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1
00:00:12,996 --> 00:00:15,798
We've got to finish this
before Oscar comes back.
2
00:00:15,866 --> 00:00:17,944
Want some more
Chinese food, Felix?
3
00:00:17,968 --> 00:00:19,535
No, thank you, Murray.
4
00:00:19,603 --> 00:00:23,038
Miriam, how about an egg
roll or some fried noodles?
5
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,718
No, thank you, Murray.
6
00:00:24,742 --> 00:00:26,909
There.
7
00:00:26,977 --> 00:00:28,043
Look at that.
8
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:29,111
We did it.
9
00:00:29,179 --> 00:00:30,211
Looks great, huh?
10
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,591
Hmm. Yeah.
11
00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:34,027
Better check to see if
Oscar's coming. Right.
12
00:00:34,051 --> 00:00:35,951
What do you think,
Murray, what do you think?
13
00:00:36,019 --> 00:00:39,204
I may be crazy,
but I think it's swell.
14
00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:42,107
Oh, I think I see... Yes,
he's getting out of a taxi.
15
00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:44,776
Let's get all this
junk into the kitchen.
16
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,144
Easy does it. Easy.
17
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,924
What do you want me to do?
18
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,014
Check for hairs.
19
00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,994
What kind... What kind of hairs?
20
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:52,184
Brush hairs.
21
00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:53,363
Where? Everywhere.
22
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:57,572
Hair, hair, hair...
everywhere, hair...
23
00:00:57,641 --> 00:01:00,970
I'll get that, yeah. Hair,
there, there, everywhere.
24
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:05,413
Hair, hair... Murray,
stand over there.
25
00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:07,048
I'm just dying to see his face.
26
00:01:07,117 --> 00:01:08,049
Shh, shh, shh.
27
00:01:08,118 --> 00:01:10,152
What is it?
28
00:01:10,221 --> 00:01:11,903
Hair.
29
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,945
Hi, Oscar. Hi,
Oscar. Hey, Oscar.
30
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:21,480
Hey, look at that.
31
00:01:22,866 --> 00:01:24,361
I didn't know you wore glasses.
32
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:25,750
You look cute.
33
00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:35,494
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
34
00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:37,629
from his place of residence.
35
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:40,332
That request came from his wife.
36
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,734
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
37
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:46,237
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
38
00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:48,206
With nowhere else to go,
39
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:51,009
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
40
00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:52,277
Several years earlier,
41
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:53,923
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
42
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,614
requesting that he never return.
43
00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:59,184
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
44
00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:01,212
without driving
each other crazy?
45
00:02:30,867 --> 00:02:33,802
♪ ♪
46
00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:51,836
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
47
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:56,742
Felix, I'm so sorry he
didn't notice your walls.
48
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:59,010
He was distracted
by your glasses.
49
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:00,211
It's all right. He's tired.
50
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,280
He'll see it later.
51
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:02,481
Thanks a lot you guys.
52
00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:04,315
I never could have
done it without you two.
53
00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,817
We broke a world's record.
54
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,564
We'll see you
tomorrow. Terrific.
55
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:10,422
Hey, listen, let me
know if he finds any hairs.
56
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:17,362
Oh, Felix, wait till you hear
the great idea I got tonight.
57
00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:18,742
I'm going to make a fortune.
58
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,565
Notice anything different?
59
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,846
Yeah. Murray and
Miriam are gone.
60
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,947
Anyway, listen, at
tonight's game a ball
61
00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:27,317
bounced off Harry Benson's head
and went into the wrong basket.
62
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:29,518
It was funny, but it
was also embarrassing.
63
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,170
I'm going to collect
all these anecdotes...
64
00:03:31,194 --> 00:03:33,389
Put in a book called The Most
Embarrassing Moment in Sports.
65
00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,592
No one's ever thought of it
before. I'll make a fortune.
66
00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:36,656
I'll give you a hint.
67
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:38,750
He wasn't listening.
68
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,587
There's something
different in this room.
69
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:43,388
It smells different.
70
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:44,623
That's very good. Very good.
71
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:45,790
What does it smell like?
72
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:49,076
Chinese turpentine.
73
00:03:49,145 --> 00:03:51,946
Yes, yes.
74
00:03:52,015 --> 00:03:53,748
Do you see anything different?
75
00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:56,384
Yeah, there's a little
brown tear in your left eye.
76
00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:58,386
It's not brown.
77
00:03:58,455 --> 00:03:59,788
What is it?
78
00:03:59,857 --> 00:04:01,022
Look around you.
79
00:04:01,091 --> 00:04:03,224
I painted the whole room.
80
00:04:03,293 --> 00:04:06,294
Oh, yeah.
81
00:04:06,363 --> 00:04:09,397
It's flaming peach.
82
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:12,026
What color was it before?
