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Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
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I've had the best time hanging
out with the both of you.
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00:00:05,698 --> 00:00:07,705
I think it's official
that we're a squad.
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00:00:07,730 --> 00:00:09,139
- Totally.
- When we stick
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00:00:09,164 --> 00:00:11,181
together, I'm pretty convinced
there's nothing we can't do.
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00:00:11,206 --> 00:00:12,423
I love you guys. I really do.
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You can talk to me, D-Money.
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It's about me and White Josh,
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and you're so obsessed with us, and...
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O... M... G... What?!
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You guys are my #goals.
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I literally cannot with you guys.
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You give me all the feels.
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What are you doing here?
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00:00:26,190 --> 00:00:27,867
Heather texted me, and
she asked me to come.
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00:00:27,892 --> 00:00:29,959
- I wanted to see my friend.
- Friends?
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- I thought you didn't want to be.
- I thought you didn't want to be.
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- Do you think I'm a bad mom?
- You're not the most attentive parent.
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Brendan's my weed guy.
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I thought you guys were just
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dead weight slowing down the minivan.
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But I was wrong.
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♪ Meet Rebecca ♪
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♪ She's the coolest
girl in the world, wait ♪
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♪ Wrong Rebecca ♪
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♪ It's this one over here ♪
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♪ She's spunky, she's
sweet, a generous friend ♪
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00:00:57,709 --> 00:01:00,076
♪ Oh, but there she
looks kind of mean ♪
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Hmm. ♪ Okay, she's snarky ♪
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♪ Sarcastic and a... What? ♪
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♪ You know, we're not really
seeing a common theme ♪
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♪ Meet Rebecca ♪
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♪ She's too hard to summarize ♪
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♪ So let's go back
to Other Rebecca. ♪
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Don't look. I'm behind you.
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-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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Okay, behold, my
newest stroke of genius,
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the reason I assembled you all here
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for this #GirlGroupHangout.
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Pretzel pairings with wine!
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Ooh!
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- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh!
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Okay, so we have a Parmesan and Pinot.
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- Ooh!
- Ooh!
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A Roquefort and Riesling.
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- Oh, wait. No, that's for you.
That's for you. - Uh-huh.
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And my personal favorite...
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Manchego and Merlot.
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Ooh.
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Oh, look at you, Miss Entrepreneur.
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You are glowing.
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Yeah, I'm really happy lately.
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I really love this job,
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and Dr. Akopian says I'm doing well,
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and volunteering at
the jail is going great.
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I just feel really grounded
and centered, you know?
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Ladies, ladies, ladies, no, no, no, no.
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It's sip and nibble, sip and nibble.
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What's that look for?
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Oh, Heather, are you getting divorced?
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Oof, I'm sorry. We all saw it coming.
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What? No.
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You did? No.
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Um, I have news.
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Is it that you're
getting us a new vibrator?
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'Cause the old one's on its last legs.
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You don't still use my vibrator.
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- No, I do not.
- Uh, I'm just gonna say it.
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So, um, Hector and I bought
a condo in El Segundo.
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So, we're moving.
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- Oh.
- Yeah.
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He got this great job at
a surf camp down there,
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and I've always wanted to
live at the beach, so...
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Wow.
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Wow, wow, wow. This is really
big and an adult step.
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I mean, you're married. Now
you're buying real estate.
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It's huge. Right, Paula?
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That's kind of crazy, right, Valencia?
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I'm moving to New York.
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Yeah, okay. That's funny.
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Beth and I got an offer to work
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at a huge party planning company.
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We rented a tiny apartment
the size of my current closet,
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but it's the Big Apple.
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Big Apple, small apartment.
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Wait, both of you are moving?
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At the same time?
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Okay. Wow. Um,
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I, uh... I don't know what to say.
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Wow. You guys have a
lot of stuff figured out.
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Valencia and Heather
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and Pa... I mean, Paula,
let's not forget you.
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You're about to
graduate from law school.
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It's amazing for all of you.
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Mazel, mazel! Mazel to all!
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We've been trying to decide
how to break it to you,
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but, really, it's not such
a big deal. I mean, No.
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Heather's basically
just moving across town.
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Yeah. I'm still gonna be
working for Home Base.
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00:03:38,346 --> 00:03:39,946
- Mm-hmm.
- The El Segundo Home Base
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was already one of my Home Bases.
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Now it'll just be my
home base Home Base,
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and the West Covina Home
Base will be my second base.
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Or Segundo base.
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Segundo base.
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Yeah, we can all text
and talk on the phone
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and FaceTime.
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Plus, I'm coming home for the holidays.
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I already booked my ticket.
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Oh, my God.
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Okay, Cookie, I can
see this is difficult for you.
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00:04:01,249 --> 00:04:03,315
Scott and I lived in
three other crappy suburbs
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before we lived in this crappy suburb.
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And... I've said good-bye
to a lot of people.
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And... you get used to it.
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You say hello, you say good-bye,
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and you just try to treasure
the moments in between.
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Yeah. Yes, you're right.
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That's what I'm doing
right now. I am treasuring
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and savoring. I mean, you know,
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it's a little hard for me.
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It kind of feels like I'm...
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losing two friends at once.
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But I will be
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cheering you all on
very sincerely from...
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my small, unprofitable pretzel store,
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with my no boyfriend, having not had sex
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since before the slammer,
because... oh, right...
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I was also in jail.
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00:04:44,415 --> 00:04:46,125
You should've seen the look
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on Rebecca's face. I
felt so bad for her.
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It was like when you
dropped your cotton candy in the potty
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and you were so sad.
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00:04:53,067 --> 00:04:55,467
Right. But then I-I picked
it back up and I ate it.
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00:04:57,211 --> 00:05:00,179
Um, speaking of big news,
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I have some.
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00:05:01,632 --> 00:05:04,032
You gonna stop calling Tommy
"General Buttface Jackson"?
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00:05:04,057 --> 00:05:05,690
Uh, he loves that. No.
139
00:05:05,715 --> 00:05:07,115
You are finally going to...
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00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,073
You ever heard of, uh, Peeps for Peace?
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00:05:09,317 --> 00:05:12,051
Sure. Yeah, they're-they're
kind of like the Peace Corps.
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What about 'em? Did you...
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read an article about 'em or something?
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No, no, no. I-I applied and got in.
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I'm just waiting on my assignment.
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I'm excited to see where I get to go.
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Might be pretty far.
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What, like... Denver?
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No, no, like, uh...
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like South America or Africa.
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I just, you know,
thought we were in a phase
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of telling each other stuff...
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Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. I know. I just...
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I thought... I thought
you might be upset, so...
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Why would I be upset?
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Be-Because we just kind of got close,
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and now I'm-I'm leaving.
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No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
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No. I'm happy for you.
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I'm happy for me.
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- Yeah?
- Yeah!
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I've got a kid who's-who's
gonna go super far away
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and make a big-ass
difference on this planet
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for... how long?
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Uh, anywhere between five and ten years.
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Good.
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Good.
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Good.
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By the way,
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don't tell your dad about this pie,
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because he is an emotional eater.
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- I can see you're upset.
- I'm not upset. Not at all.
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I am proud. This is... this is...
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this is an achievement.
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I mean, any mother
would be proud. Right.
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Like I... like I always say,
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you say hello,
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you say good-bye,
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and you just try to...
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treasure the m...
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Just...
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I can't go back from paternity
leave until I binge this show.
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00:07:00,227 --> 00:07:02,205
Everyone has seen
it, and they've already said
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00:07:02,229 --> 00:07:03,707
they're gonna spoil everything for me.
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00:07:03,732 --> 00:07:05,231
Hector loves this show.
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00:07:05,299 --> 00:07:06,432
What is it about again?
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00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:08,434
It's a British cop thing
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00:07:08,502 --> 00:07:10,436
- with a child murder
in a fishing village. - Ooh.
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00:07:10,504 --> 00:07:12,237
- Okay. Yeah.
- And it stars
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00:07:12,314 --> 00:07:15,282
that Swedish actress
and that Scottish guy.
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00:07:15,307 --> 00:07:17,586
- Okay.
- And some episodes are two hours
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00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:20,145
- and some are 30 minutes.
- Wow. All right. Sounds good.
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Let's binge it up.
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All righty.
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00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:26,752
Hey, it's not weird we
spend so much time together,
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00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,921
- is it?
- No. Besides,
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00:07:28,989 --> 00:07:30,589
that murder's not gonna solve itself.
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00:07:31,926 --> 00:07:33,992
You do realize we don't
solve the murder, right?
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00:07:34,061 --> 00:07:36,195
Oh, come on. Have some fun.
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00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:40,200
I don't know what's wrong with me.
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00:07:40,468 --> 00:07:42,267
It's a normal reaction.
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00:07:42,613 --> 00:07:45,437
Your roommate's moving out,
your friend's moving away.
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00:07:45,462 --> 00:07:47,729
Of course you're feeling low and sad.
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00:07:47,754 --> 00:07:49,220
No, it's not that.
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00:07:50,730 --> 00:07:53,645
- Can I tell you something?
- Okay.
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00:07:53,744 --> 00:07:56,636
- What I'm about to say is-is horrible.
- It's all right.
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00:08:00,057 --> 00:08:03,655
I see life as a contest,
and I'm now losing.
