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1
00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:11,597
Hey, man. Do you have a
bathroom that we could use?
2
00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:14,600
We? She loves bathrooms.
3
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:16,201
No.
4
00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:18,270
Look, man, we wanna fuck in the bagel bathroom.
5
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:20,172
You just tell me what that's gonna take.
6
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:22,808
Nothing. You can't.
I'll tell you what.
7
00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:24,643
Give me every fucking bagel you got.
8
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:27,746
I'll buy you out, and then I'm
gonna bang in the bagel room.
9
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,448
I really-- [ WHISPERING ]
10
00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:33,352
She wants to eat a bagel off my cock.
11
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:35,721
Guys, I'm sorry, but this isn't gonna happen.
12
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,356
I want a cock bagel.
13
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:40,259
She wants a cock bagel, man.
Sympathize.
14
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,261
I don't sympathize.
15
00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:45,564
Hey, didn't you teach geometry a couple of years ago?
16
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:46,732
No.
17
00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,467
He did.
18
00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:50,335
He was our fucking student teacher.
Remember that?
19
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,770
Holy shit. Yes, you're right.
20
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:54,506
Now you work in a bagel shop?
Economy's been really bad.
21
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,875
Wow, man. You're a real loser.
22
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:59,211
I bet you masturbate a lot.
23
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:00,779
You have that look.
24
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:03,315
I don't have that look.
You guys need to leave.
25
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:05,450
- Or what?
- Or I'll call the police.
26
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:08,220
Oh, fuck you, man.
We want the bathroom.
27
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:12,324
Aw, he's the fucking quarterback.
28
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:14,359
Stop!
29
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,528
Eat dick, bagel man.
30
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,730
[ GIRL ] Hey, let's just go fuck in your car.
31
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:37,583
[ SQUEAKING ]
32
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,723
[ WOMAN GASPS ]
33
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,491
Hey, man. You're home early.
34
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:48,360
What are you doing in my room?
35
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,295
It's cool. A little mix-up.
36
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:54,533
[ CLATTERING ]
37
00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:58,837
She's great, right?
38
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,539
You're screwing in my bed?
39
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:04,843
I don't have sheets on my bed. I
thought you just lay down a towel.
40
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:08,447
She is not "just a towel" kind of girl.
She's special.
41
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,249
Oh, good. I'm happy--
[ DOOR OPENS ]
42
00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:18,657
That's not my bed.
That's Eddie's bed.
43
00:04:19,892 --> 00:04:23,428
I'm disgusting. I-- I don't
have any sheets on my bed...
44
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:26,999
I pissed the bed, threw out the
sheets and never got new ones.
45
00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:30,602
And I just wanna be perfectly
honest with you because I'm--
46
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,704
[ SIGHS ] I'm crazy about you.
47
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,476
You are so fucking cheesy.
48
00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:40,479
And I think I kind of like it.
49
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:42,981
[ GIGGLES ] Okay, good night.
50
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,983
Oh, Eddie. Eddie, Ally.
51
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:46,618
Ally, Eddie. Hi. Hi.
52
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:49,288
So, you're the first girl to be naked in my bed.
53
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:50,922
Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry.
54
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:53,025
No, no. It's fine.
55
00:04:53,027 --> 00:04:54,926
Did that letter come for me today, man?
56
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:57,329
Oh. Yeah. It's in the bathroom.
57
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,930
What's it doing in the bathroom?
58
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,866
That's where I read my mail, dude.
59
00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:14,046
Rejected.
60
00:05:14,048 --> 00:05:15,781
What?
61
00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:17,482
That sucks.
62
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,051
[ MAN ] Dude, you were born to teach.
63
00:05:19,053 --> 00:05:21,386
I was, man. I'm a good teacher.
64
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:26,658
When I was a student teacher, our math team
went to the motherfucking state finals.
65
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,727
You goddamn right they did. You gave
those nerds something to live for.
66
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:31,063
You don't get to the state finals by being nice, man.
67
00:05:31,065 --> 00:05:34,666
Geometry isn't nice. It's fucking hard.
Pythagorean theorem?
68
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,369
- I don't even know what that is.
- I am sick and tired...
69
00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,004
of waiting to be a teacher, man.
70
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:41,740
You wanna screw a girl, you don't wait to buy bedding.
71
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,675
The quarterback wants a cock bagel, he doesn't wait.
72
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:49,047
And I'm gonna tell the American Teaching
Corps they owe me a goddamn interview.
73
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,083
Yes! Yes! Right? Yes!
74
00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:52,751
Yes! Yes!
75
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:57,723
What is a cock bagel?
76
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:15,073
Hi. You rejected my application
without ever giving me an interview.
77
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,775
And I deserve an interview.
78
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,677
So that's why I'm here.
79
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,046
I like your spirit.
80
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,714
Let's see this résumé.
81
00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:33,392
It says here you student-taught
at Bradenton. Good school.
82
00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:34,993
I really enjoyed that experience,
83
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:37,462
and I actually started a math team
that went to the state finals.
84
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:40,065
I used to work with kindergartners
before they put me behind the desk.
85
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,033
Oh. God, I loved
those fucking kids.
86
00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,469
Great hugs. And their smiles?
87
00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:47,005
Gives you a reason to wake up in the morning.
88
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,840
Absolutely.
89
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:52,043
You mind? Totally.
90
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:54,746
You're allowed to like drinking.
You know what I mean?
91
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,448
Sure. Of course.
92
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:59,451
That's why I love those kids.
93
00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:03,021
I mean, if I were sad or
maybe a little drunk--
94
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,525
They don't judge. You know?
95
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:09,661
Maybe I worked my way through an eight ball...
96
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:13,799
and woke up in St. Pete with half
a kitten in a cardboard box.
97
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,534
Didn't matter.
98
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:19,504
Those little guys-- good
for the hug, always.
99
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,909
Well, I've always thought that
a-- a nurturing approach...
100
00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:25,911
is much better than being an authoritarian.
101
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,646
That's why we do it.
102
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,748
We don't do it for the bitches, that's for certain.
103
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:32,784
No. I-- I do not do it
for the bitches either.
104
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:36,555
Well, not to say I pay for sex.
105
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,990
I mean, strip club occasionally, but that's no biggie.
106
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:41,193
There's nothing wrong with a gentleman's club.
107
00:07:41,195 --> 00:07:43,195
No, there isn't.
108
00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:46,798
Me, personally, big fan of Odyssey 2001.
109
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,100
You been there? Uh,
the strip club?
110
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:51,937
I think I've seen it from the highway.
With the spaceship?
111
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:53,872
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
112
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:57,175
A good strip club has to have a compelling theme.
113
00:07:57,177 --> 00:08:00,712
Otherwise, you're just jerking
off in a warehouse. You know?
114
00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:05,817
Do you mind if I give you some advice?
Please do.
115
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,820
This isn't teaching advice.
This is life advice.
116
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,889
Okay, cool.
117
00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:14,659
Never do two illegal things at the same time.
118
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,228
I like that advice.
119
00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:18,530
Can I give you some more advice?
120
00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:21,233
Do not go to a strip club in the town you live in.
121
00:08:21,235 --> 00:08:24,102
Not even Odyssey?
Especially not Odyssey.
122
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,838
Why? Because it
becomes habitual.
123
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,008
Before you know it, you're just
stopping by for a quick drink.
124
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:34,112
And the bartender's mixing you a "G
and T" before you even asked for it.
125
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:36,281
Then one day you wake up...
126
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:38,617
and guess what happens.
127
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,819
I don't know what, but it sounds bad.
128
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:43,121
You're married, man.
You're fucking married.
129
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:46,625
And your wife? She's still working
the pole four nights a week.
130
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,927
Fuck me.
131
00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:52,664
That's all I'm saying.
132
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:55,534
Write this shit down.
I brought a pad.
133
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,669
This is gold, man.
134
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:01,273
All right, "Edward Cole."
135
00:09:01,275 --> 00:09:04,209
Right? Eddie. Eddie's fine.
136
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,111
Eddie. Yeah.
137
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,779
Like Eddie Murphy.
138
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:10,615
So, what do you wanna teach, Eddie?
139
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:12,551
I mean, ideal world.
140
00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,152
Well, I was trained to teach math.
141
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:18,323
And as I was saying, our team went
to the state finals last year.
142
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,792
Good for you. Well,
the thing is...
143
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:23,295
we don't really have any positions.
144
00:09:23,297 --> 00:09:26,831
There's got to be something.
Mm-mmm.
145
00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:27,966
Oh, wait.
146
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:30,936
I do have something.
147
00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:33,705
Done and done.
148
00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:38,009
It's either Fourth or Fisk Street.
I can't read it.
149
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,277
Fisk?
150
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,179
Fisk. Fourth or Fisk.
151
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,049
Good luck.
152
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,253
I got the job!
153
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,121
No way, dude!
154
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:53,658
We're celebrating.
155
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:55,627
I'm so happy for you, Eddie.
156
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,929
[ MAN ] Yes, yes, yes, yes.
157
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,665
No, no, no, no. You're sitting
right there. Oh, watch out.
158
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,267
So, what's the job?
159
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:06,004
Oh, sorry. I don't wanna sit
on the couch and get all oily.
160
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,908
Um, it's up in
Tampa-- Ybor City.
161
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:12,210
It's an after-school
study program for kids.
162
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,279
That's, uh-- That's the
Cuban neighborhood, right?
163
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,847
It's really cool up there.
164
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,649
Yeah, yeah. I'm excited.
165
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,351
Brutal commute though, man.
Fucking bru--
166
00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,252
You're gonna be living on the Skyway.
167
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:22,921
I know.
168
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:27,092
I, uh-- I don't mean
to insert myself here,
169
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:31,129
but it may make sense for you
to get a place closer up there.
170
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:34,699
Wh-- No. No, no. If you move over
there, I'm never gonna see you.
171
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:37,268
I don't know, man.
Maybe it's a good idea.
172
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:39,070
A fresh start.
173
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,841
Well, what's most important is that you're happy.
174
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:46,378
So-- I guess do whatever makes
you happy, man. [ PATS LEG ]
175
00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:48,713
And this is just gonna keep on happening.
176
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:50,815
Role-play stuff, man.
177
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,851
What roles are you guys playing?
178
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:54,986
Christmas in the firehouse.
Yeah, turkey was for dinner.
179
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,055
But what's the elephant? Oh.
180
00:10:57,057 --> 00:11:00,291
My dick goes in the nose like this.
181
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,761
[ MAN ] ♪ No time for dreaming ♪
182
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,729
[ WOMEN ] ♪ Dreaming, dreaming ♪
183
00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:06,364
♪ Got to get on up ♪ ♪ Get up ♪
184
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,199
♪ And do my thing ♪
185
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:09,901
♪ Ooh ♪
186
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:12,270
♪ No time for dreaming ♪
187
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,706
♪ Dreaming, dreaming ♪
188
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,441
♪ Got to get on up ♪ ♪ Get up ♪
189
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:19,678
- ♪ And do my thing ♪
- ♪ And do your thing ♪
190
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,013
♪ Dream while you're sleeping ♪
191
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,349
♪ Tired of slowly creeping ♪
192
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:26,251
♪ Open up your eyes ♪
193
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,453
♪ Before it's too late ♪
194
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:31,289
♪ Try a little harder ♪
195
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,024
♪ Stop wasting over yonder ♪
196
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,926
Hi. I'm here to check
out the apartment.
197
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:37,228
The apartment-- you're gonna love it.
It's got everything.
198
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:43,301
So this is it. This
is your palace, baby.
199
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:46,871
This is where you're gonna love and lose.
It's all here.
200
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,373
All right. [ DOOR SLAMS ]
201
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,942
[ SHOUTING ] Hey, motherfucker, you gonna pay rent...
202
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:53,411
or am I gonna have to make you homeless?
203
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:56,047
So, the walls here are thin.
204
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,415
Got it.
205
00:11:57,417 --> 00:12:00,318
But, you know, if you're banging it out, don't be shy.
206
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,187
I don't mind a little noise.
207
00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:05,056
I'm-- I'm fairly quiet
when I make love.
208
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,292
I'm just saying, you know, I like the sound.
209
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:11,262
Sensuality and whatnot.
You know, life, happening.
210
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,898
Yeah, it can be soothing.
211
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,201
And you might hear a little bit of something from me too.
212
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:18,269
I might get a little screamy, but it's all good.
213
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:22,073
If shit gets screamy, I'm just handling my business.
214
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,209
Sure. Sure.
215
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:31,216
I think I'll take it. Right on.
216
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:34,352
All right, well, come downstairs to
my bar later, meet your neighbors.
217
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,121
Okay, sure.
218
00:12:57,376 --> 00:13:00,278
♪♪ [ SPANISH BALLAD ]
219
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:25,003
That's pretty cool music.
220
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:28,273
Pretty cool? Baby,
it's the coolest.
221
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,941
I used to be in band.
222
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:32,410
Yeah, what'd you play? The oboe.
It's a woodwind.
223
00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:36,314
Man, I know what a oboe is.
It's a pussy deflector.
224
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,283
It's like a pussy magnet, but in reverse.
225
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,418
I was in jazz band, so--
226
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:42,053
You played jazz oboe?
227
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,589
Yeah. I had, like, a
Kenny G thing going on.
228
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,858
We used to do jazzy Christmas songs.
229
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,426
But oboe.
230
00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:52,096
Yeah, it wasn't very cool, was it?
231
00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:54,499
Oh, baby, it really wasn't.
232
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,568
That's okay, doll.
233
00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:58,369
What's your poison?
234
00:13:59,972 --> 00:14:02,207
I'll have a whiskey. All right.
235
00:14:09,381 --> 00:14:12,150
[ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ]
236
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:21,993
[ WOMAN ] ♪ Come on, baby ♪
237
00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:25,430
♪ Give me a chance now ♪
238
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:29,334
♪ Come on, darling ♪
239
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:33,204
♪ Give me a chance now ♪
240
00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:36,341
♪ You know I'm sorry ♪
241
00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:41,646
♪ I've been waiting so long now ♪
242
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:44,282
♪ Just let me wreck the car ♪
243
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,253
♪ And I don't wanna ♪
244
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:53,491
♪ Come on, daddy, daddy, daddy ♪
245
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:56,027
♪ Give me a chance ♪♪
246
00:14:57,596 --> 00:15:00,231
Hey, guys.
247
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,100
I'm Mr. Cole.
248
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:05,336
I am your after-school
activities coordinator.
249
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:11,175
So, what do you wanna learn?
250
00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:17,382
Come on, guys. You wouldn't be here
if you didn't wanna learn something.
251
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:18,549
This is detention.
252
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,151
What?
253
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:23,021
We have to be here.
We all got in trouble.
254
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,391
- Yes.
- Can I go to the bathroom?
255
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,126
Sure. Yeah. Go ahead.
256
00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:30,995
Hey, you wanna hear me freestyle rap?
257
00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:33,665
- Uh--
- Yeah. He's awesome.
258
00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:35,533
Okay. Sure. Yeah.
Let's hear something.
259
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:37,435
- All right, what's your name? Cole?
- Yeah.
260
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,138
All right. Go.
♪♪ [ IMITATING BEATBOX ]
261
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:45,476
♪ Mr. Cole likes
it in the hole ♪
262
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,345
♪ Just a little brown, wants to go downtown ♪
263
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:49,647
♪ Mm, Mr. Cole sucking
dick on the knoll ♪
264
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,483
- Hey-- ♪ Pussy bitch wanna
suck a dick on the knoll ♪
265
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,419
- Hey, that's enough.
- ♪ He got one in his hole Both holes ♪
266
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:56,087
That's enough!
267
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:58,089
Aw, come on, Mr. Cole,
stop being such a bitch.
268
00:15:58,091 --> 00:16:01,292
If you use that kind of language in
this class, I will call your parents.
269
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,027
No, no, no, don't do that.
You can't.
270
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:06,197
[ SOBBING ]
271
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:09,600
- What's going on? Are you okay?
- I'm gonna die. I got cancer.
272
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,436
What?
273
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:13,037
I'm bleeding.
274
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:16,174
What do you mean? I'm
bleeding out my hoo-ha.
275
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:19,043
- [ STUDENTS LAUGH ]
- [ BOY ] She's bleeding out her pussy.
276
00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:21,212
Come-- Come with me. Come on.
277
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,025
I got these in the teachers' lounge.
278
00:16:35,194 --> 00:16:36,594
Here.
279
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,297
What do I do with these?
280
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:42,333
That's a tampon. I don't
know what that is!
281
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:46,070
Well, see, you-you just-- you
take it and you... put it in.
282
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:47,372
What? No way!
283
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:50,375
No, it's-- You just-- Look. It--
284
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:52,276
It's--
285
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:54,345
Can I-- Can I call your parents?
286
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,615
My dad is working right now, and...
287
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,417
I don't have a mom.
288
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:02,253
Uh-- Can you wait right here?
289
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:03,721
I know someone that I can call.
290
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:06,424
Can you just wait here one second?
I'll be right back.