83
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,737
Spanish mildew.
84
00:04:15,805 --> 00:04:17,689
I liked it.
85
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,924
But you like this a
lot better, don't you?
86
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,493
It's nice.
87
00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:23,361
So you agree... we
need all new furniture.
88
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,946
What?
89
00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:27,249
I did a job today
for a furniture maker.
90
00:04:27,317 --> 00:04:28,928
He's going to give
me anything I... No!
91
00:04:28,952 --> 00:04:30,830
How can you say
"no" just like that? "No!"
92
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:32,499
Because I'm happy
with the furniture I've got,
93
00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:33,721
I don't want to be bothered.
94
00:04:33,790 --> 00:04:35,273
I don't have any
money for furniture.
95
00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:37,158
This junk doesn't match.
96
00:04:37,227 --> 00:04:38,805
You're not going
to be bothered at all
97
00:04:38,829 --> 00:04:40,807
and it's not going to
cost you a red penny.
98
00:04:40,831 --> 00:04:41,763
I've got a plan.
99
00:04:41,832 --> 00:04:43,042
I don't have time
for your plans.
100
00:04:43,066 --> 00:04:44,844
I want to finish the book
while I'm hot, buddy.
101
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:47,012
Part of my plan is to
keep you out of the plan.
102
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,370
I'm going to do everything,
103
00:04:48,438 --> 00:04:50,998
so you'll have time
to finish your book.
104
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,240
Trust me.
105
00:04:52,308 --> 00:04:53,753
I don't know...
Look, look, look.
106
00:04:53,777 --> 00:04:55,722
When Blanche and you split up,
107
00:04:55,746 --> 00:04:58,190
what was the one thing
she didn't fight you for?
108
00:04:58,214 --> 00:04:59,592
Aw... The furniture, right?
109
00:04:59,616 --> 00:05:01,015
You won't bother me?
110
00:05:01,084 --> 00:05:03,295
I painted this whole room
without bothering you.
111
00:05:03,319 --> 00:05:04,619
It won't cost me a cent?
112
00:05:04,688 --> 00:05:07,099
I'm going to sell the
old furniture to buy new.
113
00:05:07,123 --> 00:05:08,590
You won't touch
anything in my room?
114
00:05:08,658 --> 00:05:10,208
Have I ever?
115
00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:12,836
You won't be sor... Ah!
116
00:05:18,935 --> 00:05:21,035
It's getting nippy out there.
117
00:05:21,104 --> 00:05:22,782
What did you have to go out for?
118
00:05:22,806 --> 00:05:24,717
I wanted to get the early
edition of tomorrow's paper.
119
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:25,741
Our ad's in it.
120
00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:26,992
Our ad?
121
00:05:27,061 --> 00:05:28,360
To sell this furniture.
122
00:05:28,428 --> 00:05:30,312
Here it is... Hot
off the presses.
123
00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:33,164
Boy, we're going to have
a crowd here tomorrow.
124
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,682
Better check on my brownies.
125
00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:37,632
I'm making
brownies for the sale.
126
00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:41,089
It's after 12:00.
127
00:05:41,158 --> 00:05:42,924
Yes, may I help you?
128
00:05:42,993 --> 00:05:44,337
We're here for the rummage sale.
129
00:05:44,361 --> 00:05:45,526
No, that's tomorrow.
130
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:49,030
Tomorrow, today. It's
in the paper already.
131
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,578
Yeah, we get the early
edition as soon as it comes out
132
00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:53,045
so we get first
crack at everything.
133
00:05:53,069 --> 00:05:55,130
That's how I got my
dog. If you're not first
134
00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:56,538
in New York, you're last.
135
00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:58,039
Hi, Mister.
136
00:05:58,108 --> 00:06:01,676
Felix... Let me handle it.
137
00:06:01,745 --> 00:06:04,257
Ladies, my friend here has
a great deal of work to do,
138
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:05,561
so the sale starts tomorrow.
139
00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:08,350
It's already tomorrow...
It's past midnight.
140
00:06:08,418 --> 00:06:11,453
Oh please, Mister, I came
all the way from Larchmont.
141
00:06:11,522 --> 00:06:13,871
I need an end table badly.
142
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,323
Excuse me.
143
00:06:15,391 --> 00:06:17,336
Felix, why didn't you tell
me this was going to happen?
144
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,738
I promised I wasn't
going to bother you.
145
00:06:18,762 --> 00:06:19,939
Well, you broke your promise.
146
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,707
All right, the lady came
all the way from Larchmont.
147
00:06:21,731 --> 00:06:22,897
What am I going to do?
148
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,065
Pretend we're not here.
149
00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,813
Go back to work. You
won't know we're here.
150
00:06:25,869 --> 00:06:26,946
Let me hear the clatter of...
