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Crowd shouting
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reporter: And shah rassim
now boards the private launch
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which will ferry him
across the channel to britain.
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Shouting continues
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00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,199
oh, my god!
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00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:53,280
This is terrible! This is terrible!
The shah's boat has blown up!
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This once-gleaming, gazelle-like
craft is now a ball of flames!
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A human casserole
where blood is the gravy!
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00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:05,280
Barbecuing the bodies
in a crimson spit roast horror!
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00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:11,399
'Gee, I wish I had a figure like that.'
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00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,399
you can.
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00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,279
With bensinger's lift'n'grip girdle.
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00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:19,999
Bensinger's twin stretch
panels hug your curves
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00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,399
and prevent unsightly panty ride.
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00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,919
You really do look ten years younger.
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00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:28,159
Voice-over: 'The
bensinger lift'n'grip girdle.
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00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:31,199
'Be a little firmer with your figure.'
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00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,799
and it's utter pandemonium
at the French beach here,
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00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,039
as we hand you back to the studio!
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00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:37,799
Thank you, Bob. Well, what a body blow.
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Shah rassim coldly and cruelly
assassinated by terrorists,
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00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:41,999
just when no-one
at all was expecting it.
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00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,519
The death of the late shah's brother
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will come as a kick
in the teeth for president cyclops,
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00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,640
at a time when our
middle east presence is...
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00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,360
Mr president.
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00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,760
Mr president.
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Electrical buzzing
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they killed the shah.
Mr president, the shah is not dead.
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They blew him into a thousand pieces.
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You think maybe they can operate?
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Mr president, I think that our
prime concern was to protect the shah
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from arab assassination attempts.
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00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,959
To do that,
we had to convince them he was dead!
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00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:38,279
Oh, I see!
Everybody thinks the shah is dead,
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and in fact, he is.
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00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,639
That sounds foolproof.
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00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:48,919
Sir! The CIA arranged to have
that boat detonated by remote control.
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00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:52,039
Rassim and his blindfolded
lackwit are now being secretly ferried
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00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:55,319
to britain, where the conservative
government have pledged their safety
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00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,119
until we can secretly smuggle
them here to Washington.
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00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:02,039
Did I know about this?
Of course, mr president!
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00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,919
Ooh. Oh, thank you, Deacon.
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00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,320
Buzzing, he yells
45
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,120
Master?
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00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:39,439
Is that you, twinkle of the galaxies?
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Tell me I'm dead.
Am I in hell or in purgatory?
48
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,919
You are on a British cross-channel ferry,
master.
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00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:49,079
Oh, I thought I was blown up.
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00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,799
Everyone thinks you are blown up,
master.
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00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:56,159
Now you can travel to
britain in safety and comfort.
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00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:57,919
He sobs, retches
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00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,560
you don't sound well,
toast of the zodiac.
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00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,839
Ah, yes, you are very hot and feverish.
55
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:09,759
I have some coffee here to cheer you up.
56
00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:14,199
You just poured it over my face! Ah!
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00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:17,800
Apologies, Scott of the antarctic!
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00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,679
Will you take off that blindfold?!
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00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,799
But then I would catch
sight of your holy countenance
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00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,399
and have to pluck out my
eyes with a pair of sugar tongs.
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00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,399
And another thing... master?
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00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,559
Scott of the antarctic was a film,
with Kenneth more!
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00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,359
If only you hadn't lost
those seasickness pills!
64
00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,959
Now there is nothing at all I can take!
Nothing!
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00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,919
You are wrong, master.
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00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,560
What? It was John mills.
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00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,960
Scott of the antarctic was John mills!
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00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,479
How much longer
is this journey going to be?
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00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:56,200
But an hour or so,
diamond of the firmaments.
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00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:00,520
One more hour and I'll
be back on dry land!
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00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,159
Bong
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00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:16,919
newsreader: The national seamen strike.
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00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,359
All cross-channel ferries
will be stranded where they are
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00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,519
until further notice. Bong
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00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,119
the American couple
being held by the kgb.
76
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:27,879
Mr dubienkin claims a cruise
missile was found in their rucksack.
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00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:29,079
Bong
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00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,519
and the assassination
of the shah of Iran.
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00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:35,080
Police raid a cafe in Brixton.
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00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:40,919
Good evening. With just hours to
go before Thursday's general election,
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the social democrats
look set for a victory.
