All language subtitles for My.Name.Is.Earl.S02E22.1080p.WEBRip.x265-KONTRAST

[ Alarm Beeping ]

[ Earl Narrating ]
Me and Randy don't usually
set the alarm,

but today was
our first day of work.

Rise and shine.
Hands off... mine!
Randy, hands off mine!

[ Earl Narrating ]
Recently I added
somethin' to my list.

Number 273-- kept myself
from bein' an adult.

[ Earl Narrating ]
First thing I did
was get a G.E.D.,

and the next step
was findin' a job.

Turns out it was easy
to find a job.

The hard part was findin' one
we'd want to keep.

Well, the crane's broken.
Guess we're usin' the saw.

[ Motor Revving ]
[ Groans ]

[ Earl Narrating ]
But today was lookin'
a little more promising.

Man, these things smell clean,
but they're a little bit itchy.

I wish I would've
left my underwear on.

Nice! Wear those colors
with pride.

You last a month,
we sew on a name tag.

Make it a year,
they're yours to keep.

And before
we unload a truck,

for good luck,
everybody rubs
my mother's bust.

Lewis,
go in the back.

Hey, Reggie.

These are the new guys,
Earl and Randy.

Show 'em the ropes.
Will do, Mr. Waadt.

Well, all right.
Trucks come in and out
of here all day long.

Truck comes in, you unload it.
Truck goes out, you load it.

Next truck comes in,
you unload it.
Next truck--

Wait a second. Go back
to that first truck.
I think we got it.

My name is Earl.

[ Earl Narrating ]
Havin' a job isn't the most
glamorous way to spend your day,

but it felt good bein'
a part of the workforce.

Me and Randy
were real nine-to-fivers.

Hey, Earl. Someone said
Wednesday is "Hump Day."

I haven't seen any ladies here,
so I'll watch your back
and you watch mine.

[ Earl Narrating ] And while
me and Randy were learnin' about
the realities of grown-up life,

Joy was gettin' her own
little dose of reality.

Hey, look who it is!

It's my deaf lawyer's
word talker. What up, Doug?

You are such a sweet son,
takin' your mama out shoppin'
and all.

Yeah, she's my wife.
Um, I'll meet you inside?

Yuck.

I'm sorry. It's just
she's so damn old.

Well, that certainly
is a lot of punch.

Is someone
at the trailer park
gettin' baptized?

No, it's for me.
They're havin' a sale.

I love the green stuff.
Darnell won't touch it.

I like the orange.
Green gives me the hiccups.

All that's for you?
You do realize your trial
starts next week, right?

Not much of a trial.
I mean, my witness is dead.

They have other evidence, Joy.
This trial could go either way.

You have to prepare
yourself for that.

I don't know if I would
be buying that much punch.

Want me to go get your
money back for the punch?
I can't!

I already spit my gum into
the receipt, just like I did
with the entertainment unit,

which forced me to steal
the truck and is the reason why
I'm facing life in prison.

Swear to God,
if Fruit Stripe just kept its
damn flavor a little longer,

I wouldn't
be in this mess.

[ Earl Narrating ] Me and Randy
quickly learned that our new job
came with perks.

They give you
a store credit card,
a week's vacation,

and anything
you put in your 401(k),
the company will match it.

I'm gonna put a puppy
in mine.

[ Earl Narrating ]
And twice a day,
we got to spend 15 minutes...

eatin' food out
of the snack machines.

We're the perfect
cookie-eatin' team.

We used to be good
with gum too.

When we were kids,
Earl'd soften it up,
and I'd blow the bubbles.

Hey, guys, A-9's empty.
I wonder what they're
gonna put in there.

Well, I hope they don't waste
valuable real estate
with stamps again.

Or that Arm & Hammer stuff. Mom
always had that in the fridge,
and it was a terrible snack.

No matter how much you eat,
it doesn't fill you up.

[ Earl Narrating ]
After four hours of box foldin'
and talkin' snacks,

I was gettin' a little bored.

You know, one time
I pushed D-5, and two bags
of chips came out.

But then
one time I pushed it,
and no chips came out.

Maybe I should switch the order
of that story, you know,
so it has a happy ending.

[ Earl Narrating ]
I couldn't imagine doin' a job
I'd mastered on my first day...

for the rest of my life.

- That's when I got the call.
- Hey, you!

We need a new floor model.
Bring that dishwasher up front.

[ Earl Narrating ]
It was my first time
on the sales floor,

and I had no idea
that through those
plastic curtains...

was a paradise more beautiful
than I'd ever imagined.

