All language subtitles for 10.Reasons.Why.Men.Cheat.2022.1080p_EngCP

I'm coming babe.

Oh you're gone Kale.
Fall.

- Oh Kale. Damn.
- Damn it.

♪ I don't know what you
want from me, uh ♪

♪ I done gave you everything,
pulled a lot of strings ♪

♪ Promised a wedding ring ♪

♪ I don't know what you
want from me ♪

♪ I done gave you everything ♪

♪ Things I did got you
out my lane ♪

♪ You want the storm so I
made it rain ♪

♪ You ain't doing enough, baby ♪

♪ That's the reason
why we cheat ♪

♪ I go hard for something real ♪

♪ And you know black
men don't cheat ♪

♪ We might slip up baby but
you know ain't nobody perfect ♪

♪ I know I did some shit
that hurt you ♪

♪ But you ain't deserve it ♪

♪ But it's a different type of
love, got me feeling nervous ♪

♪ Got butterflies in
my stomach ♪

♪ That shit wasn't worth it ♪

♪ I did shit on accident, I
swear it wasn't on purpose ♪

♪ Sitting there listening
to my niggas ♪

♪ But that shit wasn't working ♪

♪ Dale's probably trying
to get with you ♪

♪ I wasn't thinking
about nothing else baby ♪

♪ I was into you ♪

♪ I don't know what you
want from me ♪

♪ I done gave you everything ♪

♪ Things I did got me
out my lane ♪

♪ You want the storm so
I made rain ♪

♪ You ain't doing enough, baby ♪

♪ That's the reason
why we cheat ♪

♪ I go hard something real ♪

♪ And you know black
man don't cheat ♪

♪ Fuck love 'cause I'm
tired of trying ♪

♪ And you know we
both cheat baby ♪

♪ So why the fuck you crying ♪

♪ I don't think this gonna work
out 'cause we always lying ♪

♪ Here go your keys
in the door ♪

♪ That's just
something on my mind ♪

♪ And I don't care what you do ♪

♪ 'Cause I already got
my nig back ♪

What are you expecting Jag?

You think he's gonna
be different

because he's been different?

He's no different than any
other man in your life.

- All man are cheat.
- Not me.

Yes James, even you.

♪ And you know we
both cheat baby ♪

♪ So why the fuck you crying ♪

♪ I don't think this is
gonna work out ♪

Why won't this door open?
I gotta pee.

I gotta pee. I gotta pee.
Okay, okay calm down.

- I can't take this dress off.
- Wait we'll help you.

I need the bathroom.

- Wait.
- Uh uh, uh uh no.

You're not gonna pee
in the sink.

I've never been in a
relationship before

so technically I can't cheat.

In her eyes, you sleep
with another woman,

you're a cheater just
like any other cheater.

No, I think you mean
just like you.

Yep, just like me.

- I invited Jaguar.
- You did what?

♪ That's the reason
why we cheat ♪

♪ I go hard for something real ♪

♪ And you know black
men don't cheat ♪

- Stop what are you doing?
- I'm about to burst.

She has to pee.

Sorry.

Child I was gonna help that
girl pee, I already did that.

Hey baby, enough of that.

'Cause y'all stressing me
out with this wedding shit.

We need this.

Let's go add some more
vodka to this.

- Mm vodka.
- Can you put vodka in mimosas

is it nasty, would it
be too much?

Wynn Junior do you
take Kale Aubrey

to be your lawfully
wedded husband,

to have and to hold in
sickness and in health

from this day forward?

I do.
You do what?

- Get married.
- You can't get married.

- Why not?
- Because you're a kid

and kids can't get married.

Well, I'm getting married.

- To who?
- Uncle Kale.

Uncle Kale's like a hundred
years old and he's your uncle.

- So he's nice.
- You're stupid.

- No you're stupid.
- You stupid.

Well if I'm so stupid.

The bathroom's behind you,
this way in the bridal suite.

Okay, you're fine.

You're fine, you're fine,
it's just around the corner.

Whoa!

Okay, okay.
Over here.

Through here, bathroom
this way or this way.

Right here, and okay, okay
here, and listen here.

Toilet's here, and don't forget
take the wedding dress off.

It won't come off.

Then she's going to
have to go with it on.

Oh no Cathy, I don't
wanna get piss stains

on my wedding dress.

Rain, we've got you.

Whatever your name is
and Rico, grab the dress,

lift it as high as you can.

Rain, put your arms
around their shoulders.

I'll grab the legs.
Now everybody lift.

And walk.

Okay, and keep walking.

Good day to go commando.

You guys,

I'm about to marry one of the
few good niggas in this world,

and I don't have to do it
with piss stains on my dress.

Woo.

Have you you seen my kids?

Have you seen my kids?

Have you seen my kids anywhere?

Have you seen my kids anywhere?

You made it.

Don't worry I'll find it. Ugh.

Sindy, where are you?

For you, I have
children running wild,

and the groomsman is
nowhere to be found.

Actually, the
groomsman's right here.

It's the best man that's
nowhere to be found.

Oh, right.
I have the groomsmen here.

Do you have eyes on
the best man?

Oh great.
Bring him to the altar.

He's coming.

Oh watch where you're-
Who's kids are those?

What are y'all doing?

- She took my game.
- What?

How could you take something

that you're not even supposed
to have in the first place?

Remember you're on punishment
for a whole week, no Nintendo.

I'm getting married.

Hey everybody, Tiffany is here.

Oh my god. Worst best
friend in the world.

Where have you been?
Nevermind all that honey.

But you look gorgeous,
you look gorgeous.

I'm here, what's up, hi y'all,
hi mom.

- Hi Tif.
- Crazy girl.

- Okay.
- Anyway, baby.

Do you have all your
necessities?

Necessities?

She walked in with the
only necessity she needs.

But yes I do Mommy.

I have my something old,
my something new,

my something borrowed.
You welcome messy.

And last but not
least, my something blue.

My, my, my something blue?

- What is it?
- What's wrong?

- What's going on?
- Are you okay?

- I called you.
- A lot.

- Like 10 or 20 times.
- I've been busy.

You've been avoiding
my phone calls.

Why would I do that?

Look Jag, what
happened between us-

- Is in the past.
- I get that.

But I feel like I need to-
Do what?

Lie to me, soothe my
aching heart?

- Talk to you.
- About what.

About us?

Us is a non-existent
conversation,

as you so graciously
pointed out that morning,

us never happened.

So how can we talk about
something that never was?

- Mi familia.
- And where were you?

I was talking to Kale and why
is everybody looking so sad?

Because your children
were running around wild

with no supervision.
Where were you?

I'm just saying.

Hey, where you going?
To check on the bride?

And that should give you enough
time to zip up your pants.

Huh?

I'm father of the bride,
father of the bride.

How are you doing lovely lady?

I'm good.

Father, I'm father of the bride.

Y'all have a wonderful
time, I'm the father.

How y'all doing today? Hi,
I'm father of the bride.

- Nice to meet you.
- How you doing brother.

I'm father of the bride.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- Oh hell no.

- I left it at home.
- What?

Left what at home?

My pendant.
It was my something blue.

What the, what the
hell is wrong with you,

we can find you something
else that's blue, calm down.

- It won't be the same.
- It's just a pendant.

- Are you sure it's not here?
- Okay.

Baby, did you look
high, did you look low?

Really? Do you see a
blue pendant anywhere?

- Still looking.
- No I don't.

That's because it's not here.

- When you get angry-
- I don't even like all this-

- I knew I'd miss it.
- Here baby, here.

Baby look, this aint the
right attitude.

Get it under control.

See, see right there,
you are upset with me.

Upset, why would I be upset?

You invited me to come,
I'm here.

After months of not
taking my phone calls,

I'm here.
You called, I answered.

You invited me to come, I came.

I saw you, I smiled, we hugged.

What the fuck else do
you want from me?

Wow.

- I want my something blue.
- Okay, okay, relax.

Best friend, best friend, here.

- It's gotta be perfect.
- You'll find it.

Come on, come on.

You too pretty, just
messing it all up like that.

- It's all right.
- Everything.

I need it.

Somebody get her a
drink. She need a drink.

I didn't- A stiff one.

- Lord have mercy.
- I need it, I need it.

- Calm down.
- The drink.

Breathe, take a deep breath,
come on.

- That's Rain.
- No, no, no, no, no.

Kale, Kale, wait, wait
Kale, Kale, damn it.

You can't see the bride,
Kale, listen to me.

- Where are you going?
- To see what's happening.

Mommy told us to
stay right here.

My groom is in trouble,
I have to protect him.

Nope, I'm not doing it.
I'm not chasing after her.

Whatever trouble she gets
herself into is on her.

I'm just gonna sit right here
and mind my own business.

You cannot go in there.

