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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,901 --> 00:00:03,671 MY NAME IS EARL. 2 00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:08,142 [ Earl Narrating ] SUNDAY AFTERNOONS IN CAMDEN COUNTY ARE ALWAYS KINDA DEPRESSING. 3 00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,977 IN THE MORNING, RANDY STARTS READING THE COMICS, 4 00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:13,881 BUT, BY MIDAFTERNOON, HE FINISHES AND STARTS TO GET BORED. 5 00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:18,419 ALSO, BY SUNDAY, THE CRAB SHACK RUNS OUT OF THEIR FOOD SUPPLY FOR THE WEEK. 6 00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:20,788 JUST SO YOU KNOW, WE'RE ALL OUT OF SEAFOOD AND MEAT. 7 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:25,526 - I'LL HAVE A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH. - WE'RE OUT OF BREAD AND CHEESE. 8 00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:29,230 BASICALLY, WE'VE GOT PICKLED EGGS AND A BASKET OF THOSE LITTLE JELLIES. 9 00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:31,565 NEED ANY MORE TIME? 10 00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:36,504 ** [ Rock, Indistinct ] PLUS THE POOL CUES WERE BROKEN FROM THE SATURDAY NIGHT FIGHTS. 11 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:40,508 THE PINBALL MACHINE SHORTED OUT FROM BEING SPILLED ON, 12 00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,576 AND THE VENDING MACHINES WERE EMPTY TOO. 13 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,079 [ Synthesized Voice ] YOU'RE OUT OF MENTHOLS. 14 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:48,015 AND MOTHERS WHO'D LEFT THEIR KIDS WITH GRANDMA ON SATURDAY NIGHT... 15 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:50,084 WERE DREADIN' PICKING 'EM UP. 16 00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:53,287 I KNOW I SAID 3:00, MOM, BUT I'M STUCK IN TRAFFIC. 17 00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,323 OH, MY GOD. SOME GUY JUST CUT ME OFF. 18 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:58,592 PICK A LANE! HANG UP AND DRIVE, BITCH. 19 00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:00,894 GOTTA GO. I'LL BE THERE AT 5:00, MOM. 20 00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:03,197 NICE ACTIN', TIM. YOU STILL GOT IT. 21 00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:06,567 AND SINCE THE KEGS WERE EMPTY AND ONLY SERVING FOAM, 22 00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,770 PEOPLE SOBERED UP AND WERE FORCED TO TAKE A HARD LOOK AT THEIR LIVES. 23 00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:14,408 I SHOULD'VE JOINED THE NAVY WHILE I WAS YOUNG AND ATTRACTIVE. 24 00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:18,346 WHY DIDN'T I MOVE OUTTA THE WAY WHEN SHE THREW THAT BOWLING BALL? 25 00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:21,749 WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MY LIFE? 26 00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,884 I'VE GOT A MASTER'S DEGREE. 27 00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:27,121 YEP. SUNDAYS WERE ROUGH. BUT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE-- 28 00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:31,259 ABOUT EVERY FIVE MONTHS OR SO-- SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN THAT WOULD CHANGE EVERYTHING. 29 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:34,395 OH, MY GOD. IT'S COMIN' ON. IT'S COMIN' ON RIGHT NOW! 30 00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:38,799 RANDY WAS TALKIN' ABOUT A RERUN OF A TV SHOW FROM 2003. 31 00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:41,969 A FEW YEARS BACK, A TV SHOW CAME TO FILM IN CAMDEN COUNTY, 32 00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:44,071 AND WE WERE LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE ON IT. 33 00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:46,207 - ** [ Theme Plays ] - [ Crowd ] * BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS * 34 00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:48,542 * WHAT YOU GONNA DO * 35 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,179 * WHAT YOU GONNA DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU ** 36 00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:54,615 [ TV Announcer ] ALL SUSPECTS ARE INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY IN A COURT OF LAW. 37 00:01:56,950 --> 00:02:00,888 WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO PIMMIT HILLS TRAILER PARK. WE GO THERE A LOT. 38 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:05,058 THIS IS A DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE. IT'S USUALLY THE HICKEYS. 39 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:08,196 FINE! IF YOU'D RATHER HANG OUT WITH YOUR BIG IDIOT BROTHER INSTEAD OF ME, GO AHEAD. 40 00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:11,199 I HOPE YOU ENJOY LICKIN' THE MASSAGE JELLY OFF OF HIS THIGHS. 