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Hi, my name is Ali Tavel,

and I'm the one
who's gonna record this.

- Well, hi, Ali.
- Hi.

How are you doing?

Dear Don, this is me.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You've
missed a lot over the years.

There she is.

She's a-dancing on that table.

I was always such a curious kid.

I'm Ali Tavel, reporting.

Mom built this
magical world for Lexi and I

to be loud and weird
and messy and creative.

Ah! There they are.

She encouraged me to be me.

- Know what that is?
- Oh, my God!

Your own recording studio.

- Oh, my God.
- Ali, you can sing along

and record your songs.

- You can play back your voice.
- Oh, my God.

I've always loved music.

Everything about it.

And everyone told me
I got that from you.

When I was in the fourth grade,

I decided to do a report
about the synthesizer,

because our family told me
you were this genius musician

who played with Stevie Wonder
and B. B. King

and was friends
with Steve Wozniak

and invented the synthesizer.

So I went to the library
at my school

and checked out
the "S" encyclopedia,

expecting to see, "Synthesizer:
invented by Don Tavel."

But your name wasn't in it.

It made me question

if any of the stories
about you were true.

And these stories were
all I had to connect to you,

because you died in a car crash
when I was ten weeks old.

So I never knew you.

I didn't end up doing my report
on the synthesizer,

and it would be years before
I ever thought about you again.

Okay, real fast,
I'm gonna take your tambourine

- and your drink to stage...
- Okay.

And-and your, and your cape.

All right, let's go to stage.

I'm 25 now
and I tour for a living.

I work for Grace Potter.

She's my boss,
but she's also my best friend.

I got to grab her.

- We got, we got minutes.
- Okay, I got to go get ready.

- All right, okay, here we go.
- Let's go this way.

I'm gonna put my fringe vest on.

I'm not a musician,

but I'm surrounded by them
because of this job.

Hey, Jackson, you've got
five minutes to stage.

Jackson, thank you so much.

Have a great set, Jackson.

Everybody's got ears
and packs, right?

- Yes.
- Okay.

All right, guys.

One, two, three!

And being on the road,

around all of
these creative people,

with their gear and instruments,

it made me curious again,

after all these years

about the synthesizer
you invented.

I'd known my whole life
that it was stashed away

in a box somewhere in the attic.

An abandoned mystery
for 25 years.

But maybe it was finally time
for me to go find it.

Hmm.

Oh, no way.

B. B. King guitar pick.

My family always said
that my dad had,

uh, played with him
before, so...

Let's see what we got here.

That's cool.

Okay.

So this is...

No.

I bet this is it.

This is it.

The Resynator.

The synthesizer takes advantage

of computer technology.

Simply by playing a note
on my musical instrument

in this case, the guitar...
and the computer will then

set the FX oscillator up
to that interval.

The oscillators
will be responding

to my guitar input

via a Digital
Frequency Analyzer.

The final computer aspect
is the Timbral Image Modulator,

and I'll be using
a variety of shapes.

Knock, knock.

- Hey. How are you?
- Hi.

- Alison.
- Good to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

So, everyone says
you're the person to talk to

about synths, so, I, uh,

I have a rare one,
and when I got it

out of my grandma's attic,
I was looking for a keyboard.

Mm.

'Cause I thought that
that's what a synthesizer was.

And then I pulled out this,
like, black rectangular box

with a bunch of knobs on it.

From what I can remember,
it's a "rack-mount",

"monophonic,
instrument-controlled,

s... p-pitch-tracking
synthesizer."

But I don't know
what any of that stuff means.

Basically,

a pure synthesizer,
in theory, can do any sound,

any direction of sound,
any kind of combinations.

But that's
a pure theoretical concept.

When synthesizers came out,

this was a whole vista
of new sounds

that we haven't heard before.

The most commercial
and usable system

was Bob Moog's system.

This became a cliché that
people consider a synthesizer

as something
with a keyboard attached.

The Resynator is a mystery
because it's a black box

which is full of potential.

Your synthesizer is in there
ready to make notes and sounds,

but is controlled by
an instrument or a voice.

Don was in the first wave
of people

using computers
to try to track pitch.

But the heart of it
is an analog synthesizer,

and that's the key part of it
because a lot of instruments

are one or the other...
but not both.

No one ever made
a successful instrument

that was controlled
by outside sounds,

but it seems your dad
had figured out a way

to make it work.

If you
really had invented something

so revolutionary, then why
did I have the only one?

Not knowing anything
about the synth,

or your plans for it,

made me realize that I also
didn't know anything about you.

On "Indy Alive,"

we promise you
all types of things.

Now, you may be thinking
that's an organ,

but that's really a guitar,

and you're listening
to the music of Don Tavel.

How'd you get interested
in this kind of music?

Well, I got into electronic
music when it started, uh,

pretty much in the '60s,
and, um,

I followed that involvement
through into the '70s,

and we got into using
computers, uh, early on in,

uh, in the early '70s,
through the mid-'70s,

and then I ended up inventing
and, uh, holding seven patents

on the precursor to MIDI.

You have seven patents?

- Yes.
- That you've created yourself?

Yes, on a Musical Instrument
Digital Interface

similar to MIDI,
and I was a member

of the first conference
on MIDI, uh,

to try and develop a standard.

The reason
why I wanted to come here

is because the Resynator project

has led me to being open
to finally,

finally wanting to know
who Don was as a human.

When Don was graduating
from the School of Music,

he had to give a performance.

Maestro.

He had taken guitar pickups,

- and he put them on a strap to his head...
- Uh-huh.

And with his thoughts,

he controlled the music
and the lights.

The Resynator, though, right?
It was that?

It was an early version
of the Resynator.

I couldn't believe

what we were watching.

I mean, it was just wild.

The dean and the faculty members

all crowded around us, remember?

And they said,

"Congratulations.

You have a genius for a son."

Remember?

And I looked at his father,
I said,

"Who wants a genius for a son?"

Did he ever voice
a goal for you guys?

Like, did...
I mean, the Resynator,

he had plans to produce it...

- Oh, absolutely.
- But then he didn't.

So, I just wonder what, um,

his reasoning
for not moving forward

with the-the production anymore.

Um, I can't really address it...

- Yeah.
- Other than to say that I think that,

uh, it was just
an economic decision

to move on to the,
to the next thing.

But absolutely,
his plan was to be

in the music industry,
in the electronics industry,

and pushing the envelope.

I once again found myself

hearing stories about you,

but not being able
to relate to any of them.

You have to know... I know why
they love music and art:

because I did it to them.

I made it a rule.

One year of piano was a must.

You had to have
an introduction to music,

and you couldn't escape it.

The Beatles were coming up,

and he picked up a guitar,
and the guitar became,

like, his third arm.

Donnie played
as many as 17 instruments.

He worked with Stevie Wonder.

He had the opportunity
to play with B. B. King.

One of the members
of the Average White Band

flew out to Indiana
to spend some time with him.

His vision was

putting the music
and the technology together

way before anyone else
even thought of it.

He founded the Department of
Computer and Electronic Music,

and donated all kinds of
computer equipment

to get the thing started.

I met Don, I think, in 1971.

And I remember him
coming up with the idea

of doing silk screens
of waveforms.

That's my memory of how he
connected the music department

to the art department.

Don being here was
the seminal moment

for the implementation

and beginning of
music technology here.

He lived up to,
what I think, genius.

