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[ Man On P.A. ]
Hello, hockey fans.

Welcome to tonight's game.

It should be
a real barn burner!

♪♪ [ Rock ]

[ Man Narrating ]
Charlestown, 1978.

We should have lost hope when
the steel mill closed down,

but that was the year
our beloved Chiefs won
the Federal Cup,

led by the infamous
Hanson brothers.

Their aggressive style of hockey
brought passion to the team,
hope to the town.

Metropolis had its Superman,
Gotham City had its Batman...

and Charlestown had
the Hansons.

And like everyone, though,
eventually they disappeared--

bounced, bolted, vanished,
deep-sixed.

But this, my friends,

is the story
of how they were found again,

resurrected and transformed,

together with a group
of ragtag orphans.

It was their task
to defend Charlestown...

against a heinous villain
like none other--

a real estate developer,
a devil in a black pantsuit,

who hornswoggled me
out of my own town.

Her name: Bernie Frazier.

♪♪ [ Continues ]

Well, 30 years later,

and your vision has finally
come true, Mayor Kenneth.

This wasn't my vision.
Another done deal
done right.

Go ahead.
[ Man ]
You got it.

[ Engine Starts ]

[ Bernie ]
Out with the old,
in with the new.

[ Inhales ]

I love the smell of progress
in the morning.

Come by and see me tonight.

I'll have more
good news for you.

[ Bernie ] This splotch
of grime will soon be
a gleaming suburb...

with strip malls
on every corner.

We'll call it Frazierville
or Bernietown.

[ Woman ]
Sounds lovely, ma'am.

♪ ...Started from

♪ Love is good
Love can be strong ♪

♪ We gotta get it right back
to where we started from ♪

♪ Do you remember the day
♪ That sunny day

♪♪ [ Continues ]
Let's go, let's go.

Let's go.
Come on. Get up there.

Get on your homework, okay?

All right, group "A,"
you guys are on dinner.

Group "B," you're on--
Get outta here.
What am I on?

Bumpy ride on the short bus?
Buddy, you're on bathrooms.
Get out of here. Let's go.

Hey, what's up, man?
Mon ami.

You're on garbage.
Group "B," you're on dishes.

Last one in the house
does my laundry!
Let's go.

I have shotgun on the TV.

- Halt. Tweaker, get back here.
- Oh, man.

All right, empty your pockets
and keep your hands
where I can see them.

Empty your pockets.

Sneak in more candy,
you do dishes all month.

Clear?

Get out of here.
[ Boy ]
Hup, two, three, four.

Somebody get the little dudes
a snack,

and no hockey
until I get home from work.

[ Woman Grunting ]

[ Woman ♪2 ]
Oh, lover boy is here.

[ Giggling ]

You'd better put that down
before you hurt somebody.

You better come
and take it from me.

Okay.

How was that?
[ Chuckles ]

Uh, a little high,
a little wide.

Like you could
do better, Zamboni boy?

Uh, not in that
butt-ugly uniform,
I couldn't.

Did you get Hello Kitty
to sponsor you?
I'll get Dad to fire you.

No way. Your dad loves me.
Besides, you like to stare
at my butt when I'm working.

[ Laughs ]
That's disgusting.
Is not. I wash it every day.

[ Grunts ]

[ Laughs ]
Are you okay?

Okay.

Nice.

This lot is 40 acres.

The owners were old-time
hockey players. Meanest goons
to ever tie on skates.

Let's see how scary
they really are.

[ Door Chimes Tinkle ]

[ Man ]
Oh-- Oh.
[ Man ♪2 ] Oh.

Welcome to Zennovation,

one-stop shop for mind,
body and soul.

How may we help you,
our sisters?

Love the robes, fellas.

I'm Bernie Frazier
with Frazier Realty.

I'm here to talk to you
about your land.
May I come in?

Ah, not interested.
Bad karma.

[ Gong Resounds ]

Nice wheels.

Okay, it seems the goonies
have gone loony.

Put them
on my "to destroy" list.

♪♪ [ Rock Intro ]

[ Boys Cheering, Shouting ]
♪ Hello out there
We're on the air ♪

♪ It's hockey night tonight

♪ The tension grows
The whistle blows ♪

♪ And the puck goes
down the ice ♪

♪ The goalie jumps
The players bump
The fans all go insane ♪

♪ Someone roars, Bobby scores
at the good old hockey game ♪

Ha, ha!
You cannot score on me, huh?

♪ Oh, the good old
hockey game ♪

♪ It's the best game
you can name ♪

♪ And the best game
you can name
is the good old hockey game ♪

Oh!
[ Groaning ]

[ Cheering ]
[ Air Horns Blowing ]

- [ Cheering ]
- That's what I'm
talking about, Grisby!

- Man!
-♪♪ [ Stops ]

- Looks official.
- Code red.

- Battle stations!
-♪ The good old hockey game

- [ Boy ]
Move, move!
- Hurry up! Hurry up!

♪ And the best game
you can name ♪
[ All Shouting, Clamoring ]

♪ Is the good old
hockey game ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[ Clamoring ]
We're so screwed.

Go ahead, kitchen duty.
We can do it.

- Whose is this?
Come on!
- Don't look at me!

[ Boy ]
We're so dead!
[ Boy ♪2 ] Go! Go!

[ Man ]
Clean up! Let's go!

Oh!
[ Groans ]

[ Boy ]
Come on, guys.
Hurry up.

[ Man ]
All right-- Oh--
Shh! Shh! Shh!

- [ Boys Whispering ]
- Ms. Davis with Child
and Family Services.

This is an inspection.
Riley Haskell,
senior resident.

I'd like to see
Mr. Webb, please.

He's actually indisposed
at the moment.

I'd be happy
to show you around.

Right.

If you'll just follow me.

Go, go, go, go.
Quinn, come on.

Grab these ones too!

- What are they doing in here?
- Riley said I can't keep 'em
in my room anymore.

- You can't keep them
in the kitchen!
- This is our common area.

And as you can see, we keep
a very tight cleaning schedule
here at the house.

We also like to focus on
and stress education,

music--
♪♪ [ Off-key ]

- Hot soup comin' through!
- Ah, the kitchen, where we
provide a well-balanced diet.

♪♪ [ Piano Continues ]
[ Clattering ]

[ Rats Squeaking ]

They're his pets.
Rescue rats.

Tweaker grew up in the basement
of a candy store
before coming here.

- They were his only friends.
- Take me to Mr. Webb.

They clean the crumbs
off the floor.

[ Tweaker ]
They're very clean for rats.

[ Squeaking Continues ]

Hi. I'm Randy Webb,
home director.

Uh-- I see you've met
Furry and Scurry.

Wonderful.
Lovely creatures, I assure you.

This is not good, Mr. Webb.

Not good at all.

[ All Chattering ]

Did you get what I needed?
You betcha, Miss Frazier.

Excellent.

Two season tickets,
third row, center,
as promised.

[ Man ] I'm open!
[ Man ♪2 ]
Come on, move it around!

One time, one time.
Hit my blocker!
Hit my blocker!

I wanna feel it.
Okay, put some mustard
on this one!

- [ Man Chuckles ]
Yeah, right.
- [ Chuckles ]

[ Men Arguing ]

Ten bucks to the first one
who gets one past my glove.

I'll make it 50.
Put the puck in the net,
or we'll be here all night.

I am not pleased.

- [ Men Chattering ]
- Nice save, my darling.

- [ Knocking ]
- Come in.

Mr. Mayor,
thanks for driving over.

Never miss a practice.
[ Laughs ]

Have you heard?
Newman failed a surprise
inspection today.

This report should
sway public opinion
and clear the way...

for my purchase
of the land.

What about the boys?

Oh, well, I love kids
just as much as anyone,
but, uh--

Excuse me.

Do I need to install
tampon dispensers
in the locker room, ladies?

Hit someone!

But there are--
[ Feedback Whines ]

But there are better homes
for those boys elsewhere.

This is win-win.

Good for the orphans,
good for Charlestown.

That Newman Home--
It's as old as our city.

"Old" being the key word.
Your town is a rotten relic.

Now, you can be seen
as the man who finally
helped save it,

or be blamed
for standing in the way
of progress.

Rest assured,
there will be progress.

Why don't we have
a meeting of the council
before you leave town?

Good idea.
Super.

- Good night, Your Majesty.
- Bye-bye.

Elbow to the head.

Elbow to the head!
Show some bite now!

I'm warning you,
do not make me come down there.

Do you know that golf
is the world's
number-one vacation sport?

The average course
provides hundreds of jobs,

and a pro tour stop
could mean millions of dollars
in revenue...

for Charlestown's businesses.

A vote for Frazier Point
is a vote for the future,

and it's good for
the poor little orphans too.

I can't wait to move into
a good home, Miss Bernie.
That's right, Tommy.

It's Timmy.
Timmy.

Frazier Point
is a hole in one
for all of us.

