All language subtitles for A Very Special Favor 1965 480p DVD Remux DD 2.0_track3_[eng]-eng

Only a few hours ago
I did not know you existed.

And now you are the sculptor
and I am but a piece of clay.

I've always liked
working with clay.

I've worked on fruit bowls,
vases, ashtrays,

but never anything like you.

You must come over tonight
and try.

All depends on
what happens in court.

If my company wins the case,

I'll be in the mood
for molding.

But if we lose...

Oh, you will not lose.
Trust a woman's instincts.

JACQUELINE: Darling?

Just in case
you get to my apartment
before I do.

Did you see that, Calvin?

Kissing at 9:00 in the
morning, and practically
inviting him to her bedroom.

You won't find
women like that
in Cedar Rapids.

No matter how hard you try.

Morning, Claude.
Monsieur Chadwick,
where have you been?

I tried calling you
at your hotel all night.

Claude, what kind of a man
would spend
his first night in Paris

alone in his hotel room?

I tell you what kind of man.

A very sick, crippled,
old man, whose wife
is blocking the doorway.

(CHUCKLING)

Who is that man
with Monsieur Daudet?

Paul, Paul Chadwick.

He arrived last night.
He works for the
Northern Oil Company.

An attorney?
No.

What the Americans call
a troubleshooter.

What?

A specialist sent in
to salvage
critical situations.

The situation
for the Northern Oil Company
is past salvaging. It's dead.

All that remains
is for the judge
to administer the last rites.

The evidence
is all in their favor.

On top of which,
you are suing
a French company in France,

in front of a French judge.

Mesdames, messieurs. La cour.

We made a mistake.

This case should have
been settled out of court.

It was.

Poor man. You should
have those fingers x-rayed.

I've been verbally
criticized by a judge,
but never physically attacked.

I simply put my hand
on her desk, and she
smashed it with the gavel.

It's amazing.
I will never understand
how we won.

In this case,
the goddess of justice
was indeed blind.

What mysterious force is it
that ultimately tips
this delicate scale?

Mr. Chadwick,
what a pleasant surprise.
Michel Boullard.

The opposing lawyer
in court this morning.

Of course.
Sorry you lost the case.

Oh, it was an experience.

You know, until today,
I've never tried a case
before a woman judge.

Come to think of it,
the judge was a woman,
wasn't she?

Attractive, too.
Yes.

And, I suspect, quite shapely.
Possibly.

Who knows what goes on
under those judicial robes?

Oh, I will never know.

And you, being a gentleman,
obviously will never tell.

My case was well-prepared.
The evidence
properly presented.

The legal amenities
scrupulously observed.

As a lawyer
I overlooked nothing.

As a Frenchman
I am a national disgrace.

To have an American
defeat you at this game.

That game's
become quite popular
in the States.

Oh, amateurs.

How would you feel
if we beat you in baseball?

Now, please,
ease the humiliation for me.

Tell me you are
at least part-French.

My father is English,
my mother's Danish.

It's close enough.

(CHUCKLING)

The situation was critical.
Time was of the essence, I...

Apologizing
for a virtuoso performance?

(LAUGHING)

Believe me, Monsieur,
I am filled with nothing
but admiration.

Not many men
would have taken this
in such good spirit.

In a way,
I feel I owe you a favor.

If there's anything
I can do for you
while you're in New York,

please don't hesitate
to call on me.

Oh, thank you.

Is this your first trip
to the States?
Yes. I'm going
to visit my daughter.

Excuse me.
The stewardess is busy.

I thought you gentlemen
might like some coffee.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

We live in hope, don't we?
Ah, youth.

You get apartment keys
and I get saccharin.

Hello?
Hello?

PAUL: Darling, this is Paul.

Angel.
Sweetheart.

Honey, don't say a word.
My plane just landed.

Paris was hell without you.

All'l could think about
was that unforgettable hour
before I left.

Now I have to go to the office
and file my report,

so slip into
something comfortable
and don't move.

I'll be over sometime tonight.

Two at one time.

Even Napoleon
would not have attempted
two invasions at once.

Oh, they live
in the same building.
Magnificent.

You must have
some French blood in you.
(LAUGHING) No, no.

Michel! Michel!
Etienne!

Goodbye, Monsieur Chadwick.
Goodbye. And don't forget,

if there's any favor
I can do for you...
Thank you, my friend.

Etienne!
Ah, Michel!

I'm so glad to see you.

Let me look at you.
Ah!

Why, you haven't changed
in 25 years.
That is what
you tell a friend?

That I looked like this
25 years ago?

Maybe I should
phone first.

How do you walk in
and say hello to a daughter

you haven't seen
in almost 25 years?
I won't even know her.

How could I let
all these years go by?
Michel?

It was her mother who left you
and took her to this country.

And there was the war,
the years you spent
in the Middle East.

In the beginning you write
every day, then every week,
then once a month.

Then it becomes
just birthday presents
and Christmas cards.

As far as she knows,

her father is someone
you find in the mailbox
twice a year.

It'll all work out.

And tonight you'll both
come to my restaurant
and we'll celebrate.

I'm so nervous.

It's like the night
Lauren was born.

You will be proud of her.

At her age,
a prominent psychologist.

You say she's not married?

An education,
building a practice.
That takes time.

She's almost 30.
She's looking around.

At 18, when a girl
looks around, there is
usually a man following her.

At 30, when you look around,
the only thing coming is 40.

The Doctor is in her office.

You're next.

I'm not a patient.
I'm her fiancé.

Oh!

You and the Doctor
are to be married? When?

As soon as she can
fit our wedding
into her schedule.

She's a very busy woman.

She's in there
working on some notes
for a lecture.

I can't tell you
how long she'll be.
I've been waiting almost,

almost an hour.

We'll wait 10 more minutes,
then we'll cough.

We'll cough?
To let her know we're here.

If she comes out angry,
we won't tell her
which one of us coughed.

Why should she be angry?
She's not to be disturbed
when she works.

That's one of the most
important things we agreed on
when we got engaged.

That and no children,
of course.

No children?
She has her career
to think of.

There's time for just
so many things
in a woman's life.

Somebody has to
have the babies.

Unfortunately, you can't.
Yes.

It would solve
so many problems.

(DOOR OPENING)

I thought I heard
someone out here.
It was him. He coughed.

If it's about an appointment,
my receptionist
will be back shortly.

I'll be finished
in 10 or 15 minutes, Arnold.

I got tickets
to the theater tonight.
It got very good reviews.

I sometimes wonder
about those critics.
They make one mistake
after another.

I'll turn these in,
and get tickets to a show
I know is good. Like...

The Taming of the Shrew?
Taming of the Shrew.

And it's close
to the restaurant. I made
reservations at the Trianon.

They have magnificent steaks.

The chef
always overcooks them.
He'll do it every time.

There're plenty
of other places
we can go to like...

The Troubadour?
The Troubadour. Of course.

I'll call them.
Good.

Oh, you got your hair cut.

Why did you let them
do that to you?

You know when you
take too much off the top
your head looks flat.

I told them how you like it.
He's supposed to be
a good barber.

Oh, well,
I suppose there isn't much
he can do with it.

You're not using
that dandruff brush
I bought you.

I forgot.
Oh, darling,

don't wear that blue suit
tonight.
Yes, dear.

(DOOR CLOSING)

Isn't she something?
I'll bet you never expected
to see someone like that.

No, I didn't.

Tell me, why can't you wear
your blue suit tonight?

It accentuates my bad posture.
I have very round shoulders.

She noticed that
on our first date.

You're lucky.

You might have gone
all through life
without ever knowing it.

That's true.
And if it weren't for her,

I wouldn't be wearing
these corrective shoes.

She had the outside
of all my shoes
lined with lead

to give me balance.

She's done a lot for you.

I was a mess.

And the sad thing is,
I never knew it.
She had to point it out to me.

Hello? I'd like a table
for two tonight. 7:00.

In the corner
by the fireplace. Name?

Dr. Lauren Boullard.

Got to be firm
with those head waiters.

Very nice
to have met you, sir.

I've got to go home
and change.

I never knocked. I was afraid.
I couldn't tell her
I was her father.

