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1
00:00:06,857 --> 00:00:08,668
Oh, it was a great
birthday party.
2
00:00:08,692 --> 00:00:10,370
Thanks for everything.
3
00:00:10,394 --> 00:00:13,095
Those typesetters really
know how to throw a wild bash.
4
00:00:13,164 --> 00:00:16,231
You know, one of them
printed a dirty word on my wrist.
5
00:00:16,300 --> 00:00:18,667
Yeah, and they made a
great headline for Oscar.
6
00:00:18,735 --> 00:00:21,180
"Oscar Celebrates
40th Year of Sloppiness."
7
00:00:21,204 --> 00:00:22,349
That's very funny, very funny.
8
00:00:22,373 --> 00:00:24,117
Listen, I got to get
back to my desk.
9
00:00:24,141 --> 00:00:25,274
Oh, thanks for the shirt.
10
00:00:25,342 --> 00:00:26,519
It really is terrific.
You're welcome.
11
00:00:26,543 --> 00:00:28,421
What happened to the
one you wore to work today?
12
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:29,561
Have it underneath it.
13
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,680
Here it is. Oh, Oscar!
14
00:00:31,748 --> 00:00:32,959
Don't forget, Phyllis,
tomorrow night
15
00:00:32,983 --> 00:00:34,560
we're really gonna
celebrate my birthday, right?
16
00:00:34,584 --> 00:00:35,728
Okay. Bye, bye, honey.
17
00:00:35,752 --> 00:00:36,897
Bye, Phyllis. Bye, Myrna.
18
00:00:36,921 --> 00:00:39,266
I got to take this
down to the copy room.
19
00:00:39,290 --> 00:00:41,201
Good. Let's get back
to work here, huh? Hi.
20
00:00:41,225 --> 00:00:42,825
Hi, Oscar. Hi, Jackie.
21
00:00:42,859 --> 00:00:44,904
I made this cake
for your birthday.
22
00:00:44,928 --> 00:00:46,939
I didn't want to
come to the party.
23
00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:48,474
You know I don't like crowds.
24
00:00:48,498 --> 00:00:49,892
You shouldn't have
gone to that trouble.
25
00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:51,044
It's no trouble.
26
00:00:51,068 --> 00:00:53,413
It's my recipe in
the column today,
27
00:00:53,437 --> 00:00:55,915
except for the "Happy
Birthday Oscar."
28
00:00:55,939 --> 00:00:57,150
That I added.
29
00:00:57,174 --> 00:00:58,390
Thank you. Mmm.
30
00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,108
I love you. Look,
I know you're shy.
31
00:01:00,176 --> 00:01:02,127
There's nobody around.
Why don't you sing for me?
32
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,729
Please, come on!
33
00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:06,732
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
34
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,766
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
35
00:01:08,835 --> 00:01:13,505
For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
36
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:21,212
Which nobody can deny! ♪
37
00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:23,944
Someone's here to see you.
38
00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:25,834
No, it's all right.
Don't go, Jackie...
39
00:01:25,903 --> 00:01:27,202
See you later.
40
00:01:27,271 --> 00:01:28,670
Who is that girl?
41
00:01:28,739 --> 00:01:29,871
That's Jackie Hartman.
42
00:01:29,940 --> 00:01:31,973
She writes the "Dining
Out With Jackie" column.
43
00:01:32,042 --> 00:01:33,942
Listen... What a voice!
44
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,671
Yeah, I know. What's in
the package, my present?
45
00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:38,797
If we had her in my opera
club, we could do Carmen.
46
00:01:38,865 --> 00:01:40,745
Oh, no, no. She won't
sing in public. She's shy.
47
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,100
She tried it once,
and she froze.
48
00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:44,163
She'll never do it again. You
brought me a little present.
49
00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:45,849
Right? What is it? I don't
care if she's shy or not.
50
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,472
She's my Carmen.
51
00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:51,243
Yeah, you're my best friend, so
what happened to the present...?
52
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:52,688
I don't believe it.
53
00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:55,814
This is kids stuff
here with a stink.
54
00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:58,116
Look at this.
55
00:02:31,435 --> 00:02:34,419
♪ ♪
56
00:03:06,536 --> 00:03:08,470
♪ ♪
57
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,501
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
58
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:31,175
Mr. M., they want to see
you in accounting right away.
59
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:32,493
They want to see me again?
60
00:03:32,562 --> 00:03:35,931
They want to see you and the
$600 you claimed in lunches.
61
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,216
Yeah? Well, I'm not
worried about them this time,
62
00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:39,701
'cause I got
receipts right here.
63
00:03:39,770 --> 00:03:40,914
Can I help you?
64
00:03:40,938 --> 00:03:42,304
Yeah, you can take the shoe.
