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1
00:00:14,814 --> 00:00:16,148
Oscar?
2
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:20,786
I want to talk to you.
3
00:00:23,623 --> 00:00:26,183
Wh-Which lump are you?
4
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:30,245
Ohhh.
5
00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:31,780
Have you been sleepwalking?
6
00:00:31,816 --> 00:00:34,449
Where would I go in
the middle of the night?
7
00:00:34,484 --> 00:00:35,951
What's the matter?
8
00:00:35,986 --> 00:00:39,688
I don't know... There...
there's strange noises.
9
00:00:39,723 --> 00:00:43,024
I hear moaning and groaning.
10
00:00:43,059 --> 00:00:46,561
And then I heard loud footsteps.
11
00:00:46,597 --> 00:00:49,631
Then something like
a... a ticking sound.
12
00:00:49,666 --> 00:00:51,249
What could it be?
13
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,434
Fat mice with pocket watches?
14
00:00:54,705 --> 00:00:57,339
Come on, Oscar.
What do you think it is?
15
00:00:57,374 --> 00:00:58,651
I don't know.
Maybe it's a ghost.
16
00:00:58,675 --> 00:01:00,337
There's no such
thing as ghosts...
17
00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:05,597
There are strange
things going on at night.
18
00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:07,633
Put out the light
and you won't see it.
19
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,630
I know it.
20
00:01:20,197 --> 00:01:23,331
There must be some
logical explanation.
21
00:01:28,138 --> 00:01:29,103
Oscar!
22
00:01:29,139 --> 00:01:30,639
Huh?!
23
00:01:32,543 --> 00:01:35,276
Did you feel a... a
slight earthquake?
24
00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:36,361
No.
25
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:38,813
Did you loosen the
picture over the fireplace?
26
00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:39,781
No.
27
00:01:39,816 --> 00:01:41,917
Then we've got a ghost!
28
00:01:43,086 --> 00:01:45,921
Well, tell him to keep it
down. I'm trying to sleep.
29
00:02:20,424 --> 00:02:23,358
♪ ♪
30
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,442
♪ ♪
31
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,857
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
32
00:03:18,898 --> 00:03:21,227
The paint doesn't
quite match, does it?
33
00:03:21,251 --> 00:03:24,653
Well, you're gonna put the
picture back up, aren't you?
34
00:03:24,688 --> 00:03:28,323
Well, yes, but...
Then who'll know?
35
00:03:28,358 --> 00:03:30,558
Well, I'll know.
36
00:03:30,594 --> 00:03:32,093
But don't tell anybody.
37
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:37,749
It's a very, very peculiar
thing about that picture...
38
00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:40,285
falling off the wall in the
middle of the night last night.
39
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,786
Well, things happen.
40
00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:44,184
You know this is an
old building, you know.
41
00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:49,878
Old plaster, old ceiling,
old walls, old floors... old!
42
00:03:49,913 --> 00:03:51,746
You've been here a
long time, haven't you?
43
00:03:51,781 --> 00:03:52,959
I'm also old.
44
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:56,551
In the time you've been
the superintendent here,
45
00:03:56,586 --> 00:04:01,423
have the tenants ever complained
about... noises in the night?
46
00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:02,357
What kind?
47
00:04:02,393 --> 00:04:04,526
It's very difficult to explain.
48
00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:12,561
Sort of like...
49
00:04:12,870 --> 00:04:16,204
Not since they closed the
Mexican restaurant downstairs.
50
00:04:19,376 --> 00:04:21,443
Who was the former
tenant in this apartment?
51
00:04:21,478 --> 00:04:23,044
Well, Irving Cohan.
52
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,562
A strange guy.
53
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,564
A retired postman.
54
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,079
Never went anywheres,
never saw anybody.
55
00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:30,468
Come down in the morning,
56
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,582
get his mail and
throw it in the garbage.
57
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,574
Would you know why he moved?
58
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,991
Yes. Death.
59
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:40,428
You wouldn't happen to know the
reasons for his death, would you?
60
00:04:40,463 --> 00:04:43,414
No. There are two
things I learned on this job.
61
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:47,269
Never ask any questions,
and be here Christmas Day.
62
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,465
Well, I gotta be
going, Mr. Unger.