[ Static Crackles ]

That lady's not gonna
take us away from here, is she?

You see these?
See these?

Nothing gets by me, 'kay?
Run off to bed. It's late.

[ Bernie ]
It smells like
a giant jockstrap.

Maybe 30 years ago
it would've been fine.
Oh, my Lord.

Okay. Listen, honey.
Try not to touch anything
or... breathe deeply.

There he is.
Should've worn a hazmat suit.

♪♪ [ Rock, Distant ]

Those are some
extremely nice skates
for rentals.

We don't open till 10:00.

You're Shayne Baker, right?
Girls' League M.V.P.?

I hear you're pretty good.

What do you say maybe sometime--
I don't know--

you and me, we could go...
scrimmage?

I am good.
For Girls' League.

Maybe you should just go...
scrimmage yourself.

Okay.
[ Scoffs ]

It's a very generous offer!

[ Groans ]
More than this place
is worth.

This ice...

has decades of history
for the town.

I'm not gonna just sell it off
because you wanna put
some office building here.

Well, actually,
I was thinking more
of a boutique mall and day spa.

Rick, history only matters
if people care, and no one
does around here anymore.

This town belongs to me,

and one way or another,
this ancient scrap heap
you call an ice rink...

will be mine too.

So think about my offer.

Let's go, Kain.
Stay away from her.

Now, Kain.
[ Kain ]
All right.

Well, Dad?

I said no.
Me too.

Where's Riley?

Let's be honest
with each other.

Charlestown needs a makeover.

It's time to look
toward the future, folks.

And the first step
toward that future...

is the Frazier Point
Golf Community
Country Club and Spa.

200 luxurious new homes,

thirty-six holes and--

- Twenty-five orphans
without a home.
- Who let him in?

- Anyone?
- Oh, uh, he works for me.

I thought he should hear
what you have planned
for his home.

- Of course.
- By all means, please continue.

[ Mayor ]
Yes, do.

To survive hard times
like these,

we all have to make
sacrifices.

Those making
the biggest sacrifices
are the boys at Newman.

Well, we could use
a Wii in every room.
Or some new dirt bikes.

Or even a year's supply
of Lucky Charms,

but other than that,
we're fine, thanks.

Is that so?
Hope, the report, please.

Rats in the soup pot.

Girlie magazines.
Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

My dream
is simple, folks.

I want to
help the orphans...

and create a new Charlestown,

full of life, energy
and growth potential.

Help us? By destroying
the only family
we've ever known?

By shipping us off
to dangerous, big-city homes...

where kids
have tattoos, piercings
and, God forbid, Facebook?

City council,
ask yourselves this:

Is a round of golf
really worth
an orphan's happiness?

[ Slurps ]
[ Council Chattering ]

Are you done? Cool.

Did I mention
my development will
double your property value?

- [ Council Murmuring ]
- [ Mayor ]
Nice try, kiddo.

Hey.
Hey.

Dad told me
about the home.

That woman gives me the creeps.
She's like Darth Vader
with lipstick.

[ Imitating Yoda ]
Strong she is
with the dark side.

Clever we must be
to defeat her.

[ Laughs ]
Oh, God.
[ Chuckles ]

Okay.

So, as was just
clearly evidenced,

your relative maturity level
is about half mine most days,

but, seriously, if I have to
say "No, we're just friends"
one more time,

I'm going to totally
drug you and dry-shave
your entire body.

Wow.
Okay, maybe just
your arms and legs.

Did you just ask me out?

Okay, look, my dad is
going to a Flyers game
on Saturday.

So, you know, he'll be gone
most of the night.

You should... come over.

Okay.

But I'm bringing Band-Aids
and aloe vera just in case.

Okay.
Okay.

[ Imitating Yoda ]
Later!
[ Chuckles ]

[ Chuckles ]

[ Chattering ]
[ Boy ]
Pass the sugar.

[ Chattering ]

[ Indistinct ]
Are you serious?

- He's 12.
He doesn't know anything.
- Really? What a douche.

[ Silverware Tapping ]

[ Tapping Stops ]

Nice.

[ Clears Throat ]

So I went to the big meeting.

In two months, the town
will vote whether or not
to close us down.

Now, that'll give
people time to think.

What if they vote yes?
I don't know.

Look, what's with you guys?

Don't you remember who we are?

Sunny Newman founded
this home before there
ever was a Charlestown.

His dog Dexter
saved the entire city...

from the Great Flood of 1938
with one proud woof.

The amazing
Hanson brothers--
whose ferocious might...

and legendary skill
won the Federal Cup
for this town in 1977--

they lived in this very house
when they were boys
just like us.

Gentlemen,
we are the Hanson brothers.

We are the children
of the great Sunny Newman.

We are the princes
of Charlestown,
and we will never be forgotten!

- [ Cheering ]
- [ Screaming ]

- Whoo!
- Double dessert for everybody!

[ Cheering ]
Except for you.

The time was,
we'd never have
a free skate on a Saturday.

Everybody'd be
playing hockey.

I'm talking about toddlers
to old guys like me.

And good or bad,
it didn't matter.

People loved it.

The Chiefs
won the title in '77.

I won a couple banners myself
playing Junior in the '80s.

You know what they
used to call me?
What's that?

"Fireball Rick."
Are you serious?

If we don't
do something quick,

Bernie's gonna roll
right across that river
and wipe us off the map.

You want to save your home?
Of course.

People love an underdog.

Maybe we can give them
something to believe in again.

Who's gonna tell him?
Are you gonna tell him?
I'm not gonna tell him.

- You do it.
I told him last time.
- Shh! Here he comes.

- We're next anyway.
- All right, guys, listen up.

Bring it in.
Here's my plan.

We work in their businesses.
We get good grades.

We stay out of trouble.

Mostly.
But that's not enough, no.

We have to make this town
love us again, men.

Remind them
what we're made out of.

We have to become champions
if we want to win that vote.

So we're joining
the Junior League.

[ Murmuring ]
We'll take down the Hounds,

win over this town
and save our home.

Little enthusiasm here, guys.

[ Boy ]
Well, I mean--

Where are the little dudes?

[ Sighs ]

That C.F.S. lady
came and got them.

She says they've been fostered.

Sorry.

[ Bernie On TV ]
As a mother, Dickie,
I simply could not...

abide the thought
of these tiny youngsters...

living in such
awful conditions.

So while the good people
of Charlestown...

decide the fate
of the decrepit Newman Home,
they will reside with me...

- until a more
permanent situation arises.
- [ Boy ] What?

[ Man On TV ]
Real estate developer
Bernie Frazier...

on fostering three boys
from the Newman Home--
We'll get them back.

We'll save the home and we'll
get them back, I promise.

[ TV Continues ]
Everybody off
to practice.

Hustle up. Let's go.
Practice time.

I'll get the sticks.

Grab my jersey.

[ Man On TV ]
...sunshine tomorrow,
and a high of 39.

[ Boy ]
Dumped in a Dairy Queen
bathroom at age five,

Alex Gorrall
was a kid without a home,
a kid without a future.

But now this unlikely hero
has one shot to win the cup.

And he's done it!
Gorrall has won the cup!

Give it up
for A-Train, people!

Nice shot, Dairy Queen.
Dude, this is
my private time.

Yeah, well, the Newman Home
knows no secrets.
You know that.

Yeah-- Sorry about
the little dudes, man.
I did all that I could.

It's not your fault, okay?
Look, I called C.F.S.

Bernie requested no visitors,
so we can't even go see them.

I promised Ian he'd be safe.
Well, all we can do now
is try and get them back.

Wow. At least someone's
excited about my plan.

So how we doing on money?
Let's take a look.

Let's see.

From our jobs,
we have... $500.

That's not counting food
and utilities.

Well, Mr. B's giving us
free ice time.

We still need
the entry fees and gear.

I mean, I have to get me
an Easton Stealth pro stick.
I'd be like--

I'd be like Harry Potter
on his Nimbus 2000, bro--
unstoppable.

Well, I guess we'd better
find a sponsor then.

Tomorrow we make proposals
to our bosses and every business
in town, 'kay?

Deal.
Cool.

Later, Dairy Queen.
[ Man ]
There he is!

Hey there, pal.

I'm Mark,
the mayor's V.P. of P.R.
How are ya?

Rockin', dude.
Uh, look.

I was actually really hoping
to speak with the mayor.
Yes.

Sorry, that's not gonna happen.

He is on a vision quest,

listening to the flowers
with Shaman Maria
somewhere near Machu Picchu,

and he's not gonna be back
for a couple months,
if he even survives at all.

Crazy old codger's
got a bit of a death wish,
if you ask me.

Anyhoo, you gang
are looking for a sponsor.

Am I right? For your little,
uh, orphan hockey team?
Which is super.

It's great. We love
the kids without the parents.
Love it.

Here's the sitch though.
We already sponsor
a bowling team.

