Original subtitles

Robert Avranche,

a man alone on a train.

What'll happen to him?

Nothing, absolutely nothing.

Unless it's trouble.

separate rooms

- What do you want? - l want to tell you a story.

- What kind of story? - May l sit down?

The story begins on a train.

A guy's sitting alone in first class. Not bad-looking.

He seems depressed,

as if he wanted to jump out of the window.

- Right so far? - Right.

The train stops at a station. The guy, whatever his name is...

Robert, Robert Avranche.

He gets off the train to stretch his legs.

He walks along the platform.

He buys a beer.

He loves beer.

lt's his third since the trip began. He's a drinker.

He pays for his beer and guzzles down half of it,

standing there on the platform.

- How is it so far? - Perfect.

Sitting on a bench nearby is a woman.

She likes to hang around stations,

watching trains and passengers who step out for a beer.

There she sits, watching the guy with his bottle.

He's good-looking, but sort of strange.

He doesn't want to get back on the train. lt's as if he wants to run away, anywhere.

But he doesn't do it.

He probably doesn't have the guts,

so he goes back to his compartment.

The woman stands up - and here's where the action starts -

and gets onto the train.

What for?

To sleep with the guy.

How do you like my story? lnteresting?

- lt's what l expected. - Me too.

l like short stories

that take place between two stations and last an hour. No risks!

l'm not the kind to get involved.

What if l wanted to get involved?

lt's just a quick screw, no flowers.

- How about it? - Sure.

Why are you following me? The story's over.

- l'd like to know the rest. - lt's over.

lt ended in a fistful of Kleenex.

lt's a story that continues in a station hotel.

Just my luck, a clinging vine!

What more do you want?

A smile.

l haven't smiled for years.

Wait! l'll get some more beer. Miss!

l don't even know the damn girl's name!

What are we doing in this hotel room?

Talking. First l'll drink my beer. Then we'll talk.

l haven't talked for years. Now's my chance.

What if l'm bored?

l've been bored for years. l'm enjoying myself now.

So will you. l may not look it, but l'm a funny guy.

Not everyone laughs, but l'll make you laugh.

The scene is a station hotel room. l love hotel rooms.

Why do people knock themselves out to buy luxury apartments

when hotel rooms are just as good?

lf l had my way,

l'd stay right here, watching the trains go by.

Because l like trains too.

l've spent my whole life working with cars only to find it's trains l like!

Trains spark your imagination, you meet people,

and occasionally, you get laid.

True, you can screw in a car, an elevator, a doorway, anywhere!

Even in bed.

Let me finish my story. lt won't take long.

lt's about a couple in a hotel room.

They're a little tired.

She's naked in bed,

and he's on a chair, still dressed.

He's drinking beer, and she's bored stiff.

They're like an old couple,

but they're not. No, sir!

They're a young couple and they'll go far.

They've got it all ahead of them, tears, making up,

the works!

l'll tell you something else.

One day, you'll even smile. l mean it.

And then, l'll be happy.

You may be a bitch, but you've got the face of an angel.

Carry on, l'm falling asleep.

l'll go on.

He is Robert Avranche.

He owns a garage outside of Paris.

He's returning from Geneva. The airport was fogged in,

so he took a train.

lt was his lucky day. So lucky that customs didn't even open his suitcase.

They're usually much more careful.

What did he have in his suitcase, the one with the false bottom?

All his savings from the garage, some 500,000 francs!

lsn't my story fantastic?

lt's lousy.

You take advantage of a poor girl just because she wants sex.

lt's not her fault. She'd rather do something else.

He flashes his money at her as if she were a beggar.

Believe me, the money was better off in Switzerland!

- l brought it just for you. - You don't even know my name.

- What is it? - Nothing. l'm just a girl you lay and leave.

Well, l'm not leaving!

lt's the story of a guy who's picked up by a girl

and who hangs on to her. Funny, no?

lt's called, ''The Nympho and the Drunk.'' Love at first sight on a train.

lt begins on a train and continues in a hotel room.

Next, we rent a car and drive to a little house

with a fridge full of beer.

Sit down.

l've got news for you. lmportant news.

The house is fine. lt's the kind l've always dreamed of.

This will be my chair.

You'll sit on the couch. l'll look at you and drink my beer.

Food's not a problem. On Sundays, you'll make pasta,

on weekdays, hamburgers or grilled sardines.

l'm not fussy.

As for the rest, l mean our relationship,

there'll be no problems either.

You can split when you want, lay any guy you like,

come back looking like death warmed over,

l won't mind a bit.

All l ask is that you help me screw up my life

and smile from time to time.

