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1
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-The defendant is
a jilted lover charged
2
00:00:04,506 --> 00:00:07,241
with destruction of property
for branding her former partner
3
00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:09,309
with a scarlet letter.
4
00:00:10,979 --> 00:00:12,714
-I'm sorry. Branding?
5
00:00:12,747 --> 00:00:14,916
I think a couple of painted
shirts was not only warranted,
6
00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:19,253
but also a classy
literary reference.
7
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:20,989
-According to the defendant,
8
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,123
this is not based
on any literary work.
9
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:25,425
The "A" is for "asshat."
10
00:00:26,761 --> 00:00:29,463
-Regardless, there is
nothing innocent about this man,
11
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:32,132
which this witness
will attest to.
12
00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:36,136
This is the TaskRabbit
that he hired to dump my client.
13
00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:38,506
-That's right.
We do all kinds of odd jobs.
14
00:00:38,540 --> 00:00:43,477
Last week, I dressed up like
a ghost to scare a mean old man.
15
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,078
-Time served.
16
00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:46,648
And the next time
you have to deliver bad news,
17
00:00:46,681 --> 00:00:50,018
do it like a normal coward --
fake your own death.
18
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,887
Five-minute recess.
19
00:00:52,921 --> 00:00:54,388
I'm sorry, sir,
20
00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:56,490
models for the Nike shoot
are down the hall.
21
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,826
-Just wanted to say hi
before I head to my pickup game.
22
00:00:58,860 --> 00:01:00,962
-Hi.
23
00:01:00,995 --> 00:01:03,531
-Jake.
I didn't know you ball.
24
00:01:03,565 --> 00:01:05,499
That seems kind of risky
in those ultra-low tops.
25
00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:07,434
-Well, they're primarily
to accommodate my bunions.
26
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:08,970
I'm in the middle
of a blister cycle --
27
00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:11,606
-Say no more.
28
00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:13,775
Please.
29
00:01:13,808 --> 00:01:15,843
-So, what'd you get me?
30
00:01:15,877 --> 00:01:17,411
Our six-month anniversary?
31
00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:19,379
The traditional gift is
Tupperware.
32
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:22,249
-Oh, I'm so sorry.
I totally blew it. Stupid!
33
00:01:22,282 --> 00:01:25,152
And I was just
at a Tupperware store.
34
00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:26,654
-Just kidding.
35
00:01:26,688 --> 00:01:28,388
People don't celebrate
six months of anything.
36
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:31,726
Unless your doctor
only gave you five.
37
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,528
-Well, I didn't know.
38
00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:35,897
This is the longest relationship
I've ever been in.
39
00:01:41,636 --> 00:01:45,305
-Look at me
laying tracks on fresh powder.
40
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,842
Anyway, have fun tonight.
-Okay.
41
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:52,212
-Does anyone else think
it's weird that...
42
00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:53,548
-He's never been
in a relationship
43
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:55,617
more than six months?
Hell, yeah.
44
00:01:55,650 --> 00:01:57,018
-Weirdo.
-Big red flag.
45
00:01:57,051 --> 00:01:58,653
-Run.
46
00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:02,657
-Great. So we're all
on the same page, then.
47
00:02:09,329 --> 00:02:11,431
I'm probably overthinking
this-six month thing.
48
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,433
Maybe Jake is just
unlucky in love.
49
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,637
-Or maybe something really
freaky comes out at six months,
50
00:02:15,670 --> 00:02:18,039
like he wants to make a suit
out of your skin.
51
00:02:18,072 --> 00:02:21,241
Or worse -- he's a Disney adult.
52
00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:24,512
-No, I think I would know
if Jake was a secret freak.
53
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:26,581
-What was that?
-What was what?
54
00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:30,183
-Call Meryl Streep, Wyatt,
because that was Doubt.
55
00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:32,452
-Okay, maybe
there's a little bit of doubt,
56
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:35,255
but that's just because
things started out so great.
57
00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:37,257
I met his mom at three weeks.
58
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:41,129
I stopped pretending to like
his guitar playing at five.
59
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,196
And now it feels like
we hit a wall.
