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1
00:00:05,788 --> 00:00:07,137
Hey, hey, wait,
what y'all... Listen.
2
00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:08,356
Don't-don't worry
about those dishes.
3
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:09,879
I'll wash 'em when y'all leave.
4
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:10,880
Like, right now.
5
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,578
Will you stop it, silly.
6
00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:15,711
Who goes to bed at 5:30?
7
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:17,104
- Him.
- Him.
8
00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:20,672
He just wants the night
to end early
9
00:00:20,803 --> 00:00:22,109
because he's having fun
10
00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:24,372
and that is outside
of your comfort zone.
11
00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:26,113
[laughs]
You got me.
12
00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:27,505
Well...
13
00:00:27,636 --> 00:00:30,334
♪ I'm so glad we had
this time together ♪
14
00:00:30,465 --> 00:00:33,555
♪ Seems we just get started,
and before you know it ♪
15
00:00:33,729 --> 00:00:35,426
♪ Comes the time
we have to say ♪
16
00:00:35,513 --> 00:00:37,472
♪ So long ♪
17
00:00:37,602 --> 00:00:39,387
♪ So long. ♪
18
00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:40,910
Good night, everybody.
19
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,520
[laughs]
20
00:00:42,694 --> 00:00:44,392
That was fun. [laughs]
21
00:00:44,522 --> 00:00:46,350
Come on, man, let's stay
and play a board game.
22
00:00:46,481 --> 00:00:48,961
[sighs]
Junior's just trying
to avoid going home
23
00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:50,920
because we've taken
a vow of celibacy.
24
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,617
We?
25
00:00:52,704 --> 00:00:53,966
IVY:
Wow.
26
00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:56,143
I think that that is wonderful.
27
00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:59,450
A life without sex
removes complications.
28
00:00:59,581 --> 00:01:01,974
It's not a life without sex.
29
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,715
Just been a couple of weeks.
30
00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:05,500
Feels like a lifetime, though.
31
00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:07,371
It's only been two weeks,
32
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:09,373
but every time he complains
about it, I add another week.
33
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,680
Yeah. We're up to
five weeks now. [chuckles]
34
00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:14,204
If she even high-fived me
right now, I'd need a cigarette.
35
00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:15,292
Six weeks.
36
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:16,989
Damn it!
37
00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:19,731
Junior, you shouldn't
think of this
38
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:21,124
as some sort of punishment.
39
00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:23,170
- I do.
- NINA: I'm doing this because
40
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:24,997
it's great for couples
to explore
41
00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:27,130
a deeper connection
outside of sex.
42
00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:29,350
Please don't say "deeper"
or "connection."
43
00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:33,441
For instance, would you still
love me if I lost my legs?
44
00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:35,747
Yes.
I would tell my new wife,
45
00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:37,097
isn't Nina great?
46
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:39,229
She was the love of my life.
[laughs]
47
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,970
I'll get the game.
48
00:01:42,624 --> 00:01:43,538
You know,
49
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:45,105
periods of celibacy
50
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:47,281
can be relationship-building.
51
00:01:47,455 --> 00:01:49,761
Yeah, my ex-wife and I
practiced celibacy.
52
00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:52,329
We just called it marriage.
53
00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:55,985
I found it.
54
00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:57,987
Oh, wonderful.
55
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,381
Okay, I'm gonna take
the cowboy boot 'cause
56
00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:01,860
I have a club foot.
[chuckles]
57
00:02:01,991 --> 00:02:03,993
I will take the treasure chest.
58
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,126
Ah, is that where
you're hiding my booty?
59
00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:07,562
[chuckles]
60
00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:09,564
- Eight weeks.
- I meant like pirate booty.
61
00:02:09,694 --> 00:02:11,000
Like, what...
62
00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:13,133
And you take the bus
63
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,091
because it's time
for you to leave.
64
00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:17,833
Go ahead, get in
there and zoom.
65
00:02:18,877 --> 00:02:21,706
And I'll take the dog
66
00:02:21,837 --> 00:02:23,708
because I never had one
growing up
67
00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:25,797
since my dad
refused to get me one,
68
00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:28,365
so I grew up without the
unconditional love a pet brings,
69
00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:31,151
and I carry the scars of that
with me to this day!
