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♪ There's a woman in my life
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♪ Who doesn't care for a thing
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♪ She don't wanna go out dancing
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♪ She just loves to stay in
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♪ She just cares about good loving
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♪ Never leaves me alone
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♪ If I'm not prepared for action
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♪ She goes out on her own
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♪ The woman is love crazy
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♪ She's loving all night
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♪ The woman is love crazy
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♪ Won't stop for a bite
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♪ The woman is love crazy
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♪ She's out on her own
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♪ Sometimes I work so hard
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♪ I wish she'd leave me alone
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♪ The woman is love crazy
18
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♪ She's loving all night
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♪ The woman is love crazy
20
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♪ Won't stop for a bite
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♪ The woman is love crazy
22
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♪ She's out on her own
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♪ Sometimes it gets so hard
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♪ I just don't wanna go home
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♪ lf the feeling ever takes her
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♪ She don't care where we are
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♪ It's good loving in the disco
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♪ It's good loving in the car
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Madam...champagne?
30
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Or is there anything madam would?
31
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Steward?
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Steward?
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Are you coming?
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Oh, dear!
35
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Oh, dear!
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♪ I wish the woman liked dancing
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♪ I wish she played the guitar
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♪ I'd like to teach her a new game
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♪ I feel a bit under par
40
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♪ I wish she played the piano
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♪ Before my knees hit the floor
42
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♪ I've got to get her to slow down
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♪ I think I've had it for sure
44
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♪ The woman is love crazy
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♪ She's loving all night
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♪ The woman is love crazy
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♪ Won't stop for a bite
48
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♪ The woman is love crazy
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♪ She's out on her own
50
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♪ Sometimes I work so hard
51
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♪ I wish she'd leave it all alone
52
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♪ The woman is love crazy
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♪ She's loving all night
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♪ The woman is love crazy
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♪ Won't stop for a bite
56
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♪ The woman is love crazy
57
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♪ She's out on her own
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♪ Sometimes it gets so hard
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♪ I just don't wanna go home
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♪ The woman is love crazy
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♪ She's loving all night
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♪ The woman is love crazy
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♪ Won't stop for a bite
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♪ The woman is love crazy
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♪ She's out on her own
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♪ Sometimes I work so hard
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♪ I wish she'd leave me alone
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Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.
I thought it was vacant.
69
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Oh, my God!
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I think I'd better go.
71
00:03:26,812 --> 00:03:30,690
Um, how do you do? How do you do?
Yes. My name's er...
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Theodore Valentine.
73
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You know, when the flight's over,
74
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you must come and have tea with me.
75
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You'd love Mother.
76
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She'd...she'd love you.
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She...she's very...
78
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Mother makes me wear them. The weather...
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Ooh!
80
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My glasses! Where...
81
00:03:56,688 --> 00:03:57,724
Oh, crikey!
82
00:04:02,808 --> 00:04:04,844
Mummy! Ooh!
83
00:04:27,686 --> 00:04:30,722
What is the purpose
of your visit to the United Kingdom?
84
00:04:30,765 --> 00:04:33,882
I beg your pardon?
I'm still deaf from the flying.
85
00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:37,884
We are having to be very careful
who we are letting into this country, you know.
86
00:04:37,925 --> 00:04:39,722
How did you get in?
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00:04:39,765 --> 00:04:43,837
- Oh, blimey! I'm totally British.
- May I have the question again, please?
88
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:47,922
What is the purpose
of your visit to the United Kingdom?
89
00:04:48,724 --> 00:04:50,918
To make ze friends, with ze British.
90
00:04:51,683 --> 00:04:53,833
Is the purpose of your visit
business or pleasure?
91
00:04:53,923 --> 00:04:55,833
Pleasure, definitely.
92
00:04:55,882 --> 00:04:58,681
Ah, then you are here as a tourist?
93
00:04:58,723 --> 00:05:01,919
I'm being reunited with my husband
after a long separation.
94
00:05:01,922 --> 00:05:05,880
Where is your husband now?
95
00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:07,909
He's probably in the bath.
96
00:05:08,721 --> 00:05:10,916
No, no. I mean,
is he already in the United Kingdom?
97
00:05:11,721 --> 00:05:13,757
Oh, yes. For a long time.
98
00:05:13,801 --> 00:05:16,837
- And how long do you intend to stay?
- With my husband?
99
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No, in our United Kingdom?
100
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,798
Does it matter? I am an EEC citizen.
101
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,909
What are you going to be doing here?
102
00:05:27,719 --> 00:05:28,868
A little bit of this,
103
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and a little bit of that.
104
00:05:31,759 --> 00:05:34,671
Oh, please. You must not be doing that.
105
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You are giving me naughty thoughts.
106
00:05:36,838 --> 00:05:38,670
Good.
107
00:05:38,719 --> 00:05:40,675
Er, will you be seeking employment?
108
00:05:40,719 --> 00:05:42,868
- I hope not.
- What is your husband's occupation?
109
00:05:42,918 --> 00:05:44,749
I am.
110
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Oh, dearie me! How does he earn his living?
111
00:05:47,877 --> 00:05:50,789
Ah, oui! In the service of his country.
112
00:05:50,837 --> 00:05:52,873
Could you be more explicit, please?
113
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Oh, oui, monsieur.
114
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I can be very explicit.
115
00:05:57,716 --> 00:05:59,708
About your husband.
116
00:05:59,757 --> 00:06:01,872
He is a very...
117
00:06:01,916 --> 00:06:03,668
How you say?
118
00:06:03,716 --> 00:06:04,751
...high-up man.
119
00:06:05,796 --> 00:06:06,830
Is he important?
120
00:06:06,875 --> 00:06:08,752
Not impotent.
121
00:06:09,755 --> 00:06:12,667
He has...other interests.
122
00:06:12,715 --> 00:06:13,830
What is his position?
123
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It varies.
124
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What is his profession or calling, please?
125
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He is ambassador.
126
00:06:23,874 --> 00:06:27,786
Oh, yes. I am definitely developing.
127
00:06:27,793 --> 00:06:29,863
My ribs are rippling.
128
00:06:30,673 --> 00:06:33,710
My pectorals are positively pumping.
129
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:35,909
And my thorax is throbbing.
130
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,902
I must get some stronger elastic.
131
00:07:12,828 --> 00:07:14,898
- Can I help you?
- I am your mistress.
132
00:07:14,908 --> 00:07:17,741
Oh, my God!
133
00:07:19,829 --> 00:07:22,820
I knew she'd catch up with me one day.
It's my own fault.
134
00:07:22,868 --> 00:07:24,904
Wait a minute. What am I talking about?
135
00:07:25,908 --> 00:07:27,863
I haven't got a mistress.
136
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,822
I don't have a mistress.
137
00:07:32,866 --> 00:07:35,858
- You have now.
- I repeat, how can I help you?
138
00:07:35,906 --> 00:07:39,900
Well, to begin with,
you can tell the ambassador that his wife is here.
139
00:07:41,747 --> 00:07:42,701
Where?
140
00:07:42,746 --> 00:07:44,657
Here. I am here.
141
00:07:44,706 --> 00:07:45,900
Are you sure?
142
00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:47,859
I'm positive I'm sure.
143
00:07:47,905 --> 00:07:49,861
I didn't know the ambassador had a wife.
144
00:07:49,905 --> 00:07:52,702
Now you know.
145
00:07:53,744 --> 00:07:54,813
Madam.
146
00:07:58,704 --> 00:08:01,822
Emmannuelle! Oh, what a wonderful surprise!
147
00:08:01,905 --> 00:08:03,860
I was not expecting you today.
148
00:08:03,904 --> 00:08:06,896
Otherwise I would have been at the airport
to meet you.
149
00:08:09,783 --> 00:08:13,821
You must forgive my masculine odour.
I have been pumping iron.
150
00:08:13,902 --> 00:08:14,857
What is that?
151
00:08:14,902 --> 00:08:16,858
Er, weightlifting.
152
00:08:16,862 --> 00:08:19,855
Still the same...athletic Emile.
153
00:08:19,903 --> 00:08:27,660
A flabby ambassador with a derriere in pleats
is no advertisement for his country. But you...
154
00:08:27,701 --> 00:08:29,657
You, you haven't changed.
155
00:08:29,701 --> 00:08:31,692
I flew Concorde to surprise you.
156
00:08:31,741 --> 00:08:33,696
Ah, la belle Concorde!
157
00:08:33,740 --> 00:08:37,891
Howl love that long nose.
So phallic. So Francophallic.
158
00:08:38,659 --> 00:08:39,889
Ah, that reminds me.
159
00:08:40,701 --> 00:08:43,737
You have not met my wonderful
English butler- Loins.
160
00:08:43,780 --> 00:08:45,771
Loins, this is my wife Emmannuelle.
161
00:08:45,820 --> 00:08:48,856
She has been traveling all around the world
and other places.
162
00:08:48,899 --> 00:08:50,776
Chérie, Loins.
163
00:08:50,819 --> 00:08:54,811
His Excellency meant Lyons, madam.
My name is Lyons.
164
00:08:57,777 --> 00:08:59,768
I prefer Loins.
165
00:08:59,777 --> 00:09:01,815
Likewise, madam.
166
00:09:02,898 --> 00:09:04,775
May I take your coat?
167
00:09:07,697 --> 00:09:09,653
Come. Now I'm going to show you
168
00:09:09,697 --> 00:09:11,767
all over the houses.
169
00:09:12,816 --> 00:09:15,774
Emmannuelle, you're naked!
170
00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:18,773
Sacré bleu! I forgot I wasn't wearing a dress.
171
00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:32,766
- You're a naughty butler, Loins.
- Yeah...hm-hm.
172
00:09:32,814 --> 00:09:34,770
Yes, madam.
173
00:09:34,774 --> 00:09:37,731
Yes, I think that is more appropriate
174
00:09:37,773 --> 00:09:39,684
for the wife of an ambassador.
175
00:09:39,733 --> 00:09:41,690
Phwoar!
176
00:09:44,774 --> 00:09:47,810
- Who was that, Lyons?
- That, Mrs Dangle, is the new mistress.
177
00:09:48,813 --> 00:09:50,804
Oh, fancy!
178
00:09:50,853 --> 00:09:52,888
Things might start looking up.
179
00:09:53,692 --> 00:09:54,841
I shouldn't be at all surprised.
180
00:09:54,892 --> 00:09:57,690
Hey, who was that?
181
00:09:57,732 --> 00:10:00,724
Richmond, that was the new mistress.
182
00:10:00,732 --> 00:10:02,847
Fancy that! Things ought to start looking up.
183
00:10:13,810 --> 00:10:15,766
I have missed you, Emile.
184
00:10:15,810 --> 00:10:18,687
And I you, my love.
185
00:10:18,729 --> 00:10:23,678
But don't forget our little arrangement still
stands. As long as you don't object
186
00:10:23,729 --> 00:10:27,848
to my body building, I don't object
to you finding your pleasures elsewhere.
187
00:10:29,769 --> 00:10:32,886
And...what if I should seek
my pleasures with you?
188
00:10:33,688 --> 00:10:35,758
Oh, no. I can't spare a drop of adrenaline.
189
00:10:35,768 --> 00:10:37,884
You must think of me as a last resort.
190
00:10:38,647 --> 00:10:41,799
- Don't you want me just a little bit?
- Yes, just a little bit.
191
00:10:41,848 --> 00:10:44,645
Show me how good you are at weightlifting.
192
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:48,720
Lift me over your shoulders
and carry me over to the bed.
193
00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:49,802
Are you mad?
194
00:10:49,847 --> 00:10:52,805
I've not yet learnt
how to do a snatch and press.
195
00:10:52,847 --> 00:10:57,715
Besides, I have a meeting
with the Foreign Minister shortly.
196
00:10:57,766 --> 00:11:00,677
And I have a meeting with the ambassador now.
197
00:11:00,685 --> 00:11:02,642
I have an appointment.
198
00:11:02,726 --> 00:11:05,762
We haven't made love since Paris,
before you were posted here.
199
00:11:05,805 --> 00:11:09,718
- Oh, surely it's not that long.
- It's long enough.
200
00:11:09,765 --> 00:11:10,675
Ooh!
201
00:11:10,725 --> 00:11:13,636
Come, bury your head in my bosom.
202
00:11:13,684 --> 00:11:15,754
No, no. I should have to keep coming up for air.
203
00:11:16,804 --> 00:11:19,715
I am in the mood for playing games.
204
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,834
- Try badminton, hockey, bowls.
- Bowls?
205
00:11:21,884 --> 00:11:25,796
Yes, bowls. The English are mad about bowls.
Tennis bowl, volley-bowl.
206
00:11:25,843 --> 00:11:27,675
Foot-bowl. All kinds of b...
207
00:11:28,803 --> 00:11:31,715
Excuse me, sir. I hope I'm not intruding.
208
00:11:31,763 --> 00:11:36,677
- No, no, no. We were just discussing bowls.
- Bowls?
209
00:11:36,722 --> 00:11:39,713
I was having a work-up.
I mean I was getting worked out.
210
00:11:39,761 --> 00:11:40,876
Having a work-out.
211
00:11:41,682 --> 00:11:44,878
Yes. Will there be only fourteen guests
for dinner this evening, sir?
