All language subtitles for How I Met Your Mother - 4x10 - The Fight.720p HDTV.DiMENSiON.en

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,485 --> 00:00:02,779 Why do we fight? 2 00:00:03,029 --> 00:00:05,024 What is that thing deep with any each of us? 3 00:00:05,149 --> 00:00:08,007 That compels us to settle disagreements with our fists? 4 00:00:08,364 --> 00:00:10,709 Whatever it is, it's there right from the beginning. 5 00:00:10,834 --> 00:00:13,054 Okay, okay. Stop fighting! 6 00:00:13,296 --> 00:00:14,130 Why? 7 00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:16,432 Because it's stupid and juvenile. 8 00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,935 We're six. We are stupid and juvenile. 9 00:00:22,620 --> 00:00:25,084 Kids, I've only been in one fight in my life. 10 00:00:25,209 --> 00:00:27,254 And this is the story of how it happened. 11 00:00:27,379 --> 00:00:29,884 Now, as you know, I recently had been left at the altar. 12 00:00:30,009 --> 00:00:32,129 And the worst thing about getting left at the altar? 13 00:00:32,254 --> 00:00:34,658 I mean, aside from actually getting left at the altar, 14 00:00:34,783 --> 00:00:36,181 was what came next. 15 00:00:36,306 --> 00:00:39,372 A steady unrelenting unbearable stream of pity. 16 00:00:40,138 --> 00:00:41,840 Vodka cranberry. Gin and tonic. 17 00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:45,920 Scotch and soda. 18 00:00:48,373 --> 00:00:49,382 Thank you. 19 00:00:52,634 --> 00:00:54,566 - Could I see a menu? - Ted, 20 00:00:55,803 --> 00:00:57,723 I'm going to go get you a menu... 21 00:00:58,002 --> 00:00:59,450 but I promise you, 22 00:00:59,897 --> 00:01:00,935 I will come back. 23 00:01:04,505 --> 00:01:06,558 Okay, we have to start going someplace else. 24 00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:10,120 At this bar, I'm always going to be the guy who got left at the altar. 25 00:01:10,245 --> 00:01:11,634 That sucks! 26 00:01:11,759 --> 00:01:12,861 Good times. 27 00:01:13,762 --> 00:01:15,498 - We lost Barney. - What do you mean? 28 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,916 There's a girl over there in a tight red sweater. 29 00:01:18,041 --> 00:01:20,746 So he's not listening to a word anyone's saying. Right, Barney? 30 00:01:20,995 --> 00:01:22,238 Give me a break! 31 00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:25,480 See, he figured out a while back he could fake an entire conversation 32 00:01:25,605 --> 00:01:28,254 just by saying titles of black sitcoms from the 70's and 80's. 33 00:01:28,673 --> 00:01:31,090 - What's happening? - Hey, Barney, 34 00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:35,011 want to go upstairs and do stuff to me that I won't even let Marshall do? 35 00:01:35,732 --> 00:01:37,251 Different strokes. 36 00:01:39,737 --> 00:01:41,056 What the hell is this? 37 00:01:41,181 --> 00:01:42,941 I've told you kids about Doug, right? 38 00:01:43,066 --> 00:01:44,812 I haven't? Oh, well... 39 00:01:45,474 --> 00:01:47,627 Doug Martin was a bartender at MacLaren's. 40 00:01:47,752 --> 00:01:49,275 He was always kind of around. 41 00:01:49,529 --> 00:01:52,528 - Have... you met Ted? - We're not playing "Have you met Ted?" 42 00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:53,840 Am I dead? 43 00:01:54,778 --> 00:01:55,880 Am I dead? 44 00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:57,283 Tonight... 45 00:01:57,889 --> 00:01:59,261 I pick up a lesbian. 46 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:02,163 Anyway, three things you need to know about Doug. 47 00:02:02,331 --> 00:02:04,799 The first thing is that Doug had a bit of a violent streak. 48 00:02:04,924 --> 00:02:06,814 ... crumbled, so he's on the ground, right? 49 00:02:06,939 --> 00:02:09,797 And we're just kicking him! He's making that face, all shaking. 50 00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:13,758 So, anyway, what we did was we left him there. 