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1
00:00:20,838 --> 00:00:23,306
Oscar?
2
00:00:23,374 --> 00:00:24,585
Oscar? Huh?
3
00:00:24,609 --> 00:00:26,220
Hey. Wha-What?
4
00:00:26,244 --> 00:00:27,324
Hi.
5
00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:30,646
Hi?
6
00:00:30,715 --> 00:00:31,647
What time is it?
7
00:00:31,716 --> 00:00:33,583
Almost 3:00 a.m.
8
00:00:33,651 --> 00:00:34,583
What's the matter?
9
00:00:34,652 --> 00:00:35,663
Is the apartment on fire?
10
00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:36,618
No.
11
00:00:36,688 --> 00:00:37,714
Then get out of here.
12
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,082
I've got to talk to somebody.
13
00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:41,084
I haven't been able to
sleep for three nights.
14
00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:42,841
Neither have I.
15
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:44,755
I've got insomnia.
16
00:00:44,779 --> 00:00:46,490
I'm going out of my mind.
17
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,860
Look at me, look
how awful I look.
18
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,785
My face is all gray.
19
00:00:52,854 --> 00:00:54,169
It's dust on the mirror.
20
00:00:54,238 --> 00:00:56,656
Don't clean my mirror or
you'll get seven years bad luck.
21
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:59,158
How do you get to sleep?
22
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,154
Tonight I just worked
till I was sleepy.
23
00:01:01,178 --> 00:01:03,090
And you just went to bed, huh?
24
00:01:03,114 --> 00:01:05,214
I was already in bed.
25
00:01:08,052 --> 00:01:10,819
Astounding.
26
00:01:10,888 --> 00:01:12,688
I had this in the army.
27
00:01:12,757 --> 00:01:15,317
I finally fell asleep
on guard duty.
28
00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:17,888
Felix, will you get
out of here, please?
29
00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,846
Turn out the light
and get out of here.
30
00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:23,850
Another human
being in distress...
31
00:01:24,953 --> 00:01:26,869
I don't know what to do.
32
00:01:26,937 --> 00:01:29,533
Sit up in bed and
stare at the wall
33
00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:32,674
and stare at the ceiling.
34
00:01:32,743 --> 00:01:36,678
Wander around the
house like an idiot.
35
00:01:36,747 --> 00:01:38,658
I don't know what
to do with myself.
36
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:41,242
I can't sleep, it's agony.
37
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:37,423
♪ ♪
38
00:03:09,540 --> 00:03:11,490
♪ ♪
39
00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:26,939
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
40
00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:40,385
Oscar, breakfast.
41
00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:44,523
I'm here.
42
00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:45,524
Let's eat.
43
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:48,105
Boy, are you in bad shape.
44
00:03:48,129 --> 00:03:49,528
Eat your pancakes.
45
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:52,364
I would if I had
some silverware.
46
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:53,365
I gave you silverware.
47
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:54,645
You gave me three knives, Felix.
48
00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:56,013
What am I going to do here?
49
00:03:56,037 --> 00:03:56,969
I've got three forks.
50
00:03:57,038 --> 00:03:58,381
I'll raise you two spoons.
51
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,206
What do I win, the
centerpiece or something?
52
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:04,043
Where's the syrup?
53
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:07,713
Maybe the reason you can't
sleep is you need to be with a girl.
54
00:04:07,782 --> 00:04:09,476
Why don't you take
Miriam out tonight?
55
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:11,967
I'm too tired.
56
00:04:12,036 --> 00:04:12,984
I'll get the bacon.
57
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,971
Felix, this is floor wax.
58
00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:18,040
I'll wax the floor later.
59
00:04:18,109 --> 00:04:19,536
You'll be waxing
the floors at Bellevue
60
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,637
if you don't get some sleep.
61
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:22,327
Look at this here.
62
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:25,731
I like my bacon a
little crisper than that.
63
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:26,800
I'll cook it.
64
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:29,234
I'll get it.
65
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:30,635
Floor wax and raw bacon.
66
00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:33,205
It's not exactly the
breakfast of champions.
67
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:36,075
Hi, Mr. Unger.
68
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,275
Hello, Myrna.
69
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:41,546
Hi, Mr. M., I found
those clips you wanted.
70
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,616
Let him in.
71
00:04:48,406 --> 00:04:51,006
Forgot where I was going.
72
00:04:51,074 --> 00:04:53,153
You all right, Mr. Unger?
73
00:04:53,177 --> 00:04:54,677
You seem a little unoriented.