70
00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:33,718
What? [scoffs]
71
00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:36,852
♪ Poppa's ♪
72
00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:38,941
♪ House ♪
73
00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:40,160
♪ Yeah. ♪
74
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:41,465
[grunting]
75
00:02:43,902 --> 00:02:45,165
Where's all this hostility
76
00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:46,818
- coming from?
- NINA: It's something
77
00:02:46,905 --> 00:02:48,516
he brought up during
our celibacy...
78
00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:50,605
"Our" celibacy?
79
00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:53,869
...as we've been exploring
our past and our feelings.
80
00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:56,611
You see, this is why
I don't like staying up so late.
81
00:02:56,741 --> 00:02:58,395
- It's 5:34.
- POPPA: Yeah.
82
00:02:58,569 --> 00:03:02,051
And at 5:33, all the feeling
starts to bubble up.
83
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,661
And to clarify,
84
00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:06,316
the reason I didn't let you
have a dog as a child
85
00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:07,622
is because you're
highly allergic to them.
86
00:03:07,796 --> 00:03:09,580
JUNIOR: No, Father.
87
00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,539
I'm not allergic. You're
allergic to spending your money.
88
00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:14,281
That's not true.
I paid for your private school.
89
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:15,586
I paid for film school.
90
00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:17,153
- I paid for your braces.
- JUNIOR: Yeah,
91
00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:18,720
those are
all the things I needed.
92
00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:21,288
Okay? You didn't pay for all the
stuff that I wanted as a kid.
93
00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:23,203
I used to draw dogs
and slip them under your door
94
00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:25,335
and you would draw them dead
and slip 'em back.
95
00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:27,337
- It was funny.
- JUNIOR: No, Dad, no.
96
00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:30,297
No, to me, you were being
mean and cheap
97
00:03:30,427 --> 00:03:33,300
and a big, fat liar
about me being allergic.
98
00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:42,918
Well, I guess I won by default.
House rules.
99
00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:45,529
Good night, everybody.
100
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:47,531
♪ So long. ♪
101
00:03:49,707 --> 00:03:50,969
I will go check on him.
102
00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:54,930
Can you believe that
ungrateful son of a gun?
103
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,584
Well, Poppa,
104
00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:59,761
Junior is triggered
by the celibacy.
105
00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,241
He's feeling
a lack of connection
106
00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:03,591
and his emotions
from deep down inside
107
00:04:03,721 --> 00:04:05,375
from his past are bubbling up.
108
00:04:05,549 --> 00:04:07,116
Over a friggin' dog?
109
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,684
I used to get chased home
110
00:04:09,814 --> 00:04:12,774
by a German shepherd
from the liquor store every day.
111
00:04:12,904 --> 00:04:14,384
Do you know how hard
that was for me--
112
00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:17,169
running with a club foot
and a orthopedic shoe
113
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,128
with sparks flying?
114
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,739
Well, this is why
I'm a cat person.
115
00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:23,915
Yes.
116
00:04:24,046 --> 00:04:26,091
We know. Everybody knows.
117
00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:27,745
Your license plate says,
118
00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:29,704
"Purrfect."
119
00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,619
[laughs]
120
00:04:31,793 --> 00:04:34,274
It's so cute! Anyway,
121
00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:36,580
listen, Poppa, why don't you--
I don't know--
122
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:38,626
make some sort of grand gesture?
123
00:04:38,756 --> 00:04:41,324
And just reassure Junior
of your love for him.
124
00:04:41,455 --> 00:04:43,500
That's a great idea.
125
00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:47,504
Mom, can we go outside?
126
00:04:47,635 --> 00:04:49,071
No.
Mommy has to work,
127
00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:50,681
and I don't have time
to watch you outside.
128
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:53,728
Dad, can you watch us outside?
129
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:56,252
No, I'm editing this
infomercial for a pretty cool
130
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,254
new pr... We're already bored.
