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1
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(scratching)
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Calvin.
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Calvin.
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Calvin!
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Yeah, what? What?
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What?
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Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
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You could've woke
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Do you hear that scratching?
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(scratching)
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Shh! Don't talk!
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(scratching)
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I don't know. M-Maybe
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Spiders don't make noise.
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All right, well, it sounds like
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It's got to be
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At 5:00 in the morning?
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With all that legal weed
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I don't know, Calvin.
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It-it sounds like it
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Could you just go look?
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Hey, I'll look
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Oh, baby, I don't...
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(whimpers)
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(grunts)
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(scratching)
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Mm-mm, mm-mm,
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Baby, please.
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I cannot sleep with that.
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Just-just go check it out.
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(sighs) Fine.
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I mean, you know...
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But once I brush my teeth,
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(grumbling)
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So much for gender equality.
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Thank you, baby.
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CALVIN:
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What?!
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Get out! Get out of here!
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Get out of here!
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Oh, you picked the
42
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Babe?
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Babe, you good?
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(crashing)
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Slipper? Oh. All right.
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Well, it sounds like you got it.
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(crashing)
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* Welcome to the block,
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* Welcome to the hood. *
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Oh. Oh.
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Oh, my God.
52
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What was it?
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Either it was a large raccoon
54
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Well, did you have
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I didn't do it. That thing did.
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Look, babe, when I came in here,
57
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And then we squared off, right?
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Now, he had eyes
59
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So then, so then I hit him with
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Hey. So then, but he's like,
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"Oh, what's up?
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Then I was like, "Oh!" So then,
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So then I grabbed him,
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and I put him in a full nelson.
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And I was choking him,
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And I was choking him. But then,
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but then he flipped me
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So then he started choking me,
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But his hands was too small
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so he couldn't get
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So then I hit him
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I was like,
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Right? So then,
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then he came running at me.
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I grabbed him, I flipped him
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and I field-goaled him
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Whew.
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Oh, my God!
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There's footprints
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Well, what does
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Well, nothing, babe.
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I'm still hearing
83
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but I ain't mad because
84
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Calvin.
85
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Can you call another company?
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Babe, I'm a half hour
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If you can't get a pest
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I'm calling a Realtor, and if
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(stammering): Wait, hold on.
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Whoa-whoa-whoa, bab-baby...
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Representative.
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Representative.
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Agent.
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Operator.
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Person.
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Yes, English.
97
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Or Spanish? ¡Nosotros!
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* *
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Don't mean to
100
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but, uh...
101
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it was definitely a raccoon.
102
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So we're going to put down
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We could, if you sign
104
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we're not responsible for
105
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Well, we don't have a child,
106
00:04:08,261 --> 00:04:09,421
Tina, what are you doing?
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You're just throwing
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I'm not eating
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Have you ever seen
110
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They actually do.
111
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:18,821
There's this great video
112
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Oh, oh, yeah,
113
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'Cause they look like little
114
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(both laugh)
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You mind if
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Yeah, yeah,
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Uh, look at all this
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You know, Tina,
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I recently
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Yeah, I know.
121
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For a man
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you spend a lot of time
123
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Tina, did you
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Probably.
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Child, I didn't look. What?
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(laughs)
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School's canceled today
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up in the mountains.
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Air quality is
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That never happened
131
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We had closures for blizzards,
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Frogs?
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After the tornadoes,
134
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Gemma, where are you from?
135
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We had really nice Octobers.
136
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I know today was
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the casting decisions for the
138
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Wow, a raccoon
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Calvin helped.
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Hey.
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PEST CONTROL GUY:
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your point of entry
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We can put a mesh cap
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Ooh, let's put two in
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So this mesh thing
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And Santa Claus.
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(laughs)
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'Cause, you see, 'cause...
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the chimney is where...
150
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that's where Santa comes down.
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Hilarious. I get it.
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Truth is, if they want in,
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they're gonna find
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Best thing to do is
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attracting them
156
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Some new food source around--
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Dave!
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Dave?
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Do you know what
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I have been waiting
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I'm returning
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instead of letting
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Well, guess what.
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It's attracting raccoons.
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Aw. You know, composting brings
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all the creatures together.
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Not "aw." One of them
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and now I don't have
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What am I supposed
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Huh?
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Hello, Mr. Raccoon.
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Come get your other slipper!
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* *
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Mama, where's all the food?
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I'm not keeping any food
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after some rodent
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Well, actually, uh,
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they are Carnivora.
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Which is kind of a misnomer
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because they're
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(chuckling)
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Yo, Marty.