291
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:22,040
Oh, thank the Lord you came.
292
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,275
This is my friend Ally.
She's a nurse.
293
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,210
She's gonna help you out.
294
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:29,180
Yeah. Come with me.
It'll all be all right.
295
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,094
You wanna get a drink with JT?
296
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:46,297
There's a really cool bar underneath
my new apartment. Yeah, sounds good.
297
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:49,067
Hey. What are you
still doing here?
298
00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:51,602
Oh. My sister's meeting me,
but she's always late.
299
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:56,307
Oh. There she is.
300
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:02,113
That's your sister?
301
00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:17,462
Hey, buddy.
302
00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:21,232
Hi. Hi. Uh, I'm Ed Cole.
303
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,334
I work at the school.
Pilar, Tito's sister.
304
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:24,869
Oh.
305
00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:27,505
- Uh, this is my friend Ally.
- Hi.
306
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,207
Not my--
307
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:30,808
Not my girlfriend.
308
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,877
Oh. Okay.
309
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:37,148
- She's actually dating my best friend, so--
- I think she gets it, Eddie.
310
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:39,484
Right.
311
00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,353
So--
312
00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:44,422
How's it going?
313
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:46,557
Great. Good.
314
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,593
Yeah. Cool.
315
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:56,767
You come here often? The school?
316
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:59,737
Yeah. Um-- Yeah. I guess so.
317
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:02,240
I-- I meet Tito most days.
318
00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:04,275
Oh, right. Yeah.
319
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,714
Um, we better get going, right, Ed?
320
00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:13,384
Yeah. We actually have plans
tonight, so we got to jet.
321
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,419
Yeah, we're going to this really cool bar.
322
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:17,421
I don't know if you wanna...
chill.
323
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:19,924
Chill?
324
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,859
Yeah, like hang out.
325
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,494
Yeah, nobody says "chill."
326
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,397
Tito, be nice to your teacher.
327
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:29,500
♪♪ [ STEREO: REGGAETON ]
328
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:33,237
[ SPEAKS SPANISH ] Let's roll.
329
00:19:33,239 --> 00:19:35,173
That's our ride.
330
00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:39,177
Yeah, I-I got my
ride over there.
331
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:41,245
[ HORN HONKS ]
332
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,949
Um, well, bye.
333
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,717
Yeah. Bye.
334
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:51,389
♪♪ [ CONTINUES ]
335
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:15,313
She was so scared 'cause no one ever explained it to her.
336
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:17,815
Sex ed, man. That's
what these kids need.
337
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:20,618
Are you sure you're the best person to be teaching sex ed?
338
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,720
You can teach sex ed even if you're a virgin.
339
00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:25,423
You might actually be better at it.
340
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:28,593
- Whoa. Who said I was a virgin?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
341
00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:31,596
For the record, Eddie is definitely not a virgin.
342
00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:34,932
He had, uh, crazy sex with a
Canadian girl one summer at camp.
343
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,867
Who is now a model in Toronto.
344
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:38,002
Yeah. Wow.
345
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,904
But maybe it is time to get back out there.
346
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,740
- Dude, I liked this girl today.
- That did not go well.
347
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,876
- Why?
- It was really uncomfortable to watch.
348
00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:48,012
Really uncomfortable.
349
00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:49,981
Like watching that porno with Screech.
350
00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:52,250
What you need is a rain dance.
351
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,385
I don't need a rain dance.
352
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:56,254
What's a rain dance?
353
00:20:56,256 --> 00:21:02,326
He finds a girl who is less than
attractive and he has sex with her,
354
00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:03,794
and then he paints his face like an Indian...
355
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:07,898
You are in a dry spell. You are
in the Death fucking Valley.
356
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:10,268
And once it rains, it pours.
So what you need to do...
357
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,903
is find a girl to end the dry spell
and get things pouring again.
358
00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:15,606
No. That's terrible advice.
359
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,041
Sometimes you got to get your dick a little bit dirty.
360
00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:19,443
I like having a clean dick.
361
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:23,814
Well, unavailable men are sometimes more attractive.
362
00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:27,485
By unavailable, she means bros
who presently reek of pussy.
363
00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:30,354
And even though you totally lost your virginity at camp...
364
00:21:30,356 --> 00:21:32,390
and everybody believes you're not a virgin...
365
00:21:34,493 --> 00:21:36,360
a rain dance might be a good thing.
366
00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:37,762
Jump-start things, get
things going again.
367
00:21:37,764 --> 00:21:40,698
Yeah, but if I lower my standards and date an ugly girl,
368
00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:42,833
doesn't that kind of constrain
me to a particular ballpark?
369
00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:45,803
Recall the woman to whom I was laying pipe prior to Ally.
370
00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:47,371
JT, I'm right here.
371
00:21:47,373 --> 00:21:49,640
She looked like she lived
under a bridge. Yeah.
372
00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:52,376
The girl I was railing looked like a troll.
373
00:21:52,378 --> 00:21:53,944
But I was getting laid.
374
00:21:53,946 --> 00:21:58,749
And that, in some deep biological,
pheromonal, pussy-stank way,
375
00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:00,618
attracted her to me.
376
00:22:01,753 --> 00:22:04,522
So, why were you attracted to me?
377
00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:06,490
I don't know. I just was.
378
00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:08,059
Do you think it was some sort...
379
00:22:08,061 --> 00:22:10,494
of deep, pheromonal, semen stink kind of way?
380
00:22:10,496 --> 00:22:11,929
That's a good question.
381
00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:14,665
If Ally smelled like jizz, would you be attracted to her?
382
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,034
Yeah. If we were in a bar
and I had jizz on me,
383
00:22:17,036 --> 00:22:18,669
would you come over and talk to me?
384
00:22:18,671 --> 00:22:21,539
- I don't think he would.
- I don't think he would either.
385
00:22:21,541 --> 00:22:23,908
I-- I-- I really thought you
guys had something special.
386
00:22:23,910 --> 00:22:25,976
And you'd get turned off by a little white sauce.
387
00:22:25,978 --> 00:22:29,080
I just want you to stop talking
about other people jizzing on you.
388
00:22:29,082 --> 00:22:31,949
So, why were you attracted to me?
389
00:22:34,686 --> 00:22:37,855
I think maybe it's because you're
so willing to call me on my shit...
390
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:40,524
that you'll tell me other people jizzed on you.
391
00:22:40,526 --> 00:22:42,793
I'm pretty awesome that way, right?
392
00:22:42,795 --> 00:22:45,696
See, this is what I
want-- what you guys have.
393
00:22:45,698 --> 00:22:48,899
See, but if you want this, you got to make it rain.
394
00:22:50,502 --> 00:22:52,570
[ FINGERS SNAP ] I have just the girl.
395
00:22:52,572 --> 00:22:55,439
Who? She was a senior
when we were freshmen.
396
00:22:55,441 --> 00:22:58,642
Crazy. And I don't think
she's changed since college.
397
00:22:58,644 --> 00:23:01,779
Really? Oh, she will
get the job done.
398
00:23:04,616 --> 00:23:07,385
What is wrong with you guys?
399
00:23:10,722 --> 00:23:12,590
All right, guys,
400
00:23:12,592 --> 00:23:14,759
today we're gonna learn about the human body.
401
00:23:14,761 --> 00:23:17,695
Now, I know there's a lot of slang
terms out there for body parts.
402
00:23:17,697 --> 00:23:20,865
- [ CLEARS THROAT ] Like "poontang."
- Please be quiet, Leon.
403
00:23:20,867 --> 00:23:24,001
It's important for you to know and
understand the scientific terms...
404
00:23:24,003 --> 00:23:27,004
so that you have respect for your
bodies and for the bodies of others.
405
00:23:27,006 --> 00:23:31,609
That's why in this class we're only gonna
use the proper names for the body parts.
406
00:23:31,611 --> 00:23:34,011
So let's start with the female anatomy.
407
00:23:34,013 --> 00:23:35,880
Here we have the labia majora.
408
00:23:36,882 --> 00:23:38,516
Let me hear you say it.
409
00:23:38,518 --> 00:23:40,451
Let's all get comfortable with it here.
410
00:23:40,453 --> 00:23:42,119
[ EDDIE, STUDENTS ] Labia majora.
411
00:23:42,121 --> 00:23:43,754
- Good.
- [ LEON CLEARS THROAT ]
412
00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:45,055
Yes, Leon.
413
00:23:45,057 --> 00:23:48,526
- Is it always called labia majora?
- Yes, Leon.
414
00:23:48,528 --> 00:23:50,728
What if it's kind of droopy?
415
00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:54,165
It's always the labia majora.
416
00:23:54,167 --> 00:23:57,835
- What if it looks like lunch meat?
- It's still the labia majora.
417
00:23:57,837 --> 00:24:00,438
What if it looks like a baby's face frowning?
418
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,873
That-- That's still
labia majora.
419
00:24:02,875 --> 00:24:06,210
- Well, what if it--
- Leon, it will always be labia majora. Okay?
420
00:24:06,212 --> 00:24:10,047
I'm just saying, man, I seen some shit
that I would not call labia majora.
421
00:24:10,049 --> 00:24:13,684
- Last warning, Leon.
- Man, let me know when you find your tiny dick.
422
00:24:13,686 --> 00:24:15,753
It's right above your tiny balls.
423
00:24:15,755 --> 00:24:17,721
[ STUDENTS ] Ooh.
Principal's office now.
424
00:24:17,723 --> 00:24:19,657
- No, no, no. Mr.--
- I warned you, Leon. Go!
425
00:24:19,659 --> 00:24:21,225
Please, Mr. Cole, my
dad will kill me.
426
00:24:21,227 --> 00:24:23,461
Go, Leon.
427
00:24:41,847 --> 00:24:43,647
- [ DOOR OPENS ]
- [ LEON ] I was just talking.
428
00:24:43,649 --> 00:24:46,484
- [ MAN ] You should know better, Leon.
- I'm sorry.
429
00:24:47,953 --> 00:24:50,721
[ WATER RUNNING ]
430
00:24:50,723 --> 00:24:53,090
[ MAN ] You have a dirty mouth.
431
00:24:53,092 --> 00:24:56,060
A dirty, dirty mouth.
432
00:24:56,062 --> 00:24:58,863
I taught you better than that.
You should know better.
433
00:24:59,564 --> 00:25:01,031
You know better.
434
00:25:01,833 --> 00:25:04,568
[ TOILET FLUSHES ]
435
00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:09,173
Sir, um, I'm Eddie Cole.
436
00:25:09,175 --> 00:25:11,175
I run the after-school
academic program.
437
00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:13,677
Reverend Marcus Hamilton.
438
00:25:13,679 --> 00:25:16,113
You're not gonna wash your hands?
Excuse me.
439
00:25:18,250 --> 00:25:19,917
[ LEON GROANS ]
440
00:25:25,123 --> 00:25:27,858
I apologize for my son's behavior.
441
00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:30,928
It's really not that big a deal.
It's just kids being kids.
442
00:25:30,930 --> 00:25:32,930
So, what have the kids been learning?
443
00:25:32,932 --> 00:25:35,099
Uh, well, we are taking some time...
444
00:25:35,101 --> 00:25:38,669
to just talk about general adolescent health issues.
445
00:25:38,671 --> 00:25:41,005
What do you mean by that?
Well, uh,
446
00:25:41,007 --> 00:25:44,074
Leon and the other kids are going through puberty,
447
00:25:44,076 --> 00:25:47,044
and they don't really understand what's happening to them.
448
00:25:47,046 --> 00:25:49,179
So-- So you're telling my
son about his pubic hair?
449
00:25:49,181 --> 00:25:50,881
No.
450
00:25:50,883 --> 00:25:53,784
You don't think that I can explain
pubic hair to my own son?
451
00:25:53,786 --> 00:25:55,753
No, of course not.
Believe me when I say...
452
00:25:55,755 --> 00:25:58,656
I have a thorough understanding of pubic hair.
453
00:25:59,891 --> 00:26:03,193
And that these types of discussions
should be had at home...
454
00:26:03,195 --> 00:26:04,962
between a parent and child.
455
00:26:06,831 --> 00:26:10,568
Not with some teacher that I barely
know and certainly don't trust.
456
00:26:13,305 --> 00:26:15,639
I understand.
457
00:26:17,876 --> 00:26:19,677
Come on, Leon.
458
00:26:31,957 --> 00:26:35,960
What's up, honey? Hey.
I'm meeting a girl here.
459
00:26:35,962 --> 00:26:37,328
Oh, all right.
460
00:26:37,330 --> 00:26:39,330
Blind date.
461
00:26:39,332 --> 00:26:41,265
Oh, I think she's here.
462
00:26:41,267 --> 00:26:43,167
[ TOGETHER ] Hey.
463
00:26:43,169 --> 00:26:44,668
Trish. You're Eddie. Hi.
464
00:26:44,670 --> 00:26:46,136
Hi. Oh.
465
00:26:49,874 --> 00:26:51,208
Nice to meet you. Sorry.
466
00:26:51,210 --> 00:26:52,876
That's okay. [ CHUCKLES ]
467
00:26:53,745 --> 00:26:56,747
Wow. This is a cool spot.
468
00:26:56,749 --> 00:26:58,649
[ EDDIE ] Yeah.
469
00:27:01,953 --> 00:27:04,154
So, what's go-- up with you?
470
00:27:05,724 --> 00:27:07,958
Not much. [ CHUCKLES ]
471
00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:12,830
[ SIGHS ]
472
00:27:12,832 --> 00:27:15,099
I was just gonna say your blouse is really nice.
473
00:27:15,101 --> 00:27:17,234
Oh, thank you. It's a good color.
Good color.
474
00:27:17,236 --> 00:27:18,636
Black. [ CHUCKLES ]
475
00:27:20,972 --> 00:27:23,841
- Can I get you something?
- Uh, shots. Thanks.
476
00:27:23,843 --> 00:27:25,943
We'll get this party started.
Okay.
477
00:27:25,945 --> 00:27:27,378
Right? Yeah.
478
00:27:27,380 --> 00:27:30,114
What do you like to drink?
Everything.
479
00:27:30,116 --> 00:27:33,817
[ EDDIE ] They have everything here. Mmm.
480
00:27:38,757 --> 00:27:40,791
So, do you, like--
do you, like, sip?
481
00:27:40,793 --> 00:27:43,394
'Cause I-- Like, the
big cup sometimes--
482
00:27:43,396 --> 00:27:45,129
Oh, that's how you-- Okay.
Mm-hmm.
483
00:27:49,869 --> 00:27:54,672
And the parents are working, and
they cut after-school programs.
484
00:27:54,674 --> 00:27:57,307
It's important. I
need to teach them.
485
00:27:57,309 --> 00:28:01,145
Why don't you teach me something?
486
00:28:01,147 --> 00:28:02,746
Huh?
487
00:28:02,748 --> 00:28:04,748
Oh, what do you wanna learn?
488
00:28:04,750 --> 00:28:07,918
Come on, Mr. Teacher. Huh?
489
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:09,820
You show me what you're made of.
490
00:28:09,822 --> 00:28:11,088
[ SNICKERS ]
[ LAUGHS ]
491
00:28:11,090 --> 00:28:13,223
[ GRUNTS ] Get up.
492
00:28:13,225 --> 00:28:14,925
Whoo!
493
00:28:15,927 --> 00:28:18,462
Whoop. Oh, I don't think
we should do that.
494
00:28:18,464 --> 00:28:20,230
It's all clear.
495
00:28:22,333 --> 00:28:24,368
[ EDDIE ] Wait? In here? Here.
496
00:28:24,370 --> 00:28:26,403
Come on. [ GIGGLES ]
497
00:28:26,405 --> 00:28:28,105
Back here.
498
00:28:34,179 --> 00:28:36,714
[ BOTH MOANING ]
499
00:28:42,053 --> 00:28:43,854
Come on.
500
00:28:44,923 --> 00:28:46,957
Wait. We should go
to my apartment.
501
00:28:46,959 --> 00:28:48,292
Mm-mmm.
502
00:28:50,195 --> 00:28:52,229
Do you have a nice dick?
503
00:28:52,231 --> 00:28:53,997
Yeah. Yeah?
504
00:28:53,999 --> 00:28:56,200
I bet your dick tastes like candy.
505
00:28:56,202 --> 00:28:58,335
Yeah, it does. Yeah?
506
00:28:58,337 --> 00:28:59,937
What kind of candy?
507
00:28:59,939 --> 00:29:02,106
Mmm. It's dick-flavored candy.
508
00:29:02,108 --> 00:29:04,475
Mmm. I like that.
509
00:29:04,477 --> 00:29:07,010
Right. [ BELT UNBUCKLES ]
510
00:29:10,515 --> 00:29:13,050
[ SOBS ] What?
511
00:29:13,052 --> 00:29:16,920
Why are guys always using me?
512
00:29:16,922 --> 00:29:18,455
What?
513
00:29:18,457 --> 00:29:21,992
You only like me because you know I give good blow jobs.
514
00:29:21,994 --> 00:29:24,094
Don't-- No, no. I didn't know that.