131
00:04:58,428 --> 00:05:00,778
Please don't add to it.[knocking]
132
00:05:04,042 --> 00:05:05,479
Hey, Dad.
Why you knocking?
133
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:07,524
Because that's
what normal people do
134
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,526
when they show up to other
people's houses unannounced.
135
00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:11,441
You should try
it sometime.
136
00:05:11,615 --> 00:05:13,661
I've come bearing gifts.
137
00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,706
- What is it?! What is it?!
- What is it?! What is it?!
138
00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:17,447
[clears throat]
Well...
139
00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:19,493
I thought about it.
You were right.
140
00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:22,670
I was wrong to deny you a puppy
when you was a child.
141
00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:26,195
I'm sure you've outgrown
your allergies by now, huh?
142
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,023
You mean the ones
that didn't exist?
143
00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:29,633
Yeah, those, those.
144
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,026
Can we open it?
145
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,289
Absolutely.
146
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:36,423
[shrieks]
Oh, my God!
147
00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:38,033
I love him!
148
00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:40,557
Dad, can we keep him?
149
00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,037
[laughing]: Yes!
150
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:44,866
Wait, hold on.
Who's gonna clean up after him?
151
00:05:44,996 --> 00:05:48,304
Oh, don't look at me. I already
did my job. I bought him.
152
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:51,002
I'm sure Junior
153
00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:55,050
will do everything he needs
to do to make the baby happy.
154
00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:57,095
Yes, I am.
I'm gonna hug him
155
00:05:57,226 --> 00:05:59,359
and pet you
and pet you.
156
00:05:59,489 --> 00:06:01,752
Welcome to the family,
little guy.
157
00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:03,493
[giggles, sneezes]
158
00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:05,539
[laughing]
159
00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:09,238
IVY:Uh...
160
00:06:09,325 --> 00:06:11,153
breaking news,
Poppitos.
161
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,850
Poppa is smiling.
162
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,548
The question is,
163
00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:16,593
what are you
smiling about?
164
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,248
Oh, I can't tell you.
You'll say I'm mean.
165
00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:22,643
But I bought Junior a puppy.
166
00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:24,296
[laughing]
167
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,344
But that's
wonderful.
168
00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:30,085
That's the kind of grand gesture
169
00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:31,652
- I was talking about.
- Mm, yes.
170
00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:33,958
Yes, and you were right.
171
00:06:34,089 --> 00:06:37,048
You see, the kids love it,
which is perfect. Why?
172
00:06:37,179 --> 00:06:38,485
Because, Batman,
173
00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:41,531
it will be harder
for them to get rid of it.
174
00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:43,533
[laughing]
175
00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:49,017
Okay, well, riddle
me this, Poppa.
176
00:06:49,147 --> 00:06:51,149
Why would they ever
get rid of it?
177
00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:52,629
I thought you'd never ask.
178
00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:55,284
Because I had Junior
tested for allergies
179
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,895
when he was a child,
and he came
180
00:06:58,026 --> 00:07:00,724
back 99.99%
181
00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:03,423
allergic to pet dander.
182
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,990
[cackling]
183
00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:11,169
Okay, but he may have
outgrown that.
184
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:11,953
I thought the same thing,
185
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:13,563
until he-- achoo--
186
00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:16,523
sneezed in the puppy's face.
187
00:07:18,481 --> 00:07:20,527
[laughs]
188
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:23,007
So, this is you
teaching him a lesson?
189
00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:26,228
No, more diabolical than that.
190
00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:29,144
The puppy is teaching him
the lesson.
191
00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:31,538
You see, my dad
192
00:07:31,712 --> 00:07:33,801
used to say
there are some people
193
00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:36,238
you push 'em out of the way
of a speeding bus,
194
00:07:36,412 --> 00:07:39,676
and they'll say,
"Thank you. You saved my life."
195
00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:41,330
And then, there's others
that'll say,
196
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,245
"Hey, man, you pushed me."
197
00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:48,032
Junior is the "hey, man,
you pushed me" guy
198
00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:50,470
when he needs to be
199
00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:53,342
the "thank you,
you saved my life" guy.
