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1
00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,747
Dad, you were supposed to
buy more coffee.
2
00:00:03,748 --> 00:00:05,680
Yeah. And you were supposed
to get your own house,
3
00:00:05,681 --> 00:00:07,511
so I guess we both
dropped the ball.
4
00:00:08,753 --> 00:00:10,755
Carter, Georgia, let's go.
5
00:00:12,171 --> 00:00:14,620
You're dating yourself
with that newspaper, Pops.
6
00:00:14,621 --> 00:00:18,763
Yeah? And you will be
dating yourself
if you don't fix that hair.
7
00:00:20,041 --> 00:00:21,524
It took him forever.
8
00:00:21,525 --> 00:00:23,733
It's like sharing a bathroom
with Lady Gaga.
9
00:00:23,734 --> 00:00:26,667
Hey. I'm extra today
so I can charm my teachers
10
00:00:26,668 --> 00:00:28,565
before the parent
open house tonight.
11
00:00:28,566 --> 00:00:30,395
- That's tomorrow.
- No, it's tonight.
12
00:00:30,396 --> 00:00:31,500
[phone dings]
13
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:34,675
It's tonight.
14
00:00:34,676 --> 00:00:37,885
[groans] Sweetie,
I can't make it. I'm supposed to
meet with a lawyer.
15
00:00:37,886 --> 00:00:39,439
[whispering] The divorce kind.
16
00:00:40,751 --> 00:00:42,786
Hey. Maybe...
Maybe Pops could go.
17
00:00:42,787 --> 00:00:45,375
No! [chuckles] No.
Because if he has an audience,
18
00:00:45,376 --> 00:00:48,552
he can't resist ranting
about how Pluto
should still be a planet.
19
00:00:49,622 --> 00:00:51,174
Pluto is a planet!
20
00:00:51,175 --> 00:00:53,211
It's been a planet
for billions of years,
21
00:00:53,212 --> 00:00:56,662
then "big astronomy"
got involved.
Now it's a dwarf planet.
22
00:00:56,663 --> 00:00:58,562
Now what's Disney gonna do
with Pluto?
23
00:01:01,323 --> 00:01:02,806
See?
24
00:01:02,807 --> 00:01:04,256
Pops has hot takes.
25
00:01:04,257 --> 00:01:06,120
My science teacher
would love to hear 'em.
26
00:01:06,121 --> 00:01:08,122
- I'll go if he wants me to go.
- No.
27
00:01:08,123 --> 00:01:09,503
Do your usual routine.
28
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,092
Stay home and yell at the TV.
29
00:01:12,403 --> 00:01:14,611
Last night,
he lost his voice yelling
30
00:01:14,612 --> 00:01:17,132
at the people dancing
in the diabetes commercial.
31
00:01:19,445 --> 00:01:22,205
No, I really haven't been
to their school in a long time.
I would like to go.
32
00:01:22,206 --> 00:01:26,451
[groans] Fine.
I'll cancel my meeting,
and we'll go together.
33
00:01:26,452 --> 00:01:29,662
I just don't understand why
they're dancing
if they have diabetes.
34
00:01:31,457 --> 00:01:32,734
[โช theme song playing]
35
00:01:43,710 --> 00:01:47,300
Wait a minute.
So only scientists can use
the word "dwarf" in a sentence?
36
00:01:49,199 --> 00:01:51,131
Oh, memories.
37
00:01:51,132 --> 00:01:53,479
- [gasps] There's the parking lot
where I used to smoke.
- Yeah.
38
00:01:54,825 --> 00:01:58,172
Which is why you never wanted me
to pick you up after school.
39
00:01:58,173 --> 00:02:00,416
I quit when I got pregnant.
40
00:02:00,417 --> 00:02:02,176
See?
41
00:02:02,177 --> 00:02:04,455
You always overlook
the positive side
of teen pregnancy.
42
00:02:06,216 --> 00:02:08,804
Oh... Oh, my God.
You're Riley Parker. [chuckles]
43
00:02:09,495 --> 00:02:10,668
[stammers] Caitlin Baker.
44
00:02:11,876 --> 00:02:13,843
We went to high school together.
45
00:02:13,844 --> 00:02:16,433
You copied off me in geometry
46
00:02:16,950 --> 00:02:17,986
and algebra.
47
00:02:19,021 --> 00:02:20,229
- And chemistry!
- Yes.
48
00:02:20,230 --> 00:02:22,023
Oh, Caitlin. Hi. [chuckles]
49
00:02:22,024 --> 00:02:24,129
[chuckles] Hi, Caitlin.
I'm Riley's very proud father.
50
00:02:24,130 --> 00:02:25,406
Hi.
51
00:02:25,407 --> 00:02:26,614
- Matt. How you doing?
- Hi.
52
00:02:26,615 --> 00:02:28,064
So, do you have a kid here too?
53
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:30,308
Oh, no, I'm
the assistant principal here.
