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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,107 --> 00:00:11,076 [soft orchestral music playing] 2 00:00:51,046 --> 00:00:52,680 [lively chatter] 3 00:00:52,815 --> 00:00:55,350 - [Ingrid] Hi. How are you? - [Bobbi] I'm good. Thanks. 4 00:00:55,485 --> 00:00:56,711 [Ingrid] Who do I make this out to? 5 00:00:56,847 --> 00:00:58,222 [Bobbi] Uh, Bobbi with an "I". 6 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,856 In the prologue, you say you wrote this book 7 00:01:04,991 --> 00:01:06,692 in order to better understand and accept death. 8 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:08,658 Um... 9 00:01:08,793 --> 00:01:10,895 Yeah. It feels unnatural to me. 10 00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:13,538 I can't accept that something alive has to die. 11 00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:14,700 Thank you. 12 00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:16,774 - Ingrid... - Mm. 13 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,272 We've fulfilled the hour. 14 00:01:18,407 --> 00:01:19,771 I mean, in fact, we've gone over. 15 00:01:19,906 --> 00:01:21,912 Well, there's still a lot of people waiting. 16 00:01:22,047 --> 00:01:23,879 Yes. We'll do what you want. 17 00:01:24,015 --> 00:01:25,079 Could you sign mine? 18 00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:27,446 Stella! I didn't see you. 19 00:01:27,582 --> 00:01:29,181 Why didn't you come straight up? 20 00:01:29,316 --> 00:01:30,655 I was embarrassed. 21 00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:32,056 You draw a crowd! 22 00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:33,385 - A lot of young people. - Thank you. 23 00:01:33,521 --> 00:01:34,951 - Not just women. - [laughs] 24 00:01:35,086 --> 00:01:36,952 Stella, this is Anne. Anne, my friend Stella. 25 00:01:37,087 --> 00:01:38,593 - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 26 00:01:38,728 --> 00:01:40,332 I'm gonna stay until I've signed for everybody. 27 00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,633 Yes. I'll just make sure no one else joins the line. 28 00:01:42,768 --> 00:01:44,497 Okay. [chuckles] 29 00:01:44,633 --> 00:01:46,595 Oh, I haven't seen you in forever. 30 00:01:46,731 --> 00:01:48,102 I'm living in Boston now. 31 00:01:48,237 --> 00:01:49,635 I came to see my son, 32 00:01:49,770 --> 00:01:51,341 and to visit Martha in the hospital. 33 00:01:53,277 --> 00:01:55,074 You know she has cancer, right? 34 00:01:55,209 --> 00:01:56,139 It's a bad one. 35 00:01:56,275 --> 00:01:57,439 Martha? 36 00:01:57,574 --> 00:01:58,482 Martha Hunt? 37 00:01:58,618 --> 00:01:59,975 Yes. 38 00:02:00,111 --> 00:02:01,545 She's at Manhattan Memorial Cancer Center. 39 00:02:01,681 --> 00:02:03,288 I thought you would've heard. 40 00:02:03,423 --> 00:02:05,122 No. To be honest, I haven't seen her in years. 41 00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:07,423 Martha is sick? I can't imagine it. 42 00:02:07,559 --> 00:02:09,891 If you go see her, it'll make her very happy. 43 00:02:10,026 --> 00:02:11,553 Yeah. Of course. 44 00:02:11,688 --> 00:02:13,565 Of course I will. 45 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:16,601 Um, thank you so much for coming. I really appreciate it. 46 00:02:16,736 --> 00:02:17,736 Congratulations. 47 00:02:17,872 --> 00:02:18,970 - Thank you. - Mm! 48 00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:19,968 - I'll see you soon. - Thanks. 49 00:02:20,104 --> 00:02:21,096 - Bye. - Bye. 50 00:02:23,973 --> 00:02:24,968 Hi. 51 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,313 - Who do I make this out to? - Frances. 52 00:02:30,679 --> 00:02:33,179 - Is that you? - No, it's my girlfriend. 53 00:02:33,315 --> 00:02:34,985 She really admires you. 54 00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:36,683 - So do I. - Thank you. 55 00:02:40,117 --> 00:02:43,019 Could you write "It won't happen again"? 56 00:02:45,556 --> 00:02:47,692 Of course I can. 57 00:02:47,828 --> 00:02:50,202 Yes. Thank you. It won't happen again. 58 00:02:52,596 --> 00:02:53,535 I hope not. 59 00:03:09,784 --> 00:03:12,288 Hi. I'm here to see Martha Hunt. 60 00:03:12,424 --> 00:03:13,988 I think she's on the 16th floor. 61 00:03:14,124 --> 00:03:15,359 Okay. One sec. 62 00:03:16,423 --> 00:03:17,794 [keyboard clacks] 63 00:03:17,929 --> 00:03:20,189 Yes. Room 1614. 64 00:03:20,324 --> 00:03:22,427 The elevator is at the end of the hall, on the left. 65 00:03:22,563 --> 00:03:23,693 - Thanks. - No problem. 66 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,435 [people speaking indistinctly] 67 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:40,714 [knock at door] 68 00:03:42,184 --> 00:03:43,178 [door opens] 69 00:03:45,989 --> 00:03:46,984 Martha? 70 00:03:48,322 --> 00:03:49,393 [Martha] Ingrid! 71 00:03:50,555 --> 00:03:53,022 What a surprise! 72 00:03:53,158 --> 00:03:55,264 - How did you hear? - I ran into Stella. 73 00:03:55,399 --> 00:03:57,929 - She told me. [kisses] - Oh. 74 00:03:58,064 --> 00:04:00,999 I'm so sorry, I didn't even know you were sick. 75 00:04:01,134 --> 00:04:03,702 Oh, well, you with your work and me with mine. 76 00:04:03,837 --> 00:04:06,407 I mean, time's gotten away from us. 77 00:04:06,542 --> 00:04:08,104 Yes, and I was living in Paris. 78 00:04:08,239 --> 00:04:11,007 Yeah, I heard. I've been reading about you. 79 00:04:11,143 --> 00:04:13,115 I know you have published another book 80 00:04:13,251 --> 00:04:14,951 and it's doing very well. 81 00:04:15,086 --> 00:04:16,618 Thank you. [sighs] 82 00:04:17,251 --> 00:04:18,257 So... 83 00:04:19,386 --> 00:04:21,491 How are you? 84 00:04:21,626 --> 00:04:24,626 I'm sure you're sick of telling everybody. 85 00:04:24,761 --> 00:04:28,059 Well, it's cervical cancer. Stage three. 86 00:04:28,194 --> 00:04:30,928 It isn't operable, but they're treating me, so... 87 00:04:31,064 --> 00:04:34,331 looks like I'm not gonna die quite yet. 88 00:04:34,466 --> 00:04:39,577 Um, I've become a guinea pig for an experimental treatment 89 00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:41,944 and the results are better than the doctors expected. 90 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:43,779 - Great! - Yeah. 91 00:04:43,915 --> 00:04:46,274 That's great! Well, you seem like you're in good spirits. 92 00:04:46,409 --> 00:04:49,582 Well, I swing between euphoria and depression. 93 00:04:49,718 --> 00:04:50,986 - Oh, I'm so sorry. - [laughs] 94 00:04:51,121 --> 00:04:52,422 No, it's normal, 95 00:04:52,557 --> 00:04:54,816 and the doctors warned me, you know. 96 00:04:54,952 --> 00:04:56,295 - Highs and lows. - Mm-hmm. 97 00:04:57,159 --> 00:04:58,220 Mm-hmm. 98 00:04:59,197 --> 00:05:00,929 It'll sound absurd, 99 00:05:01,064 --> 00:05:06,402 but after all the accepting and preparing to face the end, 100 00:05:06,538 --> 00:05:09,137 survival feels almost disappointing. 101 00:05:09,273 --> 00:05:10,437 Oh, don't say that. 102 00:05:10,572 --> 00:05:12,311 No, I was prepared to leave. 103 00:05:15,241 --> 00:05:19,281 In fact, when they gave me the initial diagnosis, 104 00:05:19,416 --> 00:05:20,681 I didn't want any treatment. 105 00:05:20,816 --> 00:05:22,145 Well, I'm glad you changed your mind. 106 00:05:23,655 --> 00:05:26,453 'Cause, you know, just the thought... 107 00:05:26,588 --> 00:05:28,160 And that I wouldn't know... 108 00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:31,055 Anyway, I realized that I really... 109 00:05:31,190 --> 00:05:35,367 I'm not ready to abandon the party just yet. 110 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:39,537 But I had truly gotten used to the idea. 111 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,337 Well, I suppose that it's good to get used to the idea, 112 00:05:42,473 --> 00:05:44,970 but without giving up, right? 113 00:05:45,105 --> 00:05:46,477 You've been through a lot of wars, remember? 114 00:05:47,543 --> 00:05:49,271 I live with them every day. 115 00:05:52,309 --> 00:05:55,353 Oh, Ingrid, I'm so happy to see you. 116 00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:57,682 I almost called you a thousand times. 117 00:05:57,818 --> 00:05:59,348 - I'm sorry. - Me, too! 118 00:05:59,483 --> 00:06:01,120 It's ridiculous that we haven't seen each other. 119 00:06:01,255 --> 00:06:03,520 I promise I'm gonna visit until you get sick of me. 120 00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:04,961 Will you? 121 00:06:05,096 --> 00:06:06,427 You promise? 122 00:06:06,562 --> 00:06:08,066 I'm gonna hold you to that. 123 00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:09,665 Your daughter knows, I guess. 124 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:11,865 Yes. 125 00:06:13,530 --> 00:06:17,402 When I first made up my mind to forgo any treatment, 126 00:06:17,538 --> 00:06:18,608 I told her... 127 00:06:19,970 --> 00:06:21,380 and she just said... 128 00:06:22,313 --> 00:06:23,448 "It's your choice." 129 00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:26,008 Period. 130 00:06:26,143 --> 00:06:29,046 As if it was something trivial, 131 00:06:29,182 --> 00:06:31,016 something that had nothing to do with her. 132 00:06:32,688 --> 00:06:34,189 How are you two getting along? 133 00:06:34,324 --> 00:06:36,324 Um, same as ever. 134 00:06:36,459 --> 00:06:37,786 We're barely in touch. 135 00:06:37,921 --> 00:06:39,260 What does she do? 136 00:06:39,395 --> 00:06:40,762 She's doing well. 137 00:06:40,897 --> 00:06:43,996 She's, uh, an agent for classical musicians. 138 00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:48,605 It might sound horrible, 139 00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:53,203 but I don't feel like she's my daughter. 140 00:06:55,343 --> 00:06:58,574 I fantasize frequently about her being swapped at birth. 141 00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:00,344 What? 142 00:07:00,479 --> 00:07:02,712 What are you talking about? She looks just like you. 143 00:07:02,847 --> 00:07:04,049 She has your face. 144 00:07:05,723 --> 00:07:08,592 I never interested her as a mother. 145 00:07:09,687 --> 00:07:10,789 Why not? 146 00:07:10,925 --> 00:07:12,926 I was a teenager when I had her. 147 00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:17,727 I didn't know what to do with a baby. 148 00:07:17,862 --> 00:07:21,095 And when we started working at Paper Magazine, you remember? 149 00:07:21,231 --> 00:07:23,374 We practically lived at night. 150 00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:25,469 You remember New York in the '80s? 151 00:07:25,604 --> 00:07:26,906 Yeah. 152 00:07:27,041 --> 00:07:28,810 Anything important happened at night. 153 00:07:32,542 --> 00:07:35,944 And then I went to work as a war correspondent, 154 00:07:36,079 --> 00:07:37,748 traveling constantly. 155 00:07:37,883 --> 00:07:40,292 And that didn't help. 156 00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:42,758 My work just completely took over. 157 00:07:46,392 --> 00:07:49,897 I was never what a mother is supposed to be. 158 00:07:52,163 --> 00:07:55,636 But Michelle started to hate me 159 00:07:55,771 --> 00:07:57,575 long before I was away so much. 160 00:07:59,909 --> 00:08:01,642 I remember feeling her resentment 161 00:08:01,778 --> 00:08:03,207 even when she was a little girl. 162 00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:08,553 She made herself very clear. 163 00:08:13,385 --> 00:08:17,826 She couldn't bear... not having a father. 164 00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,565 She saw other girls with their fathers 165 00:08:22,701 --> 00:08:24,998 and she wanted to know about hers. 166 00:08:27,698 --> 00:08:30,465 At first, I told her I didn't know who he was, but... 167 00:08:31,307 --> 00:08:32,872 [sighs] 168 00:08:33,008 --> 00:08:34,469 ...it kind of made things worse. 169 00:08:36,976 --> 00:08:38,107 I was lying to her. 170 00:08:38,243 --> 00:08:39,850 - [laughs] - [lively chatter] 171 00:08:39,985 --> 00:08:41,520 [Martha] Of course I knew who her father was. 172 00:08:42,486 --> 00:08:43,885 His name was Fred. 173 00:08:48,687 --> 00:08:50,056 [shouts] 174 00:08:50,191 --> 00:08:51,558 [Martha] We dated for a few months 175 00:08:51,693 --> 00:08:53,558 before he was drafted. 176 00:08:53,693 --> 00:08:57,063 And then went away to fight, towards the end of Vietnam. 177 00:08:58,728 --> 00:09:02,503 When he came back, a year later, he was... 178 00:09:02,639 --> 00:09:04,031 somebody different. 179 00:09:04,167 --> 00:09:06,441 Fred! What happened? 180 00:09:06,577 --> 00:09:08,371 He was a broken toy. 181 00:09:10,041 --> 00:09:12,384 Hey. Hey, it's okay. 182 00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,283 I'm here. It's all over now, Fred. 183 00:09:14,418 --> 00:09:15,681 You're back home. 184 00:09:15,817 --> 00:09:17,182 But it's not over for me. 185 00:09:20,055 --> 00:09:22,088 I still got the war inside my head. 186 00:09:24,429 --> 00:09:25,762 I can't get free of it. 187 00:09:28,061 --> 00:09:30,129 I hallucinate every single day. 188 00:09:33,134 --> 00:09:35,706 And I was high practically all the time. 189 00:09:40,274 --> 00:09:42,174 I don't know what I'm doing with my life, 190 00:09:43,647 --> 00:09:45,111 but I'm not staying here. 191 00:09:49,848 --> 00:09:50,886 It's all right. 192 00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,954 Feel free to do what you like. 193 00:09:55,090 --> 00:09:57,024 Think about what's best for you. 194 00:10:01,298 --> 00:10:02,293 Okay. 195 00:10:04,499 --> 00:10:05,560 Thanks. 196 00:10:11,067 --> 00:10:12,072 Can I kiss you? 197 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:43,334 - Does Michelle know this? - Oh. 198 00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:47,608 She started asking about her father 199 00:10:47,744 --> 00:10:49,505 as soon as she could talk. 200 00:10:52,712 --> 00:10:56,116 But it's not something you can explain to a child, right? 201 00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:01,185 By puberty, she carved out quite an abyss between us. 202 00:11:01,321 --> 00:11:03,288 It came to define her adolescence. 203 00:11:05,358 --> 00:11:08,359 But, by then, I was no longer there. 204 00:11:08,494 --> 00:11:11,835 I was in New York, with you, living my life. 205 00:11:14,335 --> 00:11:16,432 I arranged to meet Fred one evening 206 00:11:16,567 --> 00:11:18,508 to tell him about the situation. 207 00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:21,541 So, I took a first aid course 208 00:11:21,676 --> 00:11:24,446 and, because I'm a war veteran, they've hired me at a hospital, 209 00:11:24,581 --> 00:11:25,607 down in San Diego. 