Gah!

Oh, God!

Ohh...

I'm sorry!

What have you done?!

Oh, I'm sorry!

There you go.

It's okay.

We're fine.

Are you guys all right?
Do you need anything?

Yeah, what's your white wine?

Ohh.

Wow! This is incredible!

You put the room in Josh's name?

No wonder you needed me.

Working in the travel
industry has its perks.

With my brilliant master
plan, I doubled up on discounts

by using two different names.

Clever...

So, in your grand master
plan, how did this work out?

Well...

the couch looks perfectly comfortable,

and as long as you don't take
your penis out, we should be fine.

Whoa, that's not fair.

I mean, I paid my half of the trip,

and after all, the room is in my name.

How's unemployment in
California this time of year?

I can't believe you're single.

Just try not to vomit on anything.

Okay, sure. I'll take a shower.

I smell like scotch and bad life choices.

So it does know how to bathe.

I thought the priority
was surname, not hygiene.

Would both kill you?

A couple days of this might.

Don't bother unpacking,

we're leaving first thing in the morning.

And hurry up, we have a tour
of the Hagia Sophia in an hour.

We just got here.

I don't think the museum is going anywhere.

And wear something nice for dinner.

Oh, no, I forgot my tuxedo!

Joshua!

Aw, just give me five minutes.

Hey! There's a little
sink next to the toilet!

That's a...

Never mind.

Oh, my God! What's up, girl?

Joshua, or as it turns out, Michael Joshua,

just hopped in the shower,
so I thought I'd get on.

If I were you, I'd hop in
there with him and get off.

Ew. Where's Marcie?

Yo, Enforcer! Let's park it in here.

Ames is on.

Ugh, don't rush me woman.

I've been peddling all day.

I just wanted to check in
with you guys and let you know

that we got to Istanbul safely.

Don't you mean Constantinople?

- Funny.
- How's homeboy holding up?

After take-off, he was fine.

Oh, you put him in line.

I think his fear of flying
did all the work for me.

Wait, who takes on a tour of Europe

when they're afraid to fly?

He's harmless.

A total smartass, but
he'll get the job done.

See, aren't you glad you went now?

I am. You should see the view.

It's gorgeous here.

We're having dinner
tonight on the Bosporus,

but first we have a tour of the Hippodrome,

if Joshua ever gets out of the bathroom.

Holy crap. Amy, move!

- Move where?
- To the right!

No, our right!

Ow.

Guys, shut up!

Tilt the screen!

- Who are you talking to?
- Nobody!

Hi, Sandra. Hi, Marcie.

- Hi.
- Hi.

See? Everybody made it here safely.

And even though this beautiful
hotel room is in my name,

apparently I'm on the
couch tonight... satisfied?

Hell, yeah.

I'd like to see him on my couch.

Mm-hmm.

All right, I'm gonna go
put some actual clothes on

for dinner, and then I'm all yours.

Uh-huh.

Perfect.

I mean, yeah.

Great. Bye, ladies.

Uh...

- Bye.
- Bye.

What?

Bon appétit.

- Hurry up!
- Hey, look!

You can almost see the
obelisks through the trees.

We have dinner reservations.

You realize we've passed,
like, three national landmarks.

I have a plan, Joshua.

Does your plan actually
include enjoying the trip?

Almost there.

Merit, party of two at 7:00.

Or try "Neurotic," party of one.

Shut up, Joshua.

Is this okay, Josh?

Or did you wanna go back downstairs

for your partial view?

Couldn't have found anything nicer?

Apology accepted.

I don't even wanna eat.

I just wanna look at everything.

Can I get you anything to drink?

Uh, you'll have to ask her
if we're allowed to drink.

Hush!

Do you have a local Narinje from 2011?

Wow, you've already pre-planned
the wine we're drinking?

Do you have a better idea?

Uh, yeah. Let's ask the real experts.

What?

You speak Turkish?

Yeah.

Says on my profile I
speak several languages.

There's no way.

I would've noticed that.

Give me your phone.

I'll prove it.

If I'm wrong, I'll buy your dinner.

And if you're right?

I get the bed.

Mind if I log in on here?

You're really gonna
rub this in, aren't you?

Only until we get back to America

and never speak to each other again.

There.

St. Cloud University,

"Bachelor Studies in Altaic Languages."

Altaic? Italic?

That doesn't sound like a real thing.

You sound like my father.

"Speaks English, Latin, German,

Turkish, Korean, and Japanese"?

What are you, in the CIA?

I could tell you, but I'd
have to sleep with you.

