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ANNOUNCER:
With the stars...
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and...
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(all laughing
and talking at once)
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Brother Racoons,
Brother Racoons,
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quiet, please, quiet.
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Whoa, here he is.
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Brother Racoons,
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as you know, we are gathered
here for a very sad occasion.
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We are throwing this farewell
party for one of our Brothers.
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00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:01,061
Brother Saxon, here,
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who, tomorrow night,
is walking the last mile.
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00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:05,816
(all chuckle)
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00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:08,193
Because tomorrow night
at this time,
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00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:09,611
Brother Saxon will be...
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00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,196
a married man.
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(all jeering)
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Now, I think
it only fitting and proper
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that we call on Brother Saxon
to say a few words now,
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because this may be
the last time
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he ever has a chance
to open his mouth again!
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(all laughing)
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- Hey, Brother Saxon!
-Yes.
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- Give a speech.
-Give him a hand.
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-I, uh, I know...
-He looks a little pale already!
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(laughter)
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00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:35,596
Don't worry about him.
Go ahead, Brother.
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I know that all of you
Brothers must have been joking
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about the things you said
about marriage tonight.
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I'm very happy-
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- He's...
-(all laughing)
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That's 'cause
you ain't married yet.
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Wait till tomorrow!
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-(all laugh)
-Yeah.
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- You are a riot,
I'm telling you! -Yeah.
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Oh! Oh.
(clears his throat)
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I think it only proper that,
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being he's gonna be
a relative of mine shortly,
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- I should say a few words
at such an occasion. -Mm-hmm.
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Gentlemen, I am sorry to say
that I feel very sad tonight,
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because I am largely responsible
for the predicament
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00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,678
that he's gonna be in
starting tomorrow.
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00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,056
You see, I introduced him
to my sister-in-law, Agnes.
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- Oh.
-Oh.
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So it is obviously my fault,
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because you can see that
he doesn't know what he's doing.
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(laughter)
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00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:29,941
Oh, I'm very happy-
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There you are, that proves it.
He's stoned.
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(laughter)
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00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,741
Well, there is a silver lining
to this cloud.
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00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:39,743
However, I think
that I end up with most
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00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,995
of the silver in this cloud.
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You see, he's marrying
my wife Alice's sister.
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So therefore, he is gonna have
the golden opportunity
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of sharing that sweet, dear
old mother-in-law of mine!
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(all cheering and laughing)
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-(musical tinkling on glasses)
-Oh.
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00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,974
- Gentlemen. ..
- It's not the...
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00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,352
With your kind indulgence,
Brother Racoons,
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00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:07,688
I'd like to propose a toast
to Brother Saxon.
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00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:09,064
A toast.
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00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,525
Here is to you, Brother Saxon.
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00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:14,236
May your life be rosy
and bright.
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00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:17,114
If you'll take the advice
from an old married man,
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00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:19,700
you will get out of town
tonight!
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00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:21,785
(laughter)
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00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,913
And now, Brother Racoons,
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00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,332
now that the dinner
and the speech-making is over,
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00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,501
I propose that we go
into the club rooms
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00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,586
for a little entertainment.
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- ALL: Hear, hear!
-(overlapping chatter)
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(Ralph laughs)
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00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:42,013
Stanley, you look
a little frightened.
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00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,558
Well, don't worry.
We were only kidding you, pal.
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00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:47,060
Married life's
a great institution.
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00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,229
It's all how you look at it.
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00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,481
Are you, Agnes all set up
with the apartment?
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00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,567
Well, uh, not yet, Ralph.
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00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,736
Uh, we won't need one
for a while.
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00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,321
You see, when we come back
from our honeymoon,
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00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:01,450
we're gonna move in
with Agnes's mother and father.
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00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,035
You're what?!
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00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:07,289
We're gonna move in with Agnes's
mother and fath...
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00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,374
You can't do that, Stanley!
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00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,835
You'll be making the biggest
mistake of your life!