210 00:11:27,981 --> 00:11:29,512 It's good news, right? 211 00:11:31,151 --> 00:11:32,823 I have some news for you too. 212 00:11:34,690 --> 00:11:35,694 I'm pregnant. 213 00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:40,391 - You're pregnant? - Yes. 214 00:11:42,628 --> 00:11:45,000 But I was planning on moving to San Diego next week. 215 00:11:47,364 --> 00:11:48,839 Then what are we gonna do? 216 00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:51,776 Whatever I do, my parents will support me, so... 217 00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:53,503 I'm not alone. 218 00:11:55,775 --> 00:11:56,748 Mm. 219 00:11:59,082 --> 00:12:00,708 I don't think working in a hospital 220 00:12:00,844 --> 00:12:03,718 was the best thing for such a damaged person. 221 00:12:03,854 --> 00:12:05,218 It's the closest thing to war. 222 00:12:06,383 --> 00:12:08,386 He needed therapy and rehab. 223 00:12:08,521 --> 00:12:10,685 Yeah, that would have been more sensible, 224 00:12:12,158 --> 00:12:13,798 but he wanted to be useful, 225 00:12:15,226 --> 00:12:17,166 to ease his conscience. 226 00:12:17,302 --> 00:12:21,433 He believed that helping people between life and death... 227 00:12:21,568 --> 00:12:25,502 was his best chance of getting back any peace. 228 00:12:27,211 --> 00:12:30,945 I could only free him of any responsibility. 229 00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:33,779 He left before Michelle was born. 230 00:12:33,914 --> 00:12:34,912 He never knew her. 231 00:12:35,048 --> 00:12:36,579 [breathing heavily] 232 00:12:38,089 --> 00:12:41,551 He didn't call once to ask about her. 233 00:12:43,386 --> 00:12:45,153 When did you tell her? 234 00:12:45,288 --> 00:12:46,963 She was about 12. 235 00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:52,062 She wanted to know where he was living... 236 00:12:52,198 --> 00:12:53,662 and I didn't know anymore. 237 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:57,699 She was so insistent... 238 00:12:57,834 --> 00:13:00,476 that I tracked down an old friend of his 239 00:13:00,611 --> 00:13:01,505 from high school, 240 00:13:03,081 --> 00:13:07,649 who told me that Fred had gotten married 241 00:13:07,784 --> 00:13:09,645 and had recently died. 242 00:13:11,385 --> 00:13:14,749 I asked him for his wife's number... 243 00:13:15,825 --> 00:13:18,124 and then I called her. 244 00:13:18,259 --> 00:13:19,831 I wanted to know what had happened. 245 00:13:21,597 --> 00:13:26,035 She told me they were coming home after a trip. 246 00:13:29,134 --> 00:13:30,303 Is that smoke? 247 00:13:31,608 --> 00:13:32,602 [wife] Yes. 248 00:13:33,777 --> 00:13:35,940 Something's on fire. 249 00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:37,145 There's a house on fire. 250 00:13:40,018 --> 00:13:42,248 We should call the fire department. 251 00:13:42,384 --> 00:13:43,952 - [tinnitus ringing] - [gunfire echoing] 252 00:13:44,088 --> 00:13:46,022 [screaming and explosion echoing] 253 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,653 - Stop the car. - Fred... 254 00:13:52,992 --> 00:13:53,997 [tires screech] 255 00:13:57,494 --> 00:13:58,966 [wife] What are you doing? 256 00:13:59,101 --> 00:14:00,668 - I'm gonna take a look. - No! 257 00:14:00,804 --> 00:14:02,732 That's crazy! Fred! 258 00:14:02,867 --> 00:14:05,240 - There might be someone inside. - Fred, stop! Stop! 259 00:14:05,376 --> 00:14:08,676 Don't go in. It's dangerous! Look at me, I'm here. 260 00:14:08,812 --> 00:14:10,308 Let's find a gas station 261 00:14:10,444 --> 00:14:11,582 and call the fire department, please. 262 00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:13,110 Don't you hear the screams? 263 00:14:13,246 --> 00:14:15,044 No, I don't hear anything. 264 00:14:15,179 --> 00:14:17,081 [panting] 265 00:14:17,217 --> 00:14:19,891 Fred, please! Fred! Fred! 266 00:14:21,022 --> 00:14:22,357 Fred, don't go in there! 267 00:14:22,493 --> 00:14:23,521 [groans] 268 00:14:25,390 --> 00:14:26,830 Don't you hear the screams? 269 00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:28,867 There's someone inside crying for help! 270 00:14:30,963 --> 00:14:32,002 Fred! 271 00:14:39,808 --> 00:14:41,203 [panting] 272 00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:43,710 [firetruck horn blaring] 273 00:14:43,845 --> 00:14:46,009 Sir! Sir! 274 00:14:46,144 --> 00:14:48,048 Please, help me! 275 00:14:48,184 --> 00:14:50,416 - Sir! Sir, please! - Let's go! 276 00:14:50,551 --> 00:14:52,721 - Please, my husband's inside! - Ladder up! 277 00:14:52,857 --> 00:14:54,381 Sir! My husband's inside! 278 00:14:54,517 --> 00:14:55,927 My husband's inside! 279 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,355 He thought he heard voices crying for help. 280 00:14:57,491 --> 00:14:58,753 Put two lines on the back side, guys! 281 00:14:58,888 --> 00:15:00,490 He went into the house trying to save 282 00:15:00,626 --> 00:15:02,198 whoever was trapped by the fire. 283 00:15:02,334 --> 00:15:03,225 Okay, get back in your car. Do not go over there. 284 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:04,627 I will stay here. Okay. 285 00:15:04,762 --> 00:15:06,234 Please, ma'am. Is there someone else? 286 00:15:06,370 --> 00:15:07,395 - No, I don't know! - Ladder up, guys! Ladder! 287 00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:08,773 There's a civilian inside! 288 00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,000 Get back in your car, ma'am, please. 289 00:15:10,136 --> 00:15:11,699 [busy chatter] 290 00:15:11,835 --> 00:15:12,971 [chief] All right, get in there! 291 00:15:13,107 --> 00:15:15,307 Get in that top window. 292 00:15:15,443 --> 00:15:18,246 There you go. It's gonna blow out. 293 00:15:20,849 --> 00:15:21,876 Good boys. 294 00:15:24,518 --> 00:15:26,551 [indistinct police radio chatter] 295 00:15:31,592 --> 00:15:33,188 I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do. 296 00:15:33,323 --> 00:15:34,460 [panting] 297 00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:39,103 He didn't get to the second floor. 298 00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:41,462 He must have passed out from the smoke and the flames. 299 00:15:41,597 --> 00:15:42,804 And the other bodies? 300 00:15:42,939 --> 00:15:44,438 There was nobody else. 301 00:15:44,573 --> 00:15:46,402 This house has been abandoned for a long time. 302 00:15:46,537 --> 00:15:47,576 There was only your husband. 303 00:15:47,711 --> 00:15:50,113 But he... 304 00:15:50,248 --> 00:15:52,648 he told me he heard screams for help... 305 00:15:52,783 --> 00:15:54,117 Impossible, ma'am. 306 00:15:55,248 --> 00:15:56,284 There was no one else. 307 00:15:57,347 --> 00:15:58,385 It's true. 308 00:16:00,422 --> 00:16:02,653 I didn't hear the screams either. 309 00:16:04,394 --> 00:16:07,255 I tried to stop him from going in, but... 310 00:16:07,390 --> 00:16:08,498 [sobbing] 311 00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:09,632 I didn't. 312 00:16:09,767 --> 00:16:11,759 He was very brave. 313 00:16:11,895 --> 00:16:13,595 Did you tell Michelle all of this? 314 00:16:13,730 --> 00:16:16,437 I had to give her every detail. 315 00:16:16,572 --> 00:16:19,443 I even gave her her father's wife's phone number. 316 00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,935 You know what? 317 00:16:21,070 --> 00:16:22,770 Let's get you back to bed. You're tired. 318 00:16:22,906 --> 00:16:24,211 Yeah, but I have to tell you this. 319 00:16:24,346 --> 00:16:26,512 We can... We can talk more later. 320 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,515 So, one day... 321 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,689 - I got a call from Fred's wife. - Okay. 322 00:16:34,824 --> 00:16:36,454 And she told me 323 00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:38,687 - that she wanted an address. - Mm-hmm. 324 00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:40,354 She wanted to send me something. 325 00:16:40,489 --> 00:16:41,697 [Ingrid] Mm-hm. 326 00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:44,135 And, shortly after, 327 00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:47,335 I received a note in the mail and a letter... 328 00:16:48,998 --> 00:16:51,141 that the wife received from Michelle, 329 00:16:52,404 --> 00:16:54,173 introducing herself 330 00:16:54,308 --> 00:16:56,179 and saying that it was her, 331 00:16:56,978 --> 00:16:58,542 Fred's daughter, 332 00:16:58,678 --> 00:17:00,975 who had been in the burning house. 333 00:17:02,284 --> 00:17:05,449 "It was me he tried to save." 334 00:17:05,584 --> 00:17:09,851 "It was me for whom he died..." 335 00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:12,496 that's what Michelle said to the wife. 336 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:13,990 That's insane! 337 00:17:14,126 --> 00:17:15,099 Yes. 338 00:17:19,169 --> 00:17:21,171 [cell phone ringtone playing] 339 00:17:23,102 --> 00:17:24,670 Hi! 340 00:17:24,806 --> 00:17:26,207 [Martha over phone] It's Martha, the nuisance. 341 00:17:26,343 --> 00:17:28,172 [chuckles] You're not a nuisance. 342 00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:29,713 How're you feeling? 343 00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:31,377 Fine. I'm at home. 344 00:17:31,512 --> 00:17:33,742 The hospital's given me a few days off 345 00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:35,577 between treatments, so I'm at home. 346 00:17:35,713 --> 00:17:37,649 I'd love for you to come over. 347 00:17:37,784 --> 00:17:40,551 Ooh, you've caught me in the middle of moving. 348 00:17:40,687 --> 00:17:43,357 Oh, then you're really busy, right? 349 00:17:43,493 --> 00:17:46,428 Um, well, you know what moving's like. 350 00:17:46,563 --> 00:17:50,693 But, um, if you're feeling lonely, I could stop by, 351 00:17:50,829 --> 00:17:52,365 we could take a walk in the park. 352 00:17:52,501 --> 00:17:54,895 I might not be quite up for a walk. 353 00:17:55,031 --> 00:17:58,066 Um, okay, you know what? Let me, um... 354 00:17:58,201 --> 00:18:01,739 Let me finish what I'm doing and I'll be right over. 355 00:18:01,874 --> 00:18:05,083 Thanks, sweetheart, but don't feel obliged. 356 00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:25,730 [doorbell dings] 357 00:18:29,539 --> 00:18:32,769 - These are for you. - You are a darling. 358 00:18:32,905 --> 00:18:34,303 And I've brought you a couple of books. 359 00:18:34,439 --> 00:18:36,143 Oh! Thank you. 360 00:18:36,278 --> 00:18:37,440 You want something to drink? 361 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:39,709 Oh. I'd love some tea. 362 00:18:39,844 --> 00:18:41,986 - Herbal tea if you have it. - Sure. 363 00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,122 - I'll put these in a vase. - Okay. 364 00:18:45,419 --> 00:18:47,858 And all of this is for you. 365 00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,420 You have to finish all of it. 366 00:18:49,556 --> 00:18:51,760 Wow! Well, I will do my best. 367 00:18:51,896 --> 00:18:53,390 I love fruit. 368 00:18:53,526 --> 00:18:55,265 [Martha and Ingrid laugh] 369 00:18:57,532 --> 00:18:58,999 Are you working on something new? 370 00:18:59,135 --> 00:19:00,964 Um, yeah, actually I am. 371 00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:04,367 I'm doing research on the painter Dora Carrington 372 00:19:04,503 --> 00:19:06,641 and her, um... Mm... 373 00:19:06,777 --> 00:19:09,439 ...intense relationship with the writer Lytton Strachey. 374 00:19:09,575 --> 00:19:11,573 - Mm-hm. - Here he is. 375 00:19:11,708 --> 00:19:13,450 Uh, Strachey was gay, 376 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:18,485 so she married the straight man that he was infatuated with. 377 00:19:18,620 --> 00:19:20,350 It's gonna be the story of the trio. 378 00:19:20,486 --> 00:19:22,191 It isn't groundbreaking, 379 00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:23,693 but I want to see where it takes me. 380 00:19:23,828 --> 00:19:25,323 Here, um, look. 381 00:19:25,459 --> 00:19:26,824 Um, unfortunately for her, 382 00:19:26,959 --> 00:19:29,297 there was another more famous painter... 383 00:19:29,433 --> 00:19:30,793 - Leonora Carrington. Yeah. - Yes, 384 00:19:30,928 --> 00:19:32,533 the surrealist Leonora Carrington, 385 00:19:32,668 --> 00:19:34,667 whose name was obviously very similar to hers. 386 00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:36,966 [Ingrid] Um... 387 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:38,770 Dora... 388 00:19:39,737 --> 00:19:41,639 was better known for this 389 00:19:41,775 --> 00:19:44,039 bizarre love story with Strachey. 390 00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,214 She devoted 17 years of her life to him. 391 00:19:49,349 --> 00:19:50,549 - Wow. - Mm. 392 00:19:50,685 --> 00:19:53,055 It'll be a fictionalized biography, so... 393 00:19:53,191 --> 00:19:56,117 I'll make some stuff up, too. 394 00:19:56,252 --> 00:20:00,094 I've never been able to allow myself that. 395 00:20:00,229 --> 00:20:03,064 Mm. Well, I hope not. 396 00:20:03,199 --> 00:20:04,933 You're a war reporter. 397 00:20:05,069 --> 00:20:07,062 Yeah, you have to... 398 00:20:07,197 --> 00:20:08,735 You know, you can't show your emotions. 399 00:20:08,870 --> 00:20:12,706 You have to block them out so you can do your job 400 00:20:12,841 --> 00:20:15,412 and stay in the present in the middle of whatever hell. 401 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,947 Maybe I should write about you and not Carrington. 402 00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:19,448 I don't think you'd enjoy 403 00:20:19,583 --> 00:20:21,284 writing about illnesses and treatments. 404 00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:24,219 - Mm. You're wrong. - I'm just a journalist, 405 00:20:24,355 --> 00:20:27,055 addicted to wars and adrenaline. 406 00:20:27,191 --> 00:20:28,259 You think that's nothing? 407 00:20:30,622 --> 00:20:32,191 It wasn't all tragedy. 408 00:20:32,327 --> 00:20:33,693 You know, life went on. 409 00:20:35,766 --> 00:20:39,094 There was one report when I added a bit of fiction. 410 00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:40,730 Really? 411 00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,999 Actually, I never published it. 412 00:20:45,001 --> 00:20:46,904 It was during the war in Iraq. 413 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:50,378 On the last day, before we left Baghdad. 414 00:20:50,514 --> 00:20:52,106 Are you sure this is the right way? 415 00:20:52,242 --> 00:20:55,044 Yeah, just make a left here in this alley. 