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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,747 Dad, you were supposed to buy more coffee. 2 00:00:03,748 --> 00:00:05,680 Yeah. And you were supposed to get your own house, 3 00:00:05,681 --> 00:00:07,511 so I guess we both dropped the ball. 4 00:00:08,753 --> 00:00:10,755 Carter, Georgia, let's go. 5 00:00:12,171 --> 00:00:14,620 You're dating yourself with that newspaper, Pops. 6 00:00:14,621 --> 00:00:18,763 Yeah? And you will be dating yourself if you don't fix that hair. 7 00:00:20,041 --> 00:00:21,524 It took him forever. 8 00:00:21,525 --> 00:00:23,733 It's like sharing a bathroom with Lady Gaga. 9 00:00:23,734 --> 00:00:26,667 Hey. I'm extra today so I can charm my teachers 10 00:00:26,668 --> 00:00:28,565 before the parent open house tonight. 11 00:00:28,566 --> 00:00:30,395 - That's tomorrow. - No, it's tonight. 12 00:00:30,396 --> 00:00:31,500 [phone dings] 13 00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:34,675 It's tonight. 14 00:00:34,676 --> 00:00:37,885 [groans] Sweetie, I can't make it. I'm supposed to meet with a lawyer. 15 00:00:37,886 --> 00:00:39,439 [whispering] The divorce kind. 16 00:00:40,751 --> 00:00:42,786 Hey. Maybe... Maybe Pops could go. 17 00:00:42,787 --> 00:00:45,375 No! [chuckles] No. Because if he has an audience, 18 00:00:45,376 --> 00:00:48,552 he can't resist ranting about how Pluto should still be a planet. 19 00:00:49,622 --> 00:00:51,174 Pluto is a planet! 20 00:00:51,175 --> 00:00:53,211 It's been a planet for billions of years, 21 00:00:53,212 --> 00:00:56,662 then "big astronomy" got involved. Now it's a dwarf planet. 22 00:00:56,663 --> 00:00:58,562 Now what's Disney gonna do with Pluto? 23 00:01:01,323 --> 00:01:02,806 See? 24 00:01:02,807 --> 00:01:04,256 Pops has hot takes. 25 00:01:04,257 --> 00:01:06,120 My science teacher would love to hear 'em. 26 00:01:06,121 --> 00:01:08,122 - I'll go if he wants me to go. - No. 27 00:01:08,123 --> 00:01:09,503 Do your usual routine. 28 00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,092 Stay home and yell at the TV. 29 00:01:12,403 --> 00:01:14,611 Last night, he lost his voice yelling 30 00:01:14,612 --> 00:01:17,132 at the people dancing in the diabetes commercial. 31 00:01:19,445 --> 00:01:22,205 No, I really haven't been to their school in a long time. I would like to go. 32 00:01:22,206 --> 00:01:26,451 [groans] Fine. I'll cancel my meeting, and we'll go together. 33 00:01:26,452 --> 00:01:29,662 I just don't understand why they're dancing if they have diabetes. 34 00:01:31,457 --> 00:01:32,734 [โ™ช theme song playing] 35 00:01:43,710 --> 00:01:47,300 Wait a minute. So only scientists can use the word "dwarf" in a sentence? 36 00:01:49,199 --> 00:01:51,131 Oh, memories. 37 00:01:51,132 --> 00:01:53,479 - [gasps] There's the parking lot where I used to smoke. - Yeah. 38 00:01:54,825 --> 00:01:58,172 Which is why you never wanted me to pick you up after school. 39 00:01:58,173 --> 00:02:00,416 I quit when I got pregnant. 40 00:02:00,417 --> 00:02:02,176 See? 41 00:02:02,177 --> 00:02:04,455 You always overlook the positive side of teen pregnancy. 42 00:02:06,216 --> 00:02:08,804 Oh... Oh, my God. You're Riley Parker. [chuckles] 43 00:02:09,495 --> 00:02:10,668 [stammers] Caitlin Baker. 44 00:02:11,876 --> 00:02:13,843 We went to high school together. 45 00:02:13,844 --> 00:02:16,433 You copied off me in geometry 46 00:02:16,950 --> 00:02:17,986 and algebra. 47 00:02:19,021 --> 00:02:20,229 - And chemistry! - Yes. 48 00:02:20,230 --> 00:02:22,023 Oh, Caitlin. Hi. [chuckles] 49 00:02:22,024 --> 00:02:24,129 [chuckles] Hi, Caitlin. I'm Riley's very proud father. 50 00:02:24,130 --> 00:02:25,406 Hi. 51 00:02:25,407 --> 00:02:26,614 - Matt. How you doing? - Hi. 52 00:02:26,615 --> 00:02:28,064 So, do you have a kid here too? 53 00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:30,308 Oh, no, I'm the assistant principal here. 54 00:02:30,309 --> 00:02:31,688 Haven't met Mr. Right yet. 55 00:02:31,689 --> 00:02:33,828 [gasps] I do have four frozen egg babies. 