51 00:02:14,828 --> 00:02:15,676 Top you off? 52 00:02:17,096 --> 00:02:19,638 The second thing is that he was weird about his hair. 53 00:02:20,979 --> 00:02:21,790 What? 54 00:02:22,064 --> 00:02:22,767 What? 55 00:02:23,414 --> 00:02:25,129 Are you looking at my hair? 56 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,313 No, sir. I was not. 57 00:02:28,223 --> 00:02:29,273 It's a toupee. 58 00:02:30,978 --> 00:02:33,486 Is that funny? You want to laugh it up? Is it funny, guy? 59 00:02:34,468 --> 00:02:35,988 Why don't you grab it? 60 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,471 - Excuse me? - Go ahead, grab it right off my head. 61 00:02:38,596 --> 00:02:39,591 Go ahead. 62 00:02:40,195 --> 00:02:41,880 You don't want to grab it? Come on. 63 00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:44,747 Come on, go ahead and grab it. Want to grab it off my head? 64 00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,089 Grab my toupee right off my head. 65 00:02:52,567 --> 00:02:53,915 I like you guys! 66 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:57,671 But the third thing is that he was very loyal to his regulars. 67 00:02:57,796 --> 00:03:00,763 Hey-hey! There they are! Hey, you guys want your booth? 68 00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:03,101 - Oh, no. We're fine over here. - Yeah? Yeah? 69 00:03:03,226 --> 00:03:04,703 Maybe a little too loyal. 70 00:03:04,828 --> 00:03:06,234 No, it's fine, it's fine. 71 00:03:06,359 --> 00:03:09,146 You two lovebirds! Let's take this somewhere else booth's reserved. 72 00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,580 Let's go! Now! Come on! 73 00:03:12,705 --> 00:03:14,438 Let's see some hustle, Father. Up you get. 74 00:03:14,563 --> 00:03:15,903 Okay, guys, here we are! 75 00:03:16,802 --> 00:03:18,164 So, that's Doug. 76 00:03:18,289 --> 00:03:21,363 - What the hell is this? - Some guys are sitting in our booth. 77 00:03:21,488 --> 00:03:23,379 But you know what? This is fine. 78 00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:28,609 Let's go, I'll take care of it. 79 00:03:29,082 --> 00:03:31,043 Oh, boy, there he goes. 80 00:03:38,487 --> 00:03:40,848 Ladies, if you'll please adjourn to your usual booth. 81 00:03:40,973 --> 00:03:43,264 Gentlemen, I will require your assistance outside. 82 00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:44,557 Our assistance? 83 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:47,156 We're going to go out in the alley and fight those guys. 84 00:03:47,634 --> 00:03:49,053 What's happening now? 85 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:52,126 Synchro: ShalimarFox, Arrow 86 00:04:03,468 --> 00:04:04,994 I'm sorry, did you just say... 87 00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:07,828 Those guys are being inconsiderate, okay? 88 00:04:07,953 --> 00:04:10,416 So we're going to go outside and cave in their skulls, OK? 89 00:04:10,856 --> 00:04:12,108 This will be fun! 90 00:04:15,012 --> 00:04:16,848 He wants us to fight? Like, 91 00:04:16,973 --> 00:04:18,591 Like, with our hands and stuff? 92 00:04:19,017 --> 00:04:21,629 And feet maybe? I don't know what the rules are. 93 00:04:22,184 --> 00:04:23,215 A fight. 94 00:04:23,814 --> 00:04:25,514 - Should we go out there? - Come on, 95 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,788 there's only 3 things you'll ever see me fight: 96 00:04:27,913 --> 00:04:29,351 the stubborn clasp of a bra, 97 00:04:30,101 --> 00:04:32,471 Sexual harassment charges, nine for nine, 98 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,769 and the urge to vomit when I see someone wearing 99 00:04:36,894 --> 00:04:39,084 brown shoes with a black suit. 100 00:04:41,536 --> 00:04:44,184 Dude, fighting is for losers. We're civilized guys. 101 00:04:44,309 --> 00:04:47,332 Civilized guys don't fight. Unless it's with lightsabers. 102 00:04:47,457 --> 00:04:49,246 But that's like three to five years away... 103 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:52,755 - Well, that's not true. - Robin, I'm on the forums every day. 104 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:54,504 Three to five Thanksgivings from now, 105 00:04:54,629 --> 00:04:56,782 I'm going to be carving the turkey with Old Green. 