65
00:03:42,372 --> 00:03:44,250
Come on, don't be afraid of me.
66
00:03:44,274 --> 00:03:46,152
Tell her to trust me.
67
00:03:46,176 --> 00:03:47,653
She seems to be afraid of me.
68
00:03:47,677 --> 00:03:48,988
Oh, yeah, Felix is harmless.
69
00:03:49,012 --> 00:03:50,452
He just wants to talk to you.
70
00:03:50,513 --> 00:03:52,091
I'll be right back. Come
on, will you, honey?
71
00:03:52,115 --> 00:03:54,349
Don't be embarrassed.
72
00:03:54,417 --> 00:03:56,818
Aw, let's see a
great big smile, huh?
73
00:03:56,887 --> 00:03:58,936
Yeah, don't you feel
better? Sure you do.
74
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:00,105
Come here.
75
00:04:00,174 --> 00:04:02,974
Miss Hartman, I am the founder
76
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:05,243
and president of a
local opera group.
77
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:07,479
Twice a year, we put
on productions for charity.
78
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,314
If you're not doing
anything tonight,
79
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:11,344
I'd love it if you'd come
meet the group and audition.
80
00:04:11,368 --> 00:04:13,451
Will Mr. Madison be there?
81
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:16,621
Mr. Madison likes
midget wrestling.
82
00:04:16,689 --> 00:04:19,725
No. I-I wouldn't fit in.
83
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:22,461
Miss Hartman, unless
I miss my guess,
84
00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:24,796
you were born to be Carmen!
85
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,431
Please come meet the group.
86
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:27,944
I wouldn't know anybody there.
87
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,334
I have to go.
88
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:31,270
Yes, you know me,
you know Oscar.
89
00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:32,882
But you said Oscar
doesn't belong.
90
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:33,906
Well, it's his apartment.
91
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,340
What have you got to lose?
92
00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:37,320
Come on, please.
Do I have to sing?
93
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:39,944
You don't have to do
anything you don't want to do.
94
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:42,614
Oscar'll escort you from
work. He'll take you in a cab.
95
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:44,816
Won't you take Jackie to
the opera meeting tonight?
96
00:04:44,884 --> 00:04:46,918
You want to go?
97
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,988
All right.
98
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:51,556
I knew you would. Thank you.
99
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:52,857
8:00 tonight.
100
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,170
So long, Jackie.
101
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,805
Aw. You talked her into it!
102
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,446
I'm surprised.
103
00:04:57,514 --> 00:04:59,764
I've got the kind
of face people trust.
104
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,927
I wish you would take
your trusting face down
105
00:05:01,951 --> 00:05:03,095
to the accounting department.
106
00:05:03,119 --> 00:05:04,497
The guy wouldn't
accept my receipts.
107
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:06,032
He says I owe him $600. Hmm.
108
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,050
Listen, will you lend it
to me? I didn't hear you.
109
00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:09,836
Happy Birthday! Big surprise.
110
00:05:09,860 --> 00:05:11,804
Is it something I could hock?
111
00:05:11,828 --> 00:05:13,706
I was gonna get
you some coasters,
112
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,541
and then this thing
caught my eye.
113
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,966
What is this, a
toothbrush for Moby Dick?
114
00:05:18,034 --> 00:05:20,268
It's a lint brush.
115
00:05:20,337 --> 00:05:21,614
Don't you love it?
116
00:05:23,706 --> 00:05:26,707
You see, you take
the lint off like this,
117
00:05:26,777 --> 00:05:29,577
and then to clean it, you
just turn the head around.
118
00:05:29,646 --> 00:05:31,746
You mean like this?
119
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,369
We'll dispense with the singing
120
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:40,271
of the minutes of
the last meeting
121
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:43,141
so that I can make
an announcement,
122
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:45,577
which is a biggie!
123
00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:48,379
Today I found someone
124
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:51,249
who will be the answer
to our musical prayers.
125
00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:53,418
But I thought our
membership was closed.
126
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:55,219
Mr. Felscher,
127
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:57,789
if the Mormon Tabernacle
Choir took that attitude,
128
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,207
they'd still be a quartet.
129
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:03,395
And I want you to
meet Jackie Hartman!
130
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:04,763
Make her feel at home.
131
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,099
Jackie, sit down
anywhere you want.
132
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:10,145
No, no, no, no,
Jackie, sit here.
133
00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:13,405
And, of course, you all
know Oscar Madison.
134
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:15,233
Huh!
135
00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:19,861
As you know, every year
we plan to put on Carmen.
136
00:06:19,929 --> 00:06:21,707
Well, I have finally
found someone
137
00:06:21,731 --> 00:06:24,199
who absolutely fills the bill.
