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♪
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00:01:15,836 --> 00:01:20,924
♪
3
00:01:34,438 --> 00:01:36,690
All right, Carter,
what did you see?
4
00:01:36,732 --> 00:01:39,401
A panzer division...
16 Tiger tanks
5
00:01:39,443 --> 00:01:41,236
and the supply trucks
right behind them.
6
00:01:41,278 --> 00:01:43,822
And then the goon
took the glasses away.
7
00:01:43,864 --> 00:01:45,699
Newkirk?
8
00:01:45,741 --> 00:01:48,076
Well, LeBeau saw that and
another column as well.
9
00:01:48,118 --> 00:01:49,703
Oh, easily a mile long.
10
00:01:49,745 --> 00:01:51,997
Troop carriers,
support artillery
11
00:01:52,039 --> 00:01:53,540
and a medical unit.
12
00:01:53,540 --> 00:01:55,876
They went flying down the
road past that beer garden.
13
00:01:55,876 --> 00:01:57,294
Hilda's Hofbrau.
14
00:01:57,336 --> 00:01:59,213
Kinch? I tapped
Klink's phone line
15
00:01:59,254 --> 00:02:01,715
and took the conversation down
verbatim.
16
00:02:01,757 --> 00:02:03,383
That's why
he's a staff sergeant.
17
00:02:03,383 --> 00:02:05,177
Oh, shucks, Colonel.
18
00:02:05,219 --> 00:02:07,554
Newkirk, give me a hand
with this, huh?
19
00:02:07,554 --> 00:02:09,306
Hello.
20
00:02:09,348 --> 00:02:10,891
Colonel Klink speaking.
21
00:02:10,891 --> 00:02:12,392
Hello.
22
00:02:12,392 --> 00:02:15,103
This is Captain Milheiser,
Adolf Hitler Division.
23
00:02:15,145 --> 00:02:16,355
Heil Hitler.
24
00:02:16,396 --> 00:02:17,481
Heil Hitler.
25
00:02:17,523 --> 00:02:20,192
Sounds vaguely familiar.
26
00:02:20,234 --> 00:02:22,402
Colonel, I will be coming
to see you today
27
00:02:22,402 --> 00:02:24,363
on a matter
of the greatest importance.
28
00:02:24,404 --> 00:02:25,739
Let me assure you,
29
00:02:25,739 --> 00:02:28,242
any officer of the
Adolf Hitler Division
30
00:02:28,283 --> 00:02:30,077
is always welcome
at Stalag 13.
31
00:02:30,118 --> 00:02:31,745
Ah, very good.
32
00:02:31,787 --> 00:02:33,580
Adolf Hitler Division, huh?
33
00:02:33,622 --> 00:02:35,249
They made a lot of
trouble in France.
34
00:02:35,249 --> 00:02:36,959
What are they
doing in this area,
35
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,418
obviously at full strength?
36
00:02:38,418 --> 00:02:41,713
Kinch, put that information into
code and get it off to London.
37
00:02:41,755 --> 00:02:43,257
Ask for further instructions.
38
00:02:43,298 --> 00:02:44,925
- Right.
- The rest of you circulate,
39
00:02:44,967 --> 00:02:46,760
see what you can find
out from the goons.
40
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:47,928
Right, sir.
Colonel?
41
00:02:47,928 --> 00:02:50,055
One more thing
about that phone call.
42
00:02:50,097 --> 00:02:52,766
As soon as Klink heard the words
"Adolf Hitler Division,"
43
00:02:52,850 --> 00:02:55,018
he got scared.
I could hear it in his voice.
44
00:02:55,060 --> 00:02:56,395
That's our commandant.
45
00:02:56,436 --> 00:02:57,938
If they ever promote him,
46
00:02:57,980 --> 00:02:59,815
it'll be to
Coward First Class.
47
00:03:10,450 --> 00:03:11,952
500 wooden spoons.
48
00:03:11,994 --> 00:03:13,370
Correct.
49
00:03:13,412 --> 00:03:15,122
700 kilos potatoes.
50
00:03:15,122 --> 00:03:16,623
Check.
51
00:03:16,748 --> 00:03:18,834
100 kilos black pepper.
52
00:03:18,876 --> 00:03:20,043
Check.
53
00:03:20,085 --> 00:03:21,920
Why so much black pepper?
54
00:03:21,962 --> 00:03:23,338
It helps with the potatoes.
55
00:03:24,715 --> 00:03:26,466
300 kilos salt.
56
00:03:26,508 --> 00:03:28,468
Just a minute.
57
00:03:28,510 --> 00:03:31,889
The next item should be
5,000 wooden plates.
58
00:03:31,930 --> 00:03:33,265
Now, where is it?
59
00:03:33,307 --> 00:03:36,143
Herr Kommandant,
I-I thought I had it here.
60
00:03:36,185 --> 00:03:37,311
You thought you had it?
61
00:03:37,311 --> 00:03:38,854
What did you use to think with?
62
00:03:38,896 --> 00:03:40,063
Certainly not your head.
63
00:03:40,105 --> 00:03:41,356
Find it.
64
00:03:41,398 --> 00:03:43,192
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
65
00:03:43,233 --> 00:03:44,526
This inefficiency.
66
00:03:44,610 --> 00:03:46,820
Sometimes I wonder
how we can win the war.
67
00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:47,654
So, do I.
68
00:03:47,696 --> 00:03:48,405
Oh, shut up.
69
00:03:48,447 --> 00:03:49,907
Find it.
70
00:03:49,948 --> 00:03:51,325
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
71
00:03:54,369 --> 00:03:55,662
Excuse me, Herr Colonel.
72
00:03:55,704 --> 00:03:56,997
Yes, yes, yes,
what is it?