Did you hear that
scream, I know that scream.

I know that scream,
that's my baby.

You can not see the bride
before the wedding, Kale.

Listen whatever's going on
behind that door, I will fix it,

trust me.
No.

What about me? What about me?

I'm the father of
the damn bride.

That's what I'm talking about.
Wait, wait, no.

Where my baby at,
where my baby at?

- No, no.
- My baby.

- No, no, no.
- I need my baby.

I'm gonna be her baby daddy.
I'm gonna be her baby daddy.

I'm coming baby, I'm coming-
Man, relax, relax.

- Relax.
- Breathe, breathe.

- Kale, I'm here.
- Damn son, listen.

- Kale.
- No, no, don't.

- Rain, Rain.
- You can't go in there.

Oh I want you so bad,
I'm calling my own name.

- Come on man, relax.
- Rain.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Oh lord, oh lord.

Rain, Rain, she needs me.

My baby needs me, I wanna
be, I wanna be there.

- What happened?
- She lost her pen-

- Pendant.
- Okay.

My grandma gave it
to me before she passed

and I promised her that I would
wear it on my wedding day.

It's okay, Rain.

We'll get you something
else that's blue and pretty,

I promise.
I got this.

And I'm gonna get a drink.

I got this, I'm the
father of the bride.

- Daddy.
- I got this, I got this baby.

No, but my grandma said that

I have to have that
pendant on my wedding day

so that me and my husband
to be can be happy forever,

but if I don't have that
pendant, it backfires,

and then me and Kale
will live an unhappy life

for the rest of my lives,
so I need that pendant.

No, she's right.

My mother may have been
a little cuckoo

but she was always right
about those pendants.

She told my Aunt Carlotta to
wear hers and she refused to

because you said it
clashed with her earrings.

So what happened to Carlotta?

Did she have a happy marriage?
No.

She died with her hands
wrapped around

my uncle Benny's throat,

but on the flip side,
I wear mine every day,

I never took mine off,

and I believe that's why
I have a strong marriage

filled with lots of sex, hot
sex, that's how we made her.

- See?
- Happy, ha.

Look guys, the venue has
another event here at five, so?

I know you're not trying
to kick us out.

Absolutely not.

We have three and a half
hours to get you married,

which is plenty of time.
No, no.

If we start now.

I'm not getting married
without that pendant.

- Girl, I mentioned the-
- You don't-

- Then tell me where it
is and I'll go

and get my assistant to
go and get it for you.

Oh my God, thank you,
thank you, Cathy.

It's, it's, oh, it's in my
condo, in my panty drawer,

and I don't, no offense Cathy,

but I don't know your
assistant like that so...

Oh my God, Wynn could you
please go get my pendant?

Okay, wait, you want
me to drive across town

and dig through your
panties to get pen?

- Pendant.
- Great idea. Let's go.

Oh, and if you take the beltway,

you'll be there in half an hour.

Yes, thank you, thank you,
thank you.

- Hop to it, Wynn.
- Breathe.

- Okay.
- Good it's okay.

- You getting married.
- Oh okay, all right.

- There you go.
- Wait a minute.

- There you go.
- All right.

Slow down baby, slow
down. What's going on, baby.

Let me get one of them.
Okay.

That morning you
wanted something from me

that I wasn't ready to give.
Excuse me, thank you.

But it's something that
you definitely deserve.

James, don't let this wedding
shit go to your head, okay?

I knew who you were
before we had sex

and you definitely
confirmed it after.

It's cool, for real.

Why do all men cheat?
What?

You said you wanted to talk,
right?

- About that?
- Yeah, why not?

Because that's not what's
going on between us right now.

I know that, we were
never in a relationship,

so how could you possibly
cheat on me, right?

Precisely, so why do you
wanna talk about cheating?

Wear this shit all day, so
my shit always be hurting.

Mhm. This is so nice.

Oliver and I are not together.

What type of man do you think

your friend son's gonna
grow up to be?

- Who? Mark Five?
- Yeah.

I mean, he's a good kid.

I think he's gonna grow
up to be a good person.

You think he'll
be a cheater like his father?

You are really
bugging right now.

I just don't get it,

you men meet these beautiful,
strong, intelligent women

and y'all do everything
in your power

to make us fall in
love with you,

and the moment that we let
our guards down

and open up our hearts to you,

you sleep with another woman

and then we are the ones left
feeling like we're not enough.

So is that how you're
feeling right now?

I'm not talking about me,
I'm just speaking in general.

So you really
wanna know why men cheat?

Yes, please, let's get into it.

All right,
but if I tell you this,

you have to promise not
to tell another soul.

I'm serious Jag, if the
gentleman's magistrate finds out

I'm telling you secrets.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You'll be ostracized, I get it.

There are 10
reasons why men cheat.

Now I can go over 'em all
with with you,

but I doubt we're gonna
have the time.

Oh, we'll definitely
make the time.

All right, reason
number 10, potato chips.

♪ Women wanna always
suffer from some vision ♪

♪ Trying to figure out why men
cheat, they blame themselves ♪

♪ It's not your fault ladies,
let me tell you the real shit ♪

♪ Listen, men cheat
'cause they want to ♪

♪ Wanna run around them
streets 'cause they want to ♪

♪ It doesn't matter what
you do or don't do ♪

♪ Stab your back and they
try to run and call you ♪

♪ Still wanna ball you
when they want to ♪

Everybody likes potato chips,
right?

I guess.

The only difference
between a man and a woman

is that a woman will pick
one flavor of potato chip

and that becomes all
she ever eats.

Now for a man picking
one flavor of potato chip

is just too difficult, I
mean they all taste so good.

Plain, ruffles, salt and
vinegar, sour cream and onion,

and especially barbecue.

♪ Listen emotional
checking the game ♪

♪ I'm noticing it's worthless ♪

♪ It's actually the
same thinking ♪

♪ I can't believe
you're cheating ♪

♪ When you're the one
who's tripping ♪

♪ For real, like for real,
that's what I'm thinking ♪

♪ Want a woman who will hold
you down and keep it tight ♪

♪ Independent but submissive
when the time is right ♪

♪ They want hoes, my pulse
with hands just right ♪

♪ Put you in the limelight,
time for some insight ♪

♪ And your excuses, give
me some variety ♪

Mhm.

What are you looking at?
Who is that?

Who is that?
No, you gotta go.

- Who?
- No, no, you gotta-

- Who is that?
- You gotta go.

Yeah, yep, go inside.
No, who is that?

James is this is what you do?

- Nice meeting you.
- No, who is that bitch?

Who is that bitch?

♪ And a chick that will
support your dreams ♪

♪ No attitude, your
attitude is extreme ♪

♪ I'm so confused and
every time I wanna scream ♪

♪ I had some other
nigga play me ♪

Oh, I'm so sorry, when I
start jogging, I just zone out.

It's okay, I do the
same thing sometimes.

- I'm James.
- Raquel.

♪ They cheat 'cause
they want to ♪

♪ Wanna run around the street
'cause when they want to ♪

♪ It doesn't matter what
you do or you don't do ♪

♪ Stab your back then they
try to run and call you ♪

♪ Still wanna ball too, they
cheat when they want to ♪

♪ Wanna run around the street
'cause when they want to ♪

For real, really? So that's
the kind of man you are?

That was so nice,
but I gotta go.

Okay.

You know we should
do this again sometime?

- Absolutely.
- How about tomorrow night?

You know, maybe we can
have a little dinner

and then maybe round two?

- Tomorrow?
- Yeah, tomorrow.

- Let's talk later.
- What? Let's talk later.

I can't believe this, what
kind of a man are you?

I just gave you all of this

and you can't even commit
to one damn dinner.

Lady I'm having a hard enough
time remembering your name.

It's Monique, asshole.
I'm outta here.

That's right, right. Monique.

The best thing that a woman
can do is give a man sex,

now the worst thing she
can do is take it away.

Hey, it's James, what you doing?

Men are fucking animals.

Not all men, we're just talking

about the ones that cheat.

- All men cheat.
- All men do not cheat.

Rain left her something
blue pendant back in the condo

and she's freaking out about it.

So why do I have to go
with you to get the pen?

Pendant, and you have to go

because we are married remember?

Now let's go.
Y'all heard the lady.

Let's go.
I can't leave.

I'm getting married today.
Little girl.

If you do not get up and leave,

if I gotta go, we all
gotta go, damn these kids.

What's going on? Excuse me,
do you know what's going on?

We heard a loud scream earlier,

now we see that people that
are in the wedding party

are actually leaving.

The bride left something
important in the condo,

and her friends offered to
go and fetch it for her.

So you might as well relax,

it's going to be at least
an other hour's wait.

You going somewhere?

Wedding planner just said

the wedding's not
starting anytime soon.

So yeah, I'm going somewhere,
anywhere, just not here.