106 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,462 No, I'm saying there are plenty of legitimate reasons 107 00:05:00,587 --> 00:05:02,934 to get in a fight, it might not be pretty, 108 00:05:03,059 --> 00:05:05,512 but in certain situations, you gotta do what you gotta do. 109 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,390 Right, I forgot. She thinks fighting's sexy. 110 00:05:08,915 --> 00:05:10,645 No, I do not! A lot... 111 00:05:12,425 --> 00:05:14,453 Look, I come from a culture of hockey players. 112 00:05:14,578 --> 00:05:18,025 If a guy can throw down, it's somewhat way hot. 113 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,639 And scars, hello! 114 00:05:21,006 --> 00:05:22,988 If a guy's got a scar, he's got a Robin. 115 00:05:23,449 --> 00:05:25,828 And if he's missing teeth? I'm missing my pants. 116 00:05:27,759 --> 00:05:29,662 I'm missing my wisdom teeth. 117 00:05:30,550 --> 00:05:32,148 Outpatient procedure. 118 00:05:32,342 --> 00:05:35,224 Local anesthesia. Whatever. It ain't a thing. 119 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,681 - Maybe we should go out there. - I can't believe 120 00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:41,788 we're even having this discussion. 121 00:05:41,913 --> 00:05:45,010 Ted, you're 30, you're too old to act like this. 122 00:05:45,503 --> 00:05:48,764 I was 30 and in those 30 years I'd been punched once. 123 00:05:49,184 --> 00:05:51,267 There's a very simple explana... 124 00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:53,461 There was that thing at camp. 125 00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:56,105 Today, we're going to braid friendship bracelets. 126 00:05:57,610 --> 00:05:59,441 In college, I studied some Kung Fu. 127 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,199 And, there was some other stuff. 128 00:06:11,834 --> 00:06:13,914 The thing with the goat wasn't for another few months. 129 00:06:14,483 --> 00:06:16,378 The point is, I had never been in a fight. 130 00:06:16,503 --> 00:06:18,377 - I'm going out there. - No! 131 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:21,359 Listen to me, please, trust me, I've been in plenty of fights. 132 00:06:21,484 --> 00:06:23,543 It's really nothing to be proud of. 133 00:06:23,781 --> 00:06:25,217 Who did you get in a fight with? 134 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,391 My brothers. 135 00:06:29,353 --> 00:06:32,224 Yes, I'm sure that was quite a rumble in the Eriksen rumpus room. 136 00:06:33,767 --> 00:06:35,394 I love brotherly horseplay! 137 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,669 - Here comes the tickle monster! - Noogie patrol! 138 00:06:39,988 --> 00:06:41,775 Wait, wait, wait! Timesies! Timesies! 139 00:06:43,234 --> 00:06:44,276 Cocoa break. 140 00:06:48,106 --> 00:06:49,074 Cocoa break. 141 00:06:51,193 --> 00:06:52,995 Okay, it's clobbering time. 142 00:06:53,438 --> 00:06:55,924 Ted, don't do this, you're a nice guy. 143 00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:58,572 - That's your best quality. - Is it? 144 00:06:58,697 --> 00:07:00,435 'Cause I seem to rember this nice guy 145 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,000 getting dumped by his fianc�e for a Tae Kwon Do instructor. 146 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,062 This may sound crazy, but I... 147 00:07:05,187 --> 00:07:08,886 I think I need to do this. I think this is an experience I need to have. 148 00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:10,866 I'm going. 149 00:07:14,987 --> 00:07:16,060 Me, too! 150 00:07:18,552 --> 00:07:19,395 Guys... 151 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:22,706 take a good look at this face, because the next time you see it, 152 00:07:22,831 --> 00:07:25,778 it will be disfigured in the hottest possible way. 153 00:07:26,657 --> 00:07:29,044 Because that's who I am, I'm a man. 154 00:07:29,761 --> 00:07:32,785 I like to fight and mix it up and get all dirty. 155 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,756 Can you find a wood hanger for this? 156 00:07:41,087 --> 00:07:43,253 - What happened here? - I know, right? 