56 00:02:33,829 --> 00:02:35,831 Hey, perfect for an omelet! [chuckles] 57 00:02:38,006 --> 00:02:40,525 Mr. Parker, your daughter was, like, a legend here. 58 00:02:40,526 --> 00:02:42,906 [chuckles] What? No. Stop. 59 00:02:42,907 --> 00:02:44,046 Say more. 60 00:02:45,324 --> 00:02:48,153 No, for real. I mean, you were so pretty and popular. 61 00:02:48,154 --> 00:02:50,535 You were... [sucks teeth] ...kind of my idol. 62 00:02:50,536 --> 00:02:51,708 You need a new idol. 63 00:02:51,709 --> 00:02:54,678 You know, Jesus is available. 64 00:02:56,921 --> 00:02:58,336 I'm gonna get us some seats. 65 00:02:58,337 --> 00:03:00,165 - Nice to meet you. - [chuckles] 66 00:03:00,166 --> 00:03:01,925 Oh, and you and your brother used to hang out 67 00:03:01,926 --> 00:03:03,651 with that really cute Gabriel guy. 68 00:03:03,652 --> 00:03:05,205 Oh, still do. Still single. 69 00:03:05,206 --> 00:03:08,035 Uh, leaning in. [chuckles] 70 00:03:08,036 --> 00:03:10,762 I'm off the apps. You know, trying to meet people in the wild. 71 00:03:10,763 --> 00:03:12,558 Hooked up with a guy in the woods last week. 72 00:03:13,283 --> 00:03:14,525 Not sure that counts. 73 00:03:16,217 --> 00:03:18,390 Wait, could you maybe fix me up with Gabe? 74 00:03:18,391 --> 00:03:20,703 The three of us could grab a drink tomorrow night. 75 00:03:20,704 --> 00:03:23,671 Um, yeah. I guess I could move some stuff around. [chuckles] 76 00:03:23,672 --> 00:03:25,915 - There, I moved it. [chuckles] - [gasps, chuckles] 77 00:03:25,916 --> 00:03:27,228 [bell rings] 78 00:03:28,401 --> 00:03:29,333 No! 79 00:03:32,163 --> 00:03:33,924 [sighs] 80 00:03:35,236 --> 00:03:38,755 Remember, if the teacher says something you disagree with, 81 00:03:38,756 --> 00:03:41,793 don't roll your eyes or make one of your condescending grunts. 82 00:03:41,794 --> 00:03:43,140 - Oh, no. - Yeah, like that. 83 00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:47,592 And no talking about how school was better in your day. 84 00:03:47,593 --> 00:03:50,251 No one cares you knew how to use a compass and a ruler. 85 00:03:51,286 --> 00:03:53,114 You know who could really use a ruler? 86 00:03:53,115 --> 00:03:55,047 My first teacher, Sister Helen. 87 00:03:55,048 --> 00:03:58,155 She hit me so hard on this hand, I stopped stuttering. 88 00:03:58,845 --> 00:04:00,674 Welcome, everyone. 89 00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:03,263 I'm Ms. Esposito, your children's homeroom adviser. 90 00:04:03,264 --> 00:04:04,540 My pronouns are she/her. 91 00:04:04,541 --> 00:04:05,611 [Matt grunts] 92 00:04:08,372 --> 00:04:11,374 I got no problem with people with different pronouns. 93 00:04:11,375 --> 00:04:13,274 I hate everyone equally. 94 00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:17,311 Big news, we are changing the school mascot. 95 00:04:17,312 --> 00:04:19,796 The Minuteman was not very inclusive. 96 00:04:19,797 --> 00:04:22,420 What's more inclusive than a dude wearing a wig, 97 00:04:22,421 --> 00:04:25,941 stockings, little high heels, holding on to a rifle? 98 00:04:27,495 --> 00:04:30,463 That could bring this country together. Checks every damn box. 99 00:04:32,154 --> 00:04:33,190 [bell rings] 100 00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:36,813 Are you happy? I kept quiet, 101 00:04:36,814 --> 00:04:39,955 although I might've drifted off during that "Moment of Mindfulness." 102 00:04:41,612 --> 00:04:45,546 No, you still managed to say "grow a pair" in your sleep. 103 00:04:45,547 --> 00:04:47,652 Hi, you must be Carter's mom. 104 00:04:47,653 --> 00:04:50,413 Yes, I'm Riley Parker. Hi. 105 00:04:50,414 --> 00:04:52,242 - [Matt] Hi. - And this must be your husband. 106 00:04:52,243 --> 00:04:53,314 - [groans] - No! 107 00:04:54,349 --> 00:04:56,316 Carter's granddad. Matt. 108 00:04:56,317 --> 00:04:58,457 Sorry. We get a lot of old dads here. 109 00:04:59,872 --> 00:05:02,839 Old dads, huh? How about 100 push-ups? You and me, right here. 110 00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:06,360 - Come on, girl. - Okay, nobody's doing any push-ups. 111 00:05:06,361 --> 00:05:08,639 I just wanna give you Carter's accommodations. 