Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,069 --> 00:00:04,736
Is this Olaf's Diner?
2
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:08,307
Is Oscar Madison
having lunch there?
3
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:11,643
Well, if he comes in, would
you tell him that his secretary
4
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:14,446
is waiting at his
apartment for his column?
5
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,315
Thank you.
6
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:19,151
Myrna Turner.
7
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,786
Yeah, you sound cute, too, Olaf.
8
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,355
Bye.
9
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:25,268
Did you locate
your prodigal boss?
10
00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:26,292
Not yet.
11
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,859
I tried every place he eats at:
12
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:31,497
The April Fool
Taco, Edible Eddie's.
13
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:34,299
Did you try his
new gourmet spot...
14
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:37,669
Hesh and Heidi's Nautical Nosh?
15
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,271
Not there either.
16
00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:41,051
I found some marvelous
old photographs
17
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:42,486
I want to show you. Of what?
18
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,476
You as a baby on a bearskin rug?
19
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,292
I never posed on a bearskin rug.
20
00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:52,017
I was always
allergic to animals.
21
00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:53,685
Even stuffed ones.
22
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:55,854
What did you curl
up in your crib with?
23
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:59,724
A sponge.
24
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,193
There's me as a baby.
25
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:03,962
Oh, you sure had chubby cheeks.
26
00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:05,130
Who's the man with you?
27
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:06,497
That's my Uncle Eric.
28
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:09,126
He had six fingers
on his right hand.
29
00:01:11,956 --> 00:01:14,516
I used to love to watch
him wave bye-bye.
30
00:01:17,862 --> 00:01:19,806
Oh, this is a nice one. Yeah.
31
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,008
That's Oscar and
Blanche's wedding picture.
32
00:01:22,032 --> 00:01:23,615
I don't understand.
33
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,184
I see you in an army uniform
34
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,751
and Mrs. Madison
in a wedding dress,
35
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,120
but I don't see Mr. Madison.
36
00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:30,805
Oh, Oscar wasn't there.
37
00:02:03,673 --> 00:02:06,608
♪ ♪
38
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:40,675
♪ ♪
39
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:55,741
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
40
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,148
You mean, Mr. Madison
wasn't at his own wedding?
41
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:04,994
Well, he was there
for a little while.
42
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,062
Didn't he ever
tell you about it?
43
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:08,053
No. Tell me.
44
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:10,922
I love to hear the inside
stuff on Mr. Madison.
45
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:14,593
'Cause all I ever see on the
outside are ketchup stains.
46
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:17,729
Well, it all started when
we were in the army reserve.
47
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,565
We were just getting
ready to go away
48
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,233
for our annual two
weeks of summer camp.
49
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,218
In those days,
Oscar was a bachelor
50
00:03:23,287 --> 00:03:25,887
and Blanche was
trying to talk him out of it.
51
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:28,690
So she came over
to the apartment.
52
00:03:28,758 --> 00:03:30,625
Don't forget to check
my mail, Blanche.
53
00:03:30,694 --> 00:03:33,039
I'll forward anything
that looks important.
54
00:03:33,063 --> 00:03:36,832
What did you say the name
of your bookie was again?
55
00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:38,766
I'm going to miss
your jokes, Blanche.
56
00:03:38,836 --> 00:03:40,479
Don't forget, don't touch
anything in the apartment.
57
00:03:40,503 --> 00:03:43,004
Everything is in
it's proper place.
58
00:03:43,073 --> 00:03:45,106
And you'll come every
night you'll feed the fish.
59
00:03:45,175 --> 00:03:47,809
Are you sure there's
something still alive in there?
60
00:03:47,878 --> 00:03:49,644
That tank is filthy.
61
00:03:49,713 --> 00:03:51,112
Food disappears every day.
62
00:03:51,181 --> 00:03:52,780
There must be
something under there.
63
00:03:52,850 --> 00:03:54,460
I'm going to clean
it while you're gone.
64
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,251
Why? The fish love it.
65
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,098
Instead of knocking
themselves out swimming,
66
00:03:58,122 --> 00:03:59,554
they just hang there.
67
00:03:59,622 --> 00:04:02,975
If it gets any thicker, they're
going to have to learn to walk.
68
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,959
I'm gonna miss you, Oscar.
69
00:04:08,983 --> 00:04:10,248
I'm gonna miss you, too, honey.
70
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:12,228
Do you know how
long we've been dating?
71
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,936
Three Kentucky Derbys.
72
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,139
That's three years.