200
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:57,477
I can only imagine
what he's going through
201
00:07:57,607 --> 00:07:59,043
this very second.
202
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:01,393
[cackling]
203
00:08:04,745 --> 00:08:06,703
[Junior hacking,
sneezing]
204
00:08:10,359 --> 00:08:11,795
Aw, man.
205
00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:13,623
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
206
00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:15,364
I think I'm just
allergic to celibacy.
207
00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:18,236
No, you're not.
208
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:19,847
Your dad was right.
You're allergic
209
00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:20,935
to the dog.
210
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:22,110
No, I'm not, all right?
211
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:23,720
That's a lie
from Dad.
212
00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,809
He also said I was allergic
to Nintendo,
213
00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,898
to candy, his money,
214
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:29,726
hugs.
215
00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,685
Basically anything I wanted.
216
00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:35,166
Okay, well, I'm gonna start
carrying around your EpiPen.[hacks]
217
00:08:35,253 --> 00:08:37,691
[coughs] Unnecessary.
218
00:08:37,821 --> 00:08:39,214
Babe, we can't have
this dog in the house
219
00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:40,476
if he's making you sick.
220
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,043
We should rip
the Band-Aid off now
221
00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:43,653
before the kids
get too attached.
222
00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:46,395
No, Mom, we can't
get rid of Popcorn.
223
00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:49,050
Aw, you named him Popcorn?
224
00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:51,574
That was the name of my dog
when I was a little girl.
225
00:08:51,705 --> 00:08:53,358
We know.
We're manipulating you.
226
00:08:53,489 --> 00:08:55,056
- Oh.
- JUNIOR: All right,
227
00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:56,840
look, we're not getting rid
of Popcorn, okay?
228
00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:59,669
My dad is trying to teach me
the old "speeding bus" lesson,
229
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,019
and I refuse to be
the "thank you" guy.
230
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,020
Huh?
Huh?
231
00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:04,848
What I'm trying to say is,
232
00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:06,850
we're keeping Popcorn
and my dad's not gonna win.
233
00:09:06,981 --> 00:09:09,766
- Do you promise?
- Promise?
234
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,638
Yes.
235
00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:14,031
Pinkie swear?
236
00:09:14,162 --> 00:09:16,251
Pink... [sneezes] Sor...
237
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:18,949
Pinkie swear.
238
00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:22,997
Cross my heart,
hope to die.
239
00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:25,869
Well, I'm glad you hope to die
240
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,785
because you know what's
gonna kill you? That dog.
241
00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:31,483
Wait, where's Popcorn?
242
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:34,008
- TREY AND MAYA: Popcorn!
- Popcorn!
243
00:09:34,138 --> 00:09:35,879
JUNIOR: Where...?Where... where did he go?
244
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:37,620
Babe, you left
the door open.
245
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:38,926
What? No...
246
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,667
Popcorn. Move.
247
00:09:40,797 --> 00:09:42,277
[shrieking]
248
00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:44,540
[sneezing]
249
00:09:49,197 --> 00:09:51,025
[scratching on door]
250
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,157
Hey.
251
00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:55,333
What are you doing here?
252
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:58,249
At least you knocked,
unlike your owner.
253
00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:01,949
Are you hungry?
You want to come in?
254
00:10:02,079 --> 00:10:04,125
Come in. Yeah.
255
00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:07,650
Get up on the chair.
256
00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:10,697
Yeah, you're gonna love this.
257
00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:13,482
This here is delicious
potted meat.
258
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,353
There's pig guts...
259
00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:17,573
Hey, Pop.
Oh, hey, son.
260
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:21,533
What in the...
[as Sloth]: "hey, you guys"
261
00:10:21,664 --> 00:10:23,144
is happening
262
00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:24,667
to your face?
263
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:26,713
I was stung by a bee.
264
00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:30,368
Did that bee happen to
look like a pup-bee?
265
00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:33,023
No, Dad, for the last time,
I'm not allergic to the dog...
