All language subtitles for Futurama special S00E06 - Into the Wild Green Yonder

(ZAPPING)

(ELECTRONIC PULSING)

(BURBLING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

Yoy and I will be reborn

In a fytyre place and time

If everything our
Hindu brethren
say is true

In an age of
things that hover

You and I will
still be lovers

And we'll
say to ourselves

That was then
and this is, too

Doo-doo-be-doo, Doo-doo

'Cause we'll still find
the happening hot spots

We'll still cruise
the cool casinos

You'll still
fly me to the moon

Although the moon
to which you fly me

Could be Phobos or Deimos

The psychic worms from
Rigel nine

Who control
everything we do

Will make us think
that was then

And 3010 is exactly
the same as 1962

Don't expect any
changes, my friend

That was then
and this is, too

Wow, Mars Vegas.
Long live
the eternal city.

Two, one, zero!

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Rest in hell, Crapville!

Out here in the desert,
we're gonna build
bigger, better Vegas.

Bathtubs size of oceans,
hookers size of bouncers.

(BLUBBERS) Hamburger!

ANNOUNCER:
Stand clear of
the closing jaws.

(IMITATES WARNING CHIME)

BENDER: Yo, you need any
girders bent, I know a guy.

So what's gonna
be over there, Dad?

LEO: That?
That the oasis.

Future site
of Oasis Hotel.

(LAUGHS) Take that,
you stupid Mother Nature.

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

Okay. Let's hit him hard.

(SINGING) This
land is your land
This land is my land

Who are you noisy women?

I'm Frida Waterfall,
leader of the Greenorita
Eco-Feminist Collective,

and we will not
let you man-doze this
beautifuI gyno-desert.

Well, I'm Leo Wong,
and I say, "Boom."

(WOMEN SCREAMING)

(WOMEN GRUNTING)

(BODIES THUDDING)

(GASPS)

(ELECTRlClTY CRACKLES)

Hey, what happened
to my femi-necklace?
And where's my mega-fem?

(SCREAMS)

Is he badly hurt,
Dr. Zoidberg?

I don't quite know
how to say this.

(SOBBING) Fry is dead!

(ALL SOBBING)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

Wait, not dead.
The other thing.

Damn eco-broads!

You can't even spray
for eagles without
upsetting these kooks.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(SCREAMS)

Now, hang on.
Before you do construction,

don't you have to make
sure you're not harming
any native species?

You mean, cursory
environmental survey?

Already done!
By top scientist.

Oh, my, yes.
You've got the
go-ahead, Mr. Wong.

This place is deader
than last year's cat.

No, it's not!

There's
precious life right
here in this scum puddle.

Ah!

Cyprinodon martius.
The desert muck leech.

Amazingly,
the entire species lives
in this one tiny stinkhole.

Killing these will
be so much easier than
exterminating those ponies.

(IMITATING PONY TROTTING)

(IMITATES GUNFIRE)

(IMITATES NEIGHING)

Wait a second.

Leeches
may not be cuddly
like pandas or tribbles,

but these
poor endangered
creatures deserve...

(SCREAMS)

Get off me!

I'll get it with my trusty
foot cups: Stompy and Smashy.

(GRUNTING)

No, don't kill it!
We have to...

(SCREAMING)

There. They're not
endangered anymore.
They're extinct.

No, they're not.
I saved this one.

And I'm gonna raise
it and care for it,

so the world will forever
know what it's lost.

(SCREAMING)
You freaking slime wad!

No. I killed it.
It was the last
of its kind.

(SCREAMS)

Mother (BLEEP).
Let go of me, you...

Poor thing.

(SCREAMS)

(GROANS WEAKLY)

Tell you what, Fry.
You all promise
not to sue me,

I give you token
for free entry in
poker tournament.

He took it,
you all saw it!

Maybe we did, maybe we didn't.
What's in it for me, Bender?

Okay, okay.
Come back when
New Vegas opens,

I give you
all free rooms,

free dinner and
free tickets to
Celine Dion.

Lose the
Celine Dion tickets and
you got yourself a deal.

All right, damn it, done!

(CHEERING)

All right, I scored.

(SLOT MACHINES CLINKING)

Look out, Vegas,
I've got a system.

(LAUGHING)

Oh.

I'm bankrupt.

(CHUCKLES)
You said it, Hermes.
He is pathetic, but lovable.

Yup. What? I said
no such thing, man.

I am not acting
weird, Leela. Why is
everyone talking at once?

Fry, calm down
and stop braining.

Yeah, Fry,
maybe you need...

You're right, Amy!
Maybe I do need
some fresh air.

Man, I'm worried about him.

But not enough
to stop gambling for
even a single second.

You win, damn it!

(BELL RINGING)

(BENDER LAUGHING)

It's all in the wrist.

(HORNS HONKING)

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

Voices always yelling.

Who said that?
I'm not insane.

Stop it.
Stop talking in me!

(PANICKED GASPING)

Voices bothering
you, man?
I've been there.

You need one
of these doodangs.

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

A foil hat?
Of course, he
likes pastrami.

What about
the dog's testicles?

(CONVERSATlONS STOP)

Hey, it worked.
The voices stopped.

They've got
a huge selection
of carburetors...

Hang on. Hang on.

(CLATTERING)

(SlGHS)

That's better.
My name's Hutch.

Hi, Hutch.
So what's with the
obnoxious, shrieking voices?

Are my fillings
picking up The View?

No, man.

Truth is,
it's other
people's thoughts.

You're a mind reader.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Although, actually, it
was sort of obvious.

You don't
believe me?
Take off the helmet.

I believe you.

Seriously, do it.

(SlGHS)

HUTCH: Testing, testing.
Do you read me?

FRY: Loud and clear.

What?

I said, "Loud and clear."

Only I said it with my
thinker, not my talker.

Whoa!

Freaky. Why can't l
read your thoughts?

I don't know. Wait.

What's that about
a secret society?

Never mind that.

Just keep the foil
on and you'll be okay.

Also, it'll keep
the Dark Ones from
incinerating your brain.

That's a plus.

And don't ever, ever, ever
tell anyone you can read
minds,

or the Dark Ones
will get you like that.

Hang on, pizza grease.

Like that.

(WAlLS)

(ELECTRONICA MUSIC PLAYING)

Jeez, get a load of
the batteries on her.

I'd like to get
my clamps on those.

Give her a jump,
you know what I mean?

(CACKLING)

Whoa, whoa.

Show some
decorum there, Clamps.
This ain't no strip show.

This is
a beguiling display
of the pornographic arts.

Yo, Skip, I can
see a guy's butt.

Oh, Michael,
this is the perfect end
to a perfect honeymoon.

I love you so much.

(BOTH GASP)
Is this seat taken?

Actually, we...

Slide me
those chicken wings.

So what
part of Podunk
you rubes from?

The north-eastern.

(BELCHES LOUDLY)

(SENSUOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHEERING)

ANNOUNCER ON PA:
Monsieurs et mademoiselles,

our circus of the senses
now arrives by steamboat
in New Orleans, circa 2873.

The muted
lament of a trombone
resonates through the fog,

which lingers even now,
months after the attack
of the fog monster.

With but one hope of
restoring Gearoticus
to his throne,

our sensuaI fate rests
in the gyrations of

Fanny.

Oh.

(STAMMERING)

(GASPS)

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(HUMMING JAUNTILY)

Yes?

I'm Bender.
Let's do it.

(COCKS GUN)

Who is it, the Feds?

(GASPS)
Aren't you the Donbot,
head of the Robot Mafia?

Allegedly.
And this is my
beloved wife, Fanny,

whose honor I would
proudly defend with
a power drill.

Well,
I gotta go
drown a stoolie.