41 00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:15,169 THAT'S THE PEACH FLAVOR. COME ON, BABY. ME AND RANDY GOT THINGS TO DO. 42 00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:19,740 [ Police Radio, Indistinct ] OH, COME ON. WHO CALLED THE COPS? 43 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:23,010 I WISH YOU NOSY BASTARDS WOULD LEARN TO MIND YOUR OWN BUS-- 44 00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,978 OW! [ Bleeps ] THAT'S PEPPERMINT. 45 00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:26,947 I HOPE YOU FOUND IT REFRESHING. 46 00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:29,783 MA'AM, WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CALL A DOMESTIC COUNSELOR FOR YOU? 47 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:33,153 HEY, THEY GOT CAMERAS. ARE WE ON COPS? 48 00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:36,924 I LOVE THAT SHOW. * BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS WHO YOU GONNA CALL * 49 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,993 WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE CAUSE OF THE ARGUMENT? 50 00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:41,662 I SPENT $46 ON ROMANTIC NOVELTIES, 51 00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:44,532 AND MY HUSBAND WANTS TO GO OUT STEALIN' WITH HIS BROTHER. 52 00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:47,901 UH, SHE DOESN'T MEAN STEALIN' STEALIN'. [ Mouthing Words ] 53 00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:52,673 SHE'S FROM CANADA, AND "STEALIN'" MEANS WORKING AND OBEYING THE LAW. EH? 54 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:55,042 HEY, I'VE NEVER BEEN ON TV BEFORE. 55 00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:58,011 YOU GUYS AREN'T DOIN' THAT BLURRY THING ON MY FACE, ARE YOU? 56 00:02:58,078 --> 00:02:59,947 [ Bowden ] WHAT'S IN THE BOX? 57 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,383 UH, COLLECTIBLES. 58 00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,585 GARAGE DOOR OPENERS? 59 00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:09,189 YOU WOULDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT A RASH OF GARAGE ROBBERIES LATELY? 60 00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:12,593 - * HUH! BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS WHAT YOU GONNA DO * - HEY! HEY! STOP RIGHT THERE! 61 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:15,229 STOP RIGHT THERE! LATER, PIG! 62 00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:18,799 * BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS WHAT YOU GONNA DO * 63 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:22,403 * WHAT YOU GONNA DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU ** [ Bicycle Crashes ] 64 00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:31,612 STUART DANIELS. CAMDEN COUNTY POLICE OFFICER. 65 00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:34,582 FOUR-YEAR VETERAN OF THE FORCE. 66 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:39,019 MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER: 553-- [ Bleeps ] 62. 67 00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,021 [ Female Dispatcher On Police Radio ] ALL UNITS. ALL UNITS. 68 00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:44,492 BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A WHITE MALE-- [ Clicks Off ] 69 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:49,129 YEAH, IT'S A GOOD JOB. GOOD PENSION. 70 00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:52,466 DON'T REALLY LIKE GETTIN' SHOT AT, BUT, UH, I DO GET DENTAL. 71 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,535 SEE THAT? SEE THIS? 72 00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:58,939 - PORCELAIN VENEERS. - OFFICER! OFFICER! 73 00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,646 OH, MY GOD. DID SOMEONE JUST DO THAT TO YOU? 74 00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:08,882 ARE THEY STILL AROUND? NO, OFFICER, IT'S NOT MY LEG. 75 00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,885 IT'S THE JACKASS WHO WON'T GET OFF HIS FRONT LAWN! 76 00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,787 ROGER THAT. 77 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:19,259 YOU'RE GOIN' TO JAIL, DONNY! 78 00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:21,228 SIR, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON. 79 00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:24,465 UH-UH. I'M A FREE AMERICAN. 80 00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:26,634 MY-- [ Bleeps ] GRANDADDY... 81 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:30,003 FOUGHT FOR MY-- [ Bleeps ] RIGHT TO BE-- [ Bleeps ] NAKED... 