60
00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:44,732
We haven't even said
"I love you."
61
00:02:44,766 --> 00:02:46,333
-Probably 'cause it's weird
to say "I love you"
62
00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:48,536
to someone you're gonna
make into a suit.
63
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,872
-Jake is definitely
hiding something.
64
00:02:50,905 --> 00:02:52,339
His sneakers? Those are not
65
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:55,610
bunion-accommodating
basketball shoes.
66
00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:58,613
These are bunion-accommodating
basketball shoes.
67
00:02:58,646 --> 00:03:00,982
-So -- So what are you saying?
That he's lying to me
68
00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:02,416
about playing basketball
every Thursday?
69
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:04,152
-I'll put it like this.
70
00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:07,220
My ex-wife took a French
cooking class for a year.
71
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:09,389
Ask me how many quiches I had.
72
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:12,259
None, Abby. None quiches.
73
00:03:13,528 --> 00:03:15,096
-There's only one way
to know for sure.
74
00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:18,099
We tail him and do a stakeout.
No --
75
00:03:18,132 --> 00:03:21,536
-A Jake-out.
Yeah, we all got there.
76
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:24,605
I'm not gonna spy
on my boy..."Friends"
77
00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:25,973
was a good show.
78
00:03:26,007 --> 00:03:28,776
Monica was the neat one.
79
00:03:28,810 --> 00:03:30,578
-I just popped in
to grab a water for the game.
80
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:33,114
-Oh. Hey.
Uh, what if I came by tonight
81
00:03:33,147 --> 00:03:35,049
and watched you hoop it up?
-No!
82
00:03:35,083 --> 00:03:37,552
I mean, you can't.
They keep spectators out
83
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:39,654
because there are some
pretty big celebrities who play.
84
00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:41,723
-Really? Like who?
85
00:03:41,756 --> 00:03:43,290
-Uh, Ariana Grande
86
00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:44,826
and Everybody Loves Raymond.
87
00:03:44,859 --> 00:03:48,129
Fun fact -- on the court,
not everybody loves him.
88
00:03:48,162 --> 00:03:50,297
Anyway, see you later.
89
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,535
-Okay, fine!
We'll go on the Jake-out.
90
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:58,206
-Well, how do you like that,
Dan?
91
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,074
Nine wins in a row.
92
00:04:00,108 --> 00:04:02,944
-An entire baseball team being
convicted of indecent exposure
93
00:04:02,977 --> 00:04:06,279
is one win, not nine.
94
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,849
-I know it's a long shot,
but do you know
95
00:04:07,882 --> 00:04:09,349
where I could get binoculars
this time of night?
96
00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:12,220
-Opera or stalking?
97
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,755
-It's not stalking.
98
00:04:13,788 --> 00:04:16,157
I'm just covertly following
my lying boyfriend
99
00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:17,158
to see what he's up to.
100
00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:18,993
-So stalking, then.
101
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:21,696
Try the evidence locker.
A lot of peeping toms this week.
102
00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:22,864
It's the weather.
103
00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:28,368
-Ooh! I don't miss those days.
104
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,470
Suspicious of every boyfriend,
105
00:04:30,505 --> 00:04:32,840
eavesdropping on calls,
106
00:04:32,874 --> 00:04:36,476
taking little cat naps on
the branch outside their window.
107
00:04:40,014 --> 00:04:43,718
-Yeah, I can't relate,
mostly because I'm not insane.
108
00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:46,087
But also I'm a very good judge
of character.
109
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,255
-Oh, really?
110
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,322
Because you did ask me out
111
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:52,492
while I was actively
planning your destruction.
112
00:04:52,527 --> 00:04:54,629
Although, in your defense, uh,
113
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:56,597
you were blinded because
of your attraction to me,
114
00:04:56,631 --> 00:04:58,966
and you probably still are.
115
00:05:00,268 --> 00:05:03,204
-Oh, Julianne,
this is so exciting.
116
00:05:03,237 --> 00:05:05,673
I've never used
this phrase before.
117
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:08,009
-Hmm?
-As if.
