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1
00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:05,403
Hey, Felix, this sounds
like a fun vacation.
2
00:00:05,472 --> 00:00:07,884
"A two-week tour
of the sin spots
3
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:10,242
of West Germany."
4
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,905
Where did you get that, Murray?
5
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,462
From an adult travel
agency we raided.
6
00:00:16,199 --> 00:00:18,478
This is where you want to
take your mother on vacation?
7
00:00:18,502 --> 00:00:20,552
Yeah. They gotta learn sometime.
8
00:00:22,055 --> 00:00:23,700
We'll do better than
that for you, Murray.
9
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,824
I really appreciate
what you're doing, Felix.
10
00:00:25,892 --> 00:00:27,437
What's he doing that
you appreciate, Murray?
11
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,294
He's helping me
pick out my vacation.
12
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,830
You want my appreciation,
take him with you.
13
00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:33,932
Hey, I'll be gone for
two weeks, Oscar.
14
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,528
Will New York be
safe without you?
15
00:00:35,552 --> 00:00:38,786
Sure, all the criminals
take vacations in August.
16
00:00:38,855 --> 00:00:41,267
Hey, here's
something interesting.
17
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:42,368
Look at this.
18
00:00:42,392 --> 00:00:45,059
"Spend two idyllic
weeks in the Caribbean.
19
00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:46,995
Visit San Dominguez."
20
00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:53,569
Ask him what happened
in San Dominguez, Murray.
21
00:00:53,637 --> 00:00:55,970
What happened in San Dominguez?
22
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,463
♪ ♪
23
00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:09,427
♪ ♪
24
00:02:17,937 --> 00:02:21,105
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
25
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:28,246
Well, what happened?
26
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:31,716
It was in San
Dominguez that I...
27
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:33,412
out of the goodness of my heart,
28
00:02:33,436 --> 00:02:35,120
tried to save Oscar's marriage,
29
00:02:35,188 --> 00:02:36,788
and it cost me mine.
30
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:41,693
I can remember
it just as clear as...
31
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,328
clear as the nose on your face.
32
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:46,698
No offense.
33
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,099
Just an expression.
34
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,213
It all started when the
Madisons and the Ungers
35
00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:52,031
decided to take a
vacation together.
36
00:02:52,055 --> 00:02:55,156
Hey, this is just like
a flashback sequence
37
00:02:55,225 --> 00:02:56,290
in the movies.
38
00:02:56,359 --> 00:02:59,360
You know the
screen gets all wavy
39
00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:02,864
and then our faces
get all squishy like that.
40
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:04,949
Be that as it may, Murray,
41
00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:08,920
my former wife,
Gloria, and I came by
42
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:11,406
to pick up Oscar and
his former wife, Blanche.
43
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,175
There is no sign of him.
44
00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:18,463
The plane leaves in two hours.
45
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,443
We know that, sweetheart.
46
00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:22,367
Eight years of marriage
47
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:24,596
and I have never made
a plane without puffing.
48
00:03:25,989 --> 00:03:27,255
What are we gonna do?
49
00:03:27,324 --> 00:03:29,468
We're going to sit here
and contain ourselves
50
00:03:29,492 --> 00:03:32,052
and not make everyone nervous.
51
00:03:40,503 --> 00:03:43,063
That's very
annoying, sweetheart.
52
00:03:46,209 --> 00:03:49,077
Where have you
been? Where were you?
53
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:51,580
At a tea with the queen.
Where do you think?
54
00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:54,015
Oscar, our plane leaves
in less than two hours.
55
00:03:54,084 --> 00:03:55,284
I'm ready.
56
00:03:55,352 --> 00:03:56,946
Well, you can't get
on a plane like that.
57
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,047
Sure he can.
58
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,782
We'll put him in
the baggage class.
59
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:01,718
Don't worry, I'll
change. Don't bother.
60
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,386
We'll rent you a kennel carrier.
61
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,954
They have them for big dogs.
62
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,044
That's typical Blanche,
63
00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:08,547
start an argument when
we got a plane to catch.
64
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:09,792
Why don't you admit it.
65
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,115
You did it on purpose,
66
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,362
you never wanted to
go away in the first place.
67
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,331
Well, I did have a beautiful
couple of weeks planned.
