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1
00:01:07,820 --> 00:01:10,380
It's got to be in the middle,
the middle, you metal moron.
2
00:01:10,380 --> 00:01:13,660
Look, this is my Vending Machine
Maintenance Man Of The Month
3
00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:17,560
certificate we are reframing here,
my one and only Mr April.
4
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,420
There's no room for sloppiness.
5
00:01:19,420 --> 00:01:21,640
And take that look
off your face for a start.
6
00:01:30,060 --> 00:01:31,620
Where's Kryten? I need him.
7
00:01:31,620 --> 00:01:33,520
He's on holiday.
8
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:36,060
Holiday?
- Yeah. A week off, no duties.
9
00:01:36,060 --> 00:01:39,340
I thought he needed it. Lister,
Kryten is a mechanoid, a machine.
10
00:01:39,340 --> 00:01:41,440
Machines don't go on holiday.
11
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:44,080
Who's next? The egg whisk?
Two weeks in Mauritius?
12
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:46,860
Booked him and your electric
toothbrush a double room?
13
00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:49,220
He was tired. Tired?
14
00:01:49,220 --> 00:01:51,400
What was it? Metal fatigue?
15
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,060
Holiday!
16
00:01:53,060 --> 00:01:55,140
Where's he gone?
17
00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:57,280
Broom cupboard on V deck.
18
00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:02,280
Really nice shelf. V deck? Why not
B deck or C deck, somewhere close?
19
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:05,420
He wanted to travel.
Didn't you read his postcard?
20
00:02:05,420 --> 00:02:07,780
He's loving it. Taken his feet off,
21
00:02:07,780 --> 00:02:09,320
unscrewed his head,
22
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:12,340
eyes bobbing about
in a bowl of lens cleaner.
23
00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:14,020
He's having the time of his life.
24
00:02:24,140 --> 00:02:25,660
Tomatoes?
25
00:02:25,660 --> 00:02:27,320
Supply decks.
26
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,240
200 floors.
It took me ages to get these.
27
00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:33,760
I smegging hate tomatoes -
taste, texture, ugh.
28
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:41,700
Don't know why
I put myself through it.
29
00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:46,740
Lister, why do you eat tomatoes
when you don't like them? There's
plenty of other things to eat.
30
00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:48,780
It's got to be tomatoes, man.
31
00:02:48,780 --> 00:02:50,360
Only thing I'm allergic to.
32
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,540
Why do you want to eat something
you're allergic to?
33
00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:59,580
According to the read-outs,
we're down to our last water tank.
only G deck left. I'm saving water.
34
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:03,800
Have you ever been to G deck?
Seen the water tank?
There's loads of water left.
35
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,960
So how come only a trickle's
coming out of the taps, then?
36
00:03:09,340 --> 00:03:12,420
How does eating tomatoes save water?
37
00:03:12,420 --> 00:03:13,880
It's coming.
38
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:22,580
Don't suppose you want
any ironing doing, do you?
39
00:03:23,740 --> 00:03:25,780
I get it.
40
00:03:25,780 --> 00:03:27,800
I get it.
41
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:31,040
I love it when it makes
that squish sound, don't you?
42
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,740
You've spent hours
planning this, haven't you?
43
00:03:33,740 --> 00:03:36,620
Hours, this wind-up.
44
00:03:36,620 --> 00:03:38,460
Because that's exactly what it is.
45
00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:43,400
Going down to the supply decks,
trawling through the crates,
getting half hysterical
46
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:47,180
at the thought of my face
as you start to iron your sneezes.
47
00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:49,380
Was it really worth it, Listy?
48
00:03:49,380 --> 00:03:54,440
Hours and hours and hours
of planning
for eight seconds of pleasure?
49
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:57,400
Sounds like the last time
you had sex.
50
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:01,520
Lister, you need to get a life.
51
00:04:12,180 --> 00:04:14,220
Level.
52
00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:15,580
Level.