I want to hear the normal

even if they're not interesting
to you,

they're interesting to me

the-the normal stories,
the-the everyday stories.

To-to try to get a better idea
of who Don was as a

as a person, not as a genius.

There's a lot of stories,
many that

probably can't be told here.

See, that's what
I'm looking for.

I'm looking for those stories.

He could do just about anything.

He could carve wood.

He used
his VCR as his hard drive.

He was a phenomenal athlete.

He was kaleidoscopic.

Everybody knew-knew Donnie,

and everybody in the country
knew about what he was doing.

Did he ever do anything crazy
in high school that...

- Did he ever do anything wrong?
- And I won't tell you.

- You should tell us, though.
- Another time.

I can't handle a lot of this.

Aw.

- Hi.
- Baby!

- Hi, mama.
- Mwah!

Oh, my gosh,
it's so good to see you.

- Hi, sweetie. Hi.
- Hi.

Hold on,
let me get out of the car.

Mmm. Mm-mm!

- Hi.
- Hi, babe. Mm.

So where have you been?

I can hardly keep track.

Someplace new every night.

We were in New York yesterday
at that ESPN event.

Yeah.

And, um, we-we were in Houston,

'cause we went to
the NASA Johnson Space Center.

Oh, right, right, right.

So Alan prints this out.

- Yeah, this is where...
- And we know exactly

where you are every day. Almost.

We have to call you and
tell you what city you're in.

What website is this,
ConcertBoom?

Oh, I don't know.
It's... it was a Grace Potter...

Well, also our first show
was in, um, Chattanooga.

Well, that's probably
on the other sheets

- I have over there.
- Oh.

Hey, look.

How should we know where you are

when you don't even know
where you are?

Mom met Alan in 1997.

Before that,
it was just me, Mom and Lexi.

Here's the garden.

Such a nice and beautiful thing.

And I couldn't have imagined it

any other way.

But eventually,
Alan became part of our family,

and he was the one
who drove me to school,

put up with my tantrums
and answered my questions.

He was my dad,
and he loved my mom.

In all
the years we've lived together,

I've never seen one day that
she hasn't come down the steps

without a smile on her face.

Oh, and you, too, baby.

There's something wrong.

- We come down and we smile at each other.
- It's like, "Oh..."

Hey, what the hell's going on?

Okay, Mom,
let's watch this wedding video.

- Oh, my goodness.
- Oh, there's me.

I have... I love this,
like, three-foot

- tulle ribbon in my hair.
- Yeah.

Bow.

What'd you do with the ring?

It's right over there.

- You still have it?
- I...

I still wear it sometimes
on my little finger.

Oh, is it the one...?

It's got rows
of little teensy diamonds

- and...
- Oh.

- God, I was so skinny.
- I know.

I told him it was
the best day of my life,

except for having Alexi.

It was the happiest day
of my life.

I'd already
divorced my first husband

and had Alexi when I met Don.

It was a blind date.

And we went out.

He drove to my art gallery

on a Friday night
from Indianapolis.

Had a really nice evening.

And I thought, "Wow, this is...
he's really cool."

And he's a musician.

I go,
"Ooh, that's really interesting

because I love music."

Started dating after that.

I would watch him in concert.

He'd, you know,
be doing his shows and just...

I was, like, in awe of him.

Just incredible.

He was very

charming.

Very charming.

Um, very caring.

It was about a year later,
we got married.

You know, we had the reception,

and we went on our honeymoon.

And then everything
started to change.

1970s.

Hey, have you guys
heard of Mu... Mu-Tron?

I'm going to meet
the founder tomorrow.

He-he engineered
the Resynator for my dad.

- No way.
- Yeah, Mike Beigel.

Yeah, that's... I see that here.

S-Stevie Wonder?

Yeah, he's gonna help me

resurrect it, hopefully.

So cool.

- Hi. Are you Mike Beigel?
- Hello. Hello.

Oh.

Okay, great. Thank...

Hi. Hey, buddy.

- Hi, I'm Mike.
- Hey.

Good to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Come on in.

I am.

Well, just have a seat.

Thank you.

So I was going through

the NAMM show,
which is a very big show

of musical products
and giving out

my new little business cards to

anyone I saw, and on, I think,

on the last day,

uh, this guy making
the music synthesizer

is coming after me
and wants to talk to me.

He says, um, he's Don Tavel.

And his product
is the Resynator.

And he decided that,
uh, I looked like the guy

he needed to help him
finish off a couple of details.

I have, I think,
what would be called,

like, the-the software
inside of it.

You have...? Good.

Um, it's wrapped in bubble wrap
in the back seat of the car.

The software is wrapped
in bubble wrap?

Well, the-the hardware
that goes inside.

Um...

The software

- is...
- Like, the disc things.

- Ah.
- You know what I mean?

Okay, good. It might be
a little hard to figure out.

It's quite possible that
the little computers might've

lost their memory by this time.

- Right.
- Was there a manual?

Was there ever a manual?

I don't remember
if there was ever a manual.

Nothing that I came across.

There was only one person
who could really play it right.

Don?

Yeah.

This... this looks
like a labyrinth to me.

- Yeah, well.
- Like a foreign language.

So, take a look at that,

inside of the one known,
possibly working Resynator.

So, I'm gonna put
the oscilloscope on,

then I'm going to push on, on.

And we have...

Is that what we want?

That's what we want.

Well, that's a good sign.

Now let's find out

what the controls
on this thing are.

I forget.

"FXO..."

So this switch is working.

Now that's working.

I would say 60%, yes, works.

I mean, honestly, this is

more than I could have
hoped for at this point today.

- More than nothing, hey?
- So I'm excited about it.

Okay, but now we can see

if I can remember
a few things...

Standing next to Mike Beigel,

I'm looking at the schematics.

And he's asking me to read off
some numbers from it,

like "R54" and "22K."

And I just imagined
that this was

the same situation
that you were in

when you were creating this
with Mike.

Up until this point,

you were just
a collection of stories.

This was the first time
I felt like you were a person

instead of an idea.

Hi, Mike. It's Ali.

Um, it was so nice
to meet you yesterday.

Thank you again for helping me
with this project.

I was thinking if we could

get it working in time
to bring it to the NAMM show,

like, 35 years or whatever,

after you and Don did it
to reintroduce it,

it would be so cool.

Um, I know I'm probably
getting ahead of myself.

I'm just kind of excited, so...

We'll talk more soon.
I'll be home from tour soon,

and we can figure out a time

for me to come back down
and see you.

I hope you're doing well.
I'll talk to you soon. Bye.

Look at all
your "Musician" magazines.

Oh, yeah, it is
the, uh, Hall of Fame here.

Yes, exactly.

And I remember that one because
there's a Resynator ad in that.

Oh, in that issue, right.

Yeah, Don Tavel
and I were very simpatico.

We both were, uh, little guys

fighting in a big,
uh, big guy world.

We both believe we could, uh,

be the Man of La Mancha
and the impossible dream.

He was trying to invent
a product

that you could use
on every song.

And it would change.
It would be like a violin.

It would be like an oboe.

It would be like, you know,
crashing or cacophonic.

I think that he was looking for

big names to do it, obviously,
for marketing purposes.

In a way, people all say,

"Oh, boy, Paul McCartney's
using it. I use it."

That's where you, if you got
those superstars going at it,

then you'd have a sound
that was even sweeter.

