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♪ It's Showtime tonight ♪
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00:00:04,670 --> 00:00:06,210
Previously on Black Monday...
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I came across some
Georgina documents.
4
00:00:09,750 --> 00:00:11,630
Yeah, I think that
maybe we purchased
5
00:00:11,710 --> 00:00:12,976
some Georgina shares
back in the day.
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00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:13,920
Oh, my God!
7
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,840
Who the fuck are you?
8
00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,106
- We're with the SEC.
- We'll be in touch.
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00:00:17,130 --> 00:00:19,250
We've had some threats,
uh, with Tiffany,
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00:00:19,340 --> 00:00:21,880
e-ever since Calvin Klein's
daughter was kidnapped.
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00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:25,460
Mo and I dated a
very long time ago.
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00:00:25,550 --> 00:00:27,090
Mo! Damn it.
13
00:00:27,170 --> 00:00:29,800
So this is it? You're
gonna stay here with him?
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00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:32,590
I tried everything to make
this work because I love you.
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00:00:32,670 --> 00:00:34,250
Do you even want to get married?
16
00:00:34,340 --> 00:00:35,976
Those aren't cops.
They're fucking actors.
17
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,500
Brendan books a
pilot every year.
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00:00:37,590 --> 00:00:39,250
Dawn, I'm really
confused right now.
19
00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:52,750
So no matter how
drunk I get tonight,
20
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,500
wake me up, because remember,
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00:00:54,590 --> 00:00:56,186
we're meeting my folks
downtown at nine a.m.
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00:00:56,210 --> 00:00:57,976
to look at that apartment
on the Upper West Side.
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00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,670
And remind me, what's
the difference
24
00:00:59,750 --> 00:01:01,390
between the Upper West
and the Upper East?
25
00:01:01,420 --> 00:01:02,686
My mom made up a mnemonic device
26
00:01:02,710 --> 00:01:04,250
for me as a kid.
27
00:01:04,340 --> 00:01:07,250
"Upper West, West, West
is best, best, best.
28
00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:10,090
Upper East, East,
East is Jewish."
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00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:12,800
Is Nair supposed to burn my
eyes from this distance?
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00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,590
Yeah, baby.
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00:01:14,670 --> 00:01:16,800
Tiff, you know, I've
been doing really well
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00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:20,460
at work lately, and we could
afford a place on our own
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00:01:20,550 --> 00:01:23,800
if we were willing just to move
a little bit more downtown.
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00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,340
"Downtown is brown,
brown, brown."
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00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:30,750
Blair, every newlywed's parents
buy them an apartment. Duh.
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00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,500
The only thing you
should work on
37
00:01:32,590 --> 00:01:33,880
is letting yourself be happy.
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00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,670
Everything's perfect.
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00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:37,880
Is it? Because we still
haven't really talked
40
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:39,420
about the engagement party.
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00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:40,840
- What about?
- It was crappy.
42
00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:42,710
Well, you know what they say.
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00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,000
"Crappy engagement,
happy marriage."
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00:01:45,090 --> 00:01:47,920
- No one says that.
- Well, I do.
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00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,550
How about the fact that I...
didn't come home that night?
46
00:01:51,630 --> 00:01:54,000
I just assumed you were
busy with work junk,
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00:01:54,090 --> 00:01:56,300
and if I assumed correctly,
cross your arms.
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00:01:56,380 --> 00:01:59,170
Oh, perfect.
49
00:01:59,250 --> 00:02:00,920
I just think,
50
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,170
in light of the
last couple months,
51
00:02:03,250 --> 00:02:05,840
maybe we should think about...
52
00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:07,300
...postponing the wedding.
53
00:02:07,380 --> 00:02:09,000
No. There's that P word again.
54
00:02:09,090 --> 00:02:10,710
We were in The Times
Vows section, Blair,
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00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,090
not the disavows section.
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00:02:12,170 --> 00:02:13,750
We are getting married,
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00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:15,476
we are getting a place
on the Upper West Side,
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00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:18,500
and I am getting sozzled at my
goddamned bachelorette party
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00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:20,800
wearing a goddamned penis crown.
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00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:23,550
And if you agree with
all that, blink.
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00:02:28,250 --> 00:02:30,550
Oh, God.
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00:02:30,630 --> 00:02:33,340
Perfect. I love you.
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00:02:38,050 --> 00:02:39,750
Just a minute.
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00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:43,380
Who is it?
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Oh, my God!
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00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,300
All those fair-weather
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00:02:50,380 --> 00:02:52,210
Halley's Comet fans
from last year
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00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:53,750
don't know what they're missing.
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00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,050
1987 is the year of the comet.
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00:02:56,130 --> 00:02:57,920
There's gonna be 11
visible tonight.
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00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,340
- Eleven!
- Ooh, is that a lot?
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Only the most since 1912.
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00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:05,050
The only person I've
seen more excited
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00:03:05,130 --> 00:03:07,340
about burning rocks
is Lawrence Taylor.
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00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:09,500
- Who?
- He's a Giant.
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00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,420
Crackhead.
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00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:13,090
We all have our hobbies.
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00:03:13,170 --> 00:03:16,500
Mine is astronomy.
Yours is lying to me.
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00:03:16,590 --> 00:03:19,920
All right, how about tonight,
we snuggle up on the couch
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00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,420
with a bottle of wine
and watch your comets?
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00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:26,210
And then maybe you won't
sleep on the couch anymore.
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00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,590
I don't know if I'm
ready for that.
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00:03:28,670 --> 00:03:30,420
Babe, come on. I
said some things.
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00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:32,000
You said some things.
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00:03:32,090 --> 00:03:33,840
But don't you miss these things?
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00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:35,630
Let's "comet"
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00:03:35,710 --> 00:03:36,920
to ending this fight.
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I love you.
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00:03:38,210 --> 00:03:41,300
Oh, me too.