Yeah, it's 10-pin.
Kinda awesome.

Tell you what I can do though.

How 'bout a box of
Charlestown snow globes...

for you and the guys,
all right?

Enjoy those, and, hey,
thanks for stopping by.

[ Door Closes ]
Bowling team?

Support for closing the home
is up 36%...

since you fostered
the baby orphans,

and your approval rating
has jumped a total of 50%.

Oh, God, I love
the power of good P.R.

Keep those little brats
in the basement
till after the vote.

I don't even want to smell them.
Oh, and watch out
for boogers and spit-up.

[ Papers Rustling ]

Hey.
Hey.

Any luck
with the sponsor hunt?

Nobody's made a donation
since Sunny Newman was alive.

Check this out, bro.

They're back in town.
Been here a while I guess.

They came into the copy shop
to design this...

for some kind of business
that they run.

But get this.
Back in 2002,
they won the lottery.

Brought back the Chiefs
for one season
and then became these--

these big-time
poker players.
So you're thinking--

They lived here.
They played hockey.
They got lots of cash.

So when the Chiefs folded,
we took our lottery money
and we went gambling.

Roulette, dice--
Poker.

Vegas,
Atlantic City.
We were high rollers.

But it was an empty
life, you know.
Babes, booze, bar fights.

Our wives left us.
Took our kids.

- You guys have kids?
- Yeah, we got three of 'em.

- Yeah, one each.
- The judge said
we weren't good role models.

Said we had to find
peace and balance.

That night during wrestling,
I saw a TV ad
for peace and balance.

- So we bought a franchise.
- Zennovation.

- So how's business?
- Sucks.

- Real bad.
- Not one stinkin' customer.

[ Blows ]
We had some
really great times...

living at the old
Newman Home.

Until we got pro contracts,
and our mom made us
move back in with her.

Um, here's the thing.

We've got a plan
to save our home,
but we need a sponsor.

And who better than
three glorious hockey heroes
from Charlestown's past?

Good idea.
Smart kid.

- Who were you thinking of?
- ♪♪ [ New Age ]

You guys.
You'd sponsor us.

Oh, I don't know.
Hockey's
pretty violent.

- We gave that up with the
bar fights and the gambling.
- Not our path.

Look. It'd be
great advertising.

We'd be traveling
all over the state
playing a new style of hockey.

Just think:
"Zennovation on Ice."

[ Hanson Brother ]
Come and get 'em, boys.
Here you are!

Oh! New pads!
[ All Clamoring ]

Here we go.
Come on.

Oh!
Get one of these!

[ Hanson Brother ]
There you go, guys.
[ Chattering ]

Goalie. Goalie.
[ Boy ] Dude, my name
isn't "Goalie," you know.

It's Henri.

[ Clamoring Continues ]
[ Hanson Brother ]
Want some pads? Here you go.

You too. Yeah.

- Zen is peace.
- Clarity.

Focus.

Empty your minds
of all distractions.

Don't think.
Just be.

Uh, what if I have to think
about not thinking?

Shut up.
I have that
same problem.

Hey.
Sorry.

[ Brothers Humming ]

[ Hanson Brother ]
When you're passing the puck,

you're sharing
your soul.

You're saying, "Here.

I trust you with this precious
and rare gift, my brother."

[ Brothers Humming ]

[ Hanson Brother ]
Nice.

- [ Brother ♪2 ]
Don't be angry with the puck.
- Release the energy.

Slow.
I like that.

Slow.
Nice and easy.

Release
through the body.
One with the universe.

Nice.
Beautiful!

Oh, love that.

♪♪ [ Radio: Rock ]

[ Gasps ]
Wow.

You, uh, bored much here?
Condiment art.

Condiment art?
Mm. It's very popular
in Taiwan.

I sell them on eBay.
I made 50 bucks once.
Really?

Well, I've got 50 bucks
that says you can't get one
past me out there.

What do you say?

Is that a yes?

♪♪ [ Rock, Faint ]

You know, I've got
the lowest goals against
in Pennsylvania history, right?

That's really funny,
because I've scored the most
in Pennsylvania history.

Yeah, but for girls.
Come on.

Combined.
Ha!

[ Laughs ]
Ah!

All right.
Let's go.

Wanna do this?
♪♪ [ Continues ]

Let's go.
Give it to me.

[ Grunting ]

Come on, give me--
Let's go!

- [ Grunting Continues ]
- That's it!

Come on! You got better
than that. Let's go.

You're the M.V.P. girl,
right?

[ Grunts ]

[ Groans, Exhales ]

[ Panting ]

Oh, man.

I could get you in a game.

You just need to be distracted.

Trust me--

Watching you shoot
in that shirt...

is distracting enough.

[ Chuckles ]

So, is this feng shui hockey
for real?

We got gear, uniforms
and our fees paid.

They can run the practices,
but we'll still
play the games my way.

- So lots of skating
and no scoring?
- Oh, that is harsh.

You open with the Hounds
Saturday.

Drop the Zen crap,

control the blue line
and put me on the roster.

Then you'll have a shot.

Oh, and did I mention...

that Kain Frazier and I
scrimmaged together
at the rink?

He's good.

[ Scoffs ]

[ Boy ] It's date night--
Riley and Shayne's.
[ Riley ] Just drop it, guys.

- I'm staying home, all right?
- Uh-uh. You totally
have to go, man.

Baker's goofy,
but she's hot.

I don't know, man.

If Tweaker gets in that candy,
man, he's like a werewolf
at full moon.

Okay. And give
some credit to A-Train
and Big Daddy Precious.

We can take care
of this house.
No worries.

Just, uh,
one thing in return.

Details.

♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Hey.
Entrez-vous.

Um, here.

I hand-picked them
from Precious's flower garden.
Thanks.

So I made pizza.
Boogers and butt cheese?

Greasy, grimy gopher guts,
mutilated monkey meat--

[ Both ]
Dirty, dirty birdie feet.

♪ French-fried eyeballs
dipped in kerosene ♪

♪ And I didn't have a spoon
I had a straw ♪♪

Um, no. It's tofu pepperoni,
organic goat cheese...

and creamed
spinach sauce.

Yummy.

♪♪ [ Radio: Rock ]
All right, guys, winner takes
all-- a week without chores.

Prepare to meet
your doom, boys.

Not tonight, French Fry.
This game's mine.

[ Man On TV, Indistinct ]
You know why the Flyers suck?

It all comes down to Lindros.
What a waste.

Sucked us dry
and left us for dead.

[ Man On TV ]
And there's a shot! Oh! Just--
[ TV Off ]

So. You gonna kiss me tonight,
or what?

[ Stammering ]

Pair of nines.
Pair oftrois!

Trip aces, boys.
I win again.

Ah, mon dieu.

[ Tweaker Screaming ]

[ Together ]
Tweaker!

You know I really
like you, right?

So you'd have to, like,
gnaw on my lip for this
to totally suck.

I guess it's not like
in the movies,

where kisses
magically happen
at exactly the right moment,

just like the formation
of rainbows.

[ Laughs ]
Wow.

Can you imagine
if I told other people
that you actually said that?

[ Phone Rings ]

It could be your dad.
I'm in the shower.

Oh, there's a thought.
Easy, pilgrim.

It could be the guys.
You gave them my number?

[ Ringing Continues ]
What?

[ Boys Shouting ]

I made pizza, and we were
gonna have purple cows
after we kissed.

Look, I'll make it up to you.
I'm sorry.

A teenager has his right
to get his mack on,
Riley Haskell. It's the law.

- Where's Mr. Webb?
- He's sick.

Look, I gotta go.
I'm really sorry.
The pizza was really good.

[ Scoffs ]
Jerk.

Oh, and, Precious,
make sure you do that thing
I told you to do.

Wipe that up.
It's a mess.

Henri, help me out.
Grab that other side.

We'll just nip this on in.
I got this.
Grab that.

Got it?
[ Riley ]
Where is he?

[ Henri ]
Un, deux, trois!

Ate the whole box.

He O.D.'d on Ding-Dongs.
You okay?

We didn't have a choice, man.
It was for his own good.

He'll be fine
by game time, eh?

Dickie Dunn Jr. here
with Dickie Dunn III,

bringing you another
exciting season
of Junior League Hockey action.

And this year's first battle
is a real David-and-Goliath
matchup, hmm?

Yeah, Dad?
If David were a Chihuahua
that'd be more like it.

Yes, that's true, D-3.
It's the defending champ
Ice Hounds...

versus Newman's upstart
orphan team,

calling themselves
the, uh, Zennovators.

All right, guys,
let's do this.

Pass me the tape.
All right, guys.

I know this isn't
exactly how we'd want it,

but if we don't help ourselves,
nobody else will.

I don't remember life
before I came to Newman.
Some of you might.

But right now, all we've got
is these ugly uniforms
and each other.

And that's who
we're fighting for--

The little dudes, our home,
our family.