54
00:02:30,309 --> 00:02:31,688
Haven't met Mr. Right yet.
55
00:02:31,689 --> 00:02:33,828
[gasps] I do have
four frozen egg babies.
56
00:02:33,829 --> 00:02:35,831
Hey, perfect for an omelet!
[chuckles]
57
00:02:38,006 --> 00:02:40,525
Mr. Parker, your daughter
was, like, a legend here.
58
00:02:40,526 --> 00:02:42,906
[chuckles] What? No. Stop.
59
00:02:42,907 --> 00:02:44,046
Say more.
60
00:02:45,324 --> 00:02:48,153
No, for real. I mean,
you were so pretty and popular.
61
00:02:48,154 --> 00:02:50,535
You were... [sucks teeth]
...kind of my idol.
62
00:02:50,536 --> 00:02:51,708
You need a new idol.
63
00:02:51,709 --> 00:02:54,678
You know, Jesus is available.
64
00:02:56,921 --> 00:02:58,336
I'm gonna get us some seats.
65
00:02:58,337 --> 00:03:00,165
- Nice to meet you.
- [chuckles]
66
00:03:00,166 --> 00:03:01,925
Oh, and you and your brother
used to hang out
67
00:03:01,926 --> 00:03:03,651
with that really cute
Gabriel guy.
68
00:03:03,652 --> 00:03:05,205
Oh, still do. Still single.
69
00:03:05,206 --> 00:03:08,035
Uh, leaning in. [chuckles]
70
00:03:08,036 --> 00:03:10,762
I'm off the apps. You know,
trying to meet people
in the wild.
71
00:03:10,763 --> 00:03:12,558
Hooked up with a guy
in the woods last week.
72
00:03:13,283 --> 00:03:14,525
Not sure that counts.
73
00:03:16,217 --> 00:03:18,390
Wait, could you maybe fix me up
with Gabe?
74
00:03:18,391 --> 00:03:20,703
The three of us could
grab a drink
tomorrow night.
75
00:03:20,704 --> 00:03:23,671
Um, yeah. I guess I could move
some stuff around. [chuckles]
76
00:03:23,672 --> 00:03:25,915
- There, I moved it. [chuckles]
- [gasps, chuckles]
77
00:03:25,916 --> 00:03:27,228
[bell rings]
78
00:03:28,401 --> 00:03:29,333
No!
79
00:03:32,163 --> 00:03:33,924
[sighs]
80
00:03:35,236 --> 00:03:38,755
Remember, if the teacher says
something you disagree with,
81
00:03:38,756 --> 00:03:41,793
don't roll your eyes
or make one of your
condescending grunts.
82
00:03:41,794 --> 00:03:43,140
- Oh, no.
- Yeah, like that.
83
00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:47,592
And no talking about how school
was better in your day.
84
00:03:47,593 --> 00:03:50,251
No one cares you knew how
to use a compass and a ruler.
85
00:03:51,286 --> 00:03:53,114
You know who could
really use a ruler?
86
00:03:53,115 --> 00:03:55,047
My first teacher, Sister Helen.
87
00:03:55,048 --> 00:03:58,155
She hit me so hard on this hand,
I stopped stuttering.
88
00:03:58,845 --> 00:04:00,674
Welcome, everyone.
89
00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:03,263
I'm Ms. Esposito,
your children's
homeroom adviser.
90
00:04:03,264 --> 00:04:04,540
My pronouns are she/her.
91
00:04:04,541 --> 00:04:05,611
[Matt grunts]
92
00:04:08,372 --> 00:04:11,374
I got no problem with people
with different pronouns.
93
00:04:11,375 --> 00:04:13,274
I hate everyone equally.
94
00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:17,311
Big news,
we are changing
the school mascot.
95
00:04:17,312 --> 00:04:19,796
The Minuteman was
not very inclusive.
96
00:04:19,797 --> 00:04:22,420
What's more inclusive
than a dude wearing a wig,
97
00:04:22,421 --> 00:04:25,941
stockings, little high heels,
holding on to a rifle?
98
00:04:27,495 --> 00:04:30,463
That could bring
this country together.
Checks every damn box.
99
00:04:32,154 --> 00:04:33,190
[bell rings]
100
00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:36,813
Are you happy?
I kept quiet,
101
00:04:36,814 --> 00:04:39,955
although I might've
drifted off during
that "Moment of Mindfulness."
102
00:04:41,612 --> 00:04:45,546
No, you still managed to say
"grow a pair" in your sleep.
103
00:04:45,547 --> 00:04:47,652
Hi, you must be Carter's mom.
104
00:04:47,653 --> 00:04:50,413
Yes, I'm Riley Parker. Hi.
105
00:04:50,414 --> 00:04:52,242
- [Matt] Hi.
- And this must be your husband.
106
00:04:52,243 --> 00:04:53,314
- [groans]
- No!
107
00:04:54,349 --> 00:04:56,316
Carter's granddad. Matt.
