All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes S01E05 The Flight of the Valkyrie_iris2.eng

Shh.

Bismarck, get out,
you stupid dog. Raus.

Well, Baroness,
welcome to Stalag 13.

Oh, Colonel Hogan.

You are Colonel Hogan?

I'd be a fool
to say no.

LeBeau, get back up and
keep a lookout, huh?

Right.

I am sorry.

It is just that I thought I
would never feel safe again,

not even for a moment.

And for this moment,
I thank you.

Our house
is your house.

It's fantastic.

Oh, I should not
have come.

All Germany
is looking for me,

and they will find me.

Very thorough...
We Germans.

I've put your work
in danger.

Baroness...

Lili.

Baroness is behind me.

Lili. I like that.

Lili, our job right now
is to get you out of Germany.

I will never get out.

My picture and description
are everywhere.

That's why you're
going by plane.

A plane? From England?

But where would it land?

We couldn't figure that out,
so we're building one.

You are joking.

Care to see our factory?

You are joking.

Even free,
it would take months,

and you are prisoners.

Fewer distractions.

LeBEAU:
Colonel Hogan,

Kommandant Klink
is looking for you.

Klink?
What's he want?

I don't know.
It seems urgent.

Terrible timing.

LeBeau, see Madame
to her quarters, please.

I'll make this short.

Colonel...

I will be safe here?

Not if
I can help it.

Colonel Hogan,
I have sent for you

because I want to tell
you a very funny joke.

You're kidding.

A very
funny joke.

You'll enjoy it.

Look, Colonel,
it's almost 9:00,

and chances are,
I've heard it.

You will sit there,
and you will enjoy it!

Oh, boy.

It seems there
were these two, uh,

what you call
race track touts.

Now, one tout was
telling the other

about meeting
a very rich man

at the race track
who bought him food,

drinks and introduced
him to pretty girls.

Yeah.

Now, the tout
told him to bet

on eight losers
in a row.

The next day the rich
man still wanted

to meet the tout
at the track.

"Did you meet him?"
the first tout asked.

What do you think the
second tout answered?

I could never guess.

"I had to lose him.
He was bad luck."

That's a real thigh-
slapper, all right.

Look, if there's
nothing...

There is
something else.

Ever since you've
been at Stalag 13,

strange things are
happening, very strange.

Really?

Yes.

Only last night
an American plane

was shot down
close to camp.

The pilot was seen
to parachute to earth,

yet our guards
found no pilot.

The next morning we didn't even
find an airplane.

That is strange.

Yes.

Yesterday a German
baroness disappeared,

a special friend
of a Cabinet Minister.

Disappeared, ha.

Defected is what she did.

She was sighted, headed in
the direction of this camp.

Now, the Gestapo
are asking questions.

Do I need the Gestapo
asking me questions?

Colonel Klink, just what
is it you're implying?

I am implying

that strange things
are happening.

Tanks disappear and end up
in the recreation hall.

Trains
are blowing up.

Out of a locked humidor,
my cigars vanish.

Are you suggesting
that I'm responsible?

I am suggesting nothing.

But you are bad luck.

I shall have to lose you.

Lose me?

Oh, you mean send me home.

Much as I appreciate that...

Silence!

You will stay right here.

Langenscheidt!

Yes, Herr Kommandant?

Call in Colonel
Crittendon at once.

He is here, Herr Kommandant.

Colonel Crittendon

reporting to camp
commandant as requested.

Colonel Hogan,
may I present

Colonel Crittendon of
the Royal Air Force?

How do you do, Hogan?

Just shot down?

Months ago.
I've been in Stalag 18.

You had him transferred?

What is your exact date
of rank, Colonel Hogan?

You know my date of rank.

I guess he has
about ten years on me.

Twelve, actually.

That makes him senior
prisoner of war officer.

Nice going,
Klink.

No offense to you,
Crittendon.

Know how you feel, old boy.

I'll pop in on you in
the morning to take over,

right after calisthenics.

We don't do calisthenics.

Oh?

Right after
morning parade, then.

We don't parade, either.

Well, well.

Quite a bit of shaking
up to do, what?

Commandant.

Nice fellow, hey, Hogan?

Would you care for a cigar?

If I can't steal them honestly,
I don't want them.

Colonel, you can't just
take this lying down.

When you get the pink slip,
you get the pink slip.

What can I do? Hold out
for a gold watch?

Well, we're going to
do something about it.

What?

Well, uh, we'll
hold an election.

That's it!

That's the first time
in military history.

We'll hold an election.