This was where he, uh,
spent his last night,

- period.
- Yeah.

And... 'cause the next day,

I remember him leaving.
Let's see.

Your dad died, I thought,

on November 28th, 1989.

- 1988. The year I was born.
- '88, okay.

The year you were born.

And in '88, they had
just acquired this, um...

You were born in '88. Okay.

I was born September 14th.

This coming Sunday
is my birthday.

- Wow.
- So he died ten weeks later.

Wow.

And do you know much of
the history behind that?

- Behind my dad? Or...
- Yeah.

Well, I grew up
telling everybody

he invented the synthesizer.

Have you spoken to
Emmett Chapman?

Um, I was supposed to
meet with him.

- I haven't met with him yet.
- Okay.

- I will this fall.
- He's a brilliant guy.

- He is like a Svengali.
- I can't wait.

He is like, absolutely, uh,

Gandalf in...
from "The Lord of the Rings."

He is incredible.

The reason I asked
if you'd talked to Emmett is,

he seems to have
similar memories as I do,

where I wondered
if you would start out

making this movie about Don
inventing the Resynator

and, like, some, uh,
action thriller

or "Adaptation."
You know that movie?

Where you'd end up...
the movie would really be about

what happened to your dad.

Because, uh, and I don't mean
to be negative,

but, uh, it was, uh,

my impression that, uh,

not to be too cold
and cruel about it,

but when he came,
his final week here,

which was a week
after you were born,

it was a tough week
because he basically said

the day you arrived, and
they were getting along fine,

you were delivered,
put in your mother's arms.

He came in and went,
"Ah, goo-goo,"

and she turned to him, said,
"And now I want a divorce.

I don't want to be
married anymore."

And that was it.

And then Don
absolutely freaked out

and was so crazy about you
and was so depressed

and, uh, was thinking
bad things about himself

and his continuation,

and came here,
and we spent the whole week

- just talking him down.
- Yeah.

And just, you know,
it seemed like,

um, those that knew him,
uh, have said, you know,

"Oh, I don't think
he ever would hurt himself."

And I wasn't so sure,
because he was so depressed.

All he kept saying is,

"I just don't know
how I'm going to go on."

So, I don't know.

You know, I-I had my doubts.

I think Emmett has his doubts.

- Mm-hmm.
- You know?

- I mean, if it was an accident?
- That sucks.

Maybe that's
a better thing, you know.

- And if it's not, that sucks.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah.
- Anyway, but, uh...

Hi, Mama.

Hi, honey. How are you?

So, I just met
with Gordon Baird.

He actually said something
kind of off-putting.

He, uh

he said he thought
Don killed himself.

I mean, do you think
Don killed himself?

Well, you know, Ali,

I always had my suspicions.

Um, he wrote
a letter that I have.

Is it a suicide note?

No. No, I wouldn't say that.

Um.

You know, it was more a note,

I think, just to get
these thoughts out of his mind.

I have it saved for you,

and whenever you want,
whenever you come home,

I have it for you, okay?

Okay.

It was really sad,

I mean, how I found out,

really, after I got married,
of who he was.

He would leave
nasty little notes around.

I was, like, a... maybe
a month away from having Ali.

I mean, I was very pregnant,
and he got angry at something

and pushed me
clear across the kitchen,

and I ran right into the stove.

Um, another time,
where he got so angry at me

as I was walking down
to the lower level,

and he grabbed me, like,
around the neck.

It-it-it frightened me,
literally frightened me.

After Alison was born, um,

I mean, he's so incredibly
wonderful in the hospital,

and we bring her home,

and I thought,
"Oh, this is great.

Everything's gonna be
wonderful."

And then, all of a sudden,

he started just being

so upset with everything.

He just did not seem happy.

And you would think
that this was going to be

the happiest time of his life.

He threatened to throw me out.

I went to my sister's house.
I contacted attorneys.

I said,
"Something's got to happen

"because I'm not getting thrown
out of here.

I just had a-a baby."

So they got a restraining order,

and I'm sure
that he was, like, in shock,

but you don't threaten someone
and not expect some reaction.

I never, ever wanted her
to think badly of him.

So, even growing...
even when she was little,

"Okay, these are
your dad's guitars.

"He was amazing," this and that.

There's no reason...

I had no idea
what his problem was,

what was in his head.

I just knew he was generous,

he was loving, he was

this amazing genius,

and that's all she needed.

She didn't need to know...

She wasn't

part of that, really, you know?

She was three months old
when he had this accident,

so why think badly of him?

Huh.

- Hey.
- Oh, hello.

- Alison.
- It's so nice to finally meet you, Emmett.

Oh, thank you. Same to you.

I've been wanting to do this
for a long time.

Me, too.

Yeah, that's good.

Here's a photo,
the only photo I could find,

- and I did search.
- Oh, my gosh, I haven't seen...

I searched till 3:00
in the morning last night.

I wanted to give it to you.

Oh, thank you.

When I met with Gordon,
he was very

um, he just had
some very shocking ideas of

the last couple of days
of Don's life,

because he tells me
that he thinks that.

- Don killed himself...
- Mm-hmm.

Because he was
really dark and depressed.

And then he mentioned you
and said that...

He said he had his doubts,

and he thought
you had your doubts,

and that kind of
opened up my whole

um, that changed
my perspective of Don.

That was really
the first thing I'd heard

that was not this bright,
beautiful, positive thing,

and it made me
ask a bunch of questions.

What he said was
right to the point.

I had to agree,
but I can't know for sure.

- Yeah.
- And if-if Don had

this dark side,

it might have been caused
by their relationship.

I think he repressed
his emotions when he was a kid,

and he had this intellect
to be able to do that.

You know, sometime I think

maybe he paid the penalty
for emotional repression.

Would be like stopping
his emotions from growing

during a teenage period,

where he accentuates
his intellect instead.

And then you pay the price.

And it could have been paid
with his marriage.

I had never heard of
any of that before.

Like, nobody has ever
told me those

that side of Don before.

When I started breaking him down

and learning about, like,

through Mike Beigel
and Gordon Baird,

and why I've been
so excited to meet you,

is just 'cause you guys knew him

away from all of that.

His brother,
whose name rhymed with his...

- RJ, his twin.
- Was it Ron?

- Ron.
- Ron and Don.

Was amazing to see
two guys that look alike

and were totally different.

Don told me,
in a moment of confession,

that he kind of
felt humiliated about it,

but when he was in high school,
they called him "Robot."

- They called Don "Robot"?
- Yeah.

He hated that name.

- Really?
- Yeah.

But then, in... uh, later on,
he was totally different.

He was like his brother.

He-he was dapper
and, uh, and witty

and, uh, very sociable.

He changed from, like,

from one year to the next.

I could never be myself

around Grandma Kitty.

And there were so many things

I was never allowed
to talk about with her.

Like the fact that you had
an identical twin brother: RJ.

I technically met him once
when I was a baby,

but I've had no idea
where he's been since

because he and the family

haven't really spoken
since you died.

Our parents were,

they were the country club
kind of people.

They painted pictures of
what they wanted

their children to be,
and, you know,

they had very high expectations.

It was
a very domineering, uh, world

that we were living in,

and he was part of that.

Don told me that he had
an ulcer at the age of nine.

I could not believe it.

I didn't know
that children got ulcers.

But I think he was just such a

a nervous wreck at that age,

trying to please his parents.

Don, in a way, was shy.