212
00:11:45,681 --> 00:11:47,751
Fourteen, yes. That is correct.
213
00:11:47,761 --> 00:11:49,752
Then I shall inform Mrs Dangle.
214
00:11:50,801 --> 00:11:53,678
Come and lie with me, Emile.
215
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,678
No, I must finish my exercises.
216
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:01,638
- I can give you much nicer exercises.
- No.
217
00:12:05,839 --> 00:12:08,875
- I am all hot for you.
- Well, have a cold shower.
218
00:12:08,878 --> 00:12:11,791
That's what you said last time
and look what happened.
219
00:12:11,839 --> 00:12:14,716
Oh, yes. I couldn't find the stopcock.
220
00:12:15,798 --> 00:12:17,834
- Caught you.
- Oh, it's you!
221
00:12:19,717 --> 00:12:22,676
It is not nice to peep through keyholes.
222
00:12:22,718 --> 00:12:23,673
Sorry.
223
00:12:25,677 --> 00:12:27,747
You are very rude.
224
00:12:27,837 --> 00:12:32,672
Gordon Bennett!
They're having a phonographic orgy.
225
00:12:32,677 --> 00:12:33,826
- Lift up your arms.
- What for?
226
00:12:33,877 --> 00:12:37,664
- Up, up, up.
- But I don't understand. Why should I lift]?
227
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,751
There. That didn't hurt, did it?
228
00:12:39,795 --> 00:12:42,674
- No, no, no.
- Don't be shy, chéri.
229
00:12:42,716 --> 00:12:44,831
I'm not shy, I'm circumspect.
230
00:12:44,875 --> 00:12:47,753
Come on. Don't make a meal of it. It's my turn.
231
00:12:48,795 --> 00:12:51,753
- But you are trembling.
- Yes, of course, I'm cold.
232
00:12:51,795 --> 00:12:52,784
I'll warm you up.
233
00:12:52,795 --> 00:12:55,786
Oh, but why me?
You can have Tom, Dick or Harry.
234
00:12:55,834 --> 00:12:58,712
- I don't want Tom or Harry.
- Oh!
235
00:12:58,754 --> 00:13:00,789
She's got him in a leg lock.
236
00:13:01,834 --> 00:13:04,711
Well, I used to do that when Henry was alive.
237
00:13:04,753 --> 00:13:06,744
I'm sure you didn't do it after he was dead.
238
00:13:08,673 --> 00:13:11,664
- Here, what's he doing?
- Heavy breathing.
239
00:13:11,712 --> 00:13:12,702
Ooh!
240
00:13:12,753 --> 00:13:15,789
Oh, Richmond,
I think you should have a look at this.
241
00:13:15,832 --> 00:13:19,710
- Do you think he ought to at his age?
- It might jog his memory.
242
00:13:19,751 --> 00:13:22,789
- Here, what am I going to see?
- Well, it won't be the Muppet Show.
243
00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:25,747
Is it...is it Starsky And Hutch?
244
00:13:25,831 --> 00:13:28,823
If you ask me, it's more like Starkers And Crutch.
245
00:13:39,789 --> 00:13:42,748
Hello, hello, hello. What's all this, then?
246
00:13:42,790 --> 00:13:45,826
- It's what the butler saw.
- Here. They're at it.
247
00:13:45,869 --> 00:13:46,824
At what?
248
00:13:48,749 --> 00:13:50,659
Here, hold my hat. Come on. Get off!
249
00:13:51,708 --> 00:13:54,620
- Turn over!
- No, no, I don't like.
250
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:57,705
- Emile, I am a woman.
- Yes, so I've noticed.
251
00:13:57,748 --> 00:13:59,783
I am your wife. You should not hide from me.
252
00:13:59,827 --> 00:14:01,818
There's not much to hide.
253
00:14:01,867 --> 00:14:04,745
Snow White meets the incredible shrinking man!
254
00:14:06,667 --> 00:14:10,705
I will make you love me if it's the last thing I do.
255
00:14:10,746 --> 00:14:11,735
Ram!
256
00:14:13,626 --> 00:14:15,856
I think she's knackered him.
Come on. Back on the job.
257
00:14:16,666 --> 00:14:17,655
Get off!
258
00:14:17,706 --> 00:14:19,697
- What is the matter?
- You've broken it.
259
00:14:19,746 --> 00:14:21,736
Oh lé lé! Turn over and let me have a look.
260
00:14:21,785 --> 00:14:25,698
No, no, not that. My back. I can't move.
261
00:14:25,705 --> 00:14:28,822
- It's probably just cramp.
- No, no. I'm in agony.
262
00:14:28,865 --> 00:14:30,820
Straighten your legs.
263
00:14:30,864 --> 00:14:34,618
I can't straighten anything. I'm completely bent.
264
00:14:34,664 --> 00:14:37,622
- Bend back your toes.
- I caaan't... Oh!
265
00:14:37,664 --> 00:14:39,700
- Don't panic.
- I can't panic, either.
266
00:14:39,744 --> 00:14:40,698
Just lie still.
267
00:14:40,743 --> 00:14:43,622
What else do you think I'm doing,
you stupid fool?
268
00:14:43,664 --> 00:14:46,700
I give up. I'm going to get changed
and I'm going out.
269
00:14:46,743 --> 00:14:49,701
- What for?
- I want Leyland to drive me around London.
270
00:14:49,743 --> 00:14:50,811
But what about me?
271
00:14:51,622 --> 00:14:54,819
Don't worry, my dear.
I'm sure you'll soon be feeling yourself again.
272
00:15:07,861 --> 00:15:09,817
Is that you, Theodore?
273
00:15:09,861 --> 00:15:12,738
Who were you expecting? General Amin?
274
00:15:12,780 --> 00:15:15,851
- I've warmed your slippers. They're in the oven.
- Thank you.
275
00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:22,657
Warmed them? You've roasted them.
276
00:15:22,699 --> 00:15:25,657
Oh, Mother, I do wish
you wouldn't fuss over me so.
277
00:15:25,699 --> 00:15:29,612
It's no trouble at all. I do it for your arthritis.
278
00:15:29,659 --> 00:15:31,774
- I've never had arthritis.
- There you are. It works.
279
00:15:31,818 --> 00:15:34,810
Have you had your vitamin C tablet
this morning?
280
00:15:34,858 --> 00:15:35,812
Yes, Mother.
281
00:15:35,857 --> 00:15:37,848
And your vitamin B tablet?
282
00:15:37,857 --> 00:15:40,769
- Yes, Mother.
- And your halibut oil capsule?
283
00:15:40,817 --> 00:15:44,606
Yes. I've had so many pills,
I'll soon need a stomach pump.
284
00:15:44,658 --> 00:15:46,727
Prevention is better than cure.
285
00:15:46,777 --> 00:15:50,655
Dr Jones said to me, "Mrs Valentine,
286
00:15:50,696 --> 00:15:53,768
your son Theodore is very delicate."
287
00:15:53,816 --> 00:15:56,773
With respect, Mother,
when he said it, I was six months old.
288
00:15:56,815 --> 00:15:59,648
He's a very clever doctor, Dr Jones.
289
00:15:59,655 --> 00:16:02,727
If you were at death's door,
he'd pull you through.
290
00:16:02,775 --> 00:16:04,732
That's what I'm afraid of.
291
00:16:05,815 --> 00:16:08,773
Theodore, you're sickening for something.
292
00:16:10,694 --> 00:16:13,731
Mother, come and sit down. I want to talk to you.
293
00:16:13,734 --> 00:16:14,689
Very well.
294
00:16:17,653 --> 00:16:20,645
Now then, what shall we talk about?
295
00:16:20,693 --> 00:16:24,653
Mother, I've met someone that's very dear to me.
296
00:16:24,694 --> 00:16:26,604
Was it your Auntie Hilda, dear?
297
00:16:26,693 --> 00:16:29,730
No, Mother. I've met this girl.
298
00:16:29,733 --> 00:16:31,688
This wonderful girl.
299
00:16:31,772 --> 00:16:33,728
Don't be silly. There's no such thing.
300
00:16:33,772 --> 00:16:34,807
I think I'm in love.
301
00:16:34,852 --> 00:16:37,649
Oh, nonsense! You're far too young.
302
00:16:37,691 --> 00:16:39,727
I'm thirty-four, and a half.
303
00:16:39,771 --> 00:16:41,806
But you've got your whole life in front of you.
304
00:16:41,810 --> 00:16:45,600
You don't want to fritter it away
on some slip of a girl.
305
00:16:45,692 --> 00:16:49,764
But, Mother, she's exquisite.
I know you'd like her.
306
00:16:49,771 --> 00:16:52,603
I wouldn't count on it, dear.
307
00:16:52,650 --> 00:16:56,847
- I'm going to marry her.
- Nonsense. I'll never give you my permission.
308
00:16:57,769 --> 00:17:00,647
I don't need your permission, Mother.
309
00:17:00,689 --> 00:17:01,803
You're just like your father.
310
00:17:01,848 --> 00:17:06,639
He went off with some slip of a girl
and he never got my permission, either.
311
00:17:32,766 --> 00:17:34,802
This your first time in London, is it?
312
00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:36,801
Well, keep your ears peeled,
313
00:17:37,605 --> 00:17:40,722
cos little old Leyland here's
gonna give you the grand tour.
314
00:17:40,765 --> 00:17:44,678
And why not? After all, I've lived here all my life,
315
00:17:44,765 --> 00:17:46,721
even before I was born.
316
00:17:46,765 --> 00:17:49,598
And believe me, no-one knows better than I do
317
00:17:49,645 --> 00:17:51,635
this is the greatest city in the world.
318
00:17:52,684 --> 00:17:55,801
If you're feeling lonely,
why don'! you come up here, eh?
319
00:17:56,603 --> 00:17:59,675
No? Oh, well. It ain't compulsory.
320
00:18:01,802 --> 00:18:04,601
Now up here you see is Oxford Street.
321
00:18:11,762 --> 00:18:14,754
That's where the tourists come
to do their shoplifting.
322
00:18:15,802 --> 00:18:19,760
Oh, God! Laugh-a-minute Leyland,
they call me, up the morgue.
323
00:18:19,801 --> 00:18:22,758
Look, love.
You can see a lot better from up here.
324
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:23,755
Eh?
325
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:30,800
Ah, well, perhaps I should put it on
automatic pilot and come back there with you.
326
00:18:30,841 --> 00:18:34,674
Cos I'm driving you now, you know,
in a Daimler pervertible.
327
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:38,671
The hood doesn't go down,
but the chauffeur does.
328
00:18:44,839 --> 00:18:49,674
Well, we're heading
for Downing Street now, No.10.
329
00:18:49,719 --> 00:18:51,789
You've heard of that, eh?
330
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:56,796
Cos not many people know that No.12 Downing
Street is the office of the government whips.
331
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:00,753
If you like that son of thing.
332
00:19:00,797 --> 00:19:03,708
I'm feeling very hot.
333
00:19:03,756 --> 00:19:06,669
Yeah. I'm getting a bit warm myself.
334
00:19:07,676 --> 00:19:12,591
Ah, now there's a sight to warm the cookies -
Trafalgar Square.
335
00:19:12,636 --> 00:19:14,786
And there it is, an inspiration to mankind.
336
00:19:16,636 --> 00:19:17,704
Nelson's Column.
337
00:19:20,675 --> 00:19:22,824
Lady Hamilton had it built to remember him by.
338
00:19:23,594 --> 00:19:25,665
Mind you, with a column like that,
339
00:19:25,755 --> 00:19:27,745
how could she forget him?
340
00:19:39,793 --> 00:19:42,590
It never fails.
341
00:19:42,632 --> 00:19:44,623
Next time round, I think I'll start here.
342
00:19:44,672 --> 00:19:45,788
Thank you, Lady Hamilton.
343
00:19:48,792 --> 00:19:51,671
I want to see the guards getting changed.
344
00:20:22,668 --> 00:20:25,786
They are very...sexy, these guards.
345
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:28,780
When they get a butcher's at you,
you'd better be on guard.
346
00:20:32,707 --> 00:20:36,701
What is the matter with them?
They never even looked at me.
347
00:20:36,748 --> 00:20:39,739
Well, they're not allowed to, not on duty.
348
00:20:39,787 --> 00:20:42,665
You could strip off in front of one of them guards,
349
00:20:42,706 --> 00:20:45,619
and he wouldn't bat an eyelid.
350
00:20:45,627 --> 00:20:47,583
We shall see about that.
351
00:20:49,626 --> 00:20:51,617
Drive me to St James's Palace, Leyland.
