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DOWNLOADED FROM WWW.AWAFIM.TV
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[soft orchestral music playing]
3
00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:52,701
[lively chatter]
4
00:00:52,836 --> 00:00:55,371
- [Ingrid] Hi. How are you?
- [Bobbi] I'm good. Thanks.
5
00:00:55,506 --> 00:00:56,732
[Ingrid] Who do I
make this out to?
6
00:00:56,868 --> 00:00:58,243
[Bobbi] Uh, Bobbi with an "I".
7
00:01:02,581 --> 00:01:04,877
In the prologue,
you say you wrote this book
8
00:01:05,012 --> 00:01:06,713
in order to better understand
and accept death.
9
00:01:07,522 --> 00:01:08,679
Um...
10
00:01:08,814 --> 00:01:10,916
Yeah. It feels unnatural to me.
11
00:01:11,051 --> 00:01:13,559
I can't accept that something
alive has to die.
12
00:01:13,694 --> 00:01:14,721
Thank you.
13
00:01:15,863 --> 00:01:16,795
- Ingrid...
- Mm.
14
00:01:16,931 --> 00:01:18,293
We've fulfilled the hour.
15
00:01:18,428 --> 00:01:19,792
I mean, in fact,
we've gone over.
16
00:01:19,927 --> 00:01:21,933
Well, there's still
a lot of people waiting.
17
00:01:22,068 --> 00:01:23,900
Yes. We'll do what you want.
18
00:01:24,036 --> 00:01:25,100
Could you sign mine?
19
00:01:25,236 --> 00:01:27,467
Stella! I didn't see you.
20
00:01:27,603 --> 00:01:29,202
Why didn't you
come straight up?
21
00:01:29,337 --> 00:01:30,676
I was embarrassed.
22
00:01:30,811 --> 00:01:32,077
You draw a crowd!
23
00:01:32,213 --> 00:01:33,406
- A lot of young people.
- Thank you.
24
00:01:33,542 --> 00:01:34,972
- Not just women.
- [laughs]
25
00:01:35,107 --> 00:01:36,973
Stella, this is Anne.
Anne, my friend Stella.
26
00:01:37,108 --> 00:01:38,614
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
27
00:01:38,749 --> 00:01:40,353
I'm gonna stay until
I've signed for everybody.
28
00:01:40,488 --> 00:01:42,654
Yes. I'll just make sure
no one else joins the line.
29
00:01:42,789 --> 00:01:44,518
Okay. [chuckles]
30
00:01:44,654 --> 00:01:46,616
Oh, I haven't seen you
in forever.
31
00:01:46,752 --> 00:01:48,123
I'm living in Boston now.
32
00:01:48,258 --> 00:01:49,656
I came to see my son,
33
00:01:49,791 --> 00:01:51,362
and to visit Martha
in the hospital.
34
00:01:53,298 --> 00:01:55,095
You know she has cancer, right?
35
00:01:55,230 --> 00:01:56,160
It's a bad one.
36
00:01:56,296 --> 00:01:57,460
Martha?
37
00:01:57,595 --> 00:01:58,503
Martha Hunt?
38
00:01:58,639 --> 00:01:59,996
Yes.
39
00:02:00,132 --> 00:02:01,566
She's at Manhattan Memorial
Cancer Center.
40
00:02:01,702 --> 00:02:03,309
I thought you would've heard.
41
00:02:03,444 --> 00:02:05,143
No. To be honest,
I haven't seen her in years.
42
00:02:05,279 --> 00:02:07,444
Martha is sick?
I can't imagine it.
43
00:02:07,580 --> 00:02:09,912
If you go see her,
it'll make her very happy.
44
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,574
Yeah. Of course.
45
00:02:11,709 --> 00:02:13,586
Of course I will.
46
00:02:13,721 --> 00:02:16,622
Um, thank you
so much for coming.
I really appreciate it.
47
00:02:16,757 --> 00:02:17,757
Congratulations.
48
00:02:17,893 --> 00:02:18,991
- Thank you.
- Mm!
49
00:02:19,127 --> 00:02:19,989
- I'll see you soon.
- Thanks.
50
00:02:20,125 --> 00:02:21,117
- Bye.
- Bye.
51
00:02:23,994 --> 00:02:24,989
Hi.
52
00:02:27,126 --> 00:02:29,334
- Who do I make this out to?
- Frances.
53
00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:33,200
- Is that you?
- No, it's my girlfriend.
54
00:02:33,336 --> 00:02:35,006
She really admires you.
55
00:02:35,142 --> 00:02:36,704
- So do I.
- Thank you.
56
00:02:40,138 --> 00:02:43,040
Could you write
"It won't happen again"?
57
00:02:45,577 --> 00:02:47,713
Of course I can.
58
00:02:47,849 --> 00:02:50,223
Yes. Thank you.
It won't happen again.
59
00:02:52,617 --> 00:02:53,556
I hope not.
60
00:03:09,805 --> 00:03:12,309
Hi. I'm here
to see Martha Hunt.
61
00:03:12,445 --> 00:03:14,009
I think she's
on the 16th floor.
62
00:03:14,145 --> 00:03:15,380
Okay. One sec.
63
00:03:16,444 --> 00:03:17,815
[keyboard clacks]
64
00:03:17,950 --> 00:03:20,210
Yes. Room 1614.
65
00:03:20,345 --> 00:03:22,448
The elevator is at the end
of the hall, on the left.
66
00:03:22,584 --> 00:03:23,714
- Thanks.
- No problem.
67
00:03:23,850 --> 00:03:25,456
[people speaking indistinctly]
68
00:03:39,532 --> 00:03:40,735
[knock at door]
69
00:03:42,205 --> 00:03:43,199
[door opens]
70
00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:47,005
Martha?
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00:03:48,343 --> 00:03:49,414
[Martha] Ingrid!
72
00:03:50,576 --> 00:03:53,043
What a surprise!
73
00:03:53,179 --> 00:03:55,285
- How did you hear?
- I ran into Stella.
74
00:03:55,420 --> 00:03:57,950
- She told me. [kisses]
- Oh.
75
00:03:58,085 --> 00:04:01,020
I'm so sorry, I didn't
even know you were sick.
76
00:04:01,155 --> 00:04:03,723
Oh, well, you with your work
and me with mine.
77
00:04:03,858 --> 00:04:06,428
I mean, time's gotten away
from us.
78
00:04:06,563 --> 00:04:08,125
Yes, and I was living in Paris.
79
00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:11,028
Yeah, I heard.
I've been reading about you.
80
00:04:11,164 --> 00:04:13,136
I know you have published
another book
81
00:04:13,272 --> 00:04:14,972
and it's doing very well.
82
00:04:15,107 --> 00:04:16,639
Thank you. [sighs]
83
00:04:17,272 --> 00:04:18,278
So...
84
00:04:19,407 --> 00:04:21,512
How are you?
85
00:04:21,647 --> 00:04:24,647
I'm sure you're sick
of telling everybody.
86
00:04:24,782 --> 00:04:28,080
Well, it's cervical cancer.
Stage three.
87
00:04:28,215 --> 00:04:30,949
It isn't operable,
but they're treating me, so...
88
00:04:31,085 --> 00:04:34,352
looks like I'm not gonna die
quite yet.
89
00:04:34,487 --> 00:04:39,598
Um, I've become a guinea pig
for an experimental treatment
90
00:04:39,733 --> 00:04:41,965
and the results are better
than the doctors expected.
91
00:04:42,101 --> 00:04:43,800
- Great!
- Yeah.
92
00:04:43,936 --> 00:04:46,295
That's great! Well, you seem
like you're in good spirits.
93
00:04:46,430 --> 00:04:49,603
Well, I swing between
euphoria and depression.
94
00:04:49,739 --> 00:04:51,007
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- [laughs]
95
00:04:51,142 --> 00:04:52,443
No, it's normal,
96
00:04:52,578 --> 00:04:54,837
and the doctors warned me,
you know.
97
00:04:54,973 --> 00:04:56,316
- Highs and lows.
- Mm-hmm.
98
00:04:57,180 --> 00:04:58,241
Mm-hmm.
99
00:04:59,218 --> 00:05:00,950
It'll sound absurd,
100
00:05:01,085 --> 00:05:06,423
but after all the accepting
and preparing to face the end,
101
00:05:06,559 --> 00:05:09,158
survival feels
almost disappointing.
102
00:05:09,294 --> 00:05:10,458
Oh, don't say that.
103
00:05:10,593 --> 00:05:12,332
No, I was prepared to leave.
104
00:05:15,262 --> 00:05:19,302
In fact, when they gave me
the initial diagnosis,
105
00:05:19,437 --> 00:05:20,702
I didn't want any treatment.
106
00:05:20,837 --> 00:05:22,166
Well, I'm glad
you changed your mind.
107
00:05:23,676 --> 00:05:26,474
'Cause, you know,
just the thought...
108
00:05:26,609 --> 00:05:28,181
And that I wouldn't know...
109
00:05:28,316 --> 00:05:31,076
Anyway, I realized
that I really...
110
00:05:31,211 --> 00:05:35,388
I'm not ready to abandon
the party just yet.
111
00:05:35,523 --> 00:05:39,558
But I had truly gotten
used to the idea.
112
00:05:39,694 --> 00:05:42,358
Well, I suppose that it's good
to get used to the idea,
113
00:05:42,494 --> 00:05:44,991
but without giving up, right?
114
00:05:45,126 --> 00:05:46,498
You've been through
a lot of wars, remember?
115
00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:49,292
I live with them every day.
116
00:05:52,330 --> 00:05:55,374
Oh, Ingrid,
I'm so happy to see you.
117
00:05:55,510 --> 00:05:57,703
I almost called you
a thousand times.
118
00:05:57,839 --> 00:05:59,369
- I'm sorry.
- Me, too!
119
00:05:59,504 --> 00:06:01,141
It's ridiculous that
we haven't seen each other.
120
00:06:01,276 --> 00:06:03,541
I promise I'm gonna visit
until you get sick of me.
121
00:06:03,676 --> 00:06:04,982
Will you?
122
00:06:05,117 --> 00:06:06,448
You promise?
123
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:08,087
I'm gonna hold you to that.
124
00:06:08,223 --> 00:06:09,686
Your daughter knows, I guess.
125
00:06:10,891 --> 00:06:11,886
Yes.
126
00:06:13,551 --> 00:06:17,423
When I first made up my mind
to forgo any treatment,
127
00:06:17,559 --> 00:06:18,629
I told her...
128
00:06:19,991 --> 00:06:21,401
and she just said...
129
00:06:22,334 --> 00:06:23,469
"It's your choice."
130
00:06:24,696 --> 00:06:26,029
Period.
131
00:06:26,164 --> 00:06:29,067
As if it was something trivial,
132
00:06:29,203 --> 00:06:31,037
something that had
nothing to do with her.
133
00:06:32,709 --> 00:06:34,210
How are you two getting along?
134
00:06:34,345 --> 00:06:36,345
Um, same as ever.
135
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,807
We're barely in touch.
136
00:06:37,942 --> 00:06:39,281
What does she do?
137
00:06:39,416 --> 00:06:40,783
She's doing well.
138
00:06:40,918 --> 00:06:44,017
She's, uh, an agent
for classical musicians.
139
00:06:47,227 --> 00:06:48,626
It might sound horrible,
140
00:06:50,521 --> 00:06:53,224
but I don't feel like
she's my daughter.
141
00:06:55,364 --> 00:06:58,595
I fantasize frequently about
her being swapped at birth.
142
00:06:58,730 --> 00:07:00,365
What?
143
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,733
What are you talking about?
She looks just like you.
144
00:07:02,868 --> 00:07:04,070
She has your face.
145
00:07:05,744 --> 00:07:08,613
I never interested her
as a mother.
146
00:07:09,708 --> 00:07:10,810
Why not?
147
00:07:10,946 --> 00:07:12,947
I was a teenager
when I had her.
148
00:07:14,456 --> 00:07:17,748
I didn't know what to do
with a baby.
149
00:07:17,883 --> 00:07:21,116
And when we started working at
Paper Magazine, you remember?
150
00:07:21,252 --> 00:07:23,395
We practically lived at night.
151
00:07:23,531 --> 00:07:25,490
You remember New York
in the '80s?
152
00:07:25,625 --> 00:07:26,927
Yeah.
153
00:07:27,062 --> 00:07:28,831
Anything important
happened at night.
154
00:07:32,563 --> 00:07:35,965
And then I went to work
as a war correspondent,
155
00:07:36,100 --> 00:07:37,769
traveling constantly.
156
00:07:37,904 --> 00:07:40,313
And that didn't help.
157
00:07:40,448 --> 00:07:42,779
My work just completely
took over.
158
00:07:46,413 --> 00:07:49,918
I was never what a mother
is supposed to be.
159
00:07:52,184 --> 00:07:55,657
But Michelle started to hate me
160
00:07:55,792 --> 00:07:57,596
long before I was away so much.
161
00:07:59,930 --> 00:08:01,663
I remember feeling
her resentment
162
00:08:01,799 --> 00:08:03,228
even when she was
a little girl.
163
00:08:06,637 --> 00:08:08,574
She made herself very clear.
164
00:08:13,406 --> 00:08:17,847
She couldn't bear...
not having a father.
165
00:08:19,687 --> 00:08:22,586
She saw other girls
with their fathers
166
00:08:22,722 --> 00:08:25,019
and she wanted to know
about hers.
167
00:08:27,719 --> 00:08:30,486
At first, I told her I didn't
know who he was, but...
168
00:08:31,328 --> 00:08:32,893
[sighs]
169
00:08:33,029 --> 00:08:34,490
...it kind of
made things worse.
170
00:08:36,997 --> 00:08:38,128
I was lying to her.
171
00:08:38,264 --> 00:08:39,871
- [laughs]
- [lively chatter]
172
00:08:40,006 --> 00:08:41,541
[Martha] Of course I knew
who her father was.
173
00:08:42,507 --> 00:08:43,906
His name was Fred.
174
00:08:48,708 --> 00:08:50,077
[shouts]
175
00:08:50,212 --> 00:08:51,579
[Martha] We dated
for a few months
176
00:08:51,714 --> 00:08:53,579
before he was drafted.
177
00:08:53,714 --> 00:08:57,084
And then went away to fight,
towards the end of Vietnam.
178
00:08:58,749 --> 00:09:02,524
When he came back,
a year later, he was...
179
00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:04,052
somebody different.