151
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,303
Oh, look at that...
152
00:06:29,372 --> 00:06:31,789
Wait a minute. I saw it first.
153
00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:33,519
Get these women out
of here. How can I now?
154
00:06:33,543 --> 00:06:36,356
Yesterday, you got
the one... It's my pillow!
155
00:06:36,380 --> 00:06:38,574
Well, tell 'em the store's
closed, you gotta take inventory.
156
00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:40,443
I don't care what you tell 'em.
157
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:41,844
Ladies, the store is closed.
158
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,546
We've got to take inventory.
159
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,198
How much are the
pillows? I'll take all five.
160
00:06:45,222 --> 00:06:46,482
They're five for $25.
161
00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:48,417
I'll give you $15 for any
three, including this one.
162
00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:49,619
You can have any three...
163
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:50,854
you can have anything
you want tomorrow.
164
00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:51,810
The sale is tomorrow.
165
00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:52,939
Come on. Let's go.
166
00:06:52,963 --> 00:06:54,574
Let's go. Last one
out is a rotten egg.
167
00:06:54,598 --> 00:06:55,892
I'll be here first
thing in the morning.
168
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,126
Come on, ladies. Here we go.
169
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,861
I got cash. Don't take a check.
170
00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:00,463
I got cash... The
sale is tomorrow.
171
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:02,320
I'm looking for a desk.
172
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,639
You got a desk.
173
00:07:05,708 --> 00:07:06,741
Great.
174
00:07:06,809 --> 00:07:08,109
How much... how much is it?
175
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:09,378
Too much. You can't afford it.
176
00:07:09,445 --> 00:07:10,723
The sale is tomorrow. $50.
177
00:07:10,747 --> 00:07:11,930
Impossible.
178
00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:14,833
My friend is writing a
very important... $75.
179
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:17,301
Out of the question,
Mister, I'm sorry... $100.
180
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:18,837
It's yours.
181
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:20,338
Can you move?
182
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:21,584
Move? What're you doing?
183
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:24,008
He's giving us
twice what it's worth.
184
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:26,255
This is a classic piece, Mister.
185
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,057
Give me a hand and
get this downstairs
186
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,915
and I'll give each
one of you a buck.
187
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,551
That's the deal.
188
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:36,053
Meantime, you can use
the bridge table to work.
189
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,054
Bridge table?
190
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,523
I can use... I'll
give you $15.00.
191
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,641
It's yours.
192
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,111
Boy, did we take him.
193
00:07:50,086 --> 00:07:51,086
Oscar.
194
00:07:51,154 --> 00:07:52,086
Yeah.
195
00:07:52,155 --> 00:07:53,199
Breakfast.
196
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:54,356
Forget breakfast, will you?
197
00:07:54,424 --> 00:07:55,790
I'll grab an egg at the corner.
198
00:07:55,859 --> 00:07:58,126
No one in this house
eats at a greasy spoon.
199
00:07:58,194 --> 00:08:00,340
I made your favorite,
eggs and waffles.
200
00:08:00,364 --> 00:08:01,796
There you are.
201
00:08:01,865 --> 00:08:04,544
See? It's like
camping out, isn't it?
202
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:05,778
There you go.
203
00:08:05,802 --> 00:08:08,370
It's nice and airy
in here, isn't it?
204
00:08:08,438 --> 00:08:10,572
No wonder you're
so bubbly and happy.
205
00:08:10,641 --> 00:08:12,907
The place is finally
neat enough for you.
206
00:08:15,145 --> 00:08:16,611
I just gave them
a coat of shellac.
207
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,980
Don't sit on the steps.
208
00:08:19,048 --> 00:08:20,948
How am I supposed to eat?
209
00:08:21,017 --> 00:08:22,651
What do you do
at a cocktail party?
210
00:08:22,719 --> 00:08:23,719
Juggle it.
211
00:08:23,787 --> 00:08:24,919
Mm, this is good.
212
00:08:24,988 --> 00:08:27,548
Here, hold on for
a second, will you?
213
00:08:30,661 --> 00:08:31,859
How am I supposed to eat?
214
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,473
Like you do at a cocktail party.
215
00:08:33,497 --> 00:08:34,829
Juggle it.
216
00:08:38,001 --> 00:08:39,979
Felix, this is ridiculous.
217
00:08:40,003 --> 00:08:41,681
Come on. We gotta
get some furniture.
218
00:08:41,705 --> 00:08:43,082
Something we can sit on here.
219
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,151
I promise you by tonight
we'll have something to sit on.
220
00:08:45,175 --> 00:08:46,653
Oh, this is silly. I
can't eat like that.
221
00:08:46,677 --> 00:08:47,754
Here, come on, come on.
222
00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:49,711
Put it on top of my food.
What are you doing?