352
00:20:51,666 --> 00:20:53,735
♪ The woman is love crazy
353
00:20:53,785 --> 00:20:55,663
♪ She's loving all night
354
00:20:55,706 --> 00:20:57,776
♪ The woman is love crazy
355
00:20:57,825 --> 00:20:59,702
♪ Won't stop for a bite
356
00:20:59,745 --> 00:21:01,781
♪ The woman is love crazy
357
00:21:01,825 --> 00:21:03,735
♪ She's out on her own
358
00:21:03,784 --> 00:21:05,662
♪ Sometimes I work so hard
359
00:21:05,745 --> 00:21:07,781
♪ I wish she'd leave me alone
360
00:21:07,785 --> 00:21:09,820
♪ The woman is love crazy
361
00:21:10,624 --> 00:21:11,818
♪ She's loving all night
362
00:21:11,824 --> 00:21:14,621
♪ The woman is love crazy
363
00:21:14,663 --> 00:21:15,779
♪ Won't stop for a bite
364
00:21:15,824 --> 00:21:18,576
♪ The woman is love crazy
365
00:21:18,663 --> 00:21:20,619
♪ She's out on her own
366
00:21:20,663 --> 00:21:24,621
♪ Sometimes it gets so hard
I just don't want to go home
367
00:21:24,622 --> 00:21:25,738
♪ lf the feeling ever takes her
368
00:21:25,783 --> 00:21:28,615
♪ She don't care where we are
369
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:29,777
♪ It's good loving in the disco
370
00:21:29,822 --> 00:21:32,655
♪ It's good loving in the car
371
00:21:32,702 --> 00:21:34,612
♪ But if I don't keep her happy
372
00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:35,730
♪ She would leave me, she would
373
00:21:35,781 --> 00:21:37,773
♪ So I got to hang on in there
374
00:21:37,782 --> 00:21:39,692
♪ Hang on in there, hang on in there
375
00:21:39,781 --> 00:21:42,773
♪ The woman is love crazy
376
00:21:42,781 --> 00:21:44,736
♪ She's loving all night
377
00:21:44,780 --> 00:21:46,737
♪ The woman is love crazy
378
00:21:46,781 --> 00:21:48,691
♪ Won't stop for a bite
379
00:21:48,740 --> 00:21:50,776
♪ The woman is love crazy
380
00:21:50,820 --> 00:21:52,776
♪ She's out on her own
381
00:21:52,820 --> 00:21:54,775
♪ Sometimes I work so hard
382
00:21:54,779 --> 00:21:56,735
♪ I wish she'd leave it all alone
383
00:21:56,779 --> 00:21:58,735
♪ The woman is love crazy
384
00:21:58,779 --> 00:22:01,577
♪ She's loving all night
385
00:22:01,619 --> 00:22:03,574
♪ The woman is love crazy
386
00:22:03,618 --> 00:22:05,734
♪ Won't stop for a bite
387
00:22:05,778 --> 00:22:08,656
♪ The woman is love crazy
she's out on her own
388
00:22:21,617 --> 00:22:22,606
Hello there, ducky.
389
00:22:33,775 --> 00:22:38,565
Emmannuelle! I hope you're going
to wear something under that dress.
390
00:22:38,614 --> 00:22:40,571
Oh, yes. Chanel N°5.
391
00:22:40,615 --> 00:22:44,732
No, no! Tonight you must be respectable.
You must be on your best behaviour.
392
00:22:44,774 --> 00:22:49,689
Everything you say and do
will reflect on our beloved Republic.
393
00:22:49,774 --> 00:22:52,732
But this is the latest from Paris. It shows style.
394
00:22:52,774 --> 00:22:56,732
It shows more than that. it shows
everything you've got. Well, almost.
395
00:22:56,733 --> 00:22:58,724
- Why's that so terrible?
- It's not nice!
396
00:22:58,772 --> 00:23:03,608
How would you like it if men were to walk about
in see-through trousers?
397
00:23:03,653 --> 00:23:05,608
I would like this very much.
398
00:23:05,652 --> 00:23:07,609
There is nothing wrong with the body.
399
00:23:07,653 --> 00:23:10,564
There is no need to flash it all over the place.
400
00:23:10,652 --> 00:23:13,724
I think we should all go round naked.
We'd all be much healthier.
401
00:23:13,772 --> 00:23:16,763
- We'd all be in bed with the flu.
- Nudity is perfectly natural.
402
00:23:16,811 --> 00:23:19,722
No, no. Even Adam and Eve had a fig leaf.
403
00:23:19,770 --> 00:23:22,569
You must dress in a way that is befitting
404
00:23:22,611 --> 00:23:24,646
for the wife of an ambassador.
405
00:23:24,690 --> 00:23:27,683
Especially in view of our distinguished guests -
406
00:23:27,771 --> 00:23:30,603
the Prime Minister,
407
00:23:31,690 --> 00:23:34,726
the Metropolitan Commissioner of Police,
408
00:23:34,809 --> 00:23:39,598
the ambassador
for the United States of America,
409
00:23:39,608 --> 00:23:40,563
Excuse me.
410
00:23:40,608 --> 00:23:43,567
Field Marshal Hune, Chief of Staff,
411
00:23:44,728 --> 00:23:46,765
the Arabian ambassador.
412
00:23:48,649 --> 00:23:53,676
The Lord Chief Justice of the Appeals Court
and Master of the Rolls,
413
00:23:53,768 --> 00:23:56,679
Admiral Sir John Hardiner,
414
00:23:56,727 --> 00:23:59,718
not to mention all their distinguished wives.
415
00:23:59,726 --> 00:24:03,561
- How do you do?
- Not very often, I'm afraid.
416
00:24:04,606 --> 00:24:06,562
Too much bench, not enough wench.
417
00:24:07,607 --> 00:24:12,680
I will say my wife is a better diplomat than I am.
418
00:24:12,726 --> 00:24:16,559
Yes, I have it off with everybody.
419
00:24:18,645 --> 00:24:20,555
Hit Hit it off.
420
00:24:20,604 --> 00:24:23,562
She means
she hit it off with everybody.
421
00:24:23,604 --> 00:24:26,721
Ah, yes. And what were you doing
in the Far East, my dear?
422
00:24:26,764 --> 00:24:29,756
Oh, nothing much. Sleeping around, mostly.
423
00:24:29,804 --> 00:24:35,753
Er...she means sleeping around
in many pans of the world.
424
00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:39,757
Has it ever occurred to you
425
00:24:40,562 --> 00:24:43,554
how easy it would be at an occasion such as this
426
00:24:43,602 --> 00:24:44,795
to assassinate your husband?
427
00:24:45,802 --> 00:24:48,556
Assassinate my husband?
428
00:24:48,603 --> 00:24:49,671
Who would want to do that?
429
00:24:49,722 --> 00:24:52,600
I would be more concerned about the method.
430
00:24:52,642 --> 00:24:54,677
But...
431
00:24:54,681 --> 00:24:57,718
How could anyone do such a thing
here at the table?
432
00:24:57,761 --> 00:25:03,630
Easily. A weapon could be concealed
in a man's belt or in a holster strapped to his leg.
433
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,795
A lady could have a gun under her skirt.
434
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:07,750
Merde.
435
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,596
Assassinate my husband.
436
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,631
That is more appropriate.
437
00:25:17,799 --> 00:25:20,710
Oh, I've dropped my earring.
438
00:25:20,758 --> 00:25:25,672
- May I help, my dear?
- No! Oh, no, no. It's OK. I can manage.
439
00:25:27,599 --> 00:25:28,554
Thank you.
440
00:25:38,597 --> 00:25:40,791
- The cost of living must be brought down.
- Oh, I agree.
441
00:25:40,796 --> 00:25:42,752
Everything's going up these days.
442
00:25:47,676 --> 00:25:48,712
You're so right.
443
00:25:49,797 --> 00:25:54,790
The wheel has...turned full circle in my country
now there's a...
444
00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:58,592
definite trend towards the swing
against the backlash.
445
00:26:08,794 --> 00:26:10,625
Thank you.
446
00:26:10,674 --> 00:26:12,585
I didn't say anything.
447
00:26:13,754 --> 00:26:19,703
In my country, it is the duty of women
to give pleasure to men.
448
00:26:25,591 --> 00:26:26,706
I'm glad you agree.
449
00:26:37,751 --> 00:26:39,628
Tell me, Admiral,
450
00:26:39,711 --> 00:26:42,668
how do you enjoy the Navy?
451
00:26:42,710 --> 00:26:45,701
Frankly, I can't stand the sea.
It makes me bloody sick.
452
00:27:04,668 --> 00:27:05,622
Anything wrong?
453
00:27:05,667 --> 00:27:08,546
On the contrary.
454
00:27:19,587 --> 00:27:22,623
Ooh, my goodness! What are you doing here?
455
00:27:22,666 --> 00:27:24,543
I'm looking for a weapon.
456
00:27:24,586 --> 00:27:26,576
Oh! You won't find one here.
457
00:27:26,625 --> 00:27:28,662
- I'm trying to protect you.
- Protect me?
458
00:27:40,545 --> 00:27:43,695
I decided
to get to know my husband's friends a little...
459
00:27:43,744 --> 00:27:46,541
How you might say?
460
00:27:46,583 --> 00:27:47,652
"better.
461
00:29:23,734 --> 00:29:25,690
I was satisfied.
462
00:29:26,773 --> 00:29:29,572
None of them had a weapon to worry about.
463
00:29:42,572 --> 00:29:44,563
These have arrived for you, madam.
464
00:29:44,612 --> 00:29:45,681
Oh, they're lovely.
465
00:29:46,692 --> 00:29:49,570
They most certainly are, madam.
466
00:29:53,691 --> 00:29:57,569
"To my darling adorable Emmannuelle.
467
00:29:58,770 --> 00:30:01,649
With all my love, Theodore."
468
00:30:05,610 --> 00:30:07,679
Loins, who is Theodore?
469
00:30:07,729 --> 00:30:10,608
I haven't the slightest idea, madam.
470
00:30:10,650 --> 00:30:12,605
I don't know any Theodores.
471
00:30:12,649 --> 00:30:18,723
Oh, well. I always forget their names
long before I forget the important things.
472
00:30:19,768 --> 00:30:21,600
Tell me, Loins.
473
00:30:21,649 --> 00:30:23,718
Do you, er...
474
00:30:23,768 --> 00:30:25,724
believe in free love?
475
00:30:25,768 --> 00:30:29,555
Anything free appeals to me, madam.
476
00:30:29,607 --> 00:30:33,680
And...do I appeal to you?
477
00:30:35,567 --> 00:30:36,556
Yes, madam.
478
00:30:36,607 --> 00:30:39,643
Oh, Loins, you English are so frigid.
479
00:30:39,686 --> 00:30:41,642
Perhaps not so.
480
00:30:42,686 --> 00:30:46,599
After all, they do say
the proof of the pudding is in the eating.
481
00:30:46,646 --> 00:30:49,603
In the...eating?
482
00:30:49,605 --> 00:30:50,675
Yes, madam.
483
00:30:52,765 --> 00:30:54,721
Are you hungry, Loins?
484
00:30:54,765 --> 00:30:58,552
I think I could manage a little nibble.
485
00:31:01,764 --> 00:31:02,752
Coffee?
486
00:31:02,763 --> 00:31:04,516
Pardon?
487
00:31:04,564 --> 00:31:07,714
- Are you for coffee?
- No, thanks. I'm staying here. I'd like coffee.
488
00:31:07,763 --> 00:31:10,722
Yeah. He's in a world of his own, you know.
489
00:31:10,724 --> 00:31:13,681
He hasn't been the same
since he looked through that keyhole.
490
00:31:13,763 --> 00:31:17,517
- I think it's disgusting.
- What? Having it off?
491
00:31:17,562 --> 00:31:20,759
Oh, don't be so crude!
You men are all the same, sex mad.
492
00:31:21,522 --> 00:31:22,749
Yeah, and proud of it. Eh, Richmond?
493
00:31:23,561 --> 00:31:24,756
- Pardon?
- Sex.
494
00:31:24,762 --> 00:31:26,753
No, thanks. I'd rather have some coffee.
495
00:31:27,522 --> 00:31:29,512
Ah, coffee.
496
00:31:29,601 --> 00:31:30,637
Oh, here we are.
497
00:31:30,682 --> 00:31:34,720
Here, me and Mrs Dangle,
we've just been talking about having it off.
498
00:31:34,721 --> 00:31:36,552
Rather you than me.
499
00:31:36,601 --> 00:31:38,636
Eh? No, not together, you berk!
500
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,717
You've been a long time
just taking up a bunch of flowers.
501
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:43,715
What have you been up to?
502
00:31:43,719 --> 00:31:48,509
Er, nothing at all, really.
Just a little intelligent conversation.
503
00:31:48,559 --> 00:31:50,516
Loins, you forgot these.
504
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:52,710
You randy old retainer!
505
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:54,670
Could I have a cup of coffee?
506
00:31:54,719 --> 00:31:56,710
You can have anything you want, madam.
507
00:32:01,558 --> 00:32:04,594
Aye aye.
You've started his motor running. Look.
508
00:32:04,637 --> 00:32:05,706
Steady on, Richmond.
509
00:32:08,637 --> 00:32:10,708
It's not proper, you being down below stairs.
510
00:32:10,758 --> 00:32:13,669
Why not? We are all human beings.
511
00:32:13,717 --> 00:32:17,596
There should be no class distinction.
I believe in brotherly love.
512
00:32:17,637 --> 00:32:19,547
Here, that's incest!
513
00:32:19,556 --> 00:32:22,514
Love is the most important thing in the world.
514
00:32:22,556 --> 00:32:23,544
Not to me, it isn't.
515
00:32:23,595 --> 00:32:26,746
That's because you've forgotten
what it's like to be loved by a man.
