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1
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,638
Come on, Ma, in
between your world tours,
2
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:08,624
we see each other
once in a while.
3
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:10,425
Let's have some
fun. You're right.
4
00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,740
But you're really
looking for a girl?
5
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,146
Yes, Mom.
6
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,281
And you really want
7
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,694
to get married again? Yes, Ma.
8
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,696
And you have nothing
against grandchildren?
9
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,321
No, Ma... Ma, you
started this discussion
10
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:24,723
on the courthouse steps
the day I got my divorce.
11
00:00:26,310 --> 00:00:27,792
Will you drop the subject?
12
00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:29,794
All right, the subject
13
00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:31,375
is closed. Good.
14
00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:32,964
More coffee?
15
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,144
Did you ask him if he
found a nice girl yet?
16
00:00:35,168 --> 00:00:37,335
The subject is open.
17
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:39,649
We were just talking about that.
18
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:43,409
Mrs. Madison, I'm the
last guy in the world to nag
19
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,355
or meddle in somebody
else's business,
20
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,445
believe me I'm not that kind.
21
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:52,083
But it breaks my heart to
know that this wonderful
22
00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:53,280
son of yours
23
00:00:53,304 --> 00:00:55,115
doesn't have a nice
steady girlfriend.
24
00:00:55,139 --> 00:00:56,904
Well, he says he goes out.
25
00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:58,740
Doesn't he date nice girls?
26
00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:01,627
The nicest girl he ever
brought up here stole my watch.
27
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:05,998
Oscar... I, on the other hand,
28
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,916
date a very lovely girl,
29
00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:08,995
lives right in this
building, Miriam.
30
00:01:09,019 --> 00:01:10,151
Miriam Welby.
31
00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:12,921
She holds down a very
responsible position.
32
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:15,156
I see my ex-wife
from time to time.
33
00:01:15,225 --> 00:01:16,992
Our relationship is amicable.
34
00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:18,894
I wish it were more than that.
35
00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:23,782
I have a full, satisfying life.
36
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,150
Me, too.
37
00:01:25,202 --> 00:01:26,267
You, too, what?
38
00:01:26,337 --> 00:01:27,547
Me, too. On the other hand,
39
00:01:27,571 --> 00:01:29,066
I met a very nice
girl I've been seeing.
40
00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:31,039
I don't tell you
everything. When? Who?
41
00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:32,152
What? Well, you don't know her,
42
00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:33,620
that's who. Why
didn't you tell us?
43
00:01:33,644 --> 00:01:35,689
That's wonderful. When
are we going to meet her?
44
00:01:35,713 --> 00:01:37,074
Well, I don't know,
Ma. Saturday night.
45
00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:38,229
Saturday, all four of us
46
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,115
will go out. Let's do that.
47
00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:42,028
Let's do that.
Come on, call her.
48
00:01:42,052 --> 00:01:43,613
Call her. Call her.
49
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:44,820
Call her, Chickie.
50
00:01:44,889 --> 00:01:46,822
Chickie...! Chickie...!
51
00:01:46,890 --> 00:01:48,390
Call her.
52
00:01:48,459 --> 00:01:50,291
Make your mother happy.
53
00:01:50,361 --> 00:01:52,594
Call her. Call her, Chickie.
54
00:01:52,663 --> 00:01:53,943
Oh...
55
00:01:57,735 --> 00:01:59,701
Hello, honey? Oscar.
56
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,347
Listen, I was wondering
if you were busy
57
00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:02,970
Saturday night. Son-of-a-gun.
58
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,707
Yeah. Well... Ma.
59
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,493
He'll never talk to
girls in front of me.
60
00:02:08,561 --> 00:02:09,961
I'll go freshen up.
61
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,808
Oh, isn't it wonderful, Feelie?
62
00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,098
Well, my mother's in town.
63
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,499
Yeah, and I was wondering...
64
00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:16,345
How could you have a girl
without me knowing about her?
65
00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:17,936
Come on, who is it, huh?
66
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,534
Let me say hello.
Let me just talk to her.
67
00:02:20,558 --> 00:02:22,358
Hello? This is Felix Unger.