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00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,628
Take it from me, I know!
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00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,798
When Alice and I got married,
we moved in with them, you know.
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00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,383
Just for a short while,
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00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,719
till I got on my feet
and got straightened out.
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00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,763
They were six of the most
miserable years
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00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,974
I ever spent in my life!
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00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,727
You won't be allowed to make
one decision by yourself.
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00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,270
And they'll keep telling you
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00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,189
that you're only a guest
in the house.
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00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,149
Oh, I don't know, Ralph.
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00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,942
They seem like nice people.
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00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,569
They seem
like nice people?
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00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,446
Sure, they seem
like nice people!
99
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,198
Now they seem like nice people.
100
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,742
Boris Karloff seems like
a nice guy when he's dancing
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00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:46,077
on The Red Skelton Show,
too, you know.
102
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,621
Did you ever see him
in Frankenstein?
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00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:49,748
- That's the real Karloff!
-Uh-huh.
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00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,917
And you'll meet
the real relatives
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when you move into that house.
106
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,921
But it's too late now, Ralph.
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00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:58,423
Agnes has already
made up her mind.
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00:04:58,548 --> 00:04:59,925
Agnes has made up her mind?
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00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,635
Agnes has made up
her mind!'?
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00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,053
(laughing):
Agnes has made...
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00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:05,472
What's the matter
with you, Stanley?
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00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:08,141
This is the USA,
the 20th century.
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00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:10,143
She made up her mind.
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00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:13,313
Who cares
if she made up her mind?
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00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:17,567
Don't forget,
you are the king.
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00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,820
Because a man's home
is his castle.
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00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,863
- And in that castle,
you're the king. -Yeah.
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00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,740
You're the king of your castle!
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00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,951
- Hear, hear, hear!
-Yeah, but Agnes was...
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00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,787
Agnes was very definite
about it, Ralph.
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00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:30,330
L-I don't want to argue.
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00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,207
Well, if you don't want
to argue,
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00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,709
what are you
getting married for?
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00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,964
Stanley, if you take my advice,
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00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,633
tomorrow afternoon,
when Agnes says, "I do,"
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00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,803
that is the last decision
you allow her to make.
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00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:47,889
From there on in,
show her who wears the pants.
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00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,933
Now, a little toast
to Stanley...
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00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,476
All right.
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00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:54,271
...who is the king
of his castle!
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00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,314
- To the king!
-To the king!
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00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,817
(Ralph and Norton laugh)
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00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:14,791
Ralph?
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00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:18,837
Ralph, I can't get over what
a lovely bride Agnes made.
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00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:21,089
Ralph? Ralph?
136
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,632
RALPH:
Go ahead and laugh!
137
00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:25,176
Go ahead, Garrity,
laugh all you want.
138
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:29,973
For your information, I did not
rent this from an undertaker.
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00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,357
BOY. . -
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00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:45,614
I want to tell you something.
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00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:49,034
The neighbors that live
in this house certainly kill me.
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00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,328
You'd think they never saw
anybody in a top hat before.
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00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:54,456
Oh, they're just jealous, Ralph,
'cause you look so good.
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00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,333
You can say that again.
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00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:58,376
I was just thinking, Ralph,
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00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,170
what a beautiful bride
Agnes made.
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00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,881
Yeah, she did at that.
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00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,466
Well, why shouldn't she?
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00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,301
She's been practicing
for 20 years.
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00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:10,513
I never saw a dame so anxious
to get married in all my life.
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00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:12,349
Ralph, how can you talk
like that?
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00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:14,225
Agnes had plenty of chances.
153
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,895
Stanley wasn't the only one
who wanted her to get married.
154
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,229
There were plenty of others.
155
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:19,481
Oh, sure there were.
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00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:20,899
Sure there were plenty
of others.
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00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:22,525
I can name three myself.
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00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:26,029
Her mother, her father
and the caterer.
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00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,198
I didn't mean that, Ralph,
and you know it.