68
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:17,250
I gotta admit that. A couple of
ball games, go to the race track,
69
00:04:17,274 --> 00:04:18,401
shoot a little pool,
70
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:19,803
catch up on my
sleep, a case of beer.
71
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,621
Now, that is a
beautiful vacation.
72
00:04:21,645 --> 00:04:22,839
A vacation.
73
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:25,597
He just described our
last New Year's Eve.
74
00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:28,566
Except that night he
wore a football uniform.
75
00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:29,934
You hear that?
76
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,170
Why spend money, go
to the Caribbean to fight
77
00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:33,683
when we can do it here for free?
78
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,385
That's fine with
me, I'm not going!
79
00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:36,852
Good! Blanche, Blanche.
80
00:04:36,876 --> 00:04:38,243
No!
81
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,343
Oscar, I...
82
00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:41,290
I think you rubbed
her the wrong way.
83
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,382
There's no right way to rub her.
84
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,150
For eight years, we never
made it through one vacation.
85
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,715
We fought in front of the
grizzlies in Yellowstone Park.
86
00:04:48,739 --> 00:04:50,650
We fought in front of
Goofy at Disneyland.
87
00:04:50,674 --> 00:04:53,219
We had such a fight
in the Grand Canyon,
88
00:04:53,243 --> 00:04:55,803
if you go there today you
can still hear the echoes.
89
00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:02,601
You see, these people don't know
90
00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:05,136
the first basic ingredient
of a good marriage.
91
00:05:05,204 --> 00:05:06,838
The old give and take.
92
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:07,907
Am I right?
93
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,757
Well, Felix... It's obvious.
94
00:05:09,826 --> 00:05:12,361
I've got to get them
on this vacation
95
00:05:12,429 --> 00:05:14,696
because if they could
be around us awhile
96
00:05:14,764 --> 00:05:17,199
they would be inspired
by our marriage.
97
00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:21,903
Their marriage of straw would
turn into a marriage of gold.
98
00:05:21,972 --> 00:05:24,105
We could be Mr. and
Mrs. Rumplestiltskin.
99
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,435
Felix, I don't know.
100
00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:27,753
I... But I do.
101
00:05:27,777 --> 00:05:29,010
Glad you're here.
102
00:05:31,815 --> 00:05:35,066
Oscar, Blanche says
she wants to talk to you.
103
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,907
Blanche, Oscar
says he'd like to talk.
104
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:45,894
It's working.
105
00:05:48,164 --> 00:05:53,301
Oscar, Blanche is
big enough to give in.
106
00:05:57,907 --> 00:06:00,174
Blanchey, Oscar's weakening.
107
00:06:00,244 --> 00:06:01,876
Why don't you meet him halfway?
108
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:05,213
Okay.
109
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:07,616
You see, the old give and take.
110
00:06:07,684 --> 00:06:09,050
Well, what do you want?
111
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,368
What do you want?
112
00:06:10,437 --> 00:06:12,181
I though you were
big enough to give in.
113
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,215
Oh...! Oh...!
114
00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:14,973
Oscar, Blanche, Oscar...
115
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:19,176
call me a cock-eyed optimist,
but I believe in your marriage.
116
00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:21,245
Call me silly, call me nutsy...
117
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,114
You're silly. You're nutsy.
118
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,304
We'll add to the list...
119
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:48,740
We fought over an
ocean, two new countries
120
00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:51,376
and an unknown lagoon.
121
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:55,347
Those skies sure
weren't friendly tonight.
122
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,082
I just want to lie down.
123
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,716
That's a good idea.
124
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,990
Terrific.
125
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:08,260
Where do you want me to
sleep, on the headboard?
126
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,661
Those are the charming,
thoughtful things
127
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:13,047
that I find so endearing
about you, Oscar.
128
00:07:13,116 --> 00:07:16,401
Like walking ten feet
ahead of me onto the plane.
129
00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:18,436
What's the matter, didn't
you want the stewardess
130
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:19,870
to know we were together?
131
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,184
How could she not know?
132
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,085
You kept yappin' at
me all through the trip.
133
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,527
All I did was ask
you for one little drink.
134
00:07:25,595 --> 00:07:28,040
Big deal, I didn't get
you one little drink.
135
00:07:28,064 --> 00:07:30,309
Was that any reason to get on
the loudspeaker and announce,
136
00:07:30,333 --> 00:07:33,534
"The lady in seat 23F
wants a Harvey Wallbanger"?