516
00:32:27,756 --> 00:32:29,711
To feel the warmth of his body
517
00:32:29,755 --> 00:32:31,667
next to yours,
518
00:32:31,716 --> 00:32:35,503
to feel his hot kisses on your lips.
519
00:32:35,555 --> 00:32:37,511
You've started him off again.
520
00:32:38,714 --> 00:32:41,592
We'll have to start putting bromide in his coffee.
521
00:32:42,634 --> 00:32:47,627
Making love is wonderful.
You cannot be angry when you're making love.
522
00:32:48,673 --> 00:32:50,550
Can't we talk about something else?
523
00:32:50,593 --> 00:32:54,666
Oh, no, it's good to talk about it.
It's important to get things off your breast.
524
00:32:54,713 --> 00:32:58,751
Now, I will tell you what we are going to do.
525
00:32:59,512 --> 00:33:04,710
We will all describe
our most unusual amorous experience.
526
00:33:04,751 --> 00:33:06,707
I couldn't possibly do that.
527
00:33:07,511 --> 00:33:09,627
Oh, yes, you can.
ll will release your repressions.
528
00:33:09,671 --> 00:33:11,628
Who is going first?
529
00:33:12,672 --> 00:33:14,627
I'll go first.
530
00:33:14,711 --> 00:33:17,623
- Leyland.
- Very well, Leyland. You have the floor.
531
00:33:17,671 --> 00:33:19,581
Face down, I hope.
532
00:33:19,630 --> 00:33:21,746
My most unusual experience
533
00:33:22,750 --> 00:33:25,582
occurred one warm balmy evening last spring
534
00:33:26,629 --> 00:33:29,665
when this young man's fancy
lightly turned to thoughts of lust.
535
00:33:29,708 --> 00:33:32,588
Ooh, you fancy young men, do you?
536
00:33:32,630 --> 00:33:33,584
Mrs Dangle.
537
00:33:35,549 --> 00:33:37,505
Feeling in the need of company,
538
00:33:37,549 --> 00:33:41,621
I transported myself to my favourite pub -
the Tit And Sparrow up Camden Passage.
539
00:33:44,587 --> 00:33:50,536
It took me but a pint to make contact
with a beauteous chickie of the female gender
540
00:33:50,586 --> 00:33:52,738
what would turn any civilized man into a beast.
541
00:33:53,747 --> 00:34:00,538
Despite my natural shy reluctance,
she was insistent
542
00:34:00,546 --> 00:34:02,502
to the point of desperation.
543
00:34:06,745 --> 00:34:09,656
She whisked me off to her luxury flat in Mayfair.
544
00:34:13,586 --> 00:34:18,739
Where to say her intentions were dishonorable
would be an understatement.
545
00:34:19,544 --> 00:34:22,695
No sooner did we reach
her lavishly furnished penthouse
546
00:34:23,744 --> 00:34:29,578
with the chandelier poised gracefully
over the nuptial couch,
547
00:34:29,622 --> 00:34:31,579
she removes my garmentation
548
00:34:31,623 --> 00:34:33,580
in a flash.
549
00:34:54,581 --> 00:34:56,492
Whisks me between the sheets.
550
00:34:56,581 --> 00:34:59,731
I was about to satisfy herself
with my irresistible masculinity, when...
551
00:34:59,780 --> 00:35:02,578
Oh, my husband!
552
00:35:02,620 --> 00:35:03,575
Her husband.
553
00:35:42,576 --> 00:35:44,611
I shan't tell you exactly what happened
554
00:35:44,655 --> 00:35:46,611
when she joined me in the closet.
555
00:35:48,695 --> 00:35:52,734
The details...are too pornographic,
even for you lot.
556
00:35:53,535 --> 00:35:55,570
Suffice to say that,
557
00:35:55,614 --> 00:35:57,571
despite the cramped confines,
558
00:35:57,615 --> 00:36:00,572
we achieved mutual satisfaction.
559
00:36:12,693 --> 00:36:15,525
Ho, ho, ho, ho. My hangers!
560
00:36:17,692 --> 00:36:20,604
It seems the lady had an unusual hang-up.
561
00:36:20,652 --> 00:36:23,564
She can only make love in a closet,
562
00:36:23,612 --> 00:36:24,681
standing up.
563
00:36:24,732 --> 00:36:26,687
She always arranged it that way.
564
00:36:26,731 --> 00:36:30,609
I found out later she was known
as the Closet Queen of Camden Town.
565
00:36:30,650 --> 00:36:32,687
Richmond, you can go next.
566
00:36:32,731 --> 00:36:33,686
Oh, thanks.
567
00:36:33,771 --> 00:36:37,558
No, no. After all,
he never gets a word in edgewise.
568
00:36:37,570 --> 00:36:40,528
He'd be lucky to get anything in,
edgewise or otherwise,
569
00:36:40,570 --> 00:36:42,526
- if you ask me.
- We didn't.
570
00:36:42,570 --> 00:36:44,606
- Richmond.
- Yeah?
571
00:36:44,650 --> 00:36:45,684
I...
572
00:36:45,689 --> 00:36:48,681
I'm not sure that I can remember all the details.
573
00:36:48,769 --> 00:36:50,645
Oh, come on!
574
00:36:50,648 --> 00:36:53,561
Tell us your most amorous escapade.
575
00:36:53,609 --> 00:36:55,678
It's that far back, he won't remember.
576
00:36:55,728 --> 00:36:58,526
Oh, yes, I do.
577
00:36:58,568 --> 00:37:01,560
It was during the war, when I was in the army.
578
00:37:02,768 --> 00:37:05,645
Oh, those were dark days.
579
00:37:05,687 --> 00:37:08,645
You never knew
which minute was going to be your last.
580
00:37:11,646 --> 00:37:13,603
You had to live dangerously,
581
00:37:18,486 --> 00:37:19,714
and make every moment count.
582
00:37:26,725 --> 00:37:30,478
I went to France to fight the enemy.
583
00:37:36,644 --> 00:37:38,635
Ah! I surrender!
584
00:37:38,724 --> 00:37:40,679
Dans les bois, avec moi.
585
00:37:40,723 --> 00:37:42,601
Avec what?
586
00:37:42,604 --> 00:37:44,560
Oh, God!
587
00:37:47,563 --> 00:37:49,519
It's never like this in Putney.
588
00:37:54,523 --> 00:37:58,481
Ah! Ah, I surrender again! Ah!
589
00:38:03,562 --> 00:38:04,517
Komm.
590
00:38:14,761 --> 00:38:16,716
Hands hoch, in the name of the Reich!
591
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:20,556
Not you, Fraulein. The British soldier!
592
00:38:21,599 --> 00:38:23,555
Kurt, take ze prisoner away!
593
00:38:33,639 --> 00:38:36,596
Now, Fraulein, you are quite safe.
594
00:38:36,638 --> 00:38:38,594
Oh, thank you.
595
00:38:38,598 --> 00:38:40,475
You are a fine-looking woman.
596
00:38:40,518 --> 00:38:41,586
Oh, naughty, naughty!
597
00:38:41,637 --> 00:38:44,470
- I like you.
- Oh, cheeky!
598
00:38:44,517 --> 00:38:46,587
- I am going to have you.
- No, no, you're not.
599
00:38:46,637 --> 00:38:50,550
Yes, I am. I need to caress a beautiful woman.
600
00:38:50,597 --> 00:38:52,632
You're going to get a hell of a shock if you do.
601
00:38:52,676 --> 00:38:54,633
Come, I want to have you!
602
00:38:57,716 --> 00:38:58,751
Gott im Himmel!
603
00:39:03,515 --> 00:39:04,584
Englische Schweinhund!
604
00:39:15,675 --> 00:39:18,711
- Yes, my daughter?
- The Germans are after me, Father.
605
00:39:19,474 --> 00:39:23,466
Oh, mon Dieu! Don't worry, my child.
You can stay here for as long as you like.
606
00:39:23,513 --> 00:39:25,504
Yes? Where will I sleep?
607
00:39:25,553 --> 00:39:27,589
My niece won't mind you sharing her room.
608
00:39:27,593 --> 00:39:29,504
- Your niece? But...
- Colette?
609
00:39:30,553 --> 00:39:32,588
Non, it's impo...possible.
610
00:39:32,632 --> 00:39:34,510
Come along, my child.
611
00:39:36,712 --> 00:39:38,668
For what I am about to receive...
612
00:39:39,712 --> 00:39:40,667
...thanks!
613
00:39:44,511 --> 00:39:47,627
And I stayed there till 1953.
614
00:39:47,671 --> 00:39:49,548
Just a minute.
615
00:39:49,591 --> 00:39:51,660
The war ended in 1945.
616
00:39:51,710 --> 00:39:53,666
I was in no hurry.
617
00:39:56,550 --> 00:39:58,586
Loins. Now it's your turn.
618
00:39:59,630 --> 00:40:04,498
Well, my most unusual amorous experience,
believe it or not, took place at the zoo.
619
00:40:05,589 --> 00:40:07,544
Went to see his relatives.
620
00:40:09,709 --> 00:40:12,620
Come on, Loins. Tell us about the zoo.
621
00:40:12,668 --> 00:40:14,705
Well, it was a lovely day.
622
00:40:21,588 --> 00:40:23,657
And all around me there was evidence
623
00:40:23,707 --> 00:40:25,618
that spring was in the air.
624
00:41:27,700 --> 00:41:29,531
What's the matter?
625
00:41:29,540 --> 00:41:30,609
Come here, darling.
626
00:41:38,500 --> 00:41:40,456
Let me out!
627
00:41:41,500 --> 00:41:43,455
Help!
628
00:42:17,616 --> 00:42:19,572
Here, did you get anything?
629
00:42:19,616 --> 00:42:20,571
Pneumonia.
630
00:42:23,695 --> 00:42:26,448
Mrs Dangle, your turn.
631
00:42:27,495 --> 00:42:28,449
Very well.
632
00:42:28,494 --> 00:42:30,450
I shall reveal everything.
633
00:42:30,494 --> 00:42:33,485
- Well, if you're going to strip, I'm going.
- Sit down.
634
00:42:34,533 --> 00:42:38,652
My most unusual experience
happened in a launderette.
635
00:42:38,694 --> 00:42:43,562
As anyone knows, launderettes
are better than pubs if you're after a pick-up.
636
00:42:43,613 --> 00:42:45,490
LEYLAND I didn't know that.
637
00:42:45,493 --> 00:42:48,484
If you ever get around to washing your clothes,
you'll find out.
638
00:42:49,532 --> 00:42:52,569
Now, this particular day, the place was full.
639
00:42:53,611 --> 00:42:54,646
Unattached people.
640
00:42:55,692 --> 00:42:57,649
Course, you get all types in there.
641
00:42:57,693 --> 00:43:00,570
But then, I prefer all types
642
00:43:00,612 --> 00:43:02,523
to other types.
643
00:43:02,532 --> 00:43:03,646
Through long experience,
644
00:43:03,691 --> 00:43:08,684
and if there's one thing I've had
more than anything else, it's experience,
645
00:43:09,450 --> 00:43:09,688
all you do,
646
00:43:10,490 --> 00:43:12,640
if you're on the make, is you say something like,
647
00:43:12,690 --> 00:43:15,568
Excuse me, dear,
can I borrow some of your suds?
648
00:43:20,650 --> 00:43:22,686
And if that doesn't work, you say,
649
00:43:23,449 --> 00:43:25,565
My, but you've got some saucy underpants.
650
00:43:27,609 --> 00:43:33,557
But despite my unusual attractiveness
and highly reclaimed sex appeal,
651
00:43:33,607 --> 00:43:37,647
that day didn't get off to a very promising start.
652
00:43:37,688 --> 00:43:39,644
But sometimes,
653
00:43:39,688 --> 00:43:42,521
when you least expect it,
654
00:43:42,568 --> 00:43:47,561
you see a stranger
across a crowded launderette.
655
00:43:58,645 --> 00:44:00,602
♪ Striptease instrumental
656
00:44:56,680 --> 00:45:01,673
I knew, when I first laid my eyes on his Y-fronts,
657
00:45:01,679 --> 00:45:02,635
I knew...
658
00:45:06,519 --> 00:45:07,474
. . that he
659
00:45:09,598 --> 00:45:10,553
...was the one.
660
00:45:47,475 --> 00:45:48,544
Thank you, Mrs Dangle,
661
00:45:48,595 --> 00:45:50,585
for a most unbelievable experience.
662
00:45:50,634 --> 00:45:53,546
And now I think it's time for you, madam.
663
00:45:53,594 --> 00:45:55,663
- Hear, hear!
- Hear, hear!
664
00:45:56,433 --> 00:45:59,584
Well, I fear, in comparison,
mine may seem rather dull.
665
00:46:00,633 --> 00:46:02,669
I really don't have your imagination.
666
00:46:03,433 --> 00:46:05,423
Why, don't you believe it, darling.
667
00:46:05,472 --> 00:46:07,623
They'll be queuing up for the film rights to yours.
668
00:46:07,673 --> 00:46:09,628
Well, all right.
669
00:46:11,552 --> 00:46:14,429
My most unusual amorous affair,
670
00:46:15,471 --> 00:46:17,508
you may find it hard to believe,
671
00:46:17,552 --> 00:46:18,621
was with my husband.