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00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:30,158
- My pearls are caught again.
-Here you are.
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00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,743
Agnes was just waiting
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00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,495
for the right fellow
to come along.
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00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,163
She w... waiting
for the right fellow?
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00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,623
(Ralph laughs)
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00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,041
Waiting for the right fellow.
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00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:41,002
Did you see what she did
at the reception?
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00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,672
Threw away her bouquet,
168
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:47,717
and from force of habit,
she ran and caught it herself.
169
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:49,469
She did not!
170
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:50,887
She didn't, huh?
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00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:53,348
No, her foot slipped.
172
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,891
Her foot slipped?
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00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,559
Wish my foot
could slip like that.
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00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:59,729
I'd be playing center field
for the New York Giants.
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00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:02,065
All right, Ralph,
that's enough about Agnes.
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00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:04,818
She's married now,
and she's very happy.
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00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:06,444
Yeah, you're right, sweetie.
She is happy.
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00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:08,530
She sure is in love
with that Stanley, too.
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00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,240
- ALICE: Yeah.
-And he's in love with her.
180
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:11,658
That's the main thing.
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00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:12,951
It's like you and me, see?
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00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,744
We have our arguments
and everything,
183
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:17,247
but you know that I love you,
and I know that you love me.
184
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:18,748
That's right, sweetheart.
185
00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,583
That's all that counts.
186
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,836
I'm gonna make some coffee,
Ralph. You want some?
187
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,254
Nah, I'm tired. I didn't think
188
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,630
that reception was going
to last that long.
189
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,340
I'm going to bed.
190
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,426
Oh, and by the way,
I'm gonna put this in the box.
191
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:32,053
The first thing in the morning,
take it back to McCloud's,
192
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,389
because if I have it one minute
after noontime,
193
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,890
- I got to pay a whole day on it.
-All right.
194
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,184
- So, take it right back.
-I will, Ralph.
195
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,444
(knocking on door)
196
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:49,029
Come in.
197
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:51,698
(knocking continues)
198
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,909
Agnes!
199
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,369
(sobbing)
200
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,204
What's the matter?
201
00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,206
Oh, he's a beast!
202
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,208
Stanley's a beast, Alice!
203
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:05,420
We just had the most
terrible fight.
204
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,005
Well, what happened?
205
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:08,548
(sobbing)
206
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:10,592
Oh, now, come on, Agnes.
207
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:13,094
Now, crying's not gonna do
any good at all.
208
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,138
- Hey, what is she doing here?
-(Agnes cries)
209
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:16,723
Please, Ralph.
210
00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:19,309
Agnes and Stanley have
just had a terrible fight.
211
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:23,063
A fight? Already?
212
00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:28,193
At least we waited
till we got on the train.
213
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:31,446
Oh, Stanley's a beast, Ralph.
He's a beast.
214
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,656
I don't know
what ever came over him.
215
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:35,116
He was such a nice, quiet man.
216
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,285
Anything I said,
he thought was wonderful.
217
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,747
And now he's a...
he's a... he's a beast!
218
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:42,290
Well, what did he do?
219
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:45,877
Well, after the reception,
he-he just changed.
220
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,420
He suddenly started
talking crazy.
221
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,547
He said we're not going
to move in with mother,
222
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:51,591
and that he was king
of the castle,
223
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:54,135
and then he said... something...
224
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,929
something crazy!
225
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,555
Something like,
226
00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:02,102
"Boris Karloff dancing
on The Red Skelton Show."
227
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:05,313
About this being
the 20th century!
228
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:08,441
Why, Ralph, what do you suppose
made Stanley change like this?
229
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:09,859
What are you asking me for?
230
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,694
How do I know
what made him change?
231
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,780
Think I had something
to do with it.
232
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,533
Don't be silly, Ralph. It's just
that he's a friend of yours.
233
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,326
Alice, can I stay here
for the night?
234
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,620
I'm too ashamed
to go home to Morn and Dad.
235
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,122
Now, wait a minute, Agnes.