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00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:47,719
The latest public opinion polls
show labour trailing with 16.1%,
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00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:52,279
the conservatives with 31.5%,
and the social Democratic alliance
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00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:56,159
with a resounding lead of 52%.
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00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,919
The shift to liberalism is reflected,
too,
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00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:00,399
on the other side of the Atlantic,
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00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,319
where republican president
Johnny cyclops is now caught up
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00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,039
in a desperate struggle for his
own re-election in the Autumn.
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00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,320
American national anthem plays
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00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,839
phone rings oh!
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00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,039
Yes?
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00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:16,119
'The Deacon is here
with your campaign adviser, sir.'
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00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,559
oh, fine. Morning, boys.
Send them in, will you?
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00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,559
Oh, no, you're here.
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00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,439
Melvin hickey, the coordinator.
96
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:27,039
Chief executive of the Johnny
cyclops re-election think tank.
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00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,879
A tremendous honour and privilege, sir.
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00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,999
And that is biff. Hi.
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00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,879
Well, now, boys... oh, lord!
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00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,159
Take pity on us, thy humble servants.
101
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,719
Bless us with thy divine love and mercy.
102
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:45,319
Give the democrat party
election candidate a withered arm.
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00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:49,679
I bestow we beseech the outbreak
of typhus among the Soviet politburo
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00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:52,599
for ever and ever, amen. Amen.
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00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:56,479
Now, mr president, this is the way
we see the election campaign.
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00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,679
Using the Johnny cyclops bomb
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00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:01,639
as the very cornerstone
of our foreign policy,
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00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,479
we create an image of strength.
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00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:07,399
Wait a minute, Johnny cyclops bomb?
What Johnny cyclops bomb?
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00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,319
It was named after you, sir.
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00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,199
I didn't think it was named
after Laurel and Hardy. What is it?
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00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,759
Biff?
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00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,399
Ha!
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00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:19,079
Basically, sir, the Johnny cyclops bomb
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00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,879
is the devastating new deterrent
that gives you up to 50 times
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00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,919
more fatalities than
most leading nuclear bombs
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00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,759
for the same capital outlay.
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00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,999
That means more death and destruction.
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00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,519
More value for your money.
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00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,239
How does it work? The answer is simple.
121
00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:33,639
Fusion of heavy neutrons
cause a realignment
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00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:34,999
of subatomic quark particles,
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00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,319
creating a supermassive
new energy release.
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00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:39,439
Yes, the Johnny cyclops bomb.
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00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:43,200
It makes the old
h-bomb look like a sparkler.
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00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,959
Think of the power and the glory, sir!
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00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,999
We put the first batch of Johnny
cyclops bombs into full deployment
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00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,479
just as the primaries begin.
I announce these glad tidings
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00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,879
coast-to-coast on my texaco
complan hour of salvation.
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00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:58,439
Suddenly, you're back in the race.
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00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,639
Yeah, but if one of those
things accidentally went off,
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00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,839
it could blow up an entire state!
I mean, think of the risk.
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00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,840
We have, sir.
That's why we're siting them in Europe.
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00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,239
I don't like the idea
of the most destructive
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00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:15,239
instrument of death ever known
being called the Johnny cyclops bomb.
136
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,199
Well, biff thought it was a good idea.
Am I right, biff?
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00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:19,919
The Johnny cyclops bomb.
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00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,959
It... grabs me.
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00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,719
It grabs biff, sir!
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00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,519
I don't care if it grabs biff!
I'm the one who's gonna...
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00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,799
Listen, who the hell is biff, anyway?
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00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,879
With respect, sir,
it's all a little late for this.
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00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:32,919
The bomb is being launched tomorrow.
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00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,719
Launched tomorrow?!
145
00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:36,679
When the Deacon says launched, sir,
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00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:40,279
he means launched to
the press at a small cocktail party.
147
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,199
Not literally launched against Russia!
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00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,879
Laughter
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00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,319
unless, of course you... no, no, no!
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00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,119
I want my name taken
off this god damn thing.
151
00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,799
I want to call it
the quark bomb instead.
152
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,919
The quark bomb! And you shut up.
153
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:58,759
I like it. I don't give a...
You do? Oh, you hear that?
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00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,599
Biff likes it. It grabs biff!
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00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,239
Well, that's settled, then.
The quark bomb. Get it changed.
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00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:07,399
As you wish, sir.
