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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:09,075 MAN ON TV: We now return t o Sunday Golf on CBS. 2 00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:12,579 COMMENTATOR 1: And Mickelson here, trying to save par, and there's Mickelson's wife. 3 00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,081 God, is she hot. COMMENTATOR 2: Look at that rack. 4 00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:17,083 There's a downhill lie for you. 5 00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:20,086 COMMENTATOR 1: They're just out there begging to be touched. Pleading. 6 00:00:20,086 --> 00:00:22,088 How many golf balls do you think she can fit in her mouth? 7 00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:24,591 COMMENTATOR 2: I'd hit that one in the rough, if you know what I'm saying. 8 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,092 COMMENTATOR 1: Who are you kidding, Greg? 9 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,594 You'd pork her for a week and then get tired of her. 10 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,095 COMMENTATOR 2: Yeah, you're right . 11 00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:30,597 That's what I do. That's my thing. 12 00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,098 But a hell of a week, though. 13 00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:33,333 COMMENTATOR 1: Hell of a week. 14 00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:34,334 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 15 00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:36,336 Oh, my God, the power's out. 16 00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:37,837 What are we gonna do now? 17 00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:40,340 Well, we could light some candles and read. 18 00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:43,343 (ALL LAUGHING) 19 00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:44,844 Yeah, right. Yeah, that'd be great. 20 00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:46,813 Yeah, read the inside of my butt. 21 00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:48,314 We could tell stories. 22 00:00:48,314 --> 00:00:50,316 Hey, Dad, why don't yo u tell the story about when I was born? 23 00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:52,318 Yeah, we got halfway home with the afterbirth, 24 00:00:52,318 --> 00:00:53,319 before we had to go back to the hospital 25 00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:55,488 and swap it out for Meg. The end. 26 00:00:55,488 --> 00:00:56,489 Now, I got a better one. 27 00:00:56,990 --> 00:01:00,493 This is a story of love and loss, fathers and sons, 28 00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:04,097 and the foresight to retain international merchandising rights. 29 00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:07,200 This is the story of Star Wars. 30 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,069 Let's begin with Part 4. 31 00:01:17,877 --> 00:01:21,781 (STAR WARS MAIN THEME PLAYING) 32 00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:01,314 ) (LASERS FIRING 33 00:03:26,906 --> 00:03:29,909 You hear that? Sounds like we're being boarded from the rear, 34 00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:31,911 and not the, "Hey, take a deep breath, let's experiment," 35 00:03:31,911 --> 00:03:32,912 kind of boarded from the rear. 36 00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:33,913 ) (CLEVELAND BEEPING 37 00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:35,782 ? Could you hold on to this bag 38 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,902 What if they come in a different door? 39 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,404 Well, I guess we'd all just get up and go to that door then. 40 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,673 Is it going to be like this all day, Jeff? 41 00:04:00,673 --> 00:04:02,175 Hey, I'm just trying to contribute. 42 00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:05,745 Yeah, well contribute to pointing your gun at that door. 43 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,747 Mark, why are you always way nicer to me 44 00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,549 when the other rebels aren't around? 45 00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:25,431 Damn! I was two days from retirement. 46 00:04:28,868 --> 00:04:29,869 R2? 47 00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:33,172 Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. 48 00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:34,674 You're my only hope. 49 00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:36,175 All right, now what do I click? 50 00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:38,177 Click "preferences." 51 00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:40,179 Okay, I clicked "preferences." 52 00:04:40,179 --> 00:04:42,181 Now go to "default media browser." 53 00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:44,517 Okay, there's a little hourglass 54 00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:46,552 and it's not letting me do anything. 55 00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:48,054 It says "buffering." What is that? 56 00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:49,055 Just give it a minute. 57 00:04:49,555 --> 00:04:51,057 All I'm trying to do is make an MPEG. 58 00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,159 All I'm trying to do is tell you to wait a minute. 59 00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:54,661 Okay, relax. 60 00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,663 Now click "import video file." 61 00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,164 All right. 62 00:04:58,164 --> 00:05:00,667 It's telling me I have to download RealPlayer 7. 63 00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:03,369 You know what? I'll just bring it to him myself. 64 00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:04,604 There she is. 65 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,212 You still got that bag I gave you? 66 00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:15,515 It's gonna be a long ride. 67 00:05:20,753 --> 00:05:23,256 Hold your fire. There's no life forms aboard. 68 00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:25,692 Hold your fire? What, are we payin g by the laser now? 69 00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,860 You don't do the budget, Terry. I do. 70 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,164 Hey, I'm gonna do some crosswords, 71 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,166 but that doesn't mean I don't want to talk. 72 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,667 . Oh, yeah, yeah 73 00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:50,717 My God, look at this mess. 74 00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:52,218 "Hey, Darth Vader's gonna be here, 75 00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:53,720 "shall we maybe clean the place up? 76 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,988 "No, it's okay, he won't mind." 77 00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:59,492 Well, well, Princess Leia. Are you prepared to tell me 78 00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:01,994 what you've done with the stolen Death Star plans? 79 00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:03,996 All right, Lord Vader, you win. 80 00:06:03,996 --> 00:06:07,300 I've hidden the plans in one of these 26 briefcases. 81 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,269 Ooh! Ooh! 82 00:06:10,269 --> 00:06:13,005 Okay, okay, I'm feeling number 14, let's go with number 14. 83 00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:16,209 Ohh! 84 00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,544 It's okay, I'm just happy to be on TV. 85 00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,380 All right, take her away. 86 00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:25,651 Okay, here's another one. 87 00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:27,153 Who would you rather do? 88 00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:30,089 Jabba the Hutt right after a shower or a service droid? 89 00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:32,558 My father was a service droid. 