73
00:04:17,207 --> 00:04:19,302
When a couple dates three years,
74
00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:21,287
do you know what it means?
They can't get other dates.
75
00:04:21,311 --> 00:04:22,811
Aw...!
76
00:04:22,879 --> 00:04:24,256
I know what it means.
We're going steady.
77
00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:25,525
Honey, if I don't
finish packing,
78
00:04:25,549 --> 00:04:26,715
I'm gonna be in trouble.
79
00:04:26,783 --> 00:04:28,249
Felix is going to
be here any minute.
80
00:04:28,318 --> 00:04:29,784
He's gonna drive me to camp.
81
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:31,853
Hope I have enough...
82
00:04:31,921 --> 00:04:34,488
Oscar... Yes.
83
00:04:34,557 --> 00:04:36,274
Do you love me?
84
00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:38,226
Of course, I love you.
85
00:04:38,294 --> 00:04:40,679
If I didn't love you, I woulda
dumped you years ago.
86
00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:42,981
You're so romantic.
87
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,884
Your silver tongue just
brought a tear to my eye.
88
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,318
I know what you mean, honey.
89
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:49,332
Two people love each other,
they go together three years,
90
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:51,138
it usually follows
they get married, right?
91
00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:54,292
Right. I'd better
meet Felix downstairs.
92
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:55,660
Halt!
93
00:04:55,728 --> 00:04:57,378
Honey, I promise,
94
00:04:57,447 --> 00:04:59,358
the two weeks I'm
away, I'll think about it.
95
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,249
You've said that lots of times.
96
00:05:01,317 --> 00:05:03,852
I can't promise you I'm
always going to be here.
97
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,398
Come on, honey,
you'll always be here.
98
00:05:06,422 --> 00:05:08,123
I'm always here.
99
00:05:09,359 --> 00:05:11,599
Probably Felix.
100
00:05:13,931 --> 00:05:15,130
Hi, Felix.
101
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:22,403
Wow, Felix...
102
00:05:22,472 --> 00:05:24,183
Lieutenant Unger,
Private Madison.
103
00:05:24,207 --> 00:05:25,284
Time to ship out.
104
00:05:25,308 --> 00:05:26,808
Boy, you look great.
105
00:05:26,877 --> 00:05:29,327
Little blood and guts.
106
00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,662
Hi, Felix.
107
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,447
Blanche...!
108
00:05:32,515 --> 00:05:35,233
I didn't know you were here.
109
00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:37,569
Am I interrupting anything?
110
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:40,171
No, just a proposal.
111
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,508
Oscar, you old... oh,
112
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:46,194
it couldn't happen
to two nicer people.
113
00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:50,264
No, no, I proposed to Oscar
and he turned me down.
114
00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:51,766
Better mind my own beeswax.
115
00:05:51,835 --> 00:05:53,046
That's a good idea.
116
00:05:53,070 --> 00:05:55,336
Off we go, it's 0900 hours.
117
00:05:55,405 --> 00:05:58,006
That's army talk, Blanche. Oh.
118
00:05:58,075 --> 00:05:59,075
Let's go, Madison.
119
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:00,319
Hold your horses.
120
00:06:00,343 --> 00:06:01,509
Hold your horses?
121
00:06:01,578 --> 00:06:03,277
Look at these, buster.
122
00:06:03,346 --> 00:06:05,062
You're talking to
an officer, soldier.
123
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:06,943
Sorry, sir. I beg
your pardon, sir.
124
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,549
Oscar, when we get to camp,
125
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,229
I've got to treat you
just like everybody else,
126
00:06:10,253 --> 00:06:11,397
do you understand?
I understand that.
127
00:06:11,421 --> 00:06:12,899
Now, a friend of
mine's driving us there,
128
00:06:12,923 --> 00:06:14,088
Corporal Murray Greshler.
129
00:06:14,157 --> 00:06:16,591
He's a cop, he's
a very nice guy.
130
00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:17,660
When you meet him,
131
00:06:17,727 --> 00:06:19,243
don't say anything
about his nose.
132
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,728
Okay.
133
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,997
Let's go. Bye.
134
00:06:23,066 --> 00:06:25,033
Oh, honey.
135
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:30,021
Something about a soldier
saying good-bye to his girl.
136
00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:36,577
Come on, soldier, roll the dice.
137
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:38,046
Seven come eleven.
138
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,289
Hey, Madison, old buddy,
139
00:06:48,358 --> 00:06:49,502
will you change my sawbuck?
140
00:06:49,526 --> 00:06:50,708
Sure will.
