All language subtitles for Starhyke - S01E03 - Kill Jill

Our mission continues as we
search for the whereabouts

of the Reptids and their mothership.

I'm worried about the sanity of my crew.

They're all losing focus and
reprimands are on an increase.

I've just had to confiscate something
called an X-Box from Dottie's quarters.

Let's just have a listen to what
Mindy's got to say on one of these.

Whenever I want some attention,

he seems more interested in beating
someone up than showing me any kind of love.

But don't you understand?

I love you, Mork. I want to settle
down with you. Why don't you love me?

Who would believe that so many alien
ships from so many galaxies visited Earth?

Donny.

Didn't we wipe them out?

Ah, yes, and we did destroy the
entire race, but that was in the future,

so that wouldn't have happened
yet as we are now in the past,

and therefore they are still very
much here and still very much alive.

Daddy, trying to make
sense of temporal mechanics is

just going to put a fuse
in your submatrix again,

and we only recently repaired it,

so could you just do me one
little favor and don't think.

We are sorry, Captain.

It seems we're having enough trouble
as it is adjusting to our emotions,

let alone what time period it is.

However, after accessing our records,

it would appear to us
that aliens have been

visiting the Earth for thousands of years.

That would explain Oprah. Even
dealing in plants and mineral life.

How interesting.

I just want to know where the
Reptid Terrorists are hiding out.

Well, we're trying to
locate them. But it's not easy.

Alien abductions and sightings are rife
in this time period. They could be anywhere.

And since we can't locate the Reptid ship,

it's either not on
Earth or it's time-slipped.

Captain? Yep?

Permission to return to Earth
and take some more readings?

Eh, that won't be necessary, little chief.

I just had this feeling
that we're missing something.

This is just so frustrating.

I refuse to give in to this affliction.

It'll take more than a
reptid to force me to

my knees. Just calm down, woof, all right?

Look, we're all affected by
what these reptids did to us,

but you've just got to learn how
to keep your emotions in control.

Look, you're just too low-ranked for me to

worry about every moment you're on patrol.

But I can give it up.

I can spend my time doing something else.

I'm very adaptable.

No, it won't work. It's for the best.

Classy, Cropper. What?
Oh, sit on it. Get a grip.

I've just been practicing
my sawing and stitchy-stitch

routine on one of Woolf's victims.

My, my, what a temper you have, Woolf.
No wonder your kind destroyed each other.

Oh, now, now, now. Doctor, do
you have any good news for us?

Well, I know you've all been
feeling a little stranger recently.

So what do you want us
to do about it, Doctor?

Let me finish, my
angry, big, breasted friend.

Don't push your luck, Doctor.

Yes.

Well, the question is, what do we do next?

Well, we have been scanning
the Earth's surface for signals,

and we have found that...

Two chickens, a little red wine.

The leopard approaches its
prey stealthily, cautiously.

He shoves the worm onto the
edge of the fishing hook. Now,

you've got yourself a dank
and butter bite there, Steve.

And alas, tonight, it's still raining.
Fueling for medical research, of course.

Several locations have
been found where such

alien communications take place regularly.

This could indicate a meeting
place for the reptids. Why,

that's absolutely
wizard news, Dottie. News?

Ah, my news.

Yes, I remember in my youth.

Oh, my sweet youth.

I remember when I was at
the Senate College for

those of extremely
inquisitive intelligence.

Oh, out with it, Doctor. Captain, please.

We're on the bridge.

Out with what you have to say.

Oh, what I have to say, yes.

Well, we were told
stories about when aliens

visited the Earth and worked undercover.

They liked probing and
poking all manner of creatures.

Female bovines were particularly popular.

These aliens were masterminds. They
were lords, sentinels, knights, immortals,

whose souls ruled forever.

Mommy, is there something else
you wanted to share, Doctor?

Captain, please, not in front of the crew.

But don't worry, if we could
find an alien information database,

we could locate a cure, and then we
could be back to our logical, boring,

stuffy old cells in no time.

Cropper, did you hear anything he said?

He's got a point, Captain.

Yeah, but his doesn't preoccupy him, duh.

Well, maybe we do need to go to the
surface and take those readings after all.

I agree, Chief, and Stryker was right.

If we could scan the alien hub
below, and with the help of the computer,

we could probably
narrow down the location,

and then we could go down there
and check it out. Get on it, Donnie!

Aye, aye, Captain.

We're going this way, not this way.

I'm sorry, Wolf.

I didn't mean to.

Don't be angry, Wolf.

Not with us. We're just the
maintenance correction facilitator engineers.

You know we wouldn't do
anything to offend you.

What is it?

Hologram?

May I advise you, Captain, that it may
be advisable not to trust the computer,

considering its present state
of emotional fragmentation.

Oh, I see. So you think I should
override the computer and give control to you?

Is that it? Is that a hologram?

Huh? Huh? Huh?

How do I know you're not affected, huh?

I am totally independent of the
ship and have no human emotion.

Apart from Dottie's android
side and myself, of course.

Everyone and everything seems to be
mentally and emotionally unstable, Captain.

I see your point, hologram.

Stick around in case I need you.

Of course, Captain.

You can rely on me.

Because you would not
like it when I am angry!

For a moment there, Reginald
Duck, I thought you'd upset her.

Yes?

I think we need to discuss your
earlier behaviour on the bridge.

My honour was insulted.

Easy, Wu. Calm down.

How can you ask me to calm down?

You can't keep putting
crew members in sickbay.

My ancestors would have
ripped his arms out of his bloody

sockets and beaten him to
death with his own bloody limbs.

Calm!

This is calm!

Captain's going to put you in the brig.