266
00:10:33,154 --> 00:10:34,764
[sneezes]
267
00:10:36,157 --> 00:10:37,854
Pollen. That was pollen.
268
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,421
Yeah? Maybe it's...
269
00:10:39,508 --> 00:10:41,641
puppy.
270
00:10:41,815 --> 00:10:43,033
Oh, thank God.
I thought we lost him.
271
00:10:43,164 --> 00:10:44,121
[growling]
272
00:10:44,252 --> 00:10:46,384
- Oh.
- You?
273
00:10:46,515 --> 00:10:49,257
Mr. Responsible Pet Owner?
274
00:10:49,387 --> 00:10:51,302
You are so petty, Dad.
275
00:10:51,433 --> 00:10:52,913
Don't forget mean
276
00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:56,046
and cheap. And so maybe
277
00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:58,788
there's something you want
to say to your dear old dad?
278
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,398
[sighs]
279
00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:03,010
Okay. Yes, I might be...
280
00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:04,794
[guttural snorting]
281
00:11:04,968 --> 00:11:06,317
...a little...
282
00:11:06,404 --> 00:11:08,363
[guttural hacking]
283
00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:09,886
...allergic.
284
00:11:10,017 --> 00:11:11,888
I'm shocked,
because that would mean I'm...
285
00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:13,760
[snorts]
286
00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:15,413
[hacks]
287
00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:16,980
...right.
288
00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:19,026
[clears throat]
289
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:22,464
Yes, you're right.
290
00:11:22,551 --> 00:11:24,422
[sneezes]
291
00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:26,816
What the hell's
292
00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:28,209
- wrong with you?
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
293
00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:31,212
Go get that fixed.
294
00:11:31,299 --> 00:11:33,040
I don't know what I'm gonna do,
Dad, you know, I...
295
00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:34,606
The kids love the dog, and...
296
00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:35,999
I just don't want
to break their hearts.
297
00:11:36,173 --> 00:11:38,045
Oh, there he is.
298
00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:39,916
Oh, Popcorn.
299
00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:42,223
- Oh, look.
- Yeah, he seems
to love Poppa.
300
00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:43,746
Aw. [shrieks]
301
00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:45,008
Oh, God, Junior.
302
00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:46,836
What in the Will Smith
from Hitch
303
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,533
happened to your face?
304
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:51,188
Okay, I got the
EpiPen. Come on.
305
00:11:51,319 --> 00:11:53,277
[groaning]
306
00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:02,069
Oh, no.
307
00:12:02,199 --> 00:12:04,027
[sighs]
Yeah,
308
00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:06,029
okay, now step away
from the dog, let's go home.
309
00:12:06,203 --> 00:12:08,031
Nope, you're not leaving him
here with me.
310
00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:09,641
Do you want your son to die?
311
00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:12,035
To teach him
a really good lesson?
312
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:15,038
Okay, fine, he can stay
with me for the weekend
313
00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:17,214
until you guys figure out
how to tell the children
314
00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:19,390
and find him a new home.
315
00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:22,176
Thanks, Dad.
I'm sorry about all this.
316
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:24,656
IVY:
I mean, what is it
317
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:26,528
with you guys and lying?
318
00:12:26,615 --> 00:12:29,661
Y'all lie about everything.
319
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,707
You want to know
why guys lie?
320
00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:34,623
It's because women
can't handle guys' truth.
321
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,017
- That's ridiculous.
- Is it?
322
00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:38,801
Y'all get all hysterical
323
00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:41,935
if you don't hear
what you want to hear.
324
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:44,328
It forces men to lie
when you say stuff like,
325
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:45,982
"Babe, do I look fat
in this dress?"
326
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:50,073
Well, if "fat" came to mind
when you put the dress on,
327
00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:52,162
that's your answer.
328
00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:56,210
- You're a... Dog.
- Hmm?
329
00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:57,820
[laughing]:
- I'm a dog?
- No.
330
00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:59,256
I smell dog.
331
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:00,736
[shrieks]
332
00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:03,130
A dog was sitting
in this chair.
333
00:13:03,304 --> 00:13:05,915
What are you talking about?
I don't have a dog.
