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1
00:00:49,234 --> 00:00:50,944
All right, three minutes
till roll call.
2
00:00:50,944 --> 00:00:52,362
Let's make sure
we're squared away.
3
00:00:52,404 --> 00:00:53,655
Olsen, what's this?
4
00:00:53,697 --> 00:00:55,115
Dynamite's buried there,
Colonel.
5
00:00:55,157 --> 00:00:56,658
How far from the
railroad station?
6
00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:57,659
400 yards.
7
00:00:57,701 --> 00:00:58,785
And the train
is due when?
8
00:00:58,827 --> 00:00:59,953
3:16 this afternoon.
9
00:00:59,953 --> 00:01:01,163
Newkirk, how
does he get out?
10
00:01:01,204 --> 00:01:03,582
Rides out with the dogs,
Colonel, in the truck.
11
00:01:03,623 --> 00:01:05,167
How's the truck get out?
12
00:01:05,208 --> 00:01:06,835
Carrying the dogs
that are out looking for Olsen.
13
00:01:06,877 --> 00:01:08,253
After you report him as missing.
14
00:01:08,295 --> 00:01:10,714
During the diversion.
Which is set off when, Carter?
15
00:01:10,755 --> 00:01:12,966
When you give the signal,
raising the bill of your cap.
16
00:01:13,008 --> 00:01:14,342
Like this.
17
00:01:14,426 --> 00:01:16,011
It's a pod, Colonel.
Ain't no sweat.
18
00:01:16,052 --> 00:01:17,345
What do we do
for an encore?
19
00:01:17,387 --> 00:01:19,473
You're good.
You're all very good.
20
00:01:19,514 --> 00:01:21,183
We work together good.
21
00:01:21,224 --> 00:01:23,518
So good, in fact, you're
beginning to pad your parts.
22
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:26,313
Having so much fun,
we're beginning to ad lib.
23
00:01:26,354 --> 00:01:28,190
Well, hear this.
24
00:01:28,231 --> 00:01:30,192
All I want
is a simple diversion,
25
00:01:30,233 --> 00:01:32,319
a simple escape
and a simple dynamiting
26
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,695
of an ammunition train.
27
00:01:33,737 --> 00:01:35,864
Stick to the script...
Is that clear?
28
00:01:35,906 --> 00:01:38,200
Guard coming, Colonel.
29
00:01:38,241 --> 00:01:40,869
All right, Olsen, get your gear
together, get ready and go out.
30
00:01:47,334 --> 00:01:49,336
Now...
31
00:01:49,544 --> 00:01:52,714
this is a woman.
32
00:01:52,756 --> 00:01:55,217
W-O-M-A-N.
33
00:01:56,218 --> 00:01:57,886
What is this?
34
00:01:57,928 --> 00:01:59,971
This is a lecture I have to give
every six months, Schultz.
35
00:02:00,013 --> 00:02:01,139
It's army regulations.
36
00:02:01,181 --> 00:02:03,517
Ah, ah, ah.
I don't believe you.
37
00:02:03,517 --> 00:02:06,353
You want to know what
we were really doing?
38
00:02:06,353 --> 00:02:09,147
No! I want everybody out,
out, out, out, out, out!
39
00:02:09,189 --> 00:02:10,857
All right, some
other time, Schultz.
40
00:02:10,857 --> 00:02:13,693
Roll call! Everybody out
but you, Colonel Hogan.
41
00:02:13,693 --> 00:02:16,321
Kommandant Klink wants
to see you in his office.
42
00:02:16,363 --> 00:02:18,156
It is urgent.
43
00:02:18,198 --> 00:02:19,658
All right.
44
00:02:19,699 --> 00:02:20,826
Trouble, Colonel?
45
00:02:20,867 --> 00:02:22,202
Yeah, I'll be able
to handle it.
46
00:02:22,244 --> 00:02:24,704
Look, uh, change the signal
for the diversion.
47
00:02:24,704 --> 00:02:27,582
When you see me come out of
Klink's office, that'll be it.
48
00:02:27,624 --> 00:02:30,210
Then Olsen takes off and blows
up the choo-choo train.
49
00:02:30,210 --> 00:02:32,212
When you come out
of Klink's office, that's it.
50
00:02:32,212 --> 00:02:34,172
Yeah. What if you
get held up in there?
51
00:02:34,214 --> 00:02:37,592
I'll tell him
we have a train to catch.
52
00:02:50,564 --> 00:02:54,442
Colonel Hogan, does the name
General Von Platzen
53
00:02:54,526 --> 00:02:55,569
mean anything to you?
54
00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:57,821
Von Platzen...
55
00:02:57,863 --> 00:02:59,865
Yeah, the Inspector General.
56
00:02:59,906 --> 00:03:02,492
Inspector General of the armies
of the Third Reich.
57
00:03:02,534 --> 00:03:04,911
Now, he is due to arrive here
any moment.
58
00:03:04,911 --> 00:03:06,538
Here? Why wasn't I notified?
59
00:03:06,580 --> 00:03:08,081
Why should you be?
60
00:03:08,123 --> 00:03:10,750
Why shouldn't I be?