She would have said,
"Fine. Leave your name.

"If ever I need one
I'll call you."

Who knows? She might have
broke into tears,

thrown her arms around you,
kissed you.

And told me I needed a shave.

I saw what she did
to her fiance.

In her office I witnessed
a public execution.

From the top
of his flat head to the tips
of his lead-lined feet

she took him apart.

And when she
puts him together again,
what will he be?

The ideal American husband.

But why don't the men
protest? Why don't they leave
such wives?

Where will they go?
To other wives?

Does it help the prisoner
to change wardens?

I should never
have let her mother
bring her here.

And if you could see
what she picked out
for a husband.

A man who will request
an audience in bed with her.

So tragic.

You know, in America
they don't have sex,
they commit it.

His only regret is that
he can't have the babies.

It would be
most difficult.

(CHUCKLING)
Oh, when you meet him,

you will not rule out
the possibility.

ETIENNE: This man seems
to have a problem.

No. My daughter
has the problem.

And she's found
the safest hiding place,
a psychologist's office.

And not as a patient
but as the doctor.

This I don't understand.

Well, if you're an embezzler,
you don't open up
an embezzler's office,

you go to work in a bank.
True.

In her office
she can peek out from
behind the books of Freud,

give a little sermon
on life and love,

and then run back
and hide in the pages.

Oh, surely it isn't
as bad as that.

I looked into her eyes,
Etienne,

and I saw
a 30-year-old spinster.

A girl with the spirit
of an old maid.

This is a woman
who has never tasted life.

What a tragedy
for a French father.
And I am to blame.

No.
Oh, yes, my friend.

There's only one way
I can make up
for all those years.

I can no longer
buy her toy pandas.

There is only one gift
I can give her.
Her fulfillment as a woman.

I feel I owe her that
as her father.

I cannot allow
a rose to wither

without ever having felt
the warmth of the sun.

But a 30-year-old rose
is not easy to pick.

It has grown many thorns.

You will need
a master gardener.

Yes, it will require
an extraordinary man.

One of infinite finesse.

My friend,
there is such a man available.

Good. We'll fly him in
from France immediately.

He's an American.

Michel, to reach the moon
trust an American.

To reach a woman
let us put our faith
in a Frenchman.

Genius has no nationality.

When your child is ill,
you send for the best doctor.

But an American
for so delicate an operation?

Oh, I assure you,
he is not an intern.

Oh, this is a man
with an established practice.

(CHUCKLING)

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Mr. Boullard. Come in.

That woman.
Oh, Elizabeth.

She comes over every morning
and makes my breakfast.

She brings her own
cooking utensils?

She says my eggs
will touch no pan but hers.

Strange devotion.
Who is she?

All I know is her first name.

She showed up at the door
two years ago
and hasn't missed a day since.

Like a pilgrim
paying homage.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Excuse me.

Good morning.

I'll have it back
on Thursday.
Thank you, Sandra.

She does my laundry.

She insists.

(CHUCKLING)

I feel as though
I've entered a shrine.

I'm like a wanderer
who, after a long journey,

has reached Mecca.

On the way out
leave your offerings
in that ashtray.

Would you like
some coffee?
Thank you.

Good.

How's your daughter?

Mr. Chadwick,
many years ago, in my youth,

wanting to taste
all of life's pleasures,

I did a very foolhardy thing.

I bit into
a marriage license.

A lot of good men
have choked on that.
Thank you.

She was an American.

Oh, it was an ideal marriage,
until we left
the wedding chapel.

That's as much happiness
as any man has the right
to expect.

It was raining.
Her gown got wet.

And somehow she made me feel
that I had failed
in my first act as a husband.

I had permitted the rain
to fall.
Well, she lost confidence.

If you couldn't stop the rain,
what would you do
if an earthquake came?

I continued to fail her
when she needed me most.

Where was I
when the pilot light
went out on the stove?

When her car
ran out of gas?

And what was I doing
at the office

the day the plumbing
got clogged?

An American husband
would never be
at the office

when the plumbing
got clogged.

He'd rush home
to share it with his wife.

Then one evening
we were sitting there,
enjoying a delightful dinner,

when suddenly
my wife spoiled everything.

She showed up.

(CHUCKLING)

How did you know
I was with another woman?

(CHUCKLING)

You said you were
enjoying dinner, didn't you?

Oh, it was
a harmless flirtation.

I tried to explain to my wife,

but all she could do
was stand there
and say, "Well."

It would not have helped
to drop a thousand apologies
into that well.

A wife's well is bottomless.

Now, with a French wife,
when I got home,

I would have found her
in tears and a new negligée.

But with my wife,
when I knocked
on the bedroom door...

You found her
with her lawyer.
And a travel agent.

The next morning
she and the child were
on a plane back to America.

Fini.

1 did not see
my daughter again
until yesterday.

Mr. Chadwick,
she is exactly
like her mother.

Meaning
you got a warmer welcome
from the Statue of Liberty?

How did the American woman
get this way?
Where did it start?

With the pilgrims,
when the Mayflower
landed at Plymouth Rock.

The first American husband

was helping
the first American wife
off the boat,

and she said,
"We could have gone
anywhere in the world,

"and you had to
bring me here."

The first complaint
on American soil,

and he made
the first mistake.
He apologized.

What should he have done?

Knocked her off the rock.

If he had taken a stand
on that wet rock,

he wouldn't be fighting
for his life here every night.

The bedroom.
The perfumed battlefield.

Out of this arena
every morning come the victor
and the vanquished.

There are more victims here
in one night

than there are
traffic casualties
in the entire year.

World disarmament
ought to start
in the bedroom.

You have great understanding.

That's why I've come
to talk to you.

Monsieur,
a father with a daughter
who is a 30-year-old spinster.

Do you know what it means?
(CHUCKLING) Yeah.

It means that
any able-bodied man
who can run, walk, or crawl

should avoid you.

Of course,
when a daughter possesses
a certain innocence at 18,

for a father
it's a joy to behold.

When she's 21,
you're still happy
but thoughtful.

When she's 25,
you are no longer smiling.

It's getting grim.

When she's 29 going on 30,
what does her father do?

Turns to prayer.
There's nothing left.

There is one hope.

A man. A very special man.
A worldly sophisticate.

One who will gently lead her
into a romantic adventure.

An emotional interlude
from whose fires
a woman shall be born.

Such a man is hard to find.

I will be, if you give me
a 10-minute head start.

Please, Monsieur,
I'm desperate.

Can a man abandon
his only child?

I think, in this case,
society would forgive you.

You once said,
if I ever needed a favor...

Mr. Chadwick,
I am asking for that favor.

When I said a favor
I meant a favor.

To have theater tickets,
hotel reservations,
a bank loan,

getting you out of jail.

favor.
Find somebody else.
Where?

Try the Red Cross.
She sounds like
a disaster area.

Mr. Chadwick,
in the sunset of my life,

don't deny the last request
of a brokenhearted old father.

What does she look like?
I have a picture.

Monsieur, my daughter.
Isn't she adorable?

Darling.

Do you have anything
more recent?

How much
could she have changed?

What does she look like now?
Today. This minute.

How does one describe
inner beauty?

Forget the inside.
Let's stay on the outside
for a while.

I feel safe in saying
she's attractive.

You feel safe?

Would it be risky
for anyone else to say it?

I'm trying to be objective.

You don't like heavy women?
No.

You like them slim.
How slim?

She's not the type of woman
with the large hips
and the overdeveloped bosoms

that is so distasteful
to men.

What men?

An animated face,
expressive eyes,

a dazzling smile,
exceptional teeth.

Outstanding.
Big.

A matter of semantics.

She's a skinny,
flat-chested girl
with buck teeth.

And so far
you've only been talking
about her good points.

The favor.
You will not go back
on your word?

Please, Monsieur,
save my daughter.

I'm a man
who keeps his word.

I owe you a favor.
I'll do it.

Mr. Chadwick,
it was not easy to come to you
with a request of this nature.

I know you will be
gentle, considerate,
and above all, discreet.

I wouldn't want this
to become common gossip.

I assure you,
no one'll be more anxious
to keep it a secret than I.