(MOANING)

I'm gonna be in here a
while, so do me a favor
and drive my wife home.

It's one of them self-driving
cars, so just sit in the back
and do whatever.

(MOANING)

Oh, Bender, your
lips are intoxicating.

It's like kissing an
ashtray full of hot wings.

(BODIES CLUNK)

(BENDER EXCLAIMS)

(OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS)

(CONVERSATlONS STOP)

My God, I really
can read minds.
I have a superpower!

There must be something
great I can do with this.

(GASPS)

Hello, ladies,
I can read your thoughts.

(BLOWS THUDDING)

Oh, wait,
that's invisibility.

(GASPS)

FRY: Poker. With my
mind-reading abilities
and my invisibility...

Wait, no, just
the mind reading.
I can't lose!

Sign me up for the
tournament, please.

Okey-doke, Jiffy Pop.
Entry fee's 50,000
smackers.

50,000?

Drat, all I have
is my life savings

and a token for free
admission to this
poker tournament.

Close enough.

(MELLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

You're having an affair
with the head of the
robot mafia's wife?

BENDER: Yup, this is
her I'm making out with.

(MOANING)

Bender, are you crazy?

No,
it's Fry who's
crazy in this one.

I'm not crazy.

(SCOFFS) You sure
you're okay, Fry?

I mean, you do have
tin foil on your head.

So? You got
a leech on your neck.

And speaking of sucking
on your neck, want to
go to a movie later?

Hey, there! How are
you folks doing tonight?

Great.
What are the specials?

Well, let's see now.
We've got a wonderful
grizzly bear

that's been dipped
in cornmeal and
lightly tormented.

Questions?

What was the bear's name?

Jojo.

Ooh, I'll have him.

(STARTLED GASP)

Hide me!
Hey, Donbot,

ain't that your wife what
with you had that wedding
with?

Donbot, honey!
What a pleasant shock!

I was just
having dinner alone, when
suddenly you walk in on us.

Alone, huh?

(BENDER EXCLAlMS)

(BENDER GROANS)

Where am l?

I was exploring a wormhole
through space many light
years from this restaurant,

when suddenly I was
surrounded by darkness.

Hot, sexy darkness.

(PURRS SENSUALLY)

Why, hello,
Donbot! Hello, miss,
have we met? I'm Bender.

The world's
most sexual robot.

I mean, the world's most
boundary-respecting robot.

Nice to see you, Bender.
Welcome back to our universe.

Listen, sugar, I stuck up
the Burlington Coat Factory

and got you a
little something.
It's a $49 value.

(SQUEALING)

Donbot, I love you!

(WHlSPERING) Not really.

Man, this is great!

I always wanted to
nail a dame in a fur
coat, and now's my chance.

I mean, if you'll
introduce me to one, sir.
One as sexy as you, baby!

Bender out.

(HUMMING HAPPILY)

I never felt
so alive, Bender.

Listen, this
turquoise-encrusted
bra is worth 50 grand.

Let's sell it and run off
before the Donbot gets wise.

(SIGHS) No. It will take
a lot more money than that
to make a girl like you happy.

No, it won't.

Yeah, it will. Shut up!

We'll run off,
but not till after I win the
Universal Poker Championship!

(GASPS)

One entry, please.

Bender, no!
You can't beat the best
players in the universe.

You're not lucky enough.

Oh, no? I'm 40% lucky.

The scrap metal I'm
made from included a
truckload of horseshoes

from the luckiest racehorses
in Mexico, who had just been
sent to a glue factory.

They don't sound
so lucky to me.

Not without their shoes.

(CROWD MURMURING)

(BUBBLING)

(HlSSING)

(CROWD EXCLAlMS)

WOMAN: That's great!

(HUMMING)

Here, Bendy, take this.
It will give you
70% more luck.

It's the Donbot's
lucky robot's foot.

All right!
With two kinds of
luck, I can't lose.

No, wait, three.
I stepped on a leprechaun.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Yo, you see this
over here over there?

I'm powering up the clamps.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let us not rush to judgment.

But, Skip, that was your
lucky robot's foot what
came off of your lucky leg.

While it is true that
I did wake up with only
one foot this morning,

there is no proof
that my beloved
Fanny was involved.

Aside from the hacksaw
I found under her pillow.

Well, what about
that Bender guy? You want l
should give him the clamps?

Not yet, Clamps.
Only one thing can prove
that he has my lucky foot.

Torture with the clamps
or a clamp-like device?

No. We are gonna
sit tight and see if he
wins the poker tournament.

He does, that proves
he's packing my lucky foot,

in which event...

The clamps!

Or a clamp-like device.

JILLETTE: Welcome viewers
who fell asleep with the
TV on!

It's the 3009 no-limit
hold 'em championship.

(CHEERING)

I'm the massive head
of Penn Jillette,

and here with
a color commentary,
my partner Teller.

Our act really didn't
change much when he died.

Pardon me,
I'm new to this game.

Is this duffle bag big
enough for all your money?

(LAUGHING)

Bender?
Oh, boogers. We're
in the same tournament.

Quick, get your entry fee
back before I bankrupt you.

(SPLUTTERS)
ln your dreams, nutloaf.

Bite my shiny metal hat.

JlLLETTE: Tex Connecticut,
the pride of Kansas City,
first to act.

Smiley Spiff, up next.

Looks like
Boobs Vanderbilt
has a decent pair.

AIso, she's got two eights.

And Bender Rodriguez
picks up a Iucky deaI
right off the bat.

BENDER: Two aces.
I'm thinking guitar solo.

(MIMICKING GUITAR SOLO)

I fold.

Holy crap! A stunning play by
mentally ill newcomer Philip
Fry.

It's almost
as if he knew
Bender had two aces.

Bender has two aces?
I'm out.

I'm out.
I'm out.

(LAUGHS)

Suck my luck!

See this gun?

That's what I'm gonna
do to Bender if he wins.

(COOING)

All in.
Call my mighty
bid at your peril.

(GROWLING)

My cards are awfuI,
and I need a hug.

I call your bluff.

(GROWLING)

I shall annihilate...

(SOBBING)

I just wanted to
make my daddy proud.

Well, you didn't.
I want you and your
junk moved out by Monday.

JILLETTE: It's getting
pretty intense, folks.

Based on the state
of decomposition
of Teller's head,

we're now in hour
1 9 of the tournament.

And the first bad deal
of the night for Bender.

Hey, pal, help me out here.
This is the worst possible
hand, right?

I'm all in.

All in! I mean,
fold. Whatever.

Well, Bender's
luck just ran out. No card
can save him from elimination.

(GROANS)

Oh, my gourds! He's dead.

(GROANS)

21 , winner!

(WHOOPING)

I'm so full of luck,
it's shooting out
like luck diarrhea.

JILLETTE:
Wake up, poker fans!

We're down to our final
two players in heads-up
action for the Championship.

Your perspective, Teller?

All in.

(ALL GASP)

But you didn't even
look at your cards!

Looking at one's cards is
a crutch for players who
rely on skill.

(BENDER SCATTING
UPBEAT TUNE)

(GULPS)

Any day now, Fry.
You in or out?

(STAMMERING)

What's the matter, Fry,
you scared? Or just crazy?

(LAUGHS)

All right, all in.

Yes! Four aces!

Ah-ah-ah.

Read 'em and weep,
and then tell me
what they are.

Two kings. And with three
on the board, that gives
Bender five kings.

(AUDlENCE GASPS)

But how is that...

I don't believe it.

Bender has just been
dealt the King of Beers,

a coaster from
the bar that somehow
got mixed into the deck.

But it still counts!

(CHEERING)

LEO: Bender win
the Championship!

(MUNCHING)

That's some good money.

(BELCHING)

You did it, Bender.