108
00:04:56,317 --> 00:04:58,457
Sorry. We get a lot of
old dads here.
109
00:04:59,872 --> 00:05:02,839
Old dads, huh?
How about 100 push-ups?
You and me, right here.
110
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:06,360
- Come on, girl.
- Okay, nobody's doing
any push-ups.
111
00:05:06,361 --> 00:05:08,639
I just wanna give you
Carter's accommodations.
112
00:05:10,158 --> 00:05:12,298
Excuse me, is this the Motel 6?
What are you talking about?
113
00:05:13,334 --> 00:05:15,265
Some kids are
different learners,
114
00:05:15,266 --> 00:05:17,509
and they require customized
teaching strategies
to complete tasks.
115
00:05:17,510 --> 00:05:18,787
Oh, no.
116
00:05:20,582 --> 00:05:22,204
Oh, good, yeah, yeah.
117
00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:27,139
Here's his Section 504 paperwork
and a letter
from his psychologist.
118
00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:28,831
- Thank you.
- Section 504?
119
00:05:28,832 --> 00:05:30,868
Isn't that where the government
hides flying saucers?
120
00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:35,044
It just means he'll get
extra time to take tests.
121
00:05:35,045 --> 00:05:36,528
It helps with
his anxiety issues.
122
00:05:36,529 --> 00:05:38,185
This anxiety thing.
123
00:05:38,186 --> 00:05:39,842
Every generation has anxiety.
124
00:05:39,843 --> 00:05:41,119
We deal with it.
125
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,155
Oh, the way you guys did
with denial?
126
00:05:43,156 --> 00:05:44,848
A nuclear arms race?
127
00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,228
No seat belts?
128
00:05:47,229 --> 00:05:49,507
The no seat belt thing
made sense.
129
00:05:49,508 --> 00:05:53,891
We felt you had a better chance
of surviving if you were
thrown from the car.
130
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:57,238
This is a real issue, Dad.
131
00:05:57,239 --> 00:06:00,207
Carter was tested by
an educational therapist
back in Vegas.
132
00:06:00,208 --> 00:06:03,660
Did that therapist
get her license
at Caesar's or at the Tropicana?
133
00:06:05,455 --> 00:06:07,490
They're just giving him
a little extra help.
134
00:06:07,491 --> 00:06:09,354
I understand help. That's fine.
135
00:06:09,355 --> 00:06:12,219
But when you put labels on a kid
and tell him they have anxiety,
136
00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:15,084
- they start to think that's
what they are.
- I'm not putting a label on him.
137
00:06:15,085 --> 00:06:17,569
Kids will put labels on people.
That's what they do.
138
00:06:17,570 --> 00:06:18,708
I was there.
139
00:06:18,709 --> 00:06:20,124
Special Ed Ted.
140
00:06:21,125 --> 00:06:23,818
Oh, God. That kid,
Booger-flipping Bobby.
141
00:06:25,371 --> 00:06:27,787
Are you just naming
Garbage Pail Kids?
142
00:06:28,719 --> 00:06:29,892
Garbage-eating Gail.
143
00:06:29,893 --> 00:06:31,584
She ate right out of
the trash can.
144
00:06:32,620 --> 00:06:35,069
Oh, your husband is so cute.
145
00:06:35,070 --> 00:06:36,555
- [groans]
- Oh, no!
146
00:06:46,288 --> 00:06:48,393
Hey, Gabe.
What are you doing tonight?
147
00:06:48,394 --> 00:06:49,532
Car stuff.
148
00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:51,120
Can't you do that this weekend?
149
00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:53,088
No, this weekend I'm doing
different car stuff.
150
00:06:54,607 --> 00:06:58,058
Okay. Would it be possible
for you to not do car stuff
for one night?
151
00:06:58,059 --> 00:06:59,957
'Cause I lined up
a hot date for you.
152
00:07:00,544 --> 00:07:02,270
Wait. I'm intrigued.
153
00:07:03,582 --> 00:07:05,099
I mean... Look,
154
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:06,757
I ain't too proud
to take his sloppy seconds.
155
00:07:08,725 --> 00:07:09,897
Her name's Caitlin.
156
00:07:09,898 --> 00:07:11,451
She went to high school with us,
157
00:07:11,452 --> 00:07:13,314
and now she works there
as an assistant principal.
158
00:07:13,315 --> 00:07:16,146
Oh. So she's a disciplinarian?
159
00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:22,082
- Caitlin.
Did she take auto shop?
- No.
160
00:07:22,083 --> 00:07:23,325
So she wasn't cool.
161
00:07:24,050 --> 00:07:26,431
No, but she's really pretty,
162
00:07:26,432 --> 00:07:28,433
and she hooked up
with a guy in the woods.
163
00:07:28,434 --> 00:07:29,780
I like her.
164
00:07:31,679 --> 00:07:35,683
Yeah, I guess, uh,
I'll do my Saturday car stuff
with my Sunday car stuff.