157 00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,964 Who's not looking at my toupee now? 158 00:07:46,207 --> 00:07:47,633 Look what we did to these guys! 159 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,307 - "We"? - Yeah, "we". 160 00:07:49,432 --> 00:07:51,338 Come on, man, we're a good team. 161 00:07:51,546 --> 00:07:53,138 Nice work boys! We did it! 162 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,641 No, no, you did it. We didn't do anything. 163 00:07:56,934 --> 00:07:59,702 Okay, yeah, yeah, sure, I just beat up three guys by myself. 164 00:08:00,542 --> 00:08:01,769 You guys. That's good. 165 00:08:02,077 --> 00:08:03,304 You and you 166 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,361 free drinks for life. 167 00:08:11,131 --> 00:08:13,046 He thinks we were in this fight with him. 168 00:08:13,171 --> 00:08:14,827 We were in this fight with him. 169 00:08:15,697 --> 00:08:17,830 Now we are going to go in there and tell everyone 170 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,666 the legendary tale of how we beat up some guys. 171 00:08:20,992 --> 00:08:22,753 And everyone is going to think it's great 172 00:08:22,878 --> 00:08:24,705 and everyone is going to sleep with me again. 173 00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:27,923 Dude, come on, no one is gonna believe we were in a fight, look at us. 174 00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,550 Oh, that's a good... 175 00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:31,844 What are you doing? 176 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,709 What I should've done a long time ago. 177 00:08:33,834 --> 00:08:36,098 - What? - I just hit myself in the eye! 178 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,298 I don't even know what I'm saying! 179 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,353 I throw an awesome right hook, by the way. 180 00:08:41,669 --> 00:08:43,272 - Are you ready? - To go back in? 181 00:08:43,593 --> 00:08:44,523 No, for this. 182 00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:49,194 You punched me in the nose! 183 00:08:49,523 --> 00:08:51,427 - Are you crying? - Yes, I'm crying! 184 00:08:51,552 --> 00:08:53,483 You just punched me in the nose! 185 00:08:53,904 --> 00:08:56,595 That's going to swell up real good. You're going to look like Owen Wilson. 186 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:58,057 Let's get back in there. 187 00:08:58,182 --> 00:09:00,539 Okay, but just, let's just play this down, okay? 188 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,908 I don't want this to turn into a big thing. 189 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,644 And Ted comes and takes his shoe off! 190 00:09:05,769 --> 00:09:07,462 Hits him in the mouth... 191 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,847 Hey, there they are! The guys that got my back! 192 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,354 You two got in a fight. 193 00:09:25,010 --> 00:09:25,820 Really? 194 00:09:25,945 --> 00:09:28,286 No, Barney punched me and himself in the face 195 00:09:28,411 --> 00:09:30,861 to make it look like we got in a fight. Come on, Marshall! 196 00:09:33,037 --> 00:09:34,298 Look at your eye. 197 00:09:34,606 --> 00:09:36,225 You look like a badass. 198 00:09:37,333 --> 00:09:39,027 I'm surprised to see you had it in me. 199 00:09:39,152 --> 00:09:40,996 You. Had it in you. 200 00:09:42,653 --> 00:09:43,699 Do you... 201 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:45,819 want to touch it? 202 00:09:49,712 --> 00:09:51,201 Oh, my God, it's warm! 203 00:09:53,517 --> 00:09:55,035 Hey! Victory drinks! 204 00:09:56,003 --> 00:09:56,884 Free! 205 00:09:57,192 --> 00:09:59,028 Free! Free! 206 00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:01,141 Free! $7.50. 207 00:10:02,553 --> 00:10:05,372 - Why do I have to pay? - 'Cause you don't got my back. 208 00:10:06,220 --> 00:10:08,364 - These guys got my back. - You know what, Doug? 209 00:10:08,489 --> 00:10:11,428 I will gladly pay. And you know why? Because that's what grownups do. 210 00:10:11,553 --> 00:10:13,968 They pay for their drinks, and they don't get into fights. 