All language subtitles for The.Sex.Lives.of.College.Girls.S03E07.The.Rodeo.720p.MAX.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.x264-NTb

Sorry, I'm late. My eyeliner
took me three tries.

Bela, you're literally glowing.

Does this mean what
I think it does?

You and Arvind finally had sex?

Sadly, no.

The orgasmic glow you are noticing
is from a foot-peeling mask,

- that I accidentally used on my face.
- Oh.

Took off the top
layer of my skin.

Am I wrong in assuming this is
the longest stretch you've gone

without having sex?

Sure is, but... Whatever, I have
accepted the reality for what it is.

I'll have sex when I'm
supposed to have sex.

I'll survive. I think.

Hello, friends!

I brought you all some
cupcakes with my face on it.

But please, be careful, 'cause
the photo is not edible.

Somebody got real sick.

Okay, but, um, why?

This is all a part of
my grassroots campaign

to get on "Essex
Fifty Most List."

What's "'Essex's'
Fifty Most List?"

The campus magazine does
this big issue every year,

where they rank the 50
hottest students on campus,

and then, they write about them.

It is major social cred,
so I'm already campaigning.

So, remember, that's Jayla, with a "Y."
Not to be confused with "ugly Jayla."

Essex has a student organization
that ranks people by their looks,

and I'm just finding
out about this now?

Everyone is so thirsty for that
dumb list, this time of year.

Half of my teammates got
blowouts before last week's game.

They're all a week ahead of me?

It's so backwards and archaic.

The world needs to get better

at acknowledging that some
things are subjective.

Not everything
needs to be ranked.

Aren't you obsessed with the US
news and World College Rankings?

Not anymore, since
they totally fucked us.

Big deal, Columbia
has a nursing program.

Our student-to-faculty
ratio crushes theirs.

Okay, well, I am so
getting on this list.

Do you guys know a good place
where you can get a vampire facial?

I don't know what that means.

Ooh, I just got a text from Arvind saying
he hopes I'm free tomorrow. Here we go.

Okay. This might be it.

And, he wants me to volunteer
with him at an old folks home.

It's official, I'm definitely
never having sex again.

Whitney, can I borrow
your Theragun later?

With that segue? No.

Vote for Jayla,
put the A in slay.

Slay.

I need a tagline.

That's crazy.

Dude, I can't believe you
were just at soccer practice.

That fall the other
day was so gnarly.

I thought you were
dead for a second.

It wasn't that bad.

Did the team doc give you
anything? Pills? Shot?

No. They just told
me to ice and rest.

Whitney.

Hey, Professor Milton.

Willow. This is my professor
who's running the fish lab.

The one I've been doing
the research with.

So you're the reason Whitney smells
weird on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I certainly am. And that stink

is the price you have to pay
to find a cure for fin rot.

Now, has Whitney
explained fin rot to you?

No, but you don't have
to either. I'm good.

Whitney, unfortunately,
I've got some bad news.

The university decided
not to fund us.

Seriously?

What the heck? I thought
our prospectus was good.

This is just how it
goes in research.

No matter what good we can do,
we're at the mercy of the dollar.

Right. Thank you for telling me.

Hey, don't let it get you down.

Just keep doing what
you're doing, do your work,

and eventually
something will bite.

And, let's hope that bite doesn't
come from the Amazonian Candiru fish.

- Because... She...
- Because, she keeps...

- Do you know the fish?
- I'll explain it to her.

That was really good.

- Thank you.
- Thank you. I needed that.

- Yeah. Nice to meet you.
- Yeah.

Wow. What's with
the spreadsheet?

You know you don't have to do
your taxes until you're 25, right?

Oh, that's not true.

It's not? Oh, fuck.

This is an intricate grid of all the
in-person and digital connections I have

with students who work
on Essex's 50 Most list.

It shows people
who I've gotten to

and people who I still need
to, you know, hunt down.

Wow, you're really locked in
since learning about the list.

I have to!

So many girls are
angling for this,

and as a new transfer student
I have to work harder.

I will not be snubbed an award by
some rando who didn't know I existed.

This is how I won little
Miss North Dakota,

and I've never even
set foot in Dakota.

I don't I know if this
matters to you or not,

but whether or not you make that
list, we think you're beautiful.