A Madonna-like smile.

What about the dough?

That's no problem.

l put this case on the table and open it.

You can help yourself. OK with you?

Fine! Let's start now!

l'm going dancing.

Robert Avranche,

he's got it made!

- So long, gorgeous. - Good night, my love.

Farewell, sweetness.

- Come have a drink. - What's that?

- How about a drink? - A drink?

Donatienne's inviting us in for a drink.

- We're already drunk. - What kind of drink?

Come on, don't leave me. l'm not sleepy.

- Neither am l. - You never are.

Are you sleepy? Then come on.

Since she insists, we'd better go in.

l want to stay in the car. Bring mine out here.

You'd better back up in front of the house.

Sure, just watch me back up!

How's that for a backing-up job?

- Whose car is that? - l don't know.

- Another pick-up? - l didn't pick anyone up.

She's up to her old tricks.

No one asked you in. lt's my bedroom and my bed.

l hope this one is sexier than the last.

So, you picked up another guy?

l wouldn't have to, if you'd give me a chance.

We saw him,

- a new guy in her bed. - There's always a new guy in her bed.

You should see this one. He's weird.

- ln what way? - He's just weird.

He's not weird. He's just drunk.

Are you drunk, pal?

- Did you meet him on a train too? - l don't remember.

How pathetic!

How can a nice guy go for you?

What is it, sweetie? Too much champagne?

Get that bastard out of my bed. He scares me.

He's crazy about me, and l'm scared.

You can't stay here, pal. She needs her privacy.

You understand? Get dressed.

Get dressed and come with me.

l'm fed up sitting out there. Do as you like. l'm going home.

Duval.

Take me with you.

Lay off. Don't start that again.

Duval.

Pretend l've already left.

Be a good kid.

Don't stand there moping.

Go to bed.

Watch out! She's about to do her big number.

l'm tired of screwing around. l want to start over.

Take me with you. You'll give me the stability l need.

l like you a lot, Donatienne. We all do.

You're very sweet. Don't change.

Stay just the way you are.

Watch your step.

She doesn't want you. Don't push it.

- What'll we do with him? - She wants to take him home.

- To her attic? - Yes.

No, not in your car.

You're in no condition to drive.

lt's the story of a girl who's fed up with being a maid.

She needs a change. She wants to meet an older man

who'll take her to Paris and make her a lady.

But the man is tired, he hasn't slept for two days,

he keeps guzzling beer and can't keep 14 stories straight.

He has to stick to one.

lt's about a man who comes back!

They try to ditch him, dump him in cars, and treat him like a dog. But he won't quit!

They can't shake him. He always finds his way home.

Are you annoyed with me?

Shall l tell you why l came back?

l bought a Polaroid.

Guess why.

l want a picture of your smile.

Great idea, right?

You're bound to smile again.

Maybe not tomorrow or today, but some day.

And l'll be there with my camera.

Why are you so sad?

You can tell me. l'm an expert on depression.

What happened?

Just look at this.

Have you ever seen such a sad girl in all your life?

They took my kids away from me.

What?

They took my kids away from me.

You've got kids?

l'm 33 and divorced. l live alone in a small house

that used to be full of children's laughter and running about.

All that's left now are empty bunk beds, old toys,

and a drunk who's trying to horn in on my depression.

- l drink because l'm all choked up. - So am l. That's why l can't smile.

l'd like you to leave now. Please.

- Why? - Because you bother me.

- l want to be alone in my house. - l can't leave you now.

You don't understand how l feel. l'm really upset!

l don't care. Just go away!

l can't! You shouldn't have told me about your kids.

l can't leave now. Garage owners are softies.

lt doesn't take much to set us off.

l wish you would set off.

Get in your car and drive! You shift from first to second to third gear,

you get to Paris and you leave Donatienne alone!

Because she's fed up!

Avranche is fed up too.

- With what? - With life.

What's wrong with life? lsn't it great?

Aren't we cozy in our little attic

while the kids are in school?

Ever banged a housewife in the afternoon?

On a rainy day? They're more than willing.

Feel me under my skirt, you'll see.

Why did you bring me up here? How will l get down?

Take my hand.

ls it about a man who takes a woman's hand?

A man who's loved her for a very long time,

perhaps forever.

But the trouble is that he's never met her.

He knew she existed, he'd looked for her,

but had never found her.

Then, one day, in a train,

just when he'd lost hope, he opened his eyes

and there she was!

He knew it was her!

Your story about a train gives me an idea.

l feel like going down to the station. What do you think?

- lt's a good idea. - l agree.