And this town is gonna see that,
and they're gonna love us...

and worship us and buy us
cake and chocolate
and candy.

- So let's go pound the Hounds!
- [ Cheering ]

- Balance, inner peace, focus.
- Share your souls.

You guys aren't
coming with us?

There's only so much
we can teach you, son.

Plus, we wanna save
our big entrance
for after the game.

They're retiring
our jerseys.

All there is left
is inspiration...

of another.
Yeah--

Words of a hero.
A hockey hero.

Doug Gilmour!

No way!
[ Laughing ]

No matter what
anybody else says,

no matter what
anybody else thinks,

you play the hockey
like you're born
to play,

true to the game,
true to yourselves.

- Come on, guys. Let's go.
- [ Shouting, Whooping ]

[ Dickie Jr. On P.A. ]
We can hear our voices
echoing...

throughout this depressingly
vacant arena,

as the Newman boys
are led by--

Can you believe it?
That's N.H.L. star Doug Gilmour.

And they all seem to be
wearing bathrobes
of some sort.

Well, better than wearing
nothing at all.

Well, anyways,
in my half season as player
and one day as announcer,

I know I've, uh,
never seen anything like this.

Even though your playing career
was cut short...

by an irrational fear
of having your throat stuffed
with vulcanized rubber,

I'm proud of you
all the same, Son.

Welcome to the booth.
Glad to be here.

[ Dickie Jr. On P.A. ]
And here they are now,

the three-time
defending champ Ice Hounds,

led by their M.V.P.,
Kain "Stonewall" Frazier.

Yes, his Hounds will
easily devour these
Zennovators today,

much in the same way
his mother hopes
to destroy their home.

No one stands in the way
of Binghamton, folks,
on the ice or otherwise.

And the Ice Hounds
look every bit
the monstrous machine...

that has dominated the region
for many seasons.

[ Henri ]
Oh, mon dieu.

Those guys are bigger
than you are, eh?

Maybe they'll win.

Be like a--
a miracle on ice.

Be a miracle
if they make it off the ice.

We keep it loose,
we have fun, we play it
Newman-style, all right?

We're gonna win this one
for the home. Let's do it!
[ Buzzer Buzzes ]

You guys shouldn't
be out here.

You guys shouldn't be
on steroids,ja?
[ Groans ]

[ Dickie Jr. ]
And we're under way.

Binghamton star scorer
Stanislav Janislav
controls the puck.

Here he comes up--
He's "nutmegged"
the Zenn defender.

He's riding
in the [ Indistinct ]
He shoots. Oh!

The Hounds have drawn
first blood five seconds in.

That must be some kind
of a record.

[ Dickie III ]
The orphans need
a power goalie.

[ Grunting, Groaning ]

Get the puck! Get the puck!

[ Dickie Jr. ]
Now some crisp passing
by the Zennovators.

Gorrall shoots--
And denied by Frazier.

Who's your daddy, huh?
Oh, no, you don't have one,
do you?

What?
[ Whistle Blowing ]

And now some fisticuffs--
a good, old donnybrook.

[ Clamoring ]

And it's a massacre, folks.

It's just like the time
you got your butt kicked
by my piano teacher.

No, this is definitely
worse than that.
Much worse.

[ Buzzer Buzzes ]
That goal light
needs a new battery,

and the ref's arms are
getting tired as the Hounds
just keep pouring it on.

- [ Whistle Blows ]
-Tremendous tactics,
terrific teamwork...

and a vastly superior
genetic makeup...

have given Binghamton
the edge today.

- [ Shouting ]
- Watch it, watch it!

[ Whistle Blows ]
And that, mercifully,
is the end of the game,

and by the looks of it,
the end of the Zennovators.

Zen's a journey.
It's not a sprint,
it's a journey.

Stay with it.
It's gonna get better.
Stay with it.

So much for sharing
our souls.

[ Dickie Jr. ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
if I can direct--

Ready? Here we go.
what's left of your attention
to the end of the arena,

How's my teeth?
Oh, beautiful.
Are my lips wet?

...famous jerseys,
number 16, 17--
Got it?

[ Exhales ]
Here we go.
the Hansons,

Jack, Steve and Jeff.

There they go.
They're being retired.
Let's give 'em a big hand.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the Hanson brothers.

[ Cheers, Applause ]

♪♪ [ Organ: Fanfare ]

[ Man ]
Yeah!

[ Woman ]
All right, what's happening?

Hello, Charlestown.
Thank you
for your support...

and retiring
our old jerseys.

But we--
[ Electrical Crackling ]

But we--

But--

But we're not here
to talk about hockey.
[ Man ] What do you mean?

It's just a dumb game
where you bleed a lot,

and a total waste of time.
What are you talkin' about?

[ Booing ]
[ Woman ]
Get off the ice!

Uh, a-and so right now--

[ Man ]
Get outta here.
you all should be meditating...

on your inner chi.

[ Jeering, Booing ]
Our message
is about peace, love...

and universal harmony.

- Boo!
- Loser!

And about finding balance...

and cosmic energy
through Zennovation.

Open up your minds
to a new reality.

Losers!

Yaaah!

- Screw harmony and peace.
- And that chi stuff.

[ Clamoring ]

♪♪ [ Man Singing Rock ]

Oh. This is just
too easy.

Hope!
♪ It's a total donnybrook

♪ It's a total donnybrook ♪
[ Chattering ]

This is a nice car.

Thanks for everything.
We really enjoyed
ourselves.

That was nice.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you very much.

Appreciate it.
And the pictures
of the kids--

That was fun.
Yeah, nice people.

Hey, mind if I wear this?
Do you got any tickets
to the policeman's ball?

[ Fire Crackling ]

Well, guys, you ready?
Okay.

[ Together ]
We're back!

[ Laughing ]

[ Chattering ]

[ Shouting ]

Let's go! Let's practice.

[ Hanson Brother ]
What happened yesterday
was our fault.

Un-American.
Un-Pennsylvanian.

"Un-Charlestown-onian."

Un-Hansonian.

This town needs
a good punch
in the nose.

A kick in the teeth.
A jab in the spleen.

Bernie's hittin' us
below the belt.

Fellas, we're here to show you
how to help fight back.

- And we have
reinforcements.
- Guys, come on in.

These are our boys.
Dit--
Gordi.

And Toe.

Guys, time to put on
the foil.

Play some old-time hockey,
like Eddie Shore.
Dit Clapper.

And Toe Blake.
And Gordie Howe.

[ Together ]
Gordie!

[ Man ]
♪ If you can't beat 'em
in the alley ♪

♪ Then you can't
beat 'em on the ice ♪

♪ You gotta smash 'em
in the teeth ♪

♪ At least once or twice

♪♪ [ Continues ]

Hey, Riley, you all right?

- You okay?
- Riley, you okay?

No, no, here. Lookit.
You okay?

Yeah.
Yeah? You sure?

Yeah.
Oh, great. Good.
Get him again!

[ Groaning ]

[ Shouting ]

[ Indistinct ]

This is the way you get
the jersey over your
opponent's head.

[ Indistinct ]

♪ Beat 'em, bust 'em
That's our custom ♪♪

Today, if they have
the balls to show up,

the Newman boys face--

"Balls."
the much-hated Scranton
Nighthawks.

- Two-time runners-up
to the Hounds--
- [ Snickering ]

the Hawks...

are reloaded,
and they are as tough
as they come.

Holy smoke. The Newman team
takes to the ice
in a manner...

that can only be termed
tremendously tacky.

They have donned
the sacred shrouds
of the Chiefs.

This is a sacrilege.
[ Dickie III ] Yeah,
tacky like that time...

when you got sloshed
on communion wine.
Well, yes.

Exactly like that.

[ Shouting ]

[ Buzzer Buzzes ]
[ Dickie Jr. ] New uniforms,
but the same old butt-whupping.

It is clear these Newman boys
are decidedly doing
disservice...

to the lasting legacy
of the Chiefs.

Hey, Riley,
I think it's time.

Toe, Dit, Gordi,
let's do it!

Okay, boys, make
your daddies proud.

Go, boys!
Let's go, let's go!

Mark it up to family ties,
sports fans.

It appears the offspring
of the Hanson brothers...

are making their first
appearance as part
of this ragtag team.

Hey, there. Good game.
I'm gonna
hat-trick you twice.

- Ah. Good luck with that.
- [ Groans ]

[ Dickie Jr. ]
Ah, yes. Cross-checking.

Boarding.

[ Whistle Blows ]
Slashing.

-Spearing.
- [ Whistle Blows ]

[ Clamoring ]

-That certainly
brings back memories.
- I got something for you here.

- Get out there!
-[ Dickie Jr. ] Questionable
sportsmanship aside,

these Chiefs have certainly
been reinvigorated
with new blood on the ice.

[ Horn Blows ]

After the first formal foray
of these junior Hansons,

-you have to ask yourself--
- Is that nature or nurture?