138
00:06:24,267 --> 00:06:26,567
So I move that as
our first production,
139
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,737
we put on Bizet's
immortal Carmen.
140
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,273
All those in favor,
signify by singing aye.
141
00:06:32,342 --> 00:06:33,853
♪ Aye. ♪
142
00:06:33,877 --> 00:06:34,909
♪ Abstain. ♪
143
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:36,289
Opposed? MURRAY:
♪ Point of order! ♪
144
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:38,424
What is your point of
order, Officer Greshler?
145
00:06:38,448 --> 00:06:40,748
Begging your pardon,
Miss, I don't want to seem
146
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:43,418
to sound supercritical,
but Felix, don't you think
147
00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:44,952
we ought to hear
the little lady sing
148
00:06:45,022 --> 00:06:47,322
before we entrust her
with such a killer role?
149
00:06:47,391 --> 00:06:48,767
Bravo, bravo! Thank
you. Thank you.
150
00:06:48,791 --> 00:06:50,403
I don't think Miss
Hartman would mind
151
00:06:50,427 --> 00:06:52,238
obliging us with
a little cadenza.
152
00:06:52,262 --> 00:06:54,107
Sure, since she's a
member of the group now.
153
00:06:54,131 --> 00:06:55,875
Come on, come on.
We'd all love to hear you.
154
00:06:55,899 --> 00:06:57,377
What'll you sing?
What do you know?
155
00:06:57,401 --> 00:06:58,711
Let's see what we've got.
156
00:06:58,735 --> 00:07:00,213
You know "Una Voce Poca Fa"?
157
00:07:00,237 --> 00:07:01,814
Of course you do. All right now.
158
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:08,342
♪ Una voce poc... ♪
159
00:07:08,411 --> 00:07:09,472
I have to go home now.
160
00:07:09,496 --> 00:07:10,776
What's the matter?
161
00:07:10,813 --> 00:07:12,280
Jackie, where are you going?
162
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,548
I'm sorry.
163
00:07:13,616 --> 00:07:15,961
You know I can't sing
in front of strangers.
164
00:07:15,985 --> 00:07:18,285
Oh, honey, I wouldn't call
these people strangers.
165
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:21,372
Strange maybe,
but not strangers.
166
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,408
Anyway, I'd like
to hear you sing.
167
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,226
Belt one out for me, will ya?
168
00:07:25,295 --> 00:07:28,680
If you want me to, I'll
give it a try. Good girl.
169
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:30,548
Come on.
170
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,217
You'll munch quietly
while she's singing.
171
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:41,726
♪ Una voce poca fa ♪
172
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:46,031
♪ Qui nel cor mi risuonò ♪
173
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:51,919
♪ Il mio cor ferito è già ♪
174
00:07:51,988 --> 00:07:59,861
♪ E lindor fu che il piagò ♪
175
00:07:59,930 --> 00:08:07,930
♪ Sì... lindoro mio sarà ♪
176
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:24,386
♪ Lo... giurai ♪
177
00:08:24,454 --> 00:08:30,141
♪ La vincerò ♪
178
00:08:30,209 --> 00:08:38,209
♪ Sì, lindoro mio sarà ♪
179
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:44,456
♪ Lo... ♪: I'm gonna
make her a big star.
180
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,636
I wonder how she'll thank me.
181
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:49,861
♪ Giurai ♪ Maybe
she'll give you a lint brush.
182
00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:57,929
♪ Sì, la vincerò. ♪
183
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,320
Bravo!
184
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:06,904
Bravo!
185
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:18,940
Thank you, Murray.
186
00:09:19,009 --> 00:09:20,441
It's okay, Felix.
187
00:09:20,510 --> 00:09:22,376
Oh!
188
00:09:22,445 --> 00:09:24,023
Will we rehearse again?
189
00:09:24,047 --> 00:09:25,680
What's the use?
190
00:09:25,748 --> 00:09:27,293
The whole thing was a disaster.
191
00:09:28,618 --> 00:09:30,663
How could Jackie
spend the whole rehearsal
192
00:09:30,687 --> 00:09:33,087
in the ladies' room?
193
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:35,334
Poor girl was scared to death.
194
00:09:35,358 --> 00:09:38,459
People aren't gonna pay
three dollars and 50 cents
195
00:09:38,528 --> 00:09:41,062
to hear Carmen in a bathroom,
196
00:09:41,131 --> 00:09:44,265
even though the acoustics
are very good in there.
197
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,512
She sang so great
here the other night.
198
00:09:46,536 --> 00:09:48,402
I know it, I know. I just...
199
00:09:48,471 --> 00:09:50,805
I can't figure it out.
200
00:09:50,874 --> 00:09:54,909
Felix, try to think
like a detective.
201
00:09:54,978 --> 00:09:58,313
Now, I'm trained in
deductive reasoning.