Having conversations with people

that he didn't know

was not easy for him,

so he hid behind his guitar.

This fellow's name is Don Tavel.

He's president of Musico,

which is a company
which makes Resynators.

We're not gonna talk
about that tonight,

but we should tell you
that a Resynator,

simply stated, is a device

that synthesizes the sound
of musical instruments

and does it far cheaper

than other equipment
produced in recent years.

This is a graphics board,

not something really new,

but it can now be applied
to home computers.

You can do commercial work,

doing people's logos,

uh, with computer graphics.

You can do cartooning as well,

such as Superman flying.

You can do, uh,
fine art, uh, portrait work.

Albert Einstein.

Have to have some skill
though, I mean,

to be able to do that at home.

Yeah, computers
won't replace talent.

Hey,
this is Grace. Leave a message.

Hey, Grace.

Um, I just texted you a photo

of this letter that I found.

It's a company called
Syco Systems.

That I guess it was a company

Peter Gabriel owned in the '80s.

And it looks like they bought
three Resynators.

And Peter had
personally requested one.

Uh, so that's amazing.

And I found
all kinds of cool things.

So, it's all good stuff,

but there's some other
not-so-fun things

that I found out,

um, that I need
to tell you about, too.

So, just call me when you can.

There's this
whole different side of you

that I'm learning about.

I always felt like there was
more to the story with you.

But I never
would've imagined this.

And I don't know
how I feel about any of it.

I can't understand what you
might've been struggling with.

Because you just seemed to have
everything going for you.

Don Tavel is going
to demonstrate a device.

This is actually an instrument-
controlled synthesizer.

Go ahead, Don.

Okay. So, what I'm gonna do

is go through several
acoustical instrument sounds.

Well, if I drop the sound
an octave,

and increase the breathiness
a little,

we come up with a tuba.

And change the Timbral Image
Modulator wave shape

to a fluttering pattern...

The Resynator.

Got that in.

Thank you, Don.

I remember one thing
that Don used to tell people

when he was demonstrating,

if you got it rigged up
to sound like a trumpet,

you have to think
you're playing a trumpet.

When a person absorbs that idea,

uh, it completely
transforms the way,

uh, a person plays into it.

There was one time
we brought this thing

- over to Stevie Wonder's place.
- Ah.

Don wanted to sell this.

Well, Stevie Wonder wasn't
buying anything.

- Mm.
- It was so stupid.

We should give it to him.

We never actually, um,
tried out that many things.

Yeah.

Wh-When we finally got
these things together,

um, we didn't do much
after that.

Well, that's what I'm still
trying to figure out

is what happened after the

after the marketing
in "Musician" magazine

and "Sound Design" magazine

and the speaking, um,
conference at MAC '81, like...

Yeah, there was a lot of
advance publicity on the thing.

Mm.

From what I'm told, I think
six prototypes were made.

200 units were ordered
and not produced.

But never produced. Okay.

It's a lot of family dynamics
that went into

a lot of parts of Don's life.

People like the sound

of analog synthesizers.

They've gone back to them.

The same way guitar players
use old guitar amps,

the same way singers
like old microphones.

The Resynator is kind of
a lost Indiana Jones item.

This is a photo of
the rack-mount Resynator

that I have.

And there's a knob
on the left-hand side

that I-I can't read
what it says,

but that knob isn't
on the unit that I have.

So that means that
there's a Resynator out there

that hasn't been found yet.

Don invented his own terms.

He's not just copying
what other synths were doing.

He's trying to create
a kind of new playing field.

I feel like he wanted you
to use it in a different way.

Or to think of it differently.

I get a sense that he was
full of promise for it,

and I don't know
if it was crushing

that it didn't go forward.

Honestly, it's been a while
since I've even looked at this.

This is, this is it. This is
the only piece of writing

- that I have of Don's, so...
- Right, right, exactly.

Um...

The letter he wrote

and handed to me,

because we were going
to a marriage counselor,

and she said, "You need
to write your feelings down

and get them down on paper."

When I filed for divorce,

they automatically said
you need a restraining order.

Why?

Because of the abuse

and the little messages
that he'd left for me.

- Mm-hmm.
- And...

They thought that there was
some problems there.

- You ready?
- I'm... Yeah.

Okay.

This was the original.

And his father goes, "Oh,
this... this is not right."

- Oh, my God.
- And he ripped it up,

and I glued it all
back together.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

- Can I read it out loud?
- Sure.

"Dear Mom and Dad,

"I'm writing this letter
at age 35

"to tell you how unloved I felt
for my entire life.

"Mom, you had no idea
until they opened you up

that there were
two babies in you."

Is that true?

I cannot imagine.

I mean, is this in his mind?

I don't know.

"I was the unexpected baby.

"I grew up wanting the love
of both my parents,

"but I had to compete
with my three other brothers

"for any love at all.

"Without that love,
I sought recognition

"as my means for attaining
a measure of satisfaction.

"But the victories were hollow.

Instead of love, I got awards."

"I didn't want awards.
I wanted your love.

"You were proud of me,
but you couldn't love me.

"If you were just like
everyone else,

"I could develop appropriate
dialogues and responses

"that would allow us
to function without mishap

"when we were together.

"I've done many things
to make you proud of me,

"and I know you're proud of me,
but I have never been able

"to find the way
to make you love me,

"and I hurt so deeply
because of this.

"Your life is ending,
but mine is still young.

"Now I'm married,
and I want to be loved.

"My wife is the only person I'm
allowing into my inner circle.

"But I am hounded by my anger
for a lifetime without love.

"I have nowhere to turn.

"I can't escape to calm down.

"So whenever I feel
I'm being unloved,

"I lash out in my desperation.

"I'm backed into
a corner emotionally,

"and I feel I must strike out.

"I can't do anything now about
the first half of my life,

"but I must not allow myself to
ruin the second half of my life

"misdirecting my anger
for you at my wife.

"She doesn't deserve that.

"She is powerless
to understand it.

"But the thought of being
married and unloved

"for the rest of my life
is so horrifying to me

"that I can go crazy
if I don't do something.

"I wouldn't be writing
this letter

if I wasn't
absolutely desperate."

And then he says,

"Tammy, if after reading this,

"you want to talk to me,
I'd love to hear from you.

"If not, I'll understand.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you.

I love you. Don."

Oh, my God, Mom.

Jesus Christ.

The person
who wrote that letter,

that's who I want to know.

It was hard to hear,
but you were honest,

you were raw, you were real.

I somehow had
never even considered

trying to find your twin
until now.

But I'm ready to meet him.

And when I finally
got in touch with him,

he said he'd like
to meet me, too.

You're looking at your dad
at 64 years of age.

Because when

you say identical twins,

twins are identical
down to their cuticle.

So these are
your dad's hands, basically.

This is identical.

- The voice is close.
- Yeah.

Uh...

I would have to say, uh

it probably was also close

because we both smoked
cigarettes for far too long.

- Yeah.
- So, the raspiness.

I didn't know he smoked.

- Oh, really?
- Mm-mm.

Yeah, well.

I knew Don smoked pot,

but I didn't know
he smoked cigarettes.

He did it all.

I was just interested to think
how-how you think

you and Don were similar
growing up

and how you thought
you were different.

How close were you guys
growing up? That kind of stuff.

I think, I think all

children growing up
chafe at close quarters.

And we were always
shoved together.