Because if we keep telling each other soppy stories,

we'll wind up drowning in tears.

l think it's best for me to take a walk.

- This couldn't be it. - But it's the right address.

- Robert, what's going on? - You had us worried, you ass!

He looks all right.

Easy does it. l've seen cases like this.

Robert, do you hear me?

lt's me, Sam, your brother.

Don't move.

Do you remember Genevi�ve?

And Dominique?

Geraldine? You remember them, don't you?

Wait! l saw his eyes move.

This is my chair.

lt's a great chair.

l can watch the highway from here.

Sometimes l sit here

and watch her leave in the morning.

l wait here all day

till she comes back.

He's either infatuated or sick.

Who is this girl?

The love of my life.

l met her in a train.

Her face haunts me.

She's desperately sad, and l love her sadness.

l also love her house, the rainy afternoons, the trucks rolling by.

Since l've been here, l've found peace of mind.

Like an old coach in a railway depot.

Keep him talking.

We'd like to meet the young lady.

- Where is she? At work? - No, she's walking around.

- Where? - At the station.

What's she doing there?

She hangs around on the platforms, watching the trains.

She watches the passengers get off.

lf she likes the looks of one, she follows him.

- Won't l be in the way? - No. Come on!

- Your suitcase. - l forgot.

Hi.

l'm the one who called you.

Are his bags packed?

- Well... - Well, what?

What's your name?

- Me? - Yes, you. What's your name?

- My name? - Poor thing. He's forgotten his name.

Sit down and give me your suitcase.

He's a bit confused.

For a guy who was fast asleep in his berth,

he's had quite a night.

- How about a bath? - No, don't bother.

- A drink? - No, thanks. l'm fine.

- How about a nice beer? - l'm really not thirsty.

He's not thirsty!

He was sleeping like a baby. He didn't even hear me come in.

l could've robbed him blind without his knowing.

Who wants to take my picture?

- l'm smiling. - Your picture?

A picture of my smile, it's an endangered species.

Sure, but we don't have a camera.

Yes, we have! We certainly have!

lsn't your girl a little nuts?

Don't get up. Here, it's a Polaroid.

Do you know how to use it? Just press the button.

- Yes. But your smile is gone. - Wait, it may come back.

Where was l?

- Are you ready? - Yes.

No drink? Are you sure?

- l'm sure. - You're not thirsty?

- No. - He's not thirsty.

Anyway, l sat down and watched him.

l would've liked to have had a brother like him.

He looks like a soldier on leave.

Don't you think so?

Do you want to call your family?

No, l told them l'd be gone three or four days.

Who said you were staying that long?

Funny, they all think l can't live without them.

Too bad about the smile. Some other time, perhaps. lt's gone.

l'm really sorry.

l'd have liked to leave you a souvenir. Here.

Use it for your kids.

Robert, be reasonable. Come back with us.

Your wife and kids are expecting you.

- Take his suitcase. - Wait, that one's mine!

What's the difference? Stop worrying.

But it's my suitcase.

ln this story, suitcases and things are immaterial.

There are passengers who wake up during a dream

to realize they're not dreaming.

You have to go along with the story.

l want to stay here, Donatienne.

l like your house,

and l like your story, especially when you smiled.

l want to stay here. Please?

You can use me as a minor character.

l'll make an occasional appearance.

l'll stay in the wings.

Take him away.

He's getting mushy, and that means there's bound to be trouble.

Come on, Robert. Let's get going.

- Hands off! - Cut it out, Robert!

Watch out, you guys!

l won't let anybody take this chair from me!

Anyone who tries gets his balls kicked in.

lt's my chair. You can screw my wife, but don't sit in my chair!

Let's have a minimum of respect here!

- Robert! - Calm down!

Fuck off!

The neighbors are complaining.

- ls he a neighbor? - They call him the squealer.

lf you fart, he calls the cops!

- Were we too noisy? - My wife thought it was a TV blowing up!

- Where's your wife? - At home. She's all upset. She's terrified!

Let's go calm her down.

- Got any beer? - Lots of it.

What are they waiting for?

Let's go, boys, we've got an invite!

This way, it's a short cut.

Wait, we forgot somebody.

Aren't you coming with us?

- l'm not sure l should. - Come on. We've got to stick together.

My wife will be fit to be tied!

Come on. Come on. Down here.

Quickly.

Make yourselves at home.

She seems delighted!

What a lovely nightgown.

ls it from Paris?

- Come on. - What for?

You'll see. Help me.

Come on down, madame.

- What are you up to? - Don't move!

Bravo!

l want a word with you.

Don't be angry! We're having a great time.

We enjoy seeing your ass.

l told you l was good for a laugh.