Okay.

So when you said
that potato chips

was the reason why men cheat

you were playing with me, right,
got it.

I wasn't talking
about potato chips, Jag.

I was talking about sex,
please keep up.

Yeah, that's kind of
what I thought.

All right, look,

men can't just openly talk
about women and sex anymore.

We can get into a lot
of trouble for that shit

with the me too
movement and all that.

- Oh okay.
- So we gotta use code names.

Alright, so plain,
plain's not plain,

plain is sex that you have
access to on a regular basis.

- Okay.
- Ruffles.

That's a woman's with
a crazy body.

Salt and vinegar, that's
sex with two women.

Okay, so what's sour
cream and onion,

having sex with two women
who don't like each other?

- No, that's makeup sex.
- Okay, and barbecue?

Barbecue. That is the
hottest sex you've ever had.

So what's number nine?

Any woman who
deliberately goes after

a married man or any man
that's in a relationship

is considered a ninja.

♪ Party hard with the
lights off ♪

♪ Flirting til I can't stop,
feeling like I can't stop ♪

♪ Can't stop, can't stop ♪

♪ Feeling like I can't stop ♪

♪ Tell him keep the lights off ♪

♪ Coming til you're pretty
and the drink's on me ♪

♪ Party hard with the
lights off ♪

♪ Flirting til I can't stop ♪

The worst thing about an ninja

is that they have no
moral compass.

They not only make it easy for
a man, but they encourage it,

and you know it's funny too,

because women are always
talking about how men cheat,

but who are we cheating with?

- Ninjas.
- Exactly.

Ninjas want the man and they
don't care about the women

they gotta jump over
to get to him.

♪ Shake my ass in a circle ♪

Don't stop on my account.

Add that to the fact

that there are a lot of
ninjas out there

and you can understand

why it's so hard for a man
to be faithful.

I mean, in Atlanta alone,

I think the ratio of women
to men is like 24 to one.

Seriously, I looked it up
on the internet,

and that's taking into
account the men in prison

and the brothers that are gay.

♪ From Chicago to Vegas ♪

♪ Houston to Calabasas ♪

♪ Can't stop, won't stop ♪

♪ Oh this beat contagious ♪

♪ We're rocking by the masses ♪

♪ A lotta dope flavors ♪

♪ Heads up before we hate you ♪

♪ So fit you can't blame her ♪

♪ Shake, shake what your
mama gave you ♪

♪ I'm popping bottles, bottles ♪

♪ We party hard with
the lights off ♪

♪ Drinks on me, yeah,
move to the beat, yeah ♪

♪ Drinks on me, yeah,
move your feet, yeah ♪

♪ Vibing to this selfish beat ♪

♪ Coming to your city, yeah ♪

♪ We party hard with
the lights off ♪

- Oh my god.
- Hey.

♪ Let me see your moves baby ♪

- Okay, good.
- Hey, where's the Wynn?

Hello, hey, hey. Where's Wynn.

Wynn?
♪ Let's get high girl ♪

- Wynn, your wife.
- Oh, Wynn?

Oh, she at the house
with the babies.

Okay, why are you not there?

Because I'm here, duh.

Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies.

I need to go to the ladies room.

- Me too, me too.
- Everybody-

- Excuse us that's what we do.
- Where you going?

There's a hunger inside me.

♪ Money on my mind, but
that's all to keep you on it ♪

♪ You're the main topic,
'cause you're the whole stop ♪

♪ Make me touch the sky, hey ♪

♪ Come and help me pop it ♪

♪ Roll up, let's get high ♪

♪ What's on your mind ♪

♪ I ain't here to play games ♪

♪ I'm just trying to
get it popping ♪

♪ I flow like this often,
your body is awesome ♪

Some ninjas are
so desperate to be with man,

that he could
straight up tell her,

I'm married.

♪ Curiosity make me wanna see
while I'm rolling up this weed ♪

And she will
still have sex with him.

♪ I know you got options,
I hope I fit your plans ♪

Hey, imma need that back.

♪ I love the way you dance ♪

♪ Come do it on my lap and
I'm gonna throw this bread ♪

♪ And I aint got ♪

Oh shit.

I don't even know your name,
but damn.

- Mommy, where's daddy?
- He's out with his friends.

Why is he not here with us.

You know what
the absolute worst thing

about a ninja is?
What?

You'll never see her coming,

but you can always feel that
death blow when she strikes.

Okay, let me recap real quick.

Okay.

So the number 10 reason why
men cheat is potato chips.

- Yep.
- And number nine is ninjas.

I cannot wait to hear the
ridiculous name

that you men have for the number
eight reason why men cheat.

- Fine, you ready?
- I stay ready.

- ABC.
- Like the alphabet?

No, no, no, like the
hip hop group.

They had that Teddy
Riley New Jack swing vibe

back in the early nineties.

- With the little kids?
- Exactly.

How does ABC equate
to men cheating?

Men are like children
when it comes to sex.

They don't care anything
about the women

that they sleeping with,

all they care about is sleeping

with as many women as possible

and then bragging to
their boys about it.

- Are you serious?
- As Covid 19.

- That's childish.
- Boys to men, ABC, BBD.

♪ I don't know what you
want from me ♪

♪ I done gave you everything,
pulled a lot of strings ♪

♪ Promised a wedding ring ♪

♪ I don't know what you
want from me ♪

♪ I done gave you everything ♪

♪ Things I did got me
out my lane ♪

♪ You want the storm so I
made it rain ♪

- Damn.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

♪ That's just
something on my mind ♪

♪ And I don't care what
you do, 'cause all these ♪

Yeah.
♪ Your friends gonna be mad ♪

What up, what up, what up.
♪ 'Cause I did you like that ♪

You all right, you all right,
you good?

Oh man. Where the girls at?

They're over there,
they're over there.

- All right, all right.
- All that fatty tissue.

Bro, but look, look, bro,

but look what I, guess
what I just did.

♪ I'm sorry ♪

♪ I don't know what you
want from me ♪

♪ I done gave you everything ♪
Get the fuck out of here.

♪ Things I did got me
out my lane ♪

With who, that thickie there
you just left the club with.

Bro I'm telling you yes,

her name was Bridget,
I did that?

Where, where did you do it,
where did you lay the smack-

- The parking lot, man, her car.

♪ Black men don't cheat ♪
Incredible, incredible.

That's what I'm
trying to tell you.

- Freaking incredible!
- You a single man bro.

You don't need a woman.
I don't need no woman.

Holding you down, and
keeping you from your fun.

Keeping me from my fun?

You wild, you an animal,
go be free.

- I am?
- Man, you see that?

That's for you, right there.

Come on man, let's go
check it out.

I don't want, I don't
need this drink.

- Hello?
- Hi.

My name is Kale,
would you like to dance?

Have this dance?
You're kidding, right?

No, no, ma'am.

I have a better idea,
Kale. Let me buy you a drink.

I don't, I don't really drink.

Four tequila shots, please.

I don't really drink like that.

I don't, I stopped drinking.

I was a wild young man, I
ceased the days of wild.

All right, look Kale, right?

Yes, yes.

The problem with you is

you are just like
everybody else in here.

You are all in the wrong lane.
I, I don't understand that.

- You're a man, right?
- Yes, last time I checked.

- You watch the Olympics?
- The good events only.

Okay, think of dating
like the 100 meter dash.

- Oh yes, I'll pay for it.
- I got it. I got it.

Thank you, I'm in lane one
and you're in lane eight,

when the gun goes off, you
can't just run to lane one.

You're not fast enough.

In order for you to
win the race,

you have to stay in
your own lane.

Okay, all right. In my
own lane I go, in my own...

All right.

Look over there, look,
look, look, look all right.

Now you see those group of
beautiful innocent girls,

the one that no guys
are talking to,

but they're still
having a good time?

- Ah, yeah, I see 'em.
- That's your lane.

Ooh, it is? Goodness.

- Here.
- I don't really drink.

This is not my, I
don't really...

I'm a man's man.
I'm a man's man.

Yes, I'm gonna make a
man outta you yet Kale.

- Ah.
- You got this.

All right now look, look, look,
look.

Now you see the big
woman right there

with the pretty white man?
Yes.

All right, now look,

they are both in the wrong lane.

Wrong lane.

They will never win
the dating race

because she needs to be
with someone more stable,

and he needs to be with someone
just as pretty as he is.

- Like a supermodel.
- Yes, Kale.

Like a supermodel.
Like a supermodel.

But supermodels
don't like skinny men.

They like athletes, but
athletes like Beyonce.

Like Beyonce.

And freaky
girls want a good man,

and a good man wants
a good woman,

but a good woman doesn't
want a good man,

she wants a bad boy and a
bad boy wants a pretty girl,

and the shit just keeps
going and going, and going.

