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1
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:14,346
He did it! He did it! He did it!
2
00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:19,084
I knew he was
gonna get us that one!
3
00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:21,686
Well, Herlihy, we
won one game apiece.
4
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,134
Next week we play
for the championship.
5
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:26,108
Yeah, okay, okay. So
you got lucky tonight.
6
00:00:26,143 --> 00:00:27,709
We've been
champs for five years,
7
00:00:27,744 --> 00:00:30,529
and we'll still be
champs after next week.
8
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:31,730
Yeah?
9
00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:33,610
Yeah? You want to
lay a little bet on that?
10
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:34,644
Good idea. $25 a man?
11
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:35,634
Make it $50.
12
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:36,679
You got yourself a deal.
13
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:37,703
All right.
14
00:00:38,689 --> 00:00:40,722
So long, sucker.
15
00:00:40,758 --> 00:00:42,090
You're never gonna win $50
16
00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:43,269
unless you take bowling lessons!
17
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:44,293
Me?
18
00:00:44,328 --> 00:00:45,594
You bowl rotten!
19
00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:47,963
Five times you tripped
over your lucky laces.
20
00:00:47,998 --> 00:00:50,427
Yeah, but one of those
times I got a strike.
21
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:51,884
So what? It didn't count.
22
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:54,503
Your nose went
over the foul line.
23
00:00:54,538 --> 00:00:56,916
Fellas, you're bickering.
24
00:00:56,940 --> 00:00:58,406
And you, Vinnie,
you bowled worse
25
00:00:58,441 --> 00:01:00,152
than usual if that's possible.
26
00:01:00,176 --> 00:01:01,643
Thank goodness we got you.
27
00:01:01,678 --> 00:01:03,011
You're bowling like a champ.
28
00:01:03,046 --> 00:01:04,046
You're terrific!
29
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,214
What about you? You
bowled a rotten game.
30
00:01:06,249 --> 00:01:07,716
You'd be absolutely worthless
31
00:01:07,751 --> 00:01:10,151
if you didn't know how to
jimmy the coffee machine.
32
00:01:10,186 --> 00:01:11,898
Fellas, I don't like this.
33
00:01:11,922 --> 00:01:14,634
No, don't concern
yourself with any of this.
34
00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,636
Here, put your shoe trees
in your bowling shoes.
35
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:17,859
Go ahead, buddy.
36
00:01:17,895 --> 00:01:19,305
Now, look, if we're
gonna beat these guys,
37
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:22,030
we gotta practice
every night, right?
38
00:01:22,065 --> 00:01:24,098
Oh, I can't tomorrow
night, Oscar.
39
00:01:24,134 --> 00:01:26,735
My kid's in the
school health pageant.
40
00:01:26,770 --> 00:01:28,670
He's playing a decayed tooth.
41
00:01:28,705 --> 00:01:31,290
What's more important, Murray,
42
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:33,659
bowling or watching
your kid rot?
43
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:34,926
He already shaved...
44
00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:36,740
he shaved part of his
head and painted it brown.
45
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,097
I gotta go.
46
00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:40,682
Oh, he'll understand.
It's the championship.
47
00:01:40,717 --> 00:01:41,949
Come on. What do you say?
48
00:01:41,985 --> 00:01:43,229
Oscar, the man wants
to watch his little boy...
49
00:01:43,253 --> 00:01:45,031
You're concerning
yourself again.
50
00:01:45,055 --> 00:01:47,956
Don't do that. Let the
captain take care of that, huh?
51
00:01:47,991 --> 00:01:49,235
What do you say, Murray?
52
00:01:49,259 --> 00:01:51,659
Okay, you can count on me.
53
00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,573
Good boy. We're gonna
win the championship.
54
00:01:53,597 --> 00:01:54,562
And to the trophy!
55
00:01:54,598 --> 00:01:55,563
To the trophy!
56
00:01:55,599 --> 00:01:56,664
To the trophy!
57
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,912
And to the guy who's
gonna win it for us,
58
00:01:58,936 --> 00:02:01,436
our star bowler and
high roller, Felix Unger.
59
00:02:01,471 --> 00:02:03,038
Put your hand right
there, huh, buddy?
60
00:02:03,073 --> 00:02:05,113
Don't look at me.
I'm quitting the team.
61
00:02:06,743 --> 00:02:07,942
You're quitting?
62
00:02:07,977 --> 00:02:09,622
You're our star bowler.
You can't do that.
63
00:02:09,646 --> 00:02:10,612
I just did.
64
00:02:10,647 --> 00:02:12,080
Why?
65
00:02:12,115 --> 00:02:14,895
I'm sick and tired of all
this fighting and yelling.
66
00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:16,329
That's why. What yelling?
67
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:19,154
Oscar, bowling used to be
four swell guys getting together
68
00:02:19,189 --> 00:02:20,266
for an evening of fun.