74
00:04:54,745 --> 00:04:55,778
Leave him alone.
75
00:04:55,846 --> 00:04:57,446
He hasn't had any
sleep for three nights.
76
00:04:57,515 --> 00:04:59,225
Oh, Mr. Unger, you
should go to bed.
77
00:04:59,249 --> 00:05:01,583
He's been to bed,
he can't sleep.
78
00:05:01,652 --> 00:05:02,968
He's got insomnia.
79
00:05:03,037 --> 00:05:04,886
Oh, I didn't want to insult you
80
00:05:04,955 --> 00:05:06,567
and tell you how
terrible you look,
81
00:05:06,591 --> 00:05:07,756
but now I can tell you.
82
00:05:07,825 --> 00:05:08,957
You look terrible.
83
00:05:09,026 --> 00:05:11,827
Thank you.
84
00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:12,923
Do you want some coffee?
85
00:05:12,947 --> 00:05:14,914
Sure.
86
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,314
Cream and sugar?
87
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,261
Uh... no, thanks.
88
00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:21,119
I like it orange.
89
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:23,033
You know, I had insomnia once.
90
00:05:23,057 --> 00:05:24,206
How'd you get rid of it?
91
00:05:24,275 --> 00:05:25,574
Sleeping pills.
92
00:05:25,643 --> 00:05:27,525
I can't take sleeping pills.
93
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:29,594
My body chemistry
is all cockeyed.
94
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,574
Sleeping pills make
me wide awake,
95
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:33,098
deodorants make me perspire.
96
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:34,666
That's funny.
97
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:37,069
You ought to will your
body to some university.
98
00:05:37,138 --> 00:05:38,771
I've had offers.
99
00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:40,239
One from me.
100
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:41,473
Come on, let's get to work.
101
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,609
It's the only way
I'll get some sleep.
102
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,978
Good-bye, Mr. Unger,
and good luck.
103
00:05:46,047 --> 00:05:47,847
Gee, the things that
happened to you,
104
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,148
you could write a book...
105
00:05:49,217 --> 00:05:50,415
and now you'll have the time.
106
00:05:57,592 --> 00:05:59,524
They're making jokes
107
00:05:59,594 --> 00:06:01,894
and I'm drinking orange
juice with cream and sugar.
108
00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:08,283
♪ And the home ♪
109
00:06:08,352 --> 00:06:13,088
♪ Of the brave. ♪
110
00:06:14,825 --> 00:06:17,204
And that concludes
another broadcasting day.
111
00:06:17,228 --> 00:06:19,794
Join us when we return
to the air at 6:00 a.m.
112
00:06:19,863 --> 00:06:22,576
What am I going
to do till 6:00 a.m.?
113
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,499
Let us pray.
114
00:06:24,568 --> 00:06:26,235
Let me get some sleep.
115
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:28,803
Please let me get
some sleep tonight.
116
00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:34,509
Oh... what to do?
117
00:06:34,578 --> 00:06:35,578
Wander around?
118
00:06:35,613 --> 00:06:37,379
I need human contact.
119
00:06:37,448 --> 00:06:39,248
I need someone to talk to.
120
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,750
Oscar won't.
121
00:06:53,029 --> 00:06:54,963
Hello, Miriam?
122
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,284
How are you, sweetheart?
123
00:06:58,352 --> 00:06:59,985
It's Felix.
124
00:07:00,054 --> 00:07:01,654
Felix.
125
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:03,867
Listen, did you see
the late, late, late show?
126
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:05,091
Well, it was really a doozer.
127
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,903
Barton MacLane
played a good guy, see?
128
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,427
Yeah, it was a comedy.
129
00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:10,196
He was Harry James' agent
130
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,576
and the band is traveling
through a small town in Idaho
131
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,267
and this gal who works in the
box office is Vera Hruba Ralston
132
00:07:15,336 --> 00:07:17,296
and she wants to
sing with the band.
133
00:07:17,338 --> 00:07:18,737
Well, guess how she connives
134
00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:21,574
to get a chance to
sing with the band.
135
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,809
Who gives a what?
136
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:31,083
That's a side of her
personality I never knew.
137
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,954
Oh...
138
00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:10,238
Bo-ring!
139
00:08:21,519 --> 00:08:23,752
Come on, Oscar,
breakfast, come on.
140
00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:25,031
I called you five minutes ago.
141
00:08:25,055 --> 00:08:25,987
Come on, let's go!
142
00:08:26,056 --> 00:08:26,988
What do you say?
