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CBS presents this
program in color.
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Aha!
3
00:00:54,281 --> 00:00:55,281
Schultz!
4
00:00:55,315 --> 00:00:57,227
I-I followed you!
LeBeau! Colonel Hogan!
5
00:00:57,251 --> 00:00:59,462
You are not supposed
to walk outside the camp.
6
00:00:59,486 --> 00:01:01,231
Even you are not supposed
to walk outside the camp.
7
00:01:01,255 --> 00:01:02,320
I wasn't, Schultz.
8
00:01:02,356 --> 00:01:04,635
So what are you doing here?
9
00:01:04,659 --> 00:01:05,969
We're here to meet
an escaped prisoner
10
00:01:05,993 --> 00:01:06,959
from Stalag 5.
11
00:01:06,994 --> 00:01:08,204
You want to be in the
welcoming committee?
12
00:01:08,228 --> 00:01:11,730
Oh... I knew you were
up to something. I knew it!
13
00:01:11,766 --> 00:01:16,101
Oh, you would like to see
me sent to the Russian front.
14
00:01:16,137 --> 00:01:17,703
How can you say that, Schultz?
15
00:01:17,738 --> 00:01:19,471
I couldn't get along without ya.
16
00:01:19,506 --> 00:01:20,851
Besides, think of
the trouble we'd have
17
00:01:20,875 --> 00:01:22,041
breaking in a new man.
18
00:01:22,076 --> 00:01:23,375
LeBEAU: A German
truck! Get down!
19
00:01:23,410 --> 00:01:25,577
Get down! Get down! Get down!
20
00:01:27,431 --> 00:01:29,675
Here, where we were
supposed to meet him,
21
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did you tell anyone, Schultz?
22
00:01:31,435 --> 00:01:33,475
LeBeau, would I do
such a foolish thing?
23
00:01:39,259 --> 00:01:41,193
Look, it's Michaels.
Come on, Schultz,
24
00:01:41,228 --> 00:01:43,329
you don't want to
be rude to our guest.
25
00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:44,530
Come on.
26
00:01:47,935 --> 00:01:50,035
Michaels, Hogan.
27
00:01:50,070 --> 00:01:51,748
I hope I didn't give
you chaps a start.
28
00:01:51,772 --> 00:01:53,750
I stole this in confusion.
29
00:01:53,774 --> 00:01:54,918
Hey, that's a late model.
30
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How much can we get for it
31
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in the black market, Schultz?
32
00:01:57,044 --> 00:01:59,077
I know nothing of such things.
33
00:01:59,112 --> 00:02:00,156
I must say, you chaps
34
00:02:00,180 --> 00:02:02,158
do get yourselves up
as convincing Jerries.
35
00:02:02,182 --> 00:02:04,227
Oh, don't worry about that,
Schultz, he's not one of us.
36
00:02:04,251 --> 00:02:05,651
Pity.
37
00:02:05,686 --> 00:02:07,798
By the way, Colonel Hogan, I
got a rather pleasant surprise
38
00:02:07,822 --> 00:02:09,165
when I looked in
the back of the lorry.
39
00:02:09,189 --> 00:02:10,355
Let's go.
40
00:02:14,261 --> 00:02:16,940
The new gunsight; they
spot planes by computer.
41
00:02:16,964 --> 00:02:18,909
The chaps at home
would be most interested.
42
00:02:18,933 --> 00:02:20,543
I thought we might
sneak one into camp,
43
00:02:20,567 --> 00:02:22,378
take it apart and send back
44
00:02:22,402 --> 00:02:23,836
a set of blueprints.
45
00:02:23,871 --> 00:02:26,538
Why not send the entire
gunsight back, huh?
46
00:02:26,573 --> 00:02:28,651
That would be smashing.
Do you think we could?
47
00:02:28,675 --> 00:02:29,842
Kind of simple.
48
00:02:29,877 --> 00:02:31,309
When we get ready
to send you home
49
00:02:31,345 --> 00:02:32,945
we send the gunsight with you.
50
00:02:32,980 --> 00:02:34,860
In the meantime, we got
to get you back in camp.
51
00:02:35,983 --> 00:02:39,051
I must say, I find the
whole thing hard to believe.
52
00:02:39,086 --> 00:02:40,185
Me, too.
53
00:02:40,221 --> 00:02:42,087
Our gunsight, escaped prisoner,
54
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stolen truck.
55
00:02:43,657 --> 00:02:45,624
What are we supposed
to do with the truck?
56
00:02:45,659 --> 00:02:46,625
Schultz, as long as you're here,
57
00:02:46,660 --> 00:02:49,294
would you mind
hiding it somewhere?
58
00:03:04,945 --> 00:03:06,478
So, my dear Colonel,
59
00:03:06,513 --> 00:03:10,482
I can assure you
I know everything.
60
00:03:10,517 --> 00:03:14,218
Just by chance, by
chance, mind you,
61
00:03:14,254 --> 00:03:16,683
does the name Michaels
ring a bell with you?
62
00:03:16,707 --> 00:03:17,873
Michaels?
63
00:03:17,908 --> 00:03:22,244
Michaels. Yes. Yes, it does.
64
00:03:22,279 --> 00:03:24,179
Yes, it does. It does?
65
00:03:24,214 --> 00:03:28,300
Yeah. I knew this English
girl, Diane Michaels... a beauty.
66
00:03:28,335 --> 00:03:30,835
Peaches and cream complexion.
67
00:03:30,871 --> 00:03:33,772
That is not the
Michaels I had in mind.
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00:03:33,807 --> 00:03:35,907
This one has a mustache.
69
00:03:35,942 --> 00:03:37,887
Oh, we're talking
about two different girls.
70
00:03:37,911 --> 00:03:40,812
For your information,
I am speaking
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00:03:40,847 --> 00:03:43,448
about a Captain Michaels
who was recently a prisoner
72
00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:44,983
at Stalag 5.