416 00:20:56,384 --> 00:20:57,618 Let's make this brief. 417 00:21:01,156 --> 00:21:02,154 Here. Stop here. 418 00:21:02,289 --> 00:21:03,558 [brakes screech] 419 00:21:09,759 --> 00:21:10,697 [speaking Spanish] 420 00:21:12,504 --> 00:21:15,130 Martin, what are you doing here in Baghdad? 421 00:21:17,374 --> 00:21:18,775 You look great. You really do. 422 00:21:18,910 --> 00:21:19,900 Thank you. 423 00:21:20,036 --> 00:21:21,835 Yeah, I'm sorry. Paco, Martin. 424 00:21:21,971 --> 00:21:23,347 He's a Carmelite, like me. 425 00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:25,275 Pleasure. Let me introduce you to Martha. 426 00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:27,642 She is a brilliant journalist from The New York Times. 427 00:21:27,777 --> 00:21:28,918 [speaking Spanish] 428 00:21:29,054 --> 00:21:30,117 They are the Carmelites 429 00:21:30,253 --> 00:21:31,419 I was telling you about. 430 00:21:31,554 --> 00:21:32,883 It's a pleasure to meet you both. 431 00:21:33,019 --> 00:21:34,825 Are you intending to stay in Baghdad? 432 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,189 Yes, here we are. 433 00:21:36,324 --> 00:21:37,857 But you're alone. 434 00:21:37,992 --> 00:21:40,298 All the NGOs and the Red Cross have left already. 435 00:21:40,931 --> 00:21:42,165 I know. 436 00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:44,065 The situation is out of control. 437 00:21:44,201 --> 00:21:45,462 It's very dangerous. 438 00:21:45,598 --> 00:21:46,896 You're here as well. 439 00:21:47,032 --> 00:21:48,604 Yeah, but we're just passing through. 440 00:21:48,740 --> 00:21:50,469 We're leaving as soon as we finish talking to you. 441 00:21:50,604 --> 00:21:52,308 We can't let them down now, 442 00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:53,972 this is when the people need us most. 443 00:21:54,107 --> 00:21:57,777 That's true, but it's still extremely dangerous. 444 00:21:59,447 --> 00:22:01,108 But then you know that. 445 00:22:01,244 --> 00:22:03,354 We can't let them down now, seรฑora. 446 00:22:04,820 --> 00:22:06,322 Do you mind if we take a photo of you 447 00:22:06,457 --> 00:22:08,221 and how the mission has been left? 448 00:22:08,356 --> 00:22:09,627 [speaking Spanish] 449 00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:11,053 Okay. 450 00:22:11,189 --> 00:22:13,322 You can photograph the mission and me, 451 00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:16,760 but he doesn't want to risk his family in Spain seeing him. 452 00:22:16,896 --> 00:22:18,469 - They'd worry. - Yeah, of course. 453 00:22:18,604 --> 00:22:20,035 Totally understand, but if we could get one of you, 454 00:22:20,171 --> 00:22:21,368 that would be great. 455 00:22:21,503 --> 00:22:22,866 - [Bernardo] Okay. - Sure. 456 00:22:23,002 --> 00:22:24,175 [mechanical whirring in distance] 457 00:22:24,310 --> 00:22:25,673 - [Bernardo] Here? - [Martin] Yeah. 458 00:22:25,808 --> 00:22:28,435 Just perhaps a little tiny step closer... 459 00:22:28,570 --> 00:22:30,277 Yeah, that's fine, so that I can see the impacts. 460 00:22:30,413 --> 00:22:31,349 [camera shutter clicking] 461 00:22:33,247 --> 00:22:34,209 [laughs] 462 00:22:36,187 --> 00:22:37,212 I think you have it. 463 00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:41,685 How long has it been... 464 00:22:41,821 --> 00:22:43,090 since we last saw each other? 465 00:22:43,225 --> 00:22:44,795 Five years. 466 00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:46,155 Five years. 467 00:22:47,294 --> 00:22:48,322 Wow. 468 00:22:49,695 --> 00:22:50,797 Do you remember Liberia? 469 00:22:51,697 --> 00:22:52,832 How could I forget? 470 00:22:54,970 --> 00:22:58,674 Look, I have some photos of you that we didn't publish. 471 00:22:58,809 --> 00:23:00,703 If you give me an address, I can send them to you. 472 00:23:00,838 --> 00:23:01,802 Maybe to the Embassy. 473 00:23:01,937 --> 00:23:03,642 No, you keep them. 474 00:23:03,777 --> 00:23:05,515 That way I'll keep you company. 475 00:23:06,643 --> 00:23:07,583 Okay. 476 00:23:10,047 --> 00:23:11,422 It was really great seeing you. 477 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:13,255 Take care. 478 00:23:13,390 --> 00:23:14,623 - Goodbye. - Be safe. 479 00:23:19,463 --> 00:23:20,761 How do you know the Carmelite? 480 00:23:24,026 --> 00:23:25,062 We met in Sierra Leone. 481 00:23:27,370 --> 00:23:29,204 We became lovers there. 482 00:23:29,340 --> 00:23:30,936 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 483 00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:34,267 After that, we met more times. 484 00:23:34,403 --> 00:23:36,737 Always in places that were at war. 485 00:23:36,872 --> 00:23:38,081 And you had sex? 486 00:23:38,216 --> 00:23:40,582 Well, of course, yeah. 487 00:23:40,718 --> 00:23:42,783 Bernardo never renounced physical pleasure. 488 00:23:44,282 --> 00:23:47,051 He was always in the most conflictive places. 489 00:23:47,186 --> 00:23:49,427 And I think that sex was his best shield. 490 00:23:51,894 --> 00:23:54,227 I'm pretty sure the Carmelite is his partner. 491 00:23:54,363 --> 00:23:55,426 You think so? 492 00:23:55,561 --> 00:23:57,666 Definitely. 493 00:23:57,801 --> 00:23:59,301 That is the only way you can stay in Baghdad 494 00:23:59,437 --> 00:24:00,438 and not be afraid of the war. 495 00:24:01,835 --> 00:24:04,035 - What a wonderful story. - Yup. 496 00:24:06,068 --> 00:24:07,033 Don't you dare write it. 497 00:24:07,169 --> 00:24:09,205 No, no, no, of course not. 498 00:24:12,075 --> 00:24:14,944 But how about sin for him? 499 00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:16,252 I mean, don't they feel guilty? 500 00:24:16,388 --> 00:24:18,116 After all, they are Catholic. 501 00:24:18,251 --> 00:24:20,216 Yeah, I don't know. He never talked about that. 502 00:24:22,385 --> 00:24:24,954 With all the horrors you see in war, 503 00:24:25,089 --> 00:24:26,693 feeling guilty about having sex 504 00:24:26,829 --> 00:24:27,993 doesn't really carry much weight, 505 00:24:29,158 --> 00:24:30,193 you simply get used to it. 506 00:24:31,399 --> 00:24:32,470 I know that. 507 00:24:35,900 --> 00:24:37,507 I wrote their story, 508 00:24:37,642 --> 00:24:39,972 their love story, as I imagined it, 509 00:24:41,237 --> 00:24:42,810 but it stayed in my computer. 510 00:24:45,016 --> 00:24:49,282 So, you're gonna write about Dora Carrington's insane love. 511 00:24:49,417 --> 00:24:50,685 [Ingrid] Mm-hm. 512 00:24:50,820 --> 00:24:52,148 And her connection to Virginia Woolf, 513 00:24:52,284 --> 00:24:55,290 who Strachey also pursued romantically. 514 00:24:55,425 --> 00:24:56,786 [Martha] What a group! 515 00:24:56,922 --> 00:24:59,288 I so admire their freedom. 516 00:24:59,423 --> 00:25:01,022 [Ingrid] Strachey died of stomach cancer 517 00:25:01,157 --> 00:25:03,325 18 years after meeting Dora 518 00:25:03,460 --> 00:25:06,194 and Dora survived him by barely two months 519 00:25:06,330 --> 00:25:08,499 before she shot herself in the stomach. 520 00:25:08,634 --> 00:25:11,169 She was only 38. 521 00:25:11,304 --> 00:25:14,308 I'm struck by the symmetry of that kind of gesture, 522 00:25:14,443 --> 00:25:15,676 his stomach cancer 523 00:25:15,812 --> 00:25:17,741 and her shooting herself in the stomach. 524 00:25:17,877 --> 00:25:20,180 I know, it struck me, too. 525 00:25:20,315 --> 00:25:24,550 I wonder what Virginia Woolf thought of Carrington's death? 526 00:25:24,685 --> 00:25:27,156 Maybe Virginia saw... 527 00:25:27,291 --> 00:25:28,390 a kind of warning, 528 00:25:28,525 --> 00:25:31,051 a mirror that reflected her? 529 00:25:31,186 --> 00:25:32,387 As if they were fated? 530 00:25:34,993 --> 00:25:36,891 Do you think I'm fated, too? 531 00:25:37,026 --> 00:25:39,735 No! Of course not. 532 00:25:39,870 --> 00:25:42,331 I've never known anyone more alive than you. 533 00:25:42,466 --> 00:25:45,002 This week I'm starting a new experimental 534 00:25:45,138 --> 00:25:47,275 - immunotherapy treatment. - Uh-huh. 535 00:25:47,411 --> 00:25:49,109 They've already tried it 536 00:25:49,245 --> 00:25:51,205 and it seems to work well with cases of cervical cancer. 537 00:25:51,341 --> 00:25:54,013 - Well, that's great news! - Yeah. 538 00:25:54,148 --> 00:25:55,382 Let me know when I can come and visit you, 539 00:25:55,517 --> 00:25:56,686 - okay? - I will. 540 00:25:59,019 --> 00:26:01,388 - Talking of symmetry... - Mm-hmm? 541 00:26:01,523 --> 00:26:02,560 Do you remember... 542 00:26:03,591 --> 00:26:04,793 Damian Cunningham? 543 00:26:05,858 --> 00:26:07,662 How could I forget? 544 00:26:07,797 --> 00:26:10,265 I inherited him from you. [laughs] 545 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,061 The shared lover. 546 00:26:12,196 --> 00:26:13,602 - Well, I... - I have to say 547 00:26:13,738 --> 00:26:15,402 I felt terrible when you got together 548 00:26:15,538 --> 00:26:16,770 after I'd been with him. 549 00:26:16,905 --> 00:26:18,375 Okay, we didn't share him exactly 550 00:26:18,510 --> 00:26:19,707 because you'd already broken up 551 00:26:19,843 --> 00:26:20,805 and you were out of the country. 552 00:26:20,941 --> 00:26:22,371 I would never go back with him 553 00:26:22,506 --> 00:26:25,274 and, to tell the truth, I was never faithful. 554 00:26:25,410 --> 00:26:30,145 But he was a passionate and enthusiastic lover 555 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,287 and I hope he was for you, too. 556 00:26:32,423 --> 00:26:33,452 I had no complaints. 557 00:26:33,587 --> 00:26:35,593 [both laughing] 558 00:26:37,287 --> 00:26:38,794 [people speaking indistinctly] 559 00:26:49,239 --> 00:26:50,234 Hi. 560 00:26:52,903 --> 00:26:53,908 What is it? 561 00:26:55,940 --> 00:26:56,944 It hasn't worked. 562 00:26:58,209 --> 00:27:00,209 I've got metastases in my liver 563 00:27:00,344 --> 00:27:02,147 - and in my bones. - Oh, Martha. 564 00:27:02,282 --> 00:27:04,150 I should have followed my first instinct. 565 00:27:04,286 --> 00:27:06,820 Should never have put myself through this torture. 566 00:27:06,956 --> 00:27:09,390 This diarrhea, vomiting, fatigue... 567 00:27:09,526 --> 00:27:11,618 to end up like this. 568 00:27:11,753 --> 00:27:13,822 I should never have given in to false hope. 569 00:27:13,957 --> 00:27:15,258 Okay. Okay. 570 00:27:15,393 --> 00:27:17,164 All right, what does the doctor say? 571 00:27:17,300 --> 00:27:18,468 Tell me. 572 00:27:18,603 --> 00:27:20,994 Oh, that I could live for months, 573 00:27:21,130 --> 00:27:23,003 maybe a year. 574 00:27:23,138 --> 00:27:25,232 He wants me to continue with the treatment, 575 00:27:25,368 --> 00:27:26,805 even though it looks hopeless. 576 00:27:26,941 --> 00:27:28,303 Maybe it will work this time. 577 00:27:28,439 --> 00:27:30,439 I don't wanna wallow in self-pity. 578 00:27:36,522 --> 00:27:39,216 But I'm not a stoic. I'm sorry. 579 00:27:39,352 --> 00:27:43,453 I don't wanna go through excruciating pain. 580 00:27:43,588 --> 00:27:45,993 You can't be self-possessed if you're in agony. 581 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,961 You can't think straight. 582 00:27:49,096 --> 00:27:50,728 You can only think of one thing... 583 00:27:50,864 --> 00:27:52,230 the fucking cancer. 584 00:27:52,863 --> 00:27:55,001 [sighs] 585 00:27:55,136 --> 00:27:56,707 I've always taken care of my health, 586 00:27:57,737 --> 00:27:59,609 now I regret it. 587 00:27:59,745 --> 00:28:01,343 The doctor says I have a strong heart. 588 00:28:01,479 --> 00:28:02,810 What does that mean? 589 00:28:02,946 --> 00:28:04,980 My body is just gonna go on fighting... 590 00:28:05,115 --> 00:28:08,018 while I suffer and suffer until my last breath? 591 00:28:08,153 --> 00:28:09,152 [sobs] 592 00:28:09,288 --> 00:28:10,347 I don't know. 593 00:28:12,316 --> 00:28:13,856 I don't know how to help you. 594 00:28:15,294 --> 00:28:16,353 I'm so sorry. 595 00:28:21,127 --> 00:28:23,558 I think I deserve a good death. 596 00:28:26,202 --> 00:28:29,738 At least one without convulsions in my last moments. 597 00:28:29,874 --> 00:28:31,735 Going out with a little bit of dignity, 598 00:28:31,871 --> 00:28:33,469 clean and dry. 599 00:28:36,210 --> 00:28:38,181 But I know I'm asking too much... 600 00:28:38,316 --> 00:28:39,606 [door opens] 601 00:28:39,742 --> 00:28:40,581 [nurse] What are you doing up, Martha? 602 00:28:40,716 --> 00:28:42,312 I'm fucking over this. 603 00:28:42,448 --> 00:28:44,244 - Can you help her, please? - Of course. 604 00:28:44,380 --> 00:28:45,655 Let's get you back in bed. 605 00:28:45,791 --> 00:28:47,725 [Ingrid] Come on. Let me help you. 606 00:28:49,118 --> 00:28:50,589 Bring it on. 607 00:28:50,724 --> 00:28:51,762 Here we go. 608 00:28:54,690 --> 00:28:56,626 I'll end up turning into a junkie. 609 00:28:56,762 --> 00:28:57,928 [sighs] 610 00:28:58,064 --> 00:28:59,995 I am one already, I guess. 611 00:29:00,130 --> 00:29:02,835 It's okay. Really. 612 00:29:02,971 --> 00:29:04,940 [nurse] Here, this will help. 613 00:29:43,273 --> 00:29:44,309 Are you still here? 614 00:29:45,844 --> 00:29:46,817 Yes. 615 00:29:50,285 --> 00:29:52,185 Should I ask them to bring your dinner? 616 00:29:53,622 --> 00:29:54,616 Are you hungry? 617 00:29:55,392 --> 00:29:56,354 No. 618 00:29:59,463 --> 00:30:00,457 Ingrid... 619 00:30:02,901 --> 00:30:04,962 Do you think I need to say goodbye 620 00:30:05,097 --> 00:30:06,969 to my closest friends? 621 00:30:07,105 --> 00:30:09,334 I think you should do whatever you wanna do. 622 00:30:10,466 --> 00:30:12,975 I just want peace and quiet. 623 00:30:14,806 --> 00:30:18,079 Have you thought about how you wanna spend your time? 624 00:30:20,110 --> 00:30:21,818 And where? 625 00:30:21,954 --> 00:30:23,612 Is there some place you'd like to go? 626 00:30:24,817 --> 00:30:25,823 Look. 627 00:30:31,396 --> 00:30:32,962 Pink snowflakes. 628 00:30:35,431 --> 00:30:38,528 There had to be something good about climate change. 629 00:30:40,767 --> 00:30:41,795 Well... 630 00:30:43,432 --> 00:30:45,040 I've lived to see that. 631 00:30:50,115 --> 00:30:53,012 You remember the end of Joyce's The Dead? 632 00:30:53,147 --> 00:30:54,852 [sniffles, voice breaks] Vaguely. 633 00:30:56,313 --> 00:30:58,053 "The snow was falling, 634 00:30:59,782 --> 00:31:03,320 falling on the lonely churchyard, 635 00:31:03,456 --> 00:31:06,391 falling faintly through the universe. 636 00:31:08,666 --> 00:31:11,229 And faintly falling, 637 00:31:11,364 --> 00:31:14,498 like the descent of their last end, 638 00:31:16,633 --> 00:31:21,373 on all the living and the dead." 639 00:31:24,811 --> 00:31:25,747 [gulps] 640 00:31:25,882 --> 00:31:27,412 It's getting late and, uh... 641 00:31:28,718 --> 00:31:29,711 I should be going. 