All right, yeah, I think I
know what you saying alright.

That was real impressive

that whole 'round the club
thing with my friend there.

- Who Kale, he's your friend?
- And my accountant.

James, what's your name?

Jaguar St. Claire

- Jaguar, like the car?
- Like the cat.

Uh, what's so funny?

Nothing, we were
just being silly.

Actually, I was about to
give your woman my card,

but since you're here,
I'll give it to you.

What do you do?

I'm a home improvement realtor.

So I help you improve your home,

and then I help you sell it
at twice the market value.

How's that working out?
♪ I'm not trying to be yours ♪

Why don't you give
me a call and find out?

Right, well, I think we
need to leave.

♪ I'm too good of a man
to be played like a fool ♪

♪ I don't play them type
of games, babe ♪

♪ I was born in my lane girl ♪

- Everything alright?
- I'm good, thanks.

- Baby, slow down.
- I can not slow down,

gotta get the pendant,
hurry back to the wedding

before they start rearranging
for the next wedding.

Babe, will you please slow
down before you kill us all?

What about we don't
have a lot of time

that's not connecting
with your brain right now.

Look, just, just take
the next exit up here.

I know a shortcut.

You gonna get us all
killed, what, you serious?

What happened?
We have a flat tire.

Oh well, now that's
not, that's not my fault.

- I see you, Mark III.
- Your seat.

No, no, no darling,
that's too close.

That altar's like a
magnet to me, you know?

Need to sit me
somewhere in the back.

Uh I got you.
Here in the back.

Excuse me.

Perfect spot right here,
yes indeed.

How you doing now?

Don't smile to hard,
don't look too tough now.

It's a long time you're gonna
get to see an old school G

like this right here.

Let's get this thing started.

I figured you might be thirsty.

Thank you.

But I don't know why
you trying to act like

you care about somebody
other than yourself.

It's a bottle of water
Jag, not a car note payment.

Okay?

Now, what's the number
seven reason why men cheat?

And I'm hoping that it's
a little more insightful

than just sex and men
and women being silly,

which is basically just
stating the obvious.

Now you only feel that way

because you're being
close minded to the facts.

When I tell you that a man
desires a woman and sex,

that's all you hear

but what I'm actually
saying to you is

that a man desires sex
with his woman,

and it's the rejection
of that desire

that opens up the
possibility of another woman.

It's funny how you
can take garbage

and wrap it up into a
nice little bow

and make it seem like
it's Christmas,

tell me number seven.

All right, number seven
is complicated,

so please pay attention.

It's called ready, set,
hold up, wait-a-minute.

♪ You trying to figure out
if you wanna stay single ♪

You see, as soon as a
man takes that first step

towards a relationship,

something tells him to
hold up and look around.

That's when he realizes
that he might not be ready.

- Delicious, yes.
- Ready?

So now the question becomes,

do I jump into a relationship
with the woman of my dreams,

or do I stay free to enjoy

all of the beautiful
women around me?

It is the hard in the
house tonight?

Stand up and turn around,
show everybody-

- Right when we're
ready to make our decision.

- This is wonderful.
- We get pushed.

What are we, what are
we doing Kale?

We are having cake, we are
having cake and eating it too.

They said it couldn't be
done, but here we are.

We're going out
on these fancy dates.

You texting me good morning,

I'm meeting your
family and friends.

I think, I think you
trying to marry me.

Do you wanna marry me Kale?

Baby are you okay, breathe,
breathe baby, breathe.

You okay?

Oh, there's nothing.
Garçon.

Garçon.
Baby.

- Garçon.
- Garçon means boy.

Garçon, garçan, garçanrda,
garçanrda.

Garçan, garçanrda, must
be le garçon, le garçon,

le garçon, miss garçon.

Woo, could you bring us
your finest dessert wine.

- Hey mommy.
- Hi pretty.

Hey sissy, look at you all cute.

Thank you.

- What is this place?
- Oh, it's Russo's.

They got the best pizza in town,
mama.

Ooh, well, pizza.

Me and Kale come here
all the time for our dates.

Okay. I like it.

All right, so what's going on?

What's with this pizza meeting?

Well, I'm getting married.

- To who?
- To Kale.

- The goofy guy?
- He's not goofy. He's cute.

Let me see the ring. Come on.

Well, I didn't put the,
huh huh huh on him yet mama.

The huh huh? Oh hell no.

You told your
daughter to huh huh?

- Yes, I did, and?
- Why?

Kale's a good guy,

plus she loves him.
Kale is a goofball.

That's why your ass
ain't got a man.

I'll have you to know I
have a slew of men, honey.

You know none of
their last names,

and none of them give a
shit about you.

Baby, listen to
your aunt Maggie.

You can't be out here giving

premature ejaculation
marriage announcements

based on a sex remedy

that's been passed down to
our family for centuries,

trying to secure a
marriage proposal,

you just can't do it,

especially to a
goofball like Kale.

And you're too young
for the huh huh.

- Why you tripping?
- You do realize the huh huh

hasn't been used since- Me.

And I'm gonna do it tonight.

Whattacha.

Ride it, ride it, ride it,
ride it, ride it, ride it.

- Oh get it Kale.
- Ridin' ridin' riding.

Just like that Kale, yeah.

Kale, Kale, does it
well, Kale, Kale, Kale.

This Kale coming up the
block, he's bucking.

Kale is bucking, Kale is
bucking, Rain is bucking.

- You're the man.
- I am.

Oh good boy, you're graceful.

Now its time to give
you the huh huh.

- The huh huh?
- Mhm.

You want me to tell a
joke? I do like jokes.

I enjoy a pleasurable
sexual joke that makes me-

What you do? What are you doing?

Who taught you that? You're
taking it away from me.

It's not mine, it's yours,
I can't feel anymore.

It's a suction, it's a
hoover 2000, 3000, 6000.

Oh you sauteed my Kale.

Now let's get down to business.

That, that was the business.

You're going to marry me,
Kale, say it.

You're going to marry
me, aren't you, Kale?

- I'm going marry you.
- Say it loud.

- I'm gonna marry you.
- Say it with your chest.

I'm gonna-

- Are you saying

that women force men into
relationships?

When we're not ready, yes.

We can't
force you to do something

that you don't wanna do, James.

- Oh really?
- Will you marry me?

- It's so unbelievably insane.
- Never in your life.

You're not gonna get married.

- I am gonna get married.
- No you're not.

Stop saying that.
I am, I am, I am, I am.

- You're not.
- Mommy tell doodoobrain

that I am gonna get married.
Yes.

You'll get married, sweetheart.

Always something.

- I'm gonna get married.
- No you're not.

Stop saying that- Yes I am.

- It's so annoying.
- You're too ugly.

You're not gonna
get married to Uncle Kale.

He's like a hundred years old.
Yes I am.

You're not gonna get married,

he's your uncle by the way.
Oh my god, you guys, quiet.

Not another word.

It's unbelievable.

So no spare.

What do you mean
there's no spare?

Exactly what I said. No spare.

Remember you wanted
to use the back

for a secret travel compartment

or something like that
for some bags,

and now we have no spare.

No spare, we're on the side
of the road, just stuck here,

shouldn't have never
listened to you.

You know what, call
the insurance.

They'll come, they'll change
the tire, simple solution.

No, that, that takes up
a lot of time.

Remember, as you've
been screaming,

we don't have a lot of time.

I don't understand why
we're stopping my wedding

for a pendant.

Because it's blue,

and Rain feels if she
doesn't wear it today,

then you guys will
never be happy.

I knew it, I knew it,
she's not gonna marry me.

She's too, she's too
good for me.

That's right, you deserve
better, you deserve better Rain.

You deserve better.
Kale, calm down.

- Calm down, please.
- No.

I just want everything
to be perfect,

it's my day.
Calm down, girl.

Mom, Wynn's not gonna make it.

Oh my, I'm not getting
married today.

Baby, baby, gimme
Wynn's cell phone number?

I'll call and see where she is,
yes.

'Cause you're stressing me out.

Baby I'm gonna try to
help you. Help me help you.

I need the number.
You're messing your hair up.

IG, Twitter, Myspace?

So what's the number six
reason why men cheat, James?

Number six is called the torch,

but we should probably
head back upstairs.

Yeah, you probably right.

♪ It's harder than we going ♪

♪ Knowing you are with my girl ♪

♪ Trying to be a good dude ♪

♪ But it's harder 'cause
I want you in my world ♪

♪ So what am I
supposed to do now ♪

♪ Tell him to be a good
dude in these eyes ♪

♪ Play it safe and get home ♪

♪ Bad guy loose,
good guy loose ♪

What's going on, pop?

When a man
reaches a certain age,

there's always an
older man there

that wants to pass on his wisdom

about women and relationships,
we call that the torch.