90 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:34,060 Hey, where are you going? 91 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,561 You can kiss the lower part of 92 00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:38,064 the back of the canister that is my body. 93 00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:53,246 Oh, man, this looks like the wrong neighborhood. 94 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:58,251 Oh, boy, it's okay, R2, calm down, be cool. 95 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:01,754 I ain't done nothing to antagonize nobody. 96 00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:04,757 What, a droid can't walk down the desert no more? 97 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,159 I got rights, too. Who's there? 98 00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:07,994 (SHOUTING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) 99 00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:10,229 (CIRCUITS SCRAMBLING) 100 00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:11,230 (GROANS) 101 00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:29,182 (CHAMBER MUSIC PLAYING) 102 00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:33,085 (SPEAKING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) 103 00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:46,933 Any attack made by the rebels against 104 00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:48,935 this station would be a useless gesture, 105 00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:51,170 no matter what technical data they've obtained. 106 00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:54,273 This station is now the ultimate power in the universe. 107 00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:56,776 That is fantastic, terrific work. 108 00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:58,144 So no weaknesses at all? 109 00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,146 No... No. 110 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,647 You, uh... You hesitated there. 111 00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:03,149 Is there something I should know? 112 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:06,652 No, it's virtually indestructible, like 99.99%. 113 00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:09,155 Uh, okay, wouldn't be doing my job 114 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,157 if I didn't ask, what's the 0.01? 115 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,659 Well, I mean, there's this little hole. 116 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,596 It was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect. 117 00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:21,968 And if you shoot a laser into this hole, the station blows up. 118 00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:22,969 ! Whoa, whoa , whoa, whoa 119 00:08:23,469 --> 00:08:24,971 That sounds like a pretty big design flaw, then. 120 00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:27,373 No, no, the hole's only 2 meters across. 121 00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:29,709 . Well, that's no bigger than a womp rat 122 00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:30,877 Exactly. 123 00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:32,378 And even to get within range of it, 124 00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:34,380 you have to skim along this whole trench. It's not a big deal. 125 00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,382 Can't we board it up or, you know, 126 00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:37,884 put some plywood over it or something? 127 00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:39,385 Well, that would look terrible. 128 00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:40,887 I mean, we gotta think about resale. 129 00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:42,388 Resale? What are you talking about? 130 00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:43,890 . This property is right above Sunset 131 00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,391 The value is only gonna go up. 132 00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:47,326 Lord Vader, your inside references 133 00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:49,328 to the Los Angeles real estate market 134 00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:50,830 haven't given you the clairvoyance to turn 135 00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:53,566 a profit on that condo in Glendale. Nor has it... 136 00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:56,068 (CHOKING) I find your lack of faith disturbing. 137 00:08:56,569 --> 00:08:58,571 That property is in a prime location. 138 00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:01,073 20 minutes to the beach, 20 minutes to downtown. 139 00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:03,509 (CHOKING) There's nothing to do downtown. 140 00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:06,012 . Enough of this. Vader, release him 141 00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:07,013 As you wish. 142 00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:09,515 (GASPING) 143 00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:11,083 All right, so we're gonna plug up that hole? 144 00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:14,086 Yeah, we can get it done tomorrow, if price is no object. 145 00:09:14,086 --> 00:09:15,588 Uh... 146 00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:17,089 We'll get estimates. 147 00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:19,058 (LAUGHING SHEEPISHLY) Get estimates, yeah, yeah. 148 00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,497 Someone was in the pod. 149 00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:25,865 The tracks go off in this direction. 150 00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:27,333 Look, sir, droids. 151 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:28,634 Look, a penny. 152 00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:34,106 Hey, thanks for the sex, early '90s printer. 153 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,282 All right, bring him on out. 154 00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:46,285 Oh, God, it's 100 degrees out here. 155 00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:50,289 If I pass out, please note that I'm wearing a LifeCall bracelet, 156 00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:53,025 with all my insurance information. 157 00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:55,962 BERU: Luke? Luke! 158 00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:58,097 Luke! What? 159 00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,099 u Tell Uncle Owe n not to tell yo 160 00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:02,335 that your father is Darth Vader. 161 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,337 Aunt Beru, when are you guys going to let 162 00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,772 me join the Rebellion, like all my friends? 163 00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:10,443 Oh, stop whining, Luke, and come have some blue milk. 164 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,945 One of these days, I'm just gonna take off 165 00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,881 . and join the Rebellion, whether you like it or not 166 00:10:15,881 --> 00:10:18,217 Over my burnt carcass. 167 00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:19,719 (IN ITALIAN ACCENT) Hey, shut up-a with the noise-a. 168 00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:21,721 Hey, shut up-a wit h the shut up-a. 169 00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,089 You shut up-a with the shut up-a. 170 00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:24,490 Shut up-a your face. 171 00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:26,492 Now-a my dog-a won't shut up-a. Why you no shut up-a? 172 00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:27,994 I'll make-a you shut up-a. 173 00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:28,995 You, too, shut up-a. 174 00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:29,996 Hey, I poke out-a my head. 175 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:45,544 Some day, I'll get off this rock and fight the Empire. 