137
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,590
Welcome to this place.
138
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:39,790
Thank you.
139
00:07:39,859 --> 00:07:41,125
I am only here to please.
140
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:43,739
Yeah, you carried
the bags great.
141
00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:45,708
Well, is there anything
else I can do to please you?
142
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:48,292
No. Everything's
wonderful, great.
143
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,103
Nice kid.
144
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:53,482
That nice kid just got stiffed.
145
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:55,456
You forgot to tip him.
146
00:07:55,525 --> 00:07:57,041
Shows you how much you know.
147
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,060
I'm supposed to tip him
at the end of my stay.
148
00:07:59,128 --> 00:08:00,807
How do you know? You
never stayed here before.
149
00:08:00,831 --> 00:08:02,792
What're you gonna do,
start a fight over tipping now?
150
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:03,842
It's as good a reason as any.
151
00:08:03,866 --> 00:08:05,383
Okay! Hey, bellhop!
152
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:07,785
Come back, I
want to tip you now!
153
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:09,698
I thought you said you
weren't supposed to tip
154
00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:10,833
until the end of your stay.
155
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:12,657
Now, you got it. This is it!
156
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:15,293
The end of my stay! Hello.
157
00:08:15,361 --> 00:08:17,562
Oh, fabulous, fabulous!
158
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:18,631
Listen, Desk...
159
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:20,665
this is Oscar Madison
in hut number two.
160
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,678
Send the bellhop back for
the bags; we're checking out.
161
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:24,436
Yeah.
162
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:31,910
Well, here we were.
163
00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:35,747
"Dear Diary: Guess what
we fought about today?
164
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:38,015
"Whether or not
to tip the bellboy.
165
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:41,118
I wonder if the judge
will ever believe it."
166
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,020
Excuse me, ma'am.
167
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:44,849
Certainly. Thank you.
168
00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:49,494
Oscar. Yes, ma'am.
169
00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:52,614
I'm not your
ma'am, I'm your wife.
170
00:08:52,682 --> 00:08:54,149
I know.
171
00:08:54,217 --> 00:08:59,019
Oscar, this way we're not really
giving our marriage a chance.
172
00:08:59,088 --> 00:09:02,173
Boy, we sure do
fight a lot anymore.
173
00:09:02,241 --> 00:09:04,642
How does it look to the natives,
174
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:08,596
two Americans
calling each other ugly?
175
00:09:08,665 --> 00:09:11,166
Why don't we try to get
along for the next two weeks?
176
00:09:11,234 --> 00:09:13,468
Think we can? We can try.
177
00:09:13,537 --> 00:09:17,038
Remember that couple we saw in
the sand dunes coming over here?
178
00:09:17,107 --> 00:09:18,606
They weren't
fighting, were they?
179
00:09:18,675 --> 00:09:20,653
They sure were kicking
up a lot of sand, huh?
180
00:09:20,677 --> 00:09:23,278
Instead of fighting,
181
00:09:23,347 --> 00:09:26,448
let's see if we can't think
of something else to do.
182
00:09:26,516 --> 00:09:28,650
Like what?
183
00:09:28,719 --> 00:09:30,918
Like this.
184
00:09:33,457 --> 00:09:35,968
Hey, we didn't fight once
during that whole kiss.
185
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,260
Let's try it again.
186
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,839
Oscar...! Oh, boy.
187
00:09:39,863 --> 00:09:41,374
Blanche...! Here,
we're in here, Felix.
188
00:09:41,398 --> 00:09:42,642
Hi, gang. Hi.
189
00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:44,477
Felix, we were just
having a business meeting.
190
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:45,511
We'll meet you later, okay?
191
00:09:45,535 --> 00:09:46,646
I just wanted to tell you that
192
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,230
we're not going to
stay in the main hotel.
193
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:51,038
We've taken a hut
like you two lovebirds.
194
00:09:51,107 --> 00:09:53,118
Oh, you're gonna love it, you're
gonna love it. Wasn't my idea.
195
00:09:53,142 --> 00:09:55,410
When we got there, the
whole place was sold out,
196
00:09:55,478 --> 00:09:57,077
and they had lost
our reservations.
197
00:09:57,146 --> 00:09:58,146
Can you beat that?