202
00:09:58,381 --> 00:10:01,582
First we re-create a scene.
203
00:10:01,651 --> 00:10:03,584
Jackie sang here
204
00:10:03,653 --> 00:10:05,686
the other night and
stood right here,
205
00:10:05,755 --> 00:10:08,857
looked at Oscar right there,
206
00:10:08,925 --> 00:10:12,427
and never turned away.
207
00:10:12,495 --> 00:10:14,895
Ergo, we can assume
208
00:10:14,964 --> 00:10:17,932
that she can only
sing into a kitchen.
209
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,804
You know, I
don't think that's it.
210
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:25,568
But it fits. Hmm.
211
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,592
That's why she
stayed in the bathroom.
212
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,143
She likes porcelain.
213
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:34,481
Ah. Or maybe she
can only sing to Oscar.
214
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:37,636
Well, that's another theory.
215
00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:39,770
Maybe I should put
Oscar in the opera.
216
00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:41,189
It might work.
217
00:10:41,258 --> 00:10:43,341
How do I get Oscar in the opera?
218
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:45,376
I'll appeal to his
artistic sense.
219
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:48,112
I'll appeal to his sense of
humanity to help Jackie.
220
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,681
I'll appeal to our
years of friendship.
221
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:53,685
And if that doesn't work,
I'll lend him the $600.
222
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:56,454
That'll do it.
223
00:10:59,775 --> 00:11:02,471
Now, I got to teach you
your part. What part?
224
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,963
Oh, I thought I was just
here for Jackie to sing to.
225
00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:07,009
Yeah, but you have to
have a reason to be on stage.
226
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,177
You have a part.
227
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:09,345
You don't have to sing.
228
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:10,495
You speak two lines.
229
00:11:10,519 --> 00:11:11,799
I'm lending you $600.
230
00:11:11,854 --> 00:11:13,187
That's $300 a line.
231
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,150
See, your part's underlined.
232
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:18,058
See what it says...
"1820 in Seville."
233
00:11:18,127 --> 00:11:19,689
Oh, you play a Spanish captain.
234
00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:21,223
Hi, Jackie. Hi.
235
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:22,375
Hi. Jackie came.
236
00:11:22,399 --> 00:11:23,942
She volunteered to
rehearse with you.
237
00:11:23,966 --> 00:11:25,244
Oh, hi, honey. Hi.
238
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:26,945
Hey, I'm the captain.
Look out. Okay.
239
00:11:26,969 --> 00:11:28,847
Now, captain comes
in, he sees the corporal...
240
00:11:28,871 --> 00:11:31,639
That's me, Don José...
And he-he finds him
241
00:11:31,708 --> 00:11:33,185
talking with Carmen. Right.
242
00:11:33,209 --> 00:11:35,053
So, you go over
there, you come in.
243
00:11:35,077 --> 00:11:36,277
Right. Okay.
244
00:11:38,348 --> 00:11:39,530
What are you doing?
245
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:40,726
Coming in like you told me.
246
00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:42,128
Is that the way you
come in like a captain?
247
00:11:42,152 --> 00:11:44,029
Is that the way a captain walks?
248
00:11:44,053 --> 00:11:45,465
I don't know how
a captain walks.
249
00:11:45,489 --> 00:11:47,733
Spanish captain
swaggering, braggadocio.
250
00:11:47,757 --> 00:11:49,724
He see the corporal. Aha!
251
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,226
And then he walks in.
252
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:53,378
He puts his hand on his hip.
253
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:54,579
Aha. Like that.
254
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:55,813
Hello, Corporal.
255
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,783
You know, give it
the... Yeah. Come on.
256
00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:00,317
Aha!
257
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,787
Aha!
258
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:04,600
Now, put your hand on your hip.
259
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:05,723
Not like that.
260
00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:07,670
You... You look
like a, you know...
261
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:08,838
That's it. That's it.
262
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:10,506
And you say, "Well, Corporal!"
263
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,463
Well, Corporal.
264
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:15,149
I'm the corporal. She's...
265
00:12:16,602 --> 00:12:18,531
You say, "Mademoiselle
Carmencita."
266
00:12:18,555 --> 00:12:20,266
Mademoiselle Carmencita.
267
00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:21,617
And then she answers you.
268
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:24,843
♪ Tra la la la la la la ♪
269
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:27,946
♪ Coupe moi, brûle
moi, je ne te dirai rien! ♪
270
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:28,947
Very nice.
271
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:30,681
I like your singing.
It's very good.
272
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:33,351
But when it comes to
acting, we're in my ballpark.
273
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,286
You can trust me, trust my face.
274
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:38,823
Ah, Carmen is not a
shy, sweet girl like you.
275
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:39,973
She's an animal.
