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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,128 --> 00:00:09,128 DOWNLOADED FROM WWW.AWAFIM.TV 2 00:00:09,128 --> 00:00:11,097 [soft orchestral music playing] 3 00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:52,701 [lively chatter] 4 00:00:52,836 --> 00:00:55,371 - [Ingrid] Hi. How are you? - [Bobbi] I'm good. Thanks. 5 00:00:55,506 --> 00:00:56,732 [Ingrid] Who do I make this out to? 6 00:00:56,868 --> 00:00:58,243 [Bobbi] Uh, Bobbi with an "I". 7 00:01:02,581 --> 00:01:04,877 In the prologue, you say you wrote this book 8 00:01:05,012 --> 00:01:06,713 in order to better understand and accept death. 9 00:01:07,522 --> 00:01:08,679 Um... 10 00:01:08,814 --> 00:01:10,916 Yeah. It feels unnatural to me. 11 00:01:11,051 --> 00:01:13,559 I can't accept that something alive has to die. 12 00:01:13,694 --> 00:01:14,721 Thank you. 13 00:01:15,863 --> 00:01:16,795 - Ingrid... - Mm. 14 00:01:16,931 --> 00:01:18,293 We've fulfilled the hour. 15 00:01:18,428 --> 00:01:19,792 I mean, in fact, we've gone over. 16 00:01:19,927 --> 00:01:21,933 Well, there's still a lot of people waiting. 17 00:01:22,068 --> 00:01:23,900 Yes. We'll do what you want. 18 00:01:24,036 --> 00:01:25,100 Could you sign mine? 19 00:01:25,236 --> 00:01:27,467 Stella! I didn't see you. 20 00:01:27,603 --> 00:01:29,202 Why didn't you come straight up? 21 00:01:29,337 --> 00:01:30,676 I was embarrassed. 22 00:01:30,811 --> 00:01:32,077 You draw a crowd! 23 00:01:32,213 --> 00:01:33,406 - A lot of young people. - Thank you. 24 00:01:33,542 --> 00:01:34,972 - Not just women. - [laughs] 25 00:01:35,107 --> 00:01:36,973 Stella, this is Anne. Anne, my friend Stella. 26 00:01:37,108 --> 00:01:38,614 - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 27 00:01:38,749 --> 00:01:40,353 I'm gonna stay until I've signed for everybody. 28 00:01:40,488 --> 00:01:42,654 Yes. I'll just make sure no one else joins the line. 29 00:01:42,789 --> 00:01:44,518 Okay. [chuckles] 30 00:01:44,654 --> 00:01:46,616 Oh, I haven't seen you in forever. 31 00:01:46,752 --> 00:01:48,123 I'm living in Boston now. 32 00:01:48,258 --> 00:01:49,656 I came to see my son, 33 00:01:49,791 --> 00:01:51,362 and to visit Martha in the hospital. 34 00:01:53,298 --> 00:01:55,095 You know she has cancer, right? 35 00:01:55,230 --> 00:01:56,160 It's a bad one. 36 00:01:56,296 --> 00:01:57,460 Martha? 37 00:01:57,595 --> 00:01:58,503 Martha Hunt? 38 00:01:58,639 --> 00:01:59,996 Yes. 39 00:02:00,132 --> 00:02:01,566 She's at Manhattan Memorial Cancer Center. 40 00:02:01,702 --> 00:02:03,309 I thought you would've heard. 41 00:02:03,444 --> 00:02:05,143 No. To be honest, I haven't seen her in years. 42 00:02:05,279 --> 00:02:07,444 Martha is sick? I can't imagine it. 43 00:02:07,580 --> 00:02:09,912 If you go see her, it'll make her very happy. 44 00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,574 Yeah. Of course. 45 00:02:11,709 --> 00:02:13,586 Of course I will. 46 00:02:13,721 --> 00:02:16,622 Um, thank you so much for coming. I really appreciate it. 47 00:02:16,757 --> 00:02:17,757 Congratulations. 48 00:02:17,893 --> 00:02:18,991 - Thank you. - Mm! 49 00:02:19,127 --> 00:02:19,989 - I'll see you soon. - Thanks. 50 00:02:20,125 --> 00:02:21,117 - Bye. - Bye. 51 00:02:23,994 --> 00:02:24,989 Hi. 52 00:02:27,126 --> 00:02:29,334 - Who do I make this out to? - Frances. 53 00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:33,200 - Is that you? - No, it's my girlfriend. 54 00:02:33,336 --> 00:02:35,006 She really admires you. 55 00:02:35,142 --> 00:02:36,704 - So do I. - Thank you. 56 00:02:40,138 --> 00:02:43,040 Could you write "It won't happen again"? 57 00:02:45,577 --> 00:02:47,713 Of course I can. 58 00:02:47,849 --> 00:02:50,223 Yes. Thank you. It won't happen again. 59 00:02:52,617 --> 00:02:53,556 I hope not. 60 00:03:09,805 --> 00:03:12,309 Hi. I'm here to see Martha Hunt. 61 00:03:12,445 --> 00:03:14,009 I think she's on the 16th floor. 62 00:03:14,145 --> 00:03:15,380 Okay. One sec. 63 00:03:16,444 --> 00:03:17,815 [keyboard clacks] 64 00:03:17,950 --> 00:03:20,210 Yes. Room 1614. 65 00:03:20,345 --> 00:03:22,448 The elevator is at the end of the hall, on the left. 66 00:03:22,584 --> 00:03:23,714 - Thanks. - No problem. 67 00:03:23,850 --> 00:03:25,456 [people speaking indistinctly] 68 00:03:39,532 --> 00:03:40,735 [knock at door] 69 00:03:42,205 --> 00:03:43,199 [door opens] 70 00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:47,005 Martha? 71 00:03:48,343 --> 00:03:49,414 [Martha] Ingrid! 72 00:03:50,576 --> 00:03:53,043 What a surprise! 73 00:03:53,179 --> 00:03:55,285 - How did you hear? - I ran into Stella. 74 00:03:55,420 --> 00:03:57,950 - She told me. [kisses] - Oh. 75 00:03:58,085 --> 00:04:01,020 I'm so sorry, I didn't even know you were sick. 76 00:04:01,155 --> 00:04:03,723 Oh, well, you with your work and me with mine. 77 00:04:03,858 --> 00:04:06,428 I mean, time's gotten away from us. 78 00:04:06,563 --> 00:04:08,125 Yes, and I was living in Paris. 79 00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:11,028 Yeah, I heard. I've been reading about you. 80 00:04:11,164 --> 00:04:13,136 I know you have published another book 81 00:04:13,272 --> 00:04:14,972 and it's doing very well. 82 00:04:15,107 --> 00:04:16,639 Thank you. [sighs] 83 00:04:17,272 --> 00:04:18,278 So... 84 00:04:19,407 --> 00:04:21,512 How are you? 85 00:04:21,647 --> 00:04:24,647 I'm sure you're sick of telling everybody. 86 00:04:24,782 --> 00:04:28,080 Well, it's cervical cancer. Stage three. 87 00:04:28,215 --> 00:04:30,949 It isn't operable, but they're treating me, so... 88 00:04:31,085 --> 00:04:34,352 looks like I'm not gonna die quite yet. 89 00:04:34,487 --> 00:04:39,598 Um, I've become a guinea pig for an experimental treatment 90 00:04:39,733 --> 00:04:41,965 and the results are better than the doctors expected. 91 00:04:42,101 --> 00:04:43,800 - Great! - Yeah. 92 00:04:43,936 --> 00:04:46,295 That's great! Well, you seem like you're in good spirits. 93 00:04:46,430 --> 00:04:49,603 Well, I swing between euphoria and depression. 94 00:04:49,739 --> 00:04:51,007 - Oh, I'm so sorry. - [laughs] 95 00:04:51,142 --> 00:04:52,443 No, it's normal, 96 00:04:52,578 --> 00:04:54,837 and the doctors warned me, you know. 97 00:04:54,973 --> 00:04:56,316 - Highs and lows. - Mm-hmm. 98 00:04:57,180 --> 00:04:58,241 Mm-hmm. 99 00:04:59,218 --> 00:05:00,950 It'll sound absurd, 100 00:05:01,085 --> 00:05:06,423 but after all the accepting and preparing to face the end, 101 00:05:06,559 --> 00:05:09,158 survival feels almost disappointing. 102 00:05:09,294 --> 00:05:10,458 Oh, don't say that. 103 00:05:10,593 --> 00:05:12,332 No, I was prepared to leave. 104 00:05:15,262 --> 00:05:19,302 In fact, when they gave me the initial diagnosis, 105 00:05:19,437 --> 00:05:20,702 I didn't want any treatment. 106 00:05:20,837 --> 00:05:22,166 Well, I'm glad you changed your mind. 107 00:05:23,676 --> 00:05:26,474 'Cause, you know, just the thought... 108 00:05:26,609 --> 00:05:28,181 And that I wouldn't know... 109 00:05:28,316 --> 00:05:31,076 Anyway, I realized that I really... 110 00:05:31,211 --> 00:05:35,388 I'm not ready to abandon the party just yet. 111 00:05:35,523 --> 00:05:39,558 But I had truly gotten used to the idea. 112 00:05:39,694 --> 00:05:42,358 Well, I suppose that it's good to get used to the idea, 113 00:05:42,494 --> 00:05:44,991 but without giving up, right? 114 00:05:45,126 --> 00:05:46,498 You've been through a lot of wars, remember? 115 00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:49,292 I live with them every day. 116 00:05:52,330 --> 00:05:55,374 Oh, Ingrid, I'm so happy to see you. 117 00:05:55,510 --> 00:05:57,703 I almost called you a thousand times. 118 00:05:57,839 --> 00:05:59,369 - I'm sorry. - Me, too! 119 00:05:59,504 --> 00:06:01,141 It's ridiculous that we haven't seen each other. 120 00:06:01,276 --> 00:06:03,541 I promise I'm gonna visit until you get sick of me. 121 00:06:03,676 --> 00:06:04,982 Will you? 122 00:06:05,117 --> 00:06:06,448 You promise? 123 00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:08,087 I'm gonna hold you to that. 124 00:06:08,223 --> 00:06:09,686 Your daughter knows, I guess. 125 00:06:10,891 --> 00:06:11,886 Yes. 126 00:06:13,551 --> 00:06:17,423 When I first made up my mind to forgo any treatment, 127 00:06:17,559 --> 00:06:18,629 I told her... 128 00:06:19,991 --> 00:06:21,401 and she just said... 129 00:06:22,334 --> 00:06:23,469 "It's your choice." 130 00:06:24,696 --> 00:06:26,029 Period. 131 00:06:26,164 --> 00:06:29,067 As if it was something trivial, 132 00:06:29,203 --> 00:06:31,037 something that had nothing to do with her. 133 00:06:32,709 --> 00:06:34,210 How are you two getting along? 134 00:06:34,345 --> 00:06:36,345 Um, same as ever. 135 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,807 We're barely in touch. 136 00:06:37,942 --> 00:06:39,281 What does she do? 137 00:06:39,416 --> 00:06:40,783 She's doing well. 138 00:06:40,918 --> 00:06:44,017 She's, uh, an agent for classical musicians. 139 00:06:47,227 --> 00:06:48,626 It might sound horrible, 140 00:06:50,521 --> 00:06:53,224 but I don't feel like she's my daughter. 141 00:06:55,364 --> 00:06:58,595 I fantasize frequently about her being swapped at birth. 142 00:06:58,730 --> 00:07:00,365 What? 143 00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,733 What are you talking about? She looks just like you. 144 00:07:02,868 --> 00:07:04,070 She has your face. 145 00:07:05,744 --> 00:07:08,613 I never interested her as a mother. 146 00:07:09,708 --> 00:07:10,810 Why not? 147 00:07:10,946 --> 00:07:12,947 I was a teenager when I had her. 148 00:07:14,456 --> 00:07:17,748 I didn't know what to do with a baby. 149 00:07:17,883 --> 00:07:21,116 And when we started working at Paper Magazine, you remember? 150 00:07:21,252 --> 00:07:23,395 We practically lived at night. 151 00:07:23,531 --> 00:07:25,490 You remember New York in the '80s? 152 00:07:25,625 --> 00:07:26,927 Yeah. 153 00:07:27,062 --> 00:07:28,831 Anything important happened at night. 154 00:07:32,563 --> 00:07:35,965 And then I went to work as a war correspondent, 155 00:07:36,100 --> 00:07:37,769 traveling constantly. 156 00:07:37,904 --> 00:07:40,313 And that didn't help. 157 00:07:40,448 --> 00:07:42,779 My work just completely took over. 158 00:07:46,413 --> 00:07:49,918 I was never what a mother is supposed to be. 159 00:07:52,184 --> 00:07:55,657 But Michelle started to hate me 160 00:07:55,792 --> 00:07:57,596 long before I was away so much. 161 00:07:59,930 --> 00:08:01,663 I remember feeling her resentment 162 00:08:01,799 --> 00:08:03,228 even when she was a little girl. 163 00:08:06,637 --> 00:08:08,574 She made herself very clear. 164 00:08:13,406 --> 00:08:17,847 She couldn't bear... not having a father. 165 00:08:19,687 --> 00:08:22,586 She saw other girls with their fathers 166 00:08:22,722 --> 00:08:25,019 and she wanted to know about hers. 167 00:08:27,719 --> 00:08:30,486 At first, I told her I didn't know who he was, but... 168 00:08:31,328 --> 00:08:32,893 [sighs] 169 00:08:33,029 --> 00:08:34,490 ...it kind of made things worse. 170 00:08:36,997 --> 00:08:38,128 I was lying to her. 171 00:08:38,264 --> 00:08:39,871 - [laughs] - [lively chatter] 172 00:08:40,006 --> 00:08:41,541 [Martha] Of course I knew who her father was. 173 00:08:42,507 --> 00:08:43,906 His name was Fred. 174 00:08:48,708 --> 00:08:50,077 [shouts] 175 00:08:50,212 --> 00:08:51,579 [Martha] We dated for a few months 176 00:08:51,714 --> 00:08:53,579 before he was drafted. 177 00:08:53,714 --> 00:08:57,084 And then went away to fight, towards the end of Vietnam. 178 00:08:58,749 --> 00:09:02,524 When he came back, a year later, he was... 179 00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:04,052 somebody different. 180 00:09:04,188 --> 00:09:06,462 Fred! What happened? 181 00:09:06,598 --> 00:09:08,392 He was a broken toy. 182 00:09:10,062 --> 00:09:12,405 Hey. Hey, it's okay. 183 00:09:12,540 --> 00:09:14,304 I'm here. It's all over now, Fred. 184 00:09:14,439 --> 00:09:15,702 You're back home. 185 00:09:15,838 --> 00:09:17,203 But it's not over for me. 186 00:09:20,076 --> 00:09:22,109 I still got the war inside my head. 187 00:09:24,450 --> 00:09:25,783 I can't get free of it. 188 00:09:28,082 --> 00:09:30,150 I hallucinate every single day. 189 00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:35,727 And I was high practically all the time. 190 00:09:40,295 --> 00:09:42,195 I don't know what I'm doing with my life, 191 00:09:43,668 --> 00:09:45,132 but I'm not staying here. 192 00:09:49,869 --> 00:09:50,907 It's all right. 193 00:09:52,447 --> 00:09:54,975 Feel free to do what you like. 194 00:09:55,111 --> 00:09:57,045 Think about what's best for you. 195 00:10:01,319 --> 00:10:02,314 Okay. 196 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:05,581 Thanks. 197 00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:12,093 Can I kiss you? 198 00:10:41,453 --> 00:10:43,355 - Does Michelle know this? - Oh. 199 00:10:45,457 --> 00:10:47,629 She started asking about her father 200 00:10:47,765 --> 00:10:49,526 as soon as she could talk. 201 00:10:52,733 --> 00:10:56,137 But it's not something you can explain to a child, right? 202 00:10:57,803 --> 00:11:01,206 By puberty, she carved out quite an abyss between us. 203 00:11:01,342 --> 00:11:03,309 It came to define her adolescence. 204 00:11:05,379 --> 00:11:08,380 But, by then, I was no longer there. 205 00:11:08,515 --> 00:11:11,856 I was in New York, with you, living my life. 206 00:11:14,356 --> 00:11:16,453 I arranged to meet Fred one evening 207 00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:18,529 to tell him about the situation. 208 00:11:18,665 --> 00:11:21,562 So, I took a first aid course 209 00:11:21,697 --> 00:11:24,467 and, because I'm a war veteran, they've hired me at a hospital, 210 00:11:24,602 --> 00:11:25,628 down in San Diego. 211 00:11:28,002 --> 00:11:29,533 It's good news, right? 212 00:11:31,172 --> 00:11:32,844 I have some news for you too. 213 00:11:34,711 --> 00:11:35,715 I'm pregnant. 214 00:11:37,618 --> 00:11:40,412 - You're pregnant? - Yes. 215 00:11:42,649 --> 00:11:45,021 But I was planning on moving to San Diego next week. 216 00:11:47,385 --> 00:11:48,860 Then what are we gonna do? 217 00:11:48,996 --> 00:11:51,797 Whatever I do, my parents will support me, so... 218 00:11:52,531 --> 00:11:53,524 I'm not alone. 