180
00:09:04,188 --> 00:09:06,462
Fred! What happened?
181
00:09:06,598 --> 00:09:08,392
He was a broken toy.
182
00:09:10,062 --> 00:09:12,405
Hey. Hey, it's okay.
183
00:09:12,540 --> 00:09:14,304
I'm here.
It's all over now, Fred.
184
00:09:14,439 --> 00:09:15,702
You're back home.
185
00:09:15,838 --> 00:09:17,203
But it's not over for me.
186
00:09:20,076 --> 00:09:22,109
I still got the war
inside my head.
187
00:09:24,450 --> 00:09:25,783
I can't get free of it.
188
00:09:28,082 --> 00:09:30,150
I hallucinate every single day.
189
00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:35,727
And I was high
practically all the time.
190
00:09:40,295 --> 00:09:42,195
I don't know what I'm doing
with my life,
191
00:09:43,668 --> 00:09:45,132
but I'm not staying here.
192
00:09:49,869 --> 00:09:50,907
It's all right.
193
00:09:52,447 --> 00:09:54,975
Feel free to do what you like.
194
00:09:55,111 --> 00:09:57,045
Think about
what's best for you.
195
00:10:01,319 --> 00:10:02,314
Okay.
196
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:05,581
Thanks.
197
00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:12,093
Can I kiss you?
198
00:10:41,453 --> 00:10:43,355
- Does Michelle know this?
- Oh.
199
00:10:45,457 --> 00:10:47,629
She started asking
about her father
200
00:10:47,765 --> 00:10:49,526
as soon as she could talk.
201
00:10:52,733 --> 00:10:56,137
But it's not something you can
explain to a child, right?
202
00:10:57,803 --> 00:11:01,206
By puberty, she carved out
quite an abyss between us.
203
00:11:01,342 --> 00:11:03,309
It came to define
her adolescence.
204
00:11:05,379 --> 00:11:08,380
But, by then,
I was no longer there.
205
00:11:08,515 --> 00:11:11,856
I was in New York, with you,
living my life.
206
00:11:14,356 --> 00:11:16,453
I arranged to meet Fred
one evening
207
00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:18,529
to tell him about
the situation.
208
00:11:18,665 --> 00:11:21,562
So, I took a first aid course
209
00:11:21,697 --> 00:11:24,467
and, because I'm a war veteran,
they've hired me at a hospital,
210
00:11:24,602 --> 00:11:25,628
down in San Diego.
211
00:11:28,002 --> 00:11:29,533
It's good news, right?
212
00:11:31,172 --> 00:11:32,844
I have some news for you too.
213
00:11:34,711 --> 00:11:35,715
I'm pregnant.
214
00:11:37,618 --> 00:11:40,412
- You're pregnant?
- Yes.
215
00:11:42,649 --> 00:11:45,021
But I was planning on moving
to San Diego next week.
216
00:11:47,385 --> 00:11:48,860
Then what are we gonna do?
217
00:11:48,996 --> 00:11:51,797
Whatever I do, my parents
will support me, so...
218
00:11:52,531 --> 00:11:53,524
I'm not alone.
219
00:11:55,796 --> 00:11:56,769
Mm.
220
00:11:59,103 --> 00:12:00,729
I don't think
working in a hospital
221
00:12:00,865 --> 00:12:03,739
was the best thing
for such a damaged person.
222
00:12:03,875 --> 00:12:05,239
It's the closest thing to war.
223
00:12:06,404 --> 00:12:08,407
He needed therapy and rehab.
224
00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:10,706
Yeah, that would have been
more sensible,
225
00:12:12,179 --> 00:12:13,819
but he wanted to be useful,
226
00:12:15,247 --> 00:12:17,187
to ease his conscience.
227
00:12:17,323 --> 00:12:21,454
He believed that helping people
between life and death...
228
00:12:21,589 --> 00:12:25,523
was his best chance
of getting back any peace.
229
00:12:27,232 --> 00:12:30,966
I could only free him
of any responsibility.
230
00:12:31,102 --> 00:12:33,800
He left before
Michelle was born.
231
00:12:33,935 --> 00:12:34,933
He never knew her.
232
00:12:35,069 --> 00:12:36,600
[breathing heavily]
233
00:12:38,110 --> 00:12:41,572
He didn't call once
to ask about her.
234
00:12:43,407 --> 00:12:45,174
When did you tell her?
235
00:12:45,309 --> 00:12:46,984
She was about 12.
236
00:12:48,681 --> 00:12:52,083
She wanted to know
where he was living...
237
00:12:52,219 --> 00:12:53,683
and I didn't know anymore.
238
00:12:55,254 --> 00:12:57,720
She was so insistent...
239
00:12:57,855 --> 00:13:00,497
that I tracked down
an old friend of his
240
00:13:00,632 --> 00:13:01,526
from high school,
241
00:13:03,102 --> 00:13:07,670
who told me that Fred
had gotten married
242
00:13:07,805 --> 00:13:09,666
and had recently died.
243
00:13:11,406 --> 00:13:14,770
I asked him
for his wife's number...
244
00:13:15,846 --> 00:13:18,145
and then I called her.
245
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:19,852
I wanted to know
what had happened.
246
00:13:21,618 --> 00:13:26,056
She told me they were
coming home after a trip.
247
00:13:29,155 --> 00:13:30,324
Is that smoke?
248
00:13:31,629 --> 00:13:32,623
[wife] Yes.
249
00:13:33,798 --> 00:13:35,961
Something's on fire.
250
00:13:36,097 --> 00:13:37,166
There's a house on fire.
251
00:13:40,039 --> 00:13:42,269
We should call
the fire department.
252
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:43,973
- [tinnitus ringing]
- [gunfire echoing]
253
00:13:44,109 --> 00:13:46,043
[screaming
and explosion echoing]
254
00:13:48,682 --> 00:13:50,674
- Stop the car.
- Fred...
255
00:13:53,013 --> 00:13:54,018
[tires screech]
256
00:13:57,515 --> 00:13:58,987
[wife] What are you doing?
257
00:13:59,122 --> 00:14:00,689
- I'm gonna take a look.
- No!
258
00:14:00,825 --> 00:14:02,753
That's crazy! Fred!
259
00:14:02,888 --> 00:14:05,261
- There might be someone inside.
- Fred, stop! Stop!
260
00:14:05,397 --> 00:14:08,697
Don't go in. It's dangerous!
Look at me, I'm here.
261
00:14:08,833 --> 00:14:10,329
Let's find a gas station
262
00:14:10,465 --> 00:14:11,603
and call
the fire department, please.
263
00:14:11,738 --> 00:14:13,131
Don't you hear the screams?
264
00:14:13,267 --> 00:14:15,065
No, I don't hear anything.
265
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,102
[panting]
266
00:14:17,238 --> 00:14:19,912
Fred, please! Fred! Fred!
267
00:14:21,043 --> 00:14:22,378
Fred, don't go in there!
268
00:14:22,514 --> 00:14:23,542
[groans]
269
00:14:25,411 --> 00:14:26,851
Don't you hear the screams?
270
00:14:26,987 --> 00:14:28,888
There's someone inside
crying for help!
271
00:14:30,984 --> 00:14:32,023
Fred!
272
00:14:39,829 --> 00:14:41,224
[panting]
273
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,731
[firetruck horn blaring]
274
00:14:43,866 --> 00:14:46,030
Sir! Sir!
275
00:14:46,165 --> 00:14:48,069
Please, help me!
276
00:14:48,205 --> 00:14:50,437
- Sir! Sir, please!
- Let's go!
277
00:14:50,572 --> 00:14:52,742
- Please, my husband's inside!
- Ladder up!
278
00:14:52,878 --> 00:14:54,402
Sir! My husband's inside!
279
00:14:54,538 --> 00:14:55,948
My husband's inside!
280
00:14:56,083 --> 00:14:57,376
He thought he heard
voices crying for help.
281
00:14:57,512 --> 00:14:58,774
Put two lines
on the back side, guys!
282
00:14:58,909 --> 00:15:00,511
He went into the house
trying to save
283
00:15:00,647 --> 00:15:02,219
whoever was trapped
by the fire.
284
00:15:02,355 --> 00:15:03,246
Okay, get back in your car.
Do not go over there.
285
00:15:03,382 --> 00:15:04,648
I will stay here. Okay.
286
00:15:04,783 --> 00:15:06,255
Please, ma'am.
Is there someone else?
287
00:15:06,391 --> 00:15:07,416
- No, I don't know!
- Ladder up, guys! Ladder!
288
00:15:07,552 --> 00:15:08,794
There's a civilian inside!
289
00:15:08,930 --> 00:15:10,021
Get back in your car,
ma'am, please.
290
00:15:10,157 --> 00:15:11,720
[busy chatter]
291
00:15:11,856 --> 00:15:12,992
[chief] All right,
get in there!
292
00:15:13,128 --> 00:15:15,328
Get in that top window.
293
00:15:15,464 --> 00:15:18,267
There you go.
It's gonna blow out.
294
00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:21,897
Good boys.
295
00:15:24,539 --> 00:15:26,572
[indistinct police
radio chatter]
296
00:15:31,613 --> 00:15:33,209
I'm sorry, there was nothing
we could do.
297
00:15:33,344 --> 00:15:34,481
[panting]
298
00:15:36,254 --> 00:15:39,124
He didn't get
to the second floor.
299
00:15:39,260 --> 00:15:41,483
He must have passed out
from the smoke and the flames.
300
00:15:41,618 --> 00:15:42,825
And the other bodies?
301
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,459
There was nobody else.
302
00:15:44,594 --> 00:15:46,423
This house has been abandoned
for a long time.
303
00:15:46,558 --> 00:15:47,597
There was only your husband.
304
00:15:47,732 --> 00:15:50,134
But he...
305
00:15:50,269 --> 00:15:52,669
he told me he heard
screams for help...
306
00:15:52,804 --> 00:15:54,138
Impossible, ma'am.
307
00:15:55,269 --> 00:15:56,305
There was no one else.
308
00:15:57,368 --> 00:15:58,406
It's true.
309
00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:02,674
I didn't hear
the screams either.
310
00:16:04,415 --> 00:16:07,276
I tried to stop him
from going in, but...
311
00:16:07,411 --> 00:16:08,519
[sobbing]
312
00:16:08,654 --> 00:16:09,653
I didn't.
313
00:16:09,788 --> 00:16:11,780
He was very brave.
314
00:16:11,916 --> 00:16:13,616
Did you tell
Michelle all of this?
315
00:16:13,751 --> 00:16:16,458
I had to give her every detail.
316
00:16:16,593 --> 00:16:19,464
I even gave her her father's
wife's phone number.
317
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:20,956
You know what?
318
00:16:21,091 --> 00:16:22,791
Let's get you back to bed.
You're tired.
319
00:16:22,927 --> 00:16:24,232
Yeah, but I have
to tell you this.
320
00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:26,533
We can...
We can talk more later.
321
00:16:27,608 --> 00:16:29,536
So, one day...
322
00:16:32,012 --> 00:16:34,710
- I got a call from Fred's wife.
- Okay.
323
00:16:34,845 --> 00:16:36,475
And she told me
324
00:16:36,611 --> 00:16:38,708
- that she wanted an address.
- Mm-hmm.
325
00:16:38,844 --> 00:16:40,375
She wanted to
send me something.
326
00:16:40,510 --> 00:16:41,718
[Ingrid] Mm-hm.
327
00:16:41,854 --> 00:16:44,156
And, shortly after,
328
00:16:44,291 --> 00:16:47,356
I received a note
in the mail and a letter...
329
00:16:49,019 --> 00:16:51,162
that the wife received
from Michelle,
330
00:16:52,425 --> 00:16:54,194
introducing herself
331
00:16:54,329 --> 00:16:56,200
and saying that it was her,
332
00:16:56,999 --> 00:16:58,563
Fred's daughter,
333
00:16:58,699 --> 00:17:00,996
who had been
in the burning house.
334
00:17:02,305 --> 00:17:05,470
"It was me he tried to save."
335
00:17:05,605 --> 00:17:09,872
"It was me for whom he died..."
336
00:17:10,008 --> 00:17:12,517
that's what Michelle
said to the wife.
337
00:17:12,653 --> 00:17:14,011
That's insane!
338
00:17:14,147 --> 00:17:15,120
Yes.
339
00:17:19,190 --> 00:17:21,192
[cell phone ringtone playing]
340
00:17:23,123 --> 00:17:24,691
Hi!
341
00:17:24,827 --> 00:17:26,228
[Martha over phone]
It's Martha, the nuisance.
342
00:17:26,364 --> 00:17:28,193
[chuckles] You're not
a nuisance.
343
00:17:28,329 --> 00:17:29,734
How're you feeling?
344
00:17:29,869 --> 00:17:31,398
Fine. I'm at home.
345
00:17:31,533 --> 00:17:33,763
The hospital's given me
a few days off
346
00:17:33,899 --> 00:17:35,598
between treatments,
so I'm at home.
347
00:17:35,734 --> 00:17:37,670
I'd love for you to come over.
348
00:17:37,805 --> 00:17:40,572
Ooh, you've caught me
in the middle of moving.
349
00:17:40,708 --> 00:17:43,378
Oh, then you're
really busy, right?
350
00:17:43,514 --> 00:17:46,449
Um, well, you know
what moving's like.
351
00:17:46,584 --> 00:17:50,714
But, um, if you're feeling
lonely, I could stop by,
352
00:17:50,850 --> 00:17:52,386
we could take a walk
in the park.
353
00:17:52,522 --> 00:17:54,916
I might not be quite up
for a walk.
354
00:17:55,052 --> 00:17:58,087
Um, okay, you know what?
Let me, um...
355
00:17:58,222 --> 00:18:01,760
Let me finish what I'm doing
and I'll be right over.
356
00:18:01,895 --> 00:18:05,104
Thanks, sweetheart,
but don't feel obliged.
357
00:18:23,690 --> 00:18:25,751
[doorbell dings]
358
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:32,790
- These are for you.
- You are a darling.
359
00:18:32,926 --> 00:18:34,324
And I've brought you
a couple of books.
360
00:18:34,460 --> 00:18:36,164
Oh! Thank you.
361
00:18:36,299 --> 00:18:37,461
You want something to drink?
362
00:18:37,596 --> 00:18:39,730
Oh. I'd love some tea.
363
00:18:39,865 --> 00:18:42,007
- Herbal tea if you have it.