642 00:31:32,590 --> 00:31:33,583 [Ingrid sniffles] 643 00:31:37,792 --> 00:31:38,753 Thank you. 644 00:31:40,357 --> 00:31:41,899 I'll see you tomorrow. 645 00:31:42,994 --> 00:31:43,934 [kisses] 646 00:32:28,972 --> 00:32:31,642 There's still a half an hour before the movie starts. 647 00:32:31,777 --> 00:32:33,917 Should we go in and get our seats before the rush? 648 00:32:34,052 --> 00:32:36,085 No. I wanna talk to you about something. 649 00:32:36,850 --> 00:32:38,219 Okay. 650 00:32:38,354 --> 00:32:40,781 I will not go out in mortifying anguish. 651 00:32:40,917 --> 00:32:42,652 I've gotten hold of a euthanasia pill. 652 00:32:43,551 --> 00:32:44,951 Don't ask me how, 653 00:32:45,086 --> 00:32:47,490 on the dark web you can find almost anything. 654 00:32:47,626 --> 00:32:49,664 I also have an abundance of opioids 655 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:51,031 for the moments of pain. 656 00:32:51,166 --> 00:32:52,629 And don't look at me like that, 657 00:32:52,765 --> 00:32:54,730 I'm not asking you to convince me otherwise. 658 00:32:55,697 --> 00:32:57,673 I don't know what to say. 659 00:32:57,809 --> 00:32:59,141 I'm hoping you'll say yes. 660 00:33:00,171 --> 00:33:01,678 Yes to what? 661 00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:03,508 To my asking you to help me. 662 00:33:04,242 --> 00:33:05,609 Help you what? 663 00:33:06,918 --> 00:33:09,479 I've faced death several times, 664 00:33:09,614 --> 00:33:11,747 but I've always been accompanied. 665 00:33:11,882 --> 00:33:15,190 We reporters formed a kind of mobile family. 666 00:33:17,124 --> 00:33:18,688 This is another war, 667 00:33:19,764 --> 00:33:21,031 I'm not afraid of it. 668 00:33:21,598 --> 00:33:22,789 But... 669 00:33:22,925 --> 00:33:24,958 like the other times I faced death... 670 00:33:26,905 --> 00:33:28,863 I don't wanna be alone, Ingrid. 671 00:33:31,368 --> 00:33:32,735 I'm asking you... 672 00:33:33,679 --> 00:33:35,705 to be in the next room. 673 00:33:37,148 --> 00:33:38,774 I think we should go get our seats. 674 00:33:38,909 --> 00:33:41,617 Yeah, sure, but I prefer to go on talking to you, 675 00:33:41,752 --> 00:33:42,877 if you don't mind. 676 00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:46,914 Okay. Um... 677 00:33:48,994 --> 00:33:50,489 Do you know when you wanna do this? 678 00:33:51,453 --> 00:33:52,425 Not exactly. 679 00:33:53,488 --> 00:33:54,493 Within a month? 680 00:33:56,600 --> 00:34:00,565 Before I start to deteriorate and you don't recognize me. 681 00:34:00,700 --> 00:34:04,530 These next weeks I should be reasonably well, 682 00:34:04,666 --> 00:34:06,339 but I wanna do it soon. 683 00:34:06,475 --> 00:34:08,568 My doctors think that I'm gonna return 684 00:34:08,704 --> 00:34:10,673 to complete the treatment. 685 00:34:10,809 --> 00:34:13,149 It's best they don't suspect anything. 686 00:34:14,116 --> 00:34:15,883 Where do you wanna do it? 687 00:34:16,019 --> 00:34:17,285 I don't wanna be at home. 688 00:34:19,755 --> 00:34:22,719 And I don't wanna go back to anywhere I've been happy. 689 00:34:25,263 --> 00:34:27,421 It's always a mistake to return to some place 690 00:34:27,557 --> 00:34:29,089 you've been truly happy. 691 00:34:29,224 --> 00:34:31,525 You just ruin the good memories of the first time. 692 00:34:31,660 --> 00:34:33,269 No, I understand that. 693 00:34:33,404 --> 00:34:36,568 I think it will be easier for me to let myself go 694 00:34:36,703 --> 00:34:40,774 if I'm not surrounded by familiar things, 695 00:34:40,909 --> 00:34:42,737 intimate things. 696 00:34:42,873 --> 00:34:44,906 I think that would hold me back. 697 00:34:47,479 --> 00:34:50,450 I prefer some unknown place, 698 00:34:51,515 --> 00:34:53,387 comfortable and safe, 699 00:34:54,353 --> 00:34:56,718 and not too far away. 700 00:34:56,854 --> 00:34:58,959 Do you need my help finding a place 701 00:34:59,095 --> 00:35:01,256 or getting you settled in? 702 00:35:01,391 --> 00:35:03,461 No, no, no. 703 00:35:03,596 --> 00:35:05,102 No, I can take care of that part. 704 00:35:06,865 --> 00:35:09,733 What I need is somebody to be there with me, 705 00:35:10,941 --> 00:35:12,406 in the room next door. 706 00:35:14,940 --> 00:35:16,811 Wouldn't you prefer someone you're closer to? 707 00:35:16,946 --> 00:35:18,279 We're very close. 708 00:35:18,415 --> 00:35:20,349 No, yes, of course, of course we are. 709 00:35:20,484 --> 00:35:22,779 [stammers] Oh, my God, we're very close. I just... 710 00:35:22,915 --> 00:35:24,917 There were years where we didn't see each other. 711 00:35:25,053 --> 00:35:25,985 [sharp inhale] 712 00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:27,580 What about Stella? 713 00:35:27,716 --> 00:35:28,954 [stammering] Or Maggie? 714 00:35:29,089 --> 00:35:30,490 Or Vanessa? 715 00:35:30,625 --> 00:35:32,192 You've all been friends since you were kids. 716 00:35:32,328 --> 00:35:34,659 I admit I thought of them first. 717 00:35:35,725 --> 00:35:37,398 I asked all three of them. 718 00:35:37,533 --> 00:35:40,797 They all were horrified and they all said no. 719 00:35:42,137 --> 00:35:43,503 They understood it, 720 00:35:43,638 --> 00:35:45,469 but they said they could never be a part 721 00:35:45,604 --> 00:35:47,434 of helping me take my own life. 722 00:35:47,569 --> 00:35:49,236 Absolutely not. 723 00:35:49,372 --> 00:35:51,313 - What about your daughter? - It wouldn't be fair to her. 724 00:35:52,808 --> 00:35:54,809 I've been an absent mother. 725 00:35:54,945 --> 00:35:56,684 I don't wanna impose my dying on her. 726 00:35:56,819 --> 00:36:00,989 You could at least consult her and let her be a part of it. 727 00:36:01,124 --> 00:36:02,819 We're two strangers, Ingrid. 728 00:36:04,526 --> 00:36:06,260 She made that clear when I told her 729 00:36:06,396 --> 00:36:08,121 about my doubts about the treatment. 730 00:36:09,429 --> 00:36:11,168 "It's your choice" she said. 731 00:36:12,836 --> 00:36:13,962 And she's right. 732 00:36:14,606 --> 00:36:15,535 Right. 733 00:36:26,977 --> 00:36:28,581 - [horns blaring] - [wind whooshing] 734 00:36:32,858 --> 00:36:36,193 [breathing heavily] 735 00:36:42,294 --> 00:36:44,397 No matter what, 736 00:36:44,532 --> 00:36:46,698 people want you to keep fighting. 737 00:36:48,429 --> 00:36:52,165 This is the way we've been taught to see cancer. 738 00:36:52,300 --> 00:36:57,377 As a fight... between patient and disease, 739 00:36:57,513 --> 00:37:00,708 which is to say between good and evil. 740 00:37:00,844 --> 00:37:02,945 If you survive, you're a hero. 741 00:37:04,086 --> 00:37:05,915 If you lose, well, 742 00:37:07,556 --> 00:37:09,358 perhaps you didn't fight hard enough. 743 00:37:11,956 --> 00:37:13,720 People don't like using words like 744 00:37:13,856 --> 00:37:16,999 "terminal" or "incurable." 745 00:37:17,135 --> 00:37:19,663 They call that defeatist talk. 746 00:37:19,798 --> 00:37:21,432 Some of the worst stuff comes from 747 00:37:21,568 --> 00:37:24,065 the cancer support community. 748 00:37:24,201 --> 00:37:27,066 Some of them think of your cancer as a gift, 749 00:37:27,202 --> 00:37:29,877 an opportunity for spiritual growth. 750 00:37:30,012 --> 00:37:31,744 Bullshit! 751 00:37:31,879 --> 00:37:34,944 People should see this is my way of fighting. 752 00:37:37,114 --> 00:37:40,257 Cancer can't get me if I get me first. 753 00:37:43,020 --> 00:37:45,526 And what's the point in waiting... 754 00:37:46,756 --> 00:37:48,089 when I'm so ready to go? 755 00:37:49,862 --> 00:37:52,062 Are you completely sure you're ready? 756 00:37:52,198 --> 00:37:53,969 Totally. 757 00:37:54,105 --> 00:37:56,064 Since the first diagnosis. 758 00:37:58,201 --> 00:38:00,576 You know I have a terrible fear of death. 759 00:38:00,712 --> 00:38:01,734 I know. 760 00:38:01,870 --> 00:38:03,146 I've read your book. 761 00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,315 That's why I didn't ask you first. 762 00:38:07,451 --> 00:38:08,983 But you understand me, don't you? 763 00:38:09,119 --> 00:38:10,779 I do, I do. I envy you. 764 00:38:10,914 --> 00:38:12,587 You're in control of your life. 765 00:38:12,722 --> 00:38:15,958 I only need you to accompany me the days leading to it, 766 00:38:16,094 --> 00:38:18,657 as if we were on vacation. 767 00:38:18,792 --> 00:38:21,297 I just wanna know that, when it happens, 768 00:38:21,433 --> 00:38:23,459 there'll be someone in the next room. 769 00:38:23,595 --> 00:38:25,064 It terrifies me, Martha. 770 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:26,633 I understand. 771 00:38:26,769 --> 00:38:28,035 I think that you have every right to do this 772 00:38:28,171 --> 00:38:29,869 and I admire you for it, 773 00:38:30,005 --> 00:38:31,665 but I don't know that I can be the one to find you dead. 774 00:38:31,801 --> 00:38:33,200 I'm not that strong. 775 00:38:33,335 --> 00:38:34,839 You're much stronger than you think you are. 776 00:38:37,477 --> 00:38:39,943 Anyway, I had to try. 777 00:38:42,382 --> 00:38:43,845 [Ingrid sighs] 778 00:38:43,980 --> 00:38:45,585 I can't answer you now, Martha, 779 00:38:45,721 --> 00:38:47,148 but I promise you I'll think about it. 780 00:38:47,284 --> 00:38:49,825 Right now I'm too confused and too terrified. 781 00:38:49,961 --> 00:38:51,456 I understand. 782 00:38:51,591 --> 00:38:53,330 I understand it's sudden... 783 00:38:55,429 --> 00:38:57,092 and it's disconcerting. 784 00:39:01,666 --> 00:39:02,999 I'll think of someone. 785 00:39:13,483 --> 00:39:15,847 - I wasn't too much? - No, no. 786 00:39:51,385 --> 00:39:53,214 [line ringing] 787 00:39:55,855 --> 00:39:57,917 - Martha? - [Martha] Hello, Ingrid. 788 00:39:58,052 --> 00:39:59,396 I've made up my mind. 789 00:40:02,824 --> 00:40:03,763 Come on in. 790 00:40:05,096 --> 00:40:07,262 The owner is a jewelry designer. 791 00:40:07,397 --> 00:40:10,136 She's a friend of mine, so I don't pay much rent. 792 00:40:10,272 --> 00:40:11,804 [Damian] Mmm. 793 00:40:11,939 --> 00:40:13,802 You get the impression it's been furnished 794 00:40:13,937 --> 00:40:15,845 with stuff from the garbage. 795 00:40:15,980 --> 00:40:18,243 Not everything. 796 00:40:18,378 --> 00:40:21,448 And it takes talent to pick stuff out of the garbage. 797 00:40:21,583 --> 00:40:23,912 You haven't finished moving in. 798 00:40:24,047 --> 00:40:26,181 - Do you want a hand? - Uh... 799 00:40:26,914 --> 00:40:28,117 No. [sighs] 800 00:40:30,688 --> 00:40:33,055 I'll do it after. 801 00:40:33,191 --> 00:40:36,597 And even so, you're going with Martha. 802 00:40:36,732 --> 00:40:40,460 [sighs] She is totally alone, Damian. 803 00:40:40,595 --> 00:40:42,834 None of her friends are helping her with this. 804 00:40:42,970 --> 00:40:46,069 She even told me I wasn't her first choice. 805 00:40:46,204 --> 00:40:48,309 It's like her daughter doesn't even exist. 806 00:40:48,444 --> 00:40:49,775 In the years I was with her, 807 00:40:49,911 --> 00:40:51,442 she never told me she had a daughter. 808 00:40:51,577 --> 00:40:53,246 I know, it's a... 809 00:40:53,381 --> 00:40:54,714 It's a sad story. 810 00:40:54,850 --> 00:40:58,048 It's a terrible, terrible misunderstanding. 811 00:41:01,351 --> 00:41:03,189 Have you told her that we're in touch? 812 00:41:03,324 --> 00:41:05,925 Uh... No. 813 00:41:06,060 --> 00:41:08,531 Um, we talked about you in a... in a general way. 814 00:41:08,666 --> 00:41:11,631 - She has nice memories of you. - Oh. Really? 815 00:41:11,767 --> 00:41:14,131 Our relationship was mostly physical. 816 00:41:14,266 --> 00:41:16,936 She was always about to go off somewhere else, 817 00:41:17,071 --> 00:41:21,401 that's why our lovemaking had that sense of urgency. 818 00:41:21,536 --> 00:41:23,775 It was like having sex with a terrorist... 819 00:41:23,910 --> 00:41:25,406 it always felt like the last time. 820 00:41:25,541 --> 00:41:27,779 Well, she rates you pretty highly as a lover. 821 00:41:27,915 --> 00:41:29,476 I'd like to know what rating you give me. 822 00:41:29,612 --> 00:41:31,785 Oh, I can't believe you're still flirting with me. 823 00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:34,457 - I'm serious. - No, no, you're not serious. 824 00:41:34,592 --> 00:41:37,118 What's serious is Martha's situation. 825 00:41:37,253 --> 00:41:39,627 And your being terrified of death? 826 00:41:39,762 --> 00:41:41,663 You just published a book about that. 827 00:41:41,798 --> 00:41:43,794 Have you overcome that, thanks to the book? 828 00:41:43,929 --> 00:41:45,865 - No. - [cell phone ringing] 829 00:41:54,771 --> 00:41:56,645 Hi. How are you? 830 00:41:57,278 --> 00:41:58,446 Better. 831 00:41:58,581 --> 00:42:01,207 Much better since you said yes. 832 00:42:01,342 --> 00:42:02,985 Where are you? Are you at home? 833 00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:04,218 Yeah. 834 00:42:04,354 --> 00:42:05,986 I'm watering the plants. 835 00:42:06,121 --> 00:42:08,551 Oh, I thought you had someone who did that for you. 836 00:42:08,686 --> 00:42:10,320 I do. 837 00:42:10,455 --> 00:42:12,920 But today I felt like doing it and I am enjoying it. 838 00:42:13,056 --> 00:42:15,225 [chuckles] Okay. Good. 839 00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:19,431 Um, have you... Have you decided where we're going? 840 00:42:19,567 --> 00:42:21,798 That's why I called. 841 00:42:21,934 --> 00:42:23,363 It's, uh, near Woodstock, 842 00:42:23,499 --> 00:42:25,404 it's about two hours from the city. 843 00:42:25,540 --> 00:42:27,004 It looks fantastic. 844 00:42:27,139 --> 00:42:29,808 Uh, it's a bit expensive, but, hey, 845 00:42:29,944 --> 00:42:32,307 the occasion calls for it. [laughs] 846 00:42:33,615 --> 00:42:35,779 So, do you know how long... 847 00:42:35,914 --> 00:42:37,444 I've rented it for a month. 848 00:42:37,579 --> 00:42:40,053 That should give me more than enough time. 849 00:42:40,189 --> 00:42:41,180 A month? 850 00:42:41,316 --> 00:42:43,555 Yeah. My blood count's low 851 00:42:43,691 --> 00:42:45,219 and I have to take a break 852 00:42:45,355 --> 00:42:46,792 before I start the new treatment, 853 00:42:46,927 --> 00:42:48,090 and you're the only one who knows 854 00:42:48,225 --> 00:42:50,523 I'm not going back to the hospital. 855 00:42:50,658 --> 00:42:52,864 It's not like I've picked a date. 856 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,902 I mean, you'll never know it anyway. 857 00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,268 But... I'm ready to go. 858 00:43:01,006 --> 00:43:03,576 I would even say I'm impatient. 859 00:43:03,712 --> 00:43:05,405 I'm gonna be giving a lecture 860 00:43:05,540 --> 00:43:07,480 near Woodstock at Bard in two weeks, 861 00:43:07,616 --> 00:43:08,947 so we can see each other. 