53
00:04:18,660 --> 00:04:20,200
Level.
54
00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:22,480
Level.
55
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,240
Close.
56
00:04:30,860 --> 00:04:33,380
Not level.
57
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,480
I thought I'd read you another book.
58
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:21,380
It's one of those stupid ones
you used to really like.
59
00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:25,860
Jane Oostin?
60
00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:27,540
Austin?
61
00:05:27,540 --> 00:05:29,520
Orsdon?
62
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,600
I'm not quite sure
how you pronounce it.
63
00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:35,100
Sense And Sensibility.
64
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,660
Pray to God there's some
car chases in this one.
65
00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:48,400
"The family of Dashwood had
long been settled in Sussex."
66
00:05:58,660 --> 00:06:00,420
Ow!
67
00:06:02,340 --> 00:06:04,220
What happened to you?
68
00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:05,900
You got a minute?
69
00:06:09,980 --> 00:06:11,880
Tell him.
70
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:16,420
I'm walking through the cargo deck,
right, minding my own damn business
71
00:06:16,420 --> 00:06:19,400
when all of a sudden...
You know that big tank on G deck?
72
00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,520
He means the water tank.
73
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:26,380
Suddenly there's a disturbance
on the surface of the tank and...
74
00:06:27,700 --> 00:06:29,580
..whoosh...
75
00:06:29,580 --> 00:06:33,500
this massive testicle
shoots up out of the water
and grabs me by the throat.
76
00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:36,140
He means "tentacle". I hope so.
77
00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:41,880
Before I know it,
I'm flying through the air,
being waved about from side to side.
78
00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:45,700
I'm shouting, I'm screaming,
because this thing, whatever it is,
79
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:47,900
is absolutely ruining my hair.
80
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:53,120
Next thing I know,
it pulls me down into the icy waters
and I'm shouting and screaming again
81
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:57,200
because everything I'm wearing
is Dry Clean Only.
82
00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:00,220
Suddenly, I'm staring
at this big eye.
83
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:02,660
It's about THIS big.
84
00:07:02,660 --> 00:07:05,180
No, this big.
85
00:07:05,180 --> 00:07:07,760
No, this big. Man, it was just...
86
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,420
Oh, what's the right word?
87
00:07:10,420 --> 00:07:12,740
Big? Exactly.
88
00:07:12,740 --> 00:07:19,740
And then the beast - because that's
what it is - opens its mouth and I
realised that's where I'm heading.
89
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:26,840
So I combed my hair and fainted.
Came to, I'm on the floor by the side
of the tank, no sign of the creature.
90
00:07:28,380 --> 00:07:31,460
Ooh, I need counselling.
91
00:07:31,460 --> 00:07:33,220
You've got that right.
92
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,140
So where did it go?
93
00:07:35,140 --> 00:07:37,920
It didn't say,
and it didn't leave a note.
94
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,180
This is so weird.
It's not THAT weird.
95
00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:42,040
Probably can't even write.
96
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,900
How'd it even hold a pen
with its big testicle?
97
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:48,820
It's slithered back
into the water tank, hasn't it?
But a sea monster?
98
00:07:48,820 --> 00:07:51,260
In the water tank? That's not right.
99
00:07:51,260 --> 00:07:53,340
We're in deep space.
100
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:57,500
# Holiday, celebrate, holiday... #
101
00:07:57,500 --> 00:08:01,480
Hey!
Surf boy is back from Broomtown.
102
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,500
What a vacation, sirs.
103
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:07,640
I can't remember the last time I
was so relaxed and utterly carefree.
104
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:10,440
There's a big monster
in the water tank. Oh, my gosh!
105
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:13,160
That's why we're down on water.
We're down on water?
106
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,580
Yeah, and without water, me
and the Cat are going to die. Yeah.
107
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:19,240
It's a disaster! Oh, my back!
108
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,940
I'm one giant tension knot.
Someone pummel my diodes.