73
00:03:56,997 --> 00:03:58,999
There are two officers here
to see you, sir.
74
00:03:58,999 --> 00:04:01,168
Who are these people?
75
00:04:01,210 --> 00:04:03,337
Is Stalag 13
a tourist attraction
76
00:04:03,337 --> 00:04:06,006
for every officer
who passes through town?
77
00:04:06,048 --> 00:04:08,175
Soon we'll be serving tea.
78
00:04:08,217 --> 00:04:10,177
They're from
the Adolf Hitler Division.
79
00:04:10,219 --> 00:04:14,139
Well, don't just stand there...
Make some tea.
80
00:04:17,559 --> 00:04:19,019
Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler.
81
00:04:19,019 --> 00:04:20,020
Heil Hitler.
82
00:04:20,062 --> 00:04:21,230
Welcome to Stalag 13.
83
00:04:21,271 --> 00:04:22,856
Gentlemen,
please be seated.
84
00:04:22,898 --> 00:04:25,692
Oh, what a pleasure
it is to meet you.
85
00:04:25,734 --> 00:04:27,194
Schultz, out!
Dismissed!
86
00:04:27,236 --> 00:04:28,695
Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.
87
00:04:28,737 --> 00:04:29,863
Please, please.
88
00:04:29,863 --> 00:04:31,698
We have no desire
to interrupt your routine.
89
00:04:31,698 --> 00:04:32,866
Please, carry on.
90
00:04:32,866 --> 00:04:34,868
Yes, Schultz,
please carry on.
91
00:04:34,910 --> 00:04:37,204
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
92
00:04:37,246 --> 00:04:40,165
Colonel, Leutnant Doenitz
and myself
93
00:04:40,207 --> 00:04:42,709
are chairmen
of an organization
94
00:04:42,709 --> 00:04:45,295
called
"Beautify Berchtesgaden."
95
00:04:45,337 --> 00:04:48,715
"Beautify Berchtesgaden"?
96
00:04:48,715 --> 00:04:51,426
What a lovely idea.
97
00:04:51,468 --> 00:04:54,179
I am so glad you approve.
98
00:04:54,221 --> 00:04:56,390
We have been taking donations
99
00:04:56,390 --> 00:04:59,518
from all the officers
of all the services,
100
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,353
Leutnant rank and above.
101
00:05:01,395 --> 00:05:04,731
Our objective is
one million marks.
102
00:05:04,773 --> 00:05:08,026
Well, that doesn't seem too much
for a worthy cause.
103
00:05:08,068 --> 00:05:10,571
Oh, then we may
count on you for help?
104
00:05:10,612 --> 00:05:11,822
Of course.
105
00:05:11,864 --> 00:05:13,448
There is an artillery regiment
106
00:05:13,490 --> 00:05:15,325
five miles from here,
by the coast.
107
00:05:15,367 --> 00:05:17,035
I know the commander very well.
108
00:05:17,077 --> 00:05:18,495
He's a good friend of mine.
109
00:05:18,537 --> 00:05:20,080
I will just make a call...
110
00:05:20,122 --> 00:05:22,875
Yes, he, uh,
he gave us 3,000 marks.
111
00:05:22,916 --> 00:05:25,377
And your name.
112
00:05:25,419 --> 00:05:28,046
Yes, he's a very good friend.
113
00:05:28,088 --> 00:05:30,716
Now, gentlemen,
I realize you would like me
114
00:05:30,757 --> 00:05:33,468
to donate to this cause,
but unfortunately...
115
00:05:33,510 --> 00:05:35,512
Wait, Colonel, please?
116
00:05:35,554 --> 00:05:36,847
Doenitz?
117
00:05:36,889 --> 00:05:40,517
Now, here we have
our white list.
118
00:05:40,559 --> 00:05:44,062
And here we have
the black list.
119
00:05:44,104 --> 00:05:47,232
Those on the white list
have given.
120
00:05:47,274 --> 00:05:50,611
Those on the black list
have not.
121
00:05:50,652 --> 00:05:54,781
Both lists will be presented
to the fuhrer.
122
00:05:54,823 --> 00:05:57,951
The white list is filled.
123
00:05:57,993 --> 00:06:03,165
The black list is blank...
124
00:06:03,207 --> 00:06:05,000
until now.
125
00:06:05,042 --> 00:06:08,921
We are just
a poor little POW camp.
126
00:06:08,962 --> 00:06:10,631
Oh, come now, Colonel.
127
00:06:10,631 --> 00:06:13,467
There is not little, uh...
How you say?
128
00:06:13,467 --> 00:06:14,801
Hanky-panky going on
129
00:06:14,801 --> 00:06:16,803
with the prisoners'
ration money?
130
00:06:16,845 --> 00:06:18,096
Captain, I swear to you,
131
00:06:18,138 --> 00:06:20,182
I have never taken
a single pfennig from...
132
00:06:20,224 --> 00:06:21,183
Oh, well.
133
00:06:21,225 --> 00:06:23,519
There had to be a first.
134
00:06:26,688 --> 00:06:29,149
Now, "Klink," no?
135
00:06:29,191 --> 00:06:30,359
Yes, sir.
136
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:31,860
Corporal Wil...
137
00:06:31,902 --> 00:06:34,571
I mean Colonel Wilhelm Klink.
138
00:06:34,613 --> 00:06:36,031
Lo and behold,
139
00:06:36,073 --> 00:06:39,826
Wilhelm Klink's name
led all the rest.
140
00:06:39,868 --> 00:06:42,496
Gentlemen, please,
don't jump to conclusions.
141
00:06:42,538 --> 00:06:44,248
Here you are,
you little devils.
142
00:06:44,289 --> 00:06:46,667
Wooden plates, 5,000.
143
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,252
Belie... 5,000?