69
00:02:20,290 --> 00:02:21,723
We still have fun.
70
00:02:21,759 --> 00:02:23,903
Will you shut up, Murray,
and let me handle this?!
71
00:02:23,927 --> 00:02:25,605
We still have fun.
You call this fun?
72
00:02:25,629 --> 00:02:28,262
All this pressure
to win, win, win?
73
00:02:28,298 --> 00:02:31,332
It's like Little League.
74
00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:32,645
All you know is winning.
75
00:02:32,669 --> 00:02:33,635
That's not healthy.
76
00:02:33,670 --> 00:02:35,570
Losing is healthy?
77
00:02:35,605 --> 00:02:38,273
If you feel that
strongly about it,
78
00:02:38,308 --> 00:02:40,754
okay, next season you
can drop off the team,
79
00:02:40,778 --> 00:02:43,389
but why would you in the
last week before the finals?
80
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:44,557
Why would you withdraw then?
81
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:46,359
You know how much
this means to me.
82
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:49,717
And besides you got $50 a
man riding on your golden arm.
83
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:50,830
That's another point. What?
84
00:02:50,854 --> 00:02:52,654
You're betting entirely
too much money.
85
00:02:52,689 --> 00:02:55,523
I don't like it. I'm hanging
up my ball. I'm through.
86
00:02:55,558 --> 00:02:56,524
That's it?
87
00:02:56,559 --> 00:02:57,625
That's it.
88
00:02:57,661 --> 00:02:59,239
And you're not gonna
change your mind?
89
00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:00,706
No, I'm not. I'm through.
90
00:03:00,730 --> 00:03:03,564
Okay, fellas, I guess
that's it. Let's go.
91
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,401
Just like that?
No hard feelings?
92
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,303
Why should there
be hard feelings?
93
00:03:08,338 --> 00:03:10,522
So you won't bowl, huh?
94
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,905
♪ ♪
95
00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:17,255
♪ ♪
96
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:39,143
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
97
00:05:06,489 --> 00:05:08,189
♪ ♪
98
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:40,438
♪ ♪
99
00:06:07,818 --> 00:06:09,951
♪ ♪
100
00:06:27,938 --> 00:06:34,393
All right... I get the point.
101
00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:36,311
Good.
102
00:06:36,346 --> 00:06:39,648
I'm not exactly a
dummy, you know?
103
00:06:39,683 --> 00:06:42,350
That's one of the
world's best-kept secrets.
104
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:50,374
I think we should
talk about this, Oscar.
105
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,926
Don't you?
106
00:06:57,134 --> 00:07:01,036
After all, we've learned
to talk to the Russians.
107
00:07:03,273 --> 00:07:05,606
We've learned to
talk to the Chinese.
108
00:07:05,642 --> 00:07:07,125
Can't we talk to each other?
109
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,761
You gonna bowl in the finals?
110
00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:11,296
No.
111
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,682
Then go talk to the Chinese.
112
00:07:13,717 --> 00:07:20,521
I told you why I quit
your stupid bowling team.
113
00:07:20,557 --> 00:07:22,724
It's a matter of principle.
114
00:07:22,759 --> 00:07:23,725
I'd do it again.
115
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,160
My principles mean a lot to me.
116
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:26,238
Yeah? Well, look at this.
117
00:07:27,263 --> 00:07:28,374
That's for your principles.
118
00:07:28,398 --> 00:07:30,176
You understand that?!
119
00:07:31,267 --> 00:07:32,284
Come in!
120
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:35,203
Boy, are you crude.
121
00:07:35,238 --> 00:07:37,305
El Crudo.
122
00:07:37,340 --> 00:07:40,008
La Crème de la Crude!
123
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,409
You think that's crude?
124
00:07:41,444 --> 00:07:43,156
I'm gonna show you...
You wanna see crude?
125
00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:44,507
There. That's crude!
126
00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:46,414
That's doesn't bother
me. That's no skin off...
127
00:07:46,449 --> 00:07:50,385
Yes, sir! Here, here we go.
128
00:07:50,420 --> 00:07:51,386
Hey! Hey!
129
00:07:51,421 --> 00:07:53,454
Get off my table, you bum!
130
00:07:53,489 --> 00:07:54,889
Get out of my sight!
131
00:07:54,925 --> 00:07:57,336
You're not safe,
Felix! Go to your room!
132
00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:58,570
In fact, you're not safe
133
00:07:58,594 --> 00:08:00,490
in any place that
contains me and my fist.
134
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,441
Now go to your room!
You don't frighten me.
135
00:08:02,465 --> 00:08:04,510
Did you hear what I
said? Go to your room!
136
00:08:04,534 --> 00:08:06,767
Did you hear what I said?
You don't frighten me.
137
00:08:06,803 --> 00:08:07,769
Go to your room!