862 00:43:09,083 --> 00:43:10,816 Mmm, I don't think that's a good idea, 863 00:43:10,952 --> 00:43:12,814 I'll be with Martha all the time. 864 00:43:12,950 --> 00:43:15,082 I'll call you if I can. 865 00:43:15,218 --> 00:43:16,787 You're going to need a lawyer. 866 00:43:16,922 --> 00:43:18,894 Yes, I should look for one. 867 00:43:19,030 --> 00:43:22,055 Let me help you with that, but I'll have to fill them in. 868 00:43:22,191 --> 00:43:24,597 No, no, in that case, no. 869 00:43:24,732 --> 00:43:26,029 This is an absolute secret. 870 00:43:26,165 --> 00:43:27,803 Martha doesn't even know I've told you. 871 00:43:27,938 --> 00:43:30,805 Okay. But if you need anything, you should let me know. 872 00:43:32,672 --> 00:43:33,973 I worry about you. 873 00:43:34,937 --> 00:43:35,909 Thank you. 874 00:44:19,146 --> 00:44:20,723 [birds chirping] 875 00:44:34,130 --> 00:44:35,969 According to this map, 876 00:44:36,104 --> 00:44:38,370 we go up these stairs to enter the house. 877 00:44:38,505 --> 00:44:39,599 Okay. 878 00:45:05,026 --> 00:45:06,197 [beeps] 879 00:45:06,996 --> 00:45:08,331 [whirring] 880 00:45:09,131 --> 00:45:10,234 Look at this. 881 00:45:25,482 --> 00:45:27,715 [Martha] Wow, it's so beautiful. 882 00:45:27,850 --> 00:45:31,090 It's so much more beautiful than in the photographs. 883 00:45:34,861 --> 00:45:36,655 Is that a real Hopper? 884 00:45:36,791 --> 00:45:38,559 I don't think they would have left it here. 885 00:45:39,470 --> 00:45:41,236 It's a very good copy. 886 00:45:41,372 --> 00:45:42,864 It looks real. 887 00:45:42,999 --> 00:45:44,807 [birds chirping] 888 00:45:53,683 --> 00:45:55,785 [birds continue chirping] 889 00:46:05,762 --> 00:46:07,528 - Do you hear them? - Mm-hmm. 890 00:46:07,663 --> 00:46:08,864 Isn't that wonderful? 891 00:46:13,565 --> 00:46:16,630 And we can lie in the sun, like in the Hopper, 892 00:46:18,137 --> 00:46:20,469 and catch the evening breeze. 893 00:46:21,710 --> 00:46:23,241 [breathing heavily] 894 00:46:26,109 --> 00:46:27,245 Are you okay? 895 00:46:29,716 --> 00:46:30,710 Very happy. 896 00:46:48,596 --> 00:46:50,463 Do you mind if I take this one? 897 00:46:50,598 --> 00:46:52,369 Of course not. It's your house. 898 00:46:56,111 --> 00:46:58,106 Mmm. This one is a little small, 899 00:46:58,242 --> 00:46:59,447 I'm gonna look downstairs. 900 00:46:59,583 --> 00:47:00,476 [Martha] All right. 901 00:47:18,362 --> 00:47:20,463 I'm gonna take this one, okay? 902 00:47:21,295 --> 00:47:24,039 Very good! 903 00:47:24,175 --> 00:47:27,475 You don't mind that I'm not in the room next door? 904 00:47:27,611 --> 00:47:29,571 I can hear you breathe! 905 00:47:30,513 --> 00:47:32,479 And yell! 906 00:47:32,614 --> 00:47:34,675 [chuckles] Okay! 907 00:47:43,020 --> 00:47:44,960 Here we go. 908 00:47:48,896 --> 00:47:50,695 Let's get you unpacked. 909 00:47:50,830 --> 00:47:51,824 Thank you. 910 00:47:52,702 --> 00:47:54,495 I'll unpack it later. 911 00:47:54,631 --> 00:47:56,767 You're not my caretaker, Ingrid. 912 00:47:56,902 --> 00:47:58,072 You're my guest. 913 00:47:58,837 --> 00:47:59,939 Okay. 914 00:48:00,074 --> 00:48:02,769 Um... I'll go unpack my things. 915 00:48:17,457 --> 00:48:19,891 - [objects clattering] - [Martha shouts] 916 00:48:20,027 --> 00:48:21,590 - Martha? - [Martha shouts] 917 00:48:24,995 --> 00:48:26,699 [shouts] 918 00:48:26,834 --> 00:48:28,968 What is it, honey? 919 00:48:29,104 --> 00:48:30,471 - You won't believe it. - What? 920 00:48:30,606 --> 00:48:31,640 I forgot it! 921 00:48:31,775 --> 00:48:33,202 [stammers] You forgot what? 922 00:48:33,338 --> 00:48:34,835 The pill, the euthanasia pill! 923 00:48:34,970 --> 00:48:37,102 I brought all the others! We have to go back. 924 00:48:37,238 --> 00:48:39,212 Oh, it's okay, we'll go back first thing in the morning. 925 00:48:39,347 --> 00:48:40,548 - No, not tomorrow! - Don't worry about it. 926 00:48:40,683 --> 00:48:42,012 We have to go now! 927 00:48:42,147 --> 00:48:43,412 I just need to be sure 928 00:48:43,548 --> 00:48:45,886 that I didn't lose it or misplace it, 929 00:48:46,021 --> 00:48:47,957 that I didn't just dream it up. 930 00:48:48,821 --> 00:48:49,684 Okay. 931 00:48:55,596 --> 00:48:58,396 Buying another pill would be extremely complicated. 932 00:48:59,570 --> 00:49:00,903 [sighs softly] 933 00:49:01,039 --> 00:49:04,332 I have a friend who knows a mathematician 934 00:49:04,468 --> 00:49:06,404 who found it on the dark web. 935 00:49:07,744 --> 00:49:09,778 It's all very sordid, 936 00:49:09,913 --> 00:49:12,146 not to mention totally illegal. 937 00:49:15,377 --> 00:49:17,213 It's scary... 938 00:49:17,348 --> 00:49:19,283 knowing that all that exists 939 00:49:19,419 --> 00:49:21,617 just behind our computer screens. 940 00:49:24,090 --> 00:49:25,522 I feel like a criminal. 941 00:49:30,562 --> 00:49:32,965 I never thought I'd be back here again. 942 00:49:33,100 --> 00:49:35,197 With that wonderful skyline. 943 00:49:35,333 --> 00:49:37,563 Life always surprises you. 944 00:49:37,699 --> 00:49:39,633 All right, let's get to work. 945 00:49:39,768 --> 00:49:41,105 - Okay. - I'll start in the kitchen. 946 00:49:41,240 --> 00:49:42,771 Don't worry, we'll find it. 947 00:49:42,906 --> 00:49:44,106 Just, um... Just try to think of all the places 948 00:49:44,242 --> 00:49:45,641 you usually hide things. 949 00:49:45,776 --> 00:49:47,315 This is the first thing I have ever hidden. 950 00:49:47,451 --> 00:49:49,175 Really? 951 00:49:49,310 --> 00:49:51,519 The only thing I can remember is I put it in an envelope. 952 00:49:51,654 --> 00:49:53,119 Okay. Uh... 953 00:49:53,254 --> 00:49:54,857 Why don't I start in your office? 954 00:49:54,993 --> 00:49:56,619 - Is that okay? Okay. - Yeah, yeah. 955 00:49:56,754 --> 00:49:58,885 Where did I put it? Where did I put it? 956 00:50:17,776 --> 00:50:20,148 Oh, my God. [sighs] We're never gonna find it. 957 00:51:34,682 --> 00:51:35,784 I found an envelope. 958 00:51:36,693 --> 00:51:37,621 That's it! 959 00:51:38,521 --> 00:51:39,484 Where did you find it? 960 00:51:39,620 --> 00:51:41,053 In your desk. 961 00:51:41,188 --> 00:51:43,964 There was key in a drawer and I opened it. 962 00:51:44,099 --> 00:51:46,031 How could I have forgotten? 963 00:51:46,167 --> 00:51:47,897 I even left the key in it? 964 00:51:48,033 --> 00:51:49,803 Well, you meant to take it, at the last minute, you forgot. 965 00:51:49,938 --> 00:51:51,140 It's not so weird. 966 00:51:53,435 --> 00:51:54,638 Thank you. 967 00:51:55,704 --> 00:51:57,674 Such a strange sensation. 968 00:51:59,073 --> 00:52:00,913 It's like being here after I'm dead. 969 00:52:01,049 --> 00:52:03,242 Oh, God, don't say that. 970 00:52:03,378 --> 00:52:05,847 It's too soon for you to refer to yourself as a ghost. 971 00:52:07,455 --> 00:52:09,591 Let me straighten up before we leave. 972 00:52:09,726 --> 00:52:10,819 Thank you. 973 00:53:02,637 --> 00:53:03,872 [door closes] 974 00:53:05,610 --> 00:53:07,815 Forgive me for all this hassle. 975 00:53:07,950 --> 00:53:09,146 I'm sorry, really. 976 00:53:09,281 --> 00:53:11,812 [sighs] It's okay. 977 00:53:11,948 --> 00:53:14,322 What a great place to return to. 978 00:53:15,958 --> 00:53:17,858 Stupid fridge. 979 00:53:17,994 --> 00:53:19,294 You need some help? 980 00:53:22,128 --> 00:53:22,957 I got it. 981 00:53:30,203 --> 00:53:32,065 You know, maybe... 982 00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:34,771 leaving the pill behind was a kind of a sign? 983 00:53:36,479 --> 00:53:38,379 Maybe you're not as ready as you think. 984 00:53:40,911 --> 00:53:43,175 I told you never to say that to me. 985 00:53:45,047 --> 00:53:46,651 I don't remember you telling me that. 986 00:53:49,657 --> 00:53:51,590 I think I've said so many things to you. 987 00:53:53,154 --> 00:53:56,762 That's the problem with chemo brain. 988 00:53:56,898 --> 00:54:00,434 My memory keeps failing me and I get distracted so easily. 989 00:54:02,671 --> 00:54:06,106 It can continue even after the treatment stops 990 00:54:06,241 --> 00:54:07,903 and it can go on for years. 991 00:54:09,036 --> 00:54:10,807 I'll be spared that, at least. 992 00:54:13,674 --> 00:54:14,910 When I write... 993 00:54:16,116 --> 00:54:17,110 When I wrote... 994 00:54:19,081 --> 00:54:21,951 I had to proofread a thousand times. 995 00:54:22,086 --> 00:54:24,383 I can't trust my judgement about anything anymore. 996 00:54:24,519 --> 00:54:26,227 Well... 997 00:54:26,363 --> 00:54:29,693 Then why do you trust this decision? 998 00:54:29,829 --> 00:54:32,026 How do you know it's not chemo brain, too? 999 00:54:33,865 --> 00:54:35,761 I've left the pill in the top drawer 1000 00:54:35,896 --> 00:54:37,933 of the bedside table. 1001 00:54:38,068 --> 00:54:41,007 If I forget, which I don't think I will, 1002 00:54:41,143 --> 00:54:43,235 you will remind me. 1003 00:54:43,370 --> 00:54:46,579 And I prefer not to talk about this anymore. 1004 00:54:46,714 --> 00:54:49,483 Well, it's my business, too, don't you think? 1005 00:54:53,087 --> 00:54:54,488 Sure. Of course. 1006 00:54:56,955 --> 00:54:59,252 I'll leave a signed letter for the police 1007 00:54:59,388 --> 00:55:02,589 telling them everything, including the name of the pill 1008 00:55:02,725 --> 00:55:04,199 and where I got it. 1009 00:55:04,334 --> 00:55:08,426 Your name will not appear anywhere. 1010 00:55:08,562 --> 00:55:12,270 All you have to do is to say that you know nothing. 1011 00:55:12,405 --> 00:55:15,036 Don't budge from that. 1012 00:55:15,172 --> 00:55:17,144 I don't wanna give you any more information. 1013 00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:18,776 The less you know, the better. 1014 00:55:20,776 --> 00:55:22,582 And this is important. 1015 00:55:28,225 --> 00:55:30,457 I'll sleep with my door open, 1016 00:55:30,593 --> 00:55:33,492 and the day that you find it closed... 1017 00:55:33,628 --> 00:55:36,064 is the day it's already happened. 1018 00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:38,290 That's the sign, door closed. 1019 00:55:44,272 --> 00:55:45,968 I know it's difficult. 1020 00:55:48,808 --> 00:55:50,643 But just think we're on vacation. 1021 00:55:52,350 --> 00:55:56,208 You can write, we can come and go... 1022 00:55:56,344 --> 00:55:58,112 I don't think I'll be able to concentrate. 1023 00:56:00,451 --> 00:56:01,685 And if I write, 1024 00:56:01,820 --> 00:56:02,947 you might show up in it somewhere 1025 00:56:03,083 --> 00:56:04,391 and I don't wanna do that. 1026 00:56:04,527 --> 00:56:07,259 Yeah. That could complicate your life 1027 00:56:07,395 --> 00:56:09,162 if the police investigate. 1028 00:56:09,298 --> 00:56:10,492 Well, I'm not gonna do it. 1029 00:56:10,628 --> 00:56:11,864 Wait till I'm dead. 1030 00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:14,095 Oh, God! 1031 00:56:14,230 --> 00:56:17,736 Can you not say, "Wait until I'm dead," please? 1032 00:56:20,372 --> 00:56:21,443 I promise. 1033 00:56:24,109 --> 00:56:25,544 I'd like to find a gym somewhere around here 1034 00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:27,240 that I can go to a couple of days a week. 1035 00:56:29,615 --> 00:56:30,747 I'm the only one who eats 1036 00:56:30,882 --> 00:56:31,910 and I don't want to gain ten pounds 1037 00:56:32,045 --> 00:56:32,988 while you waste away. 1038 00:56:33,123 --> 00:56:34,549 Oh, give me a chance. 1039 00:56:34,685 --> 00:56:35,853 I'll catch up with you. 1040 00:56:39,590 --> 00:56:40,891 Look, I'm eating. 1041 00:56:43,229 --> 00:56:45,764 [Ingrid] I have practically held death in my hands. 1042 00:56:47,728 --> 00:56:50,703 I never imagined it would be something so light. 1043 00:57:26,877 --> 00:57:27,872 Martha? 1044 00:57:29,342 --> 00:57:30,875 [water running] 1045 00:57:32,347 --> 00:57:33,277 [Martha] Good morning. 1046 00:57:33,413 --> 00:57:35,050 Good morning. 1047 00:57:35,185 --> 00:57:36,309 I'm making breakfast. 1048 00:57:37,616 --> 00:57:38,647 You want some toast? 1049 00:57:38,782 --> 00:57:40,586 No, just some coffee. 1050 00:57:40,722 --> 00:57:41,990 Help yourself. It's already made. 1051 00:57:42,126 --> 00:57:44,421 There's juice, fruit... 1052 00:57:44,556 --> 00:57:45,791 whatever you want. 1053 00:57:51,393 --> 00:57:54,635 My behavior yesterday was unacceptable. 1054 00:57:54,771 --> 00:57:58,772 I completely understand that it drove you crazy. 1055 00:57:58,907 --> 00:58:02,236 But in my current state, I can't make any promises. 1056 00:58:03,246 --> 00:58:04,403 So, just in case... 1057 00:58:07,310 --> 00:58:10,614 I put a medium-range sedative in this drawer. 1058 00:58:10,750 --> 00:58:12,310 And if you find me unbearable, 1059 00:58:12,446 --> 00:58:15,852 you just have one and you can relax. 1060 00:58:15,988 --> 00:58:17,321 I could have used that last night. 1061 00:58:17,456 --> 00:58:19,223 [laughs] You... 1062 00:58:19,359 --> 00:58:22,161 You're one of a kind, Martha. You really... You really are. 1063 00:58:22,296 --> 00:58:23,826 [birds chirping] 1064 00:58:23,961 --> 00:58:25,826 I've made a list of stuff to buy. 1065 00:58:25,961 --> 00:58:27,261 We need a few things. 1066 00:58:28,804 --> 00:58:30,264 Is there anything you want me to get? 1067 00:58:31,569 --> 00:58:32,673 Don't think so. 1068 00:58:34,106 --> 00:58:35,643 Do you wanna come to the store with me? 1069 00:58:37,642 --> 00:58:39,311 Maybe another day. 1070 00:58:39,446 --> 00:58:41,911 It's so nice here. 1071 00:58:42,046 --> 00:58:44,217 I'd like to stay if you don't mind. 1072 00:58:44,352 --> 00:58:45,686 No, of course not. 1073 00:58:47,951 --> 00:58:50,915 I found a gym nearby, too. 1074 00:58:51,051 --> 00:58:52,393 That's great. 1075 00:58:52,529 --> 00:58:54,222 I think that's a very good idea. 1076 00:58:57,530 --> 00:59:00,063 Okay, well... 1077 00:59:00,198 --> 00:59:02,395 I have my phone with me if you need anything. 1078 00:59:03,272 --> 00:59:04,463 Thanks, love. 1079 00:59:10,981 --> 00:59:12,207 [sighs] 1080 00:59:20,353 --> 00:59:21,588 Hi. 1081 00:59:21,724 --> 00:59:22,915 I was hoping I could use the gym today. 1082 00:59:23,050 --> 00:59:24,383 Are you a member? 1083 00:59:24,519 --> 00:59:25,891 Uh, no. I'm just in town for a little bit. 1084 00:59:26,026 --> 00:59:27,460 If you use one of our personal trainers, 1085 00:59:27,596 --> 00:59:29,059 you don't need to be a member. 1086 00:59:29,195 --> 00:59:31,497 Um, okay. I'll use one of your trainers then. 1087 00:59:31,633 --> 00:59:33,228 You'll like Jonah, you'll see. 1088 00:59:34,169 --> 00:59:35,704 Thanks. 1089 00:59:35,839 --> 00:59:37,996 So, would you like to start a warm up doing steps? 1090 00:59:38,132 --> 00:59:39,773 - Okay. - Is okay? 1091 00:59:39,908 --> 00:59:42,943 Do you think you can do this for 30 seconds? 