73
00:03:45,036 --> 00:03:46,635
Recently?
74
00:03:46,670 --> 00:03:50,239
Yes, until those
fools let him escape.
75
00:03:50,274 --> 00:03:51,518
Hogan, I tell you
there is only one way
76
00:03:51,542 --> 00:03:52,785
to run a camp
and that is my way.
77
00:03:52,809 --> 00:03:56,211
Iron hand, discipline, hard
work, keep the prisoners busy.
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00:03:56,246 --> 00:03:58,547
Colonel Klink,
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00:03:58,582 --> 00:04:01,216
thanks to you, we're kept
busy every minute of the day!
80
00:04:01,251 --> 00:04:02,618
Right, Schultz?
81
00:04:02,653 --> 00:04:06,288
Right. I mean, what do I
know what the prisoners do?
82
00:04:06,323 --> 00:04:09,202
Schultz, don't you agree
that I run an unusual camp?
83
00:04:09,226 --> 00:04:12,494
Oh, a most unusual,
Herr Kommandant.
84
00:04:12,530 --> 00:04:13,774
Look, I've got work to do, so...
85
00:04:13,798 --> 00:04:14,841
Hogan, not so fast!
86
00:04:14,865 --> 00:04:16,543
I'm not finished with you yet!
87
00:04:16,567 --> 00:04:18,434
Now this Captain Michaels...
88
00:04:18,469 --> 00:04:21,148
Our last report was that
he stole one of our trucks
89
00:04:21,172 --> 00:04:22,882
and was headed toward the coast.
90
00:04:22,906 --> 00:04:25,407
Well, if I see a British officer
91
00:04:25,443 --> 00:04:26,475
in a German truck,
92
00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:27,810
then I'll know who it is, right?
93
00:04:27,845 --> 00:04:29,823
Hogan, I am not playing games.
94
00:04:29,847 --> 00:04:31,425
Now, perhaps you can explain
95
00:04:31,449 --> 00:04:33,248
something to me.
96
00:04:33,283 --> 00:04:35,684
According to this report,
this Captain Michaels
97
00:04:35,719 --> 00:04:38,720
suddenly vanished,
army truck and all.
98
00:04:38,756 --> 00:04:42,491
That is strange... a
truck disappearing.
99
00:04:42,526 --> 00:04:44,993
Now, I don't believe it!
100
00:04:45,028 --> 00:04:48,497
Perhaps those fools
at Stalag 5 believe it.
101
00:04:48,532 --> 00:04:51,633
But I am convinced
that this Michaels
102
00:04:51,669 --> 00:04:55,270
is somewhere in
this very vicinity.
103
00:04:55,305 --> 00:04:56,983
You know, sir, you may be right.
104
00:04:57,007 --> 00:04:59,007
I'm sure of it.
105
00:04:59,042 --> 00:05:01,009
Now, the first thing to
do is to find the truck.
106
00:05:01,044 --> 00:05:03,512
Schultz, since I
am short of men,
107
00:05:03,547 --> 00:05:05,681
I am forced to put you in charge
108
00:05:05,716 --> 00:05:08,083
of finding that truck.
109
00:05:09,119 --> 00:05:10,997
Hello, Papa Bear,
this is Goldilocks.
110
00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:12,621
How are you today?
111
00:05:12,656 --> 00:05:15,168
A bit sticky here.
Nasty rain and all that.
112
00:05:15,192 --> 00:05:16,925
I hope you chaps are bearing up?
113
00:05:16,961 --> 00:05:18,393
The weather is okay.
114
00:05:18,428 --> 00:05:20,340
We're having a little trouble
with our strawberries though.
115
00:05:20,364 --> 00:05:22,109
That is a rough go. By the way,
116
00:05:22,133 --> 00:05:25,367
that self-computing
item you wired me about.
117
00:05:25,402 --> 00:05:26,980
Headquarters wants it
at once. Is that possible?
118
00:05:27,004 --> 00:05:28,504
Can do.
119
00:05:28,539 --> 00:05:29,505
Thanks, awfully.
120
00:05:29,540 --> 00:05:31,351
We'd like to have the
commando, too, of course.
121
00:05:31,375 --> 00:05:32,519
Of course.
122
00:05:32,543 --> 00:05:34,576
Sub can pick up commando
123
00:05:34,612 --> 00:05:36,578
same time picks up item.
124
00:05:36,614 --> 00:05:39,248
I'm afraid that's going
to be a bit of a problem.
125
00:05:39,283 --> 00:05:41,216
The sub. It's gone bad.
126
00:05:41,252 --> 00:05:42,817
Can't cut the cake just now.
127
00:05:42,853 --> 00:05:45,053
How did you figure
to pick up item?
128
00:05:45,088 --> 00:05:47,556
We rather hoped you
chaps would have an idea.
129
00:05:47,591 --> 00:05:50,192
American know-how and
ingenuity. That sort of thing.
130
00:05:50,227 --> 00:05:53,044
Why not? Will do.
Over, Papa Bear.
131
00:05:55,783 --> 00:05:57,749
If you don't mind my
asking, Colonel Hogan,
132
00:05:57,785 --> 00:05:59,550
what exactly did
you have in mind?
133
00:05:59,586 --> 00:06:02,632
Yes, old chap, what are
you going to use for a sub?
134
00:06:02,656 --> 00:06:03,900
Yeah. How are you
going to get Michaels
135
00:06:03,924 --> 00:06:05,034
across all that open sea, huh?
136
00:06:05,058 --> 00:06:06,602
Did you expect
him to walk across?
137
00:06:06,626 --> 00:06:08,726
You going to put the
gunsight in his pocket?
138
00:06:08,762 --> 00:06:10,273
How are you going to
get him through the woods
139
00:06:10,297 --> 00:06:11,307
with all the Krauts outside?
140
00:06:11,331 --> 00:06:12,809
And what about
the Krauts inside?