236
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,748
You're married now,
and no matter what,
237
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:25,166
your place is with your husband.
238
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,751
He's a beast.
239
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,504
I never want to see him again
as long as I live.
240
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,214
Oh, well, as long as you
feel like that,
241
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,049
maybe you better stay overnight.
I tell you what.
242
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:35,718
You and I can take the bedroom,
and Ralph can sleep out here.
243
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:37,762
- Oh. -That's right, sweetie.
You go ahead in there...
244
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:39,222
Wait a minute!
245
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,224
You're going where?
I can sleep where?
246
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:43,893
Oh! All men are beasts!
247
00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:45,937
Please, Ralph.
248
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,355
Now, that's enough, now, Agnes.
249
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,773
I'll loan you one
of my nightgowns,
250
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,942
and you better get right to bed.
251
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:54,112
Oh, dear, there's only one left.
The rest are in the laundry.
252
00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:56,030
I tell you what.
253
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,283
You take this, and I'll wear
a pair of Ralph's pajamas.
254
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:01,286
On, thanks, Alice.
255
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:04,747
All right, Miss Dorothy Dix,
fixer of marriage problems.
256
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:07,292
Fix my sleeping problem!
257
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,044
Well, why don't you bring
the cot up from the cellar?
258
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,964
I can't, because the cot
is busted in the cellar.
259
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,008
Well, Ralph, can't you sleep
on something out here?
260
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,634
Sure I can, sure.
261
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,720
Bring the bed from in there,
put it out here,
262
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,638
and I'll sleep out here!
263
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,099
Don't worry, there's plenty
of places to sleep here.
264
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,602
Ha! I can sleep in the sink,
if you want me.
265
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,854
Not only can I get
a good night's sleep,
266
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,732
but I can wash up
at the same time!
267
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,692
Even sleep in the oven
or in the icebox.
268
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:35,320
I got it! I'll sleep
with my head in the oven
269
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,197
and my feet in the icebox.
270
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,866
Then I'll have a hot head
and cold feet!
271
00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:42,619
Just to lose the monotony, I'll
switch around every hour or so.
272
00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:44,454
Ralph, it's only for a night.
273
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:47,415
Now, by tomorrow morning, Agnes
will see things differently.
274
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,293
This is a very crucial point
in their marriage, Ralph.
275
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:52,086
- Why...?! -If we send her back
to Stanley now,
276
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,504
she may never get over this.
277
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,882
Well, why must we always
get people together?
278
00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:57,300
Why doesn't somebody
get us together?
279
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:58,927
Why do I have
to sleep in the kitchen?
280
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,221
Well, Ralph,
if you don't want to do that,
281
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:04,182
there's only one other thing
that I can think of to do.
282
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:05,516
Well, if you got
something else to do,
283
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,018
tell me, and we'll do it.
284
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,603
All right, we'll just
put our coats on,
285
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,396
get dressed and go over
and talk to Stanley
286
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,148
and find out
what made him change
287
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,817
-and started this whole thing.
-All right, let's go.
288
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:17,987
We'll go over, and we'll put it
to him, "What made you...?"
289
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,914
- Go ahead to bed. I'll...
-Ralph, you just said...
290
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:32,168
Go to bed.
291
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:42,804
I got a big mouth!
292
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:57,110
(g rumbles)
293
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:11,249
ALICE: I'll put some coffee
on now, Agnes.
294
00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,751
You just stay right in bed
and rest a while.
295
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,629
AGNES:
Oh, thank you, Alice!
296
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,138
Ralph?
297
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:26,556
'Ralph?
'Yes?
298
00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:29,309
- Time to get up.
-Mm-hmm.
299
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:33,938
- Time to get up!
- Mm-hmm.
300
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,648
Oh.
301
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:37,984
We got to do something
about this mattress, Alice.
302
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:41,571
It's murder.
303
00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:44,490
You don't have to get up yet.
I'll put the coffee on.