63
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:51,723
See you at Christmas.
64
00:04:56,947 --> 00:04:59,447
Ee-ow, boy!
65
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,266
What, are you still jumpy?
66
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,286
The paint doesn't match.
67
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,471
We've got a problem.
68
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,373
What kind of problem?
69
00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:11,376
Things that go
bump in the night.
70
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:13,406
Pictures falling off walls...
71
00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:16,147
Felix, I think your new nasal
spray's making you hallucinate.
72
00:05:19,103 --> 00:05:21,336
Ever since I played
Hamlet, junior high,
73
00:05:21,371 --> 00:05:23,105
I've been fascinated by ghosts.
74
00:05:23,140 --> 00:05:28,409
Also I haven't been able to
make a simple decision, but that's...
75
00:05:28,445 --> 00:05:33,115
Oscar... does the name
76
00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:35,183
Irving Cohan ring a bell?
77
00:05:35,219 --> 00:05:36,250
In Hamlet?
78
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,137
Let me see...
79
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,889
"Alas, poor Irving, I
knew..." No, it doesn't...
80
00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:44,059
How did you get this apartment?
81
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:46,156
Like everybody in New
York got their apartment.
82
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,963
How, precisely?
83
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,348
Precisely by looking
in the obituary columns
84
00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:52,651
to see who died in a
good neighborhood,
85
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,606
then rushing around and
grabbing their apartment.
86
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,789
And yet you've never
heard of Irving Cohan?
87
00:05:57,824 --> 00:05:58,790
Oh, that Irving...
88
00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:00,870
The guy who died so I
could get the apartment.
89
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:01,859
I remember... Aha.
90
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:02,861
What "aha"? What?
91
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:03,862
Don't you see?
92
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:04,863
What?
93
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:06,031
He's come back.
94
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,032
Why?
95
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,466
For his deposit?
96
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:13,438
Irving the postman is our ghost.
97
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:15,217
I can feel it.
98
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:17,542
He's come back for something.
99
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:21,763
Oscar... when you
moved in here...
100
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:24,766
was there anything... anything
at all... in the apartment?
101
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:26,668
No...!
102
00:06:26,703 --> 00:06:28,352
Nothing!
103
00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:29,554
Come on!
104
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,473
Was there a box? A crate?
105
00:06:31,508 --> 00:06:32,874
Old clothes?
106
00:06:32,909 --> 00:06:35,155
Felix, there was nothing in
here except the air conditioner.
107
00:06:35,179 --> 00:06:37,111
The air conditioner!
108
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,881
I've always sensed
something strange
109
00:06:39,916 --> 00:06:42,028
about this air conditioner.
110
00:06:42,052 --> 00:06:44,902
If Irving's come back,
this is where he is.
111
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:47,072
Let's put it on exhaust
and blow him out.
112
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,485
You're not taking this
seriously, are you...?
113
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:50,675
Of course, I'm not. What...?
114
00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:51,921
We've got a legitimate problem.
115
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,511
We've got to tackle it
116
00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,758
logically, rationally,
scientifically.
117
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:57,215
How you gonna do that?
118
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,867
I'm going to hold a seance.
119
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:01,620
You gonna bring in a Gypsy
lady, a lot of people sit around
120
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,405
the table and make
it go up and down?
121
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:06,023
I'm not gonna
bring in some phony.
122
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,103
I'll do it myself.
123
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,392
Well, count me out.
124
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,339
You're not gonna be here
for my seance? Of course not.
125
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:12,875
But suppose I contact Irving
and he wants to ask for you?
126
00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:14,298
Take a message.
127
00:07:28,932 --> 00:07:33,317
Om...
128
00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:37,705
Om...
129
00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:43,294
Om... Boy! This is spooky.
130
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,174
Yeah, look at all this stuff.
131
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,076
Om... That's a real skull!
132
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,849
I'm scared.
133
00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,118
I wonder how he died.
134
00:07:50,153 --> 00:07:51,163
Ommm...
135
00:07:51,187 --> 00:07:53,587
Probably from that
candle stuck in his head.
136
00:07:55,625 --> 00:08:00,694
Oh, spirit of the
great unknown...
137
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:04,498
move into our magic circle.