You're the greatest.

Tell me something
I don't know, sweetass.

Now, let's boogie.

We'll be in Space Tahiti
before the Donbot knows
what hit him.

Now I am suspicious.

(BENDER GRUNTING)

Okay, we finished digging this
shallow grave. Can we go now?

(SOBBING)

Poor Bender left me
one last voicemail

before the Robot Mafia
buried him in the desert.

BENDER: Fry, old friend,
before I die,
I just wanted to say...

(BEEP)

Hang on, I'm getting
another call. Hello?

(GUNFIRE)

(BENDER SCREAMING)

Line up, people!
Everyone take a shovel
and one sixth of the planet.

We'll meet back
here in 50 years, our bodies
broken and our lives wasted.

And you say these
are free shovels?

(RUMBLING)

I'm back, baby.

Bender! I thought the
Robot Mafia killed you.

Nah, they just
shot us and buried us
a few times as a warning.

Bender was so brave.

He never stopped making out
with me the whole time they
were shooting us.

I sure didn't.

I gotta get back
to my husband, baby.
Will I see you tonight?

Probably not.

It's a 14-footer
with a clown hazard.

What club you recommend,
Baggy?

As on every hole,
I suggest the putter.

Your golf club sure
is classy, Mr. Wong.
Naked statue classy.

(CURSING IN MANDARIN)

It is very nice.

I just wish Amy and I didn't
have to wear these sexist
badges on our melons.

We're lucky even to
play as guests, Leela.

Dad's club
has a very strict
"No girls allowed" policy.

(CURSING IN MANDARIN)

That doesn't seem fair.

It really is.

Everybody knows women
don't have the focus

to play miniature golf
at a professional level.

But that's the
best shot of the day!

Is that my ball?
I think that my ball.

(CURSING IN MANDARIN)

Great putt, Dad.

Okay, we're done.

Mr. Wong, how do you keep
this place so green in
the middle of the desert?

Doesn't that waste
a lot of water?

Nah, we got plenty water,
pumped directly from
flamingo lake.

(SQUAWKING)

They'll be fine.

LEO: Oh, yeah,
I love miniature golf.
Love everything about it,

except how damn
miniature it is.

That's why I'm building
the universe's biggest
miniature golf course.

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

This the first tee.

Where's the hole?

On Pluto's moon, Hydra.

It's a six-billion-mile
par-two. Tough shot,
even for a man.

(GROANS)

(WHIRRING)

LEO: Around the sun.
Bank off Jupiter.

And right into the...

(CURSING IN MANDARIN)

I'll be right back.

(GRUNTING)

(CURSING IN MANDARIN)

(GRUNTING)

It dropped in!
Put me down for a two.

Two.

Keep in mind,
that just the first hole.

For full course,
we gonna bulldoze this
entire arm of the Milky Way.

What? You're gonna
wipe out 1 0% of the galaxy
for a stupid golf course?

First of all, it 1 2%.
Second, yes, you betcha.

But you have no idea
what life forms might
be evolving out there.

That's exactly
why I'm hiring an
impartial scientist

to perform an environmental
survey. That's him in the
money shower.

(GlGGLING)

FRY: Delivery boy's log.
Having fallen asleep on
what I thought was the toilet,

I awoke to find
the environmentaI
survey in progress.

Status reports,
Science Officer.

Zilcho. No sign of
life or intelligence.

(CACKLING)

BENDER:
Just like Fry on a date.

(LAUGHS) Hey!

Okay, so we haven't
found any life yet.

I still don't see why
you men can't be happy with
regular-sized miniature golf.

Leela, evolution
has programmed our
fabulous male brains

to take anything anybody
else thinks is important
and make it bigger.

Have you seen my
new 301 -inch TV?

ANNOUNCER: Hypnotoad
is brought to you by the
MagnaPhallix 302-inch TV.

It's bigger!

Oh, hell!

(ALARM BLARING)

Captain, I'm detecting
life on the spock-o-scope!

(GASPS)

It's amazing. It's like
a textbook on evolution.

Except in Kansas.

But isn't
Mr. Wong building
the 1 8th hole here?

And the golf
pants museum?

lndeed so.
This whole area
will be incinerated

when he implodes that
sun there into a black hole.

That beautiful violet star?

It's so you can't
keep your ball at
the end of the game.

Yo, that's messed up.

Well, there won't be
any imploding once they
read our environmental review.

Right, Professor?

Twaddle-squat.

There's no
scientific consensus
that life is important.

Yeah. Life, schmife.

FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Approved for demolition.

It's you and me, ponytail.

(PONYTAIL CRACKS)

(TRILLING)

We're here, Mr. President.

(BLUBBERING HOWL)

Let's play some mini-golf.

Now, just give
it a light tap, Agnew.
No, no, no, just a light...

(ROARS)

Now for a triple clam
dip, with a double...

Ow!

(PEOPLE GASPING)

(GRUNTS)

(GROWLS)

Tough luck, Agnew.
Looks like you and Wong
owe me a Charleston Chew.

(BOTH GASP)

Shut up and hear our wisdom.
Shut up and hear our wisdom.

Save the ecosystem.
Save the ecosystem.

(ALL CHANTING) Shut up
and hear our wisdom!
Save the ecosystem!

What gives, Wong?
You said no chicks allowed.

(GROWLS)

We are the Greenorita
Eco-Feminist Collective,

and we will not let you...
What was it again?

We will not let you implode
the violet dwarf star

at galactic coordinates
1 67.84, -58.03, mark 948.

Already approved,
you cackling hens.

So get out, or I'll have
vice-president Agnew's
headless body throw you out.

I'd like to see him try.

Me, too. Should look
funny. Sic 'em, Agnew.

(ROARING)

(SCREAMING)

NlXON: Runaway golf cart!

Look out, Agnew!

(YELLING)

(CRUNCHING)

Whoa!
Aah!

(CRACKLING)

LEELA: Is he okay?

No pulse.

They killed the headless
remains of Agnew.
Arrest them!

All feministas
she-vacuate the premises.

I mean "femises."

(WOMEN PANTING)

(BONES CRACKLING)

My fellow Earthicans,

these eco-crooks will
face the maximum sentence.

For killing a headless
torso, that's six weeks.

Well, this is embarrassing.

Here I've been blabbing on
for years about killing
all humans,

and who actually does
something about it?
Some chick.

Leela's not a killer,
and she's not some chick.

She's the chick I love.

And don't tell her
I called her a chick,
or she'll kill me.

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

Everyone stay
absolutely quiet!

That thing's on.
Turn it off!

Oh, sorry.

How do you turn it off?

There. Did that do it?

No. Stop it. Shut up.

Here's the button here.

(ALARM WAILING)

And I think I...
Now I got it.

(FEEDBACK SQUEALS)

Let me give you a hand.

(SHUSHING)

This is awful.

I never meant for our
protest to have any effect.
Now what do we do?

Maybe we should just
surrender and serve
our six weeks in jail.

Hey, yeah! We could do each
other's toenails and make
shivs.

That's crazy.
We've done nothing wrong,

other than killing
and dismembering
the vice-president.

We need to make
a choice, sisters.

We can either keep pestering
criminals like Leo Wong
with silly slogans...

Yeah.
Let's do that.

Actually, I meant
that to be the less
preferable alternative.

We can
either chant slogans
or we can take action.

What was the
first choice again?

I choose to save the
environment by sabotaging
Leo Wong's golf course.

Who's with me?

Could we still
use our bullhorns?

Absolutely.

Bullhorns are a core
principle of eco-feminism.

Then I'm in.

(CHEERING)

(SHUSHING)

Uh, take that

Yeah, yeah

Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah

Izzy, Izzy, ah
Zizah, zizah, zizah

GirIs be taIkin'
Like they all rah, rah

Who's ready to kick
some sweaty man-butt?