118
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:13,346
-Oh, really? So you have no
feelings for me whatsoever?
119
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:17,018
Even if I stroked your arm...
120
00:05:18,553 --> 00:05:20,420
...and looked into your eyes
121
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:23,390
and listened while you explained
122
00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:25,927
how the Brooklyn Bridge
was built?
123
00:05:28,663 --> 00:05:30,765
You wouldn't feel anything?
124
00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:32,834
-Oh, Julianne,
125
00:05:32,867 --> 00:05:36,571
you're gonna have to do
a lot better than that.
126
00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:38,306
Unlike the Brooklyn Bridge,
127
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,473
you ain't that hard to get over.
128
00:05:47,849 --> 00:05:49,784
-You know,
when I agreed to do a stakeout,
129
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:52,419
I didn't realize that we'd be
in a car the color of the sun
130
00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:54,755
with a license plate
that says "GURGS."
131
00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:59,694
-Don't worry.
We know what we're doing.
132
00:06:01,229 --> 00:06:03,097
He's getting out of his car!
Get down!
133
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:09,136
-Oh, he's getting something
out of the trunk.
134
00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:11,005
Oh, it's a duffle bag.
135
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,673
-See? The story checks out.
136
00:06:12,707 --> 00:06:15,442
He's parked outside a gym
with a bag full of basketballs.
137
00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:17,410
-Those aren't basketballs.
138
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:18,946
And as the returning champion
of an unaired game show
139
00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:21,716
called "What's In That Bag,"
I would know.
140
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,584
-You're crazy.
-Sorry, Abby.
141
00:06:23,618 --> 00:06:26,787
I gotta know...
What's! In! That! Bag!
142
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:29,489
-Gurgs, get back here.
143
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:32,159
Oh, no. I'm not here.
I'm not seeing this.
144
00:06:32,193 --> 00:06:33,828
-Uh, no one's seeing anything.
145
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:37,632
I think Gurgs just dropped
a smoke bomb for cover.
146
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:38,866
-What?!
147
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:41,969
What did you do?!
You -- You took his bag?
148
00:06:42,003 --> 00:06:43,871
-I was in and out.
Burn rubber, Wyatt!
149
00:06:43,905 --> 00:06:46,207
- I'm in the back seat.
- Oh.
150
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,309
These goggles don't work.
I can't see.
151
00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:52,847
-I think we may have
figured out
152
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,683
why Jake can't hold on
to a girlfriend.
153
00:06:58,586 --> 00:06:59,787
-I'm gonna say it.
154
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,555
I wish he was cheating on me.
155
00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:07,662
-Okay, there has to be
an explanation
156
00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:09,263
for why Jake has this doll.
-There is.
157
00:07:09,297 --> 00:07:11,332
You're not getting it done
in the bedroom.
158
00:07:11,365 --> 00:07:13,067
-We don't know
it's that kind of doll.
159
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,936
Maybe he uses it as a companion.
160
00:07:14,969 --> 00:07:18,072
-So he's in the friend zone
with a sex doll?
161
00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:20,473
-Abs? It's Jake.
162
00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:21,474
Why is the door locked?
163
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,344
-Here I come. Um...
164
00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:25,646
I was just, uh,
fighting off a dog!
165
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,548
- Woof-woof!
- Yip, yip!
166
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:30,384
-I said a dog, not two dogs.
167
00:07:30,418 --> 00:07:32,753
Just get rid of it!
168
00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:38,893
-Wh-- Are you all right?
169
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:40,661
It sounded like
you were fighting off two dogs.
170
00:07:40,695 --> 00:07:43,064
-Oh, yeah. It's okay.
Wyatt threw them out the window
171
00:07:43,097 --> 00:07:46,534
when he could have easily
just put them in the closet!
172
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:49,403
Have a good hoop sesh, babe?
-No, I was robbed.
173
00:07:49,437 --> 00:07:51,372
Someone smoked-bombed me
and took my bag.
174
00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:56,177
-Do you have any idea
who did it
175
00:07:56,210 --> 00:07:59,380
or how yellow their car was?