138
00:08:07,804 --> 00:08:09,537
I don't have to take this.
139
00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:11,606
I'm going to my room.
140
00:08:20,150 --> 00:08:21,866
You guys having a fight?
141
00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:25,253
Still won't bowl, huh?
142
00:08:25,289 --> 00:08:26,832
That's bad, Oscar,
that's real bad.
143
00:08:26,856 --> 00:08:27,822
You telling me?
144
00:08:27,857 --> 00:08:29,218
Yeah. I just spoke to Herlihy.
145
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,420
He said no
substitutes for Felix.
146
00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:32,684
What good would that do anyway?
147
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:33,756
We don't need a substitute.
148
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:35,180
We need Felix.
149
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:37,749
Well, then we better just
forfeit the trophy, that's all.
150
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:39,595
We're not gonna forfeit nothing.
151
00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:41,964
I'm gonna get him
to bowl on the team.
152
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:43,649
You gonna keep dancing
on the coffee table?
153
00:08:43,673 --> 00:08:45,585
He says he doesn't like winning.
154
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,186
He says he doesn't
like competition.
155
00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:49,455
I'm gonna show him what
life is like without competition.
156
00:08:49,479 --> 00:08:50,711
How?
157
00:08:50,747 --> 00:08:52,358
Well, you know our poker
game tomorrow night?
158
00:08:52,382 --> 00:08:53,726
When I get through with him,
159
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,828
he's gonna beg us to
come back on the team.
160
00:08:55,852 --> 00:08:58,954
Yeah, and we won't let him.
161
00:08:58,989 --> 00:09:00,622
Get out, Murray.
162
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:13,067
Come on, Felix, sit
down. I started the game.
163
00:09:13,103 --> 00:09:14,103
I put you in.
164
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,269
Oh, thank you very much.
165
00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:17,304
Always try to use
your coasters, fellas.
166
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:18,305
Oh, sorry.
167
00:09:18,341 --> 00:09:20,742
Murray?
168
00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:21,821
I'll take two.
169
00:09:21,845 --> 00:09:23,562
Two for my friend Murray.
170
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:25,313
Why, thank you, Oscar.
171
00:09:25,348 --> 00:09:27,315
You're entirely
welcome, I'm sure.
172
00:09:27,350 --> 00:09:28,567
Vinnie?
173
00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:31,152
If it's not too much
trouble, one, please.
174
00:09:31,187 --> 00:09:32,654
Why would it be any trouble?
175
00:09:32,689 --> 00:09:35,690
A friend of mine.
One for you, sir. Felix?
176
00:09:35,725 --> 00:09:36,891
Two.
177
00:09:36,926 --> 00:09:39,661
Two for my roomie
and three for the dealer.
178
00:09:39,696 --> 00:09:43,131
Okay. I guess, Felix,
you have to bet because...
179
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:46,167
Oh, you've got three queens.
I've only got a pair of eights.
180
00:09:46,202 --> 00:09:47,446
Beats me. I've got king high.
181
00:09:47,470 --> 00:09:48,435
Ah, king high.
182
00:09:48,471 --> 00:09:50,104
Almost a straight.
183
00:09:50,140 --> 00:09:51,467
I guess we're gonna
have to try to bluff you.
184
00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:53,185
What's going on
here? What is this?
185
00:09:53,209 --> 00:09:54,253
Well, we're all friends.
186
00:09:54,277 --> 00:09:55,805
There are no secrets
among friends.
187
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:58,163
How can anybody win this way?
188
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,180
Win?
189
00:09:59,215 --> 00:10:00,514
Who wants to win?
190
00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:01,850
Murray, you want to win?
191
00:10:01,885 --> 00:10:02,601
No.
192
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:03,551
Vinnie?
193
00:10:03,586 --> 00:10:04,586
I hate to win.
194
00:10:05,755 --> 00:10:08,523
All right. I'm in.
195
00:10:08,558 --> 00:10:11,626
I'll see you and
I'll raise you two.
196
00:10:11,661 --> 00:10:14,729
I'll see you and you
and raise you two.
197
00:10:14,764 --> 00:10:17,499
And I'll raise you all two.
198
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:20,668
I see ya.
199
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:21,969
Okay, what do you got?
200
00:10:22,005 --> 00:10:23,005
I've got three queens.
201
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,805
Felix wins!
202
00:10:26,243 --> 00:10:28,254
Well, now, we'll
have to divide this all.
203
00:10:28,278 --> 00:10:29,444
No, no, I win.
204
00:10:29,479 --> 00:10:31,190
Oh, no, no, no. There's
no competition here.
205
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:32,831
We start even again, see?
206
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:33,965
That's ridiculous.
207
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,100
Isn't it?
208
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:38,720
Oh, I get it.
209
00:10:38,755 --> 00:10:40,672
Now you understand? Yes.