Yeah, well, just remember, 007,

you only have a license
to sleep on the couch.

Not tonight. I won the bet.

We never shook on it, and
this info's set to private.

Are you serious?

I think my students are
less sore losers than you.

You have a friend request.

Sandra Laser.

Who's that?

Oh, no.

Wait, is that your Sandra?

You don't have to confirm her.

Oh, yes I do.

- This is too good.
- Gimme...

- Does she have pictures of you on here?
- Joshua!

I think I did more research
on you than you did on me.

Please, you don't know anything about me.

Amy Elizabeth Tyler.

Smart girl, graduated from Stanford

before starting a very
popular travel blog called

- "Amy's Adventures."
- I'm Amy...

Your blog went viral,
and you now do something

involving social media and travel.

Well, I know your blood type's O positive.

Wow... creepiness notwithstanding,

I can't believe you actually
invited a stranger on your vacation.

Enjoy.

This table was the first thing I booked.

By the time the food comes,

the sun will have set,

and the entire city will light up...

and it's going to be perfect.

Almost perfect.

This trip is really
different than I planned,

and that's hard to get used to,

but I wasn't gonna give
this up for anything.

Or anyone.

Well, my namesake missed out
on something really special.

To new adventures.

To new adventures.

Can't we just get ice cream?

I have something special planned.

Is it hiding a dead body?

'Cause I think I found a place.

Trust me. I do this for a living.

Yeah, I still don't get what you do.

You're like a fancy travel agent, right?

I'm not a travel agent,
I'm a global concierge.

Nah, that doesn't sound like a real thing.

Okay, most millennials
take nine trips a year.

I'm sorry, nine? Did you say nine?

Consulting, research, trades.

I should've never become a teacher.

But you have your summers, right?

Not to take nine trips!

You're thinking of travel as an expense

rather than a simple upgrade.

When our clients get
sent somewhere for work,

we help them maximize their trip for play.

Yeah, your clients work
much cooler places than I do.

Well, hypothetically,

let's say your work sends you

to a teaching conference in Austin.

Okay, yeah. Austin is not Istanbul.

They have teaching conferences in Istanbul.

Let's stick to hypothetical Austin for now.

Great.

Having never been to Texas,

you decide to stay an extra day,

so you can see more than
the inside of a hotel room.

Trip's already paid for. You
have the sick days saved up.

And for a small fee, I can unlock the city

so that you see more in 24 hours

than most tourists or
locals see in a month,

all tailored to your tastes.

I'm pretty sure I'd still
find some cool stuff.

We're here.

Hi, I tweeted you about...

Ah! Of course, of course!

Come, come!

Where do you find these places?

Instagram.

You're not joking...

I'm finishing the first batch of the day.

You wanna see?

Yes, please.

Perfect!

See?

See what?

You watch.

Gold leaf.

Anise.

Your turn.

So...

Instagram, huh?

I can search the hashtag,
"Istanbul Bakery."

Sort through photos that
are often geo-tagged,

find directions to the actual bakery,

and voila!

A local delicacy made fresh.

You came up with all this?

Just the impressive part.

Why is it people like you
always work for smart start-ups

instead of solving the
debt crisis or world hunger?

Taste this and tell me
I'm wasting my talents.

Mmm!

Okay.

Yeah. Trip's over.

I live here now.

So... travel agent or global concierge?

Global concierge.

My turn.

So, Esra, what's the secret ingredient?

Raki.

What is that?

That... is their version of moonshine.

Hurry up!

Wow... tipsy Amy walks slower,

but she still keeps a tight schedule.

We have to rest up for tomorrow!

Hurry up and relax, huh?

There's a lot to see.

I just don't wanna miss anything.

Oh, yeah? Why'd you stop vlogging about it?

Do you know how many views you have to get

for your videos to make money?

Yeah. That's why I teach.

I hate children, but I make so much money

off the little bastards.

When I was a kid, I wanted to live

out of a suitcase and travel the world.

And I did. It was great.

But the vacation always
has to come to an end.

Hey. Says who?

Said my bank account

and my parents and my friends

and my perfect boyfriend

who didn't want a long
distance relationship.

Hey... he dumped you.

Clearly, he wasn't that perfect.

Our life was.

I finally had security.

I created a way to help people

see the world through my
eyes, and it's a good idea.

I'm making travel smarter, safer.

I reconnected with old
friends like Sandra and Marcie.

I got rid of my debt.

And your dreams.

Josh became my dream.

All I had to do is give up my old life

and my little videos.