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00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,914
What? R-Rebecca, I-I didn't hear you.
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00:08:06,026 --> 00:08:07,426
I feel less than
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00:08:07,451 --> 00:08:09,784
when others are doing better than me.
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00:08:10,015 --> 00:08:12,515
Okay. I'll come sit next to you.
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00:08:14,435 --> 00:08:15,367
Okay.
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00:08:15,436 --> 00:08:17,035
I want to cryogenically freeze
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00:08:17,104 --> 00:08:19,204
all my friends to buy me some time
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00:08:19,273 --> 00:08:21,406
to find a better career
and a life partner.
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00:08:21,475 --> 00:08:23,208
And then, when I'm
ready, I'll wake them up,
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00:08:23,233 --> 00:08:25,934
and I'll throw a party for
all of our mutual milestones.
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00:08:26,435 --> 00:08:28,046
That is so messed up.
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00:08:28,115 --> 00:08:29,748
Aw! I'm kidding.
220
00:08:30,716 --> 00:08:32,417
Feeling competitive
is just human nature.
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00:08:32,486 --> 00:08:33,759
It's normal.
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00:08:33,843 --> 00:08:35,464
- Is it?
- Yes.
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00:08:35,489 --> 00:08:37,489
And it makes sense that you
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00:08:37,566 --> 00:08:39,733
would feel... behind.
225
00:08:39,817 --> 00:08:42,651
You are, in a sense, a little behind.
226
00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:44,963
Um, wait, what?
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00:08:45,032 --> 00:08:46,331
You have overcome
228
00:08:46,356 --> 00:08:49,290
challenges other people haven't faced,
229
00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:54,339
and you have wisely taken
the time to do the hard work.
230
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:56,575
It makes sense that some of your friends
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00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:00,456
might hit some early adult
milestones before you.
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00:09:00,763 --> 00:09:02,548
Oh.
233
00:09:02,616 --> 00:09:04,550
No, it's funny, 'cause
I was saying I was behind
234
00:09:04,618 --> 00:09:06,636
so you would say, "No,
no, no, you're not behind."
235
00:09:06,661 --> 00:09:08,965
But you said that I am.
It's fine. No, it's just...
236
00:09:08,989 --> 00:09:10,634
It's slightly jarring
when a medical professional
237
00:09:10,658 --> 00:09:13,613
confirms your worst fears,
but that makes sense.
238
00:09:13,638 --> 00:09:17,139
My friends are, in some senses...
239
00:09:17,738 --> 00:09:19,975
at a more advanced stage in their lives.
240
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,000
Exactly.
241
00:09:21,068 --> 00:09:22,654
So...
242
00:09:23,949 --> 00:09:25,370
maybe what I need to do
243
00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:26,583
is hang out with some different people
244
00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:28,507
- who are more where I'm at.
- Rebecca,
245
00:09:28,576 --> 00:09:30,770
I am not suggesting that
you replace your friends.
246
00:09:30,795 --> 00:09:32,712
No, no, no, no. I wouldn't
do that. I mean, that's...
247
00:09:32,737 --> 00:09:34,646
I'm not saying that I would do
that. That's not what I'm doing.
248
00:09:34,671 --> 00:09:36,259
I'm just adding to my friend group
249
00:09:36,283 --> 00:09:37,950
with people who don't scare me.
250
00:09:38,687 --> 00:09:40,320
So...
251
00:09:40,798 --> 00:09:42,331
Maya, AJ, I've brought you both here
252
00:09:42,356 --> 00:09:44,122
to ask you a very important question.
253
00:09:45,463 --> 00:09:48,097
Have either of you
considered owning a condo?
254
00:10:00,181 --> 00:10:02,015
Oh...
255
00:10:02,083 --> 00:10:03,594
What's going on in
here? What are you doing?
256
00:10:03,618 --> 00:10:05,752
Brendan doesn't sell drugs anymore.
257
00:10:05,820 --> 00:10:09,255
Which is kind of a bummer,
'cause he was my weed guy.
258
00:10:09,339 --> 00:10:12,106
Scott, we have an emergency.
Our son is going far away.
259
00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:14,961
- Super far.
- And we're so proud of him.
260
00:10:15,037 --> 00:10:17,804
Screw proud. I just
started liking that kid.
261
00:10:17,829 --> 00:10:20,429
I need to find something
to make him stay.
262
00:10:22,147 --> 00:10:24,114
Oh. Oh.
263
00:10:24,139 --> 00:10:25,772
A yearbook page.
264
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,107
I think I may have just
found the mother lode.
265
00:10:29,911 --> 00:10:31,544
Vanessa Rodriguez.
266
00:10:31,569 --> 00:10:32,735
Oh, yeah.
267
00:10:32,847 --> 00:10:34,781
I remember her. He really liked her.
268
00:10:34,849 --> 00:10:37,984
I remember her, too. I used
to think she was his OTP.
269
00:10:38,009 --> 00:10:39,575
His over the pants?
270
00:10:39,688 --> 00:10:42,288
One true pairing. Oh, God.
271
00:10:42,357 --> 00:10:45,158
This is great. This is
just the ammunition I need.
272
00:10:45,226 --> 00:10:48,161
Babe, I'm begging you, do
not interfere in his life.
273
00:10:48,186 --> 00:10:50,887
He's made a good decision
for once. Let him be.
274
00:10:50,912 --> 00:10:53,843
You're right. I...
I shouldn't interfere.
275
00:10:53,868 --> 00:10:56,903
I-I learned that
lesson a million times.
276
00:10:56,928 --> 00:10:58,594
I'm just gonna let him
277
00:10:58,619 --> 00:11:01,114
fly away and...
278
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:03,876
be free.
279
00:11:03,945 --> 00:11:05,912
Exactly.
280
00:11:05,937 --> 00:11:08,127
- Glad you understand.
- I do.
281
00:11:14,656 --> 00:11:16,589
Fly free, my ass.
282
00:11:19,427 --> 00:11:21,060
Ah, it's nice to be out
283
00:11:21,129 --> 00:11:22,562
on the first cool day of the year.
284
00:11:22,631 --> 00:11:24,530
Yep, only 85 degrees.
285
00:11:24,599 --> 00:11:25,932
It's a very simple question.
286
00:11:25,957 --> 00:11:28,741
Have you considered owning a condo?
287
00:11:28,766 --> 00:11:31,838
Oh, no way. I'm not even
sure what a condo is.
288
00:11:33,164 --> 00:11:34,895
Is that Rebecca?
289
00:11:35,858 --> 00:11:38,678
Wait. Back it up. Back the car up.
290
00:11:38,747 --> 00:11:39,991
Hit a lamppost. Call your mother.
291
00:11:40,022 --> 00:11:42,112
You're getting towed.
292
00:11:42,137 --> 00:11:45,695
Are Darryl and White
Josh back together? Yay!
293
00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:48,388
WhiteJoshfeather is my OTP.
294
00:11:48,456 --> 00:11:50,723
- That means one true pairing.
- No, I know what it is
295
00:11:50,792 --> 00:11:52,103
'cause I'm-I'm super young, as well.
296
00:11:52,127 --> 00:11:53,526
Um, and no, I don't think
297
00:11:53,551 --> 00:11:54,628
they are back together. Huh?
298
00:11:54,696 --> 00:11:56,396
But let's get back to me.
299
00:11:56,464 --> 00:11:57,797
Rebecca, hold on.
300
00:11:57,866 --> 00:12:00,037
Are you telling me that adorable family
301
00:12:00,062 --> 00:12:02,990
that I'm about to Pinterest
all over my Life Goals board
302
00:12:03,015 --> 00:12:04,614
is not a couple?
303
00:12:04,639 --> 00:12:07,173
Yeah. They're not back together.
304
00:12:08,833 --> 00:12:11,879
It's so sad. Look
at them, they're so cute.
305
00:12:12,414 --> 00:12:14,062
Aw.
306
00:12:14,883 --> 00:12:16,683
Something like this? This? Like this?
307
00:12:16,751 --> 00:12:18,418
Darryl says they're just friends,
308
00:12:18,486 --> 00:12:20,119
but nobody spends
that much time together
309
00:12:20,144 --> 00:12:21,519
if they're not hooking up.
310
00:12:24,362 --> 00:12:26,161
Just look at those two.
311
00:12:28,264 --> 00:12:31,197
Just get back together!
312
00:12:31,266 --> 00:12:33,266
Everyone wants you
back together. Come on!
313
00:12:33,334 --> 00:12:35,768
- What?
- Yeah! Stop pretending
314
00:12:35,837 --> 00:12:37,670
you guys aren't in love!
315
00:12:37,695 --> 00:12:40,162
- Why is everyone yelling at us?
- I don't know.
316
00:12:40,275 --> 00:12:43,276
Mm-mm. Not okay.
317
00:12:43,344 --> 00:12:45,178
- Let's go.
- All right.
318
00:12:45,246 --> 00:12:46,846
Mm-mm.
319
00:12:46,915 --> 00:12:49,248
Happy birthday, Connor.
320
00:12:49,317 --> 00:12:50,917
Oh, boy. They're on the move.
321
00:12:50,985 --> 00:12:52,663
Why are they coming over
here? Oh, my goodness.
322
00:12:52,687 --> 00:12:54,921
- I don't know.
- We've all had enough of this.