672
00:46:19,671 --> 00:46:22,469
He has not always been the man you know.
673
00:46:22,511 --> 00:46:26,503
Not very long ago, he was one of the dashing
young sons of la belle France,
674
00:46:26,591 --> 00:46:30,663
with an appetite for the exotic amour
almost equal to my own.
675
00:46:32,590 --> 00:46:35,547
We made love in wild, crazy places,
676
00:46:35,589 --> 00:46:37,626
beautifully,
677
00:46:37,670 --> 00:46:40,581
elementally, in the air.
678
00:46:52,588 --> 00:46:55,545
ll was all so wonderful, so dangerous.
679
00:47:25,584 --> 00:47:28,621
Hemingway said, 'To make love beautifully
680
00:47:29,424 --> 00:47:30,652
is to die a little each time.“
681
00:47:31,464 --> 00:47:35,456
Unfortunately, Emile very soon saw the point.
682
00:47:42,543 --> 00:47:43,498
Aargh!
683
00:47:43,583 --> 00:47:49,452
Aaargh!
684
00:47:51,662 --> 00:47:54,495
Poor Emile.
685
00:47:54,502 --> 00:47:58,541
But now I think we all understand
the master's shortcomings.
686
00:48:14,580 --> 00:48:17,457
♪ The woman is love crazy
687
00:48:17,499 --> 00:48:18,649
♪ She's loving all night
688
00:48:19,420 --> 00:48:21,410
♪ The woman is love crazy
689
00:48:21,499 --> 00:48:22,568
♪ Won't stop for a bite
690
00:48:22,619 --> 00:48:25,576
♪ The woman is love crazy
691
00:48:25,618 --> 00:48:27,529
♪ She's out on her own
692
00:48:27,578 --> 00:48:28,647
♪ Sometimes! work so hard
693
00:48:29,458 --> 00:48:31,448
♪ I wish she'd leave me atone
694
00:48:31,497 --> 00:48:34,535
Pardon me, madam,
there's a young man who wishes to see you.
695
00:48:34,578 --> 00:48:36,488
Does he have a name?
696
00:48:36,537 --> 00:48:39,416
I believe he said Theodore Valentine.
697
00:48:39,458 --> 00:48:41,413
Oh, yes, I remember him.
698
00:48:41,457 --> 00:48:43,448
He's the one I don't remember.
699
00:48:43,497 --> 00:48:45,532
Quite, madam.
700
00:48:45,576 --> 00:48:50,569
Oh, well, better keep him waiting a moment
while I make myself respectable.
701
00:48:59,656 --> 00:49:02,488
There, that should do it.
702
00:49:05,455 --> 00:49:07,649
I do wish you wouldn't lie about
in this abandoned fashion.
703
00:49:08,454 --> 00:49:11,445
It's not good for the servants to see you topless.
704
00:49:11,493 --> 00:49:14,611
- I've had no complaints.
- No, you are bold.
705
00:49:14,654 --> 00:49:17,565
I've never seen anyone so bold.
706
00:49:17,613 --> 00:49:20,651
Ah, why don't you stay here
and we can be bold together?
707
00:49:20,654 --> 00:49:25,522
No, I haven't time. I have a meeting
with the Minister of Foreign Affairs.
708
00:49:25,573 --> 00:49:26,527
Oh, him?
709
00:49:26,572 --> 00:49:29,484
He doesn't have any affairs. That's his problem.
710
00:49:29,532 --> 00:49:33,444
Unlike you, I don't judge everyone
by the amount of dilly-dallying they get up to.
711
00:49:33,491 --> 00:49:36,528
You're always too busy to do the things I like.
712
00:49:36,571 --> 00:49:40,485
I'm sure you don't need me
to help you do the things you like.
713
00:49:40,532 --> 00:49:44,444
But I like doing the things I like with you,
as well as with others I like.
714
00:49:44,451 --> 00:49:46,600
Sooner or later,
you are going to ruin our marriage
715
00:49:46,650 --> 00:49:50,484
if you insist on trying
to drag me into your silly amours.
716
00:49:50,530 --> 00:49:52,565
And for goodness' sake, cover yourself up.
717
00:49:53,609 --> 00:49:55,565
Tell her to cover herself up.
718
00:50:10,608 --> 00:50:12,404
Emmannuelle?
719
00:50:12,447 --> 00:50:13,482
Oui, monsieur.
720
00:50:13,527 --> 00:50:15,483
It's me, Theodore.
721
00:50:17,567 --> 00:50:19,559
Don't you remember me?
722
00:50:19,608 --> 00:50:20,563
Non.
723
00:50:20,608 --> 00:50:24,395
- But you haven't looked at me yet.
- I don't recognise your voice.
724
00:50:24,447 --> 00:50:25,402
Look at me!
725
00:50:28,646 --> 00:50:30,523
Well?
726
00:50:30,566 --> 00:50:32,442
You look familiar.
727
00:50:32,445 --> 00:50:33,400
Concorde.
728
00:50:33,445 --> 00:50:35,401
Oh, oui.
729
00:50:35,485 --> 00:50:36,553
Oh, yes.
730
00:50:36,564 --> 00:50:38,395
That was very funny.
731
00:50:38,445 --> 00:50:40,482
I didn't think so.
732
00:50:40,526 --> 00:50:42,481
Didn't you...? Well, I mean...
733
00:50:42,525 --> 00:50:44,436
Wasn't it...good?
734
00:50:44,485 --> 00:50:47,442
Well, it was...
735
00:50:48,564 --> 00:50:50,475
...different.
736
00:50:50,524 --> 00:50:52,434
Didn't it mean anything to you?
737
00:50:52,443 --> 00:50:55,480
Oh, yes. I will always fly Concorde in future.
738
00:50:55,523 --> 00:51:00,598
Since that wonderful night, I haven't slept,
or eaten, or even cleaned my teeth.
739
00:51:00,644 --> 00:51:03,601
You don't need to clean your teeth
if you haven't eaten.
740
00:51:04,403 --> 00:51:05,597
I have fallen in love.
741
00:51:05,643 --> 00:51:07,519
Oh, you poor boy!
742
00:51:07,562 --> 00:51:08,517
Who with?
743
00:51:08,562 --> 00:51:09,551
Who do you think?
744
00:51:09,602 --> 00:51:11,399
Is it anyone I know?
745
00:51:11,442 --> 00:51:12,476
It's you, of course.
746
00:51:12,521 --> 00:51:14,432
Oh!
747
00:51:14,481 --> 00:51:18,519
I say, I've never felt like this
about anyone before, not even...
748
00:51:20,482 --> 00:51:21,551
...not even my own mother.
749
00:51:22,641 --> 00:51:23,596
Emmannuelle,
750
00:51:23,641 --> 00:51:25,518
I want to marry you.
751
00:51:25,561 --> 00:51:28,472
Oh, I'm done. Shower time.
752
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:29,435
Oh, no!
753
00:51:32,559 --> 00:51:33,514
Oh!
754
00:51:35,599 --> 00:51:39,387
You may enter, Monsieur Concorde.
755
00:51:51,558 --> 00:51:53,627
Did you hear what I said? I want to marry you.
756
00:51:54,437 --> 00:51:57,428
If you want to marry me,
you will have to ask my husband.
757
00:51:57,436 --> 00:51:59,427
But I don't want to marry your husband.
758
00:51:59,477 --> 00:52:00,592
I should hope not.
759
00:52:00,637 --> 00:52:01,592
Do you love him?
760
00:52:01,637 --> 00:52:04,435
- Sometimes.
- You don't sound sure.
761
00:52:04,477 --> 00:52:06,593
Oh, yes. I'm sure I love him sometimes.
762
00:52:06,637 --> 00:52:09,469
Well, will you be prepared to leave him for me?
763
00:52:09,556 --> 00:52:12,433
Certainly not! Not for you or anyone.
764
00:52:12,435 --> 00:52:14,630
Why did you give yourself to me like that
in the Concorde?
765
00:52:15,435 --> 00:52:17,584
You mustn't think that
because I made love to you
766
00:52:17,594 --> 00:52:20,393
that you are entitled to any landing rights.
767
00:52:20,435 --> 00:52:23,472
- I think I'd better go.
- Oh, you can stay if you wish.
768
00:52:23,515 --> 00:52:24,550
I have a free morning.
769
00:52:26,475 --> 00:52:27,623
My towel, please.
770
00:52:40,513 --> 00:52:45,462
Now, look, I shall never make love to you again
until you promise your undying love for me.
771
00:52:45,513 --> 00:52:47,468
I wouldn't be too sure about that.
772
00:52:49,432 --> 00:52:50,581
You can't tempt me again.
773
00:52:50,632 --> 00:52:52,587
No?
774
00:52:52,631 --> 00:52:53,620
Keep away from me.
775
00:52:54,391 --> 00:52:56,382
- You said you love me.
- Yes, but I do.
776
00:52:56,431 --> 00:52:57,386
Show me.
777
00:52:58,430 --> 00:52:59,419
Theodore!
778
00:53:02,550 --> 00:53:06,385
Oh, Theodore, you have wet yourself.
779
00:53:06,431 --> 00:53:08,580
There we are, darling. All tucked in.
780
00:53:08,630 --> 00:53:11,542
Nice and clean. Night-night.
781
00:53:11,590 --> 00:53:13,466
Night-night, Mummy.
782
00:53:13,469 --> 00:53:16,461
What are we going
to dream about tonight, darling?
783
00:53:16,509 --> 00:53:17,623
Not her!
784
00:53:18,388 --> 00:53:20,505
- Why not?
- Well, she'll only bring you trouble.
785
00:53:21,549 --> 00:53:24,381
- Yes.
- Have you dreamt about her before?
786
00:53:24,428 --> 00:53:26,465
Yes, often, night and day.
787
00:53:26,469 --> 00:53:28,424
Oh, you are in a state.
788
00:53:28,468 --> 00:53:30,504
- I dreamt about her last night.
- Did you?
789
00:53:30,548 --> 00:53:32,379
No, she wouldn't let me.
790
00:53:33,587 --> 00:53:35,498
I must ring Dr Jones.
791
00:53:35,547 --> 00:53:36,582
What can he do?
792
00:53:36,587 --> 00:53:39,578
Well, he can give you an injection
or...something.
793
00:53:39,626 --> 00:53:40,582
What for?
794
00:53:41,387 --> 00:53:44,423
- Well, for whatever you've got.
- I like what I've got.
795
00:53:44,506 --> 00:53:46,462
Well, I don't.
796
00:53:46,506 --> 00:53:48,497
And I'm going to do something about it.
797
00:53:50,546 --> 00:53:51,615
Night-night, darling.
798
00:53:58,584 --> 00:54:04,454
Now it's time for your afternoon
bodybuilding session with Harry Hernia.
799
00:54:12,544 --> 00:54:17,617
Now, this afternoon, I'm gonna show you
how to build up your stomach muscles.
800
00:54:18,422 --> 00:54:20,378
I don't think I got any.
801
00:54:20,422 --> 00:54:22,379
Are you ready?
802
00:54:22,423 --> 00:54:24,378
l am all yours, Harry.
803
00:54:28,541 --> 00:54:31,579
- You're at it again.
- So is he, listen.
804
00:54:31,622 --> 00:54:33,577
Let's all lie down on the floor.
805
00:54:33,621 --> 00:54:36,419
Ooh, it's very hard.
806
00:54:36,421 --> 00:54:39,571
''Now, raise your legs in the air.
807
00:54:39,620 --> 00:54:42,419
Ooh, no, I feel it.
808
00:54:42,501 --> 00:54:45,412
- Who's he got in there?
- I don't know. I can't see.
809
00:54:49,459 --> 00:54:50,415
Loins.
810
00:54:51,540 --> 00:54:52,575
What are you doing?
811
00:54:52,620 --> 00:54:56,498
Um, er, I was just tying my shoelace, madam.
812
00:54:56,539 --> 00:54:59,416
Yes, and I was helping him.
813
00:55:00,418 --> 00:55:02,455
But, Loins, your shoes have no laces.
814
00:55:02,499 --> 00:55:04,409
Oh, I...
815
00:55:08,497 --> 00:55:09,532
Madam, I...
816
00:55:12,418 --> 00:55:13,486
EMMANNUELLE. I'm back.
817
00:55:14,537 --> 00:55:16,448
Ah, yes, dear.
818
00:55:16,497 --> 00:55:17,612
It's warm out.
819
00:55:20,536 --> 00:55:22,528
You don't care what I do.
820
00:55:24,456 --> 00:55:25,525
Today...
821
00:55:27,456 --> 00:55:33,531
Today I made love to 14 soldiers,
21 sailors, and 16 airmen.
822
00:55:33,576 --> 00:55:35,531
The Prime Minister announced
823
00:55:35,575 --> 00:55:39,533
that the morale of the defense forces
has never been higher.
824
00:55:39,574 --> 00:55:41,406
What did you say?
825
00:55:42,495 --> 00:55:43,450
Nothing.
826
00:55:44,574 --> 00:55:46,565
Why haven't your muscles
827
00:55:46,614 --> 00:55:50,367
- developed like that?
- They will, eventually.
828
00:55:50,413 --> 00:55:52,369
You'll never match that gorgeous hunk.