Uh, my favorite picture,
which it's a, uh

a little Kodak Instamatic,
and it's

me with my arm
thrown around your dad.

And I just got
this big smile on my face

because I couldn't think
of a better place to be

than next to my twin brother.

I want to show you this box...

- Yeah.
- Of heirloom pictures.

Tour T-shirts.

Oh, my gosh,
old-school Grateful Dead.

Oh, yeah.

This one.

I want you to have this.

I really don't know what to say.

When Don died, my mom wrote me
out of her life.

It was as if I died
in the car accident with him.

So, we haven't spoken.

And, uh, it was not a good time.

It was basically
how the ball started rolling

so that I ended up here in...
Dillinger Country.

I don't think anyone
wants my theories

on why that collision happened.

I... almost was
generous enough to suggest

that it was an accident.

I don't believe it was.

He was my brother.

He just was.

And then he wasn't.

It was November the 28th, 1988,

and I got call

that he had been
in a horrible accident.

And that

possibly he was not
gonna come out of this.

I think I was packing
to go to Florida.

And, uh,
I received a phone call.

I had to go to the hospital.

And so, I started calling around

to friends and asking,
"What do you know?"

He had been drinking.

I think the autopsy showed
that he had Valium

or something in his,
in his blood as well.

And he was driving too fast
around the curve

and lost control
and-and went off the,

uh, went off the road.

And so, in the hospital,

they did a CAT scan,

and there was no brain activity.

So then they wanted me to say,

"Okay, pull the plugs,"

but I said no. I...

That was up to his parents.
It was not up to me.

I don't want to relive
all this stuff, do I?

We're getting...
going to the grave,

which I think is over here.
Do you know?

- I-I don't actually.
- I... Should we pop out?

I've never been back.

- Since...?
- Since his funeral.

So, he technically died
on the 3rd.

The crash was on the 28th.

It's two days before
my sister's fifth birthday.

Is that right? Mm.

Almost 28 years ago. Wow.

We always talked about
all the things we were gonna do

when we got older and retired

and all the fun
we were gonna have,

and that all got stolen away.

And 36 is so young.

You have your dad's smile
and his eyes.

Your resemblance is so strong.

It's, uh, it's nice,

but it's-it's-it's
tough, too, you know?

I think I could fool people if I

put a mustache on my face.

- Not a good mustache either.
- No?

It was never a good mustache.

Yeah, your dad should not
have had facial hair, but...

I don't think
this is where your dad is.

This isn't... to me, that's...
this is a

this is a marker, that's all,

and just something for
other people to be able to...

- Pay their respects?
- To visit him in a way,

but that's not, you know.

You okay?

Yeah.

I drive around this turn,

I think about your dad.

Not a single

27 years' time, I've never,
never been able to, uh,

drive around it
and not think about it.

And I don't know exactly,

but we're

we're there.

It was a horrible week.
I mean...

Because it...
it never got any better,

and there was never
a moment of hope,

you know, from the very start
until the very end.

It never... He never
had a moment of, you know,

anything like he was gonna...

They were gonna be able
to do anything, and...

I think, sometimes, my mom is

too nice to say anything bad
about anyone,

but at the funeral,

like, nobody would talk to her
except for you.

I wouldn't say nobody,

but the...

I-I think that your mom
was blamed

for his state of mind.

Uh, if he hadn't been
in that state of mind,

he wouldn't have been
driving too fast,

wouldn't have, you know,
been drinking

and-and doing Valium.

Um, I think your mom was blamed,

and therefore,
she was, you know...

It-it w... it was their son
that was being buried.

It wasn't Tammy's husband.

- Yeah.
- So...

Yeah, I think your mom
was-was shunned.

It still doesn't
seem real... to me.

I mean, I'm sure
it's real to you guys

because you lived
through it, but

it's weird being...

This is where
he essentially died,

and that's where
he's essentially buried, and...

Sometimes he feels like my dad,
and sometimes it-it doesn't.

Like, right now, it doesn't
feel like my dad did this.

- Mm-hmm.
- And I don't know

- what that means.
- Mm-hmm.

I mean, now that
I've been here and done this

and did the, did the trek,

I'm glad that I did it
because I've always...

I haven't always wanted to, but
since I started this, and

that this has been on my list
of things to do, you know,

because I should
do these things.

And they-they are helpful
in some way, but

the...

I don't know. I feel like

talking with you
and with Mike Beigel

and working on the Resynator
and stuff

is the closest I've ever gotten
to feeling like he was around.

But I'm glad that I did it.

I'm happy to, happy
to have been here with you.

- Thank you.
- Sure.

Any way of reconnecting
with him's good.

So, I am on my way

to Grace and Eric's house.

I just picked up the Resynator
from Mike Beigel.

He said it's calibrated,
and it's-it's ready to go.

He... he did everything
that he could,

but in order to really tell
if it's working properly,

you-you have to play it.

You made it.

- Hey.
- Mm.

Oh, my God, okay, so here it is.

- Is Eric in the studio already?
- Yeah, he's here.

Is he all ready for this?

I... He better be.

Okay.

Ooh.

- It's a big black box.
- Come on.

And this one, that one's...

- Whoa!
- That one's tuned.

Okay. Now we got the tuning.

There we go.

Yeah. It's a cool sounding
synth, you know?

Yeah. I love this.

It tracks really well.

So, I don't really understand
what this

what-what, like, where's the...

- Like, what do you...
- What is this thing?

Where's the synthesizer part?

- What is this device?
- Yeah.

Well, that's the question,
isn't it?

What-what is this thing?

Yeah, it-it's like
a cool blend between a synth,

which is, you know,
by definition,

a-a synthetically derived sound,

but it's being triggered
by an organic instrument.

And so, it's like this
really interesting combination.

I think you should get as many
people to play with this thing

as possible and just see,
uh, what comes of it.

Take it elsewhere,

show people, see what it sparks.

It's so not okay
to travel like this.

My friend told me

about this synth guru
living in the mountains

of Colombia.

His name is Christian Castagno,

and he's
a Grammy-winning producer.

I reached out to him
and told him

about your Resynator,
and he said he had to see it.

So I'm headed to Minca

to meet him and see
what we can do with it.

Is...

¿Dónde estás Christian? Sí?

¿Dónde está? Dónde estás?
¿Dónde está?

- Donde Christian.
- D-Donde Christian. Ah.

- Hi, Christian.
- Hey, dude.

- Whoa.
- How's it going?

Much better. Thank you.

- Look at that.
- Uh, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, my goodness.
Um, this is, this is it.

That's it. Oh.

Let's just get right into it.

What a journey.

Yeah. It's been on,

it's been on a little trek.

Look at this cool thing.

So, hopefully, it's

everything's still intact
inside, but, um...

Well, I mean, the good news is,

Colombia, you can get
anything fixed.

So...

Step one: Power.

Step one: Power.
Okay, let's see.

Ooh, I love it already.

It already sounds
better than when...

Already it's cool.

Does a great bass.

Okay, now-now
we're getting somewhere. Okay.

Starting to make friends
with the old Resynator.

Hey, buddy.

One of the very, very first
impressions that-that

comes out is that

it clearly has
that old-school, beefy,

like, textured trip,

that "mmm" and "mmm"
in the sound.

It definitely does
sound good, for sure.

How he and Mike did the output

in the oscillators
and the filters

and stuff, that's 99.9% of it,

and apparently your dad
was down with stuff like that.

Because you could tell
right away.