219 00:11:55,796 --> 00:11:56,769 Mm. 220 00:11:59,103 --> 00:12:00,729 I don't think working in a hospital 221 00:12:00,865 --> 00:12:03,739 was the best thing for such a damaged person. 222 00:12:03,875 --> 00:12:05,239 It's the closest thing to war. 223 00:12:06,404 --> 00:12:08,407 He needed therapy and rehab. 224 00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:10,706 Yeah, that would have been more sensible, 225 00:12:12,179 --> 00:12:13,819 but he wanted to be useful, 226 00:12:15,247 --> 00:12:17,187 to ease his conscience. 227 00:12:17,323 --> 00:12:21,454 He believed that helping people between life and death... 228 00:12:21,589 --> 00:12:25,523 was his best chance of getting back any peace. 229 00:12:27,232 --> 00:12:30,966 I could only free him of any responsibility. 230 00:12:31,102 --> 00:12:33,800 He left before Michelle was born. 231 00:12:33,935 --> 00:12:34,933 He never knew her. 232 00:12:35,069 --> 00:12:36,600 [breathing heavily] 233 00:12:38,110 --> 00:12:41,572 He didn't call once to ask about her. 234 00:12:43,407 --> 00:12:45,174 When did you tell her? 235 00:12:45,309 --> 00:12:46,984 She was about 12. 236 00:12:48,681 --> 00:12:52,083 She wanted to know where he was living... 237 00:12:52,219 --> 00:12:53,683 and I didn't know anymore. 238 00:12:55,254 --> 00:12:57,720 She was so insistent... 239 00:12:57,855 --> 00:13:00,497 that I tracked down an old friend of his 240 00:13:00,632 --> 00:13:01,526 from high school, 241 00:13:03,102 --> 00:13:07,670 who told me that Fred had gotten married 242 00:13:07,805 --> 00:13:09,666 and had recently died. 243 00:13:11,406 --> 00:13:14,770 I asked him for his wife's number... 244 00:13:15,846 --> 00:13:18,145 and then I called her. 245 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:19,852 I wanted to know what had happened. 246 00:13:21,618 --> 00:13:26,056 She told me they were coming home after a trip. 247 00:13:29,155 --> 00:13:30,324 Is that smoke? 248 00:13:31,629 --> 00:13:32,623 [wife] Yes. 249 00:13:33,798 --> 00:13:35,961 Something's on fire. 250 00:13:36,097 --> 00:13:37,166 There's a house on fire. 251 00:13:40,039 --> 00:13:42,269 We should call the fire department. 252 00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:43,973 - [tinnitus ringing] - [gunfire echoing] 253 00:13:44,109 --> 00:13:46,043 [screaming and explosion echoing] 254 00:13:48,682 --> 00:13:50,674 - Stop the car. - Fred... 255 00:13:53,013 --> 00:13:54,018 [tires screech] 256 00:13:57,515 --> 00:13:58,987 [wife] What are you doing? 257 00:13:59,122 --> 00:14:00,689 - I'm gonna take a look. - No! 258 00:14:00,825 --> 00:14:02,753 That's crazy! Fred! 259 00:14:02,888 --> 00:14:05,261 - There might be someone inside. - Fred, stop! Stop! 260 00:14:05,397 --> 00:14:08,697 Don't go in. It's dangerous! Look at me, I'm here. 261 00:14:08,833 --> 00:14:10,329 Let's find a gas station 262 00:14:10,465 --> 00:14:11,603 and call the fire department, please. 263 00:14:11,738 --> 00:14:13,131 Don't you hear the screams? 264 00:14:13,267 --> 00:14:15,065 No, I don't hear anything. 265 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,102 [panting] 266 00:14:17,238 --> 00:14:19,912 Fred, please! Fred! Fred! 267 00:14:21,043 --> 00:14:22,378 Fred, don't go in there! 268 00:14:22,514 --> 00:14:23,542 [groans] 269 00:14:25,411 --> 00:14:26,851 Don't you hear the screams? 270 00:14:26,987 --> 00:14:28,888 There's someone inside crying for help! 271 00:14:30,984 --> 00:14:32,023 Fred! 272 00:14:39,829 --> 00:14:41,224 [panting] 273 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,731 [firetruck horn blaring] 274 00:14:43,866 --> 00:14:46,030 Sir! Sir! 275 00:14:46,165 --> 00:14:48,069 Please, help me! 276 00:14:48,205 --> 00:14:50,437 - Sir! Sir, please! - Let's go! 277 00:14:50,572 --> 00:14:52,742 - Please, my husband's inside! - Ladder up! 278 00:14:52,878 --> 00:14:54,402 Sir! My husband's inside! 279 00:14:54,538 --> 00:14:55,948 My husband's inside! 280 00:14:56,083 --> 00:14:57,376 He thought he heard voices crying for help. 281 00:14:57,512 --> 00:14:58,774 Put two lines on the back side, guys! 282 00:14:58,909 --> 00:15:00,511 He went into the house trying to save 283 00:15:00,647 --> 00:15:02,219 whoever was trapped by the fire. 284 00:15:02,355 --> 00:15:03,246 Okay, get back in your car. Do not go over there. 285 00:15:03,382 --> 00:15:04,648 I will stay here. Okay. 286 00:15:04,783 --> 00:15:06,255 Please, ma'am. Is there someone else? 287 00:15:06,391 --> 00:15:07,416 - No, I don't know! - Ladder up, guys! Ladder! 288 00:15:07,552 --> 00:15:08,794 There's a civilian inside! 289 00:15:08,930 --> 00:15:10,021 Get back in your car, ma'am, please. 290 00:15:10,157 --> 00:15:11,720 [busy chatter] 291 00:15:11,856 --> 00:15:12,992 [chief] All right, get in there! 292 00:15:13,128 --> 00:15:15,328 Get in that top window. 293 00:15:15,464 --> 00:15:18,267 There you go. It's gonna blow out. 294 00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:21,897 Good boys. 295 00:15:24,539 --> 00:15:26,572 [indistinct police radio chatter] 296 00:15:31,613 --> 00:15:33,209 I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do. 297 00:15:33,344 --> 00:15:34,481 [panting] 298 00:15:36,254 --> 00:15:39,124 He didn't get to the second floor. 299 00:15:39,260 --> 00:15:41,483 He must have passed out from the smoke and the flames. 300 00:15:41,618 --> 00:15:42,825 And the other bodies? 301 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,459 There was nobody else. 302 00:15:44,594 --> 00:15:46,423 This house has been abandoned for a long time. 303 00:15:46,558 --> 00:15:47,597 There was only your husband. 304 00:15:47,732 --> 00:15:50,134 But he... 305 00:15:50,269 --> 00:15:52,669 he told me he heard screams for help... 306 00:15:52,804 --> 00:15:54,138 Impossible, ma'am. 307 00:15:55,269 --> 00:15:56,305 There was no one else. 308 00:15:57,368 --> 00:15:58,406 It's true. 309 00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:02,674 I didn't hear the screams either. 310 00:16:04,415 --> 00:16:07,276 I tried to stop him from going in, but... 311 00:16:07,411 --> 00:16:08,519 [sobbing] 312 00:16:08,654 --> 00:16:09,653 I didn't. 313 00:16:09,788 --> 00:16:11,780 He was very brave. 314 00:16:11,916 --> 00:16:13,616 Did you tell Michelle all of this? 315 00:16:13,751 --> 00:16:16,458 I had to give her every detail. 316 00:16:16,593 --> 00:16:19,464 I even gave her her father's wife's phone number. 317 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:20,956 You know what? 318 00:16:21,091 --> 00:16:22,791 Let's get you back to bed. You're tired. 319 00:16:22,927 --> 00:16:24,232 Yeah, but I have to tell you this. 320 00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:26,533 We can... We can talk more later. 321 00:16:27,608 --> 00:16:29,536 So, one day... 322 00:16:32,012 --> 00:16:34,710 - I got a call from Fred's wife. - Okay. 323 00:16:34,845 --> 00:16:36,475 And she told me 324 00:16:36,611 --> 00:16:38,708 - that she wanted an address. - Mm-hmm. 325 00:16:38,844 --> 00:16:40,375 She wanted to send me something. 326 00:16:40,510 --> 00:16:41,718 [Ingrid] Mm-hm. 327 00:16:41,854 --> 00:16:44,156 And, shortly after, 328 00:16:44,291 --> 00:16:47,356 I received a note in the mail and a letter... 329 00:16:49,019 --> 00:16:51,162 that the wife received from Michelle, 330 00:16:52,425 --> 00:16:54,194 introducing herself 331 00:16:54,329 --> 00:16:56,200 and saying that it was her, 332 00:16:56,999 --> 00:16:58,563 Fred's daughter, 333 00:16:58,699 --> 00:17:00,996 who had been in the burning house. 334 00:17:02,305 --> 00:17:05,470 "It was me he tried to save." 335 00:17:05,605 --> 00:17:09,872 "It was me for whom he died..." 336 00:17:10,008 --> 00:17:12,517 that's what Michelle said to the wife. 337 00:17:12,653 --> 00:17:14,011 That's insane! 338 00:17:14,147 --> 00:17:15,120 Yes. 339 00:17:19,190 --> 00:17:21,192 [cell phone ringtone playing] 340 00:17:23,123 --> 00:17:24,691 Hi! 341 00:17:24,827 --> 00:17:26,228 [Martha over phone] It's Martha, the nuisance. 342 00:17:26,364 --> 00:17:28,193 [chuckles] You're not a nuisance. 343 00:17:28,329 --> 00:17:29,734 How're you feeling? 344 00:17:29,869 --> 00:17:31,398 Fine. I'm at home. 345 00:17:31,533 --> 00:17:33,763 The hospital's given me a few days off 346 00:17:33,899 --> 00:17:35,598 between treatments, so I'm at home. 347 00:17:35,734 --> 00:17:37,670 I'd love for you to come over. 348 00:17:37,805 --> 00:17:40,572 Ooh, you've caught me in the middle of moving. 349 00:17:40,708 --> 00:17:43,378 Oh, then you're really busy, right? 350 00:17:43,514 --> 00:17:46,449 Um, well, you know what moving's like. 351 00:17:46,584 --> 00:17:50,714 But, um, if you're feeling lonely, I could stop by, 352 00:17:50,850 --> 00:17:52,386 we could take a walk in the park. 353 00:17:52,522 --> 00:17:54,916 I might not be quite up for a walk. 354 00:17:55,052 --> 00:17:58,087 Um, okay, you know what? Let me, um... 355 00:17:58,222 --> 00:18:01,760 Let me finish what I'm doing and I'll be right over. 356 00:18:01,895 --> 00:18:05,104 Thanks, sweetheart, but don't feel obliged. 357 00:18:23,690 --> 00:18:25,751 [doorbell dings] 358 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:32,790 - These are for you. - You are a darling. 359 00:18:32,926 --> 00:18:34,324 And I've brought you a couple of books. 360 00:18:34,460 --> 00:18:36,164 Oh! Thank you. 361 00:18:36,299 --> 00:18:37,461 You want something to drink? 362 00:18:37,596 --> 00:18:39,730 Oh. I'd love some tea. 363 00:18:39,865 --> 00:18:42,007 - Herbal tea if you have it. - Sure. 364 00:18:42,143 --> 00:18:44,143 - I'll put these in a vase. - Okay. 365 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,879 And all of this is for you. 366 00:18:48,015 --> 00:18:49,441 You have to finish all of it. 367 00:18:49,577 --> 00:18:51,781 Wow! Well, I will do my best. 368 00:18:51,917 --> 00:18:53,411 I love fruit. 369 00:18:53,547 --> 00:18:55,286 [Martha and Ingrid laugh] 370 00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,020 Are you working on something new? 371 00:18:59,156 --> 00:19:00,985 Um, yeah, actually I am. 372 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:04,388 I'm doing research on the painter Dora Carrington 373 00:19:04,524 --> 00:19:06,662 and her, um... Mm... 374 00:19:06,798 --> 00:19:09,460 ...intense relationship with the writer Lytton Strachey. 375 00:19:09,596 --> 00:19:11,594 - Mm-hm. - Here he is. 376 00:19:11,729 --> 00:19:13,471 Uh, Strachey was gay, 377 00:19:13,607 --> 00:19:18,506 so she married the straight man that he was infatuated with. 378 00:19:18,641 --> 00:19:20,371 It's gonna be the story of the trio. 379 00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:22,212 It isn't groundbreaking, 380 00:19:22,348 --> 00:19:23,714 but I want to see where it takes me. 381 00:19:23,849 --> 00:19:25,344 Here, um, look. 382 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:26,845 Um, unfortunately for her, 383 00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:29,318 there was another more famous painter... 384 00:19:29,454 --> 00:19:30,814 - Leonora Carrington. Yeah. - Yes, 385 00:19:30,949 --> 00:19:32,554 the surrealist Leonora Carrington, 386 00:19:32,689 --> 00:19:34,688 whose name was obviously very similar to hers. 387 00:19:35,895 --> 00:19:36,987 [Ingrid] Um... 388 00:19:37,697 --> 00:19:38,791 Dora... 389 00:19:39,758 --> 00:19:41,660 was better known for this 390 00:19:41,796 --> 00:19:44,060 bizarre love story with Strachey. 391 00:19:46,373 --> 00:19:49,235 She devoted 17 years of her life to him. 392 00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:50,570 - Wow. - Mm. 393 00:19:50,706 --> 00:19:53,076 It'll be a fictionalized biography, so... 394 00:19:53,212 --> 00:19:56,138 I'll make some stuff up, too. 395 00:19:56,273 --> 00:20:00,115 I've never been able to allow myself that. 396 00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:03,085 Mm. Well, I hope not. 397 00:20:03,220 --> 00:20:04,954 You're a war reporter. 398 00:20:05,090 --> 00:20:07,083 Yeah, you have to... 399 00:20:07,218 --> 00:20:08,756 You know, you can't show your emotions. 400 00:20:08,891 --> 00:20:12,727 You have to block them out so you can do your job 401 00:20:12,862 --> 00:20:15,433 and stay in the present in the middle of whatever hell. 402 00:20:15,569 --> 00:20:17,968 Maybe I should write about you and not Carrington. 403 00:20:18,104 --> 00:20:19,469 I don't think you'd enjoy 404 00:20:19,604 --> 00:20:21,305 writing about illnesses and treatments. 405 00:20:21,441 --> 00:20:24,240 - Mm. You're wrong. - I'm just a journalist, 406 00:20:24,376 --> 00:20:27,076 addicted to wars and adrenaline. 407 00:20:27,212 --> 00:20:28,280 You think that's nothing? 408 00:20:30,643 --> 00:20:32,212 It wasn't all tragedy. 409 00:20:32,348 --> 00:20:33,714 You know, life went on. 410 00:20:35,787 --> 00:20:39,115 There was one report when I added a bit of fiction. 411 00:20:39,726 --> 00:20:40,751 Really? 412 00:20:40,886 --> 00:20:43,020 Actually, I never published it. 413 00:20:45,022 --> 00:20:46,925 It was during the war in Iraq. 414 00:20:47,061 --> 00:20:50,399 On the last day, before we left Baghdad. 415 00:20:50,535 --> 00:20:52,127 Are you sure this is the right way? 416 00:20:52,263 --> 00:20:55,065 Yeah, just make a left here in this alley. 417 00:20:56,405 --> 00:20:57,639 Let's make this brief. 418 00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:02,175 Here. Stop here. 419 00:21:02,310 --> 00:21:03,579 [brakes screech] 420 00:21:09,780 --> 00:21:10,718 [speaking Spanish] 421 00:21:12,525 --> 00:21:15,151 Martin, what are you doing here in Baghdad? 422 00:21:17,395 --> 00:21:18,796 You look great. You really do. 423 00:21:18,931 --> 00:21:19,921 Thank you. 424 00:21:20,057 --> 00:21:21,856 Yeah, I'm sorry. Paco, Martin. 425 00:21:21,992 --> 00:21:23,368 He's a Carmelite, like me. 426 00:21:23,503 --> 00:21:25,296 Pleasure. Let me introduce you to Martha. 427 00:21:25,431 --> 00:21:27,663 She is a brilliant journalist from The New York Times. 428 00:21:27,798 --> 00:21:28,939 [speaking Spanish] 429 00:21:29,075 --> 00:21:30,138 They are the Carmelites 430 00:21:30,274 --> 00:21:31,440 I was telling you about. 431 00:21:31,575 --> 00:21:32,904 It's a pleasure to meet you both. 432 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,846 Are you intending to stay in Baghdad? 