176
00:07:59,413 --> 00:08:01,148
-Come on, Gurgs,
we should go down to the alley
177
00:08:01,182 --> 00:08:02,383
and check on our friend.
178
00:08:02,416 --> 00:08:04,118
-She's no friend of mine.
179
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,820
She's sleeping
with my friend's boyfriend.
180
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:10,524
-So sorry about your bag,
181
00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:12,560
but the main thing is
you're okay.
182
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:15,296
-Yeah. I-I'm fine.
183
00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:17,665
Actually, no, I'm not fine.
184
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,667
And I'm tired of lying to you.
185
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,836
Someone important to me
was in that bag,
186
00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:24,071
someone I should have told you
about a long time ago.
187
00:08:24,105 --> 00:08:25,673
-Oh, oh, you don't need to.
188
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,742
I'm sure I'll learn about her
eventually,
189
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:29,710
at which point I'd either be
ready to get weird
190
00:08:29,744 --> 00:08:33,814
or just tag out
and come back for cuddles.
191
00:08:33,848 --> 00:08:35,950
-The truth is, I don't play
basketball every week.
192
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:38,619
I'm...
193
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:41,322
a cheerleader.
194
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:42,690
I was on my way to cheer tonight
195
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:44,458
when my training dummy
got stolen.
196
00:08:44,492 --> 00:08:46,694
I use her to practice lifts
and throws.
197
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,896
- Of course!
It was a training dummy
198
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:51,365
you use to practice lifts
and throws.
199
00:08:51,399 --> 00:08:54,769
What else would you do with
a life-sized rubber woman?
200
00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:56,470
-You're really not freaked out?
201
00:08:56,505 --> 00:08:57,838
Because the cheerleading thing
has been
202
00:08:57,872 --> 00:08:59,440
a dealbreaker for other women.
203
00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:00,775
-Well, those women clearly
didn't consider
204
00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:03,778
the more perverted alternatives.
205
00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:06,580
-I am just so happy
this is finally out in the open.
206
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:10,851
Ah, yes! Ah! Ah!
207
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,722
-So Jake's a male cheerleader?
208
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:18,059
Yeah, that explains why he needs
a pretend lady in a duffel bag.
209
00:09:18,092 --> 00:09:20,494
-No, he uses her for lifts
and throws.
210
00:09:20,529 --> 00:09:22,463
-Abby, I have two kids.
211
00:09:22,496 --> 00:09:24,865
You don't have to tell me
how sex works.
212
00:09:24,899 --> 00:09:26,734
-This would have been nice
to know
213
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,503
before you stole his doll
and lost it.
214
00:09:28,537 --> 00:09:29,770
-Lost it? Doris is missing?
215
00:09:29,804 --> 00:09:31,739
-She has a name?
-Yes, it's Doris,
216
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,274
and we're all fine with it.
217
00:09:33,307 --> 00:09:36,043
-Well, Doris was gone
when we got to the alley.
218
00:09:36,077 --> 00:09:37,512
I don't know
what you were thinking
219
00:09:37,546 --> 00:09:38,813
when you threw her
out the window.
220
00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:41,215
Y-You really panicked.
221
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,484
-Well, we have to find her,
or else Jake won't be able
222
00:09:43,518 --> 00:09:46,153
to train for the second-biggest
adult-cheerleading competition
223
00:09:46,187 --> 00:09:47,955
in Central Florida.
224
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:51,325
-Man, can't anybody be a good,
old-fashioned sicko anymore?
225
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,376
What?
226
00:10:09,410 --> 00:10:11,445
Your sexy dress.
227
00:10:11,479 --> 00:10:15,082
What is this, another move
in your little seduction game?
228
00:10:15,116 --> 00:10:17,418
You thought you'd just throw
that on and I'd be all,
229
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:22,123
"Awoooga! Awooga!"?
230
00:10:22,156 --> 00:10:24,258
Grow up.
231
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,127
-It's just a dress.
232
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,796
But it's pretty telling
that you called it sexy.
233
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:31,566
-It is objectively wanton.
Gurgs.
234
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,300
How would you describe
her dress?
235
00:10:33,334 --> 00:10:36,704
-I don't know. Black?