112 00:05:10,158 --> 00:05:12,298 Excuse me, is this the Motel 6? What are you talking about? 113 00:05:13,334 --> 00:05:15,265 Some kids are different learners, 114 00:05:15,266 --> 00:05:17,509 and they require customized teaching strategies to complete tasks. 115 00:05:17,510 --> 00:05:18,787 Oh, no. 116 00:05:20,582 --> 00:05:22,204 Oh, good, yeah, yeah. 117 00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:27,139 Here's his Section 504 paperwork and a letter from his psychologist. 118 00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:28,831 - Thank you. - Section 504? 119 00:05:28,832 --> 00:05:30,868 Isn't that where the government hides flying saucers? 120 00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:35,044 It just means he'll get extra time to take tests. 121 00:05:35,045 --> 00:05:36,528 It helps with his anxiety issues. 122 00:05:36,529 --> 00:05:38,185 This anxiety thing. 123 00:05:38,186 --> 00:05:39,842 Every generation has anxiety. 124 00:05:39,843 --> 00:05:41,119 We deal with it. 125 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,155 Oh, the way you guys did with denial? 126 00:05:43,156 --> 00:05:44,848 A nuclear arms race? 127 00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,228 No seat belts? 128 00:05:47,229 --> 00:05:49,507 The no seat belt thing made sense. 129 00:05:49,508 --> 00:05:53,891 We felt you had a better chance of surviving if you were thrown from the car. 130 00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:57,238 This is a real issue, Dad. 131 00:05:57,239 --> 00:06:00,207 Carter was tested by an educational therapist back in Vegas. 132 00:06:00,208 --> 00:06:03,660 Did that therapist get her license at Caesar's or at the Tropicana? 133 00:06:05,455 --> 00:06:07,490 They're just giving him a little extra help. 134 00:06:07,491 --> 00:06:09,354 I understand help. That's fine. 135 00:06:09,355 --> 00:06:12,219 But when you put labels on a kid and tell him they have anxiety, 136 00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:15,084 - they start to think that's what they are. - I'm not putting a label on him. 137 00:06:15,085 --> 00:06:17,569 Kids will put labels on people. That's what they do. 138 00:06:17,570 --> 00:06:18,708 I was there. 139 00:06:18,709 --> 00:06:20,124 Special Ed Ted. 140 00:06:21,125 --> 00:06:23,818 Oh, God. That kid, Booger-flipping Bobby. 141 00:06:25,371 --> 00:06:27,787 Are you just naming Garbage Pail Kids? 142 00:06:28,719 --> 00:06:29,892 Garbage-eating Gail. 143 00:06:29,893 --> 00:06:31,584 She ate right out of the trash can. 144 00:06:32,620 --> 00:06:35,069 Oh, your husband is so cute. 145 00:06:35,070 --> 00:06:36,555 - [groans] - Oh, no! 146 00:06:46,288 --> 00:06:48,393 Hey, Gabe. What are you doing tonight? 147 00:06:48,394 --> 00:06:49,532 Car stuff. 148 00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:51,120 Can't you do that this weekend? 149 00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:53,088 No, this weekend I'm doing different car stuff. 150 00:06:54,607 --> 00:06:58,058 Okay. Would it be possible for you to not do car stuff for one night? 151 00:06:58,059 --> 00:06:59,957 'Cause I lined up a hot date for you. 152 00:07:00,544 --> 00:07:02,270 Wait. I'm intrigued. 153 00:07:03,582 --> 00:07:05,099 I mean... Look, 154 00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:06,757 I ain't too proud to take his sloppy seconds. 155 00:07:08,725 --> 00:07:09,897 Her name's Caitlin. 156 00:07:09,898 --> 00:07:11,451 She went to high school with us, 157 00:07:11,452 --> 00:07:13,314 and now she works there as an assistant principal. 158 00:07:13,315 --> 00:07:16,146 Oh. So she's a disciplinarian? 159 00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:22,082 - Caitlin. Did she take auto shop? - No. 160 00:07:22,083 --> 00:07:23,325 So she wasn't cool. 161 00:07:24,050 --> 00:07:26,431 No, but she's really pretty, 162 00:07:26,432 --> 00:07:28,433 and she hooked up with a guy in the woods. 163 00:07:28,434 --> 00:07:29,780 I like her. 164 00:07:31,679 --> 00:07:35,683 Yeah, I guess, uh, I'll do my Saturday car stuff with my Sunday car stuff. 