I didn't know it.
515
00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:27,131
Well, I do. They're
really good.
516
00:29:27,133 --> 00:29:30,334
Great. I used to
give JT blow jobs.
517
00:29:31,402 --> 00:29:33,504
I thought I loved him,
518
00:29:33,506 --> 00:29:35,973
but he only loved blow jobs.
519
00:29:35,975 --> 00:29:37,908
You're a really nice person.
520
00:29:37,910 --> 00:29:39,843
You're-- You're-- You're
such a nice person.
521
00:29:39,845 --> 00:29:41,879
We don't have to get physical right now.
522
00:29:41,881 --> 00:29:44,515
Oh, no, it's okay.
523
00:29:44,517 --> 00:29:47,885
And I am such a freak sometimes.
524
00:29:47,887 --> 00:29:50,487
Just pull your dick out.
525
00:29:50,489 --> 00:29:53,323
No. No, it's fine. It's okay.
526
00:29:53,325 --> 00:29:55,993
Just pull it out. We're good.
We're good.
527
00:29:55,995 --> 00:29:58,328
I really-- I really think--
528
00:29:58,330 --> 00:30:00,330
We're fine. It's okay.
529
00:30:03,001 --> 00:30:04,501
Oh.
530
00:30:04,503 --> 00:30:06,370
Got it. Okay.
531
00:30:06,372 --> 00:30:08,272
You're gay.
532
00:30:08,274 --> 00:30:10,541
You are gay. Hmm.
533
00:30:10,543 --> 00:30:12,943
No. Okay. Well--
534
00:30:24,556 --> 00:30:26,190
She called me gay.
535
00:30:26,192 --> 00:30:28,826
Oh, my God. You're
upset about that?
536
00:30:28,828 --> 00:30:31,228
Yes, I am. Why?
537
00:30:32,430 --> 00:30:35,098
That girl was served up to me on a silver platter.
538
00:30:35,100 --> 00:30:37,901
Oh, please. When Tonya
Harding walked in here,
539
00:30:37,903 --> 00:30:39,436
you looked at her like she was born out of an egg.
540
00:30:39,438 --> 00:30:41,104
You were not interested.
541
00:30:41,106 --> 00:30:43,240
Yeah, I didn't really
like her, but--
542
00:30:45,109 --> 00:30:47,211
Sometimes you got to lower
your standards. You know?
543
00:30:47,213 --> 00:30:49,479
No, I don't know.
544
00:30:49,481 --> 00:30:52,282
You think when I pull a man's pants
down and I see a tiny penis,
545
00:30:52,284 --> 00:30:55,319
that I'm like, "Ahh.
This micro-dick will do?
546
00:30:55,321 --> 00:30:58,455
Girl's gotta eat." Shit.
Fuck that shit.
547
00:30:58,457 --> 00:31:01,191
I-- I haven't been with a
girl in basically forever.
548
00:31:01,193 --> 00:31:03,260
So? So?
549
00:31:03,262 --> 00:31:07,397
It makes you a dude who hasn't
had his bird wet in a while.
550
00:31:07,399 --> 00:31:08,999
That don't mean shit.
551
00:31:09,001 --> 00:31:11,602
I'm 23, and I feel like I'm 15.
552
00:31:11,604 --> 00:31:14,004
I'm broke. I don't
have the job I want.
553
00:31:14,006 --> 00:31:16,073
I don't have a girl.
554
00:31:16,075 --> 00:31:19,343
I just-- I feel like I'm waiting
for life to start for me.
555
00:31:19,345 --> 00:31:20,911
Let me tell you something.
556
00:31:20,913 --> 00:31:22,980
You wanna be a man?
557
00:31:22,982 --> 00:31:25,482
You wanna scratch the surface of life?
558
00:31:25,484 --> 00:31:27,484
Stop moping.
559
00:31:27,486 --> 00:31:29,453
Because that's not what men do.
560
00:31:29,455 --> 00:31:32,956
Life will start for you when you start it for yourself.
561
00:31:34,492 --> 00:31:36,193
Sit up.
562
00:31:43,635 --> 00:31:48,405
Okay, today we're gonna talk about
sexually transmitted diseases.
563
00:31:48,407 --> 00:31:50,240
Can anybody name one?
564
00:31:50,242 --> 00:31:51,608
Yes. The clap.
565
00:31:51,610 --> 00:31:53,243
The clap. Right.
566
00:31:53,245 --> 00:31:56,914
The clap is slang for gonorrhea.
567
00:31:58,650 --> 00:32:00,984
- Any others?
- Crabs.
568
00:32:00,986 --> 00:32:02,552
Crabs. Right.
569
00:32:02,554 --> 00:32:05,188
Crabs is slang for pubic lice.
570
00:32:06,991 --> 00:32:09,660
- All right. Anybody else?
- The green drip.
571
00:32:09,662 --> 00:32:11,261
[ STUDENTS LAUGH ] Green drip.
572
00:32:11,263 --> 00:32:13,163
I think you're talking about chlamydia.
573
00:32:16,167 --> 00:32:18,201
Cool. More.
574
00:32:23,141 --> 00:32:26,610
I think that is every S.T.D.
575
00:32:26,612 --> 00:32:28,979
I think we got 'em, Fish.
576
00:32:28,981 --> 00:32:32,015
So abstinence-- not
having sex at all--
577
00:32:32,017 --> 00:32:35,552
is the only way to completely prevent
the transmission of these diseases,
578
00:32:35,554 --> 00:32:37,354
but if you do become sexually active,
579
00:32:37,356 --> 00:32:40,057
wearing a condom can help reduce your risk.
580
00:32:40,059 --> 00:32:42,159
Man, that's like wearing a raincoat in the shower.
581
00:32:42,161 --> 00:32:44,728
- [ SNICKERS ]
- Watch it, Leon.
582
00:32:44,730 --> 00:32:47,564
My brother says that condoms are for
people who are afraid to ride dirty.
583
00:32:47,566 --> 00:32:49,299
Okay.
584
00:32:49,301 --> 00:32:52,169
Well, right now these are just names on the board.
585
00:32:52,171 --> 00:32:54,438
Let's put a face to these diseases.
586
00:33:17,462 --> 00:33:20,664
Using condoms can keep this kind
of stuff from happening to you.
587
00:33:20,666 --> 00:33:23,500
I'm not a rawdogger.
588
00:33:23,502 --> 00:33:25,469
I don't wanna be.
589
00:33:25,471 --> 00:33:29,006
So, who wants to learn how to put on a condom?
590
00:33:30,608 --> 00:33:33,410
That's what I thought.
591
00:33:33,412 --> 00:33:35,312
All right, everybody come up here and grab a banana...
592
00:33:35,314 --> 00:33:37,481
or a cucumber and a couple condoms.
593
00:33:39,450 --> 00:33:41,284
[ MAN ] ♪ I got a thing on my mind ♪
594
00:33:42,387 --> 00:33:44,421
♪ Sure 'nough gonna find it ♪
595
00:33:45,723 --> 00:33:48,358
♪ I got a thing on my mind ♪
596
00:33:49,193 --> 00:33:51,294
♪ Sure 'nough gonna find it ♪
597
00:33:53,131 --> 00:33:55,799
♪ Don't let nobody tell me ♪
598
00:33:55,801 --> 00:33:58,168
♪ My thing, it won't come true ♪
599
00:34:00,071 --> 00:34:01,605
♪ 'Cause I ain't lying down ♪
600
00:34:02,774 --> 00:34:05,308
♪ Till I get my dues ♪
601
00:34:06,644 --> 00:34:08,412
♪ I got a thing on my mind ♪
602
00:34:09,347 --> 00:34:11,114
♪ I'm sure 'nough gonna find it ♪
603
00:34:12,583 --> 00:34:15,752
♪ I got a thing on my mind ♪
604
00:34:15,754 --> 00:34:17,621
If I wanna go out with a girl,
605
00:34:17,623 --> 00:34:22,125
how many dates do I need to take
her out on before we have sex?
606
00:34:22,127 --> 00:34:24,694
You're pretty young to be having sex.
607
00:34:24,696 --> 00:34:28,231
You can probably wait a few years, and that's okay.
608
00:34:28,233 --> 00:34:30,300
No, but I wanna have sex.
609
00:34:30,302 --> 00:34:33,336
I understand. A lot
of people do, but--
610
00:34:33,338 --> 00:34:36,406
I mean, there's just--
there's really no rush.
611
00:34:36,408 --> 00:34:39,376
I've been dating this girl, Margarita, for a while,
612
00:34:39,378 --> 00:34:42,279
and so far all I've gotten are hand jobs.
613
00:34:42,281 --> 00:34:44,281
Well, that's pretty advanced for someone your age.
614
00:34:44,283 --> 00:34:46,583
I hate hand jobs.
They're so rough.
615
00:34:46,585 --> 00:34:49,219
Look, the bottom line is that you shouldn't rush it.
616
00:34:49,221 --> 00:34:51,354
It will happen when the time is right.
617
00:34:51,356 --> 00:34:53,256
Dude, I watch this stuff on the Internet,
618
00:34:53,258 --> 00:34:55,659
and it's like these guys just start banging right away.
619
00:34:55,661 --> 00:34:58,161
- What are you watching on the Internet?
- It's the one with the van.
620
00:34:58,163 --> 00:35:00,864
It's called Bangbus. These
two guys go around and--
621
00:35:00,866 --> 00:35:03,333
Tito, that kind of stuff isn't real.
622
00:35:03,335 --> 00:35:05,869
Girls just aren't gonna jump in
a van and have sex with you.
623
00:35:05,871 --> 00:35:07,771
But it seems pretty real.
624
00:35:07,773 --> 00:35:11,241
They go to places like the mall.
They look just like the mall.
625
00:35:11,243 --> 00:35:13,443
Hey, let's talk about this later.
626
00:35:14,412 --> 00:35:16,313
Hey.
627
00:35:16,315 --> 00:35:18,882
So, you know, you're officially Tito's favorite teacher.
628
00:35:18,884 --> 00:35:21,685
What? Pilar, come on.
629
00:35:21,687 --> 00:35:24,521
Yeah, it's true. He can't stop
talking about you at home.
630
00:35:24,523 --> 00:35:27,724
He says you're the best teacher he ever had.
631
00:35:27,726 --> 00:35:29,759
Wow. Thanks.
632
00:35:29,761 --> 00:35:33,263
You should come to our house for dinner tonight.
633
00:35:34,132 --> 00:35:35,565
Our mom wants to meet you.
634
00:35:38,903 --> 00:35:41,438
Cool. Yeah, I'd like that.
635
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,207
[ WOMEN ] ♪ Double-O-Soul ♪
636
00:35:44,209 --> 00:35:46,877
[ MAN ] ♪ I dig rock-and-roll music ♪
637
00:35:46,879 --> 00:35:49,379
♪ I can do the twine and the jerk ♪
638
00:35:50,548 --> 00:35:53,850
♪ I wear strictly continental suits ♪
639
00:35:53,852 --> 00:35:56,553
♪ And high-collared shirts ♪
640
00:35:58,222 --> 00:36:01,358
♪ I've got a reputation of being ♪
641
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:03,593
♪ Gentle but bold ♪
642
00:36:04,462 --> 00:36:08,298
♪ And that's why they call me ♪
643
00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:13,370
♪ Agent Double-O-Soul, baby ♪♪
644
00:36:13,372 --> 00:36:15,405
Hey. Come on in, Mr. Cole.
645
00:36:15,407 --> 00:36:17,507
- ♪♪ [ SPEAKERS: SALSA ]
- Hello!
646
00:36:17,509 --> 00:36:20,243
You are Tito's teacher, yes?
That's right. Yes.
647
00:36:20,245 --> 00:36:21,811
Welcome. Oh. Hi.
648
00:36:21,813 --> 00:36:23,680
Oh! I brought some of this.
649
00:36:23,682 --> 00:36:25,382
Some rum.
650
00:36:25,384 --> 00:36:27,517
Let's have some rum for the teacher.
651
00:36:27,519 --> 00:36:28,952
Sure.
652
00:36:28,954 --> 00:36:32,389
Hey, what are you doing?
You don't get rum.
653
00:36:32,391 --> 00:36:35,292
[ WHISPERING ] He's the man of the house and he knows it.
654
00:36:35,294 --> 00:36:39,229
I say to him, "Honey, you don't even
know what it means to be a man."
655
00:36:39,231 --> 00:36:42,399
Now, maybe he has a little mustache,
but he's still a little boy.
656
00:36:42,401 --> 00:36:43,833
You're right. Yeah, you
should listen to your mom.
657
00:36:43,835 --> 00:36:46,303
Having a mustache doesn't mean you got it all figured out.
658
00:36:46,305 --> 00:36:48,238
That's right. Salud.
659
00:36:52,410 --> 00:36:54,477
Hey, where's Hector? Oh,
he's running a little late.
660
00:36:54,479 --> 00:36:56,746
He'll be here. Hector's
your boyfriend?
661
00:36:56,748 --> 00:36:58,548
Yeah. You'll like him.
662
00:36:58,550 --> 00:37:00,550
Cool. Since Hector is late,
663
00:37:00,552 --> 00:37:03,687
I need you to help me with dinner.
Sure. Yeah. What can I do?
664
00:37:06,824 --> 00:37:09,559
I need you to stand right there.
665
00:37:16,434 --> 00:37:19,436
I need you to take the spices...
666
00:37:19,438 --> 00:37:22,239
and rub into the pig.
667
00:37:28,379 --> 00:37:31,414
♪♪ [ CONTINUES ]
668
00:37:31,416 --> 00:37:33,617
Rub it hard, Mr. Eddie.
669
00:37:33,619 --> 00:37:35,585
All over the butt.
670
00:37:35,587 --> 00:37:38,655
Inside. Go-- Yeah,
go all the way in.
671
00:37:40,258 --> 00:37:42,259
Get right in there...
672
00:37:42,261 --> 00:37:45,295
so it's tasty. Like this?
673
00:37:46,998 --> 00:37:49,666
Lighten up. Have a drink.
674
00:37:50,901 --> 00:37:52,636
Just a little piggy.
675
00:37:55,339 --> 00:37:58,575
[ DOOR OPENS ]
[ HECTOR SPEAKS SPANISH ]
676
00:38:00,578 --> 00:38:02,545
- [ PILAR ] Hi, sweetheart.
- [ HECTOR ] Hey.
677
00:38:02,547 --> 00:38:04,547
[ MOTHER ] We're giving dinner for you tonight.
678
00:38:04,549 --> 00:38:06,483
[ HECTOR ] Sí. Bueno, bueno.
679
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:10,820
¿Quiera rum?
680
00:38:10,822 --> 00:38:12,489
Claro. Dale.
681
00:38:12,491 --> 00:38:14,624
Aquí. Hey, baby.
682
00:38:17,461 --> 00:38:20,864
Oh. This is Eddie,
Tito's favorite teacher.
683
00:38:20,866 --> 00:38:24,367
Oh, yeah. The teacher.
684
00:38:24,369 --> 00:38:26,736
Now a drink. Salud.
685
00:38:26,738 --> 00:38:28,571
Salud. [ LAUGHS ]
686
00:38:32,043 --> 00:38:34,311
Nice to meet you. And you.
687
00:38:34,313 --> 00:38:36,479
Officially.
688
00:38:36,481 --> 00:38:39,916
So, what do you do? I'm
actually a deejay.
689
00:38:39,918 --> 00:38:42,452
- Oh, cool.
- Yeah.
690
00:38:42,454 --> 00:38:45,021
You do a little of this when you deejay?
691
00:38:45,023 --> 00:38:47,057
No. Not like that.
692
00:38:47,059 --> 00:38:49,392
Oh, your technique is better than mine?
693
00:38:49,394 --> 00:38:50,760
You have to be more casual.
694
00:38:50,762 --> 00:38:52,662
You're putting too much effort into it.
695
00:38:52,664 --> 00:38:54,898
It's way too white guy right now.
696
00:38:54,900 --> 00:38:58,401
I am a white guy. I'm just doing
the fist pump of my people.
697
00:38:58,403 --> 00:39:00,570
I guess I'm being too racist, huh?
698
00:39:00,572 --> 00:39:02,672
I do wish you were a little bit more open to my culture.
699
00:39:02,674 --> 00:39:05,442
I'm sorry. I'll
be more sensitive.
700
00:39:05,444 --> 00:39:07,077
So, what kind of stuff do you play?
701
00:39:07,079 --> 00:39:09,012
I play, like, uh, reggaeton.
702
00:39:09,014 --> 00:39:10,680
I actually don't know what that is.
703
00:39:10,682 --> 00:39:12,916
It's like Latino hip-hop.
You know?
704
00:39:12,918 --> 00:39:15,118
So, where do you deejay?
705
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:17,654
Um, clubs around here mostly.
706
00:39:17,656 --> 00:39:19,656
But I do a couple of shows in Miami every year.
707
00:39:19,658 --> 00:39:21,758
It's so much fun. You
should totally come out.