276
00:12:40,042 --> 00:12:41,359
She's sensual.
277
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,161
She moves.
278
00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:46,714
When she sees something
she wants, she grabs it!
279
00:12:46,783 --> 00:12:51,085
Come on, and... ♪
Tra la la la la la la ♪
280
00:12:51,154 --> 00:12:54,605
♪ Coupe moi, brûle
moi, je ne te dirai... ♪
281
00:13:04,467 --> 00:13:06,034
I have a headache.
282
00:13:06,102 --> 00:13:08,252
I have to get some aspirin.
283
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:10,238
Huh?
284
00:13:10,306 --> 00:13:13,124
What do you think of our
shy Miss Hartman now?
285
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,809
Wow!
286
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,845
What a kiss!
287
00:13:17,913 --> 00:13:20,281
She broke my pencil.
288
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,575
Any messages for me?
289
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:34,211
Yeah, an angel food
cake from Jackie.
290
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,546
You want some?
291
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:39,316
No, I can't, I'm on a
diet... a low-fat diet.
292
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:42,820
I'm trying to lose
some of this... low fat.
293
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:43,821
That's terrific.
294
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:44,838
I don't like chocolate, though.
295
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,357
I know, I told her that.
296
00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:48,270
You know, she's brought
me something every day
297
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:50,561
for four weeks now since
we went into rehearsal?
298
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:52,797
Well, you know what they say.
299
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:55,233
"Nothing spells lovin' like
something from the oven."
300
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:57,985
What are you talking about?
301
00:13:58,054 --> 00:14:00,989
Well, you've been seeing a
lot of her these last four weeks.
302
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:02,356
Dinners, rehearsals.
303
00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:03,535
Well, after rehearsal
, we're hungry.
304
00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:05,559
She knows all the good
places to eat, so we go.
305
00:14:05,629 --> 00:14:06,694
What is that?
306
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:09,274
Well, that's not
what the gossip says.
307
00:14:09,298 --> 00:14:10,910
Do you know the
secretaries have a pool
308
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:12,544
as to where you'll go
on your honeymoon?
309
00:14:12,568 --> 00:14:14,113
Honeymoon? Mm-hmm.
310
00:14:14,137 --> 00:14:16,904
I stand to make $12 if you
take her to Coney Island.
311
00:14:16,973 --> 00:14:18,372
Think about it.
312
00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:20,008
Is that all you
girls have to do...
313
00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:21,687
Sit around and gossip
and do things like that?
314
00:14:21,711 --> 00:14:23,077
Yeah.
315
00:14:23,146 --> 00:14:26,264
Has Phyllis heard any of these
rumors about Jackie and me?
316
00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:27,431
I don't think so.
317
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,911
I think she's on a
different grapevine.
318
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:30,446
See, we meet at the
water cooler on this fl...
319
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,336
That's it, I don't want
to hear it, all right?
320
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:33,645
Jackie just makes me some cake.
321
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:35,172
That's all there is to it.
322
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:38,042
We'll see what happens.
323
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,576
Uh-oh.
324
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,813
Hi, honey.
325
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,097
Hi.
326
00:14:43,165 --> 00:14:46,167
Aw... Isn't it time
you went home?
327
00:14:46,236 --> 00:14:47,312
The day's over. Good night.
328
00:14:47,336 --> 00:14:48,953
Good night, Mr. M.
329
00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:50,266
Good night, Phyllis.
330
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:53,424
Good night.
331
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:54,770
What's the matter, honey?
332
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:57,695
Oscar, I was just at the
water cooler on this floor and...
333
00:14:57,763 --> 00:15:00,342
Aw, come on, now, you're not
going to believe that gossip, are you?
334
00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:01,910
I mean, there's nothing to it.
335
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,329
Tomorrow we have the
performance, and it's all over.
336
00:15:04,353 --> 00:15:05,680
Are you sure? Honest.
337
00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:07,349
Would I lie to you, sweetheart?
338
00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:08,483
Come on.
339
00:15:08,507 --> 00:15:10,074
Okay.
340
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,453
How come you're
not rehearsing tonight?
341
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:13,105
They're having a
technical rehearsal.
342
00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:14,940
See, we're free, honey, come on.
343
00:15:14,964 --> 00:15:17,598
Okay.
344
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,417
Mm...
345
00:15:21,971 --> 00:15:24,138
Okay, I guess I trust you.
346
00:15:24,206 --> 00:15:26,140
Thanks.
347
00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:32,841
What are you doing? Cut it out.
348
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:34,231
Did you have a
good time tonight?
349
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:35,544
Oh, Phyllis and I had a ball.
350
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:37,248
Went to the hockey
game and everything. Oh!
351
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:39,815
You'll never guess
who dropped by.