(CHEERING)

I've got my pointy
man-kicking shoes on.

Those are cute.

Aren't they?
I got them at Nine West.

Simmer down, warriors.
Full power to
the vagyroscope!

(LOW WHIRRING)

Those dirty rings.

I tried soaking them out,
even blasting them out.

(ENGINE REVVING)

Are you sure about this?

It would be better
for propaganda if we
weren't using refined sugar.

It's okay. The potato
we're shoving in the
tailpipe is organic.

(SPUTTERING)

(HISSING)

I smell sabotage.

(SNIFFING)

And potatoes.

(CHEERING)

Now, unfortunately,
the media is going to
put a negative spin on this,

like when we
killed that guy,

so to win public support,
we'll need a lovable mascot.

(GROWLING)

(SNARLING)

(LAUGHS)

Squirm all you want,
you nasty dumpling.

One less species
for the universe,
one more breakfast for...

Zoidberg?

Leela.

Me saving
things the leech.
Not the eating of it.

Zoidberg, I'm very
surprised at you,
slightly.

(SLURPING)

Leela.

Shh! I'm a fugitive.

I know. I miss you so
much, Leela, even more
than when you were here.

I miss you, too, Fry.

And you probably think
what I'm doing is wrong.

But it's something
I really care about...

You don't have
to explain, Leela.

You're you.
That's all I need to know.

Goodbye, sweet goofbag.

(SlGHS)

I'll miss her, too, buddy.

Dibs on her iPod.
Dibs on...

Hey, Fry!
Long time, man.

Hey, Hutch!
What have you been up to?

Same old, same old.
Searching the dumpsters,

protecting my thoughts
with tin foil, peeing
myself.

So, what brings
you to Earth?

It's top secret.
Hey, take off your helmet
and I'll think it to you.

Okay. Here goes.

(WHIRRING)

(GROANING)

Where are you? And me?

The Great Hall of
the Ancient Legion
of Madfellows.

Welcome, bro.

Welcome, bro.
Welcome, bro.

Sorry I bashed your
head in, buddy,
but I had to.

You see, the fate of the
universe depends on you.

Yeah, I get that a lot.

The Grand Curator
will tell you more.

Take me to him.

Hey, man.
Hey.

So dig this, Fry.

Our commune
has been monitoring
the universe's life energy

for, like, a really long
time, and we're grokking
some super weird junk.

I don't mean to
be rude, but it's kind of
hard to take you seriously

when you say junk like
"grok" and "junk."

What about "commune"?

Especially "commune."

Come on, it's the fate of the
universe, puff it up a little.

Like you could say
your ancient order
is sensing

deep upheaval in the
cosmic life energy field.

(ALL MURMURING)

Okay. I'll try.
So, like, a really,
really long time ago...

Eons ago!

(LAUGHS) Cool.

Eons ago,
the life force we call
Chee permeated the universe.

The Green Chee generated
a great upwelling
of life across the cosmos.

But then,
for reasons unknown...

Ooh. "Reasons unknown."

Now that's the sort
of hook that grabs the
attention of me, the viewer.

For reasons unknown...

Nice.

...the Chee began to recede,
and the diversity of life
began to wither.

The life forms we know today

are but a fraction of a
fraction of the magnificence
that once existed.

But a bunch of dudes,
right,

they totally passed this
far-out knowledge down
through the ages.

GRAND CURATOR: Some with
this knowledge were called
prophets, some, fruitcakes.

We, the Legion
of Madfellows,
are their heirs.

Hey, I'm on TV.

Well, that's the show.

Neat. What's it
got to do with me?

Pooperdoodle!
I mean, pardon
the omission.

You see, after untold
eternities, we have sensed
a resurgence in the Chee.

FRY: Hey, that's
the violet dwarf star
that Leela wants to save.

Freaking nailed it,
corndog.

We believe this star
heralds a new green age,

and it's your destiny
to be its shepherd
and protector.

Me? Why?

'Cause you got, like,
no delta brainwave, man.

The Dark Ones can't
groove off your thoughts.

Silence, Hutch!
You shall learn
more in time, Fry.

But for now,
let's just say
we have enemies,

enemies who can read
minds, except yours.

Cool.
I can't wait
to tell Leela.

No! If you tell anyone,
then their thoughts
could be read,

and our enemies would
know of our existence.

For the sake of those
you love, you must
keep this secret.

Do you foot-swear?

Okay. I foot-swear.

Good. Now, to save the
coming of the green age,

you must stop this man.

I know him. Leo Wong.
I work with his daughter.

Good, that will cut about
1 5 minutes of explanation.

You must
gain Wong's confidence,
infiltrate his organization

and prevent him from
destroying the violet dwarf.

Looking for a job, eh?

Yes, sir.

Nothing fancy.
I'm willing to
start at the bottom

and infiltrate my way up.

Sorry, no openings right now.

What I need is security
guard to keep nutcases
out of my office.

I'm good at
keeping nutcases.

I said no way.

Security guard
gotta be tough.

This idiot don't look
like he could handle
those feministas.

I look like an idiot who
can handle those feministas.

He'll have to do
better than that.

I'll have to do
better than that.

Hmm.

You and l
think a lot alike.

You really think you
can stand up to those
eco-freakos?

Sir, with me around,
they'll be the least
of your worries.

Stand by, men.
And manly aliens. Prepare
to test fire King Kong hole.

(THUNDEROUS BOOM)

It workses.

Good job, men.
And manly aliens.

Construction of
King Kong hole
complete.

Typical.
Always King Kong,
never Queen Quong.

What are those, hooks?
Get out of heres, you hookers.

This is my turfs.

Helpses!

(CHEERING)

LEELA: You go, gorilla!

Our top story.
The string of
eco-vandalism

that began with a harmless
vice-presidential killing

has spread across the galaxy.

Why do you
always get to read
the top story, Morbo?

Because viewers trust a
deep male voice and huge,
throbbing forehead veins.

(BEATING RHYTHMICALLY)

Not all reaction
to the crime spree
has been negative.

We spoke with several people
who viewed these courageous
eco-feminists as heroes.

I just wish there was
some way to... Excuse me.

(COUGHING)

Some way to show
I support 'em. Send them
some smokes or something.

So you make more than
twice what I do. What?

This just in:
Root 2 News has
received a video communiqué

from the eco-feminists'
unknown hideout.

This is sub-commander L. ,

den mother
of the Feminista
Revolutionary Collective,

with a message for Leo Wong.

Leo, you're a parasite on
the universe, and parasites
must be destroyed.

That's why we've adopted
this parasite as our mascot.

(SNARLING)

I know it's
a little confusing.

The point is,
even this vicious
leech has a right to exist,

because it's
a part of nature.

And that's why a vicious
leech like Leo Wong
must be exterminated.

(CHEERING)

Again, confusing.

We call
on women everywhere
to join our struggle

against eco-chauvinist
Leo Wong.

We especially need
good communiqué writers.

Feministas unite!

ln other news...

Feministas unite!

lncredible.
Absolutely incredible.

You're telling me this
TiVo machine can pause
and rewind live TV?

These crazy broads
gonna ruin me, Nixon.

You gotta help me.
Send the army or
something.

Something big that shoots.

Sir, I don't
care if you are my
biggest contributor.

Our armed forces
do not serve your
private business interests.

Sorry, I...

(LAUGHING)

I'm just yanking
your chain, Leo. I'm on it
like boring on Gerry Ford.

(MILITARY MARCH PLAYING)

Zapp Brannigan
purporting for duty.

For the love of God, Kif,
less piccolo, more fife.

(SlGHS)

Report, Brannigan.