198
00:09:58,181 --> 00:09:59,781
I was going to
make such a scene,
199
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:02,329
when somebody canceled out of
hut number two, so we grabbed it.
200
00:10:02,385 --> 00:10:05,169
No, Felix, whoa...
this is hut number two.
201
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,455
See, we're the people
who checked out,
202
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:09,852
but we made up and
now we checked in again.
203
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,676
Ain't that a kick
in the head, huh?
204
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:14,061
Well, I wouldn't dream
of putting you out.
205
00:10:14,130 --> 00:10:15,641
Well, that's very
understanding of you.
206
00:10:15,665 --> 00:10:16,976
You're welcome
to stay here with us.
207
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,167
What? FELIX: Gloria. Gloria!
208
00:10:19,235 --> 00:10:20,235
Guess what?
209
00:10:20,304 --> 00:10:22,436
We're all going to
stay in the same hut.
210
00:10:22,505 --> 00:10:24,021
Hey, isn't this great?
211
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:26,202
Remember I said on the plane it
would be nice for your marriage
212
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:27,787
if you could watch a
happy marriage up close.
213
00:10:27,811 --> 00:10:29,827
Well, we can't get much
closer than this, can we?
214
00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:31,223
Felix, we can't
all live in one hut.
215
00:10:31,247 --> 00:10:32,280
What're we gonna do?
216
00:10:32,349 --> 00:10:33,426
There's not another
room on the island.
217
00:10:33,450 --> 00:10:34,927
Felix, it is kind
of a crazy idea.
218
00:10:34,951 --> 00:10:37,785
Gloria, is that any way for
Mrs. Rumplestiltskin to speak?
219
00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:39,437
Felix, we can't do it.
220
00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:40,738
We'll take a vote.
221
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,206
Yes. Yes.
222
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:43,853
No. No. It's a tie.
223
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:44,809
Ramon?
224
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:45,878
Yes.
225
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:49,313
Nighty-night, kids.
226
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:50,662
Good night.
227
00:10:50,717 --> 00:10:52,584
Going to sleep under
that open window?
228
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:53,662
Yeah. What about it?
229
00:10:53,686 --> 00:10:55,264
No wonder your
marriage is shaky,
230
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,388
your resistance is low.
231
00:10:57,457 --> 00:11:00,574
Me and my crazy sense of humor.
232
00:11:00,643 --> 00:11:02,426
Night-night.
233
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,267
Glass of water?
234
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:11,713
Check. Mosquito repellent?
235
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:13,004
Check. Sleep mask?
236
00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:14,555
Check. Tissues?
237
00:11:14,624 --> 00:11:15,701
Check. Nose drops?
238
00:11:15,725 --> 00:11:17,803
Where are my nose drops?
239
00:11:17,827 --> 00:11:18,893
They're in your hand.
240
00:11:18,961 --> 00:11:20,228
Ah, check.
241
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:24,765
Lights... out. Check.
242
00:11:24,834 --> 00:11:29,069
He makes your bed
checklist look like a dream.
243
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:31,851
What do I do?
244
00:11:31,875 --> 00:11:35,142
Gargle, belch and
punch the pillow.
245
00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:54,207
Good night, sleep tight.
246
00:11:54,231 --> 00:11:55,641
Don't let the bedbugs bite.
247
00:11:55,665 --> 00:11:59,701
I'm gonna do something I
haven't done in 25 years.
248
00:11:59,769 --> 00:12:01,102
What's that?
249
00:12:01,170 --> 00:12:03,104
Say my prayers.
250
00:12:23,392 --> 00:12:25,159
Post time!
251
00:12:26,563 --> 00:12:29,130
Come on, Gloria, up and at 'em.
252
00:12:29,199 --> 00:12:30,798
Oh, Felix, I'm sleepy.
253
00:12:30,866 --> 00:12:32,378
One more hour. No, no, no.
254
00:12:32,402 --> 00:12:34,580
Come on, we want to
start the Madisons off right.
255
00:12:34,604 --> 00:12:36,515
Show them how a happy
couple starts the day.
256
00:12:36,539 --> 00:12:37,472
Come on. Come on.
257
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:38,573
Let's agree to an hour.
258
00:12:38,641 --> 00:12:40,086
No. We're gonna
miss the sunrise.
259
00:12:40,110 --> 00:12:42,026
Come on.
260
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:45,779
Come on. Come on!