- Sure.
364
00:18:42,143 --> 00:18:44,143
- I'll put these in a vase.
- Okay.
365
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,879
And all of this is for you.
366
00:18:48,015 --> 00:18:49,441
You have to finish all of it.
367
00:18:49,577 --> 00:18:51,781
Wow! Well, I will do my best.
368
00:18:51,917 --> 00:18:53,411
I love fruit.
369
00:18:53,547 --> 00:18:55,286
[Martha and Ingrid laugh]
370
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,020
Are you working
on something new?
371
00:18:59,156 --> 00:19:00,985
Um, yeah, actually I am.
372
00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:04,388
I'm doing research
on the painter Dora Carrington
373
00:19:04,524 --> 00:19:06,662
and her, um... Mm...
374
00:19:06,798 --> 00:19:09,460
...intense relationship with
the writer Lytton Strachey.
375
00:19:09,596 --> 00:19:11,594
- Mm-hm.
- Here he is.
376
00:19:11,729 --> 00:19:13,471
Uh, Strachey was gay,
377
00:19:13,607 --> 00:19:18,506
so she married the straight man
that he was infatuated with.
378
00:19:18,641 --> 00:19:20,371
It's gonna be
the story of the trio.
379
00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:22,212
It isn't groundbreaking,
380
00:19:22,348 --> 00:19:23,714
but I want to see
where it takes me.
381
00:19:23,849 --> 00:19:25,344
Here, um, look.
382
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:26,845
Um, unfortunately for her,
383
00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:29,318
there was another
more famous painter...
384
00:19:29,454 --> 00:19:30,814
- Leonora Carrington. Yeah.
- Yes,
385
00:19:30,949 --> 00:19:32,554
the surrealist
Leonora Carrington,
386
00:19:32,689 --> 00:19:34,688
whose name was obviously
very similar to hers.
387
00:19:35,895 --> 00:19:36,987
[Ingrid] Um...
388
00:19:37,697 --> 00:19:38,791
Dora...
389
00:19:39,758 --> 00:19:41,660
was better known for this
390
00:19:41,796 --> 00:19:44,060
bizarre love story
with Strachey.
391
00:19:46,373 --> 00:19:49,235
She devoted 17 years
of her life to him.
392
00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:50,570
- Wow.
- Mm.
393
00:19:50,706 --> 00:19:53,076
It'll be a fictionalized
biography, so...
394
00:19:53,212 --> 00:19:56,138
I'll make some stuff up, too.
395
00:19:56,273 --> 00:20:00,115
I've never been able
to allow myself that.
396
00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:03,085
Mm. Well, I hope not.
397
00:20:03,220 --> 00:20:04,954
You're a war reporter.
398
00:20:05,090 --> 00:20:07,083
Yeah, you have to...
399
00:20:07,218 --> 00:20:08,756
You know,
you can't show your emotions.
400
00:20:08,891 --> 00:20:12,727
You have to block them out
so you can do your job
401
00:20:12,862 --> 00:20:15,433
and stay in the present
in the middle of whatever hell.
402
00:20:15,569 --> 00:20:17,968
Maybe I should write about you
and not Carrington.
403
00:20:18,104 --> 00:20:19,469
I don't think you'd enjoy
404
00:20:19,604 --> 00:20:21,305
writing about
illnesses and treatments.
405
00:20:21,441 --> 00:20:24,240
- Mm. You're wrong.
- I'm just a journalist,
406
00:20:24,376 --> 00:20:27,076
addicted to wars
and adrenaline.
407
00:20:27,212 --> 00:20:28,280
You think that's nothing?
408
00:20:30,643 --> 00:20:32,212
It wasn't all tragedy.
409
00:20:32,348 --> 00:20:33,714
You know, life went on.
410
00:20:35,787 --> 00:20:39,115
There was one report
when I added a bit of fiction.
411
00:20:39,726 --> 00:20:40,751
Really?
412
00:20:40,886 --> 00:20:43,020
Actually, I never published it.
413
00:20:45,022 --> 00:20:46,925
It was during the war in Iraq.
414
00:20:47,061 --> 00:20:50,399
On the last day,
before we left Baghdad.
415
00:20:50,535 --> 00:20:52,127
Are you sure
this is the right way?
416
00:20:52,263 --> 00:20:55,065
Yeah, just make a left here
in this alley.
417
00:20:56,405 --> 00:20:57,639
Let's make this brief.
418
00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:02,175
Here. Stop here.
419
00:21:02,310 --> 00:21:03,579
[brakes screech]
420
00:21:09,780 --> 00:21:10,718
[speaking Spanish]
421
00:21:12,525 --> 00:21:15,151
Martin, what are you doing
here in Baghdad?
422
00:21:17,395 --> 00:21:18,796
You look great. You really do.
423
00:21:18,931 --> 00:21:19,921
Thank you.
424
00:21:20,057 --> 00:21:21,856
Yeah, I'm sorry. Paco, Martin.
425
00:21:21,992 --> 00:21:23,368
He's a Carmelite, like me.
426
00:21:23,503 --> 00:21:25,296
Pleasure. Let me introduce you
to Martha.
427
00:21:25,431 --> 00:21:27,663
She is a brilliant journalist
from The New York Times.
428
00:21:27,798 --> 00:21:28,939
[speaking Spanish]
429
00:21:29,075 --> 00:21:30,138
They are the Carmelites
430
00:21:30,274 --> 00:21:31,440
I was telling you about.
431
00:21:31,575 --> 00:21:32,904
It's a pleasure
to meet you both.
432
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,846
Are you intending
to stay in Baghdad?
433
00:21:34,981 --> 00:21:36,210
Yes, here we are.
434
00:21:36,345 --> 00:21:37,878
But you're alone.
435
00:21:38,013 --> 00:21:40,319
All the NGOs and the Red Cross
have left already.
436
00:21:40,952 --> 00:21:42,186
I know.
437
00:21:42,322 --> 00:21:44,086
The situation is
out of control.
438
00:21:44,222 --> 00:21:45,483
It's very dangerous.
439
00:21:45,619 --> 00:21:46,917
You're here as well.
440
00:21:47,053 --> 00:21:48,625
Yeah, but we're
just passing through.
441
00:21:48,761 --> 00:21:50,490
We're leaving as soon as
we finish talking to you.
442
00:21:50,625 --> 00:21:52,329
We can't let them down now,
443
00:21:52,465 --> 00:21:53,993
this is when the people
need us most.
444
00:21:54,128 --> 00:21:57,798
That's true, but it's still
extremely dangerous.
445
00:21:59,468 --> 00:22:01,129
But then you know that.
446
00:22:01,265 --> 00:22:03,375
We can't
let them down now, seรฑora.
447
00:22:04,841 --> 00:22:06,343
Do you mind
if we take a photo of you
448
00:22:06,478 --> 00:22:08,242
and how the mission
has been left?
449
00:22:08,377 --> 00:22:09,648
[speaking Spanish]
450
00:22:09,783 --> 00:22:11,074
Okay.
451
00:22:11,210 --> 00:22:13,343
You can photograph
the mission and me,
452
00:22:13,479 --> 00:22:16,781
but he doesn't want to risk
his family in Spain seeing him.
453
00:22:16,917 --> 00:22:18,490
- They'd worry.
- Yeah, of course.
454
00:22:18,625 --> 00:22:20,056
Totally understand,
but if we could get one of you,
455
00:22:20,192 --> 00:22:21,389
that would be great.
456
00:22:21,524 --> 00:22:22,887
- [Bernardo] Okay.
- Sure.
457
00:22:23,023 --> 00:22:24,196
[mechanical whirring
in distance]
458
00:22:24,331 --> 00:22:25,694
- [Bernardo] Here?
- [Martin] Yeah.
459
00:22:25,829 --> 00:22:28,456
Just perhaps
a little tiny step closer...
460
00:22:28,591 --> 00:22:30,298
Yeah, that's fine,
so that I can see the impacts.
461
00:22:30,434 --> 00:22:31,370
[camera shutter clicking]
462
00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:34,230
[laughs]
463
00:22:36,208 --> 00:22:37,233
I think you have it.
464
00:22:39,838 --> 00:22:41,706
How long has it been...
465
00:22:41,842 --> 00:22:43,111
since we last saw each other?
466
00:22:43,246 --> 00:22:44,816
Five years.
467
00:22:44,951 --> 00:22:46,176
Five years.
468
00:22:47,315 --> 00:22:48,343
Wow.
469
00:22:49,716 --> 00:22:50,818
Do you remember Liberia?
470
00:22:51,718 --> 00:22:52,853
How could I forget?
471
00:22:54,991 --> 00:22:58,695
Look, I have some photos of you
that we didn't publish.
472
00:22:58,830 --> 00:23:00,724
If you give me an address,
I can send them to you.
473
00:23:00,859 --> 00:23:01,823
Maybe to the Embassy.
474
00:23:01,958 --> 00:23:03,663
No, you keep them.
475
00:23:03,798 --> 00:23:05,536
That way I'll keep you company.
476
00:23:06,664 --> 00:23:07,604
Okay.
477
00:23:10,068 --> 00:23:11,443
It was really great seeing you.
478
00:23:12,341 --> 00:23:13,276
Take care.
479
00:23:13,411 --> 00:23:14,644
- Goodbye.
- Be safe.
480
00:23:19,484 --> 00:23:20,782
How do you know the Carmelite?
481
00:23:24,047 --> 00:23:25,083
We met in Sierra Leone.
482
00:23:27,391 --> 00:23:29,225
We became lovers there.
483
00:23:29,361 --> 00:23:30,957
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
484
00:23:32,266 --> 00:23:34,288
After that, we met more times.
485
00:23:34,424 --> 00:23:36,758
Always in places
that were at war.
486
00:23:36,893 --> 00:23:38,102
And you had sex?
487
00:23:38,237 --> 00:23:40,603
Well, of course, yeah.
488
00:23:40,739 --> 00:23:42,804
Bernardo never renounced
physical pleasure.
489
00:23:44,303 --> 00:23:47,072
He was always in
the most conflictive places.
490
00:23:47,207 --> 00:23:49,448
And I think that sex
was his best shield.
491
00:23:51,915 --> 00:23:54,248
I'm pretty sure
the Carmelite is his partner.
492
00:23:54,384 --> 00:23:55,447
You think so?
493
00:23:55,582 --> 00:23:57,687
Definitely.
494
00:23:57,822 --> 00:23:59,322
That is the only way
you can stay in Baghdad
495
00:23:59,458 --> 00:24:00,459
and not be afraid of the war.
496
00:24:01,856 --> 00:24:04,056
- What a wonderful story.
- Yup.
497
00:24:06,089 --> 00:24:07,054
Don't you dare write it.
498
00:24:07,190 --> 00:24:09,226
No, no, no, of course not.
499
00:24:12,096 --> 00:24:14,965
But how about sin for him?
500
00:24:15,100 --> 00:24:16,273
I mean, don't they feel guilty?
501
00:24:16,409 --> 00:24:18,137
After all, they are Catholic.
502
00:24:18,272 --> 00:24:20,237
Yeah, I don't know.
He never talked about that.
503
00:24:22,406 --> 00:24:24,975
With all the horrors
you see in war,
504
00:24:25,110 --> 00:24:26,714
feeling guilty about having sex
505
00:24:26,850 --> 00:24:28,014
doesn't really
carry much weight,
506
00:24:29,179 --> 00:24:30,214
you simply get used to it.
507
00:24:31,420 --> 00:24:32,491
I know that.
508
00:24:35,921 --> 00:24:37,528
I wrote their story,
509
00:24:37,663 --> 00:24:39,993
their love story,
as I imagined it,
510
00:24:41,258 --> 00:24:42,831
but it stayed in my computer.
511
00:24:45,037 --> 00:24:49,303
So, you're gonna write about
Dora Carrington's insane love.
512
00:24:49,438 --> 00:24:50,706
[Ingrid] Mm-hm.
513
00:24:50,841 --> 00:24:52,169
And her connection
to Virginia Woolf,
514
00:24:52,305 --> 00:24:55,311
who Strachey
also pursued romantically.
515
00:24:55,446 --> 00:24:56,807
[Martha] What a group!
516
00:24:56,943 --> 00:24:59,309
I so admire their freedom.
517
00:24:59,444 --> 00:25:01,043
[Ingrid] Strachey died
of stomach cancer
518
00:25:01,178 --> 00:25:03,346
18 years after meeting Dora
519
00:25:03,481 --> 00:25:06,215
and Dora survived him
by barely two months
520
00:25:06,351 --> 00:25:08,520
before she shot herself
in the stomach.
521
00:25:08,655 --> 00:25:11,190
She was only 38.
522
00:25:11,325 --> 00:25:14,329
I'm struck by the symmetry
of that kind of gesture,
523
00:25:14,464 --> 00:25:15,697
his stomach cancer
524
00:25:15,833 --> 00:25:17,762
and her shooting herself
in the stomach.
525
00:25:17,898 --> 00:25:20,201
I know, it struck me, too.
526
00:25:20,336 --> 00:25:24,571
I wonder what Virginia Woolf
thought of Carrington's death?
527
00:25:24,706 --> 00:25:27,177
Maybe Virginia saw...
528
00:25:27,312 --> 00:25:28,411
a kind of warning,
529
00:25:28,546 --> 00:25:31,072
a mirror that reflected her?
530
00:25:31,207 --> 00:25:32,408
As if they were fated?
531
00:25:35,014 --> 00:25:36,912
Do you think I'm fated, too?
532
00:25:37,047 --> 00:25:39,756
No! Of course not.
533
00:25:39,891 --> 00:25:42,352
I've never known anyone
more alive than you.
534
00:25:42,487 --> 00:25:45,023
This week I'm starting
a new experimental
535
00:25:45,159 --> 00:25:47,296
- immunotherapy treatment.
- Uh-huh.
536
00:25:47,432 --> 00:25:49,130
They've already tried it
537
00:25:49,266 --> 00:25:51,226
and it seems to work well
with cases of cervical cancer.
538
00:25:51,362 --> 00:25:54,034
- Well, that's great news!
- Yeah.
539
00:25:54,169 --> 00:25:55,403
Let me know
when I can come and visit you,
540
00:25:55,538 --> 00:25:56,707
- okay?
- I will.
541
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,409
- Talking of symmetry...
- Mm-hmm?
542
00:26:01,544 --> 00:26:02,581
Do you remember...
543
00:26:03,612 --> 00:26:04,814
Damian Cunningham?