82 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,706 ON MY-- [ Bleeps ] LAWN. 83 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,942 SIR, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WAR YOU'RE REFERRING TO, 84 00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,977 BUT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET SOME CLOTHES ON. 85 00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,879 ** [ Car Radio: Man Singing Rock ] 86 00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:44,117 STAY AWAY, SIR. THIS IS POLICE BUSINESS. 87 00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:47,287 - WHAT'S IN THE BOX? - UH, NOTHIN'. JUST SOME ROCKS. 88 00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:49,823 SEE? [ Rattling ] 89 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,795 UH-HUH. UH-- THAT'S WEIRD. 90 00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,764 [ Chuckles ] 91 00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:00,334 HEY, OFFICER. HOW'S THIS? 92 00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,436 I GOT ON MY SNAKE PANTS. 93 00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:05,406 - DO A SPIN FOR ME. - [ Scoffs ] 94 00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:08,342 OKAY? 95 00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:11,178 - EH, GOOD ENOUGH. - THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. 96 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:14,748 ** [ Radio Continues ] 97 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,651 ** [ Background: Loud Rap ] 98 00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:22,723 THANK THE GOOD LORD YOU'RE HERE. 99 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:25,225 YOU CAN'T HEAR YOURSELF THINK, IT'S SO LOUD. 100 00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:27,561 NOW, I WAS GONNA-- 101 00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:30,531 MY GOODNESS. THERE'S CAMERAS? HOLD ON. 102 00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,171 COME WITH ME. 103 00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:42,810 NOW YOU CAN HEAR IT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE APARTMENT. 104 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:48,081 WE JUST MOVED TO TOWN, AND I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP YET. 105 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,853 MA'AM, WHOSE BEDROOM IS THIS? 106 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,223 OH, THAT'S MY GRANDSON'S. HE'S WONDERFUL WITH PLANTS. 107 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:59,427 DIFFERENT PEOPLE PAGE HIM ALL DAY LONG JUST TO COME AND SEE THEM. 108 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,595 [ Toilet Flushes ] 109 00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,533 IT'S ALL RIGHT, PEANUT. 110 00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,768 I JUST CALLED THEM OVER HERE ABOUT THAT MUSIC. 111 00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:10,203 GO ON WITH YOUR GARDENING, BABY. 112 00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:13,507 [ Bowden ] HEY! HEY! STOP RIGHT THERE! 113 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:17,778 [ Siren Wailing ] [ Brakes Squeal ] 114 00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:20,180 [ Police Radio, Indistinct ] ...MADE A TRAFFIC STOP. 115 00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,783 ...TRAFFIC UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. 116 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:25,453 - [ Bell Chimes ] - DROP YOUR WEAPON, VALI. 117 00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:28,221 YOU STEAL MY BATTERY. NO STEAL. STEAL. 118 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,090 AW, SWEET. IT'S COPS AGAIN. 119 00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,993 * BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS WHAT'S IT GONNA BE * 120 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,362 WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON HERE? 121 00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:37,230 THIS IS A BIG MISUNDERSTANDIN', OFFICER. 122 00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:39,967 UH, THESE BATTERIES ARE "BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE." 123 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:43,971 WE'RE NOT STEALING. WE-WE'RE JUST TAKIN' THE FREE ONES OUT TO THE CAR, 124 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:46,173 COMIN' BACK TO BUY THE "BUY" ONES. I SWEAR. 125 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,776 [ Clattering, Bumping ] * Rubbing sticks and stones together * 126 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:54,014 * Makes the sparks ignite And the thought of rubbing you is getting so exciting * 127 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,949 * Sky rockets in flight Afternoon delight * 128 00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:58,486 [ Bell Chimes ] IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. 