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Wait, so are you saying
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Looks like you'll
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But we don't have
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I mean, we knew this day
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You think you'll be ready
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Okay, look, we're all going
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Why don't you guys
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Oh, okay.
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Got you, Mama.
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Credit card?
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It's our treat.
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Yeah, I'm sure.
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Hey.
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About those auditions
197
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for the spring musical.
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You know that seventh
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You were probably wondering
200
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as in the school's Brockwell
201
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I wasn't wondering.
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Oh, good.
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But he is.
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Oh, so wait a minute.
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Are you saying that I have
206
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because his parents
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Grandparents.
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His parents paid
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And no, of course
210
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You should cast
211
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Great.
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Was Cooper the best?
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Oh, no.
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I'm just glad you don't feel
215
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just because, without
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there wouldn't be
217
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You know, now I'm feeling
218
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No, don't, don't, don't.
219
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It is a nice theater,
220
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Oh, my God.
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(groans) It's always just one
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Remember when you installed
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Yeah, I reduced
224
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and I cut my
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Wrong. You caused a blackout,
226
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and I had to stop a mob
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00:08:54,071 --> 00:08:57,001
And what about when you
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We were in a drought.
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I decreased my
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And this neighborhood
231
00:09:02,911 --> 00:09:05,411
The kid down the street
232
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I had to stop his daddy
233
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Okay. Well, to be fair,
234
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that was the same guy
235
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I think he has
236
00:09:14,191 --> 00:09:17,091
Okay.
237
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:19,321
Oh, look, it's one of
238
00:09:19,521 --> 00:09:20,731
It says that there's a...
239
00:09:20,931 --> 00:09:22,861
mountain lion loose
240
00:09:23,061 --> 00:09:25,131
Wait a second.
241
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:26,261
I didn't get an alert.
242
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(alarm blaring)
243
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:30,621
It's telling us
244
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You all are getting this?
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It's only my phone
246
00:09:36,831 --> 00:09:38,681
Remain indoors until
247
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can find and
248
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Ha! You ain't got
249
00:09:43,081 --> 00:09:44,981
Yeah, with Black people,
250
00:09:45,181 --> 00:09:47,921
"mountain" and "lion,"
251
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* *
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REPORTER: 100-year-old Bernice
253
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There's a mountain lion
254
00:10:01,131 --> 00:10:02,901
and all the local news
255
00:10:03,101 --> 00:10:05,441
is a 100-year-old
256
00:10:05,641 --> 00:10:08,771
I mean, at this point,
257
00:10:08,971 --> 00:10:11,581
Baby, don't say that.
258
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Hold on.
259
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Grover's home.
260
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Our son is in
261
00:10:17,521 --> 00:10:19,951
No. What? You can't go
262
00:10:20,151 --> 00:10:22,191
There's a mountain lion.
263
00:10:22,391 --> 00:10:24,641
See? That's why they
264
00:10:25,941 --> 00:10:27,991
Okay, Gemma, look,
265
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All right, he's fine.
266
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He's in the house.
267
00:10:30,961 --> 00:10:32,701
Grover knows not to open
268
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What about mountain lions?
269
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Okay, well, Gemma,
270
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not to open the door
271
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we have bigger problems.
272
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Grover. Grover, can you hear me?
273
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Hey, Mom.
274
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There's a mountain lion
275
00:10:49,211 --> 00:10:51,051
I know. I got
276
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You got to be kidding me.
277
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Yeah-- my phone wants me dead.
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Grover.
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Stay inside.
280
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Don't open the door
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We'll be over as soon as we can.
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So, first I don't get to go
283
00:11:08,331 --> 00:11:09,671
to school because of a fire,
284
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and now I have to hang out
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without supervision
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I know, sweetie.
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Poor little thing.
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If this is
289
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then where's the dragon?
290
00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:32,041
This is nothing but ladies
291
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Mom would definitely say
292
00:11:39,921 --> 00:11:41,551
But Mom's not here.
293
00:11:43,451 --> 00:11:47,341
And we will also have the
294
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:49,741
Oh, yeah, bread on the side
295
00:11:49,941 --> 00:11:52,041
Yeah, uh, bread on the side.
296
00:11:52,241 --> 00:11:53,451
Extra sauce,
297
00:11:53,651 --> 00:11:56,151
Extra sauce, please.
298
00:11:56,351 --> 00:11:58,121
On the side.
299
00:11:58,321 --> 00:11:59,701
Don't let it
300
00:12:00,941 --> 00:12:03,321
And we will also have
301
00:12:03,521 --> 00:12:06,391
Oh, is that more
302
00:12:06,591 --> 00:12:10,531
They are pig style, Marty.