Aw, that's so sweet.

Would you be willing to tweet
that from a few 100 fake accounts?

Okay. I'm off.

I'm officially ahead on all
of my homework and reading,

so I have a free day to myself.

Wow, what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna do the official
Essex campus tour.

Isn't that for high school
students who don't go here yet?

It is. But I couldn't afford
to fly here when I applied.

But it's for the best

because I have so many
questions about the benches.

Okay. Well, have fun.

Ooh, when you walk by
the Essex View office,

will you talk really loudly about
how cute Kacey Lynne Baker is?

Sure.

Yay! Thank you.

Go fish!

Aren't we playing Checkers?

Yeah. We play whatever
they think we're playing.

Estelle, you win again.

Ha! Suck it, Morris.

Thanks for inviting me.

I did think having a date in the
old folks home would be weird,

- and it is.
- Yep.

But I'm loving the
unlimited pudding policy.

Of course. I find helping
the elderly so rewarding.

And only half of them are racist, which
is pretty good for people over 80.

That is good.

This is the girl Arvind's
been dating behind our back.

She's very pretty.

But can she make
Ukrainian stuffed peppers?

You know, Arvind,

women don't hit their sexual
prime until their 60s.

Okay. Sorry about them. They're
a little protective of me.

No, it's okay. I love a
little friendly competition.

But back off, ladies, he's mine.

What did you say about my back?

Nothing. Your back is great.

No, it isn't.

Hey, I finally have a night
off from FAF duties tomorrow.

Wait. So do I.

We haven't had a night
off together in so long.

We have to go out.

Out? Like, to a party?
Yeah, that could be fun.

Admittedly, ever since I became
a FAF, I don't really party.

Wait, so you haven't
been to a party all year?

Calendar year or school year?

I don't know why I asked that.
Either way, the answer is no.

Okay, then it's settled.
Tomorrow I'm taking you out.

Get ready to see Bela
Malhotra tear up the campus.

Okay, let's do it.

Let's get turned.

- It's "turnt."
- Turnt, right.

I think it's so sweet, you both
came to this country and found love.

Wow, she's not even
the racist one.

Bingo!

So, what do you think
of Essex so far?

If I were you, I'd apply early.

It's actually my safety school.
I'm hoping to get into Columbia.

Columbia?

Okay, well, have fun at the Ivy with
the lowest student satisfaction rate,

according to multiple
Reddit posts.

Hello, prospective students
and prospective parents...

And Kimberly?

Brian, you're our tour guide?

Yeah.

Kimberly is a fellow student
from one of my classes.

- Who I guess is taking the tour.
- Mmm-hmm.

- Weird.
- No, that's not weird.

I guess you could say I'm
not just a student at Essex,

I'm also a student of Essex.

Whoa, that is going into a
brochure if I have any pull.

So do you have any
special requests?

Okay, I would never wanna
backseat tour guide,

but I do have some questions about the
lattice work in the Divinity Solarium.

And also I heard that the
original desk that John Essex used

was converted into a bookcase.
I would love to see that.

I'd like to see the Sbarro
in the student center.

Yeah, okay. Though unfortunately,
we lost our licensing deal,

and it is now called a "Sbumo".

Okay, potential Foxes,
let's get this tour started.

First up our library, which was originally
Vermont's first high security prison.

I fucking knew it!

Keep these details coming,
Brian, I am living!

Goodbye, Doug.

I will always remember the
time I accidentally touched you

and got pink eye the next day.

Step away from the tank.

We got the funding!

No way. Really?
That's unbelievable.

It is a miracle. Although, as a
scientist, I do not believe in those.

Now we can finally get that
self-cleaning filtration system,

and nobody has to
be on algae duty.

Exactly. Although I do find
scraping the tank to be calming.

Wait, so, who is this
mysterious donor?

Some telecom billionaire's venture
firm, called Beaconvest Capital.

Really? Oh, God.

What? Did they do something bad?
Is this like dirty opioid money?

Actually, don't tell
me. I really need this.

No.

It's just that's my
boyfriend's dad's company.

It is? Finally a student
with connections.

Hey, if you'd be
willing to introduce us,

I have a few proposals
I wanted to run by them.