210
00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:44,008
You all conspired
to humiliate me.
211
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:47,311
And you succeeded.
212
00:10:47,346 --> 00:10:50,665
So to retaliate,
I'm going to bed.
213
00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:55,737
And you each owe me 75 cents.
214
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,384
Well, Oscar, have you
got any other bright ideas?
215
00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,008
No, that's it. I'm up.
216
00:11:01,044 --> 00:11:02,454
Boy, it's always something.
217
00:11:02,478 --> 00:11:04,389
Every time we
get into the finals,
218
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:06,025
something happens to Felix.
219
00:11:06,049 --> 00:11:09,250
Remember last year,
the softball playoffs?
220
00:11:09,285 --> 00:11:13,154
He got locked in the
john in his own studio.
221
00:11:13,189 --> 00:11:15,000
Yeah. And remember
the year before that,
222
00:11:15,024 --> 00:11:16,719
he didn't show up for
the bridge tournament?
223
00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:18,293
He didn't, did he?
224
00:11:18,328 --> 00:11:19,761
No. Don't you remember?
225
00:11:19,796 --> 00:11:21,463
He was photographing
some babies,
226
00:11:21,498 --> 00:11:22,464
and he got a diaper rash?
227
00:11:22,499 --> 00:11:23,776
Yeah, every year.
228
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:26,245
Every year it's
something... every year.
229
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,769
Hey, wait a minute, fellas.
230
00:11:27,804 --> 00:11:29,436
You're right. Every
year it is something.
231
00:11:29,472 --> 00:11:31,723
And I think I know what it is.
232
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:33,157
I guarantee it!
233
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,777
He is gonna bowl for us. Felix!
234
00:11:35,812 --> 00:11:37,011
Felix!
235
00:11:37,046 --> 00:11:38,813
What's he gonna do now?
236
00:11:38,848 --> 00:11:39,959
I don't know.
237
00:11:39,983 --> 00:11:41,593
I'm still trying to figure out
238
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:44,177
why we bet against three queens.
239
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,637
Felix?
240
00:11:46,672 --> 00:11:50,775
Go away. I'm
getting ready for bed.
241
00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:53,344
Felix, can we talk man-to-man?
242
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,812
We're one short.
243
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:58,016
I'm gonna let that pass
because I want to help you.
244
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,752
I just figured out your
problem is psychological.
245
00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:03,520
Don't try to analyze me, Buster.
246
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:06,057
I'm too deep.
247
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:07,224
Felix, listen to...
248
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,226
I know what I'm
talking about now.
249
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:11,462
You've got what I call
the "chicken complex."
250
00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:13,993
Oh, the "chicken complex"?
251
00:12:14,017 --> 00:12:16,329
Oh, that is very
interesting, Doctor.
252
00:12:16,353 --> 00:12:18,364
Please elaborate.
Tell me all about this.
253
00:12:18,388 --> 00:12:20,221
All right, go ahead,
make fun of it.
254
00:12:20,256 --> 00:12:22,824
I'm telling you you are
afraid to bowl in the finals.
255
00:12:22,859 --> 00:12:23,919
Afraid? Yeah.
256
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:25,209
Me? Yeah.
257
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:27,245
First off the barge
at Anzio afraid?
258
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,646
Felix, every time you get
259
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:31,249
in a win-lose
pressure situation,
260
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:34,335
your mind tries to figure
out a way to get out of it.
261
00:12:34,370 --> 00:12:36,337
Bushwah!
262
00:12:36,372 --> 00:12:37,839
I'm also gonna let that pass
263
00:12:37,874 --> 00:12:39,551
because I don't
know what it means.
264
00:12:39,575 --> 00:12:41,120
Felix, you remember
when you were
265
00:12:41,144 --> 00:12:42,788
gonna propose to Gloria, right?
266
00:12:42,812 --> 00:12:45,257
At the last minute, you got
so scared you got laryngitis?
267
00:12:45,281 --> 00:12:46,692
I had to propose for you?
268
00:12:46,716 --> 00:12:47,927
Well, well, getting,
getting, getting married
269
00:12:47,951 --> 00:12:49,116
is a paralyzing situation.
270
00:12:49,152 --> 00:12:51,147
No, no. Don't
you see? Felix, no.
271
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,537
That was your ninth inning.
272
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:54,066
That was your 18th hole.
273
00:12:54,090 --> 00:12:56,824
Every time you have to
face your moment of truth,
274
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:59,338
you avoid it by running
away or getting hurt.
275
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:00,895
You mean, like in high school
276
00:13:00,931 --> 00:13:05,366
when I finally got a date
with Wild Wendy Tedesco,
277
00:13:05,401 --> 00:13:06,668
I got a cold sore?
278
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:07,830
Exactly.
279
00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:09,320
Oh, am I stupid.
280
00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:11,750
No, no, don't do that,
you'll hurt your bowling arm.