323
00:12:54,989 --> 00:12:57,715
Okay, okay. What's going on?
324
00:12:57,740 --> 00:13:01,627
Come on, you two. Your
relationship is important to us.
325
00:13:01,696 --> 00:13:04,512
- Just give in, and get in the spirit!
- Yeah.
326
00:13:12,807 --> 00:13:14,607
Yee-haw!
327
00:13:14,676 --> 00:13:16,275
Dear God, what's happening?
328
00:13:16,344 --> 00:13:17,944
It's your wedding day!
329
00:13:17,979 --> 00:13:18,911
No, but we're broken up.
330
00:13:18,980 --> 00:13:20,079
Yep!
331
00:13:20,148 --> 00:13:22,081
♪ You say you're broken up ♪
332
00:13:22,150 --> 00:13:24,217
- ♪ That it's over ♪
- Yeah.
333
00:13:24,285 --> 00:13:26,586
♪ Yes, you've both been
'bout as stubborn as can be ♪
334
00:13:26,654 --> 00:13:27,875
You tell 'em, Maya.
335
00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:31,257
♪ But we see from afar
just how cute you are ♪
336
00:13:31,326 --> 00:13:33,893
♪ And the thought of it
makes everyone all squee ♪
337
00:13:33,962 --> 00:13:35,661
♪ Squee, squee, squee ♪
338
00:13:39,033 --> 00:13:41,804
♪ We don't know why you're
fighting the inevitable ♪
339
00:13:41,829 --> 00:13:42,926
With ya, Timmy.
340
00:13:42,971 --> 00:13:45,571
♪ It's clear to us that
you both are soul mates ♪
341
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,074
♪ Plus, you're kind
of the only two ♪
342
00:13:48,099 --> 00:13:52,236
♪ LGBTQ people I know, so
to me it's clearly fate ♪
343
00:13:52,261 --> 00:13:53,746
♪ Fate, fate, fate ♪
344
00:13:53,815 --> 00:13:55,348
You need to get out more, Tim.
345
00:13:56,706 --> 00:13:58,372
- ♪ It's confirmed ♪
- ♪ It's confirmed ♪
346
00:13:58,397 --> 00:14:00,787
- ♪ It's official ♪
- ♪ It's official ♪
347
00:14:00,812 --> 00:14:03,379
♪ The group mind has
decided you're in love ♪
348
00:14:03,491 --> 00:14:05,825
- ♪ Court adjourned ♪
- ♪ Court adjourned ♪
349
00:14:05,894 --> 00:14:08,027
- ♪ Now kiss a little ♪
- ♪ Kiss a little ♪
350
00:14:08,096 --> 00:14:10,363
♪ The mass mob has declared
that you're in love ♪
351
00:14:10,431 --> 00:14:11,864
♪ Love, love, love ♪
352
00:14:11,933 --> 00:14:14,245
Rebecca, don't you have bigger
problems going on right now?
353
00:14:14,269 --> 00:14:15,868
Yes, and this is a welcome distraction.
354
00:14:15,937 --> 00:14:19,839
♪ Now, you might say we
just need a distraction ♪
355
00:14:19,908 --> 00:14:21,040
You just said that. Shh.
356
00:14:21,065 --> 00:14:23,799
♪ From the stress and
drama of our lives ♪
357
00:14:23,824 --> 00:14:26,391
♪ But I go, "La, la, la,
la, la" when you swear ♪
358
00:14:26,416 --> 00:14:28,214
♪ That there's nothing there ♪
359
00:14:28,246 --> 00:14:30,374
♪ Your love's the only
reason I survive ♪
360
00:14:30,399 --> 00:14:32,771
- I'm sorry, what was your name again?
- Who is this guy?
361
00:14:32,796 --> 00:14:34,462
- ♪ It's confirm-ed ♪
- ♪ It's confirm-ed ♪
362
00:14:34,487 --> 00:14:36,030
- ♪ It's official ♪
- ♪ It's official ♪
363
00:14:36,055 --> 00:14:39,091
♪ The group mind has
decided you're in love ♪
364
00:14:39,168 --> 00:14:41,168
- ♪ Say yes to long-term ♪
- ♪ Say yes ♪
365
00:14:41,229 --> 00:14:42,795
♪ Look what I whittled
♪
♪ Hot dang ♪
366
00:14:42,864 --> 00:14:44,964
♪ The mass mob has declared ♪
367
00:14:44,989 --> 00:14:47,043
♪ That you're in love,
love, love, love ♪
368
00:14:47,068 --> 00:14:49,502
♪ Everybody stretch, time to dance ♪
369
00:14:54,376 --> 00:14:55,376
Whoa.
370
00:14:57,844 --> 00:14:59,345
- Ooh! Sorry.
- Sorry.
371
00:14:59,414 --> 00:15:00,591
- I don't know where to go.
- I don't, either.
372
00:15:00,615 --> 00:15:01,981
Hey, what are you guys doing here?
373
00:15:02,050 --> 00:15:04,150
We all want you back together, too!
374
00:15:04,219 --> 00:15:06,018
- Who's this guy?
- I needed a dance partner,
375
00:15:06,087 --> 00:15:08,621
and I've had a really hard week,
so please, let me have this.
376
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,456
Big fan. Great to meet you. Big fan.
377
00:15:10,525 --> 00:15:12,258
Okay.
378
00:15:12,283 --> 00:15:14,316
Now let's dance.
379
00:15:26,674 --> 00:15:28,674
Okay, we got the message.
380
00:15:28,743 --> 00:15:30,009
Go on with your lives.
381
00:15:30,093 --> 00:15:32,827
Guys... come on.
382
00:15:32,881 --> 00:15:34,180
Okay, so,
383
00:15:34,205 --> 00:15:35,549
this is just not about
us at all anymore.
384
00:15:35,574 --> 00:15:37,240
No.
385
00:15:40,146 --> 00:15:42,780
So, now they're randomly doing ballet?
386
00:15:42,805 --> 00:15:44,963
I guess so. It's hard to follow.
387
00:15:48,711 --> 00:15:51,145
That's not even the correct
dance language for this piece.
388
00:15:51,170 --> 00:15:52,870
Come on!
389
00:15:55,276 --> 00:15:56,575
Whoa... !
390
00:15:58,221 --> 00:16:01,240
Stop it. Now, stop it. Come on.
391
00:16:01,309 --> 00:16:02,742
Leave these guys alone.
392
00:16:02,810 --> 00:16:05,378
For the record, it is possible
to be platonically friends
393
00:16:05,446 --> 00:16:07,146
with someone you've just broken up with.
394
00:16:07,215 --> 00:16:09,115
Do you really believe that?
395
00:16:09,183 --> 00:16:11,717
No, I just wanted to be in the number.
396
00:16:11,786 --> 00:16:13,386
Oh, wow!
397
00:16:13,411 --> 00:16:15,378
♪ ♪
398
00:16:24,699 --> 00:16:26,732
♪ Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss ♪
399
00:16:26,801 --> 00:16:28,134
♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪
400
00:16:28,202 --> 00:16:30,169
♪ Kiss, dance, kiss, dance ♪
401
00:16:30,238 --> 00:16:31,613
♪ Kiss, dance, kiss,
dance, kiss, dance ♪
402
00:16:31,638 --> 00:16:33,306
- Okay. All right.
- ♪ Yay ♪
403
00:16:33,381 --> 00:16:35,248
♪ It's confirmed ♪
♪ Yee-haw ♪
404
00:16:35,310 --> 00:16:37,209
♪ It's official ♪
♪ Yee-hoo ♪
405
00:16:37,278 --> 00:16:40,079
- Let's get out of here.
- ♪ The group mind has decided ♪
406
00:16:40,148 --> 00:16:42,915
♪ You're in love ♪
407
00:16:42,940 --> 00:16:44,306
- Hey, where'd they go?
- Who cares?
408
00:16:44,331 --> 00:16:45,730
♪ Horse. ♪
409
00:16:45,887 --> 00:16:47,820
What is wrong with people?
410
00:16:47,889 --> 00:16:50,122
I mean, why do they care
if we're together or not?
411
00:16:50,191 --> 00:16:51,991
Yeah, well, that has
nothing to do with us.
412
00:16:52,068 --> 00:16:54,435
- Yeah.
- We know what we are to each other.
413
00:16:54,495 --> 00:16:56,362
Yeah, that is their
issue. That is about them.
414
00:16:56,431 --> 00:16:58,364
Oh.
415
00:17:02,603 --> 00:17:05,482
Look, Vic dressed up
for Hawaiian shirt day at the gym.
416
00:17:05,796 --> 00:17:07,039
What a dork.
417
00:17:07,108 --> 00:17:08,574
I like Vic.
418
00:17:08,643 --> 00:17:10,476
He's the best trainer
at the gym besides you.
419
00:17:10,545 --> 00:17:13,279
He doesn't grunt. Always
puts the weights down lightly.
420
00:17:13,392 --> 00:17:16,409
Always lets me quit.
421
00:17:16,434 --> 00:17:19,563
I think if he was 20 years
older, he'd be perfect for you.
422
00:17:19,587 --> 00:17:21,654
Yeah, he might be
perfect for me right now.
423
00:17:21,679 --> 00:17:22,889
We've been texting a little bit.