I have this idea for a
restaurant that is awesome.

All right, boys! Tonight we
celebrate, double flakes for everyone!

Whoop! Sorry, Shelly.
Shouldn't have said "boys."

I think if you went into
that situation and...

- Excuse me.
- Heads up! The frats are doing hell week,

so everybody be on the
lookout for pranks.

And by pranks, I do mean people
pooping in the laundry dryers.

That can't be real.

What the hell is
wrong with people?

Taylor, you changed your hair.
Now I know why the shower is pink.

It's great you're
here, actually,

because we were just discussing the
letter you slipped under our door.

My letter? What letter?

The one suggesting that we all attend
the queer rodeo fundraising party tonight

regardless of our sexualities, because,
"Ally ship starts with action."

Yes.

Right! I wrote this.

'Course you did.

It's signed, "from Bela." And you
misspelled the word "environment."

- Classic Bela.
- Classic.

Hey, Taylor, can I talk to
you outside for a second?

What the hell is going on?

I figured out how
to get with Chloe.

Chloe, your roommate? Who
you told me, is straight?

She says she's straight.

My gaydar for her is going off

like you at a men's
warehouse clearing sale.

People like my neckties!

I think if I can get Chloe
to a big queer party,

she might feel comfortable
enough coming out to me.

So, you lie to me to sound like
I'm forcing them to attend,

and that I can't spell a
simple three-syllable-word?

Four, babe.

En-vi-ro... Damn it!

Fine. I won't blow up your plan.

- Thank you.
- But just know,

that I will be attending
this party as well.

Not because of anything
that happened here,

but because a queer
rodeo sounds really fun.

Please, don't go to it.

It's too late. It's
already happening.

See you there, Taylor!

Mmm! his panini is
literally rocking my world.

You want a bite?

Who invented the panini?

The exact origin of
the panini is unknown.

Well, ain't that some shit!

- What?
- Oh, my God!

That guy's dropping off the
magazines with the 50 Most list.

Oh, my God, I'm coming.

- Excuse me.
- Look out! Tall and tiny, comin' through.

No. Come on.

A 10% off coupon for Sips?
When did I approve that?

Who are these people?

Uggo! Legacy!

Nepo!

Damn, you judge fast.

Forty seven, forty
eight, forty nine...

There's only one page left.

Oh, fuck.

Well, maybe it's you.

Calvin?

Isn't that the guy
who cheated on you?

Damn, he's got a thicker
neck than I remember.

What? I can hate the guy
and not hate his hot neck.

Wow, Brian, you are
such a good tour guide.

I don't care what those
stupid high school kids say.

Wait. What did they say?

Oh, nothing. They loved it.

And they loved the length
of your khaki pants.

Well, you were a lot more
fun than my normal audience.

But there's one spot I never
get to include in the tour...

and I knew I had to show you.

Oh, my God, What is it? The
anticipation is killing me.

Most people don't
find this interesting,

but this line of stones was the
original property line of Essex College.

Oh, my God. So, are you
saying that if it were 1680,

I wouldn't even be standing
on Essex property right now?

That's right.

You would be standing on
contested Dutch territory.

Brian, I am losing
my shit right now!

It's insane that they make
you take this out of the tour.

- Everyone deserves to know this.
- Right?

Some of us like that
it's more of a secret.

Professor Friedman,
what are you doing here?

Well, I was having a quiet
lunch alone with my thoughts.

Wait. You two aren't on some
weird little date, are you?

- Not at all. No.
- No. Of course not.

I don't like when
my students date.

The last two that did became rival
judges and a man was executed.

He did bomb a building.
But that trial was messy.

Oh, no need to worry.
We're just friends.

Yeah, less than friends.
Just acquaintances, even.

- Respectfully.
- Respectfully.

I should go. But I'll see
you guys in the symposium.

Oh!

Just...

Now I can go.

Hey, can I talk to
you for a second?

Yeah. What's up, Whitney?

Not you, Terry.

Okay, I'll step to the
side, but I'll be listening.

What's up?

Did you get your
dad to fund my lab?

I did. When you told me about your lab
losing funding, I reached out to him.

He loves funding
science and innovation.

He was an angel investor in the Snuggie,
and that's what got us our Paris home.