165
00:07:36,787 --> 00:07:38,029
- Hey, Dad.
- Oh, look at that.
166
00:07:38,030 --> 00:07:39,790
The accommodation cop.
167
00:07:40,688 --> 00:07:43,206
I'm begging you.
Please let it go.
168
00:07:43,207 --> 00:07:44,829
What is he talking about?
169
00:07:44,830 --> 00:07:46,658
Uh, we went to
Carter's open house
170
00:07:46,659 --> 00:07:48,971
where I learned my dad
doesn't believe
in accommodations.
171
00:07:48,972 --> 00:07:51,352
Yeah, he thinks
since it happened
a long time ago,
172
00:07:51,353 --> 00:07:53,632
he shouldn't have to pay
for something he didn't do.
173
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,429
Uh-huh.
174
00:08:00,190 --> 00:08:04,021
Angel. I think
you mean reparations.
175
00:08:05,575 --> 00:08:10,441
Accommodations are basically
extra help in school.
176
00:08:11,373 --> 00:08:13,375
Which, obviously,
you didn't get.
177
00:08:14,584 --> 00:08:17,378
My problem with accommodations
is they don't work.
178
00:08:17,379 --> 00:08:21,106
You know, you don't get
extra time in the real world
to do things.
179
00:08:21,107 --> 00:08:22,695
Or reparations, apparently.
180
00:08:24,455 --> 00:08:26,560
Take Frankie for instance, right?
181
00:08:26,561 --> 00:08:29,563
She doesn't get
special attention
just because she's gay, right?
182
00:08:29,564 --> 00:08:31,048
- You're still gay, right?
- Yep.
183
00:08:32,187 --> 00:08:33,809
Last night, I was real gay.
184
00:08:33,810 --> 00:08:34,811
Yeah.
185
00:08:36,191 --> 00:08:39,366
And, Stitch. Look.
Differently "disabled."
186
00:08:39,367 --> 00:08:40,816
No.
187
00:08:40,817 --> 00:08:42,438
Uh, physically incapable.
188
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:43,681
- Way worse.
- [Matt] Okay.
189
00:08:43,682 --> 00:08:45,546
Uh, mobility-challenged
wheel-guy?
190
00:08:48,825 --> 00:08:50,826
Yeah. That's it. You nailed it.
191
00:08:50,827 --> 00:08:52,379
What's the right thing to say?
192
00:08:52,380 --> 00:08:54,415
Dude, we done been through this
a thousand times.
193
00:08:54,416 --> 00:08:56,245
[Matt] I'm trying
to compliment you.
194
00:08:56,246 --> 00:08:58,212
You don't let your circumstances
dictate your life, you know?
195
00:08:58,213 --> 00:08:59,869
Uh, you... you never ask me
for anything.
196
00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:02,597
'Cause you ain't gon'
give me anything!
197
00:09:03,218 --> 00:09:05,738
So our system works.
198
00:09:07,257 --> 00:09:10,052
I'm just saying, I don't think
you're doing Carter any favors
199
00:09:10,053 --> 00:09:11,916
by labeling him "anxious,"
you know?
200
00:09:11,917 --> 00:09:13,434
We all have anxiety.
201
00:09:13,435 --> 00:09:16,092
- Mmm. Including you, right?
- [Gabriel] Oh, yeah.
202
00:09:16,093 --> 00:09:17,369
Big time.
203
00:09:17,370 --> 00:09:18,579
Oh, big time, huh?
204
00:09:19,787 --> 00:09:22,927
- [Matt] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Whoa.
205
00:09:22,928 --> 00:09:26,862
Ooh, I think this little guy
would look good right here.
206
00:09:26,863 --> 00:09:28,277
- Oh.
- Ooh.
207
00:09:28,278 --> 00:09:29,899
- Now, don't do... don't do that.
- Oh.
208
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:31,245
I'm sorry, Dad.
209
00:09:31,246 --> 00:09:33,732
Is this making you
feel anxious, perhaps?
210
00:09:35,147 --> 00:09:37,355
Okay. Look,
you made a point, okay?
211
00:09:37,356 --> 00:09:39,357
Maybe I'm a little anxious
about... you know.
212
00:09:39,358 --> 00:09:42,187
But I have tools that I use
to get me through it.
213
00:09:42,188 --> 00:09:44,673
And I think Carter
could learn to use tools,
214
00:09:44,674 --> 00:09:46,882
then he wouldn't need
accommodations.
215
00:09:46,883 --> 00:09:48,747
Are you guys getting
the tool metaphor?
216
00:09:50,093 --> 00:09:51,197
'Cause I am.
217
00:09:52,474 --> 00:09:55,477
Well, I'm his mom,
you don't get a vote.
218
00:09:56,651 --> 00:09:58,928
See you tonight.
And wear something sexy.
219
00:09:58,929 --> 00:10:00,966
Don't be afraid
to show a little skin.
220
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,624
Or go into the woods.
221
00:10:07,317 --> 00:10:08,662
So, this is a podcast?