129 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,391 * Afternoon delight * 130 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,760 - [ Grunts ] - RANDY, LET'S GET OUTTA HERE! 131 00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:09,262 HEY! HEY, WAIT! OW! OW! 132 00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:11,298 DID YOU GET THAT? WHOO-HOO! 133 00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:13,867 HEY! [ Groaning ] 134 00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:18,539 * Afternoon delight ** 135 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,908 [ Female Dispatcher ] 60130 ON TACH 2. 136 00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:26,880 [ Dispatcher ] THAT'S NEGATIVE. [ Bowman ] WE'RE HEADED BACK TO PIMMIT HILLS. 137 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,316 SOMETHING ABOUT THESE TRAILER PARK PEOPLE. 138 00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:32,520 WHEN THEY GET AGITATED, THEY LIKE TO CLIMB UP ON THINGS. 139 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:35,889 ROOFS, TREES, WATER TOWERS. LOT OF THEM FALL OFF. 140 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,626 [ Crowd Shouting, Cheering ] 141 00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,362 MA'AM! MA'AM! 142 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,397 I NEED YOU TO COME DOWN FROM THERE. 143 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:48,035 I'LL COME DOWN WHEN I'M DONE BUSTIN' UP MY HUSBAND'S STUFF OR WHEN I HAVE TO PEE. 144 00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:51,672 - MEANWHILE, HEADS UP. - [ Shouting, Cheering ] 145 00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:57,277 FOLKS! FOLKS! PLEASE DON'T ENCOURAGE HER. 146 00:07:57,344 --> 00:08:00,013 THIS IS A DANGEROUS SITUATION. SHE MIGHT FALL. 147 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:03,584 [ Chanting ] FALL! FALL! FALL! FALL! 148 00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,586 HEY, EVERYBODY. TAKE A STEP BACK. 149 00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:08,622 GETTIN' READY TO THROW THIS BOWLIN' BALL DOWN ON THAT DEF LEPPARD WALL MIRROR. 150 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,558 A PIECE MIGHT SHATTER OFF AND HIT YOU IN THE FACE. 151 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:13,093 [ Chattering ] 152 00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:18,365 [ Screaming, Groaning ] 153 00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:20,801 OH, SNAP. 154 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:25,205 - [ Brakes Squealing ] - THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS A FEW HOURS AFTER THE BARS OPEN. 155 00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:28,275 THE DRUNK DRIVERS COME OUT. [ Police Radio, Indistinct ] 156 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,210 [ Tires Squealing ] WELL. 157 00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:34,114 DOES THAT SAY "STAR POWER"? 158 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,049 OH! YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS? 159 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:39,019 YEAH. CAMDEN HAS A CELEBRITY LIVING IN ITS MIDST. 160 00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:43,256 IT'S THE ACTOR FROM SON OF THE BEACH-- TV'S TIM STACK. 161 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,125 [ Siren Wails, Stops ] 162 00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:53,533 [ Door Opens ] 163 00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,941 MR. STACK. GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 164 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:03,076 GOOD EVENING, MY GOOD MAN. 165 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,846 YOU KNOW WHO I AM? OF COURSE I DO, MR. STACK. 166 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:09,917 I'M TV'S TIM STACK FROM MOVIES AND BASIC CABLE TELEVISION. 167 00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:12,385 SIXTY-TWO ITEMS ON MY IMDB PAGE. 168 00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:15,288 SIXTY-TWO. BUT THEY SCREWED ME. 169 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:19,392 THEY COUNTED MY QUINCY TWO-PARTER AS ONE THING. 170 00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:21,629 CAN I SHOOT SOMETHING WITH YOUR GUN? YOU KNOW WHAT-- 171 00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:24,131 MR. STACK, HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING? 172 00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:27,968 MR. STACK? NO. 173 00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:31,238 OKAY. THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. 174 00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,373 YOU HAVE A SAFE DRIVE HOME. 175 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,509 HE WAS ON PUNKY BREWSTER, SO HE'S A HERO TO ME. 176 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,445 I GIVE HIM A LITTLE LEEWAY. 177 00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:42,082 BESIDES, IT'S A STRAIGHT SHOT HOME ONCE HE PASSES THE SCHOOL. 