- Aren't l funny? - Sure, very funny.

She's the only one who's not laughing.

- We'd better go. - Not yet.

Why? After all, it's his life!

How does she look?

- Who? - My partner.

She looks bored.

l don't know why, she's so languid.

lsn't she languid?

She seems to be.

- Maybe it's not real languor. - l can feel her wilting. She's limp.

Feel her. She's like a caramel.

- What about me? - Stay in your corner.

We're busy with our main character. We'll see what we can do for you later.

How is she, languid or not?

She's languid, all right.

You must be happy, then. Otherwise, you'd be tense.

She hates being pawed by you jerks!

She's dreaming of Duval. She wants to melt in his arms.

Come here and l'll tell you my story.

lt's about a maid.

- You want to dance with him? - Who?

- Duval. - Don't waste your time.

He enjoys seeing me pine away. He's waiting for me to grow old and gray.

Donatienne's unhappy.

You never ask her to dance. ls that true?

- l don't dance. - Neither do l, but l do if l'm obliged.

Life's too full of obligations.

Really?

- Go outside to fight. - Shut your trap!

The last time l beat up a garage man it was over an odometer.

He tried to stick me with a so-called new car.

That crate had crossed the Sahara ten times!

- That's dishonest. - No kidding.

l'm not peddling a car, just a dance. There's no risk in that.

lt depends. Some dancers aren't roadworthy,

they fall apart if you step on the gas.

l'm sorry, l can't convince him.

- Emile, do something! - They're just letting off steam.

Kick him in the guts!

Right in the face!

- Don't egg them on. - As much as possible!

Go! Strangle him!

Take the table!

Break the window!

Don't screw around with me!

l can't believe this!

- Robert, cut it out! - Shut up!

Keep it up, boys! Shoot the works!

Come see. Your bookshelves!

lt's a riot!

- Shall we call the cops? - Hell, no! lt's just a friendly argument.

- Would you like a drink? - Look at your living room.

lt's my wife's furniture!

Can l go with you?

Better go patch up your garage man.

Screw him! l want you!

You can't leave me here!

Come with me. Forget about your buddy.

l can't leave him in this mess.

What a pain in the ass! You're supposed to be with me tonight.

Don't go. We're having champagne.

No! l want to go to bed, preferably with a man!

Give me your address.

l'll come by later.

You shouldn't have said that.

Look at her.

- What did l say? - You said later. Women don't like that.

lt means you don't want to date her. lt rhymes with hate her.

- l just said l'd see her later! - She wants it right now. Not later!

lncredible!

No way to score in this lousy dump!

We're not exactly dogs! ln fact, we're damn sexy!

- What more do they expect? - Come on, l'll make you an omelet.

You and your damn omelets!

l rate more than a lousy omelet!

lt's a completely insane story, l grant you!

But at least it's got a plot.

- Where's the lady in the nightie? - ln bed.

Her living room's a mess, so she went to bed.

She's really upset.

Go comfort her.

lt's the least you can do.

- Your good looks will cheer her up. - Why don't you leave him alone?

He's a total wreck!

We're just asking him a favor as a neighbor.

What did l tell you? She's really shook up.

Don't cry, honey.

You've got company.

l want to go home.

- What'd he say? - He wants to go home.

l want to see my wife and kids.

What's wrong with this guy?

Listen, pal, you're about to lick one of life's toughest challenges.

Breaking loose! You can't give up now!

- l'm thirsty. - This man needs champagne.

l don't want any! l'm not a champagne man!

l run a garage. Garage men drink beer!

- Go get some beer. - lt's all gone.

- What? The fridge was full of it! - We drank it all. That's what beer's for!

lf it's all gone, go get some more!

- Where? - On the highway! At any gas station!

Hurry up or l'll bust up the rest of the house!

You go, you're still dressed.

l'm staying right here with my friend.

- You look much better. - Much better, thanks.

- But now he's upset. - Why?

- What's wrong? - He didn't like the show.

l liked it a lot.

You came 1 2 times!

With me, you never even moan!

- He's no better than me! - You're wrong there.

He needs some beer. Can't you see he's dehydrated?

lt's nice to see him in better spirits.

l don't want to go home anymore.

l want to stay right here.

- ln my house? - Obviously!

ln your house, your bed, your wife!

l'll give you 300 francs a day

- for bed and board. - What about Donatienne?

- Who's she? - The girl in the train.

Remember? You met her on a train.

lt wasn't him, it was me!

Who asked you? You're not the garage man!

Maybe not, but l do take trains! And meet girls!

Your train story is getting on my nerves.

That's ancient history now.

