All language subtitles for Sirens.2014.S02E05.All.the.Single.Ladies.720p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-QUEENS.eng

- I can't believe
you got us

working the goddamn night shift,
Brian.

- It's essential to my training.

- Night shift sucks.

Too many drunks
and none of them are me.

- Can't bring me down, guys.

Tonight we are saving lives
in the dark.

- Oh, my god, Brian,
look at you--you're so excited.

- Can you tell?

- Brian, if you had a tail,
it'd be wagging right now.

- I can't believe you let
this shit happen, mousse.

You do realize--
- of course I realize.

- What?

- Big sports week.
- Not big, colossal.

Three major professional
athletic seasons

intersect this week--
only happens twice a year.

- Really?
- Uh, yeah, really.

'Cause of you, we're missing
five of the best games all year.

- Five.
- Five.

- You guys ever think
maybe you shouldn't place

so much of your life happiness
on games other people play?

- No.

- I don't understand
the question.

- All right,
who wants to get their drink on

and responsibly take
public transportation home?

- I would like that.
I would like that very much.

- You would like that?
Would you like that?

Would you?
- Pick me.

- Have fun, guys.

See ya later.
- Bye.

- You fellas have
a good evening.

- Go, just go.
God.

- Hey, day-pussies,
welcome to the night.

- What's up, dinero?

- There's only one thing
you all need to know.

There are six ice-cold black
cherry sodas in the fridge,

and if any of you touches one,

you won't live to see
your precious sun.

- Black cherry sodas.

That's what I like about you,
dinero,

always keeping it old school.

- I told you before,
dinero's not my goddamn name.

It's Luis.

- Right.
Sorry, dinero--Luis.

Stupid mouth.

- Thank you.

[Hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

[Gunshots]

- Was that a gunshot?

- Yeah, Brian, it was a gunshot
in Chicago at night.

What'd you think
this was gonna look like?

- I don't wanna say.

- Well, now you gotta say.

- Let me preface this by saying
that I had three cups of tea

trying to reset my circadian
rhythm for the night--

- oh, spit it out.

- The thriller video, I thought
it'd be like the thriller video

with a touch of smooth criminal,
which is not that crazy

because the song was originally
called Chicago 1945.

- I remember that video.

Michael Jackson had
the Tommy gun, right?

- Yeah, he had that cool lean.

You know you tried that lean.

- Dude, I could do that lean
right now.

- No way, bro.
He had special shoes.

- What, you saying my shoes
ain't special?

- Not that special.
[Siren wails]

- All right, boys in blue.
- Wow.

- It's only 8:15.
- Yep.

- Hey, 14,
I'm one black cherry short.

- Hey, dinero, wasn't me.
Was it you, Johnny?

- Certainly not.

- How about you, Brian?
Oh, hey, what's that sound?

- It sounds like
it's coming from Brian's bag.

Brian, what's rattling around
in your bag?

Both: Oh!
- Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no!

I didn't put it there.
I was framed.

- Hey, we found it, dinero.

I don't wanna name names

'cause we all in it together,
but it was Brian.

- You better not open it, son.
[Soda can opens]

- Brian!

- He brazen.
- No, no, I'm not that brazen.

Listen, Luis, please.

- I'll deal with you later,
vato.

- [Slurps]

- [Laughs]
- Mmm.

- Oh, my god,
what does vato mean?

- Relax, it means "dude."

- I like that.

My first night shift and I
already have a killer nickname.

Vato wants
a hit of that black cherry.

Night shift.

Whoa, packs a wallop.

- Ambulance needed,
625 valtierra street.

- Ambulance 14 responding.
What we looking at?

- I couldn't tell you.
There was a lot of screaming.

- Buckle up, bri.
You got your night shift.

[Siren wailing]

- This doesn't look so bad.

- [Knocking on door]

[Children screaming]
[Dog barks]

- Whatever's on the other side
of this door is your fault,

Brian.

[Door opens]

- They're here.

- We're not supposed to let
strangers in.

- Ooh, they're cute.

- Uh, is somebody hurt, girls?

- Caitlyn's mom is dying.

- Shut up, MacKenzie.

She's not dying.
She just tripped.

don't be so emo.