PAUL: Good morning, Dorothy.
Good morning, Mr. Chadwick.

A Miss Marklin phoned.
She's getting married
this afternoon.

Oh, good for her.

She said
if you don't return her call
she's going through with it.

A Mr. Conmar called
about the labor relations
meeting, and...

Hold everything off
for a while, Dorothy.

I have to do some social work
for a brokenhearted father.

VOICE ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
This is a recording.
Dr. Boullard is not in.

At the sound
of the first beep tone,
start talking.

You have until
the second beep tone
to deliver your message.

Thank you.

(BEEPING)

How do you do?
You don't know me,
but I wanted to talk to you.

The reason I'm calling is,

well, do you think
it might be possible
for you and me, well,

perhaps if you had the time,
I mean...

(BEEPING)

(SIGHS)

What's the matter with me?

VOICE ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
This is a recording.
Dr. Boullard is not in.

At the sound
of the first beep tone,
start talking.

You have until
the second beep tone
to deliver your message.

Thank you.

(BEEPING)

Hello. It's me again.
I, I forgot to leave
my telephone number.

It's Madison 39844.
That's my home number.

It's hard to...
Well, we've never met.

When you call back,
I feel I can...

Well, I mean,
it's always easier
to talk to someone...

Well, you know...

(BEEPING)

Dumb.

Something wrong?

Dorothy,
if a father ever asks you
to romance his daughter,

turn him down.

You have my word.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello.
Oh, this is Dr. Boullard.

Who?
Dr. Boullard.

Oh, yes.

Are you the gentleman
who called my office?

Yes. I, I thought that...

May I ask who referred you?

Well, it was your...

(STUTTERING)

Well...
How long have you had
this speech defect?

What?

You apparently have trouble
forming sentences.

You made two calls
and never completed
a thought.

There seems to be a breakdown
between the brain impulse
and the motor response.

Well, well...

Well, I don't give
speech therapy,

but I suggest
you first check out

the possibility
of your condition
being physical.

Have you been this way
since birth?

No. I...

Have you been involved
in any accident

that left you
with a head injury?

Head injury?

Have you been
to a neurosurgeon
for an electroencephalograph?

There may be brain damage.

Dr. Boullard, I...
Yes?

(STAMMERING)
The reason I, I called is...

Yes?

Well...

The condition
seems to be deteriorating.

I strongly urge
that you seek
prompt medical attention.

Thank you for calling.

Brain damage.
Big psychologist.

Oh, will I give you
a case to work on.

(ALL CHATTERING)

I don't care
what anybody says.

My mother
wasn't domineering.

(CHUCKLING)

She was a wonderful woman.

There you go
defending her again.

When are you going
to admit you hate her?

Don't you want
to get better?
Oh, nonsense.

Mr. Chadwick,
what's your opinion?

Does a man
have to hate his mother
to be well-adjusted?

I never thought so.

Another mother-lover.
MAN: He has a point.

Okay, what's the gig?
What's your scene?

Will you stop already
with that musician talk?

Take five, will you?
Come on, open up.

What sour notes
did Mommy croon
when she rocked your cradle?

This is Mr. Chadwick's
first day with the group.

It's natural for him
to be a little inhibited.

Well, this has been

a very productive session.
Oh, yes.

Next week at the same time.

Goodbye, Dr. Boullard.
One week without your mother

is gonna be great.
I think I feel better now.

I never should have married
a pediatrician.

Well, you know you're sick.
Sure I'm sick,
why do you think I'm here?

Goodbye.
Goodbye.

I'm sorry I wasn't able
to join the discussion.

Oh, you will next time.
Goodbye.

I won't be coming back.

I couldn't possibly
discuss my problem
in front of other people.

But why not?

You've heard them
talk quite freely
about very personal matters.

Oh, sure, mother fixations,
unresponsive wives,
infidelity.

Normal problems.

I wish my problem
were that simple.

Well, bye, Doctor.

Mr. Chadwick, wait.
Yes?

Sit down. Please.

Tell me.

What is this problem?

It's just too personal.

You're alone.

You're here.

Mr. Chadwick,
you've come to me
for a very specific reason.

Yes, I have.

Would it make it easier
if I were a man?

No, it would make it
impossible.

Only a woman
could possibly help me.

Oh.

Oh, if I could only
talk about it.
I'm so ashamed.

Well, Mr. Chadwick,
there's nothing you can say
that I haven't heard before.

Now what is your problem?

Women.

That is not too uncommon.

You see, Doctor, I'm...

You're what?

It's awfully hard to say.

Say it.

I'm irresistible to them.

You're irresistible
to women?

They just won't
leave me alone.

Very few men
would consider that a problem.

Oh, Doctor,
it's a curse, a nightmare.

Do you know
what it feels like

to be wanted
just for your body?

No.

Oh, how I envy you.

What I'd give to have
a body nobody wanted.

It's inhuman.
They know I can't refuse.

Why can't you?

Because of Wanda.

Who is Wanda?

It was our senior year
in high school.

Wanda was a pom-pom girl,
full of life.

The war was on.

I had just enlisted
in the Marine Corps
that morning.

We were...

We were walking across
the Golden Gate Bridge.

Wanda was a decent girl,

but in a moment of patriotism
she offered herself to me.

She offered herself to you.

I said no. I was a marine now.

I didn't want to do anything
to besmirch the honor
of the Corps.

If I hadn't said no

she never would have jumped.

She jumped from the bridge?

I lunged for her.
I managed to grab
the hem of her gown.

She slipped through.

I stood there holding
an empty graduation dress.

You were clutching
an empty dress.

She plummeted down.

As she hit the water,

the last thing I remember

was an accusing finger
pointing up at me.

And you've carried
that sense of guilt
ever since.

I've never said no
to another woman.

Mr. Chadwick,
not all women
destroy themselves

when a man refuses
to make love to them.

I can't risk another Wanda.

And, Doctor,
the word's gotten out on me.

That I'm a man
who doesn't dare say no.

And how ruthless women are
when you're defenseless.

I've become a love toy.
They take terrible liberties
with me.

Doctor, please. Help me.
They're killing me.

Mr. Chadwick,
you're killing yourself
to atone for Wanda.

Have you ever
tried to say no?

In the beginning
I'd start to,

then I'd see
that look in their eye.
The same look Wanda had.

Mmm-hmm.

And I'd stop struggling

and do as I was told.

I'm so ashamed.

Oh, Mr. Chadwick,
I'm a doctor.

To wake up

every morning
in a strange apartment,

and on the dressing table,
a scribbled thank-you note
and cab fare.

Makes you feel cheap.

Oh, thank goodness
I can talk to somebody
who's been through it.

Oh, I, I wasn't referring
to any personal experience.

Out of the tragic death
of Wanda

you have created a fantasy
which you apply to all women.

You must learn
that you can say no.
I'm afraid.

But nothing will happen.

If only I could be sure.
You will be.

The group meets next week
at the same hour.

Group?
Yes.

I was hoping
I could work on...
With you alone.

Oh. Unfortunately
I can't take on

any new individual patients
at this time.

But, Doctor, I'm desperate.
Believe me, Mr. Chadwick,

you can accomplish
just as much
within the group.

Yeah.

But it makes it
a little more difficult.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Yes.
PAUL: Doctor? Paul Chadwick.

I hate to call you
at this hour
but an emergency just came up.

What's wrong? Where are you?
Home.

There's a girl in my bedroom.
How did she get in?

With a passkey.

Somebody made up
a batch of them
and is selling them.

I'm trapped.

Oh, now listen carefully.
You mustn't panic.
You must be firm.

You must tell her no.
1 did.

She ran into the bedroom,
threw herself on the bed,
and she's crying.

I just know something terrible
is gonna happen.

Nothing will happen.

Oh yes, it will.
I saw that look in her eye.
Doc, she's a jumper.

Mr. Chadwick,
this is a crucial moment
in your therapy.

You're to do exactly as I say.

Go back in that bedroom,
sit down on that bed,

take that girl
by the shoulders,
look her right in the eye,

and order her to go home.

But I...
Now don't argue.

Hang up and do it.
Whatever you say.