143
00:08:27,057 --> 00:08:28,457
Hey, let's go!
144
00:08:28,526 --> 00:08:31,193
Attaboy, way to go,
way to go, come on.
145
00:08:31,262 --> 00:08:32,761
Hey, I got your favorite.
146
00:08:32,829 --> 00:08:34,796
Shirred eggs, sausage, muffins.
147
00:08:34,865 --> 00:08:35,797
Come on.
148
00:08:35,866 --> 00:08:37,076
Get the sandman
out of your eyes.
149
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,578
Come on, get the
sandman out of your eyes.
150
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:39,912
Come on. Felix, come on.
151
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:42,249
It was very difficult
getting up this morning.
152
00:08:42,273 --> 00:08:45,106
I feel like I just went to
sleep, it was time to get up.
153
00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:46,319
I don't even
remember dreaming...
154
00:08:46,343 --> 00:08:47,776
Oh, come, come on, come on.
155
00:08:47,844 --> 00:08:48,777
Up we go.
156
00:08:48,845 --> 00:08:51,329
Come on, here we are.
157
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:53,332
Taste your coffee, make
you feel like a new man.
158
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,333
Isn't that good?
159
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:55,900
Sure it is. There you are.
160
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:59,438
Funny, I don't
even need a shave.
161
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:01,739
What's it like outside?
162
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:06,778
It's dark.
163
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,163
Yeah, energy crisis.
164
00:09:08,232 --> 00:09:09,548
Never mind the energy crisis.
165
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:10,549
Felix, it's dark!
166
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:11,661
It's going to be a nice day.
167
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,702
56 degrees, wind
six miles an hour.
168
00:09:13,771 --> 00:09:14,780
It's going to be beautiful.
169
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,338
What time is it?
170
00:09:16,407 --> 00:09:17,567
4:00 a.m.
171
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:18,868
What, what, what?
172
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:19,824
It's 4:00 a.m.
173
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,327
4:00 a.m. in the morning?
174
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:23,440
You woke me up at
4:00 in the morning?!
175
00:09:23,464 --> 00:09:24,641
You got exactly 30 seconds
176
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,292
to put the sandman
back in my eyes.
177
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,927
I thought you'd like
to pal around with me
178
00:09:27,951 --> 00:09:29,730
till 6:00 a.m. when
the TV comes back on.
179
00:09:29,754 --> 00:09:30,831
Then you can go to bed.
180
00:09:30,855 --> 00:09:31,998
Think of all the
time you'll save.
181
00:09:32,022 --> 00:09:33,533
When you get up,
you'll have already eaten.
182
00:09:33,557 --> 00:09:35,174
You're deranged.
183
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,292
Come on, relax.
Eat, read the paper.
184
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,695
Why do I have to read
the paper? I write the paper.
185
00:09:39,764 --> 00:09:41,491
Besides, it won't be here
for another three hours,
186
00:09:41,515 --> 00:09:42,626
but when it gets here,
187
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,294
it's going to have
your obituary in it.
188
00:09:44,318 --> 00:09:46,330
He's crying, look at this,
he's crying, look at this.
189
00:09:46,354 --> 00:09:47,953
Knock me on the
head, knock me out!
190
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:49,955
I'm going crazy. Oh, boy.
191
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,702
Stop all that, will you?
192
00:09:51,726 --> 00:09:54,037
Let's try to figure
it out, please.
193
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,339
Now, what's bothering you?
194
00:09:55,363 --> 00:09:57,173
There must be something
bothering you. No.
195
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,665
Think.
196
00:09:59,734 --> 00:10:00,766
The rug needs shampooing.
197
00:10:00,835 --> 00:10:02,235
I wouldn't lose
any sleep over that.
198
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,802
No. What about work?
199
00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:05,071
It's going fine, never better.
200
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,116
I just finished a big ad
campaign for a watch company.
201
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,407
Yes.
202
00:10:08,476 --> 00:10:10,153
Listen, how, how many
nights haven't you slept?
203
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,355
What is it? Four nights.
204
00:10:11,379 --> 00:10:12,823
Four nights, so it's
got to be something...
205
00:10:12,847 --> 00:10:14,691
Not one wink! ...that
happened before that.
206
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,326
Four nights, not a
second. Let's go back,
207
00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:18,161
let's go back to
four days, five days.
208
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:19,229
What happened then?
209
00:10:19,253 --> 00:10:20,430
Think back. Nothing.
210
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:21,898
Think, like about Monday.
211
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:24,434
Monday? Yeah, start
a rundown of the day.