303
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:15,421
Oh, ask if their coleslaw
304
00:12:16,181 --> 00:12:18,851
Would you hold on
305
00:12:19,961 --> 00:12:21,521
No, I will not
306
00:12:22,621 --> 00:12:24,641
They about to spit
307
00:12:24,841 --> 00:12:27,311
You cannot be this
308
00:12:27,511 --> 00:12:29,031
You are not pretty enough.
309
00:12:29,901 --> 00:12:32,051
They don't know
310
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:33,791
(phone beeping)
311
00:12:33,991 --> 00:12:35,921
Oh, great, see, now that's
312
00:12:36,121 --> 00:12:37,421
And she is worse than you are.
313
00:12:37,621 --> 00:12:38,661
Man, I ain't got time for this.
314
00:12:38,861 --> 00:12:40,031
I'm gonna just
315
00:12:40,231 --> 00:12:42,361
Hello? Yes, that
316
00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:45,131
Oh, no, ooh,
317
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,721
has more whipped
318
00:12:49,421 --> 00:12:51,401
I'm so sorry.
319
00:12:51,601 --> 00:12:53,311
I just saw you hang up.
320
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:55,691
That's why it dropped.
321
00:12:57,631 --> 00:13:01,081
Okay, well, please call me
322
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:04,221
CALVIN: I mean, them mountain
323
00:13:04,421 --> 00:13:05,981
Look, babe, that's
324
00:13:06,181 --> 00:13:07,251
No.
325
00:13:07,451 --> 00:13:09,401
Uh, the Black Johnsons.
326
00:13:10,711 --> 00:13:12,061
I can tell because they leave
327
00:13:12,261 --> 00:13:13,731
their Christmas lights
328
00:13:13,931 --> 00:13:17,301
Mm. I kind of like it.
329
00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:21,451
It's March. There should
330
00:13:23,951 --> 00:13:25,371
Somebody's getting hangry.
331
00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:28,211
Dave, I don't know
332
00:13:28,411 --> 00:13:29,311
but I am not in the mood.
333
00:13:29,511 --> 00:13:32,431
I am hungry and I'm angry.
334
00:13:34,831 --> 00:13:35,881
I'm starving, too.
335
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:37,821
You know what?
336
00:13:38,021 --> 00:13:39,921
Some of those boxes
337
00:13:40,121 --> 00:13:42,621
I'm getting some Triscuits.
338
00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:44,521
Will you see if there's
339
00:13:44,721 --> 00:13:46,891
Like a...
340
00:13:47,091 --> 00:13:49,231
David, I'm going to the trash.
341
00:13:49,431 --> 00:13:51,311
I'm not popping by the bakery.
342
00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:01,541
Something knocked
343
00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:04,441
Oh, no. The raccoon is back.
344
00:14:04,641 --> 00:14:06,141
Oh, no, this was way
345
00:14:06,341 --> 00:14:09,361
Oh, my God.
346
00:14:10,171 --> 00:14:11,421
Before we all die,
347
00:14:11,621 --> 00:14:13,951
I just want to make
348
00:14:14,151 --> 00:14:16,341
Dave, this is
349
00:14:19,311 --> 00:14:20,231
How so?
350
00:14:20,431 --> 00:14:22,091
Because your composting
351
00:14:22,291 --> 00:14:24,431
attracted the raccoons,
352
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:28,231
throw out our food,
353
00:14:28,431 --> 00:14:29,801
right to our front door.
354
00:14:30,001 --> 00:14:31,601
I should've let
355
00:14:31,801 --> 00:14:33,661
You should've.
356
00:14:34,621 --> 00:14:36,171
I can't leave our son alone.
357
00:14:36,371 --> 00:14:38,411
I don't care what's out there.
358
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,011
All right, honey. Wait.
359
00:14:40,211 --> 00:14:41,451
(helicopter blades whirring)
360
00:14:41,651 --> 00:14:44,371
(man speaks indistinctly
361
00:14:53,481 --> 00:14:54,491
What were they saying?
362
00:14:54,691 --> 00:14:56,491
Whatever it was,
363
00:14:56,691 --> 00:14:58,551
"Get your butt back
364
00:15:00,681 --> 00:15:02,871
Look, Grover's alone.
365
00:15:03,071 --> 00:15:05,491
He must be so scared.
366
00:15:07,191 --> 00:15:08,791
Okay.
367
00:15:09,591 --> 00:15:10,811
Now let's find out
368
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,931
why I'm not allowed
369
00:15:16,461 --> 00:15:18,601
* *
370
00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:24,861
Yo...