141
00:06:12,833 --> 00:06:15,600
If there's one
thing I can't stand
142
00:06:15,635 --> 00:06:18,503
is men with small, petty minds.
143
00:06:28,199 --> 00:06:29,464
Is the great man in?
144
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,911
Yes, and he's personally
supervising the search
145
00:06:31,935 --> 00:06:33,402
for you know who.
146
00:06:33,437 --> 00:06:35,637
That's a break for our side.
Will you tell him I'm here?
147
00:06:40,043 --> 00:06:41,009
Ya, ya, ya?
148
00:06:41,044 --> 00:06:43,111
Herr Kommandant,
Colonel Hogan is here.
149
00:06:43,146 --> 00:06:45,058
Oh. Doesn't he
realize how busy I am?
150
00:06:45,082 --> 00:06:47,449
All right, send him in.
151
00:06:47,484 --> 00:06:49,918
The latest roster,
sir. Thank you.
152
00:06:49,953 --> 00:06:51,986
Oh, please, let
me help you, sir.
153
00:06:52,022 --> 00:06:52,987
Hey, hey. What are you doing?
154
00:06:53,023 --> 00:06:54,501
Please, sit down, you
look pale and drawn.
155
00:06:54,525 --> 00:06:56,358
I've seen it before.
156
00:06:56,393 --> 00:06:57,704
Seen it? Seen what?
What, what, what?
157
00:06:57,728 --> 00:06:58,927
Please, please.
158
00:06:58,962 --> 00:07:00,707
Very gallant of you
to try to deny it, sir.
159
00:07:00,731 --> 00:07:02,209
You see it, don't
you Fraulein Helga?
160
00:07:02,233 --> 00:07:03,465
Oh, yes, I do, I do.
161
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:04,678
W-What are you
talking... Thank you.
162
00:07:04,702 --> 00:07:06,167
Please, please, please.
163
00:07:06,203 --> 00:07:07,802
Thank you.
164
00:07:07,838 --> 00:07:09,137
I may be wrong, sir.
165
00:07:09,172 --> 00:07:11,873
It may not be my place,
but I've got to tell you,
166
00:07:11,908 --> 00:07:14,142
you look tired, very tired.
167
00:07:14,177 --> 00:07:15,444
Right, Fraulein Helga?
168
00:07:15,479 --> 00:07:17,123
Oh, yes, the colonel is
right, Herr Kommandant.
169
00:07:17,147 --> 00:07:19,314
Oh...
170
00:07:26,257 --> 00:07:28,468
Yes, yes, it has been wearing.
171
00:07:28,492 --> 00:07:29,991
This Michaels fellow,
172
00:07:30,026 --> 00:07:32,439
I have been personally
supervising the search.
173
00:07:32,463 --> 00:07:34,563
Relentless, driving as I am.
174
00:07:34,598 --> 00:07:36,097
Driving, that's how it starts.
175
00:07:36,133 --> 00:07:37,098
What starts?
176
00:07:37,134 --> 00:07:39,801
It's always the
symptoms. Yes, indeed.
177
00:07:39,836 --> 00:07:42,282
You're pushing yourself
beyond all endurance.
178
00:07:42,306 --> 00:07:43,483
And then, complete collapse.
179
00:07:45,809 --> 00:07:47,320
Excuse me for saying it, sir,
180
00:07:47,344 --> 00:07:49,611
but I've seen
combat fatigue before.
181
00:07:49,647 --> 00:07:51,124
Combat fatigue? Uh-huh.
182
00:07:51,148 --> 00:07:52,992
You owe it to yourself
to relax, you know that?
183
00:07:53,016 --> 00:07:54,994
Relax? Relax? Mm-hmm.
184
00:07:55,018 --> 00:07:58,687
I'm on the go 24 hours a day
running a model prisoner camp.
185
00:07:58,722 --> 00:08:00,989
How can I relax?!
186
00:08:01,024 --> 00:08:02,135
Forgive me for saying it, sir,
187
00:08:02,159 --> 00:08:03,870
but it's beginning to tell.
188
00:08:03,894 --> 00:08:05,705
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
As the old saying goes...
189
00:08:05,729 --> 00:08:09,498
when a bough doesn't
bend... it breaks.
190
00:08:09,533 --> 00:08:12,033
What do you suggest?
191
00:08:12,068 --> 00:08:14,569
Perhaps... perhaps now...
192
00:08:14,605 --> 00:08:16,905
If you could get away and relax,
193
00:08:16,940 --> 00:08:18,139
like, uh...
194
00:08:18,175 --> 00:08:20,875
an officer's club like
they have at Stalag 5.
195
00:08:20,911 --> 00:08:22,444
Carter told me
all about it, sir.
196
00:08:22,479 --> 00:08:24,624
They have an officer's
club at Stalag 5?
197
00:08:24,648 --> 00:08:25,747
Uh-huh.
198
00:08:25,783 --> 00:08:27,694
An officer's club at St...
199
00:08:27,718 --> 00:08:30,029
Well, maybe you're right.
200
00:08:30,053 --> 00:08:36,625
Yes. A sturdy oak like me
should bend once in a while.
201
00:08:36,660 --> 00:08:38,393
You owe it to
the war effort, sir.
202
00:08:38,429 --> 00:08:42,414
Yes. My own officer's
club. I can see it now.
203
00:08:42,449 --> 00:08:45,583
It must be something original.
204
00:08:45,618 --> 00:08:50,388
Wine cellar... beer
mugs, cuckoo clocks.
205
00:08:50,424 --> 00:08:52,457
Brilliant!
206
00:08:52,492 --> 00:08:54,203
But you've got to have
something more unique.
207
00:08:54,227 --> 00:08:57,262
Something that no one
else in the German army has.
208
00:08:57,297 --> 00:08:58,507
Yes, yes, yes.
209
00:08:58,531 --> 00:09:00,932
It must be something
worthy of me.