68
00:02:22,426 --> 00:02:24,571
Oscar Madison's probably
told you a million things about...
69
00:02:24,595 --> 00:02:25,595
What?
70
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,330
The correct time is
1:13 and 20 seconds?
71
00:02:32,102 --> 00:02:33,668
That is right.
72
00:02:40,343 --> 00:02:43,444
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
73
00:02:43,513 --> 00:02:45,580
from his place of residence.
74
00:02:45,649 --> 00:02:48,283
That request came from his wife.
75
00:02:48,351 --> 00:02:50,685
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
76
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:54,189
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
77
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:56,158
With nowhere else to go,
78
00:02:56,226 --> 00:02:58,977
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
79
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,245
Several years earlier,
80
00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:01,892
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
81
00:03:01,916 --> 00:03:04,582
requesting that he never return.
82
00:03:04,635 --> 00:03:07,118
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
83
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:09,148
without driving
each other crazy?
84
00:03:38,836 --> 00:03:41,769
♪ ♪
85
00:03:56,553 --> 00:03:59,821
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
86
00:04:02,926 --> 00:04:05,993
Chickie, I can't wait to meet
your girlfriend Saturday night.
87
00:04:06,062 --> 00:04:07,206
Bye-bye, dear.
88
00:04:07,230 --> 00:04:09,110
Bye-bye, Ma. I'll see you later.
89
00:04:10,701 --> 00:04:12,951
I'd be good and ashamed.
90
00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:15,838
Lying
91
00:04:15,873 --> 00:04:17,972
to a mother who
calls you Chickie.
92
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,726
I lied because you
backed me into a corner.
93
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:22,827
Oh, it's my fault?
94
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:23,995
Yeah.
95
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,686
You're saving used coffee?
96
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:33,821
Don't help me.
97
00:04:33,891 --> 00:04:35,902
My mother goes on world tours
98
00:04:35,926 --> 00:04:38,371
worrying about
me in 26 countries.
99
00:04:38,395 --> 00:04:41,429
Every tour guide in Asia
knows I'm not married.
100
00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:43,164
She's trying to help you.
101
00:04:43,233 --> 00:04:46,968
She enrolled me in a Lonely
Hearts Club in Istanbul.
102
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,415
Last week in the mail,
I got a sheep's head
103
00:04:49,439 --> 00:04:52,540
with "I love you"
written along its neck.
104
00:04:52,609 --> 00:04:54,053
So what're you gonna
tell her Saturday night
105
00:04:54,077 --> 00:04:55,755
when you don't have a date?
Is that gonna make her happy?
106
00:04:55,779 --> 00:04:57,712
I'll find somebody. Who? Who?
107
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,047
I was thinking of Mary.
108
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:01,950
Mary? With the tattoo?
109
00:05:03,420 --> 00:05:04,652
You know about the tattoo?
110
00:05:04,722 --> 00:05:06,321
She dresses to feature it.
111
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:07,706
How about Frida?
112
00:05:07,758 --> 00:05:08,790
Oh, good.
113
00:05:08,859 --> 00:05:10,779
Maybe she'll bring
my watch back.
114
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:12,455
Aw, butt out, will you?
115
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:13,645
It's all your fault.
116
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,625
You're the "call her,
call her, call her."
117
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,664
You're right.
118
00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:17,999
I pushed you. I know I did.
119
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,901
I'm sorry. Let me
make it up to you.
120
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,267
You'll move out?
121
00:05:22,673 --> 00:05:23,888
Let me find you a girl.
122
00:05:23,941 --> 00:05:25,184
Oh, yeah... No, no.
123
00:05:25,208 --> 00:05:27,053
I'll find someone your
mother'll be crazy about.
124
00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:29,377
I can do it. I'm a
natural-born matchmaker.
125
00:05:29,446 --> 00:05:31,079
All the great
matches I predicted:
126
00:05:31,148 --> 00:05:32,580
John and Yoko, Liz and Richard.
127
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,783
I knew it was going to happen.
128
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,268
Give me a girl,
I'll give you a guy.
129
00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:37,685
Jane Fonda.
130
00:05:37,755 --> 00:05:39,454
Dom DeLuise.
131
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,573
Dom DeLuise?
132
00:05:41,625 --> 00:05:42,890
Give me a hard one.
133
00:05:42,959 --> 00:05:44,359
Give me a guy,
I'll give you a girl.
134
00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:45,572
Oscar Madison.
135
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:46,794
Raquel Welch.
136
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,908
Hey, you are good at this game.
137
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,248
You see. I know your taste.
138
00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:51,599
She may not be available.
139
00:05:51,668 --> 00:05:53,501
Aw, what am I... No, wait!
140
00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:55,970
I promise you I'll
have a girl here.
141
00:06:23,933 --> 00:06:25,300
Well, I wonder where he can be.
142
00:06:25,368 --> 00:06:26,408
Come in, come in, come in.
143
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:27,535
Sit down.
144
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,137
Make yourself comfortable.
145
00:06:29,206 --> 00:06:32,140
I'll bet he's in the
kitchen cooking dinner.
146
00:06:32,209 --> 00:06:34,509
He's a wonderful cook.
147
00:06:34,578 --> 00:06:36,844
He's just an all-around guy.
148
00:06:36,913 --> 00:06:40,449
And his cleaning is every
bit as good as his cooking.
149
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,277
What are you doing?!
What are you doing?!
150
00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:44,101
I'm cleaning the countertop.
151
00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:45,603
On my floor?
152
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:47,350
What's that terrible
odor in here?
153
00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:49,185
Well, you weren't here.
I was making supper.
154
00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:51,855
Shh, hold it down, not so loud.
155
00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:53,094
It's not a cake I'm making.
156
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,945
What're you making?
157
00:06:55,014 --> 00:06:56,294
It's a casserole.
158
00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:59,317
We'll talk about it later.
159
00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:00,819
I've got a girl here.
160
00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:01,998
Oh, well, I'll get out of here.
161
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,371
No, no.
162
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:05,573
She's for you.
163
00:07:05,642 --> 00:07:08,042
Oh, for me? Yeah.
164
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,212
Hey, she's a doll.
165
00:07:11,281 --> 00:07:12,313
She is a lady.
166
00:07:12,382 --> 00:07:13,662
Where'd you pick her up?
167
00:07:14,952 --> 00:07:17,752
I didn't "pick her up" as
you so elegantly put it.
168
00:07:17,821 --> 00:07:18,932
I met her. Where?
169
00:07:18,956 --> 00:07:20,683
What does it matter
where I met her? I met her.
170
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:22,385
If it doesn't matter,
tell me where.
171
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:24,592
I met her at the
doctor's office.
172
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:26,161
What has she got?
173
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,679
Oh, come on.
174
00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:29,859
If you don't want to meet her...
175
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,327
No, I do want to
meet her, she's cute.
176
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:32,995
I'm going to introduce you.
Now, act like a gentleman.
177
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,219
I will.
178
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,256
Here we are.
179
00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:39,624
I want you to meet
180
00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:44,328
one of the most
brilliant, clever, intelligent,
181
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:48,633
personable guys it's ever been
my great good fortune to know.
182
00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:49,934
Hi. Want a beer?
183
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,247
No, thank you.
184
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,937
Sensational sense of humor.
185
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,038
Oh, I'm sorry.
186
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:56,274
Doris Atkins, this
is Oscar Madison.
187
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:57,553
Hello. Nice to meet you. Hello.
188
00:07:57,577 --> 00:07:59,944
Nice to meet you.
189
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:02,213
Well, I have to
go to the movies.
190
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:06,067
Guess I'll leave you...
Where you going?
191
00:08:06,135 --> 00:08:07,814
Just going to get some
fruit to take to the show.
192
00:08:07,838 --> 00:08:08,853
I'm not here.
193
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,905
I'm not here.
194
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:14,042
Well, what kind
of work do you do?
195
00:08:14,111 --> 00:08:15,710
Oh, I'm a music teacher.
196
00:08:15,778 --> 00:08:17,362
I teach violin and piano.
197
00:08:17,431 --> 00:08:18,596
Isn't that wonderful?
198
00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:21,828
What do you do, Oscar?
199
00:08:21,852 --> 00:08:23,084
Oh, I'm a sports writer.
200
00:08:23,153 --> 00:08:25,114
Oh, that's right. Felix told me.
201
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,916
That... that must
be very exciting.
202
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:27,940
It is exciting.
203
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:29,290
It's terrifically exciting.
204
00:08:29,359 --> 00:08:31,125
Very exciting.
205
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,124
Tell him about your
music education.
206
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:36,876
Oh, he doesn't want
to hear about that.
207
00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:38,216
I certainly do.
208
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:39,317
Yeah, I certainly do.
209
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:40,763
Go ahead, tell me.
I do want to hear.
210
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,665
Ah, well, I went
to school at, uh...
211
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:44,889
Juillard.
212
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:49,828
Uh, I studied
first violin and...
213
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,431
piano.
214
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:56,701
What is that sound you make?
215
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:59,353
I don't know, there must
be some dust in here.
216
00:08:59,423 --> 00:09:00,722
Yeah, it's Oscar.
217
00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:05,827
You notice she makes
the same sound I do.
218
00:09:05,896 --> 00:09:07,745
No, I didn't notice that.
219
00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:09,514
Listen, have you
ever tried this stuff?
220
00:09:09,582 --> 00:09:12,082
The doctor gave me this and
it's been terrifically effective.
221
00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:14,297
Oh, no, I just got
this yesterday.
222
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:15,331
Yeah, that's pretty good.
223
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,465
It's almost the same stuff.
224
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:18,556
I have this, too.
225
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,057
Now, this is for stuffiness
226
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,493
and this is for pain.
227
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,795
For sneezing.
228
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:25,095
Watch out.
229
00:09:32,355 --> 00:09:34,355
We seem to have a lot
in common, don't we?
230
00:09:34,424 --> 00:09:36,307
Yeah.
231
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:39,661
I bet you wouldn't be interested
in seeing my vaporizer?
232
00:09:42,699 --> 00:09:44,365
Yeah, I'd love to.
233
00:09:44,434 --> 00:09:45,766
All right.
234
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,899
I think you'll
agree it's a beauty.
235
00:09:54,544 --> 00:09:55,824
I just...
236
00:09:55,878 --> 00:09:57,856
I was just making a
gesture of friendship,
237
00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,380
that's all it was.
238
00:09:59,449 --> 00:10:02,149
Oscar claims I brought
the girl home for myself.
239
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,468
Poor girl was clogged.
240
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:05,687
I had to do something.
241
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,419
He won't even talk to me now.
242
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,054
He's gone out to a singles bar.
243
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:14,312
Can you imagine that?
244
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:18,449
The thing is, I found the
perfect girl for him today.
245
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:21,769
Felix, am I the
black or the white?
246
00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:27,909
You're black, Murray.
247
00:10:27,978 --> 00:10:31,111
I just can't seem to get
the hang of this game.
248
00:10:31,181 --> 00:10:32,591
You're doing fine.
You're doing fine.
249
00:10:32,615 --> 00:10:36,935
Ah, I'm a whiz at
Casino and Go Fish.
250
00:10:36,987 --> 00:10:39,120
Don't leave. You're
getting hot, Murray.
251
00:10:39,189 --> 00:10:40,655
Ah, I gotta go.
252
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:44,609
I gotta find my badge.
253
00:10:44,677 --> 00:10:46,694
I left it some place.
254
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,412
Oh, hi, Oscar.
255
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,491
Hi, Murray.
256
00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:51,360
I found a badge in the hall.
257
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:52,984
Thanks.
258
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:54,212
Aren't you going to ask Oscar
259
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:55,787
if he found a date
for Saturday night?
260
00:10:55,839 --> 00:10:57,205
Oh, yeah, how'd you do?
261
00:10:57,273 --> 00:10:58,318
Did you get a girl
for Saturday night?
262
00:10:58,342 --> 00:10:59,622
No, I came up empty.
263
00:10:59,676 --> 00:11:01,421
I'm no good at picking
up girls anymore.
264
00:11:01,445 --> 00:11:02,488
It's a whole new world.
265
00:11:02,512 --> 00:11:04,524
Everybody's liberated but me.
266
00:11:04,548 --> 00:11:07,982
Wouldn't it be ironic if
our friend, Mr. Madison,
267
00:11:08,051 --> 00:11:11,802
came slithering back, begging
me to fix him up with a date?
268
00:11:11,855 --> 00:11:14,155
I gave Mr. Unger a chance.
269
00:11:14,224 --> 00:11:16,753
I ended up at the
movies with a bag of fruit.
270
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:19,244
All right, I made a mistake.
271
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:20,728
But I learned something from it.
272
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:24,481
And now, now, I've found
the perfect girl for him.
273
00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:25,861
I don't want to hear about it.
274
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:27,629
But Murray does. Murray,
sit down, Murray, listen.
275
00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:32,156
This afternoon, this
very afternoon, mind you,
276
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:35,793
a wonderful Greek
family came to my studio.
277
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,862
They wanted to have
their portraits made.
278
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:42,383
In this family, there
was a beautiful daughter.
279
00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:44,068
Her name was Helen.
280
00:11:45,589 --> 00:11:46,854
What's that you say?
281
00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:49,123
Yes, just like Helen of Troy.
282
00:11:49,192 --> 00:11:50,319
I didn't say.
283
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:55,063
A lovely, dark girl
with gleaming eyes.
284
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,630
Helena.
285
00:11:56,699 --> 00:11:58,816
Helena.
286
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:03,654
So I told this wonderful
woman of the islands
287
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,440
about my roommate, Oscar.
288
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:10,094
I can still see the way her
warm, moist, eager mouth
289
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:13,364
formed his name, "Oscar."
290
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,216
Oscar.
291
00:12:15,285 --> 00:12:18,219
They were made for each other,
292
00:12:18,288 --> 00:12:22,157
and his mother
would love her, but no.
293
00:12:22,225 --> 00:12:24,893
Through that door
on Saturday night
294
00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:28,163
is going to walk a mother
who could be made happy
295
00:12:28,231 --> 00:12:31,816
in 26 different countries
but for a selfish son.
296
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,033
All right, Felix,
297
00:12:33,103 --> 00:12:34,697
call the girl. What?
What is that I hear?
298
00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:35,853
You know what you heard.
299
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,700
I'm hearing a voice.
He's talking to me.
300
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:38,767
Congratulations!
301
00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:40,469
You made a very wise choice.
302
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:41,426
I'll tell you something.
303
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:42,427
What?
304
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,528
Your mother is very lucky
305
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:45,230
that her son has
me for a friend.
306
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:47,176
Yeah, but don't make a
definite date for Saturday.
307
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,266
I want to meet her first.
308
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,436
We'll go out for
coffee... Leave it to me!
309
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,704
Leave everything
in my capable hands.
310
00:12:55,575 --> 00:13:00,111
Well, another job well done...
311
00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:01,846
by your man in blue.
312
00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:05,082
Hey, this isn't my badge.
313
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:07,918
Some dumb cop lost his badge.
314
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:20,364
Don't forget, Felix...
You introduce me to her,
315
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:21,783
I take her right out for coffee.
316
00:13:21,852 --> 00:13:23,062
Something like that.
317
00:13:23,086 --> 00:13:24,585
Oh, no, Felix,
exactly like that.
318
00:13:24,654 --> 00:13:26,498
Oscar, you just can't
grab the girl and leave.
319
00:13:26,522 --> 00:13:27,455
You've got to meet
320
00:13:27,523 --> 00:13:28,835
the entire Damascopolous family.
321
00:13:28,859 --> 00:13:31,137
All right, I'll meet the entire
Damascopolous family
322
00:13:31,161 --> 00:13:32,860
then we're out for coffee.
323
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,256
You've gotta talk to them.
324
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,357
You're going to love
325
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:36,691
sitting and talking with them.
326
00:13:36,715 --> 00:13:38,127
They're Old World
people. They're charming.
327
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,595
They're a fun group, believe me!
328
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:40,629
You're gonna love them.
329
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,320
Hello, Felix.
330
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:45,356
Oh, Mr. Madison, I recognize you
331
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:46,790
from the newspapers.
332
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:49,193
Ah, welcome to my home.
333
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:50,940
Come in. Come in.
Come in. Come in.
334
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:55,399
This is the famous American
sports newspaper writer,
335
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:57,001
Oscar Madison!
336
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,002
How are you?
337
00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,081
Felix, you know everybody, eh?
338
00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:00,237
Kalifari filimou.
339
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:01,238
Ah, good.
340
00:14:01,307 --> 00:14:02,239
Good Greek, huh?
341
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:03,240
This is my sainted mother.
342
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,525
How are you?
343
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,043
That's my father.
344
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:07,578
How do you do, sir?
345
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,614
He's resting.
346
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,983
That's my son, Andreas.
347
00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:13,217
He's a sponge diver.
348
00:14:13,285 --> 00:14:14,218
Sponge diver?
349
00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:16,386
Well, since we
moved to New York,
350
00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:17,821
he doesn't work that much,
351
00:14:17,874 --> 00:14:20,641
but maybe you could help him.
352
00:14:20,710 --> 00:14:21,710
Oh, I'm sorry.
353
00:14:21,745 --> 00:14:23,544
Most of my friends
are in foam rubber.
354
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:24,891
No, no, no.
355
00:14:24,915 --> 00:14:27,048
He's going to be a wrestler.
356
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,361
He's very strong.
357
00:14:28,385 --> 00:14:31,285
Sit. Sit down. Sit down.
358
00:14:31,354 --> 00:14:32,354
Oh, no, no, no.
359
00:14:32,422 --> 00:14:35,706
One, two, three, go!
360
00:14:35,774 --> 00:14:37,641
One, two, three, go!
361
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,227
You're very strong.
362
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:40,945
You're gonna be a
very good wrestler.
363
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,546
How do you turn this guy off?
364
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:45,184
And sit down.
365
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:48,620
Enough.
366
00:14:50,574 --> 00:14:52,556
And that's my jewel.
367
00:14:52,609 --> 00:14:55,776
My lovely daughter Helena.
368
00:14:55,845 --> 00:14:58,345
Very nice to meet you.
369
00:15:01,417 --> 00:15:02,750
Go! Sit!
370
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:13,012
He likes you.
371
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:29,893
Beautiful weather
we're having, isn't it?
372
00:15:29,946 --> 00:15:31,479
Ah, beautiful.
373
00:15:31,548 --> 00:15:34,048
It's just like in Greece.
374
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:42,273
Excuse me. I show you something.
375
00:15:42,325 --> 00:15:44,108
Would you like to go out
376
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,759
for some coffee? What out?
377
00:15:45,829 --> 00:15:47,228
We have a nice time here.
378
00:15:47,297 --> 00:15:48,228
That's right.
379
00:15:48,298 --> 00:15:50,331
Home fun is the best fun.
380
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,015
The family album!
381
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,980
Oh! Gather around. Take a chair.
382
00:15:54,004 --> 00:15:55,181
A family album.
383
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:59,140
Look at this. Ah, nice.
384
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:00,257
Who's that?
385
00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:02,655
That's Andreas in his playpen.
386
00:16:02,679 --> 00:16:03,990
Ah, you see, Oscar? Yeah.
387
00:16:04,014 --> 00:16:06,313
Tearing the arms
off his teddy bear.
388
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:09,833
Would you like to
go out for a walk?
389
00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:11,769
Helena.
390
00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:13,582
Is she going to go get her coat?
391
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,501
No, that's the end
of the meeting.
392
00:16:15,525 --> 00:16:17,809
We make first meeting short
393
00:16:17,861 --> 00:16:20,222
to make next
meeting longer. Ah...
394
00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:21,578
Very nice meeting you all
395
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,592
and I hope to see
you again very soon.
396
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:24,782
Don't go.
397
00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:27,534
We don't need Helena
to enjoy ourselves.
398
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:28,897
It's a lot better
than arm wrestling.
399
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:29,921
Oscar, look, look.
400
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:32,356
Here's a picture
of the whole family.
401
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:34,642
Ah, but we start the scrapbooks
402
00:16:34,711 --> 00:16:36,310
from the middle.
No, no, no, sit down.
403
00:16:36,379 --> 00:16:38,479
We'll start at the beginning.
404
00:16:38,547 --> 00:16:40,647
Sit down. We'll
look at scrapbooks.
405
00:16:40,716 --> 00:16:45,820
Felix, Felix, et'slay amscray.
406
00:16:49,726 --> 00:16:52,793
Ah, look. Look
what we have here.
407
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,078
Volume one.
408
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:56,079
Uh-huh...
409
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,132
The early years. Ah...
410
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:05,239
Oscar? Yeah.
411
00:17:05,308 --> 00:17:06,308
Where are ya?
412
00:17:06,375 --> 00:17:07,308
Here.
413
00:17:07,376 --> 00:17:08,759
Hey, did you get a date?
414
00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:10,963
Huh?
415
00:17:12,081 --> 00:17:13,558
What does "Ah, ah, ah"
mean? I know what it means.
416
00:17:13,582 --> 00:17:14,916
It means you didn't get a date.
417
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:16,281
Your tie looks adorable.
418
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:18,836
Great news.
419
00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:20,983
Mr. Damascopolous
called me at the studio.
420
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:23,352
He invited us to his
restaurant tonight.
421
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,109
So?
422
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,089
Well, Helen will be there.
423
00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:28,791
You can introduce
her to your mother.
424
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:29,947
How? In pantomime?
425
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:31,911
I don't even know
if the girl can talk.
426
00:17:31,935 --> 00:17:34,435
Felix, my mother knows I'd
never go for a girl like that.
427
00:17:34,503 --> 00:17:36,081
Oscar, what's the
matter with you?
428
00:17:36,105 --> 00:17:38,250
Come along. The worst
thing that could happen
429
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:39,885
is that you'd have a good time.
430
00:17:39,909 --> 00:17:41,420
Oh, sure, I'll
have a great time.
431
00:17:41,444 --> 00:17:43,689
I'll say, "Mom, this is Helen."
Her father'll go like that.
432
00:17:43,713 --> 00:17:46,580
Next thing you know I got an
old man sleeping on my shoulder.
433
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,060
What are you gonna
tell your mother?
434
00:17:48,084 --> 00:17:49,394
I'm gonna tell
her the truth, Felix.
435
00:17:49,418 --> 00:17:51,163
I don't have a steady girl.
I may never get married.
436
00:17:51,187 --> 00:17:52,565
Hold your voice. She
has to face the facts.
437
00:17:52,589 --> 00:17:53,599
No, I'm gonna
tell her right now.
438
00:17:53,623 --> 00:17:54,555
Hi, Chickie. Hiya, Mom?
439
00:17:54,624 --> 00:17:55,904
Oh, hi, Felix.
440
00:17:55,959 --> 00:17:57,937
Oh, where are we going
tonight with your young lady?
441
00:17:57,961 --> 00:17:59,538
That's what I want
to tell you, Mom.
442
00:17:59,562 --> 00:18:00,639
Where is she? I'm
dying to meet her.
443
00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:02,074
I was up all night
thinking about it.
444
00:18:02,098 --> 00:18:03,159
That's what I want
to tell you, Mom.
445
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,048
Go ahead, tell her.
446
00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:05,199
Tell me what?
447
00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:08,201
How would you like to
go to a Greek restaurant?
448
00:18:08,271 --> 00:18:11,806
Wonderful!
449
00:18:13,476 --> 00:18:15,509
♪ ♪
450
00:18:58,521 --> 00:18:59,453
Wonderful.
451
00:18:59,522 --> 00:19:01,038
An old American toast:
452
00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:02,172
Bottoms up!
453
00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:03,636
Kolitiki. Kolitiki.
454
00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:05,104
What is that? It's Greek.
455
00:19:05,128 --> 00:19:06,589
It means "good luck" in Greek.
456
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:07,828
Ah, how nice.
457
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:08,845
Felix, where's Helen?
458
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:09,915
We've been here an hour
459
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,310
and my mother
thinks I made her up.
460
00:19:11,334 --> 00:19:13,145
Is anything wrong, Mr. Madison?
461
00:19:13,169 --> 00:19:14,434
Well, as a matter...
462
00:19:14,503 --> 00:19:15,898
No, no. We're having
a wonderful time.
463
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,371
Thank you.
464
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,435
What's the matter with you?
465
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:21,336
These are Old World customs.
466
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:22,438
You don't offend people.
467
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:25,729
Mr. Madison, your
mother is beautiful.
468
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:30,167
Oh, I just love Greek
food. We had it in Hawaii.
469
00:19:30,220 --> 00:19:33,621
Another toast for Mrs. Madison.
470
00:19:33,690 --> 00:19:34,621
Yoshua.
471
00:19:34,691 --> 00:19:36,211
Yoshua.
472
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:38,643
"Good health."
473
00:19:38,695 --> 00:19:39,760
Oh, how nice!
474
00:19:39,829 --> 00:19:41,774
I have to say two
words now to the band.
475
00:19:41,798 --> 00:19:44,748
They are all relatives.
476
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:45,845
Oscar, where's Helen?
477
00:19:45,869 --> 00:19:46,901
She'll be here, Mom.
478
00:19:46,970 --> 00:19:48,597
Listen, I want to tell
you something about her.
479
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:49,403
Well, what, what?
480
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:50,554
Well, you know you're used
481
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:51,956
to seeing me
with talkative girls.
482
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,942
She's very shy and very quiet.
483
00:19:55,010 --> 00:19:56,543
Well, quiet is nice.
484
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:57,909
Quiet is beautiful.
485
00:19:57,963 --> 00:19:58,879
Now we dance.
486
00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:01,898
He dances, too.
487
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:03,600
Oh, no, no, no!
488
00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:14,878
Come on.
489
00:20:14,931 --> 00:20:16,363
He's asked me to dance.
490
00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:17,364
Go ahead. It's okay.
491
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:18,843
I saw it in Zorba The Greek.
492
00:20:18,867 --> 00:20:21,084
It's not okay. I saw it
in Boys In The Band.
493
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,560
Hey!
494
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:48,229
Hey, come on! Come on!
495
00:21:39,398 --> 00:21:40,898
Oh!
496
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,332
Are you all right?
497
00:21:42,401 --> 00:21:44,635
No.
498
00:21:46,272 --> 00:21:47,671
I came to meet your girlfriend,
499
00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:49,385
and I've only seen
you dance with men.
500
00:21:49,409 --> 00:21:50,609
Oh, we're having a lot of fun.
501
00:21:51,694 --> 00:21:56,846
Mr. Madison, Mrs.
Madison, Felix Unger,
502
00:21:56,916 --> 00:22:00,117
I want you to meet my daughter.
503
00:22:00,186 --> 00:22:01,134
Oh, at last.
504
00:22:01,203 --> 00:22:04,838
Everybody, my lovely
daughter, Helena!
505
00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:39,690
♪ ♪
506
00:23:17,246 --> 00:23:19,563
Hey!
507
00:23:46,109 --> 00:23:48,893
Oscar, you're a
boy belly dancer.
508
00:24:00,873 --> 00:24:03,990
Oh, Mr. Damascopolous,
this was so exciting
509
00:24:04,076 --> 00:24:05,943
after I once got used to this.
510
00:24:05,995 --> 00:24:09,497
My name is Aroestes,
but you can call me Ari.
511
00:24:09,565 --> 00:24:11,365
Oh, Ari, you're a nice man.
512
00:24:11,433 --> 00:24:14,067
My name is Elizabeth
and you can call me Betsy.
513
00:24:14,136 --> 00:24:16,036
Ah, dear lady, Betsy,
514
00:24:16,105 --> 00:24:19,506
you made this evening wonderful.
515
00:24:19,592 --> 00:24:22,059
You sure are nice and quiet,
516
00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:24,661
but not when you dance,
and we're gonna dance a lot.
517
00:24:24,730 --> 00:24:27,064
Listen, say my
name again, will you?
518
00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:28,065
Oscar.
519
00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:29,249
Yeah.
520
00:24:29,318 --> 00:24:31,551
You want to dance?
35449
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