371
00:15:25,061 --> 00:15:27,291
What is with
372
00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:28,991
It's got to be a police chase.
373
00:15:29,191 --> 00:15:30,961
I hope it's still on TV.
374
00:15:31,161 --> 00:15:32,201
(laughs)
375
00:15:32,401 --> 00:15:34,951
I hope it's not us.
376
00:15:38,991 --> 00:15:40,041
Yo.
377
00:15:40,241 --> 00:15:41,741
Look at all this trash.
378
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,881
Uh-oh. Somebody's gonna have
379
00:15:45,081 --> 00:15:46,241
Not it.
380
00:15:46,441 --> 00:15:48,351
Hold on, hey,
381
00:15:48,551 --> 00:15:50,281
Are you really going
382
00:15:50,481 --> 00:15:51,621
(sighs)
383
00:15:51,821 --> 00:15:52,621
Yes.
384
00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:53,621
No!
385
00:15:53,821 --> 00:15:54,801
Malcolm!
386
00:15:55,401 --> 00:15:56,991
Hey, hey. I got the food.
387
00:15:57,191 --> 00:15:58,491
Are you crazy?
388
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,591
Why didn't you answer
389
00:16:00,791 --> 00:16:02,391
There's a mountain lion
390
00:16:02,591 --> 00:16:04,201
Out where?
391
00:16:04,401 --> 00:16:07,681
Oh, it's not just me. Yes.
392
00:16:08,981 --> 00:16:10,141
Where's your brother?
393
00:16:10,341 --> 00:16:11,471
He's out there cleaning
394
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,341
Oh, my God. Calvin,
395
00:16:13,541 --> 00:16:14,341
I'm on it.
396
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:15,371
I'll go with you, Pop.
397
00:16:15,571 --> 00:16:16,841
Oh, no, you won't. Uh-uh.
398
00:16:17,041 --> 00:16:18,091
You could get killed.
399
00:16:19,091 --> 00:16:20,081
I'll go.
400
00:16:20,281 --> 00:16:21,211
Yeah, go ahead, Dave.
401
00:16:21,411 --> 00:16:23,601
Go!
402
00:16:24,731 --> 00:16:26,081
Daddy!
403
00:16:26,281 --> 00:16:27,651
Don't let me go out like this!
404
00:16:27,851 --> 00:16:29,701
Oh.
405
00:16:31,011 --> 00:16:33,891
I've never been to Japan.
406
00:16:34,091 --> 00:16:36,681
There's two or three more
407
00:16:38,051 --> 00:16:39,901
Well, what do you do
408
00:16:40,101 --> 00:16:42,171
I think you're supposed
409
00:16:42,371 --> 00:16:43,301
That's a shark.
410
00:16:43,501 --> 00:16:45,241
DAVE:
411
00:16:45,441 --> 00:16:47,071
Uh, stay perfectly still.
412
00:16:47,271 --> 00:16:48,711
That's a T. rex.
413
00:16:48,911 --> 00:16:50,481
Well, I'm hearing
414
00:16:50,681 --> 00:16:51,911
Why don't you
415
00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:53,081
Okay, okay.
416
00:16:53,281 --> 00:16:54,851
Marty, what you got in the bag?
417
00:16:55,051 --> 00:16:57,581
It's a Carolina
418
00:16:57,781 --> 00:16:59,871
Bread on the side,
419
00:17:01,101 --> 00:17:02,951
You are your mama's son.
420
00:17:03,161 --> 00:17:05,021
All right, you know what?
421
00:17:05,221 --> 00:17:07,831
I got this. Okay? Come on.
422
00:17:08,031 --> 00:17:11,061
All right, everybody
423
00:17:11,261 --> 00:17:12,861
Hey, big cat.
424
00:17:13,061 --> 00:17:15,831
Hey there, Mr. Lion.
425
00:17:16,031 --> 00:17:18,341
How you doing?
426
00:17:18,541 --> 00:17:19,401
(roaring)
427
00:17:19,601 --> 00:17:22,811
Whoa!
428
00:17:23,011 --> 00:17:25,841
N-Nice smile.
429
00:17:26,041 --> 00:17:29,281
All right. It's good barbecue.
430
00:17:29,481 --> 00:17:31,581
Okay... You eat meat, right?
431
00:17:31,781 --> 00:17:35,221
You're not one of those
432
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:36,921
Go! Get in there!
433
00:17:37,121 --> 00:17:38,661
We haven't tried this
434
00:17:38,861 --> 00:17:40,611
but it did get
435
00:17:41,781 --> 00:17:43,831
It's a mountain lion,
436
00:17:44,031 --> 00:17:45,981
Okay.