I started a new kind of journey

where I planned adventures for
other people instead of myself.

It was like a vacation
all over again, but...

The vacation came to an end.

Hey, you could still make your
videos on the side, you know.

Yeah... maybe I'll vlog about tonight.

First I'm on the couch,
now we're making videos.

What was in that Raki?

Shut up, you...

with the muscles and the wine stuff.

And the multi-lingual...

lingual-ness?

Stanford, huh?

Shut your face.

All right, drunkie. Let's get you to bed.

We have to drive in the morning.

I know.

We have to get up so early.

Yeah. Whose idea was that?

Hey!

You should be grateful

I'm squeezing the most out of this trip.

I'm glad that we flew 12 hours to Istanbul

just to drive out of it the next day.

Hush, grumpy pants.

With me, you saw more in 24 hours

than you ever would have seen in your life.

I will give you that.

Come on.

Whee!

Ohh.

Wait, you won the bed.

Stay here.

No way.

I'm not missing my only opportunity

to couch surf the world.

Don't go.

Stay with me.

That's really not a good idea.

But I want you to.

Kiss me, Josh.

Please, Josh.

I'm not Josh.

Don't leave me.

My name is Joshua, not Josh.

I'm not your boyfriend.

I'm not your rebound.

And I certainly didn't come here

to be told what to do
every second of every day.

Good night, Amy.

I can't wait to see what
you've got planned tomorrow.

Oh, okay, okay.

Please slow down.

I didn't realize you also got carsick.

Didn't you read the travel
itinerary I sent you?

I didn't realize I'd be
riding with Danica Patrick.

- We're late.
- Rather be late than dead.

What are you doing?

I'm just rolling down the
window to get some fresh air.

You're supposed to be navigating.

- Where are the directions?
- Will you calm down?

The directions are right here.

- Joshua!
- Huh?

- What's next?
- Uh...

I think take the next right.

You think? What do the directions say?

They said right.

- Let me see.
- Y-You drive.

- I got this.
- Hand it to me!

Look, maybe we should
just scrap the directions.

You know, throw 'em out the window.

You threw them out the window.

They may have flown out the window.

That was our only copy!

I'm surprised of all people
you don't have a backup plan.

You're impossible. Here.

Whoa, what... What are you doing?

No texting!

I am going to use the
GPS to navigate myself!

- Let me do it.
- You've done enough!

Just... watch the road!

Your e-mail promised a vacation,

not an episode of "The Amazing Race."

I took the time to write out the plan

step-by-step, and you
threw it out the window!

I'm sorry, what?

You wanna go back and look for it?

Little help?

I'm helping look for a signal.

Yeah, I got a signal for ya.

If I can just figure out where we are,

I can get us back on schedule.

Well, you wanted lunch in the countryside.

Looks like we're right on schedule.

I had an itinerary.

I spent time and money and
a lot of work to get here.

Can I be inside the car
for this conversation?

I wanted to see the countryside

and drink local wine and
eat handmade chocolate.

You know, I'm sure they have
all those things in every town.

You can't just swap everything

as if it doesn't matter!

This is important to me!

Look, lady, I'm just
trying to go with the flow.

I wanted to go with the plan, not the flow.

I wanted to drink
Nairinjay, not Chardonnay.

And I wanted to be here
with Josh and not you!

Well, I didn't choose you, either, lady.

If you're so good at planning,
how'd you get to Europe

with only half the people
you planned to take?

Whoa! What are you...

What are you doing? Wait!

I'll be at the coffee place!

Amy! Wait! Wait!

Oh, great. The coffee place.

You know, the one in Turkey.

I'll just walk to the coffee place

in the town that I've never been to.

Well! The good news is

there's only seven coffee
places in this town.

Don't start.

Hey, I'm just glad you
didn't do this in Istanbul.

Got the itinerary.

We've already missed the tour,

but we can still make the museum

and the hot springs if we push dinner.

May I?

I don't wanna be here.

Are you kidding me?

Look around you.

Who wouldn't want to be here?

- Me.
- Listen...

Amy, we may not agree on many things,

but we both know you planned
one hell of a vacation.

You said it yourself.

I planned half of this
trip for somebody else,

and he's not even here.

So now you don't have to worry
about anyone but yourself.

How often in life do we get to say that?

I miss him so much, Joshua.

I know this trip isn't what you planned.

Hell, I'm the last
person who expected to be

on the other side of the world right now.

But it sure beats sitting
at home sulking over my job,

my love life...

everything else that's waiting
for me when I get back there.