61
00:03:10,750 --> 00:03:12,669
I, of course, have no anxiety.
62
00:03:12,711 --> 00:03:16,506
Everything at Camp 13
is in perfect order, perfect.
63
00:03:16,548 --> 00:03:18,758
Up till now, that's true.
64
00:03:18,758 --> 00:03:21,511
But I am well aware,
Colonel Hogan,
65
00:03:21,553 --> 00:03:23,638
there is nothing
you and your men would not do
66
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:25,474
to try to undermine
my position here,
67
00:03:25,515 --> 00:03:26,600
even to have me replaced.
68
00:03:26,641 --> 00:03:28,852
Replace you? Are you kidding?
69
00:03:28,894 --> 00:03:30,395
We'd do anything
to keep you here.
70
00:03:30,437 --> 00:03:31,855
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
71
00:03:31,897 --> 00:03:35,859
I am not a vain man,
so do not try flattery.
72
00:03:35,901 --> 00:03:39,029
You would like someone
less strict, less vigilant,
73
00:03:39,070 --> 00:03:40,363
less efficient,
is that not so?
74
00:03:40,405 --> 00:03:42,199
No, you suit us just fine.
75
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,618
Ah! My record is perfect.
76
00:03:44,659 --> 00:03:48,330
In over 200 attempts, not
one successful escape...
77
00:03:48,371 --> 00:03:52,459
but I warn you... during
this inspection visit,
78
00:03:52,501 --> 00:03:55,462
I shall keep my eyes upon
you, so do not try anything.
79
00:03:55,462 --> 00:03:56,755
Is that clear?
80
00:03:56,796 --> 00:03:58,256
Sure, it's clear.
81
00:03:58,298 --> 00:04:00,467
It just may be a little
too late, that's all.
82
00:04:00,509 --> 00:04:02,636
What do you mean?
83
00:04:02,636 --> 00:04:04,679
Herr Kommandant.
84
00:04:04,721 --> 00:04:06,973
Did I ask for you,
Langenscheidt?
85
00:04:06,973 --> 00:04:08,308
Kommandant Klink,
86
00:04:08,308 --> 00:04:10,143
General Von Platzen
and his party are here.
87
00:04:10,185 --> 00:04:11,895
Here? Where? How?
88
00:04:11,937 --> 00:04:13,355
Just outside the building.
89
00:04:13,396 --> 00:04:15,398
I gave strict instructions
I was to be notified
90
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:16,817
the moment they
came in the gate.
91
00:04:16,858 --> 00:04:19,152
Now, I will find those
responsible and...
92
00:04:19,194 --> 00:04:22,656
Did you say just
outside the building?
93
00:04:22,656 --> 00:04:23,949
On their way in,
Herr Kommandant.
94
00:04:27,869 --> 00:04:29,329
Every hair in place.
95
00:04:29,329 --> 00:04:30,664
Out!
96
00:04:30,664 --> 00:04:31,915
Oh, I'll wait here.
97
00:04:31,957 --> 00:04:33,667
Out!
98
00:04:42,217 --> 00:04:45,011
General Von Platzen,
Colonel Klink reporting, sir.
99
00:04:45,053 --> 00:04:46,680
Colonel Klink, ja.
100
00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:49,349
Things look very good here,
ja, ja, ja.
101
00:04:49,391 --> 00:04:51,810
Very... very good indeed.
102
00:04:51,852 --> 00:04:53,478
Thank you, Herr General.
103
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,229
May I present
Colonel Hogan, senior
104
00:04:55,241 --> 00:04:56,815
officer of the prisoners of war.
105
00:04:56,857 --> 00:04:59,151
What? Who? Oh, ja, ja.
106
00:04:59,192 --> 00:05:00,610
As long
as you're inspecting, sir,
107
00:05:00,652 --> 00:05:02,362
I'd like to complain
about the food here.
108
00:05:02,404 --> 00:05:03,572
Ah, you are confused, Ogan.
109
00:05:03,613 --> 00:05:06,783
I am his inspector general,
not yours.
110
00:05:06,825 --> 00:05:08,160
Yeah, well,
it's Hogan, sir.
111
00:05:08,201 --> 00:05:09,452
Under international law,
112
00:05:09,494 --> 00:05:11,163
I could stay right here
and make a list.
113
00:05:11,204 --> 00:05:13,331
If the prisoners do not complain
about the food,
114
00:05:13,373 --> 00:05:15,000
then I know
there is something wrong.
115
00:05:15,041 --> 00:05:18,795
You have passed
your first test, Klink.
116
00:05:18,837 --> 00:05:20,088
Shall we go outside?
117
00:05:20,130 --> 00:05:21,506
Well, by all means,
Herr General.
118
00:05:21,548 --> 00:05:25,010
I will inspect
your personal staff later.
119
00:05:25,051 --> 00:05:26,344
Come, Brogan.
120
00:05:26,386 --> 00:05:28,472
Uh, Hogan, sir, and I
don't go outside much.
121
00:05:28,513 --> 00:05:29,848
I have a chest
condition.
122
00:05:29,890 --> 00:05:31,141
Out!
Out!