Right now,

l'm with Madeleine.

You're not going to start that all over again!

There are limits to my hospitality!

Why don't you go see Donatienne? You two made a lovely couple.

She's prettier than my wife.

You haven't really looked. lt's dark now!

Just wait until daybreak! She's no beauty!

- Donatienne let me down. - How?

l don't know.

She let me down.

l thought she was something fantastic!

Slut of the century. But what do l get?

A silly girl, all hearts and flowers.

ln love with some heel. Not a slut at all.

Life is so disappointing.

Don't give up hope, friend.

Life is unfair, l agree,

but sometimes you have to wade through shit to find a jewel.

She may not be a collector's item, l'm no geologist,

but l can tell you one thing, Donatienne Pouget,

that's her name,

is a 100-carat whore!

Stop trying to cheer me up.

See for yourself.

There are five guys in this room.

Five, right?

All those who've slept with Donatienne raise their hands.

See?

Ask anybody from around here,

you'll get the same answer. 100% affirmative.

That doesn't sound like a slut to me,

but a big-hearted girl.

So,

you prefer my wife?

Yes.

What shall l do?

- Leave, what else? - Where can l go?

l have nowhere to go!

Come to my house, we've got room.

- l don't like your house! - lt's exactly like yours!

Our houses are all the same,

same TVs, same fridges, same beds. Only the wives change.

- Your wife turns me off. - Who asked you to sleep with my wife?

But l need a woman. l'm not used to sleeping alone.

- Who can l snuggle up to? - Go see Donatienne.

Of course.

That's not a bad idea.

- Who's that? - lt's me, Emile.

- Emile who? - Emile Pecqueur.

Can't you feel my mustache?

l'm asleep. What do you want?

l came to warn you.

About what? Someone's spreading lies about you.

- Who? - The garage owner.

- He claims you're a nice girl. - Who, me?

He said, and l quote,

''Donatienne Pouget has taught me what respect means.''

l'll show him what respect means!

lt's about a woman who wants her man back!

- What man? - The garage owner.

She lost a garage owner?

We've come to the wrong house.

What do you mean?

This is my house! l'm not that drunk!

This is my room, my furniture, my bed.

But this doesn't seem to be my wife.

Do you recognize me, madame?

Your face does seem familiar.

Please excuse us.

l'm afraid there's been a mistake.

lncredible!

lt's exactly the same decor! The same furniture!

So where's my garage man?

Who cares about your garage man?

This is the story of a man who can't find his house!

lt's tragic.

That jerk was beginning to grow on me.

He was no genius, but comforting!

l enjoyed having a man in the house!

- Waiting for me there in his chair! - Shut up!

l'm warning you, shut your mouth!

Or l'll slap some sense into you!

- Don't you touch me! - There! l touched you!

- Where are you going? - Robert's having a housewarming.

Robert who?

Avranche! l hear he's a first-class stud!

What happened here? lt looks like a cyclone hit this place!

Do you realize whose house this is?

Champagne, Mr. Pecqueur?

l want to talk to Mr. Avranche!

- Know the one about the fireman's wife? - No!

l'll tell it to you.

ls that Robert Avranche?

The fireman's wife,

a brunette with a slight mustache.

One day, she finds herself alone in the house.

lt's August, the shutters are closed.

lt's scorching hot outside.

She sits down,

and the chair burns up!

She thinks, ''Hell! ls my ass that hot? A fireman's wife with a hot ass!''

So she sits down on another chair...

l mustn't tell these dirty stories!

Go ahead, sweetheart! Express yourself!

Go on, Mrs. Avranche. We're your friends.

- Do you all have drinks? - Of course. Everything is perfect.

You're all so wonderful, l feel like crying.

Mrs. Avranche.

What's come over me, Robert?

Everything's just fine, darling.

You must excuse her, gentlemen,

we Parisians are touched by your warmth and hospitality.

- How long have you been here? - A week now.

Happiness frightens me.

lt's been so long,

- do you think it'll last? - Of course.

We're out of the tunnel now. We're out.

We won't let anyone hurt you, dear lady.

You're safe with us.

They're so sweet!

Have you had the pleasure of meeting our good friend?

- Who's that? - Donatienne.

Your friend's named Donatienne?

Of course! The one and only!

Would you care to meet her?

- Right now? - No time like the present!

She's my neighbor. What a lovely girl!

She lives just next door.

Don't go, darling.

She lives in a house all alone.

The atmosphere there is indescribably gloomy.

What an opportunity!

Do you hear what l hear?

She'll blow your mind. Satisfaction guaranteed.

Just a short visit. l'll be back soon.