334
00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:09,136
Liar.
335
00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:11,225
I got to get out of here.
336
00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:13,880
Why? You're allergic?
337
00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:16,012
No. It's just,
you don't know my cats.
338
00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:18,710
They're like a gang.
I call them the Paw-fia.
339
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,104
If they even smell
that dog on me,
340
00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:23,367
I'll be swimming
with the fishes.
341
00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:25,500
You have put my life in danger.
342
00:13:28,764 --> 00:13:30,374
Well, I guess
it's just me and you.
343
00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:31,680
Want to do a podcast?
344
00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:33,247
[barks]
Yeah.
345
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:35,553
All right, jump down there
and go get it.
346
00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:37,947
[barking]
347
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:41,081
♪ People, let me tell you
'bout my best friend ♪
348
00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:43,692
[barking]♪ He's a warm-hearted person ♪
349
00:13:43,779 --> 00:13:46,260
[growling]♪ Who'll love me till the end ♪
350
00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:49,089
♪ People, let me tell you
'bout my best friend ♪
351
00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:51,395
♪ He's a one-boy cuddly toy ♪
352
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:54,224
♪ My up, my down,
my pride and joy ♪
353
00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:56,966
♪ People, let me tell you
'bout him, he's so much fun ♪
354
00:13:57,097 --> 00:13:59,360
♪ Whether we're talkin'
man-to-man ♪
355
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,405
♪ Or whether
we're talkin' son-to-son ♪
356
00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:05,061
♪ 'Cause he's my best friend ♪
357
00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:07,498
♪ Yeah, he's my best friend ♪
358
00:14:07,672 --> 00:14:10,588
♪ La-la, pa-da-da-da-yah ♪
359
00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:12,503
♪ Pa-da-da-da-yah. ♪
360
00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:16,377
We'll never talk to you again
if you give Popcorn away.
361
00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:18,118
I'm sorry,
362
00:14:18,248 --> 00:14:20,816
but we found Popcorn a home
with a loving family
363
00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:22,383
where no one is allergic.
364
00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:25,865
Hmm. I need
to consult with Maya.
365
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:29,999
[whispering]
366
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:31,783
Buckingham?
367
00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:36,440
Okay, so, a dog is
like family, right?
368
00:14:36,614 --> 00:14:38,181
- Right.
- MAYA: So,
369
00:14:38,268 --> 00:14:42,011
if daddy was allergic to me
or Trey, would you give us away?
370
00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:45,188
No. I would leave
your father for you.
371
00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:46,711
So let's do that.
372
00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,539
TREY:
Yay.
373
00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:50,150
We're keeping Popcorn.
374
00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:53,196
BOTH:No more Dad.
No more Dad.
375
00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:55,372
- No more Dad.
- All right, all right,
all right, all right.
376
00:14:55,459 --> 00:14:57,853
Enough, okay?
I am sorry,
377
00:14:58,027 --> 00:14:59,724
but the dog keeps
biting holes in the couch,
378
00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:01,335
he's pooping everywhere.
379
00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:03,554
And you're
allergic. Highly.
380
00:15:03,685 --> 00:15:05,774
It's sad, but he has to go.
381
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,471
We don't love you anymore.
382
00:15:07,645 --> 00:15:08,690
Neither do I.
383
00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:10,518
I said "we," dummy.
384
00:15:15,262 --> 00:15:16,828
[sighs]
385
00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:18,569
- They don't mean that.
- Yes, they do.
386
00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:20,006
Yes, they do.
387
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:23,270
But it's not your fault.
388
00:15:24,532 --> 00:15:26,751
Oh, yeah. Yeah.[clears throat]
389
00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:32,888
Guess I'll just, um, go tell
my dad I learned his lesson.
390
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:39,851
JOHN: You know, there's
nothing like the experience
391
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,418
- of raising your first dog.
- That part.
392
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:43,246
The simple joy
of walking side-by-side
393
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:46,423
with your buddy
out in the fresh air... Yes. Yes.
394
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:48,512
You know, Marley & Me is just
one of those movies
395
00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:50,384
that kind of gets you
right here.