281
00:13:11,774 --> 00:13:14,575
Oh, Oscar, thanks.
282
00:13:14,611 --> 00:13:16,477
I'm gonna lick this thing.
283
00:13:16,512 --> 00:13:18,912
All right, I'll bowl.
284
00:13:18,948 --> 00:13:20,180
We'll start tomorrow night.
285
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,960
I'm going to
practice every night.
286
00:13:21,984 --> 00:13:23,295
Ooh, that's what I wanted
to hear. We're going to win.
287
00:13:23,319 --> 00:13:24,730
I'm gonna tell
the fellas. Oscar.
288
00:13:24,754 --> 00:13:26,721
What? I can't bowl.
289
00:13:26,756 --> 00:13:27,988
Why not?
290
00:13:28,023 --> 00:13:29,201
My back just went out.
291
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:30,558
Are you crazy?
292
00:13:30,593 --> 00:13:31,937
You're standing straight
as an arrow. No, I'm not.
293
00:13:31,961 --> 00:13:33,038
No, no, it's in your
mind. No, I'm not.
294
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,562
Think "up, up,
up." No, no, no, no.
295
00:13:34,597 --> 00:13:35,829
In your mind say, "up, up."
296
00:13:35,865 --> 00:13:36,942
"No, I'm not going to
bend, I'm going to go up."
297
00:13:36,966 --> 00:13:38,499
No, up, up. The mind says, "up."
298
00:13:38,534 --> 00:13:39,900
The mind says, "up, up!"
299
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,279
Oscar...
300
00:13:53,650 --> 00:13:55,049
Breakfast.
301
00:14:01,625 --> 00:14:02,705
Thanks.
302
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:07,128
Oh.
303
00:14:07,163 --> 00:14:09,864
I hope your eggs are all right.
304
00:14:09,899 --> 00:14:10,998
I hope they're good.
305
00:14:11,033 --> 00:14:13,334
I couldn't see the
top of the stove.
306
00:14:16,339 --> 00:14:18,973
Eggs are terrific,
but where's the salt?
307
00:14:21,144 --> 00:14:22,310
Salt?
308
00:14:22,345 --> 00:14:23,444
I'm sorry.
309
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:24,996
Oh.
310
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:31,669
Oh... mm...
311
00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:37,141
Oh... Oh, oh.
312
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:39,777
Oh.
313
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:47,785
Oh.
314
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,341
Oh... What about the ketchup?
315
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:56,994
Oh, no!
316
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,691
Don't make me go for ketchup!
317
00:14:58,715 --> 00:15:00,409
What's the matter with you?
What are you doing to me?
318
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:01,577
Can't you see I'm suffering?
319
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,434
How can you be so insensitive?
320
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:04,735
All right, I'll level with you.
321
00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:06,070
I talked to Dr. Mellitz.
322
00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:07,716
He said the only way
to get you out of this pain
323
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,702
is to make you realize
it's all in your mind.
324
00:15:09,726 --> 00:15:11,993
Oh, don't give me
any of that analyst jazz.
325
00:15:12,028 --> 00:15:12,994
This is real.
326
00:15:13,029 --> 00:15:14,946
I'm in pain, certified pain.
327
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:16,292
Felix, no matter how
much you whine...
328
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,393
I'm not whining!
329
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,211
Or cry... I'm not crying.
330
00:15:19,235 --> 00:15:21,113
I'm not gonna let
you do this to yourself.
331
00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:23,315
I'm gonna get on your
back until you straighten up.
332
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,973
Buddy, don't you see it's
because I want to help you?
333
00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:29,977
Oh, thanks, buddy.
334
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:31,946
Now get the ketchup.
335
00:15:36,552 --> 00:15:38,530
How does that thing work, Felix?
336
00:15:38,554 --> 00:15:41,472
It stretches my
spine so I can relax.
337
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:44,408
Hey, now I know who
you remind me of up there.
338
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:47,111
Who? Howdy Doody.
339
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:48,446
Very funny.
340
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:51,148
I gotta clean this ceiling.
341
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:52,916
Would you give me
something to read?
342
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,830
How about a suspense story?
343
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:57,354
Hey. Hey.
344
00:15:57,389 --> 00:15:59,289
Hey. Hey.
345
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,033
Hey!
346
00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:15,573
Hey!
347
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,154
What happened?
348
00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:20,511
I keep hearing Felix scream.
349
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:21,578
I can't find him.
350
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,092
Hey!
351
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:24,415
It's the door.
352
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:26,683
The door. He's behind the door.
353
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,865
What are you doing up there?
354
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,588
Oh, just hanging around.
355
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:39,230
In this day of rockets to
the moon, jets, Teflon...
356
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:41,743
you're bringing
me a belief healer?
357
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:44,935
I know it sounds wild, but
Murray has seen him work.