They had air conditioning that
felt like Frosty the Snowman...

was blowin' kisses
up my coveralls.

Even the way it smelled
was better than the back.

Where we had B.O.,
they had cinnamon buns.
Oh, wow!

* When I die
and they lay me to rest *

* Gonna go to the place
that's the best *

[ Earl Narrating ]
And the guys who worked in there
seemed to have it all--

the looks, the charm
and the kind of straight teeth
you can only get from braces.

* Spirit in the sky **

And just like the first time
I drank chocolate milk...

and realized I wanted to
live my life with a mustache,

I knew I wanted to work
in the front.

Hey, guys, how does someone
get a job in the showroom?

As a salesman?
Well, first, you get one
of those braided belts.

Then you put
too much hair gel in,
which is good...

'cause it makes it easier
to shove your head
up your own rump.

And where would I get one
of these braided belts?

- Are you really thinking
you could work up there?
- Maybe.

Let me set you straight
about something right now.

No one's ever moved
from the back to the front.

Yeah, but--
But nothin'.

Now, I know
you got your G.E.D.,

and you think
the world's gonna be
your little oyster,

but those guys out there,

they went to junior college.

South Nathanville
Junior College.

That's the Harvard
of Camden-area
junior colleges.

Overeducated
bastards.

You know what they call us?
Dockers, because we work
on the loading dock.

You know what
the ironical part is?
They actually wear Dockers.

We wear Dickies,
which, by the way,
is what we call them.

In a perfect world
we'd switch pants, but Dockers
doesn't make a coverall.

Yeah, they're
exclusively slacks.
We called.

You're not
a front room guy, Hickey.
You're one of us.

There's nothin' wrong
with bein' a Docker.

[ Truck Beeping ]

Man, it sure
smelled good in there.

[ Earl Narrating ] Realizin'
she might actually go to prison,
Joy started to prepare.

First she had a yard sale
so the family would have money.

Thank you for your business!
Hey, Darnell, guess what.

What?
[ Grunts ]

I sold the porch.

[ Earl Narrating ]
Then she prepared for gettin'
along with the inmates.

I'm gonna need you to teach me
how to speak Mexican so I can
talk to Latina gangs in prison.

'Cause, I mean, I already
know how to speak black,
and I'm not afraid of Asians.

Sure. Just walk up
to the biggest lady
you can find...

and say, "Buenos días.
Estoy aquí para
ser tu perra."

I heard "bitch" in there.
I mean, I'm not stupid.

I've been called "bitch"
in every single language
there is.

God, nice try, beeyotch.
That's black.

[ Earl Narrating ]
And finally,
she sold the Brat...

so Darnell would have
the right transportation
while she was away.

But you love that car.
I know.

But you gotta take the highway
to come and visit me in prison.

The Brat gets the shimmies
when you hit 35.

- Now, this is
a very popular model.
- Yes, but is it reliable?

Oh, yeah. My mom's
had that kind of dryer
for over 20 years.

And I happen to know
from experience,

you can put a neighbor kid in
every day for most of the year,
and it'll still run good as new.

- I'll take it.
- Well, let me get you
a salesman.

Hey, Brandon?

You're good with people, Hickey.
You're kind of like
a people person.

Thanks. You know, uh, I've
been thinkin' of talkin' to you
about becomin' a salesman.

You don't become a salesman.
You're born a salesman.

Except for those people
who learn how to be a salesman.

Truth is, most people
do it that way.

I'll tell you what.

If you show me that you
want it bad enough,

I'll think about
bringin' you up front.

Yes.

Look. They filled A-9
with popcorn.

What are we gonna
talk about now?

B-7's almost empty.

Hey, rookie!

Anyone ever teach you
the right way to use a broom?

You take the handle,
put it at a 45-degree angle,

lean it against the wall
then sit your ass down
and eat some lunch.

[ Laughing ]

You got hair gel in here?

You're still thinkin' about
workin' in the showroom?

Didn't you hear
a damn word I said?

Front room and back room
don't mix.

Hey, come on.
We're all just people.

They're not people.
They're Dickies.

Dickies who think you're dumber
than they are just because
they're smarter than you.

I hate that.

I wouldn't be like that
if I worked out front.

I'm not smarter than anybody.
I'm a regular dude.

If you were a regular dude,

you'd be staying back here.

Ooh, look at me.
I'm Mr. Get Ahead.