123
00:05:31,183 --> 00:05:33,477
Out.
124
00:05:34,603 --> 00:05:35,979
Raus, everybody, raus!
125
00:05:36,021 --> 00:05:37,564
Yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes!
126
00:05:37,606 --> 00:05:38,815
Everybody, raus!
127
00:05:38,857 --> 00:05:40,775
Raus, everybody, raus!
128
00:05:40,817 --> 00:05:42,903
Yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes!
129
00:05:42,944 --> 00:05:44,571
Raus, everybody, raus!
130
00:05:44,571 --> 00:05:47,240
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, everybody, raus!
131
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:48,992
Raus, everybody!
132
00:05:49,034 --> 00:05:51,244
Eins, zwei, drei, vier,
133
00:05:51,286 --> 00:05:53,079
funf, sechs, sieben, acht,
134
00:05:53,079 --> 00:05:54,289
neun...
135
00:06:02,255 --> 00:06:04,049
B-l7's.
136
00:06:04,090 --> 00:06:05,801
Barbarians!
137
00:06:05,842 --> 00:06:07,928
Now they're bombing
prison camps!
138
00:06:07,969 --> 00:06:09,429
It is our leader's fault.
139
00:06:09,471 --> 00:06:12,098
He told us that German soil
would be sacred.
140
00:06:12,140 --> 00:06:13,600
What am I saying?
141
00:06:13,642 --> 00:06:15,268
I think it's a
thunderstorm.
142
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,070
Any more firecrackers,
Carter?
143
00:06:25,362 --> 00:06:26,488
Yeah, one more.
144
00:06:28,573 --> 00:06:32,494
Oh, person'd think there's
a war on, wouldn't they?
145
00:06:32,536 --> 00:06:34,830
Hey, Schultz! Schultz!
146
00:06:34,871 --> 00:06:37,082
I think we got
a man missing.
147
00:06:37,123 --> 00:06:40,001
Who cares?
148
00:06:40,043 --> 00:06:43,463
It's all over.
There's been an escape.
149
00:06:43,463 --> 00:06:46,466
It's Olsen, Schultz.
He's gone!
150
00:06:46,466 --> 00:06:48,760
Did you have to tell me?
151
00:06:51,763 --> 00:06:55,642
I beg to report.
A prisoner is missing!
152
00:06:55,642 --> 00:06:57,978
Sound the alarm!
Let loose the dogs!
153
00:06:57,978 --> 00:07:01,356
Get on your feet,
you cowards!
154
00:07:03,733 --> 00:07:05,277
The truck with the dogs.
155
00:07:05,318 --> 00:07:07,362
After them! Go!
156
00:07:15,954 --> 00:07:17,497
What'd you do that for,
Colonel?
157
00:07:17,497 --> 00:07:20,167
It's a complicated war, Olsen.
158
00:07:23,545 --> 00:07:25,797
Thanks.
159
00:07:27,674 --> 00:07:32,179
Now, let us see
what we have here.
160
00:07:32,179 --> 00:07:36,057
Explosions...
161
00:07:36,099 --> 00:07:37,851
escapes...
162
00:07:37,851 --> 00:07:39,311
cigars?
163
00:07:39,352 --> 00:07:42,689
It is locked.
Allow me, Herr General.
164
00:07:52,157 --> 00:07:54,743
Oh, ja, ja, ja.
165
00:07:54,826 --> 00:07:58,455
So, you... you keep
them locked up?
166
00:07:58,497 --> 00:08:01,750
It's a very interesting
trait of character, Klink.
167
00:08:01,791 --> 00:08:05,754
They are...
my little prisoners.
168
00:08:05,795 --> 00:08:07,964
Excuse me, Herr General,
would you wish me
169
00:08:08,006 --> 00:08:08,715
to take all this down?
170
00:08:08,715 --> 00:08:10,759
As you wish.
171
00:08:10,801 --> 00:08:14,387
Mainly, you just sit
there and look pretty.
172
00:08:14,429 --> 00:08:15,514
Thanks, I will.
173
00:08:15,555 --> 00:08:17,057
Not you.
174
00:08:17,057 --> 00:08:19,726
Oh, sorry.
175
00:08:19,768 --> 00:08:22,604
Do you have an
explanation for these, mm...
176
00:08:22,646 --> 00:08:25,232
occurrences, Klink?
177
00:08:25,232 --> 00:08:27,776
It is a plot to discredit me,
Herr General.
178
00:08:27,818 --> 00:08:31,822
This man would do anything
to have me removed.
179
00:08:31,863 --> 00:08:35,075
I have never trusted him.
Never.
180
00:08:35,116 --> 00:08:36,868
Well!
181
00:08:36,910 --> 00:08:40,247
What steps have you taken,
Klink?
182
00:08:40,288 --> 00:08:44,167
The escapee, Sergeant Olsen,
is in the cooler for 30 days.
183
00:08:44,209 --> 00:08:46,670
The entire camp
will be punished
184
00:08:46,711 --> 00:08:50,132
by having their exercise period
canceled for three weeks.
185
00:08:50,173 --> 00:08:51,758
The barracks
are being torn apart
186
00:08:51,758 --> 00:08:54,052
in a search
for further explosive.