141
00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:52,821
Boy, it's like Monte
Carlo in that latrine.
142
00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:54,329
Yeah, it's a fun latrine.
143
00:06:54,398 --> 00:06:56,325
Hey, thanks for bringing
all the equipment, babe.
144
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:57,627
You sure you don't want to play?
145
00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,261
Naw, I gotta write
this letter to my girl.
146
00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:02,103
Hey, the rumor is that you
know Blanche Summers
147
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,605
from Kew Gardens. Is that true?
148
00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:04,772
Yeah, you know her?
149
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:06,274
Oh, yes, sirree, Bob.
150
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,810
She was engaged to
my buddy Cecil Panche.
151
00:07:08,879 --> 00:07:12,613
This guy Cecil Panche, was
he really gonna marry her?
152
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,216
Yeah. Yeah.
153
00:07:14,284 --> 00:07:15,316
Hey, hey! Hey!
154
00:07:15,385 --> 00:07:16,835
MP! MP!
155
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,386
No, no, it's just Murray.
156
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:22,190
Hi, Oscar.
157
00:07:22,259 --> 00:07:23,903
Hey, what should we do tonight?
158
00:07:23,927 --> 00:07:25,326
I don't know. Nothing, I guess.
159
00:07:25,395 --> 00:07:27,473
Oh. Listen, the
medics are showing
160
00:07:27,497 --> 00:07:28,847
those hygiene films again.
161
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:30,393
You wanna go? What for?
162
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:31,577
I know how to brush my teeth.
163
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:32,896
Not back and forth, up and down.
164
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:36,254
No, it's the sex hygiene one.
165
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:38,924
You know, "Men, don't
let this happen to you."
166
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:42,521
Nothing's gonna happen to me,
167
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:43,862
'cause I'm gonna
stay in tonight.
168
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:45,909
Aw, come on, let's do something.
169
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,867
Hey, let's go into town
and dance up a storm.
170
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:51,719
The Eagles Club is having
a big Charleston contest.
171
00:07:51,788 --> 00:07:54,973
You know... ♪
Da, da, da, da... ♪
172
00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,254
Murray... I'll take every
prize they got, Oscar.
173
00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:00,011
Look, Murray, I'd
rather be alone, okay?
174
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,846
Oh. Anything wrong?
175
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:03,943
No, it's just that somebody's
dancing in front of me
176
00:08:03,967 --> 00:08:05,261
while I'm trying to
think and write a letter.
177
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:07,530
Okay, okay. Don't be so touchy.
178
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:11,088
I mean, camaraderie is part
of being in the army, Oscar.
179
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,458
If you don't want to
comarade with me, that's okay.
180
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:14,793
Don't worry about it.
181
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,821
Listen, I'll just
take a rain check.
182
00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:20,215
Lieutenant's coming!
183
00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:29,457
Ten hut!
184
00:08:29,525 --> 00:08:30,805
At ease, men.
185
00:08:33,230 --> 00:08:35,696
This is for your orientation.
186
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:38,566
Men, we're a
special services unit.
187
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:48,009
We're not artillery,
infantry or tankers.
188
00:08:48,077 --> 00:08:49,077
We're entertainers.
189
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,361
Our weapons
190
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:52,580
are mirth, merriment and music.
191
00:08:52,649 --> 00:08:55,567
While you're here
at Fort Ira Epstein,
192
00:08:55,635 --> 00:09:01,573
you will be required to think,
dress and behave like soldiers.
193
00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:04,141
If any one of you
wants to test my mettle,
194
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:07,428
you'll find that I'm a rock.
195
00:09:07,497 --> 00:09:10,481
On the other hand, if
you have a problem,
196
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:13,184
I hope you'll think
of me as a buddy.
197
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:15,620
'Cause I also have a heart.
198
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:19,925
I'm known as the
rock with a heart.
199
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,476
Any questions?
200
00:09:21,545 --> 00:09:23,228
Do we get weekend passes, sir?
201
00:09:23,297 --> 00:09:24,412
Affirmative.
202
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,564
If you pass inspection tomorrow.
203
00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:31,318
And I expect every man in
my outfit to pass inspection.
204
00:09:31,387 --> 00:09:32,865
Fortunately, we
have in our midst
205
00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:36,157
the perfect example
of what not to do.
206
00:09:36,226 --> 00:09:39,426
Step forward, soldier.
207
00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:40,795
Me, sir?
208
00:09:40,864 --> 00:09:42,944
Unless your feet are
stuck in the debris.
209
00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:48,553
Look at this soldier.