261
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,549
Felix, we like to sleep late.
262
00:12:48,618 --> 00:12:50,050
What has it got ya?!
263
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,452
Sleep!
264
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,837
So that you'll wake
up groggy and irritable.
265
00:12:53,906 --> 00:12:56,290
Gloria and I wake up
happy and greet the new day.
266
00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:57,474
Don't we, Gloria?
267
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:58,988
Maybe that's good
for you and Gloria.
268
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,590
Blanche and I
like to sleep late.
269
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:03,564
Who's the marriage
counselor here, you or me?
270
00:13:03,633 --> 00:13:05,211
You've always done
things your way.
271
00:13:05,235 --> 00:13:07,662
For once in your
life, do things my way.
272
00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:09,231
All right, all right.
273
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:11,856
That's a nice boy. Well, now
that we're all bright and shiny,
274
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:14,759
we'll have a super
island breakfast, right?
275
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,829
Kumquats... eel...
276
00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:20,231
kelp, a couple of Danish...
277
00:13:31,594 --> 00:13:32,693
Hi, honey.
278
00:13:32,762 --> 00:13:35,964
Just took a long, wonderful
walk on the beach.
279
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:38,477
Now, aren't you glad you came?
280
00:13:38,501 --> 00:13:39,934
Yeah. I'm beginning
to unwind now.
281
00:13:40,003 --> 00:13:43,254
Look at that. I'm a loose goose.
282
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,417
Hi, Madisons.
283
00:13:44,441 --> 00:13:45,906
I'm a tired goose.
284
00:13:45,975 --> 00:13:47,908
I thought you were
gonna fish all day.
285
00:13:47,977 --> 00:13:49,488
I made them turn
the boat around.
286
00:13:49,512 --> 00:13:50,628
Why?
287
00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:53,159
Who can fish with a
naked woman on board?
288
00:13:53,183 --> 00:13:54,281
Naked woman?
289
00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:55,917
Blanche, is this naked?
290
00:13:55,986 --> 00:13:57,096
Of course not, darling.
291
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,052
Oh, don't encourage her.
292
00:13:58,121 --> 00:13:59,999
All I can tell you
is that she made
293
00:14:00,023 --> 00:14:02,957
a 90-year-old Portuguese
fisherman bait his pinkie.
294
00:14:05,895 --> 00:14:08,455
Go change, Gloria,
you're getting whiney.
295
00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:12,277
Oh, it's nice
out here, isn't it?
296
00:14:12,301 --> 00:14:13,301
Yeah.
297
00:14:13,336 --> 00:14:15,002
Ah, lovely.
298
00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:18,305
Ah! It's good to sit down.
299
00:14:18,374 --> 00:14:22,527
I have been so busy taking
care of everybody else,
300
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:26,664
I haven't had a chance
to do anything for myself.
301
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:27,798
Ah-
302
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,195
ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
303
00:14:30,219 --> 00:14:31,714
The Madisons are
in trouble again.
304
00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:32,954
What're you talking about?
305
00:14:33,022 --> 00:14:34,455
We're getting along great.
306
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,325
Go sit with Blanche.
307
00:14:38,394 --> 00:14:40,194
Why? The chair's over here.
308
00:14:40,263 --> 00:14:42,814
Go sit in the same
chair with Blanche.
309
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,076
Why? It's fun.
310
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,182
Look, look, look.
311
00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:46,261
You see what she's doing?
312
00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:47,384
What's she doing?
313
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:48,998
She's putting
suntan oil on herself.
314
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,420
Go do that. Why?
315
00:14:50,489 --> 00:14:53,024
'Cause women love to have a
man rub the suntan oil on them.
316
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:54,803
All right. Go
ahead. Do it, do it.
317
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,694
Honey, you want
me to do that for you?
318
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,162
No, I can do it.
319
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:01,999
Dear Abby wants
me to do it. May I?
320
00:15:03,453 --> 00:15:05,036
Ah... Ow!
321
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:06,404
Ooh! What, what is that?!
322
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:09,273
I'm sorry, honey, I had
sand in my hand and I didn't...
323
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,975
You see what you made me do?
324
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:13,189
So now you kiss
her, you make up.
325
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:14,723
Do I have to tell
you everything?
326
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,430
Now, Dear Abby
wants me to kiss you.
327
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:18,927
Have you had your
mouth in the sand?