433 00:21:34,981 --> 00:21:36,210 Yes, here we are. 434 00:21:36,345 --> 00:21:37,878 But you're alone. 435 00:21:38,013 --> 00:21:40,319 All the NGOs and the Red Cross have left already. 436 00:21:40,952 --> 00:21:42,186 I know. 437 00:21:42,322 --> 00:21:44,086 The situation is out of control. 438 00:21:44,222 --> 00:21:45,483 It's very dangerous. 439 00:21:45,619 --> 00:21:46,917 You're here as well. 440 00:21:47,053 --> 00:21:48,625 Yeah, but we're just passing through. 441 00:21:48,761 --> 00:21:50,490 We're leaving as soon as we finish talking to you. 442 00:21:50,625 --> 00:21:52,329 We can't let them down now, 443 00:21:52,465 --> 00:21:53,993 this is when the people need us most. 444 00:21:54,128 --> 00:21:57,798 That's true, but it's still extremely dangerous. 445 00:21:59,468 --> 00:22:01,129 But then you know that. 446 00:22:01,265 --> 00:22:03,375 We can't let them down now, seรฑora. 447 00:22:04,841 --> 00:22:06,343 Do you mind if we take a photo of you 448 00:22:06,478 --> 00:22:08,242 and how the mission has been left? 449 00:22:08,377 --> 00:22:09,648 [speaking Spanish] 450 00:22:09,783 --> 00:22:11,074 Okay. 451 00:22:11,210 --> 00:22:13,343 You can photograph the mission and me, 452 00:22:13,479 --> 00:22:16,781 but he doesn't want to risk his family in Spain seeing him. 453 00:22:16,917 --> 00:22:18,490 - They'd worry. - Yeah, of course. 454 00:22:18,625 --> 00:22:20,056 Totally understand, but if we could get one of you, 455 00:22:20,192 --> 00:22:21,389 that would be great. 456 00:22:21,524 --> 00:22:22,887 - [Bernardo] Okay. - Sure. 457 00:22:23,023 --> 00:22:24,196 [mechanical whirring in distance] 458 00:22:24,331 --> 00:22:25,694 - [Bernardo] Here? - [Martin] Yeah. 459 00:22:25,829 --> 00:22:28,456 Just perhaps a little tiny step closer... 460 00:22:28,591 --> 00:22:30,298 Yeah, that's fine, so that I can see the impacts. 461 00:22:30,434 --> 00:22:31,370 [camera shutter clicking] 462 00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:34,230 [laughs] 463 00:22:36,208 --> 00:22:37,233 I think you have it. 464 00:22:39,838 --> 00:22:41,706 How long has it been... 465 00:22:41,842 --> 00:22:43,111 since we last saw each other? 466 00:22:43,246 --> 00:22:44,816 Five years. 467 00:22:44,951 --> 00:22:46,176 Five years. 468 00:22:47,315 --> 00:22:48,343 Wow. 469 00:22:49,716 --> 00:22:50,818 Do you remember Liberia? 470 00:22:51,718 --> 00:22:52,853 How could I forget? 471 00:22:54,991 --> 00:22:58,695 Look, I have some photos of you that we didn't publish. 472 00:22:58,830 --> 00:23:00,724 If you give me an address, I can send them to you. 473 00:23:00,859 --> 00:23:01,823 Maybe to the Embassy. 474 00:23:01,958 --> 00:23:03,663 No, you keep them. 475 00:23:03,798 --> 00:23:05,536 That way I'll keep you company. 476 00:23:06,664 --> 00:23:07,604 Okay. 477 00:23:10,068 --> 00:23:11,443 It was really great seeing you. 478 00:23:12,341 --> 00:23:13,276 Take care. 479 00:23:13,411 --> 00:23:14,644 - Goodbye. - Be safe. 480 00:23:19,484 --> 00:23:20,782 How do you know the Carmelite? 481 00:23:24,047 --> 00:23:25,083 We met in Sierra Leone. 482 00:23:27,391 --> 00:23:29,225 We became lovers there. 483 00:23:29,361 --> 00:23:30,957 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 484 00:23:32,266 --> 00:23:34,288 After that, we met more times. 485 00:23:34,424 --> 00:23:36,758 Always in places that were at war. 486 00:23:36,893 --> 00:23:38,102 And you had sex? 487 00:23:38,237 --> 00:23:40,603 Well, of course, yeah. 488 00:23:40,739 --> 00:23:42,804 Bernardo never renounced physical pleasure. 489 00:23:44,303 --> 00:23:47,072 He was always in the most conflictive places. 490 00:23:47,207 --> 00:23:49,448 And I think that sex was his best shield. 491 00:23:51,915 --> 00:23:54,248 I'm pretty sure the Carmelite is his partner. 492 00:23:54,384 --> 00:23:55,447 You think so? 493 00:23:55,582 --> 00:23:57,687 Definitely. 494 00:23:57,822 --> 00:23:59,322 That is the only way you can stay in Baghdad 495 00:23:59,458 --> 00:24:00,459 and not be afraid of the war. 496 00:24:01,856 --> 00:24:04,056 - What a wonderful story. - Yup. 497 00:24:06,089 --> 00:24:07,054 Don't you dare write it. 498 00:24:07,190 --> 00:24:09,226 No, no, no, of course not. 499 00:24:12,096 --> 00:24:14,965 But how about sin for him? 500 00:24:15,100 --> 00:24:16,273 I mean, don't they feel guilty? 501 00:24:16,409 --> 00:24:18,137 After all, they are Catholic. 502 00:24:18,272 --> 00:24:20,237 Yeah, I don't know. He never talked about that. 503 00:24:22,406 --> 00:24:24,975 With all the horrors you see in war, 504 00:24:25,110 --> 00:24:26,714 feeling guilty about having sex 505 00:24:26,850 --> 00:24:28,014 doesn't really carry much weight, 506 00:24:29,179 --> 00:24:30,214 you simply get used to it. 507 00:24:31,420 --> 00:24:32,491 I know that. 508 00:24:35,921 --> 00:24:37,528 I wrote their story, 509 00:24:37,663 --> 00:24:39,993 their love story, as I imagined it, 510 00:24:41,258 --> 00:24:42,831 but it stayed in my computer. 511 00:24:45,037 --> 00:24:49,303 So, you're gonna write about Dora Carrington's insane love. 512 00:24:49,438 --> 00:24:50,706 [Ingrid] Mm-hm. 513 00:24:50,841 --> 00:24:52,169 And her connection to Virginia Woolf, 514 00:24:52,305 --> 00:24:55,311 who Strachey also pursued romantically. 515 00:24:55,446 --> 00:24:56,807 [Martha] What a group! 516 00:24:56,943 --> 00:24:59,309 I so admire their freedom. 517 00:24:59,444 --> 00:25:01,043 [Ingrid] Strachey died of stomach cancer 518 00:25:01,178 --> 00:25:03,346 18 years after meeting Dora 519 00:25:03,481 --> 00:25:06,215 and Dora survived him by barely two months 520 00:25:06,351 --> 00:25:08,520 before she shot herself in the stomach. 521 00:25:08,655 --> 00:25:11,190 She was only 38. 522 00:25:11,325 --> 00:25:14,329 I'm struck by the symmetry of that kind of gesture, 523 00:25:14,464 --> 00:25:15,697 his stomach cancer 524 00:25:15,833 --> 00:25:17,762 and her shooting herself in the stomach. 525 00:25:17,898 --> 00:25:20,201 I know, it struck me, too. 526 00:25:20,336 --> 00:25:24,571 I wonder what Virginia Woolf thought of Carrington's death? 527 00:25:24,706 --> 00:25:27,177 Maybe Virginia saw... 528 00:25:27,312 --> 00:25:28,411 a kind of warning, 529 00:25:28,546 --> 00:25:31,072 a mirror that reflected her? 530 00:25:31,207 --> 00:25:32,408 As if they were fated? 531 00:25:35,014 --> 00:25:36,912 Do you think I'm fated, too? 532 00:25:37,047 --> 00:25:39,756 No! Of course not. 533 00:25:39,891 --> 00:25:42,352 I've never known anyone more alive than you. 534 00:25:42,487 --> 00:25:45,023 This week I'm starting a new experimental 535 00:25:45,159 --> 00:25:47,296 - immunotherapy treatment. - Uh-huh. 536 00:25:47,432 --> 00:25:49,130 They've already tried it 537 00:25:49,266 --> 00:25:51,226 and it seems to work well with cases of cervical cancer. 538 00:25:51,362 --> 00:25:54,034 - Well, that's great news! - Yeah. 539 00:25:54,169 --> 00:25:55,403 Let me know when I can come and visit you, 540 00:25:55,538 --> 00:25:56,707 - okay? - I will. 541 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,409 - Talking of symmetry... - Mm-hmm? 542 00:26:01,544 --> 00:26:02,581 Do you remember... 543 00:26:03,612 --> 00:26:04,814 Damian Cunningham? 544 00:26:05,879 --> 00:26:07,683 How could I forget? 545 00:26:07,818 --> 00:26:10,286 I inherited him from you. [laughs] 546 00:26:10,421 --> 00:26:12,082 The shared lover. 547 00:26:12,217 --> 00:26:13,623 - Well, I... - I have to say 548 00:26:13,759 --> 00:26:15,423 I felt terrible when you got together 549 00:26:15,559 --> 00:26:16,791 after I'd been with him. 550 00:26:16,926 --> 00:26:18,396 Okay, we didn't share him exactly 551 00:26:18,531 --> 00:26:19,728 because you'd already broken up 552 00:26:19,864 --> 00:26:20,826 and you were out of the country. 553 00:26:20,962 --> 00:26:22,392 I would never go back with him 554 00:26:22,527 --> 00:26:25,295 and, to tell the truth, I was never faithful. 555 00:26:25,431 --> 00:26:30,166 But he was a passionate and enthusiastic lover 556 00:26:30,301 --> 00:26:32,308 and I hope he was for you, too. 557 00:26:32,444 --> 00:26:33,473 I had no complaints. 558 00:26:33,608 --> 00:26:35,614 [both laughing] 559 00:26:37,308 --> 00:26:38,815 [people speaking indistinctly] 560 00:26:49,260 --> 00:26:50,255 Hi. 561 00:26:52,924 --> 00:26:53,929 What is it? 562 00:26:55,961 --> 00:26:56,965 It hasn't worked. 563 00:26:58,230 --> 00:27:00,230 I've got metastases in my liver 564 00:27:00,365 --> 00:27:02,168 - and in my bones. - Oh, Martha. 565 00:27:02,303 --> 00:27:04,171 I should have followed my first instinct. 566 00:27:04,307 --> 00:27:06,841 Should never have put myself through this torture. 567 00:27:06,977 --> 00:27:09,411 This diarrhea, vomiting, fatigue... 568 00:27:09,547 --> 00:27:11,639 to end up like this. 569 00:27:11,774 --> 00:27:13,843 I should never have given in to false hope. 570 00:27:13,978 --> 00:27:15,279 Okay. Okay. 571 00:27:15,414 --> 00:27:17,185 All right, what does the doctor say? 572 00:27:17,321 --> 00:27:18,489 Tell me. 573 00:27:18,624 --> 00:27:21,015 Oh, that I could live for months, 574 00:27:21,151 --> 00:27:23,024 maybe a year. 575 00:27:23,159 --> 00:27:25,253 He wants me to continue with the treatment, 576 00:27:25,389 --> 00:27:26,826 even though it looks hopeless. 577 00:27:26,962 --> 00:27:28,324 Maybe it will work this time. 578 00:27:28,460 --> 00:27:30,460 I don't wanna wallow in self-pity. 579 00:27:36,543 --> 00:27:39,237 But I'm not a stoic. I'm sorry. 580 00:27:39,373 --> 00:27:43,474 I don't wanna go through excruciating pain. 581 00:27:43,609 --> 00:27:46,014 You can't be self-possessed if you're in agony. 582 00:27:46,981 --> 00:27:48,982 You can't think straight. 583 00:27:49,117 --> 00:27:50,749 You can only think of one thing... 584 00:27:50,885 --> 00:27:52,251 the fucking cancer. 585 00:27:52,884 --> 00:27:55,022 [sighs] 586 00:27:55,157 --> 00:27:56,728 I've always taken care of my health, 587 00:27:57,758 --> 00:27:59,630 now I regret it. 588 00:27:59,766 --> 00:28:01,364 The doctor says I have a strong heart. 589 00:28:01,500 --> 00:28:02,831 What does that mean? 590 00:28:02,967 --> 00:28:05,001 My body is just gonna go on fighting... 591 00:28:05,136 --> 00:28:08,039 while I suffer and suffer until my last breath? 592 00:28:08,174 --> 00:28:09,173 [sobs] 593 00:28:09,309 --> 00:28:10,368 I don't know. 594 00:28:12,337 --> 00:28:13,877 I don't know how to help you. 595 00:28:15,315 --> 00:28:16,374 I'm so sorry. 596 00:28:21,148 --> 00:28:23,579 I think I deserve a good death. 597 00:28:26,223 --> 00:28:29,759 At least one without convulsions in my last moments. 598 00:28:29,895 --> 00:28:31,756 Going out with a little bit of dignity, 599 00:28:31,892 --> 00:28:33,490 clean and dry. 600 00:28:36,231 --> 00:28:38,202 But I know I'm asking too much... 601 00:28:38,337 --> 00:28:39,627 [door opens] 602 00:28:39,763 --> 00:28:40,602 [nurse] What are you doing up, Martha? 603 00:28:40,737 --> 00:28:42,333 I'm fucking over this. 604 00:28:42,469 --> 00:28:44,265 - Can you help her, please? - Of course. 605 00:28:44,401 --> 00:28:45,676 Let's get you back in bed. 606 00:28:45,812 --> 00:28:47,746 [Ingrid] Come on. Let me help you. 607 00:28:49,139 --> 00:28:50,610 Bring it on. 608 00:28:50,745 --> 00:28:51,783 Here we go. 609 00:28:54,711 --> 00:28:56,647 I'll end up turning into a junkie. 610 00:28:56,783 --> 00:28:57,949 [sighs] 611 00:28:58,085 --> 00:29:00,016 I am one already, I guess. 612 00:29:00,151 --> 00:29:02,856 It's okay. Really. 613 00:29:02,992 --> 00:29:04,961 [nurse] Here, this will help. 614 00:29:43,294 --> 00:29:44,330 Are you still here? 615 00:29:45,865 --> 00:29:46,838 Yes. 616 00:29:50,306 --> 00:29:52,206 Should I ask them to bring your dinner? 617 00:29:53,643 --> 00:29:54,637 Are you hungry? 618 00:29:55,413 --> 00:29:56,375 No. 619 00:29:59,484 --> 00:30:00,478 Ingrid... 620 00:30:02,922 --> 00:30:04,983 Do you think I need to say goodbye 621 00:30:05,118 --> 00:30:06,990 to my closest friends? 622 00:30:07,126 --> 00:30:09,355 I think you should do whatever you wanna do. 623 00:30:10,487 --> 00:30:12,996 I just want peace and quiet. 624 00:30:14,827 --> 00:30:18,100 Have you thought about how you wanna spend your time? 625 00:30:20,131 --> 00:30:21,839 And where? 626 00:30:21,975 --> 00:30:23,633 Is there some place you'd like to go? 627 00:30:24,838 --> 00:30:25,844 Look. 628 00:30:31,417 --> 00:30:32,983 Pink snowflakes. 629 00:30:35,452 --> 00:30:38,549 There had to be something good about climate change. 630 00:30:40,788 --> 00:30:41,816 Well... 631 00:30:43,453 --> 00:30:45,061 I've lived to see that. 632 00:30:50,136 --> 00:30:53,033 You remember the end of Joyce's The Dead? 633 00:30:53,168 --> 00:30:54,873 [sniffles, voice breaks] Vaguely. 634 00:30:56,334 --> 00:30:58,074 "The snow was falling, 635 00:30:59,803 --> 00:31:03,341 falling on the lonely churchyard, 636 00:31:03,477 --> 00:31:06,412 falling faintly through the universe. 637 00:31:08,687 --> 00:31:11,250 And faintly falling, 638 00:31:11,385 --> 00:31:14,519 like the descent of their last end, 639 00:31:16,654 --> 00:31:21,394 on all the living and the dead." 640 00:31:24,832 --> 00:31:25,768 [gulps] 641 00:31:25,903 --> 00:31:27,433 It's getting late and, uh... 642 00:31:28,739 --> 00:31:29,732 I should be going. 643 00:31:32,611 --> 00:31:33,604 [Ingrid sniffles] 644 00:31:37,813 --> 00:31:38,774 Thank you. 645 00:31:40,378 --> 00:31:41,920 I'll see you tomorrow. 646 00:31:43,015 --> 00:31:43,955 [kisses] 647 00:32:28,993 --> 00:32:31,663 There's still a half an hour before the movie starts. 648 00:32:31,798 --> 00:32:33,938 Should we go in and get our seats before the rush? 649 00:32:34,073 --> 00:32:36,106 No. I wanna talk to you about something. 650 00:32:36,871 --> 00:32:38,240 Okay. 651 00:32:38,375 --> 00:32:40,802 I will not go out in mortifying anguish. 652 00:32:40,938 --> 00:32:42,673 I've gotten hold of a euthanasia pill. 653 00:32:43,572 --> 00:32:44,972 Don't ask me how, 654 00:32:45,107 --> 00:32:47,511 on the dark web you can find almost anything. 655 00:32:47,647 --> 00:32:49,685 I also have an abundance of opioids 656 00:32:49,821 --> 00:32:51,052 for the moments of pain. 657 00:32:51,187 --> 00:32:52,650 And don't look at me like that, 658 00:32:52,786 --> 00:32:54,751 I'm not asking you to convince me otherwise. 