Put on your pants, Avranche.

Why must parties always end?

You make us want to dance, and once we start to feel giddy,

you stop the music.

l don't ever want it to stop.

Start the music again!

Have you ever noticed that loneliness has a smell?

You're right.

lt oozes out of the walls.

You'll notice the closer we get to the bedroom,

the stronger it becomes.

Do you feel it? lt's thick as smoke.

Aren't you glad you came?

She's fast asleep.

Want a peek?

- Don't wake her up! - She loves to be awoken!

ln a minute, she'll be panting!

Ready?

Turn around, Mr. Avranche. You're in for a shock.

The scene is set in a darkened room.

You've just broken in.

Your eyes grow accustomed to the dark.

There she is!

l'm not Donatienne, l'm Carmen!

You've woken me from a beautiful dream!

Who'll give me my dream back?

- What was it about? - Love! He was wonderful!

He gave me flowers and kissed my hand!

You'll find him.

- Where? ln this dump? - ln your dreams. Go back to sleep.

- Close your eyes. - Sleep with me.

l can't, sweetheart. l've got a date with Donatienne.

Know where she is?

To hell with Donatienne! l'm not her stand-in!

l've got an ass and breasts too! l've got loving arms!

- Just give me something to love! - Sorry, Mr. Avranche. l didn't expect this.

Can't you calm down?

Not until l get some tenderness! Just a hint of tenderness.

l'll calm her down.

- l've got a really good line. - l've heard them all!

Sure, but mine is special. You'll see.

But where is Donatienne?

When she's really blue, she sleeps in the kids' room.

l'll show you. Follow me!

lt's good to be home.

- lsn't she up there? - No.

- Where is she? - l don't know!

We're worried about her!

- l hope she's OK. - She usually stays out all night.

She sleeps with perfect strangers.

What if something happened to her?

What would we do?

- You're all in love with her. - Naturally.

l remember the first time l slept with her. At a kids' party.

She'd brought hers, it was before she lost custody.

They were having a great time.

Then, all of a sudden,

we were alone in the bathroom.

We looked at each other and smiled.

She asked me how l felt.

l answered, ''The same as you!''

Then she locked the bathroom door.

Where have you been?

One day, l was mowing the lawn.

She came up and asked, ''Are you mowing the lawn?''

l said yes.

''Do you enjoy doing that?'' she asked.

''My wife told me to do it,'' l answered.

lt was a summer evening.

She wore a sheer dress. The sun was setting behind her.

l'll never forget it.

''Put your hands around her waist,'' l thought.

''Stroke her bare arms.''

She could sure make a man horny.

But in the nicest kind of way.

- l slept at your house, once. - l remember! A whole night.

His wife was at the hospital having a baby.

l'd put my nightie in my coat pocket.

l crept in, quiet as a mouse,

and hopped into bed with him.

''My heater's broken down,'' she said. ''Can l sleep here?''

There l was, a married man,

in my wife's bedroom in the marriage bed.

But instead of my wife, my neighbor! A dream!

She could sure make a man dream.

She's our patch of blue sky.

We'd better stop reminiscing, because at this rate,

who knows when we'll stop.

Remember, Mr. Avranche is still waiting for his love scene.

- The party's over. Good night, little one. - Good night, Emile.

Nice guy, that Avranche.

He makes a good impression.

He's a guy who looks you straight in the eye.

- That's rare nowadays. - Especially for a garage owner.

What's a love scene like?

Tender.

What's tenderness like?

When you feel vulnerable,

with someone.

ls that how you feel now?

l feel a little fragile.

Too much to drink?

l guess you could say that.

Why do you drink?

Why do you screw?

l enjoy it.

Do you really?

Or do you fake it?

Do you pretend to drink your beer?

Do you have a hidden tube that you pour it down?

From your eyes, l'd guess not.

l can see the beer in them.

When l look into your eyes,

all l see is your eyes.

You don't see all the men?

No.

What about the beds?

The millions of beds l've been laid in?

Small ones, big ones, soft ones, hard ones,

ones that squeak and bang against the wall. See them?

No.

You must be really plastered!

- Do you need the bedroom? - lf you only knew what l'm up against!

lt's like wading in honey, it sticks to your feet.

Look at him in his romantic haze!

A sentimental robot.

He'd demoralize any woman!

- l think he's nice. - ln that case, he's all yours.

Bon voyage!

Send me a postcard!

You're in trouble, my friend.

Real trouble.

You should've fallen for me.

l told you that when the story began.

l did everything l could.

Oh, hell.

He's completely blotto.

Shall we put him to bed?