109
00:08:22,940 --> 00:08:28,560
Hey, this thing, whatever it is,
it's messing with the supply
thingy pipe stuff thing, isn't it?
110
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,300
Please, we're laymen.
Spare us the plumbing jargon.
111
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:35,180
The point is, we've got
to get in there and whack it.
Fritter the critter.
112
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:37,600
Kill it?! No way!
113
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:41,620
We should capture this sucker, force
it to pay my dry-cleaning bills.
114
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:46,080
The point is, how DO we kill it?
We can't suck it out of an
air lock. We'll lose the water.
115
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:50,140
We can't mickey the water.
We'd pollute the drinking supply.
116
00:08:50,140 --> 00:08:52,120
No choice.
117
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,360
We're going to have to go in,
get it.
118
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,960
Serious? We're going to need
a diving bell,
119
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,700
the kind with grade-one
reinforced titanium ribs.
120
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:04,380
We're going to need diving suits,
bazookoids, mini-grenades,
laser-lancer, blasters.
121
00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:08,360
And we're going to need
something good for me to read
while you're all down there.
122
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:11,760
Classic Car Monthly or something.
You're not coming down with us?
123
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,960
In spirit,
I'll be down there with you.
124
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,280
In actuality,
I'll be reading a car mag.
125
00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,940
Well, I'd better
start packing, then.
126
00:09:18,940 --> 00:09:21,360
Oh, I already AM packed!
127
00:09:22,740 --> 00:09:25,340
Don't look at me, I ain't going.
128
00:09:25,340 --> 00:09:27,740
I'm still in trauma. Look at my suit.
129
00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:29,560
It may not pull through.
130
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,820
Find another suit. You're going.
131
00:09:31,820 --> 00:09:33,540
Hey, I'm a cat.
132
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,900
Nobody bosses Mr C around, buddy.
133
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:38,040
You got that, monkey boy?
134
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:42,820
Or should I explain it one more time
for your small monkey brain?
135
00:09:42,820 --> 00:09:44,640
How would you like it
136
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:51,140
if I flushed the entire ship's
supply of tuna out of an airlock?
137
00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:53,860
When are we leaving? You packed?
138
00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,400
Come on, let me help you, man.
139
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,460
Come on, get going.
We go in two minutes.
140
00:09:57,460 --> 00:09:59,280
Two minutes? Two minutes?
141
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,640
I need to make myself
look sensational.
142
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:06,740
Make it three. And don't wear
nothing lilac or we'll clash!
143
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,980
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Ow-ee!
144
00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:20,070
We're hitting the water, Rimmer.
145
00:10:21,050 --> 00:10:23,430
What? Oh, yeah.
146
00:10:26,170 --> 00:10:29,610
Hey, there's something out there.
Where? I saw something moving.
147
00:10:29,610 --> 00:10:33,270
My bowels, if you keep
shouting like that. Oh.
148
00:10:33,270 --> 00:10:34,810
It's gone. It's gone.
149
00:10:37,690 --> 00:10:39,730
Rimmer, check the sonar.
150
00:10:39,730 --> 00:10:45,550
Did you know that of all the Jensen
Interceptors ever built, only 23
have the manual four-speed box?
151
00:10:45,550 --> 00:10:47,930
It's amazing. 'Rimmer, the sonar!
152
00:10:47,930 --> 00:10:51,270
'Check it, you smegger!'
Is there anything down here with us?
153
00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:52,910
What? No.
154
00:10:52,910 --> 00:10:54,950
It's all clear, it's fine, good.
155
00:10:54,950 --> 00:10:59,910
Get this, listen.
"The four-wheel drive, the FF,
identified by a measly
156
00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:04,510
"four-inch stretch in the
wheelbase, had ABS in 1966."
How mad is that?
157
00:11:04,510 --> 00:11:07,050
I saw something! I saw something.
158
00:11:07,050 --> 00:11:08,550
I definitely saw something.
159
00:11:15,270 --> 00:11:17,590
Oops.