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00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:44,210
Especially when you get
all astronomical with it.
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00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:46,710
- Ooh.
- Super hot.
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00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,710
It's a date.
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00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,420
Okay, I'll pick up a bottle
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00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:51,896
on my way back from
Tiff's bachelorette.
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00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,550
What? Are you serious?
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00:03:53,630 --> 00:03:55,550
You think I want to go?
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00:03:55,630 --> 00:03:58,800
I told you, the Georgina play
only works if they get married,
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00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:00,250
and they're not
in a great place.
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00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,710
We are not in a great place!
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00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,500
I worked too hard on this.
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00:04:05,590 --> 00:04:07,840
And it's a lot of money, baby.
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00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:09,130
Twenty minutes.
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00:04:09,210 --> 00:04:10,800
I'm not even gonna
stay for a drink.
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00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,750
I promise.
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- Go.
- Thank you, thank you.
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00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,670
Thank you!
107
00:04:17,750 --> 00:04:19,960
♪ Hey, you came to
rock the place ♪
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00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:22,550
♪ And you can now all
lift your hands ♪
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00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,750
Wakey, wakey.
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00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,130
Oh, there he is.
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00:04:27,210 --> 00:04:29,880
- Surprise!
- What the fuck?
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00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,500
Wha... in what world is it
okay to kidnap someone?
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00:04:33,590 --> 00:04:35,550
Oh, people kidnap each
other all the time
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00:04:35,630 --> 00:04:37,026
for these bachelor
party joke things.
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00:04:37,050 --> 00:04:38,526
You know, it's called
"kidding-napping"
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00:04:38,550 --> 00:04:39,840
for a reason, Blair.
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00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:41,590
No, it's not. And you
used chloroform.
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00:04:41,670 --> 00:04:44,590
- Well, that's the napping part.
- Who uses chloroform?
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00:04:44,670 --> 00:04:46,050
Uh, Colonel John Hannibal Smith,
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00:04:46,130 --> 00:04:47,960
Faceman, Howling Man Murdock...
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00:04:48,050 --> 00:04:49,920
Now you're just
listing the A-Team.
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00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,250
- You changed my shirt?
- Blair, they used to...
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00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:53,726
- What the fuck is this?
- ...chloroform Mr. T
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00:04:53,750 --> 00:04:55,476
all the time, okay? He was
always fine afterward.
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00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,566
Just because something works
on TV doesn't make it okay.
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00:04:57,590 --> 00:04:59,170
Will you just try to have fun?
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00:04:59,250 --> 00:05:01,710
- Chad, stop the car!
- Nope. Don't stop shit.
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00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,026
Come on, Blair. We got a whole
night of surprises planned.
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00:05:04,050 --> 00:05:05,936
You're just pissed off about
your engagement party,
130
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,226
- but to be honest, you...
- I'm not pissed
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00:05:07,250 --> 00:05:08,880
about the engagement party.
132
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,276
I am pissed that you
never say "I'm sorry"
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00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:11,500
for anything ever.
134
00:05:11,590 --> 00:05:13,550
Well, I'm sorry...
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00:05:13,630 --> 00:05:16,880
that I have a policy about
never apologizing...
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00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,380
to white people.
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00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:22,000
Why? Because Sting won all
those Grammys over "Thriller"?
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00:05:22,090 --> 00:05:24,750
Because of slavery, Blair.
Slavery.
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00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,460
Sorry.
140
00:05:27,550 --> 00:05:29,710
Man, I thought grabbing you
and going all grand gesture
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00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,130
would make it up to you in
a two birds, one stone,
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00:05:32,210 --> 00:05:34,960
three eight balls, four scores
of Scores girls kind of way.
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00:05:35,050 --> 00:05:37,170
It doesn't even matter.
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00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:39,050
I don't think I can
marry Tiff anymore.
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00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,050
You don't what?
146
00:05:41,130 --> 00:05:43,750
Thank you. Good night.
147
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:45,380
Good ni... hey, why
are we stopping?
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00:05:45,460 --> 00:05:47,420
- What the fuck?
- Everyone out of the car!
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00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:48,840
- Oh, God.
- Now!
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00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,000
Another prank?
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00:05:50,090 --> 00:05:51,420
Mo, I would've thought
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00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:52,726
you would've learned
your lesson,
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00:05:52,750 --> 00:05:54,090
but, no, you got to double down.
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00:05:54,170 --> 00:05:55,436
This isn't a fucking prank, kid.
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00:05:55,460 --> 00:05:57,340
What are you, Thug
One and Thug Two?
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00:05:57,420 --> 00:06:00,000
"Oh, the places you'll go.
The things you will do!"
157
00:06:00,090 --> 00:06:02,800
Hey, open your mouth again, and
I'll shit up your ass, bitch.
158
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,590
That sounds complicated.
159
00:06:04,670 --> 00:06:06,630
- Oh, I'll make it work.
- Oh.
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00:06:06,710 --> 00:06:08,750
Hey, let's go Last Dragon
on these motherfuckers.
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00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:12,710
Really?
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00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,210
You son of a...
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00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:20,500
Sweet. What's the next surprise?
164
00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:30,000
So first it was
your anniversary.
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00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,000
Then your daughter's birthday.
166
00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:34,026
- Then your son's quinceañera?
- Then your aunt died.
167
00:06:34,050 --> 00:06:35,436
- Then your uncle died.
- Then your car died.
168
00:06:35,460 --> 00:06:37,066
Then your wife dyed her
hair the wrong shade,
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00:06:37,090 --> 00:06:38,670
so you had to rush
her to the salon?
170
00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:40,300
How is that even an excuse?
171
00:06:40,380 --> 00:06:42,630
Well, what can I say?
I'm a busy guy.
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00:06:42,710 --> 00:06:46,250
I'm a busy, important,
law-abiding, super-cool guy,
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00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:50,630
but I'm here now, so let's get
this ménage on the trois.