1092 00:59:43,078 --> 00:59:45,713 - Um, sure. All right. - Okay, go for it. Have a try. 1093 00:59:46,779 --> 00:59:49,242 And we are on. Okay, nice. 1094 00:59:49,377 --> 00:59:50,616 - Keep focus on your leg. - Mmm-hmm. 1095 00:59:50,751 --> 00:59:52,244 And, if you can, move your arm... 1096 00:59:52,380 --> 00:59:53,721 - Okay. - Okay, with each step. 1097 00:59:54,949 --> 00:59:56,658 And we are done. 1098 00:59:56,793 --> 00:59:59,624 Nice. You're pretty strong, you young lady. 1099 00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:01,456 [panting] What I am is winded. 1100 01:00:01,592 --> 01:00:04,129 Well, if you want, there are other variations we can do. 1101 01:00:04,265 --> 01:00:05,533 [pants] 1102 01:00:05,669 --> 01:00:07,367 I mean, you can go try like this. 1103 01:00:07,503 --> 01:00:09,097 You can go back and forth. 1104 01:00:09,233 --> 01:00:12,100 Or you can jump on it and go left 1105 01:00:12,235 --> 01:00:14,905 and right or back and on the box. 1106 01:00:15,041 --> 01:00:16,673 - Okay. Okay. - Have a try one more. 1107 01:00:16,809 --> 01:00:19,910 - [panting] - Nice. 1108 01:00:20,046 --> 01:00:21,306 - Focus on your core here. - Uh-huh. 1109 01:00:21,441 --> 01:00:24,119 And breathe. [breathing deeply] 1110 01:00:24,254 --> 01:00:26,082 Inhale and exhale. 1111 01:00:26,217 --> 01:00:28,585 - [panting] - [Jonah breathing deeply] 1112 01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:29,750 Perfect. One more. 1113 01:00:29,885 --> 01:00:31,385 [panting] 1114 01:00:33,957 --> 01:00:34,993 Is everything okay? 1115 01:00:35,726 --> 01:00:37,391 [panting] 1116 01:00:40,365 --> 01:00:43,100 When the body's in great shape, it takes longer to die. 1117 01:00:45,638 --> 01:00:47,270 When death comes, 1118 01:00:47,406 --> 01:00:50,479 the mind wants to go, but the body keeps fighting. 1119 01:00:50,614 --> 01:00:53,341 Heart beating "no" with every beat. 1120 01:00:54,117 --> 01:00:55,541 Well... 1121 01:00:55,676 --> 01:00:58,685 all the more reason to look after yourself. 1122 01:00:58,821 --> 01:01:00,121 I live with a friend who's dying. 1123 01:01:00,256 --> 01:01:01,283 I'm sorry. 1124 01:01:02,458 --> 01:01:04,319 Come. Let's have a seat. 1125 01:01:05,052 --> 01:01:05,925 Come here. 1126 01:01:08,155 --> 01:01:10,157 [sighs, sniffles] 1127 01:01:10,293 --> 01:01:12,195 Is there anything that I can do? 1128 01:01:15,138 --> 01:01:16,672 [sighs] 1129 01:01:18,509 --> 01:01:20,907 I wish I could give you a hug, 1130 01:01:21,042 --> 01:01:23,006 but we're not allowed to touch clients anymore 1131 01:01:23,142 --> 01:01:25,373 because of the lawsuits and whatever. 1132 01:01:28,682 --> 01:01:31,017 And it's a problem, 1133 01:01:31,152 --> 01:01:32,879 because it can be hard to correct people's posture 1134 01:01:33,014 --> 01:01:34,785 with just words, 1135 01:01:34,921 --> 01:01:36,725 and touching is so important. 1136 01:01:38,090 --> 01:01:40,551 This world is absurd and inhumane. 1137 01:01:40,687 --> 01:01:42,995 I don't see it improving any time soon. 1138 01:01:45,360 --> 01:01:47,564 But thank you, I feel hugged. 1139 01:01:47,699 --> 01:01:48,869 [chuckles] 1140 01:01:54,570 --> 01:01:57,736 Oh, I've been meaning to read this book. 1141 01:01:57,871 --> 01:02:00,611 Isn't it a wonderful title? Erotic Vagrancy. 1142 01:02:00,747 --> 01:02:01,849 Do you wanna buy it? 1143 01:02:04,049 --> 01:02:05,754 I won't have time to finish it. 1144 01:02:12,652 --> 01:02:14,558 I like the way it's laid out here. 1145 01:02:14,694 --> 01:02:15,658 [Ingrid] Mmm. 1146 01:02:15,793 --> 01:02:17,264 Oh, look. 1147 01:02:17,399 --> 01:02:18,657 Martha Gellhorn. 1148 01:02:19,702 --> 01:02:21,198 The View from the Ground. 1149 01:02:23,699 --> 01:02:27,906 She wrote that you only ever truly love one war, 1150 01:02:28,042 --> 01:02:29,976 after that you're just doing your duty. 1151 01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:33,606 Which one was yours? 1152 01:02:35,276 --> 01:02:37,214 Bosnia, without a doubt. 1153 01:02:42,992 --> 01:02:45,727 The fight to survive by the Bosnian people 1154 01:02:45,862 --> 01:02:48,760 against a perfectly equipped army... 1155 01:02:48,896 --> 01:02:50,390 stole the hearts of all of us 1156 01:02:50,526 --> 01:02:52,933 who witnessed the extermination. 1157 01:02:53,068 --> 01:02:55,969 There are very few women war correspondents. 1158 01:02:57,199 --> 01:02:59,631 War is a man's thing. 1159 01:02:59,767 --> 01:03:01,841 You have to sort of become one of the guys 1160 01:03:01,977 --> 01:03:03,808 and it was never a problem for me, 1161 01:03:03,944 --> 01:03:06,112 I've always lived like a man. 1162 01:03:06,247 --> 01:03:11,083 Actually, I think what Michelle really missed... 1163 01:03:11,218 --> 01:03:13,745 was having a maternal figure in her life. 1164 01:03:14,723 --> 01:03:17,887 And in this, I must admit 1165 01:03:18,022 --> 01:03:19,923 she... she was right. 1166 01:03:20,059 --> 01:03:21,588 Don't be so hard on yourself. 1167 01:03:26,461 --> 01:03:29,261 Hey, look who's coming to town! 1168 01:03:29,396 --> 01:03:31,263 The life of the party! 1169 01:03:31,399 --> 01:03:33,271 "How bad can it get? 1170 01:03:33,406 --> 01:03:35,167 Navigating urban life with integrity." 1171 01:03:35,303 --> 01:03:36,669 You feel like going? 1172 01:03:36,804 --> 01:03:38,176 No, you know what? I've heard it already 1173 01:03:38,311 --> 01:03:40,079 and it's not an evening I'd like to repeat. 1174 01:03:40,214 --> 01:03:42,476 We all have our own personal apocalypses. 1175 01:03:42,611 --> 01:03:44,312 Are you having an awful time with me? 1176 01:03:44,448 --> 01:03:47,016 No, no, I meant him, his lecture. 1177 01:03:47,152 --> 01:03:48,915 Global crisis, climate change. 1178 01:03:49,050 --> 01:03:49,924 Yeah. 1179 01:03:50,425 --> 01:03:51,524 Hi. 1180 01:03:51,659 --> 01:03:52,685 I love your hair. 1181 01:03:53,395 --> 01:03:54,357 Nice. 1182 01:04:05,469 --> 01:04:08,468 When the nightmares come rushing in, 1183 01:04:08,604 --> 01:04:11,106 I think about all the men I've loved. 1184 01:04:11,242 --> 01:04:12,678 [chuckles] Sounds like a song. 1185 01:04:12,813 --> 01:04:14,612 [chuckles] A good one. 1186 01:04:14,748 --> 01:04:15,774 [both chuckle] 1187 01:04:17,150 --> 01:04:19,118 Even if it was just for one night. 1188 01:04:20,518 --> 01:04:23,320 [sighs] Sometimes I think about Damian. 1189 01:04:28,393 --> 01:04:30,590 I still think sex is the best way 1190 01:04:30,726 --> 01:04:32,824 to fend off looming thoughts of death. 1191 01:04:34,397 --> 01:04:36,498 Like those Spanish Carmelites. 1192 01:04:38,537 --> 01:04:41,342 Wars turned me into a promiscuous woman, Ingrid. 1193 01:04:41,478 --> 01:04:42,834 Good. [laughs] 1194 01:04:44,838 --> 01:04:46,173 Are you still in touch with him? 1195 01:04:46,308 --> 01:04:48,411 - With who? - Damian. 1196 01:04:49,550 --> 01:04:51,148 Um... 1197 01:04:51,284 --> 01:04:52,679 You know... Um, from time to time. 1198 01:04:55,286 --> 01:04:57,849 "How bad can it get?" [scoffs] 1199 01:04:59,693 --> 01:05:01,457 Well... [sighs] 1200 01:05:01,592 --> 01:05:04,757 much worse than you imagine, Damian, honey. 1201 01:05:08,503 --> 01:05:09,465 Hey. 1202 01:05:10,573 --> 01:05:11,566 You all right? 1203 01:05:12,675 --> 01:05:13,942 I was trying to write. 1204 01:05:15,411 --> 01:05:16,406 I can't. 1205 01:05:19,545 --> 01:05:23,715 In this war, I'm incapable of writing anything. 1206 01:05:23,851 --> 01:05:24,876 What about reading? 1207 01:05:26,182 --> 01:05:27,186 You love to read. 1208 01:05:27,919 --> 01:05:29,089 I've tried. 1209 01:05:30,918 --> 01:05:33,291 I've tried with some of my favorite writers. 1210 01:05:35,526 --> 01:05:37,966 The spell just isn't there anymore. 1211 01:05:40,737 --> 01:05:42,498 I'm talking about Faulkner, 1212 01:05:43,935 --> 01:05:45,039 Hemingway... 1213 01:05:46,940 --> 01:05:48,372 I can't concentrate. 1214 01:05:49,936 --> 01:05:53,278 My mind just flies off into the void. 1215 01:05:54,574 --> 01:05:56,116 If you're too tired, 1216 01:05:57,621 --> 01:05:58,646 I could read to you. 1217 01:06:01,756 --> 01:06:02,914 Not just reading, 1218 01:06:04,321 --> 01:06:06,291 all pleasure's been reduced. 1219 01:06:08,895 --> 01:06:10,128 It's hard to know 1220 01:06:10,264 --> 01:06:12,462 what to pay attention to anymore. 1221 01:06:15,595 --> 01:06:16,928 I have very little time 1222 01:06:18,072 --> 01:06:19,403 and I don't want to waste it. 1223 01:06:21,577 --> 01:06:23,011 Okay. Um... 1224 01:06:26,440 --> 01:06:29,875 What about music? 1225 01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:35,618 I can only listen to the birds singing. 1226 01:06:35,754 --> 01:06:38,856 Well, luckily, they give us a serenade every day. 1227 01:06:38,992 --> 01:06:42,020 Music decenters me. 1228 01:06:42,156 --> 01:06:44,963 It comes between me and whatever it is I'm doing, 1229 01:06:45,098 --> 01:06:46,628 even if it's just thinking. 1230 01:06:48,269 --> 01:06:51,197 Maybe the chemo is affecting my hearing. 1231 01:06:51,332 --> 01:06:53,635 Oh, honey. 1232 01:06:53,771 --> 01:06:56,671 I've been reduced to very little of myself. 1233 01:07:05,155 --> 01:07:08,221 I long for some peace of body and mind. 1234 01:07:11,019 --> 01:07:14,161 And to just talk whenever I'm invaded by memory. 1235 01:07:15,391 --> 01:07:16,623 Am I talking too much? 1236 01:07:16,758 --> 01:07:18,731 No, no, no, no. Talk all you want, 1237 01:07:18,867 --> 01:07:20,326 I love listening to you. 1238 01:07:20,462 --> 01:07:22,169 [crickets chirping] 1239 01:07:26,004 --> 01:07:27,405 [birds chirping] 1240 01:08:18,661 --> 01:08:19,886 [sniffling] 1241 01:08:38,573 --> 01:08:40,148 [breathing heavily] 1242 01:08:42,377 --> 01:08:43,514 [sniffles] 1243 01:08:47,888 --> 01:08:49,421 [birds chirping] 1244 01:09:17,984 --> 01:09:19,286 [birds chirping] 1245 01:09:31,767 --> 01:09:33,168 [sobbing] 1246 01:09:39,942 --> 01:09:41,638 [continues sobbing] 1247 01:09:55,386 --> 01:09:58,391 [continues sobbing] 1248 01:10:05,196 --> 01:10:06,999 What's going on? 1249 01:10:07,135 --> 01:10:08,698 - What's wrong? - [gasps] 1250 01:10:11,330 --> 01:10:13,637 Your door was closed, so I thought you... 1251 01:10:15,174 --> 01:10:17,536 Oh, I'm so sorry. 1252 01:10:17,671 --> 01:10:18,904 I opened a window 1253 01:10:19,040 --> 01:10:21,748 and the breeze must have closed it. 1254 01:10:21,883 --> 01:10:23,009 Oh, my God! 1255 01:10:24,787 --> 01:10:25,748 [sniffling] 1256 01:10:30,326 --> 01:10:32,023 Do you think it's fair to be mad at me 1257 01:10:32,159 --> 01:10:33,756 because I'm still alive? 1258 01:10:37,132 --> 01:10:39,091 Think of it as a rehearsal. 1259 01:10:40,697 --> 01:10:42,435 Now you know how it's gonna be. 1260 01:10:43,733 --> 01:10:45,471 You know how you're gonna feel. 1261 01:10:47,200 --> 01:10:49,408 You're gonna have to make some calls 1262 01:10:49,544 --> 01:10:52,980 and act out all the things we talked about. 1263 01:10:53,116 --> 01:10:54,942 And you never knew anything... 1264 01:10:56,019 --> 01:10:57,246 and we were on vacation... 1265 01:10:57,381 --> 01:10:59,078 Please, just stop! 1266 01:11:00,888 --> 01:11:02,054 Okay. 1267 01:11:02,190 --> 01:11:03,588 [bugle call playing on TV] 1268 01:11:09,022 --> 01:11:11,024 [whimsical music playing on TV] 1269 01:11:30,720 --> 01:11:32,085 [laughs] 1270 01:11:32,220 --> 01:11:33,717 [tense music playing on TV] 1271 01:11:47,264 --> 01:11:48,468 [laughs] 1272 01:12:03,984 --> 01:12:05,177 [whirs] 1273 01:12:11,787 --> 01:12:13,152 Should we call it a night? 1274 01:12:14,159 --> 01:12:15,694 Oh! 1275 01:12:15,829 --> 01:12:18,091 Or does the young lady wanna keep watching movies? 1276 01:12:19,765 --> 01:12:22,667 Did you tell me that they have The Dead? 1277 01:12:23,897 --> 01:12:25,004 Or did I dream that? 1278 01:12:25,140 --> 01:12:27,105 Yeah, they have it. 1279 01:12:27,241 --> 01:12:29,201 Um, you wanna watch it? 1280 01:12:30,011 --> 01:12:31,109 Yes, please. 1281 01:12:31,245 --> 01:12:32,644 [Ingrid] Here we go. 1282 01:12:35,313 --> 01:12:36,351 Here we go. 1283 01:12:43,456 --> 01:12:46,724 [somber music playing on TV] 1284 01:12:46,859 --> 01:12:49,891 [Gabriel on TV] Yes, the newspapers are right. 1285 01:12:50,027 --> 01:12:53,832 Snow is general all over Ireland. 1286 01:12:53,967 --> 01:12:57,697 Falling on every part of the dark central plain, 1287 01:12:57,832 --> 01:12:59,737 on the treeless hills. 1288 01:13:00,969 --> 01:13:04,071 Softly upon the Bog of Allen 1289 01:13:04,206 --> 01:13:07,942 and farther westward, softly falling 1290 01:13:08,077 --> 01:13:13,048 into the dark mutinous Shannon waves. 1291 01:13:13,183 --> 01:13:16,215 One by one, we're all becoming shades. 1292 01:13:18,660 --> 01:13:21,890 - [softly repeating] - Snow is falling, 1293 01:13:22,025 --> 01:13:24,256 falling in that lonely churchyard 1294 01:13:24,391 --> 01:13:26,258 where Michael Furey lies buried. 1295 01:13:28,132 --> 01:13:30,334 Falling faintly through the universe 1296 01:13:30,470 --> 01:13:33,540 and faintly falling, 1297 01:13:33,675 --> 01:13:36,169 like the descent of their last end, 1298 01:13:37,646 --> 01:13:41,207 upon all the living and the dead. 1299 01:13:51,620 --> 01:13:53,725 [birds chirping] 1300 01:14:00,729 --> 01:14:01,601 Do you hear them? 1301 01:14:02,300 --> 01:14:03,328 Mmm-hmm. 1302 01:14:05,534 --> 01:14:06,507 [beeps] 1303 01:14:07,141 --> 01:14:08,740 [whirring] 1304 01:14:11,905 --> 01:14:12,909 It's daytime. 1305 01:14:17,581 --> 01:14:18,816 And you're alive. 1306 01:14:21,551 --> 01:14:22,952 [birds chirping] 1307 01:14:29,429 --> 01:14:30,955 Oh, this is too much. 1308 01:14:31,090 --> 01:14:32,266 - Yeah? - This is harder 1309 01:14:32,401 --> 01:14:33,831 - than I thought it'd be. - Okay. 1310 01:14:36,403 --> 01:14:37,669 I think I need to sit. 1311 01:14:37,804 --> 01:14:40,437 All right. Yeah, let's go sit over here. 1312 01:14:40,572 --> 01:14:42,070 Here, let me help you. 1313 01:14:46,239 --> 01:14:48,714 Hey, I've got you. Here we go. 1314 01:14:49,513 --> 01:14:50,551 Here you go. 1315 01:14:51,921 --> 01:14:53,048 Okay. 1316 01:14:54,584 --> 01:14:56,555 [Martha] Oh! 1317 01:14:56,690 --> 01:14:58,790 - Oh, that's much better. - Oh, good. 1318 01:15:02,863 --> 01:15:05,961 Before coming here, I made a new will. 1319 01:15:06,097 --> 01:15:08,668 Aw, let's not talk about this now, please. 1320 01:15:10,300 --> 01:15:12,402 I'm leaving the apartment and everything in it 1321 01:15:12,538 --> 01:15:14,168 to Michelle and you. 1322 01:15:19,946 --> 01:15:23,110 I found your war journals in your desk. 1323 01:15:23,245 --> 01:15:25,614 What do you want us to do with them? 1324 01:15:25,750 --> 01:15:27,485 Is it okay if I read them? 1325 01:15:27,620 --> 01:15:29,018 Of course you can read them. 1326 01:15:32,492 --> 01:15:34,161 Can I tell your story? 