210
00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:51,222
In any other army in the
world, he'd be shot on sight.
211
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:57,695
Did you bring your
bunk from home?
212
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:01,649
Uniform of the day is fatigues,
Madison, not exhaustion.
213
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:05,904
Is that cap regulation?
214
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:07,672
For the New York
Yankees it is, sir.
215
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:11,676
Don't encourage him,
men. Don't encourage him.
216
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,756
But if you really want to laugh,
217
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,381
let's look at his foot locker.
218
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:19,010
Open your locker, Madison.
219
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:29,213
It's not a foot locker,
it's a delicatessen.
220
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,228
Our objective, men,
221
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:34,999
is to pull this man through
inspection tomorrow.
222
00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:39,120
Because a good
soldier is a clean soldier,
223
00:10:39,188 --> 00:10:43,024
and a clean soldier
is a good soldier,
224
00:10:43,093 --> 00:10:46,294
and a good, clean
soldier is good.
225
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,450
Dismissed.
226
00:10:57,340 --> 00:10:58,439
How was I?
227
00:11:02,779 --> 00:11:03,822
What's the matter with Madison?
228
00:11:03,846 --> 00:11:05,258
He didn't take this
personally, did he?
229
00:11:05,282 --> 00:11:06,847
I was just using
him as an example.
230
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:07,927
Oh, I don't think so.
231
00:11:07,951 --> 00:11:09,650
He's been kind of glum.
232
00:11:09,719 --> 00:11:13,088
I think his trouble's
back H-O-M-E.
233
00:11:13,156 --> 00:11:14,922
Home. Ah.
234
00:11:14,991 --> 00:11:17,192
Well, I'll have to look into it.
235
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:18,993
How's your morale, Greshler?
236
00:11:19,062 --> 00:11:21,228
Comme si, comme ca, sir.
237
00:11:21,297 --> 00:11:24,749
Fellas making fun of your nose?
238
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,217
Saying "why do
we need artillery,
239
00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:29,053
we've got Greshler's nose."
240
00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:32,490
"The army can't find
a gas mask to fit him."
241
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:35,593
"When he looks up, it
looks like a two-car garage."
242
00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:38,222
I've never heard
that one before, sir.
243
00:11:38,247 --> 00:11:40,614
I've heard it.
244
00:11:40,683 --> 00:11:42,033
They're saying that, Greshler.
245
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,419
What do you have on your arm?
246
00:11:44,488 --> 00:11:45,853
Military police.
247
00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:47,755
And you wear it with pride.
248
00:11:47,824 --> 00:11:50,125
Wear your nose with pride.
249
00:11:50,193 --> 00:11:51,826
You were issued it.
250
00:11:51,894 --> 00:11:54,095
Push back your cap and
let the world see your nose.
251
00:11:54,164 --> 00:11:55,164
Dismissed.
252
00:11:55,198 --> 00:11:56,478
Thank you, sir.
253
00:12:05,775 --> 00:12:08,476
Hiya, doughboy.
254
00:12:08,545 --> 00:12:10,745
Got any problems?
255
00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,347
Oh, forget the bars. Come on.
256
00:12:12,415 --> 00:12:14,249
This is... let's
you and me talk.
257
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:15,350
That's an order.
258
00:12:15,418 --> 00:12:17,318
It's Blanche.
259
00:12:17,387 --> 00:12:19,787
The girls we leave behind.
260
00:12:19,856 --> 00:12:21,550
Felix, I called her
when we got here.
261
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:22,585
She was having a party.
262
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,086
There were a lot of guys there.
263
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:26,055
See, she's a terrific girl.
I don't want to lose her.
264
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,896
What does your heart say?
265
00:12:27,964 --> 00:12:31,165
My heart says marry her, but
I can't get my mouth to say it.
266
00:12:31,234 --> 00:12:35,719
Well, I, myself, am shy,
but I think I can help you.
267
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,099
No, Felix. Thanks.
268
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,901
But this time, I
gotta do it myself.
269
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,936
You know what I'm gonna
do? I'm going to call her. Aw...
270
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,271
Yeah, I'm going to tell
her to come here tomorrow
271
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:43,338
and I'm going to marry her.
272
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:44,295
That's what I'm going to do.
273
00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:45,663
I didn't say "dismissed"!
274
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:46,898
You're not dismissed
275
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,444
till I say you're dismissed.
276
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,769
I'm going to let it
go this time, but...
277
00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:58,788
Here you go, Operator.
278
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,456
Give me a clear
connection, will you?