659 00:32:55,718 --> 00:32:57,694 I don't know what to say. 660 00:32:57,830 --> 00:32:59,162 I'm hoping you'll say yes. 661 00:33:00,192 --> 00:33:01,699 Yes to what? 662 00:33:01,834 --> 00:33:03,529 To my asking you to help me. 663 00:33:04,263 --> 00:33:05,630 Help you what? 664 00:33:06,939 --> 00:33:09,500 I've faced death several times, 665 00:33:09,635 --> 00:33:11,768 but I've always been accompanied. 666 00:33:11,903 --> 00:33:15,211 We reporters formed a kind of mobile family. 667 00:33:17,145 --> 00:33:18,709 This is another war, 668 00:33:19,785 --> 00:33:21,052 I'm not afraid of it. 669 00:33:21,619 --> 00:33:22,810 But... 670 00:33:22,946 --> 00:33:24,979 like the other times I faced death... 671 00:33:26,926 --> 00:33:28,884 I don't wanna be alone, Ingrid. 672 00:33:31,389 --> 00:33:32,756 I'm asking you... 673 00:33:33,700 --> 00:33:35,726 to be in the next room. 674 00:33:37,169 --> 00:33:38,795 I think we should go get our seats. 675 00:33:38,930 --> 00:33:41,638 Yeah, sure, but I prefer to go on talking to you, 676 00:33:41,773 --> 00:33:42,898 if you don't mind. 677 00:33:45,501 --> 00:33:46,935 Okay. Um... 678 00:33:49,015 --> 00:33:50,510 Do you know when you wanna do this? 679 00:33:51,474 --> 00:33:52,446 Not exactly. 680 00:33:53,509 --> 00:33:54,514 Within a month? 681 00:33:56,621 --> 00:34:00,586 Before I start to deteriorate and you don't recognize me. 682 00:34:00,721 --> 00:34:04,551 These next weeks I should be reasonably well, 683 00:34:04,687 --> 00:34:06,360 but I wanna do it soon. 684 00:34:06,496 --> 00:34:08,589 My doctors think that I'm gonna return 685 00:34:08,725 --> 00:34:10,694 to complete the treatment. 686 00:34:10,830 --> 00:34:13,170 It's best they don't suspect anything. 687 00:34:14,137 --> 00:34:15,904 Where do you wanna do it? 688 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:17,306 I don't wanna be at home. 689 00:34:19,776 --> 00:34:22,740 And I don't wanna go back to anywhere I've been happy. 690 00:34:25,284 --> 00:34:27,442 It's always a mistake to return to some place 691 00:34:27,578 --> 00:34:29,110 you've been truly happy. 692 00:34:29,245 --> 00:34:31,546 You just ruin the good memories of the first time. 693 00:34:31,681 --> 00:34:33,290 No, I understand that. 694 00:34:33,425 --> 00:34:36,589 I think it will be easier for me to let myself go 695 00:34:36,724 --> 00:34:40,795 if I'm not surrounded by familiar things, 696 00:34:40,930 --> 00:34:42,758 intimate things. 697 00:34:42,894 --> 00:34:44,927 I think that would hold me back. 698 00:34:47,500 --> 00:34:50,471 I prefer some unknown place, 699 00:34:51,536 --> 00:34:53,408 comfortable and safe, 700 00:34:54,374 --> 00:34:56,739 and not too far away. 701 00:34:56,875 --> 00:34:58,980 Do you need my help finding a place 702 00:34:59,116 --> 00:35:01,277 or getting you settled in? 703 00:35:01,412 --> 00:35:03,482 No, no, no. 704 00:35:03,617 --> 00:35:05,123 No, I can take care of that part. 705 00:35:06,886 --> 00:35:09,754 What I need is somebody to be there with me, 706 00:35:10,962 --> 00:35:12,427 in the room next door. 707 00:35:14,961 --> 00:35:16,832 Wouldn't you prefer someone you're closer to? 708 00:35:16,967 --> 00:35:18,300 We're very close. 709 00:35:18,436 --> 00:35:20,370 No, yes, of course, of course we are. 710 00:35:20,505 --> 00:35:22,800 [stammers] Oh, my God, we're very close. I just... 711 00:35:22,936 --> 00:35:24,938 There were years where we didn't see each other. 712 00:35:25,074 --> 00:35:26,006 [sharp inhale] 713 00:35:26,141 --> 00:35:27,601 What about Stella? 714 00:35:27,737 --> 00:35:28,975 [stammering] Or Maggie? 715 00:35:29,110 --> 00:35:30,511 Or Vanessa? 716 00:35:30,646 --> 00:35:32,213 You've all been friends since you were kids. 717 00:35:32,349 --> 00:35:34,680 I admit I thought of them first. 718 00:35:35,746 --> 00:35:37,419 I asked all three of them. 719 00:35:37,554 --> 00:35:40,818 They all were horrified and they all said no. 720 00:35:42,158 --> 00:35:43,524 They understood it, 721 00:35:43,659 --> 00:35:45,490 but they said they could never be a part 722 00:35:45,625 --> 00:35:47,455 of helping me take my own life. 723 00:35:47,590 --> 00:35:49,257 Absolutely not. 724 00:35:49,393 --> 00:35:51,334 - What about your daughter? - It wouldn't be fair to her. 725 00:35:52,829 --> 00:35:54,830 I've been an absent mother. 726 00:35:54,966 --> 00:35:56,705 I don't wanna impose my dying on her. 727 00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:01,010 You could at least consult her and let her be a part of it. 728 00:36:01,145 --> 00:36:02,840 We're two strangers, Ingrid. 729 00:36:04,547 --> 00:36:06,281 She made that clear when I told her 730 00:36:06,417 --> 00:36:08,142 about my doubts about the treatment. 731 00:36:09,450 --> 00:36:11,189 "It's your choice" she said. 732 00:36:12,857 --> 00:36:13,983 And she's right. 733 00:36:14,627 --> 00:36:15,556 Right. 734 00:36:26,998 --> 00:36:28,602 - [horns blaring] - [wind whooshing] 735 00:36:32,879 --> 00:36:36,214 [breathing heavily] 736 00:36:42,315 --> 00:36:44,418 No matter what, 737 00:36:44,553 --> 00:36:46,719 people want you to keep fighting. 738 00:36:48,450 --> 00:36:52,186 This is the way we've been taught to see cancer. 739 00:36:52,321 --> 00:36:57,398 As a fight... between patient and disease, 740 00:36:57,534 --> 00:37:00,729 which is to say between good and evil. 741 00:37:00,865 --> 00:37:02,966 If you survive, you're a hero. 742 00:37:04,107 --> 00:37:05,936 If you lose, well, 743 00:37:07,577 --> 00:37:09,379 perhaps you didn't fight hard enough. 744 00:37:11,977 --> 00:37:13,741 People don't like using words like 745 00:37:13,877 --> 00:37:17,020 "terminal" or "incurable." 746 00:37:17,156 --> 00:37:19,684 They call that defeatist talk. 747 00:37:19,819 --> 00:37:21,453 Some of the worst stuff comes from 748 00:37:21,589 --> 00:37:24,086 the cancer support community. 749 00:37:24,222 --> 00:37:27,087 Some of them think of your cancer as a gift, 750 00:37:27,223 --> 00:37:29,898 an opportunity for spiritual growth. 751 00:37:30,033 --> 00:37:31,765 Bullshit! 752 00:37:31,900 --> 00:37:34,965 People should see this is my way of fighting. 753 00:37:37,135 --> 00:37:40,278 Cancer can't get me if I get me first. 754 00:37:43,041 --> 00:37:45,547 And what's the point in waiting... 755 00:37:46,777 --> 00:37:48,110 when I'm so ready to go? 756 00:37:49,883 --> 00:37:52,083 Are you completely sure you're ready? 757 00:37:52,219 --> 00:37:53,990 Totally. 758 00:37:54,126 --> 00:37:56,085 Since the first diagnosis. 759 00:37:58,222 --> 00:38:00,597 You know I have a terrible fear of death. 760 00:38:00,733 --> 00:38:01,755 I know. 761 00:38:01,891 --> 00:38:03,167 I've read your book. 762 00:38:03,302 --> 00:38:05,336 That's why I didn't ask you first. 763 00:38:07,472 --> 00:38:09,004 But you understand me, don't you? 764 00:38:09,140 --> 00:38:10,800 I do, I do. I envy you. 765 00:38:10,935 --> 00:38:12,608 You're in control of your life. 766 00:38:12,743 --> 00:38:15,979 I only need you to accompany me the days leading to it, 767 00:38:16,115 --> 00:38:18,678 as if we were on vacation. 768 00:38:18,813 --> 00:38:21,318 I just wanna know that, when it happens, 769 00:38:21,454 --> 00:38:23,480 there'll be someone in the next room. 770 00:38:23,616 --> 00:38:25,085 It terrifies me, Martha. 771 00:38:25,221 --> 00:38:26,654 I understand. 772 00:38:26,790 --> 00:38:28,056 I think that you have every right to do this 773 00:38:28,192 --> 00:38:29,890 and I admire you for it, 774 00:38:30,026 --> 00:38:31,686 but I don't know that I can be the one to find you dead. 775 00:38:31,822 --> 00:38:33,221 I'm not that strong. 776 00:38:33,356 --> 00:38:34,860 You're much stronger than you think you are. 777 00:38:37,498 --> 00:38:39,964 Anyway, I had to try. 778 00:38:42,403 --> 00:38:43,866 [Ingrid sighs] 779 00:38:44,001 --> 00:38:45,606 I can't answer you now, Martha, 780 00:38:45,742 --> 00:38:47,169 but I promise you I'll think about it. 781 00:38:47,305 --> 00:38:49,846 Right now I'm too confused and too terrified. 782 00:38:49,982 --> 00:38:51,477 I understand. 783 00:38:51,612 --> 00:38:53,351 I understand it's sudden... 784 00:38:55,450 --> 00:38:57,113 and it's disconcerting. 785 00:39:01,687 --> 00:39:03,020 I'll think of someone. 786 00:39:13,504 --> 00:39:15,868 - I wasn't too much? - No, no. 787 00:39:51,406 --> 00:39:53,235 [line ringing] 788 00:39:55,876 --> 00:39:57,938 - Martha? - [Martha] Hello, Ingrid. 789 00:39:58,073 --> 00:39:59,417 I've made up my mind. 790 00:40:02,845 --> 00:40:03,784 Come on in. 791 00:40:05,117 --> 00:40:07,283 The owner is a jewelry designer. 792 00:40:07,418 --> 00:40:10,157 She's a friend of mine, so I don't pay much rent. 793 00:40:10,293 --> 00:40:11,825 [Damian] Mmm. 794 00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:13,823 You get the impression it's been furnished 795 00:40:13,958 --> 00:40:15,866 with stuff from the garbage. 796 00:40:16,001 --> 00:40:18,264 Not everything. 797 00:40:18,399 --> 00:40:21,469 And it takes talent to pick stuff out of the garbage. 798 00:40:21,604 --> 00:40:23,933 You haven't finished moving in. 799 00:40:24,068 --> 00:40:26,202 - Do you want a hand? - Uh... 800 00:40:26,935 --> 00:40:28,138 No. [sighs] 801 00:40:30,709 --> 00:40:33,076 I'll do it after. 802 00:40:33,212 --> 00:40:36,618 And even so, you're going with Martha. 803 00:40:36,753 --> 00:40:40,481 [sighs] She is totally alone, Damian. 804 00:40:40,616 --> 00:40:42,855 None of her friends are helping her with this. 805 00:40:42,991 --> 00:40:46,090 She even told me I wasn't her first choice. 806 00:40:46,225 --> 00:40:48,330 It's like her daughter doesn't even exist. 807 00:40:48,465 --> 00:40:49,796 In the years I was with her, 808 00:40:49,932 --> 00:40:51,463 she never told me she had a daughter. 809 00:40:51,598 --> 00:40:53,267 I know, it's a... 810 00:40:53,402 --> 00:40:54,735 It's a sad story. 811 00:40:54,871 --> 00:40:58,069 It's a terrible, terrible misunderstanding. 812 00:41:01,372 --> 00:41:03,210 Have you told her that we're in touch? 813 00:41:03,345 --> 00:41:05,946 Uh... No. 814 00:41:06,081 --> 00:41:08,552 Um, we talked about you in a... in a general way. 815 00:41:08,687 --> 00:41:11,652 - She has nice memories of you. - Oh. Really? 816 00:41:11,788 --> 00:41:14,152 Our relationship was mostly physical. 817 00:41:14,287 --> 00:41:16,957 She was always about to go off somewhere else, 818 00:41:17,092 --> 00:41:21,422 that's why our lovemaking had that sense of urgency. 819 00:41:21,557 --> 00:41:23,796 It was like having sex with a terrorist... 820 00:41:23,931 --> 00:41:25,427 it always felt like the last time. 821 00:41:25,562 --> 00:41:27,800 Well, she rates you pretty highly as a lover. 822 00:41:27,936 --> 00:41:29,497 I'd like to know what rating you give me. 823 00:41:29,633 --> 00:41:31,806 Oh, I can't believe you're still flirting with me. 824 00:41:31,941 --> 00:41:34,478 - I'm serious. - No, no, you're not serious. 825 00:41:34,613 --> 00:41:37,139 What's serious is Martha's situation. 826 00:41:37,274 --> 00:41:39,648 And your being terrified of death? 827 00:41:39,783 --> 00:41:41,684 You just published a book about that. 828 00:41:41,819 --> 00:41:43,815 Have you overcome that, thanks to the book? 829 00:41:43,950 --> 00:41:45,886 - No. - [cell phone ringing] 830 00:41:54,792 --> 00:41:56,666 Hi. How are you? 831 00:41:57,299 --> 00:41:58,467 Better. 832 00:41:58,602 --> 00:42:01,228 Much better since you said yes. 833 00:42:01,363 --> 00:42:03,006 Where are you? Are you at home? 834 00:42:03,141 --> 00:42:04,239 Yeah. 835 00:42:04,375 --> 00:42:06,007 I'm watering the plants. 836 00:42:06,142 --> 00:42:08,572 Oh, I thought you had someone who did that for you. 837 00:42:08,707 --> 00:42:10,341 I do. 838 00:42:10,476 --> 00:42:12,941 But today I felt like doing it and I am enjoying it. 839 00:42:13,077 --> 00:42:15,246 [chuckles] Okay. Good. 840 00:42:15,381 --> 00:42:19,452 Um, have you... Have you decided where we're going? 841 00:42:19,588 --> 00:42:21,819 That's why I called. 842 00:42:21,955 --> 00:42:23,384 It's, uh, near Woodstock, 843 00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:25,425 it's about two hours from the city. 844 00:42:25,561 --> 00:42:27,025 It looks fantastic. 845 00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:29,829 Uh, it's a bit expensive, but, hey, 846 00:42:29,965 --> 00:42:32,328 the occasion calls for it. [laughs] 847 00:42:33,636 --> 00:42:35,800 So, do you know how long... 848 00:42:35,935 --> 00:42:37,465 I've rented it for a month. 849 00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:40,074 That should give me more than enough time. 850 00:42:40,210 --> 00:42:41,201 A month? 851 00:42:41,337 --> 00:42:43,576 Yeah. My blood count's low 852 00:42:43,712 --> 00:42:45,240 and I have to take a break 853 00:42:45,376 --> 00:42:46,813 before I start the new treatment, 854 00:42:46,948 --> 00:42:48,111 and you're the only one who knows 855 00:42:48,246 --> 00:42:50,544 I'm not going back to the hospital. 856 00:42:50,679 --> 00:42:52,885 It's not like I've picked a date. 857 00:42:53,021 --> 00:42:55,923 I mean, you'll never know it anyway. 858 00:42:57,021 --> 00:42:59,289 But... I'm ready to go. 859 00:43:01,027 --> 00:43:03,597 I would even say I'm impatient. 860 00:43:03,733 --> 00:43:05,426 I'm gonna be giving a lecture 861 00:43:05,561 --> 00:43:07,501 near Woodstock at Bard in two weeks, 862 00:43:07,637 --> 00:43:08,968 so we can see each other. 863 00:43:09,104 --> 00:43:10,837 Mmm, I don't think that's a good idea, 864 00:43:10,973 --> 00:43:12,835 I'll be with Martha all the time. 865 00:43:12,971 --> 00:43:15,103 I'll call you if I can. 866 00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:16,808 You're going to need a lawyer. 867 00:43:16,943 --> 00:43:18,915 Yes, I should look for one. 868 00:43:19,051 --> 00:43:22,076 Let me help you with that, but I'll have to fill them in. 869 00:43:22,212 --> 00:43:24,618 No, no, in that case, no. 870 00:43:24,753 --> 00:43:26,050 This is an absolute secret. 871 00:43:26,186 --> 00:43:27,824 Martha doesn't even know I've told you. 872 00:43:27,959 --> 00:43:30,826 Okay. But if you need anything, you should let me know. 873 00:43:32,693 --> 00:43:33,994 I worry about you. 874 00:43:34,958 --> 00:43:35,930 Thank you. 875 00:44:19,167 --> 00:44:20,744 [birds chirping] 876 00:44:34,151 --> 00:44:35,990 According to this map, 877 00:44:36,125 --> 00:44:38,391 we go up these stairs to enter the house. 878 00:44:38,526 --> 00:44:39,620 Okay. 879 00:45:05,047 --> 00:45:06,218 [beeps] 880 00:45:07,017 --> 00:45:08,352 [whirring] 881 00:45:09,152 --> 00:45:10,255 Look at this. 882 00:45:25,503 --> 00:45:27,736 [Martha] Wow, it's so beautiful. 