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00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:53,130
- Keith, we don't want you.
- Oh, well.
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00:06:53,210 --> 00:06:56,250
You don't know what you're
missing, 'cause I go downtown.
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00:06:56,340 --> 00:06:58,550
We want Maurice Monroe
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00:06:58,630 --> 00:07:00,960
for all the illegal shit the
Jammer Group's been up to,
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00:07:01,050 --> 00:07:03,090
and you are gonna
give him to us.
179
00:07:03,170 --> 00:07:04,880
And why the fuck
would I do that?
180
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,840
The SEC has taken down exactly...
uh, what is it?
181
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:09,630
Oh, zero people?
182
00:07:09,710 --> 00:07:11,670
Okay, by the time
you build a case,
183
00:07:11,750 --> 00:07:14,460
Reagan... hallowed be thy name...
Will make it legal.
184
00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:16,500
Well, we're about
to change all that.
185
00:07:16,590 --> 00:07:19,420
We got an open-and-shut
case of stock manipulation.
186
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:22,090
So either you cooperate, or
you're gonna go down with Mo.
187
00:07:22,170 --> 00:07:24,550
You want to go to prison, Keith?
188
00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:28,880
All right, what do you got?
189
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:46,300
This? F.A.T.?
190
00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:49,050
That's all you got? Well,
uh, I hope you like
191
00:07:49,130 --> 00:07:50,920
your nothing burger
with nothing on it,
192
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,920
because this is nothing.
193
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,250
Then how do you explain
194
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:56,500
the highly abnormal
one-day trading pattern
195
00:07:56,590 --> 00:08:00,340
for Federal Allied Titanium
on October 20th of last year?
196
00:08:00,420 --> 00:08:04,800
It was a prank. A fucking goof.
This is rich.
197
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:08,460
To think that we were afraid
of you two Columb-hos.
198
00:08:08,550 --> 00:08:10,000
Columbos, but with "ho."
199
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,500
- We get it.
- Bullshit.
200
00:08:11,590 --> 00:08:14,170
Call MoStan, okay?
Call Ty Daverman.
201
00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:16,920
And he will set you two
chicks straight, okay?
202
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,000
- Speaking of straight...
- Deb.
203
00:08:20,090 --> 00:08:21,670
You're gay.
204
00:08:21,750 --> 00:08:24,050
No, I'm not.
205
00:08:24,130 --> 00:08:26,460
You're gay, and we know it.
206
00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:29,920
So why don't you have
a seat, Colum-homo?
207
00:08:40,670 --> 00:08:42,250
Thought so.
208
00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:49,630
Someone?
209
00:08:49,710 --> 00:08:52,090
- Thank you.
- Dawn? Come on in! Hi!
210
00:08:52,170 --> 00:08:54,420
Hey, uh, sorry I'm super late.
211
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:56,420
Or am I super early?
Why is no one here?
212
00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:59,170
Let's drank. Waiter! Get
my girl some dranks!
213
00:08:59,250 --> 00:09:01,130
- I'm so glad you came.
- Of course.
214
00:09:01,210 --> 00:09:03,090
You know I had to come celebrate
215
00:09:03,170 --> 00:09:03,960
the world's strongest couple.
216
00:09:04,050 --> 00:09:05,840
Well, second strongest
217
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,090
behind Sylvester Stallone and
Brigitte Nielsen, right?
218
00:09:08,170 --> 00:09:11,380
- Those two are yoked.
- You're hilarious.
219
00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:12,920
And you're gonna
love my girlfriends.
220
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,210
They're always joking around
221
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:15,606
and running at least
52 minutes late.
222
00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:18,550
I mean, this is, like, so them.
223
00:09:18,630 --> 00:09:20,380
Dickcessory?
224
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,880
Oh, uh, actually, I'm good.
225
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,880
You're dangerous. No,
I'm good, actually.
226
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,646
No... no white dicks for
me after Labor Day.
227
00:09:26,670 --> 00:09:29,000
- Oh! Boom! Again.
- No, it's...
228
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,000
Dawn Rickles.
229
00:09:31,090 --> 00:09:33,590
You should charge a two-drink
minimum for yourself.
230
00:09:33,670 --> 00:09:35,800
Get my girl two drinks! Sit.
231
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:38,380
More peñis coladas, ma'am?
232
00:09:38,460 --> 00:09:39,750
Call me ma'am again.
233
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,750
I want you to.
234
00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:45,550
And for you... ...miss?
235
00:09:45,630 --> 00:09:46,960
Um, I'm-I'm actually good.
236
00:09:47,050 --> 00:09:47,960
I just came to say
a quick hello.
237
00:09:48,050 --> 00:09:49,800
No, don't leave.
238
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,880
I mean, I just... I
want you to hang,
239
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,686
'cause I really want to
get to know the woman
240
00:09:54,710 --> 00:09:56,710
that stole my Care Blair away.
241
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,500
Wait, Tiff, I-I don't know what
you think is going on, but...
242
00:09:59,590 --> 00:10:01,210
I mean, just 'cause
you're his boss
243
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,170
and you make him
work late and stuff.
244
00:10:03,250 --> 00:10:05,460
What did you think I meant?
245
00:10:05,550 --> 00:10:09,590
That I am his boss and always
making him stay late, working.
246
00:10:09,670 --> 00:10:11,250
Can I have a Scotch?
247
00:10:11,340 --> 00:10:13,960
Oh, this is so scary, Mo.
248
00:10:14,050 --> 00:10:16,340
The car fire's a little
on the nose, though.
249
00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:18,050
It's not a fucking
prank, okay, Blair?
250
00:10:18,130 --> 00:10:20,170
We're lost in goddamn
Little Beirut.
251
00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:21,896
And I lost a
quarter-of-a-million-dollar car.