328
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:20,479
Please, don't make
jokes, will you, Blanche?
329
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:21,948
I'm having enough
trouble with him.
330
00:15:21,972 --> 00:15:23,071
Ah-ah-ah!
331
00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,238
Fighting again.
332
00:15:24,307 --> 00:15:26,507
I can't even go to the bathroom.
333
00:15:26,576 --> 00:15:28,542
You two, I'm warning you...
334
00:15:28,611 --> 00:15:32,747
if you two don't shape
up, I'm tempted to ship out.
335
00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:35,816
Had you worried, didn't I?
336
00:15:35,885 --> 00:15:36,950
I wouldn't do that.
337
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:10,250
The Lone Ranger's asleep.
338
00:16:10,319 --> 00:16:11,486
He's driving me crazy.
339
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:12,865
I know. I know, dear.
340
00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,333
I've had better days myself.
341
00:16:14,357 --> 00:16:16,524
I had a better time
on Guadalcanal.
342
00:16:16,593 --> 00:16:18,459
Don't say anything.
343
00:16:18,528 --> 00:16:19,839
He's only trying to help.
344
00:16:19,863 --> 00:16:20,962
You call that help?
345
00:16:21,030 --> 00:16:22,675
Having the conga line
dance around us singing,
346
00:16:22,699 --> 00:16:25,600
♪ Stay together, you two,
stay together, you two. ♪
347
00:16:25,668 --> 00:16:27,112
Shh! Tomorrow
morning I'm telling him
348
00:16:27,136 --> 00:16:28,669
he's got to get out of here.
349
00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:30,282
You can't do that. Why not?
350
00:16:30,306 --> 00:16:33,273
Because he's doing it out
of the goodness of his heart.
351
00:16:33,342 --> 00:16:35,754
Listen, tomorrow he
leaves or I fly out of here.
352
00:16:35,778 --> 00:16:37,011
Now, what will that solve?
353
00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:38,613
You always do that.
354
00:16:38,681 --> 00:16:40,414
Every time something
goes wrong, you split.
355
00:16:40,483 --> 00:16:42,127
Well, what am I supposed to do?
356
00:16:42,151 --> 00:16:45,136
I don't know, but running
away isn't going to help.
357
00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:46,732
Well, say something
constructive!
358
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:49,718
If I had something
constructive to say, I'd say it.
359
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:51,676
Then button up your mouth.
360
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:57,615
Did you hear that?
361
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,311
The Madisons are at it again.
362
00:16:59,335 --> 00:17:02,570
All the work we did.
363
00:17:02,638 --> 00:17:04,950
I knew we shouldn't
leave them alone.
364
00:17:04,974 --> 00:17:07,202
If you hadn't run off with
that marimba player...
365
00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:08,609
He wasn't a marimba player.
366
00:17:08,677 --> 00:17:10,811
He was a busboy showing
me to the ladies' room.
367
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,547
He walked like a marimba player.
368
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,294
They all walk like
marimba players.
369
00:17:15,318 --> 00:17:17,878
We've got a job to do
and we're going to do it.
370
00:17:17,921 --> 00:17:19,664
I'll say, "Get out
of here, Felix."
371
00:17:19,688 --> 00:17:20,766
We'll fake a fight.
372
00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,401
Show them how awful they sound.
373
00:17:22,425 --> 00:17:23,941
Felix, please,
I'm in a bad mood.
374
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:25,276
I don't feel like fighting.
375
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:27,356
It's easy. You'll fake it.
376
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,124
Come on. I don't
think I can fake it.
377
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:30,892
Yes, you can. I'll show you.
378
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:33,962
You always want to
have your way, don't you?
379
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:37,054
Well, life is a two-way
street, Jezebel!
380
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:45,012
All right, Felix, you happen
to be a very trying person!
381
00:17:45,081 --> 00:17:47,081
You're insensitive,
you're aggravating,
382
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,716
you're unreasonable,
and you're insanely jealous!
383
00:17:49,785 --> 00:17:52,114
All right. Now, I'm
gonna tell you your faults.
384
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:55,206
You flaunt your flesh!
385
00:17:55,274 --> 00:17:57,691
That's in your mind!
386
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,359
You are a kook!
387
00:17:59,428 --> 00:18:00,728
Oh, I like that.