Finally, the Johnny cyclops campaign song.
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00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,560
Right! I think you'll like it, sir.
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00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:14,199
♪ Raised on a river back in Omaha
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00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,359
♪ went to the mission
where he played his guitar
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00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,719
♪ always took his hat off
when he spoke to his ma
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00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:24,199
♪ once gave a nigger
kid a lift in his car
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00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:30,199
♪ Johnny, Johnny cyclops
never started world war three
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00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,879
♪ who faked his tax
returns and laughed at the law
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00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:37,279
♪ authorised a cover-up in 1954
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00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:40,359
♪ and who spends a night
a week in bed with a whore
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00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:43,959
♪ not Johnny cyclops that's for sure
167
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:47,079
♪ Johnny, Johnny cyclops
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00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,399
♪ never started world war three
169
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,639
♪ master of diplomacy
never lost his tact
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00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,719
♪ stayed sane throughout his term no,
he never, ever cracked
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00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:59,919
♪ never flinched from duty
and was never scared to act
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00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:03,599
♪ loves to put the shits
up the Warsaw back
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00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:08,719
♪ Johnny, Johnny cyclops
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00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,800
♪ never started world war three. ♪
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00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:17,439
Of course, I gotta tell you,
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00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:22,200
I still think the stars
and stripes has the edge.
177
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:30,519
Abdab! Abdab!
Is the seamen strike over yet?
178
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,400
Not yet, bangle of the fatherland.
179
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:40,559
Two and a half days
I've been locked in here!
180
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:43,359
I must have air!
181
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:46,559
How's the new suit I found for you,
master?
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00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:49,520
Nice and inconspicuous.
183
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:55,199
So now you are truly incognito.
Yes, yes!
184
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,840
I must have air!
185
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:07,119
I think I had better
have my uniform back.
186
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:10,719
It will be done in about ten minutes,
master.
187
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,839
Good. What do you mean done?
Where is it?
188
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,039
Oh, it's perfectly safe, master.
189
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,320
I just put it in the washing machine.
190
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:32,599
Voice-over: 58 years ago,
in small-town pocatello, Idaho,
191
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,720
a young baby was born.
192
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,959
As a child,
he grew up among the fresh pine forests
193
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:45,120
and cool mountain streams. Gambolled
with the gophers and prairie dogs.
194
00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:51,159
Today, that child is Johnny cyclops.
195
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:56,199
President of the United States,
guardian of the free world,
196
00:12:56,200 --> 00:13:00,319
and founder of the most
terrifically lethal instrument
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00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:04,479
of mass destruction
the world has ever known.
198
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:07,079
The quark bomb.
199
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:10,279
Formerly known
as the Johnny cyclops bomb,
200
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:13,639
after the president of the same name.
201
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:16,279
Ok, mr president?
202
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:19,439
Yes,
I voted for Johnny cyclops the last time.
203
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,320
And I'm not ashamed to admit it.
204
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:26,039
I like him because
he's such a decisive man.
205
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:30,280
They say he never suffers from
any form of amnesia whatsoever.
206
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,959
A very decisive man.
207
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,559
We interrupt this commercial
to bring you a news bulletin.
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00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:39,239
In the United Kingdom general election,
209
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,079
there has been
a narrow yet decisive victory
210
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:42,959
for the left-wing labour
party of Kevin pork.
211
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,439
Mr pork is expected to seek
a cabinet meeting very early
212
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,479
to discuss his
programme of radical reform.
213
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,520
Pompous brass
rendition of 'o Tannenbaum'
214
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,760
He sighs
215
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,360
how much longer have we got?
216
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:14,239
Sorry, kev? In office.
217
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,240
Four years, 11 months and 30 days.
218
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,159
Read it back to me again,
will you, Dave?
219
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:22,920
All right, all right.
220
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,880
Minutes of her
majesty's cabinet meeting.
221
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,159
Convened at 10:33 am.
222
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:35,279
One, nationalised banks,
increased pension, raised social benefits,
223
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:38,639
granted free public transport for all.
224
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,679
Set up a massive job creation scheme
225
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:43,839
to reduce unemployment
by five and a half million.
226
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:47,239
Total cost, 1,000 billion pounds.
227
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,919
Two,
withhold all future eec contributions,
228
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:54,959
serve notice of withdrawal.
Abolish trident/defence spending by 98%.
229
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,400
Hm.