252
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,750
Oh, come on.
253
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,106
Okay, it's a quarter of a
quarter-of-a-million-dollar car.
254
00:10:25,130 --> 00:10:26,420
It was mostly, you know, Fiero
255
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,020
with a little Town
Car thrown in there.
256
00:10:28,090 --> 00:10:29,436
- But still, it stings.
- No, I mean, "Come on,"
257
00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:31,420
I don't believe you."
258
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,726
Look, no offense, but I'm just
gonna get a cab and go home.
259
00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:35,436
I got to figure out what
I'm doing with Tiff.
260
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:36,686
You know, this is the second
time you've said this shit.
261
00:10:36,710 --> 00:10:38,380
Figure what out? Spill it.
262
00:10:38,460 --> 00:10:40,460
I just feel like me and
Tiff, it's just not...
263
00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:42,300
It just is not...
264
00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:45,380
Wow. You thought of everything.
265
00:10:45,460 --> 00:10:47,550
The "cops" are here.
266
00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:49,870
No, no, I didn't set this up.
We should go this way, man.
267
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:51,460
- Let's go this way.
- No. No, no, no.
268
00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:53,050
I'm gonna go talk to the fuzz.
269
00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,276
- No, don't go talk to the...
- Yeah.
270
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:55,800
...fucking fuzz! Hey!
271
00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:56,880
- Officers!
- Blair!
272
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:58,550
Officers!
273
00:10:58,630 --> 00:11:00,750
Hi. I was just wondering
274
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,000
if either of you T.J.
Hooker extras had a chance
275
00:11:03,090 --> 00:11:05,420
to try the canapés at
my engagement party
276
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:06,816
before you fucking
trashed the place.
277
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,340
What? Who the fuck are you?
278
00:11:08,420 --> 00:11:09,800
Mo!
279
00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:11,146
Next time you call
Central Casting,
280
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,960
you got to be specific.
281
00:11:13,050 --> 00:11:14,726
Don't just say "big." You
should've said "tough."
282
00:11:14,750 --> 00:11:16,340
They sent the fucking Fat Boys.
283
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:17,976
Please, do not shoot
my dumb-ass friend.
284
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,670
Shut the fuck up!
285
00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:21,436
Come on, you got to try to
sell that punch better.
286
00:11:21,460 --> 00:11:22,856
Who'd you boost this
watch off, huh, bro?
287
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,356
Listen, we're not gonna
say anything, okay?
288
00:11:24,380 --> 00:11:25,896
We didn't see anything!
Just let us go!
289
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,000
Okay, look...
290
00:11:28,090 --> 00:11:29,750
- I'm tired.
- Blair.
291
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:31,840
I want to go home. What
are we supposed to say?
292
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,300
"Time out" or "olly,
olly, oxen free"?
293
00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:35,920
Fucking actors.
294
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,130
- Oh!
- Shit, that felt real.
295
00:11:38,210 --> 00:11:40,570
Whoa. It is real, you dumb fuck.
Point it at the dirty cops.
296
00:11:40,630 --> 00:11:42,300
- Okay.
- Get-get on the ground.
297
00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:44,590
I'm just backing away.
I'm sorry.
298
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:46,500
Sorry about this. Thank
you for your service!
299
00:11:46,590 --> 00:11:48,880
Get back here! I'll
fucking kill you!
300
00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:52,646
- Get the fuck back here!
- Get back here!
301
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,880
Oh, shit.
302
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,000
Give us a case,
303
00:12:10,090 --> 00:12:11,750
or we'll tell everyone
you're more flaming
304
00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:13,800
than Fire Island, which
works on two levels.
305
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:15,960
- Come on, Deb.
- We'll tell your wife.
306
00:12:16,050 --> 00:12:17,500
We'll tell Mo.
307
00:12:17,590 --> 00:12:20,170
We'll tell your son.
308
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:25,340
Okay.
309
00:12:25,420 --> 00:12:27,550
Nice. Told you he'd be in.
310
00:12:27,630 --> 00:12:30,710
No, no, I meant
"Okay, go for it."
311
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,880
Tell the world that
I long for schlong.
312
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:36,170
Agent Fox isn't fucking joking.
313
00:12:36,250 --> 00:12:39,500
I mean, there was a joke in
the way that she said it.
314
00:12:39,590 --> 00:12:41,630
I'm not joking either, okay?
315
00:12:41,710 --> 00:12:43,500
You know, God's a
funny fuck, isn't He?
316
00:12:43,590 --> 00:12:45,590
Maybe this is the final
push I've needed, you know?
317
00:12:45,630 --> 00:12:47,316
I've been wanting to
tell my family forever,
318
00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:50,170
and Mo only cares that
I'm gay for money, so...
319
00:12:50,250 --> 00:12:51,840
do it.
320
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,210
Now, if there aren't
any further questions,
321
00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:56,750
your ho-nors... that's "your
honors" but with "ho"...
322
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,250
- Not your best work.
- No, we, uh...
323
00:12:59,340 --> 00:13:00,686
we got another ace up
our sleeves, so...
324
00:13:00,710 --> 00:13:02,800
- Mm-hmm.
- We will be back.
325
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,210
Time to break out the big guns.
326
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:09,420
I'm telling you,
327
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:11,420
every girl is caught
between a Jake and a Ted.
328
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,460
- Who?
- From Sixteen Candles.
329
00:13:13,550 --> 00:13:14,630
- I haven't seen it.
- What?
330
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:16,170
- No.
- No! You haven't seen it?
331
00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:17,590
- Uh-uh.
- Okay.
332
00:13:17,670 --> 00:13:19,460
So Jake Ryan is this
super-hot badass.
333
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:21,090
- Mm-hmm.
- And Ted is this dweeb.
334
00:13:21,170 --> 00:13:23,250
- Oof.