223
00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:52,380
I'm going to work.
Don't step on the steps.
224
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:15,186
Interview with Bubba
Smith of the Baltimore Colts
225
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:16,921
for The Most
Embarrassing Moment book.
226
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:18,650
I've only got ten minutes.
227
00:09:18,674 --> 00:09:21,626
I've got to do a candy
commercial with my mother.
228
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:22,938
Myrna, I want
you to wait outside.
229
00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:24,941
I don't want anybody to
come in here for ten minutes.
230
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,082
Hold that line, right?
231
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:30,818
Okay, Bubba, now, what was
your most embarrassing moment?
232
00:09:30,887 --> 00:09:33,471
When my parents named me Bubba.
233
00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:35,173
No.
234
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:38,243
What was your most embarrassing
moment in your football career?
235
00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:40,928
Come on, Oscar, you
know I can't tell you that.
236
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:42,163
Sure you can.
237
00:09:42,232 --> 00:09:43,531
That's what the book is about.
238
00:09:43,599 --> 00:09:45,166
It's a lot of funny stories.
239
00:09:45,235 --> 00:09:47,330
Okay. I've got a
great one. Let's hear it.
240
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:48,470
This is gonna kill you.
241
00:09:48,538 --> 00:09:50,472
Hello. Anybody home?
242
00:09:50,540 --> 00:09:52,173
What happened to Myrna?
243
00:09:52,242 --> 00:09:54,942
She's outside making
sure nobody comes in.
244
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,956
This'll just take a second.
245
00:09:56,980 --> 00:09:59,080
Hi. I'm Felix Unger.
246
00:09:59,148 --> 00:10:02,450
This is Bubba Smith, a
football player who's in a hurry.
247
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,151
Yes.
248
00:10:04,220 --> 00:10:05,500
Hello, Mr. Smith.
249
00:10:05,555 --> 00:10:06,688
Just call me Bubba.
250
00:10:06,757 --> 00:10:09,474
Bubba... Booby.
251
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,589
This will just take a minute.
252
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,390
I got some marvelous
swatches for our drapes
253
00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:16,559
and I wanted your approval.
254
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:17,932
I don't have time now, Felix.
255
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,345
Tell me, do you like these?
256
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,785
Yes, I've tackled
that color before.
257
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:21,936
Felix, will you...?
258
00:10:22,005 --> 00:10:23,438
Is this the color
of your drapes?
259
00:10:23,507 --> 00:10:26,019
No, no, this is the one I'm
going to use for my drapes.
260
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,021
I think this will go
with my walls better.
261
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,210
What color are your walls?
262
00:10:29,279 --> 00:10:30,689
Flaming peach. Very good.
263
00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,759
That'll go perfect with
your walls. Yeah, I think so.
264
00:10:32,783 --> 00:10:34,526
Tell me,
265
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:35,594
what do you think of this?
266
00:10:35,618 --> 00:10:37,952
Ah, that will go
great in your kitchen.
267
00:10:38,020 --> 00:10:39,753
Do you have a
formal dining area?
268
00:10:39,822 --> 00:10:41,300
No, no I don't. Do you?
269
00:10:41,324 --> 00:10:42,690
Yeah.
270
00:10:42,758 --> 00:10:45,059
I just did mine in blue
and white, trimmed in gold.
271
00:10:45,128 --> 00:10:46,560
Looks great and
the chicks love it.
272
00:10:46,629 --> 00:10:49,147
Ah.
273
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:52,249
Tell me, what-what
period is your apartment?
274
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,350
French Provincial.
275
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:55,698
Oh, you see, ours
is contemporary.
276
00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:59,456
Gee, fellows, I kinda
hate to break it up,
277
00:10:59,525 --> 00:11:01,292
but Bubba's in a
hurry... will you?
278
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,673
I'm sorry. He's giving
me so much help.
279
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:06,380
Hey, I've really gotta
go, Oscar. Really.
280
00:11:06,449 --> 00:11:10,017
But I do want to say you gotta
a hip interior decorator here.
281
00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:11,597
All right. Nice to meet you.
282
00:11:11,621 --> 00:11:12,553
Right.
283
00:11:12,622 --> 00:11:14,422
So long, Bubba.
284
00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:22,213
Nice little guy.
285
00:11:23,733 --> 00:11:25,144
I'm sorry I busted in like that,
286
00:11:25,168 --> 00:11:27,179
but I didn't want to do
anything without your approval.
287
00:11:27,203 --> 00:11:29,620
I'm glad you like this
'cause this is what I put up.
288
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,033
What are you so mad about?
289
00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:32,724
You wanna know
what I'm mad about?
290
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:34,603
Come, listen to my
interview for the book. Here.
291
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:35,971
What do you think of this?
292
00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:38,240
Ah, that will go
great in your kitchen.