230
00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:01,479
Cancel the civil list and close
down the daily telegraph.
231
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,879
Total saving...
232
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:07,039
Total saving: 1,000 billion pounds.
233
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,999
Any other business?
Abolished the house of lords,
234
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,319
withdrew from NATO act,
private education,
235
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:13,719
and settled the seamen strike.
236
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,720
The meeting was
adjourned after ten minutes.
237
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,239
He sighs
238
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:26,200
I can't understand how the other
governments made it last so long.
239
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,039
Still, it has consummated the marriage,
as it were.
240
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:34,400
And there's nothing for it now but to,
er, tell you.
241
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:41,439
Tell us what, kev?
Well, it's rather a personal matter.
242
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:46,559
It's very personal, actually.
Now, how can I put it
243
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:49,560
without it coming
as too much of a shock?
244
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,199
You see, I am...
245
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,560
No. It's no good, you've got to know.
246
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:05,480
The truth of it is,
I am secretly Superman.
247
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,680
Superman? Correct.
248
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:23,600
Bit of a big one, isn't it?
249
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,959
Obviously you'd like some sort of proof.
Well...
250
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:31,440
There you are.
251
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,600
And, of course, there's the...
252
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,880
Holy mother of Moses.
253
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,959
As you can imagine,
this affects things rather heavily.
254
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:51,280
I think that's putting it mildly.
255
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,040
Sorry...
256
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,119
As from tomorrow,
I shall announce the immediate withdrawal
257
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,999
of all American forces,
both nuclear and conventional,
258
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,159
from British soil.
259
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:10,639
In future, I shall be handling
all our defence needs personally
260
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,759
in my capacity as the man of steel.
261
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,279
Oh, my god.
262
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,239
We'll just tell everybody
that it's part of our policy
263
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:20,880
of unilateral disarmament.
264
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,519
There'll be no need
for an independent missile any more
265
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,960
because I myself am
faster than a speeding bullet.
266
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,639
So, that's it, boys and girls.
267
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,080
That's about the top and bottom of it.
268
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,720
Oh!
269
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,760
Hello?
270
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:47,039
Kev?
271
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,439
Oh! I'm sorry.
I saw something rather interesting
272
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:53,919
with my telescopic and X-ray vision.
273
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,919
The new shah of Iran isn't dead at all,
274
00:17:56,920 --> 00:18:00,799
he's on a cross-channel ferry
bound for Dover at this very moment.
275
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,799
Didn't you get a memo from
mi5 telling you that this morning?
276
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,320
Yes, I left it upstairs in my in tray.
I was just reading it.
277
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:11,599
That's a point, Brian.
278
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,999
If the saudis find we've
let that man into britain,
279
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,239
there'll be hell to pay.
280
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,399
I shall issue instructions
that he's not to be allowed off the boat.
281
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,879
Wouldn't it be quicker to fly
down there at super speed
282
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,319
and tell him yourself?
283
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:27,279
I don't think that'll be necessary.
284
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,480
I mean, there's no need to go mad,
is there?
285
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,679
Whistle blows
286
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,559
gunshots
287
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,959
this is the sas! Now we find rassim!
288
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:46,080
He is not allowed to leave this boat!
All right, my lads! Go!
289
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,119
Shouting
290
00:18:57,120 --> 00:19:00,520
whistle blows
291
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,239
easy!
292
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,519
At ease!
293
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,800
Blows whistle Dennis! The bag!
294
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,759
Whistle blows back at it!
295
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:17,199
Please, sarge. What?!
296
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,080
I think I've got my
foot stuck in the door.
297
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:24,719
Dennis! Try using your saw!
298
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:29,959
Dennis!
Not his bloody leg, you bloody fool!
299
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,919
We know you're in there somewhere,
rassim!
300
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,120
Shit!
301
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,319
Climb over the side or something.
302
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:44,159
Take it easy. Move, move, move!
That's it, now don't hurt yourself.
303
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,519
Right, you ok in there?
It's jammed, sarge!
304
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,159
Ok, my boys, let it go!
305
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,719
Gunfire
306
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:53,039
whistle blows
307
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:56,280
right!
308
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:05,960
You bastards!
309
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,360
You callous, brutal bastards!
310
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,800
He was my best mate!
311
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,120
He's dead now, sarge.
312
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,399
I know he's dead now, Donald!
313
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,359
I know a bleeding stiff when I see one!