144
00:06:48,293 --> 00:06:49,545
5,000?
145
00:06:49,586 --> 00:06:51,171
Thank you very much,
Colonel.
146
00:06:51,171 --> 00:06:52,548
There has been some mistake.
147
00:06:52,589 --> 00:06:54,675
You'd like to
give 10,000?
148
00:06:55,843 --> 00:06:58,428
It's a mistake if you thought
I wouldn't want to give
149
00:06:58,470 --> 00:06:59,721
to Beautify Berchtesgaden.
150
00:06:59,763 --> 00:07:01,849
Your pledge must be redeemed
by the first of the month.
151
00:07:01,849 --> 00:07:02,724
Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler.
152
00:07:03,016 --> 00:07:04,309
Heil Hitler.
153
00:07:08,355 --> 00:07:11,358
5,000 marks.
154
00:07:11,358 --> 00:07:13,360
I'm sorry, Herr Kommandant.
155
00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:15,737
"Sorry," he says.
156
00:07:15,779 --> 00:07:17,990
You dunderhead.
157
00:07:18,031 --> 00:07:21,535
You big mouth, you
big mouth dunderhead.
158
00:07:21,535 --> 00:07:24,371
Herr Kommandant,
I-I just read the requisitions.
159
00:07:24,371 --> 00:07:26,206
5,000 marks.
160
00:07:26,206 --> 00:07:28,375
Herr Kommandant,
it is against the law
161
00:07:28,417 --> 00:07:30,836
for an officer to strike
an enlisted man.
162
00:07:30,878 --> 00:07:35,132
Strike you... no.
163
00:07:35,174 --> 00:07:39,052
Shoot you, yes.
164
00:07:39,052 --> 00:07:42,639
"Information on the Hitler
Division extremely valuable.
165
00:07:42,681 --> 00:07:43,891
Job well done."
166
00:07:43,891 --> 00:07:45,017
Hey, that's marvelous.
167
00:07:45,058 --> 00:07:46,393
Wow.
Isn't that great?
168
00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:49,229
If you fellas are finished
taking bows
169
00:07:49,229 --> 00:07:50,397
I'd like to go on.
170
00:07:50,397 --> 00:07:52,900
"More intelligence details
on the Hitler Division
171
00:07:52,941 --> 00:07:54,568
"vitally important.
172
00:07:54,568 --> 00:07:55,944
"Why in your area?
173
00:07:55,986 --> 00:07:58,572
"Are they staging
for active duty?
174
00:07:58,572 --> 00:07:59,615
"Which front?
175
00:07:59,656 --> 00:08:01,825
Send answers soonest,
top priority."
176
00:08:01,867 --> 00:08:03,702
Those guys are kidding.
177
00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:05,162
How are we going
to get that stuff?
178
00:08:05,204 --> 00:08:06,496
Yeah,
it won't be easy.
179
00:08:06,538 --> 00:08:08,749
Blimey, sometimes I think
they forget we're prisoners.
180
00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:10,459
I don't have any trouble
remembering.
181
00:08:10,501 --> 00:08:13,795
What about that beer
joint near the crossroads?
182
00:08:13,837 --> 00:08:15,547
Hilda's Hofbrau?
183
00:08:15,589 --> 00:08:17,007
Yeah, if one of us
could get in there,
184
00:08:17,049 --> 00:08:18,258
we might pick up
a few answers.
185
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:19,676
Who'd be crazy enough
186
00:08:19,718 --> 00:08:21,261
to go into a place
filled with Krauts?
187
00:08:21,303 --> 00:08:22,804
Me. Tonight.
188
00:08:22,846 --> 00:08:24,139
After roll call.
189
00:08:24,181 --> 00:08:25,807
I'll go out through
the emergency exit,
190
00:08:25,849 --> 00:08:27,601
in uniform, of course.
191
00:08:27,643 --> 00:08:29,186
Newkirk,
what have you got in stock?
192
00:08:29,228 --> 00:08:31,021
Oh, if you'll
step this way.
193
00:08:31,063 --> 00:08:33,232
Here we are, sir.
194
00:08:33,273 --> 00:08:36,026
Gestapo, SS...
195
00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:53,126
Guten Abend,
Herr Major.
196
00:08:53,460 --> 00:08:54,795
Welcome.
197
00:08:54,837 --> 00:08:56,213
Fraulein.
198
00:08:56,255 --> 00:08:58,131
The war seems
to be going well.
199
00:08:58,131 --> 00:09:00,175
Boys and girls,
you know.
200
00:09:00,217 --> 00:09:02,761
Yes, the boys
seem to be winning.
201
00:09:04,012 --> 00:09:06,098
There are no tables left
at the moment,
202
00:09:06,139 --> 00:09:08,141
unless you don't
mind sharing.
203
00:09:08,183 --> 00:09:10,644
With you?
204
00:09:13,730 --> 00:09:15,440
Gentlemen, would you mind
sharing your table
205
00:09:15,482 --> 00:09:16,733
with this officer?
206
00:09:16,775 --> 00:09:17,860
Not at all.
Danke.
207
00:09:17,901 --> 00:09:19,152
Beer, please.
208
00:09:19,194 --> 00:09:20,988
For the gentlemen, too.
Thank you.
209
00:09:20,988 --> 00:09:22,322
Right away, Major.
210
00:09:22,364 --> 00:09:24,491
I'm Milheiser, and this
is Leutnant Doenitz.
211
00:09:24,533 --> 00:09:25,826
Gentlemen.
212
00:09:25,868 --> 00:09:27,202
Major Hoople.
213
00:09:27,244 --> 00:09:28,579
Heil Hitler.
214
00:09:28,620 --> 00:09:29,830
Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler.