304
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:47,285
I'll go in the kitchen.
305
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,829
(groans softly)
306
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:55,209
(tumbling down stairs)
307
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,757
Ralph!
308
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:02,842
What happened?
309
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:06,763
I fell down the stairs!
That's what happened.
310
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:09,640
What is the bedroom doing
in the kitchen?
311
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,559
Ah-ha!
312
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,644
Has she gone?
313
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:17,148
AGNES: Alice, could I borrow one
of your dresses?
314
00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:19,150
Oh, sure, Agnes,
try the blue one.
315
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,902
I think that one'll fit you.
316
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,946
Yeah, you can wear one of
my suits, too, if you want to.
317
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,740
Aah!
318
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,658
Hey, there, Ralphie boy!
319
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:30,453
What's the good word?
320
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:37,960
Well, I guess Agnes
and Stanley are up
321
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,879
in Niagara Falls now, huh?
322
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:42,382
Yeah? Well, if Stanley's up
there, he's up there alone.
323
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,467
She's here.
Agnes is in the bedroom.
324
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:45,843
Agnes is here?
325
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,261
They had an argument,
a big fight,
326
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,805
right after the reception.
327
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:51,015
Boy, let me tell you something.
328
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,226
L-I heard of husbands and wives
taking separate vacations.
329
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:56,771
This is the first time I ever
heard of separate honeymoons.
330
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,147
They're not on their honeymoon.
331
00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:01,067
They had a fight,
I'm telling you.
332
00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:03,611
She's got to get out of here.
333
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,116
Well, now, look,
is she gonna leave here,
334
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,742
or is she gonna stay?
335
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,327
I'm afraid she's not
gonna leave, Ralph.
336
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:12,829
And the way she's talking,
337
00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,831
she never wants to go back
to Stanley again.
338
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,707
She never... What, do I got
to sleep in the kitchen
339
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,084
for the rest of my life?
340
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:19,502
Please, Ralph,
she's going through
341
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:20,962
a terrible ordeal right now.
342
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,839
She's gonna come out here
any second.
343
00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:25,466
Now, please, whatever you do,
don't do anything to upset her.
344
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,343
And just try and say
something pleasant--
345
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:28,928
something that might
cheer her up a little bit.
346
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:30,346
And you, too, Ed.
347
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:32,890
- Oh. -Oh, look,
Alice, you can count on me.
348
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,895
Oh! Well, don't you
look nice, Agnes!
349
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:40,356
Yeah, boy, you look nice.
350
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:43,693
Well! Ha, ha, ha.
Hello, Agnes.
351
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,778
By the way, I ain't seen you
since the wedding.
352
00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,113
Congratulations.
353
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:49,073
(Agnes sobs)
354
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,242
(door closes)
355
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:52,910
What's the matter with you?
356
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,079
Well, Alice said to be cheerful,
didn't she?
357
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,707
- Oh, it's not his fault, Ralph.
-It isn't, huh?
358
00:15:57,832 --> 00:15:59,542
Well, something's got
to be done.
359
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,377
And she's got to get out
of here, I'm telling you that.
360
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,254
What did they fight about?
361
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,173
W-Why don't you tell me?
Maybe I can think of something.
362
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:06,757
- What did they fight about?
-"What did they fight about?"
363
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,426
Ed, that is the strange part
about this whole thing.
364
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,845
You know what a quiet
and mild person
365
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,181
Stanley's always been
all his life.
366
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,892
Well, do you know that right
after the wedding, he changed?
367
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,518
Nobody knows
what happened to him.
368
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,437
They got in an argument
over moving in with my mother,
369
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:21,105
and he absolutely refused.
370
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,483
Then he started to rant and rave
and carry on
371
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,735
about how he was gonna wear
the pants in the family, and...
372
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,320
-(Ralph clears throat)
-...he was king of the castle,
373
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,655
-and how man is the boss
in his own... -Hey, hey, ho.
374
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,073
Wait a minute.