210
00:09:00,968 --> 00:09:02,133
Right.
211
00:09:02,169 --> 00:09:03,846
Men under your command,
I know would be honored
212
00:09:03,870 --> 00:09:04,902
to build it for you.
213
00:09:04,938 --> 00:09:06,182
Of course.
214
00:09:06,206 --> 00:09:10,675
Of course, we have the man
when it comes to design, decor.
215
00:09:10,710 --> 00:09:12,510
LeBeau.
216
00:09:12,545 --> 00:09:15,713
You know how the French
are with their style, flair...
217
00:09:15,748 --> 00:09:17,315
Mostly decadent of course.
218
00:09:17,368 --> 00:09:18,945
Of course, we know
very well how to use
219
00:09:18,969 --> 00:09:21,703
such corrupt means
for our own good.
220
00:09:21,739 --> 00:09:25,073
To do the job right, LeBeau
has got to be put in command.
221
00:09:27,594 --> 00:09:32,430
A Frenchman giving
orders to Germans?
222
00:09:32,465 --> 00:09:35,333
Oh, that's unthinkable.
223
00:09:35,368 --> 00:09:36,368
That's the joke.
224
00:09:36,402 --> 00:09:37,502
Joke?
225
00:09:37,537 --> 00:09:38,870
Don't you see it?
226
00:09:38,905 --> 00:09:40,905
You see, LeBeau
thinks he's in charge,
227
00:09:40,941 --> 00:09:43,675
but he's really taking
the orders from you.
228
00:09:45,145 --> 00:09:48,997
All right, mein Herren,
get the lead out!
229
00:09:50,734 --> 00:09:52,478
Come on, come
on. Faster, faster.
230
00:09:52,502 --> 00:09:53,869
Bring it up.
231
00:09:53,904 --> 00:09:55,864
Come on, hammer
a little faster, huh?
232
00:09:58,091 --> 00:10:01,059
Lankershieb, put
some muscle into it!
233
00:10:01,094 --> 00:10:03,194
You're not slicing liverwurst.
234
00:10:03,229 --> 00:10:05,864
Kristman, you're
going the wrong way!
235
00:10:05,899 --> 00:10:09,734
Starboard. Starboard. Not port!
236
00:10:09,770 --> 00:10:12,804
What's going on
here? Starboard, port?
237
00:10:12,839 --> 00:10:14,939
I thought we were
building an officer's club?
238
00:10:14,975 --> 00:10:17,909
Mr. Kristman, be quiet!
239
00:10:17,944 --> 00:10:21,212
Or I'll see you hang
from the highest yardarm.
240
00:10:21,247 --> 00:10:22,947
Starboard!
241
00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:29,860
LeBeau, this thing
is really shaping up.
242
00:10:30,623 --> 00:10:31,634
You know, your row boating
243
00:10:31,658 --> 00:10:33,136
on the river Seine
is finally paying off.
244
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,326
Yes, Colonel.
245
00:10:35,361 --> 00:10:37,829
Come on, you guys! Stop
falling over your own feet!
246
00:10:37,864 --> 00:10:41,616
The master race...
Tomorrow the world. Ha!
247
00:10:41,652 --> 00:10:42,695
Hi, Schultz.
248
00:10:42,719 --> 00:10:43,852
May I ask you something?
249
00:10:43,887 --> 00:10:48,623
Why are we building a
boat? What are you up to?
250
00:10:48,659 --> 00:10:50,069
You really want
to know, Schultz?
251
00:10:50,093 --> 00:10:51,337
Well...
252
00:10:51,361 --> 00:10:56,431
Please, don't tell me. How
about Captain Michaels?
253
00:10:56,467 --> 00:10:59,033
How are you going to
get him out of the camp?
254
00:10:59,069 --> 00:11:02,804
Please, don't tell
me. Why am I asking?
255
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:06,842
Oh, Schultz... where
is your sense of loyalty?
256
00:11:06,877 --> 00:11:08,477
Helping the enemy!
257
00:11:08,512 --> 00:11:13,515
Schultz! Schultz! What
is happening to you?
258
00:11:13,550 --> 00:11:14,727
Aw, come on, Schultz.
259
00:11:14,751 --> 00:11:16,228
If you're going to
psychoanalyze yourself
260
00:11:16,252 --> 00:11:17,552
go find a couch.
261
00:11:17,588 --> 00:11:19,454
We're busy here.
262
00:11:19,490 --> 00:11:21,534
How about the Kommandant?
263
00:11:21,558 --> 00:11:24,526
He gave me his
word he wouldn't peek.
264
00:11:24,561 --> 00:11:26,072
He wants it to be a surprise.
265
00:11:26,096 --> 00:11:28,496
Oh, boy, is he
going to be surprised.
266
00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:45,063
Colonel Hogan!
267
00:11:45,098 --> 00:11:46,564
Oh, Klink, you
gave me your word!
268
00:11:46,599 --> 00:11:48,377
I don't know what
you two are up to,
269
00:11:48,401 --> 00:11:49,700
but I intend to find out.
270
00:11:49,736 --> 00:11:51,447
I'm surprised, sir,
you don't get the point.
271
00:11:51,471 --> 00:11:52,548
What point?
272
00:11:52,572 --> 00:11:54,005
I ordered an officer's club
273
00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:55,706
and a ship comes out...
274
00:11:55,742 --> 00:11:59,910
in the middle of a prison camp
60 miles from the North Sea.
275
00:11:59,946 --> 00:12:03,565
That's just the point. We
wanted to show the real you.
276
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,701
On the one hand, your
good breeding, exclusiveness.
277
00:12:06,737 --> 00:12:09,437
What could be more
exclusive than a yacht club?
278
00:12:09,472 --> 00:12:12,774
I do admit a yacht club
would be worthy of me.
279
00:12:12,809 --> 00:12:17,178
Maybe someday, Colonel
Klink, you can sail to Tahiti.