222
00:10:08,663 --> 00:10:11,148
Yeah, it's called
Women Who Murder.
223
00:10:13,461 --> 00:10:18,085
There's a great episode
where the wife hid poison
in her husband's birthday cake.
224
00:10:18,086 --> 00:10:19,431
Did he find out about it?
225
00:10:19,432 --> 00:10:20,744
- [chuckles] Yeah!
- [chuckles]
226
00:10:21,745 --> 00:10:23,713
When his large intestine melted.
227
00:10:25,507 --> 00:10:26,957
You wanna share this?
228
00:10:30,443 --> 00:10:32,376
Why don't you take
the first bite?
229
00:10:33,723 --> 00:10:35,138
[Riley] Dad, I'm leaving.
230
00:10:36,173 --> 00:10:37,242
Wow, Mom.
231
00:10:37,243 --> 00:10:38,554
Love the glow up.
232
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:39,970
You wanna share this cookie?
233
00:10:41,144 --> 00:10:42,559
I don't think I'd do that.
234
00:10:44,526 --> 00:10:47,494
So listen, uh,
don't talk to strangers,
235
00:10:47,495 --> 00:10:50,394
make sure you hydrate,
and try not to get pregnant.
236
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,573
Hey. What are you studying?
237
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:58,575
Geez Louise!
238
00:10:59,749 --> 00:11:01,266
What are you studying?
239
00:11:01,267 --> 00:11:03,717
Uh, World War II. I have
a placement test tomorrow.
240
00:11:03,718 --> 00:11:07,721
Uh, you know, your mom says
you need extra time on tests.
Do you think that's true?
241
00:11:07,722 --> 00:11:10,069
- My therapist does.
- What a surprise, huh?
242
00:11:10,863 --> 00:11:13,107
Mo' problems, mo' money.
243
00:11:14,246 --> 00:11:16,041
Carter, you know what I think?
244
00:11:16,904 --> 00:11:19,457
I think you're
a really smart guy.
245
00:11:19,458 --> 00:11:21,391
Really? 'Cause you're
always calling me a nerd.
246
00:11:22,081 --> 00:11:24,324
'Cause nerds are smart.
247
00:11:24,325 --> 00:11:26,707
- Still, it's kind of hurtful.
- The point is,
248
00:11:27,742 --> 00:11:29,847
when I got scared
or anxious in school,
249
00:11:29,848 --> 00:11:31,331
and even when
I'm designing the cars,
250
00:11:31,332 --> 00:11:35,059
I develop step-by-step tools
to help me finish.
251
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:39,477
And maybe we can help you
so you don't need extra time
taking the test.
252
00:11:39,478 --> 00:11:44,000
And as luck would have it,
World War II is my forte.
253
00:11:44,552 --> 00:11:46,001
Yeah,
254
00:11:46,002 --> 00:11:48,245
I bet you got wild stories
fighting them Germans.
255
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,046
1944.
256
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,532
That would make me 108!
257
00:12:01,224 --> 00:12:02,743
Maybe you're not a nerd.
258
00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:06,642
Do you have other study guides
or notebooks in there?
259
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:07,748
I wanna take a look.
260
00:12:12,718 --> 00:12:15,652
No. No, no. Stop. Stop. No. No.
No, no, no. Hold. Hold.
261
00:12:16,791 --> 00:12:17,792
[exhales sharply]
262
00:12:23,108 --> 00:12:24,523
I'm going to need a minute.
263
00:12:25,766 --> 00:12:27,732
So, what's it like
being assistant principal?
264
00:12:27,733 --> 00:12:30,804
Are you just, like, waiting
for the principal to die?
[chuckles]
265
00:12:30,805 --> 00:12:32,081
Every day.
266
00:12:32,082 --> 00:12:34,152
So, fill me in
on the glamorous life
267
00:12:34,153 --> 00:12:35,982
of Riley Parker.
268
00:12:35,983 --> 00:12:38,087
I bet you've traveled
the world with Jimmy
and his band.
269
00:12:38,088 --> 00:12:41,263
I've seen it all.
Des Moines, Cedar Rapids,
and back to Des Moines.
270
00:12:41,264 --> 00:12:42,609
[Caitlin chuckles]
271
00:12:42,610 --> 00:12:43,818
Jimmy forgot his bass.
272
00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:47,476
Marrying a musician
wasn't quite what I imagined.
273
00:12:47,477 --> 00:12:49,823
[chuckles] Well, you know,
life is full of surprises.
274
00:12:49,824 --> 00:12:52,550
I mean, my college boyfriend
started a cult. [chuckles]
275
00:12:52,551 --> 00:12:54,139
That I joined for a hot minute.
276
00:12:55,381 --> 00:12:57,382
So, what brought you two
back here?
277
00:12:57,383 --> 00:12:58,937
We're getting divorced.
278
00:12:59,869 --> 00:13:02,249
Rock gods don't make
great husbands.