212
00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:26,236
My shirts came
from the laundry. Yes.
213
00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:27,393
They were in a box.
214
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,261
I like them on hangers;
that made me angry.
215
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:30,574
That wouldn't let
you lose sleep.
216
00:10:30,598 --> 00:10:31,708
Come on now.
217
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:32,743
Got a letter. What letter?
218
00:10:32,767 --> 00:10:33,910
Postage due. Yeah?
219
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,901
I had to trek all the way
back to the post office
220
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:39,154
What was it? Turned out to
be an ad for freckle cream.
221
00:10:39,223 --> 00:10:43,024
I gave them such
a piece of my mind.
222
00:10:43,093 --> 00:10:46,495
That night I saw Gloria in the
supermarket with another man.
223
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:49,931
Next day, Tuesday, on the
subway a disgusting wino
224
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:51,917
sat down next to
me. Hold on, back up.
225
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,402
Back it up a little... Back
it up a little bit, please!
226
00:10:54,471 --> 00:10:55,482
What? Back it up.
227
00:10:55,506 --> 00:10:56,455
Monday,
228
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,390
my shirts... No, no, no, no, no,
229
00:10:58,459 --> 00:11:00,404
between the freckle
cream and the wino.
230
00:11:00,428 --> 00:11:01,910
Yeah? You said
something about Gloria?
231
00:11:01,979 --> 00:11:03,690
Yeah. Yeah?
232
00:11:03,714 --> 00:11:05,325
Saw her in the supermarket
with another man.
233
00:11:05,349 --> 00:11:07,415
You saw your ex-wife
with another man?
234
00:11:07,484 --> 00:11:10,919
Yeah, that doesn't...
I've completely...
235
00:11:10,988 --> 00:11:12,420
I've completely blocked it out.
236
00:11:12,489 --> 00:11:13,766
Of course you
blocked it out. That's it.
237
00:11:13,790 --> 00:11:14,901
Of course that's it.
238
00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:16,090
I'm jealous of the other man.
239
00:11:16,159 --> 00:11:17,904
Sure, you know
how jealous you are.
240
00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:19,906
The last time you saw
Gloria with another man,
241
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,774
you went on a hunger strike.
242
00:11:21,798 --> 00:11:25,233
You would only eat foods
that started with the letter "G."
243
00:11:25,301 --> 00:11:27,413
For three weeks, all
we ate was grapefruit,
244
00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:30,705
gizzards and garbanzo beans.
245
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,952
You think that's it,
huh? I know that's it.
246
00:11:32,976 --> 00:11:35,376
Jealousy slays itself
with its own arrows.
247
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:36,711
That's what's keeping me awake.
248
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,625
All right, now that
you know what it is,
249
00:11:38,649 --> 00:11:39,726
do something
about it, talk to her...
250
00:11:39,750 --> 00:11:40,949
I can't talk to her.
251
00:11:41,018 --> 00:11:42,929
She's got a perfect right
to go out with other men,
252
00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:46,755
a right she exercises at
every conceivable opportunity.
253
00:11:46,823 --> 00:11:48,343
Besides, she hates
me when I'm jealous.
254
00:11:48,391 --> 00:11:50,236
And I hate you when
your eyes are open,
255
00:11:50,260 --> 00:11:53,261
so do something about it!
256
00:11:53,329 --> 00:11:54,262
Where are you going?
257
00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:56,031
Back to bed.
258
00:11:56,099 --> 00:11:57,466
What should I do with the eggs?
259
00:12:01,906 --> 00:12:03,555
You've got a coarse mind.
260
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,557
You know that?
261
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,265
Felix, did you take care
of that thing with Gloria?
262
00:12:13,334 --> 00:12:15,778
Yes. Good, I'm going to get
a beer and I'm going to go...
263
00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:17,380
Hey! Cookies, let me have one.
264
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,715
No, no, no...
They're not for you.
265
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:20,021
What'd you make them for?
266
00:12:20,090 --> 00:12:21,823
I had a brainstorm.
267
00:12:21,892 --> 00:12:23,759
I hired a special
investigator to find out
268
00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:25,426
about that man with Gloria.
269
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,107
You gonna pay
him off with cookies?
270
00:12:27,131 --> 00:12:29,164
Yeah. He's just starting out.
271
00:12:30,901 --> 00:12:32,045
What? There he is.
272
00:12:32,069 --> 00:12:34,169
Where?
273
00:12:34,238 --> 00:12:36,004
He's letting himself
in the front door.