Yeah.

- That's super awesome.
- Yeah.

This beefy little ditty.

Being here with Christian

and his family is magical.

I wish you two
could've known each other.

It's funny how
you can meet someone

and almost instantly
they feel like family.

But then someone who is family

can feel so distant.

Hola.

- Hey, what's up?
- Hola.

- Hi. Alison.
- Juan Carlos.

Nice to meet you.

So, you guys are Systema Solar?

- Dos.
- ¿Dos?

- De siete.
- Siete.

- Dos de siete.
- Dos de siete de Systema Solar.

There's more planets
in the solar system

than these two.

Thank you for bringing
the thing.

- Resynator.
- I brought the thing.

- You brought the thing.
- I brought the thing.

- Did she ever bring the thing.
- Yeah.

This

- is the Resynator.
- This is the guy.

See what you think.

It's-it's, it's trippy.

It's a super trippy
machine, but...

So... are we gonna do a track?

So, yeah.

- Hello?
- Okay.

- Sold!
- Okay.

This is a-a Systema Solar track

that we were experimenting
last night with.

The bass line of that track,
I did it with my voice.

- Uh-huh.
- Like I had, I had this loop going.

I had the bass idea was...

♪ ¿Qué pasa, hermano? ♪

♪ No reaccionamos,
yo no sé por qué ♪

Oh, my God.

- ♪ ¿Qué es lo que es? ♪
- ♪ ! Uh! ♪

♪ Vamos pa' delante ♪

♪ Que no hay achante
que nos frene ♪

- ♪ ! Uh! ♪
- ♪ ! Oh! ♪

♪ ! Oh! ♪

♪ ! Oh! ♪

♪ ! Oh! ♪

♪ Dicen que nada pasa ♪

♪ Y resultó que pasó
de todo... ♪

Here in la Sierra Nevada,

you feel the resonance
of that mountain.

It feels, like,
really compatible to have

that instrument
coming alive in here.

♪ ¿Y qué pasó? ♪

♪ ¿Qué pasa, hermano? ♪

♪ No reaccionamos,
yo no sé por qué ♪

♪ ! Uh! ♪

Yeah, yeah.

It's only a three-hour flight,

but it's gonna be
a really long one.

- ♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪
- ♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪

♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪

- ♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪
- ♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪

♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪

- ♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪
- ♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪

Synthesizers

that I'd encountered

could almost be thought of
as domesticated animals.

And here was this thing
that was like a

a wolverine or something,
you know?

♪ ! Uh! ♪

Oh, my gosh.

Daddy!

I've heard stories about him.

I've seen photos.
I've seen videos now.

I've got to meet
his closest friends,

and I'm with his family and...

I don't think I've ever
felt closer to my dad

than I do right now.

The Resynator is the vehicle,

but the mission itself is...
is human.

It's her dad.

She wanted to know him.

She's his child.

It's her dad.

This is
day two of the NAMM show,

and this Resynator
hasn't been here

for 37 years.

So I was really excited
to bring it

and kind of start
a new chapter for it.

My dad invented a synthesizer
in the '70s,

and they showed this
at the NAMM show back in 1980.

And my father passed away
when I was born,

and I dug this out
of my grandma's attic

- a couple of years ago.
- I love it.

And, um, I'm showing it again,
the same, the same prototype.

"Timbral Image Modulator."

And I got a call
from Brian Kehew,

who's doing the demo,

that it wasn't
tracking pitch properly.

Right.

So here's the situation.

It's still not tracking pitch,
and we didn't have enough time

to figure it out,
but we're gonna...

Oddly enough,

I found out that my dad
and Mike Beigel

had something similar happen
37 years ago in 1980.

The night before the NAMM show,

they were putting
this prototype together,

and it wasn't done,
and they were up

until the crack of dawn,
trying to,

like, solder the boards
and finish everything.

But unfortunately,
there's just not enough time

to figure it out
before we do this demo.

And my Resynator is currently
not working.

It's not tracking the pitch,
so we-we...

The whole day
has just been, like,

kind of exhausting and, um,
and really overwhelming

for more reasons than I can
even think about right now.

The Resynator's broken.

We don't know what happened,
and I'm so upset.

And this whole time, I never
even tried to play it myself.

I just watched
other people play it,

and now I might never
get the chance to.

And I feel like
I've let you down.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, sweetie. How was the show?

It's broken.
It broke right before the show.

What?

Yeah, it's not tracking,

so we couldn't do the demo.

Oh, God. I'm so sorry.

I just...
I don't know what I'm gonna do

if we can't get it
working again.

Well, you know,
even if you don't,

it's already done
so much for you.

I mean, look at how far
you've come with this project.

You know how happy
this would have made your dad?

Yeah, I know.

I'm just sick, too,
and kind of over it.

I have a feeling you're
gonna get it working again.

Oh, my God, Richard.

- It's working.
- I can't believe it.

If it gets stuck, if it will
no longer track pitch,

just power it off
and power it on again.

We thought that it was

the Digital Frequency
Analyzer chip,

which is this processor
right here.

And it turned out to be this,
the crystal.

So when that's off,
it sets everything else off.

Yeah.

- And they were all bad, too.
- Right.

It's crazy how far we've come.

Yeah.

And I know you're into this
financially quite a bit, so...

- Yeah.
- It's like...

Dug me a hole.

- Okay, so...
- All right.

Oh, my God.
I can't believe it fits.

Yeah.

Okay.

Uh, just anywhere.

Okay.

Okay.

- Hi. Alison.
- Mark.

- Great to meet you. Hey.
- So nice to meet you.

- Hi.
- How you doing?

Good. How are you?

This approach to the invention

was from the musical side
of things,

rather than
the technical side of things.

I found this letter

that was addressed to my dad...

- Wow.
- In 1982, from Jon Anderson.

- Wow.
- That's cool.

There's, like, four songs
we were doing yesterday where,

like, we were missing
this sound.

When my dad died,

I guess his family

- compiled his Rolodex.
- Wow.

Musicians: Ken Aronoff.

- Oh, my God. Why Ken?
- I was Kenny.

It's a great bit of machinery
and a great idea.

You can see there's
a great imagination behind it.

The Resynator seemed to have
instant sound.

Your dad was really
creating something

that was the beginning
of a lot of things.

But how are you
getting it to do the...

I've never heard that before.

It always tends
to have a personality

and like a, like a sonic stamp.

This is fantastic.
It's so great.

Oh, I like that.
It's almost human.

It's almost like
someone talking.

Everybody's learning right now

how, uh...
how someone's brain worked.

Hi, everybody. How are you?

Uh, so it's nice
to see everybody.

Where are you from?

You heard about Don being
this kind of genius guy

who was kind of, like,
outside of the box,

doing all these weird things
with electronics and stuff.

His smile was so infectious.

Oh,
you know who would love this?

Flaming Lips.

- Oh, yeah.
- They would go crazy over it.

I just heard
from the tour manager

that they don't
have time to come.

It was a string of attempts
to get people into the trailer

to play the Resynator,
but, like, I got.

Rami Jaffee, who I love.

Whoa. We're communicating.

Yeah, I feel like I know him

better than anybody, actually.

- Probably, probably.
- Yeah.

Hey, Mama. Guess what.

- What?
- I finally heard

from Peter Gabriel, and he said
he does remember the Resynator

and that he'd be happy
to meet me,

so I'm going to London.

- Hey.
- Hi, Peter.