279
00:13:02,250 --> 00:13:03,804
Or emergency contacts.
280
00:13:04,943 --> 00:13:07,461
Once, I had to hitchhike home
from an urgent care.
281
00:13:07,462 --> 00:13:09,843
Oh. Well, I'm sure you've found
an amazing career.
282
00:13:09,844 --> 00:13:11,880
- [chuckles] God, no.
- Oh.
283
00:13:11,881 --> 00:13:13,709
Well, whatever puts a roof
over your head.
284
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:14,986
My dad's roof.
285
00:13:14,987 --> 00:13:16,850
- I'm living with him.
- [stammers]
286
00:13:16,851 --> 00:13:19,335
Because he's on his last legs
and needs to be taken care of?
287
00:13:19,336 --> 00:13:21,028
I wish. [chuckles]
288
00:13:21,925 --> 00:13:23,478
I've already picked out
the home.
289
00:13:24,514 --> 00:13:25,722
But no. Uh,
290
00:13:26,516 --> 00:13:28,380
I had nowhere else to go.
291
00:13:29,001 --> 00:13:30,382
Oh.
292
00:13:33,523 --> 00:13:35,110
[sighs]
293
00:13:35,111 --> 00:13:37,527
So, uh, how's your mom?
[chuckles]
294
00:13:38,562 --> 00:13:39,632
Dead.
295
00:13:41,393 --> 00:13:43,704
"June 6th, 1944.
296
00:13:43,705 --> 00:13:48,020
Allied troops landed
on the Normandy coast,
saving France's derriere."
297
00:13:49,401 --> 00:13:50,711
And what'd they give us?
298
00:13:50,712 --> 00:13:52,680
The guillotine and body odor.
299
00:13:55,131 --> 00:13:56,718
"The costly conflict of..."
300
00:13:57,271 --> 00:13:58,962
Hello? Hey!
301
00:14:00,067 --> 00:14:01,653
What are you doing?
What is that?
302
00:14:01,654 --> 00:14:03,379
Oh, uh, this is
a fidget spinner.
303
00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:06,072
My therapist said
it helps focus my attention.
304
00:14:06,073 --> 00:14:09,248
Well, my attention is focused
on breaking that with a hammer.
305
00:14:10,698 --> 00:14:12,423
We gotta get this moving,
all right?
306
00:14:12,424 --> 00:14:14,183
We're getting to the point
where the Allies win the war.
307
00:14:14,184 --> 00:14:16,566
- It's coming up.
- Whoa. Whoa.
Spoiler alert! [scoffs]
308
00:14:19,569 --> 00:14:20,604
Okay.
309
00:14:22,883 --> 00:14:25,401
Oh. Okay. Um.
310
00:14:25,402 --> 00:14:26,472
Tools.
311
00:14:27,128 --> 00:14:28,542
Crib sheet.
312
00:14:28,543 --> 00:14:29,889
A what?
313
00:14:29,890 --> 00:14:31,269
Yeah, people call 'em
cheat sheets.
314
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,375
It's actually...
315
00:14:34,204 --> 00:14:35,687
index cards.
316
00:14:35,688 --> 00:14:37,586
You prioritize all your data,
317
00:14:37,587 --> 00:14:40,761
you put it down one at a time,
and then use it
as a study guide.
318
00:14:40,762 --> 00:14:44,731
Oh. Okay. Sounds like
you got a handle on this.
319
00:14:44,732 --> 00:14:47,044
I'm gonna go upstairs
and kill some Germans
in Call of Duty.
320
00:14:47,045 --> 00:14:48,873
No, you're not.
321
00:14:48,874 --> 00:14:51,117
We're gonna do this together.
Sit down. It's simple.
322
00:14:51,118 --> 00:14:54,016
We'll go through
the data points, you write 'em
down as they come to you,
323
00:14:54,017 --> 00:14:55,569
so you could come back
and read 'em later,
324
00:14:55,570 --> 00:14:57,364
- all right? Okay.
- All right.
325
00:14:57,365 --> 00:15:02,059
So, "June 6th, the Allies landed
in a place called Cherbourg."
326
00:15:02,060 --> 00:15:05,960
Oh. Like the actress Cher
and a cyborg.
327
00:15:08,583 --> 00:15:10,516
[chuckles] I-It's funny.
Right, Grandpa?
328
00:15:11,724 --> 00:15:12,760
Yeah.
329
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,866
Grandpa?
330
00:15:32,780 --> 00:15:34,437
[groans] I love alcohol.
331
00:15:35,817 --> 00:15:37,302
- Want another?
- Yes.
332
00:15:39,166 --> 00:15:41,374
[gasps] Oh, there he is!
[chuckles]
333
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:43,170
- Hi, Riley. Caitlin, hi.
- Hi.
334
00:15:44,619 --> 00:15:45,793
What the...
335
00:15:46,311 --> 00:15:47,690
- Hey.
- Oh.