A.D.D. or D.N.A.?

Good shift, good shift,
good shift.

They sent in
the goon squad.

They have gone from
Zennovators to headhunters
in less than a week.

Yeah, it's truly
inspiring, Dad.

[ All Groaning ]
They sure do have
a lot of spirit.

[ Dickie Jr. ]
What they need
is liability insurance.

[ Whistle Blowing ]

And in a scene
that is strangely familiar,

three Hansons are populating
the penalty box,

forcing their fellow
Chiefs to face a difficult
five-on-three penalty kill,

a true test of their
orphan grit.

Watch the point,
watch the point!

Oh! Thank you.

They pulled the goalie.
They pulled him.

[ Dickie Jr. ]
In a strange first period move,

the angry Nighthawks seem to be
trying to make the Chiefs pay--
[ Phone Rings ]

by pulling
their goal tender,
to make it six on three.

That's something
you don't see every day.

And he's their last
uninjured player to boot.

Haskell goes down
to block the shot.
[ Indistinct ]

He flips it in the air
and splits the two defenders.

What an amazing move.

He's rocketing down the ice
toward the empty net.

He's beat
the desperate defense.
He's tripped from behind.

- He scores!
- [ Buzzer Buzzes ]

[ Cheering ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Whistle Blows ]

[ Dickie Jr. ]
Led by emerging phenom
Alex Gorrall,

it seems these boys
may be worthy to call
themselves Chiefs after all.

Way to go, guys. No mercy.
People are actually
cheering for us.

How about the Hansons?

[ Boy ]
Yeah! The Hansons are back,
and better than ever!

Didn't see them
put one in the net.
That was a good goal.

Hey, I looked for you
after the game.

What game?
All I saw was
a wrestling match.

Gotta give people
what they want.
Put butts in the seats.

Win the vote.
Yeah? Well, keep
playing that way--

you won't be
seeing this butt
in the seats anymore.

[ Mouthing Words ]

[ Dickie Jr. ]
Interesting style of play.

Had to let 'em know
we meant business, sir.

That's how it was
when I was a boy--

Hard-nosed hockey.

I admire you, kid.
I do.

But if all this
is about the vote
on your home,

I don't see much hope
in hockey changin'
their minds.

What if I told you
we already changed one?

A big one.

[ Dickie Jr. On TV ]
Charlestown played
a smash-mouth brand of hockey...

this reporter hadn't seen
since the days...

when his own father
covered the glorious
'77 Chiefs.

It seems these boys
have been inspired
by rumors...

that Mayor David Kenneth plans
to support their petition
to save the Newman Home...

when he returns
from his vision quest in Peru--

If he ever returns at all.

- [ Laughing ]
Oh! That's awesome.
- I can't believe this.

[ Chattering ]

I want names.

A good newsman
never reveals his sources.

There isn't a good newsman
within 50 miles of here.

I just tried to capture
the spirit of the thing, Bernie.

[ Exhales ]
Is it true?

Well, no, no, no.
Uh, hang on a tick.

Our office was not contacted
for this story,

and the mayor is unreachable,
but why would somebody
lie about this?

I hate those little orphans.

Off the record,
of course.

[ Dickie Jr. On TV ]
With a key vote
only weeks away,

Bernie Frazier
today responded to rumors...

that Mayor David Kenneth
may oppose her Newman measure.

[ Bernie ]
Well, Dickie, the mayor and I
are good friends.

He personally assured me
of his support before
he left town.

Clearly, someone is lying.

[ Male Announcer ]
Tom and Harriet Banks
are the lucky winners...

of this past weekend's
super lottery draw.

The pair came forward to claim
their $100 million prize
this morning--

Signature's right here,
and you've got his letterhead
at the copy shop, right?

You lied to Dickie Dunn.
Yeah, but h-he knew--
I think.

Look-- Look, he's
on our side,

and if we
give him a letter,
that'll help prove it.

There's nothing to prove, man.
It's a lie.

And forgery is
some serious bad business.

What are they gonna do,
give us community service?
give us community service?
arcommunity service.

Look, this town
loves the man.

If we get them to believe
he's behind us, then maybe
we got a chance.

What about
when he comes back?

Well, he may
never come back. Ever.

At least, not before the vote.
Look, there's panthers and
jaguars and man-eating plants--

Hey. You told me
to tell you when
you're out of line.

Right now you're
off the whole page.

♪♪ [ Ballad Intro ]

[ Man ]
♪ This is gonna
take some time ♪

♪ 'Cause it's along way down

♪ From up so high

♪ You can't always
get it right ♪

♪ But you would never know

♪ Unless you tried

♪ When you're falling

♪ And you just
can't find your feet ♪

♪ When you're crawlin'

♪ I'll be the one
to pick you up ♪

♪ I'll bring you back

♪ I won't let you bleed

♪ I won't let you cry
yourself to sleep ♪

♪ I'll help you breathe

[ Dickie Jr.'s Voice ]
The letter appears
to be authentic,

according to the mayor's
V.P. of P.R., Mark Dempsey.

He emphasizes that we
will not know for sure
until Mayor Kenneth returns,

if he returns.
"Charlestown Spring
Tulip Festival."

Wh-- What is wrong
with these people?

Put a Starbucks
on my to-do list.

Did you try Fed-Ex?
I checked.

You know, Machu Picchu
doesn't count as
an actual street address.

And we weren't able
to reach the mayor
by ham radio either.

If he dies down there
I'm screwed.

This is killing me
in the polls.

People do love
those orphans now.
Ugh.

Almost as much
as they do that... dog.

Hope?

Looks pretty good, huh?
Wanna hire me?

You think this is funny?
Come on, man.

We've been lied to and cheated
our whole lives.

So since I'm an orphan,
I've got a free pass to
be a jackass and to lie?

How is acting like that
ever gonna change anything?

Tell me who this hurts,
except for Bernie Frazier.
Me.

And everybody out there
with a vote.

If this goes wrong,
it's on you.

[ School Bell Rings ]

So. What's up
with Alex?

Uh, it seems my star forward
isn't a fan of the Chiefs'
new direction.

I don't agree
with going goon,

but I'm not in your position
and it's wrong for me
to judge.

So make it up to me
by taking me to
the Sadie Hawkins dance.

The whole point
of the Sadie Hawkins, nimrod,
is that the girl asks the guy--

Which I already did once,
if you'll recall, with some
pretty pathetic results.

So ask me again.

Well, maybe I'm going
with Kain Frazier.

I'll pick you up at 8:00.
Did I mention he's good?

Dinner's on me.
No leaving early
for anything?

Done.
Deal.

Hey, you gonna use
that ketchup?
Uh, no.

I've got art
next period.

Bye.
Bye.

Wait, wait. Riley. Riley.

Um, hey, um--
I put these
together for you--

Or for you to give
to Shayne.

Not for me
to give to you.
[ Laughs ]

Here. Tweaker's locked
in his room,

so everything's okay,
so just go get her,
man, okay?

Good man.
Good luck.

Thanks, buddy.
Bye.

[ Screams ]
Oh!

Don't hate me.
I'm a good person.

[ Riley ]
You set us up?

Bernie made me do it.

Art is my gift--

and now I've
used it for evil.

The little dudes--
How are they?

They're great.
I've been teaching them
to paint.

They really do miss you.

Thanks.

There's one more thing
you can teach 'em--

Blue and yellow makes green.

Don't you think
you're overreacting?

Maybe an emergency came up
or something.

Hi. Binghamton, please.

Yeah, Frazier.
Thank you.

♪♪ [ Ballad Intro ]

[ Man ]
♪ My homelife

♪ Is disconcerting

♪ I've got to keep

♪ My money down

♪ Homelife, Homelife

♪ Anyways there'll soon be
little kids ♪

♪ Just like my old life

♪ My homelife

♪ As desolate as any love
could give ♪

♪ She takes me home ♪
Well, look who it is.

Would you look at that.
Mommy's little ice puppy's
off his leash.

Oh, we got
a funny guy here, huh?

I guess you need a sense
of humor when you're growing
up here in the slums, right?

Whatever.
Hey, where you goin'?
Hey, come here.

Think you're really
gonna like it too.

[ Beeps ]
Check that out.

The way she dances--
See that?

The last move there,
she Kind of--

But I guess she likes
real hockey players, huh?

Not little orphan goons.

You can watch it again
if you want on YouTube.

Heard you had fun
at the dance.

- You stood me up.
- [ Groans ]

I didn't stand you up.
I just changed my plans
and didn't call.

Hello, dictionary.
Try looking up "respect."

Maybe even a little
responsibility.
Responsibility?

You have no idea what all
I'm responsible for.

Well, hey, why don't you
let me know when you grow up?
Okay, Miss Maturity,

but I'm not the one
making condiment art.

And F.Y.I., "Shayne and Kain"
sounds ridiculous.