358
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:46,103
He'll vouch for him.
359
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,282
Who's gonna vouch for Murray?
360
00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:48,934
Where did he find
this miracle man?
361
00:16:48,958 --> 00:16:50,019
In jail.
362
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:51,793
Where?
363
00:16:51,828 --> 00:16:53,472
In jail. In jail?
364
00:16:53,496 --> 00:16:55,691
Yeah, but he's innocent. It
was a trumped-up charge.
365
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,526
What charge? I don't
know, something about fraud.
366
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,394
Oh, my! Oh, please, Felix,
367
00:16:59,418 --> 00:17:01,719
I swear Murray
says this guy's terrific.
368
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,272
He saw him straighten out
three drunks in two days.
369
00:17:04,307 --> 00:17:06,307
You think being
locked up with no booze
370
00:17:06,342 --> 00:17:07,786
may have had
something to do with it?
371
00:17:07,810 --> 00:17:09,187
Details. Details. Believe...
372
00:17:09,211 --> 00:17:10,289
Come in.
373
00:17:10,313 --> 00:17:11,945
Hi, everybody.
374
00:17:11,981 --> 00:17:13,180
Say hello to Arnold.
375
00:17:13,215 --> 00:17:15,215
Hi, Arnold. It's the
man on the couch.
376
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:18,986
Bad back, huh? Don't touch me.
377
00:17:19,021 --> 00:17:21,433
I have to touch you
if I'm gonna heal you.
378
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,034
Heal. Heal. Stand up straight.
379
00:17:23,058 --> 00:17:24,091
I can't.
380
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,461
Concentrate.
381
00:17:26,496 --> 00:17:28,206
Do you feel the power within me?
382
00:17:28,230 --> 00:17:29,196
No.
383
00:17:29,231 --> 00:17:30,543
Well, I gave you
my best shot then.
384
00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:31,699
Good night.
385
00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:35,102
That's his best shot?
386
00:17:36,439 --> 00:17:39,173
Arnold's not one of
your pushier healers.
387
00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:41,642
You either feel his
power or you don't.
388
00:17:41,678 --> 00:17:42,743
Felix didn't.
389
00:17:42,779 --> 00:17:43,906
Well, it was worth a try.
390
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,481
Man couldn't heal chapped lips.
391
00:17:46,516 --> 00:17:49,416
Come on, Felix, put
on your coat, please.
392
00:17:49,452 --> 00:17:51,452
Oscar, I'm not a quitter.
393
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:54,355
Honestly, this time I really
don't think it's in my mind.
394
00:17:54,390 --> 00:17:55,501
I know you can do it.
395
00:17:55,525 --> 00:17:57,324
Look, we'll work.
I will practice.
396
00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:59,410
Next year, we'll make
the finals, you'll see.
397
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:00,589
What's gonna happen next year?
398
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,424
You'll get a cold
sore, a stubbed toe.
399
00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:03,748
You'll get a hangnail.
400
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,315
Your sarcasm is wasted.
401
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:06,962
Hey, come on, you guys ready?
402
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:07,952
Ah, it's no use.
403
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,253
When the going gets tough,
404
00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:10,549
the tough get going,
405
00:18:10,573 --> 00:18:13,174
and the quitter stays
home and whines.
406
00:18:13,209 --> 00:18:14,708
Good luck, fellas.
407
00:18:17,246 --> 00:18:21,848
Well, Unger, choked up again.
408
00:18:21,884 --> 00:18:27,054
When the going gets
tough, Unger quits.
409
00:18:27,089 --> 00:18:29,557
I'm ashamed to
be your conscience.
410
00:18:29,592 --> 00:18:31,303
Cut it out. My back hurts.
411
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:33,360
Your back hurts.
412
00:18:33,396 --> 00:18:35,813
It's always some
excuse, isn't it?
413
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:36,848
Come on.
414
00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:38,081
Lay off.
415
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,484
You going to let
your friends down?
416
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,720
Let yourself down?
417
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:44,388
You can do it, Unger.
418
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:45,424
Yeah?
419
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,626
Come on, show some courage.
420
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:51,662
You can be strong.
421
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:53,397
You can do it.
422
00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:56,200
Try, Felix, try!
423
00:18:56,235 --> 00:19:01,772
Go down there and show them
the meaning of the word "guts."
424
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:05,108
"Courage" is another
word for "Unger."
425
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,178
Go, Felix, go!
426
00:19:07,213 --> 00:19:08,779
I'm going!
427
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,614
You forgot your ball.
428
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:11,982
Thanks.
429
00:19:16,639 --> 00:19:18,639
Come on, fellas,
look alive, will ya?
430
00:19:18,674 --> 00:19:20,641
Look alive for
what, to get killed?
431
00:19:20,676 --> 00:19:21,987
Yeah, what chance have we got
432
00:19:22,011 --> 00:19:23,722
with just the three
of us playing tonight?