274
00:12:36,073 --> 00:12:38,774
Doesn't he ring the bell? No.
275
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:39,986
He uses his credit card.
276
00:12:50,671 --> 00:12:53,705
Special Investigator
Greshler reporting in, sir.
277
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,706
Hi, Oscar. Hi, Murray.
278
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,191
What do you think?
279
00:12:56,260 --> 00:12:58,543
Do I look like Columbo?
280
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:01,346
You look more like Dumbo.
281
00:13:01,415 --> 00:13:04,132
This is my plainclothes outfit.
282
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,112
You see, underneath I've
got my policeman's outfit,
283
00:13:06,136 --> 00:13:07,335
well concealed.
284
00:13:07,404 --> 00:13:08,931
I'm sure that's the way
the force would want it.
285
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:11,234
Murray, what did you find out?
286
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,742
First, where are my cookies?
287
00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:17,006
Give me the clues and
I'll give you the cookies.
288
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:19,431
I got the clues right here.
289
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,833
Facts, just facts.
290
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:24,535
Suspect is male,
white Caucasian,
291
00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:27,155
five-foot-ten, blue
eyes, brown hair.
292
00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:29,752
I know what he
looks like, Murray.
293
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:32,110
Suspect's name: Bud Herzog,
294
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:33,845
automobile insurance agent.
295
00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:35,873
Talking to Gloria
about her bumpers.
296
00:13:38,736 --> 00:13:41,197
I'll kill him! I'll
kill every Herzog
297
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,898
in New York! Felix,
298
00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:44,701
she had had a
minor traffic accident.
299
00:13:44,725 --> 00:13:46,302
They were discussing
a settlement.
300
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,475
How'd you dig all this up?
301
00:13:47,544 --> 00:13:49,277
I asked Gloria and she told me.
302
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:52,931
All right, all right.
303
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,433
All right, listen. So what?
304
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,801
He cured your problem, right?
305
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,709
I'll be able to get some
sleep. Murray, thanks.
306
00:13:57,738 --> 00:14:00,037
I'll call you anytime I
need a private nose.
307
00:14:05,696 --> 00:14:08,130
Hi, Oscar.
308
00:14:08,198 --> 00:14:09,275
Brought you some warm milk.
309
00:14:09,299 --> 00:14:10,579
Help you get to sleep.
310
00:14:11,869 --> 00:14:14,429
You sure? Okay, I'll drink it.
311
00:14:15,372 --> 00:14:16,572
Mmm, good.
312
00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:21,159
Just my way of saying,
"Thanks, Oscar."
313
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,444
I guess I have been
314
00:14:23,513 --> 00:14:25,809
sort of a pain in the rump
to you these past few days.
315
00:14:25,833 --> 00:14:28,082
But so be it.
316
00:14:29,486 --> 00:14:30,747
Tell you one thing.
317
00:14:30,771 --> 00:14:33,605
That Gloria thing has
proved to be a blind alley,
318
00:14:33,674 --> 00:14:35,106
'cause I'm wide awake.
319
00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:36,508
I'm up.
320
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:37,642
Up as a pup.
321
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:58,003
Just holler when
you're through, Barney.
322
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,299
Oh, boy...
323
00:15:13,596 --> 00:15:14,846
Hey, old buddy.
324
00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:16,831
Hi.
325
00:15:18,701 --> 00:15:19,968
How are you?
326
00:15:20,036 --> 00:15:21,965
Pretty good, thanks.
How're you doing?
327
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:24,990
Oh... nice, nice.
328
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:29,160
I had a little nap today.
329
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:30,662
Really?
330
00:15:30,731 --> 00:15:34,149
Yeah. I fainted in my darkroom.
331
00:15:34,218 --> 00:15:37,585
I overdeveloped an
entire bar mitzvah.
332
00:15:37,654 --> 00:15:38,970
Well, it's all set up, Oscar.
333
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,438
Thank you very much.
334
00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:41,885
Those playoff tickets
are yours, Barney.
335
00:15:41,909 --> 00:15:43,887
Thanks. And good
luck with that thing.
336
00:15:43,911 --> 00:15:46,178
Thank you. Thank you.
337
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,992
Who is that? I promised
you that I was going to get you
338
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,593
a good night's sleep, and
that's what I'm gonna do.
339
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,228
Keep my promise, and also,
I'm gonna get some sleep.
340
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:53,252
Who is that guy?
341
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,731
He's in used furniture, come on.
342
00:15:54,755 --> 00:15:56,888
Used furniture? Yeah.