424
00:17:22,929 --> 00:17:26,460
- Yeah? You guys gonna go out?
- Yeah. Yeah, at some point
425
00:17:26,694 --> 00:17:28,394
I just got so much going on right now.
426
00:17:28,463 --> 00:17:30,607
Speaking of which, can I drop
by tonight and do my laundry?
427
00:17:30,631 --> 00:17:31,911
The, uh, machines at my building
428
00:17:31,966 --> 00:17:33,499
are a little less free than yours.
429
00:17:33,568 --> 00:17:34,900
Sure. While I'm there,
430
00:17:34,969 --> 00:17:36,180
maybe we can watch that new series
431
00:17:36,205 --> 00:17:37,604
about toxic waste and cancer.
432
00:17:37,672 --> 00:17:39,572
Oh, yeah, the one that won Best Comedy.
433
00:17:39,604 --> 00:17:42,305
Everybody dies. Add to queue.
434
00:17:42,417 --> 00:17:44,590
- Done.
- Mm.
435
00:17:44,615 --> 00:17:46,847
So, what do you think
of my wine pairing?
436
00:17:46,872 --> 00:17:50,239
You know, I'm not that
into blue and Bordeaux,
437
00:17:50,264 --> 00:17:53,032
but that's just 'cause to
me, blue smells like blarf.
438
00:17:53,077 --> 00:17:56,332
That's such a funny
young person thing you just did.
439
00:17:56,357 --> 00:17:59,525
Combining two words to make
a new word. It's so great.
440
00:18:01,229 --> 00:18:03,362
Hmm? One second.
441
00:18:03,431 --> 00:18:05,164
Hmm.
442
00:18:05,189 --> 00:18:07,988
Oh, my roommate Heather
sent out an E-vite.
443
00:18:08,013 --> 00:18:09,746
Heather and Valencia are having
444
00:18:09,771 --> 00:18:12,905
a farewell party at my
house on Saturday night.
445
00:18:12,974 --> 00:18:14,407
That's funny. I wasn't consulted.
446
00:18:14,475 --> 00:18:15,923
Mm. They probably thought I'd be upset,
447
00:18:15,948 --> 00:18:17,534
but you know what? I don't care.
448
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,013
I don't care. It's fine.
449
00:18:20,448 --> 00:18:22,948
Hey, it says bring whomever.
450
00:18:23,017 --> 00:18:24,884
- You guys want to come?
- Saturday?
451
00:18:24,952 --> 00:18:26,018
That's when I do
452
00:18:26,087 --> 00:18:27,664
my evening intention
hikes with the friends
453
00:18:27,688 --> 00:18:30,056
from my intramural
three-legged race team.
454
00:18:30,771 --> 00:18:32,958
Maya, you in, girl?
455
00:18:33,027 --> 00:18:35,361
Girl, okay, normally I got you,
456
00:18:35,386 --> 00:18:37,974
but I have my ironic
scrapbooking group Saturday.
457
00:18:37,999 --> 00:18:40,166
Oh. Yeah, this week we're collaging
458
00:18:40,234 --> 00:18:42,201
with sexist shampoo ads from the '70s.
459
00:18:42,270 --> 00:18:44,090
- Feminism.
- Yes.
460
00:18:44,115 --> 00:18:48,491
Why don't you bring all your
friends to my house party?
461
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,895
Are you sure? It's, like, ten people.
462
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,798
Mine would be, like, 12.
463
00:18:52,823 --> 00:18:55,881
Bring whoever you want.
464
00:18:55,906 --> 00:18:57,672
It is a party.
465
00:18:57,785 --> 00:19:00,820
My therapist said...
466
00:19:00,888 --> 00:19:02,621
Just bring-bring your friends.
467
00:19:02,646 --> 00:19:04,579
The more the merrier.
468
00:19:04,604 --> 00:19:06,604
- Okay.
- Cool.
469
00:19:14,137 --> 00:19:16,037
Thank you.
470
00:19:17,705 --> 00:19:19,338
Thank you so much. Enjoy.
471
00:19:19,407 --> 00:19:21,674
- Have a nice day.
- Wow.
472
00:19:21,742 --> 00:19:23,776
These are adorable.
473
00:19:25,336 --> 00:19:27,697
This pair says "hell"
and "no." That's great.
474
00:19:27,722 --> 00:19:30,349
Oh, look at these. "Boy" and "bye."
475
00:19:30,374 --> 00:19:31,724
Mm-hmm.
476
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,753
Wait, Vanessa Rodriguez? Is that you?
477
00:19:35,027 --> 00:19:37,423
Yeah. Can I help you?
478
00:19:37,448 --> 00:19:39,081
I'm Brendan Proctor's mom.
479
00:19:39,193 --> 00:19:40,693
Oh, hi.
480
00:19:40,718 --> 00:19:42,652
Hey, listen, do you have a second
481
00:19:42,677 --> 00:19:44,797
to talk about your OTP?
482
00:20:00,918 --> 00:20:03,553
- What are you guys doing?
- Well, again,
483
00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:05,631
I'm moving, so I'm packing up my stuff.
484
00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:07,011
I'm picking up some stuff I left here
485
00:20:07,035 --> 00:20:08,768
that I'm taking to New York.
486
00:20:08,837 --> 00:20:11,637
Right, got it. I mean,
that is my skillet, though.
487
00:20:11,706 --> 00:20:13,384
Okay, it's not a
skillet. It's a stock pot.
488
00:20:13,408 --> 00:20:14,974
And it has my mother's name on it.
489
00:20:15,943 --> 00:20:18,452
Okay, point taken. Your
mom puts her name on pots,
490
00:20:18,477 --> 00:20:19,912
which is what you'll
probably be doing soon
491
00:20:19,981 --> 00:20:21,870
since you're basically mom age now.
492
00:20:22,383 --> 00:20:23,649
You and I are the same age.
493
00:20:23,718 --> 00:20:25,620
Yeah, and I'm younger.
494
00:20:25,645 --> 00:20:27,553
Rebecca, you're being weird.
495
00:20:27,622 --> 00:20:29,655
I'm being... I'm sorry,
what did you... ?
496
00:20:29,724 --> 00:20:31,235
I don't even recognize
that word anymore,
497
00:20:31,259 --> 00:20:34,093
'cause the word is not "weird."
It's actually "fizzy" now.
498
00:20:34,162 --> 00:20:36,841
- I'm sorry, what?
- That's what my young new friends say.
499
00:20:36,866 --> 00:20:38,932
- What new friends?
- Oh, you wouldn't know them.
500
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,702
They're these kids Maya and AJ.
501
00:20:40,727 --> 00:20:43,135
- I know Maya and AJ.
- So do I.
502
00:20:43,204 --> 00:20:45,404
Okay, well, that's cool.
503
00:20:45,473 --> 00:20:47,355
So you know how, like, young
and cool and fizzy they are.
504
00:20:48,006 --> 00:20:50,009
Your new friends are weird?
505
00:20:50,078 --> 00:20:51,844
Oh, my God. Centenarian.
506
00:20:52,157 --> 00:20:54,380
Fizzy is a word that
means multiple things.
507
00:20:54,449 --> 00:20:55,982
It's like "sick" or "bad"
508
00:20:56,050 --> 00:20:57,947
or "aloha" or "shalom."
509
00:20:57,972 --> 00:21:00,720
Uh, look, girl, I know this is hard.
510
00:21:00,788 --> 00:21:03,589
- Yeah, and kind of triggering.
- Okay.
511
00:21:03,658 --> 00:21:06,803
I... I appreciate
you guys worrying about me,
512
00:21:06,828 --> 00:21:08,938
but, you know,
513
00:21:08,963 --> 00:21:11,330
to play armchair
psychiatrist for a second,
514
00:21:11,399 --> 00:21:13,599
I think you're fixating a
little bit too much on me
515
00:21:13,668 --> 00:21:15,334
rather than focus on your own sadness.
516
00:21:15,403 --> 00:21:16,969
You guys are saying good-bye
517
00:21:17,038 --> 00:21:19,038
to the young and fizzy
parts of your lives...
518
00:21:19,107 --> 00:21:21,027
Good fizzy, not bad
fizzy... And you're thinking,
519
00:21:21,075 --> 00:21:23,643
"Okay, now that I'm old and
boring, will life be as fun?"
520
00:21:23,711 --> 00:21:26,534
And the answer is... likely no.
521
00:21:26,939 --> 00:21:28,781
But the good news is
522
00:21:28,806 --> 00:21:30,960
you can live through
your fun friend, Becks,
523
00:21:30,985 --> 00:21:32,663
and you can follow me
on my Insta or my Finsta,
524
00:21:32,687 --> 00:21:33,719
if I let you.
525
00:21:33,788 --> 00:21:36,389
It's a lot of secret pictures
of me doing all of the drugs.
526
00:21:36,457 --> 00:21:38,168
Anyway, I got to go to
a pop-up candy museum
527
00:21:38,192 --> 00:21:39,904
and then a hookah bar and then
a party inside a photo booth.
528
00:21:39,928 --> 00:21:41,127
So got to dip.
529
00:21:41,195 --> 00:21:43,629
Oh, I'm sorry. "Dip" means "bounce,"
which means "peace out."
530
00:21:43,698 --> 00:21:45,631
Which means "leave."