Wow. Okay, I know you
were trying to be nice,

but $200,000 is a lot of money.

You gave your
girlfriend $200,000?

What? I said I'd be listening.

What? Did I do something
wrong? You seem mad at me.

I just wish you would
have told me first.

Look, I don't want to feel
like I owe you anything.

The whole thing just
makes me feel weird.

You think you feel weird? I just
found out he gave you $200,000,

yet he still owes me ten bucks
for wings. Make it make sense.

Terry, my Venmo
notifications are turned off.

Consider yourself notified.

Oh, my... Look, if I wanna do
something nice for you, that's on me.

Money is money. You
don't owe me anything.

So, it shouldn't matter
where it came from.

Yeah, well, it matters to me.

Same! Same!

Cheers!

Dang!

Guys, I need this party tonight.

I'm so annoyed at Isaiah, which
is why I'm excited to drink

until I forget about
why I'm annoyed at him.

Yeah! Who needs men

when you've got good music,
great vibes, and the best gals?

And me, Arvind!

Who wants another shot?

It's so fun that you're here, Arvind.
We never have guests at our pregame.

That's because we're giving
him the full party experience,

keg stands, sweaty dancing

and not realizing how drunk you
are until you sit down to pee!

Can I get a yee-haw?

Yee-haw!

Yippie-ki-yay-who fucking cares?

Girl. Are you good?

No, I'm hideous.

I'm not one of the top 50 hottest
people on this campus, and Calvin is?

Which basically means
I'm human dumpster water.

And worse, I lost my breakup.

Kacey, please stop.
You're beautiful.

And Calvin being on that list
should confirm how dumb it is.

Yeah, he looks like a thumb
and his mouth is a knuckle.

Yeah, his lips are the
same color as his face.

And worst of all, he's
ugly on the inside.

No, no. Continue making
fun of his outside looks.

I'll say it. He's
got date-rape vibes.

- Oh, my God!
- What?

- Too far!
- What? He does.

I hate that this man broke
your heart and you should know,

your scars are what
make you most beautiful.

- Too much, Arvind.
- Sorry, I'm still learning how to pregame.

Kacey, come to the party with
us, it'll make you feel better.

I'm going. I may be ugly, but
that doesn't mean I don't exist.

So again, you are not...

And if I don't go out, then they
win. And I refuse to let them win.

Wait for me. I'm gonna
go put my extensions in.

You don't need to
extend anything.

Everything about you
is the perfect length.

Do not let her put
Taylor Swift on.

She will get lost in the
song and never come out. Go!

Am I off?

This is impossible.
When do we clap?

Wait, how are you
doing this so well?

It's easy. Ready?

It's tap, tap, shuffle, and hop.

I get the hop part, but
not the other stuff.

In my town,

you have to take a line-dancing
class to graduate high school.

Why don't they just
play one of those songs

where the lyrics
are instructions?

Okay, now cowboy up.

Yeah, but what
does that mean? Oh!

I give up. Let's get
out of the stomp zone.

- Absolutely.
- Please!

You guys looked
like shit out there.

I'm not judging.
I'm also very bad.

I'm Lewis by the way.
Nice to meet you.

Hey, cool party.

Oh, you think just because
I'm gay, it's my party?

Just kidding! It is, I planned the
whole thing. She's cute, right?

Yeah, what's the bucket for?

Oh, we're collecting donations
for our friend's top surgery.

Boob-voyage, baby.

Hell yeah, I'll donate to that.

It's an honor to be a part
of someone's gender journey.

- Howdy, my hotties!
- Howdy!

Let me put some in the pot.

Oh, I know you have
more money than that.

Let me know if you need any
help searching those pockets.

Canaan, this is Lewis.

He's the one that got fired
from Sips before you got hired.

Lila and I were a
disaster together.

I've missed you,
you little slut.

Lila, where's your
Instacart hottie?

Sadly, Gabe and I
have drifted apart.

But someday, on a
dark and lonely night

when I realize I need
some household products,

perhaps we shall reunite.

Until then, who is
down to hoedown?

I am.

Yas, my long-backed angel!

Let's get that flat ass on
the dance floor, shall we?

She did not say "long-backed."