388
00:18:00,797 --> 00:18:03,513
Well, if you like
that, you'll love this.
389
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:04,748
I have had it!
390
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:07,262
I am through. Up to here!
391
00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:08,880
Good. Louder, louder!
392
00:18:08,904 --> 00:18:10,537
Felix, I want a divorce.
393
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:14,859
Good.
394
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,338
They stopped
fighting. Good acting.
395
00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:18,195
I wasn't acting.
396
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:24,284
You're... you're, you're
joking, aren't you?
397
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,203
I wasn't joking.
398
00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:32,226
Are you delirious, Gloria?
399
00:18:32,295 --> 00:18:33,727
Did you get too much sun today?
400
00:18:33,796 --> 00:18:35,440
I didn't get any sun today!
401
00:18:35,464 --> 00:18:37,276
You made me take
off my bathing suit
402
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:38,632
and get into a blanket.
403
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:41,936
Well, you don't break up
a marriage over a blanket.
404
00:18:42,005 --> 00:18:43,165
It wasn't just that, Felix.
405
00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:44,433
It was a million other things.
406
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,406
What?
407
00:18:45,475 --> 00:18:47,475
What, what, what? Tell me.
408
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,177
Because I'm a
better cook than you?
409
00:18:50,246 --> 00:18:52,730
Because I buy all your clothes?
410
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,415
Just because I
clean after you clean?
411
00:18:55,484 --> 00:18:59,053
Yes, Felix, those and...
412
00:18:59,122 --> 00:19:01,166
Felix, I have to
be honest with you.
413
00:19:01,190 --> 00:19:05,459
For the past seven years, you
have been driving me bananas!
414
00:19:05,528 --> 00:19:07,244
But I love you.
415
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,825
Well, I, I love
you, too, but I...
416
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,982
I just can't live with you.
417
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:21,826
Felix, I'd rather
be alone tonight.
418
00:19:26,883 --> 00:19:28,323
Oh!
419
00:19:58,581 --> 00:20:00,248
Felix? Felix.
420
00:20:00,316 --> 00:20:01,749
Can I sleep with you?
421
00:20:03,819 --> 00:20:04,947
Why, what's the matter?
422
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,620
Gloria threw me out.
423
00:20:11,827 --> 00:20:14,011
Oh!
424
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,664
Could you move
over just a little bit?
425
00:20:17,733 --> 00:20:19,900
Dear, I'll go and get
in bed with Gloria.
426
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,447
No, no, no! No, no, stay here.
427
00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:22,570
I'm perfectly comfortable.
428
00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:26,156
Oh!
429
00:20:29,779 --> 00:20:31,757
I'm gonna go and get
in bed with Gloria, dear.
430
00:20:31,781 --> 00:20:33,359
Aw, stay here, don't go. No, no.
431
00:20:33,383 --> 00:20:34,515
Let her go.
432
00:20:34,584 --> 00:20:35,894
I think you're on
my nightgown, dear.
433
00:20:35,918 --> 00:20:37,029
Please. Excuse me.
434
00:20:37,053 --> 00:20:39,053
Excuse me. Sorry.
435
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,123
Good night, Felix.
436
00:20:46,929 --> 00:20:48,262
Oh!
437
00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:51,986
Oscar? Yeah?
438
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:56,770
Can I talk to you about my life?
439
00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:58,422
Now?
440
00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:04,444
Tell me the truth, Oscar, what
kind of guy do you think I am?
441
00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:05,963
You want the truth?
442
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,248
Give it to me
straight, I can take it.
443
00:21:08,317 --> 00:21:10,934
Well, I think you're
a nut and a lunatic,
444
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:12,269
and you drive everybody crazy.
445
00:21:12,338 --> 00:21:14,405
How could you say
a thing like that?!
446
00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:16,540
I was trying to help.
447
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,826
And you do help. I
give you credit for that,
448
00:21:18,894 --> 00:21:21,528
but you don't know when to stop
helping, so you lose the credit.
449
00:21:21,597 --> 00:21:24,414
That's the thanks I get for
trying to save your marriage.
450
00:21:24,483 --> 00:21:25,832
Don't you see?
451
00:21:25,901 --> 00:21:27,646
You'd be better off if you
worked on your own marriage.
452
00:21:27,670 --> 00:21:31,038
My healthy marriage was
infected by your sick one!