211 00:10:14,286 --> 00:10:16,740 You know what I was doing, while you were out there being immature? 212 00:10:16,865 --> 00:10:18,741 - I'll tell you what I was doing. - Your nails? 213 00:10:19,848 --> 00:10:21,707 - I was doing... - The relationship quiz 214 00:10:21,832 --> 00:10:24,872 - in this month's Cosmo? - No. I was doing... 215 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,314 Your best not to cry when Big came back for Carrie 216 00:10:27,439 --> 00:10:29,343 at the end of the Sex and the City movie? 217 00:10:29,468 --> 00:10:32,672 Spoilers much? No. I'll tell you what I was doing... 218 00:10:32,842 --> 00:10:35,620 The captain of the football team because he gave you his promise ring 219 00:10:35,745 --> 00:10:38,929 and you look so pretty in your open back Homecoming dress? 220 00:10:41,492 --> 00:10:42,492 Sorry. 221 00:10:43,965 --> 00:10:45,345 I hate those guys! 222 00:10:45,780 --> 00:10:48,483 Acting like they're the manliest guys in the universe, like they're 223 00:10:48,608 --> 00:10:50,941 Crocodile Dundee and David Hasselhoff. 224 00:10:51,506 --> 00:10:53,568 Those are the manliest guys in the universe? 225 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:56,433 I don't understand why they're getting all this attention. I mean, 226 00:10:56,558 --> 00:10:59,448 - I'm the real hero here. - Yeah, you are. 227 00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:02,181 I'm serious, woman. Put it back in your pants. 228 00:11:04,568 --> 00:11:07,409 You're the man every boy should grow up to become 229 00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,366 and every girl should marry. 230 00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:11,826 You know what? 231 00:11:11,951 --> 00:11:14,430 I have 2 kids in my class who won't stop fighting. 232 00:11:14,555 --> 00:11:17,191 If you come to school tomorrow and tell them your story 233 00:11:17,316 --> 00:11:21,114 of choosing the path of nonviolence, it might really set them straight. 234 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:24,544 And save me having to get up early to make a lesson plan. 235 00:11:25,564 --> 00:11:26,579 All right. 236 00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,975 Okay. I'll set them straight. 237 00:11:29,317 --> 00:11:30,354 You're a wuss. 238 00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,059 What? No! 239 00:11:32,979 --> 00:11:35,772 Mahatma Panda and Martin Luther Koala are telling you kids 240 00:11:35,897 --> 00:11:38,779 - this story to illustrate... - To illustrate that you're a wuss? 241 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,857 Why didn't you just fight those guys? 242 00:11:41,982 --> 00:11:43,388 Were you scared? 243 00:11:43,738 --> 00:11:44,541 What? 244 00:11:46,426 --> 00:11:47,456 I wasn't scared! 245 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:51,353 - I've been in plenty of fights, okay? - You're huge! 246 00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:53,881 You must weigh like a thousand pounds. 247 00:11:56,029 --> 00:11:57,207 First of all, 248 00:11:57,332 --> 00:11:59,273 I'm wearing a baggy sweater, 249 00:11:59,398 --> 00:12:01,261 and it has horizontal stripes. 250 00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:03,702 And I also... And I had a salty lunch... 251 00:12:03,827 --> 00:12:05,723 And so I'm retain... You know what? Shut up! 252 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,475 Wuss! Wuss! Wuss! 253 00:12:14,740 --> 00:12:15,479 So, 254 00:12:15,938 --> 00:12:17,723 you just beat those guys up? 255 00:12:18,312 --> 00:12:19,145 Just? 256 00:12:20,822 --> 00:12:23,260 Amanda, were it so simple. You see, 257 00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:27,091 hand to hand combat is about so much more than just administering 258 00:12:27,216 --> 00:12:30,539 - brute force on your opponent, right B? - You know it! 259 00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:31,909 It's a science. 