138
00:08:04,534 --> 00:08:06,434
And sign in, please.
139
00:08:07,670 --> 00:08:10,204
This won't work unless
we're all very serious.
140
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:15,609
Now... repeat after me... Om...
141
00:08:15,645 --> 00:08:17,656
Om... Om... Om...
142
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:18,646
Ah...
143
00:08:18,681 --> 00:08:20,159
Ah... Ah... Ah...
144
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,030
Don't repeat
that. That's just...
145
00:08:24,054 --> 00:08:25,264
The incense went up my nose.
146
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:29,890
Now, everybody hold
hands and close your eyes.
147
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,960
It's very important that
you keep your eyes closed.
148
00:08:31,995 --> 00:08:33,394
Hmm...
149
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:37,265
Hmm... Hmm... Hmm...
150
00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:40,401
Oh, spirits of other worlds,
151
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:43,671
grace us with your presence...
152
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:50,544
Oh, somewhere out
in the great unknown...
153
00:08:50,580 --> 00:08:53,848
we know there's a spirit
named Irving Cohan.
154
00:08:53,883 --> 00:08:56,050
Hey, Felix, that rhymes.
155
00:08:58,188 --> 00:09:01,589
Oh, multitudinous
spirits of the infinite...
156
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:04,392
we wish to communicate...
157
00:09:04,427 --> 00:09:06,995
I think it got
through, Mr. Unger.
158
00:09:13,937 --> 00:09:14,937
Look at this.
159
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:19,975
Looks like an
orgy in a lifeboat.
160
00:09:20,010 --> 00:09:21,209
Oh... Oscar!
161
00:09:21,244 --> 00:09:23,156
You're just in time, Mr. M.
162
00:09:23,180 --> 00:09:24,757
Yeah, Oscar, we're
having a seance.
163
00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:26,348
Oh, he's not
interested in a seance.
164
00:09:26,383 --> 00:09:27,782
That's true, that is true.
165
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,662
May we please continue
in peace?! In a minute.
166
00:09:29,686 --> 00:09:31,631
You got your spirits;
let me get my spirits.
167
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:34,022
Don't you want to get in
touch with another world?
168
00:09:34,057 --> 00:09:35,934
Yeah, and these are
gonna help me, baby.
169
00:09:35,958 --> 00:09:39,961
All right, now everybody hold
hands and moan and sway.
170
00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:42,998
This time try to
moan... not in harmony.
171
00:09:48,605 --> 00:09:52,107
We are gathered
in this magic circle
172
00:09:52,142 --> 00:09:56,644
to make contact
with the spirits...
173
00:09:56,680 --> 00:10:02,283
Oh, Spirits, make
your presence known.
174
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:05,598
Is something supposed
to happen now?
175
00:10:05,622 --> 00:10:07,600
Yeah, there's supposed
to be a clanging
176
00:10:07,624 --> 00:10:09,034
or tapping, right, Mr. Unger?
177
00:10:09,058 --> 00:10:11,992
Yes. One tap for
"yes", two taps for "no."
178
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,795
Spirit, are you here?
179
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:22,787
"No"?
180
00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:24,662
A-Are you sure you got
your instructions right?
181
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:28,325
"Yes."
182
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,661
Then you're not here.
183
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:31,824
That-That means...
are you someplace else?
184
00:10:32,949 --> 00:10:34,827
The great beyond?
185
00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:38,331
He's reading us
loud and clear, Felix!
186
00:10:38,355 --> 00:10:40,532
It's getting spooky.
187
00:10:42,025 --> 00:10:45,159
Oh, spirit... spirit!
188
00:10:45,195 --> 00:10:47,528
We hear your footsteps.
189
00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:48,757
Irving!
190
00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:52,317
Irving Cohan, we
feel your closeness.
191
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:55,031
He's coming closer,
he's coming closer.
192
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:56,382
He's here! He's here!
193
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,583
We feel your closeness.
194
00:10:57,607 --> 00:10:59,307
Keep your eyes
closed or he'll go away.
195
00:10:59,342 --> 00:11:00,641
I want him to go away.
196
00:11:00,677 --> 00:11:04,045
Oh, Irving, Irving, do you
have a message for us?