279
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,013
The main thing is,
be calm. Be calm.
280
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:04,916
This is the most
important decision
281
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:06,651
you'll ever make in your life.
282
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,453
If you make a mistake now,
283
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,438
you're going to pay
for it as long as you live.
284
00:13:11,942 --> 00:13:13,920
Felix, do me a favor, will you?
285
00:13:13,944 --> 00:13:15,376
Don't calm me down.
286
00:13:15,445 --> 00:13:17,339
Hello, Blanche. How are you?
287
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:20,447
Huh? Oscar. I can
hardly hear you.
288
00:13:20,516 --> 00:13:23,751
What are you doing?
Having another party?
289
00:13:23,819 --> 00:13:25,779
Who's there? Cecil
Panche is there?
290
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,617
Keep calm. Another
party with Cecil Panche.
291
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,741
State your case now.
Be calm. Be romantic.
292
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:35,713
I wanna... What I wanna... I
wanna... You... Blanche, I...
293
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:40,818
Blanche, I want...
294
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,139
I want... I want...
295
00:13:45,207 --> 00:13:46,641
I want to have time to think.
296
00:13:46,709 --> 00:13:48,487
Here. You talk to her
while I find the right words.
297
00:13:48,511 --> 00:13:50,378
Go ahead. Hi, Blanche.
298
00:13:50,447 --> 00:13:52,563
Lieutenant Unger here.
299
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,576
Yes. Oh, everything's
wonderful, Blanche.
300
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,233
Yeah. Just fine.
301
00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:58,180
Why should I lie
to you, Blanche?
302
00:13:58,204 --> 00:13:59,771
It's a snake pit.
303
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,239
The men hate me,
Blanche. I'm a rotten officer.
304
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:05,910
I don't have any leadership
qualities. I never did.
305
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,790
Even as a kid, I
wasn't a leader.
306
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:09,246
They made me crosswalk monitor.
307
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:10,459
I was supposed
to show the parents
308
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:11,949
where to park their cars.
309
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,496
The parents used to stick
out their hands for a left turn,
310
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,546
and hit me behind the ear.
311
00:14:14,570 --> 00:14:16,554
I found the right words.
Give me the phone.
312
00:14:16,622 --> 00:14:17,850
Same thing in high school.
313
00:14:17,874 --> 00:14:19,085
I was president of
the German Club.
314
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:20,541
Nobody would listen to me.
315
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,788
If you can't get Germans
to follow orders, who will?
316
00:14:22,812 --> 00:14:24,595
Give me the phone, will ya?
317
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:25,975
I don't want to
lose the right words.
318
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:27,576
Of course the men salute
me, but do they love me?
319
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,184
Give me the phone!
Hello, Blanche. This is...
320
00:14:30,252 --> 00:14:31,564
Operator, what do you
mean, my time is up?
321
00:14:31,588 --> 00:14:33,666
I just started talking! I
don't have any more.
322
00:14:33,690 --> 00:14:35,551
Give me some change. I
gave you all my change.
323
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,453
How do you know?
Check! I don't have to check.
324
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:38,521
I know every item on my person.
325
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:39,755
I have my comb, I
have my wallet, I have...
326
00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,529
Listen, Blanche. Blanche?
327
00:14:41,597 --> 00:14:44,432
Operator, please,
it'll only take a second!
328
00:14:44,501 --> 00:14:45,699
No. Don't cut me off.
329
00:14:45,768 --> 00:14:47,513
No. Don't... She's
going to disconnect me.
330
00:14:47,537 --> 00:14:48,969
Tell Blanche to call you back.
331
00:14:49,038 --> 00:14:51,598
Yeah! Blanche, call me back.
332
00:14:53,042 --> 00:14:55,602
I didn't give her the number.
333
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,429
Banzai!
334
00:14:58,497 --> 00:14:59,764
What are you doing?
335
00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:01,733
Don't! You're destroying
government property!
336
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,768
Save that for the enemy.
337
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:07,271
Uncle Sam caught you!
338
00:15:10,509 --> 00:15:13,277
Hello? Blanche!
339
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,412
How did you know
where to call me?
340
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:17,648
The operator gave
her the number!
341
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:18,983
Of course.
342
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,000
Honey, I love you,
and I want to marry you.
343
00:15:20,069 --> 00:15:22,019
Yeah. Tomorrow
morning, I want you
344
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,899
to get the first bus to
Abnerville, Connecticut.
345
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,923
Yeah. I love you, too.
346
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:27,191
Bye-bye, honey.
347
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:30,027
We better get out of
here before we get caught.