- Very nice to meet you.
- Nice to finally meet you.

- Great. And you.
- Thank you so much

- for doing this, really.
- You're very welcome.

I really appreciate it.

So, I found my dad's Resynator

- in my grandma's attic.
- Right.

And when I pulled it out,
I also pulled out

a bunch of, um, you know,
old records

and documents
and magazines and stuff.

- Right.
- But out of a needle in a haystack,

I pulled out this piece of paper

that I thought looked
pretty interesting.

- Yeah.
- And it said, "Syco Systems."

And it says,
"We hope that the demand

"for the Resynator,
as is already evident here,

"continues to build up
and that we can look forward

"to many years
of business with you.

"Incidentally,
lurking amongst those people

"grasping, cutting and stabbing
for their first Resynator

"is Peter Gabriel.

"If there were
the remotest possibility

"of him being able
to use one on tour in Europe,

please don't hesitate
to let us know."

It was a pivotal moment
for me because

this was the first time
that I was seeing

something factual
where I could kind of take this

to lead the path into,

"Okay, maybe there is something
that I need to discover

- "about this."
- Right.

- So, this is very early days.
- Right.

We definitely had, um,
demo models,

and I... I messed around
with it, too.

- You remember playing it?
- Yeah.

I do remember playing it,
but I think, um...

And I think I probably had it
down in... in Bath

for a day or so.

So I-I am interested
to see, like, in what form

you would want to see
the Resynator, but also,

what would you hope
your daughter would do

if she were me?

- Am I, am I missing anything?
- Yeah, 'cause this is

- a search for your dad.
- Yeah.

And that's... you know,
that's a beautiful thing

in itself, so, you know...

But maybe, you know,
a better way to honor it

is rather than trying
to recreate the past

because he was always wanting
to move on

and-and absorb the future
in his designs,

so maybe you should do that

- and put it in software.
- Yeah.

Yeah. I never really
thought about it like that.

- Yeah.
- Like, I'm trying to go back,

but he was always trying
to push for the future.

- Go forward. Yeah.
- That's great.

Do you feel you're finding more
about your dad in the process?

'Cause that's the important
part of this journey, right?

Yeah. I mean, for sure,
'cause I...

I didn't have any interest in

- in learning about him as a kid.
- Right.

'Cause, like I said,
everything was so outlandish

that it didn't seem
relatable or believable.

Right. Right.

So, now that I'm

now that I'm here,
especially, like, I've...

Yeah.

You know, standing outside
the Syco office,

knowing that he was in London

- thirty... seven years ago.
- Yeah.

- Right. Right.
- He was here, too.

- Yeah.
- And so it's, like, moments like that

that I n... I normally
would never, um,

think mattered
or felt any difference...

Yeah.

Now I feel like

there's some sort
of connection there.

Cool, well, Peter,
thank you so much.

Well, good luck. Okay.

- I really appreciate all of your time.
- No, it's okay.

You're very welcome.

This has been really fun for me.

Great. Well, I wish you...
wish you well

in exploring it and, uh,
bringing it back to life

in whatever form it takes.

To me,
it's... it's Alison's search

for her dad
through this instrument

that is interesting.

She's trying to, um,
feel the work

and in the mind
and heart of her dad

through this journey.

I think Alison will find
something of herself

through learning more
about her dad.

You know, I think we are
inevitably, you know, a product

of our parents and grandparents.

And so,
the more information we have

about them, there will be clues

and signposts for our own lives.

Emmett told me

you were called a robot
in high school.

Roger said you were shy.

Gordon said you were depressed.

So maybe you created something

you always wanted
to be yourself.

Something with an interesting
and expressive existence

that could filter things out
and shape things.

Something that could sound
like anything

and be anything.

- Hi there.
- How you doing?

Long time no see.

- Good to see you, Mike.
- You, too.

Hi. I haven't seen
you in a long time either.

Pookie.

- Hey, we're all still here.
- Hey, you look the same,

but Pookie looks a little older.

Pookie.

We do need
whatever tools we're gonna use.

Okay.

So, I've got two main boards
and one DFA board.

We talked about swapping out
these five percent resistors

with one percent.

We're gonna have to do
some de-soldering.

Some de-soldering.

You want to have
good physical contact so that

the solder is not the conductor.

The solder just
holds everything in place.

- I didn't know that.
- Now you know it.

- Bend it, so it fits right.
- Okay.

So, now we solder.

Hold the soldering iron this
way and don't touch this part

- when it's on.
- Okay.

This is the part that
leaves a permanent mark.

Yup. Okay.

Solder should flow,

and you don't want to use
too much or too little.

Well, I started in art,

and then got into music
in the '60s,

and one of the reasons

I got into music was
because, as a musician,

you simply picked up
your instrument and played.

I was able to have
the creative experience

with my audience.

The computer comes along

and allows me
to have that immediacy

of being able
to sit down with somebody

and show them
this creative expression.

This particular item

was a symbol
of her father's work

and my work,
our cooperative work.

It's a product
that kind of deserved

to be presented
to the public at the time.

And it wasn't.

It was just like a...
a page pulled out of a book.

That looks good.
Oh, man, you're so...

You're so quick.

That's how it's done.

That was so quick.

It's a profound kind
of a feeling

that a person shows up

who is a representative
on this planet of Don.

It's just one of the stranger
experiences I've had

in a life full of pretty
strange experiences.

While computers won't replace us

the computer does a rather
neat job of filling in for us.

- Hello.
- Hi. Rod?

- You're Don's kid.
- I am, yeah.

My involvement with your dad

started in
I-I'm pretty sure it was '82.

I was
a quality assurance manager

for a company called Manutek,

and we were the manufacturers
that Don selected

for the Musico Resynator,

like, the first guitar
synthesizer put out there.

Yeah.

The original prototype run
was for 15 units,

but the plan was
to finish two completely,

because he apparently
had arranged

- to, uh, do a demo for Paul McCartney.
- Wow.

And he was kind of
counting on that endorsement.

We really grinded
over the details,

setting all
the variable resistors

at just the right setting
and all that kind of crap.

And there was
a lot of adjustment.

We got two units
up and running, and he said,

"Okay, I'm gonna take one
to England with me."

You know, about a week later,
he called us from London,

and he said,
"There's been a glitch.

I'm not getting what I need
out of this thing."

I knew that Don had an early
appointment with McCartney.

And I'm not sure
how it worked out

'cause I never talked
to your dad again.

It's always been my feeling
that maybe the demo

with McCartney
didn't go so well.

You know,
I think after that demo,

he kind of lost interest
in the whole thing.

Good moms raise their children,

give them a sense of ethics.

I said,
"When you walk out this door,

"you reflect on this family.

"If you do something great,
we bask in your glory.

If you do something bad,
we share your shame."

Grandma Kitty passed away,

and I'm left thinking
about all the things

I never told her because
I didn't feel that I could.

She didn't understand you,

just like
she never understood me.

But I know that she did love
both of us, in her own way.

Donnie was the real deal,

but I think
he wanted to be somewhere,

like Alison, just taking off

and going to L.A.
and finding herself,

her own way.

But she had this fabulous mother

who had helped her
with a foundation.

Really, music was his true love.

He would have been so happy

if he could have just played
in his band

and performed and done that.

He had such a creative mind.

You know,
if he'd had the freedom,

who knows
what he would have done today?

See that?

Yeah I haven't looked
through it yet.