215
00:09:29,872 --> 00:09:32,666
Luftwaffe in this part
of the country, Major?
216
00:09:32,666 --> 00:09:35,502
Yes, Luft Stalag 13
down the road.
217
00:09:35,544 --> 00:09:37,754
Oh, you are assigned
to the POW camp?
218
00:09:37,796 --> 00:09:39,173
In a way, yes.
219
00:09:39,214 --> 00:09:40,591
Temporary duty.
220
00:09:40,632 --> 00:09:41,717
Coincidence.
221
00:09:41,758 --> 00:09:44,178
We met your colonel today.
222
00:09:44,219 --> 00:09:46,096
Kommandant Klink?
223
00:09:46,138 --> 00:09:48,515
Yes, old blood and guts.
224
00:09:50,392 --> 00:09:53,520
That Klink
is a real tower of jelly.
225
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,689
Gentlemen,
if you think you've got
226
00:09:55,689 --> 00:09:58,150
a true picture
of my commanding officer...
227
00:09:58,192 --> 00:09:59,526
Yes?
228
00:09:59,526 --> 00:10:01,069
You do.
229
00:10:02,321 --> 00:10:03,530
Oh.
Ah.
230
00:10:03,530 --> 00:10:04,698
Danke, danke.
231
00:10:04,698 --> 00:10:05,657
Danke, Hilda.
232
00:10:05,699 --> 00:10:06,867
To Hilda.
Ah.
233
00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:08,410
Frau Hilda.
234
00:10:09,745 --> 00:10:11,038
Mmm.
Eh.
235
00:10:11,038 --> 00:10:12,206
Mmm.
236
00:10:12,247 --> 00:10:14,541
Oh,
this beer is terrible.
237
00:10:14,541 --> 00:10:16,210
It tastes good to me.
238
00:10:16,251 --> 00:10:19,713
My last combat assignment,
there was no beer at all.
239
00:10:19,755 --> 00:10:20,881
Really?
240
00:10:20,923 --> 00:10:22,424
No, no, that wasn't
the worst of it.
241
00:10:22,466 --> 00:10:24,718
The real problem was the cold.
242
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,303
You'd wake up in the morning,
243
00:10:26,345 --> 00:10:29,264
you'd have to defrost your
toothpaste with a blowtorch.
244
00:10:29,306 --> 00:10:32,935
Conditions are that bad
on the eastern front?
245
00:10:32,976 --> 00:10:35,604
I didn't say anything
about the eastern front.
246
00:10:35,646 --> 00:10:37,731
Perhaps not by name, but...
247
00:10:37,773 --> 00:10:39,233
Is that where you're going?
248
00:10:39,274 --> 00:10:43,153
Let us just say that
we are not moving west.
249
00:10:43,195 --> 00:10:45,405
Then my deepest sympathy.
250
00:10:45,447 --> 00:10:47,908
Major, could you tell us
something that might be helpful?
251
00:10:47,950 --> 00:10:49,409
Doenitz,
that is enough.
252
00:10:49,409 --> 00:10:51,411
There is such a
thing as security.
253
00:10:51,453 --> 00:10:52,454
The captain is right.
254
00:10:52,496 --> 00:10:53,831
Forget it.
255
00:10:53,872 --> 00:10:56,792
Anyway, let's drink
to a soldier's best friend.
256
00:10:56,834 --> 00:10:58,043
The Fuhrer.
The Fuhrer.
257
00:10:58,085 --> 00:10:59,211
Fuhrer?
258
00:10:59,253 --> 00:11:02,214
I'm talking about
long winter underwear.
259
00:11:03,382 --> 00:11:05,509
Uh, Major, tell
me something?
260
00:11:05,551 --> 00:11:07,302
Have you ever heard
261
00:11:07,344 --> 00:11:10,430
of the Beautify
Berchtesgaden Fund?
262
00:11:10,430 --> 00:11:12,266
No, I've been away.
263
00:11:12,266 --> 00:11:15,519
We are raising some money
as a gift to the fuhrer.
264
00:11:15,561 --> 00:11:17,896
Oh, say no more.
265
00:11:17,938 --> 00:11:23,235
Gentlemen, how about, um...
say 500 marks?
266
00:11:23,277 --> 00:11:25,070
Well, very generous.
267
00:11:25,112 --> 00:11:27,114
Indeed it is.
268
00:11:27,155 --> 00:11:31,451
Wherever did you get
such nice, brand-new bills?
269
00:11:31,451 --> 00:11:34,037
I have a couple of men
who make them up for me.
270
00:11:34,079 --> 00:11:36,790
Ah...
271
00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:43,213
Of course,
a fellow could do worse.
272
00:11:43,255 --> 00:11:45,299
You're very attractive.
273
00:11:45,299 --> 00:11:48,343
You have a nice business
going here.
274
00:11:48,385 --> 00:11:50,095
Not after tomorrow.
275
00:11:50,137 --> 00:11:51,471
I'm giving it up.
276
00:11:51,471 --> 00:11:52,973
What?
277
00:11:53,015 --> 00:11:55,017
You can't do that.
278
00:11:55,058 --> 00:11:57,519
We need more information.
279
00:11:57,561 --> 00:11:58,812
Information?
280
00:11:58,854 --> 00:12:00,147
About you.
281
00:12:00,189 --> 00:12:04,359
I mean, after all,
we've just met.
282
00:12:04,401 --> 00:12:06,028
I can't manage alone,
283
00:12:06,069 --> 00:12:09,990
and help is impossible
to get because of the war.
284
00:12:10,032 --> 00:12:11,825
Is that all?
285
00:12:11,867 --> 00:12:14,244
Oh, I can fix that.
286
00:12:16,872 --> 00:12:19,166
You mean you could
get me a waiter?