Mr. President,
I failed to identify
these curvaceous banditas

despite
hours of staring
at their dossiers.

Yet, I seemed to have
stroked myself upon
good luck,

for a patriot of the highest
order has volunteered to
lead us to them.

(PLAYING DRAMATIC FANFARE)

These eco-feminists
are ruthless criminals

who'll stop at nothing
to save the environment.

I don't see
how a bending
unit can catch them.

Not just any bending unit,
Presidente.

I happen to be brilliant,
fearless and short on cash.

(COUGHING) Short on cash.

Slush him, Kroker.

Bender here has identified
the femdito commander as
my ex-lover, Turanga Leela,

whom I once made
love at.

And he's
willing to fink her
out for a few simoleons?

It's not about the
money, Nixon, though
I'd like much more.

It's 'cause
Leela's a threat.
A threat to my reputation.

She's committed 30 felonies
in 12 star systems.

If no one stops her,
she'll break my record
for longest rap sheet.

(RASPY HOWL)

That's a despicable motive,
Bender, and I respect it.

(THANKING IN SPANISH)

Now, I could find
Leela, but you'll need
to authorize a wiretap.

As many as you like.

I only need one.

Let's call it six.

Question. If you don't
know where Leela is,
how can you wiretap her?

I'm not wiretapping her,
Greensleeves.

You see,
like all women,
Leela has one weakness.

BENDER: Hello, weakness!

Hey, Bender, check it out.
I'm Leo Wong's new
security guard.

I got an ID badge
and a flashlight, and
I ordered this mustache.

Neat. Say,
speaking of whatever
the hell you just said,

I need
to make a cell
phone telephone call.

Can borrow your
cell phone telephone?

Okay, but don't
restart my Tetris.

I was finally about
to get one of those
pieces

that looks like
a backwards "L."

Okay, superstud.

Looking good, security.
No feministas getting
past you.

No, sir. Not on my
mustache's watch.

Fry, I can't
believe you're working
with my dad against Leela.

How can you claim to be
her friend and still
want her in jail?

(CLEARS THROAT)

It's a tightrope walk,
I won't deny it.

It takes the kind
of multi-sided thinking
your dad's so brilliant at.

You mean
being two-faced?

Don't mind
cranky-pants here.

She been
cranky ever since
she was a fat little girl.

Dad!

Can I be brutally honest,
Fry?

I always wanted a son.

That hurt,
but I can take it.

(SPEAKS MANDARlN)

I knew you wanted a son!

Why do you think I became
a miniature golf champion?

Why do you think
I wear these stupid
boys' sweat suits?

(SNICKERING) To hide your
big, fat butt, that's why.

Now, sir,
in fairness, Amy's
butt is actually pretty hot.

What is it
with you men?

Why does everything
revolve around my butt?

'Cause it's so
big and massive.

Sorry.

That's it!

Why don't you just adopt
Fry and make him the son
you never had?

That'll replace
the daughter you
don't have anymore!

(GRUNTS IN ANGER)

Whoa! What's with Big Butt?

She just hungry.

Here you go, Fry.
Thanks.

Oh! FYI, I dropped that
Tetris piece in the wrong
place and ended the game.

(ECHOING) No!

Great!
Now Amy's gonna
tell Leela I'm a jerk.

If only I could explain
I'm on a secret mission
against evil.

Wait. Evil?
Yeah, yeah, evil.

(TAPPING)

What's going on in there?
A scary noise?

Hey, you're one of
Leela's feministas.

"Save the environment!
Wo-mandate Leo's retirement!"

That's terrible writing!
Stop making your point
so ineffectively!

Take your mands off of me!

(SHUSHING)

I'm on your side.

(SHUSHING) Don't shush me.

Please, can you take
a message to Leela?

What is it?

Just say her sweet goofbag
is working to save the violet
dwarf star, just like she is.

Very well,
I'll fem-municate
your man-formation.

Just tell her.

(SHUSHING)

Well,
this is it, old friends.
Planet Express is done for,

what with our
delivery crew missing

and the abysmal sales
of Tickle Me Bender.

(GIGGLING)

Quit touching
my junk, pervert!

(SlGHS)

Hold out your hands
and I'll remove your
career chips.

I hate to see it
come to an end.

(SCREAMING)

When will it end?

(PHONE RINGING)

Shouldn't you get that,
Professor?

I suppose.

(SCREAMING)

Hello?

Professor, old buddy,

I'm gonna blow up
the violet dwarf star.

So I need you deliver
billion-mile security
fence

to keep out protesters.
Dirty business. Lot of
money.

You corrupt enough?

Damn skippy!

Good news, crybabies!
We're back in business.

(BOTH CHEERING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(HERMES AND ZOIDBERG WAILING)

(CREATURES TWITTERING)

(HERMES AND ZOIDBERG WAILING)

Sweet kookaburra of Edinburgh,
Professor. You sure you know
how to fly this thing?

I invented it, didn't I?
You wouldn't ask
Thomas Edison

whether he knew
how to use a sexmatron.

(ALL GASP)

The feministas, probably.

(SPRAY PAINT HISSING)

Halt! What are
you doing in this
parallelogram of space?

We're delivering
a fence to keep you
ladies in your place.

(CHUCKLING)

Amy?
Labarbara?

That's right, husband.

From now on, you make
your own Manwiches.

Under the articles of the
confemiracy, we hereby
wo-mandeer this ship.

Oh, no, you don't.
It's three against three.

(GROANING)

That was the greatest
play I ever saw.
It must have had 20 acts.

(GASPING IN SHOCK)

(SCREAMING IN MANDARIN)

LEELA ON PA:
We installed your
fence, Leo Wong.

Yeah!
Yeah!

Should we shout
a clever slogan?

You mean something like,
"The best defense is
a good fence?"

Yeah, something
like that, only funny.

I wish we could,

but our chief slogan
writer is back at
the Honeybun Hideout.

Does
"violet dwarf" rhyme
with "men are dorks"?

It does through a megaphone.

That reminds me, I've got to
tell Leela about that weirdo

who wants to save
the violet dwarf.

VOICE: So, the Legion
of Madfellows has
a new pawn, eh?

Is somebody here?

If you're the DSL guy,
you're two days late.

Who gave you that
message for Leela?

I don't know his name.

Then you are of no
use to the Dark Ones!

(CHOKING)

Long lost brother,
avenge my death.

(GAGGING)

Where are your crappy
rhymes now, Frida Waterfall?

I'm dead. I'm dead.

Eat only naturaI
whole-grain bread.

(CHOKING)

(SINGING) Six, seven, eight
Lock the gate

One, two, three
Turn the key

30, 50, 1 0

My dirty, shifty friend?

Hey, Fry, long time.

(GROANING)

Welcome back
to the Legion of
Madfellows, man.

Why'd you bonk me, you idiot?

You could
have just asked
me to come with you.

And where are we?
This doesn't look like
your regular dumpster.

All in good time!

I guess now is a good time.

We are on Mars,
in a forgotten cavern

abandoned by the native
Martians a million years ago.

FRY: Actually, it was
five years ago. I remember
'cause they washed my socks.

You have done well, Fry.

You have ingratiated
yourself with Leo Wong.

Yup, I kissed his ass
from cheek to shining
cheek.

So, what do I do next?

As Wong security chief,

you will be on hand when
he attempts to destroy
the violet dwarf.

You must not
let that happen.

"Must let happen."

Not happen!

"Must let occur."

Let me tell you a story.
A story of two alien species

so ancient that compared
to them the human race
is a mere college senior!

On a distant planetoid
they evolved to cooperate
in their quest to survive.

Cooperation, because
life is a team sport.

GRAND CURATOR: But,
over time, one species
evolved a better strategy,

and an evolutionary
arms race began.