160
00:11:17,590 --> 00:11:20,430
Er, chaps...bit of an update.
161
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:24,590
There appears to be something bigger
than God heading straight for you.
162
00:11:24,590 --> 00:11:29,230
What is it?! How do I know?
It's not like a commercial airliner
with writing down the side.
163
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,630
Well, do something.
Get us out of here.
164
00:11:31,630 --> 00:11:33,230
Can't. Too scared.
165
00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:35,310
Can't. Look at my hands.
166
00:11:35,310 --> 00:11:38,930
YOU'RE scared?!
But you're not even down here.
You're safe.
167
00:11:38,930 --> 00:11:43,250
Safe? I'm not safe from having to
sit here and watch my sonar screen
168
00:11:43,250 --> 00:11:45,570
get covered in your
gloopy insides, am I?
169
00:11:45,570 --> 00:11:48,730
'I'm not safe from seeing
those terrible pictures in my head
170
00:11:48,730 --> 00:11:51,450
'of you being eaten alive and never
being able to get rid of them.
171
00:11:51,450 --> 00:11:54,810
'You just think about you, don't
you? It's always you with you!'
172
00:11:54,810 --> 00:11:58,670
Sir, I've changed my eyeballs three
times and I can't see anything.
173
00:11:58,670 --> 00:12:01,190
Are you sure you're not mistaken?
174
00:12:04,570 --> 00:12:06,250
Gone.
175
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:08,950
'It must have been
a speck on the sonar.'
176
00:12:08,950 --> 00:12:11,910
Relax. As you were.
177
00:12:22,390 --> 00:12:23,390
Oh, my God.
178
00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:46,630
What was that?
179
00:12:46,630 --> 00:12:48,790
It's gone!
180
00:12:48,790 --> 00:12:50,330
No, sir.
181
00:12:50,330 --> 00:12:55,590
It's underneath us. If we're really
quiet, it might think we're a rock.
182
00:12:59,050 --> 00:13:05,610
(Rimmer, pull us up,
slowly and quietly.)
183
00:13:11,130 --> 00:13:15,670
(Rimmer, are...you...
rea...ding...me?!)
184
00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:22,970
(Sir, can...you...hear...us?!)
185
00:13:24,630 --> 00:13:26,590
Wait, what's that?
186
00:13:27,810 --> 00:13:28,870
I can't see anything!
187
00:13:36,410 --> 00:13:38,590
Will you keep the noise down
back there?!
188
00:13:38,590 --> 00:13:40,790
Can't you see I'm looking for squid?!
189
00:13:45,030 --> 00:13:46,870
I still can't see it...
190
00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:59,810
Sir, may I make one tiny suggestion?
191
00:13:59,810 --> 00:14:04,050
Releasing a firearm
in a confined titanium steel box
192
00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:06,630
may not be a good mix
with human tissue.
193
00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:23,670
Oh, my God!
194
00:14:25,370 --> 00:14:27,470
Hang on,
I'm getting you out of there.
195
00:14:27,470 --> 00:14:29,770
Rimmer to the rescue, as per usual.
196
00:14:29,770 --> 00:14:32,310
What would these
clowns do without me, eh?
197
00:14:32,310 --> 00:14:35,830
Anyone else would probably get a
medal for this, the Eagle of Valour,
198
00:14:35,830 --> 00:14:37,710
the Space Knight's Cross of Honour.
199
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,570
I bet I don't even get a book token.
200
00:14:54,170 --> 00:14:56,970
Two suits in one day, look at me!
Thanks to you,
201
00:14:56,970 --> 00:14:59,530
I couldn't even get on
the cover of Minger Monthly!
202
00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:03,530
You're supposed to be
manning the sonar, Rimmer!
203
00:15:03,530 --> 00:15:05,950
You could have got us all killed!
204
00:15:06,870 --> 00:15:08,690
Is this about you again?
205
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:12,150
It is, isn't it? Can't you see,
right now I need some me time?