544
00:26:05,879 --> 00:26:07,683
How could I forget?
545
00:26:07,818 --> 00:26:10,286
I inherited him
from you. [laughs]
546
00:26:10,421 --> 00:26:12,082
The shared lover.
547
00:26:12,217 --> 00:26:13,623
- Well, I...
- I have to say
548
00:26:13,759 --> 00:26:15,423
I felt terrible
when you got together
549
00:26:15,559 --> 00:26:16,791
after I'd been with him.
550
00:26:16,926 --> 00:26:18,396
Okay, we didn't
share him exactly
551
00:26:18,531 --> 00:26:19,728
because you'd already broken up
552
00:26:19,864 --> 00:26:20,826
and you were
out of the country.
553
00:26:20,962 --> 00:26:22,392
I would never go back with him
554
00:26:22,527 --> 00:26:25,295
and, to tell the truth,
I was never faithful.
555
00:26:25,431 --> 00:26:30,166
But he was a passionate
and enthusiastic lover
556
00:26:30,301 --> 00:26:32,308
and I hope he was for you, too.
557
00:26:32,444 --> 00:26:33,473
I had no complaints.
558
00:26:33,608 --> 00:26:35,614
[both laughing]
559
00:26:37,308 --> 00:26:38,815
[people speaking indistinctly]
560
00:26:49,260 --> 00:26:50,255
Hi.
561
00:26:52,924 --> 00:26:53,929
What is it?
562
00:26:55,961 --> 00:26:56,965
It hasn't worked.
563
00:26:58,230 --> 00:27:00,230
I've got metastases in my liver
564
00:27:00,365 --> 00:27:02,168
- and in my bones.
- Oh, Martha.
565
00:27:02,303 --> 00:27:04,171
I should have followed
my first instinct.
566
00:27:04,307 --> 00:27:06,841
Should never have put myself
through this torture.
567
00:27:06,977 --> 00:27:09,411
This diarrhea,
vomiting, fatigue...
568
00:27:09,547 --> 00:27:11,639
to end up like this.
569
00:27:11,774 --> 00:27:13,843
I should never have given in
to false hope.
570
00:27:13,978 --> 00:27:15,279
Okay. Okay.
571
00:27:15,414 --> 00:27:17,185
All right,
what does the doctor say?
572
00:27:17,321 --> 00:27:18,489
Tell me.
573
00:27:18,624 --> 00:27:21,015
Oh, that I could
live for months,
574
00:27:21,151 --> 00:27:23,024
maybe a year.
575
00:27:23,159 --> 00:27:25,253
He wants me to continue
with the treatment,
576
00:27:25,389 --> 00:27:26,826
even though it looks hopeless.
577
00:27:26,962 --> 00:27:28,324
Maybe it will work this time.
578
00:27:28,460 --> 00:27:30,460
I don't wanna wallow
in self-pity.
579
00:27:36,543 --> 00:27:39,237
But I'm not a stoic. I'm sorry.
580
00:27:39,373 --> 00:27:43,474
I don't wanna go through
excruciating pain.
581
00:27:43,609 --> 00:27:46,014
You can't be self-possessed
if you're in agony.
582
00:27:46,981 --> 00:27:48,982
You can't think straight.
583
00:27:49,117 --> 00:27:50,749
You can only think
of one thing...
584
00:27:50,885 --> 00:27:52,251
the fucking cancer.
585
00:27:52,884 --> 00:27:55,022
[sighs]
586
00:27:55,157 --> 00:27:56,728
I've always taken care
of my health,
587
00:27:57,758 --> 00:27:59,630
now I regret it.
588
00:27:59,766 --> 00:28:01,364
The doctor says
I have a strong heart.
589
00:28:01,500 --> 00:28:02,831
What does that mean?
590
00:28:02,967 --> 00:28:05,001
My body is just
gonna go on fighting...
591
00:28:05,136 --> 00:28:08,039
while I suffer and suffer
until my last breath?
592
00:28:08,174 --> 00:28:09,173
[sobs]
593
00:28:09,309 --> 00:28:10,368
I don't know.
594
00:28:12,337 --> 00:28:13,877
I don't know how to help you.
595
00:28:15,315 --> 00:28:16,374
I'm so sorry.
596
00:28:21,148 --> 00:28:23,579
I think I deserve a good death.
597
00:28:26,223 --> 00:28:29,759
At least one without
convulsions in my last moments.
598
00:28:29,895 --> 00:28:31,756
Going out with
a little bit of dignity,
599
00:28:31,892 --> 00:28:33,490
clean and dry.
600
00:28:36,231 --> 00:28:38,202
But I know
I'm asking too much...
601
00:28:38,337 --> 00:28:39,627
[door opens]
602
00:28:39,763 --> 00:28:40,602
[nurse] What are you
doing up, Martha?
603
00:28:40,737 --> 00:28:42,333
I'm fucking over this.
604
00:28:42,469 --> 00:28:44,265
- Can you help her, please?
- Of course.
605
00:28:44,401 --> 00:28:45,676
Let's get you back in bed.
606
00:28:45,812 --> 00:28:47,746
[Ingrid] Come on.
Let me help you.
607
00:28:49,139 --> 00:28:50,610
Bring it on.
608
00:28:50,745 --> 00:28:51,783
Here we go.
609
00:28:54,711 --> 00:28:56,647
I'll end up
turning into a junkie.
610
00:28:56,783 --> 00:28:57,949
[sighs]
611
00:28:58,085 --> 00:29:00,016
I am one already, I guess.
612
00:29:00,151 --> 00:29:02,856
It's okay. Really.
613
00:29:02,992 --> 00:29:04,961
[nurse] Here, this will help.
614
00:29:43,294 --> 00:29:44,330
Are you still here?
615
00:29:45,865 --> 00:29:46,838
Yes.
616
00:29:50,306 --> 00:29:52,206
Should I ask them
to bring your dinner?
617
00:29:53,643 --> 00:29:54,637
Are you hungry?
618
00:29:55,413 --> 00:29:56,375
No.
619
00:29:59,484 --> 00:30:00,478
Ingrid...
620
00:30:02,922 --> 00:30:04,983
Do you think
I need to say goodbye
621
00:30:05,118 --> 00:30:06,990
to my closest friends?
622
00:30:07,126 --> 00:30:09,355
I think you should do
whatever you wanna do.
623
00:30:10,487 --> 00:30:12,996
I just want peace and quiet.
624
00:30:14,827 --> 00:30:18,100
Have you thought about
how you wanna spend your time?
625
00:30:20,131 --> 00:30:21,839
And where?
626
00:30:21,975 --> 00:30:23,633
Is there some place
you'd like to go?
627
00:30:24,838 --> 00:30:25,844
Look.
628
00:30:31,417 --> 00:30:32,983
Pink snowflakes.
629
00:30:35,452 --> 00:30:38,549
There had to be something good
about climate change.
630
00:30:40,788 --> 00:30:41,816
Well...
631
00:30:43,453 --> 00:30:45,061
I've lived to see that.
632
00:30:50,136 --> 00:30:53,033
You remember the end
of Joyce's The Dead?
633
00:30:53,168 --> 00:30:54,873
[sniffles, voice breaks]
Vaguely.
634
00:30:56,334 --> 00:30:58,074
"The snow was falling,
635
00:30:59,803 --> 00:31:03,341
falling on
the lonely churchyard,
636
00:31:03,477 --> 00:31:06,412
falling faintly
through the universe.
637
00:31:08,687 --> 00:31:11,250
And faintly falling,
638
00:31:11,385 --> 00:31:14,519
like the descent
of their last end,
639
00:31:16,654 --> 00:31:21,394
on all
the living and the dead."
640
00:31:24,832 --> 00:31:25,768
[gulps]
641
00:31:25,903 --> 00:31:27,433
It's getting late and, uh...
642
00:31:28,739 --> 00:31:29,732
I should be going.
643
00:31:32,611 --> 00:31:33,604
[Ingrid sniffles]
644
00:31:37,813 --> 00:31:38,774
Thank you.
645
00:31:40,378 --> 00:31:41,920
I'll see you tomorrow.
646
00:31:43,015 --> 00:31:43,955
[kisses]
647
00:32:28,993 --> 00:32:31,663
There's still a half an hour
before the movie starts.
648
00:32:31,798 --> 00:32:33,938
Should we go in and get
our seats before the rush?
649
00:32:34,073 --> 00:32:36,106
No. I wanna talk to you
about something.
650
00:32:36,871 --> 00:32:38,240
Okay.
651
00:32:38,375 --> 00:32:40,802
I will not go out
in mortifying anguish.
652
00:32:40,938 --> 00:32:42,673
I've gotten hold
of a euthanasia pill.
653
00:32:43,572 --> 00:32:44,972
Don't ask me how,
654
00:32:45,107 --> 00:32:47,511
on the dark web
you can find almost anything.
655
00:32:47,647 --> 00:32:49,685
I also have
an abundance of opioids
656
00:32:49,821 --> 00:32:51,052
for the moments of pain.
657
00:32:51,187 --> 00:32:52,650
And don't look at me like that,
658
00:32:52,786 --> 00:32:54,751
I'm not asking you
to convince me otherwise.
659
00:32:55,718 --> 00:32:57,694
I don't know what to say.
660
00:32:57,830 --> 00:32:59,162
I'm hoping you'll say yes.
661
00:33:00,192 --> 00:33:01,699
Yes to what?
662
00:33:01,834 --> 00:33:03,529
To my asking you to help me.
663
00:33:04,263 --> 00:33:05,630
Help you what?
664
00:33:06,939 --> 00:33:09,500
I've faced death several times,
665
00:33:09,635 --> 00:33:11,768
but I've always
been accompanied.
666
00:33:11,903 --> 00:33:15,211
We reporters formed
a kind of mobile family.
667
00:33:17,145 --> 00:33:18,709
This is another war,
668
00:33:19,785 --> 00:33:21,052
I'm not afraid of it.
669
00:33:21,619 --> 00:33:22,810
But...
670
00:33:22,946 --> 00:33:24,979
like the other times
I faced death...
671
00:33:26,926 --> 00:33:28,884
I don't wanna be alone, Ingrid.
672
00:33:31,389 --> 00:33:32,756
I'm asking you...
673
00:33:33,700 --> 00:33:35,726
to be in the next room.
674
00:33:37,169 --> 00:33:38,795
I think we should
go get our seats.
675
00:33:38,930 --> 00:33:41,638
Yeah, sure, but I prefer
to go on talking to you,
676
00:33:41,773 --> 00:33:42,898
if you don't mind.
677
00:33:45,501 --> 00:33:46,935
Okay. Um...
678
00:33:49,015 --> 00:33:50,510
Do you know when
you wanna do this?
679
00:33:51,474 --> 00:33:52,446
Not exactly.
680
00:33:53,509 --> 00:33:54,514
Within a month?
681
00:33:56,621 --> 00:34:00,586
Before I start to deteriorate
and you don't recognize me.
682
00:34:00,721 --> 00:34:04,551
These next weeks
I should be reasonably well,
683
00:34:04,687 --> 00:34:06,360
but I wanna do it soon.
684
00:34:06,496 --> 00:34:08,589
My doctors think that
I'm gonna return
685
00:34:08,725 --> 00:34:10,694
to complete the treatment.
686
00:34:10,830 --> 00:34:13,170
It's best they don't
suspect anything.
687
00:34:14,137 --> 00:34:15,904
Where do you wanna do it?
688
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:17,306
I don't wanna be at home.
689
00:34:19,776 --> 00:34:22,740
And I don't wanna go back
to anywhere I've been happy.
690
00:34:25,284 --> 00:34:27,442
It's always a mistake
to return to some place
691
00:34:27,578 --> 00:34:29,110
you've been truly happy.
692
00:34:29,245 --> 00:34:31,546
You just ruin the good memories
of the first time.
693
00:34:31,681 --> 00:34:33,290
No, I understand that.
694
00:34:33,425 --> 00:34:36,589
I think it will be easier
for me to let myself go
695
00:34:36,724 --> 00:34:40,795
if I'm not surrounded
by familiar things,
696
00:34:40,930 --> 00:34:42,758
intimate things.
697
00:34:42,894 --> 00:34:44,927
I think that would
hold me back.
698
00:34:47,500 --> 00:34:50,471
I prefer some unknown place,
699
00:34:51,536 --> 00:34:53,408
comfortable and safe,
700
00:34:54,374 --> 00:34:56,739
and not too far away.
701
00:34:56,875 --> 00:34:58,980
Do you need my help
finding a place
702
00:34:59,116 --> 00:35:01,277
or getting you settled in?
703
00:35:01,412 --> 00:35:03,482
No, no, no.
704
00:35:03,617 --> 00:35:05,123
No, I can
take care of that part.
705
00:35:06,886 --> 00:35:09,754
What I need is somebody
to be there with me,
706
00:35:10,962 --> 00:35:12,427
in the room next door.
707
00:35:14,961 --> 00:35:16,832
Wouldn't you prefer
someone you're closer to?
708
00:35:16,967 --> 00:35:18,300
We're very close.
709
00:35:18,436 --> 00:35:20,370
No, yes, of course,
of course we are.
710
00:35:20,505 --> 00:35:22,800
[stammers] Oh, my God,
we're very close. I just...
711
00:35:22,936 --> 00:35:24,938
There were years where
we didn't see each other.
712
00:35:25,074 --> 00:35:26,006
[sharp inhale]
713
00:35:26,141 --> 00:35:27,601
What about Stella?
714
00:35:27,737 --> 00:35:28,975
[stammering] Or Maggie?
715
00:35:29,110 --> 00:35:30,511
Or Vanessa?
716
00:35:30,646 --> 00:35:32,213
You've all been friends
since you were kids.
717
00:35:32,349 --> 00:35:34,680
I admit I thought
of them first.
718
00:35:35,746 --> 00:35:37,419
I asked all three of them.
719
00:35:37,554 --> 00:35:40,818
They all were horrified
and they all said no.
720
00:35:42,158 --> 00:35:43,524
They understood it,
721
00:35:43,659 --> 00:35:45,490
but they said
they could never be a part
722
00:35:45,625 --> 00:35:47,455
of helping me take my own life.
723
00:35:47,590 --> 00:35:49,257
Absolutely not.
724
00:35:49,393 --> 00:35:51,334
- What about your daughter?
- It wouldn't be fair to her.
725
00:35:52,829 --> 00:35:54,830
I've been an absent mother.