He should not have done what he did.

My ancestors would have
tortured him for weeks,

keeping him alive only to feel the
pain of the hanker beast's leather whip.

Striking against his naked, torn flesh,

then to have taklava worms
eating into his face and his neck,

and working their way to his optic nerve.

He spilt your coffee!

It was good coffee.

No, we shouldn't.

I promise I'll call.

Can I borrow that chair?

Captain, we have isolated and
traced the location of a powerful

alien individual whose life
pattern is unrecognizable.

I don't know, Dottie. Do you think
it's worth investigating? We do, Captain.

We've also located a reptid
in the nearby vicinity. Hmm.

Have Chief Engineer Sally put together
a landing party for an investigation.

Make sure they look inconspicuous.

Sally and I have designed these special
visors to fit in with 21st century fashion.

That way you can use your
gauntlet without being detected.

Now remember to set your gauntlets
onto alien detection, not x-ray.

We want to know who we're looking
at, not what they have in their pants.

Are you listening to me, cropper?

They seem to be
working. So, Mr. Christian,

the Molliport is fully
operational, correct?

Sure is, Captain.

Excellent. I certainly wouldn't want to
end up with a foreign body in my body.

There you go again, Captain. Wishful
thinking. Focus on your objective.

That is not what I meant, Doctor. I...

Where's everybody?

Well, it appears that
Molly's still working.

All right, gather around.

It appears that what we're
looking for is this way. So

guys, you stay in the
store. Ladies, you're with me.

What do you people want?
This area is forbidden.

Go. Now.

Or suffer the consequences
of your misguided curiosity.

What are you doing? Don't you
know the first lesson of combat?

You never make the first
move. I'm supposed to know that.

Damn it, Will. I'm an
engineer, not a bouncer.

We're looking for something, and we
believe it's in this immediate area.

Will you and your men please step aside?

I am Jill, guardian to the mighty Oracle.

No one can do it. Except...

We'll need it.

I've had enough of this. No,
no, no, no. Nothing to see.

Who are you, and how dare you
barge in on my 2025th birthday?

I think I'd like to know
who you are first, old man.

Ah, the impatience of youth.

I am the oracle to the Lord of Pyramids,

the son of he who created and
stopped the earth from shaking.

Yada, yada, yada. Okay, the name's
Blowhard. Captain Belinda Blowhard.

Your cyborg is choking!

You think I'd fall for that one?
We're from the distant future, pal.

You think I'd fall for that old chestnut?

Your cyborg is choking on my cake!

Dottie, how many times
do we have to tell you?

If you shove it in your mouth all
at once, it will make you choke.

Captain.

We're receiving very
strange readings from this room.

We'll have them analyzed and send
them back to the ship's computer.

Do you think all of us could
just focus here for a second?

Sir, I think that you can help us.

We need to find a way to reverse
something that the Reptids have done to us.

I know what you desire.

I know everything.

Well, if you know everything, then
how come you didn't know who we were?

Is that chocolate cake?

Disturbing my birthday?
Well, just my jolly question.

I will tell you what you want to
know. Even cut it onto a CD for you.

Will you please leave my cake alone?

I... I...

Don't thank me. I know I saved the
day. He looked bloody dangerous.

Oi!

That hurt!

When you stop shooting,
you'll never know anything.

Captain, I've been
watching the data from Dottie,

and there's just been a large
energy peak from your location.

The room you are in is in fact a
ship, and it's getting ready to take off.

I suggest you leave the vicinity.

In 30 seconds, we'll be gone
from the primitive jack-offs.

Where's the disk?

Let's go.

Fully interactive man.

Ox, we're out of here.

Right, Dottie.

Access that data and find us a cure.

We believe it to be in code.

It seems to be in some format that
our equipment cannot read properly.

I don't get it.

Neither do I. But I'm going to.

Dottie, turn it off. I
haven't finished my popcorn yet.

Somebody bring me that Reptid. Maybe he
has some more useful information for me.

I will tell you nothing.

You're going to end up with
me for two hours with just my

hankered beast's leather whip
striking against your naked, torn flesh.

I'll tell you everything you need to know.

I want to know your plans for
my people and a cure for the

damage that you've done to
our neurological pathways.

Tammy, I'm a cook, not a
neuropsychologist. A cook? Really?

You must be able to make
those fantastic cakes.

We believe we could grow
fond of eating such desserts.

Deserts.

You could die in those places.

From scanning our internal
biomechanisms, it would appear to us, to bake a cake,

one would require 175 grams of
butter, 175 grams of caster sugar,

four eggs beaten lightly.

Poor bastards. Donny!

Enough!

Just store the recipe in
your memory banks, and we'll

discuss it later,
okay? Put it down, please.

No!

I want that information,
I want it now! Dottie,

can you get me that
disk I'd like to further

evaluate at my
quarters? Thank you very much.

All right, where is your ship hiding,
Repton? What were you doing in that shop,

and what are your plans? Dottie, the
disk! Fine, I'll tell you everything,

even the web as far as ship.

You see, I knew you were
more than just a cook!

Cropper, help her get the disk!

Bravo, Zulu Cropper.
Excellent work. You've been

a tremendous help today. That is not fair.

I'm going to go and do something.

Excellent idea.

Why me?

Why now?

Dottie, arrange for
somebody to clean up this mess.

Why us? Why now?

Sally, clean it up.

This thing had better still play.

Oh my goodness, that's not in the
rule book. Here, we have rooms for that.

Music centre.

Can I have soft music?

Turn the lights.

I'll take you higher.

Oh, did your mind go down on you?
Yeah, I think you've got a puncture.

© transcript Emily Beynon