197
00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:06,147
Yes, a chain letter.
198
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:16,757
That just about does
it, Mr. Practical Joker!
199
00:11:16,793 --> 00:11:18,910
Aw, come on. I was
just having a little fun.
200
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:22,463
Fun?! You think it's fun to
shatter a solemn ceremony?
201
00:11:22,498 --> 00:11:24,415
Felix, what solemn ceremony?
202
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:25,633
You always go too far.
203
00:11:25,669 --> 00:11:27,680
Now, come on, let this
be the end of the ghost...
204
00:11:27,704 --> 00:11:30,015
No! It's not the end of the ghost,
'cause I know there are ghosts.
205
00:11:30,039 --> 00:11:31,172
I just know it!
206
00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:33,875
What's that?
207
00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:36,388
It sounded like a scream.
208
00:11:36,412 --> 00:11:37,878
S-Somebody do something!
209
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:40,648
Oh, it's just Oscar
fooling around.
210
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,336
Oh, I think it's
Myrna! Oh, Myrna!
211
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:46,738
I got the ghost.
212
00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:47,783
I'm bringing it right out.
213
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:48,851
What?
214
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,057
Here.
215
00:11:50,092 --> 00:11:51,058
Oh!
216
00:11:51,094 --> 00:11:52,410
From the great beyond.
217
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:53,806
It's a pigeon.
218
00:11:53,830 --> 00:11:55,095
It was behind the radiator.
219
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,697
Must have got stuck in the vent.
220
00:11:56,732 --> 00:11:58,432
Oh, the poor pigeon.
221
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:02,308
Means I'll be up all night
cleaning behind the radiator.
222
00:12:03,706 --> 00:12:06,541
Poor little thing, it must
be scared out of its wits.
223
00:12:06,576 --> 00:12:08,554
Must have been back
there for days. Three days.
224
00:12:08,578 --> 00:12:10,818
That's how long you've been
hearing ghosts, right, Felix?
225
00:12:10,847 --> 00:12:12,529
Three days? Right.
226
00:12:14,284 --> 00:12:16,784
What are we gonna
do about the ghost?
227
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:19,337
If nobody wants the
pigeon, I'll take him.
228
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:23,173
There's a lot of statues
in my neighborhood.
229
00:12:23,209 --> 00:12:25,443
Good night, Felix.
You coming up later?
230
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:26,488
I don't know.
231
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:28,374
Well, let me know
when you decide.
232
00:12:28,398 --> 00:12:31,399
One tap for "yes,"
two taps for "no."
233
00:12:32,435 --> 00:12:33,401
Bye!
234
00:12:33,436 --> 00:12:34,436
Bye-bye.
235
00:12:34,470 --> 00:12:36,103
Eh, good night, guys.
236
00:12:36,139 --> 00:12:38,684
I had a real swell time, Oscar.
237
00:12:38,708 --> 00:12:39,708
Felix...
238
00:12:40,810 --> 00:12:42,409
Boogey, boogey, boogey!
239
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,217
I'm sorry, Oscar. I...
240
00:12:50,253 --> 00:12:52,770
Don't be sorry. Forget it.
241
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:54,705
I feel so foolish.
242
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:57,641
I should have known there
was a logical explanation.
243
00:12:57,677 --> 00:12:59,143
That's it. Everybody
makes mistakes.
244
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,956
You just make more
than most people, that's all.
245
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,540
Oh, boy, I sure do.
246
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,796
Ghosts in the air conditioner.
247
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,135
Want some pizza?
248
00:13:08,170 --> 00:13:10,505
No, no. I'll just...
249
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:12,840
clean up the wax on the table.
250
00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:14,875
Here's to no more ghosts.
251
00:13:14,911 --> 00:13:17,294
No more ghosts.
252
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:46,557
Mr. Unger and Mr. Madison
to see Dr. Clove.
253
00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:48,392
We have an appointment.
254
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,036
Will you tell
Dr. Clove we're here?
255
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:00,738
He knows.
256
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:10,464
If I see an operating
table I'm gettin' outta here.
257
00:14:12,235 --> 00:14:14,213
This stuff is
just all for effect.
258
00:14:14,237 --> 00:14:15,503
Well, it's having its effect.