726
00:35:54,966 --> 00:35:56,705
I don't wanna impose
my dying on her.
727
00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:01,010
You could at least consult her
and let her be a part of it.
728
00:36:01,145 --> 00:36:02,840
We're two strangers, Ingrid.
729
00:36:04,547 --> 00:36:06,281
She made that clear
when I told her
730
00:36:06,417 --> 00:36:08,142
about my doubts
about the treatment.
731
00:36:09,450 --> 00:36:11,189
"It's your choice" she said.
732
00:36:12,857 --> 00:36:13,983
And she's right.
733
00:36:14,627 --> 00:36:15,556
Right.
734
00:36:26,998 --> 00:36:28,602
- [horns blaring]
- [wind whooshing]
735
00:36:32,879 --> 00:36:36,214
[breathing heavily]
736
00:36:42,315 --> 00:36:44,418
No matter what,
737
00:36:44,553 --> 00:36:46,719
people want you
to keep fighting.
738
00:36:48,450 --> 00:36:52,186
This is the way we've
been taught to see cancer.
739
00:36:52,321 --> 00:36:57,398
As a fight...
between patient and disease,
740
00:36:57,534 --> 00:37:00,729
which is to say
between good and evil.
741
00:37:00,865 --> 00:37:02,966
If you survive, you're a hero.
742
00:37:04,107 --> 00:37:05,936
If you lose, well,
743
00:37:07,577 --> 00:37:09,379
perhaps you didn't
fight hard enough.
744
00:37:11,977 --> 00:37:13,741
People don't like
using words like
745
00:37:13,877 --> 00:37:17,020
"terminal" or "incurable."
746
00:37:17,156 --> 00:37:19,684
They call that defeatist talk.
747
00:37:19,819 --> 00:37:21,453
Some of the worst stuff
comes from
748
00:37:21,589 --> 00:37:24,086
the cancer support community.
749
00:37:24,222 --> 00:37:27,087
Some of them think
of your cancer as a gift,
750
00:37:27,223 --> 00:37:29,898
an opportunity
for spiritual growth.
751
00:37:30,033 --> 00:37:31,765
Bullshit!
752
00:37:31,900 --> 00:37:34,965
People should see
this is my way of fighting.
753
00:37:37,135 --> 00:37:40,278
Cancer can't get me
if I get me first.
754
00:37:43,041 --> 00:37:45,547
And what's the point
in waiting...
755
00:37:46,777 --> 00:37:48,110
when I'm so ready to go?
756
00:37:49,883 --> 00:37:52,083
Are you completely sure
you're ready?
757
00:37:52,219 --> 00:37:53,990
Totally.
758
00:37:54,126 --> 00:37:56,085
Since the first diagnosis.
759
00:37:58,222 --> 00:38:00,597
You know I have
a terrible fear of death.
760
00:38:00,733 --> 00:38:01,755
I know.
761
00:38:01,891 --> 00:38:03,167
I've read your book.
762
00:38:03,302 --> 00:38:05,336
That's why
I didn't ask you first.
763
00:38:07,472 --> 00:38:09,004
But you understand me,
don't you?
764
00:38:09,140 --> 00:38:10,800
I do, I do. I envy you.
765
00:38:10,935 --> 00:38:12,608
You're in control of your life.
766
00:38:12,743 --> 00:38:15,979
I only need you to accompany me
the days leading to it,
767
00:38:16,115 --> 00:38:18,678
as if we were on vacation.
768
00:38:18,813 --> 00:38:21,318
I just wanna know that,
when it happens,
769
00:38:21,454 --> 00:38:23,480
there'll be someone
in the next room.
770
00:38:23,616 --> 00:38:25,085
It terrifies me, Martha.
771
00:38:25,221 --> 00:38:26,654
I understand.
772
00:38:26,790 --> 00:38:28,056
I think that you have
every right to do this
773
00:38:28,192 --> 00:38:29,890
and I admire you for it,
774
00:38:30,026 --> 00:38:31,686
but I don't know that I can be
the one to find you dead.
775
00:38:31,822 --> 00:38:33,221
I'm not that strong.
776
00:38:33,356 --> 00:38:34,860
You're much stronger
than you think you are.
777
00:38:37,498 --> 00:38:39,964
Anyway, I had to try.
778
00:38:42,403 --> 00:38:43,866
[Ingrid sighs]
779
00:38:44,001 --> 00:38:45,606
I can't answer you now, Martha,
780
00:38:45,742 --> 00:38:47,169
but I promise you
I'll think about it.
781
00:38:47,305 --> 00:38:49,846
Right now I'm too confused
and too terrified.
782
00:38:49,982 --> 00:38:51,477
I understand.
783
00:38:51,612 --> 00:38:53,351
I understand it's sudden...
784
00:38:55,450 --> 00:38:57,113
and it's disconcerting.
785
00:39:01,687 --> 00:39:03,020
I'll think of someone.
786
00:39:13,504 --> 00:39:15,868
- I wasn't too much?
- No, no.
787
00:39:51,406 --> 00:39:53,235
[line ringing]
788
00:39:55,876 --> 00:39:57,938
- Martha?
- [Martha] Hello, Ingrid.
789
00:39:58,073 --> 00:39:59,417
I've made up my mind.
790
00:40:02,845 --> 00:40:03,784
Come on in.
791
00:40:05,117 --> 00:40:07,283
The owner is
a jewelry designer.
792
00:40:07,418 --> 00:40:10,157
She's a friend of mine,
so I don't pay much rent.
793
00:40:10,293 --> 00:40:11,825
[Damian] Mmm.
794
00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:13,823
You get the impression
it's been furnished
795
00:40:13,958 --> 00:40:15,866
with stuff from the garbage.
796
00:40:16,001 --> 00:40:18,264
Not everything.
797
00:40:18,399 --> 00:40:21,469
And it takes talent
to pick stuff
out of the garbage.
798
00:40:21,604 --> 00:40:23,933
You haven't finished moving in.
799
00:40:24,068 --> 00:40:26,202
- Do you want a hand?
- Uh...
800
00:40:26,935 --> 00:40:28,138
No. [sighs]
801
00:40:30,709 --> 00:40:33,076
I'll do it after.
802
00:40:33,212 --> 00:40:36,618
And even so,
you're going with Martha.
803
00:40:36,753 --> 00:40:40,481
[sighs] She is totally
alone, Damian.
804
00:40:40,616 --> 00:40:42,855
None of her friends
are helping her with this.
805
00:40:42,991 --> 00:40:46,090
She even told me
I wasn't her first choice.
806
00:40:46,225 --> 00:40:48,330
It's like her daughter
doesn't even exist.
807
00:40:48,465 --> 00:40:49,796
In the years I was with her,
808
00:40:49,932 --> 00:40:51,463
she never told me
she had a daughter.
809
00:40:51,598 --> 00:40:53,267
I know, it's a...
810
00:40:53,402 --> 00:40:54,735
It's a sad story.
811
00:40:54,871 --> 00:40:58,069
It's a terrible,
terrible misunderstanding.
812
00:41:01,372 --> 00:41:03,210
Have you told her
that we're in touch?
813
00:41:03,345 --> 00:41:05,946
Uh... No.
814
00:41:06,081 --> 00:41:08,552
Um, we talked about you
in a... in a general way.
815
00:41:08,687 --> 00:41:11,652
- She has nice memories of you.
- Oh. Really?
816
00:41:11,788 --> 00:41:14,152
Our relationship
was mostly physical.
817
00:41:14,287 --> 00:41:16,957
She was always about
to go off somewhere else,
818
00:41:17,092 --> 00:41:21,422
that's why our lovemaking
had that sense of urgency.
819
00:41:21,557 --> 00:41:23,796
It was like having sex
with a terrorist...
820
00:41:23,931 --> 00:41:25,427
it always felt
like the last time.
821
00:41:25,562 --> 00:41:27,800
Well, she rates you
pretty highly as a lover.
822
00:41:27,936 --> 00:41:29,497
I'd like to know
what rating you give me.
823
00:41:29,633 --> 00:41:31,806
Oh, I can't believe
you're still flirting with me.
824
00:41:31,941 --> 00:41:34,478
- I'm serious.
- No, no, you're not serious.
825
00:41:34,613 --> 00:41:37,139
What's serious
is Martha's situation.
826
00:41:37,274 --> 00:41:39,648
And your being terrified
of death?
827
00:41:39,783 --> 00:41:41,684
You just published
a book about that.
828
00:41:41,819 --> 00:41:43,815
Have you overcome that,
thanks to the book?
829
00:41:43,950 --> 00:41:45,886
- No.
- [cell phone ringing]
830
00:41:54,792 --> 00:41:56,666
Hi. How are you?
831
00:41:57,299 --> 00:41:58,467
Better.
832
00:41:58,602 --> 00:42:01,228
Much better since you said yes.
833
00:42:01,363 --> 00:42:03,006
Where are you? Are you at home?
834
00:42:03,141 --> 00:42:04,239
Yeah.
835
00:42:04,375 --> 00:42:06,007
I'm watering the plants.
836
00:42:06,142 --> 00:42:08,572
Oh, I thought you had someone
who did that for you.
837
00:42:08,707 --> 00:42:10,341
I do.
838
00:42:10,476 --> 00:42:12,941
But today I felt like doing it
and I am enjoying it.
839
00:42:13,077 --> 00:42:15,246
[chuckles] Okay. Good.
840
00:42:15,381 --> 00:42:19,452
Um, have you... Have you
decided where we're going?
841
00:42:19,588 --> 00:42:21,819
That's why I called.
842
00:42:21,955 --> 00:42:23,384
It's, uh, near Woodstock,
843
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:25,425
it's about two hours
from the city.
844
00:42:25,561 --> 00:42:27,025
It looks fantastic.
845
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:29,829
Uh, it's a bit expensive,
but, hey,
846
00:42:29,965 --> 00:42:32,328
the occasion
calls for it. [laughs]
847
00:42:33,636 --> 00:42:35,800
So, do you know how long...
848
00:42:35,935 --> 00:42:37,465
I've rented it for a month.
849
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:40,074
That should give me
more than enough time.
850
00:42:40,210 --> 00:42:41,201
A month?
851
00:42:41,337 --> 00:42:43,576
Yeah. My blood count's low
852
00:42:43,712 --> 00:42:45,240
and I have to take a break
853
00:42:45,376 --> 00:42:46,813
before I start
the new treatment,
854
00:42:46,948 --> 00:42:48,111
and you're the only one
who knows
855
00:42:48,246 --> 00:42:50,544
I'm not going back
to the hospital.
856
00:42:50,679 --> 00:42:52,885
It's not like
I've picked a date.
857
00:42:53,021 --> 00:42:55,923
I mean, you'll never
know it anyway.
858
00:42:57,021 --> 00:42:59,289
But... I'm ready to go.
859
00:43:01,027 --> 00:43:03,597
I would even say I'm impatient.
860
00:43:03,733 --> 00:43:05,426
I'm gonna be giving a lecture
861
00:43:05,561 --> 00:43:07,501
near Woodstock at Bard
in two weeks,
862
00:43:07,637 --> 00:43:08,968
so we can see each other.
863
00:43:09,104 --> 00:43:10,837
Mmm, I don't think
that's a good idea,
864
00:43:10,973 --> 00:43:12,835
I'll be with Martha
all the time.
865
00:43:12,971 --> 00:43:15,103
I'll call you if I can.
866
00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:16,808
You're going to need a lawyer.
867
00:43:16,943 --> 00:43:18,915
Yes, I should look for one.
868
00:43:19,051 --> 00:43:22,076
Let me help you with that,
but I'll have to fill them in.
869
00:43:22,212 --> 00:43:24,618
No, no, in that case, no.
870
00:43:24,753 --> 00:43:26,050
This is an absolute secret.
871
00:43:26,186 --> 00:43:27,824
Martha doesn't even know
I've told you.
872
00:43:27,959 --> 00:43:30,826
Okay. But if you need anything,
you should let me know.
873
00:43:32,693 --> 00:43:33,994
I worry about you.
874
00:43:34,958 --> 00:43:35,930
Thank you.
875
00:44:19,167 --> 00:44:20,744
[birds chirping]
876
00:44:34,151 --> 00:44:35,990
According to this map,
877
00:44:36,125 --> 00:44:38,391
we go up these stairs
to enter the house.
878
00:44:38,526 --> 00:44:39,620
Okay.
879
00:45:05,047 --> 00:45:06,218
[beeps]
880
00:45:07,017 --> 00:45:08,352
[whirring]
881
00:45:09,152 --> 00:45:10,255
Look at this.
882
00:45:25,503 --> 00:45:27,736
[Martha] Wow,
it's so beautiful.
883
00:45:27,871 --> 00:45:31,111
It's so much more beautiful
than in the photographs.
884
00:45:34,882 --> 00:45:36,676
Is that a real Hopper?
885
00:45:36,812 --> 00:45:38,580
I don't think they would
have left it here.
886
00:45:39,491 --> 00:45:41,257
It's a very good copy.
887
00:45:41,393 --> 00:45:42,885
It looks real.
888
00:45:43,020 --> 00:45:44,828
[birds chirping]
889
00:45:53,704 --> 00:45:55,806
[birds continue chirping]
890
00:46:05,783 --> 00:46:07,549
- Do you hear them?
- Mm-hmm.
891
00:46:07,684 --> 00:46:08,885
Isn't that wonderful?
892
00:46:13,586 --> 00:46:16,651
And we can lie in the sun,
like in the Hopper,
893
00:46:18,158 --> 00:46:20,490
and catch the evening breeze.
894
00:46:21,731 --> 00:46:23,262
[breathing heavily]
895
00:46:26,130 --> 00:46:27,266
Are you okay?
896
00:46:29,737 --> 00:46:30,731
Very happy.
897
00:46:48,617 --> 00:46:50,484
Do you mind if I take this one?
898
00:46:50,619 --> 00:46:52,390
Of course not. It's your house.
899
00:46:56,132 --> 00:46:58,127
Mmm. This one
is a little small,
900
00:46:58,263 --> 00:46:59,468
I'm gonna look downstairs.
901
00:46:59,604 --> 00:47:00,497
[Martha] All right.
902
00:47:18,383 --> 00:47:20,484
I'm gonna take this one, okay?
903
00:47:21,316 --> 00:47:24,060
Very good!
904
00:47:24,196 --> 00:47:27,496
You don't mind that
I'm not in the room next door?