Will you come on?
343
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,123
What?
344
00:15:59,193 --> 00:16:00,903
You're gonna be
so surprised. What?
345
00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:02,205
There you go.
346
00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:04,940
What? You don't
notice anything different?
347
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,042
I don't believe it.
348
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:08,733
Look at this: a water bed!
349
00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:10,301
Huh, look at that!
350
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:13,271
You got me a used water bed?
351
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:16,675
The bed is old,
the water is new.
352
00:16:16,744 --> 00:16:18,043
They threw in all new water.
353
00:16:18,112 --> 00:16:19,438
Hmm... Come on.
354
00:16:19,462 --> 00:16:20,762
You try it, you'll like it!
355
00:16:20,831 --> 00:16:22,396
Oh-ho!
356
00:16:22,465 --> 00:16:23,910
I can't sleep on a water bed.
357
00:16:23,934 --> 00:16:25,366
I need a firm mattress.
358
00:16:25,435 --> 00:16:27,468
All right, we'll freeze it.
359
00:16:27,537 --> 00:16:28,648
Come on, will ya?
360
00:16:28,672 --> 00:16:29,749
Get in, try it.
361
00:16:29,773 --> 00:16:31,684
Oh, look at that. Go ahead.
362
00:16:31,708 --> 00:16:33,086
There you go. That's it.
363
00:16:33,110 --> 00:16:34,042
Oh. Hold on.
364
00:16:34,111 --> 00:16:35,187
There you go! Whoa.
365
00:16:35,211 --> 00:16:37,012
There, rock. Ooh.
366
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,791
Just relax. Boy, that's it.
367
00:16:38,815 --> 00:16:41,382
It's like sleeping on Jell-O.
368
00:16:41,451 --> 00:16:43,062
I'm going to put
on a record, okay?
369
00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:44,731
What record? Oh,
wait till you see.
370
00:16:44,755 --> 00:16:46,320
This is a special record.
371
00:16:46,389 --> 00:16:47,956
Special sound effects, see?
372
00:16:48,025 --> 00:16:50,269
When you're lying on the
water, you'll hear the rolling surf.
373
00:16:50,293 --> 00:16:52,727
Yeah. Sounds of the sea.
374
00:16:55,566 --> 00:16:57,248
What was that?
375
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,183
I put it on the wrong side,
376
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:01,620
auto high jinks.
377
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,299
Okay, go ahead.
Go back to sleep.
378
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,202
Here you go. You promise me
the sea. You nearly ran me over.
379
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:08,292
Okay, just relax. Yeah.
380
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,772
Here it comes.
381
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:16,134
Ahh, yes... Oh,
listen to all that water.
382
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:20,304
Ah...
383
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:24,275
Where you going?
384
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:26,904
I got to go to the bathroom.
385
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,149
Sleep, Felix, sleep.
386
00:17:32,436 --> 00:17:34,597
Oscar, let me try my plan.
387
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:35,787
What kind of plan is that?
388
00:17:35,856 --> 00:17:37,567
You're gonna yawn, and
he's gonna fall asleep.
389
00:17:37,591 --> 00:17:39,602
Yeah, it's scientifically
proven that
390
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:42,527
if you watch people yawn, it
makes them tired and sleepy.
391
00:17:42,596 --> 00:17:44,195
I'm not gonna be obvious.
392
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:45,875
I'm gonna tell
him a sleepy story
393
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,543
and slip in some yawns.
394
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,327
Shh, I think he's coming.
395
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,387
Hi, Felix.
396
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,344
Five days.
397
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,891
What were you cleaning now?
398
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,882
My ceiling.
399
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:05,951
I've spent so much
time staring at it,
400
00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:08,152
I know every
speck of dust on it.
401
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:09,788
It's clean now,
so don't walk on it.
402
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,691
Haven't lost my sense of humor.
403
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,604
Listen, Murray wants
to tell you a nice story.
404
00:18:14,628 --> 00:18:16,294
A story? Yeah, a terrific story.
405
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:17,840
Go ahead, Murray, tell
him the story, will ya?
406
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:18,874
Come on, right here.
407
00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:20,365
Here you go. Hi, Myrna.
408
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,077
Hi. Right here's fine.
409
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,868
That's it.
410
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,887
Pay close attention
to what I say.
411
00:18:25,956 --> 00:18:28,807
I was just out walking my beat,
412
00:18:28,876 --> 00:18:31,776
and I went past this
great, big pillow factory.
413
00:18:35,399 --> 00:18:39,800
All those great, big,
soft, white pillows.