We'll get all the guys
in the camp together

and we'll just...

Or something like that.

Look, why don't we
all escape, huh?

That's
a great idea!

Hold it! Hold it!

We're not here to escape.
There's work to be done.

What, under
Crittendon?

This is bigger
than any one man.

Have you told him
about the Baroness?

Not yet.
He's out doing calisthenics.

You're joking.

I'm not going
to do that.

Wait a minute.

The British didn't
send this Crittendon

to take Colonel Hogan's place.

The French didn't send him.

And the Americans
didn't send him.

So, we can
just ignore him, right?

Wrong!

He's senior prisoner
of war officer now

and he's in charge
of operations.

Look, everything's going
to turn out just fine.

Morning, chaps.

Hello, Colonel.

Like to introduce you
to my staff.

Sergeant Kinch
is in charge of operations.

Corporal LeBeau
is our chef, and this is...

No need for that, old boy.

Nothing against
these fellows at all,

but of course
I'll choose my own.

This is my desk?

I was just clearing
it out, yeah.

The maid hasn't
been in this morning.

Jolly good.

Well, let's get down
to business, shall we?

Uh, Colonel, there are
a few things

I think you should
know about Stalag 13.

Of course, old boy.

Picked them up
already.

You have?

No calisthenics, which
mean flabby bodies,

which means flabby minds,
which means a flabby camp.

Flabby.

No parades, which
means low morale,

which means Jerry knows
he's got us in a box,

which means a bad
show all 'round.

Bad show.

Do you realize, since
this camp was opened,

there has not been
one escape?

Not one.

Bad show?

Terribly.

It is the duty
of every prisoner of war

to make the utmost
effort to escape

and rejoin his
own national forces.

I myself have made
11 attempts.

No luck?

Caught every time.

Uh, Colonel,
our operation here

is not what
you're quite used to.

Definitely, old boy.

So, let's get digging, chaps.

Now, I need some thin types
down in the hole with me.

Long arms, dig like badgers,
those types.

Let's see.

Uh-huh, very good,
we'll give you a try.

What's your name,
Corporal?

Uh, Newkirk, sir.

Bit flabby,
but you're English.

We'll take you.

Well, actually sir,
me mother's more Welsh.

Coal miners!
The very best.

We'll start digging
this morning.

Colonel,
before you begin,

let me put a hypothetical
case to you.

Yes, of course, old boy.

Suppose you were in a camp

that specialized in helping
other people out of Germany.

Other people?
What other people?

Suppose a German who had
lots of information

about the German
High Command.

But that would be spying.

You could say
that, yes.

In that case,
which would be

definitely bad form
for prisoners of war,

I would hand over
any information I had

to the German camp commander.

You would?

Like a shot.

Do you happen to know
of any such operation?

Just asking.

Well, chaps, let's
get to digging, men.

Happy digging.
See you at parade.

No, Colonel...

Right turn, double march!

Hut, two, three, four.
Hut, two, three, four.

Bad show?

No, no, Colonel.

Not even of you
will I believe it. No.

Simple operation,
really.

We're all
Air Force men.

We saw the plane crash.

We merely went out
and got the parts.

Along with
Lieutenant Harris.

He's going to fly
you out of here.

How you got it in,
I can almost believe,

because it is here.

But how you will get it out

and me in it, no.

We'll work out
something.

But what?

We like to play these things
like Eliza crossing the ice.

It keeps us on our toes.

When we figure it out,
you'll be the first to know.

It is impossible.

And somehow, I think
it will happen.

Thank you.

A fantastic operation.

And a fantastic
man in charge.

Well, actually,
I'm not in charge.

That would be
Colonel Crittendon.

Who is that? Where is he?

At the moment
he's digging.

An escape tunnel?

Mm-hmm.

Good man.
I hope he makes it.

He's mad, you know.

The whole thing's mad.

Kind of primitive

alongside of the
tunnels we've got.

We could be
at this for months.

You know, it's enough
to drive a man to escape.

I have to bite me tongue
to keep from telling him.

Better not.

Colonel Hogan would bite
more than your tongue.

Right.

Well, maybe we'll
have a cave-in.

It'd be a nice,
clean way out.

Newkirk!

Ow!

Better watch
your head.

Oh, thanks, Carter.

Come on.
Give me a bucket.

Yeah,
here you go.

Thanks.

I don't know how those
gophers do it, you know?

I just really don't.

It's one long thing,
up and down.

Newkirk!

I'm coming, sir.

Hey, Colonel.

What is it, Kinch?

Listen.

Digging?

Sounds like it.