352
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:40,771
Who?
353
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:41,922
Jackie.
354
00:15:41,991 --> 00:15:43,991
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
She was very upset.
355
00:15:44,059 --> 00:15:45,325
What's the matter?
356
00:15:45,395 --> 00:15:48,078
Well, she caught you
kissing Phyllis in the office.
357
00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:49,096
So?
358
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:52,099
Well... don't you understand?
359
00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:53,695
Jackie is crazy about you.
360
00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:55,236
Myrna said the same thing.
361
00:15:55,304 --> 00:15:56,504
Now, that's silly.
362
00:15:56,573 --> 00:15:58,000
We're just good
friends. She doesn't think
363
00:15:58,024 --> 00:15:59,523
you're good friends.
364
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:00,925
She was very hurt.
365
00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:03,239
She was so upset, she didn't
want to sing tomorrow night.
366
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,506
Because of me? Yes.
367
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:05,813
That's a misunderstanding.
368
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:06,925
Well, don't worry about it.
369
00:16:06,949 --> 00:16:08,394
I was able to straighten
the whole thing out.
370
00:16:08,418 --> 00:16:10,217
Oh, good. Thanks, buddy.
371
00:16:10,286 --> 00:16:12,498
Little Felix had to
do some fast thinking.
372
00:16:12,522 --> 00:16:14,522
Yeah? What'd you tell her?
373
00:16:14,590 --> 00:16:17,625
Wait till you hear
the genius of it.
374
00:16:17,693 --> 00:16:19,794
I told Jackie you're
going to marry her.
375
00:16:23,299 --> 00:16:25,733
It's good, huh?
376
00:16:25,802 --> 00:16:26,879
You're upset.
377
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:30,704
Well, I admit I may
have gone too far.
378
00:16:30,773 --> 00:16:33,173
I left you an out.
379
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:37,445
I also told her that you
only had two months to live.
380
00:16:37,513 --> 00:16:38,579
But I covered everything.
381
00:16:38,648 --> 00:16:40,013
I told her Phyllis
was your nurse.
382
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,359
You know why Phyllis
was kissing you?
383
00:16:41,383 --> 00:16:42,862
She was thanking you
for willing your body
384
00:16:42,886 --> 00:16:44,452
to her medical school.
385
00:16:44,521 --> 00:16:45,961
You see, that
way, I lent credibility
386
00:16:45,988 --> 00:16:47,321
to the whole thing.
387
00:16:47,390 --> 00:16:48,601
Jackie's back in her office now
388
00:16:48,625 --> 00:16:49,835
typing out three
weeks of columns
389
00:16:49,859 --> 00:16:51,499
so she'll have time
off for the honeymoon.
390
00:17:04,807 --> 00:17:06,740
Hi, Jackie. Oh, Oscar.
391
00:17:06,809 --> 00:17:08,609
What are you doing
here? How do you feel?
392
00:17:08,677 --> 00:17:10,189
Oh, I feel fine, I'm fine.
393
00:17:10,213 --> 00:17:12,079
Oh, I-I was just doing
some things around here.
394
00:17:12,148 --> 00:17:14,148
I wanted it to be nice
when you came in.
395
00:17:14,217 --> 00:17:15,749
Looks terrific.
396
00:17:15,818 --> 00:17:18,419
Jackie, I'd like to talk
to you for a second.
397
00:17:18,488 --> 00:17:19,498
Sit down, will you, honey?
398
00:17:19,522 --> 00:17:20,921
Felix already told me.
399
00:17:20,990 --> 00:17:23,550
Yeah, that's what I
want to talk to you about.
400
00:17:25,094 --> 00:17:27,794
Jackie, I...
401
00:17:27,863 --> 00:17:30,531
I got some good news
and I got some bad news.
402
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:31,732
Oh?
403
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:35,903
The good news is,
I'm not going to die.
404
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:39,106
Oh, that's wonderful.
405
00:17:39,174 --> 00:17:40,352
What's the bad news?
406
00:17:40,376 --> 00:17:43,628
I'm not going to die.
407
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:49,433
I don't understand.
408
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:52,185
Well, Jackie, see,
Felix was so excited
409
00:17:52,254 --> 00:17:53,654
about your success
410
00:17:53,723 --> 00:17:56,089
and the start of a new
career and everything...
411
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:57,725
We all were, we all are...
412
00:17:57,793 --> 00:18:01,312
And he got a
little carried away.
413
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:03,130
How far away?
414
00:18:03,199 --> 00:18:05,616
Fantasyland.
415
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:08,919
See, Jackie, I mean,
416
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:11,155
I never knew how
you felt about me.
417
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:12,984
I mean, I'm very
flattered, but...
418
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:15,509
right now I'm kind
of tied up with Phyllis.