236
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,739
-If I am a little more
dressed up tonight,
237
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:40,542
it's because I am seeing
my boyfriend.
238
00:10:40,575 --> 00:10:43,077
-Oh, your boyfriend! Yes.
239
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:46,347
Who I'm hearing about for
the very first time right now.
240
00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:48,082
Just admit what you're doing.
241
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:49,717
You don't have to go
make up fake --
242
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,018
-Julianna!
-Oh!
243
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:53,087
-I know I've arrived too soon.
244
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,422
But I couldn't wait
to see you.
245
00:10:55,456 --> 00:10:58,025
-Mm.
-Ah.
246
00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,994
-Ew. Eh?
247
00:11:02,597 --> 00:11:05,833
-Oh, this is my boyfriend,
Rodrigo.
248
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:10,104
And then this is my coworker,
uh, uh...
249
00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:12,006
Dan. That's right.
250
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:15,276
-Oh, yes, the sad, lonely man
who still has amor for you.
251
00:11:15,309 --> 00:11:17,978
-Mm.
-I can set you up
with my sister.
252
00:11:18,012 --> 00:11:21,248
She's unwanted,
but she has many extra teeth.
253
00:11:21,282 --> 00:11:22,850
-All right, look,
I don't have to be set up
254
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:25,920
with no shark-mouth sister,
okay?
255
00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,288
Hey, I've got a girlfriend.
256
00:11:27,321 --> 00:11:29,658
Matter of fact,
she's coming here tonight.
257
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:31,058
-My sister will be
disappointed,
258
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,793
but this is nothing new to her.
259
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,995
She's cursed.
260
00:11:35,029 --> 00:11:36,864
-Well, we're having dinner
in the cafeteria.
261
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:39,534
Why don't you come by
and say hello?
262
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:43,437
Otherwise, someone might think
you made your girlfriend up.
263
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:50,044
-Pretty sexy dress
for court, huh?
264
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:52,313
-Where were you
five minutes ago?
265
00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:56,817
-Okay! We're strong.
We're tough.
266
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,819
We'll stab your team
in the gut.
267
00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:00,821
We're mean. We're rough.
268
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:04,024
We'll pull your spine
out your butt!
269
00:12:04,058 --> 00:12:07,895
-Ah! Thank you so much
for helping me train for Tampa.
270
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,196
-Sure, it was a lucky break
271
00:12:09,230 --> 00:12:12,166
that I fit into
all of Doris's clothes.
272
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:15,236
You always had her
wear clothes, right?
273
00:12:15,269 --> 00:12:17,771
-Okay, so what do you think?
Should we do the full routine?
274
00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:20,774
-In the words of Doris...
275
00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:22,042
-Let's do this.
276
00:12:22,076 --> 00:12:23,777
-♪ Na-na-na-na-ah-ah♪
277
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,179
♪ Get on the floor♪
278
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,649
♪ Everybody go feel that beat♪
279
00:12:27,682 --> 00:12:29,316
♪ Give me more♪
280
00:12:29,350 --> 00:12:32,286
♪ Move that bodyand stomp those feet♪
281
00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:35,856
♪ Show me what you got,sing it out, ah-la-la-la♪
282
00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:37,791
♪ Clap one, two, three♪
283
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,694
♪ Come onand stomp all those feet♪
284
00:12:39,728 --> 00:12:42,329
♪ Na-na-na-na-ah-ah♪
285
00:12:42,363 --> 00:12:43,598
♪ Stomp those feet♪
286
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:46,333
♪ Na-na-na-na-ah-ah♪
287
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:49,738
♪ Stomp those feet♪
288
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,138
-Hey!
-Hey!
289
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,274
-Ah!
-Ah! That was amazing.
290
00:12:53,307 --> 00:12:55,209
-Oh, so much better
than the doll.
291
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:57,878
Your bones and organs
really add to the experience.
292
00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,581
-Oh. I'm blushing.
293
00:12:59,614 --> 00:13:02,249
Oh, because of my real blood!
294
00:13:02,283 --> 00:13:04,885
-This might be the happiest
I've ever been.