178 00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:44,652 [ School Bell Rings ] 179 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,689 [ Children Shouting, Chattering ] 180 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:51,158 [ Tires Screech ] 181 00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:53,761 [ Brakes Squeal ] 182 00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:56,830 YOU STUCK AGAIN, PATTY? 183 00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:59,566 NO. I'M JUST TRYIN' TO GET MY HAND COLD... 184 00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,935 FOR A CLIENT WHO'S INTO DEAD PEOPLE. 185 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,904 [ Man ] GET OUTTA MY FACE! [ Synthesized Voice ] NO, YOU-- 186 00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:06,139 NO, YOU GET OUTTA MY FACE! GET OUT OF MY FACE. 187 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,308 MAKE HIM GET AWAY FROM ME! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? 188 00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:11,378 HE TRICKED ME INTO EATING PORK. IT'S AGAINST MY RELIGION. 189 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,213 HA, HA, HA, HA. 190 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,182 [ Clears Throat ] CAMERA. IT'S NOT FUNNY. 191 00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:19,687 - HA, HA, HA, HA. - STOP! YOU FOOL! 192 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,059 I-I CAN'T HEAR YOU WITHOUT THE THING. 193 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,996 I HEARD YOU GUYS WERE IN TOWN FILMIN'. 194 00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,131 IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME I'VE BEEN ON TV. 195 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:35,035 I HAD A CLIENT THAT TOOK ME TO A WRESTLIN' MATCH. WE SAT ON THE FIFTH ROW. 196 00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:38,571 THEY PUT ME ON TV WHEN I GOT HIT BY A CHAIR. 197 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:42,142 I'M ROLLIN' UP ON AN 11-83. 198 00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:51,284 [ Police Radio, Indistinct ] 199 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:56,123 [ Thumping ] 200 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,430 SIR, ARE YOU OKAY? 201 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,532 AND HELLO TO YOU TOO. 202 00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,868 I'D LIKE A DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER, PLEASE. 203 00:11:09,737 --> 00:11:11,972 HOLA, BABY. YOU LOOKIN' FOR A FIESTA? 204 00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:14,174 I STILL GOT ONE FREE HAND. 205 00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:16,143 NO. GRACIAS. 206 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:21,681 WE'RE MOVIN' QUICK HERE. I THINK IT'S A ROBBERY IN PROGRESS. 207 00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:25,618 AND IT'S IN A GARAGE, SO IT MIGHT BE OUR FRIEND FROM THE TRAILER PARK. 208 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,721 [ Dispatcher ] 3:56. 209 00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:32,392 A 2-40 OCCURRED APPROXIMATELY 15 MINUTES AGO. 210 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:35,896 OKAY, FREEZE! 211 00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,533 OH, NO. UH, THI-THIS-- THIS ISN'T A ROBBERY. 212 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,536 I'M JUST CLEANIN' MY GARAGE, 'CAUSE THIS IS MY HOME. 213 00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:46,406 MAN, I LOVE STEALIN'. 214 00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:48,308 OOPS. 215 00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,415 HEY, CAN YOU CHASE ME? 'CAUSE THE CHASES ALWAYS MAKE IT ON COPS. 216 00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:58,718 BUT DON'T CHASE ME TOO HARD 'CAUSE I'M LOADED DOWN WITH THIS TV. 217 00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:02,022 [ Bowman, Earl Shouting ] YOU PROBABLY CAN'T RUN SO FAST CARRYING THAT CAMERA EITHER. 218 00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,324 WANNA JUST PUT OUR STUFF DOWN AND CHASE EACH OTHER? 219 00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,731 [ Dispatcher ] ...USE CAUTION. 220 00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:17,704 - ** [ Cops Theme ] - HEY! HEY! STOP RIGHT THERE! 221 00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:20,607 - STOP! THAT'S MY CAR! - HELL, YEAH! 222 00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,943 WHO'S GOT A COP CAR? WHO'S GOT A COP CAR? 223 00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:26,246 BI-OTCH! [ Imitating Siren ] 224 00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,949 ** [ Cops Theme Continues ] 225 00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,786 - FREEZE! - DON'T SHOOT! 