531
00:21:47,224 --> 00:21:49,502
She's being ridiculous. We're not old.
532
00:21:49,570 --> 00:21:52,605
Not at all.
533
00:21:53,017 --> 00:21:54,607
Where is my back brace, though?
534
00:21:54,676 --> 00:21:57,076
'Cause I have to lift this dish box.
535
00:21:57,145 --> 00:22:00,079
Oh. Wonder who that is.
536
00:22:04,719 --> 00:22:07,253
Oh, my God. Hi.
537
00:22:07,322 --> 00:22:09,334
This is the girl that I bought
538
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:11,324
- earrings from earlier today.
- Hi.
539
00:22:11,392 --> 00:22:13,270
Oh, thank you so much for
coming by to drop them off.
540
00:22:13,302 --> 00:22:14,622
- I really appreciate it.
- Of course.
541
00:22:14,662 --> 00:22:16,095
Hey, no, c-come in, come in. Okay.
542
00:22:16,164 --> 00:22:18,431
- Vanessa Rodriguez is here.
- Shh.
543
00:22:18,499 --> 00:22:20,733
- Honey, don't be rude.
- Uh, yes, Paula,
544
00:22:20,802 --> 00:22:22,880
here are your custom earrings
that say "lawyer" and "bitch."
545
00:22:22,904 --> 00:22:23,936
Ooh!
546
00:22:25,431 --> 00:22:27,039
Brendan?
547
00:22:27,108 --> 00:22:28,507
- Is this your mom?
- Yeah.
548
00:22:28,576 --> 00:22:30,977
Yeah, yeah, that's, uh,
that's my mom, that's my dad,
549
00:22:31,045 --> 00:22:33,193
and Th-that's General Buttface Jackson.
550
00:22:33,218 --> 00:22:34,447
At your service.
551
00:22:34,515 --> 00:22:36,615
Well, what a funny coincidence
552
00:22:36,684 --> 00:22:38,284
that your mom, who
I've never met before,
553
00:22:38,353 --> 00:22:41,053
bought earrings from my
kiosk today. That's so weird.
554
00:22:41,397 --> 00:22:43,889
God, V, I-I haven't
seen you in a while.
555
00:22:43,958 --> 00:22:45,691
You look... you look amazing.
556
00:22:45,716 --> 00:22:47,349
Well, you look pretty good, yourself.
557
00:22:47,462 --> 00:22:48,627
Thank you.
558
00:22:49,339 --> 00:22:53,009
Listen, um, we have a
lot of meat loaf left over
559
00:22:53,034 --> 00:22:54,334
because Tommy's
weirdly vegetarian now.
560
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:57,236
- Will you join us?
- Oh. Well, I don't want to impose.
561
00:22:57,305 --> 00:22:58,582
No, no, no, you're not imposing.
562
00:22:58,606 --> 00:23:00,017
No. Get up, buddy.
Tommy, take your plate.
563
00:23:00,041 --> 00:23:01,118
- Get up. Just find another
chair. Come on. - Okay.
564
00:23:01,142 --> 00:23:02,219
You're just gonna sit right here.
565
00:23:02,243 --> 00:23:04,744
Okay. Thank you. Thank you.
566
00:23:04,812 --> 00:23:06,709
Just sit right next to Brendan.
567
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,050
- What the hell are you doing?
- Shh!
568
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:13,252
Not so loud. The boys will hear you.
569
00:23:13,610 --> 00:23:15,254
What do you think I'm doing?
570
00:23:15,323 --> 00:23:18,824
I'm trying to get Vanessa and Brendan
back together so he won't leave.
571
00:23:18,893 --> 00:23:19,970
Look, I did not offer her money
572
00:23:19,994 --> 00:23:22,862
or blackmail her. I
am just playing Cupid.
573
00:23:22,930 --> 00:23:24,397
That's nothing.
574
00:23:24,888 --> 00:23:28,234
Look, I understand this is hard for you.
575
00:23:28,302 --> 00:23:30,236
This is hard for me, too. Our guy is...
576
00:23:30,304 --> 00:23:32,338
- He's moving on.
- Shh.
577
00:23:32,648 --> 00:23:35,074
But we can't be messing with his life.
578
00:23:35,143 --> 00:23:37,644
If you don't call this off,
579
00:23:37,669 --> 00:23:40,320
I will. Oh, you are not
calling off anything.
580
00:23:40,353 --> 00:23:43,252
You don't understand. You're not Mom.
581
00:23:43,277 --> 00:23:49,021
He grew in my stomach.
His first sentence was, "Wuv you, Mama."
582
00:23:49,462 --> 00:23:51,791
For the first four years of his life,
583
00:23:51,859 --> 00:23:54,427
we were stapled together
unless I was at work.
584
00:23:54,495 --> 00:23:56,595
And then from the ages
of four to 18, I lost him
585
00:23:56,620 --> 00:23:59,331
to his stupid friends and knives
586
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:01,434
and girls he never told me about
587
00:24:01,502 --> 00:24:03,469
and masturbation and selling pot,
588
00:24:03,494 --> 00:24:06,449
and now he's back, and he likes me,
589
00:24:06,474 --> 00:24:09,508
and I wuv him more than ever.
590
00:24:09,533 --> 00:24:12,401
And I just... I don't want to
lose him yet, Scott. Please.
591
00:24:12,426 --> 00:24:14,460
- Yeah, but I...
- Scott.
592
00:24:14,485 --> 00:24:15,618
Please.
593
00:24:19,297 --> 00:24:21,664
You're up, man.
594
00:24:21,732 --> 00:24:22,865
Wow.
595
00:24:22,890 --> 00:24:25,344
Okay, okay, attention,
everybody at the bar?
596
00:24:25,369 --> 00:24:26,692
Vic here has another dart to throw,
597
00:24:26,761 --> 00:24:29,261
and he's not afraid to
cause bodily harm, okay?
598
00:24:29,286 --> 00:24:30,922
Look out.
599
00:24:31,502 --> 00:24:33,899
This is it. This is the big one.
600
00:24:33,968 --> 00:24:35,901
Big money, big money...
601
00:24:37,604 --> 00:24:38,938
Where did that one even go?
602
00:24:39,006 --> 00:24:40,739
Um... That is unbelievable.
603
00:24:40,852 --> 00:24:42,919
Okay, buddy.
604
00:24:42,944 --> 00:24:44,877
Wow, you are bad at that.
605
00:24:44,946 --> 00:24:46,912
Actually, I just need a
little bit of a warm-up.
606
00:24:48,416 --> 00:24:49,949
- Hey, I didn't get your RSVeep.
- Hey.
607
00:24:50,017 --> 00:24:51,295
Are you coming by tomorrow night?
608
00:24:51,319 --> 00:24:53,152
Oh. Right, going-away
party. Shoot, sorry.
609
00:24:53,221 --> 00:24:54,920
Yeah. Um, heads-up, actually.
610
00:24:54,945 --> 00:24:56,743
Uh, Rebecca's kind
of having a tough time
611
00:24:56,768 --> 00:24:58,067
with everyone leaving.
612
00:24:58,092 --> 00:24:59,225
Yeah, that makes sense.
613
00:24:59,293 --> 00:25:00,704
You guys are both moving. That's hard.
614
00:25:00,728 --> 00:25:03,395
So true. So brutal.
615
00:25:03,464 --> 00:25:04,630
- Trutal.
- Trutal.
616
00:25:04,699 --> 00:25:05,943
You know, I don't know you,
617
00:25:05,967 --> 00:25:07,600
- but you can also come.
- Oh.
618
00:25:07,668 --> 00:25:09,702
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
619
00:25:09,770 --> 00:25:12,538
- Who's Trutal? Who's Rebecca?
- Ah.
620
00:25:12,607 --> 00:25:16,242
Trutal is no one. Uh, Rebecca
is someone she lives with.
621
00:25:16,310 --> 00:25:18,327
Heather, actually,
Heather's moving away.
622
00:25:18,352 --> 00:25:20,646
And, uh, she's married to
a friend of mine, Hector.
623
00:25:20,715 --> 00:25:22,047
And they have this other friend,
624
00:25:22,116 --> 00:25:23,582
Valencia, who's also moving away.
625
00:25:23,651 --> 00:25:27,019
And, uh... Yeah, this is boring, right?
626
00:25:27,088 --> 00:25:29,522
- This is all people you don't know.
- No, I'm interested.
627
00:25:29,590 --> 00:25:32,258
It's your life. We're
getting to know each other.
628
00:25:32,694 --> 00:25:34,960
So tell me about who is leaving.
629
00:25:35,159 --> 00:25:37,363
Where do I start? Um...
630
00:25:37,431 --> 00:25:38,531
Hmm.
631
00:25:38,599 --> 00:25:39,932
Okay.
632
00:25:40,001 --> 00:25:41,267
Sorry, that took forever.
633
00:25:41,335 --> 00:25:43,669
- Oh, was it a bad date?
- Uh, mm, no.
634
00:25:43,738 --> 00:25:46,138
I like him. He just wanted to
know everything about my life.
635
00:25:46,637 --> 00:25:47,940
So many questions.
636
00:25:48,009 --> 00:25:50,776
Well, that-that sounds like a
normal first date. A good one.
637
00:25:50,845 --> 00:25:53,212
Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.