That concludes
the audio-visual portion
of our head-clonk and lecture.

Wait, what happened
to the snakes and
the frogs?

I need to know!

(SlGHS)

The frogs, or possibly
the snakes, evolved into
vicious killing machines,

honed by the merciless
forces of natural selection
and intelligent design.

We call these the Dark Ones!

(SHUDDERING)

These evil creatures preyed
on all life, driving species
after species to extinction.

Meanwhile, however,

the second species evolved
to fend off the Dark Ones,

befriending and protecting
all other living things.

Even Celine Dion?

Probably.

We call these noble
beings the Encyclopods,

because their
DNA incorporates

the DNA of
every endangered
species they encountered,

so they can recreate
them if they go extinct.

Just as a pillow, a wig
and a corncob pipe can be used
to recreate my old girlfriend!

Bingo.

ANNOUNCER:
Meanwhile, at the
Honeybun Hideout.

There! Now you know how
it feels to be locked
up in a go-go cage.

What the hell are
you talking about?

Shut your man-hole.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTING)

I feel dirty.

Are you sure Fry is
working for your father?

It just doesn't seem
like him to be so evil,
or to hold down a job.

It's true, Leela.
Cross My Heart bra
and swear to Goddess.

But the Fry I know
wouldn't do that.

I'm gonna call his
cell phone telephone
and prove you wrong.

Oh, no!
Frida's been murdered!

(ALL GASPING)

Sweet she-cattle of Seattle.

HERMES: Not your
strong suit, woman.

Who could have done this?

Your dad? Nixon?

Fry?

No, never. I don't think.

Anyhow,
there's a crazed
murderer on the loose,

possibly in the shadows
or hanging from the ceiling.

(ALL SCREAM)

So just stay calm
while I call Fry.

(BONES CRACKLE)

So where
are the Encyclopods
and the Dark Ones now?

When the life-giving
Chee receded,

only the
toughest organisms
could adapt and survive,

like the Dark Ones.

(BOOING)

Many more died out,
like the Encyclopods.

But, and this is the
great secret of our age,

we believe they
left an egg behind.

Is it edible?

We're not gonna eat it!

Not unless we find
a second one. No, Fry,
we intend to hatch it!

And that's where you come in.

And here I am.

At long last the tide
of Chee has returned,

and its nourishing flow
has awakened the dormant egg.

That's good.

It's better than good.
It's better.

With its massive
stash of DNA,

the Encyclopod can reconstruct
every species that ever went
extinct.

Imagine, all the animals
that failed evolution's
test, alive again!

The dodo bird,
the brittle-klutz, the
striped biologist-taunter.

So, where is this egg?

ln the violet
dwarf star system.

And what does it look like?

A violet dwarf star!

You mean, the whole star
is a single... Whoa! Sci-fi.

Alas!
Even now, a Dark One
is headed to the star

to ensure its destruction.

Dang! So what does
this Dark One look like?

(SlGHS)

We don't know. I admit
it's a horrifically
grave situation.

Don't sugarcoat it, Nine.

The Dark Ones have
been evolving so long,

it could be
anything or anyone.

Or anybody.

You mean, like, people?

Any people.
It will kill the egg,

and every dude, woman
and child who knows
about it.

Even our crazy caps will
be useless at close range.

That's why only you,
with your defective
unreadable brainwave,

may be able
to thwart them

and usher
in a new green
age of wonder and...

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

You're on Fry-time. Leela!

Did you get my message?

What message?

Didn't you see
Frida Waterfall?

(GASPS) So you did
kill Frida Waterfall?

What? No. I told her
to tell you that I'm...

Oh, Jeep!
The Dark Ones
got her. It's all true.

We need to talk, Leela.
Then I can explain...

Well, I can't explain
anything, but we
should talk anyway.

Where are you?

Oh, no.

I'm not gonna expose
the Honeybun Hideout.

Where are you?

Near the Keeler
Crater on Mars.

Do you know it?

I think I read about it.

LEELA: I'll meet you at
the south rim in one hour.
No mustaches.

(DIAL TONE)

(EVlL LAUGHTER)

Kif, set coordinates,
36-24-36.

AKA, Leela.

Ten minutes late.
Ain't that just
like a womanista?

Are you alone?

Of course,
don't you trust me?

(YELLING)

(WHIMPERING)

ZAPP ON PA:
There's no
escape, Leela.

If you surrender,
wave your shirt
in the air.

Fry, you traitor!

AMY OVER PA: Hop onto
the magnet, Leela!

Okay. One, two...

(SCREAMS)

(CHUCKLES)

(GRUNTS)

I can't believe you
ratted me out, Fry.

I'm not a rat, I swear.

If I'm any rodent,
it's the loyal capybara,
king of the rats! No, wait.

(EXPLOSlON)

This just in, we are about
to get our asses blown off.

Labarbara?

That's right, Linda.

(SCREAMING)

Stay strong, ladies.

We can lose
them in the giant
miniature golf course.

But the course isn't finished.
And there's no girls allowed.

Fore!

(GASP)

So, they want to
play mini golf, eh?
Two can play at that game.

Or even four,
depending on the number
of ball colors available.

(BOTH SlGH)

I choose pink.

That's their color, sir.

The hell it is.

They're gaining on us.
We need a birdie on
the windmill hole.

Wait. Wait.

Drop the boot!

(WOMEN CHEERING)

Sir, at our present speed,

the computer predicts
a 1 00% chance we'll
be sliced in half.

We'll never make it.

Not with that attitude,
we won't.

Same speed ahead!

(MEN SCREAMING)

We made it through, Kif.
How many men did we lose?

All of them.

Well, at least they won't
have to mourn each other.

Seal the airlocks,
and draw the shades.

Resume shooting.

Oh, no!
The gorilla!
That's a par-four!

(ALL SCREAM)

The mouth's
too dangerous.
I'm going for the nose.

Don't be a sucker.
You won't come out
anywhere near the hole.

You need to aim for the jaws
just when they start to close.

Start to close?
Are you out of your...

LEELA: We made it!

Captaining 101.
Go for the nose.

(GRUNTING)

My arms are broken,
I'll never paint again.

(SCREAMING)

You can't sue the military.

I'm okay then.

Damage report.

We lost all remaining
food and oxygen, Captain.

As well as our
XM Radio antenna.

Then this chase is over.

Kif, set course for the
nearest XM repair facility.

Meanwhile,
we shall sing top
hits from the '80s.

Which '80s, sir?

For me, there
are only one '80s.

(ZAPP SINGING)
Smell like I sound
I'm lost and I'm found

(KIF GROANS)

And I'm hungry like the wolf

(SCREAMING)

The shot was too good!
We're jamming straight
for the hole.

We're gonna crash, even.

Shmeesh, shmill out,
shmeverybody.
It's a wormhole hole.

FARNSWORTH: Of course,
a wormhole! We'll simply
disappear and reappear in

another part of the universe.

We made it!

(CHEERING)

Crud nuggets!
We de-spaced right
next to the Nimbus.

Just when you think the
chase is over, it gets
twice as exciting!

(HUMS HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF)

Hey, look at that.

Well, well, well.

My bloodhound-like instincts
must have hunted them down

while my other parts
were throbbing to Duran Duran.

Shall I
initiate a pointless and
potentially fatal pursuit?

Make it so.

It's gonna be fun
on a bun, in space.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(SCREAMING)

Look! The asteroid.
Now it's crawling
with life.

Like Zoidberg's sandals!

Wow! It's incredible.

But it'll be destroyed
when Leo Wong blows up
the violet dwarf.

So why are
you helping him?

I can't tell you, Leela.

You just have to trust me.

You keep saying that,

but you have to give me
something to go on or I...