- And I'm marrying a total Ted,
335
00:13:23,340 --> 00:13:26,300
which is crazy because all I'd
ever been with are Jakes.
336
00:13:26,380 --> 00:13:27,800
- Oh...
- I lost my virginity
337
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:29,500
- to a real bad boy.
- Who?
338
00:13:29,590 --> 00:13:32,090
- Bill Laimbeer.
- Ah! The Piston?
339
00:13:32,170 --> 00:13:33,550
More like the noodle.
340
00:13:33,630 --> 00:13:35,420
We went to theater
camp together.
341
00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:38,000
I hope he was a better
actor back then.
342
00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:41,880
- It's a basketball joke.
- Mm.
343
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:43,210
'Cause...
344
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,050
Anyway, I hear you, honestly.
345
00:13:45,130 --> 00:13:47,210
You know, I was all Jakes,
346
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,300
and then I married a
real fucking Ted.
347
00:13:49,380 --> 00:13:50,800
I told you, I told you.
348
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:53,380
- Oh, God, Dawn.
- Hmm?
349
00:13:53,460 --> 00:13:55,380
Am I making a huge mistake?
350
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,050
- No, no!
- Tell me.
351
00:13:57,130 --> 00:13:59,090
No, I promise you.
352
00:13:59,170 --> 00:14:01,050
Blair... Blair's great.
353
00:14:01,130 --> 00:14:03,670
Like, really great. Tiff,
you are a lucky girl.
354
00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:05,590
And you and I, we
both know, you know,
355
00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:07,050
bad boys are just bad.
356
00:14:07,130 --> 00:14:08,340
Yeah. Except Jake Ryan.
357
00:14:08,420 --> 00:14:09,670
He had a heart of gold.
358
00:14:09,750 --> 00:14:11,210
- Mm.
- When he found out
359
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:13,250
all Ted wanted was to
lose his virginity,
360
00:14:13,340 --> 00:14:17,170
Jake let him have sex with
his passed-out girlfriend.
361
00:14:17,250 --> 00:14:19,590
- What the fuck?
- I know. Wow.
362
00:14:19,670 --> 00:14:21,710
And that was in movie theaters?
363
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,066
- Yeah.
- And white people were just
364
00:14:23,090 --> 00:14:25,210
like, "Cool"?
365
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:27,250
Oh, my God.
366
00:14:27,340 --> 00:14:29,340
I guess that is super fucked up.
367
00:14:29,420 --> 00:14:32,250
Yeah, yeah.
368
00:14:35,380 --> 00:14:37,130
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
369
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,090
What's happening?
What's happening?
370
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:42,630
I'm pretty sure Blair tried to
call off the wedding tonight.
371
00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:45,960
And it's gonna be
super embarrassing,
372
00:14:46,050 --> 00:14:48,670
but I think I'm gonna... Just
gonna take him up on it.
373
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:52,630
- No. Why?
- 'Cause we're cursed.
374
00:14:52,710 --> 00:14:55,710
- We're cursed.
- I-I... no, no.
375
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,316
Just drink your penis.
It's gonna be okay.
376
00:14:57,340 --> 00:14:59,090
I promise.
377
00:14:59,170 --> 00:15:01,130
What a fucking night, right?
378
00:15:01,210 --> 00:15:02,630
- Oh!
- Oh, you handled that gun
379
00:15:02,710 --> 00:15:04,170
- like a champ.
- Shit!
380
00:15:04,250 --> 00:15:05,710
Sorry, I thought
it was fake, Mo.
381
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,210
And I am sorry for
kidnapping you,
382
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:08,710
but that was fresh.
383
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,630
Yes!
384
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,750
Ooh! What a team, right?
385
00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:14,630
Brains and beauty,
witty and pretty,
386
00:15:14,710 --> 00:15:16,396
and, hey, you bring some
shit to the table, too, kid.
387
00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:19,750
Oh, my God, we're alive
in a stolen cop car.
388
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,800
- Yeah.
- We cheated death.
389
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,630
- We fucking did.
- What do we do now?
390
00:15:24,710 --> 00:15:26,800
- Let's drink till we die!
- Yes!
391
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:28,300
Hey, there's a spot
right over here.
392
00:15:28,380 --> 00:15:30,210
- All right.
- Okay.
393
00:15:32,420 --> 00:15:34,090
Who breaks up before
their wedding
394
00:15:34,170 --> 00:15:36,210
and still ends up
happy together?
395
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:38,590
Lots of people. Uh...
396
00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:40,870
yeah, O.J. Simpson and that
blonde girl he just married.
397
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:42,500
- Yeah.
- Robert Wagner
398
00:15:42,590 --> 00:15:44,026
and Natalie Wood... I mean,
they married each other
399
00:15:44,050 --> 00:15:46,300
twice and were so happy until...
400
00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:48,500
they drifted apart... literally.
401
00:15:48,590 --> 00:15:51,500
And the engagement party
was such a disaster.
402
00:15:51,590 --> 00:15:53,210
Not to mention he
was out all night
403
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:54,750
with some prostitute probably.
404
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,130
No, no, probably... not.
405
00:15:57,210 --> 00:15:58,800
I tried to talk to my minister,
406
00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:00,750
but I'm only an
Operating Thetan IV,
407
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,760
and he won't discuss it
until I go up the Bridge,
408
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,380
but that's, like,
another 100 grand.
409
00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:09,130
Trust me, Tiff. You
are not cursed.
410
00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:10,710
Yeah? Really?
411
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,670
Then how come no one showed up
412
00:16:12,750 --> 00:16:14,130
to my bachelorette party, Dawn?
413
00:16:14,210 --> 00:16:16,550
Maybe they got caught
in the park and killed.
414
00:16:16,630 --> 00:16:18,460
You're sweet.
415
00:16:18,550 --> 00:16:20,210
But I think this
is the final sign.