419
00:18:15,578 --> 00:18:17,695
Do you mean Felix
made up everything?
420
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,563
Why?
421
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,932
Well, he was so excited
about your career,
422
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:23,917
and also he's a lunatic and...
423
00:18:23,986 --> 00:18:27,221
Look, honey, I know
you're hurt, and listen,
424
00:18:27,289 --> 00:18:29,891
if Felix and I hadn't tried
to take you out of your shell,
425
00:18:29,959 --> 00:18:31,470
you would never
have gotten hurt.
426
00:18:31,494 --> 00:18:32,705
I mean, you could have stayed
427
00:18:32,729 --> 00:18:34,406
in your safe little
cubicle down there,
428
00:18:34,430 --> 00:18:35,841
and none of this
would have happened.
429
00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:36,814
That's right.
430
00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:39,500
Yeah, but, hey, Jackie,
431
00:18:39,568 --> 00:18:42,136
it could get very
lonely in that cubicle.
432
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:44,683
Sometimes you got to take
a chance on getting hurt.
433
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:47,308
I mean, you got to if you
want to have a little fun.
434
00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,654
Jackie, you got
such a great gift.
435
00:18:49,678 --> 00:18:51,812
You got to share it.
436
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:54,382
I can't do it without you.
437
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:55,694
That's a cop-out, Jackie.
438
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:57,251
It is a cop-out.
439
00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:58,430
I mean, y-you're looking
440
00:18:58,454 --> 00:18:59,865
for somebody to
give you confidence.
441
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,767
I can't do that, nobody can.
442
00:19:01,791 --> 00:19:03,319
You got to find it yourself.
443
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:04,520
I can't. Sure you can.
444
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:06,087
No. Who are you
going to be hurting
445
00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:07,323
if you don't do the opera?
446
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:08,724
You know, you're not
going to be hurting me,
447
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:12,683
you're going to be hurting you!
448
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:15,386
Felix is the one who's
got two months to live.
449
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,724
I can't hold the
curtain any longer.
450
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,359
I may have to call
off the performance.
451
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:22,360
Okay.
452
00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:23,468
What do you mean, "Okay"?!
453
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,740
I don't want to call
off the performance.
454
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:25,929
I want to give a performance.
455
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,876
But you can't do
Carmen without Carmen.
456
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,032
Hey, Felix,
457
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,629
maybe I'll get my
uke and get out there
458
00:19:30,653 --> 00:19:32,213
and I'll do my Hawaiian
bit. You know...
459
00:19:34,290 --> 00:19:35,439
Stop it, stop that!
460
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:37,641
Where is she?
461
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:38,909
She didn't show up, huh?
462
00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:41,122
Would I be standing here
with this expression on my face
463
00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:42,479
if she showed up?
464
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:44,259
I don't know what to do.
We've got a sold-out house.
465
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:46,934
We've got influential people out
there, my aunt from Cleveland.
466
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,886
Maybe she'll still come.
467
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:50,399
Think, think, what'll I do?
468
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:51,355
I know.
469
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:52,356
I'll do Carmen myself.
470
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:53,635
I know the part, I can do it.
471
00:19:53,659 --> 00:19:55,120
Felix, you're going
crazy. I know it.
472
00:19:55,144 --> 00:19:57,210
I know it, I'm going crazy.
473
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,512
I can't do Carmen.
474
00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:00,114
Mr. Felscher can do Carmen.
475
00:20:00,182 --> 00:20:01,192
The costume will fit him.
476
00:20:01,216 --> 00:20:02,816
Felscher, put on lipstick.
477
00:20:02,885 --> 00:20:03,817
Here she comes.
478
00:20:03,886 --> 00:20:05,819
Felscher, don't be a nut.
479
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,606
I knew you'd come.
480
00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:11,241
I needed time to
think things over.
481
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:12,242
You were absolutely right.
482
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:13,343
There's no reason
483
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,379
why I shouldn't have
confidence in myself.
484
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:16,448
I bake a good cake.
485
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:17,610
You sure do.
486
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,144
Let's go! Oscar, get
into your costume.
487
00:20:19,168 --> 00:20:21,936
Don't rush me.
488
00:20:22,005 --> 00:20:24,005
First, we'll go over a
few things with the pianist.
489
00:20:24,073 --> 00:20:25,006
I already did.
490
00:20:25,074 --> 00:20:26,986
Now we'll do it right. Oh.
491
00:20:27,010 --> 00:20:29,776
And we'll use my walk. Okay.
492
00:20:29,846 --> 00:20:32,830
And... one more thing, Skinny.
493
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:36,800
If ever you go "thump, thump,
thump" in my face again,
494
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:39,119
I'll give you a fat lip.