206
00:15:12,150 --> 00:15:13,950
My heart is still hammering.
207
00:15:13,950 --> 00:15:16,750
I don't know how I got through that!
You wasn't even there!
208
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,690
I was NEARLY there.
209
00:15:19,950 --> 00:15:21,550
That's close enough for me.
210
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,450
What the hell was that thing?
211
00:15:26,450 --> 00:15:29,610
Well, some kind of
dimension-migrating leviathan
212
00:15:29,610 --> 00:15:32,450
looking for somewhere quiet
to hibernate.
213
00:15:32,450 --> 00:15:34,690
Where better than
the middle of deep space
214
00:15:34,690 --> 00:15:37,550
in a universe where the
human race is virtually extinct?
215
00:15:37,550 --> 00:15:38,910
It's extraordinary.
216
00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:45,250
It's gone! Where? I don't know.
217
00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:49,430
Probably to another dimension
to lick its... Wait! Incoming!
218
00:15:49,430 --> 00:15:50,470
What's this?
219
00:15:53,710 --> 00:15:54,750
Hmm!
220
00:15:54,750 --> 00:15:55,770
I bid greetings.
221
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:59,690
My name is Katerina Bartikovsky.
222
00:15:59,690 --> 00:16:02,550
In past, I Red Dwarf's
science officer. Zdravstvuyte!
223
00:16:02,550 --> 00:16:05,570
From now, I am senior officer.
224
00:16:05,570 --> 00:16:08,730
No longer hologram Arnold Rimmer
who is bit crap.
225
00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:10,650
What?
226
00:16:12,390 --> 00:16:14,830
Look, sir. Confirmed.
227
00:16:14,830 --> 00:16:19,730
Adjustment on command structure
essential if one day Lister
to regenerate human race, huh?
228
00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:21,430
Result!
229
00:16:21,430 --> 00:16:23,230
You beauty!
230
00:16:29,890 --> 00:16:32,610
Why does mainframe
computer not function?
231
00:16:32,610 --> 00:16:35,570
Lister left a bath running
in the officers' quarters.
232
00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:38,170
We didn't find out about it
for nearly nine years.
233
00:16:38,170 --> 00:16:41,890
Then one night, it was a Tuesday,
the floor gave way
234
00:16:41,890 --> 00:16:45,190
and nearly two million gallons
of water fell through the ship.
235
00:16:45,190 --> 00:16:46,610
Not a nice way to be woken.
236
00:16:46,610 --> 00:16:48,570
One minute you're lying
in bed snoozing,
237
00:16:48,570 --> 00:16:51,650
the next you're being washed down
a corridor at 80 knots per hour.
238
00:16:51,650 --> 00:16:53,830
The skutters still haven't
finished drying him out.
239
00:16:55,910 --> 00:16:57,810
Have skutters more pressing duties?
240
00:16:57,810 --> 00:17:00,630
Duties that distract
them from these tasks?
241
00:17:00,630 --> 00:17:02,450
Is this you? No.
242
00:17:02,450 --> 00:17:03,430
Urgh.
243
00:17:04,510 --> 00:17:05,590
The place is a mess.
244
00:17:05,590 --> 00:17:08,030
What has mech been doing? Kryten?
245
00:17:08,030 --> 00:17:10,390
Holiday. Nice shelf on V deck.
246
00:17:10,390 --> 00:17:12,630
My idea. Needed break.
247
00:17:12,630 --> 00:17:14,810
Mechs don't go on holiday.
248
00:17:14,810 --> 00:17:17,050
They are machines.
That's what I said.
249
00:17:17,050 --> 00:17:21,050
You were senior officer. It was
duty to ensure efficiency of ship.
250
00:17:21,050 --> 00:17:24,790
How come there are two
holograms active, both hard light?
251
00:17:24,790 --> 00:17:26,970
I thought the ship
could only sustain one.