176 00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:53,352 John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra, everybody. 177 00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:57,356 (SOMBER STAR WARSMUSIC) 178 00:11:09,568 --> 00:11:11,671 Now do the theme to The People's Court. 179 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:17,376 (PLAYING PEOPLE'S COURTTHEME) 180 00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:30,723 Oh, this oil bath is gonna feel so good. 181 00:11:30,723 --> 00:11:33,659 Hey, you guys think that '90s printer looked clean, right? 182 00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:36,362 Hey, there's something stuck in this R2 unit. 183 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,864 Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. 184 00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:40,266 You're my only hope. 185 00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:41,834 Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. 186 00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:43,669 You're my only hope. 187 00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:46,672 Whoever she is, she sounds like she's in trouble. 188 00:11:46,672 --> 00:11:48,541 Is there any more to this message? 189 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,610 Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids. 190 00:11:52,111 --> 00:11:55,147 Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids. 191 00:11:55,147 --> 00:11:58,150 Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids. 192 00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:01,153 Hi! I'm Darth Harrington of Darth Harrington's Intergalactic Proton 193 00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:02,655 Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising 194 00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,724 Droids Emporium and Moon Base. 195 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:07,226 Due to a garbled subspace transmission, I am currently overstocked 196 00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,228 on all Intergalactic Proton Powered 197 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,730 Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids 198 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,466 and I am passing the savings on to you! 199 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,901 She said "Obi-One" Kenobi. 200 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,904 I wonder if she means old Obi-Wan Kenobi? 201 00:12:19,271 --> 00:12:21,941 Well, I guess I'll go bulls-eye some womp rats in my T-16. 202 00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,944 My God, you shoot small animals for fun? 203 00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:27,446 That's the first indicator of a serial killer, you freak. 204 00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:29,448 There's two suns and no women. 205 00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:32,685 What the hell am I supposed to do? 206 00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:35,187 Master Luke, he's gone, he's gone. What? 207 00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:38,190 R2, he took off in the middle of the night, we gotta find him. 208 00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:41,594 Oh, what the phantom menac e is that guy's problem? 209 00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:45,865 Hey, mind if I turn on the radio? 210 00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:49,401 DJ: WTAT, Tatooine's all-talk radio. 211 00:12:49,401 --> 00:12:51,904 HOST: My good friends, the liberal galactic media 212 00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:53,906 is at it again, they never stop. 213 00:12:53,906 --> 00:12:56,408 Now they're trying to convince us that Hoth is melting. 214 00:12:56,408 --> 00:12:57,910 Well, that's crazy, just trying to scare us. 215 00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:00,412 And if that weren't enough to get you mad, 216 00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:02,915 we now have news that Lando Calrissian 217 00:13:02,915 --> 00:13:04,416 has been made the chief administrator 218 00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:06,919 of the Bespin mining facility. 219 00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,921 Gee, I wonder how he got that job. 220 00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:10,422 Well, let me tell you how he got that job. 221 00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:12,424 Affirmative action strikes again. 222 00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:14,326 The time is 8:50. 223 00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:18,931 R2, what are you doing out here? 224 00:13:19,431 --> 00:13:20,432 (BEEPING) 225 00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:21,934 He says there are several creatures 226 00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:23,435 approaching from the southeast. 227 00:13:23,435 --> 00:13:24,436 That's not what I said. 228 00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:27,439 I said there ain't a pack of menthols on this planet. 229 00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:32,812 Well, I see some bantha tracks, but I don't see any... 230 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,446 Wait a minute, they're Sand People, 231 00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,382 all right, I can see one of them now. 232 00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,921 (BARKING) 233 00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:44,190 (WHISTLING) 234 00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:50,429 (BARKING) 235 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,268 Who the hell are you? 236 00:13:57,770 --> 00:14:00,673 One lucky son of a bitch. 237 00:14:03,442 --> 00:14:07,413 So, Luke, what brings your muscly arms out this way? 238 00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:08,914 I'll show you, Mr. Obi-Wan. 239 00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:10,916 R2, play him the message. 240 00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,420 General Kenobi, many years ago 241 00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,922 you served my father in the Clone Wars. 242 00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:20,426 We need your help again. And, not to get too personal, 243 00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:22,428 but you owe us after that mess 244 00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:23,929 you got into back on Alderaan. 245 00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:25,431 (FAST-FORWARDING) 246 00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:27,433 And we paid to keep the families 247 00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:28,934 of those children quiet, so... 248 00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:33,439 This is just, like, logistical stuff . I'll check that later. 249 00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,441 ...Joey Lawrence haircut. 250 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,443 So, I'll assume we can count on your help 251 00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:40,946 to get the Death Star plans to my father on Alderaan. 252 00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:43,949 The plans are stored inside this R2 unit. 253 00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:47,453 Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope. 254 00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,455 All right now, what do I click? 255 00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:52,458 Luke, you must learn the ways of the Force, 256 00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:54,460 and come with me to Alderaan. 257 00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:55,961 What's the Force? 258 00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:59,465 The Force is what gives a Jedi Knight his power. 