I want to
take a shower every day
and wear a tie.

- A tie!
- Enough!

My whole life I've been
thinkin' like that-- makin' fun
of kids who studied.

Thinkin' that guys who worked
to get ahead were jerks.

But you know what?
Maybe I was wrong.

'Cause in over 30 years,
it sure hasn't
gotten me anyplace.

Give it up, son.
You'll never be one of them.

And once you try,
you'll never be one of us.

I got sweepin' to do.

Don't be mad.
I just want to fit in
with the guys.

[ Earl Narrating ]
While my hard work wasn't
impressin' my coworkers,

they weren't the ones
I was tryin' to impress.

[ Motor Running ]

Hickey, we don't
open for two hours.
How'd you get in here?

Through an air duct.
But don't worry.
I sealed it back up.

What about the alarm?
Disabled. Re-abled.

[ Earl Narrating ]
I wasn't just provin'
I was a hard worker.

I was preparin',
in case Mr. Waadt
gave me a shot.

Toaster oven.

Model DV-2301.

Thirty-minute timer.
Removable crumb tray.

Who's on fire?

Well, I got the dent out.

Nice work. We can
sell that full price.

[ Chuckling ]

Have you seen my foot?

Oh! There it is.

[ Earl Narrating ]
And then it happened.

I'm giving you
your shot, kid.
You earned it.

Thank you, sir.
You won't regret this.

But it's just a trial.

If you want
to stay out there,

I need to see five grand
in sales by the end
of the day Sunday.

I promise I won't
let you down, sir.

I can do anything
I put my mind to.

Could you tie this for me
so I can slip it on
every morning?

I don't tie ties,
and I don't listen
to excuses.

Five grand, Hickey.

See me
when you get there.
[ Laughs ]

I did it.

Good luck.
I'm proud of you.

[ Spits ]

Keep 'em closed.
I got you somethin'.

See, if I go away to prison,
you're gonna want
some companionship.

Plus, I don't
want you to go cheatin',
so... open up.

- Oh, my God.
- I found one that looks
just like me.

She takes two triple-A
batteries, and you can get 'em
outta Dodge's Lite-Brite.

[ Inhales, Exhales ]
Check that out.

She's even got
that new car smell.
I know how you like that.

I do like that smell.

I also like the smell
of bacon, but I'm not
going to fornicate it.

Oh, come on. It says right here
if you soak her in a hot tub
for 10 minutes,

she feels
even more lifelike.

You can even pop her head off
and nuke it in the microwave!

Hey, guys. I'm Earl.

This is great, huh?
Livin' the dream.

Livin' the dream!

Did I have it
tied wrong?

Everything about you
being here is wrong.

I didn't take
Intro to Beginning Statistics
twice at junior college...

to work
with some Docker.

We're gonna make sure
that you don't sell
five grand by Sunday.

And if you think
we're kiddin',

we're not.

[ Earl ] In my younger days,
I would've either stabbed him
with the scissors...

or strangled him
with the tie.

But not this time.
I was an adult now.

And I was gonna prove
to everyone I could do it.

They could cut my tie,
but they couldn't
cut out my heart.

The nice thing
about this model is it's
a pain in the ass to steal.

See, it's got these
triangle-shaped lock nuts.

Try to unhook it in the dark
with a regular wrench,
you get a scar like this.

Hey, Earl, have you told her
the amortized value?

[ Woman ]
Mmm.
"Amoritized."

Uh--

* When the moon hits your eye
like a big pizza pie *

* That's "amoritized" **

You better let me help you
with this one.

You have to excuse him.
He didn't go to junior college.

I like your cologne.
Yeah. I know you do.

[ Chuckling ]
[ Woman On P.A. ]
Jim, you got a call on line 2.

[ Earl Narrating ]
The next day, I came back
with a can-do attitude...

and a tie Randy bought
back in the '80s.

It took some time,
but I finally made
my first sale.

I don't know
if I mentioned this, but
the microwave you bought...

has a tray that spins around
so your food doesn't
get tired of the view.

Hey, Earl, those
pretty desert ladies with
the long boobies are right.

It is easier to carry
somethin' on your head.

Damn it, Randy! That was
the last one in stock.

How freakin' hard is it to
carry a box without pretendin'
you're an African lady?

Billy was right
about front room guys.

You are a Dickie.

[ Earl Narrating ] I hated
snappin' at Randy, but stress
makes you do crazy things,

as Darnell would find out
the next day.

Good morning, baby.

Can I interest you
in a little lovemaking?