Who were you calling?

My analyst.

I have a problem with women.

You do?

I can't say no to them.
She's trying to cure me.

Well, if she does,
they ought to take away
her license.

(CHUCKLING)

Mr. Chadwick?
Please, Arlene,
let me rest.

Mr. Chadwick?
Oh. Oh, it's you,
thank goodness.

What are you doing here?
Well, I got away at dawn.

The cathedral was closed
so I came here.

What happened
after our phone conversation?

I followed
your instructions.

Mmm-hmm.

I went into the bedroom,
sat down on the bed,
took her by the shoulders,

looked her right in the eye,
ordered her to get dressed
and go home.

She'd taken her clothes off?
Well, not everything.
She had her shoes on.

I tried to dress her
but she kept fighting me.

Have you ever had a man
try to put your clothes on

when you didn't want to?
Never!

I held her with one hand
and tried to dress her
with the other.

And she kept
squirming and wiggling
and sliding around.

I really had my hands full.

Did you talk to her?
Did you try
to reason with her?

When a woman's
down to her shoes

you're in no position
to negotiate.

I must have struggled
for over an hour.
And then?

There's only one hope for me.

An operation.

Mr. Chadwick!

A scar. Maybe plastic surgery
will save me.

Make me repulsive.

Oh, Mr. Chadwick,
there are other ways
to solve the problem.

At the moment you're tired,
you're confused,
you need rest.

If I could only get
a full night's sleep.

You're too vulnerable
at your apartment.
Yes, but...

I want you
to go to a hotel and register
under an assumed name.

Well, whatever you say.

I'm actually encouraged
by what happened.
You've made progress.

You've taken the first step.

You've said no to a woman
and she didn't jump.

But what a price.

She cried, she threatened,
but she didn't jump.

And what is the next step?

Even if a woman
is standing there
with no clothes on

you will be able
to walk out on her.

That'll be the day.

Lauren?

Taste this wine sauce.
It's for the chicken.

Mmm. Very good.

It's an old family recipe.

My father gave it to me
when I was 16.

Mmm-hmm.

Now, I don't mind
cooking dinner,
but when we get married

there're going
to be some changes.

We're getting
a built-in oven.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello?
PAUL: Dr. Boullard?

Yes.
Paul Chadwick.

I'm here at the Winston Hotel
under an assumed name.

I just wanted to call you
before I went to bed.

Fine. Well,
get a good night's sleep
and in the morning...

Who are you?

What's wrong? Who's there?
A woman.

She's coming in
through the fire escape.
Keep away from me!

Oh, make her leave.
Throw her out.
Both of them?

There are two?
She brought a friend.

Doctor, help!

Mr. Chadwick. Mr... Oh.

Lauren?
Where are you going?
To the Winston Hotel.

What about dinner?
Arnold, this is important.

This man needs me.

That's another thing
I'm going to change
after we get married.

No more rushing off
to meet men at strange hotels.

She's going
to have dinner first.

(BAND PLAYING)

MAN 1: Hey, Joe. Joe,
come on up. Come on up.

LAUREN:
Where's the house phone?

I want to go to the desk.
I've got to talk
to the desk clerk.

I must, I must go
and speak to the desk...

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

Key in...

You're not allowed
in here, sir. Would you...

Gentlemen,
would you please leave?
One at a time, now.

Just one at a time, please.
If you'll form
a single file...

MAN 2: One for you,
and one for you.
Oh, no!

No, no, please, no, no...
MAN 2: And one for you...

Gentlemen, gentlemen,
will you please
return those keys?

Otherwise you're all
going to end up
in the wrong rooms.

Well, that's great.
Did you get a look
at our wives?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Please, I must talk to you.
I'm looking for a man.

Well, if you can't
get one here, give up.

But he's in danger.
Two women just broke
in his room.

Well, that must be
the Pasadena delegation.

Three of them
just carried off
the night manager.

Oh. Where is
the house detective?

Oh, there he is,
in the black hat.

I'm a doctor,
this is an emergency.

Well, what's his name?

I don't know what name
he registered under.

He's lost. Save me.

He's a sick man.

Listen to her,
she's a doctor.
It could kill me.

Would you please page
a Dr. Lauren Boullard, please?

WOMAN ON PA SYSTEM:
Dr. Boullard, telephone.
Dr. Lauren Boullard.

Where's the house phone?
I'm a doctor.

Oh, please get me
to the house phone.
I must talk on the phone.

Doctor Boullard,
where are you?

In the lobby.
Are you all right?

I locked myself
in the bathroom.
They're taking the hinges off.

Oh, what room are you in?

I'm on the third floor,
Room 3...

(MUFFLED TALKING)

Mr. Chadwick. Mr... Oh.

I must get to the elevator,
let me down.
I must get to the... Oh!

Oh, that's fine.
Oh, thank you very much.
I'm most grateful.

Thank you. Just fine.
Thank you so much,
I'm most grateful to you.

Thank you. Thank you.
That's very kind of you.

Thank you so much.
Thank you very much.

MAN 3: There you go!

LAUREN: No, no. Please
let me down. No, no, no.
You don't understand.

I want to go upstairs.
I'm a doctor.

You see,
my patient is upstairs.

Please, no. No.

Oh, Arnold, don't ask me
how I ended up in Albany.

I was trapped in a bus
with 98 drunken Bison.

I'm sorry you waited
until 2:00 in the morning
keeping dinner warm.

Mr. Chadwick.

Two against one.
It wasn't fair.

I'll call you later.

What happened?
They took off
the bathroom door.

I tried to hide.
Oh, Doctor, where were you?

I couldn't get to you
through the crowd.

There must be something
you can give me
that's quick and painless.

Put me away.
Don't talk like that.

All I ask is you don't bury me
next to a woman.

You're so exhausted
you're irrational.

You're coming with me.
What are you going to do?

See that you get
some sleep and rest,

and that you're
not disturbed.

Where're we going?
To my apartment.

Now, don't you feel
nice and safe here?

Yes, I do. In your bed.
The last place
I would have thought of.

I was almost ready
to give up.

That you must never do.

You have suffered
a few setbacks,

but since your first visit
to my office

you've come a long way.

Yes, as I lie here
I realize that.

But you still have
a long way to go.

I realize that, too.

The time.
I must get back to my office.

Now, the phone's off the hook,
and I'll lock the door.

You get some sleep
and I'll be back at 6:00.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Oh, excuse me,
somebody at the door.

They've found me.

Nobody knows you're here.

You weren't at the office
and your phone's been busy.

Oh.
Good news. Mother's flying up

from West Palm Beach
to meet you.

I thought she was
afraid of flying.
She is.

But, as she says,

what's a mother's life
when your only son's
about to get married.

She never thinks of herself.
You'll love Mother Plum.

That's what
everyone calls her.

Lauren?

Lauren.
There's a man in your bed.

Yes, I know.
He's resting.

Is he sick?

No, just exhausted.
He's a patient.

Oh.

I'm trying
to build his strength up.

Would you go and see
that he finishes his soup?

Of course.

How do you do?
Hi.

I'm Arnold Plum,
Doctor Boullard's fiancé.
Fiance?

You're not eating your soup.

So this is Lauren's bedroom.

You've never been
in here before?
What for?

The TV set's
in the living room.

Come on, now.
Doctor wants you strong again.

Tell me,

aren't there any questions
you'd like to ask?

About what?

Well, me being
in your fiancée's bed.

Now what type of relationship
would we have

if I became suspicious
of every man
I found in her bed?

You didn't tell me
she had a fiancé.
What do you need me for?

Let her marry Arnold.
They'll go on their
honeymoon, they'll...

Monsieur, if you could
finish that sentence,
I would not need you.

Come.

Go back to the apartment.
Please.

What for?
Believe me, she's hopeless.

No, no, not completely.

Remember,
she has French blood.

Why, her three aunts,
they were the toast of Paris.

Well, this one's been left
in the toaster too long.
She'll never pop up.

Monsieur, why,
with your charm,

you could make this bird
grow feathers again.

This or your daughter?
I don't know which
I'd rather work on.

Mr. Chadwick?

Mr. Chadwick?
Oh, it's you.