708
00:39:23,928 --> 00:39:26,796
Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.
709
00:39:29,700 --> 00:39:32,135
[ MOTHER ] Pilar, I need some help in the kitchen.
710
00:39:32,137 --> 00:39:33,503
Right.
711
00:39:35,973 --> 00:39:38,408
Hey! Eddie!
712
00:39:38,410 --> 00:39:40,844
[ SPEAKS SPANISH ] Have a drink with me?
713
00:39:40,846 --> 00:39:41,878
Huh? Yeah, all right.
714
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:43,646
Okay. Yeah.
715
00:39:43,648 --> 00:39:45,849
Prepárate.
716
00:39:45,851 --> 00:39:48,852
Okay. Vámonos.
717
00:39:48,854 --> 00:39:51,121
Uno, dos, tres,
718
00:39:51,123 --> 00:39:53,390
cuatro. Hmm.
719
00:39:54,058 --> 00:39:55,759
Dale.
720
00:40:01,732 --> 00:40:03,433
Whew.
721
00:40:03,435 --> 00:40:06,569
I was at the gym earlier lifting weights.
722
00:40:06,571 --> 00:40:08,138
That's why I was late.
723
00:40:08,140 --> 00:40:10,640
Oh, yeah? Yeah, you
got a nice physique.
724
00:40:10,642 --> 00:40:13,076
Yeah, you work out?
Yeah, I do actually.
725
00:40:13,078 --> 00:40:15,178
I like-- I like to
use the ergometer.
726
00:40:15,180 --> 00:40:17,080
Oh-- The what?
727
00:40:17,082 --> 00:40:19,482
The rowing machine. The erg.
728
00:40:19,484 --> 00:40:21,484
Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I know.
729
00:40:21,486 --> 00:40:23,553
I ne-- I never heard of it.
730
00:40:23,555 --> 00:40:25,889
So, uh-- Listen, you, uh,
731
00:40:25,891 --> 00:40:28,057
always come to your students' homes for dinner?
732
00:40:28,059 --> 00:40:30,693
No, this is actually my first time.
733
00:40:30,695 --> 00:40:33,062
Hmm. Yeah.
734
00:40:33,064 --> 00:40:34,697
I don't know, man.
735
00:40:34,699 --> 00:40:37,000
It seems-- It seems
a little weird.
736
00:40:37,002 --> 00:40:41,037
Well, Pilar invited me, and I figured it would be cool.
737
00:40:41,039 --> 00:40:43,873
Oh. Pilar invited you.
738
00:40:43,875 --> 00:40:46,776
Mm-hmm. 'Cause I'm Tito's
favorite teacher, so--
739
00:40:48,512 --> 00:40:50,847
That's interesting.
740
00:40:51,782 --> 00:40:54,584
Maybe next time don't come for dinner.
741
00:40:54,586 --> 00:40:56,619
Maybe next time say you're busy.
742
00:40:58,989 --> 00:41:00,523
[ SPEAKS SPANISH ]
743
00:41:00,525 --> 00:41:02,559
Yeah. Sorry. [ SPANISH ]
744
00:41:03,928 --> 00:41:06,696
Man, you don't know anything.
745
00:41:06,698 --> 00:41:08,665
Have another one with me.
746
00:41:08,667 --> 00:41:10,467
Have another one with me.
747
00:41:20,177 --> 00:41:22,078
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ COUGHS ]
748
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,547
You good? Yeah.
749
00:41:37,194 --> 00:41:39,896
[ CHATTERING IN SPANISH ]
750
00:41:39,898 --> 00:41:42,565
[ TITO ] It came out so good tonight, Mom.
751
00:41:42,567 --> 00:41:44,033
[ MOTHER ] Thank you.
752
00:41:46,003 --> 00:41:49,906
[ CHATTERING IN SPANISH ]
753
00:42:08,526 --> 00:42:10,026
Try one.
754
00:42:10,995 --> 00:42:13,997
He's not gonna do that.
That's gross.
755
00:42:13,999 --> 00:42:15,965
Eddie, I--
756
00:42:15,967 --> 00:42:17,634
Don't. I wouldn't.
757
00:42:18,802 --> 00:42:20,203
Is it good?
758
00:42:20,205 --> 00:42:21,871
Nah, man, it's disgusting.
759
00:42:21,873 --> 00:42:23,806
Why eat it then?
760
00:42:23,808 --> 00:42:26,543
Because, papi, I eat what I want.
761
00:42:28,145 --> 00:42:30,213
You know what?
762
00:42:30,215 --> 00:42:33,116
I eat what I want too. Papi.
763
00:42:45,897 --> 00:42:49,566
What-- I didn't actually
think that he would eat it.
764
00:42:49,568 --> 00:42:52,035
[ TITO ] He did eat it.
765
00:42:52,037 --> 00:42:53,636
[ PILAR ] Are you okay?
766
00:42:53,638 --> 00:42:55,872
Be a man. Come on. Yeah.
Yeah. Are you okay?
767
00:42:55,874 --> 00:42:57,907
Yeah! Oh!
768
00:42:57,909 --> 00:42:58,942
Shit!
769
00:43:03,113 --> 00:43:05,815
[ VOMITS ]
[ SPEAKING SPANISH ]
770
00:43:08,586 --> 00:43:10,053
Listen, sweetie.
771
00:43:11,221 --> 00:43:13,656
It ain't over.
772
00:43:13,658 --> 00:43:15,258
I have to disagree with you there.
773
00:43:15,260 --> 00:43:17,327
I puked on a man before.
774
00:43:17,329 --> 00:43:19,295
Puked right on the dick.
775
00:43:19,297 --> 00:43:21,197
Really? Oh, yeah.
776
00:43:21,199 --> 00:43:23,333
Shit was salty. Made me gag.
777
00:43:23,335 --> 00:43:24,701
Wow.
778
00:43:24,703 --> 00:43:28,004
You know what I did? What?
779
00:43:28,006 --> 00:43:31,674
I said, "Man, go wash your
dick off and let's do this."
780
00:43:32,676 --> 00:43:34,677
You didn't let it stop you for a second.
781
00:43:34,679 --> 00:43:37,246
It stopped me for a second because
I wanted him to wash his shit off,
782
00:43:37,248 --> 00:43:38,881
but it didn't stop me.
783
00:43:38,883 --> 00:43:42,218
Two tears in a bucket. Fuck it.
This is living.
784
00:43:42,220 --> 00:43:45,788
You should be so lucky that you're out
there falling in love with women,
785
00:43:45,790 --> 00:43:47,857
puking your guts out for 'em and on 'em.
786
00:43:47,859 --> 00:43:50,727
That's true. It's courageous.
787
00:43:50,729 --> 00:43:53,396
Would you wanna be with a woman that you
wouldn't drink half a handle of rum...
788
00:43:53,398 --> 00:43:55,098
and eat an eyeball for?
789
00:43:55,100 --> 00:43:58,735
I appreciate this. I really do.
But she has a boyfriend.
790
00:43:58,737 --> 00:44:00,370
Man, fuck a boyfriend.
791
00:44:00,372 --> 00:44:02,705
It always starts before it stops.
792
00:44:02,707 --> 00:44:05,775
I know. And she's--
she's beautiful.
793
00:44:05,777 --> 00:44:08,711
But to her, I'm just her brother's dorky teacher.
794
00:44:08,713 --> 00:44:10,346
But you'll never know if you don't go after it.
795
00:44:10,348 --> 00:44:11,981
And a man can't live that way--
796
00:44:11,983 --> 00:44:14,250
you know, wondering what life might be like.
797
00:44:14,252 --> 00:44:17,887
You got to be mad for something.
Be crazy for it.
798
00:44:17,889 --> 00:44:21,991
You got to wash the puke off that dick and get into it.
799
00:44:28,198 --> 00:44:29,932
Guys, this is JT and Ally.
800
00:44:29,934 --> 00:44:31,734
They're gonna help us with our lesson today.
801
00:44:31,736 --> 00:44:33,970
I like your hair, baby.
You look spicy.
802
00:44:33,972 --> 00:44:36,706
Leon, remember, we're trying to be more respectful.
803
00:44:36,708 --> 00:44:38,975
I'm just saying, baby, I like your spice.
804
00:44:38,977 --> 00:44:42,011
[ SNIFFS ] I can get involved with your business.
805
00:44:42,013 --> 00:44:43,980
Cool it, you little shit. Oh.
806
00:44:43,982 --> 00:44:46,315
- [ STUDENTS ] Ooh!
- [ EDDIE ] Okay, okay, let's all calm down.
807
00:44:46,317 --> 00:44:48,151
JT and Ally are gonna help us learn...
808
00:44:48,153 --> 00:44:52,422
how to respectfully communicate with the opposite sex.
809
00:44:52,424 --> 00:44:54,891
I like JT. He looks strong.
810
00:44:54,893 --> 00:44:56,459
Show me your muscles.
811
00:44:56,461 --> 00:44:59,028
- Oh! [ GRUNTS ]
- Ooh.
812
00:44:59,030 --> 00:45:01,164
Abs, abs, abs,
813
00:45:01,166 --> 00:45:03,332
abs, abs, abs, abs,
814
00:45:03,334 --> 00:45:04,967
abs, abs!
815
00:45:04,969 --> 00:45:08,171
This is no place for abs.
Sorry.
816
00:45:08,173 --> 00:45:09,439
[ EDDIE ] Thank you.
817
00:45:09,441 --> 00:45:11,841
We're gonna pair off.
Who wants to go first?
818
00:45:14,178 --> 00:45:16,946
Do you wanna come over and watch a movie?
819
00:45:16,948 --> 00:45:19,282
Okay, Shelly, it sounds like
you're trying to booty-call me.
820
00:45:19,284 --> 00:45:21,317
Is that what you really want?
821
00:45:21,319 --> 00:45:23,453
I like your shoes. They're fly.
822
00:45:23,455 --> 00:45:26,155
Make fun of me a little bit. Don't
just tell me how great I am.
823
00:45:26,924 --> 00:45:29,959
Girl, I like your skin.
824
00:45:29,961 --> 00:45:31,461
Whoa. What is this,
Silence of the Lambs?
825
00:45:31,463 --> 00:45:33,496
Shh.
826
00:45:33,498 --> 00:45:35,798
If someone sends me a snapshot of his dick,
827
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:37,500
do I have to send back a picture of my "V"?
828
00:45:37,502 --> 00:45:39,335
Whoa. What?
829
00:45:41,472 --> 00:45:43,206
You're sexy.
830
00:45:43,208 --> 00:45:44,807
[ SCATTERED LAUGHTER ]
831
00:45:44,809 --> 00:45:47,944
Well, not only was that not creative,
832
00:45:47,946 --> 00:45:51,013
but you gave off kind of a rapey vibe.
833
00:45:51,015 --> 00:45:52,448
Is that what you're trying to throw out there?
834
00:45:52,450 --> 00:45:54,083
Those shoes are wack.
835
00:45:54,085 --> 00:45:56,085
Your mom get them for you at the mall?
836
00:45:56,087 --> 00:45:58,221
[ STUDENTS ] Ooh!
837
00:45:58,223 --> 00:46:00,957
Great. Great work. I
love what you did there.
838
00:46:00,959 --> 00:46:05,762
Right now I think I'm just gonna try
and bang as many chicks as possible.
839
00:46:06,330 --> 00:46:08,231
Yeah, that's not a good idea.
840
00:46:08,233 --> 00:46:10,833
I just don't think you should
be Snapchatting with anybody...
841
00:46:10,835 --> 00:46:12,335
who sends you pictures of their dick.
842
00:46:12,337 --> 00:46:15,238
But I-I really like him.
843
00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:19,275
You don't like the guy that sends
dick pics. You say no more dick pics.
844
00:46:19,277 --> 00:46:20,943
Girls need to stick together.
845
00:46:20,945 --> 00:46:22,545
Don't let boys come between you.
846
00:46:22,547 --> 00:46:26,516
The only thing that they have
that you don't have is a penis,
847
00:46:26,518 --> 00:46:28,551
and a penis is no reason to be sad.
848
00:46:28,553 --> 00:46:30,987
I don't know if you've masturbated yet.
849
00:46:30,989 --> 00:46:32,922
Honestly, we don't have to talk about it,
850
00:46:32,924 --> 00:46:36,259
but my advice to you:
851
00:46:36,261 --> 00:46:39,996
Rub one out before any major
decision involving the opposite sex.
852
00:46:41,799 --> 00:46:44,033
I wanna light some candles and play R.
Kelly...
853
00:46:44,035 --> 00:46:45,935
and just get emotional with you.
854
00:46:45,937 --> 00:46:48,271
- [ STUDENTS LAUGHING ]
- Oh, my goodness.
855
00:46:48,273 --> 00:46:51,140
He says three dates means he gets a blow job.
856
00:46:51,142 --> 00:46:53,309
[ STUDENTS ] Ooh.
857
00:46:53,311 --> 00:46:56,412
Tha-That's not accurate.
That's what he said.
858
00:46:56,414 --> 00:46:58,147
You say-- You say no jobs.
859
00:46:58,149 --> 00:47:00,049
There's no jobs. There's
no jobs in this area.
860
00:47:00,051 --> 00:47:02,051
It's a jobless-- It's
a job-free zone.
861
00:47:02,053 --> 00:47:04,387
That's what you tell him.
No jobs.
862
00:47:06,490 --> 00:47:08,891
Good God, man.
863
00:47:08,893 --> 00:47:11,561
Wow. These kids
really do need you.
864
00:47:11,563 --> 00:47:14,564
Man, they are operating on a whole different sexual level.
865
00:47:14,566 --> 00:47:17,200
I know, man. This
Snapchat thing--
866
00:47:17,202 --> 00:47:18,901
Just... dicks, man.
867
00:47:18,903 --> 00:47:21,070
Everybody's got a dick on their phone.
868
00:47:21,072 --> 00:47:22,572
You guys wanna go get a drink?
869
00:47:22,574 --> 00:47:24,240
[ SIGHS ]
870
00:47:24,242 --> 00:47:26,609
I think I just need to be alone right now.
871
00:47:26,611 --> 00:47:28,144
[ CHUCKLES ]
872
00:47:36,220 --> 00:47:38,955
Ah. [ CHUCKLING ] Never too good at that.
873
00:47:40,357 --> 00:47:41,991
Hi.
874
00:47:42,593 --> 00:47:44,293
Hey, Pilar.
875
00:47:46,063 --> 00:47:48,164
I'm really sorry about the whole thing the other night.
876
00:47:48,166 --> 00:47:50,466
[ LAUGHING ] It's all right.
877
00:47:50,468 --> 00:47:54,337
After we cleaned up all the vomit, it was kind of funny.
878
00:47:54,339 --> 00:47:57,139
Yeah, I've never seen someone throw up
on my mom, so it was kind of awesome.
879
00:47:57,141 --> 00:47:59,408
Yeah, a little too much rum for me, I think.
880
00:48:01,011 --> 00:48:03,012
- How's Hector?
- He's a dickhead.
881
00:48:03,014 --> 00:48:05,047
Tito, will you give us a sec?
882
00:48:08,151 --> 00:48:10,987
He's all right. We're
taking a break, actually.
883
00:48:12,489 --> 00:48:14,590
He was being a little possessive.
884
00:48:14,592 --> 00:48:17,026
Oh. I'm sorry.
885
00:48:18,662 --> 00:48:20,463
Hey, what are you doing Thursday night?
886
00:48:21,704 --> 00:48:23,532
There's this really cool bar underneath my apartment.
887
00:48:23,534 --> 00:48:25,301
They do this Afro-Cuban
jazz thing on Thursdays.
888
00:48:25,303 --> 00:48:27,203
I don't know if you'd want to come.
889
00:48:28,405 --> 00:48:30,072
Sounds great.
890
00:48:30,674 --> 00:48:33,976
All right. It's a date then.
891
00:48:33,978 --> 00:48:37,680
Yeah. I-I-- I mean,
like, it's a drink.
892
00:48:37,682 --> 00:48:39,515
Like an appointment.
Like it's in the books.
893
00:48:39,517 --> 00:48:43,286
[ LAUGHS ] But I'll pay for the tab though, so--
894
00:48:43,288 --> 00:48:45,054
It's a date then.
895
00:48:46,590 --> 00:48:48,190
Yeah.
896
00:48:52,129 --> 00:48:54,931
[ THUNDER RUMBLING ]
[ RAIN PATTERING ]
897
00:48:59,269 --> 00:49:01,671
Got drunk with the wife last
night and watched Modern Family.
898
00:49:01,673 --> 00:49:04,540
Oh, that sounds nice. Love
the gay guys on that show.
899
00:49:04,542 --> 00:49:06,208
So fucking awesome.
900
00:49:06,210 --> 00:49:11,347
But you always wonder, you know, which
one's the top and which one's the bottom.
901
00:49:11,349 --> 00:49:13,282
Yeah, they don't really get into that on the show.
902
00:49:13,284 --> 00:49:15,418
'Cause Cam-- he's such
a bitch, you know,
903
00:49:15,420 --> 00:49:19,155
so you figure, "Oh. He'd
probably be the bottom."