280
00:12:17,214 --> 00:12:19,125
When it will be German
owned, of course.
281
00:12:19,149 --> 00:12:21,883
In the meantime, you have
your own private yacht club.
282
00:12:21,919 --> 00:12:25,253
Yep, I can see you
there entertaining...
283
00:12:25,289 --> 00:12:26,404
the skipper.
284
00:12:26,439 --> 00:12:28,106
Captain's cap, blazer...
285
00:12:28,141 --> 00:12:29,407
Helga, your hostess.
286
00:12:29,442 --> 00:12:31,742
Soft nights, tropical breezes.
287
00:12:31,778 --> 00:12:33,144
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
288
00:12:33,180 --> 00:12:34,623
But in the meantime,
you have your own
289
00:12:34,647 --> 00:12:36,292
little bit of Tahiti right here.
290
00:12:36,316 --> 00:12:38,049
Tahiti when there's snow?
291
00:12:38,084 --> 00:12:39,717
You could always wear gloves.
292
00:12:39,752 --> 00:12:41,219
Yes. Yes.
293
00:12:43,556 --> 00:12:44,733
Colonel,
294
00:12:44,757 --> 00:12:47,192
I just got a radio message
from headquarters.
295
00:12:47,227 --> 00:12:49,593
They say the weather
reports look bad for next week.
296
00:12:49,629 --> 00:12:51,274
The boat will have to
leave tomorrow night.
297
00:12:51,298 --> 00:12:53,464
Tomorrow night?
How can it be done?
298
00:12:53,499 --> 00:12:54,977
We could always
set fire to Klink's office
299
00:12:55,001 --> 00:12:58,314
and try to get him out
the north gate. Hey, hey...
300
00:12:58,338 --> 00:12:59,615
Gentlemen, I have just
301
00:12:59,639 --> 00:13:01,206
had a great inspiration.
302
00:13:01,241 --> 00:13:03,641
I am going to give a party
on my own yacht club.
303
00:13:03,677 --> 00:13:05,376
A party, Colonel? When?
304
00:13:05,412 --> 00:13:06,722
Why wait? Tomorrow night.
305
00:13:06,746 --> 00:13:09,247
Colonel Hogan, since you
were the first to give me the idea,
306
00:13:09,282 --> 00:13:11,782
I wanted you to
be the first to know.
307
00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:15,987
Got anymore good ideas?
308
00:13:28,701 --> 00:13:33,171
And, uh... what do you
think of it, Fraulein Helga?
309
00:13:33,206 --> 00:13:35,673
I am speechless,
Herr Kommandant.
310
00:13:35,708 --> 00:13:38,009
I can understand that.
311
00:13:38,045 --> 00:13:41,179
I am a man of many sides.
312
00:13:41,214 --> 00:13:43,848
You didn't know that,
behind that stern soldier,
313
00:13:43,883 --> 00:13:46,851
there is a... a world traveler,
314
00:13:46,886 --> 00:13:49,187
a dreamer...
315
00:13:49,222 --> 00:13:51,122
a lover!
316
00:13:51,158 --> 00:13:52,657
You are a dreamer.
317
00:13:52,692 --> 00:13:55,126
That's my secret.
318
00:13:55,162 --> 00:13:56,639
And now it is yours, too.
319
00:13:56,663 --> 00:13:59,964
Oh, Fraulein Helga,
you are my Lorelei.
320
00:13:59,999 --> 00:14:03,634
Soft nights, tropical breezes...
321
00:14:05,338 --> 00:14:12,143
♪ Ich weiss nicht was
soll es bedeuten... ♪
322
00:14:12,179 --> 00:14:13,811
Oh, I'm sorry.
323
00:14:13,846 --> 00:14:15,358
What do you want, Colonel Hogan?
324
00:14:15,382 --> 00:14:16,725
It can wait. It's not important.
325
00:14:16,749 --> 00:14:17,793
It's about the party tonight.
326
00:14:17,817 --> 00:14:19,451
Oh, come in, come in.
327
00:14:22,755 --> 00:14:25,105
You know, we Germans
never do anything halfway.
328
00:14:25,141 --> 00:14:27,174
This party tonight
is as important to me
329
00:14:27,210 --> 00:14:28,343
as going into battle.
330
00:14:28,378 --> 00:14:29,677
Uh... sit down.
331
00:14:29,713 --> 00:14:32,046
You know, you really
don't understand us.
332
00:14:32,081 --> 00:14:33,981
That's why you're
losing the war.
333
00:14:34,016 --> 00:14:35,483
I'm sorry, sir.
334
00:14:35,518 --> 00:14:37,697
It's the easy living that's
ruined us Americans.
335
00:14:37,721 --> 00:14:39,198
Uh... we need your approval.
336
00:14:39,222 --> 00:14:40,688
Approval for what?
337
00:14:40,724 --> 00:14:41,900
Approval to load the boat
338
00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:43,569
with the caviar
and the champagne
339
00:14:43,593 --> 00:14:45,025
and the hors d'oeuvres.
340
00:14:45,061 --> 00:14:46,527
Permission granted.
341
00:14:46,563 --> 00:14:47,895
Remember, as prisoners of war,
342
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:49,296
you're not required to do this
343
00:14:49,332 --> 00:14:50,865
according to the
Geneva Convention.
344
00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:52,199
That's all right, sir.
345
00:14:52,235 --> 00:14:54,480
We're... we're... we're
happy to do our bit.
346
00:14:54,504 --> 00:14:56,738
And, besides, LeBeau's
experienced at this.
347
00:14:56,773 --> 00:14:58,806
Comes from a long
line of headwaiters.
348
00:14:58,842 --> 00:15:00,675
You know, Hogan,
349
00:15:00,710 --> 00:15:03,911
it's times like these
when it's hard for me
350
00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:06,046
to think of you as the enemy.