883 00:45:27,871 --> 00:45:31,111 It's so much more beautiful than in the photographs. 884 00:45:34,882 --> 00:45:36,676 Is that a real Hopper? 885 00:45:36,812 --> 00:45:38,580 I don't think they would have left it here. 886 00:45:39,491 --> 00:45:41,257 It's a very good copy. 887 00:45:41,393 --> 00:45:42,885 It looks real. 888 00:45:43,020 --> 00:45:44,828 [birds chirping] 889 00:45:53,704 --> 00:45:55,806 [birds continue chirping] 890 00:46:05,783 --> 00:46:07,549 - Do you hear them? - Mm-hmm. 891 00:46:07,684 --> 00:46:08,885 Isn't that wonderful? 892 00:46:13,586 --> 00:46:16,651 And we can lie in the sun, like in the Hopper, 893 00:46:18,158 --> 00:46:20,490 and catch the evening breeze. 894 00:46:21,731 --> 00:46:23,262 [breathing heavily] 895 00:46:26,130 --> 00:46:27,266 Are you okay? 896 00:46:29,737 --> 00:46:30,731 Very happy. 897 00:46:48,617 --> 00:46:50,484 Do you mind if I take this one? 898 00:46:50,619 --> 00:46:52,390 Of course not. It's your house. 899 00:46:56,132 --> 00:46:58,127 Mmm. This one is a little small, 900 00:46:58,263 --> 00:46:59,468 I'm gonna look downstairs. 901 00:46:59,604 --> 00:47:00,497 [Martha] All right. 902 00:47:18,383 --> 00:47:20,484 I'm gonna take this one, okay? 903 00:47:21,316 --> 00:47:24,060 Very good! 904 00:47:24,196 --> 00:47:27,496 You don't mind that I'm not in the room next door? 905 00:47:27,632 --> 00:47:29,592 I can hear you breathe! 906 00:47:30,534 --> 00:47:32,500 And yell! 907 00:47:32,635 --> 00:47:34,696 [chuckles] Okay! 908 00:47:43,041 --> 00:47:44,981 Here we go. 909 00:47:48,917 --> 00:47:50,716 Let's get you unpacked. 910 00:47:50,851 --> 00:47:51,845 Thank you. 911 00:47:52,723 --> 00:47:54,516 I'll unpack it later. 912 00:47:54,652 --> 00:47:56,788 You're not my caretaker, Ingrid. 913 00:47:56,923 --> 00:47:58,093 You're my guest. 914 00:47:58,858 --> 00:47:59,960 Okay. 915 00:48:00,095 --> 00:48:02,790 Um... I'll go unpack my things. 916 00:48:17,478 --> 00:48:19,912 - [objects clattering] - [Martha shouts] 917 00:48:20,048 --> 00:48:21,611 - Martha? - [Martha shouts] 918 00:48:25,016 --> 00:48:26,720 [shouts] 919 00:48:26,855 --> 00:48:28,989 What is it, honey? 920 00:48:29,125 --> 00:48:30,492 - You won't believe it. - What? 921 00:48:30,627 --> 00:48:31,661 I forgot it! 922 00:48:31,796 --> 00:48:33,223 [stammers] You forgot what? 923 00:48:33,359 --> 00:48:34,856 The pill, the euthanasia pill! 924 00:48:34,991 --> 00:48:37,123 I brought all the others! We have to go back. 925 00:48:37,259 --> 00:48:39,233 Oh, it's okay, we'll go back first thing in the morning. 926 00:48:39,368 --> 00:48:40,569 - No, not tomorrow! - Don't worry about it. 927 00:48:40,704 --> 00:48:42,033 We have to go now! 928 00:48:42,168 --> 00:48:43,433 I just need to be sure 929 00:48:43,569 --> 00:48:45,907 that I didn't lose it or misplace it, 930 00:48:46,042 --> 00:48:47,978 that I didn't just dream it up. 931 00:48:48,842 --> 00:48:49,705 Okay. 932 00:48:55,617 --> 00:48:58,417 Buying another pill would be extremely complicated. 933 00:48:59,591 --> 00:49:00,924 [sighs softly] 934 00:49:01,060 --> 00:49:04,353 I have a friend who knows a mathematician 935 00:49:04,489 --> 00:49:06,425 who found it on the dark web. 936 00:49:07,765 --> 00:49:09,799 It's all very sordid, 937 00:49:09,934 --> 00:49:12,167 not to mention totally illegal. 938 00:49:15,398 --> 00:49:17,234 It's scary... 939 00:49:17,369 --> 00:49:19,304 knowing that all that exists 940 00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,638 just behind our computer screens. 941 00:49:24,111 --> 00:49:25,543 I feel like a criminal. 942 00:49:30,583 --> 00:49:32,986 I never thought I'd be back here again. 943 00:49:33,121 --> 00:49:35,218 With that wonderful skyline. 944 00:49:35,354 --> 00:49:37,584 Life always surprises you. 945 00:49:37,720 --> 00:49:39,654 All right, let's get to work. 946 00:49:39,789 --> 00:49:41,126 - Okay. - I'll start in the kitchen. 947 00:49:41,261 --> 00:49:42,792 Don't worry, we'll find it. 948 00:49:42,927 --> 00:49:44,127 Just, um... Just try to think of all the places 949 00:49:44,263 --> 00:49:45,662 you usually hide things. 950 00:49:45,797 --> 00:49:47,336 This is the first thing I have ever hidden. 951 00:49:47,472 --> 00:49:49,196 Really? 952 00:49:49,331 --> 00:49:51,540 The only thing I can remember is I put it in an envelope. 953 00:49:51,675 --> 00:49:53,140 Okay. Uh... 954 00:49:53,275 --> 00:49:54,878 Why don't I start in your office? 955 00:49:55,014 --> 00:49:56,640 - Is that okay? Okay. - Yeah, yeah. 956 00:49:56,775 --> 00:49:58,906 Where did I put it? Where did I put it? 957 00:50:17,797 --> 00:50:20,169 Oh, my God. [sighs] We're never gonna find it. 958 00:51:34,703 --> 00:51:35,805 I found an envelope. 959 00:51:36,714 --> 00:51:37,642 That's it! 960 00:51:38,542 --> 00:51:39,505 Where did you find it? 961 00:51:39,641 --> 00:51:41,074 In your desk. 962 00:51:41,209 --> 00:51:43,985 There was key in a drawer and I opened it. 963 00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:46,052 How could I have forgotten? 964 00:51:46,188 --> 00:51:47,918 I even left the key in it? 965 00:51:48,054 --> 00:51:49,824 Well, you meant to take it, at the last minute, you forgot. 966 00:51:49,959 --> 00:51:51,161 It's not so weird. 967 00:51:53,456 --> 00:51:54,659 Thank you. 968 00:51:55,725 --> 00:51:57,695 Such a strange sensation. 969 00:51:59,094 --> 00:52:00,934 It's like being here after I'm dead. 970 00:52:01,070 --> 00:52:03,263 Oh, God, don't say that. 971 00:52:03,399 --> 00:52:05,868 It's too soon for you to refer to yourself as a ghost. 972 00:52:07,476 --> 00:52:09,612 Let me straighten up before we leave. 973 00:52:09,747 --> 00:52:10,840 Thank you. 974 00:53:02,658 --> 00:53:03,893 [door closes] 975 00:53:05,631 --> 00:53:07,836 Forgive me for all this hassle. 976 00:53:07,971 --> 00:53:09,167 I'm sorry, really. 977 00:53:09,302 --> 00:53:11,833 [sighs] It's okay. 978 00:53:11,969 --> 00:53:14,343 What a great place to return to. 979 00:53:15,979 --> 00:53:17,879 Stupid fridge. 980 00:53:18,015 --> 00:53:19,315 You need some help? 981 00:53:22,149 --> 00:53:22,978 I got it. 982 00:53:30,224 --> 00:53:32,086 You know, maybe... 983 00:53:32,221 --> 00:53:34,792 leaving the pill behind was a kind of a sign? 984 00:53:36,500 --> 00:53:38,400 Maybe you're not as ready as you think. 985 00:53:40,932 --> 00:53:43,196 I told you never to say that to me. 986 00:53:45,068 --> 00:53:46,672 I don't remember you telling me that. 987 00:53:49,678 --> 00:53:51,611 I think I've said so many things to you. 988 00:53:53,175 --> 00:53:56,783 That's the problem with chemo brain. 989 00:53:56,919 --> 00:54:00,455 My memory keeps failing me and I get distracted so easily. 990 00:54:02,692 --> 00:54:06,127 It can continue even after the treatment stops 991 00:54:06,262 --> 00:54:07,924 and it can go on for years. 992 00:54:09,057 --> 00:54:10,828 I'll be spared that, at least. 993 00:54:13,695 --> 00:54:14,931 When I write... 994 00:54:16,137 --> 00:54:17,131 When I wrote... 995 00:54:19,102 --> 00:54:21,972 I had to proofread a thousand times. 996 00:54:22,107 --> 00:54:24,404 I can't trust my judgement about anything anymore. 997 00:54:24,540 --> 00:54:26,248 Well... 998 00:54:26,384 --> 00:54:29,714 Then why do you trust this decision? 999 00:54:29,850 --> 00:54:32,047 How do you know it's not chemo brain, too? 1000 00:54:33,886 --> 00:54:35,782 I've left the pill in the top drawer 1001 00:54:35,917 --> 00:54:37,954 of the bedside table. 1002 00:54:38,089 --> 00:54:41,028 If I forget, which I don't think I will, 1003 00:54:41,164 --> 00:54:43,256 you will remind me. 1004 00:54:43,391 --> 00:54:46,600 And I prefer not to talk about this anymore. 1005 00:54:46,735 --> 00:54:49,504 Well, it's my business, too, don't you think? 1006 00:54:53,108 --> 00:54:54,509 Sure. Of course. 1007 00:54:56,976 --> 00:54:59,273 I'll leave a signed letter for the police 1008 00:54:59,409 --> 00:55:02,610 telling them everything, including the name of the pill 1009 00:55:02,746 --> 00:55:04,220 and where I got it. 1010 00:55:04,355 --> 00:55:08,447 Your name will not appear anywhere. 1011 00:55:08,583 --> 00:55:12,291 All you have to do is to say that you know nothing. 1012 00:55:12,426 --> 00:55:15,057 Don't budge from that. 1013 00:55:15,193 --> 00:55:17,165 I don't wanna give you any more information. 1014 00:55:17,301 --> 00:55:18,797 The less you know, the better. 1015 00:55:20,797 --> 00:55:22,603 And this is important. 1016 00:55:28,246 --> 00:55:30,478 I'll sleep with my door open, 1017 00:55:30,614 --> 00:55:33,513 and the day that you find it closed... 1018 00:55:33,649 --> 00:55:36,085 is the day it's already happened. 1019 00:55:36,221 --> 00:55:38,311 That's the sign, door closed. 1020 00:55:44,293 --> 00:55:45,989 I know it's difficult. 1021 00:55:48,829 --> 00:55:50,664 But just think we're on vacation. 1022 00:55:52,371 --> 00:55:56,229 You can write, we can come and go... 1023 00:55:56,365 --> 00:55:58,133 I don't think I'll be able to concentrate. 1024 00:56:00,472 --> 00:56:01,706 And if I write, 1025 00:56:01,841 --> 00:56:02,968 you might show up in it somewhere 1026 00:56:03,104 --> 00:56:04,412 and I don't wanna do that. 1027 00:56:04,548 --> 00:56:07,280 Yeah. That could complicate your life 1028 00:56:07,416 --> 00:56:09,183 if the police investigate. 1029 00:56:09,319 --> 00:56:10,513 Well, I'm not gonna do it. 1030 00:56:10,649 --> 00:56:11,885 Wait till I'm dead. 1031 00:56:12,021 --> 00:56:14,116 Oh, God! 1032 00:56:14,251 --> 00:56:17,757 Can you not say, "Wait until I'm dead," please? 1033 00:56:20,393 --> 00:56:21,464 I promise. 1034 00:56:24,130 --> 00:56:25,565 I'd like to find a gym somewhere around here 1035 00:56:25,701 --> 00:56:27,261 that I can go to a couple of days a week. 1036 00:56:29,636 --> 00:56:30,768 I'm the only one who eats 1037 00:56:30,903 --> 00:56:31,931 and I don't want to gain ten pounds 1038 00:56:32,066 --> 00:56:33,009 while you waste away. 1039 00:56:33,144 --> 00:56:34,570 Oh, give me a chance. 1040 00:56:34,706 --> 00:56:35,874 I'll catch up with you. 1041 00:56:39,611 --> 00:56:40,912 Look, I'm eating. 1042 00:56:43,250 --> 00:56:45,785 [Ingrid] I have practically held death in my hands. 1043 00:56:47,749 --> 00:56:50,724 I never imagined it would be something so light. 1044 00:57:26,898 --> 00:57:27,893 Martha? 1045 00:57:29,363 --> 00:57:30,896 [water running] 1046 00:57:32,368 --> 00:57:33,298 [Martha] Good morning. 1047 00:57:33,434 --> 00:57:35,071 Good morning. 1048 00:57:35,206 --> 00:57:36,330 I'm making breakfast. 1049 00:57:37,637 --> 00:57:38,668 You want some toast? 1050 00:57:38,803 --> 00:57:40,607 No, just some coffee. 1051 00:57:40,743 --> 00:57:42,011 Help yourself. It's already made. 1052 00:57:42,147 --> 00:57:44,442 There's juice, fruit... 1053 00:57:44,577 --> 00:57:45,812 whatever you want. 1054 00:57:51,414 --> 00:57:54,656 My behavior yesterday was unacceptable. 1055 00:57:54,792 --> 00:57:58,793 I completely understand that it drove you crazy. 1056 00:57:58,928 --> 00:58:02,257 But in my current state, I can't make any promises. 1057 00:58:03,267 --> 00:58:04,424 So, just in case... 1058 00:58:07,331 --> 00:58:10,635 I put a medium-range sedative in this drawer. 1059 00:58:10,771 --> 00:58:12,331 And if you find me unbearable, 1060 00:58:12,467 --> 00:58:15,873 you just have one and you can relax. 1061 00:58:16,009 --> 00:58:17,342 I could have used that last night. 1062 00:58:17,477 --> 00:58:19,244 [laughs] You... 1063 00:58:19,380 --> 00:58:22,182 You're one of a kind, Martha. You really... You really are. 1064 00:58:22,317 --> 00:58:23,847 [birds chirping] 1065 00:58:23,982 --> 00:58:25,847 I've made a list of stuff to buy. 1066 00:58:25,982 --> 00:58:27,282 We need a few things. 1067 00:58:28,825 --> 00:58:30,285 Is there anything you want me to get? 1068 00:58:31,590 --> 00:58:32,694 Don't think so. 1069 00:58:34,127 --> 00:58:35,664 Do you wanna come to the store with me? 1070 00:58:37,663 --> 00:58:39,332 Maybe another day. 1071 00:58:39,467 --> 00:58:41,932 It's so nice here. 1072 00:58:42,067 --> 00:58:44,238 I'd like to stay if you don't mind. 1073 00:58:44,373 --> 00:58:45,707 No, of course not. 1074 00:58:47,972 --> 00:58:50,936 I found a gym nearby, too. 1075 00:58:51,072 --> 00:58:52,414 That's great. 1076 00:58:52,550 --> 00:58:54,243 I think that's a very good idea. 1077 00:58:57,551 --> 00:59:00,084 Okay, well... 1078 00:59:00,219 --> 00:59:02,416 I have my phone with me if you need anything. 1079 00:59:03,293 --> 00:59:04,484 Thanks, love. 1080 00:59:11,002 --> 00:59:12,228 [sighs] 1081 00:59:20,374 --> 00:59:21,609 Hi. 1082 00:59:21,745 --> 00:59:22,936 I was hoping I could use the gym today. 1083 00:59:23,071 --> 00:59:24,404 Are you a member? 1084 00:59:24,540 --> 00:59:25,912 Uh, no. I'm just in town for a little bit. 1085 00:59:26,047 --> 00:59:27,481 If you use one of our personal trainers, 1086 00:59:27,617 --> 00:59:29,080 you don't need to be a member. 1087 00:59:29,216 --> 00:59:31,518 Um, okay. I'll use one of your trainers then. 1088 00:59:31,654 --> 00:59:33,249 You'll like Jonah, you'll see. 1089 00:59:34,190 --> 00:59:35,725 Thanks. 1090 00:59:35,860 --> 00:59:38,017 So, would you like to start a warm up doing steps? 1091 00:59:38,153 --> 00:59:39,794 - Okay. - Is okay? 1092 00:59:39,929 --> 00:59:42,964 Do you think you can do this for 30 seconds? 1093 00:59:43,099 --> 00:59:45,734 - Um, sure. All right. - Okay, go for it. Have a try. 1094 00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:49,263 And we are on. Okay, nice. 1095 00:59:49,398 --> 00:59:50,637 - Keep focus on your leg. - Mmm-hmm. 1096 00:59:50,772 --> 00:59:52,265 And, if you can, move your arm... 1097 00:59:52,401 --> 00:59:53,742 - Okay. - Okay, with each step. 1098 00:59:54,970 --> 00:59:56,679 And we are done. 1099 00:59:56,814 --> 00:59:59,645 Nice. You're pretty strong, you young lady. 1100 00:59:59,781 --> 01:00:01,477 [panting] What I am is winded. 1101 01:00:01,613 --> 01:00:04,150 Well, if you want, there are other variations we can do. 1102 01:00:04,286 --> 01:00:05,554 [pants] 1103 01:00:05,690 --> 01:00:07,388 I mean, you can go try like this. 1104 01:00:07,524 --> 01:00:09,118 You can go back and forth. 