336
00:15:47,691 --> 00:15:48,968
You smell just like
you did in high school.
337
00:15:48,969 --> 00:15:51,280
- What?
- Nothing. [clears throat]
338
00:15:51,281 --> 00:15:54,076
Sorry I was late. Uh...
[sighs] ...big drama at work.
339
00:15:54,077 --> 00:15:56,458
- Ooh, tell.
- Well, my boss was like,
340
00:15:56,459 --> 00:15:58,978
"I need you to replace this
master cylinder by six o'clock."
341
00:15:58,979 --> 00:16:00,393
And I was like,
"That's impossible."
342
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:01,911
And as it turns out,
I was right
343
00:16:01,912 --> 00:16:03,430
'cause I didn't finish it
until 6:15.
344
00:16:03,431 --> 00:16:05,087
- [imitates explosion]
- Ooh. [chuckles]
345
00:16:05,088 --> 00:16:06,847
Oh, so, uh, you're a mechanic?
346
00:16:06,848 --> 00:16:11,507
No, he restores and modifies
classic cars with modern parts.
347
00:16:11,508 --> 00:16:13,440
[Caitlin]
What do you call that job?
348
00:16:13,441 --> 00:16:14,442
Mechanic works.
349
00:16:15,719 --> 00:16:17,341
Oh, so, you didn't go
to college?
350
00:16:17,342 --> 00:16:19,826
Nah, you don't need a degree
to be a mechanic.
351
00:16:19,827 --> 00:16:21,553
Yeah, that's right.
352
00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:24,486
We didn't go to college,
353
00:16:24,487 --> 00:16:26,488
so stop making us
feel like crap.
354
00:16:26,489 --> 00:16:27,799
I wasn't. I--
355
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,629
Gabe's an expert
at what he does.
356
00:16:29,630 --> 00:16:32,735
And even without a degree,
he makes a very good living.
357
00:16:32,736 --> 00:16:34,530
Could be better
if you wanna talk to your dad.
358
00:16:34,531 --> 00:16:36,705
[stammers] Bah!
359
00:16:36,706 --> 00:16:41,848
And he does something he loves,
which makes him happy, okay?
360
00:16:41,849 --> 00:16:44,644
So you can think I'm a loser.
361
00:16:44,645 --> 00:16:47,923
- I don't--
- Because, yeah, my life is crap.
362
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,718
But you have no right
judging Gabe.
363
00:16:49,719 --> 00:16:52,721
Do you remember
our assistant principal,
Ms. Havishaw?
364
00:16:52,722 --> 00:16:55,173
The one who died alone
and got eaten by her cat?
365
00:16:56,036 --> 00:16:58,417
That's gonna be you in 30 years!
366
00:17:00,799 --> 00:17:02,387
And I'm keeping the napkin!
367
00:17:08,186 --> 00:17:10,740
So, what's your cat's name?
368
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:15,883
- Carter? Oh... [groans]
- [screams]
369
00:17:17,885 --> 00:17:19,403
Don't leave me hanging.
370
00:17:19,404 --> 00:17:21,163
How'd you do on the test?
371
00:17:21,164 --> 00:17:23,753
Well, I finished on time, and...
372
00:17:24,754 --> 00:17:27,412
- I think I got an A. Ya boy!
- [chuckles]
373
00:17:28,723 --> 00:17:30,172
That's great. That's great.
374
00:17:30,173 --> 00:17:33,452
Hey, Riley, ask "ya boy"
how he did on the test.
375
00:17:34,143 --> 00:17:35,867
Oh, I don't have to ask.
376
00:17:35,868 --> 00:17:37,766
I got a call from his teacher.
377
00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:39,699
[Matt] Big time news there.
378
00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:41,633
It's not "ya boy,"
it's "the man."
379
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:45,740
Carter, do you wanna
tell Grandpa
why the teacher called?
380
00:17:48,674 --> 00:17:50,124
Nah.
381
00:17:54,163 --> 00:17:56,888
So... So, I-I was
taking the test, right?
382
00:17:56,889 --> 00:18:00,064
And I was doing good.
I-I definitely knew the stuff.
383
00:18:00,065 --> 00:18:01,308
Well, you're welcome.
384
00:18:02,309 --> 00:18:04,724
But then, I looked at the clock,
385
00:18:04,725 --> 00:18:06,760
and there was only
ten minutes left.
386
00:18:06,761 --> 00:18:08,452
And I was
only halfway through 'cause,
387
00:18:08,453 --> 00:18:11,938
you know, it takes me a while
to get my thoughts together.
388
00:18:11,939 --> 00:18:13,629
So I panicked.
389
00:18:13,630 --> 00:18:15,907
But then, I remembered
the cheat sheet
Grandpa gave me
390
00:18:15,908 --> 00:18:17,255
was right there in my pocket.
391
00:18:22,639 --> 00:18:23,847
Grandpa gave you that?
392
00:18:25,090 --> 00:18:26,746
Index cards.
They're for studying.