351
00:15:06,082 --> 00:15:09,984
If it weren't for my strict
rules on fraternization,
352
00:15:10,019 --> 00:15:13,554
I, uh... would invite
you to the party tonight.
353
00:15:13,590 --> 00:15:15,234
Well, thank you,
sir. I understand.
354
00:15:15,258 --> 00:15:17,503
And, besides, what would
the other guests think?
355
00:15:17,527 --> 00:15:19,494
Like Burkhalter.
356
00:15:19,529 --> 00:15:20,995
Burkhalter?
357
00:15:21,030 --> 00:15:22,808
Yeah. Your commandant in Berlin.
358
00:15:22,832 --> 00:15:25,266
Who invited him?
359
00:15:25,301 --> 00:15:28,403
You didn't invite
General Burkhalter?
360
00:15:28,438 --> 00:15:31,171
Oh, I'm... I'm...
I'm sorry, sir.
361
00:15:31,207 --> 00:15:32,673
Just a moment. Just a moment.
362
00:15:32,709 --> 00:15:34,108
Is there something wrong?
363
00:15:34,143 --> 00:15:35,654
Well, I mean, in our army...
364
00:15:35,678 --> 00:15:37,390
I mean, it would be an affront.
365
00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:39,892
You know, military
courtesy, esprit de corps.
366
00:15:39,916 --> 00:15:41,126
Guess that's not important
367
00:15:41,150 --> 00:15:42,528
when you're winning the war.
368
00:15:42,552 --> 00:15:45,085
Oh, it is important!
369
00:15:45,121 --> 00:15:46,621
It is important!
370
00:15:47,724 --> 00:15:50,024
Fraulein Helga?
371
00:15:50,059 --> 00:15:51,826
Get him Berlin.
372
00:15:59,469 --> 00:16:01,636
One case of, uh... champagne.
373
00:16:01,671 --> 00:16:02,970
Check.
374
00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:04,305
Champagne?
375
00:16:04,340 --> 00:16:06,808
It's a going-away
present for Michaels.
376
00:16:06,843 --> 00:16:08,654
Keep him warm during the trip.
377
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:13,481
How big a party
is this going to be?
378
00:16:13,516 --> 00:16:14,649
One gunsight.
379
00:16:14,684 --> 00:16:16,161
One gunsight. Check.
380
00:16:16,185 --> 00:16:18,163
Handle that extra-carefully,
will you, Schultz?
381
00:16:18,187 --> 00:16:21,322
Oh, tell me, why
am I doing this?
382
00:16:21,357 --> 00:16:23,157
Thank you, gentlemen.
383
00:16:23,192 --> 00:16:25,225
One case of horse doveres.
384
00:16:25,261 --> 00:16:26,739
No, no, no. Hors
d'oeuvres, Schultz.
385
00:16:26,763 --> 00:16:27,807
Hors d'oeuvres.
386
00:16:27,831 --> 00:16:31,098
Hors d'oeuvres,
hors d'oeuvres...
387
00:16:31,133 --> 00:16:33,818
Schnell, schnell,
schnell, schnell!
388
00:16:33,853 --> 00:16:34,819
Caviar.
389
00:16:34,854 --> 00:16:36,020
Check.
390
00:16:37,156 --> 00:16:38,489
How goes the battle, men?
391
00:16:38,525 --> 00:16:40,503
You better get going.
You know what to say.
392
00:16:40,527 --> 00:16:42,660
Yes, sir. What's that
guy's name again?
393
00:16:42,696 --> 00:16:44,662
Burkhalter. Burk-halter.
394
00:16:44,698 --> 00:16:46,097
Burkhalter.
395
00:16:46,132 --> 00:16:48,666
Burkherlter. Burkhalter.
396
00:16:48,702 --> 00:16:51,102
Yes, sir. General Burkhalter.
397
00:16:51,137 --> 00:16:55,607
Well, anyway, one afternoon
he came to inspect Stalag 5.
398
00:16:55,642 --> 00:16:57,174
Well, when he took one look
399
00:16:57,210 --> 00:16:59,143
at the fancy
officers' club there,
400
00:16:59,178 --> 00:17:01,713
he really blew his stack
at the commandant...
401
00:17:01,748 --> 00:17:05,383
Vogel... and he... he
said things like, uh...
402
00:17:05,418 --> 00:17:08,519
"How can you do this
when our boys are having
403
00:17:08,555 --> 00:17:11,289
such a rough time
on the Russian front?"
404
00:17:11,324 --> 00:17:13,691
Not to mention
the Italian front.
405
00:17:15,328 --> 00:17:19,797
And my club is fancier
than Vogel's, huh?
406
00:17:19,832 --> 00:17:21,999
Yes, sir. It sure is.
407
00:17:22,034 --> 00:17:23,534
Anyway...
408
00:17:23,570 --> 00:17:26,537
General Buck...
Burkhalter told Vogel
409
00:17:26,573 --> 00:17:29,206
if he didn't get
rid of his club,
410
00:17:29,242 --> 00:17:33,745
he'd see him off on the
train to Stalingrad personally.
411
00:17:35,014 --> 00:17:38,549
Carter, why didn't you
tell Hogan about this?!
412
00:17:38,585 --> 00:17:40,417
He didn't ask me.
413
00:18:03,643 --> 00:18:04,954
Get out of my way!
414
00:18:04,978 --> 00:18:06,443
Get out of my way!
415
00:18:06,479 --> 00:18:07,957
You two, get out of my way!
416
00:18:07,981 --> 00:18:09,280
Right on the nose.
417
00:18:09,315 --> 00:18:11,549
Oh, Colonel Klink.
Just admiring your club.
418
00:18:11,584 --> 00:18:13,362
Oh, when you
Germans build things,
419
00:18:13,386 --> 00:18:15,131
you really know
how to build 'em.
420
00:18:15,155 --> 00:18:16,966
Hogan... Such
attention to detail,
421
00:18:16,990 --> 00:18:18,467
perfect
construction... yes, sir!