829
00:55:52,413 --> 00:55:54,563
I don't expect to match him.
830
00:55:54,613 --> 00:55:58,401
That's Harry Hernia.
He has the most highly developed
831
00:55:58,453 --> 00:56:02,412
rectus femoris in the whole of Britain.
832
00:56:02,453 --> 00:56:03,488
Has he?
833
00:56:07,532 --> 00:56:12,525
Bye-bye this afternoon,
and don'! forget your exercises.
834
00:56:12,571 --> 00:56:15,404
Tonight they are going to proclaim him
835
00:56:15,451 --> 00:56:17,407
Mr Super Muscle.
836
00:56:18,491 --> 00:56:19,559
Do you know him?
837
00:56:19,570 --> 00:56:24,485
Of course. Yes.
I have lessons from him in pumping iron.
838
00:56:24,530 --> 00:56:27,567
- I think I would like to meet him.
- Whatever for?
839
00:56:29,489 --> 00:56:30,558
Body building.
840
00:56:46,448 --> 00:56:48,564
- Where do you sleep?
- On the mat.
841
00:56:50,487 --> 00:56:53,445
- Where do you sit?
- Sittings bad for the posture.
842
00:56:53,487 --> 00:56:56,365
You either stand, squat, or lie down.
843
00:56:56,407 --> 00:56:58,363
- Mind if I squat?
- Surely.
844
00:56:59,526 --> 00:57:02,439
- Want something?
- Depends what you have in mind.
845
00:57:03,487 --> 00:57:04,441
Drink, maybe.
846
00:57:05,566 --> 00:57:06,521
Maybe.
847
00:57:06,566 --> 00:57:07,601
OK.
848
00:57:10,525 --> 00:57:12,481
Oxo or Bovril?
849
00:57:12,485 --> 00:57:14,475
Don't you have something else?
850
00:57:14,524 --> 00:57:17,358
Sure. How about a glass of milk?
851
00:57:17,405 --> 00:57:18,474
No, thank you.
852
00:57:31,603 --> 00:57:34,356
What do you want to do?
853
00:57:34,403 --> 00:57:37,360
Depends what you...have in mind.
854
00:57:37,402 --> 00:57:38,392
A work-out, maybe.
855
00:57:38,443 --> 00:57:40,512
- A work-out?
- Sure.
856
00:57:40,562 --> 00:57:42,519
What do you want me to do first?
857
00:57:42,563 --> 00:57:45,440
Now come on, lady, let's take your clothes off.
858
00:57:48,602 --> 00:57:51,559
Oh, can you help me with the zip?
859
00:57:51,601 --> 00:57:55,434
Why, sure. Now let me get my things off.
860
00:57:57,440 --> 00:57:59,397
Can I help you?
861
00:57:59,401 --> 00:58:00,469
I can manage.
862
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:04,399
Now take a look at this.
863
00:58:04,441 --> 00:58:06,556
It's a beaut, eh? What do you think of that?
864
00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:12,438
lncroyable! I've never seen anything that big.
865
00:58:14,519 --> 00:58:16,474
Now let's have a look at you.
866
00:58:22,559 --> 00:58:25,356
Well, what's the verdict?
867
00:58:25,398 --> 00:58:27,514
You definitely need more exercises.
868
00:58:27,558 --> 00:58:29,594
How about making love?
869
00:58:30,357 --> 00:58:31,506
Very good exercise.
870
00:58:31,557 --> 00:58:35,435
Builds up your lumber,
and your rectus abdominus.
871
00:58:35,436 --> 00:58:37,472
But it's off my training programme.
872
00:58:37,516 --> 00:58:39,472
- Oh, that's a pity.
- Sony, darling.
873
00:58:39,516 --> 00:58:43,476
It's the Mr Muscles contest
and I want to win that title before I retire.
874
00:58:43,517 --> 00:58:45,427
That?! make it a hat trick.
875
00:58:45,476 --> 00:58:49,594
I'm determined to go out with a bang.
876
00:58:49,596 --> 00:58:52,473
That's exactly what I had in mind.
877
00:58:54,515 --> 00:58:56,391
Ambassador's residence.
878
00:58:57,474 --> 00:58:59,590
Well, I'm sure that madam is asleep right now.
879
00:59:02,354 --> 00:59:04,471
Very well, sir. Are you sure it's urgent?
880
00:59:05,594 --> 00:59:07,585
Yes, well, hold on one moment, please.
881
00:59:19,552 --> 00:59:21,507
Madam?
882
00:59:32,431 --> 00:59:33,466
Madam?
883
00:59:40,589 --> 00:59:42,580
Wake up, madam. There is a call for you.
884
00:59:44,471 --> 00:59:47,462
Madam, wake up, please. He says it's urgent.
885
00:59:47,510 --> 00:59:48,579
Who is that?
886
00:59:50,510 --> 00:59:51,498
Ah, Loins.
887
00:59:52,589 --> 00:59:54,386
What is it?
888
00:59:54,429 --> 00:59:57,340
Um, a phone call.
889
00:59:57,388 --> 00:59:59,344
I believe it's a gentleman friend.
890
00:59:59,388 --> 01:00:00,503
Tell him I'm out.
891
01:00:00,548 --> 01:00:03,460
He already knows that you're in, madam.
892
01:00:03,548 --> 01:00:05,460
Take a message.
893
01:00:05,509 --> 01:00:06,577
I...l did.
894
01:00:06,588 --> 01:00:09,500
- What was it?
- He says that he wants to speak to you.
895
01:00:14,427 --> 01:00:16,382
Allo?
896
01:00:16,426 --> 01:00:18,337
- Who is this?
- It's me.
897
01:00:18,386 --> 01:00:20,422
Theodore. Are you alone?
898
01:00:20,466 --> 01:00:23,458
- I'm in bed.
- Yes, but are you alone?
899
01:00:23,466 --> 01:00:25,422
What do you want?
900
01:00:25,506 --> 01:00:27,462
- I had to ring you.
- Why?
901
01:00:27,506 --> 01:00:30,543
Because... I want to tell you that I love you.
902
01:00:30,586 --> 01:00:32,462
You love me?
903
01:00:32,505 --> 01:00:34,496
Oh, Loins.
904
01:00:34,545 --> 01:00:37,377
- Pardon? What did you say?
- Oh, nothing.
905
01:00:37,384 --> 01:00:38,419
I love you.
906
01:00:38,464 --> 01:00:41,455
Theodore, you don't fall in love
with someone like me.
907
01:00:41,503 --> 01:00:43,460
Why not?
908
01:00:43,504 --> 01:00:45,495
It's out of character.
909
01:00:45,544 --> 01:00:47,580
LYONS'. Ooh.
910
01:00:48,344 --> 01:00:49,459
Loins!
911
01:00:49,504 --> 01:00:52,415
- Loins'? You called me Loins.
- I didn't cal! you Loins.
912
01:00:52,463 --> 01:00:54,579
I called Loins Loins.
913
01:00:55,383 --> 01:00:57,498
Is Loins... ls Lyons in bed with you?
914
01:00:57,502 --> 01:01:01,460
Ah, no. He's just a butler. Don't be silly.
915
01:01:01,501 --> 01:01:03,457
He brought me a cup of tea.
916
01:01:05,382 --> 01:01:09,421
I want you lo promise me lo give up
all those men and come and live with me.
917
01:01:09,422 --> 01:01:10,571
And Mother.
918
01:01:12,421 --> 01:01:15,379
He wants me to promise
to give up all those other men
919
01:01:15,421 --> 01:01:18,378
and come and live with him...and Mother.
920
01:01:22,419 --> 01:01:24,411
I don't think that's a very good idea.
921
01:01:24,460 --> 01:01:27,337
- Why not?
- I'm happy where I am.
922
01:01:28,379 --> 01:01:30,371
How can you say that?
923
01:01:30,420 --> 01:01:32,375
Nobody loves you like I do.
924
01:01:32,459 --> 01:01:34,370
You're not in a position to refuse.
925
01:01:34,419 --> 01:01:36,488
I'm in a position to do anything I want.
926
01:01:37,578 --> 01:01:41,570
If you don't do what I ask,
I shall be forced to do something drastic.
927
01:01:43,577 --> 01:01:46,376
Now you're laughing at me again.
928
01:01:47,537 --> 01:01:49,448
Goodbye, Theodore.
929
01:01:49,497 --> 01:01:51,409
Don't call us.
930
01:01:51,458 --> 01:01:52,572
We'll call you.
931
01:01:55,537 --> 01:01:58,528
Oh, come on, Loins. It's time to get up.
932
01:01:58,536 --> 01:02:00,333
Very well, madam.
933
01:02:05,536 --> 01:02:09,369
Emmannuelle, come along! You know that...
934
01:02:09,415 --> 01:02:11,486
Emmannuelle, what on earth are you wearing?
935
01:02:11,536 --> 01:02:15,528
You're the one who's always complaining
about me walking around uncovered.
936
01:02:15,575 --> 01:02:17,565
I was hoping you would be ready.
937
01:02:19,374 --> 01:02:23,366
I am, chéri. I'm always ready.
Let's go into the library.
938
01:02:23,413 --> 01:02:26,406
Yes... I don't want to go into the library
to read books.
939
01:02:26,454 --> 01:02:27,488
Neither do I.
940
01:02:27,493 --> 01:02:31,327
We are supposed to be
attending an official function.
941
01:02:31,373 --> 01:02:35,491
I don't want to go to your function.
I do not like your functions. They are all boring.
942
01:02:35,573 --> 01:02:39,451
This is a football match. I am to present a cup.
943
01:02:39,452 --> 01:02:45,368
A football match, with all those
young, healthy men with big thighs?
944
01:02:45,452 --> 01:02:47,567
Hmm, but if you don't want to go,
I can't make you.
945
01:02:47,571 --> 01:02:50,449
Oh, give me time to get changed.
946
01:02:57,570 --> 01:02:59,322
What kept you?
947
01:04:16,402 --> 01:04:18,472
Get out there, quick!
948
01:04:39,560 --> 01:04:41,471
Oi!
949
01:04:44,399 --> 01:04:46,356
Come on. Get out. You're on.
950
01:05:56,352 --> 01:05:57,546
Where are the players?
951
01:06:22,349 --> 01:06:24,544
- Allo?
- Hello, Hany Hernia here.
952
01:06:25,349 --> 01:06:27,420
Remember the other night?
953
01:06:27,430 --> 01:06:30,307
Well, my trainer says it's OK until Friday,
954
01:06:30,349 --> 01:06:32,305
so how about it?
955
01:06:32,349 --> 01:06:34,498
- Where are you?
- I'll meet you in ten minutes
956
01:06:34,548 --> 01:06:36,504
outside your garden gate.
957
01:06:53,547 --> 01:06:56,379
Oh lé lé, Harry!
958
01:06:56,426 --> 01:06:59,417
I know you are a big man, but this is ridiculous.
959
01:07:00,465 --> 01:07:03,537
- Move!
- Must I? It's very nice like this.
960
01:07:04,304 --> 01:07:04,542
Get in!
961
01:07:17,384 --> 01:07:22,332
- Stan the car.
- Theodore, what is this all about?
962
01:07:22,343 --> 01:07:23,492
How do you know it's me?
963
01:07:25,542 --> 01:07:26,498
Stan the car.
964
01:07:27,304 --> 01:07:30,500
I will not. I'm going to have dinner
with my husband and the Foreign Secretary.
965
01:07:30,543 --> 01:07:33,376
They can wait. I'm kidnapping you.
966
01:07:33,423 --> 01:07:36,539
That's crazy. My husband
wouldn't give you one franc to get me back.
967
01:07:37,342 --> 01:07:41,493
Not for ransom. I'm making you my prisoner.
I'm going to keep you to myself.
968
01:07:41,501 --> 01:07:43,332
That's ridiculous.
969
01:07:43,381 --> 01:07:47,341
I warn you. I'm desperate. Stan the car.
970
01:07:48,342 --> 01:07:49,376
Non.
971
01:07:49,421 --> 01:07:51,491
- Why not?
- I can't drive.
972
01:07:51,501 --> 01:07:54,378
Oh, God! Why didn't you tell me?
973
01:07:54,420 --> 01:07:57,412
- You didn't ask me.
- Change over.
974
01:07:57,460 --> 01:07:58,415
Go on.
975
01:08:01,419 --> 01:08:03,489
ON. Ora-had.!
976
01:08:03,539 --> 01:08:05,494
It was worse on the Concorde.
977
01:08:08,460 --> 01:08:11,337
If you wanted to kidnap me properly,
978
01:08:11,379 --> 01:08:14,495
you should have sneaked into my bedroom
in the middle of the night,
979
01:08:15,538 --> 01:08:17,369
chloroformed me,
980
01:08:17,418 --> 01:08:20,534
and carried me over your back
to the car in a sack.
981
01:08:21,337 --> 01:08:23,373
I thought of that, only I've got a bad back.
982
01:08:30,417 --> 01:08:33,409
- You can't drive with one hand.
- Yes, I can.
983
01:08:34,457 --> 01:08:35,411
Theodore.
984
01:08:35,496 --> 01:08:39,330
- You're not going to kidnap me.
- I am.