[ Dickie Jr. On P.A. ]
And the crowd seems
to be demanding...

-some sort of a Wildcat
lynching.
- [ Man ] Wildcat lynching!

[ Dickie Jr. ]
With the deplorable defilement
of Dexter the Dog...

by these wanton Wildcats,
the fury of Charlestown...

has been stoked
to full flame, folks.

Can the Chiefs defend
their town's honor,

despite having
little of their own?

- I don't know.
- We shall see in the fullness
of time, I suppose.

I guess we will,

Dad.

This is it, boys.
They will never be behind us
more than they are today.

That team painted our dog.
And called us names.

They called us names!
So get out there.

Put a stick in their ribs
and let 'em know
you're there.

[ Together ] Yeah!
Put some lumber in their teeth
and let 'em know you're there.

Yeah!
Jam some foil up their noses
and let 'em know you're there.

Yeah!
Whoo!

[ Chattering ]
Here you go.

Pixy Stix?

[ Laughs ]

♪♪ [ Rock Intro ]

[ Man ]
♪ I'm a human bomb

[ Dickie Jr. On P.A. ]
Tonight Charlestown witnessed
a category five "Tweaker-cane,"

as he walloped the wayward
Wildcats with wild abandon.

Hanson hockey prevailed again.

The lackluster
Landcaster Wildcats...

were totally tamed
by the Charlestown Chiefs.

[ Whistle Blows ]
Charlestown hockey is back.

[ Crowd Chanting ]
Tweaker! Tweaker! Tweaker!

Time for some fiber blast.

That'll loosen 'em up.
♪♪ [ Whistling ]

[ Dickie Jr. ]
Today the South Philly Raiders
forfeited a game...

to the Charlestown Chiefs
in a rather ignominious display
of gastric malfeasance,

including diabolically induced
diarrhea.

[ Indistinct ]

[ Groans ]

[ Shouting ]

[ Feedback Whining ]

[ Dickie Jr. ]
Before yet another raucous,
sellout crowd...

here in Charlestown,
the mighty Chiefs battered,

bruised and bullied their way
to a 4-2 win.

[ Cheering ]

And that's six straight
for the Chiefs,

who sent their ninth
straight opponent
to the emergency room...

en route to
a championship showdown
with their cross-river rivals,

the hated Ice Hounds.

♪ Human bomb

[ Cheering ]

♪ Human bomb ♪

Interesting.

A faint printed line
continues past the point
where the ink ends.

Where do you get
your letterhead?
Uh, good... question.

Uh--
[ Mutters ]

The Copycat Copy Shop.
Hmm.

Well, Riley,
the big vote is Wednesday.

If this crowd is any indication,
I would say you guys have
changed a lot of minds.

We want to bring hockey back
to Charlestown and show people
that our home is worth saving.

How would you
rate this day, Precious?

No. Name's not
Precious anymore, Dickie.
It's Killer!

[ Roars ]

What can I say?
We're in the finals,

Mayor Kenneth's
coming back
to help us win the vote,

and, well,
it's probably
the best day of my life.

Attention, Charlestown.

Before this
quaint celebration
goes any further,

there are a few things
that you need to know...

about your little
hometown heroes here.

This letter of support
from Mayor Kenneth...

is a complete
and utter forgery!

[ Man ]
What?
It was found...

saved on a computer
at the Copycat Copy Shop,

where this boy,

Alex Gorrall,

was an employee--
until today, I presume.

Probably been fired?
Yeah.

That's not all.

Their leader,
one Randall Webb,

has been absent from the home
and on the lam...

for at least six months...

after committing armed robbery
in Florida.

The boys have been
in constant danger...

and without adult supervision
the entire time.

But perhaps
the most grievous offense...

committed by these delinquents
will certainly stun you all.

- Kain, please, if you will.
- Of course.

It was Riley Haskell,
not the Wildcats,

who defiled Dexter,
the dog that saved Charlestown.

Yes, the very dog
owned by one Sunny Newman,

who founded his home.

[ Students Shouting ]

I'm spent.
Hope, let's go.

Oh, that's not
true at all.
[ Chattering ]

Well, folks, a strange
turn of events here.

The state police have moved in,

and it appears
that Riley Haskell
has deceived us all.

Riley, uh, is it true?
Don't-- Don't talk to him.
Don't say anything.

- Did you do it?
- Bunch of malarkey, huh?

We've heard some strange news
here tonight, folks. I suppose
you caught most of that.

Uh, it seems the dog was defiled
by delinquent orphans,
and not at all by a rival team.

We'll just go get 'em.
[ Shouting, Clamoring ]

Let me get in there.
Let me take care of it.
Let me handle it.

We want to hear you.
See that tie?
That could be you.

Sorry, guys.
This is all we have
for tonight.

We would have
ended up here anyways.
At least we put up a fight.

[ Thinking ]
Dear Mayor,

I hope you will read this
very soon.

There are a lot of good reasons
for what I've done,

but that doesn't make
what I've done right.

The mood is somber here.

Most of Charlestown feels
disappointed and betrayed.

Mayor Kenneth
returned to work today,

but he refused to comment
on the Newman scandal.

It seems certain that
the eminent domain measure
will pass,

so go ahead
and book those tee times now.

[ Ms. Davis ]
Right. No. Uh--

Well, we're
splitting them up.

Yes. Even one would help.

Great. Perfect. Okay.

So, then we'll go from there.

[ Riley ]
We earned the right to play
in that championship game.

Through lying, cheating
and other
very naughty behavior.

- That was my fault, not theirs.
I'll sit it out.
- It's simply not possible.

One game.
It's all we have left.

Give it up.
It's over.

I need to make
a phone call, please.

Oh, this is nice.
I bet they're all fake.

Where's the one
for penalty minutes?

Guys?
You're... touching them.
Fingerprints-- Please--

What is this?

- Trophy.
- No, you idiot!

What do you want?

We want to make
a bet with you.
A little wager.

Get our boys out of kid jail,
and play us
in the championship game.

And if you win,
you get our land.

What if,
by some improbable miracle,
I should lose?

It's a great day
for hockey, fellas!

It's time to
pound the Hounds, boys!
Come on! Let's go get 'em.

Let's go!
Come on!

Hey! Come on, Riley!
Come on, let's go! Let's go!

Yeah, I'm coming.
Hurry up!
Let's go.

Look, man,
I know this season
was your shot to break out.

I let you down,
and I'm sorry.

But this is the championship
game, man. All the scouts
are going to be there again.

Let's do this.

Yeah, I'd love to be there,

but they won't let me play
because somebody
got me charged with forgery.

Good luck.

Stick-handle this.
Your friends left a mess.

[ Riley's Voice ]
When Mr. Webb left us,
our goal was to stay together.

So we kept it a secret.
We were family.

It was my job to protect them,
provide for them,
and to set a good example.

I did okay with the first two,
but blew that last one pretty
bad trying to save our home.

Anyway, I don't think
there's much you can do
to help us,

but I just wanted to say
I'm sorry, and that I'm glad
you didn't die in Peru.

Sincerely, Riley Haskell.

Hey, guys.

Who wants pizza?

Me! Yeah! Yeah!

Let's go to the table.
One sec. One sec.
Yes!

Okay, let's put these down.
Guess what.
What?

Who wants to listen
to the big game?
[ Together ] Yeah!

Hey, guys, listen up.
I got something to say.

I'm a liar,
and I let you guys down.

I just--

I wanted you guys to have hope
that we could
survive this together,

that it would all be okay.

Well, I was wrong,
and it's not all okay.

We're goons.
Circus freaks.

I turned you guys
into something you're not.

Precious, you're no killer.

You arrange flowers.

Flowers?
Henri,

well, you're not--

French?

No. No, I'm originally
from Arkansas.

What? Seriously?

French Fry?
Seriously?

What? I mean,
the chicks really dig it.

You are a freak.
You guys--

Okay, bad example.

The point is,
all that's not who we are.

And we've got one more night
as a family...

and one more
hockey game together,

and we're gonna
play it straight.

We're going out as champions,
even if we lose by 20.

This is for us,

not for Charlestown,

but for us
and the little dudes.

That's all I got to say.
[ Murmuring ]

Keep your sticks
on the ice, guys.

Come on.
Good, clean hockey.

You're going to have
loads of fun tonight, boys.

Anything goes.
No holds barred.
I'll see to that.

You can change in there.
Hope, wait here, guard the door.

[ Dickie Jr. ]
This is it.

Tonight, we see the team
with the most goals...

against the team
with the most penalty minutes.

But the Cinderella Chiefs
have seen all of their support
go to the dogs.

Ruff, ruff! Ruff.

And it's a solid
Ice Hounds crowd tonight.

- They are booing these orphans
with all their might.
- [ Booing ]

Listen to that, D-3.

[ Chuckling ]

Give me another one of
those woofs, will you, Son?
Ruff, ruff!