905
00:47:27,632 --> 00:47:29,592
I can hear you breathe!
906
00:47:30,534 --> 00:47:32,500
And yell!
907
00:47:32,635 --> 00:47:34,696
[chuckles] Okay!
908
00:47:43,041 --> 00:47:44,981
Here we go.
909
00:47:48,917 --> 00:47:50,716
Let's get you unpacked.
910
00:47:50,851 --> 00:47:51,845
Thank you.
911
00:47:52,723 --> 00:47:54,516
I'll unpack it later.
912
00:47:54,652 --> 00:47:56,788
You're not
my caretaker, Ingrid.
913
00:47:56,923 --> 00:47:58,093
You're my guest.
914
00:47:58,858 --> 00:47:59,960
Okay.
915
00:48:00,095 --> 00:48:02,790
Um... I'll go unpack my things.
916
00:48:17,478 --> 00:48:19,912
- [objects clattering]
- [Martha shouts]
917
00:48:20,048 --> 00:48:21,611
- Martha?
- [Martha shouts]
918
00:48:25,016 --> 00:48:26,720
[shouts]
919
00:48:26,855 --> 00:48:28,989
What is it, honey?
920
00:48:29,125 --> 00:48:30,492
- You won't believe it.
- What?
921
00:48:30,627 --> 00:48:31,661
I forgot it!
922
00:48:31,796 --> 00:48:33,223
[stammers] You forgot what?
923
00:48:33,359 --> 00:48:34,856
The pill, the euthanasia pill!
924
00:48:34,991 --> 00:48:37,123
I brought all the others!
We have to go back.
925
00:48:37,259 --> 00:48:39,233
Oh, it's okay, we'll go back
first thing in the morning.
926
00:48:39,368 --> 00:48:40,569
- No, not tomorrow!
- Don't worry about it.
927
00:48:40,704 --> 00:48:42,033
We have to go now!
928
00:48:42,168 --> 00:48:43,433
I just need to be sure
929
00:48:43,569 --> 00:48:45,907
that I didn't lose it
or misplace it,
930
00:48:46,042 --> 00:48:47,978
that I didn't just dream it up.
931
00:48:48,842 --> 00:48:49,705
Okay.
932
00:48:55,617 --> 00:48:58,417
Buying another pill would be
extremely complicated.
933
00:48:59,591 --> 00:49:00,924
[sighs softly]
934
00:49:01,060 --> 00:49:04,353
I have a friend
who knows a mathematician
935
00:49:04,489 --> 00:49:06,425
who found it on the dark web.
936
00:49:07,765 --> 00:49:09,799
It's all very sordid,
937
00:49:09,934 --> 00:49:12,167
not to mention totally illegal.
938
00:49:15,398 --> 00:49:17,234
It's scary...
939
00:49:17,369 --> 00:49:19,304
knowing that all that exists
940
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,638
just behind
our computer screens.
941
00:49:24,111 --> 00:49:25,543
I feel like a criminal.
942
00:49:30,583 --> 00:49:32,986
I never thought
I'd be back here again.
943
00:49:33,121 --> 00:49:35,218
With that wonderful skyline.
944
00:49:35,354 --> 00:49:37,584
Life always surprises you.
945
00:49:37,720 --> 00:49:39,654
All right, let's get to work.
946
00:49:39,789 --> 00:49:41,126
- Okay.
- I'll start in the kitchen.
947
00:49:41,261 --> 00:49:42,792
Don't worry, we'll find it.
948
00:49:42,927 --> 00:49:44,127
Just, um... Just try to think
of all the places
949
00:49:44,263 --> 00:49:45,662
you usually hide things.
950
00:49:45,797 --> 00:49:47,336
This is the first thing
I have ever hidden.
951
00:49:47,472 --> 00:49:49,196
Really?
952
00:49:49,331 --> 00:49:51,540
The only thing I can remember
is I put it in an envelope.
953
00:49:51,675 --> 00:49:53,140
Okay. Uh...
954
00:49:53,275 --> 00:49:54,878
Why don't I start
in your office?
955
00:49:55,014 --> 00:49:56,640
- Is that okay? Okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
956
00:49:56,775 --> 00:49:58,906
Where did I put it?
Where did I put it?
957
00:50:17,797 --> 00:50:20,169
Oh, my God. [sighs]
We're never gonna find it.
958
00:51:34,703 --> 00:51:35,805
I found an envelope.
959
00:51:36,714 --> 00:51:37,642
That's it!
960
00:51:38,542 --> 00:51:39,505
Where did you find it?
961
00:51:39,641 --> 00:51:41,074
In your desk.
962
00:51:41,209 --> 00:51:43,985
There was key in a drawer
and I opened it.
963
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:46,052
How could I have forgotten?
964
00:51:46,188 --> 00:51:47,918
I even left the key in it?
965
00:51:48,054 --> 00:51:49,824
Well, you meant to take it,
at the last minute, you forgot.
966
00:51:49,959 --> 00:51:51,161
It's not so weird.
967
00:51:53,456 --> 00:51:54,659
Thank you.
968
00:51:55,725 --> 00:51:57,695
Such a strange sensation.
969
00:51:59,094 --> 00:52:00,934
It's like being here
after I'm dead.
970
00:52:01,070 --> 00:52:03,263
Oh, God, don't say that.
971
00:52:03,399 --> 00:52:05,868
It's too soon for you to
refer to yourself as a ghost.
972
00:52:07,476 --> 00:52:09,612
Let me straighten up
before we leave.
973
00:52:09,747 --> 00:52:10,840
Thank you.
974
00:53:02,658 --> 00:53:03,893
[door closes]
975
00:53:05,631 --> 00:53:07,836
Forgive me for all this hassle.
976
00:53:07,971 --> 00:53:09,167
I'm sorry, really.
977
00:53:09,302 --> 00:53:11,833
[sighs] It's okay.
978
00:53:11,969 --> 00:53:14,343
What a great place
to return to.
979
00:53:15,979 --> 00:53:17,879
Stupid fridge.
980
00:53:18,015 --> 00:53:19,315
You need some help?
981
00:53:22,149 --> 00:53:22,978
I got it.
982
00:53:30,224 --> 00:53:32,086
You know, maybe...
983
00:53:32,221 --> 00:53:34,792
leaving the pill behind
was a kind of a sign?
984
00:53:36,500 --> 00:53:38,400
Maybe you're not as ready
as you think.
985
00:53:40,932 --> 00:53:43,196
I told you never to say
that to me.
986
00:53:45,068 --> 00:53:46,672
I don't remember
you telling me that.
987
00:53:49,678 --> 00:53:51,611
I think I've said
so many things to you.
988
00:53:53,175 --> 00:53:56,783
That's the problem
with chemo brain.
989
00:53:56,919 --> 00:54:00,455
My memory keeps failing me
and I get distracted so easily.
990
00:54:02,692 --> 00:54:06,127
It can continue even
after the treatment stops
991
00:54:06,262 --> 00:54:07,924
and it can go on for years.
992
00:54:09,057 --> 00:54:10,828
I'll be spared that, at least.
993
00:54:13,695 --> 00:54:14,931
When I write...
994
00:54:16,137 --> 00:54:17,131
When I wrote...
995
00:54:19,102 --> 00:54:21,972
I had to proofread
a thousand times.
996
00:54:22,107 --> 00:54:24,404
I can't trust my judgement
about anything anymore.
997
00:54:24,540 --> 00:54:26,248
Well...
998
00:54:26,384 --> 00:54:29,714
Then why do you trust
this decision?
999
00:54:29,850 --> 00:54:32,047
How do you know
it's not chemo brain, too?
1000
00:54:33,886 --> 00:54:35,782
I've left the pill
in the top drawer
1001
00:54:35,917 --> 00:54:37,954
of the bedside table.
1002
00:54:38,089 --> 00:54:41,028
If I forget,
which I don't think I will,
1003
00:54:41,164 --> 00:54:43,256
you will remind me.
1004
00:54:43,391 --> 00:54:46,600
And I prefer not to talk
about this anymore.
1005
00:54:46,735 --> 00:54:49,504
Well, it's my business, too,
don't you think?
1006
00:54:53,108 --> 00:54:54,509
Sure. Of course.
1007
00:54:56,976 --> 00:54:59,273
I'll leave a signed letter
for the police
1008
00:54:59,409 --> 00:55:02,610
telling them everything,
including the name of the pill
1009
00:55:02,746 --> 00:55:04,220
and where I got it.
1010
00:55:04,355 --> 00:55:08,447
Your name will not
appear anywhere.
1011
00:55:08,583 --> 00:55:12,291
All you have to do is to say
that you know nothing.
1012
00:55:12,426 --> 00:55:15,057
Don't budge from that.
1013
00:55:15,193 --> 00:55:17,165
I don't wanna give you
any more information.
1014
00:55:17,301 --> 00:55:18,797
The less you know, the better.
1015
00:55:20,797 --> 00:55:22,603
And this is important.
1016
00:55:28,246 --> 00:55:30,478
I'll sleep with my door open,
1017
00:55:30,614 --> 00:55:33,513
and the day
that you find it closed...
1018
00:55:33,649 --> 00:55:36,085
is the day
it's already happened.
1019
00:55:36,221 --> 00:55:38,311
That's the sign, door closed.
1020
00:55:44,293 --> 00:55:45,989
I know it's difficult.
1021
00:55:48,829 --> 00:55:50,664
But just think
we're on vacation.
1022
00:55:52,371 --> 00:55:56,229
You can write,
we can come and go...
1023
00:55:56,365 --> 00:55:58,133
I don't think I'll
be able to concentrate.
1024
00:56:00,472 --> 00:56:01,706
And if I write,
1025
00:56:01,841 --> 00:56:02,968
you might show up
in it somewhere
1026
00:56:03,104 --> 00:56:04,412
and I don't wanna do that.
1027
00:56:04,548 --> 00:56:07,280
Yeah. That could
complicate your life
1028
00:56:07,416 --> 00:56:09,183
if the police investigate.
1029
00:56:09,319 --> 00:56:10,513
Well, I'm not gonna do it.
1030
00:56:10,649 --> 00:56:11,885
Wait till I'm dead.
1031
00:56:12,021 --> 00:56:14,116
Oh, God!
1032
00:56:14,251 --> 00:56:17,757
Can you not say,
"Wait until I'm dead," please?
1033
00:56:20,393 --> 00:56:21,464
I promise.
1034
00:56:24,130 --> 00:56:25,565
I'd like to find a gym
somewhere around here
1035
00:56:25,701 --> 00:56:27,261
that I can go to
a couple of days a week.
1036
00:56:29,636 --> 00:56:30,768
I'm the only one who eats
1037
00:56:30,903 --> 00:56:31,931
and I don't want
to gain ten pounds
1038
00:56:32,066 --> 00:56:33,009
while you waste away.
1039
00:56:33,144 --> 00:56:34,570
Oh, give me a chance.
1040
00:56:34,706 --> 00:56:35,874
I'll catch up with you.
1041
00:56:39,611 --> 00:56:40,912
Look, I'm eating.
1042
00:56:43,250 --> 00:56:45,785
[Ingrid] I have practically
held death in my hands.
1043
00:56:47,749 --> 00:56:50,724
I never imagined it would be
something so light.
1044
00:57:26,898 --> 00:57:27,893
Martha?
1045
00:57:29,363 --> 00:57:30,896
[water running]
1046
00:57:32,368 --> 00:57:33,298
[Martha] Good morning.
1047
00:57:33,434 --> 00:57:35,071
Good morning.
1048
00:57:35,206 --> 00:57:36,330
I'm making breakfast.
1049
00:57:37,637 --> 00:57:38,668
You want some toast?
1050
00:57:38,803 --> 00:57:40,607
No, just some coffee.
1051
00:57:40,743 --> 00:57:42,011
Help yourself.
It's already made.
1052
00:57:42,147 --> 00:57:44,442
There's juice, fruit...
1053
00:57:44,577 --> 00:57:45,812
whatever you want.
1054
00:57:51,414 --> 00:57:54,656
My behavior yesterday
was unacceptable.
1055
00:57:54,792 --> 00:57:58,793
I completely understand
that it drove you crazy.
1056
00:57:58,928 --> 00:58:02,257
But in my current state,
I can't make any promises.
1057
00:58:03,267 --> 00:58:04,424
So, just in case...
1058
00:58:07,331 --> 00:58:10,635
I put a medium-range sedative
in this drawer.
1059
00:58:10,771 --> 00:58:12,331
And if you find me unbearable,
1060
00:58:12,467 --> 00:58:15,873
you just have one
and you can relax.
1061
00:58:16,009 --> 00:58:17,342
I could have
used that last night.
1062
00:58:17,477 --> 00:58:19,244
[laughs] You...
1063
00:58:19,380 --> 00:58:22,182
You're one of a kind, Martha.
You really... You really are.
1064
00:58:22,317 --> 00:58:23,847
[birds chirping]
1065
00:58:23,982 --> 00:58:25,847
I've made a list
of stuff to buy.
1066
00:58:25,982 --> 00:58:27,282
We need a few things.
1067
00:58:28,825 --> 00:58:30,285
Is there anything
you want me to get?
1068
00:58:31,590 --> 00:58:32,694
Don't think so.
1069
00:58:34,127 --> 00:58:35,664
Do you wanna come
to the store with me?
1070
00:58:37,663 --> 00:58:39,332
Maybe another day.
1071
00:58:39,467 --> 00:58:41,932
It's so nice here.
1072
00:58:42,067 --> 00:58:44,238
I'd like to stay
if you don't mind.
1073
00:58:44,373 --> 00:58:45,707
No, of course not.
1074
00:58:47,972 --> 00:58:50,936
I found a gym nearby, too.
1075
00:58:51,072 --> 00:58:52,414
That's great.
1076
00:58:52,550 --> 00:58:54,243
I think that's
a very good idea.
1077
00:58:57,551 --> 00:59:00,084
Okay, well...
1078
00:59:00,219 --> 00:59:02,416
I have my phone with me
if you need anything.
1079
00:59:03,293 --> 00:59:04,484
Thanks, love.
1080
00:59:11,002 --> 00:59:12,228
[sighs]
1081
00:59:20,374 --> 00:59:21,609
Hi.
1082
00:59:21,745 --> 00:59:22,936
I was hoping I could use
the gym today.
1083
00:59:23,071 --> 00:59:24,404
Are you a member?