453
00:21:31,106 --> 00:21:32,606
Oh, yeah?
454
00:21:32,675 --> 00:21:35,235
Then why don't you stay here
and put yourself under quarantine?!
455
00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:42,025
Could you move
over a little bit, just...?
456
00:22:16,486 --> 00:22:17,934
Oh!
457
00:22:24,660 --> 00:22:26,259
Good morning, señor.
458
00:22:26,328 --> 00:22:29,262
Good morning, Ramon.
459
00:22:31,667 --> 00:22:34,012
Will there be
anything else, señor?
460
00:22:34,036 --> 00:22:35,368
No.
461
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:38,572
Ramon... why don't you sit down?
462
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:39,573
Me?
463
00:22:39,641 --> 00:22:40,641
Of course.
464
00:22:40,676 --> 00:22:42,209
I don't believe in
any caste system.
465
00:22:42,277 --> 00:22:44,778
This is a democracy, isn't it?
466
00:22:44,847 --> 00:22:47,131
No, it isn't. It's a
military dictatorship.
467
00:22:50,386 --> 00:22:53,370
My wife and friends
have walked out on me.
468
00:22:53,439 --> 00:22:56,824
I know. You want me to
move you into a single?
469
00:22:56,893 --> 00:22:58,025
No.
470
00:22:58,093 --> 00:23:00,027
Would you like to have a mango?
471
00:23:00,095 --> 00:23:01,375
Sure.
472
00:23:02,865 --> 00:23:05,732
Do you, do you
like being a bellboy?
473
00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:08,152
Oh, no. As soon
as my uncle retires,
474
00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:10,721
I am going to become
the assistant manager.
475
00:23:10,790 --> 00:23:14,124
Well, how will it look to
have an assistant manager
476
00:23:14,193 --> 00:23:16,360
who drips mango
all over himself?
477
00:23:16,429 --> 00:23:18,239
But this is the only
way to eat a mango.
478
00:23:18,263 --> 00:23:19,474
It's fun.
479
00:23:19,498 --> 00:23:21,699
It's fun to have your
neck, your hands dripping
480
00:23:21,767 --> 00:23:23,767
with sticky gook?
481
00:23:23,836 --> 00:23:26,396
Hey, why do you
always bug people?
482
00:23:26,973 --> 00:23:28,851
You know, when I become
the assistant manager,
483
00:23:28,875 --> 00:23:30,641
you can't stay here!
484
00:23:34,279 --> 00:23:36,246
Tip now, Yankee.
485
00:23:42,638 --> 00:23:43,638
Hi, Felix.
486
00:23:43,672 --> 00:23:45,122
What are you doing here?
487
00:23:45,191 --> 00:23:47,102
Blanche and I had
a fight at the airport.
488
00:23:47,126 --> 00:23:49,686
A biggie; three cops.
489
00:23:50,495 --> 00:23:52,508
But we'll make it up
when we get to New York,
490
00:23:52,532 --> 00:23:53,631
we always do.
491
00:23:53,699 --> 00:23:55,310
Besides, I feel why
blow a vacation?
492
00:23:55,334 --> 00:23:56,700
Well, I should be with you.
493
00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:58,480
After all, you
did try to help us.
494
00:23:58,504 --> 00:24:00,638
You're a true friend, Oscar.
495
00:24:00,706 --> 00:24:04,742
Hey, a mango! Mmm!
496
00:24:04,810 --> 00:24:06,090
Mmm!
497
00:24:14,137 --> 00:24:16,870
And... that's the story
498
00:24:16,939 --> 00:24:19,499
of Felix Unger
and Gloria Fleener.
499
00:24:21,510 --> 00:24:22,776
But what happened?
500
00:24:22,845 --> 00:24:24,289
Hmm. OSCAR: What do
you mean, what happened?
501
00:24:24,313 --> 00:24:26,090
You know what happened.
We all got divorced.
502
00:24:26,114 --> 00:24:27,047
That's what happened.
503
00:24:27,115 --> 00:24:28,949
No, I mean about Ramon.
504
00:24:29,017 --> 00:24:31,185
Did he ever make it
as assistant manager?
505
00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:35,389
Well, that's a
whole different story.
506
00:24:35,458 --> 00:24:37,536
As we go back into our
flashbacks sequence,
507
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:40,093
Ramon and I got into a...
35979
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