Come on.

Damn, Lila, those are some
impressive dance moves.

These aren't dance moves.
They're select body movements

meant to catch the eye of the
hot ass cowboy over there.

And it...

worked. Bye, bitches.

This is so much more fun than
Catan Night with the boys.

Bela, thank you so
much for bringing me.

Aw, look at us! No first
years to take care of.

Is a student triggered by
an incident with a roommate?

Bela doesn't care.
She's off tonight.

Yeah. Is a student homesick?
Arvind doesn't care.

He does care. He loves people and
he really wants them to be happy.

But he's off tonight!

I'm gonna get us
another drink. M'lady.

Seems like Arvind's having fun.

Yeah. I feel like I'm getting
to know a whole new side of him.

Look at him swirl in that ice.

And he's totally
been all over me.

I think tonight might be the
night we finally have sex.

I doubt it, babe.
That boy is drunk.

I think I overestimated
his tolerance.

Whoo!

I gotta sober him up. Does
anybody have any rice?

Or pieces of bread, like
you might feed to a duck?

Chloe! You made it.

Of course. Anything
for a good cause.

And isn't it so great we can be in a
place where we can truly be ourselves?

In the dining hall?

- Yeah.
- Sure.

I love your outfit, by the way.

Thank you. It's my
take on Western wear.

Based on one 10-second
Google search.

It's hot. I'm going
to get a drink.

Okay.

You're gay for straight.

Excuse me?

You're gaming on
a straight girl.

I've meticulously catalogued
all the gay women on this campus

and that girl is not in
my binder. Who is she?

- My roommate.
- Oh.

And what makes you so
sure she's straight?

Her nails. Girl's got
a stiletto manicure.

These are the hands of
a hard-working lesbian.

Okay. But when we're alone,

she's always playing with my hair
and touching my leg and she...

And that means nothing.

A straight girl will
flirt with you one minute

and make out with your brother at his
laser tag birthday party the next.

Worst day of my life.

I'm pretty sure that
won't happen to me.

And I know I'm
right about Chloe.

You're gonna regret not
listening to your queer elders.

You're two years older than me.

I have to come clean
about something.

I don't know what
cold foam means,

so whenever someone orders it,
I just give them whipped cream.

Kimberly, no Sips talk,
respect my work-life balance.

Okay. Brian!

Oh, Kimberly, hi.

Lila, this is Brian, the
guy from my symposium

who I spent the whole day with.

Oh, yes. The Essex tour.

What a cool and normal way for
people our age to spend an afternoon.

Oh, I meant to tell you.
The book on gerrymandering

that Professor Friedman mentioned
is back in circulation tomorrow.

Yeah, I got the
notification too.

Oh! Okay. I guess it's gonna be a race
to the library and we'll see who wins.

Well, this was weird to watch. Like
two prime numbers having a meet cute.

See you later,
Kimberly and Himberly.

Himberly?

Wait, is she making fun of us

because we have a lot
in common, or something?

- That's silly.
- That's silly.

You're really holding your
own on the dance floor.

Yeah. Thanks to a
mother-son dance

I didn't want to do at my parents'
vow renewal, I can do this.

You dipped and kissed your mom?

What? No. Not the kiss part.

Okay, good.

- God, you look so damn beautiful tonight.
- Aw.

Not beautiful enough
to be on that list.

Hey, will you let that go?

When I tell you you're beautiful,
I want you to believe it.

I don't want you to put yourself
down. That list doesn't matter.

You wouldn't understand.

You're a boy who probably got praised
for being tall and athletic and smart.

But you know what
made my parents smile?

When people at the grocery store would
stop to tell them how pretty I was.

Because girls don't get
the same treatment as boys.

The world tells us very loud and
very clear, that our looks do matter.

And, yeah, maybe I don't
want that to be the case

because the amount of effort
that I have to put into it

is absolutely exhausting.

Okay. I'm sorry.

- Can we just go?
- Yeah.

Boys, Girls, Gays,
and Theys. Listen up!

Thank you all so much
for coming out tonight

to support queer students at Essex and
the issues that are important to them!

Thanks to your donations, we've
been able to gather enough money

to help our president,
Sam, get top surgery!

All right, enough talking.