416
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:22,130
- Check, please.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
417
00:16:22,210 --> 00:16:24,476
Maybe it's a good thing your
fake-ass friends didn't show.
418
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,840
- Why?
- Well, you've outgrown them.
419
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:30,800
Okay? You have new,
sophisticated friends like me.
420
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,550
Right? Now, who
needs those skanks?
421
00:16:33,630 --> 00:16:35,210
All we need are drinks.
422
00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:37,800
Haven't you ever fallen
out of love, Dawn?
423
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,920
You know, you keep holding on,
424
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,630
hoping to get that
feeling back, but...
425
00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:46,550
the tighter you grip it,
the further away it gets.
426
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,460
And then one day you wake up,
427
00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,630
and you're two totally
different people
428
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:54,000
and you wonder how you even got
together in the first place.
429
00:16:56,460 --> 00:16:58,250
Haven't you ever
felt that, Dawn?
430
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:03,210
No.
431
00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:08,590
I've never felt that.
432
00:17:08,670 --> 00:17:10,920
- We're like Miami Vice.
- Exactly.
433
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,880
- Tiff? Dawn?
- Blair?
434
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:14,630
Are you crying?
435
00:17:14,710 --> 00:17:16,090
Are you okay?
436
00:17:16,170 --> 00:17:19,090
I don't think so. What
are you doing here?
437
00:17:19,170 --> 00:17:21,300
Jesus Christ, this night
can't get any crazier.
438
00:17:21,380 --> 00:17:23,300
We almost got killed, okay?
Twice.
439
00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:24,646
And then we come in here
randomly to get a drink,
440
00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:26,630
and then you two are here.
441
00:17:26,710 --> 00:17:28,896
If this isn't a sign that these
two kids are soul mates,
442
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,210
I don't know what
is, right, Dawn?
443
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,460
- Right, Dawn?
- Uh, yeah. Sure.
444
00:17:33,550 --> 00:17:36,130
Ye... "yeah, sure"? More
like "hell, yeah, sure."
445
00:17:36,210 --> 00:17:37,630
Hey, waiter, listen,
446
00:17:37,710 --> 00:17:39,210
a bottle of your
finest champagne
447
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:40,710
will not cut it.
448
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,800
We need four of
those motherfuckers
449
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:44,976
and then tequila shots, 'cause
we're getting crazy tonight.
450
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,250
Oh, man, can you believe
this coincidence?
451
00:17:47,340 --> 00:17:48,880
No.
452
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:52,000
Ok... huh? No? Ah, wha...
453
00:17:52,090 --> 00:17:55,250
Ugh, smug Chia Pet motherfucker.
454
00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:58,380
There's got to be
something we missed.
455
00:17:58,460 --> 00:18:01,090
The only other thing
we found was this.
456
00:18:01,170 --> 00:18:02,976
They've been buying up
Georgina Jeans like crazy.
457
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,920
What? When I went through
their quarterlies,
458
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,600
they weren't holding
any major positions.
459
00:18:06,630 --> 00:18:08,460
They were up to 40%.
460
00:18:08,550 --> 00:18:10,960
They must've gotten spooked
and sold it off or something.
461
00:18:11,050 --> 00:18:13,210
Or they hid it to throw
off the Street...
462
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:16,590
and us.
463
00:18:16,670 --> 00:18:18,500
Captain's log.
464
00:18:18,590 --> 00:18:20,960
Captain Keith T. Shanker
reporting for duty.
465
00:18:21,050 --> 00:18:23,300
This planet is full
of assholes, a...
466
00:18:23,380 --> 00:18:25,026
- Feet off the table.
- Fucking touch me again,
467
00:18:25,050 --> 00:18:27,340
- and I'll sue.
- So we know you don't care
468
00:18:27,420 --> 00:18:29,500
if we tell your son
about your boyfriend,
469
00:18:29,590 --> 00:18:31,186
but how would you feel
if we told your son
470
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:32,566
and your boyfriend that
they're going to jail
471
00:18:32,590 --> 00:18:34,590
for illegal share parking?
472
00:18:34,670 --> 00:18:36,436
You know, I think your son's
gonna have a really hard time
473
00:18:36,460 --> 00:18:38,960
getting into Brandeis with
that on his permanent record.
474
00:18:39,050 --> 00:18:40,316
Believe me, Brad's
gonna have a hard time
475
00:18:40,340 --> 00:18:41,840
getting into any college.
476
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,670
Well, I bet your
boyfriend's gonna have
477
00:18:43,750 --> 00:18:46,000
a real hard time in prison...
Actually, he might like it.
478
00:18:46,090 --> 00:18:49,000
Can we cool it with the
gay panic stuff, Deb?
479
00:18:49,090 --> 00:18:50,960
- My cousin's a fairy.
- Bullshit.
480
00:18:51,050 --> 00:18:53,250
I don't have any idea what
you're talking about.
481
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:57,800
Liar, liar, jeans on fire.
482
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,130
Nice. See? That was
a good, clean one.
483
00:19:00,210 --> 00:19:02,170
Thanks. How do you
feel now, Keith?
484
00:19:04,630 --> 00:19:06,590
Fuck me.
485
00:19:10,090 --> 00:19:14,300
Okay. What do you need me to do?
486
00:19:14,380 --> 00:19:16,710
Be honest, Mo. You didn't
know they were here?
487
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,340
And, Dawn, you
didn't tip them off
488
00:19:18,420 --> 00:19:20,380
- that I was getting cold feet?
- Wait a second.
489
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:21,606
- Why do you have cold feet?
- You're getting cold feet?
490
00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:23,670
- Because you are!
- I'm-I'm just confused.
491
00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:25,250
Don't you love me anymore?
492
00:19:25,340 --> 00:19:27,710
Yes, he loves you anymore.
This is insane, guys.
493
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,276
Cold feet is normal.
It's very normal.
494
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:30,960
- Right, Dawn?