259 00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:02,468 It surrounds us, it penetrates us. 260 00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:04,603 Mmm... 261 00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:06,238 Here, check this out. 262 00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:09,208 Wow! This is cool. 263 00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:11,610 Yeah, everyone in the neighborhood has one. 264 00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,083 Hey, why would you hang that up? 265 00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,985 It looks so tantalizing. 266 00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:25,557 You know, the Empire is gonna come looking for these droids. 267 00:15:25,858 --> 00:15:27,860 But if they find out who the Jawa sold them to, 268 00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,862 that could lead them back... 269 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:30,930 Home! 270 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,933 Luke, wait, it's too dangerous. 271 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,835 Get your fat space ass back here. 272 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,181 Uncle Owen? 273 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,183 Aunt Beru? 274 00:15:52,184 --> 00:15:53,652 Oh, my God! 275 00:15:57,022 --> 00:15:58,524 John Williams! 276 00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:04,997 Great, now we gotta do the rest of this thing with Danny Elfman. 277 00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:08,000 (PLAYING ELFMAN-ESQUE MUSIC) 278 00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:29,455 HERBERT: Mos Eisley spaceport. 279 00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:33,459 You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. 280 00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:35,961 My sister Regina-D2 lives here. 281 00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:36,962 Is she single? 282 00:16:37,463 --> 00:16:38,464 She's a lez-bot. 283 00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:51,076 How are we gonna get in here? 284 00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:52,578 We don't have any chicks with us. 285 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,580 It's way easier to get into these clubs 286 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,081 if you have chicks in your group. 287 00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:59,451 You ever notice that? No, I never have. 288 00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:02,554 Sorry, sir, private party tonight. 289 00:17:02,554 --> 00:17:05,057 I'm a friend of Dave Navarro's. 290 00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:06,558 You're a friend of Dave Navarro's. 291 00:17:06,558 --> 00:17:08,060 You saw me here last week. 292 00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:10,062 I seem like a cool dude. 293 00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:12,064 I saw you here last week. You seem like a cool dude. 294 00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:13,565 Move along. 295 00:17:13,565 --> 00:17:14,600 . Move along , move along 296 00:17:16,468 --> 00:17:19,605 (STAR WARSCANTINA MUSIC PLAYING) 297 00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:29,281 (GROWLING) 298 00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:33,752 He doesn't like you. 299 00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:35,154 Sorry. 300 00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:37,389 I don't like you either. 301 00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,258 You don't even know me. 302 00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:40,759 You know what? That's fair. 303 00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:43,762 I'm Pig Nose, and this is my brother-in-law, Scott. 304 00:17:43,762 --> 00:17:45,264 He's visiting from Hoth. 305 00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:46,765 I don't know why they call it Hoth. 306 00:17:46,765 --> 00:17:48,267 They should call it Coldth. 307 00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:49,768 Okay, settle down. 308 00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,136 I'm up after the band. 309 00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,138 Thank you. We're the Cantina Band. 310 00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:54,640 If you have any requests, shout 'em out. 311 00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:56,642 (THROWING VOICE) Play that same song. 312 00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:58,644 All right, same song, here we go. 313 00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:01,313 (STAR WARSCANTINA MUSIC PLAYING) 314 00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:06,618 Oh, no, Stormtroopers. Quick, R2, in here. 315 00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,958 This door's locked, move on to the next one. 316 00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:14,460 Well, maybe they're behind this door. 317 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,462 I just said it's locked. 318 00:18:16,462 --> 00:18:18,964 Well, can't you knock or something? 319 00:18:18,964 --> 00:18:19,965 Hello? 320 00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:22,968 Well, I guess whoever's in there 321 00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:24,970 won't be getting this giant check 322 00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:26,972 . from Publisher s Clearing House 323 00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:29,975 CLEVELAND: Publishers Clearing House! QUAGMIRE: Shut up. 324 00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:32,478 Did you hear something ? I heard voices, but they've stopped, 325 00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:35,948 so I'm gonna assume there's no one in there. 326 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,450 Hi, my sexy friend and I are looking for 327 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,452 a ship to take us to Alderaan, 328 00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,955 and I'm willing to pay big money. 329 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,990 . Well, you've come to the right place 330 00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:47,493 I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon 331 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:48,994 and the only actor whose career 332 00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:50,762 isn't destroyed by this movie. 333 00:18:50,762 --> 00:18:52,764 Is it a fast ship? Are you kidding? 334 00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:55,934 It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. 335 00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:59,805 Um, isn't a parsec a unit of distance, not time? 336 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,306 (STUTTERING) 337 00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:03,475 Chewie, take these guys to the ship and get her ready. 338 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,911 (GARGLING) 339 00:19:07,012 --> 00:19:08,647 Always gargle before a takeoff. 340 00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,349 Wokka, wokka! All right, let's go. 341 00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:15,521 (IN ALIEN LANGUAGE ) 342 00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:17,856 Greedo, as a matter of fact, I was just 343 00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:19,525 going to see Jabba and tell him... 344 00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:22,528 (IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) 345 00:19:45,484 --> 00:19:46,652 Well, what do you think? 346 00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:48,554 What a piece of junk! 347 00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:50,556 Thank you, this was my brother's. He died of leukemia. 348 00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:52,057 How do you feel now? 349 00:19:52,057 --> 00:19:54,059 You got any strawberry milk in there? 350 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,562 No, but she'll make 0.5 past light speed. 351 00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:58,063 If you want, I'll show you around, 352 00:19:58,063 --> 00:19:59,998 since no one's trying to stop the ship or blast us. 353 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,501 Stop that ship, blast them. 354 00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:03,502 Oh, now I can't show you around. 