293
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:39,508
Do you have a
formal dining area?
294
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,165
Do you?
295
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,880
Yeah, I just did mine in blue
and white, trimmed in gold.
296
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:47,605
I've got a nice
voice, haven't I?
297
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,381
Can I look now?
298
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:57,548
No, no, no, no.
299
00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:58,794
Down two steps. Two steps.
300
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:01,452
Felix, I feel like I'm
being kidnapped.
301
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:02,787
You know I hate surprises.
302
00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:04,633
Yeah, but you're
going to love this one.
303
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:08,559
Oscar Madison, you
wanted something to sit in...
304
00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:10,428
Here you are!
305
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,207
What is it?
306
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:23,842
Well, what does it look like?
307
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:27,445
It looks like Bubba
Smith's hand.
308
00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:30,059
I want you to
tell me what it is.
309
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:33,218
It's a chair... in the
shape of a hand.
310
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,186
A left hand, to be exact.
311
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,366
And this, I suppose,
is the right hand.
312
00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:43,161
Aren't they super?
313
00:12:43,213 --> 00:12:45,346
No. I send you
out for some chairs.
314
00:12:45,415 --> 00:12:47,110
You come back with
a couple of hands.
315
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:50,168
But they're... they're
just like ordinary chairs.
316
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:52,003
Sit down.
317
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:55,440
But they're hands.
318
00:12:55,509 --> 00:12:57,609
I feel like an M&M.
319
00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:03,359
Aren't you comfortable? No.
320
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:04,982
Try this chair.
321
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,851
I can sit anywhere.
322
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:09,920
I'm ambidextrous.
323
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:13,090
Oscar, these are going
to be the rage of the future.
324
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,409
And you can't believe
what I paid for them.
325
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:17,561
40 cents?
326
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:18,896
Stop kidding.
327
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,564
$200.
328
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:22,984
$200?
329
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:27,588
$200! Felix,
that's $20 a finger!
330
00:13:27,657 --> 00:13:29,123
Are you crazy?
331
00:13:29,191 --> 00:13:31,692
These are thousand dollar hands!
332
00:13:31,761 --> 00:13:33,339
Where's the rest of the stuff?
333
00:13:33,363 --> 00:13:35,162
Well, look! Look at
our lovely new drapes.
334
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:36,908
Well, thank goodness for that.
335
00:13:36,932 --> 00:13:38,277
Now all these
people can't look in
336
00:13:38,301 --> 00:13:40,968
and see we're sitting in hands.
337
00:13:41,036 --> 00:13:42,514
Oscar, when you
decorate an apartment,
338
00:13:42,538 --> 00:13:44,606
you're creating a
new environment.
339
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,502
You don't just
throw everything in.
340
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:48,342
You buy one piece at a time.
341
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,278
We'll live with the
chairs a couple of days,
342
00:13:50,346 --> 00:13:52,513
then we'll say to a chair,
343
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:55,249
"What would you
like around you?"
344
00:13:55,318 --> 00:13:57,968
And it'll say "gloves."
345
00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,515
You don't like them
'cause you don't see
346
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:00,779
what's going to be around them.
347
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:02,185
Felix, I see nothing
around them!
348
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:03,519
Yes, but there's going
to be something here,
349
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:04,687
there's going to
be something there,
350
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:05,854
there's going to be something...
351
00:14:05,878 --> 00:14:07,178
Whoa, whoa. Over there.
352
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:08,357
I want you to say
something about over there.
353
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,193
Nothing. That's the
contemporary style.
354
00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:11,516
Nothing here.
355
00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:13,079
Simple, uncluttered space.
356
00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:15,619
You want space, move to Utah!
357
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,788
I want clutter,
and I want it soon!
358
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:20,024
Listen, when he asks
you what you want,
359
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,104
you tell him you want a
table for you and your brother,
360
00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:23,928
and a desk for your Uncle Oscar.
361
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:25,330
And, if you don't get it,
362
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,109
there's gonna be
plenty empty space
363
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:29,350
where he used to live!
364
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,871
Don't be upset.
365
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:39,643
Miriam, the furniture
arrived early this morning.
366
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,312
Oscar doesn't know it's here.
367
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,026
Yes. He'll love it.
He'll love it. Felix!
368
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,528
I'll call you back in
a little while, honey.
369
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,785
I had a bad dream!
370
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:50,888
I dreamt I sat in the
hand, and it made a fist.
371
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:56,661
It's breeding!
372
00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:00,142
Felix, what is this? I'm
still having a nightmare.
373
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,365
Come on, what is this?
374
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,767
This is the stuff you
asked for yesterday.
375
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:05,831
Your new table, your
new desk, your new lamp.
376
00:15:05,855 --> 00:15:07,355
Isn't it all neat?