- Cold feet are normal.
495
00:19:31,050 --> 00:19:32,630
- See that?
- But you got to listen
496
00:19:32,710 --> 00:19:33,630
- to your heart.
- I know.
497
00:19:33,710 --> 00:19:36,170
- What the fuck?
- Mo, shut up!
498
00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:38,090
Listen, find the person
you want to be with
499
00:19:38,170 --> 00:19:40,170
based on who they are,
not who they aren't.
500
00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:42,670
Trust me, if you pick a Ted
just because a bunch of Jakes
501
00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:45,840
broke your heart,
you're gonna be lonely.
502
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,800
W-wait, wait, wait.
W-who's Ted and Jake?
503
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:49,066
- Sixteen Candles.
- Sixteen Candles.
504
00:19:49,090 --> 00:19:50,750
That movie's fucked.
Long Duk Dong?
505
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,396
Talk about a goddamn
minstrel show right there.
506
00:19:52,420 --> 00:19:54,750
All right, the point is, if
you marry the wrong person,
507
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:56,840
you will regret it every day.
508
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,976
Well, just 'cause Dawn should've
married her bad boy...
509
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,630
- This isn't about you.
- Oh.
510
00:20:00,710 --> 00:20:04,090
This isn't about Spencer.
This is about me.
511
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:06,170
This me. Tiffa-me.
512
00:20:06,250 --> 00:20:08,000
Well, you used "me"
as a metaphor.
513
00:20:08,090 --> 00:20:09,590
- No, I didn't.
- Uh, I'm pretty sure
514
00:20:09,670 --> 00:20:11,920
- that you did.
- How am I a Ted? I am a Jake.
515
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,276
I've always reminded
myself of a Jake.
516
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:14,800
You're Ted tip to tush.
T-E-D, Ted.
517
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,500
You're a little Teddy bear.
518
00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:18,226
Tiff and Blair are
perfect for each other.
519
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:19,896
You don't know that,
and I don't know that.
520
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,460
Only they know that.
521
00:20:21,550 --> 00:20:23,170
Guys, it's really
fucking simple.
522
00:20:23,250 --> 00:20:25,460
- Are you in love?
- Yes.
523
00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:27,460
Are you in love? Hmm?
524
00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:32,840
- I...
- Hey, slut!
525
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:34,420
You came!
526
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,300
Sluts.
527
00:20:36,380 --> 00:20:38,420
Sorry we're late. We were
pre-gaming at Bunny's
528
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:40,210
with a new Bartles
& Jaymes flavor.
529
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:42,300
And long story
short, we ralphed.
530
00:20:42,380 --> 00:20:43,380
It was a prototype!
531
00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:45,050
And if we're being honest,
532
00:20:45,130 --> 00:20:46,880
after your whole
engagement party fiasco,
533
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,170
we just thought you might
call the whole wedding off.
534
00:20:55,710 --> 00:20:58,380
Call off the wedding?
Call off the wedding?
535
00:20:58,460 --> 00:21:00,090
Call off... off the wedding?
536
00:21:00,170 --> 00:21:01,460
Call off the wedding?
537
00:21:01,550 --> 00:21:04,000
Okay, as if, slut!
538
00:21:04,090 --> 00:21:05,420
- That's so ghetto.
- Oh, okay.
539
00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:07,500
Blair and I are stronger
than ever, right, Blair?
540
00:21:07,590 --> 00:21:09,130
- Ooh!
- Thank God!
541
00:21:09,210 --> 00:21:11,090
'Cause for a second
there, I was like, "Ew."
542
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:13,920
- Ew!
- Now let's go to Danceteria!
543
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,590
This place is so last weekend.
544
00:21:15,670 --> 00:21:16,710
They're letting anyone in.
545
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,250
No offense.
546
00:21:18,340 --> 00:21:19,840
Are you trying to
get Jap slapped?
547
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,106
I will fucking knock
this Barbie bitch's head
548
00:21:21,130 --> 00:21:22,670
off the fucking neck.
549
00:21:22,750 --> 00:21:24,250
Dawn, thank you so
much for the talk.
550
00:21:24,340 --> 00:21:26,090
- Bye.
- You made me realize that Blair
551
00:21:26,170 --> 00:21:27,800
and I are perfect
for each other.
552
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:28,960
Bye, Care Blair.
553
00:21:29,050 --> 00:21:31,130
Bye, guys.
554
00:21:31,210 --> 00:21:32,710
- Oh.
- Wait for me, girls!
555
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,630
Have fun, ladies!
556
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,000
What was that bullshit?
557
00:21:38,090 --> 00:21:40,300
It wasn't bullshit.
558
00:21:43,170 --> 00:21:45,550
I got to go.
559
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,500
Okay, well, good night.
560
00:21:50,590 --> 00:21:52,840
Fuck you, Mo.
561
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,000
Eh, pbbt! Chicks, right?
562
00:21:55,090 --> 00:21:57,066
- You know what we need to do?
- I can't marry Tiff.
563
00:21:57,090 --> 00:21:59,800
What do you... what do you
mean you can't marry Tiff?
564
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:01,300
Of course you're
gonna marry Tiff.
565
00:22:01,380 --> 00:22:02,856
- You're not the boss of me.
- Technically...
566
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:04,800
At work, yes, but
Tiff is not work.
567
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,640
I mean, yes, she can be
very trying at times,
568
00:22:06,670 --> 00:22:08,800
but-but why are you so
invested in my relationship?
569
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,460
Because I am literally invested.
570
00:22:11,550 --> 00:22:12,800
What?
571
00:22:14,630 --> 00:22:16,340
Okay, I'm gonna confess
something to you.
572
00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:18,050
I know.
573
00:22:18,130 --> 00:22:19,436
You fucked with the
toothbrush in my desk.