1105 01:00:09,254 --> 01:00:12,121 Or you can jump on it and go left 1106 01:00:12,256 --> 01:00:14,926 and right or back and on the box. 1107 01:00:15,062 --> 01:00:16,694 - Okay. Okay. - Have a try one more. 1108 01:00:16,830 --> 01:00:19,931 - [panting] - Nice. 1109 01:00:20,067 --> 01:00:21,327 - Focus on your core here. - Uh-huh. 1110 01:00:21,462 --> 01:00:24,140 And breathe. [breathing deeply] 1111 01:00:24,275 --> 01:00:26,103 Inhale and exhale. 1112 01:00:26,238 --> 01:00:28,606 - [panting] - [Jonah breathing deeply] 1113 01:00:28,741 --> 01:00:29,771 Perfect. One more. 1114 01:00:29,906 --> 01:00:31,406 [panting] 1115 01:00:33,978 --> 01:00:35,014 Is everything okay? 1116 01:00:35,747 --> 01:00:37,412 [panting] 1117 01:00:40,386 --> 01:00:43,121 When the body's in great shape, it takes longer to die. 1118 01:00:45,659 --> 01:00:47,291 When death comes, 1119 01:00:47,427 --> 01:00:50,500 the mind wants to go, but the body keeps fighting. 1120 01:00:50,635 --> 01:00:53,362 Heart beating "no" with every beat. 1121 01:00:54,138 --> 01:00:55,562 Well... 1122 01:00:55,697 --> 01:00:58,706 all the more reason to look after yourself. 1123 01:00:58,842 --> 01:01:00,142 I live with a friend who's dying. 1124 01:01:00,277 --> 01:01:01,304 I'm sorry. 1125 01:01:02,479 --> 01:01:04,340 Come. Let's have a seat. 1126 01:01:05,073 --> 01:01:05,946 Come here. 1127 01:01:08,176 --> 01:01:10,178 [sighs, sniffles] 1128 01:01:10,314 --> 01:01:12,216 Is there anything that I can do? 1129 01:01:15,159 --> 01:01:16,693 [sighs] 1130 01:01:18,530 --> 01:01:20,928 I wish I could give you a hug, 1131 01:01:21,063 --> 01:01:23,027 but we're not allowed to touch clients anymore 1132 01:01:23,163 --> 01:01:25,394 because of the lawsuits and whatever. 1133 01:01:28,703 --> 01:01:31,038 And it's a problem, 1134 01:01:31,173 --> 01:01:32,900 because it can be hard to correct people's posture 1135 01:01:33,035 --> 01:01:34,806 with just words, 1136 01:01:34,942 --> 01:01:36,746 and touching is so important. 1137 01:01:38,111 --> 01:01:40,572 This world is absurd and inhumane. 1138 01:01:40,708 --> 01:01:43,016 I don't see it improving any time soon. 1139 01:01:45,381 --> 01:01:47,585 But thank you, I feel hugged. 1140 01:01:47,720 --> 01:01:48,890 [chuckles] 1141 01:01:54,591 --> 01:01:57,757 Oh, I've been meaning to read this book. 1142 01:01:57,892 --> 01:02:00,632 Isn't it a wonderful title? Erotic Vagrancy. 1143 01:02:00,768 --> 01:02:01,870 Do you wanna buy it? 1144 01:02:04,070 --> 01:02:05,775 I won't have time to finish it. 1145 01:02:12,673 --> 01:02:14,579 I like the way it's laid out here. 1146 01:02:14,715 --> 01:02:15,679 [Ingrid] Mmm. 1147 01:02:15,814 --> 01:02:17,285 Oh, look. 1148 01:02:17,420 --> 01:02:18,678 Martha Gellhorn. 1149 01:02:19,723 --> 01:02:21,219 The View from the Ground. 1150 01:02:23,720 --> 01:02:27,927 She wrote that you only ever truly love one war, 1151 01:02:28,063 --> 01:02:29,997 after that you're just doing your duty. 1152 01:02:32,261 --> 01:02:33,627 Which one was yours? 1153 01:02:35,297 --> 01:02:37,235 Bosnia, without a doubt. 1154 01:02:43,013 --> 01:02:45,748 The fight to survive by the Bosnian people 1155 01:02:45,883 --> 01:02:48,781 against a perfectly equipped army... 1156 01:02:48,917 --> 01:02:50,411 stole the hearts of all of us 1157 01:02:50,547 --> 01:02:52,954 who witnessed the extermination. 1158 01:02:53,089 --> 01:02:55,990 There are very few women war correspondents. 1159 01:02:57,220 --> 01:02:59,652 War is a man's thing. 1160 01:02:59,788 --> 01:03:01,862 You have to sort of become one of the guys 1161 01:03:01,998 --> 01:03:03,829 and it was never a problem for me, 1162 01:03:03,965 --> 01:03:06,133 I've always lived like a man. 1163 01:03:06,268 --> 01:03:11,104 Actually, I think what Michelle really missed... 1164 01:03:11,239 --> 01:03:13,766 was having a maternal figure in her life. 1165 01:03:14,744 --> 01:03:17,908 And in this, I must admit 1166 01:03:18,043 --> 01:03:19,944 she... she was right. 1167 01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:21,609 Don't be so hard on yourself. 1168 01:03:26,482 --> 01:03:29,282 Hey, look who's coming to town! 1169 01:03:29,417 --> 01:03:31,284 The life of the party! 1170 01:03:31,420 --> 01:03:33,292 "How bad can it get? 1171 01:03:33,427 --> 01:03:35,188 Navigating urban life with integrity." 1172 01:03:35,324 --> 01:03:36,690 You feel like going? 1173 01:03:36,825 --> 01:03:38,197 No, you know what? I've heard it already 1174 01:03:38,332 --> 01:03:40,100 and it's not an evening I'd like to repeat. 1175 01:03:40,235 --> 01:03:42,497 We all have our own personal apocalypses. 1176 01:03:42,632 --> 01:03:44,333 Are you having an awful time with me? 1177 01:03:44,469 --> 01:03:47,037 No, no, I meant him, his lecture. 1178 01:03:47,173 --> 01:03:48,936 Global crisis, climate change. 1179 01:03:49,071 --> 01:03:49,945 Yeah. 1180 01:03:50,446 --> 01:03:51,545 Hi. 1181 01:03:51,680 --> 01:03:52,706 I love your hair. 1182 01:03:53,416 --> 01:03:54,378 Nice. 1183 01:04:05,490 --> 01:04:08,489 When the nightmares come rushing in, 1184 01:04:08,625 --> 01:04:11,127 I think about all the men I've loved. 1185 01:04:11,263 --> 01:04:12,699 [chuckles] Sounds like a song. 1186 01:04:12,834 --> 01:04:14,633 [chuckles] A good one. 1187 01:04:14,769 --> 01:04:15,795 [both chuckle] 1188 01:04:17,171 --> 01:04:19,139 Even if it was just for one night. 1189 01:04:20,539 --> 01:04:23,341 [sighs] Sometimes I think about Damian. 1190 01:04:28,414 --> 01:04:30,611 I still think sex is the best way 1191 01:04:30,747 --> 01:04:32,845 to fend off looming thoughts of death. 1192 01:04:34,418 --> 01:04:36,519 Like those Spanish Carmelites. 1193 01:04:38,558 --> 01:04:41,363 Wars turned me into a promiscuous woman, Ingrid. 1194 01:04:41,499 --> 01:04:42,855 Good. [laughs] 1195 01:04:44,859 --> 01:04:46,194 Are you still in touch with him? 1196 01:04:46,329 --> 01:04:48,432 - With who? - Damian. 1197 01:04:49,571 --> 01:04:51,169 Um... 1198 01:04:51,305 --> 01:04:52,700 You know... Um, from time to time. 1199 01:04:55,307 --> 01:04:57,870 "How bad can it get?" [scoffs] 1200 01:04:59,714 --> 01:05:01,478 Well... [sighs] 1201 01:05:01,613 --> 01:05:04,778 much worse than you imagine, Damian, honey. 1202 01:05:08,524 --> 01:05:09,486 Hey. 1203 01:05:10,594 --> 01:05:11,587 You all right? 1204 01:05:12,696 --> 01:05:13,963 I was trying to write. 1205 01:05:15,432 --> 01:05:16,427 I can't. 1206 01:05:19,566 --> 01:05:23,736 In this war, I'm incapable of writing anything. 1207 01:05:23,872 --> 01:05:24,897 What about reading? 1208 01:05:26,203 --> 01:05:27,207 You love to read. 1209 01:05:27,940 --> 01:05:29,110 I've tried. 1210 01:05:30,939 --> 01:05:33,312 I've tried with some of my favorite writers. 1211 01:05:35,547 --> 01:05:37,987 The spell just isn't there anymore. 1212 01:05:40,758 --> 01:05:42,519 I'm talking about Faulkner, 1213 01:05:43,956 --> 01:05:45,060 Hemingway... 1214 01:05:46,961 --> 01:05:48,393 I can't concentrate. 1215 01:05:49,957 --> 01:05:53,299 My mind just flies off into the void. 1216 01:05:54,595 --> 01:05:56,137 If you're too tired, 1217 01:05:57,642 --> 01:05:58,667 I could read to you. 1218 01:06:01,777 --> 01:06:02,935 Not just reading, 1219 01:06:04,342 --> 01:06:06,312 all pleasure's been reduced. 1220 01:06:08,916 --> 01:06:10,149 It's hard to know 1221 01:06:10,285 --> 01:06:12,483 what to pay attention to anymore. 1222 01:06:15,616 --> 01:06:16,949 I have very little time 1223 01:06:18,093 --> 01:06:19,424 and I don't want to waste it. 1224 01:06:21,598 --> 01:06:23,032 Okay. Um... 1225 01:06:26,461 --> 01:06:29,896 What about music? 1226 01:06:32,341 --> 01:06:35,639 I can only listen to the birds singing. 1227 01:06:35,775 --> 01:06:38,877 Well, luckily, they give us a serenade every day. 1228 01:06:39,013 --> 01:06:42,041 Music decenters me. 1229 01:06:42,177 --> 01:06:44,984 It comes between me and whatever it is I'm doing, 1230 01:06:45,119 --> 01:06:46,649 even if it's just thinking. 1231 01:06:48,290 --> 01:06:51,218 Maybe the chemo is affecting my hearing. 1232 01:06:51,353 --> 01:06:53,656 Oh, honey. 1233 01:06:53,792 --> 01:06:56,692 I've been reduced to very little of myself. 1234 01:07:05,176 --> 01:07:08,242 I long for some peace of body and mind. 1235 01:07:11,040 --> 01:07:14,182 And to just talk whenever I'm invaded by memory. 1236 01:07:15,412 --> 01:07:16,644 Am I talking too much? 1237 01:07:16,779 --> 01:07:18,752 No, no, no, no. Talk all you want, 1238 01:07:18,888 --> 01:07:20,347 I love listening to you. 1239 01:07:20,483 --> 01:07:22,190 [crickets chirping] 1240 01:07:26,025 --> 01:07:27,426 [birds chirping] 1241 01:08:18,682 --> 01:08:19,907 [sniffling] 1242 01:08:38,594 --> 01:08:40,169 [breathing heavily] 1243 01:08:42,398 --> 01:08:43,535 [sniffles] 1244 01:08:47,909 --> 01:08:49,442 [birds chirping] 1245 01:09:18,005 --> 01:09:19,307 [birds chirping] 1246 01:09:31,788 --> 01:09:33,189 [sobbing] 1247 01:09:39,963 --> 01:09:41,659 [continues sobbing] 1248 01:09:55,407 --> 01:09:58,412 [continues sobbing] 1249 01:10:05,217 --> 01:10:07,020 What's going on? 1250 01:10:07,156 --> 01:10:08,719 - What's wrong? - [gasps] 1251 01:10:11,351 --> 01:10:13,658 Your door was closed, so I thought you... 1252 01:10:15,195 --> 01:10:17,557 Oh, I'm so sorry. 1253 01:10:17,692 --> 01:10:18,925 I opened a window 1254 01:10:19,061 --> 01:10:21,769 and the breeze must have closed it. 1255 01:10:21,904 --> 01:10:23,030 Oh, my God! 1256 01:10:24,808 --> 01:10:25,769 [sniffling] 1257 01:10:30,347 --> 01:10:32,044 Do you think it's fair to be mad at me 1258 01:10:32,180 --> 01:10:33,777 because I'm still alive? 1259 01:10:37,153 --> 01:10:39,112 Think of it as a rehearsal. 1260 01:10:40,718 --> 01:10:42,456 Now you know how it's gonna be. 1261 01:10:43,754 --> 01:10:45,492 You know how you're gonna feel. 1262 01:10:47,221 --> 01:10:49,429 You're gonna have to make some calls 1263 01:10:49,565 --> 01:10:53,001 and act out all the things we talked about. 1264 01:10:53,137 --> 01:10:54,963 And you never knew anything... 1265 01:10:56,040 --> 01:10:57,267 and we were on vacation... 1266 01:10:57,402 --> 01:10:59,099 Please, just stop! 1267 01:11:00,909 --> 01:11:02,075 Okay. 1268 01:11:02,211 --> 01:11:03,609 [bugle call playing on TV] 1269 01:11:09,043 --> 01:11:11,045 [whimsical music playing on TV] 1270 01:11:30,741 --> 01:11:32,106 [laughs] 1271 01:11:32,241 --> 01:11:33,738 [tense music playing on TV] 1272 01:11:47,285 --> 01:11:48,489 [laughs] 1273 01:12:04,005 --> 01:12:05,198 [whirs] 1274 01:12:11,808 --> 01:12:13,173 Should we call it a night? 1275 01:12:14,180 --> 01:12:15,715 Oh! 1276 01:12:15,850 --> 01:12:18,112 Or does the young lady wanna keep watching movies? 1277 01:12:19,786 --> 01:12:22,688 Did you tell me that they have The Dead? 1278 01:12:23,918 --> 01:12:25,025 Or did I dream that? 1279 01:12:25,161 --> 01:12:27,126 Yeah, they have it. 1280 01:12:27,262 --> 01:12:29,222 Um, you wanna watch it? 1281 01:12:30,032 --> 01:12:31,130 Yes, please. 1282 01:12:31,266 --> 01:12:32,665 [Ingrid] Here we go. 1283 01:12:35,334 --> 01:12:36,372 Here we go. 1284 01:12:43,477 --> 01:12:46,745 [somber music playing on TV] 1285 01:12:46,880 --> 01:12:49,912 [Gabriel on TV] Yes, the newspapers are right. 1286 01:12:50,048 --> 01:12:53,853 Snow is general all over Ireland. 1287 01:12:53,988 --> 01:12:57,718 Falling on every part of the dark central plain, 1288 01:12:57,853 --> 01:12:59,758 on the treeless hills. 1289 01:13:00,990 --> 01:13:04,092 Softly upon the Bog of Allen 1290 01:13:04,227 --> 01:13:07,963 and farther westward, softly falling 1291 01:13:08,098 --> 01:13:13,069 into the dark mutinous Shannon waves. 1292 01:13:13,204 --> 01:13:16,236 One by one, we're all becoming shades. 1293 01:13:18,681 --> 01:13:21,911 - [softly repeating] - Snow is falling, 1294 01:13:22,046 --> 01:13:24,277 falling in that lonely churchyard 1295 01:13:24,412 --> 01:13:26,279 where Michael Furey lies buried. 1296 01:13:28,153 --> 01:13:30,355 Falling faintly through the universe 1297 01:13:30,491 --> 01:13:33,561 and faintly falling, 1298 01:13:33,696 --> 01:13:36,190 like the descent of their last end, 1299 01:13:37,667 --> 01:13:41,228 upon all the living and the dead. 1300 01:13:51,641 --> 01:13:53,746 [birds chirping] 1301 01:14:00,750 --> 01:14:01,622 Do you hear them? 1302 01:14:02,321 --> 01:14:03,349 Mmm-hmm. 1303 01:14:05,555 --> 01:14:06,528 [beeps] 1304 01:14:07,162 --> 01:14:08,761 [whirring] 1305 01:14:11,926 --> 01:14:12,930 It's daytime. 1306 01:14:17,602 --> 01:14:18,837 And you're alive. 1307 01:14:21,572 --> 01:14:22,973 [birds chirping] 1308 01:14:29,450 --> 01:14:30,976 Oh, this is too much. 1309 01:14:31,111 --> 01:14:32,287 - Yeah? - This is harder 1310 01:14:32,422 --> 01:14:33,852 - than I thought it'd be. - Okay. 1311 01:14:36,424 --> 01:14:37,690 I think I need to sit. 1312 01:14:37,825 --> 01:14:40,458 All right. Yeah, let's go sit over here. 1313 01:14:40,593 --> 01:14:42,091 Here, let me help you. 1314 01:14:46,260 --> 01:14:48,735 Hey, I've got you. Here we go. 1315 01:14:49,534 --> 01:14:50,572 Here you go. 1316 01:14:51,942 --> 01:14:53,069 Okay. 1317 01:14:54,605 --> 01:14:56,576 [Martha] Oh! 1318 01:14:56,711 --> 01:14:58,811 - Oh, that's much better. - Oh, good. 1319 01:15:02,884 --> 01:15:05,982 Before coming here, I made a new will. 1320 01:15:06,118 --> 01:15:08,689 Aw, let's not talk about this now, please. 1321 01:15:10,321 --> 01:15:12,423 I'm leaving the apartment and everything in it 1322 01:15:12,559 --> 01:15:14,189 to Michelle and you. 1323 01:15:19,967 --> 01:15:23,131 I found your war journals in your desk. 1324 01:15:23,266 --> 01:15:25,635 What do you want us to do with them? 1325 01:15:25,771 --> 01:15:27,506 Is it okay if I read them? 1326 01:15:27,641 --> 01:15:29,039 Of course you can read them. 1327 01:15:32,513 --> 01:15:34,182 Can I tell your story? 1328 01:15:34,318 --> 01:15:35,584 You can do what you want. 1329 01:15:36,647 --> 01:15:37,916 I won't be here. 1330 01:15:40,013 --> 01:15:41,051 Can I say that? 1331 01:15:41,684 --> 01:15:42,690 No. 1332 01:15:43,884 --> 01:15:44,890 Okay. 1333 01:15:47,691 --> 01:15:49,697 [birds chirping] 1334 01:15:52,192 --> 01:15:54,196 [crickets chirping] 1335 01:16:08,942 --> 01:16:09,981 [sighs] 1336 01:16:39,078 --> 01:16:40,814 Let's not talk about this now, okay? 1337 01:16:42,113 --> 01:16:44,620 All right, I'll see you there. Bye. 1338 01:16:51,857 --> 01:16:53,688 [Martha] Dear Ingrid, 1339 01:16:53,823 --> 01:16:57,864 Today is such a beautiful day that it seemed to me it... 1340 01:16:59,894 --> 01:17:00,768 Hey. 1341 01:17:01,401 --> 01:17:02,370 Hi. 1342 01:17:02,505 --> 01:17:04,371 - Everything okay? - Yeah. 1343 01:17:04,507 --> 01:17:06,464 This breeze is delicious. 