904
00:49:19,157 --> 00:49:23,192
But he's the big one, and isn't the big one always on top?
905
00:49:23,194 --> 00:49:25,194
'Cause of the whole domination thing?
906
00:49:25,196 --> 00:49:26,662
I've never really thought about it.
907
00:49:26,664 --> 00:49:28,397
Yeah. Me neither.
908
00:49:28,399 --> 00:49:32,335
It's a mysterious world, the whole
gay-man thing. Yeah, it is.
909
00:49:32,337 --> 00:49:34,170
But let's face it.
910
00:49:34,172 --> 00:49:37,006
They kind of got it made in the shade.
You know?
911
00:49:37,008 --> 00:49:39,342
I mean, any night of the week, they can get laid.
912
00:49:39,344 --> 00:49:42,712
Just go to some club that's
filled with hot dudes--
913
00:49:42,714 --> 00:49:47,116
I mean, like good-looking, ripped,
totally, like, muscle guys,
914
00:49:47,118 --> 00:49:49,285
and they can just bone down.
915
00:49:49,287 --> 00:49:51,454
They-They have an app
for that, actually.
916
00:49:51,456 --> 00:49:53,189
Imagine if we had that app.
917
00:49:53,191 --> 00:49:55,157
It would be-- It would be a lot easier.
[ CHUCKLES ]
918
00:49:55,159 --> 00:49:56,592
Yeah. Although slow down.
919
00:49:56,594 --> 00:50:00,062
I mean, we're making some major generalizations here.
920
00:50:00,064 --> 00:50:02,465
I mean, it's not like all gay men are sluts.
921
00:50:02,467 --> 00:50:07,169
I know a lot, actually, that are
in very committed relationships--
922
00:50:07,171 --> 00:50:10,172
Really serious, you know?
True commitment.
923
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:12,475
That's nice. Yeah.
924
00:50:12,477 --> 00:50:15,144
Love-- Love doesn't
care about gender.
925
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:20,182
Well, I'd love to talk about Modern Family all day,
926
00:50:20,184 --> 00:50:22,084
but you know why you're here?
927
00:50:22,086 --> 00:50:25,254
Just a progress report?
Little checkup?
928
00:50:25,256 --> 00:50:27,023
No, man.
929
00:50:27,025 --> 00:50:28,758
You really shat on the wrong chest.
930
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:30,493
I'm sorry?
931
00:50:30,495 --> 00:50:32,628
Reverend Hamilton was in here the other day.
932
00:50:32,630 --> 00:50:35,064
[ GROANS ] He's really pissed.
933
00:50:35,066 --> 00:50:36,799
You're handing out condoms in your class?
934
00:50:36,801 --> 00:50:38,501
What are you teaching?
935
00:50:38,503 --> 00:50:42,371
Just... general
adolescent health issues.
936
00:50:42,373 --> 00:50:43,572
You mean sex ed.
937
00:50:44,374 --> 00:50:46,042
Well, yeah.
938
00:50:46,044 --> 00:50:48,544
Eddie, we don't teach sex ed in this district.
939
00:50:48,546 --> 00:50:50,179
That's a hot issue.
940
00:50:50,181 --> 00:50:51,781
Reverend Hamilton petitioned it.
941
00:50:51,783 --> 00:50:53,649
Keep it up and he'll pull your program,
942
00:50:53,651 --> 00:50:55,518
and you-- you'll be out a job.
943
00:50:55,520 --> 00:50:57,620
These kids need to learn about their bodies.
944
00:50:57,622 --> 00:51:00,156
Half of them are already experimenting sexually.
945
00:51:00,158 --> 00:51:02,191
Look, Eddie, truth be told,
946
00:51:02,193 --> 00:51:04,427
I don't give a shit what you're teaching in your class.
947
00:51:04,429 --> 00:51:10,466
Hamilton runs a recovery meeting
on Wednesdays at the school gym.
948
00:51:10,468 --> 00:51:15,204
I suggest you go talk to him and make your case.
949
00:51:15,206 --> 00:51:17,540
Okay, I'll do that.
950
00:51:17,542 --> 00:51:19,375
[ CHATTERING, FAINT ]
951
00:51:24,581 --> 00:51:26,449
Wow. Big class today.
952
00:51:26,451 --> 00:51:28,684
We told them you were
explaining stuff--
953
00:51:28,686 --> 00:51:30,286
about sex.
954
00:51:30,288 --> 00:51:31,587
Oh.
955
00:51:31,589 --> 00:51:34,690
Well, unfortunately, we can't do that today.
956
00:51:34,692 --> 00:51:36,358
But I do have some brain teasers,
957
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:38,661
so we're gonna do some of that.
958
00:51:49,873 --> 00:51:51,707
Not you, Leon.
959
00:51:51,709 --> 00:51:53,442
I'm just grabbin' a pen.
Come on.
960
00:51:53,810 --> 00:51:55,511
I can see you.
961
00:52:02,452 --> 00:52:04,186
[ SIGHS ]
962
00:52:09,618 --> 00:52:11,894
[ WHISPERING ] Hey, Tito, could I
talk to you outside for a second?
963
00:52:11,896 --> 00:52:13,395
Okay.
964
00:52:17,834 --> 00:52:19,802
[ SIGHS ]
965
00:52:19,804 --> 00:52:22,338
So, um--
966
00:52:22,340 --> 00:52:24,840
Your sister and I are gonna go out on date.
967
00:52:24,842 --> 00:52:26,442
Would that be okay with you?
968
00:52:26,444 --> 00:52:28,878
Really? What are
you guys gonna do?
969
00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:31,714
I don't know. I'm still
figuring that out.
970
00:52:32,449 --> 00:52:33,883
Question:
971
00:52:33,885 --> 00:52:36,352
Do you get a boner when you see my sister?
972
00:52:36,354 --> 00:52:38,621
Or do you have a boner now
'cause you're thinking about her?
973
00:52:38,623 --> 00:52:40,222
No. Really?
974
00:52:40,224 --> 00:52:42,324
Yeah. No boner right now.
975
00:52:42,326 --> 00:52:44,393
See, with me it's like right away.
976
00:52:44,395 --> 00:52:46,328
All I have to do is think about Margarita, and boom.
977
00:52:46,330 --> 00:52:49,665
Well, I think that's 'cause you're
going through puberty right now. So--
978
00:52:49,667 --> 00:52:52,835
I hope so man. Sometimes I'm
like a walking boner. You know?
979
00:52:52,837 --> 00:52:54,537
It's why I can't wear sweatpants anymore.
980
00:52:56,239 --> 00:52:57,907
So-- Isn't it weird though?
981
00:52:57,909 --> 00:53:03,179
I was like, why does everybody stop
wearing sweatpants in middle school?
982
00:53:03,181 --> 00:53:05,281
And now I know why. Very true.
983
00:53:05,283 --> 00:53:07,249
So, you're okay with this?
984
00:53:07,251 --> 00:53:09,318
Yeah, totally, man.
985
00:53:09,320 --> 00:53:11,687
Cool. All right, thanks.
986
00:53:11,689 --> 00:53:14,323
Um, let's get back to work.
987
00:53:14,325 --> 00:53:16,458
[ HAMILTON ] Remember, one day at a time.
988
00:53:22,799 --> 00:53:24,466
[ EXHALES ]
989
00:53:27,370 --> 00:53:29,838
Reverend Hamilton. Mr. Cole.
990
00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:31,941
I-I recently washed it.
[ CHUCKLES ]
991
00:53:31,943 --> 00:53:33,642
What can I do for you?
992
00:53:33,644 --> 00:53:36,545
I was hoping that we could
discuss my after-school program.
993
00:53:36,547 --> 00:53:38,981
See, here's the issue, Mr. Cole.
994
00:53:38,983 --> 00:53:42,551
I don't think that sex or anything
relating to it should be taught in school.
995
00:53:42,553 --> 00:53:45,421
I understand why you feel that
way-- I don't think you do.
996
00:53:45,423 --> 00:53:47,723
Because I'm not just some Bible thumper.
997
00:53:47,725 --> 00:53:49,558
I don't think there's anything wrong with sex.
998
00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:52,328
Sex is a beautiful thing.
I love sex.
999
00:53:52,330 --> 00:53:54,296
I make love to my wife with great frequency.
1000
00:53:54,298 --> 00:53:55,764
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
1001
00:53:55,766 --> 00:53:58,267
That's great that you have that in your marriage.
1002
00:53:58,269 --> 00:54:02,338
But sex is love, and love is God.
1003
00:54:02,340 --> 00:54:03,973
And teaching sex without God is wrong...
1004
00:54:03,975 --> 00:54:06,275
because you're
teaching a formula--
1005
00:54:06,277 --> 00:54:08,010
a mechanical exchange of fluids,
1006
00:54:08,012 --> 00:54:10,246
and if those children see that as such,
1007
00:54:10,248 --> 00:54:13,015
they're gonna do it, early and often.
1008
00:54:13,017 --> 00:54:15,451
Maybe you could come and observe a class,
1009
00:54:15,453 --> 00:54:17,453
'cause I think once you saw it in action,
1010
00:54:17,455 --> 00:54:19,955
you'd see that we approach it with the respect...
1011
00:54:19,957 --> 00:54:22,791
and the sensitivity that it deserves.
1012
00:54:22,793 --> 00:54:25,894
All right, Mr. Cole. I'll
give you that chance.
1013
00:54:25,896 --> 00:54:27,863
Great. Thank you.
1014
00:54:29,966 --> 00:54:32,635
Mmm! All right, he's in.
Flip 'em.
1015
00:54:32,637 --> 00:54:34,737
Full fucking house!
Son of a bitch.
1016
00:54:34,739 --> 00:54:37,873
[ CHATTERING, LAUGHING ]
1017
00:54:37,875 --> 00:54:40,743
[ TOGETHER ] Hey!
1018
00:54:40,745 --> 00:54:42,411
How's it going?
1019
00:54:42,413 --> 00:54:44,446
Hey, how's the new place? Dude.
1020
00:54:44,448 --> 00:54:45,948
Did you christen the bed yet?
1021
00:54:45,950 --> 00:54:48,951
I got a date with her, man.
It's fuckin' happening. What?
1022
00:54:48,953 --> 00:54:51,887
Mm-hmm. Are your parents
gonna drive you to the mall?
1023
00:54:51,889 --> 00:54:55,291
Maybe on a second date you can
finger her in the movie theater.
1024
00:54:55,293 --> 00:54:58,827
I'm not in a rush, man.
I really like this girl.
1025
00:54:59,729 --> 00:55:01,430
I like your style, Ed.
1026
00:55:01,432 --> 00:55:03,632
Thank you. No, I do.
1027
00:55:03,634 --> 00:55:05,801
I think it's a noble way to look at the situation.
1028
00:55:05,803 --> 00:55:09,438
- Oh, here we go again.
- Blow it out your ass, Hank. Okay? This is important.
1029
00:55:11,508 --> 00:55:14,043
Check it out. When I'm laying
in bed with my wife, right,
1030
00:55:14,045 --> 00:55:17,046
and she's sleeping and I'm watching her...
1031
00:55:17,048 --> 00:55:19,415
and the minute that
she opens her eyes--
1032
00:55:19,417 --> 00:55:22,451
And you sit on her face.
Good morning, Vietnam!
1033
00:55:22,453 --> 00:55:24,853
JT, I'm trying to have a conversation here.
1034
00:55:24,855 --> 00:55:26,622
Stop.
1035
00:55:26,624 --> 00:55:30,592
What I'm trying to say is, the
minute that she opens her eyes,
1036
00:55:30,594 --> 00:55:33,996
- it's true love.
- [ SNICKERS ]
1037
00:55:33,998 --> 00:55:39,034
And we get to fall in love over and
over again with each passing day.
1038
00:55:39,036 --> 00:55:42,338
Jimmy, show him the picture.
1039
00:55:42,340 --> 00:55:44,540
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- [ BOTH CHUCKLING ]
1040
00:55:44,542 --> 00:55:47,876
Take a good, long look at that right there.
That's natural.
1041
00:55:50,580 --> 00:55:52,681
Motherhood is a beautiful thing.
Isn't it?
1042
00:55:52,683 --> 00:55:55,084
- Oh, let me see that.
- You've seen this.
1043
00:55:55,086 --> 00:55:57,786
Holy-- That's your wife? Easy.
1044
00:55:58,822 --> 00:56:00,823
Are those real?
1045
00:56:00,825 --> 00:56:03,492
That's the mother of my child,
you asshole. Oh, I'm jealous.
1046
00:56:03,494 --> 00:56:06,061
We can take care of this right now.
Jimmy, calm down.
1047
00:56:06,063 --> 00:56:10,065
You show her tits to everyone in town,
so I can't say I blame the guy.
1048
00:56:10,067 --> 00:56:14,069
That's true. Eddie? My office.
1049
00:56:14,071 --> 00:56:19,541
Your problem is that you think love and
super-hot nasty sex are mutually exclusive.
1050
00:56:19,543 --> 00:56:21,844
I love Ally, I do, but that does not stop me...
1051
00:56:21,846 --> 00:56:24,713
from getting a hard-on and boning
that girl like a dime-store hooker.
1052
00:56:24,715 --> 00:56:27,883
I know, man. I get it. I'm
just playing this one my way.
1053
00:56:27,885 --> 00:56:30,419
Dude, fuck your way.
1054
00:56:30,421 --> 00:56:33,522
Your way is dropping $120 on prom night...
1055
00:56:33,524 --> 00:56:35,891
and ending up with yet another case of blue balls.
1056
00:56:37,861 --> 00:56:39,628
The time has come.
1057
00:56:39,630 --> 00:56:42,064
The time has come to turn those balls...
1058
00:56:42,066 --> 00:56:44,400
from a purplish navy to a pale pink.
1059
00:56:44,402 --> 00:56:46,034
I get it, man. I do. I want it.
1060
00:56:46,036 --> 00:56:48,537
I just want it to be special.
1061
00:56:48,539 --> 00:56:50,639
And it will be special--
1062
00:56:52,008 --> 00:56:53,776
if you have these.
1063
00:56:53,778 --> 00:56:55,477
What are these?
1064
00:56:55,479 --> 00:56:56,945
The shit, my friend.
1065
00:56:56,947 --> 00:56:58,814
I had to order a whole crate of 'em to get 'em.
1066
00:57:00,183 --> 00:57:02,718
They're from Canada.
1067
00:57:02,720 --> 00:57:04,887
They make you bigger, they make you last longer...
1068
00:57:04,889 --> 00:57:07,890
and more importantly, they make
you come like a fucking donkey.
1069
00:57:09,492 --> 00:57:11,460
Fuckin' Canadians, man.
1070
00:57:11,462 --> 00:57:15,097
Take one of these bad boys. Without 'em
you'll probably last like 15 seconds.
1071
00:57:15,099 --> 00:57:16,932
And you want it to be special, right?
1072
00:57:17,934 --> 00:57:19,735
Yeah. Great.
1073
00:57:19,737 --> 00:57:22,538
And when you blast like eight fuckin' ropes,
1074
00:57:22,540 --> 00:57:24,706
it's gonna be extra special.
1075
00:57:29,512 --> 00:57:32,181
Okay, guys, so yesterday you wrote down your questions,
1076
00:57:32,183 --> 00:57:34,950
and today we're gonna read 'em
together and I'm gonna answer them.
1077
00:57:34,952 --> 00:57:37,453
And remember, there's nothing to be embarrassed about.
1078
00:57:37,455 --> 00:57:40,088
There's no such thing as a stupid question here.
1079
00:57:40,090 --> 00:57:42,925
So, Shelly, why don't you pick one off the top...
1080
00:57:42,927 --> 00:57:45,461
and read it out loud.
1081
00:57:47,530 --> 00:57:49,765
I don't want to say this question.
1082
00:57:49,767 --> 00:57:52,000
It's gross.
1083
00:57:53,203 --> 00:57:58,006
Okay, I'll read it. I'll decide
whether or not it's gross.
1084
00:57:58,008 --> 00:58:02,544
"Can a boy pee in a girl's
vagina when they're having sex?"
1085
00:58:02,546 --> 00:58:04,546
[ STUDENTS LAUGHING ] Yeah, I know it's funny,
1086
00:58:04,548 --> 00:58:06,482
but it's actually a good question.
1087
00:58:06,484 --> 00:58:08,183
When a man has an erection,
1088
00:58:08,185 --> 00:58:10,819
the part of the urethra that connects
to the bladder gets pinched off.
1089
00:58:10,821 --> 00:58:13,622
So it's actually impossible for a man to do that.
1090
00:58:13,624 --> 00:58:16,258
So, there you go.
1091
00:58:16,260 --> 00:58:18,627
Um, Leon.
1092
00:58:18,629 --> 00:58:20,128
Why don't you do the next one.
1093
00:58:20,130 --> 00:58:22,030
Shelly, pass the box back to Leon.
1094
00:58:28,538 --> 00:58:31,073
I don't think I should say this question.