375
00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:33,784
King of the castle.
That strikes a bell.
376
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:35,828
Now, wait a minute... "King..."
I heard that someplace...
377
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:37,455
- Why don't you go home, Norton?!
-No, wait.
378
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,582
No, wait a minute.
Let... Wait... Let...
379
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,667
"King of the castle."
I heard that someplace.
380
00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:44,003
Now, just a minute. I'm... If
I can think of where I heard it,
381
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:45,838
it might clear up
this whole thing.
382
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,090
"King of the castle." I got it
right in the back of my head.
383
00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:50,927
(Ralph groans)
384
00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:52,470
What'd you do that for?
385
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,888
You said you had it
in the back of your head.
386
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,306
I was trying to get it out.
387
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:57,141
Who cares where you heard it
or what it was?
388
00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:59,644
Doesn't make any difference
what kind of an argument we had.
389
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:04,023
Our problem is
to get her back with him.
390
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:07,818
I got it. I got it.
391
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:10,947
First of all, she thinks
Stanley's a beast
392
00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:12,990
because he started
to boss her around, right?
393
00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:14,951
- Right. -Want to be the master
of the household,
394
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:16,702
the head of the whole thing.
395
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:18,412
That's why she thinks
he's a beast, right?
396
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,540
All we have to do
is make Agnes believe
397
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:23,376
that all husbands are that way,
and she'll think he's normal,
398
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:24,961
and she won't think
he's a beast.
399
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,004
What are you talking about?
400
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,507
Look, tonight, we invite
Stanley over here for supper.
401
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:31,509
We don't tell her anything
about it.
402
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:32,969
Now, I'll come home from work.
403
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:35,346
As soon as I come in,
I walk right up to you,
404
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,764
and I'll start
giving you orders.
405
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,016
"Do this, do that,
do this, do that."
406
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,477
And you say, "Yes, sir,"
and "No, sir," and do all that.
407
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:44,021
And she'll see what goes on,
she'll realize how husbands are,
408
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,190
and she won't think
Stanley's a beast.
409
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,734
Good, good, good, good.
I-l can help out, too.
410
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:50,361
I'll come downstairs
a little later,
411
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,363
and I'll say that I gave Trixie
some orders to do,
412
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,365
and she did 'em
because she agrees with me
413
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:56,367
that a man is boss
of the house, huh?
414
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:59,870
- Beautiful. -Oh, it's the
silliest thing I ever heard of.
415
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:02,498
It is? Well, if you've got a
little better solution to this,
416
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:05,042
go ahead, tell me about it,
and we'll do it.
417
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:07,086
Well, that part
of it's just plain crazy.
418
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,171
I will admit,
it's not such a bad idea
419
00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:11,048
getting the two of them
together here for dinner.
420
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:12,717
- You bet your life
it's a good idea. -Yes.
421
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:16,012
And it'll work, mark my words.
Take it from me.
422
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,930
Just listen to him,
listen to him, will you, Alice?
423
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:19,807
Because a man is king
of his castle.
424
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:23,019
A man is boss
of the family, and...
425
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,396
I think I know where
I heard it, Ralph.
426
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,774
- The king of the castle.
-Get out! Out!
427
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,070
What's the matter
with you, Ralph?
428
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,697
What did you chase him out
of here for?
429
00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:36,365
I just don't want him
around here, that's all.
430
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,200
Now, about tonight--
we'll have some roast beef,
431
00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:39,827
mashed potatoes,
we get some peas and carrots...
432
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,746
- Yeah.
-Make some of that...
433
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:43,456
Excuse me, I just wanted
to tell you one thing--
434
00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:45,791
where I heard that line
about "king of the castle."
435
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:47,460
I heard it in
the Robin Hood motion picture.
436
00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:51,881
Richard the Lionhearted
said it to Friar Tuck! Mmm!
437
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:10,900
(mumbling)
438
00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:13,110
(Alice hums)
439
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,446
Gee, Alice, I didn't know
you were setting the table.