287
00:12:19,208 --> 00:12:21,335
Oh, that's no problem.
288
00:12:21,376 --> 00:12:24,546
I will get you
a work detail of prisoners
289
00:12:24,588 --> 00:12:26,715
from Luft Stalag 13.
290
00:12:26,757 --> 00:12:29,843
Oh, that would
be marvelous.
291
00:12:32,054 --> 00:12:34,890
Then I could keep
the place open.
292
00:12:34,932 --> 00:12:37,559
That's the most
important thing.
293
00:12:37,601 --> 00:12:40,062
It sure is.
294
00:12:40,103 --> 00:12:46,735
Oh, Major, how can I ever
express my appreciation?
295
00:12:55,369 --> 00:12:56,870
Take this down,
Kinch, and code it:
296
00:12:56,870 --> 00:13:00,499
Stalag 13 to
Headquarters London.
297
00:13:00,541 --> 00:13:03,710
Strong evidence
Adolf Hitler Division
298
00:13:03,710 --> 00:13:05,671
moving to the
Russian Front.
299
00:13:05,712 --> 00:13:09,049
Will try to obtain
absolute confirmation
300
00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:11,885
and further details.
301
00:13:11,885 --> 00:13:13,554
Sign that Hogan, got it?
302
00:13:13,554 --> 00:13:14,638
Right.
Good.
303
00:13:18,892 --> 00:13:21,061
I've got a lovely
old big mouth Kraut
304
00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:22,896
at one of my
tables, Colonel.
305
00:13:22,896 --> 00:13:25,649
He's telling his girlfriend
all about some new guns.
306
00:13:25,691 --> 00:13:28,026
Good. Stay with it.
Right, sir.
307
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:31,238
Wiener schnitzel
with an egg on it.
308
00:13:31,238 --> 00:13:34,408
Ordering: two
liverwurst sandwiches
309
00:13:34,408 --> 00:13:36,243
on pumpernickel
with plenty of onion.
310
00:13:36,243 --> 00:13:40,080
Liverwurst? Onion?
Barbarians.
311
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,708
If I get an order for
chicken à la bonne femme,
312
00:13:42,749 --> 00:13:45,377
you'll be the
first to know.
313
00:13:45,419 --> 00:13:47,254
LeBeau, I need a
double schnapps
314
00:13:47,254 --> 00:13:48,755
and a lettuce and
tomato sandwich.
315
00:13:48,755 --> 00:13:50,382
Lettuce and tomatoes
and whiskey?
316
00:13:50,424 --> 00:13:51,842
Now, what kind of an order
is that?
317
00:13:51,884 --> 00:13:53,594
It's for
a drunken vegetarian.
318
00:13:53,635 --> 00:13:55,179
Germans.
319
00:13:55,220 --> 00:13:56,847
Colonel, there's a
corporal over there
320
00:13:56,889 --> 00:13:58,307
with a snow cape
in his pack...
321
00:13:58,348 --> 00:14:00,601
The kind we use in the
ski troops, you know?
322
00:14:00,851 --> 00:14:02,186
That settles it.
323
00:14:02,227 --> 00:14:04,688
They're not going to spend
the winter in Miami.
324
00:14:08,483 --> 00:14:10,485
Sacre bleu! Schultz.
325
00:14:10,527 --> 00:14:11,570
Whoops.
326
00:14:15,157 --> 00:14:16,700
Colonel, what
shall we do?
327
00:14:16,742 --> 00:14:19,036
If I knew,
would I be sitting here?
328
00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:26,877
Mind if I join
the party?
329
00:14:26,919 --> 00:14:30,714
Just a minute. You're a
waiter. You're a soldier.
330
00:14:30,756 --> 00:14:33,467
I never said anything
when you sat down, did I?
331
00:14:33,509 --> 00:14:36,345
Waiter, ein bier, bitte.
332
00:14:36,386 --> 00:14:37,554
Yes, sir.
333
00:14:37,596 --> 00:14:39,681
And, uh, bring me
a little cheese.
334
00:14:39,723 --> 00:14:41,475
It goes good
with the beer.
335
00:14:41,517 --> 00:14:44,937
And, uh, I...
336
00:14:46,355 --> 00:14:48,065
You!
337
00:14:48,106 --> 00:14:50,067
Uh, cheese with the beer.
338
00:14:50,108 --> 00:14:52,819
Right away, sir.
Now, just a minute.
339
00:14:52,861 --> 00:14:56,406
What are you doing here?
340
00:14:56,448 --> 00:14:57,491
And him?
341
00:15:02,746 --> 00:15:04,790
And him?
342
00:15:04,832 --> 00:15:06,875
Ach du lieber Himmel.
343
00:15:06,917 --> 00:15:08,293
Hi, Schultz.
344
00:15:08,335 --> 00:15:10,838
Colonel Hogan, you, too?
345
00:15:10,879 --> 00:15:14,174
And wearing
an officer's uniform?
346
00:15:14,216 --> 00:15:15,676
Achtung.
347
00:15:15,717 --> 00:15:18,011
Please don't do that.
348
00:15:18,011 --> 00:15:19,513
How did you get
out of the camp?
349
00:15:19,555 --> 00:15:21,348
It's a long, dull
story, Schultz.
350
00:15:21,348 --> 00:15:22,512
I want the truth. Well, I could
351
00:15:22,524 --> 00:15:23,851
tell you we went
out over the wire.
352
00:15:23,892 --> 00:15:25,853
Over the wire? But that wouldn't
be telling you the truth.
353
00:15:25,894 --> 00:15:27,145
Ja? And I'd hate to tell you
354
00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:28,355
anything that wasn't true. So?
355
00:15:28,397 --> 00:15:30,023
So forget it.
Okay.