355 00:20:04,002 --> 00:20:05,003 . Quick, get in the ship 356 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,822 Looks like we got Imperial Cruisers on our tail. 357 00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:24,823 Oh, look at that one on the left. 358 00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:27,826 Get off your cell phone, you are driving. 359 00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:36,335 (RADAR BEEPING) 360 00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:38,337 They're gaining on us. 361 00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:40,339 We'll be safe enough, once we make the jump to hyperspace. 362 00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:42,808 Besides, I know a few maneuvers . We'll lose 'em. 363 00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:50,782 That... That was your maneuver? 364 00:20:50,782 --> 00:20:52,784 Moving slightly to the left? 365 00:20:52,784 --> 00:20:55,787 ? Well, I mean, we'r e not in the same place we were, huh 366 00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:56,788 That ought to confuse 'em. 367 00:20:56,788 --> 00:20:59,291 Yeah, but you hardly did anything. 368 00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:02,294 You just started listing lazily to the left. 369 00:21:02,294 --> 00:21:04,029 I'm pretty sure they can keep up. 370 00:21:04,029 --> 00:21:05,530 ! Where did they go? There they are 371 00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:08,033 They're listing lazily to the left . Go left, left! 372 00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:09,968 Boy, this guy knows some maneuvers. 373 00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:11,136 All right, strap yourselves in, 374 00:21:11,136 --> 00:21:12,638 I'm about to make the jump to light speed. 375 00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:15,073 Did he say "strap in" or "strap on"? 376 00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:24,816 . Man, hyperspace always looks so freaky 377 00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:29,254 (DOCTOR WHO THEME PLAYING) 378 00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:43,135 (HIP-HOP BASS BLARING) 379 00:21:46,171 --> 00:21:47,673 Governor Tarkin. 380 00:21:47,673 --> 00:21:50,676 I recognized your foul stench as soon as I was brought onboard. 381 00:21:50,676 --> 00:21:54,680 Um, actually, that's me, I made a Darth doody. 382 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,682 I sithed my pants. 383 00:21:56,682 --> 00:21:59,685 My diaper's gone over to the dark side. 384 00:21:59,685 --> 00:22:01,453 I got pages of these, I could go on. 385 00:22:01,453 --> 00:22:03,455 Princess Leia, we've chosen to test 386 00:22:03,455 --> 00:22:06,458 our Death Star planet blower-upper gun 387 00:22:06,458 --> 00:22:08,727 on your home planet of Alderaan. 388 00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:09,895 No! 389 00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:12,264 She said no. Should we still do it? 390 00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:14,266 Yeah. 391 00:22:16,968 --> 00:22:19,237 (WEAPON CHARGING) 392 00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:29,781 (GASPING) 393 00:22:29,781 --> 00:22:32,784 So, anyway, I says, "Forget the dental plan, forget sick leave. 394 00:22:32,784 --> 00:22:36,288 "I just want a railing. You know, one railing right here." 395 00:22:36,288 --> 00:22:39,291 Yeah, I know, I've almost fallen over that thing so many times. 396 00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:40,792 So, what did they say? 397 00:22:40,792 --> 00:22:43,295 Get this, they said they're worried we'd be leaning all day. 398 00:22:43,295 --> 00:22:44,796 They said that? 399 00:22:44,796 --> 00:22:46,298 (SCOFFS) Yeah. 400 00:22:46,298 --> 00:22:48,266 Well, none of this will matter when we're famous singers. 401 00:22:52,003 --> 00:22:53,505 Good evening, Death Star. 402 00:22:54,005 --> 00:22:57,008 Tonight a special report on the controversial attack on Alderaan. 403 00:22:57,008 --> 00:22:59,010 While some view the attack as unwarranted, 404 00:22:59,010 --> 00:23:00,512 the Empire has obtained proof 405 00:23:00,512 --> 00:23:02,013 that Alderaan was in possession 406 00:23:02,013 --> 00:23:04,015 of weapons of mass destruction. 407 00:23:04,015 --> 00:23:05,517 And now, let's go to our five day forecast. 408 00:23:06,017 --> 00:23:06,918 What's the weather like, Ollie? 409 00:23:06,918 --> 00:23:08,286 Space weather. Thanks, Ollie. 410 00:23:08,286 --> 00:23:10,288 Coming up, we'll give you the road closures 411 00:23:10,288 --> 00:23:12,290 for this week's Ewok Pride Parade. 412 00:23:12,290 --> 00:23:13,191 Stay with us. 413 00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:20,232 How am I doing? 414 00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:21,733 Just keep your knees bent. 415 00:23:21,733 --> 00:23:25,737 Imagine you're spreading butter on a big piece of bread. 416 00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:26,738 That's it. 417 00:23:26,738 --> 00:23:29,708 Spread that butter , with the Force. 418 00:23:29,708 --> 00:23:33,311 Ha! You guys seem like crazy morons to me. 419 00:23:33,311 --> 00:23:35,547 You don't believe in the Force, do you? 420 00:23:35,547 --> 00:23:37,048 Oh, you mean that thing you just found out about, 421 00:23:37,048 --> 00:23:38,450 like, three hours ago, and are now 422 00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:40,252 judging me for not believing in it? 423 00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:41,853 Do you believe in anything? 424 00:23:41,853 --> 00:23:44,189 Uh, yeah. Didn't you see m y Cabala bracelet? 425 00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:45,357 What's Cabala? 426 00:23:45,357 --> 00:23:47,359 About $1.75. 427 00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:48,860 Honestly, I have no idea. 428 00:23:48,860 --> 00:23:50,228 . I'm just a slave to trends 429 00:23:53,331 --> 00:23:54,766 What the hell? 430 00:23:54,766 --> 00:23:58,236 Oh, my God! We came out of hyperspace into an asteroid field. 431 00:23:58,236 --> 00:24:03,508 (ELECTRONIC EXPLOSIONS) 432 00:24:03,508 --> 00:24:06,011 Alderaan's been destroyed by the Empire. 433 00:24:06,011 --> 00:24:08,013 Maybe we should head for that small moon, 434 00:24:08,013 --> 00:24:10,916 that's clearly a small moon, and not anything else. 435 00:24:13,985 --> 00:24:17,322 That's no moon. It's a space station. 436 00:24:20,225 --> 00:24:22,561 Oh, crap. They've got us in a tractor beam. 437 00:24:22,561 --> 00:24:25,230 Well, they're not going to get me without a fight. 438 00:24:27,065 --> 00:24:30,669 You can't win. But there are alternatives to fighting. 439 00:24:31,002 --> 00:24:31,770 Like what? 440 00:24:31,770 --> 00:24:34,339 Like getting the hell out of here! 441 00:24:35,841 --> 00:24:37,342 No, just kidding. 442 00:24:37,342 --> 00:24:38,777 ? Can you imagine if I was like that 443 00:25:15,981 --> 00:25:16,982 (LASERS FIRING) 444 00:25:16,982 --> 00:25:19,684 (BODIES THUDDING) 445 00:25:19,684 --> 00:25:22,187 PETER: All right, just follow my lea d and act real cool. 446 00:25:22,687 --> 00:25:26,191 (MINNIE THE MOOCHER PLAYING) 447 00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:47,379 All right, I'm gonna go knock out that tractor beam. 448 00:25:47,379 --> 00:25:49,314 And we'll go rescue the princess. 449 00:25:49,314 --> 00:25:53,318 You know, Luke, this may be the last time we see each other. 450 00:25:53,318 --> 00:25:55,820 So there's something I want you to know. 451 00:25:55,820 --> 00:26:01,693 ?? Now I've had the time of my life 452 00:26:01,693 --> 00:26:06,798 ?? And I owe it all to you 453 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,969 ?? I've been waiting for so long 454 00:26:10,969 --> 00:26:13,204 ?? Now I've finally found someone 455 00:26:13,204 --> 00:26:15,040 ?? To stand by me 456 00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:19,644 ?? So we take each other's hand 457 00:26:20,145 --> 00:26:25,350 ?? 