But how 'bout a
little live music?

All I want Is
somebody who wants me

Come on and take me home

If you want me Than
show me you love me

Yes!

Come on and take me home

Tell me you love me
Just tell me you love me

Tell me you love me

Come on and take me home

Tell me you love me
Just tell me you love me

Tell me you love me

This is good. What
do you call this?

It's ice water. Finish it.

This is sick. I love this stuff.

I'm so inspired by all the
queer bravery on display today.

Hey, love is love,
and I love you all!

Maybe we should go outside
and get you some fresh air.

Oh, no. It's a
party. I'm an ally.

As a matter of fact, I think I
should make a speech for everyone.

- No.
- I should give a little speech.

Arvind, I don't think
that's a good idea.

Let them be the judge of that.

You saved me from my fall.

I didn't. At all.

Hey, Bela. I was thinking

we should go back to
your place and sex.

I do want that.

But I think we should wait until
you're a little more present.

I'm all present.
Unwrap me, Santa.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- We're getting up? Okay.
- Yes, we are.

Okay. Maybe instead of sex, we
get you some Gatorade and nachos?

- Okay. That sounds good too.
- It does sound good, doesn't it?

Tell me you love me
Just tell me you love me

Tell me you love me

Looking at your phone at a
party because you're stressed

or you're just
trying to act cool?

No, it's not that. Isaiah and
I got into a fight before this.

What happened?

He got his rich dad to
fund my research project.

And I know I should be happy
because it lets me keep going

and I've put so
much work into this,

but I just hate
feeling like I owe him.

I get you. I've felt
that same thing.

Sometimes I'm at these
scholarship dinners,

and I feel like I'm supposed
to be smiling and groveling

and laughing at their weird
jokes about tax evasion.

But I didn't make
them donate anything.

What they do with their
money is on them, not me.

That's sort of exactly
what Isaiah said.

But it makes more
sense coming from you.

Most things do.

My homie just pulled up. But
congratulations on your funding.

- Thank you.
- You take that money and you...

build a rocket, I don't know.
I don't understand what you do.

Wow. Okay.

Just all your love

Go ahead you can give it
to me Hung up on your touch

I want you, girl

Go ahead you can give it to me

All I want is somebody who wants
me Come on and take me home

If you want me then show me...

I'm sorry.

- Oh... No.
- Are you all right?

No. It's...

I'm so sorry if I gave
you the wrong impression.

I hope this doesn't make things
awkward between us as roommates.

Totally.

Of course.

Take me home

Would you excuse me?

Ooh, you okay?

I just need a moment.

Happy Pride, losers!

Gay! Hell week!

Fucking arseholes!

Hey!

Hey, fuck you!

Suck my gay dick.

Did you just throw a muffin?

I did. It was all I had.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, thanks.

Why do you look so familiar?

We met at speed dating. Yeah.

You gave me your number, and
then never texted me back.

Right.

And you've totally forgiven
me. That's so big of you.

Well, it helps to be hot.

Yeah, that's true. I've never
forgiven an ugly person.

Could I walk you home?

I would like that, actually.

And sorry for not
texting you back.

I got distracted by something
that was not worth my time.

Well, let's hope that I am.

Let's actually get going though,

because I worry with the egg on you,
that the raccoons are going to find us.

Well, you'll protect me, no?

Cooper, I don't
have any makeup on!

I told you, no unannounced
visits or pre-bed FaceTimes.

You look cute. All right? I
like your crazy morning hair.

Oh. What are you doing here?

I just came by to tell you

that a student got removed
from Essex's 50 Most List

over some questionable tweets
that were deeply misogynistic.

Tweets that somebody
stayed up all night finding

and sending to their friend
that works on the magazine.

You didn't.

I did. I did.

And I got to recommend
a replacement.

Kacey Lynne Baker, in
my mind you always were,

but you are now officially one
of Essex's 50 Hottest Students.

Yeah, and they want a
picture, like now, so...

Oh, no! I'm not camera ready!

I'm joking, okay? Go get ready.

Oh, wait! Thank you!

Oh, yeah.

Yes, I'm back!

You doing all right?

Yeah.

I regret nothing.

Thanks for an amazing night.

- Find a pic you like?
- Yep.