638
00:25:53,281 --> 00:25:55,581
The whole time I was just
thinking about coming back here
639
00:25:55,650 --> 00:25:57,149
and kicking off my shoes
640
00:25:57,218 --> 00:25:59,329
and hanging out with somebody
who already knew all that stuff.
641
00:26:03,867 --> 00:26:06,000
Uh, what the hell was that?
642
00:26:08,545 --> 00:26:09,611
Get out.
643
00:26:14,948 --> 00:26:17,866
- You have got to get out.
- What are you talking about?
644
00:26:17,891 --> 00:26:21,056
You're using our
friendship like a cocoon.
645
00:26:21,081 --> 00:26:23,281
I-It's like that sci-fi
series that we watched
646
00:26:23,306 --> 00:26:25,284
where the alien lived in
that waterproof chrysalis.
647
00:26:25,309 --> 00:26:28,093
- I am not Gemini. You take that back.
- Okay. Mm-mm.
648
00:26:28,118 --> 00:26:30,932
He destroyed an entire continent
649
00:26:30,957 --> 00:26:33,658
because he was so afraid
of leaving his warm...
650
00:26:34,404 --> 00:26:35,694
comfortable cocoon.
651
00:26:35,762 --> 00:26:38,314
Okay, yeah, I'm hearing
that. I am hearing that now.
652
00:26:38,339 --> 00:26:40,473
Look, Joshua, I love having you around,
653
00:26:40,498 --> 00:26:42,644
but people are right.
654
00:26:42,669 --> 00:26:44,279
We spend an awful lot of time together,
655
00:26:44,304 --> 00:26:46,994
but we know it's not gonna be
anything more than a friendship.
656
00:26:47,412 --> 00:26:49,445
I mean, a really great
friendship, but...
657
00:26:50,291 --> 00:26:51,710
we don't want it to be the thing
658
00:26:51,778 --> 00:26:53,812
that keeps us from meeting someone new.
659
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:55,380
Either one of us.
660
00:26:55,449 --> 00:26:57,348
What about all our shows?
661
00:26:57,417 --> 00:26:59,143
Well, I could give you the passwords.
662
00:26:59,168 --> 00:27:02,380
But... it's the golden
age of television.
663
00:27:02,405 --> 00:27:04,739
I understand what I'm doing.
664
00:27:05,424 --> 00:27:07,125
All right.
665
00:27:07,150 --> 00:27:10,017
Now, Netflix...
666
00:27:10,042 --> 00:27:13,411
- is "hebbybebbynetflix."
- Hebbybebbynetflix.
667
00:27:13,436 --> 00:27:18,193
- HBO Go is "hebbybebbyhbo."
- Mm-hmm. Oh, okay.
668
00:27:18,218 --> 00:27:20,148
Hulu is... Hmm? No, I think I got it.
669
00:27:20,173 --> 00:27:21,571
Oh, okay. I mean, if
you think you got it.
670
00:27:21,596 --> 00:27:24,442
I think I got it. Yeah, you established
a pretty clear pattern there.
671
00:27:24,467 --> 00:27:27,101
It's "hebbybebbyhulu." I
knew you wanted to know.
672
00:27:27,861 --> 00:27:30,407
This is just so great.
673
00:27:30,432 --> 00:27:31,750
It has been two days,
674
00:27:31,775 --> 00:27:34,529
and Vanessa and Brendan have
been out three times already.
675
00:27:34,554 --> 00:27:35,787
I know, it's been a minute
676
00:27:35,856 --> 00:27:37,233
since he went out with
someone that often.
677
00:27:37,257 --> 00:27:40,679
Yeah. The only bummer is is
if they get really serious,
678
00:27:40,704 --> 00:27:42,204
what will he do
679
00:27:42,229 --> 00:27:43,628
about Peeps for Peace?
680
00:27:43,697 --> 00:27:45,797
Long-distance is so hard.
681
00:27:45,822 --> 00:27:48,155
Ask The Notebook.
682
00:27:48,180 --> 00:27:51,372
Oh, hello, lovebirds.
683
00:27:51,397 --> 00:27:52,945
How was your date?
684
00:27:53,013 --> 00:27:54,412
Pretty good.
685
00:27:54,474 --> 00:27:55,840
Really?
686
00:27:55,865 --> 00:27:57,732
Yeah, she's pregnant.
687
00:27:58,968 --> 00:28:00,000
Awesome date.
688
00:28:00,025 --> 00:28:01,713
What? No. You just started...
689
00:28:01,738 --> 00:28:03,871
You can't... but you
can't know that quickly.
690
00:28:03,896 --> 00:28:05,862
I know. I ovulated yesterday,
691
00:28:05,887 --> 00:28:07,420
and I felt the implantation today.
692
00:28:07,445 --> 00:28:08,730
- What?
- Yeah.
693
00:28:08,755 --> 00:28:10,855
So, obviously, Peeps for Peace is out.
694
00:28:10,924 --> 00:28:12,791
I'll have to go back to dealing drugs.
695
00:28:12,816 --> 00:28:15,231
Now that weed's legal,
guess I'll move on to oxy?
696
00:28:15,256 --> 00:28:17,673
No, no, no, no. No, no, no.
You were... you were so excited
697
00:28:17,697 --> 00:28:20,697
about Peeps for Peace.
And-and it was such a noble decision,
698
00:28:20,722 --> 00:28:22,655
and-and I was so happy for you.
699
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:24,246
And... Oh, my God.
700
00:28:24,271 --> 00:28:25,804
A spontaneous pregnancy?
701
00:28:25,829 --> 00:28:27,226
A-a baby?
702
00:28:30,539 --> 00:28:32,472
Okay.
703
00:28:33,321 --> 00:28:34,713
You guys got me.
704
00:28:34,745 --> 00:28:36,378
You got me.
705
00:28:36,403 --> 00:28:37,836
Who was in on this?
706
00:28:38,562 --> 00:28:40,051
Right.
707
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,654
The unprotected sex and
drug storylines were my idea.
708
00:28:42,722 --> 00:28:43,817
I see.
709
00:28:43,842 --> 00:28:46,401
He got it from the series
about the teenage death pact.
710
00:28:46,470 --> 00:28:48,370
Eight episodes. So sad.
711
00:28:48,395 --> 00:28:50,745
They had to have counselors
come to the middle school.
712
00:28:50,770 --> 00:28:52,774
Vanessa called me after
you went to see her.
713
00:28:52,799 --> 00:28:55,400
So I, uh, roped Dad in and Buttface
714
00:28:55,425 --> 00:28:57,526
and hatched a plan.
715
00:28:58,347 --> 00:28:59,847
You got me.
716
00:28:59,974 --> 00:29:01,440
Mom, I know you love me.
717
00:29:01,621 --> 00:29:05,020
I love you, too, but... I got to go.
718
00:29:05,045 --> 00:29:06,344
I know.
719
00:29:06,413 --> 00:29:09,180
I was just... trying to buy some time.
720
00:29:09,700 --> 00:29:10,826
I know.
721
00:29:10,851 --> 00:29:13,251
I mean, come on, it
was just, like, yesterday
722
00:29:13,276 --> 00:29:15,142
that you were an itty-bitty baby.
723
00:29:15,357 --> 00:29:18,122
And I could hold all of you in one arm.
724
00:29:18,191 --> 00:29:19,591
Oh, Mom.
725
00:29:19,616 --> 00:29:21,082
Oh, my God.
726
00:29:21,107 --> 00:29:23,372
I'm crying again.
727
00:29:23,761 --> 00:29:25,930
I-I'm good, I'm good. I'm so sorry.
728
00:29:25,999 --> 00:29:27,699
I just...
729
00:29:27,767 --> 00:29:29,834
- Oh, God...
- Oh, Mama.
730
00:29:29,859 --> 00:29:32,238
Don't... No, it's all good.
731
00:29:36,410 --> 00:29:39,696
Oh. They were all
in on it. Got me so good.
732
00:29:39,721 --> 00:29:42,522
I guess the olive doesn't
fall far from the tree.
733
00:29:42,590 --> 00:29:45,737
I don't know. Hey, this
going-away party is top-notch.
734
00:29:45,762 --> 00:29:48,227
It's classy. I mean, I
gotta talk to Hector's mom
735
00:29:48,252 --> 00:29:50,400
about doing a nice soiree
like this at our place.
736
00:29:50,425 --> 00:29:52,331
You've got to stop
calling her "Hector's mom."
737
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:53,933
You got to move out of her house.
738
00:29:54,010 --> 00:29:56,410
Enough. Se acabó. Basta.
739
00:29:56,435 --> 00:29:57,801
Well, you know what you need to do?
740
00:29:57,826 --> 00:29:59,704
Stop playing this old
people's music. It's fizzy.
741
00:29:59,808 --> 00:30:01,174
Okay, now I'm freaking out,
742
00:30:01,242 --> 00:30:02,586
because I thought she made that up.
743
00:30:02,610 --> 00:30:04,936
No, the kids do say fizzy.
744
00:30:04,961 --> 00:30:07,280
Rebecca's almost 30. She's not a kid.
745
00:30:07,348 --> 00:30:09,010
Hey!
746
00:30:09,035 --> 00:30:11,306
Yo, yo, yo. Where the party at?
747
00:30:14,622 --> 00:30:16,756
Yeah. Oh, that's my friends.