I, I wasn't sure.

Hiding in closets
isn't going to cure you.

There's only one thing
that will.
Yes?

Get dressed.
Dressed?

You're going out tonight.
Out there?

They'll get me.
Nonsense.

You can't spend
the rest of your life
in my bed.

All I need is a few days.
Well, that's withdrawal.

A few days become a few weeks,
and then a few months,

and you'll never want
to leave this room.

That sick I'll never get.

Your anxieties about women
are reaching
a psychotic stage.

I'm going to prove to you
that you can spend
an evening with a woman

without her
attempting suicide

or threatening
to force herself upon you.

After what
I've been through.

You don't know
what they're like.

You're going out with me.

We'll have dinner,
go to the theater,
go dancing,

stop for a drink,
return here.

You'll shake my hand
and go home.

Nothing else?
Nothing else.

Doctor, don't hold out
any false hope.

Isn't it happening
at the moment?

Aren't we
in my bedroom alone?

We are, aren't we?

Do you see any lust
or desire in my eyes?

No.
And you never will.

I'm beginning
to believe that.

I know you'll like it here,
Mother.

They tell me
it's much more respectable
than a commercial hotel.

Here, Son,
let me carry that.

I don't want you
to strain yourself.

Gee, Mother, I'm a grown man.

I'm getting married.
I'll have a wife.

She can let you
carry suitcases.

Until then
you still have a mother
who worries about you.

Oh, but Mother, I...

Mother.

You know, Doctor,

it's really
a very pleasant experience

to be out
with somebody like you.

Makes me realize
I've been going out
with the wrong type of woman.

Recognizing that fact
is very helpful.

Would you mind
if I paid you a compliment?

I like that dress
you're wearing.

Oh, thank you.
Now you take
a girl like Doris.

She would have spent
$400 or $500
on an eye-catching original.

And yet I much prefer
the simplicity of that dress.

Something you probably
just picked off a rack.

Actually,
this was made for me.

Well, come to think of it,

you probably do
have to have your clothes
specially tailored.

Why do you say that?

Well, for example,
I have one shoulder
lower than the other.

I mean, all of us have
some adjustments to make.

Some more than others.

But then
we'll let our tailors worry
about those problems.

We're here
to enjoy ourselves.

Gee, Doctor,
I'm glad I'm out with you.

Taxi!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

May I tell you
how much I enjoy
dancing with you?

Thank you.

It's been such a long time
since I've done a nice,
simple two-step.

Most girls today
don't even remember this step.

Oh?

The modern woman doesn't
appreciate good dancing.

What does
the modern woman like?

Oh, it changes every day.

You take a girl like Susan.

She'd have insisted on going
to a place where they do
all those new flashy steps.

Of course,
that type of wild dancing
fits someone like Susan.

At her age
you still have the energy.

How young is Susan?

Oh, she can't be
more than 26, 27.

Do I look much older
than 26 or 27?

Oh, you're lucky.

When you're that thin
it's deceptive.

There's no way
to tell a person's age.

Do you consider me
unusually thin?

Statistically,
you'll live much longer
than the average woman.

Anyhow,
after a certain point,
how important is age?

The main thing is
we're two people having fun.

Gee, Doctor,
I'm glad I'm out with you.

You know, you've made this
such a wonderful evening.

I think we should
celebrate it
with some champagne.

Now, let's see.
What's a good year?

'59?

Oh,
that's very interesting.

A girl like Andrea
would have ordered a '47.

But then,
she's the type of person
who insists on the best

and the most expensive year.

Mr. Chadwick,
I'm not unfamiliar
with champagne.

My father was French,

and it so happens
your friend Andrea
is not the final authority.

'59 is a better year.
Well, I...

Good evening,
madame, monsieur.

Good evening.

To play it safe,

I think we should stick
with Andrea's judgment.

A bottle of Mont Blanc '47,
please.
Yes, sir.

And a bottle of '59,
please.
Now, Doctor.

Your ego is hurt
and you're just trying
to prove a point.

'59 is a better year.

Ordering a bottle
for yourself,
that's foolhardy.

With Andrea, yeah,
she can handle it.
But you...

You don't know my capacity.

Now you're trying
to prove another point,

that you can drink
as much as Andrea.

You know you can't
possibly finish a bottle
of champagne by yourself.

A bottle of '59, please.

Please.

I knew
she couldn't handle it.

Oh. Thank you.

Good evening.

Mickey,
come up to the apartment

as soon as you can,
will you, please?

Would you look at that girl
Mr. Chadwick's taking up
to his apartment?

She's unconscious.
What a time to pass out.

Disgusting.

Shocking.
I thought this was
a respectable hotel.

That's why
I couldn't leave her
lying in the gutter.

Give the place a bad name.

How low can a woman fall?

Pretty low.

Once she was showered
with minks and diamonds.

Now you can have her
for a bottle of muscatel

and some green stamps.

Mr. Chadwick,
what are you doing?

I'm gonna sleep here.

First you have me undress her,
and now you're gonna sleep
out here?

That's right.

You're shattering
all my illusions.

When a man like you does this,
what's there left for a girl
to believe in?

Have faith, Mickey.

(CHUCKLING) That's why
1 go on working here.

I keep dreaming one night
there'll be an earthquake,

followed by a flood
and blizzard.

No girl will be
able to get through.
You'll have to settle for me.

Be patient.
I'm saving you
for something special.

Remember, everything comes
to him who waits.

Yeah, like gray hair,
false teeth, the gout.

Mr. Chadwick.

Mr. Chadwick.

Say something.

I trusted you.

You were my last hope.
What happened?

Please. Just get dressed
and go home.

But you must tell me.
I'm your analyst.

What did I do?
You're worse than the others.

They would just
laugh and leave.
You want me to talk about it.

Mr. Chadwick, please tell me.

The last thing I remember,
I was drinking some champagne.

You don't remember
innocently asking to stop by
and see my apartment?

No.

And you don't remember
asking me to go out
into the kitchen

and make some coffee?

No. Believe me.

When I came
out of the kitchen,

I realized it was
more than coffee
you wanted.

What happened?

I saw your clothes
but you weren't in them.

Where was 1?

Why do you insist
on humiliating me?
Just laugh and leave.

Oh, but I must know.
Where was 1?
On my bed, giggling.

When I got there,
you had the pillow
over your face and you said,

"Guess who?"

I followed
your professional advice.

Grabbed you by the ankles,
yanked you off the bed,

ordered you
to get dressed.

You broke away, ran.

And that's where I found you.

On the ledge?
Perched on one leg.

Like a large naked bird.

And then you said
the one terrible word.

Wanda.

I didn't...
Oh, I wouldn't.
The rest is an old story.

Mr. Chadwick, please,
you must believe me.

I don't remember a thing.
I'm so shocked I...

I don't know
what to say.

Don't say anything.
Just...

Just get dressed and go.

And, Doctor,
promise me one thing.

If you have to talk about this
to your friends, don't boast.

Now, I'm not one to complain,
but you have been
acting strangely.

Yesterday I come
to your apartment
and find a man in your bed.

It could have been
very embarrassing.

Luckily I was able to explain
who I was.

Then you're out all night,
I can't reach you all day.

You disappoint my mother.
And I get here
and find you drinking.

Lauren,
that's your fourth glass.

Arnold, before I marry you
I've got to get drunk.

Drunk?

It's an experiment
in the best interests
of our future relationship.

How do I behave
under the influence
of alcohol?

I've got to find out.

Lauren.

When I'm drunk, Arnold,

will I become a lust-crazed
animal who will make
physical advances towards you?

Lauren.

I'm frightened.

Mr. Chadwick?
This is Etienne,
Michel's friend.

His daughter
is in my restaurant.

She just finished
a bottle of champagne again.

No, no, she's not
making a scene.
She's just sitting there.

Lying there quietly
on the floor.

Now you wait here.
I'll run out and get a cab.

Lauren?

Lauren?

Mickey.

I don't know
what he sees in her.

Going up?

Revolting.

Yeah,
old rotgut's a sad case.

They should never have
abolished public whippings.

Where are you
taking her?
My apartment.