You don't wanna go back home, either?

Hell, no.

I, for one, will never be able

to afford a trip like this again.

Unless some weirdo on
the Internet finds me.

It's not that weird!

It's the weirdest thing
that's ever happened to me.

Here.

What is that?

Literally an olive branch.

You're a dork.

You picked me.

Come on.

Hey!

Amy, tell the people at home what you see.

Stop.

This week on "Amy's Adventures,"

we take you to Bademli,

a small town which translates to "almond,"

which is actually known
for its Aegean olive fields

that we spent the morning whizzing through.

- How do you know that?
- I'm a very smart man.

You found the tourism office.

I may have found the tourism office,

but I think that was a very smart way

to find all the coffee places in town.

The other thing Bademli is known for is...

Ben Joshua.

Neslihan.

Uh, it's a, uh, bracelet
made with blue chalcedony,

which is a local quartz
with... mythical powers.

What does it do?

Absorbs negativity.

Is it working?

Jerk.

Pick one.

No, I couldn't.

Come on, you're insulting Neslihan.

- Help?
- Ah.

Why are you being so nice to me?

I'm only a jerk to people
who take me to Hawaii.

No one's ever bought me jewelry before.

Well, your ex's shortcomings
aside, now you can tell people

about how you and a complete stranger

found this adorable little market,

and he bought you a
one-of-a-kind handmade bracelet.

You think you can just buy me a bracelet

and I won't be upset anymore?

Is it working?

Listen, Amy, this trip is not
gonna be what you expected.

But I'll bet, if you let it...

it can be even better.

So, what's the plan?

We make it up.

Hold the boat! Hurry up, Joshua!

We're gonna miss the ferry!

Amy, will you calm down?

Heaven forbid we spend more
than an hour in one location.

This is the last ferry today, Joshua.

Unless you'd prefer to fly!

Hold the boat!

- We're gonna make it.
- We're not gonna make it.

- We can jump for it.
- I'm sorry, what?

Come on, Joshua!

- You're insane!
- Here... we...

goooooo!

Oh! Oh, my God!

Hey! Just wait!

That was incredible!

You see, Joshua!

The rest of the world follows a schedule!

You worry too much.

Says the guy with the soaking wet backpack.

Ah, a little water never hurt anyone.

You got a phone in there, right?

Oh, crap!

I would suggest a hard-shelled,

waterproof rolling bag,

but I don't wanna micromanage.

You crazy Americans.

You need a hand, my friends?

Yes, please!

Oh, don't worry.

I'll, uh, just get all the luggage.

I fished a siren out of the sea.

Thank you.

I'm not a very strong swimmer.

Good swimmers are often drowned.

I'm Amy.

I'm Kashif.

Don't worry! I'm fine.

This is incredible!

How can we ever repay you?

Why, a kiss, of course.

Oh...

That's really more of a figure of speech.

A kiss from a face

that launched my single ship.

Don't I get a kiss?

Ah... one is not enough for two.

What did you do?

I nearly drowned fishing
your luggage out of the sea?

Kashif, is there a place where we could

get out of these wet clothes?

What man can deny such an honor?

Please.

Help yourself below deck.

Thank you.

I'm fine.

Ah, the things we do for love, no?

Who says I wasn't jumping
to get away from her?

Listen, if a woman makes you
want to jump in the ocean,

you're in love.

I'll keep that in mind.

Where were you headed?

To Datça.

You have good taste.

The lady picked it.

Again, you have good taste.

Wait...

You have a boat.

You could take us there.

It's not my yacht.

I chartered it for the owner.

And, no offense,

I don't think you can afford it.

You don't know anything about me.

I know I don't fish millionaires

out of the sea every day.

Tell you what.

You get us to Datça,

you can tell me anywhere in the world

you want to take a vacation.

How are you gonna do that?

I can't.

But she can.

Huh.

Welcome aboard.

Oh! Whoa.

Not ready to go in the water again.

"Oh, look at me. I'm Joshua.

"I'm super-manly and reckless.

"Except on planes. And cars.

And boats."

Who are you, and what'd you do with Amy?

Being out here makes
me feel like "Old Amy."

Well, I like Old Amy.

Gorgeous dresses.

Jumping off docks.

Kissing strange men.

Well, how else are we
supposed to pay Kashif back

for welcoming us on this beautiful yacht?

I told him you'd cover his
travel anywhere in the world.

- You what?
- Amy's back.

Seriously, Joshua?

Just when I think you've actually
gone and made a real plan,

it turns out you expect me to take
care of everything all over again.