1344 01:17:06,600 --> 01:17:08,776 Be careful, it's a little chilly. 1345 01:17:10,311 --> 01:17:11,713 Um... 1346 01:17:11,848 --> 01:17:13,645 If you don't need me, I'm gonna go to the gym. 1347 01:17:13,780 --> 01:17:15,178 But I can stay if you want. 1348 01:17:15,313 --> 01:17:17,482 No. Please, go. I don't want to be a downer. 1349 01:17:17,618 --> 01:17:18,883 You're not a downer. 1350 01:17:19,019 --> 01:17:21,348 You've been pretty well-behaved. 1351 01:17:21,484 --> 01:17:23,824 Have you talked to your trainer about me? 1352 01:17:25,051 --> 01:17:26,361 Um... 1353 01:17:26,496 --> 01:17:29,291 Well... I mean, it came up. 1354 01:17:29,426 --> 01:17:31,698 I was talking about being in good shape 1355 01:17:31,834 --> 01:17:34,695 and the heart beating to survive. 1356 01:17:34,830 --> 01:17:37,838 You know, everything that you talked about in the hospital 1357 01:17:37,973 --> 01:17:40,104 and he looked at me like I was a lunatic, 1358 01:17:40,239 --> 01:17:42,638 so I told him I had a friend that was sick. 1359 01:17:42,773 --> 01:17:44,879 That's all. 1360 01:17:45,014 --> 01:17:49,777 Just remember, you know nothing about anything. 1361 01:17:49,912 --> 01:17:50,950 [Ingrid] Mm. 1362 01:17:55,283 --> 01:17:56,989 Come here, give me a kiss. 1363 01:17:59,661 --> 01:18:00,927 - You okay? - Yes. 1364 01:18:13,573 --> 01:18:15,568 [lively chatter] 1365 01:18:23,914 --> 01:18:25,182 - Hi. - Hi. 1366 01:18:30,385 --> 01:18:32,724 I lied to her, I don't like it. 1367 01:18:32,860 --> 01:18:34,095 Well, you'll have to practice. 1368 01:18:34,230 --> 01:18:36,020 Lying? 1369 01:18:36,156 --> 01:18:39,397 Yes. Officially, you aren't aware of Martha's intentions. 1370 01:18:39,532 --> 01:18:41,000 Yeah. 1371 01:18:41,136 --> 01:18:43,035 And I found a lawyer, in case you need one. 1372 01:18:43,170 --> 01:18:45,166 Thank you. Let's not talk about this now. 1373 01:18:45,301 --> 01:18:48,241 - Mm. - How'd your lecture go? 1374 01:18:48,376 --> 01:18:51,912 Well, they weren't too happy about my not taking questions. 1375 01:18:53,415 --> 01:18:55,742 In the end, 1376 01:18:55,877 --> 01:18:58,881 people started muttering and someone called me a coward. 1377 01:18:59,016 --> 01:19:00,652 It doesn't bother me. 1378 01:19:00,788 --> 01:19:02,791 I spent way too much time 1379 01:19:02,926 --> 01:19:05,623 caring about my reputation, and for what? 1380 01:19:05,758 --> 01:19:07,992 So, what are you doing with all that time you've gotten back? 1381 01:19:08,128 --> 01:19:11,766 Are you doing more of what you love? 1382 01:19:11,902 --> 01:19:14,295 I have to admit that my interest in things 1383 01:19:14,430 --> 01:19:16,805 has been shrinking as I get older. 1384 01:19:18,536 --> 01:19:20,668 Martha said the same thing a couple days ago. 1385 01:19:20,804 --> 01:19:23,268 There are so few things left that she can really enjoy. 1386 01:19:23,404 --> 01:19:25,176 - I understand. - Mm. 1387 01:19:26,406 --> 01:19:28,149 But you're not sick. 1388 01:19:28,284 --> 01:19:30,148 No, but I feel the same way, especially after the pandemic. 1389 01:19:30,283 --> 01:19:32,579 I don't go to the cinema or listen to music. 1390 01:19:33,456 --> 01:19:35,086 I... I read a lot, 1391 01:19:35,222 --> 01:19:37,091 but only subjects to do with my lectures. 1392 01:19:37,226 --> 01:19:39,586 Mm. You still go to galleries? You used to love that. 1393 01:19:39,721 --> 01:19:41,157 When we were together, we'd go all the time 1394 01:19:41,293 --> 01:19:43,397 and talk about how powerful the art is. 1395 01:19:43,533 --> 01:19:45,594 You still like that? 1396 01:19:45,729 --> 01:19:48,332 Even if every poet in the world sat down to write a poem 1397 01:19:48,467 --> 01:19:50,839 about the climate crisis, it wouldn't save one tree. 1398 01:19:50,974 --> 01:19:53,002 At least you're still interested in trees. 1399 01:19:53,137 --> 01:19:54,741 I'm interested in sex, too. 1400 01:19:54,876 --> 01:19:56,476 Well, then you're not that bad. 1401 01:19:56,611 --> 01:19:58,971 When I was young, 1402 01:19:59,106 --> 01:20:02,976 if a day went by without sex, I thought it was incomplete. 1403 01:20:03,111 --> 01:20:05,011 I remember that. 1404 01:20:05,147 --> 01:20:09,352 I'm not nostalgic, but I miss the nights when we'd drink... 1405 01:20:10,451 --> 01:20:12,987 and take drugs, have sex, 1406 01:20:13,122 --> 01:20:16,025 all that didn't distract us from what we really wanted to do. 1407 01:20:16,161 --> 01:20:18,523 You drank and you took drugs. 1408 01:20:18,658 --> 01:20:20,460 I mean, more than I did anyway. 1409 01:20:20,596 --> 01:20:22,535 I don't know how much you drank, 1410 01:20:22,670 --> 01:20:26,039 but you always acted as you were as blitzed as the rest of us. 1411 01:20:26,175 --> 01:20:29,170 But you were an essential part of the party. 1412 01:20:29,305 --> 01:20:30,976 That is, until you got bored 1413 01:20:31,112 --> 01:20:32,804 and went off to discover Europe. 1414 01:20:34,277 --> 01:20:35,510 You want to talk about that? 1415 01:20:36,818 --> 01:20:37,811 Tell me about your lecture. 1416 01:20:37,947 --> 01:20:39,449 [sighs] 1417 01:20:39,584 --> 01:20:43,648 I admit that I've become something of a monomaniac. 1418 01:20:43,783 --> 01:20:45,652 My own son is no longer speaking to me 1419 01:20:45,787 --> 01:20:48,028 because I didn't hide how appalled I was 1420 01:20:48,163 --> 01:20:50,688 that his wife is expecting another child. 1421 01:20:50,824 --> 01:20:51,997 He doesn't want me anywhere near her 1422 01:20:52,132 --> 01:20:54,061 for fear she'll have a miscarriage. 1423 01:20:54,196 --> 01:20:56,201 What? How could you tell him that he can't have another child? 1424 01:20:56,336 --> 01:20:58,632 - It's their third! - [stammering] What... 1425 01:20:58,767 --> 01:21:00,798 So, what's the next logical alternative? 1426 01:21:00,934 --> 01:21:02,239 For people to start killing themselves? 1427 01:21:02,375 --> 01:21:04,541 People should be aware, once and for all, 1428 01:21:04,677 --> 01:21:06,838 of the state of the fucking planet they're living on. 1429 01:21:08,845 --> 01:21:11,776 Well, perhaps this isn't the best subject for you. 1430 01:21:11,912 --> 01:21:15,556 You're living with a dying woman in a world 1431 01:21:15,692 --> 01:21:17,893 also in its death throes. 1432 01:21:20,364 --> 01:21:22,925 Do you really think the situation is that desperate? 1433 01:21:23,060 --> 01:21:27,465 Yes. Read the science and see what the world is doing with it. 1434 01:21:27,601 --> 01:21:31,570 They're releasing more CO2 into the air than ever before. 1435 01:21:31,705 --> 01:21:33,505 Sooner or later, 1436 01:21:33,641 --> 01:21:38,409 and I fear it will be sooner, all this will be shot to hell. 1437 01:21:38,544 --> 01:21:42,049 Nothing is going to hasten the end of the planet 1438 01:21:42,184 --> 01:21:45,081 more than the survival of neo-liberalism 1439 01:21:45,217 --> 01:21:46,847 and the rise of the far right. 1440 01:21:46,982 --> 01:21:50,750 And we have both of them here, marching side by side. 1441 01:21:54,087 --> 01:21:57,229 Sorry, I didn't want to bring you down, but... 1442 01:21:58,526 --> 01:22:00,532 I get riled up with this. 1443 01:22:00,668 --> 01:22:04,031 You cannot go around telling people that there's no hope. 1444 01:22:04,166 --> 01:22:05,733 It's tragic. 1445 01:22:05,869 --> 01:22:08,401 And maybe it's really unpleasant of me to say so, 1446 01:22:08,537 --> 01:22:10,745 but I've completely lost faith 1447 01:22:10,881 --> 01:22:12,909 in people doing the right thing. 1448 01:22:13,045 --> 01:22:15,482 I'm living every day expecting to find Martha's body in her bed, 1449 01:22:15,617 --> 01:22:19,487 but that doesn't stop me from enjoying every minute with her, 1450 01:22:19,622 --> 01:22:21,583 just the opposite. 1451 01:22:21,718 --> 01:22:24,984 I'm learning from her and you should, too, 1452 01:22:25,120 --> 01:22:28,029 because there are lots of ways to live inside a tragedy. 1453 01:22:29,930 --> 01:22:32,467 Of course it's painful, 1454 01:22:32,602 --> 01:22:34,629 but I can take it. 1455 01:22:35,738 --> 01:22:37,904 And I'm trying to live 1456 01:22:38,039 --> 01:22:40,601 with the same joy that she has, 1457 01:22:40,737 --> 01:22:43,572 and with the same appreciation, so... 1458 01:22:43,707 --> 01:22:46,408 the last thing I need is a speech like yours. 1459 01:22:46,543 --> 01:22:48,016 I've always admired you for that. 1460 01:22:49,375 --> 01:22:50,976 What? 1461 01:22:51,112 --> 01:22:53,318 You're one of the only people who knows how to suffer 1462 01:22:53,454 --> 01:22:56,024 without making others feel guilty about it. 1463 01:23:24,014 --> 01:23:25,020 [sighs] 1464 01:23:38,332 --> 01:23:40,560 Do you think it will be much longer? 1465 01:23:40,695 --> 01:23:43,962 No, it'll be soon. Any day now. 1466 01:23:45,269 --> 01:23:47,069 You have to be prepared. 1467 01:23:47,204 --> 01:23:48,536 I know the police. 1468 01:23:48,672 --> 01:23:50,411 They'll ask you all sorts of questions, 1469 01:23:50,546 --> 01:23:53,309 they'll dig into your relationship like scavengers. 1470 01:23:53,444 --> 01:23:55,147 You need a kind of mental script. 1471 01:23:55,283 --> 01:23:58,019 No, I thought about it, I do have it. 1472 01:23:58,155 --> 01:24:01,017 Good. Stay strong and stick to your story. 1473 01:24:01,153 --> 01:24:02,652 And when it happens, 1474 01:24:02,787 --> 01:24:05,223 you should call the police before you call me. 1475 01:24:05,359 --> 01:24:06,554 No, I need to call her daughter. 1476 01:24:06,690 --> 01:24:08,162 I should call her before I call you. 1477 01:24:08,297 --> 01:24:10,626 Okay, but be careful what you say to her. 1478 01:24:10,761 --> 01:24:13,359 I had to tell the lawyer about the situation. 1479 01:24:13,494 --> 01:24:16,763 Why do we have to go through all this, like we're criminals? 1480 01:24:16,898 --> 01:24:18,368 Shouldn't dying people have the right 1481 01:24:18,504 --> 01:24:19,899 to end their lives with dignity? 1482 01:24:20,034 --> 01:24:22,303 They will, once our teetering health system 1483 01:24:22,438 --> 01:24:23,903 completely collapses. 1484 01:24:24,779 --> 01:24:26,741 [birds chirping] 1485 01:25:01,078 --> 01:25:02,117 Martha? 1486 01:25:22,664 --> 01:25:24,499 [Martha] Dear Ingrid, 1487 01:25:24,634 --> 01:25:27,331 today is such a beautiful day 1488 01:25:27,467 --> 01:25:30,807 that it seemed to me it was the moment to leave. 1489 01:25:30,943 --> 01:25:34,540 It consoled me that you weren't in the room downstairs, 1490 01:25:34,676 --> 01:25:36,884 even though that was the idea. 1491 01:25:37,019 --> 01:25:40,514 But you know I always improvise 1492 01:25:40,650 --> 01:25:42,387 and I'm almost happy that, 1493 01:25:42,523 --> 01:25:45,585 while I fade away on the lounger, 1494 01:25:45,720 --> 01:25:47,459 you're out in the world, 1495 01:25:47,595 --> 01:25:51,531 experiencing something different to my death. 1496 01:25:51,667 --> 01:25:54,862 No one will be able to accuse you of complicity. 1497 01:25:56,170 --> 01:25:57,801 You have accompanied me 1498 01:25:57,936 --> 01:26:02,507 as much as any human being can accompany another. 1499 01:26:02,643 --> 01:26:05,609 Call my daughter and tell her I'm sorry. 1500 01:26:06,917 --> 01:26:09,316 And thank you, love. 1501 01:26:34,974 --> 01:26:36,002 Martha. 1502 01:26:39,675 --> 01:26:41,249 I'll do whatever you want. 1503 01:26:46,448 --> 01:26:47,552 [sniffling] 1504 01:27:01,002 --> 01:27:02,996 [birds cawing] 1505 01:27:08,844 --> 01:27:11,438 We had dinner and then we watched a Buster Keaton movie. 1506 01:27:11,574 --> 01:27:12,940 I told you this already. 1507 01:27:13,075 --> 01:27:15,116 And you didn't notice anything strange, 1508 01:27:15,252 --> 01:27:17,384 anything that made you suspect... 1509 01:27:19,954 --> 01:27:21,322 Try to remember. 1510 01:27:21,457 --> 01:27:23,950 I remember it perfectly, it was a fun night. 1511 01:27:24,086 --> 01:27:26,722 There were no gestures? Nothing she said? 1512 01:27:26,858 --> 01:27:29,625 We said goodnight and then I went upstairs 1513 01:27:29,761 --> 01:27:32,224 and I stayed up late reading a book 1514 01:27:32,360 --> 01:27:34,930 that Martha had recommended called Erotic Vagrancy. 1515 01:27:35,065 --> 01:27:37,762 It's about Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. 1516 01:27:37,898 --> 01:27:39,407 - Do you know it? - No. 1517 01:27:39,542 --> 01:27:41,969 Martha and I both thought that it was really fun. 1518 01:27:42,105 --> 01:27:44,345 Try to answer only the questions I ask you. 1519 01:27:48,417 --> 01:27:49,779 What'd you do the following morning? 1520 01:27:52,220 --> 01:27:54,278 I had lunch with a friend. 1521 01:27:54,413 --> 01:27:56,485 And when I came back, I called out for her 1522 01:27:56,620 --> 01:27:58,288 and when she didn't answer, 1523 01:27:58,423 --> 01:28:00,158 I went to her bedroom. 1524 01:28:00,293 --> 01:28:02,222 But she wasn't there. 1525 01:28:02,358 --> 01:28:06,394 So I went into the backyard and that's when I saw her. 1526 01:28:06,529 --> 01:28:09,295 And, at first, I thought that she was asleep on the lounge chair 1527 01:28:09,430 --> 01:28:12,238 and I got really nervous and I called the ambulance. 1528 01:28:12,373 --> 01:28:13,732 And they got there very quickly 1529 01:28:13,868 --> 01:28:15,743 and then the EMTs saw her 1530 01:28:15,878 --> 01:28:18,476 and then they said there was nothing that they could do. 1531 01:28:18,612 --> 01:28:20,373 Nobody buys this pill by accident 1532 01:28:20,508 --> 01:28:22,713 if they're not thinking of suicide or killing someone, 1533 01:28:22,848 --> 01:28:24,444 so, you didn't know anything about this? 1534 01:28:24,579 --> 01:28:26,279 About what? 1535 01:28:26,415 --> 01:28:28,048 About her being in possession of this illegal compound. 1536 01:28:28,184 --> 01:28:31,655 No. She was taking medication for the pain, 1537 01:28:31,791 --> 01:28:33,623 you know, patches and pills, but she... 1538 01:28:33,759 --> 01:28:35,858 she never shared the specifics with me. 1539 01:28:36,956 --> 01:28:38,661 It is strange that, 1540 01:28:38,796 --> 01:28:40,158 if you two were such good friends, 1541 01:28:40,293 --> 01:28:43,396 that she didn't say anything to you. 1542 01:28:43,531 --> 01:28:48,035 You can't just walk into a drugstore and buy this pill. 1543 01:28:49,212 --> 01:28:50,642 It's very difficult to come by. 1544 01:28:52,073 --> 01:28:55,142 I think when she rented the house, 1545 01:28:55,277 --> 01:28:57,851 she already knew what she was gonna do, right? 