Let me tell you two something,
don't ever get married,

that shit ain't natural.

It ain't meant for a man
to be with just one woman.

I was cheating my poor
mom till the day she died.

Women expect a man to be a man

because physically he's a man,

but mentally, most
men have no idea

what being a real man
truly means.

We've been taught to never love

and to sleep with as
many women as possible

by men who are not
good men either,

our fathers were cheaters, our
grandfathers were even worse.

If you really wanna know a
man, ask him about his history,

see how he treats the
women around him today.

That's right.
That's right Rain.

You deserve better, you deserve-

What are you doing over there?

Just gotta get some work done.

Oh my Lord, you look good,
look at you.

Kale, you know how good
looking you are,

and I know you want me.
I look good?

You do, but this tie, I don't
know, I want it to come off.

You're so cute, I just love you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Kale?
- Some air.

Everyone give him some
space, give him some space.

- Hey, hey.
- Back up, back up.

- Kale?
- Kale, you're okay.

Oh my god Kale, you
don't look too good.

You sure you don't
need anything?

- He don't look too good.
- Oh you don't look too good.

Are you okay?

- Round two.
- Sindy?

Get me maintenance to
the altar now.

Don't worry Kale, I'm going
to get you cleaned up.

There, there, okay?
That'll nice.

What, wait a second, have
you seen me? Look at this shit.

I've got vomit all over me,
gosh dang it,

somebody help me.
Sorry about that.

I'll get my assistant to
take care of you, wait there.

Everyone else back
to your seats.

So what's the number five
reason as to why men cheat?

- Free throws.
- Free throws?

Like in basketball?
Exactly.

You see the best way to
shoot a free throw

is to get into a routine
that's comfortable for you,

you keep the same routine

the shots should fall
every single time.

Women get into a relationship

and become something different.

They start off fun and exciting.

But as soon as the relationship
gets serious, the fun stops.

Now all of a sudden, that
amazing spontaneous woman

has become stale, like
old crackers,

you don't put on makeup
anymore, you don't dress up,

you rarely even smile.

Every day it's the same
old free throw.

Wake up, get the kids off to
school, go to work, come home,

put the kids to bed,
go to sleep.

That's bullshit. Sorry.

Women take care of the
household,

there has to be a routine.

Okay.

♪ Hey yo ♪

- Wynn?
- Are you Clay?

Yeah, yeah.
Goddamn, okay, okay.

I gotta drive these people,
make it back, okay, we good?

I'm gonna set my phone up,
everything gonna be all right.

Set my phone up, it's beautiful.

You good?

If he would've just let me stay

on that main road
like I wanted to,

we wouldn't have a flat
tire right now.

It's really my last
month driving Uber.

- Cool.
- I'll wash your body.

Have ever been to, you
know, the Canali breakfast

uh, Waffle House?
With you man or something?

Yeah like I can just really
just jump in your body

and make you drive to
wherever you-

- Just stop fighting.
- Like really?

Y'all should probably
listen to y'all daughter.

Maybe you
should just shut the hell up

and drive.
I'm sorry, can you, Mr...

Jellybean, Black Jellybean.

Now you know
your name is not no-

- My name is Jellybean.

Okay, well, Mr.
Black Jellybean,

my husband's friend is
getting married today,

but the bride to be, she
forgot her something blue.

It's this pendant.

And without that pendant,
it's gonna be a wedding,

but it's not gonna be
a marriage so.

- She's not answering.
- Shit.

- Oh my God.
- How's she doing?

- Not good.
- Hell done broke loose.

- Well...
- Literally.

Everything out there is fine.

Kale, basically he
fainted at the altar.

Yeah, just for a minute,

he got a little sick all
over some lady,

but everything is
going as planned.

Okay honey, see, everything
is going as planned.

We're good.

So throwing up on someone
is going as planned?

Kale fainted on
someone and threw up.

It's not going as planned.

- Oh here we go again.
- Indeed.

- Come here, come here.
- I'm coming bestie.

- Please.
- I told you

he was a goofball.
Damn.

So what's the next
reason why men cheat?

Number four is what women
like to call big foot.

♪ What these niggas want
from us women ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ We trying to figure out ♪

♪ What these niggas want
from us women ♪

♪ Wait, better yet let me
ask something first, listen ♪

♪ What us women want
from you niggas ♪

♪ R.I.P. DMX ♪

♪ What we want, we really want,
listen ♪

♪ Hey yo ♪

Hey Wynn, can I ask
you a question?

How big are Mark's feet?
What?

What?
Well, I heard they really big.

- You can't ask that.
- Really Rain?

Look, we all wanna know why
you still messing with Mark?

You know he's a scumbag,
come on, trash, trash.

Because everybody knows
size matters, that's why.

♪ Hey yo ♪

Me and myself, I like men
with big feet, you know?

But they're just too
damn impossible to find.

Like Bigfoot.

Yup, just like that.
Just like that.

If women could just keep quiet

and not tell their friends
about where Bigfoot is

and where he's hiding,

then those friends wouldn't
try and capture 'em

and keep 'em all to themselves.

Okay I agree

that women should not
tell their friends

about the size of
their man's feet,

but that's not a reason for
a man to go cheating on her.

♪ Hey yo ♪

So what if you don't
like Bigfoot?

I mean, what if he's
just too big?

♪ Now there was Brenda
who ran up on me ♪

♪ With her partner Felicia ♪

♪ To snitch on Lou for always
liking pics from Alicia ♪

♪ His sister Teresa told me
about this hoe name Nicki ♪

♪ She crept with him
late nights ♪

♪ On the weekend with Vicki ♪

♪ Now Cookie all saw them
at the ice cream parlor ♪

♪ While I was brunching
with my girls ♪

♪ Diane, Lori, and Carla,
Marlina,

Selena, Katrina, and Pam ♪

♪ About three Kims DM'd me
on Instagram. ♪

♪ What these niggas want
from us women ♪

♪ Be good pay attention ♪

♪ I got some weed left ♪

♪ I got a few visas ♪

♪ Okay I got 10 visas ♪

♪ Just listen baby ♪

♪ I got a feeling that
you're the one for me ♪

♪ I love when you do
what you do ♪

♪ I can't stop myself
from loving you ♪

♪ While I taste my baby ♪

♪ Taking selfies for
double dates ♪

♪ Roll up, blaze, and
funny face ♪

♪ Everything I imagine,
love for a trace ♪

♪ When I want to lash
out and give some shade ♪

♪ I look into your
eyes, see a better day ♪

- It's big?
- Oh so big.

- Uhuh, tell me again.
- It's so big.

- Oh is it?
- Oh yes, yes.

- How big is it?
- So big.

- How big? Yeah.
- You're bigfoot big.

Call me bigfoot.
Bigfoot.

Oh bigfoot, oh bigfoot.
That's right.

Which brings us to
number three, nagging.

Now sometimes this is
actually number one.

You do realize that the
only reason why women nag

is because men do so many
stupid things.

I mean, I get that,

but what women also need
to stop doing is lying

about how much those
things bother them,

and actually talk about
the real issues.

Just like you and I sitting
here talking about this,

when it's not what's going on?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

You didn't take out
the trash last night,

and I know you was
with that bitch

that you was jacking off to on
the computer the other night.

You thought I didn't see that,
huh?

That's fine, you wanna
have sex with that bitch,

do it, have at it,

but the least you could do is
take out the goddamn trash.

Oh my goodness, get outta
there, get out of there.

Get out of there, get out
of there, get whoop whoop.

Stay in there, stay in there.

Oh, oh. Oh.

Oh, woe is me

Get it, get it together Kale.

Okay, you can do this,
you can do this Kale.

Come on, man.

Mark. Wake up man.

Come on, wake up, I got
an early appointment,

you gotta go.
You tripping.

Man, you gotta get some
better couches in here.

Ain't nothing wrong
with my couches,

you need to stop
cheating on your wife.

What? Who are you to
lecture me on cheating?

I've never cheated a
day in my life.

Of course not.

You've never been in a
relationship in your whole life.

That's why I don't
need to cheat.

What up?

- Excuse me, sir?
- Yes, Ethyl?

You 7:00 AM is here.

Excellent, please show her in.

- Okay.
- As you can see,

I have a 7:00 AM appointment.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Whoa.
- Hey James.

- Excuse me sweetheart.
- For real?

- Wait.
- Not you.

I made us reservations
for Red Lobster later,

I even wore your favorite
color today, wait.

- Thank you.
- Huh, who, who was that?

That's Brill, don't
worry about it. Long story.

- So sorry about that.
- It's alright.

Your real seven o'clock is here.

Thank you, please show her in.

- Okay.
- Come on man, hurry up.

I am stop rushing me.

- Is this a bad time?
- Oh man, oh man.

So Jaguar like the cat,
how can I help?