348
00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:34,131
War is hell.
349
00:15:44,326 --> 00:15:46,872
Where's the justice
of the peace?
350
00:15:46,896 --> 00:15:48,140
He said he'd be here early.
351
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:49,930
He'll be here.
352
00:15:49,999 --> 00:15:51,959
Blanche? Blanche,
you almost ready?
353
00:15:52,001 --> 00:15:53,568
Yes. I'm just fixing my veil.
354
00:15:53,636 --> 00:15:54,969
You look... you look beaut...
355
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,371
Felix, will you calm down?
356
00:15:56,439 --> 00:15:57,583
The groom is
supposed to be nervous,
357
00:15:57,607 --> 00:15:59,807
not the best man.
358
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:01,687
You've got to get back to
camp and pass inspection.
359
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:02,855
I'm not worried about
that stupid inspection.
360
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,490
You'll pass me.
It's not up to me.
361
00:16:04,514 --> 00:16:07,381
Colonel Wyatt's inspecting
today, and he's in a foul mood.
362
00:16:07,450 --> 00:16:09,150
One of the cooks went berserk
363
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,499
and tried to strangle him
with a string of sausages.
364
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:14,889
Have you got the ring?
365
00:16:14,958 --> 00:16:16,874
Yes, I've got it.
Will you relax?
366
00:16:16,942 --> 00:16:19,293
Why not? I'm not the
one who's getting married.
367
00:16:19,361 --> 00:16:22,997
Well, am I too late?
368
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,699
Fire! Fire! Felix.
369
00:16:24,768 --> 00:16:27,012
Hold it. Hold it.
There's no fire here.
370
00:16:27,036 --> 00:16:28,930
I'm the justice of the peace.
371
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:31,655
I'm also a volunteer fireman.
372
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:34,158
I also raise chinchillas,
if you'd like to buy
373
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,738
the little woman a
coat for her anniversary.
374
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:37,890
All right, I'm the groom.
Can we get started, please?
375
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:41,598
Just as soon as I take
off my big yellow hat.
376
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:45,336
Blanche? Blanche, we're
ready now. Blanche...
377
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:48,885
She's not here. What do
you mean, she's not here?
378
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,561
Oh, honey, you look beautiful.
379
00:16:53,629 --> 00:16:55,407
Sure. For a woman who
just climbed out a window.
380
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:57,297
Who yelled, "Fire!"?
381
00:16:59,836 --> 00:17:02,069
It was a mistake.
We're ready now.
382
00:17:02,138 --> 00:17:04,432
Shall we take our places?
383
00:17:04,456 --> 00:17:06,935
The bride will enter
through that door.
384
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,937
Crystal, dear, are you ready?
385
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:10,372
So beautiful,
Blanche, I'm so sorry.
386
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:12,913
What is that? It's my treat.
387
00:17:12,982 --> 00:17:14,932
I paid five dollars
extra for music.
388
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:16,178
A couple extra bucks,
389
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,762
you could have
gotten Pluto, too.
390
00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:21,364
Shall we take our places?
391
00:17:22,992 --> 00:17:25,827
Now, the bride will
enter with the music.
392
00:17:25,895 --> 00:17:28,395
Go ahead, Crystal.
393
00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:35,848
Go... go back
394
00:17:35,872 --> 00:17:37,872
and start again.
She can do it right.
395
00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:41,942
It was just fine.
396
00:17:42,011 --> 00:17:43,694
Crystal likes to do it right.
397
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:44,774
It helps her confidence.
398
00:17:44,798 --> 00:17:47,665
Oh, huh.
399
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,644
Play it again, Crystal.
400
00:17:57,126 --> 00:17:59,760
Go... go back again.
401
00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:03,964
Maybe you'd like to play
another piece, sweetheart.
402
00:18:04,033 --> 00:18:06,317
Maybe Crystal
would like to hum it.
403
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:10,226
This man has got to be back
at the base in 20 minutes.
404
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:13,124
Very well. Crystal, play
what you know best, dear.
405
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:31,192
Do you, Oscar Trevor
Madison, take Blanche Summers
406
00:18:31,260 --> 00:18:32,526
as your lawful wedded wife?
407
00:18:32,595 --> 00:18:34,211
I do.
408
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,524
And do you, Blanche, take Oscar
409
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:38,365
as your lawful
wedded husband? I do.
410
00:18:38,434 --> 00:18:40,985
Then, by the power vested in
me by the state of Connecticut,
411
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:43,053
I pronounce you man and wife.