377
00:15:07,423 --> 00:15:08,634
Have your orange juice.
378
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:10,524
It's on the breakfast table.
379
00:15:10,593 --> 00:15:11,959
That's a breakfast table?
380
00:15:12,027 --> 00:15:12,960
Of course.
381
00:15:13,028 --> 00:15:13,961
Not "of course."
382
00:15:14,029 --> 00:15:15,429
It was my fourth choice.
383
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:17,476
Come on. Meet
your new roommates.
384
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,778
Oscar, this is your new chair.
385
00:15:19,802 --> 00:15:21,134
This is my chair?
386
00:15:21,203 --> 00:15:22,548
Yes. Got it just for you.
387
00:15:22,572 --> 00:15:25,239
See? It's shaped
like a potato chip.
388
00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:28,609
Isn't this an inventive tree?
389
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,523
It's a conversation piece.
390
00:15:30,547 --> 00:15:33,281
Tell it to shut up.
391
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:34,782
Look.
392
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:36,128
That's my desk?
393
00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:38,686
Yeah. Just for you.
394
00:15:38,754 --> 00:15:40,466
What am I, David Copperfield?
395
00:15:40,490 --> 00:15:42,390
Sit down.
396
00:15:42,458 --> 00:15:44,041
Felix, what is this?
397
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:48,445
I'm a writer, not
a diamond cutter.
398
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:50,247
I can't work here.
399
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:53,284
Oscar, learn to
accept new ideas.
400
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,719
Open your mind.
401
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,053
Where is it written that a desk
402
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,990
must be an enormous
wooden object with drawers?
403
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:00,724
Give these things a chance.
404
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,126
You'll love them.
405
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:03,360
I don't have time to argue.
406
00:16:03,429 --> 00:16:04,840
I gotta get some work
done. What time is it?
407
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,297
I'm glad you asked me that.
408
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:08,666
Let's go take a
look at the clock.
409
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,070
That's a clock?
410
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,505
What else?
411
00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:17,086
Could be a bunch
of Peeping Toms.
412
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,776
What time does it say?
413
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:20,211
9:35, of course.
414
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,578
How can you tell?
415
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,697
It's easy. Hours on this
side, minutes on this side.
416
00:16:23,767 --> 00:16:26,433
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine.
417
00:16:26,502 --> 00:16:28,435
10, 20, 30.
418
00:16:28,504 --> 00:16:29,703
The red dot is five.
419
00:16:29,773 --> 00:16:31,438
9:35.
420
00:16:31,507 --> 00:16:33,241
9:36.
421
00:16:33,309 --> 00:16:35,755
By the time you figure it
out, you're late for work.
422
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,759
Hi, Mr. Unger. Hi,
Mr. Madison. Myrna.
423
00:16:39,783 --> 00:16:41,160
Are those copies
of the interviews?
424
00:16:41,184 --> 00:16:42,549
Yeah, I...
425
00:16:42,618 --> 00:16:44,496
I got some more funny
stories for you to type up.
426
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,320
Look. What do you think?
427
00:16:46,389 --> 00:16:48,990
Is this what they
mean by "future shock"?
428
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:52,693
Sit down, sit down.
429
00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:54,373
Can I sit in it? Of course.
430
00:16:54,397 --> 00:16:55,908
You can take it
home if you want to.
431
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:58,365
Now we'll get an
objective opinion.
432
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,567
How do you feel?
433
00:17:00,636 --> 00:17:04,772
I... I sort of feel like
I'm insured by Allstate.
434
00:17:04,841 --> 00:17:07,608
Okay, the tour is over.
435
00:17:07,677 --> 00:17:09,388
The owner of this
museum has to go to work
436
00:17:09,412 --> 00:17:11,223
to pay for all this. Good-bye.
437
00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:13,125
Okay. It's really
cute, Mr. Unger.
438
00:17:13,149 --> 00:17:15,783
Oh, look at the
time. I gotta run. Bye.
439
00:17:46,248 --> 00:17:48,182
♪ ♪
440
00:18:03,232 --> 00:18:05,099
Look at this.
441
00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:08,468
I got a singing tree
and a dancing table.
442
00:18:08,537 --> 00:18:10,437
Oh, that's it. Felix! What?
443
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:12,066
Felix, out here,
please. What is it?
444
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:13,268
That's it. Come here!
445
00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:14,669
Come on. Sit down,
Felix. What's wrong?
446
00:18:14,693 --> 00:18:16,171
Just sit down. Not there.
447
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:17,528
Sit in the chip.
448
00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:22,766
All right, Felix, your
decorating days are over.
449
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:24,713
I send you out for furniture,
what do you come back with?
450
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,137
Two hands. Right?
451
00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:28,539
A... a Nobel Prize clock!