396
00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:54,605
I don't want to spoil it,
but the dog dies at the end.
397
00:15:57,478 --> 00:15:58,609
Look.
398
00:15:58,783 --> 00:16:01,003
[turns TV off]
399
00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:03,701
We need to talk, Popcorn.
400
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:05,268
This weekend has been fun,
401
00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:07,749
but this thing between you
and me, it ain't gonna work.
402
00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:10,143
No, it's not you. It's me.
403
00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:13,494
I'm selfish.
I like my music loud,
404
00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:15,670
I like my sleep quiet,
405
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,412
and I don't really like
sharing my potted meat.
406
00:16:20,544 --> 00:16:23,547
I'm gonna tell you a story
I've never told anybody before.
407
00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:27,551
When I was a kid, I had a dog
that kind of looked like you.
408
00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:28,683
I loved him.
409
00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:31,077
His name was Rollo... [chuckles]
410
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:34,297
...after the guy
from Sanford and Son.
411
00:16:34,428 --> 00:16:35,777
That's probably
before your time.
412
00:16:35,907 --> 00:16:37,997
But anyway,
413
00:16:38,171 --> 00:16:41,261
he used to like
to chase fire engines.
414
00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:43,219
And one day he was chasing
after a fire engine
415
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,961
that was going backwards,
and, uh,
416
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:48,920
right there
in front of my eyes, splat.
417
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,705
[whines]
Yeah.
418
00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:54,013
[as Fred Sanford]:
That big dummy joined Elizabeth
419
00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:56,102
in the great, blue sky.
420
00:16:58,060 --> 00:17:00,454
[regular voice]:
If you'd have seen the show,
you'd laugh.
421
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:04,893
Anyway, Popcorn,
that wrecked me,
422
00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:07,809
and it's for that reason
that I got to let you go.
423
00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:09,376
Come on, don't be...
424
00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:12,074
Hey.
425
00:17:13,815 --> 00:17:15,295
Hey, Dad.
426
00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:17,036
Hey.
427
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:18,950
Did you hear any of that?
428
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:22,693
[as Aunt Esther]:
Of course I did,
you old fish-eyed fool.
429
00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:25,392
[regular voice]:
I didn't know you had a dog.
430
00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:27,916
- Yeah.
- I didn't know any of that.
431
00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:30,962
Well, it probably wouldn't
have helped if you did know.
432
00:17:31,093 --> 00:17:32,747
Yeah, it might have.
433
00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:33,965
I would have at least understood
where you were coming from.
434
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:35,967
Yeah, well, I'm old-school.
435
00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:37,708
I don't like sharing my pain.
436
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:40,233
You didn't seem to mind
sharing it with Popcorn.
437
00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:41,538
Popcorn's different.
438
00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:44,150
He's a great listener.
439
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,281
Huh?
440
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:47,849
No, I'm kidding.
441
00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:50,460
Anyway, uh,
talked to the kids.
442
00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:53,159
They're not happy, but
we found a family for the dog.
443
00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:55,552
Seem like really great people, too.
444
00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:57,293
I am happy to hear that.
445
00:17:57,467 --> 00:18:00,340
Yeah. I'll, uh, come by tomorrow
and pick the dog up.
446
00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:01,471
- Great.
- Oh.
447
00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:03,865
And, um, Dad,
448
00:18:03,995 --> 00:18:06,520
I am sorry
about calling you a liar.
449
00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:09,044
I appreciate that.
450
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:10,567
[as Fred Sanford]:
'Cause I was about
451
00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:13,744
to give you five of these
across your lip.
452
00:18:13,831 --> 00:18:16,530
Gonna knock the snuff out.
453
00:18:16,704 --> 00:18:18,880
[laughs]
454
00:18:22,927 --> 00:18:25,408
- Hey, Daddy.
- Hey.
455
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,889
Wait. What are you guys
doing here so early?
456
00:18:28,019 --> 00:18:29,586
Uh, we just, uh,
took our morning walk.
457
00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:31,588
- Where'd you walk to?
- Manhattan.