440
00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:17,406
I would have helped you.
441
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:20,201
Oh, that's all right, Agnes.
I'm almost finished, anyway.
442
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:24,080
You set four places.
You having company?
443
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:27,083
Well, I was gonna tell you
anyhow, Agnes.
444
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:29,335
-(knock on door)
-Come in.
445
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:33,339
(Agnes gasps)
446
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:35,424
Stanley!
447
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:38,177
- Agnes, sweetheart.
-Oh!
448
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,846
I knew this would happen
if you just saw each other.
449
00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:42,682
Oh, Stanley, I'm so happy.
450
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:45,351
I never should have left you,
not even for a minute.
451
00:19:45,476 --> 00:19:47,103
Can you ever forgive me?
452
00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:50,690
Forgive you? It was all
my fault, darling one.
453
00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:53,859
I should never have talked
the way I did, sweetheart.
454
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:56,445
I never should have listened
to Ralph.
455
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:58,572
Oh.
456
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:04,161
Well, that's all past now,
sweet face.
457
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,497
We're together again,
and that's what counts.
458
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,207
- Uh, Stanley?
-Hmm?
459
00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:10,835
What was that you just said
about listening to Ralph?
460
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,713
I never should have listened
to him, Alice.
461
00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:16,507
The other night
at the bachelor party,
462
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:19,176
he was telling me
I should lay the law down
463
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:22,138
about moving in
with Agnes's mother and father,
464
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:24,974
and that I should let
Agnes know right away
465
00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:29,145
that I was king of the castle
and-and boss of the family.
466
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:31,105
How dare he interfere
like that?!
467
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,649
Oh, I knew it couldn't be
Stanley's fault.
468
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:35,776
It's all your husband's fault,
Alice.
469
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:38,404
Oh, just wait
until he gets home.
470
00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:40,531
Oh, he's a beast!
471
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:42,867
Well!
472
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:45,161
I see that you're home.
(chuckles)
473
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:46,871
I didn't think
you'd get here so soon.
474
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,247
Back together again, eh?
475
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:50,207
I'll, uh, be with you
in a minute.
476
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:52,251
Now, look here, Alice.
477
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,879
As you know
that this is my house,
478
00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:57,256
I can't see why
we should have any discussion
479
00:20:57,381 --> 00:21:00,259
as to your understanding
when I tell you to do something.
480
00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:02,011
Now, you know it's my house,
481
00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:04,346
you know
that I'm the master of my house,
482
00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:06,182
and being the master
of my house,
483
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:08,142
I'm the one
that gives the orders.
484
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:09,685
I gave you an order,
485
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:12,855
the master gave you an order
this morning.
486
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:15,316
But as I look around,
I see that my order,
487
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:18,277
from the master,
wasn't carried out!
488
00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:20,946
Now, the master's wife
is supposed to obey.
489
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:24,283
Why didn't you obey and have
my robe and slippers laid out,
490
00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,911
so that when I come home
from a hard day's work,
491
00:21:27,036 --> 00:21:29,705
they're there for me
to slip into conveniently?
492
00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:34,210
Tut, tut,
none of you feeble excuses.
493
00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:36,337
I can see
that you're ashamed of yourself.
494
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:37,755
The master forgives you.
495
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,132
I'll not say another word
about it.
496
00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:42,551
Just run in there,
get my robe and slippers,
497
00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:44,512
and I'll call
the whole thing off.
498
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:46,597
The master has spoken.
499
00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:54,980
Now that you've got
your gas bag filled,
500
00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:58,275
why don't you blow away?
501
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,445
What's the matter with you?
502
00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,948
Don't talk
to the master like that.
503
00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:07,993
Go in there and get it!
504
00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:11,330
Ralph Kramden, how dare you
interfere in their marriage?
505
00:22:11,455 --> 00:22:14,083
Putting all those crazy ideas
into Stanley's head.