422
00:18:18,491 --> 00:18:19,802
I want this... this...
423
00:18:19,826 --> 00:18:21,303
this ship thing
destroyed at once!
424
00:18:21,327 --> 00:18:22,960
Destroyed?
425
00:18:22,996 --> 00:18:24,461
What about the party?
426
00:18:24,497 --> 00:18:26,463
What... what about
General Burkhalter?
427
00:18:26,499 --> 00:18:27,977
Ask that fool Carter.
428
00:18:28,001 --> 00:18:29,879
Now, I want this ship
demolished immediately
429
00:18:29,903 --> 00:18:31,480
before General
Burkhalter gets here!
430
00:18:31,504 --> 00:18:32,882
That's not going to be easy.
431
00:18:32,906 --> 00:18:34,583
I mean, listen
to this. Like rock.
432
00:18:34,607 --> 00:18:37,308
I mean, this thing was
built to last a hundred years.
433
00:18:37,343 --> 00:18:38,788
We don't have that much time.
434
00:18:38,812 --> 00:18:40,144
We could burn it.
435
00:18:40,179 --> 00:18:41,691
Fire makes flames, no?
436
00:18:41,715 --> 00:18:44,226
If General Burkhalter
sees the fire,
437
00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:45,928
he'll ask questions, no?
438
00:18:45,952 --> 00:18:47,496
Flames make ashes, no?
439
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:49,486
Yes, sir. Flames make ashes.
440
00:18:49,522 --> 00:18:51,089
Marvelous. What clear thinking.
441
00:18:51,124 --> 00:18:53,925
Well, I'm sure you'll come up
with some way to get rid of it.
442
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,637
I have. Since my men built it,
443
00:18:55,661 --> 00:18:57,272
it is up to you and your men
444
00:18:57,296 --> 00:18:58,708
to get rid of it at once.
445
00:18:58,732 --> 00:18:59,942
Now, that is an order.
446
00:18:59,966 --> 00:19:01,265
Get rid of it at once!
447
00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:02,433
Yes, sir.
448
00:19:02,468 --> 00:19:03,935
Get rid of it at once!
449
00:19:03,970 --> 00:19:05,469
Get rid of it at once!
450
00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:09,440
This trailer hitch
should do the job.
451
00:19:09,475 --> 00:19:10,942
All right, we're almost home.
452
00:19:10,977 --> 00:19:13,111
Sorry to jolt your
reveries, Colonel Hogan.
453
00:19:13,146 --> 00:19:15,146
How do you hope to
get Michaels aboard?
454
00:19:15,181 --> 00:19:17,782
And, just out of idle curiosity,
455
00:19:17,817 --> 00:19:21,185
how do we hope to
get this vessel to port?
456
00:19:21,221 --> 00:19:23,599
Newkirk, have I ever told you
457
00:19:23,623 --> 00:19:26,257
you make great officer material?
458
00:19:26,292 --> 00:19:28,592
Never mind the
insults, Colonel Hogan.
459
00:19:28,628 --> 00:19:30,628
Just answer the
question, please.
460
00:19:30,663 --> 00:19:33,042
Is this thing still here?!
461
00:19:33,066 --> 00:19:35,983
General Burkhalter's
only an hour away.
462
00:19:36,019 --> 00:19:37,997
And what is this iron
thing supposed...?
463
00:19:38,021 --> 00:19:39,153
Oh!
464
00:19:39,188 --> 00:19:40,321
It's part of our plan.
465
00:19:40,356 --> 00:19:41,489
Make it easier to move.
466
00:19:41,524 --> 00:19:43,157
We're going to
hide it in the woods.
467
00:19:43,192 --> 00:19:44,569
That is your plan, huh?
468
00:19:44,593 --> 00:19:46,193
For someone to find it?
469
00:19:46,229 --> 00:19:48,695
Why didn't we think of that?
470
00:19:54,703 --> 00:19:56,170
I have a solution.
471
00:19:56,205 --> 00:19:58,005
It is so obvious,
472
00:19:58,041 --> 00:19:59,873
I'm surprised you
didn't think of it.
473
00:19:59,909 --> 00:20:02,843
Now, listen, you have
a club that's a boat,
474
00:20:02,878 --> 00:20:04,478
and it is on a trailer.
475
00:20:04,514 --> 00:20:05,690
Right. Right. Right.
476
00:20:05,714 --> 00:20:07,181
Now, I ask you,
477
00:20:07,216 --> 00:20:09,716
what is the most
logical thing to do?
478
00:20:11,754 --> 00:20:14,738
Move the whole
thing to the water!
479
00:20:14,774 --> 00:20:17,753
The German army could
use more men like you, sir.
480
00:20:17,777 --> 00:20:20,978
Thank you. Now, the
boat could be moored
481
00:20:21,014 --> 00:20:23,580
until final victory is achieved.
482
00:20:23,616 --> 00:20:27,084
Hogan, are you sure
this boat is seaworthy?
483
00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:29,153
It had better be.
484
00:20:29,189 --> 00:20:30,922
Good. One more thing, Hogan.
485
00:20:30,957 --> 00:20:34,658
It must be out of here before
General Burkhalter gets here.
486
00:20:34,694 --> 00:20:36,727
Remember, this
means a lot to me.
487
00:20:36,762 --> 00:20:38,207
It means a lot to us, too.
488
00:20:38,231 --> 00:20:39,730
Sergeant, halt!
489
00:20:42,235 --> 00:20:44,202
Just in case, Hogan,
490
00:20:44,237 --> 00:20:46,037
I'm assigning this squad
491
00:20:46,072 --> 00:20:49,073
to see that you
get the job done.
492
00:20:50,243 --> 00:20:53,978
Sergeant, this thing... out!
493
00:20:54,013 --> 00:20:56,533
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
494
00:20:58,484 --> 00:21:02,220
I give you five minutes! Raus!