226 00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:35,588 I'M IN HERE! DON'T SHOOT! 227 00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:38,625 OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT, MAN. I-- I DIDN'T SEE YOU BACK THERE. 228 00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:41,862 YOU'RE NOT GONNA KILL ME, ARE YOU? I WASN'T PLANNIN' ON IT. 229 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:45,498 BUT THEN AGAIN, I WASN'T PLANNIN' ON STEALIN' A COP CAR TODAY EITHER. 230 00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:48,869 TELL YOU WHAT. YOU JUST KEEP FILMIN'. WE'LL SEE WHERE IT GOES. 231 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:52,272 MAN, I FEEL ALIVE. WHOO! KICK ASS! 232 00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:55,976 I'M SO-- [ Bleeps ] 233 00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:58,245 [ Man ] UNIT 27. COPY. 234 00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:05,218 - [ Police Radio, Indistinct ] - ME AND MY WIFE ARE HAVIN' A DOMESTIC SQUABBLE. 235 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:09,256 I GUESS SHE'S GOT THE RIGHT TO BE MAD. I SCREW UP A LOT. 236 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,358 BUT ONE DAY, I'M GONNA GET MY LIFE TOGETHER. 237 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:15,562 BUT NOT TODAY, 'CAUSE TODAY I'M DRIVING A STOLEN COP CAR. 238 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,465 HOW YOU DOIN' BACK THERE, KEVIN? YOU SCARED? A LITTLE. 239 00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,500 THAT'S GOOD. I LIKE THAT. 240 00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,502 YOU GOT ANY KIDS, KEVIN? THREE. 241 00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,771 THEY ALL THE SAME COLOR? YES. 242 00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:27,540 NOT MINE. YOU KNOW WHAT'S WILD? 243 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,377 THE WHITE ONE'S THE BETTER ATHLETE, AND THE BLACK ONE'S A LITTLE GENIUS. 244 00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,880 SURE TAUGHT ME A LESSON. 245 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,882 DAMN IT. MORE COPS? 246 00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,985 Y'ALL DON'T QUIT PICKIN' ON ME, I SWEAR I'M GONNA GO RUBY RIDGE. 247 00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:42,956 EARL. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN'? 248 00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,292 YOU SAID YOU WANTED A DATE NIGHT, DIDN'T YOU? 249 00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:48,996 WELL, YOUR CHARIOT AWAITS. YOU STOLE ME A POLICE CAR? 250 00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,164 YEP. THERE'S A HOSTAGE IN THE BACK TOO. 251 00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,867 IF YOU SAY SOMETHIN' SCARY, HE'LL SHOW YOU PICTURES OF HIS KIDS. 252 00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:57,104 THEY'RE CUTE. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BABY. 253 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,172 I AM GONNA-- [ Bleeps ] YOUR-- [ Bleeping ] 254 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:02,175 WITH MY SWEET, SWEET, SWEET LOVE-- [ Bleeping ] 255 00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:05,879 SHH. YOU HAD ME AT "BALLS." 256 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,847 SO YOU'RE TAPIN' ALL THIS? 257 00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:10,750 WHEN WE GET BACK, WOULD YOU MIND FILMIN' ME AND EARL-- YOU KNOW. 258 00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,619 I ALREADY ASKED HIM. HE'S COOL WITH IT. 259 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,122 I TOLD HIM NONE OF THAT ARTSY "MOVIN' THE CAMERA" STUFF. 260 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,490 - HE PROMISED TO KEEP IT TIGHT ON THE BUSINESS. - SWEET. 261 00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:21,161 HEY, CRANK UP THE RADIO. FIND SOME WU-TANG CLAN. 262 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:25,198 SINCE WHEN DO YOU LIKE RAP MUSIC? I'M NOT CHEATIN' ON YOU. 263 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,802 THIS IS KENNY JAMES'S HOUSE. 264 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,106 EVERY OTHER DAY, WE'RE OUT HERE FOR SOMETHING, EITHER US OR THE FIREMEN. 265 00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:36,977 HE'S HAD TO BE REVIVED BY THE LIFEGUARD, STEVE, AT THE PUBLIC POOL BUNCH OF TIMES. 266 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,646 TALK ABOUT BAD LUCK. KENNY. 267 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,781 ** [ Background: Light Jazz ] OH. HI, STUART. 268 00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:43,783 I MADE OATMEAL RAISIN, YOUR FAVORITE. 269 00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:46,119 A-A CAMERA? YEAH. WE'RE ON COPS. 270 00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:48,355 SO YOU HAD ANOTHER BREAK-IN? UH-- 271 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,093 OH, DAMN. A BROKEN WINDOW. 