165 00:07:36,787 --> 00:07:38,029 - Hey, Dad. - Oh, look at that. 166 00:07:38,030 --> 00:07:39,790 The accommodation cop. 167 00:07:40,688 --> 00:07:43,206 I'm begging you. Please let it go. 168 00:07:43,207 --> 00:07:44,829 What is he talking about? 169 00:07:44,830 --> 00:07:46,658 Uh, we went to Carter's open house 170 00:07:46,659 --> 00:07:48,971 where I learned my dad doesn't believe in accommodations. 171 00:07:48,972 --> 00:07:51,352 Yeah, he thinks since it happened a long time ago, 172 00:07:51,353 --> 00:07:53,632 he shouldn't have to pay for something he didn't do. 173 00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,429 Uh-huh. 174 00:08:00,190 --> 00:08:04,021 Angel. I think you mean reparations. 175 00:08:05,575 --> 00:08:10,441 Accommodations are basically extra help in school. 176 00:08:11,373 --> 00:08:13,375 Which, obviously, you didn't get. 177 00:08:14,584 --> 00:08:17,378 My problem with accommodations is they don't work. 178 00:08:17,379 --> 00:08:21,106 You know, you don't get extra time in the real world to do things. 179 00:08:21,107 --> 00:08:22,695 Or reparations, apparently. 180 00:08:24,455 --> 00:08:26,560 Take Frankie for instance, right? 181 00:08:26,561 --> 00:08:29,563 She doesn't get special attention just because she's gay, right? 182 00:08:29,564 --> 00:08:31,048 - You're still gay, right? - Yep. 183 00:08:32,187 --> 00:08:33,809 Last night, I was real gay. 184 00:08:33,810 --> 00:08:34,811 Yeah. 185 00:08:36,191 --> 00:08:39,366 And, Stitch. Look. Differently "disabled." 186 00:08:39,367 --> 00:08:40,816 No. 187 00:08:40,817 --> 00:08:42,438 Uh, physically incapable. 188 00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:43,681 - Way worse. - [Matt] Okay. 189 00:08:43,682 --> 00:08:45,546 Uh, mobility-challenged wheel-guy? 190 00:08:48,825 --> 00:08:50,826 Yeah. That's it. You nailed it. 191 00:08:50,827 --> 00:08:52,379 What's the right thing to say? 192 00:08:52,380 --> 00:08:54,415 Dude, we done been through this a thousand times. 193 00:08:54,416 --> 00:08:56,245 [Matt] I'm trying to compliment you. 194 00:08:56,246 --> 00:08:58,212 You don't let your circumstances dictate your life, you know? 195 00:08:58,213 --> 00:08:59,869 Uh, you... you never ask me for anything. 196 00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:02,597 'Cause you ain't gon' give me anything! 197 00:09:03,218 --> 00:09:05,738 So our system works. 198 00:09:07,257 --> 00:09:10,052 I'm just saying, I don't think you're doing Carter any favors 199 00:09:10,053 --> 00:09:11,916 by labeling him "anxious," you know? 200 00:09:11,917 --> 00:09:13,434 We all have anxiety. 201 00:09:13,435 --> 00:09:16,092 - Mmm. Including you, right? - [Gabriel] Oh, yeah. 202 00:09:16,093 --> 00:09:17,369 Big time. 203 00:09:17,370 --> 00:09:18,579 Oh, big time, huh? 204 00:09:19,787 --> 00:09:22,927 - [Matt] Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Whoa. 205 00:09:22,928 --> 00:09:26,862 Ooh, I think this little guy would look good right here. 206 00:09:26,863 --> 00:09:28,277 - Oh. - Ooh. 207 00:09:28,278 --> 00:09:29,899 - Now, don't do... don't do that. - Oh. 208 00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:31,245 I'm sorry, Dad. 209 00:09:31,246 --> 00:09:33,732 Is this making you feel anxious, perhaps? 210 00:09:35,147 --> 00:09:37,355 Okay. Look, you made a point, okay? 211 00:09:37,356 --> 00:09:39,357 Maybe I'm a little anxious about... you know. 212 00:09:39,358 --> 00:09:42,187 But I have tools that I use to get me through it. 213 00:09:42,188 --> 00:09:44,673 And I think Carter could learn to use tools, 214 00:09:44,674 --> 00:09:46,882 then he wouldn't need accommodations. 215 00:09:46,883 --> 00:09:48,747 Are you guys getting the tool metaphor? 216 00:09:50,093 --> 00:09:51,197 'Cause I am. 217 00:09:52,474 --> 00:09:55,477 Well, I'm his mom, you don't get a vote. 218 00:09:56,651 --> 00:09:58,928 See you tonight. And wear something sexy. 219 00:09:58,929 --> 00:10:00,966 Don't be afraid to show a little skin. 220 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,624 Or go into the woods. 221 00:10:07,317 --> 00:10:08,662 So, this is a podcast? 222 00:10:08,663 --> 00:10:11,148 Yeah, it's called Women Who Murder. 