Well, I never.
Oh, you ought to try it
sometime. It's fun.

Mr. Chadwick.

Mr. Chadwick,
I was having a drink
with my fiance.

How did I get here?

Oh, no, Monsieur,
at this point it's no time
to think of turning back.

I didn't say
I would.

I only called you
here to see
if you had any doubts.

Etienne, you are looking
at a great human being.

Under these conditions,
how many men do you know

would first ask
a father's permission?

Just one.
My cousin, André.

And he was severely beaten
each time.

Strike the man
who is going to breathe life
into my daughter?

Why, I embrace him.

Michel.

He's crying.

Tears of joy.

I'm close to tears myself.

Lauren, I think I'm entitled
to an explanation.

Your behavior
has been appalling.

You get drunk, disappear,
and refuse to tell me
where you've been.

I can't talk about it.

And don't ever mention
last night again.
Yes, but I...

Ever, ever, ever.

Lauren, you're on the verge
of hysteria.

Only one thing
will snap you out of it.
A slap right across the face.

Go ahead, slap me.
You'll feel better.

I don't want to hit you.
What's a husband for?

Oh, if only I didn't
have to meet your mother
right now.

That's it.
That explains everything.

You're nervous
about meeting her.
About her liking you.

Oh, Arnold, are you sure
you're making a good marriage?

Am I the right woman?
Am I good enough for you?

I can only give you
the same answer
I gave Mother.

Yes.

Lauren, what's wrong?
This place,

I must get out of here.
Silly.

Mother's going to love you.
Arnold, please take me home.

Don't be afraid,
you're not going to lose me.

I don't feel very well.

Even if Mother disapproved,
I'm a grown man.

We'll see each other
secretly.
Arnold, oh,
please, please.

But how
can she disapprove?

How many brides
come to their husbands
with a record like yours?

You mustn't cry.

I can't help it.

Now. Now you wait here.
I'll go up and get her.

Arnold.

Try and control yourself.
Mother doesn't like tears.

She says it's a sign
of weakness.
That's why she left Dad.

A man of rare qualities.

Compassion, understanding,
integrity.

Hew many fathers
stumble across a gem
like that?

(LAUREN SOBBING)

Look.

The words
of a thousand poets

cannot touch the heart
as deeply as the tears
of one woman.

I do not wish to intrude.

Oh, that's very kind
of you.

I'll be all right.
Is there anything
I can do?

I don't do this often.

I can't remember
ever having cried before
in my life.

When you were three
and your dog, Duchess,

was lost for two days,
you cried.

When you asked
the little boy next door
to marry you,

and he said he liked
his white mice better,
you cried.

And didn't you cry
at the airport,

when your mother took you
to America?

Duchess has chased
her last rabbit.

The little girl
has become a lovely woman.

And the man trembles.

Is he still

the knight in shining armor
he once was?

Oh, Papa!

Oh, Papa.

Papa, Papa.

Si tu savais comme fe suis
heureux de te retrouver.

Oh, moi aussi papa.

Insensitive swine.

Would you smoke while
the Angelus Choir sang
the Ave Maria?

I can't stop crying.

How wasted is the shoulder
that hasn't known
a daughter's tears.

Oh, I'm ruining your suit.
No, you're anointing it.

My daughter.
How proud I am.

Oh. Oh, no, Papa,
don't say that.

I'm so ashamed.

What could
my little snow princess
have done to be ashamed of?

I can't tell you.

When you were little,

didn't you always come to me
with your problems?

Remember when you lost
your bicycle?

This time I lost
more than my bicycle.

What happened?

I can't.

It's a man.

It was a bad experience?

He made you very unhappy?

Well,
I'm an old-fashioned father.

This evil man who has
brought pain to my daughter
has to be punished.

Oh, I'm the one to blame.
No, no.
Don't defend him.

A monster who would take
advantage of a fatherless girl
must be destroyed.

The sick, twisted minds
of some men.

I just left the apartment
of a man I met in Paris.

He was boasting
of the cruel deception

he's perpetrated
on some innocent girl.

Michel, no!

Getting her drunk
and inventing a lurid story

of what had happened
during the night.

Deliberately leading her
into thinking that she had
submitted to him.

What is his...
What's his name?

And how he stood there
bragging that she would come
running to him,

begging for his favors.

Is it...
Is it Paul Chadwick?

What? Do you know him?

He is the man?

Then nothing happened
to me.

He'll pay for this.

With these aging hands,
1 will strangle
this predatory beast.

No, Papa, we must
keep the beast alive
and make him suffer.

To him death must not
be a punishment.
It must come as a blessing.

Wait for me, Papa,
I'll be right back.
Of course, my darling.

Michel.
What have you done?

For the anguish he caused
my daughter, he must pay.
I live only for revenge.

On Paul Chadwick?
Don't foul the air
with his name.

You came to him.
You asked him for a favor.

If he had a shred of decency
he would have thrown me out.

A man of rare qualities.

Compassion.
Selfishness.

Understanding.
Cunning.

Integrity.
Deceit.

You kissed him.
Blinded
by the tyrant's charm.

They cheered Hitler.

When that little girl
cried on my shoulder,

oh, I was filled
with a consuming hatred
for that man.

Little girl?
She's almost 30.

A growing child.
Michel, an old maid.

Etienne,

we've been friends
a long time.
Don't make me strike you.

You would hit me?

If you continue to talk
that way about my baby.

It is hopeless to argue
with a man who has just
become a father.

It's been simply dreadful.

Drunken women
being carried up
in elevators.

Trading their bodies
for green stamps.

Meeting Lauren
will renew your faith
in women.

She has character,
good breeding.

She'll give you
fine grandchildren.

I don't need
to be a grandmother, Son.

Not when I think
of what you'd have
to go through.

Here she is. Lauren,
this is mother.
Mother, this is Lauren.

No!

Oh, no.

Mother, what's wrong?
No!

(THUDDING)
Mother!

Mother?

Oh, no.

No.
Mother.

Mother.

The table looks beautiful,
Mickey.

That's the story
of my life.

I set the stage
and the show goes on
without me.

Who's delivering
the lush tonight?
Apex Van and Storage?

Tonight she'll be sober.
Well, why are you going
to all this trouble?

I'm doing her father a favor.

Would it help
if I brought a note
from my father?

What time is she coming?

I don't know.
But she'll be here.
She has to.

But how to do it
without losing face?
She has great pride, you know.

At this very moment
she's fighting herself.

But it's a losing battle.

She has more fight in her
than I thought.

She'll be here.

You've been saying that
for three days now.

Maybe I better call
her apartment.
She won't be there.

Any girl who can stay away
from you for three days,

there's only one place
to look for her.
The morgue.

Don't feel bad,
she's dead.
She might be ill.

Well, how sick can you be?
Say she's got a couple
of broken legs.

You drag yourself over
on your elbows.

You could make a block
an hour.

She should have been here
yesterday.

LAUREN: Hello?
Doctor, this is Paul.

Who?
Paul Chadwick.

Oh. Oh, yes. Of course.
Are you all right?

You were very upset
when you left here Friday.

Friday?
What day is this?
Monday.

Already? What happened
to Saturday and Sunday?

(LAUREN GIGGLING)

What happened to Saturday
and Sunday?

Doctor, don't do anything,
I'll be right over.

Mickey, I've gone too far.
That poor girl's mind
has snapped.

That's no excuse.
You rent a straitjacket
and you come over.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

LAUREN: Come in.

Doctor?

It's a Spanish love song.

The men sing it
as they carry their women
into the hills.

And you know what happens
in those hills.

(CASTANET CLICKING)

Are you feeling all right?

Divinely happy.

I've been in those hills.

And you're responsible.
Me?

But you said
you didn't remember
anything about it.

Oh, those nights with you,
of course not.

What hills
are you talking about?

What happened
over the weekend?

Where did you go
when you left my apartment?

I walked.

That night I wanted
to see you desperately.

I had to fight to keep
from calling you.
Well, you should have called.

Oh, but your problem
with women.
I know how you suffer.

So I'd have suffered
a little more.

Besides, with you
it was like a miracle.

I think I enjoyed myself.

I walked for hours.