- That sound she made,
it's the exact same sound

my grandpa made
when he died.

Both: Okay.
- Can you tell me where she is?

- My mom's in the kitchen.

- Right this way?
- Where's the kitchen at?

Through here?
- Right over there.

Take a left.
- Okay.

- Could you just watch them,
just 45 minutes?

I understand.
Look--

oh, the paramedics are here.
I gotta go.

Hi, hi, I'm Sheila.
- Hi, Sheila, what happened?

- Oh, my wrist.

I, um, I'm such a klutz.

I--I was carrying
the karaoke machine,

and I guess I just slipped
on some ice cream.

- Zoe.

- Yeah, ma'am, looks like
you have a fracture.

We're gonna have to take you
to the hospital.

- I don't have anyone
to watch the kids.

Is this something that I could
just put off until tomorrow?

- Aren't you in a lot of pain
right now?

- Not nearly as much
as the last three years.

I'm joking--ah!--Ish.

- We're gonna put an air cast
on this just to stabilize it,

but then we gotta take you in.

- All right, okay, um,

I'm sorry, girls, it looks like
the slumber party is over.

Everyone needs to call
their parents.

[All protesting]

- Mom, please, it's my birthday.

I've been waiting for forever
for tonight.

- I'm really sorry, sweetie.

- I thought
11 was going to be different,

but it's just more of the same.

- It's exactly like
when we had to go home

from Jodi's sleepover.

- That was so lame,
it ruined her.

- Who's Jodi?
- Exactly.

- Okay, I can get you in and out
of city hospital in an hour.

These guys can watch your girls
for you.

- What?
- Great idea.

Johnny and the vato
will take care of it.

- No, no, no, I'm not watching
a bunch of little girls.

- Yeah, I don't know.

- They work in an ambulance,
mom.

They're like the safest people
on the whole planet

you could leave us with.
All: Yeah!

- And Johnny's girlfriend's
a cop, so--

- what's her name?
- Is she pretty?

- Oh, so pretty, so pretty.

- Okay.
[All cheering]

- Yeah!
- Yes!

- Thank you.
This is so nice of you guys.

- Oh, no, absolutely.
- Thank you.

- I'm hungry.

- Oh, um, hey, can I have a word
with you for a second?

Brian, will you get this
young lady something to eat?

- Hope you like grilled cheese.
It's my specialty.

- Thank you so much.
This is so nice of you guys.

- No.
- Come on, man.

This woman's clearly on her own.
You know how hard that can be.

- Yeah, but why do you
get to take her?

- Seniority.
- Oh, please.

- Reparations.

- That's why I give you rides
to the airport.

- I helped you move
into your new place.

- I gave you pizza and beer.

- Since when did people decide
that pizza and beer

was enough of a thank-you
for helping someone move?

It's not enough.
It's never been enough.

Come on, Sheila.
Let's get you to the hospital.

- don't let them eat anything
with tree nuts.

Like, three of them
are allergic.

And don't let them watch
any R-rated movies.

- Uh, what about sports?

- Which sport?

- Hockey.
- Okay.

Caitlyn, you be
on your best behavior.

- Promise.
- Okay. All right.

- So did anybody here
like the movie frozen?

[All screaming]
[Door opens]

[Laughs] Yeah.
[Door closes]

We're gonna have
quite a night.

[Siren wails]

- This is nice.
- Huh?

- I haven't been out past 9:00
P.M. without my kid in years.

- Mm.

- Let alone
with a handsome man.

- Gay.

- What?

- Gay.
I'm gay.

Gay, gay, gay.

Really gay.

- Oh, that is even better.
[Laughing]

Oh, to be honest,
I was already a little exhausted

just getting up the nerve
to hit on you.

Besides, I am so in the market
for a gay best friend right now.

- Not that type of gay.

- What?

- Not a girl's gay.
Look.

I'm flattered,
but I promise you,

I'm not what you're looking for.

I do not go dancing.
I do not go shopping.

I do not watch dance moms
and make bitchy comments.

- What is your stance
on wine tastings?

- Beer.
- Just checking.

- You know, I used to have
a ton of gay best friends.

In college, I had, like, three.

And then they all drop you
when you get married.

- I bet they all showed up
to the wedding, though.