260 00:12:32,641 --> 00:12:34,877 The sweet science, as it were. 261 00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:37,880 Wait, I'm confused, what did those guys do to deserve it? 262 00:12:39,685 --> 00:12:41,129 This may sound petty, 263 00:12:42,068 --> 00:12:44,393 - but they sat in our booth. - They sat in our booth. 264 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:46,082 - And nobody... - Nobody. 265 00:12:46,207 --> 00:12:47,808 sits in our booth. 266 00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:53,830 Are you going to beat those guys up? 267 00:12:58,298 --> 00:13:01,092 We are going to beat those guys up. Ted, come on. 268 00:13:04,642 --> 00:13:06,967 You two. Our booth. 269 00:13:07,092 --> 00:13:08,745 Get out. Now! 270 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,127 - What are you doing? - Relax, we got Doug. 271 00:13:11,252 --> 00:13:13,569 - Big Doug's got our backs. - Doug's not here tonight. 272 00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:17,346 Can I get you guys anything? Drinks? Cash? Those two girls over there? 273 00:13:18,314 --> 00:13:19,547 Are you Ted Mosby? 274 00:13:20,958 --> 00:13:23,093 - I am. - And you're Barney Stinson? 275 00:13:23,916 --> 00:13:25,302 They've heard of us. 276 00:13:25,570 --> 00:13:26,777 It's cool, guys. 277 00:13:27,283 --> 00:13:29,678 Let you leave with your asses unkicked. 278 00:13:30,162 --> 00:13:31,253 This time. 279 00:13:31,809 --> 00:13:32,809 A'ight? 280 00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:37,231 - What's... What's this? - You've been served. 281 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,359 You're being sued for assault. 282 00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:41,027 Enjoy your booth. 283 00:13:47,309 --> 00:13:48,518 That was close. 284 00:13:52,784 --> 00:13:55,458 Assault! They're suing us for assault! 285 00:13:55,628 --> 00:13:58,712 What's the penalty for assault? What, do I have to pay a fine? 286 00:13:59,334 --> 00:14:02,799 Pick up trash on the highway? 'Cause I've done that before, know what I mean? 287 00:14:03,604 --> 00:14:05,936 - I don't know. - Actually, he did know 288 00:14:06,061 --> 00:14:08,481 that the worst we were looking at was a small civil settlement, 289 00:14:08,606 --> 00:14:10,276 and probably no criminal charges. 290 00:14:10,401 --> 00:14:12,043 But he was really pissed at us. 291 00:14:12,168 --> 00:14:15,047 I mean, you guys could be looking at some serious prison time. 292 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:17,564 - Prison? - I can't go to prison! 293 00:14:18,104 --> 00:14:21,748 I could get a lot of reading done, finally write some short stories. 294 00:14:22,118 --> 00:14:24,532 Work out all the time. Seriously, if I don't come out 295 00:14:24,657 --> 00:14:27,491 - of there completely ripped... - Ted, we can't go to prison! 296 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,170 People get shivved in the joint! 297 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,242 Plus the meals are really starchy. 298 00:14:34,615 --> 00:14:37,792 You guys should have thought of that before you beat up those guys. 299 00:14:39,801 --> 00:14:41,009 What if we didn't? 300 00:14:41,362 --> 00:14:43,241 - Didn't what? - Didn't beat up those guys. 301 00:14:43,366 --> 00:14:46,050 What if Doug beat up those guys all by himself and we didn't do anything? 302 00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:48,941 I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! 303 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,264 You guys didn't throw a single punch. 304 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,802 Well, I hit Ted and myself, 305 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:56,395 - so... - Well, who's the wuss now? 306 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,313 Answer: You guys. 307 00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,315 Look, can you just help us get out of this? 308 00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:03,242 You know the old expression: If you're not prepared to do the time 309 00:15:03,367 --> 00:15:06,846 don't pretend to do the crime and laugh and get free drinks 310 00:15:06,971 --> 00:15:09,410 and not stand up for your friend who, incidentally, 311 00:15:09,535 --> 00:15:12,201 has been in plenty of fights with his brothers. 