Is it one of them?

Worse... I think
it's one of us.

What do we do,
Colonel?

Was he serious about turning us
in to the Germans?

Very serious.

We can't let him.

We've got
to stop him.

Absolutely.

All right.
Hold it, hold it.

What you've got to realize

is we're very limited
to what we can do here.

He's still in command.

We can't go against
the Articles of War.

I mean, once
discipline breaks down,

we're no better than a mob.

Hello?

However, accidents
will happen.

Well, how we
feeling, better?

Peculiar thing, Hogan.

I can't remember a thing
about the cave-in.

Not a thing... until these chaps
had me out and above ground.

Bit of a close call,
Colonel.

The whole tunnel caved in.

Had to give it up,
I'm afraid.

Yeah, objectively,
the project's a total loss.

Well... that is too bad.

Now, the last
thing I remember,

or think I remember...

but that's a bit thick.

Delusions? I've heard of that
in cave-ins.

You have?

Definite medical phenomena...

like the man dying of thirst
in the desert

keeps seeing mirages
of water holes.

Exactly.

I thought I saw this large room,
lighted, and...

You know what was in it?

An airplane.

How did you know?

Symbol of freedom for a flier.

Oh, yes, of course.

It's classic.
It's classic.

And do you know what else?

A woman.

Why, yes.

Colonel...

I imagine it's been
quite some time?

Oh, yes...

Well, we can't have you

going down digging tunnels,
can we?

A week's rest
and you'll be as good as new.

Blast it all, Hogan.

I can't sit here for
weeks doing nothing.

Our duty is to escape,
escape, escape!

Naturally,
but I-I don't see how.

Well, there are other
ways, apart from digging.

Look here... this camp is laid
out so a child could escape.

Why, beyond the
barbed wire there,

the-the woods are
ridiculously close.

Funny, I've never noticed.

Had you never
thought about it?

All we need is someone
to create a diversion

while we cut the wire
and run for it.

Diversion. Diversion.

Excitement, noise.

We got some Red Cross
instruments for an orchestra.

Just the thing.

But we had to give it up.
They were all kettle drums.

My dear fellow, the
more noise, the better.

Uh, "Die Walkure" or "The
Ride of the Valkyries."

You know, uh, Germans
love Wagner anyway.

Come on, I mean,
we couldn't play

while you're cutting
through the wire.

Put something up at the
other side of the camp.

Have you no
imagination, man?

Maybe if you went to Klink
in a couple of days

and asked for a big tent.

Couple of days?
Huh, I'll do it now.

Why, with a spot of luck,

I could be out of here
tomorrow night.

Really?

Oh, yes, uh... take you
chaps with me, of course.

Thank you, sir.
Thanks.

And you, too, Hogan, if
you had a bit of sand.

And leave the orchestra?

You've never seen me
play kettledrums.

Colonel Hogan!
Colonel Hogan!

Colonel Hogan!

Hi, Schultz.
Please...

You didn't know I played

with the Mound City
Blue Blowers, did you?

Colonel Hogan!
Colonel Hogan!

What is it, Schultz?

Please, Colonel, I have
a wife and a family.

I'm their sole support.

It would be worth my life

to have female spies
walking around the camp.

What?

Walking around the camp.

Where did she come from?

Don't tell me, but wherever
it was, put her back.

It was unforgivable, of course.

Not only that,
it could've been fatal. Why?

I should have told you,
but I thought...

I thought I could control it.

You see, before I escaped,

the Gestapo put me in a cell
underground.

Just now, I could not stand
being underground anymore.

I thought,
just a breath of air...

then I would go back down,

but the guard
spotted me.

Oh, it was weak.
It was foolish.

Fortunately,
it was Schultz.

You have bribed him?

Just once. Since then,
we keep telling him things

he shouldn't know.

I think I could go
into the tunnel now.

All right. Let me
look around first.

It's all set.

Klink fell for it like
a ton of... Who's that?

Corporal Franston,
one of my best.

Our best. Your best.

Oh. Safe to talk
in front of him?

Oh, perfectly, perfectly.

Oh... quite.

Well, we've got our tent.

Oh, great. I've got
just the place to set it up.

Now, we've got to get to
work on the wire cutters.

Are you sure this
corporal's all right?

All right? She's more
than all right, she's... a he.

What in blazes is
a woman doing here?

Hiding, Colonel Crittendon.

And she's German, too.

Baroness Lili Van Schlichter.

Hogan, don't you realize
who this woman is?

Don't you know
we could all be shot

if we're even found with her?