I want to look through
all the books real fast.

That's why
we saved all of this here.

We did our best to make sure

that she would know him
through his accomplishments

and through the stories

and the things that
we would tell her about him.

He seemed like a superhero.

- Yeah. Good. Yeah. Interesting.
- And as-as wonderful

- as that seems...
- Yeah, it sounds like you might be

- it's unbelievable.
- Yeah, right, but it's true.

You know what I mean?
He was not real to me

until I started
seeing his faults.

You have to... you have to know
the good and the bad,

'cause nobody's perfect.

I've heard good things
and very dark and sad things.

But it's real,
and that's what matters.

- Got to be real.
- Okay, well...

- But I love him.
- I lived it.

And I'm connected to him, and...

That's wonderful.
That's what counts.

I didn't, I didn't get
to meet him. I didn't get...

You lived it, but I didn't.

He did attempt to

uh, pitch the Resynator
to Stevie Wonder,

and he did try to have
a meeting with Paul McCartney.

Like, there-there are bits
and pieces of these stories

that I've heard
throughout my life that, yeah,

he actually did those things.

He actually sold three units
to Peter Gabriel.

But I would've...
I never believed any of it

until I was like,
"Oh, and he's also a human.

"He also was real.

He also didn't succeed
in everything he did."

And then I was like,
so that stuff that did seem

out of this world
is actually believable now,

and it makes it
that much better.

Okay.

I know
you don't like hearing it,

and I know
it's uncomfortable for you,

but it's so important to me.

It's okay that
he was depressed...

I have a glass already.

- Should we open it in here?
- Sure.

Just...

You open it.

I'm gonna do a hefty pour.

I think it's probably

- a hefty pour kind of night.
- Yeah.

- Are you nervous?
- Yeah.

I've been dreading this
for a while.

I'm just afraid that I'm gonna,
like, read something

that makes me hate him.

What do you think is in here?

I got a text from Sandi.

She told me that she was going
through Kitty's basement

um, I don't know, like,
a few weeks after Kitty died,

and, like, found these documents

that she thought
I would want to see.

So, your Aunt Sandi,
like, sent you these?

Are these hard copies?
Oh, there's a letter.

I'm not sure. "Alison, your dad"

"spoke to me through
his mind somehow"

"the afternoon before"

"he was declare-declared
brain dead."

"I had gone up to my bedroom"

"to change shoes when suddenly
the smell of Don's fragrance."

"Obsession for Men"

- "filled..."
- He was, he was debonair.

Yeah. "Filled the air."

"I was stopped in my tracks,
and his voice said,

"'Take care of my little girl.'

"I said, 'I will.'

"And then the fragrance
immediately left,

"and that was it.

"He was declared dead
that next morning.

"Larry and I will always
be here for you,

along with the rest of
your family. Love you, Sandi."

Oh, geez.

Well, that's heavy.

So, um, this says, "For Alison."

Okay.

Uh, November 17th, '88.

So, this is, like,
a week before he died.

"I spent nearly four hours
with Alison."

"My mom and I lovingly posed
for Sandi's camera."

"I just couldn't keep away
from Alison."

"She could tell
by the smell of me"

"and my voice
that this was Daddy."

"I picked her up"

"and almost instantly
she mellowed out"

"because she is of my genes."

"When she awoke from sleep
and our eyes"

"locked,

"and we mimicked each other,

each other's
fac-facial expressions..."

Sorry.

You don't need to be sorry.

I'm okay.

"I looked in her eyes,
and I could see"

"so far into her
because she is me."

"It all seemed
so natural, and yet,

"I've been deprived of these
moments since Alison was born.

"I sing 'A Song for You'
by Leon Russell

"with slightly modified lyrics.

"Every time we're together,
I sing this song to her.

"As she grows, she'll know
that that song f-from,

"and years from now,
when she understands the words,

she'll know my sentiment."

"A Song For You."

"I know your image of me
is what I hope to be.

"Treat you kindly,
so can't you see.

"There's no one
more important to me.

"So, daring, won't you please
see through me?

"Because we're alone now.

"And now I'm singing
this song for you.

"Well, I love you in a place.

"Where there's no space and time

"I love you for my life,
you are a friend of mine.

"And when my life is over.

"Remember we were together.

'Cause we're alone now, and
I'm singing my song for you."

"When it came time to go,

"my chest heavied, I sobbed,

"and then the tears came.

"A wave of sadness swept over me

"that Sandi's kind words
could not console.

"The tears streamed down
my face and onto her shoulder.

"I knew I had to leave.

"I dedicated myself
at that moment

"to keep a diary of
my quality time with Alison

"to reflect on and savor again

until I could be with her
the next time."

Oh, God.

Are you okay?

I mean...

I have a record of his,
like, an LP,

that, um,
"A Song For You" is on.

So you knew
that he sang that song.

But I didn't know it was for me.

And I also have
never listened to it

because I've never listened
to any of his music before.

♪ With all the love
in my heart ♪

♪ I did these all just for you ♪

♪ And the things
from the start ♪

♪ They came all
from my heart... ♪

You were 25

when you began inventing
the Resynator.

And I was 25 when I found it.

Maybe, deep down,
I always knew the Resynator

would lead me to you.

So maybe that's why
it took me so long to finally

get it out of the box,

because I wasn't ready
until now.

The truth is, though,

I wouldn't change the way
I grew up for the world.

I grew up in a place where
I was loved unconditionally.

Loved for trying,

loved for failing,

and everything in between.

You didn't have that.

You don't have to be famous
to be special.

You don't have to have played
with legends to be talented.

And you don't have to be
a genius to be successful.

All of those stories
I heard growing up

are a part of you, sure.

But they don't make you
who you are.

Who you are is who I am,

because I am
the resonance of you.

A vibrant and complex,
flawed but growing human.

Everyone says you were
ahead of your time.

And if that's true,

then maybe I am living
in your time.

A time when you would have
been understood.

So I'm keeping
the Resynator project alive.

For both of us.

♪ The earth, my pillow and
my guitar, they surround me ♪

♪ I went to sleep last night ♪

♪ And no one found me ♪

♪ So I headed for the coast ♪

♪ To spend my time alone ♪

♪ With one that I love most ♪

♪ With all the love
in my heart ♪

♪ I did this all just for you ♪

♪ And even though we're apart ♪

♪ Time's on our side
shining through ♪

♪ With all the love
in my heart ♪

♪ I feel you understand me ♪

♪ I'm not a perfect man ♪

♪ But you found the beauty ♪

♪ Well, time ♪

♪ Goes by so fast ♪

♪ Yet time ♪

♪ Goes by so slow ♪

♪ But lately,
I've been thinking ♪

♪ Where does the time
really go? ♪

♪ It's moving on ♪

♪ It's moving on,
it's moving on ♪

♪ Time passed by
on down the road ♪

♪ It zoomed past
all I'd ever known ♪

♪ Oh, won't you find my time ♪

♪ And take it
anywhere you want? ♪

♪ I can't make time anymore ♪

♪ It's all just for you ♪

♪ With all the love
in my heart ♪

♪ I went to sleep last night ♪

♪ The earth, my pillow
and my guitar ♪

♪ They surround me ♪

♪ And hold me tight ♪

♪ But my time is moving on ♪

♪ It's moving on,
it's moving on ♪

♪ It's moving on,
it's moving on ♪

♪ It's moving on. ♪