(ALARM BLARING)

FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Out of whale oil.
Out of whale oil.

(GASPS)
The out-of-fuel indicator.
It's indicating.

Say, what's that
violet-colored dwarf-like star
thing we're drifting into?

The violet dwarf star!

Of course. The gorilla
was the 1 8th hole, so we're
headed into the ball return.

What else now
can go wrong?

(LOUD BANG)

Ladies, you're
under arrest. Prepare to
be boarded again and again.

He'll never take me alive.

(HACKING)

Don't give up yet.
I've got one more
trick up my sleeve.

That's exactly
the number we need.

The fairer sex.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

Something's very wrong here,
and yet a little bit right.

(GUNS COCKING)

LEELA: Not so fast, Brannigan.

Even less fast, feministas!

(GASPING)

Bender?

All two tons of me.

Oye, oye, oye.

All rise
for the honorable
Chief Justice D-O-G-G

and the Associate Justices.

(GRUNTS)

Yo. Seat it or beat it.

The charges against
y'all femditos is murder,

mayhem, vandalism,
kidnapping
and resisting arrest.

Damn! The big five.

You may now make
your opening. What you
got to say for yourselves?

May it please the Court...

I mean, may it
plizzle the cozizzle.

Proceed.

These charges
are outrageous.

Our only goal was
to save a rare violet star
and its precious ecosystem.

If protecting the
environment is a
crime, then...

Protecting the
environment is
a crime.

(CLEARS THROAT)
I rest my mouth.

Do you swear to
tell the whole truth
and nothing but the truth?

l... Well, now,
l... Am I under oath
when I take the oath?

Can the
witness identify
the feminista leader?

That's her right there,

with the "I'm gonna kill
you Bender" look in her eye.

Hey, aren't you
the robot who robbed
me at gunpoint last year?

No further answers,
Your Honor.

Please, Justice Dogg,
Leela and her friends
are completely innocent.

Hold up.
Were you or were you
not abducted by these hoes?

Well, abducted is
such an ugly word.

Mr. Wong, the court cannot
compel you to testify
against your own daughter.

No. No, I want to.
Also, I got something
to say about my wife.

Aw, yeah.

(MUSIC PLAYING OVER HEADSET)

(HUMMING)

Having heard some of
the testimony over these
jams I've been listening to,

me and my crew will
now kick it in the mix.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(GASPING)

(CHUCKLING)

(BONES CRACKING)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

All right.
We got us a verdict
up in this High Court.

Bailiff, drop it like
it's legal precedent.

ln the matter of
Leo Wong v. The Greenorita
Eco-Feminist Collective,

four justices vote to
convict, five to acquit.

(CHEERING)

However, since the vote was
strictly along gender lines

and the female justices'
votes only count half,
you are hereby found guilty.

(GROANING)

It's a humiliating and
biased system, but
it works.

Fifty years
in the maximum
security Dogg house.

(GAVEL BANGS)

Peace.

Ladies!

Welcome to hell.

Beats Nutley on
a Saturday night.

This is a privately-owned
for-profit prison, and
I run a tight, cheap ship!

I've done this by
cutting cost everywhere,
especially on punishment.

I rely on you
inmates to make prison
unpleasant for yourselves.

You're encouraged
to sexually harass
new prisoners,

organize no-holds-barred
catfights and maintain
poor hygiene.

Try and make me, copper.

A troublemaker.

(LAUGHS)

Taste the lash of my
99-cent-store nightstick!

(NlGHTSTlCK SQUEAKS)

Yee-ha!

With the feministas in
jail, it full speed ahead.

You and me, Fry.
We implode the violet
dwarf star tomorrow.

Ka-boom-boom.

You and me?
Yeah.

Tomorrow?
Tomorrow.

Ka-boom?
Ka-boom-boom.

(EXPLOSlON THUNDERS)

(EVlL LAUGHTER)

Hello? Madfellows?
I need to...

(GROANS)

Okay, Leo Wong's about to
destroy the violet dwarf.

So,
whatever I need to know
to stop him, tell me now.

Alas! Stopping Wong
isn't the only problem.

One of the Dark Ones will try
to stop you from stopping him.

So, you must stop it
from stopping you
from stopping him.

But how can I stop
it stop me stop him?

Stop it! Behold,
the Omega Device.

(MURMURING)

FRY: That's it?

The name "Omega Device"
sort of conjured up
something cooler-looking.

Not that I'm
disappointed
or anything.

The important thing
is what's inside.

What does that look like?

No one knows, man.

It was invented
by a blind inventor,

and the one dude he
described it to was
deaf.

So the legend goes.

When activated, the device
will emit a localized
blast of delta-band noise

to momentarily
disable the Dark One.

Like farting in a tent?

No, an elevator.

Which is why you must
strike the enemy at
point blank range!

(ALL AGREEING)

But the Dark One could
look like anything
or anyone, right?

Or anywhere.

So, what's your plan
to recognize it?

We don't have one.
Got it.

And we don't dare
think of one neither.

'Cause if we do, the
Dark Ones might sense
kind of the general vibe.

Even through our mighty foil.

Oh, man!
Anyone got some
tape or some gum?

As my colleague indicated,
the plan cannot come from
us, Fry.

We were counting on you

and your unreadable brain
to come up with something.

That was a mistake.

I see that now.

Freaky thing is, the
Dark Ones' thoughts are
unreadable, just like yours.

Yes, if we dared
unwrap our heads,

we could easily locate the
one other being whose mind
we can't read. The Dark One!

But then the Dark One
would read our minds

and crush them like
blood pumpkins.

Wait. I can read minds
and my mind can't be read.

I have a plan.
Great.

Whatever it is, don't tell us.

Wait. Fry can read minds
and his mind can't be read.

So he can safely
scan for the Dark One...

Shut up! Shut up!

(ALL GIBBERING)

VOlCE: Leela,
time is running out.

We must get
to the violet star.

Okay, okay.
Shut up, already.

Huh?

Nobody's talking, Leela.

We're just
painting each other's
toenails with rat blood.

Lights out, ladies!

Those compact fluorescent
bulbs waste pennies a day.

(CRACKLING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Okay, feministas, all clear.

Whoa!

We now go live to Leela
with the escape plan.

Leela?
Thanks, Linda.

Now we're in here
because we tried to
save endangered wildlife.

So this time,
endangered wildlife
will save us.

(ALL GASPING)

The Martian muck leech.

That's right.
He's been living off
me since we got captured.

(MOANS)

Little cutie almost
sucked me dry.

(GROANING)

(SIGHS)

(SLURPING)

(CHEERING)

Look at him go.

Like a green snake
through a sugarcane cake.

HERMES ON CELL PHONE:
Keep trying.

(RETCHING)

Our top story. The universe's
most wanted eco-feminists
are now behind bars,

including gang leader,
Turanga Leela. AKA,
the Notorious B-I-Itch.

We finished un-pinking
the ship, Hubert.
Now what?

Now we get back to work.

And if that means
destroying an ecosystem
or two, so be it.

I just meant without our
good friends Fry, Leela,
Amy and the robot.

Oh, boo-hoo.
This is a business, not
a social club. Money talks.

True wealth is
measured in friendships.

Shut up, you.

Life goes on.

But I believe we'll forever
carry the pain on the inside.

(CROWING)

Oh, no, a rooster!
That indicates it's
the following morning.

How's that creepy
crawler doing?

I'm sorry, femi-sisters,
but it pooped out
around 3:00 a.m.

Poor thing couldn't
take another bite.

(SCREAMS)

Well, I guess we failed.

But what matters is,
we tried our best and
we looked good doing it.

(DEEP THUD)

(ALL GASPING)

Bender, is that you?

Who does it look like?
My identical cousin Buster?