He's fine where he is. After all, it's his chair.

Drunks are grotesque.

And what about heels who sneak out on innocent girls?

Look, honey, l've got a wife and kids at home.

l can't just disappear.

He's managed to do it! Doesn't he have a wife and kids?

Don't ask me! l don't know the guy!

l don't know him!

You worm! You miserable worm! Go on back to Paris!

We don't need you here!

We're closing, miss.

l came here to dance.

- l'm not leaving until l do. - Nobody wants to dance with you.

You never know, stranger things have happened.

Closing time, boys. Give me a break.

l've got to drive the kids to school.

l thought this was a nightclub. ls the sun up yet?

- No, not yet. - So it must still be night.

ln that case, the party's still on. Break out the champagne.

And stop whining.

We're closed.

Beer. That's all l ask, one beer. My last beer.

l get the funny feeling that this is the end.

How stupid.

What's a story without love?

No kissing, no hugging.

Where are we? On what planet?

Where are your kids, anyway?

l'd like to meet them.

Maybe they'd like me.

l bet they're cute.

You know, l've got kids myself.

Two little girls.

One's six, and the other's ten.

Be reasonable, Donatienne.

Let's go have some coffee, just the two of us.

Coffee and croissants.

Forget it. She's already split.

l don't give a damn.

Do you hear me, Duval?

l don't give a damn.

Are you Donatienne Pouget?

Who's Donatienne Pouget?

The woman who lives here.

But l live here.

- Since when? - l moved in this morning.

But Donatienne,

where is she?

Who is Donatienne?

A woman named Donatienne lived here. ln this house.

l was in love with her.

Do you want some black coffee?

Sorry. l haven't had time to go shopping.

Donatienne,

stop kidding around.

- l'm not Donatienne. - You look just like her.

You must be pretty shook up.

l'd like to stay here.

With me?

l won't bother you. l won't even talk to you.

You won't notice l'm here.

You can't stay alone in this depressing place.

lt'll get you down.

l'm already depressed. l'm getting a divorce.

l don't want any men in my life.

l want to give a woman some flowers.

Nothing could be easier. What kind?

- l don't know. - What kind of woman is she?

l don't know. Any odd woman.

ln that case, get something cheap.

How about some buttercups?

Fine.

You don't look well.

l don't feel well.

Are you ill?

Your hands are shaking.

l guess they are.

Can l get you a hot drink?

- l'd prefer something cold. - How about a beer?

lt's good for what ails you.

- Think so? - Of course.

You mustn't let yourself go to pieces like that.

Come with me.

Take a good look at this room. Notice anything special about it?

The refrigerator.

The whole room is built around it. That fridge is this room's raison d'�tre.

Come sit down.

- Are you comfortable? - Yes.

Watch, Mr. Avranche.

l reach out my arm,

and without getting up,

l'll open the fridge.

And what do l find inside?

Good Lord!

They're all here, Mr. Avranche,

dark, light, from Belgium, Germany, Luxembourg,

not to mention the gueuze, which will blow your head off.

That's what you need, one good gueuze after another.

Three in a row.

Until you blank everything out.

You've got too many memories.

Who is Donatienne, after all?

A souvenir tucked away in the back of your memory.

Did she ever really exist?

ln our valley there was once a Donatienne Pouget.

A young woman of easy virtue who drove men wild.

There's one in every valley.

Once over the ridge, there's another valley.

Once you've seen them all,

there are no more valleys. There's nothing but plains.

What do you find there?

Cities, Mr. Avranche.

How can you find a woman in a city?

And in which city?

Milan? Basel? Frankfurt?

Be sensible. The story's over now.

Drink your gueuze and go home.

Doesn't she have a family somewhere?

A father, a mother, a grandmother?

Someone who knows where she is?

She had a girlfriend.

Marie-Th�r�se, a childhood friend.

Marie-Th�r�se Carroz.

Lord knows what's become of her!

Do you know Marie-Th�r�se Carroz?

- Marie-Th�r�se who? - Carroz!

They told me she grew up here.

That doesn't mean she stayed.

Anyway, her name isn't Carroz anymore.

lt's Marie-Th�r�se Ch�telard.

Besides, they moved away.

- Where'd they go? - To another village.

- Which one? - A village.

Why should l tell a stranger?

l'm no stranger! l'm Robert Avranche, the garage man!

l'm a lost man looking for someone!

l'm tired and cold!

No need to get all worked up.

We'll find Marie-Th�r�se for you.

Now let me think...

What if she was a schoolteacher?

Would you like that?

Schoolteachers are comforting.

lt'd be a nice change.

All right, good. Now watch me.