♪♪ [ Rock ]

♪ Here I am

♪ Rock you like a hurricane

♪ Are you ready, baby?

♪ Here I am

♪ Rock you like a hurricane

♪ Here I am

♪ Rock you like a hurricane

- ♪ Come on, come on, baby
- [ Shouting ]

♪ Here I am

♪ Rock you like a hurricane

♪ Rock you like a hurricane

[ Dickie Jr. ]
They lost the vote, lost
their home, lost their town.

Without Gorrall,
and with low morale,

it's hard to see these Chiefs
caging the rabid
title-hungry Ice Hounds.

And here they are, folks,
a pack of wild alpha dogs...

at home in their own den--

the unstoppable,
untouchable, undefeated...

Binghamton Ice Hounds!

Sponsored by Frazier Realty--
building a better tomorrow
today.

[ Dickie III ]
I can't see anything with
all that smoke out there.

♪ Here I am ♪

To another deal done right.

[ Sighs ]
Mmm!

Here come my secret weapons.

And I made sure
the poor little Chiefs
don't have their star player.

[ Dickie Jr. On TV ]
The crowd continues to boo
the Charlestown team.

[ Booing ]

It seems there were
three new Ice Hounds
added to tonight's roster...

from the Sawtooth
Juvenile Detention Center's
violent crimes wing.

[ Dickie III ] Yeah, it looks
like the Hounds added a few
rottweilers there, Daddy-O.

Yes, indeed, D-3.
That's a very good one.

Call the Red Cross, Son.
Tonight's gonna be
a bloodbath.

That's René St. Michelle.

I heard he once
killed a squirrel with a straw
in fifth grade.

He's one mean dude.

You would be too
if your name was René.

Look, guys, I don't care who
they are or where they're from,
we're sticking to the game plan.

Old-time hockey.
Let's do it!

Ah, French toast.

[ Doug ] This is
about hockey, and these kids
are not playing for a paycheck.

These kids are playing
for passion and love
of the game right now.

[ Dickie Jr. ]
Fantastic, Doug!

That's it.
Now we're ready. Let's go!
Good job, boys.

Way to go. Good job.

Hey there, René.

Buy you a soda after the game?

- ♪♪ [ Organ: "Charge" ]
-[ Dickie Jr. ]
Here's the face-off!

And the Chiefs are instantly
on their butts!

[ Dickie III ] One thing I
learned during my playing career
is you can't skate on your butt.

[ Dickie Jr. ]
Because your butt was
always on the bench.

Ow. The Hounds
are giving them...

a taste of
their own medicine tonight.

- Oh, this is so exciting.
-♪♪ [ Rock, Indistinct ]

- Hit him!
- [ Grunts ]

Oh, he's out cold!
Ha, ha, ha!

- [ Grunts ]
- Oh, come on.

-If you're eating that snow, I'd
watch out for the yellow stuff.
-Keep talking, mama's boy.

Yeah, whatever.

♪♪ [ Continues ]

[ Grunts ]

Play on, boys!

[ Dickie Jr. ]
Oh, there's some
crack officiating.

The refs really letting them
play out there tonight.

The Chiefs aren't even
fighting back. What's
the matter with those guys?

What's the matter
with those guys?

That's what I said.
What's the matter
with those guys?

Come on!
[ Shouting, Indistinct ]

Kick him!
In the-- In the groin!

[ Dickie Jr. ]
What a shame this is.

They've come so far,
albeit on the wrong path,

only to have their helmets
handed to them
and their brains beaten in.

Even the abnormally aggressive
junior Hansons
have been tamed.

Come on!
Let's play hockey!
Oh, yeah?

What do you
know about hockey?

[ Dickie Jr. ]
The Chiefs' bench
is utterly outraged,

and perhaps they have a point.

But here they come.

The Chiefs are on a break.
They've got the numbers.

Oh! A brutal check on the back
sends one of the Hansons--

Ah! Precious scores!

But wait!
They're waving it off!
No goal!

No goal! Big guy
was in the crease. No goal.

They've missed the shot
from behind, but they've
caught Precious in the crease.

What kind
of officiating is this?
What are you talking about?

Are you kidding me?
That was a goal!
He hit me from behind!

Are you blind?
Answer me.
Are you blind?

You can't do that!
That's a bad call!

[ Dickie Jr. ]
This is outrageous!

Looks like some home cookin'
in the doggy bowl, folks,

as Precious goes to the box
with 30 seconds left
in the first.

And if the Chiefs can survive
this period unscathed,
they'll call themselves lucky.

Saved!
But the Chiefs can't clear.

The Hounds apply
more unrelenting pressure.

Here comes another shot.
Another save!
Oh! Henri is down!

[ Whistle Blows ]
Goal!
Goal for the Hounds!

[ Gasping ]
Unbelievable!
That was clearly interference.

What kind of a call is that?

- You call that a goal?
- Yeah.

- He pushed me!
Did you not see that?
- That was a goal, my friend.

I'm on the ground, huh?

[ Hansons Shouting ]

Another 40 minutes,
another 40 acres.

[ Chuckles ]
God, I love hockey.

[ Dickie Jr. ]
So at the end
of the first period,

it is 1-nothing
for the Ice Hounds.

Your Chiefs
are dog food, my man.

Slobbery little chew toys.

[ Dickie Jr. ] The Ice Hounds
have been pounding with
their customary intensity,

while the Chiefs
seem weak and demoralized,

made worse
by dubious officiating.

-Nothing seems to be--
- Enjoy your time
in the penalty box.

Guess that's two for tripping.

You want some of this?
Shut your pie-holes!

Ms. Frazier has something
she wants on the board.

Check your e-mail
and get me a microphone.

[ Clears Throat ]
Please direct your attention
to the video screen, folks.

[ Crowd Booing ]

[ Glass Shatters ]

[ Booing Continues ]

I tell ya, folks--
desecrated dogs,
dangerous delinquents,

and now dirty dealings.

We still have
two periods left to play.
What could happen next?

Guys,
you gotta step it up!
Yeah, we bet the farm.

Bring back
Hanson hockey.

Boys, we're getting
killed out there.
Gotta fight back.

- Crush some skulls.
- We could do
that fiber-blast trick again.

No! No! No!
We're only down a goal.

We keep it clean
or we pack it up.
That's it.

[ Chattering ]

[ All Shouting ]

Boys--
Boys, I have something
I'd like to say.

I did not write this letter.

It was sent to me
by young Riley.

He was desperate
to save our town.

I want to say to you,
young Riley,

our town has let you down,
and I'm the one
responsible for it.

No matter what they say,
Charlestown is still
a city on the rise.

So get out there
and play clean,

play hard,
and play your hearts out,

no matter what these goons do.

Give 'em hell.
Thank you, sir.

Boys, he's right.
Yeah, we gotta
find our balance.

Hit 'em hard,
but win it fair.

Let's do it, guys!
Let's go!

[ All Shouting ]
Hey, Gordi.

Hey! Hey, guys.
Forgot your melons.

Let's go get 'em, guys!
Whoo!

Gordi! Gordi, come here!

[ Dickie Jr. ] And as corrupt
referee Brian Fox is escorted
off the ice by the police,

one can only hope
he'll be able to lay off
the late-night carbs in jail.

That's quite
a gut there, Brian.

Listen to that crowd out there.

They're cheering for you.
They're cheering
for all of you.

Enjoying the game,
Mr. Messier?

Not really.

Hey, you guys can play
any way you want. Go ahead.

It'll be a cheap win.
You guys are better than that.

The best opponents
push you to your limits...

and make you better
than you've ever been before.

And in the end,
it doesn't matter
who wins or loses,

because you're both gonna
earn the trust and respect
of each other.

Chip?

I don't think so.

[ Blows Whistle ]
♪♪ [ Organ: "Charge" ]

We're all gonna
play it clean
from here on out, boys.

It doesn't matter.
You can't win
in a fair fight anyway.

I've never been
in a fair fight.
Good luck.

[ Dickie Jr. ]
A rejuvenated Chiefs squad
is playing with spirit again...

in a tightly called game.

They have managed to muzzle
the raving Hounds
late in the second period...

and are slowly
gaining the edge.

But can they sneak one past
the impenetrable
Stonewall Frazier?

It's difficult to see
if the Chiefs can ever
get an edge in this game.

-And now as Riley Haskell
moves the puck around--
- [ Grunts ]

Oh! Oh, Haskell
is hit hard, and he's down,
and he's hurt, and he's--

Oh, my gosh,
I think it's his shoulder.

You're outta here!
Game misconduct.

René St. Michelle is being
tossed out of the game,
and deservedly so,

as the score remains
Ice Hounds: 1,
Charlestown Chiefs: no score.

[ All Shouting ]

We'll be right with you.

The jingle
on this supermarket ad
is just winding up here.

Okay. Welcome back,
hockey fans.

We're here in
the second intermission.