314
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:28,159
He's obviously not here.
315
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,399
Now, look, let's go and try
the rooftop garden restaurant.
316
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,679
And, Desmond,
try dragging Dennis along, will you?
317
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:37,520
Gunshots move! Move!
318
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,080
You won't hurt him, he's dead!
319
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:55,760
That was a close one, abdab.
320
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:00,599
Thank Christ we can
make our way to dry land!
321
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,080
What is that?
322
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,559
Sorry to trouble you,
I didn't by any chance leave...
323
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,999
Don't just stand there,
abdab, let him have it!
324
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,240
Certainly, carbuncle of the asteroids.
325
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:15,040
Oh! Sarge!
326
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:29,640
Fear not, master.
Worse things happen at sea.
327
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,279
There it is, Deacon.
328
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:39,479
And you know the latest
crack going around the Pentagon?
329
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,879
Why is Johnny cyclops
like a two-bit hooker?
330
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:47,080
Oh, why is Johnny
cyclops like a two-bit hooker?
331
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,759
Sick minds, mr president! Sick minds!
332
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:55,319
Well, how do you think I feel?
The one man we were all depending on
333
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:59,239
going back and forth across
the english channel like a shuttlecock.
334
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,079
If only we could airlift him off!
335
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,759
Far too risky, sir.
We must not alert the Soviets,
336
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:05,639
not while they have two of our citizens.
337
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:08,279
We've got to get him
off that god damn boat!
338
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,879
Sir! If the lord had meant us to panic,
339
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,920
he would never have
given us clean trousers!
340
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:19,719
Listen, Mary, Mary,
get me downing street, will you?
341
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:23,439
I gotta talk to this guy pork.
Just who does he think he is?
342
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:24,799
Oh, god save us.
343
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,319
The prime minister of great
britain thinks he's Superman.
344
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:29,479
Will you give over?
Can you imagine what would happen
345
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:30,879
if the press got hold of this note?
346
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,159
"I'm sorry I can't make
question time in the house today,
347
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,759
"brainiac has escaped
from the phantom zone."
348
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,679
Phone rings hello?
349
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:41,679
Yes, I'll hold.
It's the president of the United States.
350
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,279
Oh, glory hallelujah.
What are you gonna tell him?
351
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,279
"I'm sorry, the prime minister
is out of his mind at the moment."?
352
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:50,400
Will you stop whimpering like a baby?
We've got to... hello?
353
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:53,279
No, I'm terribly sorry, mr president.
354
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,239
We're not quite sure
where he is at the moment.
355
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,239
Hang on.
356
00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,799
I think this could be him now.
357
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,439
Sorry I'm late, boys and girls.
Is that for me?
358
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:09,719
President cyclops, kev.
He won't be allowed in, goodbye.
359
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,839
It may interest you to know
I've just been to see the doctor.
360
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:14,039
The doctor?
361
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:16,279
I haven't been
feeling myself just lately.
362
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:19,319
We weren't gonna say anything.
363
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,799
Well, no use pretending, is it?
But, um...
364
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,359
I think I've been overdoing things.
365
00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:27,079
But I had a talk with the doctor
and he's given me some pills to take.
366
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:28,999
Oh, it'll be for the best,
kev, I'm sure it will.
367
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,280
Which doctor is this, then, kev?
Doctor destiny of earth 2.
368
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:38,519
I didn't know that you know him.
He helped me to rescue Lois Lane
369
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,520
in the giant starfish of Atlantis.
370
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:48,360
Well, krypto,
it's time for your fly round the block.
371
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:59,680
You know, I feel better already.
372
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,479
Ok, so wait a minute,
wait a minute, get this.
373
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:09,599
How come Johnny cyclops
is like a two-bit hooker?
374
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,039
Do you give in?
375
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,520
Every day a new cock-up!
376
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,519
Hey,
you sure you spell "quark" with a 'q'?
377
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:25,599
Of course you do.
I thought it would be 'k'.
378
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:29,039
No way. Well, it don't look right to me.
379
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,479
And that's another thing. What?
380
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:34,519
You know when the colonel
brought these things in here and said
381
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,519
they were the most lethal
and dangerous bombs in the whole world
382
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:39,839
and we had to guard them with our lives?
383
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,199
Yeah. What about it?
384
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,439
Nothing.
385
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,239
It's just that...
386
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:49,680
I could have sworn
there were six of them.
387
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:59,040
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