187
00:08:54,094 --> 00:08:57,180
Further... This man
is an inhuman beast.
188
00:08:57,222 --> 00:09:00,475
Ah... and your explanation,
Colonel Dugan?
189
00:09:00,517 --> 00:09:01,685
Hogan.
190
00:09:01,726 --> 00:09:05,105
For the boom-boom
and all of that?
191
00:09:05,105 --> 00:09:06,940
A legitimate
escape attempt
192
00:09:06,982 --> 00:09:10,235
by men tortured beyond the limit
of their endurance.
193
00:09:10,277 --> 00:09:13,280
Ah, so... a strange coincidence
194
00:09:13,321 --> 00:09:15,824
that it should occur
during my visit.
195
00:09:15,866 --> 00:09:18,952
To be honest with you, it was
a slip-up in our intelligence.
196
00:09:18,994 --> 00:09:21,121
You were plotting
against me.
197
00:09:21,163 --> 00:09:25,167
And your... how would
you say it... your, um...
198
00:09:25,208 --> 00:09:28,628
grandstand gesture
in stopping the escape,
199
00:09:28,670 --> 00:09:31,798
from our side, of course,
very commendable.
200
00:09:31,798 --> 00:09:33,133
Thank you.
201
00:09:33,175 --> 00:09:37,429
From your side,
you would be a fink.
202
00:09:37,471 --> 00:09:39,473
That's show business.
203
00:09:41,516 --> 00:09:45,270
You see, Herr General, he admits
that it was play-acting.
204
00:09:45,312 --> 00:09:48,482
Colonel Klink. Yes,
Herr Inspector General?
205
00:09:48,523 --> 00:09:53,195
In Berlin, your record has been
under review for some time.
206
00:09:53,236 --> 00:09:55,906
There have been
unfortunate occurrences, yes.
207
00:09:55,947 --> 00:09:57,991
20 years in parade,
208
00:09:58,033 --> 00:10:02,245
longer than any colonel
in the whole German Army.
209
00:10:02,287 --> 00:10:04,456
Were I given
my Luftwaffe pilots back,
210
00:10:04,498 --> 00:10:05,749
instead of having to deal
with men
211
00:10:05,790 --> 00:10:07,501
like this!
212
00:10:07,501 --> 00:10:09,503
20 years
with an efficiency rating
213
00:10:09,544 --> 00:10:12,172
one degree above miserable...
214
00:10:12,214 --> 00:10:16,343
until... you were put in charge
of Camp 13.
215
00:10:16,384 --> 00:10:20,013
Herr Inspector General,
I take full responsibility
216
00:10:20,013 --> 00:10:21,848
for the shameful happenings
here.
217
00:10:21,848 --> 00:10:23,767
It is a stain
upon my honor,
218
00:10:23,809 --> 00:10:27,187
and I realize the Inspector
General has no other choice
219
00:10:27,229 --> 00:10:30,232
but to relieve me of my post.
220
00:10:30,273 --> 00:10:35,487
Klink, do you realize what has
been going on in other camps?
221
00:10:35,529 --> 00:10:36,530
What is going on?
222
00:10:36,530 --> 00:10:39,366
Wholesale
escapes, breaks,
223
00:10:39,366 --> 00:10:41,368
tunneling like gophers.
224
00:10:41,368 --> 00:10:44,412
Only in Camp 13
have there been no escapes.
225
00:10:44,454 --> 00:10:47,541
You mean I'm to be retained?
226
00:10:47,582 --> 00:10:48,416
No.
227
00:10:48,458 --> 00:10:48,834
No?
228
00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:50,544
No?
229
00:10:50,585 --> 00:10:52,671
You're making a big
mistake, General.
230
00:10:52,712 --> 00:10:55,340
Get off my side.
231
00:10:57,217 --> 00:11:01,388
Colonel Klink, when I get back
to Berlin, I shall recommend
232
00:11:01,388 --> 00:11:03,056
that you be
transferred there,
233
00:11:03,098 --> 00:11:08,103
and be put in charge...
of all prison camps.
234
00:11:10,856 --> 00:11:13,316
You have finally found
your niche.
235
00:11:14,693 --> 00:11:17,028
You can't do that!
236
00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:18,572
Why not?
237
00:11:23,577 --> 00:11:27,205
Congratulations, Klink.
238
00:11:27,247 --> 00:11:30,584
And, of course, you will bring
along your personal staff.
239
00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:32,919
- Of course, Herr General.
- Thank you, Herr General.
240
00:11:32,919 --> 00:11:35,005
I am most gratified,
Herr General.
241
00:11:35,046 --> 00:11:36,590
General?
242
00:11:36,590 --> 00:11:39,176
Ja, Colonel, um...?
243
00:11:39,217 --> 00:11:40,635
Fagin.
244
00:11:40,677 --> 00:11:44,181
Ja, Colonel Hogan,
might I say
245
00:11:44,222 --> 00:11:46,516
that it was your hostility
and fear of Colonel Klink
246
00:11:46,558 --> 00:11:49,311
that convinced me
he was our man.