312 00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,454 Look, you've got to help us out, Marshall. 313 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:19,093 We're the Three Musketeers! 314 00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:21,962 If I give up Ted, how much time am I looking at? 315 00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,177 I've been looking for you. 316 00:15:30,064 --> 00:15:33,178 I got tickets to this hockey game tonight. It's stupid. 317 00:15:33,635 --> 00:15:35,874 You want to go? It might go kind of late, 318 00:15:35,999 --> 00:15:38,186 so, maybe, after the game we can grab a drink. 319 00:15:38,375 --> 00:15:39,688 Robin, get this. 320 00:15:39,954 --> 00:15:41,222 You know that fight? 321 00:15:42,089 --> 00:15:43,709 These guys faked the whole thing. 322 00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:53,494 Oh, I forgot! Tonight is no good. 323 00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:57,205 I... I can't go to that hockey game tonight, I got that... 324 00:15:58,695 --> 00:15:59,623 That... 325 00:16:01,381 --> 00:16:02,293 That... 326 00:16:04,694 --> 00:16:05,660 That... 327 00:16:08,321 --> 00:16:09,167 That... 328 00:16:09,878 --> 00:16:10,934 That... 329 00:16:16,429 --> 00:16:18,685 Good news... I talked to the guys. 330 00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:20,776 - What guys? - The guys you didn't beat up. 331 00:16:20,901 --> 00:16:22,828 They agreed to drop the lawsuit. 332 00:16:23,368 --> 00:16:25,734 - Lawyered. - What? They agreed to drop it? 333 00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:28,737 Yeah, I just explained that you two are wusses. 334 00:16:29,110 --> 00:16:31,828 We had a good laugh about that. A good long laugh, actually. 335 00:16:31,953 --> 00:16:34,491 I explained how you get a mani/pedi once a month. 336 00:16:35,179 --> 00:16:37,537 Weekly, Wolverine... some of us care. 337 00:16:38,020 --> 00:16:40,433 And how you played the hammer dulcimer 338 00:16:40,558 --> 00:16:43,043 in the Pre-Reformation Dance Society at Wesleyan. 339 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,140 Did you at least tell them we were one of 340 00:16:45,265 --> 00:16:47,839 the premier Medieval chamber groups in the Little Ivies? 341 00:16:48,204 --> 00:16:49,154 Oh, I did. 342 00:16:49,279 --> 00:16:52,330 We all agreed it was much more likely that one guy beat up the three of them 343 00:16:52,455 --> 00:16:55,117 than that you two had anything to do with it, so... 344 00:16:56,268 --> 00:16:57,268 Wait, so... 345 00:16:57,575 --> 00:16:59,933 - So now they're only suing Doug. - Affirmative. 346 00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:02,075 Angry, irrational, 347 00:17:03,131 --> 00:17:04,241 violent Doug, 348 00:17:04,366 --> 00:17:07,454 who now knows we were the ones who threw him under the bus. 349 00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:09,443 They what? 350 00:17:10,521 --> 00:17:13,127 - Look, Doug, we can explain... - Explain what? 351 00:17:13,777 --> 00:17:16,575 Explain how you stabbed me in the back right to my face? 352 00:17:16,846 --> 00:17:19,640 - Robin, I'm scared. - Yeah, is Doug seeing anyone? 353 00:17:20,109 --> 00:17:22,516 Are you seeing anyone? You really should. 354 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:24,903 Look, you don't understand, 355 00:17:25,028 --> 00:17:26,960 you beat up those guys all by yourself. 356 00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:30,165 It's true, all right? They had nothing to do with it. 357 00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:32,608 Look at these two. 358 00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,709 It was all Ted! 359 00:17:37,710 --> 00:17:39,848 - Look at this guy. - Yeah, look at me! 360 00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:43,311 - He wouldn't last 5 minutes in a fight. - I think I could last at least five... 361 00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:45,605 He's got the muscle definition of linguini. 