'Cause we seem to understand the urgency 458 00:26:25,550 --> 00:26:27,919 ?? Just remember 459 00:26:27,919 --> 00:26:31,523 ?? You're the one thing 460 00:26:31,523 --> 00:26:36,461 ?? I can't get enough of 461 00:26:36,461 --> 00:26:41,466 ?? So I'll tell you something 462 00:26:41,466 --> 00:26:45,770 ?? This could be love because 463 00:26:45,770 --> 00:26:50,809 ?? I've had the time of my life 464 00:26:50,809 --> 00:26:54,746 ?? No, I never felt this way before 465 00:26:54,746 --> 00:26:59,584 ?? Yes, I swear it's the truth 466 00:26:59,584 --> 00:27:05,290 ? ?? And I owe it all to you ? 467 00:27:07,959 --> 00:27:08,460 (SQUEAKING) 468 00:27:11,062 --> 00:27:12,364 (GROWLS) 469 00:27:12,364 --> 00:27:14,366 Holy shit! 470 00:27:17,802 --> 00:27:19,804 You ain't never gonna believe what I just seen. 471 00:27:19,804 --> 00:27:21,306 Tyra Banks? 472 00:27:21,306 --> 00:27:22,807 See, now you say something better, 473 00:27:22,807 --> 00:27:24,309 so my thing don't sound cool no more. 474 00:27:24,309 --> 00:27:25,810 Oh! Come on, what did you see? 475 00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:26,811 I don't remember. 476 00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:29,314 I just was thinking about Tyra Banks. 477 00:27:29,314 --> 00:27:30,315 (EXCLAIMS) 478 00:27:30,815 --> 00:27:31,816 Can you imagine? 479 00:27:31,816 --> 00:27:33,318 Every night! 480 00:27:33,318 --> 00:27:34,319 Don't shake my hand. 481 00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:36,321 You ain't got no hand! You a little truck. 482 00:27:39,891 --> 00:27:41,326 BRIAN: So, what are we on, the first floor? 483 00:27:41,326 --> 00:27:43,294 CHRIS: We are on the second floor. 484 00:27:43,294 --> 00:27:46,898 PETER: No, no, no, here's the Banana Republic, and we just passed that. 485 00:27:46,898 --> 00:27:50,268 It's right back there. We parked on the Macy's side, 486 00:27:50,268 --> 00:27:52,537 so now we must be over here by the JCPenney. 487 00:27:52,971 --> 00:27:55,440 CHRIS: It looks like the first floor is mostly men's stuff, 488 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,242 and there's a Lady Foot Locker right over there. 489 00:27:57,242 --> 00:27:58,777 BRIAN: All right, so we're on the third floor. 490 00:27:59,144 --> 00:28:00,679 All right, let's get in the elevator. 491 00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:03,515 And hurry up, 'cause the smell of that Mrs. Fields is killing me. 492 00:28:03,948 --> 00:28:07,452 (THE IMPERIAL MARCH MUZAK PLAYING) 493 00:28:25,303 --> 00:28:27,038 Wrong floor. Stormtrooper church. 494 00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:29,040 And do you, Allen, take Judith 495 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,042 to be your lawfully wedded wife 496 00:28:31,042 --> 00:28:34,145 till death or a giant explosion do you part? 497 00:28:41,019 --> 00:28:43,455 Where are you taking this thing? 498 00:28:43,455 --> 00:28:45,990 Prisoner transfer from cell block 1138. 499 00:28:45,990 --> 00:28:47,926 You think you could get me a room by the pool? 500 00:28:47,926 --> 00:28:48,927 (LAUGHING) 501 00:28:49,427 --> 00:28:51,629 Is funny, because you are a prisoner 502 00:28:52,130 --> 00:28:54,365 and there is no pool because is Death Star. 503 00:28:55,100 --> 00:28:56,901 (MOANS) 504 00:28:56,901 --> 00:28:59,404 We've gotta find out what cell this princes s of yours is in. 505 00:28:59,404 --> 00:29:00,905 There it is, 2187. 506 00:29:00,905 --> 00:29:01,906 I'm on it! 507 00:29:01,906 --> 00:29:03,408 Everything's under control here. 508 00:29:03,908 --> 00:29:05,410 Situation normal. 509 00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:06,411 STORM TROOPER: What happened? 510 00:29:06,411 --> 00:29:08,413 We had a slight weapons malfunction, 511 00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:10,915 but everything's perfectly all right. We're fine. 512 00:29:10,915 --> 00:29:14,419 We're all fine here now. Thank you. 513 00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:15,920 How are you? 514 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,156 (GROANING) I've been better. 515 00:29:18,289 --> 00:29:19,290 Well, tell me what's up. 516 00:29:19,290 --> 00:29:20,959 Well, I'm in this relationship 517 00:29:20,959 --> 00:29:22,961 and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. 518 00:29:23,461 --> 00:29:25,964 I like her, but we're not really connecting. 519 00:29:25,964 --> 00:29:27,966 How long has it been? About 10 months. 520 00:29:27,966 --> 00:29:29,467 And how often do you see each other? 521 00:29:29,467 --> 00:29:30,969 Couple times a week. 522 00:29:30,969 --> 00:29:32,470 Well, why don't you try seeing each other a little more often, 523 00:29:32,971 --> 00:29:34,472 and see if you connect a little more? 524 00:29:34,472 --> 00:29:36,374 And if not, it may be time to move on. 525 00:29:36,374 --> 00:29:37,609 Thanks for calling. 526 00:29:38,109 --> 00:29:39,811 This is Han Solo and I'm gonna be keeping you company 527 00:29:39,811 --> 00:29:43,047 for the next few hours , right here on the midnight shift. 528 00:29:43,047 --> 00:29:48,553 ?? Something's telling m e it might be you 529 00:29:48,553 --> 00:29:52,724 ?? It's telling me it might be you ?? 530 00:29:54,759 --> 00:29:56,761 Aren't you a little fa t to be a Stormtrooper? 531 00:29:57,262 --> 00:29:59,264 Well, stay here and rot, you stuck-up bitch. 532 00:29:59,264 --> 00:30:00,765 Wait, who are you? 533 00:30:00,765 --> 00:30:02,267 I'm Luke Skywalker. 534 00:30:02,267 --> 00:30:04,769 Me and Han Solo and Obi-Wan are here to rescue you. 535 00:30:04,769 --> 00:30:06,271 Wait, Obi-Wan Kenobi? 536 00:30:06,271 --> 00:30:07,272 Yeah! 537 00:30:07,772 --> 00:30:09,674 Suddenly, I'm not so fat, huh? 538 00:30:19,717 --> 00:30:21,719 Come on, into the garbage chute. 539 00:30:24,589 --> 00:30:26,057 She's right! Come on, Chewbacca. 540 00:30:26,057 --> 00:30:27,058 What, are you kidding? It's probably 541 00:30:27,058 --> 00:30:28,526 full of disease. I'm not jumping in there. 542 00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:30,962 Not even if I throw this pig's ear? 543 00:30:30,962 --> 00:30:32,463 Oh, come on, that's not fair. Go get it! 544 00:30:32,964 --> 00:30:34,399 (BARKING) 545 00:30:36,701 --> 00:30:38,203 Oh, boy! Great idea, Princess, 546 00:30:38,203 --> 00:30:39,704 diving into a pile of garbage. 547 00:30:39,704 --> 00:30:41,706 Hey, when we get out of here, maybe you can show me around 548 00:30:41,706 --> 00:30:42,707 your home planet of Alderaan. 549 00:30:43,208 --> 00:30:44,209 Aww... 550 00:30:44,209 --> 00:30:45,210 Too soon? 551 00:30:45,710 --> 00:30:46,711 Hey, it could be worse. 552 00:30:46,711 --> 00:30:48,713 (MECHANICAL ECHOING) 553 00:30:48,713 --> 00:30:50,014 It's worse. 554 00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:55,353 The walls are closing. 555 00:30:55,353 --> 00:30:56,354 (ALL SCREAMING) 556 00:30:57,956 --> 00:30:59,224 LOIS: Oh, my God! 557 00:30:59,224 --> 00:31:00,225 Listen to them, R2, they're dying! 558 00:31:00,725 --> 00:31:01,726 What do we do? 559 00:31:01,726 --> 00:31:03,728 Only one thing to do, man. 560 00:31:03,728 --> 00:31:05,730 You still got that bag I gave you? 561 00:31:10,435 --> 00:31:11,936 Man, I wish I could listen to some 562 00:31:12,437 --> 00:31:14,939 Tatooine, Wind & Fire right now. 563 00:31:14,939 --> 00:31:16,441 Hmm. 564 00:31:16,441 --> 00:31:18,943 So, you think the Empire's gonna fall, man? 565 00:31:18,943 --> 00:31:21,946 (STUTTERING) I don't know, man. 566 00:31:21,946 --> 00:31:24,449 How you doing right now? 567 00:31:24,449 --> 00:31:26,451 Good. Why? 568 00:31:26,451 --> 00:31:29,954 I think I may be having sort of a mini freak-out here. 569 00:31:30,455 --> 00:31:31,456 Oh. 570 00:31:31,456 --> 00:31:34,459 Just tell me I don't have to stay in this room. 571 00:31:34,459 --> 00:31:35,960 What? Just tell me, right now, 572 00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:37,462 that I don't have to stay in this room. 573 00:31:37,962 --> 00:31:39,464 You don't have to stay in this room. 574 00:31:39,964 --> 00:31:41,432 Oh, thank Christ! 575 00:31:44,836 --> 00:31:45,837 (ALL CHEERING) 576 00:31:47,538 --> 00:31:49,641 . Thank God! We're saved 577 00:31:50,141 --> 00:31:52,977 Look at this. Who throws out half a pizza? 578 00:31:52,977 --> 00:31:54,479 . And look at this couch 579 00:31:54,479 --> 00:31:57,482 Somebody threw out a whole couch and it's in great shape. 580 00:31:57,482 --> 00:31:59,984 Yeah, you put a little Febreze on that, scrub it out a little bit, 581 00:31:59,984 --> 00:32:01,486 it would look grea t in your apartment. 582 00:32:01,486 --> 00:32:04,489 You know what? I know we have a dangerous job to do here, 583 00:32:04,989 --> 00:32:08,693 but I'm taking this. I'm taking this couch. 