Well.

I found this in my purse
the other day.

That was smooth.

My fiance and I are
moving to Paris next year.

So you're getting married
and moving to Paris?

- Yes.
- That's awesome.

Thank you, and I would
like to sell my house

before we leave, but
it needs work.

Okay.

I'm gonna write down my address.

How soon can you get started?

I mean, the sun's about
to come up right now.

Wow, this is cool. Is
it yours or is it his?

- Does it matter?
- To me it does.

All right, so for a
hundred grand,

I can turn this into a
multi-million dollar home.

You haven't even seen
the interior.

I don't need to see the
interior, I'm good at what I do.

All right, I'm thinking
we take down the vines,

power wash the stone, trimmings,

you know, take care
of the trees.

I can start next week
if you want.

So what I'm thinking is we can
update these hardwood floors.

Oh, and the weeds outside,
don't even worry about that.

I can replace it and
make it look

like the dirt gave birth
to the grass yesterday.

Are you carrying a gun, James?

What?

- A big boy.
- Oh yes.

I'm a big strong boy.
Yeah, yeah.

Oh yes.

- Yes.
- Come on, come on, come on.

Give it to me.

Is that your man in there?

Yes.

- Yes.
- You like that?

- Shit.
- Oh yes.

Do you want
me to hurt him for you?

What?

No, this is common.

♪ She sleeping with my man, but
I thought she was a friend ♪

♪ Now I'm 'bout to put
my hands on her, on her ♪

- What the bloody hell.
- Help him.

♪ I'm 'bout to put my
hands on her, on her ♪

- Help, someone help.
- Shut up, get in my car.

Get in.
Let's go.

Ah, come on, move the car.

- Thank you.
- It's all right.

Hey James how's business?

It's good, Sammy.

All right, you want
the usual today?

Chocolate sundae, let's get it.

- All right I got you.
- Thanks man.

Hey Sam, another round
of chocolate over here.

- All right, I gotcha.
- Jaguar?

Are you okay?
James!

My night in shining armor, come
have some ice cream with me.

Wait, how'd you know I was here.

I didn't, I just came in
to get a chocolate sundae.

- All right, here y'all go.
- Thank you, Sam.

- Right on time, oh.
- Of course, no problem.

My boyfriend was cheating
on me with a fat chick.

Can you believe that crap?

Talk about a self-esteem killer.

At least she was cute though,
right?

What kinda ice cream
are you eating,

because if I didn't
know any better,

I'd swear you were drunk.

Don't say that, come here,
come here.

It's called vodka cream.

I invented myself like
just half hour ago.

And how many vodka
creams have you had?

Just this one, and wait,

five, six more right
before this one.

You want some?
Jag, Jag, whoa.

Hold on, hold on, wait, wait,
wait.

I got you, okay, okay, okay.

I got you, I got you.
I got it.

There you go, there you go.

Come on, come on, come
on, come on, come on.

All right, just easy, easy.

All right, you gotta get
the door for me.

Okay.

Thanks for bringing me
home. I'm good from here.

I wish I was a man.

Men don't give a shit about
love and relationships.

It's like you guys built
a mechanism inside you

that allows you to
shut down love

without ever feeling a thing,

but women we're just not
built like that,

for a woman love is
our one thing

that sets us apart from
any other being.

It's like God entrust
with his deepest, purest,

most valuable emotion
to hold in our hearts,

and only give it to those
whom we deem worthy of it.

So when you cheat on us,
it's like you're killing

the best thing about us.

Shit, Jag.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

God dammit.

Shit, hold on Jag, hold on,
hold on.

Where's your girl at James,

because I know you've
got one or two or three.

Is she at home waiting for you,

'cause that's what we do,
you know, we wait for you.

I, I don't believe
in girlfriends.

Good for you.

Why break one heart when you
can break 'em all, right?

You know what I'm like James?

I'm like that big fish that
all the fishermen want to catch

and no one wants to keep.

You just want to take a
picture with me

so they can show me off
to their friends

and throw me back
into the water.

- You're awake.
- You're still here.

I didn't wanna leave you.

Because of the whole
swimming pool thing?

I'm not suicidal.
I didn't say you were.

Oh, I used your dryer,
I hope you don't mind.

That's cool.

I don't know why I'm
taking it so hard,

all men cheat, I know that.

My father was the
worst of them all,

he used to take me with
him while he cheated.

I was like his alibi
or something.

I'd be sitting in one
room watching TV

and he'd be having
sex in another.

So then you grew up
expecting men to cheat?

I grew up wishing they
wouldn't, but knowing they will.

I should go.

If I ask you to stay, would you?

I know that you barely know me

and I have no right to
ask you this,

but I could really use a
friend right now.

♪ Reese on the drop,
Reese on the drop ♪

♪ I just wanna give you
something that's so unusual ♪

♪ I'll give you that late
night loving ♪

♪ That you don't get at all ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I swear this song
going off the deep end ♪

♪ Oh, oh, yeah, oh, oh, yeah ♪

♪ You say you're never home,
you want me come over ♪

♪ Babe I wish I could ♪

♪ But that's the definition
of a home wrecker ♪

♪ So get a hotel ♪

♪ I promise imma be there. ♪

♪ Now while I'm driving you
Snapchat pics of your kitty cat

♪

♪ It could be our secret
if you keep it ♪

♪ I can be your secret,
girl if you keep it ♪

♪ Baby girl, I'm trying
to get it on yeah ♪

♪ She know these homies
like a sing along, yeah ♪

♪ I swear this feeling
got me going all night ♪

♪ Whoa, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I just wanna give you
something that's so unusual ♪

♪ I'll give you that late
night loving ♪

♪ That you don't get at home,
yeah ♪

♪ I swear this song
gone off the deep end ♪

That was amazing, I've
always wanted to do that.

Wait you've never
done that before?

Never.

Well, I am honored to take
you out for your first time.

Thank you so much. I
really appreciate it.

You're very welcome.

All right, so I had a
question for you.

Okay.

What is the prettiest thing

that you've ever seen
in your life?

I'm a man baby, I
don't do pretty.

Come on, you're human
and you have eyes right?

You can't tell me that

there's never been anything
pretty that you've seen.

What is it?

Wait, wait, and you can't
say me either.

Okay.

Rain.

Your friend's fiance?

What no, what are you? God no.

Okay my bad, my bad,
I'm tripping.

You're talking about that cold,
cloudy,

thunder and lightning
kind of rain.

I'm talking about that rain

that only happens on
a sunny day,

now it lasts for about
five minutes,

doesn't happen very often,

but when it does, it is the
prettiest thing I've ever seen.

You know the cool
thing about it?

What?

When it's over, it's
always sealed with a rainbow.

- Is that the truth?
- I never lie, nah.

You're thinking about us,
aren't you?

I'm thinking about a
lot of things.

Yeah, but you're
mainly thinking about us.

So what's the number
two reason why men cheat?

Number two is called
Valentine's Day.

♪ Ice cream, got the
ice cream today ♪

♪ Ice cream ♪

♪ Ice cream 'bout to
play with that ♪

♪ Ice cream, put the
sprinkles in the whip, aye ♪

♪ Ice cream, got the
ice cream aye ♪

Calibrating, calibrating.

A bag throw, I'm gonna
need you to come with me.

♪ I heard they mad, hi,
bye haters ♪

♪ Watch with the whip,
I do the dip ♪

♪ Take you round trip,
that's how imma do ♪

♪ Sprinkle in the whip,
I do the dip ♪

♪ Ice cream, got the ice
cream whip, aye ♪

♪ Ice cream, yeah I'm
cold off the rim ♪

♪ Ice cream, got to play
with that whip, aye ♪

♪ Ice cream, put the
sprinkles in the whip ♪

♪ Ice cream, got the
ice cream whip ♪

♪ Ice cream, yeah I'm
cold off the rim ♪

♪ Ice cream, got the
flavor that flips, aye ♪

♪ Ice cream, put the
sprinkles in the whip ♪

♪ Ice cream, I got the
flavor, you scream ♪

♪ I'm cold like a glacier ♪

♪ Ice cream, I got the
flavor, you scream ♪

♪ I'm cold like a glacier ♪

♪ I scream, you scream,
I scream, you scream ♪

♪ Hello ♪

Whoa, whoa.
♪ The chain so icy ♪

♪ I'm so icy, this chain
so icy, I'm so icy ♪

Cake.

Has anybody seen Mark V?

We're getting ready to
sing happy birthday.

It's okay, mommy,
I'll go get him.

- You seen him inside?
- Yes.

Wait a minute, Wynn, no.

Tell me again, tell me again.

- It's so-
- Tell me it's big.

Tell me it's big, it's big?

- Yes, it's big.
- Call me Bigfoot.

Call me Bigfoot.
Big fucking foot.