247
00:11:51,313 --> 00:11:54,316
Now, you wish
to make a statement?
248
00:11:54,357 --> 00:11:56,985
I don't think so.
249
00:11:57,027 --> 00:12:00,071
Sometimes, I just talk too much.
250
00:12:05,702 --> 00:12:07,329
At ease.
251
00:12:12,959 --> 00:12:16,171
All right, all right,
so I blew it.
252
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:18,298
If I told you once,
I told you a thousand times,
253
00:12:18,298 --> 00:12:19,633
don't overdo it.
254
00:12:19,633 --> 00:12:21,426
Don't oversell, right?
255
00:12:21,468 --> 00:12:24,638
Then I went out and did it.
256
00:12:24,679 --> 00:12:26,139
It's everybody's fault,
Colonel.
257
00:12:26,181 --> 00:12:27,349
We made him look
too good.
258
00:12:27,390 --> 00:12:28,517
Right.
259
00:12:28,558 --> 00:12:29,851
Now we have to go the other way.
260
00:12:31,144 --> 00:12:33,480
Make him look bad.
261
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,315
How hard can that be?
262
00:12:35,357 --> 00:12:36,858
Blow up his headquarters?
263
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:38,193
No, no, think small.
264
00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:40,362
Just enough to louse
up the promotion.
265
00:12:40,403 --> 00:12:41,363
Set fire
to his headquarters.
266
00:12:41,738 --> 00:12:43,532
Think small.
267
00:12:43,573 --> 00:12:46,034
Inspection party on the way,
Colonel... Von Platzen and Klink.
268
00:12:46,076 --> 00:12:47,536
All right, look, we
don't have a chance
269
00:12:47,577 --> 00:12:48,537
to plan this thing.
270
00:12:48,578 --> 00:12:49,996
LeBeau, get down to
Tunnel Number Four.
271
00:12:50,038 --> 00:12:51,164
Put Plan Alpha into action,
272
00:12:51,206 --> 00:12:52,958
right next to the ventilator
in the barracks, right?
273
00:12:52,999 --> 00:12:53,959
Now, remember we're going
274
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,669
to have to wing this
thing, so keep it small.
275
00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:56,795
Right?
Right.
276
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:04,886
Achtung! Attention!
277
00:13:08,181 --> 00:13:09,724
Colonel Robert Hogan,
senior officer
278
00:13:09,766 --> 00:13:11,476
of the prisoners of
war reporting, sir.
279
00:13:11,518 --> 00:13:13,687
Ja, ja. We have met, I believe.
280
00:13:13,687 --> 00:13:16,189
You may stand at ease,
gentlemen.
281
00:13:16,189 --> 00:13:19,067
So, Colonel Klink,
shall we review your troops
282
00:13:19,109 --> 00:13:22,320
for the final time?
283
00:13:22,362 --> 00:13:25,532
For the final time,
Herr General.
284
00:13:28,869 --> 00:13:30,537
Jawohl.
285
00:13:32,539 --> 00:13:34,291
Jawohl.
286
00:13:35,375 --> 00:13:36,668
Oh, oh, excuse me, sir.
287
00:13:36,710 --> 00:13:38,545
You've got a bit
of a loose button there.
288
00:13:38,545 --> 00:13:41,006
I notice these sort of things
in my line of work.
289
00:13:41,047 --> 00:13:42,674
It's tailoring,
you know, sir. Tailoring.
290
00:13:42,716 --> 00:13:44,801
I'll fix it up for you
right as rain.
291
00:13:44,843 --> 00:13:46,344
Don't worry...
Take your hands off me!
292
00:13:46,386 --> 00:13:47,554
Take your
hands off him!
293
00:13:47,554 --> 00:13:49,723
There's no call
to get huffy, governor.
294
00:13:49,890 --> 00:13:53,310
Where's my monocle?
295
00:13:53,351 --> 00:13:57,272
It seems to be in my
hand, Herr General.
296
00:13:57,314 --> 00:14:01,735
Does your hand need a monocle?
297
00:14:01,735 --> 00:14:04,279
I believe I have an
explanation for this, sir.
298
00:14:08,033 --> 00:14:09,534
No, I haven't.
299
00:14:09,576 --> 00:14:11,328
This is the overseas service
300
00:14:11,369 --> 00:14:12,662
of the BBC with a...
301
00:14:12,704 --> 00:14:14,498
What is this?
302
00:14:14,539 --> 00:14:15,832
Herr General.
303
00:14:15,874 --> 00:14:17,000
Schultz!
304
00:14:17,042 --> 00:14:19,002
Where is that radio?
305
00:14:19,044 --> 00:14:21,338
They didn't tell me.
306
00:14:21,379 --> 00:14:23,256
Find it at once.
307
00:14:23,256 --> 00:14:25,926
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
308
00:14:25,967 --> 00:14:27,511
Hogan.
309
00:14:27,552 --> 00:14:28,804
Hmm?
310
00:14:28,845 --> 00:14:32,349
Where does that voice come from?
311
00:14:32,390 --> 00:14:33,975
The evaluation
of yesterday's raid...
312
00:14:34,017 --> 00:14:36,102
From the accent,
I'd say England.