584 00:32:08,693 --> 00:32:12,163 PETER: All right, ready? All right, one, two, three. 585 00:32:12,163 --> 00:32:14,666 Okay! Easy, easy, easy... 586 00:32:14,666 --> 00:32:16,000 Easy, easy... Wait! Wait, wait... 587 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:17,035 Stop! Stop, stop... 588 00:32:17,035 --> 00:32:18,036 What? What, what? 589 00:32:18,536 --> 00:32:20,038 No, no, no. Twist it. I am. 590 00:32:20,038 --> 00:32:22,040 No, no, no. The other way. 591 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:23,441 Which way? You're twisting the wrong way. 592 00:32:23,441 --> 00:32:24,943 What do you want me to do? 593 00:32:24,943 --> 00:32:26,945 Just look down, look at me, look what I'm doing. 594 00:32:26,945 --> 00:32:28,446 All right, see the way I'm twisting it? Yeah. 595 00:32:28,446 --> 00:32:30,615 Right, turn it that way from your end. Okay. 596 00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:34,719 No, no, no. Just put it down, 597 00:32:34,719 --> 00:32:35,720 just drop it. Yeah, yeah, okay. 598 00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:36,621 All right, all right. 599 00:32:36,621 --> 00:32:38,423 All right, let's... 600 00:32:38,423 --> 00:32:39,824 Just hang on and figure this out. 601 00:32:39,824 --> 00:32:42,327 Han, there are Stormtroopers all over the place. 602 00:32:42,327 --> 00:32:43,828 Shouldn't we be getting out of here? 603 00:32:43,828 --> 00:32:47,332 . All right, okay, all right, I got it, I know.. 604 00:32:47,332 --> 00:32:48,333 . Here's what we're gonna do 605 00:32:48,333 --> 00:32:49,801 We're going to take the cushions off, 606 00:32:50,234 --> 00:32:52,170 unscrew the legs, take the mattress out, 607 00:32:52,570 --> 00:32:54,572 and this whole thing is going to be a lot simpler. 608 00:32:54,572 --> 00:32:56,040 It's easier than we're making it. 609 00:33:13,124 --> 00:33:15,893 (POWER DRAINING) 610 00:33:17,695 --> 00:33:19,197 Hey, did you hear something? 611 00:33:19,197 --> 00:33:21,699 Probably just another drill. 612 00:33:21,699 --> 00:33:23,701 You know that last drill we had? 613 00:33:23,701 --> 00:33:26,704 I was about to finally bone my girlfriend, 614 00:33:26,704 --> 00:33:29,207 and then we heard that there was this drill 615 00:33:29,707 --> 00:33:32,377 and she told me there was no way. 616 00:33:38,316 --> 00:33:41,652 STEWIE: So, Obi-Wan, we meet again. 617 00:33:41,652 --> 00:33:43,654 What part of, "Stay 50 yards away 618 00:33:43,654 --> 00:33:45,957 "at all times," don't you understand? 619 00:33:47,959 --> 00:33:49,394 Uh-oh! 620 00:33:49,394 --> 00:33:51,796 Your powers are weak, old man. 621 00:33:54,966 --> 00:33:56,234 ! CHRIS: Obi-Wan 622 00:33:57,735 --> 00:34:00,571 Boy, you got here just in time. 623 00:34:01,539 --> 00:34:03,274 No! 624 00:34:12,250 --> 00:34:14,585 Right! Go! Go, go, go. 625 00:34:17,622 --> 00:34:18,823 All right, twist it counter-clockwise. 626 00:34:18,823 --> 00:34:20,491 I am twisting it, you're twisting it the other way. 627 00:34:20,491 --> 00:34:23,861 I mean counter-clockwise from where I'm standing... So then you... 628 00:34:24,295 --> 00:34:25,797 So clockwise. So, yeah! Okay, all right. 629 00:34:25,797 --> 00:34:27,665 Yeah, so you twist it clockwise. 630 00:34:27,665 --> 00:34:30,501 Okay. Go! You know what? Put it down. 631 00:34:30,501 --> 00:34:32,503 Put it down for a sec. My fingers are killing me. 632 00:34:32,503 --> 00:34:33,905 . Han, they're shooting at us 633 00:34:33,905 --> 00:34:35,306 All right, you know what? Lift it up tall-ways. 634 00:34:37,742 --> 00:34:40,011 For Christ's... It's wedged. It's wedged. 635 00:34:40,011 --> 00:34:42,013 All right, okay. You know what? It's not going anywhere. 636 00:34:42,013 --> 00:34:43,581 Let's just take off, we'll deal with it later. 637 00:34:43,581 --> 00:34:45,650 You get in the cockpit, and I'll just... 638 00:34:45,650 --> 00:34:47,485 I'll hang onto this thing as we go. 639 00:34:59,263 --> 00:35:00,264 Easy! 640 00:35:11,142 --> 00:35:13,144 I can't believe he's gone. 641 00:35:13,144 --> 00:35:16,647 I know, Luke, but it's true, he's gone. 642 00:35:17,148 --> 00:35:18,649 I mean, you saw him get beheaded. 643 00:35:18,649 --> 00:35:20,651 Nobody lives through that. 644 00:35:20,651 --> 00:35:22,153 Not for long anyway. 645 00:35:22,653 --> 00:35:24,655 I mean, sometimes the brain is still active 646 00:35:24,655 --> 00:35:27,158 for a few minutes after the beheading, 647 00:35:27,158 --> 00:35:30,161 but to be honest, I can't imagine a worse kind of hell. 648 00:35:30,161 --> 00:35:33,664 And unfortunately, hell is probably where he'll end up, 649 00:35:33,664 --> 00:35:35,166 because the Christians don't look 650 00:35:35,166 --> 00:35:37,602 too kindly on the whole Force thing. 651 00:35:37,602 --> 00:35:39,904 Come on, kid, we're not out of the woods yet. 652 00:35:43,741 --> 00:35:44,742 Here they come. 653 00:35:45,243 --> 00:35:50,148 (HUMMING STAR WARS BATTLE THEME) 654 00:36:01,759 --> 00:36:03,094 Hey, Han! What? 655 00:36:03,094 --> 00:36:04,595 Why do they call them TIE fighters? 656 00:36:05,029 --> 00:36:05,997 No idea. 657 00:36:05,997 --> 00:36:10,735 (SPEAKING THAI) 658 00:36:18,376 --> 00:36:20,278 They're coming too fast! 659 00:36:20,278 --> 00:36:22,113 A nickel for every time I've had that problem. 660 00:36:22,113 --> 00:36:23,047 Just keep shooting, Luke. 661 00:36:30,755 --> 00:36:34,192 Yeah! That's how we do it in my neighborhood, bitch! 662 00:36:38,663 --> 00:36:40,298 I got him! I got him! 663 00:36:40,731 --> 00:36:42,166 Right, kid. Don't get penisy. 664 00:36:47,838 --> 00:36:49,840 I just want to tell you both, good luck! 665 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:51,709 We're all counting on you. 666 00:37:12,763 --> 00:37:13,764 (EXHALES) 667 00:37:17,935 --> 00:37:20,438 Mom? Yeah, we won. 668 00:37:20,938 --> 00:37:22,940 Yeah, we won the battle. 669 00:37:22,940 --> 00:37:24,942 Yeah, I'm calling, like you asked. 670 00:37:24,942 --> 00:37:26,944 Okay. Okay. 671 00:37:26,944 --> 00:37:28,446 Okay, but I gotta go. 672 00:37:28,446 --> 00:37:30,448 I got other stuff to do. 673 00:37:30,448 --> 00:37:34,452 . Okay. Okay, but I gotta go. Okay 674 00:37:34,452 --> 00:37:37,455 Okay. Yes. Yes. 675 00:37:37,955 --> 00:37:39,957 Yes. Yes, Mom. I love you, too, Mom. 676 00:37:40,458 --> 00:37:42,226 Okay. All right. Goodbye. 677 00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:43,327 (EXHALES) 678 00:37:46,931 --> 00:37:49,934 The Homing Beacon is safely on board theMillennium Falcon. 679 00:37:50,434 --> 00:37:52,436 I'm taking an awful risk, Vader. 680 00:37:52,436 --> 00:37:54,438 It'd better work. 681 00:37:54,438 --> 00:37:55,940 You know, I think they took your old couch. 682 00:37:55,940 --> 00:37:57,441 What? I threw that away. 683 00:37:57,942 --> 00:38:00,444 Yeah, it was weird. I just killed Obi-Wan, and then I look over 684 00:38:00,444 --> 00:38:02,947 and there are these two dudes scurrying across with a couch. 685 00:38:02,947 --> 00:38:05,950 It had a stain on it, from when we had Hawaiian Punch night. 686 00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:08,853 Yeah, that's my couch. Rebel scum. 687 00:38:30,374 --> 00:38:31,876 ) (IMITATES LASER FIRING 688 00:38:31,876 --> 00:38:33,244 Gotcha! 689 00:38:35,946 --> 00:38:39,450 Thanks to the information in this R2 unit provided by Princess Leia, 690 00:38:39,950 --> 00:38:42,953 we should be able to mount a successful offensive on the Death Star. 691 00:38:43,454 --> 00:38:47,258 But first, please take a moment to watch this instructional video. 692 00:38:52,330 --> 00:38:54,332 Nothing but net. 693 00:38:54,332 --> 00:38:59,337 Hi! I'm Magic Johnson with a few tips on blowing up the Death Star. 694 00:38:59,337 --> 00:39:02,840 First off, never forget your objective. 695 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:04,342 There are gonna be so many folks 696 00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:06,344 coming at you to slow you down, 697 00:39:06,844 --> 00:39:10,348 you might feel like you go t a bull's-eye on your head. 698 00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:13,851 No, but they will be trying to kill you. 699 00:39:13,851 --> 00:39:17,855 Also, don't forget you have teammates out there watching your back. 700 00:39:17,855 --> 00:39:19,357 Unless you've been messing around 701 00:39:19,357 --> 00:39:21,859 with their wife or girlfriend. 702 00:39:21,859 --> 00:39:24,862 No, but they will be there to help you. 703 00:39:25,363 --> 00:39:27,865 Lastly, you wanna make sur e you step back 704 00:39:27,865 --> 00:39:30,368 and take cover after you sink that bucket. 