223 00:10:13,461 --> 00:10:18,085 There's a great episode where the wife hid poison in her husband's birthday cake. 224 00:10:18,086 --> 00:10:19,431 Did he find out about it? 225 00:10:19,432 --> 00:10:20,744 - [chuckles] Yeah! - [chuckles] 226 00:10:21,745 --> 00:10:23,713 When his large intestine melted. 227 00:10:25,507 --> 00:10:26,957 You wanna share this? 228 00:10:30,443 --> 00:10:32,376 Why don't you take the first bite? 229 00:10:33,723 --> 00:10:35,138 [Riley] Dad, I'm leaving. 230 00:10:36,173 --> 00:10:37,242 Wow, Mom. 231 00:10:37,243 --> 00:10:38,554 Love the glow up. 232 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:39,970 You wanna share this cookie? 233 00:10:41,144 --> 00:10:42,559 I don't think I'd do that. 234 00:10:44,526 --> 00:10:47,494 So listen, uh, don't talk to strangers, 235 00:10:47,495 --> 00:10:50,394 make sure you hydrate, and try not to get pregnant. 236 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,573 Hey. What are you studying? 237 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:58,575 Geez Louise! 238 00:10:59,749 --> 00:11:01,266 What are you studying? 239 00:11:01,267 --> 00:11:03,717 Uh, World War II. I have a placement test tomorrow. 240 00:11:03,718 --> 00:11:07,721 Uh, you know, your mom says you need extra time on tests. Do you think that's true? 241 00:11:07,722 --> 00:11:10,069 - My therapist does. - What a surprise, huh? 242 00:11:10,863 --> 00:11:13,107 Mo' problems, mo' money. 243 00:11:14,246 --> 00:11:16,041 Carter, you know what I think? 244 00:11:16,904 --> 00:11:19,457 I think you're a really smart guy. 245 00:11:19,458 --> 00:11:21,391 Really? 'Cause you're always calling me a nerd. 246 00:11:22,081 --> 00:11:24,324 'Cause nerds are smart. 247 00:11:24,325 --> 00:11:26,707 - Still, it's kind of hurtful. - The point is, 248 00:11:27,742 --> 00:11:29,847 when I got scared or anxious in school, 249 00:11:29,848 --> 00:11:31,331 and even when I'm designing the cars, 250 00:11:31,332 --> 00:11:35,059 I develop step-by-step tools to help me finish. 251 00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:39,477 And maybe we can help you so you don't need extra time taking the test. 252 00:11:39,478 --> 00:11:44,000 And as luck would have it, World War II is my forte. 253 00:11:44,552 --> 00:11:46,001 Yeah, 254 00:11:46,002 --> 00:11:48,245 I bet you got wild stories fighting them Germans. 255 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,046 1944. 256 00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,532 That would make me 108! 257 00:12:01,224 --> 00:12:02,743 Maybe you're not a nerd. 258 00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:06,642 Do you have other study guides or notebooks in there? 259 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:07,748 I wanna take a look. 260 00:12:12,718 --> 00:12:15,652 No. No, no. Stop. Stop. No. No. No, no, no. Hold. Hold. 261 00:12:16,791 --> 00:12:17,792 [exhales sharply] 262 00:12:23,108 --> 00:12:24,523 I'm going to need a minute. 263 00:12:25,766 --> 00:12:27,732 So, what's it like being assistant principal? 264 00:12:27,733 --> 00:12:30,804 Are you just, like, waiting for the principal to die? [chuckles] 265 00:12:30,805 --> 00:12:32,081 Every day. 266 00:12:32,082 --> 00:12:34,152 So, fill me in on the glamorous life 267 00:12:34,153 --> 00:12:35,982 of Riley Parker. 268 00:12:35,983 --> 00:12:38,087 I bet you've traveled the world with Jimmy and his band. 269 00:12:38,088 --> 00:12:41,263 I've seen it all. Des Moines, Cedar Rapids, and back to Des Moines. 270 00:12:41,264 --> 00:12:42,609 [Caitlin chuckles] 271 00:12:42,610 --> 00:12:43,818 Jimmy forgot his bass. 272 00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:47,476 Marrying a musician wasn't quite what I imagined. 273 00:12:47,477 --> 00:12:49,823 [chuckles] Well, you know, life is full of surprises. 274 00:12:49,824 --> 00:12:52,550 I mean, my college boyfriend started a cult. [chuckles] 275 00:12:52,551 --> 00:12:54,139 That I joined for a hot minute. 276 00:12:55,381 --> 00:12:57,382 So, what brought you two back here? 277 00:12:57,383 --> 00:12:58,937 We're getting divorced. 