437
00:17:48,851 --> 00:17:50,571
Go, go, go!
438
00:17:50,771 --> 00:17:51,941
Go shut the door!
439
00:17:52,141 --> 00:17:53,411
Whoo!
440
00:17:53,611 --> 00:17:54,911
Whew.
441
00:17:55,111 --> 00:17:56,541
We got him!
442
00:17:56,741 --> 00:17:59,711
Don't mess with the dynamic duo.
443
00:17:59,911 --> 00:18:01,151
Duo?
444
00:18:01,351 --> 00:18:03,621
Dave, I went face to face
445
00:18:03,821 --> 00:18:05,531
All you did was shut the door.
446
00:18:07,371 --> 00:18:09,191
Oh, my God, Daddy.
447
00:18:09,391 --> 00:18:10,661
You saved my life.
448
00:18:10,861 --> 00:18:14,541
You guys are my Blackman
449
00:18:16,911 --> 00:18:20,621
If the TV news comes by,
450
00:18:23,021 --> 00:18:23,971
Which one am I?
451
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:25,951
* *
452
00:18:31,491 --> 00:18:33,251
REPORTER:
453
00:18:33,451 --> 00:18:35,811
and will be released
454
00:18:36,011 --> 00:18:37,221
Coming up after the break,
455
00:18:37,421 --> 00:18:41,571
a 100-year-old woman dies
456
00:18:44,211 --> 00:18:46,191
And there you go,
457
00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:48,091
Oh.
458
00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:49,731
uh, I wanted to
459
00:18:49,931 --> 00:18:51,061
and save you,
460
00:18:51,261 --> 00:18:52,631
Mama wouldn't let me.
461
00:18:52,831 --> 00:18:54,431
Aw. It's okay, Malcolm.
462
00:18:54,631 --> 00:18:56,681
Sometimes fear immobilizes you.
463
00:18:59,751 --> 00:19:01,991
I said Mama wouldn't let me.
464
00:19:02,761 --> 00:19:05,141
It's okay to be afraid
465
00:19:05,341 --> 00:19:06,691
I still look up to you.
466
00:19:10,301 --> 00:19:12,651
Grover, don't you
467
00:19:12,851 --> 00:19:15,371
Thanks, Mom, but...
468
00:19:17,171 --> 00:19:18,761
I'm good.
469
00:19:18,961 --> 00:19:22,461
Poor kid must
470
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:25,731
Look, I know today
471
00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,061
we didn't get a chance to talk
472
00:19:27,271 --> 00:19:28,771
about the whole
473
00:19:28,971 --> 00:19:31,301
Oh, it's fine. Today reminded
474
00:19:31,501 --> 00:19:34,271
Don't worry about casting
475
00:19:34,471 --> 00:19:36,871
You're in charge.
476
00:19:37,071 --> 00:19:38,281
Oh, thank you.
477
00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:39,981
But I totally
478
00:19:40,181 --> 00:19:41,451
you're under
479
00:19:41,651 --> 00:19:43,951
so I will put Cooper
480
00:19:44,151 --> 00:19:47,721
He can be townsperson
481
00:19:47,921 --> 00:19:49,121
Townsperson number two?
482
00:19:49,321 --> 00:19:51,091
His only line is,
483
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,341
But it's your call.
484
00:19:54,141 --> 00:19:55,491
(mouths)
485
00:19:55,691 --> 00:19:58,301
Hey, Dave. I know I'm
486
00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:00,431
you really stepped up
487
00:20:00,631 --> 00:20:01,871
Thanks for having my back.
488
00:20:02,071 --> 00:20:04,571
That's what best friends
489
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:07,711
I am going to share
490
00:20:07,911 --> 00:20:09,171
of my composting with you.
491
00:20:09,371 --> 00:20:10,611
Grew these in my garden.
492
00:20:10,811 --> 00:20:12,381
Uh...
493
00:20:12,581 --> 00:20:13,381
I'm not going
494
00:20:13,581 --> 00:20:15,651
you grew in the trash.
495
00:20:15,851 --> 00:20:17,771
You're missing out.
496
00:20:23,441 --> 00:20:25,061
It's so... It's so...
497
00:20:25,261 --> 00:20:26,571
It's so good.
498
00:20:29,011 --> 00:20:30,231
(disposal crunching)
499
00:20:30,431 --> 00:20:32,331
What? You're not gonna
500
00:20:32,531 --> 00:20:34,101
Captioning sponsored by
501
00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:35,901
and TOYOTA.
502
00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:37,721
Captioned by29310
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