Stretch out your arms and inhale.

One, two, three. Arms down, exhale.

Arms up and inhale. One, two, three, exhale.

One, two, three, exhale.

Arms back up. One, two, three, exhale.

Reach for the sky. Palms up.

Two, three, exhale. Reach behind you.

One, two, three, exhale.

Back up, one, two, three.

Looking for someone?

Marie-Th�r�se Ch�telard.

She's upstairs in the classroom.

Exhale, arms down, and slowly up.

Come on, Gr�gory.

Push, push, push.

Back up, and take a deep breath.

Don't be afraid, she's only a woman.

Knock at her door and go in.

- l'm her husband. - Robert Avranche, garage owner.

ls it about a car?

Not exactly. lt's about a missing person.

- Someone is missing? - Yes.

Someone your wife is supposed to know.

Let's go ask her. After you.

Hear that voice?

Yes.

That's my wife.

''Down in the valley...''

comma,

''crowned...''

''Crowned...

''by the eternal snows...''

''Eternal snows,''

period.

She wasn't a whore, she didn't do it for money.

She wasn't a bitch. Everybody liked her.

What was she, then? A nymphomaniac? What does that mean?

A pathological desire for sex?

Was it only sex she wanted?

l don't know. l never laid her.

But l could've if l'd wanted to.

Whenever she came to the house, she was all over me.

But l'd say, ''You're my wife's best friend. l can't.''

l didn't want to come between them.

l was a fool, because they had a fight anyway.

Did you want her?

No, honey. l never said that.

But let's be frank,

Mr. Avranche, if a woman keeps buzzing around you, you start to get dizzy.

Are you feeling ill?

- No. Why? - You look pale.

Are you sick?

No. l'll be all right.

There aren't any doctors around here. l call a helicopter when the kids are sick.

Don't worry. l'm fine.

Did Donatienne do this to you?

Probably.

You're in love?

No wonder you look so tired!

Being in love with Donatienne is no picnic.

He's really got it bad.

Look at his eyes.

He looks half-crazy.

Like a man lost in a snowstorm.

Do you hear me, Mr. Avranche?

l'm talking to you.

He doesn't seem to hear me.

Hey, Mr. Avranche!

lt's Ch�telard, the schoolteacher!

You're in a mountain village. My wife invited you to dinner.

Thank you. You're very kind.

You can't drive in this condition. You'll stay here.

We'll fix up the guest room.

A cup of tea's all you need. Tomorrow's another day.

Drink this.

lt'll help you sleep.

l don't want to sleep.

You've got to, it's late.

ln any case, l need my sleep. l have class tomorrow.

Shall l tell you a bedtime story?

What kind of story?

l don't know.

Don't you like stories?

Depends on the story.

How about one that happens on a train?

May l sit down?

Please do.

A guy's sitting alone in a first-class compartment.

Not bad-looking. His name's Robert Avranche.

He seems depressed.

As if he's just lost the woman he loved.

Has he lost the woman he loved?

Yes.

Does he need consoling?

He wouldn't mind.

He puts down his bowl. A bowl is out of place in a love scene.

Especially a bowl of hot tea.

ls this a love scene?

l think so.

- With a schoolteacher? - She isn't a teacher. She doesn't work.

She just hangs around.

- ln train stations? - Yes.

Sometimes she gets on a train.

Her name is Donatienne. She never smiles.

Why doesn't she smile?

Because nobody kisses her.

Why not?

lt sounds crazy, but men just think of her ass.

lt never occurs to them to kiss her.

- l'll kiss you. - Wait!

l'm not in your compartment yet.

Right now, you're alone, bored and sad. You're lost in thought.

l've been watching you for ten minutes now.

You're thinking of the woman you've lost.

Why don't men think of me like that?

What's her name?

Donatienne.

Where the hell is he? Do you think he missed the train?

Do we have to search the whole car?

Wake up, Robert. This is your stop.

Leave me alone.

l'm with the schoolteacher.

Where are we? Where are you taking me?

To a woman's house.

Robert!

- Robert! - Cut it out, Robert!

- l don't want to see any woman! - She needs you! She's cracking up!

That's her problem! Who isn't cracking up these days?

l'll handle this.

She's forgiven you.

She wants you to come back.

You can't say no,

not to Genevi�ve.

What about the other guy?

- ls he still there? - She never loved him.

She was fed up with being unhappy. And he was the first guy to come along.

You guys kill me.

You really do.

Daddy!

My babies.

lt's the story of a man who returns to his wife.

Does she want him back?

She's been waiting.

Will she smile?

Better pack your bags, pal.

The party's over.

The End