Original subtitles

Okay, I think we can all agree magic was used today.

You were just supposed to make a free throw to pass gym class,

but you had to show off, didn't you?

Nobody ever accuses LeBron of showing off.

Are you comparing yourself to LeBron James?

I'm not, but I did hear it

tossed around the locker room after class.

You know what you did wrong. I know what you did wrong.

Let's just skip to the part where I punish you.

Uh, you know, since we're skipping things,

how about we just skip to the part

where the punishment's over?

I've told you a thousand times, don't use magic irresponsibly.

You're both grounded.

No devices, no TV, no friends.

Alone in your rooms the whole weekend.

Weekend?

That seems fair.

That's not fair at all.

So you've never used magic irresponsibly?

Nope, never.

Come on, are you seriously saying that--

Billie! The man's offering us a weekend.

With good behavior, we'll be out by Sunday at noon. Take the deal.

- But it's just... - Thanks, Dad.

We're gonna go home and reflect

on the consequences of our actions.

That was some stern, yet fair parenting.

Well done, man.

Thanks, buddy. Still grounded.

Roman, why did you cave?

He's all over us for something he's definitely done too.

Trust me,

every wizard has used magic irresponsibly at least once.

He probably did, but there's no way to prove it.

He's the parent, we're the kids. You can't change the system.

Oh, Roman, you know what happens

when you tell me I can't do something.

Now I gotta change the system. This is on you.

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want ♪

♪ By the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

That's it!

Hey, Roman, I have to tell you something.

Are you out of your room?

We're not supposed to be out of our rooms!

But nobody's up here. Open the door.

Stop trying to make me an accessory!

Fine, I'm back in my room.

Hey, Billie, what's up?

Remember how you said there was no way

we could prove your dad was irresponsible with magic?

Well, I spent hours studying ancient texts,

and I found a way.

So you turned yourself into a mop to avoid homework,

but you'll study on Saturday out of spite?

I'm a complicated woman, Roman.

Come on, are you in or not?

I don't know. I mean, what if my dad finds out?

He'll ground us next weekend. What, you got plans?

You know I don't. Let's do this.

Okay, shirt is ironed, deodorant's on.

I'm gonna crush this presentation today.

Is there anything in my teeth?

Just a lot of well-flossed spaces.

Love my water flosser. If this house caught on fire,

that would be the first thing I save.

Thanks.

Hey, you can save yourself. Flossie's helpless.

The school board's coming today, and if I don't wow them,

they'll stop funding our STEM electives.

Students love those classes.

It'd be terrible if they got cut.

Well, that's not gonna happen, okay?

Because you're charming, you're convincing,

and you've got a swag that I don't understand,

but I can't say no to.

Thanks, babe.

So, uh, what are you up to today?

Well, Milo's at a play date, Roman and Billie are grounded,

and I'm gonna do something I've been waiting to do

for a long time.

Absolutely nothing.

Oh. That's interesting. Just got a text from Alex.

I guess the wizard who replaced me

after I got fired from WizTech

just got promoted to the tribunal.

How great.

You okay?

Of course. I'm happy for Alistair.

He's a great guy, and we're both doing great.

He's on the tribunal. I'm going to work on a Saturday.

How great is that?

You know, it's just great, great, great.

Honey, it's too many greats.

Honestly, it's fine. He's the better wizard.

During the unicorn incident, I choked, and he didn't.

So... he deserves it.

Well, just try not to think about that, okay?

Go down to the school and crush it.

Yes, absolutely. All right. Crush it.

Oh, okay. Crush it.

Come on.

Crushing it.

If we're gonna prove your dad

was irresponsible with magic, I have to get a few things.

First up, the potion calls for a sliver of body.

You cut off part of my father's body?

Relax, it was just his toenails.

Next, a piece of mind.

That meant getting something that contained

all his hopes and dreams. His unpublished memoir.

You took The Principal's Principles?

That's the only thing that cures my mom's insomnia.

And finally, his most prized possession.

-His water flosser? -His water flosser.

Now, all we have to do is mix this together

and the potion will be complete.

Eh.

Items in, here we go.

Show us the mind of the one we know.

So how does this work?

Uh, do his memories appear in the smoke?

Do they float like a hologram?

Please tell me we're not gonna drink it.

-We're not going to drink it. -Okay. Good.

-We're gonna jump in it. -Wait, what?

Where are we?

We're inside your dad's mind.

No way.

A Waverly Sub Station sandwich, a Calico Woman action figure,

a twelve-ball paddle.

And who else would have a vacuum cleaner hall of fame?

Okay, we are in my dad's mind.

There's nothing better

than watching amateur bakers fool celebrities

with cakes that look like real-world objects.

Oh, come on, JoJo Siwa. It's obviously cake.

Hey, Mrs. Russo.

Winter, I thought that door was locked.

It was. I used my key.

You mean the key we hide in the fake rock outside?

Yeah, my key.

Uh, sorry, but Billie and Roman are grounded, so...

you mind locking the door on your way out?

Oh, I can't go home.

My dad got called into work, and my mom was super excited

to have the day to herself.

Well, I hope she's enjoying it.

Ooh, Batter Get It Right. I love this show!

Billie and Roman never want to watch it with me.

Same with Justin.

He tried to downgrade our cable subscription

so we wouldn't get the channel.

Oh, come on, JoJo Siwa. It's obviously cake!

You can stay.

Okay, the school board will be here soon.

Today has to go perfectly if we're to save our STEM electives.

Oh, I know the stakes, sir.

I canceled two doctor's appointments to be here.

Two? Are you okay?

I don't know. I canceled the appointments.

Now, tell me your vision.

Okay, I'll start with the tour,

then I'll blow their mind with a science demonstration.

Now, where are those buttons I asked you to make?

Right here.

They printed everything you said on there, word for word.

Marcus.

"Hey, Marcus, on the buttons,

I want it to say, 'I love STEM.'

Got it? Are you writing this down?

Everything I said on the buttons. Thanks."