1084
00:59:24,540 --> 00:59:25,912
Uh, no. I'm just in town
for a little bit.
1085
00:59:26,047 --> 00:59:27,481
If you use one of our
personal trainers,
1086
00:59:27,617 --> 00:59:29,080
you don't need to be a member.
1087
00:59:29,216 --> 00:59:31,518
Um, okay. I'll use
one of your trainers then.
1088
00:59:31,654 --> 00:59:33,249
You'll like Jonah, you'll see.
1089
00:59:34,190 --> 00:59:35,725
Thanks.
1090
00:59:35,860 --> 00:59:38,017
So, would you like to start
a warm up doing steps?
1091
00:59:38,153 --> 00:59:39,794
- Okay.
- Is okay?
1092
00:59:39,929 --> 00:59:42,964
Do you think you can do this
for 30 seconds?
1093
00:59:43,099 --> 00:59:45,734
- Um, sure. All right.
- Okay, go for it. Have a try.
1094
00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:49,263
And we are on. Okay, nice.
1095
00:59:49,398 --> 00:59:50,637
- Keep focus on your leg.
- Mmm-hmm.
1096
00:59:50,772 --> 00:59:52,265
And, if you can,
move your arm...
1097
00:59:52,401 --> 00:59:53,742
- Okay.
- Okay, with each step.
1098
00:59:54,970 --> 00:59:56,679
And we are done.
1099
00:59:56,814 --> 00:59:59,645
Nice. You're pretty strong,
you young lady.
1100
00:59:59,781 --> 01:00:01,477
[panting] What I am is winded.
1101
01:00:01,613 --> 01:00:04,150
Well, if you want, there are
other variations we can do.
1102
01:00:04,286 --> 01:00:05,554
[pants]
1103
01:00:05,690 --> 01:00:07,388
I mean, you can go try
like this.
1104
01:00:07,524 --> 01:00:09,118
You can go back and forth.
1105
01:00:09,254 --> 01:00:12,121
Or you can jump on it
and go left
1106
01:00:12,256 --> 01:00:14,926
and right or back
and on the box.
1107
01:00:15,062 --> 01:00:16,694
- Okay. Okay.
- Have a try one more.
1108
01:00:16,830 --> 01:00:19,931
- [panting]
- Nice.
1109
01:00:20,067 --> 01:00:21,327
- Focus on your core here.
- Uh-huh.
1110
01:00:21,462 --> 01:00:24,140
And breathe. [breathing deeply]
1111
01:00:24,275 --> 01:00:26,103
Inhale and exhale.
1112
01:00:26,238 --> 01:00:28,606
- [panting]
- [Jonah breathing deeply]
1113
01:00:28,741 --> 01:00:29,771
Perfect. One more.
1114
01:00:29,906 --> 01:00:31,406
[panting]
1115
01:00:33,978 --> 01:00:35,014
Is everything okay?
1116
01:00:35,747 --> 01:00:37,412
[panting]
1117
01:00:40,386 --> 01:00:43,121
When the body's in great shape,
it takes longer to die.
1118
01:00:45,659 --> 01:00:47,291
When death comes,
1119
01:00:47,427 --> 01:00:50,500
the mind wants to go,
but the body keeps fighting.
1120
01:00:50,635 --> 01:00:53,362
Heart beating "no"
with every beat.
1121
01:00:54,138 --> 01:00:55,562
Well...
1122
01:00:55,697 --> 01:00:58,706
all the more reason
to look after yourself.
1123
01:00:58,842 --> 01:01:00,142
I live with a friend
who's dying.
1124
01:01:00,277 --> 01:01:01,304
I'm sorry.
1125
01:01:02,479 --> 01:01:04,340
Come. Let's have a seat.
1126
01:01:05,073 --> 01:01:05,946
Come here.
1127
01:01:08,176 --> 01:01:10,178
[sighs, sniffles]
1128
01:01:10,314 --> 01:01:12,216
Is there anything
that I can do?
1129
01:01:15,159 --> 01:01:16,693
[sighs]
1130
01:01:18,530 --> 01:01:20,928
I wish I could give you a hug,
1131
01:01:21,063 --> 01:01:23,027
but we're not allowed
to touch clients anymore
1132
01:01:23,163 --> 01:01:25,394
because of the lawsuits
and whatever.
1133
01:01:28,703 --> 01:01:31,038
And it's a problem,
1134
01:01:31,173 --> 01:01:32,900
because it can be hard
to correct people's posture
1135
01:01:33,035 --> 01:01:34,806
with just words,
1136
01:01:34,942 --> 01:01:36,746
and touching is so important.
1137
01:01:38,111 --> 01:01:40,572
This world
is absurd and inhumane.
1138
01:01:40,708 --> 01:01:43,016
I don't see it improving
any time soon.
1139
01:01:45,381 --> 01:01:47,585
But thank you, I feel hugged.
1140
01:01:47,720 --> 01:01:48,890
[chuckles]
1141
01:01:54,591 --> 01:01:57,757
Oh, I've been meaning
to read this book.
1142
01:01:57,892 --> 01:02:00,632
Isn't it a wonderful title?
Erotic Vagrancy.
1143
01:02:00,768 --> 01:02:01,870
Do you wanna buy it?
1144
01:02:04,070 --> 01:02:05,775
I won't have time to finish it.
1145
01:02:12,673 --> 01:02:14,579
I like the way
it's laid out here.
1146
01:02:14,715 --> 01:02:15,679
[Ingrid] Mmm.
1147
01:02:15,814 --> 01:02:17,285
Oh, look.
1148
01:02:17,420 --> 01:02:18,678
Martha Gellhorn.
1149
01:02:19,723 --> 01:02:21,219
The View from the Ground.
1150
01:02:23,720 --> 01:02:27,927
She wrote that you only ever
truly love one war,
1151
01:02:28,063 --> 01:02:29,997
after that you're just
doing your duty.
1152
01:02:32,261 --> 01:02:33,627
Which one was yours?
1153
01:02:35,297 --> 01:02:37,235
Bosnia, without a doubt.
1154
01:02:43,013 --> 01:02:45,748
The fight to survive
by the Bosnian people
1155
01:02:45,883 --> 01:02:48,781
against a perfectly
equipped army...
1156
01:02:48,917 --> 01:02:50,411
stole the hearts of all of us
1157
01:02:50,547 --> 01:02:52,954
who witnessed
the extermination.
1158
01:02:53,089 --> 01:02:55,990
There are very few women
war correspondents.
1159
01:02:57,220 --> 01:02:59,652
War is a man's thing.
1160
01:02:59,788 --> 01:03:01,862
You have to sort of become
one of the guys
1161
01:03:01,998 --> 01:03:03,829
and it was never
a problem for me,
1162
01:03:03,965 --> 01:03:06,133
I've always lived like a man.
1163
01:03:06,268 --> 01:03:11,104
Actually, I think
what Michelle really missed...
1164
01:03:11,239 --> 01:03:13,766
was having a maternal figure
in her life.
1165
01:03:14,744 --> 01:03:17,908
And in this, I must admit
1166
01:03:18,043 --> 01:03:19,944
she... she was right.
1167
01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:21,609
Don't be so hard on yourself.
1168
01:03:26,482 --> 01:03:29,282
Hey, look who's coming to town!
1169
01:03:29,417 --> 01:03:31,284
The life of the party!
1170
01:03:31,420 --> 01:03:33,292
"How bad can it get?
1171
01:03:33,427 --> 01:03:35,188
Navigating urban life
with integrity."
1172
01:03:35,324 --> 01:03:36,690
You feel like going?
1173
01:03:36,825 --> 01:03:38,197
No, you know what?
I've heard it already
1174
01:03:38,332 --> 01:03:40,100
and it's not an evening
I'd like to repeat.
1175
01:03:40,235 --> 01:03:42,497
We all have our own
personal apocalypses.
1176
01:03:42,632 --> 01:03:44,333
Are you having
an awful time with me?
1177
01:03:44,469 --> 01:03:47,037
No, no, I meant him,
his lecture.
1178
01:03:47,173 --> 01:03:48,936
Global crisis, climate change.
1179
01:03:49,071 --> 01:03:49,945
Yeah.
1180
01:03:50,446 --> 01:03:51,545
Hi.
1181
01:03:51,680 --> 01:03:52,706
I love your hair.
1182
01:03:53,416 --> 01:03:54,378
Nice.
1183
01:04:05,490 --> 01:04:08,489
When the nightmares
come rushing in,
1184
01:04:08,625 --> 01:04:11,127
I think about
all the men I've loved.
1185
01:04:11,263 --> 01:04:12,699
[chuckles] Sounds like a song.
1186
01:04:12,834 --> 01:04:14,633
[chuckles] A good one.
1187
01:04:14,769 --> 01:04:15,795
[both chuckle]
1188
01:04:17,171 --> 01:04:19,139
Even if it was
just for one night.
1189
01:04:20,539 --> 01:04:23,341
[sighs] Sometimes I think
about Damian.
1190
01:04:28,414 --> 01:04:30,611
I still think
sex is the best way
1191
01:04:30,747 --> 01:04:32,845
to fend off looming thoughts
of death.
1192
01:04:34,418 --> 01:04:36,519
Like those Spanish Carmelites.
1193
01:04:38,558 --> 01:04:41,363
Wars turned me into
a promiscuous woman, Ingrid.
1194
01:04:41,499 --> 01:04:42,855
Good. [laughs]
1195
01:04:44,859 --> 01:04:46,194
Are you still
in touch with him?
1196
01:04:46,329 --> 01:04:48,432
- With who?
- Damian.
1197
01:04:49,571 --> 01:04:51,169
Um...
1198
01:04:51,305 --> 01:04:52,700
You know...
Um, from time to time.
1199
01:04:55,307 --> 01:04:57,870
"How bad can it get?" [scoffs]
1200
01:04:59,714 --> 01:05:01,478
Well... [sighs]
1201
01:05:01,613 --> 01:05:04,778
much worse than you imagine,
Damian, honey.
1202
01:05:08,524 --> 01:05:09,486
Hey.
1203
01:05:10,594 --> 01:05:11,587
You all right?
1204
01:05:12,696 --> 01:05:13,963
I was trying to write.
1205
01:05:15,432 --> 01:05:16,427
I can't.
1206
01:05:19,566 --> 01:05:23,736
In this war, I'm incapable
of writing anything.
1207
01:05:23,872 --> 01:05:24,897
What about reading?
1208
01:05:26,203 --> 01:05:27,207
You love to read.
1209
01:05:27,940 --> 01:05:29,110
I've tried.
1210
01:05:30,939 --> 01:05:33,312
I've tried with some
of my favorite writers.
1211
01:05:35,547 --> 01:05:37,987
The spell just isn't
there anymore.
1212
01:05:40,758 --> 01:05:42,519
I'm talking about Faulkner,
1213
01:05:43,956 --> 01:05:45,060
Hemingway...
1214
01:05:46,961 --> 01:05:48,393
I can't concentrate.
1215
01:05:49,957 --> 01:05:53,299
My mind just flies off
into the void.
1216
01:05:54,595 --> 01:05:56,137
If you're too tired,
1217
01:05:57,642 --> 01:05:58,667
I could read to you.
1218
01:06:01,777 --> 01:06:02,935
Not just reading,
1219
01:06:04,342 --> 01:06:06,312
all pleasure's been reduced.
1220
01:06:08,916 --> 01:06:10,149
It's hard to know
1221
01:06:10,285 --> 01:06:12,483
what to pay attention
to anymore.
1222
01:06:15,616 --> 01:06:16,949
I have very little time
1223
01:06:18,093 --> 01:06:19,424
and I don't want to waste it.
1224
01:06:21,598 --> 01:06:23,032
Okay. Um...
1225
01:06:26,461 --> 01:06:29,896
What about music?
1226
01:06:32,341 --> 01:06:35,639
I can only listen
to the birds singing.
1227
01:06:35,775 --> 01:06:38,877
Well, luckily, they give us
a serenade every day.
1228
01:06:39,013 --> 01:06:42,041
Music decenters me.
1229
01:06:42,177 --> 01:06:44,984
It comes between me
and whatever it is I'm doing,
1230
01:06:45,119 --> 01:06:46,649
even if it's just thinking.
1231
01:06:48,290 --> 01:06:51,218
Maybe the chemo
is affecting my hearing.
1232
01:06:51,353 --> 01:06:53,656
Oh, honey.
1233
01:06:53,792 --> 01:06:56,692
I've been reduced
to very little of myself.
1234
01:07:05,176 --> 01:07:08,242
I long for some peace
of body and mind.
1235
01:07:11,040 --> 01:07:14,182
And to just talk whenever
I'm invaded by memory.
1236
01:07:15,412 --> 01:07:16,644
Am I talking too much?
1237
01:07:16,779 --> 01:07:18,752
No, no, no, no.
Talk all you want,
1238
01:07:18,888 --> 01:07:20,347
I love listening to you.
1239
01:07:20,483 --> 01:07:22,190
[crickets chirping]
1240
01:07:26,025 --> 01:07:27,426
[birds chirping]
1241
01:08:18,682 --> 01:08:19,907
[sniffling]
1242
01:08:38,594 --> 01:08:40,169
[breathing heavily]
1243
01:08:42,398 --> 01:08:43,535
[sniffles]
1244
01:08:47,909 --> 01:08:49,442
[birds chirping]
1245
01:09:18,005 --> 01:09:19,307
[birds chirping]
1246
01:09:31,788 --> 01:09:33,189
[sobbing]
1247
01:09:39,963 --> 01:09:41,659
[continues sobbing]
1248
01:09:55,407 --> 01:09:58,412
[continues sobbing]
1249
01:10:05,217 --> 01:10:07,020
What's going on?
1250
01:10:07,156 --> 01:10:08,719
- What's wrong?
- [gasps]
1251
01:10:11,351 --> 01:10:13,658
Your door was closed,
so I thought you...
1252
01:10:15,195 --> 01:10:17,557
Oh, I'm so sorry.
1253
01:10:17,692 --> 01:10:18,925
I opened a window
1254
01:10:19,061 --> 01:10:21,769
and the breeze
must have closed it.
1255
01:10:21,904 --> 01:10:23,030
Oh, my God!
1256
01:10:24,808 --> 01:10:25,769
[sniffling]
1257
01:10:30,347 --> 01:10:32,044
Do you think it's fair
to be mad at me
1258
01:10:32,180 --> 01:10:33,777
because I'm still alive?