Hey, Kashif!

Where do you want to take that vacation?

Sunny California.

He can go anywhere in the world,

and he wants to go to California?

Yep. What's in California?

My white whale.

She must have been very special.

Well, she made me want
to jump into the ocean.

Well, that wasn't on the itinerary.

How would you know?

You threw the itinerary out the window.

I think we've done pretty okay without it.

I'd like to think we've
done more than pretty okay.

Well, I don't think it involved a boat.

Or... the other thing.

We'll never know.

You know, I think people
get so obsessed with planning

these perfect little
lives they're going to have

instead of committing to
the one that they've got.

Says the guy who's afraid of commitment.

When did I say that?

You're the least organized
person I've ever met.

You try organizing a room
full of five-year-olds.

I'm committed to being
there no matter what happens.

That's my job.

Or... it was.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

I had a dog.

And he got sick.

Then he got really sick.

And without a second thought,

I dropped everything and
stayed home to help him.

Sounds pretty responsible.

Except I forgot to tell the school.

Surely they understood.

For a week.

After I had to put him down,

I lost even more work and...

they had to let me go.

That's terrible.

What can I say? The more
you commit to people,

the more you have to be
comfortable with uncertainty.

I think all any of us want to know is,

are you gonna hurt me, too?

And the answer is, inevitably, yes.

I thought I had someone
else figured out, too.

But people change.

Not that much.

We drift. If you start sailing

and you only go a degree off course

and then you go for long enough,

you end up in the wrong place.

Not the best metaphor to
use while we're on a boat.

You know what I mean. Yeah.

Well, here's to smooth
sailing from here on out.

What's up, Percolators?

Welcome to today's episode
of "Expresso Yourself,"

where things are getting steamy.

Caution! Contents are hot, hot, hot.

The latest photos of Hank
Pitman hit Tumblr today

and there are a latte options.

Here are the Top Ten responses
in order of asterisks and emo...

Ugh! Rendering.

Girl, I'm at work.

Yeah, we have a problem.

What do you think you're doing?

No. You can't possibly expect me

to sleep on the floor after last night.

There was nowhere else
to sleep on the yacht.

I just took pity on you. Whoa.

If that was pity, I can't
wait to see interested.

Watch it, or I won't even
let you have the good pillows.

You know what?

Maybe I'll take the bed and
you can sleep on the floor!

Get down from there!
You're covered in filth!

You smell like a pirate!

Arr! That didn't stop you
from grabbing me booty.

Go take a shower! Okay.

But I'm taking the good pillows with me.

This one and this one.

Hurry up. We have a walking
tour in less than an hour!

Of course we do.

Joshua, that's how you get bed bugs.

Aw, crap.

We've been trying to get
a hold of you all weekend!

Is Joshua there?

He's in the shower.

Oh, my God, he has an engagement ring.

I mean, he doesn't know
that I know he has a ring.

Why does he have a ring?

Amy, calm down.

It's beautiful. It's a little snug.

- But I hardly know him!
- Amy, please!

He pushes all my buttons, makes
me feel like a crazy person.

But then on the boat, we kissed.

And then we more than kissed.

And now we're in the Mediterranean

and he has this ring!

Amy! Amy!

He has a girlfriend!

What?

That punk is a lying,
cheating, scum-sucking pig!

You should confront him!

How could he have a girlfriend?

We researched him. You
did a background check.

Just tell her.

There's tons of pictures online

of him and some really young
pretty blonde named Tiffany.

What does she need that description for?

This isn't a police report.

I'm so sorry, Ames!

There's photo albums dating
back to four years ago with them.

Vacations, anniversaries.

Maybe they broke up.

Yesterday, she wrote on his wall,

"Where are you?

I'm ready to give you my answer."

And now I'm wearing her ring.

You did nothing wrong, Ames.

There's no relationship
status on his profile.

How could you have known?

But we had to tell you.

Guys?

Is there anything we can do?

Get this ring off me?

Just take it off!

I can't, it's stuck.

Well, it better get unstuck.

Amy, you can't be caught
wearing that thing!

I know that!

It's like it's glued to my finger.

That Tiffany must be some
kind of anorexic bitch.

- Pull it!
- Not helping.

- Just twist, okay, twist.
- Just pull it!

Do you have butter? Just get the butter.

Where would she get butter?

I don't know. Oil!

Oh, my God. Amy, he's coming!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I'm freaking.

Put it back now.

You okay? You're doing the pee-pee dance

my students used to do.

Well, that is exactly correct.