259
00:14:15,538 --> 00:14:17,871
It's giving me the creeps.
260
00:14:17,907 --> 00:14:19,656
Felix, I saw this movie.
261
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,337
See, our car's supposed
to have broken down,
262
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,643
we came here to use the phone.
263
00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:33,387
Good evening.
264
00:14:33,423 --> 00:14:35,834
Dr. Clove, I'm...
I'm Felix Unger.
265
00:14:35,858 --> 00:14:37,136
This is Oscar Madison.
266
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,720
He knows.
267
00:14:43,566 --> 00:14:45,433
Thank you, Mort.
268
00:14:48,604 --> 00:14:50,588
Is this a potion?
269
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:54,675
Not unless Italian Swiss
Colony makes a potion.
270
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,230
To the unknown.
271
00:15:02,719 --> 00:15:04,697
Now...
272
00:15:04,721 --> 00:15:08,839
what may I do for you gentlemen?
273
00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:13,044
Doctor, um... I'm
sure you'll understand.
274
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,129
We believe we have a ghost.
275
00:15:19,235 --> 00:15:21,663
A ghost! That's a good one!
276
00:15:23,439 --> 00:15:25,873
Mr. Unger...
277
00:15:25,909 --> 00:15:28,192
There are no such
things as ghosts.
278
00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:29,727
Right.
279
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:33,064
Spirits, yes, but ghosts...
280
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:36,000
You have a spirit, Mr. Unger.
281
00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:37,679
Ghosts, indeed!
What do you think?
282
00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:40,337
They run around wearing
white sheets over their heads
283
00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:42,718
with little black
cutouts for eyes?
284
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:46,010
Don't worry. Sit down.
You came to the right place.
285
00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:50,915
I... can... help you
contact your spirit.
286
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,311
Oh, no, no, we don't want to
contact him. We want to get rid of him.
287
00:15:53,335 --> 00:15:55,569
You got something
against spirits?
288
00:15:55,605 --> 00:15:57,955
No. It's just that our
apartment is so small
289
00:15:57,990 --> 00:15:59,840
it's hardly big enough
for the two of us.
290
00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:01,308
I know that.
291
00:16:01,343 --> 00:16:04,211
I know... all things.
292
00:16:04,247 --> 00:16:06,146
When can you help us?
293
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:08,449
I don't know. I'd better
look at the calendar.
294
00:16:08,484 --> 00:16:11,051
Let's see... Uh...
295
00:16:11,087 --> 00:16:15,356
tomorrow I got
Weight Watchers, uh...
296
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:18,792
Wednesday I slap a
hex on the landlord.
297
00:16:18,828 --> 00:16:20,761
That'll be bad all day...
298
00:16:20,796 --> 00:16:22,329
Friday I got a blind date
299
00:16:22,365 --> 00:16:24,259
with...
300
00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:26,250
No... I think...
301
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:29,153
I can do it tonight,
302
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:33,340
but I will have to charge
you for a house call.
303
00:16:33,375 --> 00:16:37,779
Oh, Dr. Clove... exactly
what kind of doctor are you?
304
00:16:37,814 --> 00:16:40,398
I'm an orthodontist.
305
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:45,953
But I gave all
that up years ago.
306
00:16:45,989 --> 00:16:50,190
Ah, this is my real
love... the occult.
307
00:16:50,225 --> 00:16:52,610
You like all this spooky stuff?
308
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:56,113
It beats cleaning bubble
gum out of braces.
309
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:59,700
Y-You think you can help us?
310
00:16:59,735 --> 00:17:03,003
I have never failed.
311
00:17:03,038 --> 00:17:07,742
If there is indeed an
unfriendly spirit in your home,
312
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:10,127
I know what must be done.
313
00:17:10,162 --> 00:17:13,597
An exorcism.
314
00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:14,632
You're kiddin'!
315
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:17,367
Uh-uh.
316
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:20,805
I will expel the spirit tonight.
317
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:24,441
I'll arrive five
minutes before 12:00.
318
00:17:24,476 --> 00:17:26,772
If I ascertain the
presence of a spirit,
319
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:29,163
we will proceed
with the exorcism.
320
00:17:29,199 --> 00:17:32,066
You will have
prepared for my arrival...