1327 01:15:34,297 --> 01:15:35,563 You can do what you want. 1328 01:15:36,626 --> 01:15:37,895 I won't be here. 1329 01:15:39,992 --> 01:15:41,030 Can I say that? 1330 01:15:41,663 --> 01:15:42,669 No. 1331 01:15:43,863 --> 01:15:44,869 Okay. 1332 01:15:47,670 --> 01:15:49,676 [birds chirping] 1333 01:15:52,171 --> 01:15:54,175 [crickets chirping] 1334 01:16:08,921 --> 01:16:09,960 [sighs] 1335 01:16:39,057 --> 01:16:40,793 Let's not talk about this now, okay? 1336 01:16:42,092 --> 01:16:44,599 All right, I'll see you there. Bye. 1337 01:16:51,836 --> 01:16:53,667 [Martha] Dear Ingrid, 1338 01:16:53,802 --> 01:16:57,843 Today is such a beautiful day that it seemed to me it... 1339 01:16:59,873 --> 01:17:00,747 Hey. 1340 01:17:01,380 --> 01:17:02,349 Hi. 1341 01:17:02,484 --> 01:17:04,350 - Everything okay? - Yeah. 1342 01:17:04,486 --> 01:17:06,443 This breeze is delicious. 1343 01:17:06,579 --> 01:17:08,755 Be careful, it's a little chilly. 1344 01:17:10,290 --> 01:17:11,692 Um... 1345 01:17:11,827 --> 01:17:13,624 If you don't need me, I'm gonna go to the gym. 1346 01:17:13,759 --> 01:17:15,157 But I can stay if you want. 1347 01:17:15,292 --> 01:17:17,461 No. Please, go. I don't want to be a downer. 1348 01:17:17,597 --> 01:17:18,862 You're not a downer. 1349 01:17:18,998 --> 01:17:21,327 You've been pretty well-behaved. 1350 01:17:21,463 --> 01:17:23,803 Have you talked to your trainer about me? 1351 01:17:25,030 --> 01:17:26,340 Um... 1352 01:17:26,475 --> 01:17:29,270 Well... I mean, it came up. 1353 01:17:29,405 --> 01:17:31,677 I was talking about being in good shape 1354 01:17:31,813 --> 01:17:34,674 and the heart beating to survive. 1355 01:17:34,809 --> 01:17:37,817 You know, everything that you talked about in the hospital 1356 01:17:37,952 --> 01:17:40,083 and he looked at me like I was a lunatic, 1357 01:17:40,218 --> 01:17:42,617 so I told him I had a friend that was sick. 1358 01:17:42,752 --> 01:17:44,858 That's all. 1359 01:17:44,993 --> 01:17:49,756 Just remember, you know nothing about anything. 1360 01:17:49,891 --> 01:17:50,929 [Ingrid] Mm. 1361 01:17:55,262 --> 01:17:56,968 Come here, give me a kiss. 1362 01:17:59,640 --> 01:18:00,906 - You okay? - Yes. 1363 01:18:13,552 --> 01:18:15,547 [lively chatter] 1364 01:18:23,893 --> 01:18:25,161 - Hi. - Hi. 1365 01:18:30,364 --> 01:18:32,703 I lied to her, I don't like it. 1366 01:18:32,839 --> 01:18:34,074 Well, you'll have to practice. 1367 01:18:34,209 --> 01:18:35,999 Lying? 1368 01:18:36,135 --> 01:18:39,376 Yes. Officially, you aren't aware of Martha's intentions. 1369 01:18:39,511 --> 01:18:40,979 Yeah. 1370 01:18:41,115 --> 01:18:43,014 And I found a lawyer, in case you need one. 1371 01:18:43,149 --> 01:18:45,145 Thank you. Let's not talk about this now. 1372 01:18:45,280 --> 01:18:48,220 - Mm. - How'd your lecture go? 1373 01:18:48,355 --> 01:18:51,891 Well, they weren't too happy about my not taking questions. 1374 01:18:53,394 --> 01:18:55,721 In the end, 1375 01:18:55,856 --> 01:18:58,860 people started muttering and someone called me a coward. 1376 01:18:58,995 --> 01:19:00,631 It doesn't bother me. 1377 01:19:00,767 --> 01:19:02,770 I spent way too much time 1378 01:19:02,905 --> 01:19:05,602 caring about my reputation, and for what? 1379 01:19:05,737 --> 01:19:07,971 So, what are you doing with all that time you've gotten back? 1380 01:19:08,107 --> 01:19:11,745 Are you doing more of what you love? 1381 01:19:11,881 --> 01:19:14,274 I have to admit that my interest in things 1382 01:19:14,409 --> 01:19:16,784 has been shrinking as I get older. 1383 01:19:18,515 --> 01:19:20,647 Martha said the same thing a couple days ago. 1384 01:19:20,783 --> 01:19:23,247 There are so few things left that she can really enjoy. 1385 01:19:23,383 --> 01:19:25,155 - I understand. - Mm. 1386 01:19:26,385 --> 01:19:28,128 But you're not sick. 1387 01:19:28,263 --> 01:19:30,127 No, but I feel the same way, especially after the pandemic. 1388 01:19:30,262 --> 01:19:32,558 I don't go to the cinema or listen to music. 1389 01:19:33,435 --> 01:19:35,065 I... I read a lot, 1390 01:19:35,201 --> 01:19:37,070 but only subjects to do with my lectures. 1391 01:19:37,205 --> 01:19:39,565 Mm. You still go to galleries? You used to love that. 1392 01:19:39,700 --> 01:19:41,136 When we were together, we'd go all the time 1393 01:19:41,272 --> 01:19:43,376 and talk about how powerful the art is. 1394 01:19:43,512 --> 01:19:45,573 You still like that? 1395 01:19:45,708 --> 01:19:48,311 Even if every poet in the world sat down to write a poem 1396 01:19:48,446 --> 01:19:50,818 about the climate crisis, it wouldn't save one tree. 1397 01:19:50,953 --> 01:19:52,981 At least you're still interested in trees. 1398 01:19:53,116 --> 01:19:54,720 I'm interested in sex, too. 1399 01:19:54,855 --> 01:19:56,455 Well, then you're not that bad. 1400 01:19:56,590 --> 01:19:58,950 When I was young, 1401 01:19:59,085 --> 01:20:02,955 if a day went by without sex, I thought it was incomplete. 1402 01:20:03,090 --> 01:20:04,990 I remember that. 1403 01:20:05,126 --> 01:20:09,331 I'm not nostalgic, but I miss the nights when we'd drink... 1404 01:20:10,430 --> 01:20:12,966 and take drugs, have sex, 1405 01:20:13,101 --> 01:20:16,004 all that didn't distract us from what we really wanted to do. 1406 01:20:16,140 --> 01:20:18,502 You drank and you took drugs. 1407 01:20:18,637 --> 01:20:20,439 I mean, more than I did anyway. 1408 01:20:20,575 --> 01:20:22,514 I don't know how much you drank, 1409 01:20:22,649 --> 01:20:26,018 but you always acted as you were as blitzed as the rest of us. 1410 01:20:26,154 --> 01:20:29,149 But you were an essential part of the party. 1411 01:20:29,284 --> 01:20:30,955 That is, until you got bored 1412 01:20:31,091 --> 01:20:32,783 and went off to discover Europe. 1413 01:20:34,256 --> 01:20:35,489 You want to talk about that? 1414 01:20:36,797 --> 01:20:37,790 Tell me about your lecture. 1415 01:20:37,926 --> 01:20:39,428 [sighs] 1416 01:20:39,563 --> 01:20:43,627 I admit that I've become something of a monomaniac. 1417 01:20:43,762 --> 01:20:45,631 My own son is no longer speaking to me 1418 01:20:45,766 --> 01:20:48,007 because I didn't hide how appalled I was 1419 01:20:48,142 --> 01:20:50,667 that his wife is expecting another child. 1420 01:20:50,803 --> 01:20:51,976 He doesn't want me anywhere near her 1421 01:20:52,111 --> 01:20:54,040 for fear she'll have a miscarriage. 1422 01:20:54,175 --> 01:20:56,180 What? How could you tell him that he can't have another child? 1423 01:20:56,315 --> 01:20:58,611 - It's their third! - [stammering] What... 1424 01:20:58,746 --> 01:21:00,777 So, what's the next logical alternative? 1425 01:21:00,913 --> 01:21:02,218 For people to start killing themselves? 1426 01:21:02,354 --> 01:21:04,520 People should be aware, once and for all, 1427 01:21:04,656 --> 01:21:06,817 of the state of the fucking planet they're living on. 1428 01:21:08,824 --> 01:21:11,755 Well, perhaps this isn't the best subject for you. 1429 01:21:11,891 --> 01:21:15,535 You're living with a dying woman in a world 1430 01:21:15,671 --> 01:21:17,872 also in its death throes. 1431 01:21:20,343 --> 01:21:22,904 Do you really think the situation is that desperate? 1432 01:21:23,039 --> 01:21:27,444 Yes. Read the science and see what the world is doing with it. 1433 01:21:27,580 --> 01:21:31,549 They're releasing more CO2 into the air than ever before. 1434 01:21:31,684 --> 01:21:33,484 Sooner or later, 1435 01:21:33,620 --> 01:21:38,388 and I fear it will be sooner, all this will be shot to hell. 1436 01:21:38,523 --> 01:21:42,028 Nothing is going to hasten the end of the planet 1437 01:21:42,163 --> 01:21:45,060 more than the survival of neo-liberalism 1438 01:21:45,196 --> 01:21:46,826 and the rise of the far right. 1439 01:21:46,961 --> 01:21:50,729 And we have both of them here, marching side by side. 1440 01:21:54,066 --> 01:21:57,208 Sorry, I didn't want to bring you down, but... 1441 01:21:58,505 --> 01:22:00,511 I get riled up with this. 1442 01:22:00,647 --> 01:22:04,010 You cannot go around telling people that there's no hope. 1443 01:22:04,145 --> 01:22:05,712 It's tragic. 1444 01:22:05,848 --> 01:22:08,380 And maybe it's really unpleasant of me to say so, 1445 01:22:08,516 --> 01:22:10,724 but I've completely lost faith 1446 01:22:10,860 --> 01:22:12,888 in people doing the right thing. 1447 01:22:13,024 --> 01:22:15,461 I'm living every day expecting to find Martha's body in her bed, 1448 01:22:15,596 --> 01:22:19,466 but that doesn't stop me from enjoying every minute with her, 1449 01:22:19,601 --> 01:22:21,562 just the opposite. 1450 01:22:21,697 --> 01:22:24,963 I'm learning from her and you should, too, 1451 01:22:25,099 --> 01:22:28,008 because there are lots of ways to live inside a tragedy. 1452 01:22:29,909 --> 01:22:32,446 Of course it's painful, 1453 01:22:32,581 --> 01:22:34,608 but I can take it. 1454 01:22:35,717 --> 01:22:37,883 And I'm trying to live 1455 01:22:38,018 --> 01:22:40,580 with the same joy that she has, 1456 01:22:40,716 --> 01:22:43,551 and with the same appreciation, so... 1457 01:22:43,686 --> 01:22:46,387 the last thing I need is a speech like yours. 1458 01:22:46,522 --> 01:22:47,995 I've always admired you for that. 1459 01:22:49,354 --> 01:22:50,955 What? 1460 01:22:51,091 --> 01:22:53,297 You're one of the only people who knows how to suffer 1461 01:22:53,433 --> 01:22:56,003 without making others feel guilty about it. 1462 01:23:23,993 --> 01:23:24,999 [sighs] 1463 01:23:38,311 --> 01:23:40,539 Do you think it will be much longer? 1464 01:23:40,674 --> 01:23:43,941 No, it'll be soon. Any day now. 1465 01:23:45,248 --> 01:23:47,048 You have to be prepared. 1466 01:23:47,183 --> 01:23:48,515 I know the police. 1467 01:23:48,651 --> 01:23:50,390 They'll ask you all sorts of questions, 1468 01:23:50,525 --> 01:23:53,288 they'll dig into your relationship like scavengers. 1469 01:23:53,423 --> 01:23:55,126 You need a kind of mental script. 1470 01:23:55,262 --> 01:23:57,998 No, I thought about it, I do have it. 1471 01:23:58,134 --> 01:24:00,996 Good. Stay strong and stick to your story. 1472 01:24:01,132 --> 01:24:02,631 And when it happens, 1473 01:24:02,766 --> 01:24:05,202 you should call the police before you call me. 1474 01:24:05,338 --> 01:24:06,533 No, I need to call her daughter. 1475 01:24:06,669 --> 01:24:08,141 I should call her before I call you. 1476 01:24:08,276 --> 01:24:10,605 Okay, but be careful what you say to her. 1477 01:24:10,740 --> 01:24:13,338 I had to tell the lawyer about the situation. 1478 01:24:13,473 --> 01:24:16,742 Why do we have to go through all this, like we're criminals? 1479 01:24:16,877 --> 01:24:18,347 Shouldn't dying people have the right 1480 01:24:18,483 --> 01:24:19,878 to end their lives with dignity? 1481 01:24:20,013 --> 01:24:22,282 They will, once our teetering health system 1482 01:24:22,417 --> 01:24:23,882 completely collapses. 1483 01:24:24,758 --> 01:24:26,720 [birds chirping] 1484 01:25:01,057 --> 01:25:02,096 Martha? 1485 01:25:22,643 --> 01:25:24,478 [Martha] Dear Ingrid, 1486 01:25:24,613 --> 01:25:27,310 today is such a beautiful day 1487 01:25:27,446 --> 01:25:30,786 that it seemed to me it was the moment to leave. 1488 01:25:30,922 --> 01:25:34,519 It consoled me that you weren't in the room downstairs, 1489 01:25:34,655 --> 01:25:36,863 even though that was the idea. 1490 01:25:36,998 --> 01:25:40,493 But you know I always improvise 1491 01:25:40,629 --> 01:25:42,366 and I'm almost happy that, 1492 01:25:42,502 --> 01:25:45,564 while I fade away on the lounger, 1493 01:25:45,699 --> 01:25:47,438 you're out in the world, 1494 01:25:47,574 --> 01:25:51,510 experiencing something different to my death. 1495 01:25:51,646 --> 01:25:54,841 No one will be able to accuse you of complicity. 1496 01:25:56,149 --> 01:25:57,780 You have accompanied me 1497 01:25:57,915 --> 01:26:02,486 as much as any human being can accompany another. 1498 01:26:02,622 --> 01:26:05,588 Call my daughter and tell her I'm sorry. 1499 01:26:06,896 --> 01:26:09,295 And thank you, love. 1500 01:26:34,953 --> 01:26:35,981 Martha. 1501 01:26:39,654 --> 01:26:41,228 I'll do whatever you want. 1502 01:26:46,427 --> 01:26:47,531 [sniffling] 1503 01:27:00,981 --> 01:27:02,975 [birds cawing] 1504 01:27:08,823 --> 01:27:11,417 We had dinner and then we watched a Buster Keaton movie. 1505 01:27:11,553 --> 01:27:12,919 I told you this already. 1506 01:27:13,054 --> 01:27:15,095 And you didn't notice anything strange, 1507 01:27:15,231 --> 01:27:17,363 anything that made you suspect... 1508 01:27:19,933 --> 01:27:21,301 Try to remember. 1509 01:27:21,436 --> 01:27:23,929 I remember it perfectly, it was a fun night. 1510 01:27:24,065 --> 01:27:26,701 There were no gestures? Nothing she said? 1511 01:27:26,837 --> 01:27:29,604 We said goodnight and then I went upstairs 1512 01:27:29,740 --> 01:27:32,203 and I stayed up late reading a book 1513 01:27:32,339 --> 01:27:34,909 that Martha had recommended called Erotic Vagrancy. 1514 01:27:35,044 --> 01:27:37,741 It's about Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. 1515 01:27:37,877 --> 01:27:39,386 - Do you know it? - No. 1516 01:27:39,521 --> 01:27:41,948 Martha and I both thought that it was really fun. 1517 01:27:42,084 --> 01:27:44,324 Try to answer only the questions I ask you. 1518 01:27:48,396 --> 01:27:49,758 What'd you do the following morning? 1519 01:27:52,199 --> 01:27:54,257 I had lunch with a friend. 1520 01:27:54,392 --> 01:27:56,464 And when I came back, I called out for her 1521 01:27:56,599 --> 01:27:58,267 and when she didn't answer, 1522 01:27:58,402 --> 01:28:00,137 I went to her bedroom. 1523 01:28:00,272 --> 01:28:02,201 But she wasn't there. 1524 01:28:02,337 --> 01:28:06,373 So I went into the backyard and that's when I saw her. 1525 01:28:06,508 --> 01:28:09,274 And, at first, I thought that she was asleep on the lounge chair 1526 01:28:09,409 --> 01:28:12,217 and I got really nervous and I called the ambulance. 1527 01:28:12,352 --> 01:28:13,711 And they got there very quickly 1528 01:28:13,847 --> 01:28:15,722 and then the EMTs saw her 1529 01:28:15,857 --> 01:28:18,455 and then they said there was nothing that they could do. 1530 01:28:18,591 --> 01:28:20,352 Nobody buys this pill by accident 1531 01:28:20,487 --> 01:28:22,692 if they're not thinking of suicide or killing someone, 1532 01:28:22,827 --> 01:28:24,423 so, you didn't know anything about this? 1533 01:28:24,558 --> 01:28:26,258 About what? 1534 01:28:26,394 --> 01:28:28,027 About her being in possession of this illegal compound. 