295
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:07,955
Abby, I love you.
296
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,790
-I love you, too.
297
00:13:27,141 --> 00:13:29,443
-Marge, listen,
I'm hiring you under the table
298
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:34,381
because I suspect this is not
a rabbit-sanctioned task, okay?
299
00:13:34,415 --> 00:13:37,017
I need you to pretend
to be my girlfriend.
300
00:13:37,051 --> 00:13:39,521
Nothing untoward.
Just a quick hello,
301
00:13:39,554 --> 00:13:41,455
prove you're real,
and then leave.
302
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,223
-It's your 45 minutes.
303
00:13:47,328 --> 00:13:51,465
-You don't even have to be
funny, and yet you are.
304
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,734
-Oh, hi, Julianne.
305
00:13:52,767 --> 00:13:54,401
I like to introduce you
to Marge.
306
00:13:54,435 --> 00:13:56,805
As you can see, you're
on a date with your boyfriend,
307
00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:59,006
and I'm on a date
with my girlfriend.
308
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:04,411
So if this...was a contest,
we'd be even.
309
00:14:04,445 --> 00:14:07,881
-Uh, aren't you the TaskRabbit
from our case?
310
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:09,883
-Oh, yes. Yes.
Well, nothing wrong with that.
311
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:13,287
The Obamas met at work, too.
312
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,089
-Why don't you two
join us for dinner?
313
00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:16,390
-Oh, no, no, no, no,
we wouldn't want to --
314
00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,058
-Great. I am starving.
315
00:14:18,092 --> 00:14:21,428
FYI, I can't chew my food
because of a gum condition,
316
00:14:21,462 --> 00:14:23,997
so I swallow things whole
like a snake.
317
00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:29,336
Whatever my princess wants.
318
00:14:35,409 --> 00:14:40,114
-We found her in FAO Schwarz
lying on the Tom Hanks piano.
319
00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:41,783
-She was facedown
on a G-flat like...
320
00:14:41,816 --> 00:14:43,551
♪ Bong ♪
321
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:47,054
So I guess we'll just
drop her off at the gym,
322
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,089
and Jake and start training
with her again.
323
00:14:49,123 --> 00:14:52,660
-Or here's another idea.
324
00:14:52,694 --> 00:14:55,663
We don't.
325
00:14:55,697 --> 00:14:57,264
Ever since Doris has been gone,
326
00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:59,266
things have been going
really good with me and Jake.
327
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:00,735
He's not holding back anymore.
328
00:15:00,769 --> 00:15:02,670
- So what are you saying?
329
00:15:02,704 --> 00:15:06,541
You want us to send Doris to
the big duffel bag in the sky?
330
00:15:06,574 --> 00:15:09,209
-No, but just hang on to her
for a few days.
331
00:15:09,243 --> 00:15:10,812
Clean her up.
Maybe give her a bath.
332
00:15:10,845 --> 00:15:12,479
-I don't want to
give her a bath.
333
00:15:12,514 --> 00:15:16,083
What if we connect?
I can't afford that right now.
334
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,951
-You guys,
just help me out here.
335
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,052
He told me he loves me.
336
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:21,556
-You know, this makes sense.
337
00:15:21,589 --> 00:15:23,123
It's called transference.
338
00:15:23,157 --> 00:15:26,126
Jake came to emotionally
rely on the doll,
339
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,829
and now that it's gone,
340
00:15:27,862 --> 00:15:30,899
he's transferred all
those feelings to you.
341
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,734
-Exactly.
-Not exactly!
342
00:15:32,767 --> 00:15:35,737
I was being sarcastic.
That's insane!
343
00:15:35,770 --> 00:15:37,137
-So let me be insane!
344
00:15:37,171 --> 00:15:38,972
Love makes you do crazy things.
345
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:41,810
-No, you make us
do crazy things.
346
00:15:41,843 --> 00:15:44,411
Come on, Wyatt, let's take the
big fake lady down to the morgue
347
00:15:44,445 --> 00:15:47,948
for a makeover
because love asked us to.