313
00:14:48,782 --> 00:14:51,785
So, a model camp,
Klink.
314
00:14:51,827 --> 00:14:56,331
Explosions for arriving guests,
a funny kommandant.
315
00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:59,626
And now prisoners
tuned into the BBC?
316
00:14:59,668 --> 00:15:03,463
Maybe you could get them all
weekend passes to London?
317
00:15:03,505 --> 00:15:05,674
Hey, as a matter
of fact, General...
318
00:15:05,715 --> 00:15:07,300
Silence!
319
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:10,137
General, I can assure you,
I will find that radio,
320
00:15:10,137 --> 00:15:13,348
if Sergeant Schultz will have
to take the barracks apart
321
00:15:13,390 --> 00:15:16,268
by tearing out each nail
with his teeth.
322
00:15:16,309 --> 00:15:19,479
I hope so, Klink,
for your sake.
323
00:15:19,521 --> 00:15:23,650
Shall we go before they decide
to steal my wallet?
324
00:15:25,986 --> 00:15:28,155
Nobody leaves the room.
325
00:15:28,196 --> 00:15:29,990
I can assure you,
Herr General...
326
00:15:30,031 --> 00:15:32,159
I am getting very shaky
from your assurances, Klink.
327
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:33,243
Search everybody.
328
00:15:33,285 --> 00:15:34,995
Search!
329
00:15:35,036 --> 00:15:36,329
Search the prisoners.
330
00:15:36,329 --> 00:15:38,498
What are you doing?
331
00:15:38,498 --> 00:15:41,793
Herr Kommandant,
sometimes they...
332
00:15:45,380 --> 00:15:47,674
I assure you,
Herr General, I...
333
00:15:47,716 --> 00:15:50,677
I assure you, Klink,
334
00:15:50,719 --> 00:15:53,972
pickpockets to be running
our prison camps,
335
00:15:54,014 --> 00:15:56,600
we don't need.
336
00:15:56,641 --> 00:15:57,934
Herr General, I...
337
00:15:57,976 --> 00:15:59,436
Uh, by the way,
Kommandant,
338
00:15:59,478 --> 00:16:00,979
I haven't had a chance
339
00:16:01,021 --> 00:16:03,315
to congratulate you
on your promotion.
340
00:16:14,034 --> 00:16:16,536
They're headed
in the right direction, Colonel.
341
00:16:16,536 --> 00:16:18,246
Figure about ten
feet more, huh?
342
00:16:18,288 --> 00:16:20,999
But everything else is
in perfect order, Herr General.
343
00:16:21,041 --> 00:16:22,209
Everything else...
344
00:16:25,712 --> 00:16:27,422
What is it?
345
00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:30,175
A tunnel is what it is.
346
00:16:33,595 --> 00:16:34,721
Get me out of here!
347
00:16:40,644 --> 00:16:42,103
Herr General, I
do not understand.
348
00:16:42,145 --> 00:16:45,565
Take your hand
off my wallet!
349
00:16:45,565 --> 00:16:47,400
Boy, you're a shrewd one,
General.
350
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:48,902
You discovered our tunnel.
351
00:16:48,902 --> 00:16:50,320
So, you admit it.
352
00:16:50,362 --> 00:16:51,780
I shall trace it back
353
00:16:51,822 --> 00:16:54,115
to whatever barracks
it came from,
354
00:16:54,157 --> 00:16:56,576
and the guilty men will
be put in the cooler
355
00:16:56,618 --> 00:16:57,994
for at least six months.
356
00:16:58,036 --> 00:16:59,371
As a matter of fact, sir,
it comes from your headquarters.
357
00:17:01,414 --> 00:17:03,458
Just thought it was easier
that way.
358
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:04,793
So...
359
00:17:04,835 --> 00:17:08,088
This camp, Klink,
this camp is a black page
360
00:17:08,130 --> 00:17:11,466
in the glorious history
of the Third Reich,
361
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:15,303
which I shall report
when I get back to Berlin.
362
00:17:18,431 --> 00:17:20,433
I certainly hope
this won't stand in the way
363
00:17:20,475 --> 00:17:21,935
of your promotion, sir.
364
00:17:22,978 --> 00:17:26,982
How you must hate me.
365
00:17:34,990 --> 00:17:37,492
You did what to his staff car?
366
00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:38,827
Oh, it'll still
run, Colonel,
367
00:17:38,869 --> 00:17:40,328
if you push it.
368
00:17:40,370 --> 00:17:42,998
What made you think
of taking out the motor?
369
00:17:43,039 --> 00:17:44,624
Well, you told us to
think big, Colonel.
370
00:17:44,624 --> 00:17:46,334
Or was it small?
371
00:17:46,376 --> 00:17:49,337
We even went too far
with the tunnel bit.
372
00:17:49,379 --> 00:17:51,756
Now, what happens when
Von Platzen gets in the car?
373
00:17:51,798 --> 00:17:53,758
We got the starter wired
to this little gadget...
374
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,261
I know that.
What happens to Klink?
375
00:17:56,303 --> 00:17:57,971
Yeah, you got a
good point there.