1095
00:58:31,075 --> 00:58:34,643
Leon, it's a science class.
There's no wrong questions here.
1096
00:58:35,111 --> 00:58:36,812
[ SIGHS ]
1097
00:58:38,214 --> 00:58:39,748
Okay.
1098
00:58:39,750 --> 00:58:43,185
The question is,
"What's a squirter?"
1099
00:58:43,187 --> 00:58:45,153
[ STUDENTS LAUGH ]
1100
00:58:45,155 --> 00:58:46,755
Okay. Okay. Um--
1101
00:58:46,757 --> 00:58:49,858
That is a, uh, slang term...
1102
00:58:49,860 --> 00:58:53,262
for when a female...
1103
00:58:53,264 --> 00:58:56,865
ejaculates during orgasm,
1104
00:58:56,867 --> 00:58:59,868
which we talked about, so good question, basically.
1105
00:59:00,937 --> 00:59:03,038
Uh, next.
1106
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:05,173
Can you get pregnant the first time you have sex?
1107
00:59:05,175 --> 00:59:08,744
Yes, you can. If you are sexually
mature, you can get pregnant. Next.
1108
00:59:08,746 --> 00:59:11,580
Is there such a thing as blue balls?
1109
00:59:11,582 --> 00:59:14,616
- Can double penetration get you pregnant?
- [ STUDENTS LAUGH ]
1110
00:59:14,618 --> 00:59:16,051
This is inappropriate.
1111
00:59:16,053 --> 00:59:18,153
Not a scientific question.
Not answering those.
1112
00:59:18,155 --> 00:59:21,690
"Can a minivan be a bang bus or
does it have to be full-sized van?"
1113
00:59:21,692 --> 00:59:23,292
Science. We want
science questions.
1114
00:59:23,294 --> 00:59:25,294
What does a vagina taste like?
1115
00:59:25,296 --> 00:59:27,296
Tito, that's not scientific.
1116
00:59:27,298 --> 00:59:29,164
Can a she-male have
sex with itself?
1117
00:59:29,166 --> 00:59:31,600
- Come on.
- I'm sorry, Reverend.
1118
00:59:31,602 --> 00:59:33,936
- Does a tea bag feel good?
- [ SCOFFS ]
1119
00:59:33,938 --> 00:59:36,738
- Really?
- Does a tea bag taste good?
1120
00:59:36,740 --> 00:59:39,608
- Oh, this is ridiculous.
- Reverend.
1121
00:59:40,677 --> 00:59:42,311
Reverend, wait.
1122
00:59:42,313 --> 00:59:44,079
Reverend!
1123
00:59:44,081 --> 00:59:46,848
Reverend Hamilton. Wait.
1124
00:59:48,651 --> 00:59:50,352
This class is a joke,
1125
00:59:50,354 --> 00:59:53,055
and you, sir, are a joke of a teacher.
1126
00:59:54,357 --> 00:59:57,693
I will not support a question-and-answer
session by students--
1127
00:59:57,695 --> 01:00:00,662
my son included-- on oral sex.
1128
01:00:00,664 --> 01:00:03,131
These are their questions.
They need answers.
1129
01:00:03,133 --> 01:00:06,068
If I don't give them the
facts, who will? You?
1130
01:00:06,070 --> 01:00:09,738
You're indulging these children, Mr.
Cole.
1131
01:00:09,740 --> 01:00:11,707
You're encouraging their worst instincts.
1132
01:00:12,976 --> 01:00:14,810
You had your chance.
1133
01:00:14,812 --> 01:00:17,145
All you've done is show me that this cannot continue.
1134
01:00:30,693 --> 01:00:32,694
Does semen taste like Chinese food?
1135
01:00:32,696 --> 01:00:34,796
[ STUDENTS LAUGHING ]
1136
01:00:34,798 --> 01:00:36,698
Don't act like you don't know.
1137
01:00:39,702 --> 01:00:42,838
[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ]
1138
01:00:45,108 --> 01:00:46,942
I need a condom.
1139
01:00:46,944 --> 01:00:49,077
My girlfriend wants to do it.
She's ready.
1140
01:00:49,079 --> 01:00:52,347
[ SIGHS ] Tito, you're too young to have sex.
1141
01:00:52,349 --> 01:00:55,250
I think I'm gonna start missionary
to look into her eyes and all that.
1142
01:00:55,252 --> 01:00:57,986
But then it's all doggy style.
I'm gonna line that shit up.
1143
01:00:57,988 --> 01:01:00,856
Stop it. You gotta promise me
you're not going to do this.
1144
01:01:00,858 --> 01:01:03,158
Why? 'Cause you're not ready.
1145
01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:05,927
There's real emotions involved.
It-It's a real--
1146
01:01:05,929 --> 01:01:11,333
It's about teaching you so that when
you are ready, you'll be safe...
1147
01:01:11,335 --> 01:01:12,434
and that you'll have respect for it.
1148
01:01:12,436 --> 01:01:14,136
That's bullshit.
1149
01:01:14,138 --> 01:01:17,406
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I'm still gonna do it,
1150
01:01:17,408 --> 01:01:19,708
so are you gonna give me the condom or not?
1151
01:01:22,245 --> 01:01:24,179
♪♪ [ LATIN BALLAD ]
1152
01:01:24,181 --> 01:01:27,182
♪♪ [ SINGING IN SPANISH ]
1153
01:01:39,295 --> 01:01:40,896
You have really pretty eyes.
1154
01:01:42,432 --> 01:01:44,332
What color are they?
1155
01:01:44,334 --> 01:01:47,269
They're blue, but they have a little green and yellow.
1156
01:01:48,271 --> 01:01:49,838
Nice.
1157
01:01:53,309 --> 01:01:54,976
Are you okay?
1158
01:01:57,780 --> 01:02:00,449
I'm sorry. I-- I've had
a really rough day.
1159
01:02:00,451 --> 01:02:02,217
They're thinking of canceling my class.
1160
01:02:02,219 --> 01:02:08,123
I've been teaching sex ed 'cause
I-- I think they need to know it,
1161
01:02:09,425 --> 01:02:12,728
and... I gave out
condoms in class...
1162
01:02:12,730 --> 01:02:14,730
and this one parent got really mad at me.
1163
01:02:15,164 --> 01:02:17,399
I can see why.
1164
01:02:17,401 --> 01:02:19,434
And I'm worried about your brother.
1165
01:02:19,436 --> 01:02:21,269
Why are you worried about my brother?
1166
01:02:23,039 --> 01:02:25,273
I think that he might try and have sex tonight.
1167
01:02:25,275 --> 01:02:27,509
[ SCOFFS ] Are you serious?
1168
01:02:27,511 --> 01:02:29,811
Yeah.
1169
01:02:29,813 --> 01:02:31,913
How would you even know he's gonna have sex?
1170
01:02:33,082 --> 01:02:35,250
'Cause he told me, and he asked me for a condom.
1171
01:02:35,252 --> 01:02:37,519
And you gave it to him? Yeah.
What was I supposed to do?
1172
01:02:37,521 --> 01:02:40,889
I don't know. Maybe tell me, his
sister, so I could stop him.
1173
01:02:40,891 --> 01:02:42,924
And why are you giving out condoms to your students?
1174
01:02:42,926 --> 01:02:45,527
That's really weird. If he
asks me and then I tell on him,
1175
01:02:45,529 --> 01:02:47,129
then the next time maybe he won't ask,
1176
01:02:47,131 --> 01:02:49,164
and then he may try and have sex without a condom.
1177
01:02:49,166 --> 01:02:51,500
Basta. Whatever. We need
to go back to my house now.
1178
01:02:51,502 --> 01:02:54,169
He's probably there with her alone.
My mom is out tonight.
1179
01:02:58,941 --> 01:03:01,143
[ PILAR ] Tito! Hey, guys.
1180
01:03:01,145 --> 01:03:03,211
- What are you doing?
- We were watching The Notebook.
1181
01:03:03,213 --> 01:03:06,248
Oh, bullshit. Margarita,
you need to leave.
1182
01:03:06,250 --> 01:03:09,184
Eddie, you should leave too.
Are you sure? I can stay.
1183
01:03:09,186 --> 01:03:11,853
You've done enough already.
What? What do you mean?
1184
01:03:11,855 --> 01:03:13,321
This is your fault.
1185
01:03:13,323 --> 01:03:15,490
You gave him a condom and taught him how to use it.
1186
01:03:15,492 --> 01:03:18,326
If I hadn't given him a condom, he might
have tried to have sex without one.
1187
01:03:18,328 --> 01:03:21,196
- Dude, I could have pulled out.
- No, man, you can't do that.
1188
01:03:21,198 --> 01:03:24,065
It doesn't work. Sometimes
pulling out works.
1189
01:03:24,067 --> 01:03:27,269
No-- What? No, it doesn't work!
1190
01:03:27,271 --> 01:03:29,037
This is why we need sex ed.
1191
01:03:29,039 --> 01:03:30,205
Eddie.
1192
01:03:31,207 --> 01:03:33,241
I want you to leave.
1193
01:03:34,811 --> 01:03:36,311
Really?
1194
01:03:36,313 --> 01:03:38,046
Yes.
1195
01:03:42,819 --> 01:03:44,286
All right.
1196
01:03:49,358 --> 01:03:51,059
[ HORN HONKS ]
1197
01:03:57,433 --> 01:04:00,035
Yo! Where you goin', son?
1198
01:04:00,037 --> 01:04:03,371
So you think it's cool to go out
with another guy's girl, huh?
1199
01:04:03,373 --> 01:04:05,340
Hey, she's a grown woman.
She can do what she wants.
1200
01:04:05,342 --> 01:04:08,176
Shut the fuck up. Who
do you think you are?
1201
01:04:08,178 --> 01:04:10,378
I'm a grown man. I
can do what I want.
1202
01:04:10,380 --> 01:04:14,449
I don't think so. Tonight
you're gonna get fucked.
1203
01:04:14,451 --> 01:04:17,018
Who's gonna fuck me? I am.
1204
01:04:17,020 --> 01:04:18,553
I'm gonna fuck you up.
1205
01:04:18,555 --> 01:04:21,389
[ THUDDING ]
[ EDDIE GROANING ]
1206
01:04:23,459 --> 01:04:25,994
[ SIREN BLARING ]
1207
01:04:27,196 --> 01:04:29,564
[ GROANING ]
1208
01:04:29,566 --> 01:04:31,333
[ COUGHS ]
1209
01:04:31,335 --> 01:04:33,235
♪♪ [ SOUL INTRO ]
1210
01:04:43,312 --> 01:04:45,146
♪♪ [ CONTINUES ]
1211
01:04:52,889 --> 01:04:55,123
♪♪ [ CONTINUES ]
1212
01:04:59,362 --> 01:05:02,364
[ MAN ] ♪ How long ♪
1213
01:05:04,133 --> 01:05:06,401
♪ Must I keep going on? ♪
1214
01:05:06,403 --> 01:05:08,236
♪♪ [ CONTINUES ]
1215
01:05:08,238 --> 01:05:10,372
You want some company tonight?
1216
01:05:12,475 --> 01:05:14,409
Yeah, fuck it.
1217
01:05:14,411 --> 01:05:16,111
Yeah.
1218
01:05:30,393 --> 01:05:33,929
[ DOGS BARKING ]
1219
01:05:41,370 --> 01:05:43,204
Got a headache.
1220
01:05:48,377 --> 01:05:50,078
Oh, no. The--
1221
01:05:51,147 --> 01:05:52,948
That's all right. Never mind.
1222
01:05:54,250 --> 01:05:57,085
So, why don't you tell me how you want it?
1223
01:05:59,689 --> 01:06:02,357
Normal, I guess. Um--
1224
01:06:02,359 --> 01:06:04,025
The-The-- The standard.
1225
01:06:04,027 --> 01:06:07,195
How about I suck your big cock first?
1226
01:06:07,197 --> 01:06:10,565
Yeah. Okay. Let me-- Let me
put on a condom. A condom?
1227
01:06:10,567 --> 01:06:13,969
Yeah. Don't you know how easy it
is to get an S.T.D. from oral sex?
1228
01:06:13,971 --> 01:06:16,604
No. I had no idea.
Especially syphilis.
1229
01:06:16,606 --> 01:06:19,207
Fifteen percent of syphilis
transmissions happen through--
1230
01:06:19,209 --> 01:06:21,209
Oh, my God! What is that?
1231
01:06:21,211 --> 01:06:22,677
[ SIREN BLARES ] Oh, shit.
1232
01:06:22,679 --> 01:06:24,546
Not again.
1233
01:06:24,548 --> 01:06:26,181
Oh, God.
1234
01:06:26,183 --> 01:06:27,615
[ POLICE RADIO CHATTER ]
1235
01:06:27,617 --> 01:06:31,186
Now you owe me an extra hundred.
That doesn't seem fair.
1236
01:06:41,664 --> 01:06:45,533
So, you get beat up, so you decide to fuck a prostitute?
1237
01:06:46,535 --> 01:06:48,203
Yeah.
1238
01:06:48,205 --> 01:06:51,573
Except I didn't fuck her 'cause it wasn't a her.
1239
01:06:51,575 --> 01:06:55,276
It was a he, a guy-- the hooker.
1240
01:06:57,313 --> 01:07:00,081
Oh. Well, I retract
my earlier advice...
1241
01:07:00,083 --> 01:07:02,083
about you needing to lower your standards.
1242
01:07:02,085 --> 01:07:04,085
You now need to raise your standards.
1243
01:07:04,087 --> 01:07:06,154
I didn't know it was a guy.
1244
01:07:06,156 --> 01:07:10,625
Sh-- He was dressed like a girl, a really
pretty girl. Couldn't you just tell?
1245
01:07:12,194 --> 01:07:14,029
His hands were kind of rough.
1246
01:07:14,663 --> 01:07:16,297
What did you do with his hands?
1247
01:07:17,700 --> 01:07:20,235
Fuckin' hell.
1248
01:07:21,170 --> 01:07:24,272
D-- You still got a boner, man.
1249
01:07:24,274 --> 01:07:26,141
You could hold up a bank with that thing.
1250
01:07:26,143 --> 01:07:31,212
You took the load pills for a hooker?
What happened to what's-her-name?
1251
01:07:34,750 --> 01:07:38,386
We ended up tracking down her
little brother to cock-block him.
1252
01:07:38,388 --> 01:07:41,156
And then she kicked me out because I gave him condoms.
1253
01:07:42,625 --> 01:07:44,359
That is a weird date.
1254
01:07:45,528 --> 01:07:47,495
I'm a virgin, JT.
1255
01:07:49,832 --> 01:07:52,100
I know.
1256
01:07:54,103 --> 01:07:58,139
Come on, nobody believes you
screwed that Canadian girl at camp.
1257
01:07:58,141 --> 01:07:59,674
You were too afraid to talk to her.
1258
01:07:59,676 --> 01:08:02,544
There was a lot of tension.
Something could have happened.
1259
01:08:02,546 --> 01:08:04,479
Listen, Eddie,
1260
01:08:04,481 --> 01:08:06,147
it'll happen.
1261
01:08:06,849 --> 01:08:09,217
Everybody gets laid.
1262
01:08:24,266 --> 01:08:26,634
Your class is canceled until I can hire somebody new.
1263
01:08:29,605 --> 01:08:31,206
These kids need this.
1264
01:08:31,208 --> 01:08:32,807
I like you, Eddie. I really do.
1265
01:08:32,809 --> 01:08:34,709
But you shat the bed on this one.
1266
01:08:36,545 --> 01:08:40,715
They're middle school students having sex as we speak.
1267
01:08:40,717 --> 01:08:43,451
Uh-- Not right now, but--
1268
01:08:43,453 --> 01:08:44,853
I know, Eddie.
1269
01:08:44,855 --> 01:08:47,589
I know they're out there fuckin',
1270
01:08:47,591 --> 01:08:49,858
but you're done.
1271
01:08:49,860 --> 01:08:52,160
Sorry. There's nothing
I can do about it.
1272
01:08:57,566 --> 01:08:59,167
You here for a bagel?
1273
01:08:59,169 --> 01:09:01,870
No, baby, I'm here for you.
Talk to me.
1274
01:09:01,872 --> 01:09:04,305
What's goin' on?
Where you been?
1275
01:09:04,773 --> 01:09:07,175
Well,
1276
01:09:07,177 --> 01:09:10,411
a few nights ago I got the shit kicked out of me,
1277
01:09:10,413 --> 01:09:14,282
and then I paid $70 to almost fuck a dude.
1278
01:09:14,284 --> 01:09:16,217
A dude. With a dick.
1279
01:09:16,219 --> 01:09:19,254
And then I got fired. Hot damn.
1280
01:09:19,256 --> 01:09:21,823
Do I have a faraway look in my eyes?
1281
01:09:21,825 --> 01:09:23,625
Like something's haunting me?
1282
01:09:23,627 --> 01:09:25,693
You look like you've seen terrible things.