- Yeah, that's right.
- Okay.

I want you to remember

everything you just saw
right now, okay?

Men cheat on women all the time,

but it's not your daddy's
fault, it's my fault,

'cause I allow this to happen,

I don't want you to be like me,

and that's why I want you to
remember everything you saw.

Don't ever let a man
cheat on you,

and if you do find out, I want
you to leave him right away.

Do you understand me?
Are you gonna leave Daddy?

No, baby, no. Mommy's
not going anywhere.

Well, you should.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday dear
Mark and Wynn ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

I don't mean to
steal the thunder

from the kids' birthday party,
happy birthday my babies,

but it is still Valentine's
Day, and Kale Aubrey,

I love you with all of my heart,
baby.

I know you said you
wanted to do this,

but at the time your
toes was curling.

- Ew.
- And you didn't have a ring.

So I don't wanna use sex
to force you into anything.

Kale, will you marry me?

- No.
- Yes.

We're gonna be so happy
together. He said yes.

- That was a good day.
- That was real.

You know, I grew up
truly watching

a man in love with a woman,

every time my mother
walked into a room,

my father's eyes would
light up every single time.

I mean, that man was truly
in love with that woman,

and that was because he
wanted to be,

it wasn't something that
she demanded of him.

So you think women
force men into romance?

I'm saying that
women take romance

and turn it into something ugly.

Valentine's Day, Christmas,
birthdays,

it's something that
men have to do.

You know, buy me gifts,
buy me roses,

do things that are gonna
make my friends, family,

and coworkers jealous,

and then when we don't do
it the way you want us to,

you get mad.

So then we go off and
we find somebody

that don't care about all
that Valentine's Day bullshit.

- So you cheat?
- Yeah.

But if you truly
love your woman,

it shouldn't matter why she
wants you to be romantic.

Just do it, don't do it
because she's making you do it,

do it because you wanna
make her happy,

so take her out to dinner,
buy her a gift,

make her feel appreciated,

show her that she means
everything to you.

Don't cheat on her because
she wants to feel special.

- Let's go.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Are you all right, you sure?

Hey check this out,
hey look, take my card.

If you ever need to talk
about anything,

just hit me up all right.

I mean we're coming right back.

I know you coming right back.

Just hold onto the card 'cause
you coming back for a reason.

Find a better man, go
do what you gotta do.

Turn around. Damn,
certified with a rack, damn.

- Turn around.
- Are you serious?

Yes Rain is a private person

and she doesn't want anybody
looking at her underwear.

Would you just get the
pen so we can go.

- Pendant.
- Yeah, whatever.

♪ I got your tail, your
name, shazam, and shake ♪

♪ Belinda, Melinda, damn ♪

♪ Pamela, Angela, Tangela,
Mara, Tara, Shakar ♪

- I don't know.
- I want a divorce.

- What?
- You're a liar.

You're a cheater, and I honestly
hate you for marrying me

when you know you
didn't want me.

I didn't want you? Lady, I
wanted you every single night.

You're the one that
didn't want me.

Maybe that's because
you're sexing my friend

and a hundred women
just like her.

You not getting a divorce.

Well, I'm not staying with you.

I need a real husband,

I need someone that's
going to love me.

- Love?
- Yes.

Look, love is what got
me here in the first place.

If I didn't love our kids,
I, I would've been left.

So you love our kids,
but you don't love me.

I didn't mean it like
that Wynn, wait, wait, wait.

Get off of me.

Our daughter found you in
the bathroom with my friend

at her and her brother's
birthday party,

but it's me that she
doesn't respect.

That stops, today it stops.

After this wedding I want
you to take your ass home,

pack your stuff and get
the hell out of my house.

So now we are
down to the final reason

why men cheat.

In a few minutes the vault of
every man's thought process

when it comes to cheating
will be broken into

and you will have
stolen the secrets

to our twisted mentalities.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

And the number one
reason why men cheat is,

drum roll please.

Would you stop being so
dramatic and just tell me?

You wanna come inside?
Is there sex in there?

- No.
- Wait, wait, wait.

Hold on, hold on.

I gotta go, I gotta go,
I have to go.

Some men would rather
cut off an arm

than to let a woman know that
he's falling in love with her.

So you cheat

because you're afraid
to fall in love?

No, we cheat
because we're afraid

to get our hearts broken.

I'd rather get you
before you get me.

- Don't leave.
- I... I...

Come on now, no, no,
no, no. Give me my keys.

I don't, I don't have
time to play games.

So what's your move?
My move. What do you mean?

Yeah, your move like crazy
stupid love, show me your move.

Have me all like, ah.

Are you serious,
you think I have a move?

- I know you have a move.
- I do.

It's called wall call.
Ah, ah, slow down.

Be patient.

♪ I just wanna ride away ♪

♪ Make you say oh, oh ♪

♪ I just wanna ride away ♪

♪ Make you say oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Make you say oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ I just wanna touch you baby ♪

♪ I just wanna stroke you baby ♪

♪ I just wanna climb on
top like crazy ♪

♪ Be like muscleman ♪

♪ I'm just trying to
love you baby ♪

♪ I'm just trying to
taste you baby ♪

♪ Make you say these
walls are tight ♪

♪ Damn it's like I'm
squeezing baby ♪

♪ Damn its on me, we
made a movie ♪

- Good morning.
- How you doing?

Good.

You know, you look really
pretty in the morning.

Aw, thank you.

You know I was afraid when I
opened my eyes this morning

that you weren't gonna be here.

You uh, you wanna get breakfast?

Yes I would love to
get breakfast

'cause I don't know about you,

but your girl was doing her
thing last night, so, you know.

- We're cool, right?
- Mhm, the coolest.

I'm gonna get my stuff.
Let's do it.

Okay.

Wait a minute, why would
you ask me that?

- Ask you what?
- If we were cool.

I was just, just
trying to make sure,

you know, we're friends.

I mean, last night was great,

but it's like it never happened,
right?

I guess not, but I
just remembered

that I got something I
gotta take care of so.

Yeah, yeah. No, I got
some things I gotta do too.

So call you later? Okay.

♪ Don't go away, maybe
this is how ♪

Hey, this is Jag, I'm
not available right now.

Leave a detailed message
and I'll call you back.

Hey Jag, this is
James, gimme a call back.

Yeah, it's James again,

just trying to get ahold of you.

Jag, I don't know what's
going on with you,

but, you, it's me again,
please call me back.

Oh my God, oh my God.
What are you gonna do?

- I'm not answering him.
- Why not?

- Answer it, here.
- I'll answer it.

Jag, come on. What's going on?

It's James again, please
answer the phone, please. Fuck.

- Hello?
- Hey, it's James.

You know, Rain and Kale's
weddings in a few weeks.

I think they'd like you if
you were there.

- I didn't get an invitation.
- Well, yeah, they,

they kind of figured that
you'd be my plus one.

I mean, you don't have to
sit with me or anything,

but you know, it's just a way
for you to get a plate to eat

or something.
You threw me back.

What?

I never thought that you
would do it, but you did.

You caught me and then you
threw me back into the ocean.

- Jaguar.
- You made it.

Of course I made it.
I'm Oliver.

Wait, wait,
what are you doing here?

What, what is he doing here?

He's my plus one.

Yeah, I figured it'd
be good practice

since we're getting
married next fall.

Come on, we should
get to our seats.

What time is it?

It's, it's four o'clock.

Oh, she's not gonna
make it back.

I'm not gonna get married, am I?

The pendant is about happiness,

not about whether or not
you're gonna get married.

You are getting married,
I'm gonna call Wynn again.

- Okay.
- Okay.

And please stop
throwing stuff at me.

- Mhm.
- Thank you.

- Rain.
- Oh no, no, no, no, no.

You can't come in here.

Can't you just wait until Wynn
gets back in like 15 minutes.

I promise you, whatever
you have to say,

you're gonna change your
mind, so just gimme a second?

When you first asked me to
marry you, I wanted to say no.

I wanted, it's because I
didn't trust you.

I didn't trust you, all
of those loud orgasms,

I thought you were faking, I
mean, I know I'm not blessed.

I'm not girthy, I don't have
SPMs, strokes per minute.

I'm not giving what it's
supposed to be giving,

but when we're together, you
make it seem like I'm the man.

But to me, you are a man.

That's, see, that's
what I'm talking about.

That's why I can't trust you.

No, no, no, no, no, no.
What, what baby, what do I do?

I'm sorry, I'm-

- I can't marry you like this.

I knew it. It's that
freaking pendant, oh.

Wait did you cheat on me?

We going out on these
fancy dates,

texting me good morning,

I'm meeting your
family and friends.

I think, I think you
trying to marry me.

You gonna marry me, aren't you?

No, I don't want it, I don't...

No.

I want my ring back.