252
00:17:26,970 --> 00:17:31,230
How does Lister pass time?
Sleeps, annoys me.
253
00:17:31,230 --> 00:17:32,770
Look, if there's one...
254
00:17:32,770 --> 00:17:36,510
Besides sleeping and annoying you,
what else he do?
255
00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:37,870
Gets ready for bed.
256
00:17:37,870 --> 00:17:40,090
And for entertainment?
257
00:17:40,090 --> 00:17:42,030
He irons sneezes.
258
00:17:42,030 --> 00:17:44,110
In fact, if he was an art student,
259
00:17:44,110 --> 00:17:46,510
he'd probably be considered
a genius.
260
00:17:46,510 --> 00:17:48,630
Is tragedy.
261
00:17:48,630 --> 00:17:52,030
His body lives but inside he is dead.
262
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:54,750
This is your fault. You killed him.
263
00:17:54,750 --> 00:17:56,290
What did I do?
264
00:17:56,290 --> 00:18:00,470
You responsible for his life but you
do nothing. You think only of you.
265
00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:04,610
I don't know whether you happened
to notice, but we are in deep space,
266
00:18:04,610 --> 00:18:07,610
where there isn't a whole
hell of a lot to do.
267
00:18:07,610 --> 00:18:11,050
There are only so many times
you can play What's In The Bag?
268
00:18:11,050 --> 00:18:14,130
Fish paste? Lister's trainers?
269
00:18:14,130 --> 00:18:18,090
In my country, we have word
for people like you.
270
00:18:18,090 --> 00:18:20,270
In my country, we have several.
271
00:18:22,350 --> 00:18:24,070
Hey. I've found one.
272
00:18:25,310 --> 00:18:26,930
Mr Lister, please prepare.
273
00:18:26,930 --> 00:18:30,630
You are to be returning home, so we
have possibility to make this happen.
274
00:18:32,630 --> 00:18:33,670
Are you serious?
275
00:18:33,670 --> 00:18:35,670
Of course, I always serious.
276
00:18:35,670 --> 00:18:37,730
Mr Rimmer? Yes.
277
00:18:37,730 --> 00:18:40,250
You have 24 hours
to get your affairs in order,
278
00:18:40,250 --> 00:18:42,830
then you'll be offlined
and your data files erased.
279
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:45,570
Then your hard drive
will be fired into space
280
00:18:45,570 --> 00:18:48,990
and when safe distance from ship,
be detonated by nuclear fusion.
281
00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:52,990
You really don't like me, do you?
I do my job.
282
00:18:52,990 --> 00:18:55,010
And my job is look after him.
283
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:58,070
Which, sadly, is very
ungroovy news for you, you see?
284
00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,150
Dobry vecher.
285
00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:08,950
I hate her.
286
00:19:08,950 --> 00:19:10,590
I like her.
287
00:19:10,590 --> 00:19:12,290
I like her a lot!
288
00:19:16,130 --> 00:19:18,870
She's given me 24 hours
to get my affairs in order
289
00:19:18,870 --> 00:19:20,850
before I'm offlined and trashed.
290
00:19:20,850 --> 00:19:22,970
She's treated me
like a computer virus.
291
00:19:22,970 --> 00:19:26,510
Oh, she's so bright and perceptive,
sir. Such a breath of fresh air.
292
00:19:27,670 --> 00:19:29,330
We all have our Achilles heel.
293
00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:32,130
Find hers.
Start trawling the data, Kryty.
294
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:35,590
Get me some dirt on her. You
know what I'm talking about, kid?
295
00:19:35,590 --> 00:19:37,330
Ah, Ms Bartikovsky!
296
00:19:37,330 --> 00:19:40,170
Yes, Miss Smegging Bartikovsky.
Get me some dirt on her.
297
00:19:40,170 --> 00:19:43,750
Er, I trust you slept well, Ms.
298
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,770
Not particularly, "Mzz!"
299
00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:47,830
I love it when your voice unit
acts up!