1283
01:09:26,795 --> 01:09:29,364
I need to have had
sex just once--
1284
01:09:29,366 --> 01:09:31,533
just to get that confidence.
1285
01:09:31,535 --> 01:09:37,372
Fool, you gotta stop looking at life
as a series of checklist items.
1286
01:09:37,374 --> 01:09:39,340
Stop thinking about whether or not you've had sex...
1287
01:09:39,342 --> 01:09:43,645
and start thinking about what you need
to do to become the man you want to be.
1288
01:09:43,647 --> 01:09:47,615
The man you wanna be isn't just
someone who fucked a woman.
1289
01:09:47,617 --> 01:09:50,852
It's someone who knows what he wants and goes after it.
1290
01:09:50,854 --> 01:09:52,754
Ask yourself,
1291
01:09:52,756 --> 01:09:54,689
"Who's the man I wanna be?"
1292
01:09:54,691 --> 01:09:56,257
Is he a bagel man?
1293
01:09:56,259 --> 01:09:58,793
No. He's a teacher.
1294
01:09:58,795 --> 01:10:00,395
You're damn straight he is.
1295
01:10:00,397 --> 01:10:03,464
Does he want to eat a butt?
No. No, he does not.
1296
01:10:03,466 --> 01:10:05,400
But he could if he wanted to,
1297
01:10:05,402 --> 01:10:07,669
because he knows what he wants.
1298
01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:12,340
[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ]
1299
01:10:14,510 --> 01:10:15,543
Hey.
1300
01:10:20,216 --> 01:10:22,650
I just wanted to come by and apologize.
1301
01:10:22,652 --> 01:10:24,319
Okay.
1302
01:10:24,820 --> 01:10:28,456
So, I'm sorry.
1303
01:10:28,458 --> 01:10:29,791
Fine.
1304
01:10:31,427 --> 01:10:34,629
I don't know what I'm doing.
I really don't.
1305
01:10:34,631 --> 01:10:36,831
I'm just trying to do the right thing.
1306
01:10:38,934 --> 01:10:40,802
I get it.
1307
01:10:43,505 --> 01:10:45,506
I like you.
1308
01:10:45,508 --> 01:10:47,709
I really do.
1309
01:10:47,711 --> 01:10:51,579
[ CHUCKLES ] We hardly know each
other, and you're Tito's teacher.
1310
01:10:51,581 --> 01:10:54,515
Yeah, but I wanna live in a world where this can happen,
1311
01:10:54,517 --> 01:10:58,386
where a guy can pursue a woman with grand gestures.
1312
01:10:59,722 --> 01:11:01,556
That's really sweet.
1313
01:11:03,759 --> 01:11:05,727
So here's my grand gesture.
1314
01:11:08,297 --> 01:11:09,797
What is that?
1315
01:11:10,899 --> 01:11:12,600
It's an oboe.
1316
01:11:12,602 --> 01:11:13,801
Oh.
1317
01:11:22,378 --> 01:11:23,845
It's a woodwind.
1318
01:11:36,025 --> 01:11:38,326
♪♪ [ SOUR NOTES ]
1319
01:12:02,651 --> 01:12:04,686
It's not really meant to be played unaccompanied.
1320
01:12:05,621 --> 01:12:08,589
It's all right. Um,
it was beautiful.
1321
01:12:09,591 --> 01:12:11,459
Let's do something right now.
1322
01:12:12,861 --> 01:12:15,463
Why don't you show me someplace you love in the city.
1323
01:12:16,932 --> 01:12:18,833
Okay.
1324
01:12:21,003 --> 01:12:22,937
Are there any alligators in this river?
1325
01:12:22,939 --> 01:12:25,773
[ LAUGHS ] Come on.
1326
01:12:25,775 --> 01:12:28,076
I just need to know if I'm gonna have to protect you.
1327
01:12:28,078 --> 01:12:30,078
Are you a big alligator wrestler?
1328
01:12:30,080 --> 01:12:31,979
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Can't you tell?
1329
01:12:31,981 --> 01:12:33,715
These big muscles.
1330
01:12:42,791 --> 01:12:45,693
Come on. I'm gonna show
you my favorite spot.
1331
01:12:54,837 --> 01:12:56,838
[ GULLS SQUAWKING ]
1332
01:13:05,381 --> 01:13:07,915
Where'd you grow up? Sarasota.
1333
01:13:07,917 --> 01:13:11,886
Do you miss it? It's still kind of close.
I can go back.
1334
01:13:11,888 --> 01:13:13,521
I mean high school.
1335
01:13:14,757 --> 01:13:16,891
Not really. I do.
1336
01:13:16,893 --> 01:13:18,760
Had a bunch of friends.
1337
01:13:18,762 --> 01:13:21,062
I'm still friends with all of them.
1338
01:13:21,064 --> 01:13:24,999
I mean, they didn't, like, shove
me into lockers or anything.
1339
01:13:25,001 --> 01:13:26,734
I wasn't that kid, but--
1340
01:13:26,736 --> 01:13:29,637
[ LAUGHING ] I bet you were a huge nerd.
1341
01:13:29,639 --> 01:13:32,607
Yeah. I was a nerd,
and it was awesome.
1342
01:13:39,681 --> 01:13:42,583
I want to take you out tonight to my favorite club.
1343
01:13:44,453 --> 01:13:46,921
I'm not really a big club guy.
1344
01:13:46,923 --> 01:13:49,157
Come on. You'll like it.
1345
01:13:49,159 --> 01:13:51,826
Don't you want to see what you've been
missing out with all the cool kids?
1346
01:13:51,828 --> 01:13:53,895
[ CHUCKLES ]
1347
01:13:53,897 --> 01:13:56,063
Sure.
1348
01:13:56,065 --> 01:13:57,765
Okay.
1349
01:14:06,508 --> 01:14:08,643
♪♪ [ R & B, FAINT ]
1350
01:14:10,879 --> 01:14:12,580
Bobby!
1351
01:14:13,081 --> 01:14:14,749
Mwah. Look at you.
1352
01:14:14,751 --> 01:14:16,818
Turn around. Hot damn, girl.
1353
01:14:16,820 --> 01:14:18,853
[ BOBBY, PILAR LAUGHING ]
[ BOBBY ] What's up?
1354
01:14:18,855 --> 01:14:21,722
Um, it's just the two of us.
Is that cool?
1355
01:14:21,724 --> 01:14:24,992
[ GROANS ] Look, you're good.
1356
01:14:24,994 --> 01:14:27,929
It's kind of crazy in there right now so, uh, no dudes.
1357
01:14:27,931 --> 01:14:30,097
We can just go to the bar by my apartment.
1358
01:14:30,099 --> 01:14:33,100
Is it okay if I just go in and say hi to some friends?
1359
01:14:33,102 --> 01:14:34,869
I'll be quick.
1360
01:14:40,809 --> 01:14:42,543
[ BOBBY LAUGHS ]
1361
01:14:42,545 --> 01:14:45,546
She ain't coming back, man.
What?
1362
01:14:45,548 --> 01:14:48,883
Yeah, I've seen this a hundred times
before, man. Club's got her now.
1363
01:14:48,885 --> 01:14:51,819
Dude, we're on a date.
We just made out.
1364
01:14:51,821 --> 01:14:53,087
Oh, you just made out? Yeah.
1365
01:14:53,089 --> 01:14:54,689
You just on a date? [ LAUGHS ]
1366
01:14:54,691 --> 01:14:57,095
I'm telling you, when that music gets in your
1367
01:14:57,107 --> 01:14:59,260
system like it's getting
in her system--
1368
01:14:59,262 --> 01:15:03,231
Oh, my God, she is feeling it
in every part of her body, man.
1369
01:15:03,233 --> 01:15:05,132
It's the music. It's not her.
1370
01:15:05,134 --> 01:15:09,003
Champagne, jewels,
caviar, fur coats--
1371
01:15:09,005 --> 01:15:11,038
I mean, people just wearing fur coats for no reason.
1372
01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:12,640
There's some Stephen Hawking shit going on in there, man.
1373
01:15:12,642 --> 01:15:14,108
It's like a wormhole.
1374
01:15:14,110 --> 01:15:16,244
The pull of the dance floor--
She can't help herself.
1375
01:15:16,246 --> 01:15:18,679
Sex. Can't forget about sex.
Okay?
1376
01:15:18,681 --> 01:15:20,248
I'm mad 'cause I'm feeling it now, okay?
1377
01:15:20,250 --> 01:15:23,084
I would rather be in there, but
I'm outside with you right now.
1378
01:15:23,086 --> 01:15:25,887
So here's what I need you-- Here's
what I need you to do for me, okay?
1379
01:15:25,889 --> 01:15:28,055
I need you to go home-- And
this is your best bet.
1380
01:15:28,057 --> 01:15:32,894
Just go home, have a quick
beat-off, fall asleep, man.
1381
01:15:32,896 --> 01:15:34,729
I'll be right back.
1382
01:15:36,732 --> 01:15:38,933
Look who it is, out with my girlfriend.
1383
01:15:38,935 --> 01:15:41,602
I don't want any trouble, man.
Yeah? Well, you got trouble.
1384
01:15:41,604 --> 01:15:43,938
Man, fuck off!
1385
01:15:43,940 --> 01:15:46,307
Am I gonna have to kick your ass again,
1386
01:15:46,309 --> 01:15:48,609
you little fuckin' pussy?
[ GROANS ]
1387
01:15:50,245 --> 01:15:52,079
[ SIREN BLARES ]
1388
01:15:52,081 --> 01:15:54,215
[ BOBBY ] I was just trying to keep
the peace. That's what I was doing.
1389
01:15:54,217 --> 01:15:57,084
I didn't have nothing to do with all
this, 'cause this is my operation.
1390
01:15:57,086 --> 01:16:00,888
The white dude, man, he came from out
of nowhere, man, like a hurricane,
1391
01:16:00,890 --> 01:16:07,295
Like, he tore someone. He fish-hooked
the motherfucker. The "Hispanish" dude.
1392
01:16:07,297 --> 01:16:10,665
If you don't know what that is, it's
when you take your hand like such...
1393
01:16:10,667 --> 01:16:12,800
and you rip it like a fish.
1394
01:16:12,802 --> 01:16:14,769
So if you ask me, he won the fight for sure, man.
1395
01:16:14,771 --> 01:16:17,838
Yeah, right, he won the fight due to a fishhook maneuver.
1396
01:16:21,910 --> 01:16:24,612
Dude, I don't think I can get you off again, man.
1397
01:16:24,614 --> 01:16:27,048
Man, I am pulling all kind of
favors with my buddies in police,
1398
01:16:27,050 --> 01:16:30,084
but two times in two weeks, that is a lot.
1399
01:16:30,086 --> 01:16:31,786
Well, I say congratulations.
1400
01:16:31,788 --> 01:16:34,055
I sounds like you're finally living.
1401
01:16:34,057 --> 01:16:36,657
I don't have a job and I probably have an arrest record,
1402
01:16:36,659 --> 01:16:38,192
and Pilar ditched me.
1403
01:16:38,194 --> 01:16:39,894
I'll tell you what, honey.
1404
01:16:39,896 --> 01:16:42,930
Forget the woman. You need
to go and get your job back.
1405
01:16:42,932 --> 01:16:45,066
- He can't. This Reverend Hamilton guy.
- Oh, my God.
1406
01:16:45,068 --> 01:16:47,802
How is it I'm the only one in this
group who has some fucking balls?
1407
01:16:47,804 --> 01:16:50,938
You're right. Those
kids need me.
1408
01:16:50,940 --> 01:16:53,674
Without you, they're gonna learn
about sex from the Internet,
1409
01:16:53,676 --> 01:16:55,343
and the Internet is a dark place.
1410
01:16:55,345 --> 01:16:57,311
Lemonparty? Yeah,
that's disgusting.
1411
01:16:57,313 --> 01:16:58,913
Bukkake? I mean--
1412
01:16:58,915 --> 01:17:01,215
The whole concept of bukkake.
1413
01:17:01,217 --> 01:17:03,951
Girls are gonna think it's cool for a
bunch of weird guys in business suits...
1414
01:17:03,953 --> 01:17:07,154
- to just jerk off on their faces.
- Ew.
1415
01:17:07,156 --> 01:17:09,156
I don't think I need to tell you
guys that shit's inappropriate.
1416
01:17:09,158 --> 01:17:11,626
I'm gonna talk to Hamilton after school tomorrow.
1417
01:17:11,628 --> 01:17:13,628
He's got an A.A meeting
that he leads there.
1418
01:17:14,630 --> 01:17:16,931
I am right there with you, man.
1419
01:17:18,300 --> 01:17:20,201
I think I gotta do this one myself.
1420
01:17:21,737 --> 01:17:23,838
♪♪ [ MAN SINGING IN SPANISH ]
1421
01:17:34,116 --> 01:17:36,083
♪♪ [ CONTINUES ]
1422
01:18:06,748 --> 01:18:08,282
Just take a seat up there.
1423
01:18:08,284 --> 01:18:12,386
- What are you doing here?
- My name's Eddie Cole.
1424
01:18:12,388 --> 01:18:16,924
- I'd like to share.
- This is a private meeting, Mr. Cole.
1425
01:18:16,926 --> 01:18:19,093
I need to share. I'm
gonna share, okay?
1426
01:18:20,429 --> 01:18:22,697
How many parents we got in here?
1427
01:18:23,965 --> 01:18:27,134
Just answer me one question, and then I'll go.
1428
01:18:28,870 --> 01:18:31,172
How many of you have discussed sex with your children?
1429
01:18:31,174 --> 01:18:33,074
Please raise your hands.
1430
01:18:35,310 --> 01:18:40,114
Where do you think kids learn about
sex if not from you, their parents,
1431
01:18:40,116 --> 01:18:43,017
or me, a teacher?
1432
01:18:43,019 --> 01:18:45,052
They learn about it from each other...
1433
01:18:45,054 --> 01:18:47,154
or from things they've seen in movies...
1434
01:18:47,156 --> 01:18:50,191
or on the Internet, with pornography.
1435
01:18:50,193 --> 01:18:55,896
They see images of men doing
strange and mean things to women.
1436
01:18:55,898 --> 01:18:58,432
Sometimes like four or five guys and just one girl,
1437
01:18:58,434 --> 01:19:00,735
doing things that are uncomfortable,
1438
01:19:00,737 --> 01:19:03,070
doing things that might cause some sort of injury.
1439
01:19:03,072 --> 01:19:06,307
Girls learn that they should
expect men to treat them badly.
1440
01:19:08,810 --> 01:19:12,813
The truth is, maybe I'm not the right
person to be teaching this class.
1441
01:19:12,815 --> 01:19:15,282
I don't have the teaching experience.
1442
01:19:16,785 --> 01:19:19,019
I don't even have the sexual experience.
1443
01:19:22,491 --> 01:19:24,325
I'm actually a virgin.
1444
01:19:26,361 --> 01:19:29,797
So that's kind of nuts that I'm teaching sex ed.
1445
01:19:29,799 --> 01:19:32,433
But this class is important.
1446
01:19:32,435 --> 01:19:36,036
It's the most important thing
that we can teach these kids.
1447
01:19:39,975 --> 01:19:42,076
Mr. Cole is really
important to us...
1448
01:19:42,078 --> 01:19:44,178
because he tells us straight about sex.
1449
01:19:44,180 --> 01:19:47,114
Yeah, I used to think it was normal and easy...
1450
01:19:47,116 --> 01:19:49,250
to meet women to have sex with you if you had a big van.
1451
01:19:49,252 --> 01:19:51,218
I tried it, man. It's not.
1452
01:19:52,188 --> 01:19:55,890
Now we know that sex like that just isn't normal.
1453
01:19:55,892 --> 01:19:57,992
And it's not even, like, a good idea.
1454
01:19:57,994 --> 01:20:01,462
I mean, if you just go around having sex
with everybody, you're gonna get a disease.
1455
01:20:01,464 --> 01:20:05,399
And if you do that, you can get
coot checkers on your labia majora.
1456
01:20:05,401 --> 01:20:07,294
What we're trying to say is, there are things
1457
01:20:07,306 --> 01:20:09,003
about having sex and
being a grown-up...
1458
01:20:09,005 --> 01:20:11,172
that are too weird to talk to your dad about.
1459
01:20:14,276 --> 01:20:19,013
I love you, Dad, but I can't ask you about butt sex.
1460
01:20:19,015 --> 01:20:21,982
I just can't, but I can ask Mr.
Cole,
1461
01:20:21,984 --> 01:20:24,385
and I know he'll give
me a real answer--
1462
01:20:24,387 --> 01:20:27,254
that if two adults mutually agree that they wanna do anal,
1463
01:20:27,256 --> 01:20:31,292
they can do it, provided they use
sufficient lubrication and condoms.
1464
01:20:31,294 --> 01:20:36,230
How am I supposed to have that
conversation with my dad, the reverend?
1465
01:20:38,166 --> 01:20:40,167
We need Mr. Cole.
1466
01:20:43,104 --> 01:20:48,375
And his class makes me realize,
maybe it's okay if I'm one too.