985
01:08:39,336 --> 01:08:40,450
Aargh!
986
01:08:41,495 --> 01:08:44,328
- I don't think so.
- I can't drive lying down.
987
01:08:44,375 --> 01:08:46,444
Who is talking about driving?
988
01:08:46,494 --> 01:08:48,451
Ah, there, now don't! No, stop!
989
01:08:49,495 --> 01:08:51,326
Don't!
990
01:08:51,375 --> 01:08:52,524
Stop.
991
01:08:53,535 --> 01:08:55,365
Don't stop.
992
01:08:55,454 --> 01:08:59,447
Oh, Emmannuelle,
you're making it very hard for me.
993
01:09:15,492 --> 01:09:19,451
Emmannuelle, I may have to do
something ruthless to bring you to your senses.
994
01:09:21,531 --> 01:09:24,364
My editor won't be interested if it's not authentic.
995
01:09:24,411 --> 01:09:28,324
It's authentic, all right.
I've got the pictures here to prove it.
996
01:09:28,371 --> 01:09:30,486
Well, now, what else has this broad been up to?
997
01:09:30,530 --> 01:09:32,328
It's all down there.
998
01:09:34,451 --> 01:09:36,361
What's that?
999
01:09:36,410 --> 01:09:39,402
Blimey! And that was with the chauffeur, right?
1000
01:09:39,410 --> 01:09:40,478
Yeah, that's right.
1001
01:09:42,529 --> 01:09:45,406
We'll need substantiation before we can run this.
1002
01:09:45,448 --> 01:09:48,486
I've got everything -
photographs, names, places, dates.
1003
01:09:48,529 --> 01:09:50,484
And all on affidavits.
1004
01:09:52,288 --> 01:09:53,517
Foreplay with the butler.
1005
01:09:54,329 --> 01:09:57,400
- Did you use a wide-angle lens on this?
- I certainly did.
1006
01:09:58,408 --> 01:09:59,523
Aha! Ménage é trois
1007
01:10:00,287 --> 01:10:03,438
with a Soviet ambassador and a KGB man
at the Soviet embassy.
1008
01:10:03,527 --> 01:10:05,517
Sounds like a case of "reds on the bed".
1009
01:10:06,526 --> 01:10:11,475
Algolagnia with the Minister of Sport.
1010
01:10:11,486 --> 01:10:13,477
- What's that?
- I don't know. Here...
1011
01:10:15,406 --> 01:10:17,522
Algo...algolagnia...
1012
01:10:18,286 --> 01:10:21,357
Spanking! Here, you should know about that,
you old devil!
1013
01:10:22,445 --> 01:10:26,403
When it used to happen to me,
I didn't know you were supposed to enjoy it.
1014
01:10:26,444 --> 01:10:28,356
Theodore,
1015
01:10:28,405 --> 01:10:32,317
what does "coitus interruptus
with the Prime Minister" mean?
1016
01:10:32,364 --> 01:10:35,437
It means, Mother,
that the Prime Minister's a very busy man.
1017
01:10:35,444 --> 01:10:40,517
Pygmalionism: amorous attraction
directed towards a statue.
1018
01:10:42,283 --> 01:10:44,274
Stone the pigeons!
1019
01:10:44,323 --> 01:10:46,313
What next?
1020
01:10:46,362 --> 01:10:49,480
Accepted her punishment
from the Lord Chief Justice.
1021
01:10:49,483 --> 01:10:53,270
A bit of habeas corpus
with the police commissioner.
1022
01:10:53,322 --> 01:10:57,361
Played strip Monopoly
with the chairman of the Bank of England,
1023
01:10:57,402 --> 01:11:01,394
and got herself in a very united state
with the American ambassador.
1024
01:11:01,441 --> 01:11:03,397
Let me have a look.
1025
01:11:05,361 --> 01:11:07,430
I haven't got my glasses.
1026
01:11:07,480 --> 01:11:13,316
Aphrodite callipygous with the guest conductor
of the Royal Symphony Orchestra.
1027
01:11:13,360 --> 01:11:16,510
- Aphrodite calli...callipygous.
- It's all Greek to me.
1028
01:11:16,519 --> 01:11:21,274
It says, "Scopophilia
is the more urgent form of voyeurism."
1029
01:11:22,359 --> 01:11:23,428
Hm'?
1030
01:11:23,479 --> 01:11:26,356
The need to watch others undress.
1031
01:11:26,398 --> 01:11:29,277
Blimey, I've had that for years!
1032
01:11:29,319 --> 01:11:32,355
- Not with an entire football team.
- No, I'm a rugby man, mate.
1033
01:11:32,398 --> 01:11:33,467
Different shaped balls.
1034
01:11:33,518 --> 01:11:37,305
Because of his wife's alleged misconduct
in high places,
1035
01:11:37,317 --> 01:11:41,435
the President of the Republic has indicated
that the ambassador may be dismissed.
1036
01:11:41,477 --> 01:11:44,389
Because of the allegations,
the Soviet ambassador
1037
01:11:44,437 --> 01:11:49,306
sought political asylum in the Soviet Union...
l beg your pardon. That should read,
1038
01:11:49,357 --> 01:11:53,474
"The Soviet ambassador today was sent
to a political asylum in the Soviet Union. "
1039
01:11:53,516 --> 01:11:57,303
The Prime Minister said today,
'There's nothing to deny.
1040
01:11:57,355 --> 01:11:59,472
What good is proof without the evidence?'
1041
01:11:59,476 --> 01:12:01,431
The American ambassador said,
1042
01:12:01,475 --> 01:12:04,467
'Why don't you off
and mind your own business?'
1043
01:12:04,515 --> 01:12:07,392
- Will you all stand back?
- Could you move back?
1044
01:12:07,434 --> 01:12:11,268
- Move back, please, sir. Thank you.
- Where's the ambassador?
1045
01:12:11,314 --> 01:12:13,305
- Where's Emmannuelle?
- Any statement?
1046
01:12:13,314 --> 01:12:18,307
The ambassador and his lady wife
have asked me to tell you they are not at home.
1047
01:12:18,353 --> 01:12:21,425
And even if they were,
the answer would be, "No comment."
1048
01:12:21,473 --> 01:12:24,431
Hey, butler. You're the butler.
You must have seen something.
1049
01:12:24,473 --> 01:12:26,463
Yeah, tell us what the butler saw!
1050
01:12:26,512 --> 01:12:28,503
- No comment.
- Is it true
1051
01:12:29,313 --> 01:12:32,429
that she had an affair
with the all the domestic staff except you?
1052
01:12:32,472 --> 01:12:34,428
Ts that true?
1053
01:12:34,432 --> 01:12:36,343
That, sir, is quite untrue.
1054
01:12:36,431 --> 01:12:38,501
Ah, then the butler did do it!
1055
01:12:40,471 --> 01:12:41,506
No comment.
1056
01:12:44,351 --> 01:12:46,387
Don't like Harold Hump. Can't stand him.
1057
01:12:46,391 --> 01:12:49,269
That's funny. He can't stand you, either.
1058
01:12:49,311 --> 01:12:51,267
- Will you be quiet and listen?
- All right.
1059
01:12:51,351 --> 01:12:54,308
Hello, good evening, good night and welcome.
1060
01:12:55,350 --> 01:12:57,385
Not since the Keeler affair, or Watergate
1061
01:12:57,429 --> 01:13:01,308
has public interest been so aroused
in the affairs of state.
1062
01:13:01,309 --> 01:13:04,426
I refer, of course, to the case
of Madame Emmannuelle Prévert.
1063
01:13:06,389 --> 01:13:07,343
Sh!
1064
01:13:07,388 --> 01:13:11,348
Now Madame Prévert has consented,
and I use the word advisedly,
1065
01:13:11,389 --> 01:13:13,458
to be interviewed for the very first time.
1066
01:13:22,306 --> 01:13:23,501
- Madame Prévert.
- Pray-var.
1067
01:13:23,507 --> 01:13:25,304
I beg your pardon.
1068
01:13:30,387 --> 01:13:34,299
Madame Prévert, thank you for allowing me
to set the record straight
1069
01:13:34,346 --> 01:13:36,462
- for our viewers.
- Not at all.
1070
01:13:36,506 --> 01:13:41,260
Will you now take this opportunity
to deny the allegations made against you?
1071
01:13:41,305 --> 01:13:42,259
Non.
1072
01:13:42,304 --> 01:13:45,422
You won't take the opportunity?
Or you won't deny them?
1073
01:13:45,465 --> 01:13:47,455
- Which?
- Both.
1074
01:13:47,464 --> 01:13:49,341
He won't catch madam.
1075
01:13:49,384 --> 01:13:50,454
Quite! Yeah.
1076
01:13:50,505 --> 01:13:53,462
Do you deny the allegations
that have been made against you?
1077
01:13:53,504 --> 01:13:54,493
No.
1078
01:13:55,304 --> 01:13:56,453
Don? you mean yes?
1079
01:13:56,504 --> 01:13:58,459
No, I mean no.
1080
01:13:58,463 --> 01:14:02,250
You don't deny the allegations at all?
1081
01:14:02,302 --> 01:14:06,342
No. Apart from a little embellishment,
they are substantially true.
1082
01:14:06,423 --> 01:14:09,380
You mean, you're not going
to deny the allegations?
1083
01:14:09,382 --> 01:14:10,452
Why should I?
1084
01:14:10,503 --> 01:14:13,335
- Everybody else has.
- That's their problem.
1085
01:14:13,382 --> 01:14:16,294
- That's telling 'em, girl.
- Go it, madam!
1086
01:14:16,302 --> 01:14:17,450
Shh!
1087
01:14:17,501 --> 01:14:20,493
Wait a minute. Let's get this straight.
1088
01:14:22,300 --> 01:14:28,375
Is it true or false that you actually had an...
affectionate encounter with the Prime Minister?
1089
01:14:28,380 --> 01:14:30,372
True. I remember it quite well.
1090
01:14:30,421 --> 01:14:35,255
I don't always remember everyone
I have an affair with, but I remember him.
1091
01:14:35,300 --> 01:14:37,256
He was very charming.
1092
01:14:37,299 --> 01:14:41,338
He sandwiched me in between
a cabinet meeting and a visit from the unions.
1093
01:14:41,379 --> 01:14:43,369
Of course, he was a little distracted.
1094
01:14:43,418 --> 01:14:45,249
I bet he was!
1095
01:14:45,338 --> 01:14:46,453
A bit? Ha, ha!
1096
01:14:46,498 --> 01:14:48,454
So would I be.
1097
01:14:48,498 --> 01:14:49,487
Do you mind?
1098
01:14:50,299 --> 01:14:53,370
What about the other people
mentioned in the press?
1099
01:14:53,378 --> 01:14:57,291
Oh, they were all a bit distracted.
Busy people usually are.
1100
01:14:58,497 --> 01:15:00,374
- Really?
- That is why,
1101
01:15:00,417 --> 01:15:03,408
on occasions, I have to resort to variations.
1102
01:15:03,456 --> 01:15:07,415
- Do you realise what you're admitting?
- Yes.
1103
01:15:07,456 --> 01:15:11,291
Would you like to take this opportunity
to express your regrets
1104
01:15:11,337 --> 01:15:13,327
- over these affairs?
- Non.
1105
01:15:13,376 --> 01:15:15,412
You don't deny them and you don't regret them?
1106
01:15:15,416 --> 01:15:17,407
Yes, I don't.
1107
01:15:17,456 --> 01:15:20,333
Do you have a sense of right and wrong?
1108
01:15:20,375 --> 01:15:21,444
Oh, yes.
1109
01:15:21,495 --> 01:15:24,327
- Then you'll admit you did wrong?
- No.
1110
01:15:24,374 --> 01:15:29,289
Have you no qualms about the fact that your
actions are likely to bring down the government?
1111
01:15:29,334 --> 01:15:32,247
- That's very unlikely.
- Really?
1112
01:15:32,295 --> 01:15:36,412
The papers omitted to mention I'd given
equal time to the Leader of the Opposition.
1113
01:15:36,454 --> 01:15:41,368
He sandwiched me between a meeting
of the shadow cabinet and a game of golf.
1114
01:15:41,413 --> 01:15:43,368
I bet he kept his eye on the ball!
1115
01:15:43,412 --> 01:15:47,291
Must be the only man
who got a hole in one on the 19th!
1116
01:15:48,491 --> 01:15:50,370
But why?
1117
01:15:50,413 --> 01:15:54,291
Why did you,
an ambassador's wife, do all this?
1118
01:15:54,332 --> 01:15:58,290
Can you think of any better way
of winning friends for your country?
1119
01:15:59,491 --> 01:16:00,446
Look...
1120
01:16:02,491 --> 01:16:06,278
Do you share the philosophy
of certain other ladies
1121
01:16:06,330 --> 01:16:09,366
who have said that
by making love to many people,
1122
01:16:09,369 --> 01:16:12,443
they are expanding the frontiers
of human relationship?
1123
01:16:12,491 --> 01:16:14,321
No. This is...
1124
01:16:14,370 --> 01:16:15,359
How you say?
1125
01:16:15,410 --> 01:16:17,480
- ..Bullshit.
1126
01:16:19,329 --> 01:16:21,445
What about your husband?