Somebody took forever in the shower

and you better not have
used up all the hot water

because now I'm gonna take one, too.

And I need soap. Lots of soap!

Good! Who smells like a pirate now?

Oh. Hello, ladies.

Hurry it up in there!

The ruins might not be
there if we take too long.

The City of Ephesus is known for
housing the Temple of Artemis,

one of the Seven Wonders
of the Ancient World.

Right now, we are in front of
the magnificent Library of Celsus.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

...known to store 12,000 scrolls.

Ow! What was that for? Shh!

You're missing all the... knowledge.

What's on your hand? Nothing.

Let me see. No. Uh, uh, mm...

Really?

Uh, Tiberius Julius Aquila...

No! It's not that big a deal!

Don't! Just let...

I don't like it!

See what you made me do?

Listen to the guide!

Now we're going to move on to the Agora.

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Oh... Yes!

This was built by the Antonine family

during the reign of Marcus
Aurelius around 160 A.D.

Oh! Oh, God. Oh! Uhh!

Unfortunately, the water is not drinkable

because the Romans were
known to use lead pipes.

Thirsty?

Beautiful stonework. So old.

Moving on.

What's really going on?

It really is beautiful, isn't it?

It's all right. I'm more of an Obelisk guy.

I mean, fountains are cool, too.

I've dreamt about this
fountain for two years.

I made it my screensaver.

I scrapbooked. I left my

jewelry on a dresser every night

so that he could get my
ring size without asking.

God, I'm an idiot.

No, that was actually really smart.

I worked so hard and I
sacrificed so much and now

I'm standing here alone with nothing.

No one is ever gonna propose to me

in front of this stupid fountain.

Well, maybe Josh won't.

But I can.

Look, Amy, I know this is crazy,

but you have a dream to be proposed to

in front of this fountain
and I have a ring.

How perfect is that? Joshua.

This has been the most
amazing week of my entire life.

And I know you feel it, too.

Please don't do this.

It's a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.

Amy Elizabeth Tyler, let's do this.

Ah, crap! No! No, no! Where is it?

No! You mean this?

Why do you have my ring?

Don't you mean Tiffany's ring?

Okay, that's fair. I can explain.

Explain what? That you have a girlfriend?

That you have an
engagement ring in your bag?

That you slept with me and lied to me?

Whoa, I never lied to you.

You never told me. That's the same thing!

You never asked! All you cared about

was that my name was Josh
Merit and I had a passport.

You didn't even know I spoke Turkish!

This is a little different.

We both wanted an escape from our lives

and we didn't ask questions.

I lost everything in a matter of weeks.

My world was spiraling out
of control, so I panicked.

I proposed. And I lost
the one thing I had left.

Lost her how? She wrote
on your wall yesterday.

What are you talking about?

Tiffany said she needed time and space.

We lived together! What
does that even mean?

The next day I got an e-mail
offering me a two week vacation.

I couldn't be there, so I
packed a bag and came here.

And jumped into bed with
the first available girl.

Oh, please. I didn't
expect to sleep with you.

On the first day, I
didn't expect to like you.

So, a week later, you propose to me?

You can't just decide things, Joshua.

Feelings aren't something you decide, Amy.

Or plan. Or make up.

You were crying. I had a ring.

What do you expect me to do?

I expect you to tell me
you have a girlfriend!

Well, I expect you to tell me

that you took a $3,000 ring from my bag.

I don't want your ring. I want an apology!

Okay, I'm sorry! Now, give it back.

It's stuck. You think I want
this piece of crap on me?

Did you try soap and water?

Why do you think I was
in the shower for so long?

Because you're a girl!

So what do we do now?

I don't know! You're always
the one with the plan!

Well, you're the one who's
so good at improvising.

So, improvise!

Hold still, you'll hurt the ring.

Thank you for your concern.

About 1.2 carats. Nice cut.

What kind of grade is the stone? F?

It's E, actually.

Can we back to... Ow.

The ring is too tight
to be removed by hand.

I think the lack of circulation is making

her finger swell too much.

- Then we'll cut it off.
- My finger?

Should fix the circulation problem.

You want me to saw through the band?

Yes. No.

Easy there,

- jigsaw killer.
- It's the only way

to cut the platinum and save the setting.

Oh, platinum. Fancy.

Can't we just wait and see
if her finger falls off?

Why are you two even engaged?

We're not.
- We're not.

It's your ring. It's your problem.

All right, hold still. This
will only take a minute.

Like your decision to marry me?

You're still wearing the ring.