495
00:21:02,255 --> 00:21:05,256
Uh... Sergeant,
would you be so kind
496
00:21:05,291 --> 00:21:08,792
as to get that life
raft put aboard, huh?
497
00:21:08,828 --> 00:21:11,695
And keep it end up. He's
very... it's very valuable.
498
00:21:11,731 --> 00:21:13,030
Schnell!
499
00:21:13,066 --> 00:21:14,415
Schnell!
500
00:21:18,020 --> 00:21:20,421
Um... maybe the entire squad.
501
00:21:20,456 --> 00:21:21,755
It's kind of heavy.
502
00:21:21,790 --> 00:21:23,557
Schnell! Schnell!
503
00:21:26,095 --> 00:21:28,929
All right, easy
does it! Easy does it!
504
00:21:30,299 --> 00:21:32,866
That's it. That's it.
505
00:21:32,901 --> 00:21:35,214
Would you fellas
like to say good-bye
506
00:21:35,238 --> 00:21:36,703
to Captain Michaels?
507
00:21:36,739 --> 00:21:38,550
How did you get
him inside there?
508
00:21:38,574 --> 00:21:40,852
It wasn't easy, but
there's a war on.
509
00:21:40,876 --> 00:21:44,278
All right, easy
does it. Easy does it.
510
00:21:44,313 --> 00:21:45,746
Let's get this thing hitched up,
511
00:21:45,781 --> 00:21:47,181
and get this boat on the road.
512
00:21:47,216 --> 00:21:49,136
Right. Right.
513
00:21:50,853 --> 00:21:53,165
General Burkhalter will
be here in a few minutes.
514
00:21:53,189 --> 00:21:54,600
I just received word. I...
515
00:21:54,624 --> 00:21:56,923
What is this!?
516
00:21:56,959 --> 00:21:59,627
Getting rid of it,
sir, as ordered.
517
00:21:59,662 --> 00:22:01,962
You? What do you take
me for, Hogan, a fool?
518
00:22:01,997 --> 00:22:03,942
Let you drive away
and not come back?
519
00:22:03,966 --> 00:22:05,432
Perhaps sail away.
520
00:22:05,468 --> 00:22:07,179
I am ashamed of you, Hogan.
521
00:22:07,203 --> 00:22:12,706
Ruin my perfect record of no one
escaping from Stalag 13? Never!
522
00:22:12,741 --> 00:22:15,053
Colonel Klink, what
are you saying?
523
00:22:15,077 --> 00:22:18,679
Sergeant Kristman,
take this, this...
524
00:22:18,714 --> 00:22:21,215
to the water.
525
00:22:33,729 --> 00:22:35,196
Good-bye!
526
00:22:35,231 --> 00:22:36,697
Newkirk, get back!
527
00:22:36,732 --> 00:22:38,732
Bon voyage!
528
00:23:00,006 --> 00:23:01,567
Thank you, Kommandant.
529
00:23:01,591 --> 00:23:05,059
Thank you for making me
come all the way from Berlin
530
00:23:05,094 --> 00:23:07,361
for a dinner of
stale sauerbraten.
531
00:23:07,396 --> 00:23:11,348
As you can see, Herr General,
we have the same shortages here
532
00:23:11,383 --> 00:23:14,785
as all the officers lucky
enough to be at the front.
533
00:23:14,821 --> 00:23:16,353
Another such dinner, Klink,
534
00:23:16,388 --> 00:23:19,123
and I'll see what I can
do to make you so lucky.
535
00:23:37,510 --> 00:23:39,271
Colonel Hogan,
what are you doing
536
00:23:39,295 --> 00:23:40,573
driving a German truck?
537
00:23:40,597 --> 00:23:42,597
Not a German truck, sir.
538
00:23:42,632 --> 00:23:44,098
The German truck.
539
00:23:44,133 --> 00:23:45,600
And I'm giving it to you.
540
00:23:45,635 --> 00:23:47,846
You are giving me
a German truck?
541
00:23:47,870 --> 00:23:49,648
What is the meaning of this?
542
00:23:49,672 --> 00:23:51,472
The truck that Michaels stole.
543
00:23:51,507 --> 00:23:53,485
And what are you doing with it?
544
00:23:53,509 --> 00:23:55,076
I'm returning it to you.
545
00:23:55,111 --> 00:23:57,044
My men stumbled on it
while on garbage detail.
546
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,013
And I was thinking of
showing it to Burkhalter
547
00:23:59,048 --> 00:24:00,247
as he went out, but I figured
548
00:24:00,282 --> 00:24:01,816
you'd rather call
him direct to Berlin
549
00:24:01,851 --> 00:24:02,817
and invite him down...
550
00:24:02,852 --> 00:24:04,151
Make a big deal out of it, huh?
551
00:24:04,186 --> 00:24:05,631
Not so fast. Wait a minute.
552
00:24:05,655 --> 00:24:07,499
Invite him from
Berlin? What for?
553
00:24:07,523 --> 00:24:09,868
These headquarters
fellows, they are soft.
554
00:24:09,892 --> 00:24:12,459
They don't know how to
take combat conditions.
555
00:24:12,495 --> 00:24:14,006
I have a better idea. Schultz!
556
00:24:14,030 --> 00:24:15,362
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
557
00:24:15,397 --> 00:24:17,309
Order the dogs to
the special detail.
558
00:24:17,333 --> 00:24:20,835
My military intuition
and this truck tell me
559
00:24:20,870 --> 00:24:23,381
that our friend Captain Michaels
560
00:24:23,405 --> 00:24:26,440
is floating around
out there somewhere
561
00:24:26,475 --> 00:24:28,854
waiting for me to capture him.
562
00:24:28,878 --> 00:24:30,344
Right, Hogan?
563
00:24:30,379 --> 00:24:32,379
Wouldn't surprise me a bit, sir.
40415
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