705 00:39:30,368 --> 00:39:34,372 'Cause that sky gonna light up like the Fourth of July. 706 00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:38,442 No, but there will be a large explosion. 707 00:39:38,442 --> 00:39:39,443 Any questions? 708 00:39:39,443 --> 00:39:40,911 . Yeah, I got a question 709 00:39:40,911 --> 00:39:43,881 Does Barry Manilow kno w you raid his wardrobe? 710 00:39:45,549 --> 00:39:47,885 You'll get the answer to that question next Saturday. 711 00:39:47,885 --> 00:39:49,487 (SCOFFS) 712 00:39:49,487 --> 00:39:51,489 Don't mess with the bull, young man, you'll get the horns. 713 00:40:01,699 --> 00:40:03,033 Biggs? Jesus! 714 00:40:03,033 --> 00:40:04,535 What the hell happened to you? 715 00:40:04,535 --> 00:40:08,038 Oh! Hey, Luke. I was under a Y-wing working on the space engine, 716 00:40:08,038 --> 00:40:10,040 . and the whole thin g just dropped on me 717 00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:11,542 Holy crap! 718 00:40:11,542 --> 00:40:13,043 Yeah. Holy crap. 719 00:40:13,544 --> 00:40:16,046 ? So, you here for the Death Star assault 720 00:40:16,046 --> 00:40:17,548 Yeah, yeah, I can't wait. 721 00:40:17,548 --> 00:40:18,549 How about you? 722 00:40:19,049 --> 00:40:21,051 Well, no, I can't really... 723 00:40:21,051 --> 00:40:22,553 Oh, yeah, because of that... 724 00:40:22,553 --> 00:40:23,554 The chair. Chair, yeah. 725 00:40:24,054 --> 00:40:25,556 Yeah, so I'll just be here making sandwiches 726 00:40:25,556 --> 00:40:27,057 for when you guys get back. 727 00:40:27,057 --> 00:40:28,559 Oh... 728 00:40:28,559 --> 00:40:30,060 Well, that's cool. 729 00:40:30,060 --> 00:40:31,061 Yeah. 730 00:40:31,061 --> 00:40:32,563 You want anything special? 731 00:40:32,563 --> 00:40:34,565 What? You mean like a sandwich? 732 00:40:34,565 --> 00:40:37,067 Yeah. Oh, no, I mean, I couldn't... 733 00:40:37,067 --> 00:40:39,870 You know, whatever you make will be fine. 734 00:40:40,171 --> 00:40:41,672 Hey, Biggs. Yeah? 735 00:40:41,672 --> 00:40:44,675 You're just as big a part of this as... 736 00:40:44,675 --> 00:40:48,179 I mean, you're doing stuff, and I think that's great! 737 00:40:51,248 --> 00:40:53,217 Well, kid, I guess this is goodbye. 738 00:40:53,217 --> 00:40:55,686 So, you got your rewar d and you're leaving? Is that it? 739 00:40:56,086 --> 00:40:57,087 When you say it that way, I sound like 740 00:40:57,588 --> 00:40:59,089 a douche, but, yeah, that's what I'm doing. 741 00:40:59,089 --> 00:41:01,091 What did you get for a reward, anyway? 742 00:41:01,091 --> 00:41:05,496 Let's see. I got 10% off a Netflix membership, 743 00:41:05,996 --> 00:41:08,165 some nice Cracker Barrel Cheddar, 744 00:41:08,165 --> 00:41:09,667 assorted lotions, 745 00:41:09,667 --> 00:41:13,170 and a little plastic champagne bottle full of jelly beans, 746 00:41:13,170 --> 00:41:17,174 and a little bear. See? Little bear. 747 00:41:17,174 --> 00:41:19,677 "Hey, Luke, we had fun on the Death Star." 748 00:41:20,177 --> 00:41:21,679 . Well, take care of yourself, Han 749 00:41:21,679 --> 00:41:24,482 I guess that's what you're best at. 750 00:41:24,582 --> 00:41:26,984 Oh, look! A light saber cheese knife! 751 00:41:30,988 --> 00:41:31,822 Yuck! 752 00:41:46,604 --> 00:41:47,638 All wings, check in. 753 00:41:47,638 --> 00:41:48,906 Red Three standing by. 754 00:41:48,906 --> 00:41:49,907 Red Six standing by. 755 00:41:50,341 --> 00:41:51,675 Red Five standing by. 756 00:41:51,675 --> 00:41:53,077 Red Buttons standing by. 757 00:41:53,077 --> 00:41:54,411 Redd Foxx standing by. 758 00:41:54,411 --> 00:41:55,679 Big Red standing by. 759 00:41:55,679 --> 00:41:57,047 SEAN CONNERY: Red Octoberstanding by. 760 00:41:57,381 --> 00:41:58,782 Helen Reddy standing by. 761 00:41:58,782 --> 00:42:00,150 Simply Red standing by. 762 00:42:30,814 --> 00:42:33,250 I'm going in. Cover me, Porkins. 763 00:42:33,250 --> 00:42:35,586 Having a little trouble here. 764 00:42:47,131 --> 00:42:48,132 Careful, Redd Foxx! 765 00:42:48,132 --> 00:42:50,067 There's one right on your tail. 766 00:42:55,406 --> 00:42:57,608 I'm coming, Elizabeth! 767 00:43:05,215 --> 00:43:07,718 HERBERT: Use the Force, Luke. 768 00:43:07,718 --> 00:43:08,719 Obi-Wan? 769 00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:12,723 Yeah, it's me. Use the Force. 770 00:43:12,723 --> 00:43:16,226 Force that thing in there, just like I showed you with those puppets. 771 00:43:16,727 --> 00:43:19,730 But don't tell nobody 'cause you'll get in trouble. 772 00:43:27,438 --> 00:43:29,940 Clark, I don't like the look of this neighborhood. 773 00:43:29,940 --> 00:43:31,442 Come on, Ellen , it's important for the kids 774 00:43:31,442 --> 00:43:33,444 to witness the plight of the Rebellion. 775 00:43:33,444 --> 00:43:35,879 Kids, you noticing all this plight? 776 00:43:35,879 --> 00:43:36,814 Roll 'em up! 777 00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,689 The Force is strong with this one. 778 00:43:48,592 --> 00:43:49,393 (YELLING) 779 00:43:49,860 --> 00:43:51,128 Fuck you, you son of a bitch! 780 00:43:51,562 --> 00:43:53,030 What am I, R2Pac? 781 00:43:53,030 --> 00:43:55,299 COMPUTER: The Death Star is getting closer. 782 00:43:55,299 --> 00:43:58,168 And Leia's getting larger. 783 00:44:09,913 --> 00:44:11,915 I have you now, young Skywalker. 784 00:44:11,915 --> 00:44:15,319 And with today's gas prices, not a minute too soon. 785 00:44:17,788 --> 00:44:18,555 What the deuce? 786 00:44:19,723 --> 00:44:21,025 (WHOOPING) 787 00:44:21,291 --> 00:44:22,292 Look at us. Look at how much more 788 00:44:22,793 --> 00:44:24,495 . comfortable we are now shooting stuff 789 00:44:51,155 --> 00:44:52,690 Whew! 790 00:44:52,690 --> 00:44:56,694 HERBERT: Luke, the Force will be with you always. 791 00:44:56,694 --> 00:44:59,697 And so will I, always. 792 00:45:00,197 --> 00:45:01,699 Of course when you get older and get 793 00:45:02,199 --> 00:45:05,102 some crow's feet, I might lose interest. 794 00:45:11,308 --> 00:45:13,010 (CROWD CHEERING) 795 00:45:14,945 --> 00:45:17,347 You did it! Yay! 796 00:45:17,347 --> 00:45:18,849 Hooray! I have your sandwich. 797 00:45:18,849 --> 00:45:22,853 Yay! My what? Oh! Thank you, Biggs. 798 00:45:22,853 --> 00:45:25,756 Yay! I'm part of things, too. Yay! 799 00:45:25,756 --> 00:45:26,757 (ALL CHEERING) 800 00:45:29,226 --> 00:45:30,661 The end. 801 00:45:32,062 --> 00:45:34,064 (ALL CHEERING) 802 00:45:34,064 --> 00:45:36,567 . Wow, Dad, thanks for keeping us entertained 803 00:45:36,567 --> 00:45:38,068 . That was a great story 804 00:45:38,068 --> 00:45:42,573 Yeah, but didn't Robot Chickenalready do this three months ago? 805 00:45:42,573 --> 00:45:44,074 I wouldn't worry about it, Chris. 806 00:45:44,575 --> 00:45:46,577 I don't think people are even aware of that show's existence. 807 00:45:47,077 --> 00:45:48,078 Well, I don't know, Dad. 808 00:45:48,078 --> 00:45:50,080 I think a decent number of people watch it. 809 00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:51,081 Oh, really? Define "decent." 810 00:45:51,081 --> 00:45:53,584 I think it's the highest rated show on Cartoon Network, 811 00:45:54,084 --> 00:45:56,086 and the Star Warsepisode doubled that audience. 812 00:45:56,086 --> 00:45:59,089 Well, yeah, but double 10 people is, like, 20 people, 813 00:45:59,089 --> 00:46:01,091 so what kind of numbers are we talking about here, you know? 814 00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:03,594 , Don't be glib about this stuff, Dad. It's a legitimate show 815 00:46:04,094 --> 00:46:05,596 and they beat you to the punch. 816 00:46:05,596 --> 00:46:07,097 I don't know about that, Chris. 817 00:46:07,598 --> 00:46:11,101 I mean, to me, a legitimate show is on ABC, CBS, NBC, 818 00:46:11,602 --> 00:46:13,604 you know, one of the real networks. 819 00:46:13,604 --> 00:46:15,105 I don't know about that, Dad. 820 00:46:15,105 --> 00:46:16,106 And besides, what's up with that 821 00:46:16,106 --> 00:46:18,108 15 minute runtime? What is that? 822 00:46:18,108 --> 00:46:21,111 That's like 15 minutes of guys playing with Star Warsdolls. 823 00:46:21,111 --> 00:46:24,114 Oh, yay, tune me in to that. Oh, so you do know the show! 824 00:46:24,615 --> 00:46:26,116 I read part of a review online. 825 00:46:26,116 --> 00:46:28,118 I am not a fan. 826 00:46:28,118 --> 00:46:30,254 ! You know, Dad, you're a real jerk 827 00:46:32,256 --> 00:46:38,262 (HUMMING STAR WARSTHEME) 61807

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