356
00:15:30,065 --> 00:15:31,859
Good that you did not
lie to me.
357
00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:33,861
Now, what are
you doing here?
358
00:15:33,902 --> 00:15:36,029
See that woman
over there?
359
00:15:36,029 --> 00:15:37,698
That's Hilda.
360
00:15:37,698 --> 00:15:38,991
She runs the place.
361
00:15:39,032 --> 00:15:40,701
She's a widow.
362
00:15:40,701 --> 00:15:42,703
Nice looking tomato.
363
00:15:42,744 --> 00:15:44,037
With eight children.
364
00:15:44,079 --> 00:15:48,375
Ah... so many kinder,
and she's so young.
365
00:15:48,375 --> 00:15:49,877
She got an early start.
366
00:15:49,918 --> 00:15:51,837
Look, if we
don't work here,
367
00:15:51,879 --> 00:15:53,505
she's going to have
to close the place
368
00:15:53,547 --> 00:15:55,174
because she can't
get any help,
369
00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:57,467
and without any money,
those poor, innocent little kids
370
00:15:57,509 --> 00:15:59,636
are going to go without
food. Oh, that's terrible.
371
00:15:59,678 --> 00:16:01,555
You wouldn't want that on
your conscience, would you?
372
00:16:01,555 --> 00:16:02,890
Oh, no.
373
00:16:02,890 --> 00:16:04,683
I am a family man myself.
374
00:16:04,725 --> 00:16:06,977
And you're also a great
humanitarian, Schultz.
375
00:16:07,019 --> 00:16:08,854
Danke. I try to be.
376
00:16:08,896 --> 00:16:10,814
Now, everybody out,
377
00:16:10,856 --> 00:16:13,817
or I have to report this
to Klink at once.
378
00:16:13,859 --> 00:16:15,319
You said you were
a family man.
379
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,863
Yes. My own.
380
00:16:17,905 --> 00:16:20,699
Now, everybody back to camp.
381
00:16:20,741 --> 00:16:22,242
All right, Schultz,
have it your way.
382
00:16:22,284 --> 00:16:24,495
Only thing is you're going
to have to explain to Klink
383
00:16:24,536 --> 00:16:26,455
how we escaped while
you were on duty...
384
00:16:26,497 --> 00:16:28,540
but I'll get the
rest of the fellows.
385
00:16:28,582 --> 00:16:31,043
No, w-w-w-w-wait,
Colonel Hogan.
386
00:16:31,084 --> 00:16:35,631
You don't think I'd have a widow
with kids be without food.
387
00:16:35,672 --> 00:16:38,383
Have the beer and cheese
sent outside.
388
00:16:38,425 --> 00:16:39,510
Outside?
389
00:16:39,551 --> 00:16:43,972
That way it's easier
to see nothing!
390
00:16:46,725 --> 00:16:48,018
Gentlemen, I realize today
391
00:16:48,060 --> 00:16:49,353
is the first of the month.
392
00:16:49,394 --> 00:16:51,647
You have the money,
of course?
393
00:16:51,688 --> 00:16:53,315
Of course.
394
00:16:53,357 --> 00:16:56,401
Well, I am very glad
to hear that.
395
00:16:56,443 --> 00:16:58,570
Well... where is it?
396
00:16:58,612 --> 00:17:00,989
I must draw the money
from the bank,
397
00:17:01,031 --> 00:17:03,784
and I can't get away right now.
398
00:17:03,825 --> 00:17:05,994
And you won't
get away later
399
00:17:06,036 --> 00:17:08,038
unless you redeem
that pledge.
400
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,665
Not redeem?
401
00:17:09,706 --> 00:17:13,460
Whatever put that thought
into your head?
402
00:17:13,460 --> 00:17:14,795
You did.
403
00:17:14,837 --> 00:17:17,005
You will bring it to us
at our headquarters in town.
404
00:17:17,047 --> 00:17:18,632
Or this evening,
405
00:17:18,674 --> 00:17:20,467
be at Hilda's Hofbrau
down the road.
406
00:17:20,509 --> 00:17:22,052
Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler.
407
00:17:22,094 --> 00:17:22,845
Heil Hitler.
408
00:17:34,231 --> 00:17:35,482
Herr Kommandant, I...
409
00:17:35,524 --> 00:17:36,942
Ah, shut up.
410
00:17:38,652 --> 00:17:42,531
5,000 Marks.
I am finished, kaput.
411
00:17:42,573 --> 00:17:47,035
A brilliant military career
gone after so many years.
412
00:17:47,077 --> 00:17:49,538
Why didn't I go to spy
school when I had a chance?
413
00:17:49,580 --> 00:17:51,623
They said I was talented.
414
00:17:51,665 --> 00:17:53,792
Anything I can do,
Herr Kommandant?
415
00:17:53,834 --> 00:17:56,628
Yes. Get me 5,000 Marks.
416
00:17:56,670 --> 00:17:57,838
Wish I could.
417
00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:59,173
I'm sure.
418
00:17:59,173 --> 00:18:01,508
Believe me, Herr Kommandant,
I'm a poor man.
419
00:18:01,508 --> 00:18:04,511
I even have no right
to be fat.
420
00:18:04,511 --> 00:18:06,847
Well, there's no
use crying about it.
421
00:18:06,847 --> 00:18:08,473
I must face things
as they are.
422
00:18:08,515 --> 00:18:11,018
What are you going to do,
Herr Kommandant?
423
00:18:11,018 --> 00:18:12,853
Do? Tell them the truth.
424
00:18:12,853 --> 00:18:16,523
Tonight, I shall walk into
Hilda's Hofbrau with my head high
425
00:18:16,523 --> 00:18:18,358
and I shall
confess to them.
426
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:22,321
I think, Herr Kommandant,
you are right to...