1127
01:16:21,489 --> 01:16:23,399
Oh, he thinks it's bullshit, too.
1128
01:16:30,447 --> 01:16:32,326
What...what are you doing?
1129
01:16:32,369 --> 01:16:33,437
You talk too much.
1130
01:16:34,488 --> 01:16:36,399
We'll cut it there, OK?
1131
01:16:37,408 --> 01:16:39,284
It's live?
1132
01:16:39,327 --> 01:16:43,399
Whose bloody idea was that?
At least cut it off the one for the States, OK?
1133
01:16:43,446 --> 01:16:47,359
It's going out now, on satellite,
worldwide with translations?
1134
01:16:49,445 --> 01:16:52,244
Good night. What do you think you're doing?
1135
01:16:53,287 --> 01:16:55,356
Good...good night, everybody.
1136
01:16:55,406 --> 01:16:56,395
Thank you.
1137
01:16:56,446 --> 01:16:57,481
Cut it! Cut it!
1138
01:16:58,246 --> 01:16:59,394
What are you doing?
1139
01:16:59,485 --> 01:17:01,441
Cut. Cut to the commercial.
1140
01:17:01,445 --> 01:17:03,400
Cut, cut. Cut to the commercials.
1141
01:17:10,283 --> 01:17:12,240
At least it won't hurt the ratings.
1142
01:17:18,324 --> 01:17:20,279
Theodore?
1143
01:17:20,283 --> 01:17:21,352
- Theodore!
1144
01:17:21,403 --> 01:17:22,392
What are you doing?
1145
01:17:22,443 --> 01:17:24,273
Nothing, Mother!
1146
01:17:24,322 --> 01:17:27,280
You're not doing anything
naughty to yourself, are you,
1147
01:17:27,322 --> 01:17:29,357
like that disgusting boy in that novel?
1148
01:17:29,401 --> 01:17:32,280
No, Mother!
1149
01:17:32,322 --> 01:17:36,361
Well, I've got some lovely steamed chicken,
1150
01:17:36,402 --> 01:17:41,270
and mashed potatoes
with butter and parsley and herbs for you.
1151
01:17:41,321 --> 01:17:43,312
I'm not hungry, Mother.
1152
01:17:43,361 --> 01:17:45,351
But you haven't eaten for days.
1153
01:17:46,400 --> 01:17:48,391
You're not on hunger strike, are you?
1154
01:17:48,440 --> 01:17:49,474
Yes, Mother.
1155
01:17:50,239 --> 01:17:52,310
What, because of that dreadful girl?
1156
01:17:52,360 --> 01:17:54,395
Yes, Mother.
1157
01:17:54,439 --> 01:17:57,398
Then half the country must be starving.
1158
01:17:57,400 --> 01:18:01,438
Don't you understand? I loved Emmannuelle.
I can't live without her.
1159
01:18:01,479 --> 01:18:03,276
But...
1160
01:18:03,279 --> 01:18:05,234
I can't do anything right.
1161
01:18:14,397 --> 01:18:16,353
I'm going to shoot myself.
1162
01:18:16,437 --> 01:18:19,349
Oh, no, no, darling!
1163
01:18:19,397 --> 01:18:22,230
I must. I'm a failure.
1164
01:18:22,277 --> 01:18:25,393
You're all that Mummy's got
now that Daddy's gone.
1165
01:18:25,436 --> 01:18:28,234
I'm a complete failure.
1166
01:18:30,275 --> 01:18:31,344
- No!
1167
01:18:35,395 --> 01:18:37,386
I told you I was a failure. I missed.
1168
01:18:39,355 --> 01:18:41,391
Mummy's little teddy!
1169
01:18:44,274 --> 01:18:45,263
Ninety-nine.
1170
01:18:45,314 --> 01:18:46,383
Ninety-nine.
1171
01:18:46,394 --> 01:18:48,350
Ninety-nine. Ninety-nine.
1172
01:18:48,434 --> 01:18:51,311
- Say "ninety-nine."
- Ninety-nine.
1173
01:18:51,353 --> 01:18:52,469
Ninety-nine.
1174
01:18:53,274 --> 01:18:58,427
I see. This stems from the unfortunate accident
with that church spire.
1175
01:18:58,473 --> 01:19:00,384
Yes, you got the point.
1176
01:19:00,433 --> 01:19:02,469
No, you got the point.
1177
01:19:02,473 --> 01:19:07,262
And you're finding it difficult
to make love to your wife.
1178
01:19:07,312 --> 01:19:09,268
Yes. Can you help me?
1179
01:19:09,351 --> 01:19:11,421
You want me to make love to your wife?
1180
01:19:11,431 --> 01:19:15,219
Ah...no, certainly not!
I want you to help me to do it.
1181
01:19:15,311 --> 01:19:16,426
Jolly good.
1182
01:19:16,471 --> 01:19:18,427
Please drop your trousers.
1183
01:19:21,351 --> 01:19:23,228
I'm quite sure
1184
01:19:23,271 --> 01:19:26,387
your condition is psychological, not pathological.
1185
01:19:26,430 --> 01:19:31,378
There is absolutely no reason
why you cannot enjoy a perfectly
1186
01:19:31,429 --> 01:19:33,421
normal relationship with your wife.
1187
01:19:33,430 --> 01:19:37,308
But I've tried and tried.
1188
01:19:37,349 --> 01:19:40,420
And you can't raise any enthusiasm.
1189
01:19:40,468 --> 01:19:42,346
I can't raise anything.
1190
01:19:44,469 --> 01:19:46,424
You seem to have the right equipment.
1191
01:19:46,468 --> 01:19:48,299
You're very kind.
1192
01:19:49,428 --> 01:19:52,420
Oh, doctor, your hands are very cold.
1193
01:19:52,468 --> 01:19:53,423
Sorry.
1194
01:19:57,267 --> 01:19:58,222
Cough.
1195
01:19:59,307 --> 01:20:01,262
Yes. As I thought.
1196
01:20:01,306 --> 01:20:03,263
It's all in your mind.
1197
01:20:03,307 --> 01:20:04,376
Are you sure?
1198
01:20:04,427 --> 01:20:06,462
I'll prove it. Nurse!
1199
01:20:06,466 --> 01:20:09,424
Wait a minute.
I've got nothing on. I am not decent.
1200
01:20:09,466 --> 01:20:13,379
She's a nurse.
She is used to seeing things like that.
1201
01:20:15,345 --> 01:20:17,301
Open your coat, please, nurse.
1202
01:20:23,425 --> 01:20:25,335
Thank you, nurse.
1203
01:20:27,264 --> 01:20:28,333
You see.
1204
01:20:28,344 --> 01:20:31,415
There's nothing wrong with you.
You're making a fuss
1205
01:20:32,223 --> 01:20:35,374
- about such a little thing.
- I would not say that.
1206
01:20:43,462 --> 01:20:45,418
You will catch a cold in your eye.
1207
01:20:45,462 --> 01:20:47,418
It is incredible.
1208
01:20:48,222 --> 01:20:50,337
- What is?
- She must be in a very bad way.
1209
01:20:50,381 --> 01:20:52,337
What is it? Who's she got in bed now?
1210
01:20:52,381 --> 01:20:55,339
You'll never believe me when I tell you.
The ambassador.
1211
01:20:55,381 --> 01:20:57,258
- Which one?
- Her husband.
1212
01:20:58,301 --> 01:21:01,451
Oh! Well, I suppose a change
is as good as a rest.
1213
01:21:04,420 --> 01:21:06,456
That was wonderful, darling.
1214
01:21:06,460 --> 01:21:09,293
Think nothing of it.
1215
01:21:09,340 --> 01:21:13,253
It's good exercise. It builds up the lumber.
1216
01:21:13,300 --> 01:21:15,291
And your rectus abdominus.
1217
01:21:15,339 --> 01:21:17,295
- I'll tell you something else.
- What?
1218
01:21:17,339 --> 01:21:19,295
It's a lot better than pumping iron.
1219
01:21:22,378 --> 01:21:27,247
I've never stopped taking my pill since...
since I left school.
1220
01:21:28,258 --> 01:21:33,332
Well, the pill is only 99.99% safe, you know.
1221
01:21:33,378 --> 01:21:37,336
I'm afraid you are the unlucky 0.001.
1222
01:21:37,377 --> 01:21:39,333
I've never heard of that before.
1223
01:21:39,377 --> 01:21:41,367
I mean, I don't mind becoming a mother,
1224
01:21:41,416 --> 01:21:44,453
so long as it doesn't interrupt
with my love life too long.
1225
01:21:45,256 --> 01:21:50,376
I would respectfully suggest that a few months
lay-off might do you a world of good.
1226
01:21:51,415 --> 01:21:54,294
It might do the world a world of good, too.
1227
01:21:56,415 --> 01:22:00,374
Well, that's it, then. I think we should celebrate.
1228
01:22:00,415 --> 01:22:03,247
Why not? Let's go behind the screen.
1229
01:22:03,294 --> 01:22:03,453
For why?
1230
01:22:04,214 --> 01:22:07,285
To celebrate. I've been reading
all about how naughty you are,
1231
01:22:07,333 --> 01:22:10,292
and I'm thinking,
we both can be naughty together.
1232
01:22:10,374 --> 01:22:13,286
How dare you? I am a married lady.
1233
01:22:17,373 --> 01:22:18,328
Nurse?
1234
01:22:19,373 --> 01:22:21,249
Coming, doctor.
1235
01:22:21,292 --> 01:22:24,329
- Emile, I have some news for you.
- Yes? What is it, darling?
1236
01:22:24,372 --> 01:22:27,283
What would you say
to an addition to the household?
1237
01:22:27,331 --> 01:22:31,404
Oh, no, no, no. We already had the inflation.
Everything's going up.
1238
01:22:31,451 --> 01:22:36,286
There's Loins, Mrs Dangle, Leyland.
Even old Richmond's had a rise.
1239
01:22:36,331 --> 01:22:39,448
I am talking about a baby. I am pregnant.
1240
01:22:40,251 --> 01:22:42,366
Oh, I feel faint. I must sit down. Oh!
1241
01:22:42,410 --> 01:22:46,402
Oh, I've come over queer.
I'm going to be a father. Oh!
1242
01:22:46,449 --> 01:22:50,238
- You don't mind?
- Mind? I think it's wonderful.
1243
01:22:50,250 --> 01:22:53,321
So do I, but I don't understand
howl get a baby on the pill.
1244
01:22:53,369 --> 01:22:55,361
I have a confession to make to you.
1245
01:22:55,410 --> 01:23:00,324
I wanted to be the only man in your life
and I thought - motherhood.
1246
01:23:00,369 --> 01:23:05,283
- Motherhood?
- A devoted mother doesn't have time to dally.
1247
01:23:05,288 --> 01:23:10,236
- What are you telling me?
- When you were asleep, I took your pills away.
1248
01:23:10,287 --> 01:23:14,201
- But I haven't stopped taking them.
- You thought you were taking them,
1249
01:23:14,248 --> 01:23:18,445
but I got a chemist friend of mine to make up
a substitute and slotted them into your packet.
1250
01:23:19,247 --> 01:23:21,238
- Oh lé lé!
- You are angry?
1251
01:23:21,286 --> 01:23:25,438
No.50 all the time
I have been taking some harmless pills.
1252
01:23:26,206 --> 01:23:28,355
They weren't exactly harmless.
1253
01:23:28,405 --> 01:23:31,396
- What were they?
- They were fertility pills.
1254
01:23:35,406 --> 01:23:37,361
Hip hip...hooray!
1255
01:23:37,405 --> 01:23:39,396
Hip hip hooray!
1256
01:23:42,444 --> 01:23:44,355
Don't they look like their father?
1257
01:23:44,404 --> 01:23:47,201
♪ The woman is love crazy
1258
01:23:47,243 --> 01:23:48,392
♪ She's loving all night
1259
01:23:48,443 --> 01:23:51,276
♪ The woman is love crazy
1260
01:23:51,323 --> 01:23:52,437
♪ Won't stop for a bite
1261
01:23:53,243 --> 01:23:55,394
♪ The woman is love crazy
1262
01:23:55,444 --> 01:23:57,320
♪ She's out on her own
1263
01:23:57,363 --> 01:24:01,242
♪ Sometimes I work so hard
I wish she'd leave me alone
1264
01:24:01,243 --> 01:24:03,312
♪ The woman is love crazy
1265
01:24:03,362 --> 01:24:05,239
♪ She's loving all night
1266
01:24:05,322 --> 01:24:07,357
♪ The woman is love crazy
1267
01:24:07,401 --> 01:24:09,312
♪ Won't stop for a bite
1268
01:24:09,361 --> 01:24:11,352
♪ The woman is love crazy
1269
01:24:11,401 --> 01:24:13,356
♪ She's out on her own
1270
01:24:13,360 --> 01:24:17,354
♪ Sometimes it gets so hard
I just don't want to go home
1271
01:24:17,401 --> 01:24:19,392
♪ The woman is love crazy
1272
01:24:19,441 --> 01:24:21,352
♪ She's loving all night
1273
01:24:21,401 --> 01:24:23,356
♪ The woman is love crazy
1274
01:24:24,240 --> 01:24:26,196
♪ Won't stop for a bite
96907
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