- They were
in every goddamn picture.

- Mm-hmm, typical.

- [Vocalizing]

- Great cartwheel, Caitlyn.

Nailed that high note,
MacKenzie, I'm serious.

- Johnny!
Johnny, over here!

- Johnny, look here!
- That's cool.

- Johnny, you're supposed
to watch the show.

These girls are performing
their hearts out for you.

- So are the blackhawks.
They're up two to one.

- Can I braid your hair?
- No.

- You can braid my hair.

- Uh, Johnny's hair
is way prettier.

- Mine has more body.

- Okay, everybody, the next act
in the show is going to be...

Beyonce!

- Great, wonderful.
Which song?

Maybe a little single ladies,
perhaps?

- [Laughing] That song came out
when we were, like, born.

- Drunk in love.

- Yeah, drunk in love,
and I'm Beyonce.

- It's my house.
I get to be Beyonce.

- It is her house, Susan.

- I could be Beyonce.

- Okay, you can't
always be Beyonce

just because you're black.

That's racist.

- Well, maybe you're racist
because you think

I only wanna be Beyonce
because I'm black.

- You're racist
because you think I think that.

- Maybe Beyonce's black
and white, like Obama,

so you're both racist!

- Beyonce is black.

- Johnny, which one of us
is racist?

- You can--you can all be racist
or Beyonce.

Hell, you can be president.
Dream big, girls.

- Whoa, they can't all
be Beyonce.

I mean,
there's only one Beyonce.

- Well, I have
the most dance experience.

- Tap doesn't count.

- Again, it's my house
and my birthday.

[Overlapping arguing]

- Brian, what is going on?

- Um, I'm trying to put on
a show.

- Yeah, well, I'm gonna watch
the game in the kitchen.

Call me if somebody draws blood.

[Arguing continues]

- Maybe we should have
some Beyonce tryouts, girls.

All: Not now!

- Okay, okay, sorry.

- don't worry, I'm gonna pull
some strings

and get you back home
before you know it.

And while we're at it, maybe we
can find you a new best friend.

A lot of gay men
at this hospital.

At all hospitals, actually.

- Yeah, why is that?

- Grey's anatomy.
Hey, Carlos!

Now, that's Carlos,

former competitive
ballroom dancer.

- Promising.

- Lives to shop,
just an okay kisser--

not that that's relevant to you.

- I just want someone who can
make me feel like a woman again,

you know?
- Hmm, no.

- Like sometimes,
I wanna be whisked away.

- Hi, pretty lady.

Looks like
you're my v.I.P. Tonight.

- [Gasps]
It's already happening.

- Mm-hmm.
I got faith.

[Laughter]

- Make 'em stop laughing at us.

- Okay, yeah, girls, that does
sound like mean laughter, okay?

- Well, they're tattletaling.

- That's--that's true,
so one demerit for each.

So moving forward, girls.

- Brian, make them
share the nail Polish with us.

It's not fair.

- I don't have to share
my personal nail polish

with anyone if I don't want to--
it's the law.

- Susan, please.

- Too bad being a bitch
isn't against the law.

All: Ooh!

- Nope, no, no, no, okay, uh,

how about we play
light as a feather,

stiff as a board, huh?
Right?

Or we could make
friendship bracelets.

- don't be so lame, Brian.

- [Sighs]

Johnny?

They're turning on each other,
John.

- Hang in there, man.
It's tied in the third period.

- You can cut the tension
with a knife in here, John.

- You're fine!

Oh! No! Oh, hey!

No, no, no, you with the remote,
come back here!

Oh, no!

[Girls giggling]
[Groans]

Okay, okay,
I'm calling for backup.

This is--ow, ow!
Ow, ladies, that's really tight.

That's--ow! Ow!

Is this funny?

[Cell phone rings]

- Hey, mousse, it's me.

No can do.
We're playing darts.

Your girlfriend is on my team,
and she is throwing fire.

- Theresa!
- Nailed it!

- I know this sounds
totally crazy,

but I almost feel like

Carlos gave me
too many compliments.

- Oh, you are not crazy.

There is nothing emptier
than a compliment

from a gay man
to a straight woman he just met.

- And again,
tell me if I'm wrong here,

but I just felt like he was
talking so much about himself.