433
00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,123
Hi, fellas. Hi, Ernie.
434
00:19:25,147 --> 00:19:26,491
Hey, Madison. I'm sorry,
435
00:19:26,515 --> 00:19:27,559
you'll have to wait
till after the game
436
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,627
to collect your money.
437
00:19:28,651 --> 00:19:29,651
It may not be so easy.
438
00:19:29,685 --> 00:19:31,452
I'm a man short myself.
439
00:19:31,487 --> 00:19:34,672
Klemble picked today
of all days to get married.
440
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,556
Hey, congratulations, Klem.
441
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:37,708
Thanks, Mur.
442
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:39,154
They're leaving right
away for a honeymoon.
443
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,127
He can't bowl.
444
00:19:40,162 --> 00:19:41,128
What's he doing here?
445
00:19:41,163 --> 00:19:42,462
Ah, he came down
to wish us luck.
446
00:19:42,498 --> 00:19:43,976
He's wishing you luck?
447
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,300
Hey, would you let
me substitute for him
448
00:19:46,336 --> 00:19:48,102
if I let you
substitute for Unger?
449
00:19:48,137 --> 00:19:49,698
Okay, I'll take Al Reilly.
450
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:51,656
Oh, no fair, Reilly's
practically a pro.
451
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,608
I was going to
use Eddie Collins.
452
00:19:53,643 --> 00:19:55,253
I'll tell you what...
Let me have Reilly,
453
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,072
I'll let you have Collins
and Joey Bellows.
454
00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:58,228
Are you kidding?
455
00:19:58,264 --> 00:19:59,864
Bellows stinks.
456
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:02,733
You can use Reilly
if you use Bellows,
457
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:04,702
and then I'll use
Collins and Harrelson.
458
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:06,014
Harrelson? Billy
or his brother Fred?
459
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,004
Billy.
460
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,950
Oh, no, Billy's too good.
461
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,320
I mean, if you're going to use
Harrelson, Collins and Smith,
462
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:13,222
then let me use Reilly, Alston
463
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:14,490
and Alston's cousin Dougy.
464
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:15,857
Then I'll play Bellows.
465
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:19,817
You mean if I use
Harrelson, Collins and Smith,
466
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:21,697
you're going to use Reilly,
Alston, Dougy and Bellows?
467
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:22,687
Yeah.
468
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:23,688
Deal. Deal.
469
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,840
Okay. Oscar.
470
00:20:28,244 --> 00:20:29,210
He's right.
471
00:20:29,245 --> 00:20:30,211
About what?
472
00:20:30,246 --> 00:20:31,657
None of us are in the game.
473
00:20:31,681 --> 00:20:33,114
So what?
474
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:34,181
My team isn't either.
475
00:20:34,216 --> 00:20:35,427
Hey, then why play each other?
476
00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:36,416
No, that's no deal.
477
00:20:36,452 --> 00:20:37,663
Look, we got three
guys and we play
478
00:20:37,687 --> 00:20:38,897
and you got three
guys and you play.
479
00:20:38,921 --> 00:20:39,887
That's all.
480
00:20:39,922 --> 00:20:41,934
A quitter never wins
481
00:20:41,958 --> 00:20:43,858
and a winner never quits!
482
00:20:43,893 --> 00:20:45,760
Felix... you're going to bowl?
483
00:20:45,795 --> 00:20:47,528
Unger bowls tonight.
484
00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:50,881
Ow. Oh, I'm sorry.
485
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:53,584
Sorry doesn't feed
the admiral's cat.
486
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:55,586
O'Herlihy, we got
our fourth man.
487
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,555
You got to bowl your fourth man.
488
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,655
I'm sorry, Klemble,
489
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:00,235
it looks like you're
going to have to bowl.
490
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,392
Yeah, but what about...?
491
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,494
Well, you can, you can
leave right after the game.
492
00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:05,374
We didn't even stay
for the reception.
493
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:07,098
Sorry, we need him.
494
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,665
Sorry, honey, I got to stay.
495
00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:09,744
But, Frank...
496
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:11,268
Well, we'll catch a
later plane, okay?
497
00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:12,314
But, Frankie...
498
00:21:12,338 --> 00:21:15,606
Well, it's just one
game, ten frames.
499
00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:36,494
♪ ♪
500
00:22:04,072 --> 00:22:05,312
He missed.
501
00:22:05,340 --> 00:22:08,208
Nine pins, two balls,
and we're the champs.
502
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:11,078
Nine pins... if anybody
can do it, you can do it.
503
00:22:11,113 --> 00:22:12,612
We've been
waiting for this, baby.
504
00:22:12,648 --> 00:22:14,982
There you go, there we are.
505
00:22:15,017 --> 00:22:16,017
Nine pins.