427
00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:25,032
Hilda's Hofbrau?
428
00:18:27,868 --> 00:18:29,369
You're sure of it?
429
00:18:29,369 --> 00:18:31,538
He told it to me
himself.
430
00:18:31,538 --> 00:18:33,373
That's bad.
It ain't good.
431
00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:36,043
Your boys are not
to go there tonight.
432
00:18:36,043 --> 00:18:37,878
It's too late, Schultz.
The boat sailed.
433
00:18:37,878 --> 00:18:39,546
They've been gone
about an hour.
434
00:18:39,546 --> 00:18:41,215
Donnerwetter.
435
00:18:41,215 --> 00:18:43,550
He will see them,
and after he sees them,
436
00:18:43,550 --> 00:18:45,511
he will come back and see me,
and after that,
437
00:18:45,552 --> 00:18:47,554
no one is going
to see me again.
438
00:18:47,554 --> 00:18:49,556
Do you think we could get
a message to 'em?
439
00:18:49,556 --> 00:18:50,974
It's our only chance.
440
00:18:51,016 --> 00:18:54,269
I'll wear the uniform
again and go out the...
441
00:18:54,311 --> 00:18:55,562
emergency tunnel.
442
00:18:55,562 --> 00:18:56,813
I'm sorry, Schultz.
443
00:18:56,855 --> 00:18:58,106
I'd rather have it
that way.
444
00:18:58,148 --> 00:18:59,608
Kinch, go get
the uniform. Right.
445
00:18:59,650 --> 00:19:01,777
Now, listen carefully.
You've got to stall Klink.
446
00:19:01,818 --> 00:19:04,071
We need enough time to get
everybody out of Hilda's.
447
00:19:04,112 --> 00:19:05,155
But how-how can I...?
448
00:19:05,197 --> 00:19:06,657
Oh, come on, Schultz,
if you don't,
449
00:19:06,698 --> 00:19:08,325
we're in big trouble,
big, big trouble.
450
00:19:08,367 --> 00:19:10,452
But how shall I stall
him? What shall I say?
451
00:19:10,494 --> 00:19:12,496
You'll think of something.
You're a clever man.
452
00:19:12,538 --> 00:19:16,375
Colonel Hogan, this is
not the time to lie to me.
453
00:19:17,543 --> 00:19:19,336
Schultz, I'm leaving.
454
00:19:19,378 --> 00:19:21,505
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
455
00:19:21,547 --> 00:19:24,174
Now, there is a chance
I may not come back.
456
00:19:24,216 --> 00:19:26,844
I may never be
heard from again.
457
00:19:26,885 --> 00:19:28,846
Oh, no, Herr Kommandant.
458
00:19:28,887 --> 00:19:32,474
If that happens, you will have
a new commanding officer.
459
00:19:32,516 --> 00:19:35,978
Now, Schultz... help
him, give him a break.
460
00:19:36,019 --> 00:19:39,523
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
I am willing. What shall I do?
461
00:19:39,565 --> 00:19:43,902
Have yourself transferred
to another camp.
462
00:19:45,904 --> 00:19:48,490
Oh, please, Herr
Kommandant, may I?
463
00:19:48,532 --> 00:19:50,159
All right.
464
00:19:57,416 --> 00:19:58,834
Schultz, what are you doing?
465
00:19:58,917 --> 00:20:02,087
Oh, I'm sorry,
Herr Kommandant.
466
00:20:03,547 --> 00:20:05,841
Herr Kommandant,
just a moment.
467
00:20:05,883 --> 00:20:08,302
Your scarf, please.
468
00:20:08,343 --> 00:20:10,846
All right, all right,
all right.
469
00:20:13,932 --> 00:20:17,394
Herr Kommandant, please,
may I talk to you?
470
00:20:17,436 --> 00:20:18,729
Yes, yes, what is it?
471
00:20:18,770 --> 00:20:21,732
Herr Kommandant, please.
I have a problem.
472
00:20:21,773 --> 00:20:25,694
That is the understatement
of the year.
473
00:20:25,736 --> 00:20:28,405
According to regulations,
I am entitled
474
00:20:28,447 --> 00:20:31,074
to discuss my problem
with my superior officer.
475
00:20:31,116 --> 00:20:35,913
There is nothing I can say
that would help you.
476
00:20:35,954 --> 00:20:38,373
I'm sorry, Hilda,
it cannot be helped.
477
00:20:38,415 --> 00:20:40,334
But if you take
the prisoners away now...
478
00:20:40,375 --> 00:20:43,962
It's an emergency.
I have my orders.
479
00:20:49,259 --> 00:20:51,220
Colonel...
480
00:20:51,261 --> 00:20:54,640
Get the colonel.
481
00:20:56,892 --> 00:20:58,852
Telephone call for Major Hoople.
482
00:21:00,229 --> 00:21:01,230
Excuse me.
483
00:21:07,069 --> 00:21:09,655
Hello, Major Hoople. Hello?
484
00:21:09,696 --> 00:21:12,032
Psst! Psst!
485
00:21:12,074 --> 00:21:14,993
Klink.
486
00:21:16,495 --> 00:21:17,704
Go out the back door.
487
00:21:17,746 --> 00:21:19,039
There is no back door.
488
00:21:19,081 --> 00:21:20,707
I'll make one.
489
00:21:20,749 --> 00:21:22,543
Um, stand up.
490
00:21:25,921 --> 00:21:27,881
I'm going to march
you out of here
491
00:21:27,923 --> 00:21:29,550
like we're going
back to camp.
492
00:21:29,550 --> 00:21:31,260
Follow me.
493
00:21:36,348 --> 00:21:37,558
Major.
494
00:21:39,101 --> 00:21:40,602
Won't you join us, huh?