- Oh, I know.
It's like, "hello.

There are other people
in the room."

- [Scoffs]

I just don't know
that I can handle someone

who takes up
that much emotional space.

- Well, you said you wanted
a gay best friend, right?

- Yeah, but I already have one
ten-year-old girl in my life,

you know?
- Point taken.

Forget Carlos.
- Yeah, forget Carlos.

- You know
who you're going to like?

One of the X-ray techs,
Adam.

- Hey, Hank.
How's it going, buddy?

- Uh, no offense, auggie,
but could you send Adam in?

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

I got it.
Adam?

- Well, what's his deal?
He was cute.

- Not gay.
Only dates Jewish girls.

- Oh.
- But you're gonna like Adam.

I mean,
not the most traditional choice,

but he's interesting, funny,

kind of nerdy
but in a cute w--

- oh, I resent that, Hank.

- [Whispering] Loving Adam.
- Yeah.

There's a lot to love.

- Well, obviously,
they can't all be Beyonce.

- Obviously.

Brian's trying to distract them
right now

with a game of truth or dare.

- Are you guys stupid?

Truth or dare is the worst
possible thing that you could do

with a group of girls
who are mad at each other.

- What?

- Hell, with a group of girls

who like each other.

Friendships end
because of that game.

- I thought you all just dared
each other to call boys

and then got in pillow fights.

- Oh, I know
you don't understand this

because you are a guy,

but sleepovers
are the real deal.

It's like Judge Dredd, you know,
everyone's trying to climb

the social ladder
before the sun rises.

- One's just staring at me.

I don't even know
how long she's been there.

She's looking into my soul, t.
- [Laughs]

- I need you.

- Oh, suck it up.

- Okay, okay.
- We got the door.

We'll be right back
in a second.

- It all happened so fast.

[Both laughing]

- Johnny!
- Johnny, over here!

- Okay, we'll be right there
in a second!

- [Laughs]

Oh, my god, you guys look like
Katy Perry got knocked up

by a slutty my little pony.

- Yeah, well,
it was the only thing

that kept them from fighting.

So they're in there.
Go.

- Okay, but what are they
fighting about?

- Oh.
- Uh...

- The little one was pissed.
- The little one--yeah.

- You guys don't know, do you?

- No.

- They all talk really fast.
- And really high.

- Mm-hmm.
- Like dolphins.

- Come on.

If you guys just took a second
to actually listen to them,

then you'd know how this started
and you'd know how to end it.

Forget it.
I'm wasting my breath.

I'm just gonna go in there
and sort this out.

- Please.
- Mm.

[Door opens]
- [Sighs]

[Indistinct chatter]
[Door closes]

- Yo, that color really makes
your eyes pop.

Did you do that?

- No, Billy, the girls did.

- Dang, some really good
contouring, bro.

[Door opens]

- Okay, so I figured out
the problem.

Susan's a bitch.

- All right, Sheila,
that is the last time

I pump you with low doses
of deadly radiation, I swear.

- It's like you can see
right through me, Adam.

- And you know what I see?

A broken woman.

Actually, just a broken radius
and ulna.

The rest of you
seems really great.

- Thank you, Adam.

Now, that is
a Sincere compliment.

- Maybe the two of you
can get coffee sometime.

- I disagree.
- Oh.

- I think
we should skip the coffee

and go
straight to cocktails.

- Oh.
[Laughs]

- I'm gonna write my number down
for you right now.

- That would be great.

[Whispers]
My god, he's so perfect.

- Glad I could help.

- Call me.
- Great.

Now let's get you in a cast and
get you home for your daughter.

- Okay.
- You have kids?

- Just one, Caitlyn,
she's really--

- I'm sorry,
kids are a deal breaker for me.

Children are just...

- We wouldn't have to hang out
with her.

You wouldn't even have
to meet her.

- Sheila, don't.

- Okay.
- Come on, let's go.

There are a lot
of nice gay doctors on duty.

- Why did you have to bring up
the kid?

- I'm just saying, I don't have
a problem with Susan.

- You don't know her, Johnny.

She acts all nice
when you're around.

- Yeah, I'm not surprised
by that.

She's just like Maeve.