278 00:12:59,869 --> 00:13:02,249 Rock gods don't make great husbands. 279 00:13:02,250 --> 00:13:03,804 Or emergency contacts. 280 00:13:04,943 --> 00:13:07,461 Once, I had to hitchhike home from an urgent care. 281 00:13:07,462 --> 00:13:09,843 Oh. Well, I'm sure you've found an amazing career. 282 00:13:09,844 --> 00:13:11,880 - [chuckles] God, no. - Oh. 283 00:13:11,881 --> 00:13:13,709 Well, whatever puts a roof over your head. 284 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:14,986 My dad's roof. 285 00:13:14,987 --> 00:13:16,850 - I'm living with him. - [stammers] 286 00:13:16,851 --> 00:13:19,335 Because he's on his last legs and needs to be taken care of? 287 00:13:19,336 --> 00:13:21,028 I wish. [chuckles] 288 00:13:21,925 --> 00:13:23,478 I've already picked out the home. 289 00:13:24,514 --> 00:13:25,722 But no. Uh, 290 00:13:26,516 --> 00:13:28,380 I had nowhere else to go. 291 00:13:29,001 --> 00:13:30,382 Oh. 292 00:13:33,523 --> 00:13:35,110 [sighs] 293 00:13:35,111 --> 00:13:37,527 So, uh, how's your mom? [chuckles] 294 00:13:38,562 --> 00:13:39,632 Dead. 295 00:13:41,393 --> 00:13:43,704 "June 6th, 1944. 296 00:13:43,705 --> 00:13:48,020 Allied troops landed on the Normandy coast, saving France's derriere." 297 00:13:49,401 --> 00:13:50,711 And what'd they give us? 298 00:13:50,712 --> 00:13:52,680 The guillotine and body odor. 299 00:13:55,131 --> 00:13:56,718 "The costly conflict of..." 300 00:13:57,271 --> 00:13:58,962 Hello? Hey! 301 00:14:00,067 --> 00:14:01,653 What are you doing? What is that? 302 00:14:01,654 --> 00:14:03,379 Oh, uh, this is a fidget spinner. 303 00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:06,072 My therapist said it helps focus my attention. 304 00:14:06,073 --> 00:14:09,248 Well, my attention is focused on breaking that with a hammer. 305 00:14:10,698 --> 00:14:12,423 We gotta get this moving, all right? 306 00:14:12,424 --> 00:14:14,183 We're getting to the point where the Allies win the war. 307 00:14:14,184 --> 00:14:16,566 - It's coming up. - Whoa. Whoa. Spoiler alert! [scoffs] 308 00:14:19,569 --> 00:14:20,604 Okay. 309 00:14:22,883 --> 00:14:25,401 Oh. Okay. Um. 310 00:14:25,402 --> 00:14:26,472 Tools. 311 00:14:27,128 --> 00:14:28,542 Crib sheet. 312 00:14:28,543 --> 00:14:29,889 A what? 313 00:14:29,890 --> 00:14:31,269 Yeah, people call 'em cheat sheets. 314 00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,375 It's actually... 315 00:14:34,204 --> 00:14:35,687 index cards. 316 00:14:35,688 --> 00:14:37,586 You prioritize all your data, 317 00:14:37,587 --> 00:14:40,761 you put it down one at a time, and then use it as a study guide. 318 00:14:40,762 --> 00:14:44,731 Oh. Okay. Sounds like you got a handle on this. 319 00:14:44,732 --> 00:14:47,044 I'm gonna go upstairs and kill some Germans in Call of Duty. 320 00:14:47,045 --> 00:14:48,873 No, you're not. 321 00:14:48,874 --> 00:14:51,117 We're gonna do this together. Sit down. It's simple. 322 00:14:51,118 --> 00:14:54,016 We'll go through the data points, you write 'em down as they come to you, 323 00:14:54,017 --> 00:14:55,569 so you could come back and read 'em later, 324 00:14:55,570 --> 00:14:57,364 - all right? Okay. - All right. 325 00:14:57,365 --> 00:15:02,059 So, "June 6th, the Allies landed in a place called Cherbourg." 326 00:15:02,060 --> 00:15:05,960 Oh. Like the actress Cher and a cyborg. 327 00:15:08,583 --> 00:15:10,516 [chuckles] I-It's funny. Right, Grandpa? 328 00:15:11,724 --> 00:15:12,760 Yeah. 329 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,866 Grandpa? 330 00:15:32,780 --> 00:15:34,437 [groans] I love alcohol. 331 00:15:35,817 --> 00:15:37,302 - Want another? - Yes. 332 00:15:39,166 --> 00:15:41,374 [gasps] Oh, there he is! [chuckles] 333 00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:43,170 - Hi, Riley. Caitlin, hi. - Hi. 334 00:15:44,619 --> 00:15:45,793 What the... 335 00:15:46,311 --> 00:15:47,690 - Hey. - Oh. 336 00:15:47,691 --> 00:15:48,968 You smell just like you did in high school. 