272 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:56,896 MAN, KENNY, SOMEBODY'S REALLY GOT IT IN FOR YOU. 273 00:14:56,964 --> 00:15:01,234 OH, THAT'S ODD. ALL THE BROKEN GLASS SEEMS TO BE ON THE OUTSIDE. 274 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,271 HMM. 275 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,342 HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND? 276 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:13,080 OH, UH-- UH, THAT'S FROM, UH, DOING IT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND. 277 00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:15,983 YEAH, WE DO IT A LOT. SHE LOVES IT-- DOING IT. 278 00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:18,551 YOU KNOW, HETEROSEXUAL DOING IT. 279 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:22,422 SORRY TO HAVE TAKEN YOUR TIME. YOU GUYS CAN, UH, JUST HEAD ON OUT. 280 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:26,093 WELL, IF THIS HARASSMENT KEEPS UP, I'LL HAVE TO DO A WEEKEND STAKEOUT. 281 00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,128 I'LL RENT A MOVIE. 282 00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:30,530 [ Siren Wailing ] 283 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:33,266 WATCH THIS. 284 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:37,137 [ Over Speaker ] WOULD THE DRIVER PLEASE STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE? 285 00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:44,177 OH, CRAP! THAT'S MY EX-GIRLFRIEND. 286 00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:46,213 SHE CAN'T SEE ME. SHE THINKS I'M DEAD. 287 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:49,182 OH, HELL, YEAH. THIS IS GONNA BE FUN. 288 00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:53,153 SLUT, PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE VEHICLE AND SPREAD YOUR LEGS. 289 00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:55,755 I'M SURE THAT'S NOT GONNA BE A PROBLEM FOR YOU. 290 00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:58,291 I'M NOT A SLUT. I'VE ONLY SLEPT WITH ONE GUY. 291 00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:00,527 THAT WAS ME. I HIT THAT. 292 00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:03,630 MA'AM, YOUR APPEARANCE APPEARS TO BE DRUNKEN. 293 00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,932 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GIVE YOU A FIELD SOBRIETY TEST. 294 00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,468 I'M NOT DRUNK. WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT. 295 00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:11,638 IF YOU FAIL THE SOBRIETY TEST, WE'RE GONNA SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE. 296 00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:15,442 - OH, BUT I-- - HOP ON ONE FOOT IN A STRAIGHT LINE... 297 00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:18,345 WHILE TOUCHING YOUR FINGERS TO YOUR NOSE. 298 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:24,384 [ Siren Wails, Stops ] 299 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:27,920 [ Crying ] OKAY. I WAS AT CHURCH FOR A WEDDING. 300 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,856 I HAD TWO SIPS OF CHAMPAGNE. 301 00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:32,359 I DIDN'T WANT TO, BUT IT WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL TOAST. 302 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:34,594 PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ME IN THE FACE! 303 00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,168 AT THIS POINT, I'M ON FOOT PATROL, 304 00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,670 SINCE MY SQUAD CAR GOT STOLEN. 305 00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:45,772 I HAVEN'T CALLED IT IN YET, 'CAUSE I WAS THINKIN'... 306 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:49,709 THAT THE PERP MIGHT GET COLD FEET AND JUST SHOW UP ANY SECOND. 307 00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:57,184 YEAH, I THINK I'M GONNA HAVE TO CALL IT IN. 308 00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,752 HEADQUARTERS, THIS IS OFFICER-- 309 00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:04,857 HEY! HEY! FREEZE! 310 00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:08,095 IT'S THAT GUY FROM THIS MORNING-- MARIJUANA MAN! 311 00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:14,234 [ Dogs Barking In Distance ] 312 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,382 [ Clicks On ] 313 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,057 [ Clicks Off ] 314 00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:40,760 IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER? 315 00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:43,263 WE'VE LOCATED THE SUSPECT. 