She's that girl who'll steal
your boyfriend and then

change her entire personality
to fit whatever's popular.

- She's ten, and you were
with her for a minute.

- It doesn't matter.

There's always a Susan,
trust me,

all throughout history.

Marie Antoinette,
total goddamn Susan.

- See, I think you're bringing
some of your personal stuff

into this situation.

- Hey, I cannot believe
that you are taking her side.

- I'm not taking her side.

I'm just saying
that maybe Susan

and her friends were
a little defensive because--

and I'm only quoting Emma here--
you strolled in here

like you thought
you were everything.

- Which one's Emma, huh,
the little blonde slut?

- Whoa.
- Oh, god.

- You guys are so blind.

Susan has completely hijacked
this sleepover

and created
a toxic environment.

It is Caitlyn's house.

It is Caitlyn's birthday.

- So she keeps saying.
It's like, "we know."

Jackpot, found the hooch.

- Oh, no, no, no,
we're gonna get in trouble.

- So we'll add water later.
No one will know.

- But, Maeve.
- don't be lame, Brian.

- You know what?
I'm gonna go talk to her.

- To Susan?
What are you gonna say?

- Yeah, I don't know,
but I'm gonna figure it out.

- Is Theresa being uncool
at a slumber party? Shocker.

- Whatever, you were
the one that used to call dad

to pick you up
before midnight,

and guess who had to go too

because he didn't want
to make two trips.

- I have tried to explain this
to you.

Leaving a slumber party early
is a power move.

This is why you weren't cool
in middle school.

- You know what
I'm gonna tell Susan?

- Hmm?

- I'm gonna tell her to come
in here and look at her future.

- You are being such a Caitlyn
right now.

- You ruined middle school
for me.

- Your unibrow ruined
middle school for you.

- Well, I don't have
a unibrow now.

- It is burned into your soul.

We are all still who we were
in middle school.

You're still uncool,
Brian's still lame,

Johnny's still a weirdo,

and I'm still dating
the hottest guy in the room.

- Oh, thanks, babe.

Yo, y'all ready
to see the show?

- They put the show together?

- Well, I helped them
a little bit.

- Oh.

That's--that's fine.
That's great.

I'm just happy
the show's happening.

- Yeah, these girls are
so sweet.

Guess what.
They picked me to be Beyonce.

- They keep calling me
billyonce, yo.

- Aw.
- Should've been Lily.

- Why, 'cause she's--
[Mouths word]

- No, because I think
she's got the chops.

- Come on, man, you and I both
know that ain't true.

- Yeah.

- Thank you so much for tonight.

I would say "let's do it again
sometime," but...

- I'm sorry it didn't pan out
with the doctor.

Guess I should've checked to see
if he was actually gay first.

- Honestly, I was offended
by how much he was offended.

- I know.

Anyway, I'm sorry we didn't
get you a gay best friend.

- It's fine.

It just sucks being
a single parent sometimes.

You never get the chance
to have fun,

so then no one thinks
you're fun,

and then no fun ever happens.
- Mm.

- My kid thinks I'm the least
fun person on the planet.

- Okay, I just wanna state,
for the record,

that gay men
are not human accessories.

We do not exist
to fill the fun hole

in straight women's lives.

- Jesus.

Okay, I got it.

I will not look to gay men
to fill any of my holes.

[Both laughing]

- Okay, okay, here's the deal.

I won't do any
of that other gay shit with you,

but I do like brunch.

- I love brunch.

- Five, a-six,
a-five, a-six, a-seven, eight.

And slide and slide.

And body roll,
body roll,

and slide
and slide.

And body roll, body roll.
- Whoo!

- And roll it
and roll it.

And freestyle time,
a-freestyle time,

let me see your hips moving
freestyle time.

A-freestyle time, okay.

- [Laughs]
- [Gasps]

Mom, you're back!

- Hey, you know,
your mom's a total rock star.

You know she broke her arm
in two places?

- Ew, gross.
All: Whoa!

- Hey, who wants to sign
Caitlyn's mom's cool cast?

All: Me!

- Caitlyn, you get the glitter.

I'll get the markers.
- Okay.

- Well, I see Susan's
put herself in charge again.

- Right?
- There's always a Susan.

- Word.