[ Sniffs ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Earl Narrating ]
He was shocked, but he had
a bigger shock comin'.

Joy was gone.

Well, baby, by now you're
probably figurin' out
what I've done.

[ Earl Narrating ]
What Joy had done was
pull off a master plan.

That sex doll she bought
was just a diversion
to help her buy some time.

And the reason Joy traded in
the Brat was 'cause she needed
a car with a comfortable trunk.

Hey! Drive careful.
Every bump you hit knocks
a point off this baby's I.Q.

* I got to run
to keep from hiding *

[ Earl Narrating ]
And prison wasn't the place Joy
was gonna be speaking Spanish.

[ Animal Howling ]
* Keep on riding **

So "snap" is chasquido.

Oh, chasquido.
That'll work.

I knew if I told you I was
running, you'd just stop me
because you worry so much.

But I'll send
for you and the kids
just as soon as I can.

I'm just scared, Darnell.
I'm sorry.

Please don't be mad.
Please, please, please.

I love you.

Go, baby. Go.

[ Earl Narrating ]
The Sunday shift
was almost over,

and I was so far away
from my sales goal that I was
willin' to try anything.

[ Door Closes ]
Oh, hi.
I need to buy, um--

Okay, hold on.
I have it written down.

Uh--

There we are.
Oh, that's not it.

That's the coupon.
Five dollars off.

Hey, Docker.
This big spender's
all yours.

Just make sure not to count
the coupon in your total.

[ Chuckles ]
Here's my list.

We're remodeling
our church's soup kitchen.

I'm going to need
three refrigerators,

two stoves
and two dishwashers.

I hope this
isn't too much.

[ Wheezing Laugh ]
Oh!

You're an angel in
a tiny, wrinkled package.

Reggie! This woman
just bought a ton of stuff
for her church.

She needs it loaded
in that truck out front.

Most of these are still
out on the semi.

Can we get somebody
workin' on it?

It's rainin'.
We don't unload when
it's rainin', Dickie.

- Dickie!
- Look, please, guys.

I've only got 30 minutes
to complete this sale,
or it doesn't count.

Randy?

Fine.

Well, I'll be
a son of a bitch.

I've never seen a Dickie
pull his own stock before.

Kid's got guts.
He could slip and fall.

[ Ferocious Shout ]

Well, you're
all packed up, ma'am.
Just sign here.

Oh, hi.

I switched my sale
over to Rick.

What?
Turns out we go
to the same church.

And this sweet
young man...

promised he'll give
half his commission
to the church.

I'll see you at church
on Sunday.

I'll see you there.

If it's the church
of some hot chick's
crotchless panties,

'cause that's where I'm
gonna be on Sunday.

Boom, boom.

Closing time.

Say hi to the other Dockers
when you're back lifting boxes
tomorrow morning.

[ Clicks Tongue ]

So you're giving up.

There's no more customers.

I blew it.

So you didn't make
bein' a salesman
your first try.

There are
greater tragedies
in the world.

But I wanted to do this.
I wanted to prove to everybody--

- Prove what?
- That I was somebody.

Oh, you are so full of crap.

Look at you.

You're six feet something,
a hundred and something,

and you've got hardly
a speck of sales ability,

and you hung in
with some of the best...

junior college
appliance salesmen
Camden has to offer...

for two days.

In this lifetime,
you don't have to prove nothin'
to nobody except yourself.

And after what
you've gone through,

if you haven't
done that by now,

it ain't gonna
never happen.

I'm sorry. I failed.

It's over.

I let you down, Mr. Waadt.

I'm sorry.

Here's my tie...
and my name tag.

I'll wash the shirt
and bring it by tomorrow.

I'd like to buy
a refrigerator,

and I'd like to buy it
from this Docker.

It's too late.
Store's closed.

Mr. Waadt said
the end of the day Sunday.
It's still Sunday.

That's true.

I'd like to buy a dishwasher,
and I'd like to buy it
from this Docker.

I'd like to buy a microwave
from this Docker.

I'd like to buy
a washer-dryer
from my brother.

Randy, that's my card.

I lost mine.
Sorry I wasn't nicer
to you before.

[ Earl Narrating ]
So one by one, my fellow Dockers
helped me start my new career.

And I must've been right
about how wantin' to get ahead
was a good thing...

'cause I was feelin'
pretty good.

Joy, on the other hand,
wasn't havin' the same luck
with her new Mexican career.

¡Vámonos!

Oh, chasquido.