It was midnight,
I was at the docks.

And suddenly
there he was.

Who was?
Ramon.

Ramén?
Captain Ramon Alvarez,

or as he's known to women
in every seaport of the world,
"El Magnifico."

El Magnifico?

The magnificent one.
What's so magnificent
about him?

And will you stop
clicking those things?

El Magnifico.
A phony Spaniard

with some cheap wine
and a long-playing record.

You were picked up
by a sailor.

I was chosen by a god.
He permitted me to serve him.

From Friday to Monday?
That's a lot of service.

For a mortal man, yes.

El Magnifico never even drew
a deep breath.

When he left
he said I'd pleased him.

I dropped to the ground
and kissed his feet.

With his shoes on?

The grateful pupil
paying homage
to the teacher.

On Friday El Magnifico
took a confused girl
into that room.

On Monday
he released a woman.

LAUREN: Paul, turn around.

Come here.

How strange.

What is?
The resemblance.

He left his cap.
Here, try it on.

Amazing.

If you were three inches
taller and your eyes
weren't as watery,

and you didn't have
that roll of fat,

you could pass
for a smaller version
of El Magnifico.

I could?

Did you mean it
when you said you enjoyed
those nights with me?

Well, yeah, sure.
Why?

El Magnifico will be gone
for six months.

Yeah?

Of course, after
Mount Everest, you don't
settle for a sand pile.

Yet the thrill of climbing
is in your blood.
And who knows?

You might find
an interesting sand pile.

Paul.
What?

Let's go mountain-climbing.

I thought you'd just got back
from the top of Everest?

Oh, I don't expect
to get to the top again.

Just take me as high
as you can.
I'll understand.

Now?
Now.

If I only didn't
have that meeting.
There'll be other meetings.

Not like this one.
It's very important.
Break it.

It's too late.
The President's plane
has already left Washington.

What a time for my country
to need me.

Oh, but I need you,
too.
Don't tear me apart.

Could anything drag me away
but the threat to world peace?

I'll never forgive
the Russians for this.
Never.

He had to meet
the President?
How is that for an excuse?

And he'll never forgive
the Russians.
Oh, it was beautiful.

He left like
a fumbling schoolboy.

He's a broken man,
Papa.

Women everywhere
are now safe.

I feel like a doctor
who's stopped an epidemic.

And how long will he be
in this condition?
A little while.

And then it'll get worse.
His ego is crushed.

This humiliation
will fester in his mind.

He'll be so afraid of failing
again, he'll never test
himself with another woman.

I've seen patients
in this condition.
They're a pitiful sight.

(CHUCKLING)

You've sentenced Mr. Chadwick
to a living death.

Yes, and I wish him
a long life.

What am I afraid of?
El Magnifico.

Just a crummy sea captain
with an oversized cap.

I did have a meeting,
even if it wasn't
that important.

LAUREN: Hello?
Dr. Boullard,
Paul Chadwick.

You... What?

The President is fine.
You just wait there.
I'll be right over.

El Magnifico.

Those foreigners
are overrated.

I'll show her
some good old
American know-how.

You talking to me?
No.

I'm just trying to work out
a problem.

There's only one way
to work it out.
Belt her.

How did you know
it was a woman?

What other problems
do we have?

Look at those men out there,
going home to their wives.

In the army I saw guys
charge enemy machine guns
with more enthusiasm.

Yeah, but I'm not married
to this one. I just have
to prove something.

Pull up to that bar.
I'll have a drink first.

Oh?

She's waiting.
Let her wait.

Attaboy. Do her good
to sweat it out.

Come on.
Have a drink with me.

I'd consider it
an honor.

We'll drink to all those
poor slobs

who're afraid
to come home
five minutes late

and go to their graves
five years early.

Every man has his
El Magnifico.

Right.
Mine was named Leonard.

Before Gladys
and I were married
she used to date him.

He was a lifeguard
at Far Rockaway.

I mean,
how does an optometrist
compete

with the memory
of a lifeguard
at Far Rockaway?

Well, you tried.

It's been like a bad movie.
She laughs
in all the wrong places.

Well, nobody's gonna laugh
at this boy.
That's right.

Bartender.
Yes, sir?

Three this time.
He's gonna get even
for all of us.

And on the way out,
just to keep her in line,

he might kick her
a couple of times.

Hey, listen,
when you kick her,
make believe it's Gladys.

Today's our fourth anniversary

and I was trying
to think of something
special to give her.

You know,
she's probably wondering
where you are.

Let her wonder.

Stop at that next bar.
We'll have one more drink.

Harry,

call Murryhill 24789

and tell her
I'm on my way.

He's on his way.
Down with all tyrants.

Someday, you're gonna be able
to tell your grandchildren

that the revolution
started in your bar

on Sixth Avenue.

Murryhill 24789?

This is Harry.

Mr. Chadwick's Chief of Staff.
The army of liberation
is on its way.

To our leader.
Right.

To victory.
Right.

For every man who perished
as the word El Magnifico
pierced his heart.

Tonight will be
his memorial.
Right.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Murryhill 24789?

Yes.
Don't scream.
This is a revolution.

We have come to reclaim
what is ours
by natural law.

What our leader is about to do
is being done
in the name of all men.

Sir, the enemy.

All right, boys,
turn him loose.

Could you send
the janitor up?

I want something stored
overnight.

Morning.
Would you like some coffee?

What happened last night?

There are some eggs
in the refrigerator.
No.

Tell me.
What happened?

You don't remember?
No.

Then why discuss it?

It could have happened
to any man.

What could have happened?
Paul, please,
don't do this to yourself.

I want to know.

You broke in
and announced that

you were going
to make me forget
El Magnifico.

Yeah?

I should have realized
it wasn't you,
it was the liquor talking.

Don't make excuses for me.
What happened?

You took me
to the bedroom.
And then?

Why do you insist
on torturing yourself?

Did I or did I not
make love to you?

Well, I wouldn't like
to make a snap decision.

I'd have to think
about it.

Couldn't you tell?
Do you have to have
ayes or no?

Well,
it's kind of important.
Well, I'm just not sure.

I dozed off.

You...

You went to sleep?

Oh, I often do,
when I'm watching television.

You were
watching television?

Now, Paul,
you mustn't take this
as a personal defeat.

Conditions last night
were not ideal.
You were drinking.

You were pressing.

But you're not drunk now.

What do you mean?

Would you like it
if I didn't go to the office
this morning?

What's wrong?
I don't know.

All of a sudden,

I've got this
terrible chill.

Let me see your hands.
Hmm. Cold and clammy.

I don't feel very well.

You're trembling.

Never felt
like this before.
Do you feel nauseous?

A little.
Is your tummy upset?
Something you ate?

Do you want to go
to the bathroom?

Uh-uh.

Do your parents live in town?
Shall I call your mother?

Shall I get the elevator boy
to help you dress?

When the elevator guy
brought him out, I knew
the revolution was crushed.

He tried to do something
for all men.
How do we repay him?

Build a statue?
He's still alive.

If you call that living.

What happens to him now?
He's not eligible
for a veteran's hospital.

It wasn't an official war.
Some kind of
rehabilitation.

Teach him to pick lettuce,
make artificial flowers.

Excuse me,
I'm looking for Mr. Chadwick.

His secretary told me
he might be here.

He's over there.

Hello, Eileen?
This is Paul.

Chadwick.

I caught you at a bad time,
didn't 1?

Well, you're probably busy,
but I was thinking
we might go out tonight.

And if not, why,
anytime would be all right.

Oh, you are busy tonight.

Oh, you're going
to wash your stockings.

Well.

Would it be all right
if I called in a week or two?

It was pitiful to see.
That side of beef
has more spirit left.

Etienne, my daughter
went too far.

But you said
he had to be destroyed.

But I was thinking
of a normal revenge.
In France, what happens?

The woman shoots the man.
That's civilized.

Michel, this is madness.

Your daughter cries
so you break down
and tell her the truth.

In the hands
of an outraged woman,
that's a dangerous weapon.

That's why
I must repair the damage.

By telling him
the truth?
I must.

And put a weapon
in his hands?

Two people,
armed, suspicious,
disliking each other.