300
00:19:47,830 --> 00:19:50,430
"Mzz, hrr, hrr!"
Right, back to the dirt thing...
301
00:19:50,430 --> 00:19:54,630
Your breasts look
particularly good today, Ms!
302
00:19:54,630 --> 00:19:57,110
My what? My bre... What are you...?
303
00:19:58,470 --> 00:20:00,530
Good morning, Mzz... Miss!
304
00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:01,990
You, follow me.
305
00:20:05,030 --> 00:20:06,630
On my way to Dirtville, sir.
306
00:20:06,630 --> 00:20:08,070
I'll catch you later.
307
00:20:09,230 --> 00:20:10,990
Engage Innocent Whistle Mode.
308
00:20:12,970 --> 00:20:15,970
So, as spoken,
I bring Lister back to life,
309
00:20:15,970 --> 00:20:19,190
restore drive so can
restart human race, yes?
310
00:20:19,190 --> 00:20:23,910
And how, pray tell,
do you plan to do that?
311
00:20:23,910 --> 00:20:26,110
Isn't obvious?
312
00:20:26,110 --> 00:20:28,050
You start, I'll join in.
313
00:20:28,050 --> 00:20:31,690
Well, the solution is staring you
in your stupid, fat, ferrety face.
314
00:20:31,690 --> 00:20:34,730
We have tentacle of
dimension-migrating leviathan.
315
00:20:34,730 --> 00:20:38,010
We take, insert into gene reader -
you have several in medi-lab -
316
00:20:38,010 --> 00:20:40,610
and triangulate results with
power surge readings
317
00:20:40,610 --> 00:20:43,830
and temporal displacement residues
recorded in water tank.
318
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:47,910
We then calculate quantum
algorithm creature produced
to open dimensional membrane,
319
00:20:47,910 --> 00:20:49,290
then we travel multiverse.
320
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:51,650
Once computed, we have key
to dimensional travel,
321
00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:56,090
transpose calibrations into mining
laser and, bingo jingo, we have
very own dimension cutter.
322
00:20:56,090 --> 00:20:59,090
That is exactly
what I was going to say!
323
00:20:59,090 --> 00:21:02,170
That's so spooky! So, Lister
will travel to new dimension,
324
00:21:02,170 --> 00:21:04,610
bring back mate,
recreate human race, yes?
325
00:21:04,610 --> 00:21:08,730
Word for word
what I was gonna say! Hmm.
326
00:21:57,410 --> 00:22:01,930
No way'll this work. I'll
probably end up with your head,
or someone else's legs.
327
00:22:01,930 --> 00:22:05,270
Something always goes wrong,
I'm not building my hopes up.
328
00:22:07,790 --> 00:22:09,730
And we begin.
329
00:22:21,030 --> 00:22:22,470
# It's cold outside
330
00:22:22,470 --> 00:22:24,070
# There's no kind of atmosphere
331
00:22:24,070 --> 00:22:27,550
# I'm all alone, more or less
332
00:22:27,550 --> 00:22:30,630
# Let me fly far away from here
333
00:22:30,630 --> 00:22:33,670
# Fun, fun, fun
334
00:22:33,670 --> 00:22:37,430
# In the sun, sun, sun
335
00:22:37,430 --> 00:22:39,070
# I want to lie
336
00:22:39,070 --> 00:22:40,630
# Shipwrecked and comatose
337
00:22:40,630 --> 00:22:44,070
# Drinking fresh mango juice
338
00:22:44,070 --> 00:22:47,710
# Goldfish shoals nibbling at my toes
339
00:22:47,710 --> 00:22:50,390
# Fun, fun, fun
340
00:22:50,390 --> 00:22:54,190
# In the sun, sun, sun
341
00:22:54,190 --> 00:22:57,150
# Fun, fun, fun
342
00:22:57,150 --> 00:23:00,950
# In the sun, sun, sun. #
343
00:23:02,190 --> 00:23:05,190
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