1467
01:21:26,348 --> 01:21:27,615
Excuse me, Mr. Cole.
1468
01:21:27,617 --> 01:21:29,950
I'll catch up with you in a second.
1469
01:21:29,952 --> 01:21:31,485
Hey, thanks for your support in there.
1470
01:21:31,487 --> 01:21:34,021
I really... support you.
1471
01:21:35,423 --> 01:21:37,458
[ ZIPPER UNZIPS ]
1472
01:21:39,361 --> 01:21:43,330
Just let me know if there's anything
else I can do to support you.
1473
01:21:45,400 --> 01:21:46,533
Any time.
1474
01:21:50,906 --> 01:21:52,506
[ LEON LAUGHING ]
1475
01:21:52,508 --> 01:21:54,041
Hey.
1476
01:21:59,381 --> 01:22:01,181
[ KNOCKING ]
1477
01:22:09,391 --> 01:22:11,992
Hey, you. Hey.
1478
01:22:11,994 --> 01:22:13,627
Congratulations.
1479
01:22:13,629 --> 01:22:16,263
Tito told me about what happened.
1480
01:22:16,265 --> 01:22:17,698
Yeah, thanks.
1481
01:22:17,700 --> 01:22:20,034
He also told me what you said in the classroom...
1482
01:22:20,036 --> 01:22:22,436
about you not having sex.
1483
01:22:22,438 --> 01:22:24,104
Is that true?
1484
01:22:25,273 --> 01:22:28,409
It is. Uh, I'm sorry. I
know that's kind of weird.
1485
01:22:31,680 --> 01:22:33,414
Stop.
1486
01:22:34,716 --> 01:22:36,517
What's goin' on?
1487
01:22:37,552 --> 01:22:39,353
What do you think?
1488
01:22:40,689 --> 01:22:42,523
I-- [ KNOCKING ]
1489
01:22:42,525 --> 01:22:45,726
[ JT ] Yo! We're all waiting for you down at The Hub.
1490
01:22:45,728 --> 01:22:47,962
One second, man.
I'll be right down.
1491
01:22:47,964 --> 01:22:50,097
Come on!
1492
01:22:51,566 --> 01:22:54,501
Hey, why don't we go down to the
bar, celebrate with everybody...
1493
01:22:54,503 --> 01:22:56,670
and then we can come back up?
1494
01:22:56,672 --> 01:22:58,339
Come here.
1495
01:23:02,577 --> 01:23:04,345
I wanna be your first.
1496
01:23:05,313 --> 01:23:08,382
[ POUNDING ] Dude, I'll be right down!
1497
01:23:12,721 --> 01:23:15,089
I don't need to do it right this second.
1498
01:23:15,091 --> 01:23:17,224
We don't need to do it just to do it.
1499
01:23:17,226 --> 01:23:19,493
Isn't that a good reason?
1500
01:23:28,536 --> 01:23:31,171
I'm not saying I don't want to do it with you.
1501
01:23:31,173 --> 01:23:34,141
Just maybe right now isn't the best time.
1502
01:23:35,510 --> 01:23:37,211
Why not?
1503
01:23:37,213 --> 01:23:39,747
Why don't we go down? We
can listen to some music.
1504
01:23:39,749 --> 01:23:41,749
You can meet my friends.
We could dance.
1505
01:23:41,751 --> 01:23:44,685
I, like, really don't like that bar.
1506
01:23:44,687 --> 01:23:46,453
What? Really?
1507
01:23:46,455 --> 01:23:48,689
Yeah, I'm not into it.
1508
01:23:48,691 --> 01:23:50,391
Okay, well--
1509
01:23:51,659 --> 01:23:53,560
Why don't we...
1510
01:23:54,562 --> 01:23:56,330
fuck right now...
1511
01:24:01,436 --> 01:24:04,405
and go to this club down the block after?
1512
01:24:05,640 --> 01:24:07,341
You know,
1513
01:24:07,343 --> 01:24:09,643
last time we went to a club, I kind of got stuck outside.
1514
01:24:09,645 --> 01:24:12,279
I know. I know, but it'll
be different this time.
1515
01:24:15,517 --> 01:24:18,585
Yeah, but-- Eddie, I'm-- I'm
trying to make you cooler.
1516
01:24:21,189 --> 01:24:23,057
I'm not that uncool.
1517
01:24:24,159 --> 01:24:25,626
I know. I just-- I--
1518
01:24:28,430 --> 01:24:30,197
Fuck it.
1519
01:24:32,534 --> 01:24:34,201
I don't get you.
1520
01:24:34,602 --> 01:24:36,103
I really don't.
1521
01:24:36,105 --> 01:24:37,838
You can stay a virgin.
1522
01:24:37,840 --> 01:24:39,807
I guess I think that's okay.
1523
01:24:39,809 --> 01:24:41,675
Fine.
1524
01:24:50,618 --> 01:24:52,586
Fuck. Did I ruin that for you?
1525
01:24:58,726 --> 01:25:01,128
Feels like you need a little bit of bourbon, baby.
1526
01:25:01,130 --> 01:25:02,830
On the rocks, splash of soda?
1527
01:25:02,832 --> 01:25:04,531
Yeah.
1528
01:25:06,601 --> 01:25:09,703
So, where's your lovely?
1529
01:25:11,706 --> 01:25:13,607
She is lovely, isn't she?
1530
01:25:13,609 --> 01:25:15,309
She is.
1531
01:25:17,145 --> 01:25:18,612
I ended it.
1532
01:25:20,181 --> 01:25:21,849
I don't know what's wrong with me.
1533
01:25:21,851 --> 01:25:24,151
It'll happen, Eddie.
1534
01:25:24,153 --> 01:25:26,286
You just have to be ready for it when it does,
1535
01:25:26,288 --> 01:25:28,122
and then it'll be easy.
1536
01:25:29,390 --> 01:25:32,259
It'll all make perfect sense.
1537
01:25:33,495 --> 01:25:36,830
I'll tell you what.
What's that?
1538
01:25:36,832 --> 01:25:39,133
You're a man now.
1539
01:25:40,568 --> 01:25:43,604
Manhood isn't all wanting a woman and not gettin' her.
1540
01:25:43,606 --> 01:25:47,674
It's having a woman and knowing
you don't feel the madness.
1541
01:25:48,910 --> 01:25:50,277
Yeah.
1542
01:25:50,778 --> 01:25:52,379
Ain't no shame in it.
1543
01:25:52,381 --> 01:25:54,748
More shame in living and no love.
1544
01:25:54,750 --> 01:25:56,416
You're right.
1545
01:25:59,521 --> 01:26:00,554
Thanks.
1546
01:26:06,862 --> 01:26:11,899
[ BOY ] Oh, man! Seventh
period, sex ed, Mr. Cole.
1547
01:26:11,901 --> 01:26:15,602
What's this honky motherfucker gonna teach me about sex?
1548
01:26:15,604 --> 01:26:18,805
Whoa, hold up. You got Mr.
Cole for sex ed?
1549
01:26:18,807 --> 01:26:21,909
Son, Mr. Cole is for real.
1550
01:26:21,911 --> 01:26:24,311
He's the realest motherfucker that is.
1551
01:26:25,747 --> 01:26:28,482
♪♪ [ ROCK INTRO ]
1552
01:26:30,785 --> 01:26:33,720
[ WOMAN ] ♪ Long, tall, lean lanky daddy ♪
1553
01:26:33,722 --> 01:26:36,256
♪ You look good to me ♪
1554
01:26:36,258 --> 01:26:38,792
♪ Hip-hop wheels ♪♪ Then you vanish ♪
1555
01:26:38,794 --> 01:26:41,328
♪ Show me what you do to me ♪
1556
01:26:41,330 --> 01:26:43,931
♪ Fast-walkin',
sweet-talking daddy ♪
1557
01:26:43,933 --> 01:26:46,500
♪ You're really outta sight ♪
1558
01:26:46,502 --> 01:26:49,436
♪ Cool down smooth with me, daddy ♪
1559
01:26:49,438 --> 01:26:50,971
♪ You make me feel all right ♪
1560
01:26:50,973 --> 01:26:53,407
♪ Agent Double-O Soul, baby ♪
1561
01:26:53,409 --> 01:26:56,643
♪ You're a real cool lover ♪
1562
01:26:56,645 --> 01:26:59,913
♪ Dr. Feelgood ♪
1563
01:26:59,915 --> 01:27:03,650
♪♪ [ CONTINUES, INDISTINCT ]
1564
01:27:07,689 --> 01:27:10,824
♪ Long, tall, lean lanky daddy ♪
1565
01:27:10,826 --> 01:27:13,260
♪ He's my real swinging' daddy ♪
1566
01:27:13,262 --> 01:27:15,696
♪ Fast-walking',
sweet-talkin' daddy ♪
1567
01:27:15,698 --> 01:27:18,498
♪ Cool down smooth with me, daddy ♪
1568
01:27:23,705 --> 01:27:26,373
♪ D-A-D-D-Y, daddy ♪
1569
01:27:27,942 --> 01:27:30,544
♪ Agent double-O soul, baby ♪
1570
01:27:30,546 --> 01:27:33,447
♪ You're a real cool lover ♪
1571
01:27:33,449 --> 01:27:37,517
♪♪ [ CONTINUES, INDISTINCT ]
1572
01:27:44,325 --> 01:27:47,728
♪ To a long, tall, lean lanky daddy ♪♪
1573
01:27:53,735 --> 01:27:58,038
Hi. I'm the new student teacher
from the American Teaching Corps.
1574
01:27:58,040 --> 01:28:00,674
Hi. Welcome.
1575
01:28:00,676 --> 01:28:03,477
It's kind of funny because I'm actually Canadian.
1576
01:28:04,712 --> 01:28:07,381
Canadian?
1577
01:28:07,383 --> 01:28:10,417
So you came here to learn how to
teach health and human development.
1578
01:28:11,419 --> 01:28:15,689
Yes. I think sex ed
is really important.
1579
01:28:19,994 --> 01:28:23,297
Well, you came to the right fuckin' place.
1580
01:28:23,299 --> 01:28:24,998
[ MAN ] ♪ Uhh! ♪
1581
01:28:25,000 --> 01:28:26,433
♪ Yeah ♪
1582
01:28:26,435 --> 01:28:28,635
♪ I'm talkin' to you, girl ♪
1583
01:28:28,637 --> 01:28:29,970
♪ Yeah ♪
1584
01:28:29,972 --> 01:28:32,706
♪ Only you ♪
1585
01:28:32,708 --> 01:28:34,341
[ NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE ]
1586
01:28:34,343 --> 01:28:36,009
♪ All right, now ♪
1587
01:28:36,011 --> 01:28:37,878
♪♪ [ VOCALIZING ]
1588
01:28:41,516 --> 01:28:43,650
♪ Listen to me ♪
1589
01:28:45,486 --> 01:28:49,589
♪ If you want our love to last ♪
1590
01:28:49,591 --> 01:28:52,459
♪ Girl, forget about the past ♪
1591
01:28:52,461 --> 01:28:55,062
♪ What ya gonna do? ♪
1592
01:28:55,064 --> 01:28:56,496
♪ Uhh! ♪
1593
01:28:56,498 --> 01:28:58,465
♪ What ya gonna do? ♪
1594
01:29:00,568 --> 01:29:04,037
♪ Put your hang-ups down ♪
1595
01:29:04,039 --> 01:29:07,107
♪ If you want to be around ♪♪♪ [ CONTINUES ]
1596
01:29:07,109 --> 01:29:09,009
We have kids coming to this class...
1597
01:29:09,011 --> 01:29:11,945
and you think you're gonna have to
explain them anatomical or sexual things,
1598
01:29:11,947 --> 01:29:14,448
but they're more advanced than I am with certain things.
1599
01:29:14,450 --> 01:29:15,749
'Cause of what? The Internet.
1600
01:29:15,751 --> 01:29:20,487
Just with obscure sexual positions.
1601
01:29:20,489 --> 01:29:22,823
I mean, I'd love to know what the kids know.
1602
01:29:22,825 --> 01:29:25,726
I think it's against the law to repeat something...
1603
01:29:25,728 --> 01:29:27,694
that a minor tells you sexually,
1604
01:29:27,696 --> 01:29:31,565
but now that I've done my Internet
research to shore up my knowledge,
1605
01:29:31,567 --> 01:29:34,935
I feel like-- I feel
like I've aged 10 years.
1606
01:29:34,937 --> 01:29:36,803
When I was a young man,
1607
01:29:36,805 --> 01:29:39,506
you would just hint to a girl
like, "Oh, I got a big dick."
1608
01:29:39,508 --> 01:29:43,076
You'd imply it? Yeah.
But that's it.
1609
01:29:43,078 --> 01:29:45,846
Pants were tighter back then. You could
probably-- Yeah, that's what guys did.
1610
01:29:45,848 --> 01:29:49,983
Or they would stuff, like, a shoe
in there or tin foil. Definitely.
1611
01:29:49,985 --> 01:29:51,752
Or a narrow shoe.
A narrow shoe?
1612
01:29:51,754 --> 01:29:54,121
Otherwise it looks like you have a deformed thing.
1613
01:29:54,123 --> 01:29:55,622
You don't want to scare 'em off.
1614
01:29:55,624 --> 01:29:57,457
Like a goiter or something.
1615
01:29:57,459 --> 01:29:59,993
There is a disorder.
It's-- Oh, shoot.
1616
01:29:59,995 --> 01:30:01,728
I should know this for my job.
1617
01:30:01,730 --> 01:30:04,097
But where one of the components in the testicles...
1618
01:30:04,099 --> 01:30:06,600
swells to such a size that you have to have it removed.
1619
01:30:06,602 --> 01:30:09,136
One of the components?
Like the vas deferens?
1620
01:30:09,138 --> 01:30:11,705
It might be the vas--
Or the Cowper's gland.
1621
01:30:11,707 --> 01:30:13,740
That's the one I always
pretend like I know, but--
1622
01:30:13,742 --> 01:30:16,810
I know that one. It's like the
prostate and the Cowper's adds--
1623
01:30:16,812 --> 01:30:19,479
I would look, but my Google's down.
1624
01:30:19,481 --> 01:30:20,947
We gotta get new textbooks.
1625
01:30:20,949 --> 01:30:23,650
The books that I have are from 1983.
I know.
1626
01:30:23,652 --> 01:30:25,752
They're still calling AIDS GRID.
1627
01:30:25,754 --> 01:30:28,722
There's also--
It's embarrassing.
1628
01:30:28,724 --> 01:30:32,826
Okay. They're still saying
masturbation is wrong.
1629
01:30:32,828 --> 01:30:36,196
Even monkeys masturbate.
They do. Bonobos.
1630
01:30:36,198 --> 01:30:38,165
Yeah? The apes.
1631
01:30:38,167 --> 01:30:41,168
Yeah? They use sex
as-- Like trade.
1632
01:30:41,170 --> 01:30:44,104
They'll trade sexual favors within their bonombo colonies.
1633
01:30:44,106 --> 01:30:47,441
Yeah. They'll prostitute out people
to create peace between tribes.
1634
01:30:47,443 --> 01:30:48,909
They will. Yeah.
1635
01:30:48,911 --> 01:30:51,545
Look at-- I wouldn't teach
that in junior high.
1636
01:30:51,547 --> 01:30:54,948
That seems like a
higher-concept idea. No.
1637
01:30:56,117 --> 01:30:57,651
I'd like more primatology too.
1638
01:30:57,653 --> 01:30:59,186
It's almost like grooming.
1639
01:30:59,188 --> 01:31:03,156
Like when they give cunnilingus
to another ape. Grooming?
1640
01:31:03,158 --> 01:31:06,226
Oh! Huh. Yeah.
1641
01:31:06,228 --> 01:31:08,595
That's fascinating. Yeah.
1642
01:31:11,098 --> 01:31:13,033
Speaking of grooming-- Mm-hmm?
1643
01:31:14,602 --> 01:31:19,840
You ever get crabs? I have not.
This-- Interesting fact.
1644
01:31:19,842 --> 01:31:22,976
The crab is-- or the pubic
louse-- is endangered.
1645
01:31:22,978 --> 01:31:27,113
Good! Because of
modern grooming habits.
1646
01:31:27,115 --> 01:31:28,949
Very few people have that--
1647
01:31:28,951 --> 01:31:32,619
In the videos that I found of sex education...
1648
01:31:32,621 --> 01:31:34,721
with, like, serious hair down there,
1649
01:31:34,723 --> 01:31:37,557
that's not really the tendency these days.
1650
01:31:37,559 --> 01:31:39,626
Yeah. So the louse
is going extinct.
1651
01:31:39,628 --> 01:31:41,228
That's good. Like smallpox--
1652
01:31:41,230 --> 01:31:44,064
Have you gotten-- I
never got 'em. No.
1653
01:31:44,066 --> 01:31:47,667
Good. I mean, I never looked,
but I'm assuming you'd know.
1654
01:31:47,669 --> 01:31:49,903
I would probably feel something.
131042
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