We have managed to corner
Mark "the Spark Plug" Messier
here in the booth,

ask him a few questions.

So, uh, take it away, D-3.

[ Stammers ]

Anytime now.
Um--

Excellent work there, Son.

[ Laughing ]
Okay. Excellent work there.

If you don't mind a quick
follow-up question there,
Mr. Messier--

May I call you Mark?
You sure can. Sure.

Well, it appears to me
that Riley Haskell,
the Chiefs' captain,

got kind of injured there.

Do you think it effectively
ends their title hopes?

Well, there's no doubt
it's a big loss, Dickie.

If Riley can't go,
and even if
he's slowed down a little,

you know, someone else
is really gonna
have to step up...

and-- and be a leader
in order for them to win.

[ Grunts ]
What's wrong with you fools?
Can't anybody here score a goal?

All right!
A-Train's back, baby.

Welcome back!

- Suit up, pal.
- Yeah!

Somebody's
waiting for you outside.

Hey.
Are you okay?

That was a cheap, illegal shot.
Does it hurt?

Not as bad
as you going out with Kain.

Listen. I had no idea
you were running the house
by yourself.

And here I was
worried about purple cows...

and making out
and some stupid dance.
It's okay.

I got what I deserved.

But maybe we can still
give back a little.

Want to help me give
the Fraziers a little token
to remember us by?

Come here.

- [ Cheering ]
- [ Buzzer Buzzes ]

[ Dickie Jr. ]
And we're under way
in period three...

with conference all-star
and leading M.V.P. candidate...

Alex Gorrall back on
the ice for the Chiefs.

Have fun at the dance?
Heard you were a little stiff.

[ Dickie Jr. ]
Along with a mystery player.
Who's that?

- Fifty bucks says
I can get one past ya.
- What?

[ Whistle Blows ]

[ Buzzer Buzzes ]

Yes! That's my girl!
That's my girl!

Boop!

Told you I could
get you in a game.

[ Dickie Jr. ]
What do you know?

That's the first goal
Kain Frazier
has let in all year,

and it was scored
by a girl.

[ Laughing ]

Didn't Mom beat you
in arm wrestling once?

Hey, man,
she's not even on the roster.

Right there--
Shayne Baker.
Been on since game one.

It was her idea.

All right, boys,
we'll get that one back.
Don't worry about it. Let's go.

[ Dickie Jr. ]
And it's come down to this.

One minute left,
and a tie score...

in a game the Chiefs
should be leading by one.

- You mean two, right?
- One.

But the Chiefs' goal
shouldn't have been disallowed.

Wait.
Because the ref was cheating.

- Yeah.
- The ref was on the take.
The sec-- Oh, wow, yes.

He cross-checked the goal--

- Well-- No, no, no, no.
It should only be one still.
- No, it's two.

No, it's one.
The Chiefs should be
winning by one.

No, no. I'm gonna go--
I'm gonna go ask Mark Messier.
I'll be back.

- [ Crowd Roaring ]
-[ Dickie Jr. ]
Another amazing save by Henri!

Gathered in the corner
by Haskell.

Pushed up along the boards
to the speedy Gorrall.

He's free.
He's flying down the ice,

and he's leaving Janislav
in the dust.

The clock is ticking down.
This kid has got some wheels.

Here comes the shot on Frazier!

Oh, no!
He's tripped from behind!

Gorrall is tripped from behind!

- Penalty shot!
-[ Dickie Jr. ]
Holy hockey, sports fans!

It's a penalty shot
with no time left
on the clock!

Son, get your hands
off the Spark Plug.

This is what you've always
wanted. Just pretend
it's our old court.

Yeah. No screaming fans
at the court.

No scouts at the court.
No Kain at the old court.

He'll try to glove it.
So fake blocker,
he'll reach right,

then fire high glove-side.
Just take the shot,
Dairy Queen.

You can beat this guy.
[ Buzzer Buzzes ]

[ All Shouting ]

[ Dickie Jr. ]
And it all comes down to this.

Mano a mano.

An unstoppable force
meets an immovable object
for the Junior League crown.

One all-around good guy
against one incorrigible brat!

One improbable orphan...

against one
privileged mama's boy.

Who will prevail?

[ Whistle Blows ]

- [ Cheering ]
- Do you believe in miracles?

The Chiefs have won the cup.
The Chiefs have won the cup.

- [ Cheering ]
-They've done it, folks.
They've done it.

It's over.
How about that?

How about this?
[ Cackles ]

Yes!

[ Whooping ]

♪ The good old hockey game

♪ It's the best game
you can name ♪

♪ And the best game
you can name ♪

♪ Is the good old hockey game
[ Mutters ]

♪ The good old hockey game
Tsk, tsk.

Take your name
off my Christmas card list,

because you're fired, missy.

♪ Hockey game ♪
Do you know who I am?

Do you have any idea?

[ Cheering ]

May I have this dance?
I hope you dance
better than you skate.

[ Dickie III ]
Haskell approaches,
looks into her eyes.

He shoots, and he scores!
♪♪ [ Organ: "Charge" ]

-[ Dickie Jr. ]
Nice callin', Son.
-Thanks, Dad.

"Hat-trick my first game.

Private school blows,
but at least my tutors are hot.
Peace, Alex."

Geez, pretty soon you're
going to have a scholarship,
Miss Two-time M.V.P.

I think I might
stick around here
a little longer.

[ Mayor Kenneth ] Because
of these boys, Charlestown
is again a city on the rise.

Its very spirit
has been reignited.

The Newman Home for Boys,
that has not been forgotten.

Thanks to the arrangement
made by Ms. Frazier
and the Hanson brothers,

these Chiefs here
will remain where they belong.

In Charlestown,
in the newly established
Hanson Home for Boys.

♪ This ain't no brouhaha

♪ It's a total donnybrook

♪ Better duck your head
right now ♪

♪ Guess you'd know who's ready
for a mean right hook ♪

♪ The referee has lost control

♪ This stinkin' town
has really shrunk ♪

♪ We're over the glass
and in the stands ♪

♪ It's a total donnybrook

♪ We're skating hard
from the shot ♪

♪ That's when they called
the riot squad ♪

♪ I didn't think
that they had a chance ♪

♪ But they wanted vengeance

♪ Parade continued
to the penalty box ♪

♪ The whole damn dump
was a tinderbox ♪

♪ The way we stomped them
wasn't fair ♪

♪ That's why they--
their underwear ♪

♪ What happened next

♪ You don't wanna know

♪ But we took care of

♪ We took care of
those so-and-sos ♪

♪ This ain't no brouhaha

♪ It's a total donnybrook

♪ Better duck your head
right now ♪

♪ Guess you'd know who's ready
for a mean right hook ♪

♪ The referee has lost control

♪ This stinkin' town
has really shrunk ♪

♪ 'Cause we're over the glass
and in the stands ♪

♪ It's a total donnybrook

♪ Finally, the cops got there

♪ There were teeth
and blood everywhere ♪

♪ We only came
to play old-time hockey ♪

♪ But they started
acting like ♪

♪ This cop tried to drag me
off of the rink ♪

♪ So the coach came out
and dropped that ♪

♪ The chief came out
like a real jackass ♪

♪ So I dropped him on his

♪ Then the lights went out

♪ And the crowd was thin

♪ Next thing I remember

♪ Being in the jailhouse,
busted again ♪

♪ This ain't no brouhaha

♪ It's a total donnybrook

♪ Better duck your head
right now ♪

♪ Guess you'd know who's ready
for a mean right hook ♪

♪ The referee has lost control

♪ This stinkin' town
has really shrunk ♪

♪ We're over the glass
and in the stands ♪

♪ It's a total donnybrook

♪ It's a total donnybrook

♪ Yeah,
it's a total donnybrook ♪

♪ It's a total donnybrook

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ It's a total donnybrook

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪♪

[ Whistle Blowing ]

Goal! Goal!

♪♪ [ Rock Intro ]

[ Man ]
♪ Yeah

♪ There I was
at the end of the bench ♪

♪ Slivers up my butt

♪ The coach said
Joe, here's your chance ♪

♪ Chop 'em like a clear-cut

♪ So I hopped on the ice
and swung my stick ♪

♪ Like a scythe
in a field of wheat ♪

♪ The first guy
who got in my way ♪

♪ I knocked him
to the cheap seats ♪

♪ Beat 'em, bust 'em
that's our custom ♪

♪ Beat 'em, bust 'em
♪ Beat 'em, bust 'em
that's our custom ♪

♪ Beat 'em, bust 'em
that's our custom ♪

♪ Beat 'em, bust 'em
that's our custom ♪♪

All right.
Now you've gone too far.
[ Whistle Blows ]

You, in the box!
[ Whistle Blows ]

You! Out of the game!
I didn't do nothing!

[ Whistle Blowing ]
I've had enough of you!

[ Whistle Blows ]

No!
[ Group Of People ]
Gordie.