414
00:18:42,405 --> 00:18:44,772
Inside, all the men
were sawing wood.
415
00:18:47,777 --> 00:18:49,344
Then they stopped
416
00:18:49,412 --> 00:18:53,081
and drank some nice, warm milk.
417
00:18:54,784 --> 00:18:56,417
It was delicious.
418
00:18:58,221 --> 00:18:59,453
Then in came the sheep.
419
00:18:59,522 --> 00:19:00,939
What for?
420
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:03,675
To jump over the fence.
421
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:07,963
One... two..., three...
422
00:19:08,031 --> 00:19:09,108
How many were there?
423
00:19:09,132 --> 00:19:10,315
Oh, I don't know, about 18.
424
00:19:10,384 --> 00:19:13,318
Oh, this is not
gonna work, Murray.
425
00:19:19,509 --> 00:19:21,108
Felix, you asleep?
426
00:19:24,848 --> 00:19:26,925
Even back in your own
bed, you can't sleep.
427
00:19:26,949 --> 00:19:28,048
What you got there?
428
00:19:28,117 --> 00:19:29,595
Wait till you see,
buddy, take a look.
429
00:19:29,619 --> 00:19:32,420
Aw, look! All my old toys!
430
00:19:32,489 --> 00:19:34,933
Yeah, I found them
down in the cellar
431
00:19:34,957 --> 00:19:37,069
with the rest of the junk that
your mother sent last year.
432
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,338
You call a man's past
junk? Oh, I didn't mean that.
433
00:19:39,362 --> 00:19:41,295
My blankie.
434
00:19:42,665 --> 00:19:44,231
What did you bring
this stuff up for?
435
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:46,460
Well, you always told
me when you were a kid,
436
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,096
you never had any trouble
sleeping, right? Yeah.
437
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,732
I figured all this
stuff back remind you
438
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:51,266
of your childhood, you'd
sleep like a baby again.
439
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,725
My bib! My mother
used to feed me...
440
00:19:53,794 --> 00:19:55,760
Hey, you got a little spot.
441
00:19:55,829 --> 00:19:57,356
Maybe you weren't
so neat as a kid, huh?
442
00:19:57,380 --> 00:19:58,646
My mother did that.
443
00:19:58,715 --> 00:20:00,482
She could never handle a spoon.
444
00:20:01,651 --> 00:20:05,770
Here's my favorite
teddy bear, Mr. Friend.
445
00:20:05,839 --> 00:20:07,539
I slept with him for five years.
446
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:09,073
Still got his cellophane on.
447
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:10,508
This is the original.
448
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:11,842
I wanted to keep him clean.
449
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:13,389
These things
collect lint, you know.
450
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:16,063
Oh, I love him.
451
00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:17,765
What else do we
have? Oh, my books!
452
00:20:17,834 --> 00:20:19,801
My stories! Everything, great!
453
00:20:19,869 --> 00:20:21,580
All right, Felix, now,
it's time to go to bed.
454
00:20:21,604 --> 00:20:22,915
Oh, what neat stuff!
Put your toys away.
455
00:20:22,939 --> 00:20:25,606
No, no, please. No, no,
you must go to bed now.
456
00:20:25,675 --> 00:20:27,442
Just what my father used to do.
457
00:20:27,510 --> 00:20:28,721
What else did your father do?
458
00:20:28,745 --> 00:20:30,912
He'd say, "Good night, Junior."
459
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,346
Good night, Junior.
460
00:20:32,415 --> 00:20:34,593
Aw, let me stay up five
more minutes. No, no.
461
00:20:34,617 --> 00:20:36,462
Please, aw, please?
Junior, you must go to bed.
462
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:37,596
Junior! Read me a story.
463
00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:38,798
Read you a story?
My father always
464
00:20:38,822 --> 00:20:40,621
read me a story
before I went to bed.
465
00:20:40,690 --> 00:20:42,623
Okay.
466
00:20:47,564 --> 00:20:48,844
Is Little Red Riding Hood okay?
467
00:20:48,898 --> 00:20:50,932
Yeah, yeah. I love
that one! I love it.
468
00:20:52,435 --> 00:20:53,646
"Once upon a time..."
469
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:55,553
This is your favorite part,
470
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:56,871
so sit up nice and listen.
471
00:20:58,724 --> 00:20:59,874
"Once upon a time..."
472
00:20:59,942 --> 00:21:02,192
Louder. He can't hear
through the cellophane.