321
00:17:32,101 --> 00:17:35,002
Bay leaves, a clove garlic,
322
00:17:35,038 --> 00:17:37,555
incense and half a chicken.
323
00:17:39,042 --> 00:17:40,658
Half a chicken?
324
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:44,795
Yeah. Sometimes around
midnight I get a little hungry.
325
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:47,131
And now, gentlemen,
326
00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:50,968
here's an old favorite of mine.
327
00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,938
And I hope it's one of yours.
328
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,139
Ha!
329
00:18:12,942 --> 00:18:14,141
Ha!
330
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:16,476
Ha!
331
00:18:17,747 --> 00:18:18,879
Ha!
332
00:18:20,883 --> 00:18:21,883
Ha!
333
00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:24,852
Ha!
334
00:18:24,887 --> 00:18:26,220
Ha!
335
00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:28,606
You notice anything?
336
00:18:29,826 --> 00:18:32,009
You going to make
some ready quip?
337
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:33,561
Oh, yeah.
338
00:18:33,596 --> 00:18:35,596
You look like the
Count of Monte Hall.
339
00:18:36,965 --> 00:18:38,131
That's very funny.
340
00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:39,800
This is for the exorcism.
341
00:18:39,836 --> 00:18:41,480
Dr. Clove didn't tell
you to dress like that.
342
00:18:41,504 --> 00:18:43,248
But I've been doing
some research on my own.
343
00:18:43,272 --> 00:18:44,238
This-This is authentic.
344
00:18:44,274 --> 00:18:45,701
This is real garlic.
Aw, come on.
345
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:47,369
That's the real thing.
346
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:49,204
Look, I didn't get this
in some schlock shop.
347
00:18:49,228 --> 00:18:50,339
Great!
348
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:53,597
Igor will answer the door.
349
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,283
Please, please... Good evening.
350
00:18:56,318 --> 00:18:57,852
Where's the chicken?
351
00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:58,964
Come on in.
352
00:19:02,424 --> 00:19:04,075
That's authentic.
353
00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:09,447
Oh!
354
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,882
Pardon me, Mr. Unger.
355
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,785
How a man dresses in
the privacy of his home
356
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,253
is his... his own business.
357
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:18,622
I'm only laughing
'cause you look funny.
358
00:19:20,643 --> 00:19:22,793
This is for the exorcism.
359
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:26,497
Uh... Mr. Unger,
that costume is used
360
00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:29,266
only for cases of
demonic possession
361
00:19:29,301 --> 00:19:31,079
and sometimes
for trick or treat,
362
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:32,670
but it doesn't work here.
363
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:38,726
Now... Where is the spook?
364
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,227
Aye?
365
00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:42,741
We strongly suspect
the air conditioner.
366
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:44,515
Uh-huh.
367
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:46,178
Oscar found it here
when he moved in.
368
00:19:46,202 --> 00:19:48,569
I know. I know all things!
369
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:49,704
Yes...
370
00:19:49,739 --> 00:19:52,506
There does seem
to be something here.
371
00:19:52,541 --> 00:19:53,908
Ohh!
372
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:57,778
Yes, I'm picking up
particularly strong vibrations.
373
00:19:57,814 --> 00:19:58,779
The spirit?
374
00:19:58,815 --> 00:19:59,780
Possibly.
375
00:19:59,816 --> 00:20:00,781
You think so?
376
00:20:00,816 --> 00:20:02,378
Oh, come on! If the spirit came
377
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:04,746
with the air conditioner, why
was it quiet all these years?
378
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:06,854
We never heard moans
or groans or anything.
379
00:20:06,889 --> 00:20:09,623
That's not very difficult
to explain, is it, Dr. Clove?
380
00:20:09,658 --> 00:20:11,391
Yes, it is.
381
00:20:11,426 --> 00:20:16,930
But the important thing
is to put that soul to rest.
382
00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:18,910
Then you recommend an exorcism?
383
00:20:18,934 --> 00:20:22,003
Oh, I don't see any other way.
384
00:20:22,038 --> 00:20:26,457
And I can do it
for you... for $500.
385
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:28,259
$500?!
386
00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:29,974
The air conditioner
doesn't cost that much!