There we go.

First side, now the other. See?

Nothing to worry about.

Nothing to worry about?

Everything's a mess, Joshua.

Well, sometimes life gets messy, Amy.

It doesn't follow your perfect little plan

and you have to just go with it.

Well, that's convenient,
coming from the guy

who put me in this situation.

You put us here, Amy.

You know, that's your problem.

This whole trip... Your plan, Amy. Yours.

None of this is what I planned.

Yeah? Me neither.

The funny part about being
spontaneous is it means

you actually have to
commit to your decisions.

Why don't we ask Tiffany
about your commitment?

You know, you just rejected me and now

I'm destroying the most
valuable thing I own,

because you're right. That's what I do.

I drop everything to help you.

Help my students. Help my dog.

- How'd that work out for you?
- Wow.

I work with kids and you're the
most selfish person I've ever met.

You still have your return ticket?

Unless you took it out of my bag.

Then I suggest you go home.

I never should've left.

I need to exchange this
ticket for the next flight.

Okay. You'll fly standby.

It's gate 23 over there.

- What do I do with this one?
- Nothing.

Useless now.

Hey, Tiffany. Can I come in?

It's very lovely.

Excuse me?

Your bracelet.

Oh. Thank you.

Boyfriend?

No. From a stranger, actually.

Strangers can sometimes be
more important than we know.

Not this one. He's unpredictable.

And unreliable.

I organized the perfect vacation

and he couldn't just
relax and enjoy the plan.

I understand. My life started with a plan.

I was introduced to a boy named
Manish when I was six years old.

We were to be married when he was 18.

We were both so young and so scared.

We had nothing in common.

On our wedding day, we have
a ceremony called Shaka Paula

where the groom gives the bride

a symbol of a long and lasting marriage.

- A bracelet.
- He was just a stranger.

And with a bracelet, he
became my best friend.

Don't the differences make you crazy?

Why would I want to be married to myself?

With Manish, every day is an adventure.

I'm jealous.

You have the security
of knowing your future.

Nobody knows their future.

I just knew who I wanted to spend it with.

I can't believe this.

You've gotta be kidding me. So, you, like,

just went to Europe for two
weeks without telling me?

You said you needed time
and space to think about it.

Not with another woman!

You have every right to be upset.

Thank you for your permission.

Hey, I mean, you clearly
found someone else, too.

Can I go?

Will you leave him out of this?

I just wanted to do the right thing

and let you know that I
realized we're not in love.

Of course we're not,
Joshua. We're comfortable.

I'm not comfortable.

Wait, but I proposed.

Well, I didn't say, "Yes."

Well, you didn't say, "No."

Well, I didn't wanna hurt you.

That's actually really sweet.

Hey, thank you.

Will you just stay out of it, man?

Look, I still cared about you, dude.

You lost your dog. And
then your job. That sucked.

But you're always doing crazy
stuff and changing your mind.

And I didn't wanna be a jerk.
But I didn't wanna marry you.

And I just figured if
I gave you enough time,

maybe you'd figure it out.

I'm sorry.

Well what was your plan if
you weren't gonna marry me?

There was no plan. We were just having fun.

And then we changed.

We didn't change, we drifted.

You grew up. But I don't want to.

I still wanna be young and fun and crazy.

Maybe I'll go to grad school.

Maybe I'll go to Europe with strangers.

- You wanna go to Europe?
- Shh.

Strangers.

I just can't be locked into a plan.

Maybe a plan is a good thing.

Wow. Who's this Joshua?

You must have had one hell of a vacation.

Yeah, well, it's over now.

It came to an end.

Doesn't have to.

Oh, my God.

You're right!

Wait, where are you going?

I have a plane to catch.

- Wait, can I have the ring?
- No.

Why would I... What?

Do you do laundry?

Oh, come on, Marcie!

Today on "What's Trending,"
we have a Viner named Joshua

posting pictures and video
of himself jumping into water

around the world, heartbroken
over a travel vlogger named Amy.

On all of Josh's video love letters,

he writes the message, hashtag,

"You Make Me Wanna Jump Into The Ocean."

Some top comments.

This from @SupervisorSam who says...

And @Julia93 writes...

Now, I don't wanna jump to any conclusions,

but it seems like Joshua is going viral.

Some words of advice though.

Better soak it up while you can, Joshua.

I mean, hemp milk is the new coconut milk.

- Hey, Sandra, did you see the jumper?
- Person or sweater?

No, this guy is jumping in bodies of water

all over the world, professing his love

for this travel vlogger named Amy.