376
00:17:57,971 --> 00:17:59,973
All right, all right,
this is what we've got to do.
377
00:17:59,973 --> 00:18:01,308
Carter,
got into a German uniform.
378
00:18:01,308 --> 00:18:03,143
I need another German.
379
00:18:03,143 --> 00:18:04,644
How about me?
380
00:18:04,644 --> 00:18:06,354
Don't be funny.
381
00:18:06,396 --> 00:18:07,814
LeBeau.
382
00:18:07,814 --> 00:18:09,649
Newkirk,
fix him up with a uniform.
383
00:18:09,649 --> 00:18:11,067
Kinch,
get over to the motor pool.
384
00:18:11,109 --> 00:18:12,652
Requisition another staff car.
Right.
385
00:18:12,652 --> 00:18:17,491
Carter, what made you think
of taking out the motor?
386
00:18:17,491 --> 00:18:19,910
I guess because
it was there.
387
00:18:23,288 --> 00:18:24,873
Perhaps the
inspector general
388
00:18:24,915 --> 00:18:26,249
could spend another day,
389
00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:28,293
just to see
how smooth things run here.
390
00:18:28,335 --> 00:18:30,837
Another day here, and
I would order you shot.
391
00:18:30,837 --> 00:18:33,673
Perhaps I could write a letter
to the inspector general.
392
00:18:33,673 --> 00:18:36,760
I would first soak it
in water, then bury it.
393
00:18:36,802 --> 00:18:38,845
Herr General.
394
00:18:38,845 --> 00:18:41,640
Is there nothing
I can do?
395
00:18:41,681 --> 00:18:43,350
Pray.
396
00:18:48,355 --> 00:18:50,524
Drive on.
397
00:18:57,864 --> 00:19:02,244
Klink,
you are trying to kill me.
398
00:19:02,285 --> 00:19:04,704
I could not be more fond of you
if you were my brother.
399
00:19:04,746 --> 00:19:06,122
Schultz, see what it is.
400
00:19:06,164 --> 00:19:07,457
M-M-Me?
401
00:19:07,499 --> 00:19:09,251
Yes, you, now.
402
00:19:27,185 --> 00:19:30,689
It is only a smoke bomb.
403
00:19:30,730 --> 00:19:32,274
Good.
404
00:19:32,315 --> 00:19:33,608
Any damage
to the motor?
405
00:19:34,568 --> 00:19:36,736
What motor?
406
00:19:43,743 --> 00:19:45,328
I assure you,
Herr General, I...
407
00:19:45,370 --> 00:19:48,832
Klink, do you consider yourself
competent enough
408
00:19:48,874 --> 00:19:51,168
to undertake the task
of arresting yourself?
409
00:19:51,209 --> 00:19:52,502
Jawohl.
410
00:19:52,544 --> 00:19:53,962
Arrest myself?
411
00:19:54,004 --> 00:19:55,672
Only until I get back to Berlin.
412
00:19:55,714 --> 00:19:57,841
Then I will have professionals
arrest you.
413
00:19:57,883 --> 00:20:00,177
But I assure...
Do not assure me.
414
00:20:00,218 --> 00:20:02,971
Order a staff car
to take me back to Berlin.
415
00:20:03,013 --> 00:20:04,306
Schultz, a staff car.
416
00:20:04,347 --> 00:20:06,308
Jawohl.
417
00:20:06,349 --> 00:20:07,976
Uh, I think I see
one coming now.
418
00:20:08,018 --> 00:20:08,935
Who asked you?
419
00:20:08,977 --> 00:20:10,687
No one, it's just
that he may get luckier
420
00:20:10,729 --> 00:20:11,813
with the next staff car.
421
00:20:11,855 --> 00:20:12,772
What do you mean?
422
00:20:12,772 --> 00:20:13,815
But I...
Forget it.
423
00:20:13,857 --> 00:20:15,025
I've changed my mind.
424
00:20:15,066 --> 00:20:17,277
Have the car drive me
to the railroad station.
425
00:20:26,536 --> 00:20:29,372
Usually, things run
very smooth here.
426
00:20:29,414 --> 00:20:31,124
Drive on.
427
00:20:45,555 --> 00:20:49,559
Well, looks like
you're one of us now.
428
00:20:52,979 --> 00:20:56,483
The peculiar thing is,
I don't even hate you.
429
00:20:56,525 --> 00:20:58,652
I feel somehow beyond that.
430
00:20:58,693 --> 00:21:00,487
You're big, sir.
431
00:21:00,529 --> 00:21:02,489
Very big.
432
00:21:02,531 --> 00:21:05,909
Were I in your position,
I would've considered it my duty
433
00:21:05,951 --> 00:21:07,911
to get rid of a kommandant
as hard,
434
00:21:07,953 --> 00:21:09,621
as coldly efficient as I am.
435
00:21:09,663 --> 00:21:12,165
The only thing is,
you did it.
436
00:21:12,165 --> 00:21:13,333
Colonel Klink...
437
00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:15,335
But even now,
438
00:21:15,335 --> 00:21:17,504
my career gone,
439
00:21:17,546 --> 00:21:19,339
my life hanging
by a thread,
440
00:21:19,381 --> 00:21:21,007
I don't hate you.