748
00:30:16,781 --> 00:30:18,479
I told them to come ironically early.
749
00:30:19,494 --> 00:30:21,260
- Hey.
- Hey.
750
00:30:21,329 --> 00:30:23,109
- How's it going?
- Hi. Oh, my God.
751
00:30:23,198 --> 00:30:25,198
- Welcome. Oh, my God.
- Thank you.
752
00:30:25,223 --> 00:30:27,323
You are young. You are
young. You are a fetus.
753
00:30:27,435 --> 00:30:28,601
Hello. Welcome. Welcome.
754
00:30:28,670 --> 00:30:30,203
Hi.
755
00:30:30,271 --> 00:30:31,437
Do you know these people?
756
00:30:31,506 --> 00:30:33,017
No, of course I don't know these people.
757
00:30:33,041 --> 00:30:34,273
Yeah.
758
00:30:34,298 --> 00:30:36,665
Anybody have a problem with this?
759
00:30:37,127 --> 00:30:38,326
No? Okay, great.
760
00:30:38,466 --> 00:30:40,624
- So Rebecca carried the baby...
- No, no, no.
761
00:30:40,648 --> 00:30:43,088
It was Heather who carried the
baby, but it was Rebecca's egg.
762
00:30:43,118 --> 00:30:44,962
- Uh, okay, I'll get it eventually.
- No, you're good.
763
00:30:44,986 --> 00:30:47,186
- I mean, probably won't, so...
- Either way.
764
00:30:47,255 --> 00:30:48,457
I'm gonna get a drink.
You want something?
765
00:30:48,482 --> 00:30:50,756
- Yeah, sure. Hey, Darryl.
- Hmm?
766
00:30:50,825 --> 00:30:53,759
Hey, listen, I heard what you did.
767
00:30:53,784 --> 00:30:56,039
And thank you for throwing
water in Josh's face.
768
00:30:56,064 --> 00:30:57,597
- Oh.
- Lt really helped him
769
00:30:57,622 --> 00:30:59,232
get out of his kelp cocoon, you know?
770
00:30:59,257 --> 00:31:02,268
Oh, my God. You're
watching Gemini's Escape.
771
00:31:02,336 --> 00:31:04,347
- Yes. - What episode are you
on? Have you gotten to the one
772
00:31:04,372 --> 00:31:06,439
with the...
773
00:31:06,464 --> 00:31:08,008
Blink twice if you know what I'm saying.
774
00:31:08,933 --> 00:31:10,009
Oh! I know.
775
00:31:10,078 --> 00:31:11,155
- Let's get something to drink.
- Yeah.
776
00:31:11,179 --> 00:31:12,756
I think you need it.
777
00:31:12,780 --> 00:31:13,820
- Should I turn it up?
- Yeah.
778
00:31:13,845 --> 00:31:16,983
Hey, uh, do you mind?
I kind of, like, curated a playlist.
779
00:31:17,008 --> 00:31:19,229
- Can you, like, turn it down at least?
- Hey.
780
00:31:19,254 --> 00:31:21,053
- Or, like...
- Heather, Heather, hey.
781
00:31:21,078 --> 00:31:23,612
Um, oh, my God. You're kind
of embarrassing me right now.
782
00:31:23,637 --> 00:31:24,801
These are my guests,
783
00:31:24,826 --> 00:31:26,703
and they can do whatever
they want, right?
784
00:31:26,728 --> 00:31:28,528
So go pay your taxes
785
00:31:28,596 --> 00:31:30,834
or trim your ear hair
or something, okrrr?
786
00:31:30,859 --> 00:31:33,843
Okay, um, it's your house now,
787
00:31:33,868 --> 00:31:34,800
so...
788
00:31:34,869 --> 00:31:36,802
Okay.
789
00:31:39,075 --> 00:31:40,375
Oh, my God, I love this song.
790
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,335
Is this Halsey? It's not?
791
00:31:49,258 --> 00:31:50,925
♪ ♪
792
00:31:50,949 --> 00:31:52,753
_
793
00:31:57,667 --> 00:32:00,960
Yeah, okay, I love this song!
794
00:32:01,029 --> 00:32:02,728
What's it called?
795
00:32:02,753 --> 00:32:05,241
"Endless Verses"? Huh?
796
00:32:05,266 --> 00:32:06,933
"Waiting for the Chorus"?
797
00:32:06,958 --> 00:32:09,512
"Only the Bad Parts of a Song"?
798
00:32:12,140 --> 00:32:14,473
Mm!
799
00:32:14,542 --> 00:32:15,942
Okay.
800
00:32:16,010 --> 00:32:17,510
Cool, more people.
801
00:32:17,579 --> 00:32:18,579
Oh, yeah!
802
00:32:18,646 --> 00:32:19,979
I'm cool with this.
803
00:32:20,048 --> 00:32:21,981
Yeah! Come in.
804
00:32:22,050 --> 00:32:23,816
I'm glad a fire
marshal's not here, right?
805
00:32:23,885 --> 00:32:25,318
'Cause otherwise we'd be in trouble.
806
00:32:25,386 --> 00:32:27,220
Okay, you go have sex now.
807
00:32:27,288 --> 00:32:29,555
It's fine, it's fine. I
got no responsibilities.
808
00:32:29,624 --> 00:32:32,746
Spill red wine on my
rug. Clog my toilet.
809
00:32:32,771 --> 00:32:35,505
Stick your dirty fingers
in the ice machine
810
00:32:35,530 --> 00:32:37,196
in my new refrigerator, huh?
811
00:32:37,221 --> 00:32:38,559
Wait.
812
00:32:39,736 --> 00:32:41,029
Wait.
813
00:32:43,504 --> 00:32:45,605
No.
814
00:32:45,940 --> 00:32:49,297
Someone dented my new refrigerator?
815
00:32:50,385 --> 00:32:52,107
Okay!
816
00:32:52,614 --> 00:32:54,714
Young people are the worst!
817
00:32:54,739 --> 00:32:56,492
Attention!
818
00:32:56,517 --> 00:32:58,584
If you are too young
819
00:32:58,609 --> 00:33:00,609
to have watched the original Full House,
820
00:33:00,722 --> 00:33:02,125
get out!
821
00:33:03,601 --> 00:33:05,024
Oh, my God.
822
00:33:05,093 --> 00:33:07,026
Nick at Nite doesn't count.
823
00:33:07,095 --> 00:33:09,328
Get out. Just go. Go. Get out.
824
00:33:09,353 --> 00:33:11,941
That is mine. Monsters.
825
00:33:11,966 --> 00:33:14,942
Go. Go. Get out!
826
00:33:18,599 --> 00:33:21,148
Oh, my God, I can't believe I
ruined your good-bye party.
827
00:33:23,299 --> 00:33:25,505
I continue to be horrible.
828
00:33:25,754 --> 00:33:28,622
Seriously, if I weren't
me, I wouldn't talk to me.
829
00:33:28,817 --> 00:33:30,715
Yeah, you were pretty terrible.
830
00:33:30,740 --> 00:33:33,074
And a very unconvincing young person.
831
00:33:33,332 --> 00:33:35,637
Like, were you born 40?
832
00:33:35,878 --> 00:33:38,512
The thing is, when you
told me your good news,
833
00:33:38,581 --> 00:33:39,880
I wanted to be happy for you,
834
00:33:39,949 --> 00:33:42,049
but instead I just felt
self-hating and competitive,
835
00:33:42,118 --> 00:33:44,051
which I know is wrong.
836
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:46,034
But I feel behind.
837
00:33:46,059 --> 00:33:47,666
You know, you guys
have everything all set.
838
00:33:47,690 --> 00:33:48,956
You got it all figured out.
839
00:33:49,025 --> 00:33:50,224
Set?
840
00:33:50,293 --> 00:33:52,593
I'm nervous as hell.
I'm going to a new city
841
00:33:52,618 --> 00:33:54,651
and a new job with a new relationship.
842
00:33:54,764 --> 00:33:57,231
- I'm hella scared.
- Yeah, me, too.
843
00:33:57,300 --> 00:33:58,499
I hate a commute.
844
00:33:58,568 --> 00:34:00,789
And also, randomly I'm married?
845
00:34:00,814 --> 00:34:03,840
Like, what?
846
00:34:05,879 --> 00:34:07,981
God, I'm so sorry for being so selfish.
847
00:34:08,006 --> 00:34:10,144
You were heinous,
848
00:34:10,213 --> 00:34:12,880
but everyone's frizzy sometimes.
849
00:34:13,203 --> 00:34:15,716
Is it frizzy or fizzy? What?
850
00:34:15,741 --> 00:34:19,009
It doesn't matter. I made it
up, and it somehow took off.
851
00:34:19,527 --> 00:34:21,922
God. I really backslid this week.
852
00:34:22,137 --> 00:34:24,604
I guess I got to up my therapy sessions
and go back to group.
853
00:34:24,629 --> 00:34:26,132
I haven't been to group in a long time.
854
00:34:26,157 --> 00:34:29,071
Look, Rebecca, I get why
you're down on yourself.
855
00:34:29,423 --> 00:34:30,439
But...
856
00:34:30,516 --> 00:34:33,444
I mean, honestly, I can't picture
857
00:34:33,469 --> 00:34:35,469
what my life would be like without you.