412
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,082
You may kiss the
bride on the mouth.
413
00:18:47,443 --> 00:18:48,809
Hi, Mrs. Madison.
414
00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:51,829
Hiya, husband.
415
00:18:59,288 --> 00:19:01,350
You gotta get back to camp.
416
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:02,990
Yeah. I hate to kiss and run.
417
00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:04,236
Listen, Felix will
take you to the hotel.
418
00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:05,437
I'll meet you there
later. Okay, honey?
419
00:19:05,461 --> 00:19:06,888
Yeah. And please
pass that inspection.
420
00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:09,230
I don't want to spend
my wedding night alone.
421
00:19:09,299 --> 00:19:11,143
Don't forget to check
your hospital corners!
422
00:19:11,167 --> 00:19:14,001
Bye-bye.
423
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:15,402
Picture time.
424
00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:17,504
It's all part of the price.
425
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:19,673
Where's the groom?
426
00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:20,874
He had to go.
427
00:19:20,943 --> 00:19:22,054
Have your picture taken,
Blanche. It's paid for.
428
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:25,378
Oh, no. A picture of
a bride alone is sad.
429
00:19:25,447 --> 00:19:28,215
I know. Why don't you
have a picture taken with me?
430
00:19:28,283 --> 00:19:29,867
It'll confuse people someday.
431
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:34,104
You've got my sense
of humor, Blanche.
432
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:37,708
I'm not the groom, Crystal.
433
00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:40,745
Don't throw rice, Crystal.
434
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:42,958
You're annoying us, Crystal.
435
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:46,133
How would you like a whack
on your Mousketeer hat, kid?
436
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:51,371
You'll be a good mother
someday, Blanche.
437
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:05,470
Lieutenant...
438
00:20:05,504 --> 00:20:06,649
I'm sorry, sir, that I'm not
439
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:07,799
wearing the uniform of the day.
440
00:20:07,823 --> 00:20:09,874
You are.
441
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:11,687
Well, you're
wearing a scarf, sir.
442
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:12,943
Well, I have to.
443
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:15,446
I have sausage burns.
444
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:17,681
I'm sorry, sir.
445
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:20,250
Lieutenant, come
over here for a minute.
446
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:22,052
Yes, sir.
447
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:25,088
Did you notice, in one
of the soldier's lockers,
448
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,073
there are three dresses?
449
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:28,992
That's Kojeck, sir.
450
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,207
He's a professional
female impersonator.
451
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:35,071
But I made sure every one of
those pleats is razor sharp, sir.
452
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:37,218
Will you put the men
at ease, Lieutenant?
453
00:20:37,286 --> 00:20:39,753
At ease!
454
00:20:42,391 --> 00:20:48,545
Men, I am very pleased
with these quarters.
455
00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:51,615
You all pass inspection.
456
00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:54,518
Even you, Madison.
457
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,070
As I recall, last year
458
00:20:56,138 --> 00:20:59,640
we had to send your stuff
to the demolition squad.
459
00:20:59,709 --> 00:21:02,125
I'm a new man, sir.
460
00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,662
Good. Well, you'll
all get your passes.
461
00:21:04,731 --> 00:21:05,731
Dismissed.
462
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,834
Not so fast.
463
00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:14,454
Your pass for the
weekend is rescinded.
464
00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:17,557
But you said, sir, I passed
inspection. Yes, you did.
465
00:21:17,626 --> 00:21:19,988
But you're being punished for
destroying government property.
466
00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:21,529
What government property?
467
00:21:21,597 --> 00:21:22,707
You destroyed a telephone
468
00:21:22,731 --> 00:21:24,910
in the recreation
room yesterday.
469
00:21:24,934 --> 00:21:27,368
Oh, it must have been
somebody else, sir. Not me.
470
00:21:27,437 --> 00:21:28,646
Look, tonight is my
wedding night, sir.
471
00:21:28,670 --> 00:21:30,104
It was you.
472
00:21:30,172 --> 00:21:32,732
Lieutenant Unger here
filed a full report on it.
473
00:21:34,493 --> 00:21:36,527
That will be all.
474
00:21:36,595 --> 00:21:42,299
You will spend this weekend
right here in these barracks.
475
00:21:46,673 --> 00:21:48,438
What have I done?
476
00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:49,606
Oscar, if I had known
477
00:21:49,676 --> 00:21:51,175
they were going
to cancel your pass
478
00:21:51,243 --> 00:21:53,210
and ruin your honeymoon,
479
00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:54,645
I'd never have
reported you today.