My Amy? Who knows?

But he's got over 4
million followers on Vine.

Holy sh...

Hi! So, remember how we're best friends

and I let you crash on my
couch and I would do anything

for you and you would do anything for me?

What do you want?

Have you seen YouTube?

In general?

Girl you're famous.

- Oh, no, what did you do?
- No, it's Joshua.

He's trying to look for
you and it's going viral!

He's all over Tumblr.
There's a meme of you.

It's like this parody song.

You should just see it.

Wait, how did I become a meme?

Nobody knows how it works.

Look, I just need to book
you on my show, today.

- Wait, what?
- Did you miss the part where you're Internet famous?

"Amy's Adventures" is getting
millions of views out of this!

Well, what am I supposed
to talk about on your show?

I don't care! Look, Joshua is running

all over the world, drowning himself.

I need to cover this story

and my best friend is the exclusive.

Look you know I would be there
for you as a friend, but...

Do you need to make a pro and con list?

No, it's just...

I've spent the last three months
trying to forget about Joshua.

Well, do you think you could remember him

in the next three minutes?

Three minutes? You can't
give me more than that?

It's the Internet, Amy.

15 seconds of fame
literally means 15 seconds.

Come on, please?

I'll let you promote Spontaneous.

What's up, Percolators?
Today's "Expresso Yourself"

is served up live and exclusive.

My guest proves what
any electrical engineer

could've told us... to break
the Internet, just add water.

So, Amy, let's dive in.

Tell the people why this Joshua person

is traveling around the
world, looking for you.

But you know the story. Amy!

Oh, sorry. Well, I'm a Global Concierge

for Spontaneous Travel.

Thumbs up if you don't know what that is.

And, um, three months
ago, I invited a stranger

from the Internet on a
discount trip across Europe.

That sounds like a plot to a horror film!

Well, it was at first. We
almost killed each other.

Seriously, like, he almost
chopped off her hand.

Finger. It was complicated.

Joshua and I met at a bad time.

We were both running away from something,

but instead, we found each other.

Yet, here you are, months later,

being courted by a guy whose mating call

is the world's loneliest
wet t-shirt contest.

So, Amy, what happened?

Is Joshua the one that got away?

Well, the truth is, I messed up.

I thought if I was organized
and focused and safe

that I could control the
future and avoid getting hurt.

But life has a plan of its own.

Look, I don't know where Joshua
is or why he's making these GIFs.

It's pronounced "jiffs."

We shared this incredible

life-changing experience together.

But it's over now. It ended.

Well, you know what they say.

- Vacation always comes to...
- No!

Who actually says that?

I always thought that
was part of growing up.

The vacation ends. The honeymoon is over.

Death and taxes. But I searched for it,

and it's not an actual saying.

Happiness doesn't have to
be temporary or special.

There's no reason your
whole life can't feel

like a vacation if you
find the right person.

- Got him!
- Okay. All right. Thank you.

Yeah, I can take it from here.

Joshua.

What are you doing here?

I didn't pay my parking tickets.

Now would be a good time to make a speech.

Okay.

Uh look, Amy.

When we got separated, I
couldn't go back to my old life.

I wanted to fix things.

Joshua why don't you come talk
about that over here, on camera?

I didn't have your number,
so I couldn't call you.

I didn't know where you lived,
so I couldn't go to your house.

So, I went to the one place
I knew I would find you.

The Internet. I filled up every corner

that I thought would get your attention.

I mean, I showed millions of
people how I feel about you.

But you didn't say it to me.

I tried. I just wanted to finish the plan.

Well, sometimes the plan changes.

I don't want it to.

I wanna go back to the way things were,

when you grabbed my hand
and jumped in the water

and changed my life forever.

Amy, we didn't fall in the ocean.

We fell in love.

And I will keep jumping
and jumping and jumping

if it gets me back to you.

Can someone turn off the cameras, please?

On it.

You think you can give
Josh Merit a third chance?

No. I'm giving Michael
Merit a shot instead.

- I'm not really a Michael.
- I felt that.

Okay.

If you guys could wrap
this up, there's a line.

What is the hold up? Come on.

What is the hold-up?

I'm gonna show you a hold-up.

So, what's the plan?

We make it up.

Hey, adventurers.

Apparently, Joshua has
a little surprise for me.

- I planned us a trip.
- You planned.

- I asked Robert to plan, but it didn't go very well.
- Oh, no.

- Where are we going? This is...
- Uh...

Why don't you find out?

- We're going to...
- We're going to...