858
00:34:35,762 --> 00:34:38,006
I never would have met Hector,
859
00:34:38,031 --> 00:34:41,250
a-and I wouldn't have gone
for my supercool corporate job.
860
00:34:41,310 --> 00:34:42,983
Yeah, and if it wasn't for you,
861
00:34:43,008 --> 00:34:45,446
I wouldn't have my cool
job and awesome girlfriend
862
00:34:45,515 --> 00:34:47,648
if you hadn't broken up me and Josh.
863
00:34:47,717 --> 00:34:51,490
Yeah, and I wouldn't be
anywhere near law school, so duh.
864
00:34:52,161 --> 00:34:54,028
Because of me? Really?
865
00:34:54,053 --> 00:34:56,791
Mm-hmm. So we forgive you.
866
00:34:56,893 --> 00:34:59,251
- For a lot.
- A lot.
867
00:34:59,276 --> 00:35:01,672
Actually, can I ask you a favor?
868
00:35:01,857 --> 00:35:04,899
Will you take temporary
custody of Estrella?
869
00:35:05,011 --> 00:35:06,778
She and Hector don't get along,
870
00:35:06,930 --> 00:35:09,536
and she's so happy here.
871
00:35:10,372 --> 00:35:12,807
You would trust me with your starfish?
872
00:35:13,174 --> 00:35:15,910
Heather, I will guard her with my life.
873
00:35:15,978 --> 00:35:19,770
Oh, my God, I love you guys so much.
874
00:35:19,882 --> 00:35:22,283
And we'll-we'll...
875
00:35:22,308 --> 00:35:23,975
we'll keep in touch, right?
876
00:35:24,086 --> 00:35:26,987
Oh, of course we will.
I mean, definitely we will.
877
00:35:27,056 --> 00:35:28,355
Not like you guys
878
00:35:28,380 --> 00:35:30,914
are moving to Botswana.
879
00:35:31,027 --> 00:35:33,387
- Wow, is that really where he's going?
- Yeah.
880
00:35:33,412 --> 00:35:35,095
Yeah. I looked on a globe,
881
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,988
- and it's, like, you know, here.
- Oh, Paula.
882
00:35:38,029 --> 00:35:41,050
I'm so s... Excited for him and for you.
883
00:35:41,075 --> 00:35:43,814
Paula, you know that we love you
and we're here for you.
884
00:35:43,847 --> 00:35:47,449
Yeah, I know. We'll all
be here for each other.
885
00:35:47,474 --> 00:35:50,550
Yeah, girl group is "forevah."
886
00:35:51,592 --> 00:35:54,748
- And "evah."
- And "evah."
887
00:35:54,817 --> 00:35:57,952
- And "evah."
- Cheers.
888
00:36:02,301 --> 00:36:05,226
Well... I should go,
889
00:36:05,251 --> 00:36:08,269
because I only have a
little time left with him.
890
00:36:09,525 --> 00:36:12,466
So... No, no, no. Good night.
891
00:36:12,491 --> 00:36:14,791
Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
892
00:36:14,816 --> 00:36:16,981
And now she's stuck with Tommy.
893
00:36:40,314 --> 00:36:41,662
You gonna be okay?
894
00:36:41,687 --> 00:36:44,442
Oh, yeah. It's just amazing
895
00:36:44,467 --> 00:36:47,545
that this is how everything turned out.
896
00:36:47,570 --> 00:36:49,981
- Yeah.
- I mean, you're everything I ever hoped
897
00:36:50,006 --> 00:36:51,773
you would be, but...
898
00:36:52,074 --> 00:36:55,729
nothing like I actually
thought you would be.
899
00:36:56,012 --> 00:36:57,878
What, Mom?
900
00:37:04,553 --> 00:37:06,987
♪ You stand before me ♪
901
00:37:07,056 --> 00:37:10,157
♪ A man fully grown ♪
902
00:37:10,226 --> 00:37:13,427
♪ Ready to take on the world ♪
903
00:37:13,540 --> 00:37:17,041
♪ Heading out on your own ♪
904
00:37:17,066 --> 00:37:18,999
♪ You're now so thoughtful ♪
905
00:37:19,068 --> 00:37:22,436
♪ Strong and wise ♪
906
00:37:22,505 --> 00:37:24,238
♪ I'm proud ♪
907
00:37:24,307 --> 00:37:27,574
♪ But I'm also surprised ♪
908
00:37:27,643 --> 00:37:31,078
♪ 'Cause I always
never believed in you ♪
909
00:37:31,147 --> 00:37:33,547
♪ I never gave up giving up on you ♪
910
00:37:34,307 --> 00:37:37,051
♪ Deep inside I always knew ♪
911
00:37:37,119 --> 00:37:40,554
♪ That you'd eventually
never come through ♪
912
00:37:40,623 --> 00:37:42,623
♪ Not for a second did I think ♪
913
00:37:42,692 --> 00:37:46,327
♪ You wouldn't end up
dead or in the clink ♪
914
00:37:46,395 --> 00:37:50,597
♪ For possession or
assault or worse ♪
915
00:37:50,622 --> 00:37:52,666
♪ It's true ♪
916
00:37:52,691 --> 00:37:58,353
♪ 'Cause I've always
never believed in you ♪
917
00:38:00,376 --> 00:38:02,242
♪ The moment you were born ♪
918
00:38:02,311 --> 00:38:05,245
♪ They placed you in my arms ♪
919
00:38:05,314 --> 00:38:08,682
♪ And I looked into
your eyes and thought ♪
920
00:38:08,751 --> 00:38:11,952
♪ "Well, that's a murderer" ♪
921
00:38:12,021 --> 00:38:14,188
♪ I thought at best ♪
922
00:38:14,256 --> 00:38:17,224
♪ You might barely manage ♪
923
00:38:17,293 --> 00:38:19,360
♪ And it would be my job ♪
924
00:38:19,428 --> 00:38:23,330
♪ To try to mitigate the damage ♪
925
00:38:23,399 --> 00:38:26,934
♪ 'Cause I've always
never believed in you ♪
926
00:38:27,003 --> 00:38:29,436
♪ I never once
doubted doubting you ♪
927
00:38:29,505 --> 00:38:32,639
♪ With every opportunity
that you blew ♪
928
00:38:32,708 --> 00:38:35,776
♪ All my worst fears
just kept coming true ♪
929
00:38:35,845 --> 00:38:38,779
♪ You never were a teacher's pet ♪
930
00:38:38,848 --> 00:38:41,949
♪ But you did kill a teacher's pet ♪
931
00:38:42,018 --> 00:38:44,551
♪ With every horrifying thing ♪
932
00:38:44,620 --> 00:38:47,721
♪ You'd say or do ♪
933
00:38:47,790 --> 00:38:52,459
♪ I continued to
never believe in you ♪
934
00:38:52,528 --> 00:38:55,396
♪ Some people are
destined to fly high ♪
935
00:38:55,464 --> 00:38:58,332
♪ Others just get
really, really high ♪
936
00:38:58,401 --> 00:39:01,635
♪ Some people reach for the stars ♪
937
00:39:01,704 --> 00:39:05,026
♪ Some just reach for
the panel in the ceiling ♪
938
00:39:05,051 --> 00:39:07,717
♪ Where they keep their drugs ♪
939
00:39:07,742 --> 00:39:10,144
♪ I held out no hope ♪
940
00:39:10,212 --> 00:39:13,080
♪ For so long ♪
941
00:39:13,149 --> 00:39:15,115
♪ But now I admit ♪
942
00:39:15,184 --> 00:39:18,886
♪ I got you all wrong ♪
943
00:39:18,954 --> 00:39:21,789
♪ 'Cause now I actually
believe in you ♪
944
00:39:21,857 --> 00:39:24,892
♪ No longer have a total
lack of faith in you ♪
945
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:28,130
♪ Apparently there
are things you can do ♪
946
00:39:28,155 --> 00:39:31,198
♪ You're full of
potential, and no one knew ♪
947
00:39:31,223 --> 00:39:34,345
♪ Allow me to tip
my hat to you, sir ♪
948
00:39:34,370 --> 00:39:37,438
♪ 'Cause you're no
longer a total loser ♪
949
00:39:37,463 --> 00:39:39,830
♪ It feels strange to say it ♪
950
00:39:39,855 --> 00:39:43,752
♪ But it's true ♪
951
00:39:44,365 --> 00:39:47,214
♪ I weirdly, shockingly ♪
952
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:51,141
♪ Completely believe ♪
953
00:39:51,253 --> 00:39:56,409
♪ In you ♪
954
00:40:01,564 --> 00:40:06,043
♪ I believe, I believe, I believe ♪
955
00:40:06,068 --> 00:40:10,070
♪ In you ♪
956
00:40:11,607 --> 00:40:16,543
♪ Yes, I do ♪
957
00:40:16,612 --> 00:40:20,647
♪ Yes ♪
958
00:40:20,922 --> 00:40:25,825
♪ I do. ♪
959
00:40:32,194 --> 00:40:34,127
♪ ♪
960
00:40:54,492 --> 00:40:56,425
♪ ♪
961
00:41:04,732 --> 00:41:05,926
It'll be okay.
962
00:41:07,730 --> 00:41:10,063
I love you, Mom. I love you, too.
963
00:41:10,132 --> 00:41:13,743
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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