473
00:21:05,048 --> 00:21:08,216
"Once upon a time,
there was a little..."
474
00:21:09,285 --> 00:21:11,720
"And Goldilocks
got such a fright
475
00:21:11,788 --> 00:21:13,921
"that she jumped right up
476
00:21:13,990 --> 00:21:15,406
"and ran down the stairs,
477
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:17,836
"out of the house
and into the forest.
478
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:20,411
"And Goldilocks never went back
479
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,013
to that little house again."
480
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:24,816
And Mr. Friend is asleep
481
00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:27,451
and Mr. Enemy is wide awake.
482
00:21:29,823 --> 00:21:32,356
You almost got me
during Rumpelstiltskin.
483
00:21:32,425 --> 00:21:34,136
There's nothing
left to try, Felix.
484
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,438
I'm gonna check into a
hotel and sleep for 88 years.
485
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:38,262
No, no, no, no,
come on, it's still early.
486
00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:39,597
It's only 11:30, come on.
487
00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:41,744
Are you out of your
mind? It's after 2:00!
488
00:21:41,768 --> 00:21:43,278
No. Yes.
489
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:45,553
I thought it felt kind of late.
490
00:21:45,622 --> 00:21:47,655
My watch has stopped.
491
00:21:47,724 --> 00:21:50,191
My brand-new electronic watch.
492
00:21:50,259 --> 00:21:51,987
How do you like
that, after six days?
493
00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:53,794
Six days you've had that watch?
494
00:21:53,863 --> 00:21:54,940
Yeah. Where'd you get it?
495
00:21:54,964 --> 00:21:56,764
You know that watch ad I did.
496
00:21:56,833 --> 00:21:58,110
I told you, they
gave me a watch.
497
00:21:58,134 --> 00:21:59,578
What did you do
with your old one?
498
00:21:59,602 --> 00:22:00,802
Gave it to my assistant.
499
00:22:00,870 --> 00:22:02,014
That's an electronic watch?
500
00:22:02,038 --> 00:22:03,115
Yeah. Does it make a noise?
501
00:22:03,139 --> 00:22:04,839
It goes "hmm" when it works.
502
00:22:04,908 --> 00:22:05,985
And your old watch?
503
00:22:06,009 --> 00:22:07,553
My old watch goes
"tick, tick, tick."
504
00:22:07,577 --> 00:22:08,526
What kind of question
505
00:22:08,594 --> 00:22:09,739
is that? Well, you'll see.
506
00:22:09,763 --> 00:22:11,740
Get into your position
when you go to sleep.
507
00:22:11,764 --> 00:22:13,409
Why? Go ahead. Do
what I tell you, go ahead.
508
00:22:13,433 --> 00:22:15,993
Will ya? Listen to Dr. Seuss.
509
00:22:17,637 --> 00:22:19,282
There it is! What?
510
00:22:19,306 --> 00:22:21,851
You see the way your head's
resting when your wrist's there?
511
00:22:21,875 --> 00:22:24,675
Yeah. You miss the
ticking of the other clock.
512
00:22:24,744 --> 00:22:26,845
Really?! I know it.
513
00:22:26,913 --> 00:22:29,091
Tomorrow when you get your
watch back from your assistant,
514
00:22:29,115 --> 00:22:31,160
you'll sleep like a baby.
But what about tonight?
515
00:22:31,184 --> 00:22:33,184
I can't go through another
night without sleeping.
516
00:22:33,253 --> 00:22:35,553
I'll lose my mind.
517
00:22:35,621 --> 00:22:37,566
All right, get into position.
518
00:22:37,590 --> 00:22:39,023
Go ahead.
519
00:22:44,097 --> 00:22:46,664
Tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick,
520
00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:49,061
Tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick,
521
00:22:49,085 --> 00:22:51,485
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, Tick, tick, tick, tick,
522
00:22:51,521 --> 00:22:53,498
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, Tick, tick, tick, tick,
523
00:22:53,522 --> 00:22:56,624
Tick... tick...
tick... tick... tick...
524
00:22:56,693 --> 00:23:01,963
tick... tick... tick.
525
00:23:04,384 --> 00:23:07,151
Cuckoo, cuckoo!
526
00:23:27,724 --> 00:23:28,956
Felix?
527
00:23:31,761 --> 00:23:33,695
You asleep?
528
00:23:35,398 --> 00:23:37,558
It's 5:00 in the morning.
I can't fall asleep.
529
00:23:39,502 --> 00:23:42,062
Want to cook me some breakfast?
530
00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:49,861
Okay.
36720
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