506
00:22:14,208 --> 00:22:15,668
He has just told me
507
00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:17,962
everything that you told him
at that bachelor party.
508
00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:20,256
I might have known
it was all your fault, Ralph.
509
00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:22,508
I shouldn't have listened
to him, sweetheart.
510
00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:24,301
Oh, it wasn't your fault,
Stanley.
511
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:25,719
He's been a troublemaker
512
00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:27,721
ever since
he got into our family.
513
00:22:30,057 --> 00:22:33,060
Well, Ralph, I hope
you're satisfied.
514
00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:37,064
Hi, there, folks. Hey.
515
00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:38,691
Hi, Stanley.
So, you're still here, huh?
516
00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:40,776
I want to talk to you
just a little while.
517
00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:42,444
First I'd like
to talk to you, Alice.
518
00:22:42,570 --> 00:22:44,446
Trixie said that, uh,
you wanted her to go
519
00:22:44,572 --> 00:22:45,948
to the movies with you tonight.
520
00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:47,449
Well, she can't go
to the movies tonight.
521
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:48,909
You know why she can't go?
522
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:50,494
Because I said
that she can't go!
523
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:52,454
No particular reason.
524
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:56,458
I said that she can't go,
and I am the boss of my house.
525
00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:58,669
Oh, Stanley!
526
00:22:58,794 --> 00:23:01,922
Oh, Agnes!
527
00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:10,306
Alice, I had no idea
it'd work so fast.
528
00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:15,603
Would you, uh, mind
leaving the premises?
529
00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:18,188
All right. I see
that it's another...
530
00:23:18,314 --> 00:23:20,858
another one
of your well-calculated plans,
531
00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:22,902
that went to pot.
532
00:23:30,159 --> 00:23:33,037
(Alice sighs)
533
00:24:04,068 --> 00:24:06,487
All right.
534
00:24:06,612 --> 00:24:09,156
I did it again.
535
00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:11,367
Did it again with my...
536
00:24:11,492 --> 00:24:13,911
(loudly):
big mouth!
537
00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:20,793
I learned a lesson,
though, this time.
538
00:24:20,918 --> 00:24:24,088
A real good lesson.
539
00:24:24,213 --> 00:24:27,257
If there's anything a man
or a woman shouldn't do,
540
00:24:27,383 --> 00:24:31,762
it's get mixed up
with somebody else's marriage.
541
00:24:31,887 --> 00:24:34,348
It's tough enough for
young people to get along today
542
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:36,892
without somebody
butting their nose in,
543
00:24:37,017 --> 00:24:40,104
telling 'em how to run it.
544
00:24:40,229 --> 00:24:42,106
They can do it,
everybody else has done it.
545
00:24:42,231 --> 00:24:44,984
They need no help.
Nobody, "do this, do that,
546
00:24:45,109 --> 00:24:46,568
do it this way, do it that way."
547
00:24:46,694 --> 00:24:49,238
They can handle
the whole thing by themselves.
548
00:24:49,363 --> 00:24:51,281
We did it.
549
00:24:51,407 --> 00:24:52,741
We had our arguments.
550
00:24:52,866 --> 00:24:55,119
But we settled them ourselves.
551
00:24:55,244 --> 00:24:56,620
And do you know why?
552
00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:58,414
Because there was nobody around
to pick and pick
553
00:24:58,539 --> 00:25:00,332
and pick at us, that's why.
554
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:03,085
Imagine me telling somebody
how to run their marriage.
555
00:25:03,210 --> 00:25:04,753
You know what I'd do
556
00:25:04,878 --> 00:25:06,630
if anybody tried to tell me
how to run our marriage?
557
00:25:06,755 --> 00:25:10,592
Ho, ho! Bang, zoom!
558
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:16,682
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
559
00:25:16,807 --> 00:25:18,976
I'm sorry.
560
00:25:21,395 --> 00:25:23,439
That's all right, Ralph.
561
00:25:23,564 --> 00:25:26,442
Baby, you're the greatest.
42565
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