Oh, of course,
there's a little risk involved,

but do you realize
how many people are hurt

each year
in auto accidents?

As prisoners of war, our
sole obligation is to escape.

In every other area,
we-we cooperate

fully with the enemy powers.

I regret
I shall have to turn you in.

You're going to hate yourself.

Are you, um,
threatening me?

Colonel Crittendon,
you are a soldier.

You have a soldier's code.

I am a civilian.
I have no code.

In my country,
I am considered a traitor.

Uh, yeah. I think I
should tell you, Baroness,

I'm not a man to succumb to
the blandishments of a woman.

I don't speak to you as a woman,

but as one who is fighting
for the same cause...

A traitor, if you will,

who is fighting for honor
to return to her country.

If you wish to turn me in,
I am ready.

24 hours. No more.

That'd be just about right.

Odd, you know, Hogan.

She's, uh...
she's remarkably similar

to the girl I saw
in my, uh, hallucination.

You know what
that means?

No, what?

You've got good taste.

Oh, thanks.

Bum, bum, ba-ba-ba-bum,
rum-pa-pum-pum-pum,

rum-pa-pum-pum-pum...
Incredible!

Yes, Herr Kommandant.

How well they play,
these prisoners.

Would you believe it...
This is their first rehearsal.

They must be trained
musicians, Herr Kommandant.

They play Wagner
like Germans.

You know, Helga...

You know that the whole
of our beautiful national soul,

our culture is expressed
in "The Ride of the Valkyries."

As a warrior, you
must feel it deeply.

I do.

Perhaps some day,
as a fallen hero,

I shall be carried off
to Valhalla across the saddle

of a beautiful
German war maiden...

such as you, my dear Helga.

Are you volunteering for
active duty, Herr Kommandant?

Be quiet and listen
to the music.

A beauty, huh, Schultz?

Where's the orchestra?

I'm talking
about the airplane.

What airplane?

Kinch.

All ready, Colonel.

Okay, Lili.

This is too much.
I must protest.

Please, Colonel
Hogan, my family.

Did I tell you I'm
the sole provider?

You should see how they
can eat. Please, Colonel...

Don't talk to me, Schultz.

Colonel Crittendon's
the senior officer in charge.

Where is he?!
Oh, don't tell me!

Where's the blasted music?

They're letting the drums
cool down.

I wouldn't mind it,
Colonel.

Ah, now,

you chaps start
cutting away here,

and I'll go on down a bit
and start cutting.

Yeah, right, Colonel.

Good luck.

Have to watch
those little hooks, Colonel.

I'd love to see his face
when he cuts that wire.

So would I. Timber.

I only hope that he doesn't
get hit by the plane.

Why?

'Cause he'd break a prop,
that's why.

I will never forget you.

What?

I said...

Strong thing.

What was that? It
sounded like a motor.

It is a motor,
attached to an airplane.

Stop!

Come on.

Uh, begging your pardon,
Colonel,

you're outside the camp now.

That makes Colonel Hogan
the senior officer,

and he prefers us to stay.

You're a disgrace
to the British uniform.

Right, sir.

You better get
moving, Colonel.

You're in the middle
of a landing strip.

What?

Halt!

Halt! Halt! Halt!

Halt!

Fire, you dummkopf,
fire! Fire! Halt!

Halt!

Herr Kommandant,
Colonel Hogan.

Morning, Colonel Klink.

I want an explanation,
Hogan, and I want it now.

Frau Helga, take this down
for an official report to Berlin.

Take what down?
About yesterday.

Airplanes, falling down
fences, music without musicians.

Oh, that. Have you talked
to Colonel Crittendon?

Colonel Crittendon is in the
cooler for attempted escape.

Besides which, he
denies everything.

Well, frankly, Kommandant,
I do think what happened

was pretty deplorable, and
probably accounts for the rumors.

Rumors? What rumors? You
heard something? Mm, nothing.

I'm being transferred.
That's it. Is it not?

You know, it's a funny thing.

When I heard that music,
I kept seeing you

as a fallen hero
borne off to Valhalla

across the saddle... No,
they can't do that to me,

not with my record!

Up to now, it's
been perfect.

Mm-hmm. Not a single escape.

We did make quite a team.

Take down
an official report.

Transfer Colonel Crittendon
back to Stalag 18 at once.

But what about
the official report to Berlin?

Oh, forget it.

Colonel Hogan,
just tell me one thing.

Was it really
Colonel Crittendon

who was responsible
for yesterday?

Well, let's put it
this way.

We had to lose him.
He was bad luck.