362 00:17:45,781 --> 00:17:49,055 Yeah, linguini with meatballs maybe... Check it. 363 00:17:50,977 --> 00:17:52,081 - Look! - Don't. 364 00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:54,795 Okay, you know what, maybe it was... 365 00:17:55,122 --> 00:17:58,034 just me. Actually, that makes a lot of sense. I tend to black out a lot. 366 00:17:58,579 --> 00:18:00,894 Anyway, look, I always got your back. 367 00:18:01,932 --> 00:18:04,646 All I ask in return is that you got mine. But you know what? 368 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:06,480 You don't. 369 00:18:07,346 --> 00:18:08,911 You can't be counted on. 370 00:18:09,934 --> 00:18:11,506 No wonder your fianc�e left you. 371 00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:15,564 And here it is, kids, the only fight I've ever been in. 372 00:18:16,018 --> 00:18:18,402 So what can I share about the experience? 373 00:18:20,706 --> 00:18:23,641 Well, for starters, when you punch someone in the face, 374 00:18:24,647 --> 00:18:26,091 it hurts your hand... 375 00:18:27,161 --> 00:18:28,030 a lot. 376 00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,109 But what hurts even more than that? 377 00:18:33,282 --> 00:18:34,278 This. 378 00:18:35,450 --> 00:18:37,986 And the next thing I remember was waking up. 379 00:18:38,609 --> 00:18:41,255 Okay, I'm all warmed up. Let's do this thing. 380 00:18:42,676 --> 00:18:45,494 Turns out getting in a fight was a terrible idea. 381 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,416 And that's my story. 382 00:18:47,765 --> 00:18:49,460 And what did you learn? 383 00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:53,176 Well, I learned that fighting is bad 384 00:18:54,194 --> 00:18:56,175 and you shouldn't do it ever. 385 00:18:56,866 --> 00:18:58,075 Any questions? 386 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:03,120 - Where do you find these people? - I know! 387 00:19:03,439 --> 00:19:05,602 Was there a big sale at the wuss market? 388 00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:07,871 Wuss! Wuss! Wuss! 389 00:19:08,794 --> 00:19:11,530 Of course, I didn't tell those kids what really happened. 390 00:19:12,801 --> 00:19:15,195 Okay, I'm all warmed up. Let's do this thing. 391 00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:18,638 What happened? 392 00:19:19,850 --> 00:19:20,977 This happened. 393 00:19:24,915 --> 00:19:26,165 Holy crap! 394 00:19:26,768 --> 00:19:28,796 Turns out Uncle Marshall and his brothers 395 00:19:28,921 --> 00:19:30,909 did a little more than just roughhouse. 396 00:19:37,445 --> 00:19:38,384 Cocoa break! 397 00:19:47,928 --> 00:19:50,288 Marshall looks good. Has he lost weight? 398 00:19:50,413 --> 00:19:51,724 Bitch, don't even. 399 00:19:53,561 --> 00:19:55,435 Kids, I'd love to leave you with the message 400 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,421 that fighting is bad and you shouldn't do it, 401 00:19:57,546 --> 00:19:59,125 but I know that's pointless. 402 00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:00,999 So, I'll leave you with this: 403 00:20:01,124 --> 00:20:03,321 don't ever get in a fight with Uncle Marshall. 404 00:20:03,446 --> 00:20:05,160 That guy's freaking crazy. 405 00:20:10,753 --> 00:20:12,491 It is so good to be home. 406 00:20:12,813 --> 00:20:15,074 Mom, Lily, fantastic job. 407 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,965 "Good food, good meat, good God, let's eat." Right? 408 00:20:18,090 --> 00:20:19,335 Okay, here we go. 409 00:20:19,664 --> 00:20:20,803 Goggles on. 410 00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:28,535 All right, so, you guys pass the plates. 411 00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:31,132 - Lily, you want white or dark meat? - Dark! 412 00:20:31,358 --> 00:20:33,105 Honey, please be careful. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 30073

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