480
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:55,834
I'd have waited till Monday.
481
00:22:09,745 --> 00:22:12,613
Hi.
482
00:22:12,681 --> 00:22:15,382
A penny for your thoughts.
483
00:22:15,451 --> 00:22:18,835
A dollar for your death.
484
00:22:18,904 --> 00:22:24,675
Oscar, a fighting force
is not run on sentiment.
485
00:22:24,744 --> 00:22:27,627
What I see, I must report.
486
00:22:27,696 --> 00:22:29,729
I'm an officer. I've
got to do my duty,
487
00:22:29,799 --> 00:22:31,460
even at the risk of
losing your friendship.
488
00:22:31,484 --> 00:22:34,551
Well, you risked
it, and you lost it!
489
00:22:34,620 --> 00:22:39,990
But what I don't
see, I can't report.
490
00:22:40,059 --> 00:22:43,561
Now I'm dismissing myself,
491
00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:48,915
and all I see is a soldier
sitting alone in the barracks.
492
00:22:48,984 --> 00:22:51,484
Blanche! No names, please.
493
00:22:51,553 --> 00:22:54,254
Just a soldier,
and a guard on duty
494
00:22:54,323 --> 00:22:55,755
so they won't be disturbed.
495
00:22:55,824 --> 00:22:57,486
I'm an officer and a gentleman.
496
00:22:57,510 --> 00:22:58,658
Hi, honey.
497
00:22:58,727 --> 00:23:03,397
Hi. Felix gave me this
bottle of champagne,
498
00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:05,277
but I'm not really thirsty.
499
00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:06,801
Oh, neither am I.
500
00:23:10,973 --> 00:23:14,724
Hey, did you ever really
consider marrying Cecil Panche?
501
00:23:14,793 --> 00:23:19,813
Oh, no. I couldn't go through
life as Blanche Panche.
502
00:23:21,784 --> 00:23:24,417
There's no TV
in here, or radios.
503
00:23:24,487 --> 00:23:26,520
Just a lot of beds, you know?
504
00:23:26,588 --> 00:23:28,822
I wore my nightie
over under my coat.
505
00:23:28,891 --> 00:23:30,941
I didn't want to
change in the latrine.
506
00:23:31,010 --> 00:23:34,078
Are you sure you don't mind?
507
00:23:34,146 --> 00:23:35,390
I mean, coming up to Connecticut
508
00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:37,647
on one day's notice,
and that crazy wedding.
509
00:23:37,716 --> 00:23:39,650
And now the honeymoon
suite is an army barracks.
510
00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:41,518
It could have been worse.
511
00:23:41,587 --> 00:23:42,831
We could have been
married in New York,
512
00:23:42,855 --> 00:23:43,899
and then we would
have had to spend
513
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:45,300
our wedding night
in your bedroom.
514
00:23:48,043 --> 00:23:49,821
Is that you, Greshler?
515
00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:51,640
Yes, sir. Guarding
the area, sir.
516
00:23:51,664 --> 00:23:53,280
Good. Did you bring
your harmonica?
517
00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:54,281
Yes, sir.
518
00:23:54,350 --> 00:23:55,782
Why don't you play it?
519
00:23:55,851 --> 00:23:57,131
Right, sir.
520
00:24:42,915 --> 00:24:45,850
Hey! Hey! Hey!
521
00:24:53,259 --> 00:24:54,539
Hi, Felix.
522
00:24:54,593 --> 00:24:55,659
Where have you been?
523
00:24:55,728 --> 00:24:57,027
Myrna couldn't wait.
524
00:24:57,096 --> 00:24:58,473
I had to cover the racetrack.
525
00:24:58,497 --> 00:24:59,763
Until this hour?
526
00:24:59,832 --> 00:25:01,665
Took me that long
to borrow carfare.
527
00:25:01,734 --> 00:25:06,070
Oh, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar.
528
00:25:06,138 --> 00:25:07,850
What are you doing?
Looking at old pictures?
529
00:25:07,874 --> 00:25:11,452
Yes. What do you see in
that picture, Oscar Madison?
530
00:25:11,476 --> 00:25:13,944
Do you see a girl whose
hopes were shattered
531
00:25:14,013 --> 00:25:16,163
by your irresponsibility,
532
00:25:16,232 --> 00:25:18,710
your gambling, your
all-around sloppiness?
533
00:25:18,734 --> 00:25:22,019
Tell me, Oscar Madison.
What do you see?
534
00:25:22,088 --> 00:25:23,820
Some guy with six fingers.
38280
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof