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1
00:00:04,771 --> 00:00:06,771
All right, now,
all those in favor
2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,108
of the Lexington Avenue
Opera Club starting our season
3
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:13,678
with Madame Butterfly again
kindly signify by saying "aye."
4
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:14,679
Aye. Aye. Aye.
5
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,215
Those opposed? It's unanimous.
6
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:17,727
We're going to have
Madame Butterfly.
7
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:20,769
Great, oh, great... now,
what we do first: Henry,
8
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:22,999
talk to the man who rented us
the kimonos and wigs last year,
9
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,189
but tell him this time he's
10
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:25,836
going to have to
wait for his money.
11
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:27,058
Don't you have the money yet?
12
00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:28,755
I... I have it, don't
worry about it.
13
00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:30,979
As soon as I talk to
Oscar, I'll have the money.
14
00:00:31,014 --> 00:00:33,015
Last year, my wig didn't fit.
15
00:00:33,083 --> 00:00:34,210
Don't worry about
your wig, Vivian.
16
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:34,999
I had a headache all
through the second act.
17
00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:36,402
You won't have a headache.
18
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:39,187
We'll make your wig fit.
Look who's here! Mr. Madison!
19
00:00:39,255 --> 00:00:40,355
Hi, everybody.
20
00:00:40,423 --> 00:00:41,757
♪ Hello, Oscar... ♪
21
00:00:41,826 --> 00:00:43,358
♪ Hello, Oscar... ♪
22
00:00:43,427 --> 00:00:47,463
♪ Hello, Oscar! ♪
23
00:00:47,531 --> 00:00:48,909
I want... I want to talk to you.
24
00:00:48,933 --> 00:00:51,445
Help yourselves. I made
you some finger sandwiches.
25
00:00:51,469 --> 00:00:53,802
Hey, buddy...
26
00:00:53,871 --> 00:00:55,437
What's with the
singing telegram?
27
00:00:55,506 --> 00:00:57,138
That's my opera group.
28
00:00:57,207 --> 00:00:58,841
They like you!
29
00:00:58,909 --> 00:01:01,510
Everybody likes you.
30
00:01:01,579 --> 00:01:03,295
All right, Felix,
what do you want?
31
00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:05,775
What do you mean,
what do I want?
32
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,143
I just want to talk to you.
33
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:08,466
Not now. I'm not in the mood.
34
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:09,612
What's the matter?
35
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:10,969
Oh, you wouldn't understand.
36
00:01:11,038 --> 00:01:12,615
Why, of course I would, buddy.
37
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:13,972
What happened?
38
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:17,425
I got kicked out
of the pool room.
39
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:20,862
Not much left after you've
40
00:01:20,931 --> 00:01:22,826
been kicked out of a
pool room, is there?
41
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,532
Well, I've been
shooting so good lately,
42
00:01:24,601 --> 00:01:26,121
they're beginning
to call me a hustler.
43
00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:27,769
Are you? No.
44
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:31,172
And I was counting on winning
enough money to pay my bills.
45
00:01:31,241 --> 00:01:33,024
You're really something.
46
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,937
You... you love to
gamble, don't you?
47
00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:36,027
Don't nag me now, will ya?
48
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,173
I'm not nagging
you. It's healthy.
49
00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:38,475
You enjoy it.
It's a good outlet.
50
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:39,959
It's perfectly normal.
It's a good outlet?!
51
00:01:39,983 --> 00:01:41,628
You ought to quit the opera
club... too many high notes.
52
00:01:41,652 --> 00:01:42,932
I'm not kidding.
53
00:01:42,987 --> 00:01:45,621
You... You're an expert
on gambling, aren't you?
54
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:47,639
On gambling, yeah.
Not on winning.
55
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,007
Yeah, but you know odds.
56
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:50,787
You know the games.
You know all those things.
57
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,577
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the savior
58
00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:56,748
of the Lexington Avenue
Opera Club, Oscar Madison!
59
00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:09,427
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
60
00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:11,563
from his place of residence.
61
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,266
That request came from his wife.
62
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:16,668
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
63
00:02:16,736 --> 00:02:20,172
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
64
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,140
With nowhere else to go,
65
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,927
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
66
00:02:24,995 --> 00:02:26,194
Several years earlier,
67
00:02:26,263 --> 00:02:27,841
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
68
00:02:27,865 --> 00:02:30,549
requesting that he never return.
69
00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:33,068
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
70
00:02:33,137 --> 00:02:35,097
without driving
each other crazy?
71
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:07,752
♪ ♪
72
00:03:21,986 --> 00:03:25,920
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
73
00:03:29,993 --> 00:03:31,359
Meeting adjourned.
74
00:03:31,427 --> 00:03:33,161
Meeting adjourned,
I'll see you...
75
00:03:33,229 --> 00:03:34,641
You'll find out.
You'll find out.
76
00:03:34,665 --> 00:03:36,275
You won't have any
trouble, will you, Felix?
77
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,877
Don't worry, just let
me talk to him alone.
78
00:03:37,901 --> 00:03:39,462
Everything's going to be all
right. You will check on my wig?
79
00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:43,326
Don't worry about
your wig, Vivian.
80
00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:51,229
Oscar? No.
81
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:52,697
I didn't say anything.
82
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:53,976
Why do you say "no"?
83
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,517
Let's start with "no,"
we'll work from there.
84
00:03:59,023 --> 00:04:01,234
My opera club is
in desperate trouble.
85
00:04:01,258 --> 00:04:02,590
I know, I've heard them sing.
86
00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:07,796
That's a goody.
87
00:04:07,865 --> 00:04:10,666
You're some
character, you really are.
88
00:04:10,734 --> 00:04:12,014
You made yourself a sandwich
89
00:04:12,069 --> 00:04:13,513
and now you've got
my finger sandwiches?
90
00:04:13,537 --> 00:04:15,017
Yeah, they're going
to be for dessert.
91
00:04:17,141 --> 00:04:18,806
You know, the opera club
92
00:04:18,875 --> 00:04:21,659
has been operating for
several years at a steady loss.
93
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:22,794
So have I.
94
00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:27,532
You know, every year, we
run a fund-raising event...
95
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,967
All right, how
much are the tickets
96
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:30,818
and what is the make of the car?
97
00:04:30,887 --> 00:04:33,538
We're not going to
have some corny raffle.
98
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:34,886
That's for Easter.
99
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:37,320
Now what we're
going to do this year...
100
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:39,322
we're going to have
a Monte Carlo Night.
101
00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:41,524
Gambling for the sake
of the opera. Good.
102
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,298
Go ahead, it's
all right with me.
103
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:47,102
Well, there's only
one... one problem.
104
00:04:47,171 --> 00:04:48,814
We don't know
much about gambling.
105
00:04:48,838 --> 00:04:50,004
What's to know?
106
00:04:50,074 --> 00:04:51,514
You call your bookie
and then, later,
107
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,375
you send him a check.
108
00:04:53,444 --> 00:04:55,321
Hmm, running a Monte
Carlo Night's a lot more
109
00:04:55,345 --> 00:04:56,911
complicated than that.
110
00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:59,264
All right, Felix, what
do you want from me?
111
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:02,951
Put that down!
112
00:05:03,019 --> 00:05:05,620
Not back in there after
it's been in your mouth!
113
00:05:08,959 --> 00:05:12,511
All right, here's
what I want you to do.
114
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,690
You'd know where to
rent gambling equipment.
115
00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:17,165
We don't know that and you
could get it at the right price.
116
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:20,018
Then, teach our members
how to operate the equipment.
117
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,781
Then, set the odds so
we make a lot of money.
118
00:05:21,805 --> 00:05:23,416
Then, spread the word
around so we'll have
119
00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:24,650
a lot of people there gambling.
120
00:05:24,674 --> 00:05:25,935
Then, on the night of the event,
121
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:27,787
you run everything. Mm-hmm.
122
00:05:27,811 --> 00:05:29,010
Can you do that? Sure.
123
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:31,023
Just let me step into
a telephone booth,
124
00:05:31,047 --> 00:05:33,315
change into my cape,
break a date with Lois Lane
125
00:05:33,383 --> 00:05:35,150
and I'll be right out.
126
00:05:35,218 --> 00:05:37,552
I know it's a lot of
work, but you've,
127
00:05:37,621 --> 00:05:39,365
you've run gambling
nights before.
128
00:05:39,389 --> 00:05:40,822
Yeah, in Vinnie's garage.
129
00:05:40,891 --> 00:05:42,802
I brought the
equipment in my pocket.
130
00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:45,443
Are you trying to say
you don't want to help me?
131
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,579
Felix, I'm trying to tell
you that I can't help you.
132
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:48,947
I don't have the time.
133
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:53,117
I would if I could, but
honest, I really can't... honest.
134
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,119
Swell punch.
135
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:01,560
All right.
136
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:04,228
We won't have a Monte
Carlo Night, that's all.
137
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:06,230
No law says we have to.
138
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,669
No law says we
have to have an opera.
139
00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:12,415
We lived without
penicillin all these years,
140
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:14,105
we'll live without this.
141
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:15,451
Oh, I'm sure somebody
in the club knows
142
00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:16,519
someone who could handle it.
143
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:17,987
They don't know
anybody like that.
144
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,171
They're all decent people.
145
00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:23,143
I didn't mean that.
I didn't mean wha...
146
00:06:23,167 --> 00:06:25,650
Aw, come on, do it, please.
147
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,385
It'll be so much fun.
148
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:28,819
On the night of the event,
149
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,354
we'll have a special ad
150
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:32,085
featuring your
picture in the program.
151
00:06:32,109 --> 00:06:34,993
"Thanks to Oscar
Madison, without whom,
152
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,995
"our production of
Madame Butterfly
153
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,598
would have been Madame Moth."
154
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:41,783
You set the odds.
155
00:06:41,851 --> 00:06:43,463
You know, I did
have a dream once
156
00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:46,421
that I was Humphrey Bogart
and I was running a casino.
157
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,468
Everybody came to see Rick, see.
158
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:49,636
Yeah. That would be nice.
159
00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:52,226
And this time, all the
money goes to the opera.
160
00:06:52,295 --> 00:06:55,930
In the dream, I got all the
money and Ingrid Bergman.
161
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,410
Come on, you'll
do it, won't you?
162
00:06:57,434 --> 00:06:58,478
Please? All right, yes.
163
00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,413
I knew you would!
I knew you would.
164
00:07:00,437 --> 00:07:03,137
Grazie. Mille grazie!
165
00:07:03,206 --> 00:07:04,639
Hasta la vista.
166
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,109
Faites vos jeux,
mesdames et messieurs.
167
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,800
Faites vos jeux.
168
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,612
C'est demi faites
vos jeux, ah...
169
00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:17,568
Three red!
170
00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:20,071
Trois rouge. Ah, nobody wins.
171
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,550
Quel dommage. Quel dommage.
172
00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:22,808
What are you doing, Felix?
173
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,287
A little atmosphere. Atmosphere.
174
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,122
And here we have
the wheel of fortune.
175
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,191
Around, around she goes,
and where she stops...
176
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,915
Que sera sera.
177
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,349
And what have we here?
178
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:33,029
What do you call this
thing? Chuck-a-luck.
179
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,898
This is a Chuck-a-luck,
mesdames et messieurs.
180
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:35,954
Faites vos jeux.
181
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:39,891
Oh, and you are in
the sewer, too bad.
182
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,071
Maybe you are lucky
in love, monsieur, eh?
183
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,095
Felix, when people
are losing they don't like
184
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,264
to be laughed at,
especially in two languages.
185
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,933
It's the only game in town.
186
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,179
What a crowd!
187
00:07:49,203 --> 00:07:50,413
You did such a great job.
188
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:51,781
Where'd you get
all these people?
189
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,206
It was easy, I told my
bookie about it, he did the rest.
190
00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:56,986
You mean, these are...
191
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,321
some of these are
professional gamblers?
192
00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,422
Yeah. Oh, no!
193
00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:01,012
Oh, no!
194
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:02,725
How could you do that
to me? What's the matter?
195
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:05,066
Because professional
gamblers know how to win.
196
00:08:05,135 --> 00:08:07,669
I want people
who lose, like you.
197
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,504
Professional gamblers
198
00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:11,417
spend a lot of money
at places like this,
199
00:08:11,441 --> 00:08:13,586
not like those piccolo
players you invited.
200
00:08:13,610 --> 00:08:14,770
Besides, you're winning.
201
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:15,938
Am I? Oh, the club's way ahead.
202
00:08:15,962 --> 00:08:17,440
Are we really? Yeah.
203
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,576
Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah,
but Felix, listen! Whoa!
204
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,110
What? I think we ought to close.
205
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,301
Why? We said
we'd close at 12:00.
206
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:24,948
Let's not get
greedy. It's 12:00.
207
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,549
No, no, but you
said we're winning.
208
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,907
We're getting ahead.
Yeah, but Felix, listen...
209
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,720
You said the odds are
with the house, didn't you?
210
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,922
If we make more money, then we
can put on two operas this year...
211
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,657
Yeah, but the odds
can turn on you.
212
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,681
How can they turn when
the odds are with the house?
213
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,311
I've seen it happen
a million times.
214
00:08:38,335 --> 00:08:40,363
Eleven, a winner! Pay the man.
215
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:41,852
A million and one times.
216
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,959
Let it ride.
217
00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:50,178
Game's closed! Game closed!
218
00:08:50,246 --> 00:08:52,913
You can't close the game
now; I've got a bet on the table.
219
00:08:52,982 --> 00:08:55,266
Oui, monsieur.
220
00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:00,500
But he's got it all on one
number. He's allowed.
221
00:09:00,524 --> 00:09:01,806
Listen, I'm the house.
222
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,586
You could lose your
shirt on this game.
223
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,730
Why don't you spread
it around, make it last?
224
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:09,547
Let it ride. Spin the wheel.
225
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,884
I'm the house and it's my ball.
226
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,802
Everybody go home.
227
00:09:14,871 --> 00:09:17,221
I said let it ride.
228
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,442
Can't, there's no ball.
229
00:09:21,511 --> 00:09:23,628
Then we'll use your eye.
230
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:51,756
Every cent.
231
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,926
We lost every cent.
232
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:58,596
Not only what we took
in, but what we started out.
233
00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:02,300
We're wiped out!
234
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:04,502
I'm sorry, Felix. You're sorry!
235
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:05,815
That's all you can say?
236
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,105
We're ruined!
237
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:09,774
I'm ruined! They'll
never talk to me again.
238
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:12,277
I blame you!
239
00:10:12,346 --> 00:10:13,428
You blame me?!
240
00:10:13,496 --> 00:10:15,763
Yes, bringing in
professional gamblers,
241
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:18,266
playing numbers
nobody ever heard of.
242
00:10:18,335 --> 00:10:20,568
Eleven!
243
00:10:22,405 --> 00:10:24,656
And that ball was tricky, too.
244
00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:26,808
It tasted funny.
245
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,676
Felix, those are the breaks.
246
00:10:28,745 --> 00:10:30,356
That's why they
call it gambling.
247
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,380
Anyway, it's your
fault. My fault?
248
00:10:32,449 --> 00:10:34,932
I said to close at
12:00. You got greedy.
249
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,162
You're the one who blew it!
250
00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:37,685
There's no sense in pointing
251
00:10:37,754 --> 00:10:40,788
the accusing finger
of blame at anybody.
252
00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:42,937
The point is, what are
we going to do now?
253
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,842
There's nothing you can do now.
254
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:46,377
Arnold won the money honestly.
255
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:47,979
Arnold? Yeah.
256
00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:49,147
You know him?
257
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,298
Yeah, I've known him a
long time, you kidding?
258
00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:56,871
Put the twenties over here.
259
00:10:56,940 --> 00:10:58,784
And put the tens over there.
What have you got there?
260
00:10:58,808 --> 00:11:00,808
And some singles here.
261
00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:02,922
Where'd you get all that money?
262
00:11:02,946 --> 00:11:04,478
From Arnold, he owed it to me.
263
00:11:05,681 --> 00:11:07,292
What?! Yeah.
264
00:11:07,316 --> 00:11:09,583
Owed it to me
since the year one.
265
00:11:09,652 --> 00:11:11,797
The "let it ride" guy
owed you money?
266
00:11:11,821 --> 00:11:13,587
That's my Arnold.
267
00:11:13,656 --> 00:11:14,867
Well, that's wonderful.
268
00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:16,924
Oh, don't touch
the money, Felix.
269
00:11:16,993 --> 00:11:18,370
What a break! You're touching.
270
00:11:18,394 --> 00:11:21,262
I told you not to touch it.
271
00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:23,897
But now the Opera
Club gets its money back.
272
00:11:23,966 --> 00:11:26,918
Yay!
273
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,620
I don't think I heard you.
274
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:29,921
We're saved.
275
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:31,956
We get our money back.
276
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,959
Now I know I didn't hear you.
277
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,345
Surely, you're not thinking
of keeping that money.
278
00:11:37,413 --> 00:11:38,779
Why not? It's my money.
279
00:11:38,848 --> 00:11:40,031
No, it's not.
280
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,966
It belongs to the opera club.
281
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,435
How do you figure that?
282
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,803
Well, Arnold got it from
us, you got it from him.
283
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:48,032
You give it back to us,
then everybody's even.
284
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,338
That can't be right. See,
I'd be out all this money.
285
00:11:52,362 --> 00:11:54,722
No, you wouldn't. You'd just
be back where you started from.
286
00:11:54,764 --> 00:11:56,809
Yeah, but only Arnold
wouldn't owe it to me anymore.
287
00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:58,027
See, I had this
money coming to me.
288
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,585
But it came from the opera club!
289
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:02,465
From them, to
him, to you, to me.
290
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,238
It's like an isosceles triangle.
291
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:08,676
Oh... An isosceles triangle.
292
00:12:08,744 --> 00:12:11,023
Now you explained it properly.
293
00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:12,992
Now all I have to do
is call up Arnold, see?
294
00:12:13,016 --> 00:12:14,860
And I say, "Arnold, you
know the money you paid me?
295
00:12:14,884 --> 00:12:16,095
"Well, I had to give
it to my roommate
296
00:12:16,119 --> 00:12:19,253
to put on a production
of Madame Butterfly.
297
00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:20,983
So you're gonna have to
pay me back again, see?
298
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:23,736
And then he'll say, "I'll
twist your little Rigoletto."
299
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,221
I'm not giving you this money!
300
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:29,113
Boy, talk about selfish!
301
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,483
I'll tell you one thing!
302
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,592
You're not going to get
your picture in the program!
303
00:12:46,049 --> 00:12:47,159
Now, we're not going to panic.
304
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,227
We're not going to give up.
305
00:12:48,251 --> 00:12:49,845
We're just going
to keep on trying.
306
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:52,219
The costumer says if we
don't come up with some money
307
00:12:52,288 --> 00:12:54,839
by this weekend, we can
forget about the kimonos.
308
00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:56,290
What about my wig?
309
00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:58,070
Don't worry about
your wig, Vivian.
310
00:12:58,094 --> 00:12:59,294
Your wig's going to be fine.
311
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,362
Felix, you told us you
could get that money back.
312
00:13:01,431 --> 00:13:02,658
I'll get it. I'll get it.
313
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,248
I'm, I'm wearing him down.
314
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:05,950
This morning he talked to me.
315
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:07,551
That... that's something.
316
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,831
Well, if there's nothing else,
317
00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:10,433
I think maybe we better
break up the meeting,
318
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,941
because I don't want you
here when he comes home.
319
00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:14,859
We just started. I
know, but he says
320
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:17,223
the group makes him nervous,
and I want to talk to him.
321
00:13:17,247 --> 00:13:19,063
Hey, hi, gang. How are you?
322
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,476
You're going? Why
don't you stick around?
323
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,632
We'll have a beer.
324
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,003
Nothing?
325
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,314
Let us know what happens, Felix.
326
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:27,405
We'll have a
season. Don't worry.
327
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,393
Don't worry about
your wig, Vivian.
328
00:13:31,127 --> 00:13:32,804
What's with the
silent treatment?
329
00:13:32,828 --> 00:13:33,839
Well, what do you
expect from a group
330
00:13:33,863 --> 00:13:36,130
that's been denied
a rehearsal hall?
331
00:13:36,199 --> 00:13:37,131
The landlord asked for the rent.
332
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:38,560
I told him, "I don't
have the rent.
333
00:13:38,601 --> 00:13:40,567
Oscar Madison has the rent."
334
00:13:42,605 --> 00:13:44,750
Oscar, if we don't bring up
the money for the costumes,
335
00:13:44,774 --> 00:13:46,352
he's going to sell
them to a road company
336
00:13:46,376 --> 00:13:48,376
of Flower Drum Song.
337
00:13:48,444 --> 00:13:49,444
What do you want from me?
338
00:13:49,478 --> 00:13:51,257
In the three years
I've lived here,
339
00:13:51,281 --> 00:13:54,548
I have never asked
you for one red cent.
340
00:13:54,617 --> 00:13:55,861
That's the one thing
I liked about you.
341
00:13:55,885 --> 00:13:57,662
I'm not asking you
for any money now.
342
00:13:57,686 --> 00:13:59,420
All I'm asking for is a loan.
343
00:13:59,489 --> 00:14:00,871
A loan?
344
00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:04,042
What are you going to put up
for collateral, your vaporizer?
345
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:08,395
Oscar, if I, if I don't give
the money back to you
346
00:14:08,464 --> 00:14:13,034
in six months, I guarantee
you I'll do anything you say.
347
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:18,067
Right. I'll even move out.
348
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,307
You got it!
349
00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:25,313
Well, we figured out
350
00:14:25,381 --> 00:14:28,483
that if we just charge
35 cents more per ticket,
351
00:14:28,551 --> 00:14:30,985
we'll have enough
to pay Oscar back.
352
00:14:31,053 --> 00:14:32,981
Well, it just means we won't
have our picnic this year,
353
00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:34,104
that's all.
354
00:14:34,173 --> 00:14:35,356
I'll have the money tonight.
355
00:14:35,424 --> 00:14:36,657
Okay, good.
356
00:14:36,725 --> 00:14:39,660
Oh, boy, am I glad to see you.
357
00:14:39,728 --> 00:14:40,739
How are ya? Did you bring...
358
00:14:40,763 --> 00:14:42,007
No, not out of the faucet.
359
00:14:42,031 --> 00:14:42,964
Come on!
360
00:14:43,032 --> 00:14:44,398
Tastes better that way.
361
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:45,399
Hey, you're making cookies!
362
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:46,578
Yeah, I'm making your favorites.
363
00:14:46,602 --> 00:14:47,882
Yeah, shaped like horses' heads.
364
00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,550
Ah, cookies, that's
the least I can do
365
00:14:51,574 --> 00:14:54,619
for the man who's giving
us back our opera season.
366
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:55,854
Look at this.
367
00:14:55,878 --> 00:14:56,810
Ooh, they look good.
368
00:14:56,879 --> 00:14:58,429
Ooh, hot! Hey-ah!
369
00:14:58,497 --> 00:14:59,775
Ooh, good... good and hot, hot.
370
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:00,731
Good, Oscar.
371
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,111
Ooh, you make the best cookies.
372
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:03,067
King of the cookies!
373
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:04,163
I'm king of the cookies. Yep.
374
00:15:04,187 --> 00:15:05,803
Did you bring the money?
375
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:08,623
Yeah, well, I want to give
it to you on Wednesday.
376
00:15:08,692 --> 00:15:09,807
Good.
377
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:12,343
But you... Wednesday?
378
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,822
Yeah. I don't understand.
379
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:16,006
Well, see, Wednesday
is when I'm gonna win it.
380
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:17,893
So that's when I'm
going to give it to you.
381
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,167
You're gonna win it?
382
00:15:20,236 --> 00:15:21,397
I thought...
383
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,488
Look, look Felix, I went
to the bank this morning.
384
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:24,855
I took out the money and...
385
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,524
I just happened to be passing
the pool room, and, uh...
386
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:28,593
And you lost it.
387
00:15:28,644 --> 00:15:29,910
No, no, I didn't lose it.
388
00:15:29,979 --> 00:15:30,989
See, I ran into
Sure-Shot Wilson,
389
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,892
and he challenged me to a game.
390
00:15:32,916 --> 00:15:34,081
And you lost the money!
391
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:35,883
I did not lose the money.
392
00:15:35,951 --> 00:15:38,752
Now, this man is the champ
of the 34th Street Pool Room.
393
00:15:38,821 --> 00:15:40,487
Now he challenged me, Felix.
394
00:15:40,556 --> 00:15:43,373
One game... 250
points for the whole pile.
395
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:44,519
See, Wednesday I'll
have a lot of money
396
00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:46,594
and you'll still
have your money.
397
00:15:46,662 --> 00:15:50,764
Oh, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar!
398
00:15:50,833 --> 00:15:52,900
You see, he challenged me!
399
00:15:52,969 --> 00:15:54,034
Everybody was around.
400
00:15:54,103 --> 00:15:56,114
They were looking...
Arnold... all my friends.
401
00:15:56,138 --> 00:15:57,405
I mean, what could I say?
402
00:15:57,474 --> 00:15:58,917
If I'd backed down,
if I'd chickened out...
403
00:15:58,941 --> 00:16:01,020
Wow, they'd probably
never would talk to me again.
404
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:03,844
Don't you understand?
405
00:16:03,913 --> 00:16:05,646
Understand?
406
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,660
Sure, I know you don't
want to be humiliated
407
00:16:07,684 --> 00:16:08,804
in front of your friends.
408
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:12,720
Yeah, see, so I
put up the money.
409
00:16:12,789 --> 00:16:14,655
What's done is done.
410
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:15,735
As Macbeth said,
411
00:16:15,759 --> 00:16:19,193
"What's done cannot be undone.
412
00:16:19,262 --> 00:16:20,928
Murderer!"
413
00:16:20,997 --> 00:16:22,930
Murderer...
414
00:16:22,999 --> 00:16:24,744
Macbeth! I can't talk to you.
415
00:16:24,768 --> 00:16:25,916
Where are you going?
416
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,496
I'm going to the pool
room and practice.
417
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:28,452
Practice?
418
00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:29,664
Yeah.
419
00:16:29,688 --> 00:16:31,283
I thought you were
supposed to be so good.
420
00:16:31,307 --> 00:16:32,590
Oh, everybody practices.
421
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,402
Even the best player
in the world practices.
422
00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:35,776
I'm going with you.
423
00:16:35,845 --> 00:16:36,855
What for?
424
00:16:36,879 --> 00:16:37,812
I want to protect my money.
425
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,024
I want to see if
you're any good.
426
00:16:39,048 --> 00:16:40,125
You can't go to the pool room.
427
00:16:40,149 --> 00:16:41,226
Your mother won't let you.
428
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,083
I won't tell her.
429
00:16:52,662 --> 00:16:54,595
Ah, you missed.
430
00:16:54,664 --> 00:16:55,596
You didn't put anything in.
431
00:16:55,665 --> 00:16:57,298
Playing safety.
432
00:16:57,366 --> 00:16:59,144
It's a very important
part of the game.
433
00:16:59,168 --> 00:17:00,312
I like when the white ball hits
434
00:17:00,336 --> 00:17:01,268
and makes them all
go into every pocket.
435
00:17:01,337 --> 00:17:02,581
H-H-Here, here.
436
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:03,616
All right, you happy
now? Hey, bravo!
437
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:04,756
Great!
438
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:06,335
Very great! You're
very good at pool.
439
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,937
I wonder how you
say "pool" in Italian.
440
00:17:07,961 --> 00:17:10,161
"La poola."
441
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,270
Do you know how to
say "pool" in Italian?
442
00:17:13,816 --> 00:17:16,934
Pool... pool's a... pool's
a lake... lago, lago.
443
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:18,352
Bravo in lago.
444
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:21,956
Would you stand back
a little bit, Felix, please?
445
00:17:22,024 --> 00:17:25,493
Ooh!
446
00:17:25,562 --> 00:17:27,829
Boy, you have to stand way
back in this game, don't you?
447
00:17:34,504 --> 00:17:36,437
Bravo! Bravo in lago!
448
00:17:36,506 --> 00:17:37,404
How do you know
when you're winning
449
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:38,739
if you play by yourself?
450
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,853
If I get the balls in the
pockets, I'm winning.
451
00:17:40,877 --> 00:17:43,160
Ah... Bravo, bravo, bravo!
452
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:44,528
Le-Let me try one.
453
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,130
All right, here, here.
454
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:47,565
I didn't know you played pool.
455
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,411
I don't, but it's the
same as golf, isn't it?
456
00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:50,962
You just put a ball in a hole.
457
00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:52,186
I didn't know you played golf.
458
00:17:52,221 --> 00:17:54,488
I don't. Shoot!
459
00:17:54,557 --> 00:17:55,489
So what do I do?
460
00:17:55,558 --> 00:17:57,118
Make the nine ball
in the corner pocket.
461
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,004
How do you know
it's a nine ball?
462
00:17:59,028 --> 00:18:00,928
Take a look.
463
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,207
Oh... it's got a little
number on it, hasn't it?
464
00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:05,399
Yeah, it's got a number.
465
00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:06,567
That's clever.
466
00:18:06,635 --> 00:18:10,537
Okay.
467
00:18:10,606 --> 00:18:11,538
Aha!
468
00:18:11,607 --> 00:18:13,957
Now, I'm going to put the...
469
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:16,209
14 ball in that... no, no...
470
00:18:18,881 --> 00:18:21,015
Put the 15 ball in this one.
471
00:18:21,083 --> 00:18:22,950
Hold it.
472
00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:24,963
Come on, you can't do that.
473
00:18:24,987 --> 00:18:26,498
You've got to hit the
cue ball where it stops.
474
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:27,733
You can't put it
around the table,
475
00:18:27,757 --> 00:18:29,034
make everything a pocket hanger.
476
00:18:29,058 --> 00:18:31,892
Oh... that's much
harder that way, isn't it?
477
00:18:31,961 --> 00:18:33,873
Yes, it's much harder that way.
478
00:18:33,897 --> 00:18:35,624
Felix, you want me
to win that game? Yes.
479
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:38,208
Let me practice,
leave me alone, please.
480
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,188
Who's that man there?
481
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:47,658
That's the guy holding
the bet, the money.
482
00:18:49,178 --> 00:18:50,322
Where is he holding it?
483
00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:52,446
In the paper bag.
484
00:18:52,515 --> 00:18:53,914
Oh, he's asleep.
485
00:18:53,982 --> 00:18:55,960
Anybody could come
along and take it.
486
00:18:55,984 --> 00:18:57,635
Is it safe?
487
00:19:28,534 --> 00:19:31,335
15 in the side pocket.
488
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:35,489
Two ball in the side pocket.
489
00:19:37,226 --> 00:19:41,612
Sure-Shot Wilson:
240, Oscar: 237.
490
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,192
You made enough to
pay for the costumes yet?
491
00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:45,227
No, I haven't made enough
to pay for the costumes yet.
492
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:46,199
What's taking you so long?
493
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:47,901
I'm losing, Felix.
494
00:19:47,970 --> 00:19:49,448
You're losing? Yeah.
495
00:19:49,472 --> 00:19:53,240
Well, that, that, that's not
what you're supposed to do.
496
00:19:53,309 --> 00:19:54,819
You're supposed to win.
497
00:19:54,843 --> 00:19:56,042
Tell him; he never misses.
498
00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:57,562
I haven't shot for an hour.
499
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,501
Listen to the cough on that guy.
500
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:04,813
I don't believe it;
I'm getting wiped out
501
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,081
and you're worried
about his cough.
502
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:08,133
I told you the ventilation
in here was terrible.
503
00:20:08,157 --> 00:20:09,106
And that's a miss!
504
00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:11,025
Finally. Oscar.
505
00:20:11,093 --> 00:20:12,437
Here's your chance.
Now you're going to win.
506
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:13,472
Now stay cool.
507
00:20:13,496 --> 00:20:14,974
Concentrate,
concentrate on each ball.
508
00:20:14,998 --> 00:20:16,008
Don't get too excited.
509
00:20:16,032 --> 00:20:17,309
Can I shoot before
the cue warps?
510
00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:19,266
Yes, yes.
511
00:20:19,335 --> 00:20:21,013
He's going to win
'cause he's my friend.
512
00:20:21,037 --> 00:20:22,503
He's good.
513
00:20:22,571 --> 00:20:25,572
Bravo, bravo in
lago, bravo, bravo.
514
00:20:27,543 --> 00:20:29,243
Felix Unger,
commercial photographer,
515
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:30,611
portraits a specialty.
516
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,513
Yeah.
517
00:20:39,555 --> 00:20:41,522
Some cough you've got.
518
00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:44,958
What cough?
519
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:48,713
Listen to you.
520
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:51,816
See?
521
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,884
You know what
causes that, don't you?
522
00:20:56,638 --> 00:20:59,774
Look, Mac, I'm trying to
concentrate on the game.
523
00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:01,241
Will you please cool it?
524
00:21:01,310 --> 00:21:04,478
Try to do someone a favor.
525
00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:09,850
Six ball in the side.
526
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:16,340
What causes it?
527
00:21:16,408 --> 00:21:18,776
Smoking, of course.
528
00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,811
I bet you smoke two packs a day.
529
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,913
Four.
530
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:24,682
Four?!
531
00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:26,884
You smoke four packages
of cigarettes a day?
532
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,152
Mm-hmm.
533
00:21:28,220 --> 00:21:29,486
My Uncle Edward used to smoke
534
00:21:29,555 --> 00:21:31,155
four packages of
cigarettes a day.
535
00:21:31,223 --> 00:21:33,024
He quit?
536
00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:36,127
He died.
537
00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:38,345
Uncle Edward was
only 46 years of age.
538
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,066
I'm 45.
539
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:48,638
You look older.
540
00:21:54,113 --> 00:21:56,514
When you cough, where
do you feel it worse...
541
00:21:56,582 --> 00:21:58,649
In your throat or
down in your chest?
542
00:21:58,717 --> 00:22:00,162
What difference does it make?
543
00:22:00,186 --> 00:22:01,763
I mean, is it important?
544
00:22:01,787 --> 00:22:03,537
The right answer
could save your life.
545
00:22:07,193 --> 00:22:08,236
Chest. Mm.
546
00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:09,193
Throat!
547
00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:11,821
I should have said throat!
548
00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:23,735
When did you last
have a chest X-ray?
549
00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:24,770
Chest X-ray?
550
00:22:24,794 --> 00:22:27,010
Yeah, well, you might
have emphysema.
551
00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:28,228
And it's a miss.
552
00:22:28,297 --> 00:22:31,198
Oscar: 248, Sure-Shot: 240.
553
00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:32,333
Sure-Shot, it's your shot.
554
00:22:32,401 --> 00:22:34,629
You know, it
used to get me first
555
00:22:34,653 --> 00:22:36,598
in the throat and then...
Sure-Shot, Sure-Shot.
556
00:22:36,622 --> 00:22:38,167
Into the chest, of
course. Shoot pool.
557
00:22:38,191 --> 00:22:39,501
What? Pool, remember?
558
00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:41,091
Oh.
559
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,759
That's bad, huh? Yeah.
560
00:22:46,749 --> 00:22:52,019
Here, hold these
for me, will you?
561
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:03,380
12 ball.
562
00:23:03,449 --> 00:23:04,631
It's a miss.
563
00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:07,260
All right, Oscar.
564
00:23:17,947 --> 00:23:18,947
Oh!
565
00:23:25,421 --> 00:23:26,937
I knew it was going
to be a tough one.
566
00:23:29,492 --> 00:23:31,436
Hey!
567
00:23:31,460 --> 00:23:33,205
Oscar Madison, the
winner! You did it, you did it!
568
00:23:33,229 --> 00:23:35,440
When the going gets tough, the tough
get going. Don't show too much emotion.
569
00:23:35,464 --> 00:23:36,608
No, don't show too much emotion
570
00:23:36,632 --> 00:23:37,842
here in the pool room, will you?
571
00:23:37,866 --> 00:23:39,600
Here's your money, Oscar.
572
00:23:39,669 --> 00:23:40,812
I knew you could
do it, I knew you...
573
00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:41,836
H-Here's your money.
574
00:23:41,904 --> 00:23:45,306
Go get your costumes,
go ahead, go.
575
00:23:45,374 --> 00:23:49,042
Mr. Sure-Shot, I, uh,
I'm naturally elated
576
00:23:49,111 --> 00:23:51,812
that my friend won, but
I hope I didn't upset you.
577
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:52,813
Forget it.
578
00:23:52,881 --> 00:23:54,915
You taught me one lesson.
579
00:23:54,983 --> 00:23:57,484
Never shoot pool
without a cigarette.
580
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,574
Such a nervous man.
581
00:24:03,642 --> 00:24:04,642
I made him nervous.
582
00:24:04,710 --> 00:24:06,076
Did you see the
way he was shaking?
583
00:24:06,144 --> 00:24:08,457
When I told him about my
Uncle Edward, he got so upset.
584
00:24:08,481 --> 00:24:09,412
Who?
585
00:24:09,482 --> 00:24:10,592
My Uncle Edward.
586
00:24:10,616 --> 00:24:12,656
The one that was
killed in the bus crash.
587
00:24:23,329 --> 00:24:25,262
Oscar.
588
00:24:25,331 --> 00:24:28,833
It was the best opening
night our club ever had.
589
00:24:28,901 --> 00:24:31,134
Aw, that's great. And
we owe it all to you.
590
00:24:31,203 --> 00:24:32,135
We've got something for you.
591
00:24:32,204 --> 00:24:33,437
♪ Hmm, hmm ♪
592
00:24:33,506 --> 00:24:37,174
♪ Glory unto Oscar Madison ♪
593
00:24:37,226 --> 00:24:40,894
♪ Here's a thank you
now that our work is done ♪
594
00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:44,515
♪ Glory and bravo to Oscar M. ♪
595
00:24:44,584 --> 00:24:46,027
♪ He wrote out a check,
he stuck out his neck ♪
596
00:24:46,051 --> 00:24:48,118
♪ He's the best of them ♪
597
00:24:48,187 --> 00:24:51,088
♪ Oscar Madison, Oscar Madison ♪
598
00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:56,059
♪ Oscar Madison...! ♪
42751
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