337 00:15:48,969 --> 00:15:51,280 - What? - Nothing. [clears throat] 338 00:15:51,281 --> 00:15:54,076 Sorry I was late. Uh... [sighs] ...big drama at work. 339 00:15:54,077 --> 00:15:56,458 - Ooh, tell. - Well, my boss was like, 340 00:15:56,459 --> 00:15:58,978 "I need you to replace this master cylinder by six o'clock." 341 00:15:58,979 --> 00:16:00,393 And I was like, "That's impossible." 342 00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:01,911 And as it turns out, I was right 343 00:16:01,912 --> 00:16:03,430 'cause I didn't finish it until 6:15. 344 00:16:03,431 --> 00:16:05,087 - [imitates explosion] - Ooh. [chuckles] 345 00:16:05,088 --> 00:16:06,847 Oh, so, uh, you're a mechanic? 346 00:16:06,848 --> 00:16:11,507 No, he restores and modifies classic cars with modern parts. 347 00:16:11,508 --> 00:16:13,440 [Caitlin] What do you call that job? 348 00:16:13,441 --> 00:16:14,442 Mechanic works. 349 00:16:15,719 --> 00:16:17,341 Oh, so, you didn't go to college? 350 00:16:17,342 --> 00:16:19,826 Nah, you don't need a degree to be a mechanic. 351 00:16:19,827 --> 00:16:21,553 Yeah, that's right. 352 00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:24,486 We didn't go to college, 353 00:16:24,487 --> 00:16:26,488 so stop making us feel like crap. 354 00:16:26,489 --> 00:16:27,799 I wasn't. I-- 355 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,629 Gabe's an expert at what he does. 356 00:16:29,630 --> 00:16:32,735 And even without a degree, he makes a very good living. 357 00:16:32,736 --> 00:16:34,530 Could be better if you wanna talk to your dad. 358 00:16:34,531 --> 00:16:36,705 [stammers] Bah! 359 00:16:36,706 --> 00:16:41,848 And he does something he loves, which makes him happy, okay? 360 00:16:41,849 --> 00:16:44,644 So you can think I'm a loser. 361 00:16:44,645 --> 00:16:47,923 - I don't-- - Because, yeah, my life is crap. 362 00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,718 But you have no right judging Gabe. 363 00:16:49,719 --> 00:16:52,721 Do you remember our assistant principal, Ms. Havishaw? 364 00:16:52,722 --> 00:16:55,173 The one who died alone and got eaten by her cat? 365 00:16:56,036 --> 00:16:58,417 That's gonna be you in 30 years! 366 00:17:00,799 --> 00:17:02,387 And I'm keeping the napkin! 367 00:17:08,186 --> 00:17:10,740 So, what's your cat's name? 368 00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:15,883 - Carter? Oh... [groans] - [screams] 369 00:17:17,885 --> 00:17:19,403 Don't leave me hanging. 370 00:17:19,404 --> 00:17:21,163 How'd you do on the test? 371 00:17:21,164 --> 00:17:23,753 Well, I finished on time, and... 372 00:17:24,754 --> 00:17:27,412 - I think I got an A. Ya boy! - [chuckles] 373 00:17:28,723 --> 00:17:30,172 That's great. That's great. 374 00:17:30,173 --> 00:17:33,452 Hey, Riley, ask "ya boy" how he did on the test. 375 00:17:34,143 --> 00:17:35,867 Oh, I don't have to ask. 376 00:17:35,868 --> 00:17:37,766 I got a call from his teacher. 377 00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:39,699 [Matt] Big time news there. 378 00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:41,633 It's not "ya boy," it's "the man." 379 00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:45,740 Carter, do you wanna tell Grandpa why the teacher called? 380 00:17:48,674 --> 00:17:50,124 Nah. 381 00:17:54,163 --> 00:17:56,888 So... So, I-I was taking the test, right? 382 00:17:56,889 --> 00:18:00,064 And I was doing good. I-I definitely knew the stuff. 383 00:18:00,065 --> 00:18:01,308 Well, you're welcome. 384 00:18:02,309 --> 00:18:04,724 But then, I looked at the clock, 385 00:18:04,725 --> 00:18:06,760 and there was only ten minutes left. 386 00:18:06,761 --> 00:18:08,452 And I was only halfway through 'cause, 387 00:18:08,453 --> 00:18:11,938 you know, it takes me a while to get my thoughts together. 388 00:18:11,939 --> 00:18:13,629 So I panicked. 389 00:18:13,630 --> 00:18:15,907 But then, I remembered the cheat sheet Grandpa gave me 390 00:18:15,908 --> 00:18:17,255 was right there in my pocket. 391 00:18:22,639 --> 00:18:23,847 Grandpa gave you that? 392 00:18:25,090 --> 00:18:26,746 Index cards. They're for studying. 393 00:18:26,747 --> 00:18:28,335 No, you called it a cheat sheet. 394 00:18:30,337 --> 00:18:33,305 And maybe use a different name next time, 'cause it's pretty confusing. 