387
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,425
W-Would you excuse
us for a minute?
388
00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:35,583
Just... What?
389
00:20:35,618 --> 00:20:37,000
Are you crazy?
390
00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:39,715
It's a lot of money, isn't
it? You bet your life it is.
391
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,984
What choice have we got,
though? We got thousands of ch...
392
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:44,152
I can think of three
right off the bat. What?
393
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:45,810
First, get a new
air conditioner.
394
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:48,829
Second, get rid of him
and third, you can move out.
395
00:20:48,864 --> 00:20:53,417
Uh... fellows, look...
I was born with
396
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:55,920
six sharp senses, huh?
397
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:59,389
So I can perceive your dilemma.
398
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:00,958
You're cheap people.
399
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,443
Right?
400
00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:03,444
No, we just...
401
00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:05,812
we just don't have
that kind of money.
402
00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:08,882
I-I've done a little research
in exorcism myself...
403
00:21:08,918 --> 00:21:11,919
I... I think I... I
could handle it.
404
00:21:11,954 --> 00:21:15,890
We have an old saying
in the spirit game:
405
00:21:15,925 --> 00:21:19,309
"What you don't know
can hurt you a whole lot."
406
00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:26,433
I... I think we'll just
take our chances.
407
00:21:26,468 --> 00:21:29,403
Eh... very well.
408
00:21:29,438 --> 00:21:32,740
But look, at least you two
got six dollars between you.
409
00:21:32,775 --> 00:21:36,510
We're not spending a
nickel on anything but beer.
410
00:21:36,546 --> 00:21:38,145
Hmm...
411
00:21:38,180 --> 00:21:40,247
What-What miracle do
you perform for six dollars?
412
00:21:40,282 --> 00:21:41,248
Aha!
413
00:21:41,283 --> 00:21:45,185
I hand you my book.
414
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:47,504
"How to Exorcise At Home."
415
00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:49,490
Huh? Six bucks.
416
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:55,279
Thank you, Mr. Unger.
417
00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:57,048
At least now with the book,
418
00:21:57,083 --> 00:22:00,685
you have a chance
to do something right.
419
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:04,054
Farewell, Mr. Unger.
420
00:22:04,089 --> 00:22:06,656
So long, Sport!
421
00:22:17,904 --> 00:22:19,715
Oscar! Look!
422
00:22:19,739 --> 00:22:21,199
Look! Ah!
423
00:22:21,223 --> 00:22:23,235
But the instant the doctor
left, the spirit was angered.
424
00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:24,557
Come on, let's exorcise it.
425
00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:26,604
Come on. Come on. We'll
use the book. Come on.
426
00:22:26,628 --> 00:22:28,473
Felix, I'm not gonna sit
around all night and talk
427
00:22:28,497 --> 00:22:30,341
to an air conditioner. Oh,
come on. Help me, please.
428
00:22:30,365 --> 00:22:32,210
No, I'm not gonna
do... All right for you!
429
00:22:32,234 --> 00:22:33,533
I'll do it all by myself.
430
00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:38,255
Now, it says here:
431
00:22:38,290 --> 00:22:41,025
"Chant to it in a
high, nasal voice."
432
00:22:50,636 --> 00:22:52,302
Don't stop now, Felix.
433
00:22:52,338 --> 00:22:54,905
A snake is comin'
out of the cookie jar.
434
00:22:57,710 --> 00:22:59,777
Try the garlic. Try the garlic.
435
00:22:59,812 --> 00:23:01,545
Oh, please...
436
00:23:01,580 --> 00:23:04,915
I'll drive you away
with this sprig of garlic.
437
00:23:04,950 --> 00:23:06,400
You're gonna drive me away.
438
00:23:06,435 --> 00:23:07,663
You're smelling
up the whole room.
439
00:23:07,687 --> 00:23:09,453
Go home.
440
00:23:09,488 --> 00:23:11,455
Go back where you came from.
441
00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:14,391
Leave... at once!
442
00:23:14,426 --> 00:23:17,862
This is your last chance.
443
00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:19,596
Come on, Irv!
444
00:23:21,366 --> 00:23:23,177
Aw, come on Oscar,
help me, please.
445
00:23:23,201 --> 00:23:24,401
How can I help you?