458
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,025
It's just been so amazing,
459
00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:35,462
the things we've been able
to do together
460
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:36,898
outside of the "S" word.
461
00:18:37,028 --> 00:18:38,682
Yeah, it's been great.
462
00:18:40,075 --> 00:18:42,077
Anyway, uh, the new family's
ready for Popcorn,
463
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:44,297
so we're gonna walk him
- over there now.
- Well,
464
00:18:44,427 --> 00:18:46,429
I actually have some good news
for you guys.
465
00:18:46,603 --> 00:18:49,171
I found a loving home
for Popcorn,
466
00:18:49,302 --> 00:18:50,912
and it's really close by
467
00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:53,349
so the grandkids can
come see him any time they want.
468
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:54,829
Oh, wow. Where?
469
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:56,961
I'll show you. Follow me.
470
00:18:58,833 --> 00:19:01,836
Oh, no. No.[Nina gasps]
471
00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:04,708
- Wow.
- You? The Grinch?
472
00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:07,189
Oh, come on. Don't make
a big deal out of it.
473
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,060
I mean, I'm not getting soft.
474
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:11,454
It's just, this family in
Connecticut, I don't know them.
475
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,500
They could live next door
to a fire truck.
476
00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:15,806
You love him.
477
00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:18,722
Oh, stop. I barely love you.
478
00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:21,508
[chuckles]
He loves me.
479
00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:24,075
Well, I guess it's time
to go home and not have sex.
480
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:25,599
Ten weeks.
481
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:27,992
You know what?
I don't care anymore, all right?
482
00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:29,733
Make it 11.
483
00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:32,083
- 12.
- Make it a hundred.
484
00:19:32,214 --> 00:19:33,998
Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.
485
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:36,262
Secky-secky-sex.
486
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,961
Don't you sex me.
487
00:19:40,091 --> 00:19:41,963
[inhales, grunts]
488
00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:44,270
[moans]
489
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:46,533
- I don't want this.
- I don't want this either.
490
00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:49,623
- I don't like this.
- I don't like this either.
491
00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:51,320
♪ Who? Who? Who? ♪ ♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪
492
00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:53,975
[knocking]♪ Who? Who? Who? Who? ♪
493
00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:55,629
♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪
494
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:57,413
[laughs]
495
00:19:57,500 --> 00:20:00,373
Well, well,
look who the cats dragged in.
496
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:02,984
Literally.
497
00:20:03,114 --> 00:20:04,725
I told you this was
going to happen.
498
00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:07,815
As soon as the cats
smelled your dog on me,
499
00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:08,642
they cornered me.
500
00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:10,034
Hmm.
501
00:20:10,165 --> 00:20:12,472
It's either me or that dog.
502
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:17,868
♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪
503
00:20:17,955 --> 00:20:19,609
♪ Who? Who? Who? Who? ♪
504
00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:23,613
♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪ Who? Who? Who? Who? ♪
505
00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:26,355
♪ Who let
the dogs out? ♪♪ Who? Who? Who? Who? ♪
506
00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:32,492
- Marker.
- Over a freaking dog?
507
00:20:32,579 --> 00:20:34,885
I used to get chased
by a German shepherd
508
00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:36,147
that worked at the liquor store.
509
00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:37,540
It didn't work
at the liquor store.
510
00:20:37,714 --> 00:20:39,455
[laughs]
511
00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:40,804
Marker.
512
00:20:40,978 --> 00:20:41,936
Hello.[whines]
513
00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:43,459
How are you?
514
00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:45,113
[barking]
515
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,549
Yeah.
516
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,116
And the people that try
to talk to dogs--
517
00:20:48,290 --> 00:20:49,813
don't that just piss you off?
518
00:20:49,944 --> 00:20:52,120
[barks]
Yeah.
519
00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:54,905
Like they speak your language.
They don't know.
520
00:20:54,992 --> 00:20:56,907
[barks]
[laughs]
521
00:20:59,432 --> 00:21:01,869
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
522
00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:05,394
and TOYOTA.
523
00:21:05,481 --> 00:21:08,876
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
36557
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