348
00:15:57,592 --> 00:16:01,596
-So, anyway, I said,
"Oh, you must be a model."
349
00:16:01,629 --> 00:16:05,032
And you said,
"No, I am one of the foremost
350
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:08,135
pediatric heart surgeons
in the country.
351
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,370
That's why
I'm in so many magazines."
352
00:16:14,208 --> 00:16:17,745
-I am.
Always in a stethoscope.
353
00:16:17,779 --> 00:16:19,814
No shirt.
-Mm.
354
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:23,618
-You know it's a good story when
it's not funny or interesting.
355
00:16:23,651 --> 00:16:25,085
-But enough about us.
356
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,221
I-I'm just fascinated
with your relationship.
357
00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:31,191
I mean, this connection
just feels so real.
358
00:16:31,225 --> 00:16:33,595
You have to tell me,
what's your secret?
359
00:16:33,628 --> 00:16:36,230
-Oh, want to know
what I like about Marge?
360
00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:38,533
She has such a gentle soul.
361
00:16:38,566 --> 00:16:41,034
-Roach!
362
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:43,671
When you go to Hell,
tell 'em Marge sent ya!
363
00:16:46,975 --> 00:16:50,110
-She's so spiritual.
364
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:51,813
-I'm very happy for you.
365
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,448
-Oh, gotta motor.
366
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,718
Just got pinged
for another task.
367
00:16:56,751 --> 00:17:00,320
-Uh, well, all right.
Goodbye, my hardworking duchess.
368
00:17:00,354 --> 00:17:01,756
Oh, no kiss!
369
00:17:02,957 --> 00:17:04,458
Once we start...
370
00:17:06,761 --> 00:17:08,663
-Hey, it says my task is here.
371
00:17:08,696 --> 00:17:09,998
Does anybody know a Julianne?
372
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:12,567
-That's me.
-What a coincidence.
373
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:18,006
-Two tasks -- tell me
if this relationship is real,
374
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,608
and I need you to hang
a flatscreen.
375
00:17:21,709 --> 00:17:22,977
-No, it's not real.
376
00:17:23,011 --> 00:17:25,880
And let me get my back brace.
377
00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:29,116
-Zero stars, Marge!
Zero stars!
378
00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:34,087
-I think we're ready
to practice outside.
379
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:36,223
After all,
if you're coming to Tampa,
380
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,225
you gotta get used to
falling on concrete.
381
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,528
-Are you serious?
You want me to come to Tampa?
382
00:17:40,562 --> 00:17:42,429
I feel like my heart
is doing a switch-kick
383
00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:45,399
double-twist basket right now.
384
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:47,167
-I'm just so glad I don't
have to hide anything
385
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,504
from you anymore.
386
00:17:52,607 --> 00:17:55,442
-I'm sorry, ma'am,
is this your floor?
387
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:58,211
Indeed, it is.
388
00:18:01,683 --> 00:18:04,719
-So you've been lying to me
this whole time?
389
00:18:04,752 --> 00:18:07,421
-Yes, but keep in mind that when
I thought she was a sex doll,
390
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:08,923
I could have run screaming,
391
00:18:08,957 --> 00:18:10,825
but instead,
I took good care of her.
392
00:18:10,858 --> 00:18:14,662
And the guys at the morgue
gave her a top-to-toe makeover.
393
00:18:14,696 --> 00:18:17,431
-I don't know what to say.
I'm really hurt.
394
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:21,069
It feels like you've ripped
my heart out my butt.
395
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,337
-I know I was wrong,
but in my defense,
396
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,205
you weren't totally honest
with me.
397
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:26,808
-But when I told you
everything,
398
00:18:26,841 --> 00:18:29,544
you had so many chances
to come clean, and you didn't.
399
00:18:29,577 --> 00:18:32,179
Now I just don't know
how to trust you.
400
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:33,848
-I think I know
what's going on.
401
00:18:33,881 --> 00:18:35,650
You're pulling away
because we said "I love you,"
402
00:18:35,683 --> 00:18:37,351
and that feels scary.
403
00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:39,386
-No, I'm pulling away because
you and your friends stole
404
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:43,490
my $4,000 doll
and threw her out a window.