446
00:23:24,437 --> 00:23:26,281
From the book.
Fo... use the book.
447
00:23:26,305 --> 00:23:27,671
Oh, all right, I'll try.
448
00:23:27,706 --> 00:23:28,850
It's good. It's good.
449
00:23:28,874 --> 00:23:29,840
You see?
450
00:23:29,875 --> 00:23:32,910
Yeah...
451
00:23:32,945 --> 00:23:34,244
Get out! Get out! Get out!
452
00:23:36,715 --> 00:23:38,827
You did it! You did it!
453
00:23:38,851 --> 00:23:39,861
The spirit's gone.
454
00:23:39,885 --> 00:23:41,797
The spirit left the
air conditioner.
455
00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:43,987
No, the spring left
the air conditioner.
456
00:23:44,022 --> 00:23:45,066
No, no, no, no!
457
00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:47,001
You just won't admit
the occult truth, will you?
458
00:23:47,025 --> 00:23:49,438
Now, you're as big a
believer as I am, aren't you?
459
00:23:49,462 --> 00:23:50,922
You believe that after
you see the spring?
460
00:23:50,946 --> 00:23:51,912
Well, of course.
461
00:23:51,947 --> 00:23:53,324
The evidence of your own senses.
462
00:23:53,348 --> 00:23:55,343
Didn't you see what happened?
463
00:23:55,367 --> 00:23:58,368
Maybe you're right, maybe I
got something... Why, of course.
464
00:23:58,404 --> 00:24:00,048
Hey, Felix, look at this. What?
465
00:24:00,072 --> 00:24:04,241
It says once the spirit is gone, to
keep it away you gotta do this chant.
466
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:05,521
Oh... Yeah, let's do it, okay?
467
00:24:05,545 --> 00:24:07,472
Well... I'll do it.
468
00:24:07,496 --> 00:24:09,107
Do it together, all right? Yeah.
469
00:24:09,131 --> 00:24:10,097
Oh wah.
470
00:24:10,132 --> 00:24:11,143
Oh wah.
471
00:24:11,167 --> 00:24:12,310
Ta goo. Ta goo.
472
00:24:12,334 --> 00:24:13,334
Siam.
473
00:24:13,369 --> 00:24:14,351
Siam.
474
00:24:14,386 --> 00:24:15,352
Keep doing it.
475
00:24:15,387 --> 00:24:18,155
Oh wah ta goo Siam.
476
00:24:18,190 --> 00:24:19,389
Put it closer together.
477
00:24:19,425 --> 00:24:20,569
Oh wah ta goo Siam.
478
00:24:20,593 --> 00:24:21,875
Faster, faster!
479
00:24:21,911 --> 00:24:25,295
Oh wah ta goo Si... Oh,
come on. We did that at camp!
480
00:24:32,404 --> 00:24:33,615
What are you smiling about?
481
00:24:33,639 --> 00:24:35,973
Hmm... Just...
482
00:24:36,008 --> 00:24:39,743
events of this evening
had me thinking.
483
00:24:39,779 --> 00:24:44,080
You ever wonder what
it's like on the other side?
484
00:24:44,116 --> 00:24:47,267
The last bye 'n' bye...
485
00:24:49,604 --> 00:24:52,739
Last foxtrot!
486
00:24:52,774 --> 00:24:55,409
You know what I
think it'll be like?
487
00:24:55,444 --> 00:24:56,977
It'll be very clean.
488
00:24:59,598 --> 00:25:01,898
It'll be like a fine hotel
489
00:25:01,933 --> 00:25:04,468
where the linen is
changed every day.
490
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:07,837
And every night
I'll go to the opera.
491
00:25:07,873 --> 00:25:09,990
It'll be conducted by Toscanini,
492
00:25:10,025 --> 00:25:13,193
and Caruso will be singing.
493
00:25:13,228 --> 00:25:15,345
Why are you smiling?
494
00:25:16,415 --> 00:25:18,415
I pictured heaven
exactly that way.
495
00:25:18,450 --> 00:25:19,450
Hmm.
496
00:25:20,653 --> 00:25:21,768
Except without you.
497
00:25:23,422 --> 00:25:25,572
The devil made me do it.
34285
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