574
00:22:19,460 --> 00:22:21,460
But that is just a decoy,
575
00:22:21,550 --> 00:22:23,460
as is the toothbrush
in the supply closet.
576
00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:25,920
- My real toothbrush...
- Is in a Ziploc bag
577
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,250
in the bathroom in the
ceiling tile, second stall.
578
00:22:28,340 --> 00:22:29,860
- Oh, dear God.
- That's not the thing.
579
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,130
Listen, Blair, I...
580
00:22:35,630 --> 00:22:38,000
Okay, when I said
we were friends,
581
00:22:38,090 --> 00:22:41,050
that was real... I meant that.
582
00:22:41,130 --> 00:22:44,550
But the truth is, I've
been playing you, kid...
583
00:22:44,630 --> 00:22:46,300
from the beginning.
584
00:22:46,380 --> 00:22:49,380
The coke, the arrest, it was...
It was a con.
585
00:22:49,460 --> 00:22:51,340
I was trying to make sure
that you worked for me
586
00:22:51,420 --> 00:22:54,090
so that I could, you know, work
on getting those sweet, sweet
587
00:22:54,170 --> 00:22:55,920
ungettable Georgina
family shares,
588
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,670
but that was before
we were boys.
589
00:22:57,750 --> 00:22:59,880
Now just listen. Before
you say anything,
590
00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:01,066
I want you to think, 'cause
if there's one thing I know
591
00:23:01,090 --> 00:23:02,840
about you, it's
that you're smart.
592
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:06,250
Now, you just said that you
cannot marry Tiff, right?
593
00:23:06,340 --> 00:23:09,090
So you're gonna break
her heart anyway.
594
00:23:09,170 --> 00:23:12,300
I mean, why not give her the
wedding of her dreams first?
595
00:23:12,380 --> 00:23:15,420
Let's run the Georgina play...
Me and you,
596
00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:17,000
together, as a team.
597
00:23:17,090 --> 00:23:18,550
It makes sense.
598
00:23:18,630 --> 00:23:20,380
I mean, it makes
more than cents.
599
00:23:20,460 --> 00:23:22,476
It makes dollars. It makes
tens of millions of dollars.
600
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,380
For us. For two
guys who were never
601
00:23:24,460 --> 00:23:26,840
handed a fucking thing
their whole goddamn lives.
602
00:23:30,210 --> 00:23:31,710
Let's do it.
603
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,670
What do you say?
604
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,090
Fuck you.
605
00:23:42,170 --> 00:23:43,590
I'm gonna tell Tiff everything.
606
00:23:43,670 --> 00:23:45,750
And, Maurice...
607
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,710
I quit.
608
00:24:01,670 --> 00:24:03,550
Oh, hey. What's up, man?
Good to see you.
609
00:24:05,630 --> 00:24:08,710
Oh, well, well, well.
Welcome, welcome.
610
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:10,550
Mm. Sorry I'm late.
611
00:24:10,630 --> 00:24:14,090
- I, uh, I got caught up.
- Hey, hey, no problemo, Kiki!
612
00:24:14,170 --> 00:24:16,300
Hey, um...
613
00:24:16,380 --> 00:24:18,670
I, um...
614
00:24:18,750 --> 00:24:20,920
Can I... Can I give
you something?
615
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,250
- Uh, yes?
- Okay. I'll... just hold on here.
616
00:24:23,340 --> 00:24:24,800
Okay.
617
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,710
This, um, is very special to me.
618
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:27,800
I want you...
619
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,840
- Mm!
- To have it.
620
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:31,686
- Oh, here, just... okay.
- What is happening?
621
00:24:31,710 --> 00:24:33,090
All right, yeah.
622
00:24:33,170 --> 00:24:37,000
Yeah! Here, take a look.
Take a look.
623
00:24:37,090 --> 00:24:39,630
- Oh!
- You like it?
624
00:24:39,710 --> 00:24:41,590
Yeah, I love it.
625
00:24:41,670 --> 00:24:44,880
I want you to know that no
matter what goes down...
626
00:24:46,750 --> 00:24:50,550
...I will always love you.
627
00:24:50,630 --> 00:24:52,050
And you say I'm
the dramatic one.
628
00:24:52,130 --> 00:24:52,920
- Well...
- This is like a scene
629
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,090
from "Steel Fagnolias."
630
00:24:55,170 --> 00:24:56,396
I would've said "Terms
of Enqueerment."
631
00:24:56,420 --> 00:24:57,840
- How dare you?
- Oh, come on.
632
00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,226
Oh, here, drink
your juice, Shelby.
633
00:24:59,250 --> 00:25:00,606
Oh, okay, yeah.
"Help my daughter."
634
00:25:00,630 --> 00:25:02,210
- Okay.
- Oh!
635
00:25:02,300 --> 00:25:03,630
Bingo.
636
00:25:15,380 --> 00:25:17,920
Listen, Spence.
637
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,750
- I'm sorry.
- No, baby, I'm sorry.
638
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,170
You know, I've been
sitting here, annoyed
639
00:25:23,250 --> 00:25:25,250
that we missed a night together.
640
00:25:25,340 --> 00:25:27,590
But work's a big
part of who you are,
641
00:25:27,670 --> 00:25:29,420
and I love who you are.
642
00:25:29,500 --> 00:25:33,630
And I'll take however
much of you I can get.
643
00:25:33,710 --> 00:25:36,920
Hey, at least you made it
back in time for the comet.
644
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,590
I want a divorce.
645
00:25:44,590 --> 00:25:46,800
What?
646
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:08,710
Tiff?
647
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:11,000
- Oh, my God! Aah!
- Tiff!
648
00:26:11,090 --> 00:26:13,750
Help me! Help me! Get
your hands off me!
649
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:15,300
Oh! Ah!
650
00:26:15,380 --> 00:26:17,630
Blair, call my dad!
651
00:26:17,710 --> 00:26:19,170
Tiff!
48017
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