Can't you just wait
like 15 minutes?

Open the door, I want
my ring back.

I want my ring back, I
want it, put it in my hand.

Okay, so I think that you're
the best woman that I know.

I know you're the best
woman that I know

and I cannot marry you

knowing that I didn't
love you enough

to be the man that you deserve.

So although I accept
your proposal,

I can't marry you until
you accept mine.

Rain Davies, will you marry me?

Boy put that ring
back on my finger.

Are you crazy?

Now get the hell outta here
before I strangle you, dang.

You almost gave me a
heart attack.

Take it from the top.

- Where's Rain?
- Rain.

She's in bathroom number two.

- Oh my god.
- Over there.

- Oh gosh, breathe.
- Lady, get outta the tub.

Baby, Ross wasn't the
first one, Biggie was.

Baby, baby, hm.

I ain't know women like big men.

I just walk in the
club and say huh,

they be like, hey babe,
hey how you doing?

- What are you doing-
- Oh my god.

In the bathtub.

It's your wedding day,
you're getting married.

Hell she just dead weight now.

- Oh my gosh.
- Wait.

- Up, up, up.
- Rain.

You gotta
get up out the bathtub.

- You know you gotta.
- You got a hot man girl.

Give me all, here from
Pasadena, babe-bebina,

get in between her,
between the props, notes.

You made it, I
can't believe you made it.

Gentlemen, go with Sindy.
Ladies come with me, okay?

We gotta get you together honey,

you look a mess, we gotta-

- 'Cause you only got
one eye done.

And you need to-
My momma's pendant.

And get you together

'cause its time for you to
walk down the aisle, okay?

I'm so happy for you.
I'm getting married.

I'm getting married.
Lord have mercy.

Come on, put 'em up, put 'em up.

Okay, okay. Everyone,
everyone please take your seats.

The wedding is about
to get started.

Pastor Soul, take it away.

Mhm, mhm.
Good Lord Jesus.

God is good.
All the time.

And all the time god is what?

- Good.
- That's right.

What won't he do it? He
will do it, won't he do it?

Let the church say amen.
Amen.

- Let the church say amen.
- Amen.

- How y'all doing today?
- Yes.

- That's right.
- Blessed.

See, that's what it, that's
all we gotta do right here,

come together.

All I gotta do is say one word,
one word,

and automatically the good
church gonna feel God's

presence.

- Amen.
- His presence.

You gonna feel it, yes you will.

You'll be wrapped in
God's holy spirit,

wrapped in the arms, right,
of the church.

So that's why we here today,
we here today to unify.

Say it with me. Unify.
Unify.

Two beautiful,
beautiful individuals,

especially to the bride.

She been waiting all her life

to hear these two
magnificent words.

I do, I do.

They are here today to
quote they vows,

show their love for each other.

- Sir. Yes sir.
- Say it with me.

Vows, A-E-I-O-U, A-E-I-O
what, U, the vows.

- Sometimes Y.
- Sometimes Y, that's right.

Genesis two chapter 24 says,

a man that leaveth the
nest, shall find his wife,

and become one flesh.

Say it with me one flesh.
One flesh.

One flesh, say it with me again.

- One flesh.
- One flesh.

- Praise God.
- Rain Davis,

and this man right
here named Kale.

- Kale.
- Your name's Kale?

- Kale.
- Kale, Kale, Kale.

My bad, Kale become one flesh.

You ready to become
one flesh Kale?

- One, one flesh.
- Like the the fruit Kale?

- It's Kale.
- Kale.

You ready to come one flesh?
Yes.

Yes that's right, Kale.

So Kale could come one
flesh with his wife.

- Come on now Pastor Soul.
- Mother Soul come on.

Do that thing you do, girl.
Yes, sir.

- Oo-wee.
- That's mine, that's mine.

Church, y'all do y'all
thing too, come on, y'all.

How y'all doing today?
That's why we're here.

Junior what you doing?

Wynn Junior, what are you doing?

I'm marrying Kale,

the man who can give me a
family that I want so badly,

he's nice and kind and
won't ever cheat on me,

will you Kale?
Nenever, never.

But I can't marry you,
Wynn Junior.

Wynn Junior, I'm marrying Rain,

and if I were to do to her
what you want me to do,

that would be cheating,

and then I, I wouldn't be the
man that you, that you like,

listen, you, you do
understand that, don't you?

Come on, it's okay, it's okay.

The church may sit down.

Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here today.

Ladies and gentlemen, I
proudly present to you my son

and my brand new
beautiful daughter-in-law,

Mr. And Mrs. Kale G. Aubrey.

- Woo!
- Yeah!

Wynn, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I'm sorry, don't leave
please, please, please.

Wait, that's it?

He jumped to the side
and and clicked his feet.

Oh my God it was beautiful.

They look good together,
you already know.

Hold on, let me, look, I'm
sorry about it, I wanted to-

- Uh oh.
- Bitch, wait a minute.

I'm a friend.
Now you're sorry.

Bitch hold on, I tried
to apologize to you.

I tried, I tried to
apologize to her.

I tried to apologize to you,
bitch.

- Babe, did you see that?
- Yeah, yeah, I did see that.

It kind of looked like
she deserved 'em.

I'm surprised Mark IV
didn't get slapped as well.

- Babe.
- He might have deserved it.

Come on. Hey Miss Aubrey,
let's go honeymoon.

I told you how
much I hate weather, come on.

- Hey Jag, Jag.
- What do you want?

I want to go fishing.

I was watching the nature
channel the other day

and I came across the
mandarinfish.

You know what that is?

It's the most beautiful
fish in the ocean.

Some people say it's
the blueface angel fish.

Some people say it's
the clown fish,

but to me it's the mandarinfish

because of the perfect placement

of the many different
colors on it's body.

Sweetheart, it's time
for us to go.

I don't think anything
can stand next to that fish

and be more beautiful
except for you.

Do you wanna catch a fish?

For the first time in my life.

And what would you do with
this beautiful mandarinfish?

I'd care for it, I'd
love and protect it.

I'd never allow it to feel
abandoned or less than.

You wouldn't throw
it back into the ocean?

Now why would I do
something so stupid?

♪ Ready, set, hold up
wait a minute ♪

♪ He trying to figure out
if he wanna stay single ♪

♪ Single like a Pringle
free ready to mingle ♪

♪ 10 reasons why she
gonna wanna leave him ♪

♪ Potato chips, oh,
you like potato chips ♪

♪ Get your different
flavor, pick them over ♪

♪ Find your favorite chip ♪

♪ She's so plain you
need a dip ♪

♪ Ruffles snacks and
grip them hips ♪

♪ Salt and vinegar sizzle
is make up sex ♪

♪ Sour cream and onion chips ♪

♪ Hottest sex that's
you'll ever have ♪

♪ Gonna be flaming chips,
barbecue ♪

♪ Ninjas walk up on you
looking real good too ♪

♪ Asking you what you gonna
do before she pop it on you ♪

♪ And you know that you
married too ♪

♪ But you gonna make it
do what it do ♪

♪ Cheat code, cheat code,
cheat code ♪

♪ Cheat code, cheat code,
cheat code ♪

♪ Cheat code, cheat code ♪

♪ What's the reason,
why he cheating ♪

♪ Should she leave him,
should she keep him ♪

♪ What's the reason why
he cheating ♪

♪ What these niggas want
from us women ♪

♪ Yep, yep, we trying
to figure out ♪

♪ What these niggas want
from us women ♪

♪ Wait better yet, let me
answer them first, listen ♪

♪ What us women want
from you niggas ♪

♪ R.I.P. DMX ♪

♪ What we want but we really
want, listen, hey yo ♪

♪ We hold the bag, not
the baby bag ♪

♪ Gripping on his stacks,
blackjack 21 ♪

♪ Come beat him or his dad ♪

♪ All this to prove your worth ♪

♪ Try not to stir the pot unless
your beard game on point ♪

♪ Then maybe I'll let you
call the shot ♪

♪ We don't want a nigga
that can pull the trigger ♪

♪ That ain't popping
six figures ♪

♪ When I say trigger, I
mean the middle ♪

♪ Remember keep the
drama at a low ♪

♪ Baby mama with no hoes ♪

♪ Gray sweatpants and when
we fucking its my business ♪

♪ What you want from niggas ♪

♪ If we fucking it's my
business though ♪

♪ Yeah fuck trying to
figure out ♪

♪ What these niggas want
from us women ♪

♪ Yeah, listen, this is what
we want from you niggas ♪

♪ Yeah, yep, fuck trying
to figure out ♪

♪ What these niggas want
from us women ♪

♪ Yeah, I could be the
perfect woman listen ♪

♪ But still gotta deal with
stupid shit like this ♪

♪ Now there was Brenda who ran
up on me with her partner ♪