495
00:21:40,644 --> 00:21:44,022
Don't panic.
Wait right here.
496
00:21:44,064 --> 00:21:47,776
You know Leutnant Doenitz
and your colonel, of course.
497
00:21:47,818 --> 00:21:50,070
Yeah, Colonel.
You?
498
00:21:50,112 --> 00:21:51,780
You all know
each other?
499
00:21:51,822 --> 00:21:54,867
Major Hoople is a very good
friend of ours.
500
00:21:54,908 --> 00:21:56,368
Major who?
501
00:21:56,410 --> 00:21:57,870
Not who, Hoople.
502
00:21:57,911 --> 00:21:59,454
He has trouble with names
sometimes.
503
00:21:59,496 --> 00:22:00,706
Hogan.
504
00:22:00,747 --> 00:22:03,041
That's my first name: Hogan.
Hogan Hoople.
505
00:22:03,083 --> 00:22:04,543
Where did you
get that uniform?
506
00:22:04,585 --> 00:22:07,379
Oh, they've got a great little
army and navy store in town,
507
00:22:07,421 --> 00:22:09,089
and they've got a special
this week:
508
00:22:09,089 --> 00:22:10,883
30% off on tee shirts,
509
00:22:10,924 --> 00:22:12,217
assorted colors.
510
00:22:12,259 --> 00:22:13,719
What are you doing here?
511
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,430
I was just taking a work detail
back to camp.
512
00:22:16,471 --> 00:22:17,764
A work de...
513
00:22:20,184 --> 00:22:22,519
Oh, no.
514
00:22:22,561 --> 00:22:24,563
I think I have a fever
after all.
515
00:22:24,605 --> 00:22:26,064
Brought on by the fact
516
00:22:26,106 --> 00:22:28,901
that you do not have
the 5,000 Marks, eh?
517
00:22:28,942 --> 00:22:32,571
Captain, I have not been able
to get to the bank today,
518
00:22:32,613 --> 00:22:33,864
but I assure you...
519
00:22:33,906 --> 00:22:36,241
Excuse me, Colonel,
have you forgotten?
520
00:22:36,283 --> 00:22:37,409
What? Forgotten what?
521
00:22:37,451 --> 00:22:39,912
You sent me to the bank
for you.
522
00:22:39,953 --> 00:22:40,996
I did?
523
00:22:42,456 --> 00:22:44,583
I did.
524
00:22:44,625 --> 00:22:47,461
It all seems to be here.
525
00:22:47,461 --> 00:22:49,588
Five thousand.
526
00:22:49,630 --> 00:22:55,135
Do you think a German officer
would shortchange you?
527
00:22:55,135 --> 00:22:57,471
Well, thank you very much,
Colonel.
528
00:22:57,513 --> 00:22:59,681
Fraulein, beer
for everyone, please.
529
00:22:59,723 --> 00:23:01,892
I'm terribly sorry, gentlemen.
I must be getting along.
530
00:23:01,934 --> 00:23:03,143
What a pity.
531
00:23:03,185 --> 00:23:04,520
Yes, I was beginning to enjoy
532
00:23:04,561 --> 00:23:06,355
the major's company.
533
00:23:06,396 --> 00:23:08,649
Some people can sit around
drinking beer.
534
00:23:08,690 --> 00:23:10,359
I have a prisoner of war camp
to run.
535
00:23:11,944 --> 00:23:13,487
Gentlemen.
536
00:23:21,912 --> 00:23:24,164
Colonel Hogan, you are confined
537
00:23:24,206 --> 00:23:25,833
to the barracks
until further notice,
538
00:23:25,874 --> 00:23:29,086
and your men are sentenced
to 30 days in the cooler.
539
00:23:29,127 --> 00:23:30,170
Now, Colonel...
540
00:23:30,212 --> 00:23:31,713
And then you
will be arrested
541
00:23:31,755 --> 00:23:34,550
as a spy wearing
a German uniform.
542
00:23:34,591 --> 00:23:36,301
We only borrowed it
for a night.
543
00:23:36,343 --> 00:23:38,887
And you, Sergeant Blabbermouth,
544
00:23:38,929 --> 00:23:41,306
will answer to a court-martial
for this.
545
00:23:41,348 --> 00:23:42,850
Well, that's
very unfair, sir.
546
00:23:42,891 --> 00:23:44,643
Schultz was only trying
to help you out.
547
00:23:44,685 --> 00:23:46,186
Let us work in the
Hofbrau to raise
548
00:23:46,228 --> 00:23:48,355
your 5,000 Marks.
Is that true?
549
00:23:48,397 --> 00:23:50,566
Whatever Colonel Hogan says.
550
00:23:50,607 --> 00:23:52,693
He was standing guard
outside the Hofbrau...
551
00:23:52,693 --> 00:23:55,237
and now you want to
court-martial him.
552
00:23:55,279 --> 00:23:57,531
Well, that puts everything
into a different light.
553
00:23:57,531 --> 00:24:01,160
I will have to give the whole
matter some more consideration.
554
00:24:01,201 --> 00:24:02,286
Dismissed.
555
00:24:13,881 --> 00:24:16,884
Well, that's one way
to skin a commandant.
556
00:24:16,884 --> 00:24:20,220
Colonel Hogan, how
did you get the money?
557
00:24:20,220 --> 00:24:23,724
Let's just say I had it made up
by native craftsmen.
558
00:24:23,724 --> 00:24:28,061
Counterfeit!
Ach du lieber.
559
00:24:28,061 --> 00:24:30,311
For this, Milheiser
and Doenitz could
560
00:24:30,323 --> 00:24:32,524
spend the rest of
the war in chains.
561
00:24:32,566 --> 00:24:35,527
We can only hope.
38604
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