Yes.

You're here to break us out?
But you're the one who
put us in.

But I'm Bender, king
of the combination shot.

I put you in so that by
busting you out, I could
commit 1 5 felonies at once.

Put my rap sheet
miles ahead of yours
on the all-time chart.

You are one
devious bastard.

That's what it says
on my vanity plate.

What about the sentries?

Already taken care of.

I sent them a cake
laced with nutmeg.

That's a human
sleeping drug,
right?

No,
it's a human
baking drug.

(GROANING)

Okay, Plan B.
Everyone knows men
have one fatal weakness,

they can't resist hookers.
Dixie, Trixie, you know
what to do.

(FALSETTO) Hello, boys!

(GROANING)

Your eyes say no,
but your machine
gun fire says...

(SCREAMING)

Ladies and gentleman
and whatever,

welcome to
my most environmentally
disastrous implosion ever.

A whole star system!

(CHEERING)

Kif, old boy,
mind if I sit on your
shoulders for a better view?

Well,
actually, sir,
I was hoping...

Thanks.

(KlF GROANS)

My associate Philip Fry
here will have honor to
blow this ugly, dirty star

into nice, clean black hole.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Fry, careful those wires.
What you doing down there?

Just polishing
your shoes, Mr. W.

That nice.
Get between the
toes there, very dirty.

(SIREN WAILING)

(GUNS FIRING)

Well, so much for Plan B.

What's Plan C?

All situations have
the same Plan C.
Bending, come on.

(GRUNTING)

(WOMEN SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING)

We're boned, Bender.
It's a brick wall.

Granted, it's not on
the list of approved
bendables,

but I'm so great!

(DOGS BARKING IN DISTANCE)

Dogs! The boning continues.

Green Bluebird,
this is Mr. Fabulous.
We are go for cheesing it.

(BARKING)

(YELPS)

(GUNS FIRING)

Professor! Hermes! Zoidberg!

Scruffy. A janitor.

You helped us escape?

Even after we
locked you in a go-go cage
like common go-go dancers?

I couldn't
live with myself, Leela.
I call myself a scientist,

wear the white coat
and probe a monkey
every now and again,

yet I put monetary gain
ahead of preserving nature.

Can you ever forgive me?

I reckon.

I could kiss you, Professor.

Okay, but watch
out for my new grill.

(CHEERING)

Before the grand
finale, as it were,

it seems only fitting that l,
Commodore 64 Zapp Brannigan,

say a few brief
pages in honor of...

GRAND CURATOR: Whatever
your plan is, Fry, I
suggest you get on with it.

Get... Shoot, I got hot
sauce on my Number 9 shirt.

FRY: Okay, locate the Dark One
by finding someone whose
thoughts I can't read.

And unaccustomed...

ZAPP: By God!
I'm the greatest
speaker of all time.

They're suckling at the
teats of my every syllable.

Allow me now...

KIF: His voice is like
ear sandpaper. I miss Amy.

NIXON: The one secret
no one ever suspected

is that I really did
stage the moon landing.

On Venus.

(LAUGHING)

(SIGHING) If I had all
the money in the world,
I'd... Oh, wait. I do.

(EVIL CACKLING)

I'd like to thank the academy,
my agent, and most of all,

my operating system,
Windows Vista, for
everything it...

System error.

Naked ladies. Naked ladies.
Naked ladies. Naked ladies.

I never should have taken
that accent elimination
class from Jackie Chan.

And so, as we
obliterize this star,

let us remember
those immortal words once
spoken by a great man, moi.

And I quote,
"All good things
must come to an end,

"preferably in
a humongous explosion."

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Let's pop this beach ball.

ALL: Ten! Nine!

Eight!

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

There's no
one here whose
thoughts can't be read.

No one, except me!

My thoughts
can't be read.
But that's crazy.

If I were the Dark One,
I'd know it, wouldn't I?

But, here I am,
right where the
Dark One would be,

about to blow up the star.

Oh, God!
Somewhere deep
inside of me, it's me!

I'm the Dark One!

(CRASHING)

(ALL GASP)

Put your hands in the air!

Should we wave them
like we just don't care?

That's optionaI.

You girl punks gone
too far this time. Your
parents should be ashamed.

Yes, you should!

(GASPING)

Amy?

Amy!

VOICE: Destroy the star,
Leo, hurry.

You got it,
Mr. Voice-in-my-head.

(HOWLING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

I've gotta admit, Amy,
you got a pretty good
swing.

Really? Thanks, Dad.

(GROANS)

Okay, time to defuse
this star cracker
once and for all.

Leela, wait.
You're making a mistake.

You have no idea
what's really going on.

What is really going on?

I can't tell you.

Then why should
I trust you? Why?

Because... Because...

You're you. That's
all I need to know.

No! Don't do it!
Fiddlesticks.

Leela, are you crazy?

We became fugitives
and jail-breakers
to stop him.

And hookers,
don't forget hookers.

Shame on all of you.

After everything we've
been through together, do
you really think Fry would...

(ALL GASPING)

Goodbye, Leela.
I destroy myself to save you.

(GASPS)

Where's the boom?
I was expecting a boom.

It didn't work.
I'm the Dark One, and
it didn't do anything.

You're not the Dark One,
I am.

Leela?

Not Leela, you moron.
Me!

(SCREAMS)

What did you do to me?

(ALL GASP)

Ew!

I am the Dark One.
The very last Dark One.

How is it possible
I couldn't read your mind?

Oh, I am momentarily disabled.

(THUNDER CRASHES)

(ALL GASP)

(GASPS) What's
happening out there?

Somethings wondersful.

LEELA: The star
and the asteroid.

They were
an egg and a sperm.

Great modem of mercy.
Cover the children's eyes.

There are no children here.

Then move your fat head.
I can't see.

(ALL EXCLAlM)

The Encyclopod is reborn.
A new green age has begun!

So the legend foretold.

Look! lnside its pouch.

Extinct Tasmanian tigers.

AMY: And dodo birds.

LEELA: And white rhinos.

HERMES: And striped
biologist-taunters.

What are you gonna do,
shoot us?

Life!

(GASPING)

These once extinct plants
and animals are my gift
to the universe.

Through untold generations,
my race has treasured
their DNA.

Treat them wisely with
the knowledge that all
species are precious.

This is unbelievable.
What's going on?

To answer that,
I must tell you a story.

A story of two alien
species so ancient that...

(LEECH SNARLS)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)

Hutch, are you okay?

My sister's femi-necklace.

What?

(GROANS)

Hey, how come I can't
read your thoughts anymore?

(GRUNTS)

I shall avenge you,
Hutch Waterfall.

(SCREAMS)

After all these eons,
the Dark Ones are
no more.

Will you
preserve their DNA,
O Great Encyclopod?

I suppose I should.
Wait, where did it go?

(SLURPING)

What?

Well, at any rate,
I shall preserve the
DNA of Homo sapiens.

I thought you only saved
the DNA of endangered species.

Farewell.

I guess he didn't hear me.

Well, looks like that
wraps everything up in a
nice big, old, fat sack of...

I hereby arrest you
fugitives on 53
counts of fugivity.

Kif, round them up,
and spare me the
weary sigh for once.

Kif.

KlF: Wait for me.

Well, this is the end.
There was so many things
I wanted to say to you.

Like what?

Like this is not the end.

But mostly just,
I love you, Leela.

(LOUD BANG)

Maybe I waited too long
to say this, but I love
you, too. Wormhole!

Sweet topology of
cosmology, it's huge!

If we fly into it,
it could take us trillions
of light years away.

There's no knowing
if we'll ever return.

What do we do?
Should we go for it?

lnto the
breach, meatbags.
Or not. Whatever.

ALL: Go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go.