What have you got?
Marriage,
American-style.

Marriage?
A boy, a girl.
Why not?

But he has no interest in her.
He was only doing you a favor.

But did he not offer
to back out,
to spare her?

Oh, would a man like this
develop pangs of morality?

He fell in love.

And you would want
a man you despise
to marry your daughter?

Why not?

He's selfish,
cunning, deceitful.

In a friend,
treacherous qualities.

In a son-in-law,
could be worse.

MICHEL: I felt it was my duty
to come here
and tell you the truth,

no matter who it hurt.

So that's how she found out
nothing happened
in my apartment.

Etienne told her.
I was as shocked
as you are.

Etienne,
my boyhood friend.

El Magnifico.

I'll get even
with her if it takes
the rest of my life.

There is a way to do that,
my son.

What's that word
you just used? "My son?"

Now, I know
you're not a priest.
What did you have in mind?

It's an affectionate term
sometimes used
by a father-in-law...

You miserable conniver.

When you came to me
with tears in your eyes,
pleading for a favor,

you had something
vile and vicious
as that in mind.

I swear to you,
my intentions were honorable.

But when you speak of revenge,
I offer a solution.

Marriage?
Your victim is chained
to you for life.

At your mercy day after day.
Never more than a step away.

You're dangerous.
You make it sound appealing.

For what she did,
make her suffer, my son.

Marry her.
I'm being brainwashed.

You said "my son" again,
and my stomach didn't turn.

There's something evil
going on, and I don't know
how to fight it.

Married to her for life?
Would I make such
a bad father-in-law?

You're a slippery,
cagey, old fraud,

but likeable.

I can take you
as a father-in-law, but how
do we keep her out of it?

She works every day,
goes to meetings.

How often will you
have to see her?
There's always Sunday.

She'll be running
after the children
in the park.

She's going
to be the mother
of my children?

Keep her pregnant
all the time.
But I don't like her.

That's part of the revenge.
When she's waddling around,
out to here,

how much trouble
can she give you?

It'll be an effort
just to sit down.
Trust me. Go to her.

Oh, no.
Then I'd be another Arnold.

If she's a woman,
let her prove it.

She has to break down
and come after me.

Perhaps if she thought
you went off
with another woman.

She'd never believe it.

At this point
she's convinced
I'm afraid to touch them.

Another woman wouldn't work.

Unfortunately you don't
have much choice.
You can't run off with a man.

(SNICKERING)

Why not?
What?

She's a psychologist.

According to her predictions
that's what could happen.

After what she did to me?
That she might believe.

Mickey,

how would you like
to spend the weekend with me?

Now, look,
Mr. Chadwick,

I'm not the type of girl
you say things like that to
unless you mean it.

I mean it.

Just give me a minute.
I'll call Mother,
tell her the good news.

She's been waiting
so long.
Later.

First I want you
to cut your hair.
Anything.

You want me
to take it all off?
No. No. Just short.

And you'll need
some clothes.
Oh, I've got a dress.

We'll go to Brooks Brothers
and get you a nice
conservative business suit.

A man's suit?
Yes.

Where are we going
for the weekend, the YMCA?

(WHISTLING)

Mickey, you look great.

Yeah, sure.
Really. You'll pass.

Now you know why
I have to do this,
don't you?

You have to be seen
leaving with a man.
Right.

So she'll follow you.
Right.

Now, you don't feel
uncomfortable, do you?
No. It's romantic.

I always wanted to be part
of a triangle.

But I never thought I'd end up
as the other man.

I'd feel much better
if you went back
to West Palm Beach with me.

New York's a wicked place,
Son. The women
are not to be trusted.

I know Lauren
was a disappointment, Mother.

But I'm moving
into this men's club tomorrow.
I'll be safe there.

You look fine.

Mickey, you're an angel.

I'll never forget
what you're doing.

You're coming home.

In this city
you're not even safe
in a men's club.

Matt, if anyone asks,

I'll be at the Stardust Motel
on Long Island
for the weekend.

Stardust Motel.
Right.

Yes, sir,
Mr. Chadwick.

But when Etienne told me
the news, I thought
you would be overjoyed.

I broke his spirit.
I pushed him too far.

Harry, I'd like you to meet
a good friend of mine.

This is Mickey.
Hi.

Mickey's a great girl.

He's a girl?

Take your hat off.

Still not convinced.

Did you see Mr. Chadwick
go out?
Yes, sir.

He said he'd be
at the Stardust Motel
on Long Island.

No Was he alone?
He was with a man.

Strange-looking
little fellow.

If they were all like Mickey,

the war
between men and women
would be over.

There'd be peace.

She's unusual.

Maybe we'll go out one night.
She's sweet, devoted,
loving, faithful.

She'd make a good wife.

A guy could save
a lot of money
with a girl like this.

Yes.
She could
wear my clothes.

(HONKING)

Mickey, she's here.

Hello, Mother? Mickey.
I have to talk fast.

I'm at a motel on Long Island.
I met the most wonderful man.

Harry.

No, he's not in the room.
He's out in the cab.

Mother, please stop worrying.
He's not gonna drive away.

I'll call you later.
Here.

Go. Out the window.

Should we wait
for you?
No.

You and Harry go out
and get to know each other.

He thinks
you're quite a girl.

But how long
can I get away with it?

I have to put on a dress
sometime.
Yeah. Go on, go on.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Who is it?
LAUREN: It's me.

Go away.
Open up,
I must talk to you.

What do you want?
Please.

Where is your companion?
Mickey?

Went out
to get groceries.

What are you doing?

Trying to keep you
from making a tragic mistake.

Give me the key.

You know where it is.
Don't do this to me.

But I'm on your side.
I only want to help.

You want the key?
Take it.

I can't.
Oh, try. Please.

It's no use.
Oh, oh.
You mustn't give up so easily.

It's better this way.
No conflict, no competition,

no having to live up to
El Magnifico.

But there never was
an El Magnifico.

Don't comfort me.
I failed.

Once.
It proves nothing.

There were others after you,
and it was always the same.

The trembling,
and the churning stomach,
and then flight.

But it's all in your mind.
It's too late for therapy,
Doctor.

Where's Mickey?

It's not too late.
You must fight.
Why?

You were once
a magnificent man.
Women pleaded for your favors.

Seems like
a thousand years ago.

I would put my arms around
a woman, and she'd melt.

See, I'm melting.

And I'd kiss them,
and they'd break out
in goose bumps.

See? Goose bumps.

And then I'd...
Try and remember.

The zipper on their dress.

Here.
My hand's trembling.

Go ahead, zip.

1 did it.
Of course.

Can't you see
the wonderful thing
that's happening?

I don't believe it.
Don't stop now.
What happened next?

I'd pick them up...
Yes?

And I'd carry them...
Yes? Yes?

I'd carry them...

But where?

To the bedroom?
To the bedroom.
It's all coming back.

Don't forget a thing.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Mr. Chadwick?
This is Lauren's father.

In the lobby.

At a moment like this,
I know the three of us
would like to be together.

Why, to discuss
the marriage contract.

Mr. Chadwick,
I hope this doesn't sound
old-fashioned,

but until the wedding
Lauren will be sent
to stay with friends.

But I will be at your side
every moment.

I wish I could tell you
what's in my heart, Son.

What is in your heart, Dad?

A girl's father cannot rely
on the credit card system.

Fly now, pay later?

What if the prospective
bridegroom does not enjoy
the flight?

I'm left
holding an unmarried airplane.

(BABIES CRYING)

A newborn child.
Man's passport to immortality.

PAUL:
She looks just like Lauren.

A granddaughter.

There's only one joy
more infinite.

No more favors.
What am I asking for?

A grandson.
Forget it.

Oh, a little boy,
of my own flesh,

to weep for me when I'm gone.
We'll hire
professional mourners.

I beg you, Paul,
a grandson.

One last favor?
Okay, okay.

But this is absolutely
the last time. Come on,
let's go see Mommy.

Upsy-daisy.
Let's go.

Come on.

I'll race you.
Okay.

Come on.
Children...

As I go to my grave
I'll remember this.

At the rate I'm going
I may beat you there.