1535 01:28:28,163 --> 01:28:31,634 No. She was taking medication for the pain, 1536 01:28:31,770 --> 01:28:33,602 you know, patches and pills, but she... 1537 01:28:33,738 --> 01:28:35,837 she never shared the specifics with me. 1538 01:28:36,935 --> 01:28:38,640 It is strange that, 1539 01:28:38,775 --> 01:28:40,137 if you two were such good friends, 1540 01:28:40,272 --> 01:28:43,375 that she didn't say anything to you. 1541 01:28:43,510 --> 01:28:48,014 You can't just walk into a drugstore and buy this pill. 1542 01:28:49,191 --> 01:28:50,621 It's very difficult to come by. 1543 01:28:52,052 --> 01:28:55,121 I think when she rented the house, 1544 01:28:55,256 --> 01:28:57,830 she already knew what she was gonna do, right? 1545 01:28:57,966 --> 01:28:59,759 It's possible, 1546 01:28:59,895 --> 01:29:02,302 but she didn't tell me anything. 1547 01:29:02,438 --> 01:29:04,262 She was exhausted from the last treatment 1548 01:29:04,397 --> 01:29:05,962 and she wanted to take a break before going back 1549 01:29:06,097 --> 01:29:08,100 for the next round of chemo. 1550 01:29:08,235 --> 01:29:09,975 She wasn't the type to throw in the towel. 1551 01:29:10,111 --> 01:29:12,037 She didn't complain? 1552 01:29:12,173 --> 01:29:14,645 She didn't say anything that made you sense... 1553 01:29:16,180 --> 01:29:17,812 the end? 1554 01:29:17,948 --> 01:29:19,177 It was a great responsibility for you. 1555 01:29:20,617 --> 01:29:22,180 She complained sometimes. 1556 01:29:24,692 --> 01:29:29,152 What did she complain about? What did she say? 1557 01:29:29,287 --> 01:29:32,531 She'd lost the capacity for attention. 1558 01:29:32,666 --> 01:29:36,667 She couldn't read or write, for example. 1559 01:29:38,572 --> 01:29:40,165 Her life was reduced to surviving. 1560 01:29:40,300 --> 01:29:43,567 You know, I find it very hard to believe 1561 01:29:43,702 --> 01:29:46,039 that she didn't say anything that made you suspect the end. 1562 01:29:46,175 --> 01:29:48,446 It was more than evident that she was very sick, 1563 01:29:48,581 --> 01:29:50,041 but she wanted to take a vacation 1564 01:29:50,177 --> 01:29:51,181 before going back to the hospital. 1565 01:29:51,317 --> 01:29:53,718 I told you this already. 1566 01:29:53,853 --> 01:29:59,217 So, we also spoke to some of Martha's close friends. 1567 01:30:00,960 --> 01:30:04,156 In general, they all coincide with your testimony. 1568 01:30:06,191 --> 01:30:08,866 But one of them, Stella Byrne, 1569 01:30:09,001 --> 01:30:11,438 told us that, after Martha finished her chemotherapy, 1570 01:30:11,573 --> 01:30:14,403 that she proposed that she accompany her 1571 01:30:14,539 --> 01:30:16,871 to a house in the country 1572 01:30:17,006 --> 01:30:19,908 where she intended to commit suicide. 1573 01:30:23,944 --> 01:30:26,079 Asked her to, and I quote... 1574 01:30:27,552 --> 01:30:28,752 "Be in the room next door." 1575 01:30:32,292 --> 01:30:34,585 And her friend refused. 1576 01:30:34,720 --> 01:30:37,591 I wasn't in the room next door, I was in the room downstairs. 1577 01:30:37,727 --> 01:30:39,122 When I spoke to Mrs. Byrne 1578 01:30:39,258 --> 01:30:40,498 and informed her of the suicide, 1579 01:30:40,634 --> 01:30:42,595 she told me she wasn't surprised. 1580 01:30:42,730 --> 01:30:45,336 There's another word for what Martha did, it's called euthanasia. 1581 01:30:45,471 --> 01:30:46,968 Well, call it what you want, 1582 01:30:47,103 --> 01:30:50,674 but, for me, what your friend did is a crime 1583 01:30:50,810 --> 01:30:53,837 and, as a policeman, as a human being, 1584 01:30:53,972 --> 01:30:56,375 as a man of faith, 1585 01:30:56,510 --> 01:31:00,312 I'm radically opposed to anyone committing a crime. 1586 01:31:00,448 --> 01:31:02,489 And, of course, anyone aiding and abetting in one. 1587 01:31:09,593 --> 01:31:11,421 [cell phone clicking] 1588 01:31:12,925 --> 01:31:15,328 [line ringing] 1589 01:31:15,464 --> 01:31:17,768 Damian, can you come down to the police station, please? 1590 01:31:18,534 --> 01:31:19,835 This is endless. 1591 01:31:19,971 --> 01:31:23,001 How do you explain that your friend Martha 1592 01:31:23,136 --> 01:31:24,910 was so explicit with Mrs. Byrne 1593 01:31:25,045 --> 01:31:27,170 and yet she didn't tell you anything about her intentions? 1594 01:31:27,305 --> 01:31:28,813 I'm not gonna say another word. 1595 01:31:28,948 --> 01:31:31,178 If I'm under arrest, then tell me the charges. 1596 01:31:31,313 --> 01:31:33,217 Otherwise, I'll wait in the hall for my lawyer. 1597 01:31:33,353 --> 01:31:34,719 Very foresighted of you. 1598 01:31:34,854 --> 01:31:36,681 What made you think you'd need a lawyer? 1599 01:31:36,816 --> 01:31:39,951 Why don't you ask your friend, he witnessed the interrogation. 1600 01:31:40,087 --> 01:31:44,160 [sighs] I think you're lying. 1601 01:31:44,295 --> 01:31:46,325 And that you're the kind of person who wouldn't say no 1602 01:31:46,461 --> 01:31:48,964 if a friend asked you for help committing suicide. 1603 01:31:51,501 --> 01:31:52,563 Let her go. 1604 01:31:52,699 --> 01:31:53,540 [buzzes] 1605 01:32:01,675 --> 01:32:03,148 Hey. 1606 01:32:03,283 --> 01:32:04,680 - Hi. - Hi. 1607 01:32:04,815 --> 01:32:07,219 - How are you? - I'm okay. 1608 01:32:07,355 --> 01:32:09,148 This is my lawyer, Sarah. 1609 01:32:09,283 --> 01:32:10,984 - Hi. Pleasure. - Thank you for coming. 1610 01:32:11,120 --> 01:32:12,726 Of course. Damian's filled me in. 1611 01:32:12,861 --> 01:32:14,825 Is there anything I should know about the interrogation? 1612 01:32:14,960 --> 01:32:16,728 Well, he treated me like I was the killer. 1613 01:32:16,863 --> 01:32:18,562 - But you were with me. - He doesn't care. 1614 01:32:18,697 --> 01:32:20,032 He insists that I'm implicated. 1615 01:32:20,167 --> 01:32:21,535 Okay, but... 1616 01:32:21,670 --> 01:32:23,669 He spoke to a friend of Martha, Stella Byrne, 1617 01:32:23,804 --> 01:32:25,700 who said that Martha had approached her first 1618 01:32:25,835 --> 01:32:27,200 and she refused to help her. 1619 01:32:27,335 --> 01:32:29,165 Okay, well, I'm sure everything was recorded. 1620 01:32:29,301 --> 01:32:30,875 - Mm-hmm. - [door opens] 1621 01:32:31,011 --> 01:32:33,739 Um, and this police officer witnessed everything. 1622 01:32:33,875 --> 01:32:35,174 You can come in now. 1623 01:32:35,309 --> 01:32:36,781 I'll go in alone. I'm her attorney. 1624 01:32:38,752 --> 01:32:40,411 Don't worry, this is all very clear. 1625 01:32:42,752 --> 01:32:43,884 Thank you for coming. 1626 01:32:44,020 --> 01:32:45,685 - My pleasure. - [door buzzes] 1627 01:32:45,821 --> 01:32:47,956 Jesus! What an asshole! 1628 01:32:48,092 --> 01:32:50,623 I've never been treated like that before. 1629 01:32:50,759 --> 01:32:53,191 You were unlucky enough to come up against a religious fanatic, 1630 01:32:53,327 --> 01:32:54,597 but he's not gonna bother you again. 1631 01:32:54,732 --> 01:32:55,897 I'm gonna file a complaint. 1632 01:32:56,032 --> 01:32:58,101 Thank you so much for everything. 1633 01:32:58,236 --> 01:33:00,232 You still need to be available for the next 48 hours 1634 01:33:00,367 --> 01:33:03,071 until forensic formalities are done. 1635 01:33:03,206 --> 01:33:05,211 Um, I told them to call me if necessary. 1636 01:33:05,346 --> 01:33:06,745 I'll be at the house. 1637 01:33:06,880 --> 01:33:07,774 Do you have all the information you need? 1638 01:33:07,910 --> 01:33:09,749 Yes, Damian gave it to me. 1639 01:33:09,884 --> 01:33:11,946 Just give me a call if anything comes up, okay? 1640 01:33:12,081 --> 01:33:13,617 I'm gonna head back to the office. 1641 01:33:13,752 --> 01:33:14,915 I'm really sorry for your loss. 1642 01:33:15,050 --> 01:33:16,284 - Thank you. - Thanks, Sarah. 1643 01:33:16,420 --> 01:33:18,216 Bye. 1644 01:33:18,352 --> 01:33:20,085 I can't believe Stella told him that. 1645 01:33:20,220 --> 01:33:21,794 Well, he probably cornered her, 1646 01:33:21,929 --> 01:33:23,722 and they have Martha's computer and her cell phone. 1647 01:33:23,857 --> 01:33:24,858 [Ingrid] Mm. 1648 01:33:24,993 --> 01:33:26,458 Do you know if they talked? 1649 01:33:26,593 --> 01:33:28,899 No, I don't know, she didn't tell me anything. 1650 01:33:30,063 --> 01:33:31,795 What do you wanna do? 1651 01:33:31,930 --> 01:33:33,997 I need to go back to the house and pack up Martha's things. 1652 01:33:34,133 --> 01:33:35,106 [cell phone ringing] 1653 01:33:35,241 --> 01:33:36,104 Sorry. 1654 01:33:37,606 --> 01:33:39,111 Hello? 1655 01:33:39,247 --> 01:33:40,471 Uh, speaking. 1656 01:33:42,582 --> 01:33:43,842 [whispers] It's Michelle. 1657 01:33:43,977 --> 01:33:45,146 Martha's daughter? 1658 01:33:45,978 --> 01:33:47,179 Yes, of course. 1659 01:33:47,315 --> 01:33:49,317 No, no, of course you can come over. 1660 01:33:49,453 --> 01:33:52,692 I'm headed there right now. I'll text you the address. 1661 01:33:54,089 --> 01:33:56,157 Okay, I'll see you soon. Bye. 1662 01:33:58,166 --> 01:34:00,828 Wow. Wow. 1663 01:34:00,963 --> 01:34:02,893 I'm headed back to the city, 1664 01:34:03,029 --> 01:34:05,837 so tell me when you're back and I'll help you with your move. 1665 01:34:07,035 --> 01:34:08,939 Thank you for everything. 1666 01:34:11,770 --> 01:34:14,010 And you can tell me how it went with Michelle. 1667 01:34:14,643 --> 01:34:15,506 I will. 1668 01:34:17,545 --> 01:34:19,752 - Thanks. I'll call you, okay? - Okay. Take care. 1669 01:34:21,816 --> 01:34:23,822 [birds chirping] 1670 01:34:53,454 --> 01:34:54,688 Hello, I'm Michelle. 1671 01:34:55,553 --> 01:34:56,547 I'm Ingrid. 1672 01:34:57,686 --> 01:34:58,516 Hi. 1673 01:35:02,124 --> 01:35:04,698 - Let's go inside, okay? - Yeah. 1674 01:35:07,994 --> 01:35:08,999 Come on in. 1675 01:35:15,205 --> 01:35:16,868 Do you wanna see your mother's room? 1676 01:35:17,003 --> 01:35:18,635 Yes, please. 1677 01:35:18,770 --> 01:35:20,637 It's right down there. Right down the hall. 1678 01:35:48,740 --> 01:35:50,133 I made some coffee. 1679 01:35:50,269 --> 01:35:51,541 Would you like some? 1680 01:35:51,677 --> 01:35:53,270 Uh, I also have tea. 1681 01:35:53,406 --> 01:35:55,742 No, coffee's great. Thank you. 1682 01:35:55,877 --> 01:35:56,882 Here you go. 1683 01:36:01,446 --> 01:36:02,717 Did she tell you about me? 1684 01:36:02,852 --> 01:36:06,050 Of course she did. 1685 01:36:06,185 --> 01:36:10,387 And she told me you were very upset that you never met your father. 1686 01:36:10,523 --> 01:36:11,921 So she told you about my father? 1687 01:36:12,057 --> 01:36:13,397 She did. 1688 01:36:13,532 --> 01:36:14,866 [coffee pouring] 1689 01:36:15,002 --> 01:36:16,536 Don't you think she could have helped him 1690 01:36:16,671 --> 01:36:18,429 when he came back from the war? 1691 01:36:18,565 --> 01:36:21,038 She helped him as best she could. 1692 01:36:21,173 --> 01:36:24,210 Your father came back very badly damaged 1693 01:36:24,346 --> 01:36:26,944 and he wanted to move to another city and start a new life. 1694 01:36:27,080 --> 01:36:30,809 His plans never included you or Martha. 1695 01:36:30,944 --> 01:36:34,645 And your mother accepted the end of the relationship and... 1696 01:36:36,054 --> 01:36:37,681 And she saw him in such a bad way 1697 01:36:37,816 --> 01:36:39,925 that she gave him a kiss to give him some peace 1698 01:36:40,060 --> 01:36:42,257 and that kiss turned into something more. 1699 01:36:44,327 --> 01:36:46,195 And you are the fruit of that moment. 1700 01:36:47,793 --> 01:36:50,529 My mother never told me anything about that. 1701 01:36:50,665 --> 01:36:52,802 It's a difficult thing to explain to a child. 1702 01:36:52,938 --> 01:36:54,533 She could have told me later. 1703 01:36:55,600 --> 01:36:56,975 By then you were so estranged 1704 01:36:57,110 --> 01:36:58,878 that she didn't feel it was possible anymore. 1705 01:37:00,339 --> 01:37:02,480 She was a teenager, 1706 01:37:02,616 --> 01:37:03,815 she had a life to live, 1707 01:37:03,950 --> 01:37:06,444 and your father moved to San Diego 1708 01:37:06,580 --> 01:37:08,019 and he made no effort to know you. 1709 01:37:19,125 --> 01:37:20,361 So, Ingrid, 1710 01:37:22,336 --> 01:37:25,531 do you think I was totally mistaken about Martha? 1711 01:37:26,638 --> 01:37:29,441 You were unfair, 1712 01:37:29,576 --> 01:37:32,769 but no one can blame you for wanting to know who your father was. 1713 01:37:35,813 --> 01:37:37,146 It's a sad story, 1714 01:37:37,281 --> 01:37:39,149 it was very painful for both of you. 1715 01:37:43,186 --> 01:37:44,823 Don't be so hard on yourself, 1716 01:37:44,959 --> 01:37:46,552 Martha wasn't the perfect mother. 1717 01:37:48,187 --> 01:37:49,489 No, she wasn't. 1718 01:37:54,129 --> 01:37:55,693 Can I stay here tonight? 1719 01:37:55,828 --> 01:37:58,696 Yes, of course. This is your mother's house! 1720 01:38:01,367 --> 01:38:02,365 [crickets chirping] 1721 01:38:02,501 --> 01:38:04,875 [Ingrid] Dear Martha, 1722 01:38:05,011 --> 01:38:07,580 I thought you'd like to know I've come back to the house in the woods 1723 01:38:07,716 --> 01:38:09,212 to gather up your things. 1724 01:38:11,511 --> 01:38:13,981 Your daughter came to see me. 1725 01:38:14,116 --> 01:38:15,647 I'm still shaking. 1726 01:38:16,690 --> 01:38:19,423 She looks so like you. 1727 01:38:19,558 --> 01:38:22,893 She asked me if she could stay and sleep in your bed... 1728 01:38:23,028 --> 01:38:24,590 and, of course, I said yes. 1729 01:38:26,729 --> 01:38:29,034 I think your death has brought her closer to you. 1730 01:38:33,139 --> 01:38:35,774 I never thought I'd inherit her, 1731 01:38:35,909 --> 01:38:37,911 even if it's just for a day. 1732 01:38:39,143 --> 01:38:41,343 The house is filled with you. 1733 01:38:44,384 --> 01:38:48,044 When I came in, after talking to the police, 1734 01:38:48,179 --> 01:38:50,550 the first thing I saw was the door of your room, 1735 01:38:52,022 --> 01:38:54,554 and it was open. 1736 01:38:54,689 --> 01:38:57,792 And I said to myself, "She's alive." 1737 01:38:57,927 --> 01:38:59,823 [birds chirping] 1738 01:39:31,758 --> 01:39:33,923 I came out here to listen to the birds. 1739 01:39:36,598 --> 01:39:38,400 Your mother would get up like this, 1740 01:39:39,539 --> 01:39:40,798 at dawn, 1741 01:39:42,039 --> 01:39:43,471 and lie right there. 1742 01:39:48,650 --> 01:39:51,347 Look, it's snowing. 1743 01:39:53,146 --> 01:39:54,383 [sighs] 1744 01:39:55,183 --> 01:39:56,946 [wind blowing] 1745 01:40:00,420 --> 01:40:01,720 The snow is falling. 1746 01:40:04,426 --> 01:40:05,728 It's falling on the lonely pool 1747 01:40:05,864 --> 01:40:07,165 we never used. 1748 01:40:09,529 --> 01:40:10,795 It's falling on the woods, 1749 01:40:11,872 --> 01:40:14,002 where we walked and you lay, 1750 01:40:14,138 --> 01:40:16,504 exhausted, on the ground. 1751 01:40:19,244 --> 01:40:21,443 Falling on your daughter and on me. 1752 01:40:24,811 --> 01:40:26,943 Falling upon the living and the dead. 124669

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