316 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:47,967 [ Whimpering ] WHEN I CAME UP HERE, 317 00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:50,036 I WAS JUST A'SCARED OF GOIN' TO JAIL, 318 00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,071 BUT I DON'T CARE ABOUT JAIL ANYMORE. 319 00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:54,040 I JUST DON'T WANNA FALL. I DON'T WANNA FALL. 320 00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,443 IT'S GONNA HURT. IT'S GONNA HURT. 321 00:17:56,509 --> 00:18:00,213 IT'S GONNA HURT. [ Crying, Whimpering ] 322 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,315 IT'S GONNA HURT. 323 00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:05,718 WE GOT A CALL ON AN ABANDONED POLICE CAR. 324 00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:07,620 I'M GONNA GO CHECK IT OUT. 325 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:15,528 GOD, I LOVE KISSIN' YOU IN A STOLEN GOVERNMENT VEHICLE WHILE SOMEONE FILMS IT. 326 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:18,798 I KNOW. THIS COULD BECOME A HABIT. 327 00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:21,000 [ Tapping ] COPS. 328 00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,035 [ Yelps ] 329 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,672 FREEZE! POLICE! 330 00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,807 FREEZE! [ Grunts ] 331 00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:31,644 OKAY. FREEZE! FREEZE! [ Groaning ] OH, GOD! I SKINNED MY PECKER. 332 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:34,414 HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK! I'M TOO SCARED TO LOOK. 333 00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,749 PLEASE TELL ME IF IT'S BAD. IS IT BAD? 334 00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,887 OH, THAT'S A LOT OF GRAVEL. 335 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,789 [ Shrieks, Groans ] 336 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:47,160 STOP CHASIN' ME, KEVIN! COME ON, MAN. BE COOL. 337 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:49,296 I'M NOT MESSIN' AROUND, KEVIN. 338 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:53,500 [ Grunts, Groans ] YOU MADE ME DO IT, KEVIN! 339 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,568 UNIT 12. UNIT 12. I NEED ASSISTANCE. 340 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:58,805 I GOT A PERP WITH A BLOODY WIENER IN THE BACK OF MY CAR, 341 00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:01,441 AND I GOT A CAMERAMAN DOWN. 342 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,143 [ Police Radio, Indistinct ] 343 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,990 PLEASE DON'T TAKE HER. 344 00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:21,328 [ Whimpering, Crying ] I'M SCARED. 345 00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:25,632 FIREMEN TRIED TO GET HIM DOWN WITH A LADDER, BUT HE BIT A COUPLE GUYS. 346 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,368 SO, PLAN "B." 347 00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:30,903 [ Whimpering Continues ] 348 00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:42,615 [ Whimpers, Groans ] 349 00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:47,587 - * BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS WHAT YOU GONNA DO * - [ Dispatcher, Indistinct ] 350 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:50,790 - * WHAT YOU GONNA DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU ** - [ All Cheering ] 351 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:56,729 [ Earl Narrating ] SOME PEOPLE MIGHT NOT APPRECIATE BEING SHOWN ON TV THE WAY WE WERE, 352 00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:59,599 BUT, FOR FOLKS LIKE US, THAT DIDN'T MATTER. 353 00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:01,634 'CAUSE EVERY TIME OUR COPS COMES ON, 354 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:04,837 WE'RE TREATED LIKE CELEBRITIES FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. 355 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:08,007 WE FEEL SPECIAL, AND THERE'S NOTHING LIKE FEELIN' A LITTLE SPECIAL... 356 00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,677 TO BRIGHTEN UP A BORING SUNDAY, 357 00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:14,581 EVEN IF IT DID REMIND ME OF A FEW THINGS I NEEDED TO PUT ON MY LIST. 358 00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,849 * BAD BOYS WHAT YOU DO IS WHAT YOU SEE * 359 00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:19,486 * AND THAT IS JUST LITTLE OLD ME * 360 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,422 * NOBODY CAN EAT NO STEAKS * 361 00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:24,491 * POLICE DON'T EAT NO STEAKS * 362 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,694 * EVEN THE SOLDIER DOESN'T GET NO STEAKS * 363 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,729 * SOME-- ** [ Sniffs ] 28352

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