395 00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:36,307 That's why the school called me. 396 00:18:36,308 --> 00:18:40,208 A janitor found the "cheat sheet" under Carter's desk. 397 00:18:40,209 --> 00:18:43,488 The one time a public employee does their job. 398 00:18:47,112 --> 00:18:49,597 You're in huge trouble. Go to your room. 399 00:18:50,322 --> 00:18:51,358 [Carter sighs] 400 00:18:52,807 --> 00:18:53,843 Go. 401 00:18:56,501 --> 00:18:58,985 You know, Carter used to struggle in school. 402 00:18:58,986 --> 00:19:03,092 But then, I got him the accommodations, and he was doing fine. 403 00:19:03,093 --> 00:19:04,887 Until, huh, what changed? 404 00:19:04,888 --> 00:19:06,131 Oh, yeah, you! 405 00:19:06,890 --> 00:19:08,339 I think Carter's a great kid. 406 00:19:08,340 --> 00:19:10,790 I know he's a great kid. I'm his mother. 407 00:19:10,791 --> 00:19:14,173 And I am barely keeping it together. 408 00:19:14,174 --> 00:19:16,520 I didn't need this right now. 409 00:19:16,521 --> 00:19:19,488 I don't want that kid to think there's anything wrong with him. 410 00:19:19,489 --> 00:19:21,283 Well, guess what, Dad. 411 00:19:21,284 --> 00:19:23,906 Everybody's got something wrong with them, okay? 412 00:19:23,907 --> 00:19:27,116 Look at me. I'm getting a divorce, living at home, 413 00:19:27,117 --> 00:19:29,981 and I scared off the one person who was going to be my friend. 414 00:19:29,982 --> 00:19:31,293 I'm a stereotype. 415 00:19:31,294 --> 00:19:34,331 The girl who peaked in high school. 416 00:19:34,332 --> 00:19:37,472 - [sighs] - I don't like when you talk about yourself like that. 417 00:19:37,473 --> 00:19:39,406 You talk about me like that. 418 00:19:41,201 --> 00:19:42,754 But in a funny way. 419 00:19:45,653 --> 00:19:47,275 You're really doing a good job. 420 00:19:47,276 --> 00:19:48,862 [scoffs] 421 00:19:48,863 --> 00:19:50,485 - Really? - Yeah, really. 422 00:19:50,486 --> 00:19:53,660 It took courage to get out of a messy marriage 423 00:19:53,661 --> 00:19:56,595 and move here, take care of your kids. You did it all for them. 424 00:19:59,771 --> 00:20:00,910 You're a good mom. 425 00:20:03,499 --> 00:20:05,225 You did a good thing. You really did. 426 00:20:08,469 --> 00:20:10,056 Thank you, Dad. 427 00:20:10,057 --> 00:20:11,231 I learned from the best. 428 00:20:12,508 --> 00:20:14,889 - And she's not here, so I'm all you got. - [chuckles] 429 00:20:17,064 --> 00:20:19,548 Now I have to go deal with the little cheater. 430 00:20:19,549 --> 00:20:20,653 Use the ruler. 431 00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:21,724 It's near my bed. 432 00:20:23,622 --> 00:20:25,900 Let's just say he'll never stutter again. 433 00:20:27,074 --> 00:20:29,594 Yeah, but you don't wanna beat a stutter into him. 434 00:20:33,908 --> 00:20:35,357 - [doorbell rings] - Hey, Pops. 435 00:20:35,358 --> 00:20:37,532 I reorganized my backpack just like you told me. 436 00:20:37,533 --> 00:20:40,812 I made a color-coded filing system for all my classes. 437 00:20:42,538 --> 00:20:43,953 Grandpa, are you okay? 438 00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:48,785 [sniffles] 439 00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:51,892 I just... I got something in my eye. 440 00:20:53,894 --> 00:20:55,791 Morning. You left this at the bar. 441 00:20:55,792 --> 00:20:58,450 [groans] I would've chewed my foot off to get out of that trap. 442 00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:01,521 Sorry I abandoned you with Caitlin. 443 00:21:01,522 --> 00:21:02,902 Yeah, no worries. 444 00:21:02,903 --> 00:21:04,593 I mean, where does she get off judging us? 445 00:21:04,594 --> 00:21:07,389 She confiscates vapes for a living. 446 00:21:07,390 --> 00:21:10,116 And you saw how she gave me that judgmental look. 447 00:21:10,117 --> 00:21:11,567 [chuckles] Yeah. Totally. 448 00:21:13,154 --> 00:21:14,294 She's right here. 449 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,540 Riley. 450 00:21:20,541 --> 00:21:21,956 [clears throat] Yeah, that's the look. 32058

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