452
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,336
A kindergarten
chair! A laser beam!
453
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,859
A chrome bush!
454
00:18:31,927 --> 00:18:33,605
You gotta... you gotta
understand these things.
455
00:18:33,629 --> 00:18:34,807
Give them time.
456
00:18:34,831 --> 00:18:35,896
I've given them time...
457
00:18:35,965 --> 00:18:37,297
Three red dots
and two white ones.
458
00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:38,599
This is my apartment.
459
00:18:38,668 --> 00:18:39,868
We're going to do this my way.
460
00:18:39,935 --> 00:18:41,079
See, I'm going to
trade all this stuff in
461
00:18:41,103 --> 00:18:42,302
for couches with arms, see?
462
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:44,049
I'm going to have
a chair with a back,
463
00:18:44,073 --> 00:18:46,473
a lamp with a bulb!
The only hands
464
00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:48,943
in this apartment
will be on my clock.
465
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:57,851
Okay, Oscar, about
three inches toward me.
466
00:18:57,921 --> 00:19:01,022
Ah! Now about
one inch toward you.
467
00:19:01,090 --> 00:19:03,023
Ah, ah, ah!
468
00:19:03,092 --> 00:19:05,392
Now, just a pinch towards me.
469
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,207
Ah, ah! Oh, will you stop
that "ahs" and the pinches?!
470
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:10,163
It's fine just the way it is.
471
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:13,934
Oscar, you've got
some lovely pieces here.
472
00:19:14,002 --> 00:19:15,569
Where did you get them?
473
00:19:15,638 --> 00:19:17,133
From Sam, Sam, the discount man.
474
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:18,356
I know him.
475
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:19,857
I arrested him once.
476
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,052
How about it?
477
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,721
It took Felix a week
to decorate this place.
478
00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:24,590
I did it like that. Looks
pretty good, doesn't it?
479
00:19:24,614 --> 00:19:26,113
Oh, it's groovy!
480
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:27,476
Oh, Oscar. What?
481
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,366
You're gonna have to
rearrange these chairs.
482
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:31,246
I mean, you got the
two purple together,
483
00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:32,814
two green together.
It's not right.
484
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,483
You gotta make it
boy, girl, boy, girl.
485
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,117
Give me a hand. Move that chair.
486
00:19:36,141 --> 00:19:37,619
Here, move that chair
over like that. That's it.
487
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,688
Now, bring it around
here. Here. Let me...
488
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:42,213
Put it there. There.
489
00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:41,405
It's a chicken.
490
00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:51,482
It's a jigsaw puzzle.
491
00:21:08,617 --> 00:21:11,785
"Just hello.
492
00:21:11,854 --> 00:21:13,432
"I'd like to be with you a while
493
00:21:13,456 --> 00:21:15,255
"and hear about the folks,
494
00:21:15,324 --> 00:21:17,202
"I'd like to sit
and see you smile
495
00:21:17,226 --> 00:21:18,742
"at the same old jokes,
496
00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:20,977
"but since you are so far away
497
00:21:21,046 --> 00:21:22,412
"I cannot hope to go,
498
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:24,815
"I'll send along
this little token
499
00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:27,217
just to say 'Hello'."
500
00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:42,249
I'm sorry.
501
00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:46,671
Who is it?
502
00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:47,988
Miriam.
503
00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:49,256
Oh, what is it, dear?
504
00:21:49,324 --> 00:21:50,736
Oh, I just came down to say hi.
505
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:52,004
May I come in?
506
00:21:52,028 --> 00:21:53,794
No. I-I can't say
"hi" now. I'm...
507
00:21:53,863 --> 00:21:55,273
Well, why? Is something wrong?
508
00:21:55,297 --> 00:21:56,997
I'm photo... I'm
developing some film.
509
00:21:57,066 --> 00:21:58,465
I'll come up to your place later
510
00:21:58,534 --> 00:21:59,934
and say "hi," okay?
511
00:22:00,002 --> 00:22:01,418
Okay.
512
00:22:01,487 --> 00:22:02,581
Why didn't you let her in?
513
00:22:02,605 --> 00:22:05,839
Because I'm ashamed!
514
00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:09,209
Anywhere I look, something
offends my senses!
515
00:22:09,278 --> 00:22:11,111
Oscar, it looks as though you...
516
00:22:11,180 --> 00:22:14,848
you got this whole place
free with a full tank of gas!
517
00:22:14,917 --> 00:22:19,019
All right, so it's a
little wild. A little wild?
518
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,788
Well, it's my apartment!
519
00:22:20,856 --> 00:22:23,123
It's not your apartment!
It's our apartment!
520
00:22:23,192 --> 00:22:24,402
But you've been throwing
your weight around
521
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:26,660
as though I didn't even exist!