405
00:18:43,524 --> 00:18:46,193
-$4,000? Really?
406
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:48,963
For that, you should
be having sex with her.
407
00:18:48,997 --> 00:18:52,132
-I'm sorry, I just --
I can't do this.
408
00:18:53,635 --> 00:18:55,503
-Wait, wait.
Are you breaking up with me?
409
00:18:55,536 --> 00:18:58,840
-Yeah, I am.
-Jake, this wasn't that bad.
410
00:18:58,873 --> 00:19:00,975
-Did you give her a boob job?
411
00:19:01,009 --> 00:19:02,710
-No!
412
00:19:02,744 --> 00:19:04,411
The guys at the morgue did.
413
00:19:07,749 --> 00:19:09,182
-I forgot my coat.
414
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:12,587
-Where's Rodrigo?
415
00:19:12,620 --> 00:19:15,322
-Oh, he, uh, got paged.
He's a pediatric --
416
00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:18,358
-Oh, my God! You mentioned.
417
00:19:18,392 --> 00:19:23,330
-So, hiring a mashed-potato
monster to be your girlfriend.
418
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:27,334
At least get a high-end escort.
This is New York City.
419
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,403
-The prices are astronomical.
420
00:19:29,436 --> 00:19:33,741
And when you throw in the tip?
Ugh! Mnh-mnh.
421
00:19:33,775 --> 00:19:36,778
I gotta say, I thought
your date was fake, also.
422
00:19:36,811 --> 00:19:39,614
Dr. Rodrigo? I mean,
that sounds more like a guy
423
00:19:39,647 --> 00:19:44,085
who would separate you from
your evil twin on a telenovela.
424
00:19:44,118 --> 00:19:47,989
-Well, I hope that now you can
see that I wasn't playing games.
425
00:19:48,022 --> 00:19:51,826
Rodrigo and I have
something very real.
426
00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:55,495
Did I mention that he smells
like gourmet tapenade?
427
00:19:56,864 --> 00:19:59,399
-Funny. He's not the kind
of guy I pictured you with.
428
00:19:59,433 --> 00:20:01,135
- Oh, really?
429
00:20:01,169 --> 00:20:04,639
And who did you picture with?
430
00:20:04,672 --> 00:20:06,507
-I don't know.
I figured you'd go for somebody
431
00:20:06,541 --> 00:20:10,878
with a little more edge,
someone who challenged you,
432
00:20:10,912 --> 00:20:15,650
someone who got
under your skin.
433
00:20:15,683 --> 00:20:17,652
You're saying that if someone
like that came along,
434
00:20:17,685 --> 00:20:22,255
that you would not feel...
anything?
435
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,995
-Nice try, Dan.
-Ha! Ha!
436
00:20:28,029 --> 00:20:29,564
I almost had you.
437
00:20:29,597 --> 00:20:31,532
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-All right. See you tomorrow.
438
00:20:31,566 --> 00:20:34,367
Destroy you in court.
-Ah, you, too.
439
00:20:36,037 --> 00:20:37,605
-What the hell, lady?
440
00:20:37,638 --> 00:20:40,273
No tip?
441
00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:42,744
Just because we didn't
make love doesn't mean
442
00:20:42,777 --> 00:20:44,011
you didn't use my body.
443
00:20:44,045 --> 00:20:47,148
-Ugh. All right, fine.
444
00:20:47,181 --> 00:20:50,218
I'll give you an extra $20
if you unzip me.
445
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:52,319
Ugh. This thing is so tight
that I'm pretty sure
446
00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:55,388
one of my ribs
punctured my lung.
447
00:20:56,524 --> 00:20:59,894
-Your zipper has more teeth
than my sister.
448
00:20:59,927 --> 00:21:03,698
-Come on! Isn't taking clothes
off what you do for a living?
449
00:21:05,733 --> 00:21:08,468
-All right,
so I guess we're even after all.
450
00:21:10,738 --> 00:21:12,607
Good night, Jake.
Good night, Abby.
451
00:21:23,985 --> 00:21:25,019
It's funny.
34227
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