1546 01:28:57,987 --> 01:28:59,780 It's possible, 1547 01:28:59,916 --> 01:29:02,323 but she didn't tell me anything. 1548 01:29:02,459 --> 01:29:04,283 She was exhausted from the last treatment 1549 01:29:04,418 --> 01:29:05,983 and she wanted to take a break before going back 1550 01:29:06,118 --> 01:29:08,121 for the next round of chemo. 1551 01:29:08,256 --> 01:29:09,996 She wasn't the type to throw in the towel. 1552 01:29:10,132 --> 01:29:12,058 She didn't complain? 1553 01:29:12,194 --> 01:29:14,666 She didn't say anything that made you sense... 1554 01:29:16,201 --> 01:29:17,833 the end? 1555 01:29:17,969 --> 01:29:19,198 It was a great responsibility for you. 1556 01:29:20,638 --> 01:29:22,201 She complained sometimes. 1557 01:29:24,713 --> 01:29:29,173 What did she complain about? What did she say? 1558 01:29:29,308 --> 01:29:32,552 She'd lost the capacity for attention. 1559 01:29:32,687 --> 01:29:36,688 She couldn't read or write, for example. 1560 01:29:38,593 --> 01:29:40,186 Her life was reduced to surviving. 1561 01:29:40,321 --> 01:29:43,588 You know, I find it very hard to believe 1562 01:29:43,723 --> 01:29:46,060 that she didn't say anything that made you suspect the end. 1563 01:29:46,196 --> 01:29:48,467 It was more than evident that she was very sick, 1564 01:29:48,602 --> 01:29:50,062 but she wanted to take a vacation 1565 01:29:50,198 --> 01:29:51,202 before going back to the hospital. 1566 01:29:51,338 --> 01:29:53,739 I told you this already. 1567 01:29:53,874 --> 01:29:59,238 So, we also spoke to some of Martha's close friends. 1568 01:30:00,981 --> 01:30:04,177 In general, they all coincide with your testimony. 1569 01:30:06,212 --> 01:30:08,887 But one of them, Stella Byrne, 1570 01:30:09,022 --> 01:30:11,459 told us that, after Martha finished her chemotherapy, 1571 01:30:11,594 --> 01:30:14,424 that she proposed that she accompany her 1572 01:30:14,560 --> 01:30:16,892 to a house in the country 1573 01:30:17,027 --> 01:30:19,929 where she intended to commit suicide. 1574 01:30:23,965 --> 01:30:26,100 Asked her to, and I quote... 1575 01:30:27,573 --> 01:30:28,773 "Be in the room next door." 1576 01:30:32,313 --> 01:30:34,606 And her friend refused. 1577 01:30:34,741 --> 01:30:37,612 I wasn't in the room next door, I was in the room downstairs. 1578 01:30:37,748 --> 01:30:39,143 When I spoke to Mrs. Byrne 1579 01:30:39,279 --> 01:30:40,519 and informed her of the suicide, 1580 01:30:40,655 --> 01:30:42,616 she told me she wasn't surprised. 1581 01:30:42,751 --> 01:30:45,357 There's another word for what Martha did, it's called euthanasia. 1582 01:30:45,492 --> 01:30:46,989 Well, call it what you want, 1583 01:30:47,124 --> 01:30:50,695 but, for me, what your friend did is a crime 1584 01:30:50,831 --> 01:30:53,858 and, as a policeman, as a human being, 1585 01:30:53,993 --> 01:30:56,396 as a man of faith, 1586 01:30:56,531 --> 01:31:00,333 I'm radically opposed to anyone committing a crime. 1587 01:31:00,469 --> 01:31:02,510 And, of course, anyone aiding and abetting in one. 1588 01:31:09,614 --> 01:31:11,442 [cell phone clicking] 1589 01:31:12,946 --> 01:31:15,349 [line ringing] 1590 01:31:15,485 --> 01:31:17,789 Damian, can you come down to the police station, please? 1591 01:31:18,555 --> 01:31:19,856 This is endless. 1592 01:31:19,992 --> 01:31:23,022 How do you explain that your friend Martha 1593 01:31:23,157 --> 01:31:24,931 was so explicit with Mrs. Byrne 1594 01:31:25,066 --> 01:31:27,191 and yet she didn't tell you anything about her intentions? 1595 01:31:27,326 --> 01:31:28,834 I'm not gonna say another word. 1596 01:31:28,969 --> 01:31:31,199 If I'm under arrest, then tell me the charges. 1597 01:31:31,334 --> 01:31:33,238 Otherwise, I'll wait in the hall for my lawyer. 1598 01:31:33,374 --> 01:31:34,740 Very foresighted of you. 1599 01:31:34,875 --> 01:31:36,702 What made you think you'd need a lawyer? 1600 01:31:36,837 --> 01:31:39,972 Why don't you ask your friend, he witnessed the interrogation. 1601 01:31:40,108 --> 01:31:44,181 [sighs] I think you're lying. 1602 01:31:44,316 --> 01:31:46,346 And that you're the kind of person who wouldn't say no 1603 01:31:46,482 --> 01:31:48,985 if a friend asked you for help committing suicide. 1604 01:31:51,522 --> 01:31:52,584 Let her go. 1605 01:31:52,720 --> 01:31:53,561 [buzzes] 1606 01:32:01,696 --> 01:32:03,169 Hey. 1607 01:32:03,304 --> 01:32:04,701 - Hi. - Hi. 1608 01:32:04,836 --> 01:32:07,240 - How are you? - I'm okay. 1609 01:32:07,376 --> 01:32:09,169 This is my lawyer, Sarah. 1610 01:32:09,304 --> 01:32:11,005 - Hi. Pleasure. - Thank you for coming. 1611 01:32:11,141 --> 01:32:12,747 Of course. Damian's filled me in. 1612 01:32:12,882 --> 01:32:14,846 Is there anything I should know about the interrogation? 1613 01:32:14,981 --> 01:32:16,749 Well, he treated me like I was the killer. 1614 01:32:16,884 --> 01:32:18,583 - But you were with me. - He doesn't care. 1615 01:32:18,718 --> 01:32:20,053 He insists that I'm implicated. 1616 01:32:20,188 --> 01:32:21,556 Okay, but... 1617 01:32:21,691 --> 01:32:23,690 He spoke to a friend of Martha, Stella Byrne, 1618 01:32:23,825 --> 01:32:25,721 who said that Martha had approached her first 1619 01:32:25,856 --> 01:32:27,221 and she refused to help her. 1620 01:32:27,356 --> 01:32:29,186 Okay, well, I'm sure everything was recorded. 1621 01:32:29,322 --> 01:32:30,896 - Mm-hmm. - [door opens] 1622 01:32:31,032 --> 01:32:33,760 Um, and this police officer witnessed everything. 1623 01:32:33,896 --> 01:32:35,195 You can come in now. 1624 01:32:35,330 --> 01:32:36,802 I'll go in alone. I'm her attorney. 1625 01:32:38,773 --> 01:32:40,432 Don't worry, this is all very clear. 1626 01:32:42,773 --> 01:32:43,905 Thank you for coming. 1627 01:32:44,041 --> 01:32:45,706 - My pleasure. - [door buzzes] 1628 01:32:45,842 --> 01:32:47,977 Jesus! What an asshole! 1629 01:32:48,113 --> 01:32:50,644 I've never been treated like that before. 1630 01:32:50,780 --> 01:32:53,212 You were unlucky enough to come up against a religious fanatic, 1631 01:32:53,348 --> 01:32:54,618 but he's not gonna bother you again. 1632 01:32:54,753 --> 01:32:55,918 I'm gonna file a complaint. 1633 01:32:56,053 --> 01:32:58,122 Thank you so much for everything. 1634 01:32:58,257 --> 01:33:00,253 You still need to be available for the next 48 hours 1635 01:33:00,388 --> 01:33:03,092 until forensic formalities are done. 1636 01:33:03,227 --> 01:33:05,232 Um, I told them to call me if necessary. 1637 01:33:05,367 --> 01:33:06,766 I'll be at the house. 1638 01:33:06,901 --> 01:33:07,795 Do you have all the information you need? 1639 01:33:07,931 --> 01:33:09,770 Yes, Damian gave it to me. 1640 01:33:09,905 --> 01:33:11,967 Just give me a call if anything comes up, okay? 1641 01:33:12,102 --> 01:33:13,638 I'm gonna head back to the office. 1642 01:33:13,773 --> 01:33:14,936 I'm really sorry for your loss. 1643 01:33:15,071 --> 01:33:16,305 - Thank you. - Thanks, Sarah. 1644 01:33:16,441 --> 01:33:18,237 Bye. 1645 01:33:18,373 --> 01:33:20,106 I can't believe Stella told him that. 1646 01:33:20,241 --> 01:33:21,815 Well, he probably cornered her, 1647 01:33:21,950 --> 01:33:23,743 and they have Martha's computer and her cell phone. 1648 01:33:23,878 --> 01:33:24,879 [Ingrid] Mm. 1649 01:33:25,014 --> 01:33:26,479 Do you know if they talked? 1650 01:33:26,614 --> 01:33:28,920 No, I don't know, she didn't tell me anything. 1651 01:33:30,084 --> 01:33:31,816 What do you wanna do? 1652 01:33:31,951 --> 01:33:34,018 I need to go back to the house and pack up Martha's things. 1653 01:33:34,154 --> 01:33:35,127 [cell phone ringing] 1654 01:33:35,262 --> 01:33:36,125 Sorry. 1655 01:33:37,627 --> 01:33:39,132 Hello? 1656 01:33:39,268 --> 01:33:40,492 Uh, speaking. 1657 01:33:42,603 --> 01:33:43,863 [whispers] It's Michelle. 1658 01:33:43,998 --> 01:33:45,167 Martha's daughter? 1659 01:33:45,999 --> 01:33:47,200 Yes, of course. 1660 01:33:47,336 --> 01:33:49,338 No, no, of course you can come over. 1661 01:33:49,474 --> 01:33:52,713 I'm headed there right now. I'll text you the address. 1662 01:33:54,110 --> 01:33:56,178 Okay, I'll see you soon. Bye. 1663 01:33:58,187 --> 01:34:00,849 Wow. Wow. 1664 01:34:00,984 --> 01:34:02,914 I'm headed back to the city, 1665 01:34:03,050 --> 01:34:05,858 so tell me when you're back and I'll help you with your move. 1666 01:34:07,056 --> 01:34:08,960 Thank you for everything. 1667 01:34:11,791 --> 01:34:14,031 And you can tell me how it went with Michelle. 1668 01:34:14,664 --> 01:34:15,527 I will. 1669 01:34:17,566 --> 01:34:19,773 - Thanks. I'll call you, okay? - Okay. Take care. 1670 01:34:21,837 --> 01:34:23,843 [birds chirping] 1671 01:34:53,475 --> 01:34:54,709 Hello, I'm Michelle. 1672 01:34:55,574 --> 01:34:56,568 I'm Ingrid. 1673 01:34:57,707 --> 01:34:58,537 Hi. 1674 01:35:02,145 --> 01:35:04,719 - Let's go inside, okay? - Yeah. 1675 01:35:08,015 --> 01:35:09,020 Come on in. 1676 01:35:15,226 --> 01:35:16,889 Do you wanna see your mother's room? 1677 01:35:17,024 --> 01:35:18,656 Yes, please. 1678 01:35:18,791 --> 01:35:20,658 It's right down there. Right down the hall. 1679 01:35:48,761 --> 01:35:50,154 I made some coffee. 1680 01:35:50,290 --> 01:35:51,562 Would you like some? 1681 01:35:51,698 --> 01:35:53,291 Uh, I also have tea. 1682 01:35:53,427 --> 01:35:55,763 No, coffee's great. Thank you. 1683 01:35:55,898 --> 01:35:56,903 Here you go. 1684 01:36:01,467 --> 01:36:02,738 Did she tell you about me? 1685 01:36:02,873 --> 01:36:06,071 Of course she did. 1686 01:36:06,206 --> 01:36:10,408 And she told me you were very upset that you never met your father. 1687 01:36:10,544 --> 01:36:11,942 So she told you about my father? 1688 01:36:12,078 --> 01:36:13,418 She did. 1689 01:36:13,553 --> 01:36:14,887 [coffee pouring] 1690 01:36:15,023 --> 01:36:16,557 Don't you think she could have helped him 1691 01:36:16,692 --> 01:36:18,450 when he came back from the war? 1692 01:36:18,586 --> 01:36:21,059 She helped him as best she could. 1693 01:36:21,194 --> 01:36:24,231 Your father came back very badly damaged 1694 01:36:24,367 --> 01:36:26,965 and he wanted to move to another city and start a new life. 1695 01:36:27,101 --> 01:36:30,830 His plans never included you or Martha. 1696 01:36:30,965 --> 01:36:34,666 And your mother accepted the end of the relationship and... 1697 01:36:36,075 --> 01:36:37,702 And she saw him in such a bad way 1698 01:36:37,837 --> 01:36:39,946 that she gave him a kiss to give him some peace 1699 01:36:40,081 --> 01:36:42,278 and that kiss turned into something more. 1700 01:36:44,348 --> 01:36:46,216 And you are the fruit of that moment. 1701 01:36:47,814 --> 01:36:50,550 My mother never told me anything about that. 1702 01:36:50,686 --> 01:36:52,823 It's a difficult thing to explain to a child. 1703 01:36:52,959 --> 01:36:54,554 She could have told me later. 1704 01:36:55,621 --> 01:36:56,996 By then you were so estranged 1705 01:36:57,131 --> 01:36:58,899 that she didn't feel it was possible anymore. 1706 01:37:00,360 --> 01:37:02,501 She was a teenager, 1707 01:37:02,637 --> 01:37:03,836 she had a life to live, 1708 01:37:03,971 --> 01:37:06,465 and your father moved to San Diego 1709 01:37:06,601 --> 01:37:08,040 and he made no effort to know you. 1710 01:37:19,146 --> 01:37:20,382 So, Ingrid, 1711 01:37:22,357 --> 01:37:25,552 do you think I was totally mistaken about Martha? 1712 01:37:26,659 --> 01:37:29,462 You were unfair, 1713 01:37:29,597 --> 01:37:32,790 but no one can blame you for wanting to know who your father was. 1714 01:37:35,834 --> 01:37:37,167 It's a sad story, 1715 01:37:37,302 --> 01:37:39,170 it was very painful for both of you. 1716 01:37:43,207 --> 01:37:44,844 Don't be so hard on yourself, 1717 01:37:44,980 --> 01:37:46,573 Martha wasn't the perfect mother. 1718 01:37:48,208 --> 01:37:49,510 No, she wasn't. 1719 01:37:54,150 --> 01:37:55,714 Can I stay here tonight? 1720 01:37:55,849 --> 01:37:58,717 Yes, of course. This is your mother's house! 1721 01:38:01,388 --> 01:38:02,386 [crickets chirping] 1722 01:38:02,522 --> 01:38:04,896 [Ingrid] Dear Martha, 1723 01:38:05,032 --> 01:38:07,601 I thought you'd like to know I've come back to the house in the woods 1724 01:38:07,737 --> 01:38:09,233 to gather up your things. 1725 01:38:11,532 --> 01:38:14,002 Your daughter came to see me. 1726 01:38:14,137 --> 01:38:15,668 I'm still shaking. 1727 01:38:16,711 --> 01:38:19,444 She looks so like you. 1728 01:38:19,579 --> 01:38:22,914 She asked me if she could stay and sleep in your bed... 1729 01:38:23,049 --> 01:38:24,611 and, of course, I said yes. 1730 01:38:26,750 --> 01:38:29,055 I think your death has brought her closer to you. 1731 01:38:33,160 --> 01:38:35,795 I never thought I'd inherit her, 1732 01:38:35,930 --> 01:38:37,932 even if it's just for a day. 1733 01:38:39,164 --> 01:38:41,364 The house is filled with you. 1734 01:38:44,405 --> 01:38:48,065 When I came in, after talking to the police, 1735 01:38:48,200 --> 01:38:50,571 the first thing I saw was the door of your room, 1736 01:38:52,043 --> 01:38:54,575 and it was open. 1737 01:38:54,710 --> 01:38:57,813 And I said to myself, "She's alive." 1738 01:38:57,948 --> 01:38:59,844 [birds chirping] 1739 01:39:31,779 --> 01:39:33,944 I came out here to listen to the birds. 1740 01:39:36,619 --> 01:39:38,421 Your mother would get up like this, 1741 01:39:39,560 --> 01:39:40,819 at dawn, 1742 01:39:42,060 --> 01:39:43,492 and lie right there. 1743 01:39:48,671 --> 01:39:51,368 Look, it's snowing. 1744 01:39:53,167 --> 01:39:54,404 [sighs] 1745 01:39:55,204 --> 01:39:56,967 [wind blowing] 1746 01:40:00,441 --> 01:40:01,741 The snow is falling. 1747 01:40:04,447 --> 01:40:05,749 It's falling on the lonely pool 1748 01:40:05,885 --> 01:40:07,186 we never used. 1749 01:40:09,550 --> 01:40:10,816 It's falling on the woods, 1750 01:40:11,893 --> 01:40:14,023 where we walked and you lay, 1751 01:40:14,159 --> 01:40:16,525 exhausted, on the ground. 1752 01:40:19,265 --> 01:40:21,464 Falling on your daughter and on me. 1753 01:40:24,832 --> 01:40:26,964 Falling upon the living and the dead. 1754 01:40:26,964 --> 01:40:31,964 DOWNLOADED FROM WWW.AWAFIM.TV 1755 01:40:26,964 --> 01:40:36,964 For latest movies and series with subtitles Visit WWW.AWAFIM.TV Today 117325

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