495
00:20:51,216 --> 00:20:55,569
♪ L'amour est un
oiseau rebelle ♪
496
00:20:55,637 --> 00:21:00,041
♪ Que nul ne peut apprivoiser ♪
497
00:21:00,109 --> 00:21:04,111
♪ Et c'est bien en
vain qu'on l'appelle ♪
498
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:08,649
♪ S'il lui convient de refuser ♪
499
00:21:08,718 --> 00:21:12,987
♪ Rien n'y fait,
menace ou prière ♪
500
00:21:13,056 --> 00:21:17,424
♪ L'un parle bien,
l'autre se tait ♪
501
00:21:17,493 --> 00:21:21,829
♪ Et c'est l'autre
que je préfère ♪
502
00:21:21,898 --> 00:21:23,330
♪ Il n'a rien ♪
503
00:21:23,399 --> 00:21:29,019
♪ Dit mais il me plaît ♪
504
00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:33,056
♪ L'amour... ♪
505
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:37,194
♪ L'amour ♪
506
00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:41,565
♪ L'amour... ♪
507
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,467
♪ L'amour ♪
508
00:21:43,536 --> 00:21:47,521
♪ L'amour est enfant de Bohème ♪
509
00:21:47,590 --> 00:21:52,209
♪ Il n'a jamais,
jamais connu de loi ♪
510
00:21:52,278 --> 00:21:57,181
♪ Si tu ne m'aimes
pas, je t'aime ♪
511
00:21:57,250 --> 00:22:01,619
♪ Si je t'aime,
prends garde à toi ♪
512
00:22:02,889 --> 00:22:05,939
♪ Si tu ne m'aimes pas ♪
513
00:22:06,008 --> 00:22:08,186
♪ Si tu ne m'aimes pas ♪
514
00:22:08,210 --> 00:22:11,011
♪ Je t'aime ♪
515
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,215
♪ Mais si je t'aime ♪
516
00:22:14,283 --> 00:22:20,020
♪ Si je t'aime... ♪
517
00:22:20,089 --> 00:22:25,892
♪ Prends garde... ♪
518
00:22:25,961 --> 00:22:30,998
♪ À toi... ♪
519
00:22:31,066 --> 00:22:33,801
♪ Si tu ne m'aimes pas ♪
520
00:22:33,869 --> 00:22:36,070
♪ Si tu ne m'aimes pas ♪
521
00:22:36,138 --> 00:22:39,506
♪ Je t'aime ♪
522
00:22:39,575 --> 00:22:42,242
♪ Mais si je t'aime ♪
523
00:22:42,311 --> 00:22:46,246
♪ Si je t'aime... ♪
524
00:22:46,315 --> 00:22:50,084
♪ Prends garde... ♪
525
00:22:50,152 --> 00:22:52,102
♪ À toi. ♪
526
00:23:00,579 --> 00:23:03,247
Ah, Jackie, what can I say?
527
00:23:03,315 --> 00:23:05,148
You saved our performance.
528
00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:06,394
What can I do for you?
529
00:23:06,418 --> 00:23:08,163
You know the best thing
you can do for Jackie?
530
00:23:08,187 --> 00:23:09,954
Nothing!
531
00:23:10,022 --> 00:23:11,588
You know what you can do for me?
532
00:23:11,657 --> 00:23:13,974
Honey, sing a song in
which I understand the words.
533
00:23:14,043 --> 00:23:15,892
Oh, sure.
534
00:23:22,151 --> 00:23:26,086
♪ People... ♪
535
00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:31,675
♪ People who need people... ♪
536
00:23:31,744 --> 00:23:36,647
♪ They're the luckiest people ♪
537
00:23:36,715 --> 00:23:41,451
♪ In the world ♪
538
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:45,489
♪ With one person ♪
539
00:23:45,557 --> 00:23:49,994
♪ One very special person ♪
540
00:23:50,062 --> 00:23:54,097
♪ A feeling deep in your soul ♪
541
00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:56,449
♪ Says you were half ♪
542
00:23:56,518 --> 00:23:59,519
♪ Now you're whole ♪
543
00:23:59,588 --> 00:24:04,508
♪ No more hunger and thirst ♪
544
00:24:04,576 --> 00:24:07,377
♪ But first be a person ♪
545
00:24:07,446 --> 00:24:12,182
♪ Who needs people ♪
546
00:24:12,251 --> 00:24:15,052
♪ People ♪
547
00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:20,724
♪ Who need people... ♪
548
00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:25,362
♪ Are the luckiest ♪
549
00:24:25,431 --> 00:24:28,765
♪ People ♪
550
00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:31,135
♪ In... ♪
551
00:24:31,204 --> 00:24:35,239
♪ The... ♪
552
00:24:35,308 --> 00:24:43,130
♪ World. ♪
39026
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