506
00:22:16,052 --> 00:22:17,052
You're hot, baby.
507
00:22:18,154 --> 00:22:21,922
Shh... Shut...!
508
00:22:26,328 --> 00:22:28,428
That's only eight
pins; we're tied.
509
00:22:28,463 --> 00:22:30,130
He's got another ball, remember?
510
00:22:30,166 --> 00:22:31,464
One ball, one pin.
511
00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:33,378
If anybody can do
it, you can, buddy.
512
00:22:33,402 --> 00:22:34,367
This is the championship.
513
00:22:34,403 --> 00:22:35,413
Five years we waited.
514
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:37,054
One pin, one ball.
515
00:22:37,089 --> 00:22:38,089
Don't you let us down.
516
00:22:38,124 --> 00:22:39,223
I know you can do it.
517
00:22:39,258 --> 00:22:41,225
I'm glad. You're
playing like a champ.
518
00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:42,871
Go get 'em, baby. Oh!
519
00:22:42,895 --> 00:22:43,905
What happened?
What's the matter?
520
00:22:43,929 --> 00:22:44,895
My back. Your back?
521
00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:45,940
Here, let me help you.
522
00:22:45,964 --> 00:22:47,364
Let me help you.
All right, no fair!
523
00:22:53,038 --> 00:22:56,340
Quiet, be quiet!
524
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:58,742
Have we all gone mad?
525
00:22:58,777 --> 00:23:00,177
This is supposed to be a game.
526
00:23:00,213 --> 00:23:02,979
We're supposed to be having fun.
527
00:23:03,015 --> 00:23:05,616
What would be so
terrible about a tie?
528
00:23:05,651 --> 00:23:08,085
Look what wanting to
win has done to us all.
529
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:12,222
My best friend doesn't
care if I'm crippled for life.
530
00:23:12,258 --> 00:23:14,091
Klemble ran out
on his own wedding.
531
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:15,459
He stayed here bowling
532
00:23:15,494 --> 00:23:19,396
while his bride was almost
picked up twice at the bar.
533
00:23:19,432 --> 00:23:21,065
Murray walked off his beat.
534
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:25,135
His cousin Seymour, a
jeweler, is patrolling Central Park.
535
00:23:25,170 --> 00:23:27,971
Aren't you ashamed of yourself?!
536
00:23:30,676 --> 00:23:32,543
Throw the ball.
537
00:23:37,950 --> 00:23:39,867
Oh.
538
00:23:40,986 --> 00:23:42,920
Oh.
539
00:23:47,326 --> 00:23:51,495
Aah!
540
00:23:55,935 --> 00:23:59,002
Five years we waited
and we're the champs!
541
00:23:59,038 --> 00:24:02,573
Oh, come on, don't be
mad, I'll buy you a drink.
542
00:24:02,608 --> 00:24:03,919
Come on, let's go. Fellas.
543
00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:07,928
Whoo! Oscar... Oscar.
544
00:24:10,199 --> 00:24:11,576
All right, Unger, get up.
545
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:12,966
The game's over.
546
00:24:13,002 --> 00:24:15,202
Oh, leave me alone, conscience.
547
00:24:15,237 --> 00:24:16,536
This is not your conscience.
548
00:24:16,571 --> 00:24:18,338
This is Leo Furth, the manager.
549
00:24:18,374 --> 00:24:20,085
I've got people
waiting for that alley.
550
00:24:20,109 --> 00:24:22,642
Now get out of there.
551
00:24:38,176 --> 00:24:40,644
You know...
552
00:24:40,679 --> 00:24:45,482
I learned a tremendous
lesson about myself today.
553
00:24:45,518 --> 00:24:49,252
The subconscious mind
can make a man do...
554
00:24:49,287 --> 00:24:51,955
amazing things.
555
00:24:51,991 --> 00:24:54,958
I learned a lot about myself.
556
00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:57,962
I hope you learned
something, too.
557
00:24:59,064 --> 00:25:03,000
The obsessive need to win...
558
00:25:03,035 --> 00:25:05,101
can drive a man crazy.
559
00:25:07,406 --> 00:25:10,841
There is nothing so degrading...
560
00:25:10,876 --> 00:25:15,446
so dehumanizing
561
00:25:15,481 --> 00:25:19,583
as to see a man sacrifice
his last shred of dignity
562
00:25:19,618 --> 00:25:22,820
just to win.
563
00:25:22,855 --> 00:25:23,821
Gin.
564
00:25:23,856 --> 00:25:24,988
No, n-no, no, I wanted this.
565
00:25:25,023 --> 00:25:26,568
No, no, no, I didn't
mean to discard this one.
566
00:25:26,592 --> 00:25:27,636
I meant to discard this one.
567
00:25:27,660 --> 00:25:28,625
No, you cheated.
568
00:25:28,661 --> 00:25:30,627
You cheated!
38795
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