522
00:22:26,729 --> 00:22:28,373
Well, all right, you didn't
like the way I decorated it,
523
00:22:28,397 --> 00:22:31,031
but at least I tried. I
made an effort. I cared.
524
00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:33,500
This looks as though you
threw it together in an hour!
525
00:22:33,569 --> 00:22:34,851
20 minutes.
526
00:22:37,372 --> 00:22:38,806
20 minutes.
527
00:22:38,874 --> 00:22:40,474
Yep.
528
00:22:40,543 --> 00:22:44,144
Well, Oscar, I'm sure
you've heard the expression
529
00:22:44,212 --> 00:22:45,829
in your life, at
some time or other,
530
00:22:45,898 --> 00:22:49,767
"The straw that broke
the camel's back."
531
00:22:49,819 --> 00:22:52,803
You've tried many ways
to get me out of here.
532
00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:54,938
You've tried tricks,
you've tried anger,
533
00:22:55,007 --> 00:22:57,241
you've even tried
physical expulsion.
534
00:22:58,661 --> 00:23:03,263
You finally succeeded with
the old standby... bad taste.
535
00:23:03,332 --> 00:23:08,668
Ratso Rizzo had
a cuter apartment.
536
00:23:16,078 --> 00:23:19,646
Look, Felix, I'm willing
to admit that I went too far
537
00:23:19,715 --> 00:23:22,616
if you're willing to admit
that you went too far.
538
00:23:24,353 --> 00:23:28,522
Maybe I did... I...
All I can say, Oscar,
539
00:23:28,591 --> 00:23:30,858
is you and I have
different tastes.
540
00:23:30,926 --> 00:23:33,026
I like caviar, you like tuna.
541
00:23:33,095 --> 00:23:35,328
I like champagne, you like beer.
542
00:23:35,397 --> 00:23:38,866
I like beef bourguignon,
you like beef jerky.
543
00:23:38,934 --> 00:23:40,679
What are you trying to say?
544
00:23:40,703 --> 00:23:43,887
The stores are
open till 9:00 tonight.
545
00:23:43,956 --> 00:23:45,489
Let's compromise.
546
00:23:45,558 --> 00:23:47,803
Let's go out and get
something we both can live with!
547
00:23:47,827 --> 00:23:50,093
Okay. Felix?
548
00:23:50,162 --> 00:23:51,807
What are we going
to do with this stuff?
549
00:23:51,831 --> 00:23:54,264
Sell it to a fortune-teller.
550
00:24:02,741 --> 00:24:04,218
This furniture is perfect,
551
00:24:04,242 --> 00:24:05,887
but we've got to get
it in the right position.
552
00:24:05,911 --> 00:24:07,656
Come on. Bring it towards me.
553
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:08,990
An inch, an inch, an inch.
554
00:24:09,014 --> 00:24:10,459
No. A little bit more.
A little bit more.
555
00:24:10,483 --> 00:24:11,893
Little bit more to your side.
Little bit more to your side.
556
00:24:11,917 --> 00:24:13,428
Little bit more on your
side, Oscar. Little bit more.
557
00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:15,163
Bring it down. Bring it
down. Down towards me.
558
00:24:15,187 --> 00:24:17,220
Of, wait a minute here!
559
00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:19,400
We've been moving
this thing for two hours.
560
00:24:19,424 --> 00:24:20,624
We're wearing out the rug.
561
00:24:20,693 --> 00:24:21,803
Just give it a little bit more.
562
00:24:21,827 --> 00:24:23,137
We're nearly there. That's it.
563
00:24:23,161 --> 00:24:24,473
Don't hurt yourself!
564
00:24:24,497 --> 00:24:26,663
You'll help me. Myrna, come on.
565
00:24:26,732 --> 00:24:28,142
Pull back a little
bit on your side.
566
00:24:28,166 --> 00:24:29,645
Come on. Here we
go. One, two, three.
567
00:24:29,669 --> 00:24:32,197
Come on. Here we go, Myrna.
568
00:24:32,221 --> 00:24:34,099
Give it the old try,
Myrna. What do you say?
569
00:24:34,123 --> 00:24:35,200
Here we go! Here we go, Myrna!
570
00:24:35,224 --> 00:24:37,357
Murray, will you help me?
571
00:24:37,426 --> 00:24:39,321
You get down there and
help me with this, please?
572
00:24:39,345 --> 00:24:41,245
Murray?
573
00:24:41,314 --> 00:24:44,447
Miriam, you'll help me. Come
on. Here we go. One, two...
574
00:24:44,517 --> 00:24:46,411
Come on, Miriam. Come on.
575
00:24:46,435 --> 00:24:48,402
I'll do it myself.
576
00:24:52,942 --> 00:24:54,375
You know something?
577
00:24:54,443 --> 00:24:56,643
I like it.
40937
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