393
00:18:26,747 --> 00:18:28,335
No, you called it a cheat sheet.
394
00:18:30,337 --> 00:18:33,305
And maybe use
a different name next time,
'cause it's pretty confusing.
395
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:36,307
That's why the school called me.
396
00:18:36,308 --> 00:18:40,208
A janitor found
the "cheat sheet"
under Carter's desk.
397
00:18:40,209 --> 00:18:43,488
The one time a public employee
does their job.
398
00:18:47,112 --> 00:18:49,597
You're in huge trouble.
Go to your room.
399
00:18:50,322 --> 00:18:51,358
[Carter sighs]
400
00:18:52,807 --> 00:18:53,843
Go.
401
00:18:56,501 --> 00:18:58,985
You know, Carter
used to struggle in school.
402
00:18:58,986 --> 00:19:03,092
But then, I got him
the accommodations,
and he was doing fine.
403
00:19:03,093 --> 00:19:04,887
Until, huh, what changed?
404
00:19:04,888 --> 00:19:06,131
Oh, yeah, you!
405
00:19:06,890 --> 00:19:08,339
I think Carter's a great kid.
406
00:19:08,340 --> 00:19:10,790
I know he's a great kid.
I'm his mother.
407
00:19:10,791 --> 00:19:14,173
And I am barely
keeping it together.
408
00:19:14,174 --> 00:19:16,520
I didn't need this right now.
409
00:19:16,521 --> 00:19:19,488
I don't want that kid to think
there's anything wrong with him.
410
00:19:19,489 --> 00:19:21,283
Well, guess what, Dad.
411
00:19:21,284 --> 00:19:23,906
Everybody's got something wrong
with them, okay?
412
00:19:23,907 --> 00:19:27,116
Look at me.
I'm getting a divorce,
living at home,
413
00:19:27,117 --> 00:19:29,981
and I scared off the one person
who was going to be my friend.
414
00:19:29,982 --> 00:19:31,293
I'm a stereotype.
415
00:19:31,294 --> 00:19:34,331
The girl who peaked
in high school.
416
00:19:34,332 --> 00:19:37,472
- [sighs]
- I don't like when you talk
about yourself like that.
417
00:19:37,473 --> 00:19:39,406
You talk about me like that.
418
00:19:41,201 --> 00:19:42,754
But in a funny way.
419
00:19:45,653 --> 00:19:47,275
You're really doing a good job.
420
00:19:47,276 --> 00:19:48,862
[scoffs]
421
00:19:48,863 --> 00:19:50,485
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
422
00:19:50,486 --> 00:19:53,660
It took courage to get
out of a messy marriage
423
00:19:53,661 --> 00:19:56,595
and move here,
take care of your kids.
You did it all for them.
424
00:19:59,771 --> 00:20:00,910
You're a good mom.
425
00:20:03,499 --> 00:20:05,225
You did a good thing.
You really did.
426
00:20:08,469 --> 00:20:10,056
Thank you, Dad.
427
00:20:10,057 --> 00:20:11,231
I learned from the best.
428
00:20:12,508 --> 00:20:14,889
- And she's not here,
so I'm all you got.
- [chuckles]
429
00:20:17,064 --> 00:20:19,548
Now I have to go deal
with the little cheater.
430
00:20:19,549 --> 00:20:20,653
Use the ruler.
431
00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:21,724
It's near my bed.
432
00:20:23,622 --> 00:20:25,900
Let's just say he'll
never stutter again.
433
00:20:27,074 --> 00:20:29,594
Yeah, but you don't wanna
beat a stutter into him.
434
00:20:33,908 --> 00:20:35,357
- [doorbell rings]
- Hey, Pops.
435
00:20:35,358 --> 00:20:37,532
I reorganized my backpack
just like you told me.
436
00:20:37,533 --> 00:20:40,812
I made a color-coded filing
system for all my classes.
437
00:20:42,538 --> 00:20:43,953
Grandpa, are you okay?
438
00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:48,785
[sniffles]
439
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:51,892
I just...
I got something in my eye.
440
00:20:53,894 --> 00:20:55,791
Morning. You left this
at the bar.
441
00:20:55,792 --> 00:20:58,450
[groans]
I would've chewed my foot off
to get out of that trap.
442
00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:01,521
Sorry I abandoned you
with Caitlin.
443
00:21:01,522 --> 00:21:02,902
Yeah, no worries.
444
00:21:02,903 --> 00:21:04,593
I mean, where does she get off
judging us?
445
00:21:04,594 --> 00:21:07,389
She confiscates vapes
for a living.
446
00:21:07,390 --> 00:21:10,116
And you saw how she gave
me that judgmental look.
447
00:21:10,117 --> 00:21:11,567
[chuckles] Yeah. Totally.
448
00:21:13,154 --> 00:21:14,294
She's right here.
449
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,540
Riley.
450
00:21:20,541 --> 00:21:21,956
[clears throat]
Yeah, that's the look.
32058
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