441
00:21:21,049 --> 00:21:22,968
Perhaps had we met
at another time,
442
00:21:23,009 --> 00:21:25,679
another place, we might
have even become friends.
443
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:30,016
But it is all over now.
444
00:21:30,058 --> 00:21:33,854
Colonel Klink,
you've read Napoleon, of course.
445
00:21:33,854 --> 00:21:35,021
Naturally.
446
00:21:35,063 --> 00:21:35,897
Napoleon?
447
00:21:35,939 --> 00:21:37,524
Of course.
448
00:21:37,566 --> 00:21:40,026
Uh, what did he say?
449
00:21:48,660 --> 00:21:50,620
He said that the commander
who almost daily
450
00:21:50,662 --> 00:21:53,165
commits his life and his career
to the fates of battle
451
00:21:53,206 --> 00:21:55,292
will time and again
find himself in situations
452
00:21:55,333 --> 00:21:57,878
where all seems lost.
453
00:21:57,919 --> 00:22:00,338
Yes, yes.
454
00:22:00,380 --> 00:22:03,258
But the commander who will alter
the course of history
455
00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:05,844
will never lose faith
in a mysterious something
456
00:22:05,886 --> 00:22:11,683
he thinks of as his star,
his destiny.
457
00:22:11,725 --> 00:22:13,935
He will think of a miracle,
458
00:22:13,977 --> 00:22:17,063
and his star
will carry him through.
459
00:22:17,522 --> 00:22:18,940
Yes.
460
00:22:18,982 --> 00:22:23,320
Uh, but what miracle could
possibly save me now?
461
00:22:23,361 --> 00:22:27,657
Think that the train
will blow up.
462
00:22:27,699 --> 00:22:29,534
The train will blow up?
463
00:22:29,576 --> 00:22:33,038
Only if you believe.
464
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,208
And you'd better
do it quick.
465
00:22:36,249 --> 00:22:39,252
I believe.
466
00:22:40,212 --> 00:22:41,379
Once again.
467
00:22:41,421 --> 00:22:43,048
I believe.
468
00:22:43,089 --> 00:22:45,217
Oh, this is ridiculous.
469
00:22:49,596 --> 00:22:51,097
What was that?
470
00:22:51,139 --> 00:22:54,059
Sounded like a train
blowing up.
471
00:22:54,100 --> 00:22:57,395
A train blowing up.
472
00:23:03,193 --> 00:23:05,487
My star.
473
00:23:05,529 --> 00:23:07,113
Either you got it
or you haven't.
474
00:23:07,113 --> 00:23:09,950
You've got it.
475
00:23:16,623 --> 00:23:18,166
Oh, hi, Schultz.
476
00:23:18,208 --> 00:23:20,168
Colonel Hogan.
Huh?
477
00:23:20,210 --> 00:23:21,670
Colonel Hogan,
478
00:23:21,711 --> 00:23:24,297
Herr Kommandant demands
that I find the radio
479
00:23:24,339 --> 00:23:26,800
even if I have to take apart
the barracks,
480
00:23:26,842 --> 00:23:29,136
nail by nail,
with my teeth.
481
00:23:29,136 --> 00:23:31,138
It's all right with
us, Schultz, Go ahead.
482
00:23:31,179 --> 00:23:33,181
Oh, please, Colonel Hogan.
483
00:23:33,223 --> 00:23:36,184
It would make things
so much easier
484
00:23:36,226 --> 00:23:38,353
if you would find
the radio for me.
485
00:23:38,395 --> 00:23:41,356
Any radio.
486
00:23:41,398 --> 00:23:43,525
All right. Sounds
reasonable enough.
487
00:23:43,567 --> 00:23:45,193
Kinch, help him
out, will you?
488
00:23:45,235 --> 00:23:46,361
Sure, Colonel.
489
00:23:46,403 --> 00:23:48,155
Come on.
490
00:23:52,993 --> 00:23:55,203
There you are.
Take your choice.
491
00:23:55,245 --> 00:23:57,497
Sheesh.
492
00:24:03,587 --> 00:24:05,839
That will do.
Oh.
493
00:24:05,839 --> 00:24:07,132
And Colonel Hogan...
Yeah?
494
00:24:07,174 --> 00:24:08,341
Many thanks.
495
00:24:08,341 --> 00:24:10,677
That'll be $26 American
money, Schultz.
496
00:24:10,677 --> 00:24:13,513
What? $26?
497
00:24:13,513 --> 00:24:14,848
It's only ten above cost.
498
00:24:14,848 --> 00:24:16,349
You want us
to make a profit.
499
00:24:16,349 --> 00:24:19,019
Oh, you are profiteering
by the war.
500
00:24:19,019 --> 00:24:21,688
Look at it this way...
It's tax deductible.
501
00:24:21,730 --> 00:24:24,774
That's different.
502
00:24:26,526 --> 00:24:29,154
Eins, zwei...
503
00:24:29,196 --> 00:24:31,656
Drei, vier,
504
00:24:31,698 --> 00:24:34,451
funf, sechs...
35181
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