1259
01:10:37,153 --> 01:10:39,112
Think of it as a rehearsal.
1260
01:10:40,718 --> 01:10:42,456
Now you know how it's gonna be.
1261
01:10:43,754 --> 01:10:45,492
You know how you're gonna feel.
1262
01:10:47,221 --> 01:10:49,429
You're gonna have
to make some calls
1263
01:10:49,565 --> 01:10:53,001
and act out all the things
we talked about.
1264
01:10:53,137 --> 01:10:54,963
And you never knew anything...
1265
01:10:56,040 --> 01:10:57,267
and we were on vacation...
1266
01:10:57,402 --> 01:10:59,099
Please, just stop!
1267
01:11:00,909 --> 01:11:02,075
Okay.
1268
01:11:02,211 --> 01:11:03,609
[bugle call playing on TV]
1269
01:11:09,043 --> 01:11:11,045
[whimsical music playing on TV]
1270
01:11:30,741 --> 01:11:32,106
[laughs]
1271
01:11:32,241 --> 01:11:33,738
[tense music playing on TV]
1272
01:11:47,285 --> 01:11:48,489
[laughs]
1273
01:12:04,005 --> 01:12:05,198
[whirs]
1274
01:12:11,808 --> 01:12:13,173
Should we call it a night?
1275
01:12:14,180 --> 01:12:15,715
Oh!
1276
01:12:15,850 --> 01:12:18,112
Or does the young lady
wanna keep watching movies?
1277
01:12:19,786 --> 01:12:22,688
Did you tell me
that they have The Dead?
1278
01:12:23,918 --> 01:12:25,025
Or did I dream that?
1279
01:12:25,161 --> 01:12:27,126
Yeah, they have it.
1280
01:12:27,262 --> 01:12:29,222
Um, you wanna watch it?
1281
01:12:30,032 --> 01:12:31,130
Yes, please.
1282
01:12:31,266 --> 01:12:32,665
[Ingrid] Here we go.
1283
01:12:35,334 --> 01:12:36,372
Here we go.
1284
01:12:43,477 --> 01:12:46,745
[somber music playing on TV]
1285
01:12:46,880 --> 01:12:49,912
[Gabriel on TV]
Yes, the newspapers are right.
1286
01:12:50,048 --> 01:12:53,853
Snow is general
all over Ireland.
1287
01:12:53,988 --> 01:12:57,718
Falling on every part
of the dark central plain,
1288
01:12:57,853 --> 01:12:59,758
on the treeless hills.
1289
01:13:00,990 --> 01:13:04,092
Softly upon the Bog of Allen
1290
01:13:04,227 --> 01:13:07,963
and farther westward,
softly falling
1291
01:13:08,098 --> 01:13:13,069
into the dark mutinous
Shannon waves.
1292
01:13:13,204 --> 01:13:16,236
One by one,
we're all becoming shades.
1293
01:13:18,681 --> 01:13:21,911
- [softly repeating]
- Snow is falling,
1294
01:13:22,046 --> 01:13:24,277
falling in
that lonely churchyard
1295
01:13:24,412 --> 01:13:26,279
where Michael Furey
lies buried.
1296
01:13:28,153 --> 01:13:30,355
Falling faintly
through the universe
1297
01:13:30,491 --> 01:13:33,561
and faintly falling,
1298
01:13:33,696 --> 01:13:36,190
like the descent
of their last end,
1299
01:13:37,667 --> 01:13:41,228
upon all the living
and the dead.
1300
01:13:51,641 --> 01:13:53,746
[birds chirping]
1301
01:14:00,750 --> 01:14:01,622
Do you hear them?
1302
01:14:02,321 --> 01:14:03,349
Mmm-hmm.
1303
01:14:05,555 --> 01:14:06,528
[beeps]
1304
01:14:07,162 --> 01:14:08,761
[whirring]
1305
01:14:11,926 --> 01:14:12,930
It's daytime.
1306
01:14:17,602 --> 01:14:18,837
And you're alive.
1307
01:14:21,572 --> 01:14:22,973
[birds chirping]
1308
01:14:29,450 --> 01:14:30,976
Oh, this is too much.
1309
01:14:31,111 --> 01:14:32,287
- Yeah?
- This is harder
1310
01:14:32,422 --> 01:14:33,852
- than I thought it'd be.
- Okay.
1311
01:14:36,424 --> 01:14:37,690
I think I need to sit.
1312
01:14:37,825 --> 01:14:40,458
All right. Yeah, let's go
sit over here.
1313
01:14:40,593 --> 01:14:42,091
Here, let me help you.
1314
01:14:46,260 --> 01:14:48,735
Hey, I've got you. Here we go.
1315
01:14:49,534 --> 01:14:50,572
Here you go.
1316
01:14:51,942 --> 01:14:53,069
Okay.
1317
01:14:54,605 --> 01:14:56,576
[Martha] Oh!
1318
01:14:56,711 --> 01:14:58,811
- Oh, that's much better.
- Oh, good.
1319
01:15:02,884 --> 01:15:05,982
Before coming here,
I made a new will.
1320
01:15:06,118 --> 01:15:08,689
Aw, let's not talk
about this now, please.
1321
01:15:10,321 --> 01:15:12,423
I'm leaving the apartment
and everything in it
1322
01:15:12,559 --> 01:15:14,189
to Michelle and you.
1323
01:15:19,967 --> 01:15:23,131
I found your war journals
in your desk.
1324
01:15:23,266 --> 01:15:25,635
What do you want us
to do with them?
1325
01:15:25,771 --> 01:15:27,506
Is it okay if I read them?
1326
01:15:27,641 --> 01:15:29,039
Of course you can read them.
1327
01:15:32,513 --> 01:15:34,182
Can I tell your story?
1328
01:15:34,318 --> 01:15:35,584
You can do what you want.
1329
01:15:36,647 --> 01:15:37,916
I won't be here.
1330
01:15:40,013 --> 01:15:41,051
Can I say that?
1331
01:15:41,684 --> 01:15:42,690
No.
1332
01:15:43,884 --> 01:15:44,890
Okay.
1333
01:15:47,691 --> 01:15:49,697
[birds chirping]
1334
01:15:52,192 --> 01:15:54,196
[crickets chirping]
1335
01:16:08,942 --> 01:16:09,981
[sighs]
1336
01:16:39,078 --> 01:16:40,814
Let's not talk
about this now, okay?
1337
01:16:42,113 --> 01:16:44,620
All right,
I'll see you there. Bye.
1338
01:16:51,857 --> 01:16:53,688
[Martha] Dear Ingrid,
1339
01:16:53,823 --> 01:16:57,864
Today is such a beautiful day
that it seemed to me it...
1340
01:16:59,894 --> 01:17:00,768
Hey.
1341
01:17:01,401 --> 01:17:02,370
Hi.
1342
01:17:02,505 --> 01:17:04,371
- Everything okay?
- Yeah.
1343
01:17:04,507 --> 01:17:06,464
This breeze is delicious.
1344
01:17:06,600 --> 01:17:08,776
Be careful,
it's a little chilly.
1345
01:17:10,311 --> 01:17:11,713
Um...
1346
01:17:11,848 --> 01:17:13,645
If you don't need me,
I'm gonna go to the gym.
1347
01:17:13,780 --> 01:17:15,178
But I can stay if you want.
1348
01:17:15,313 --> 01:17:17,482
No. Please, go.
I don't want to be a downer.
1349
01:17:17,618 --> 01:17:18,883
You're not a downer.
1350
01:17:19,019 --> 01:17:21,348
You've been
pretty well-behaved.
1351
01:17:21,484 --> 01:17:23,824
Have you talked
to your trainer about me?
1352
01:17:25,051 --> 01:17:26,361
Um...
1353
01:17:26,496 --> 01:17:29,291
Well... I mean, it came up.
1354
01:17:29,426 --> 01:17:31,698
I was talking about
being in good shape
1355
01:17:31,834 --> 01:17:34,695
and the heart beating
to survive.
1356
01:17:34,830 --> 01:17:37,838
You know, everything that you
talked about in the hospital
1357
01:17:37,973 --> 01:17:40,104
and he looked at me
like I was a lunatic,
1358
01:17:40,239 --> 01:17:42,638
so I told him I had
a friend that was sick.
1359
01:17:42,773 --> 01:17:44,879
That's all.
1360
01:17:45,014 --> 01:17:49,777
Just remember,
you know nothing
about anything.
1361
01:17:49,912 --> 01:17:50,950
[Ingrid] Mm.
1362
01:17:55,283 --> 01:17:56,989
Come here, give me a kiss.
1363
01:17:59,661 --> 01:18:00,927
- You okay?
- Yes.
1364
01:18:13,573 --> 01:18:15,568
[lively chatter]
1365
01:18:23,914 --> 01:18:25,182
- Hi.
- Hi.
1366
01:18:30,385 --> 01:18:32,724
I lied to her, I don't like it.
1367
01:18:32,860 --> 01:18:34,095
Well, you'll have to practice.
1368
01:18:34,230 --> 01:18:36,020
Lying?
1369
01:18:36,156 --> 01:18:39,397
Yes. Officially,
you aren't aware
of Martha's intentions.
1370
01:18:39,532 --> 01:18:41,000
Yeah.
1371
01:18:41,136 --> 01:18:43,035
And I found a lawyer,
in case you need one.
1372
01:18:43,170 --> 01:18:45,166
Thank you. Let's not
talk about this now.
1373
01:18:45,301 --> 01:18:48,241
- Mm.
- How'd your lecture go?
1374
01:18:48,376 --> 01:18:51,912
Well, they weren't too happy
about my not taking questions.
1375
01:18:53,415 --> 01:18:55,742
In the end,
1376
01:18:55,877 --> 01:18:58,881
people started muttering
and someone called me a coward.
1377
01:18:59,016 --> 01:19:00,652
It doesn't bother me.
1378
01:19:00,788 --> 01:19:02,791
I spent way too much time
1379
01:19:02,926 --> 01:19:05,623
caring about my reputation,
and for what?
1380
01:19:05,758 --> 01:19:07,992
So, what are you doing
with all that time
you've gotten back?
1381
01:19:08,128 --> 01:19:11,766
Are you doing more
of what you love?
1382
01:19:11,902 --> 01:19:14,295
I have to admit
that my interest in things
1383
01:19:14,430 --> 01:19:16,805
has been shrinking
as I get older.
1384
01:19:18,536 --> 01:19:20,668
Martha said the same thing
a couple days ago.
1385
01:19:20,804 --> 01:19:23,268
There are so few things left
that she can really enjoy.
1386
01:19:23,404 --> 01:19:25,176
- I understand.
- Mm.
1387
01:19:26,406 --> 01:19:28,149
But you're not sick.
1388
01:19:28,284 --> 01:19:30,148
No, but I feel the same way,
especially after the pandemic.
1389
01:19:30,283 --> 01:19:32,579
I don't go to the cinema
or listen to music.
1390
01:19:33,456 --> 01:19:35,086
I... I read a lot,
1391
01:19:35,222 --> 01:19:37,091
but only subjects
to do with my lectures.
1392
01:19:37,226 --> 01:19:39,586
Mm. You still go to galleries?
You used to love that.
1393
01:19:39,721 --> 01:19:41,157
When we were together,
we'd go all the time
1394
01:19:41,293 --> 01:19:43,397
and talk about
how powerful the art is.
1395
01:19:43,533 --> 01:19:45,594
You still like that?
1396
01:19:45,729 --> 01:19:48,332
Even if every poet in the world
sat down to write a poem
1397
01:19:48,467 --> 01:19:50,839
about the climate crisis,
it wouldn't save one tree.
1398
01:19:50,974 --> 01:19:53,002
At least you're still
interested in trees.
1399
01:19:53,137 --> 01:19:54,741
I'm interested in sex, too.
1400
01:19:54,876 --> 01:19:56,476
Well, then you're not that bad.
1401
01:19:56,611 --> 01:19:58,971
When I was young,
1402
01:19:59,106 --> 01:20:02,976
if a day went by without sex,
I thought it was incomplete.
1403
01:20:03,111 --> 01:20:05,011
I remember that.
1404
01:20:05,147 --> 01:20:09,352
I'm not nostalgic,
but I miss the nights
when we'd drink...
1405
01:20:10,451 --> 01:20:12,987
and take drugs, have sex,
1406
01:20:13,122 --> 01:20:16,025
all that didn't distract us
from what we really
wanted to do.
1407
01:20:16,161 --> 01:20:18,523
You drank and you took drugs.
1408
01:20:18,658 --> 01:20:20,460
I mean, more than I did anyway.
1409
01:20:20,596 --> 01:20:22,535
I don't know
how much you drank,
1410
01:20:22,670 --> 01:20:26,039
but you always acted
as you were as blitzed
as the rest of us.
1411
01:20:26,175 --> 01:20:29,170
But you were an essential part
of the party.
1412
01:20:29,305 --> 01:20:30,976
That is, until you got bored
1413
01:20:31,112 --> 01:20:32,804
and went off
to discover Europe.
1414
01:20:34,277 --> 01:20:35,510
You want to talk about that?
1415
01:20:36,818 --> 01:20:37,811
Tell me about your lecture.
1416
01:20:37,947 --> 01:20:39,449
[sighs]
1417
01:20:39,584 --> 01:20:43,648
I admit that I've become
something of a monomaniac.
1418
01:20:43,783 --> 01:20:45,652
My own son is no longer
speaking to me
1419
01:20:45,787 --> 01:20:48,028
because I didn't hide
how appalled I was
1420
01:20:48,163 --> 01:20:50,688
that his wife
is expecting another child.
1421
01:20:50,824 --> 01:20:51,997
He doesn't want me
anywhere near her
1422
01:20:52,132 --> 01:20:54,061
for fear
she'll have a miscarriage.
1423
01:20:54,196 --> 01:20:56,201
What? How could you tell him
that he can't have
another child?
1424
01:20:56,336 --> 01:20:58,632
- It's their third!
- [stammering] What...
1425
01:20:58,767 --> 01:21:00,798
So, what's the next
logical alternative?
1426
01:21:00,934 --> 01:21:02,239
For people
to start killing themselves?
1427
01:21:02,375 --> 01:21:04,541
People should be aware,
once and for all,
1428
01:21:04,677 --> 01:21:06,838
of the state of the fucking
planet they're living on.
1429
01:21:08,845 --> 01:21:11,776
Well, perhaps this isn't
the best subject for you.
1430
01:21:11,912 --> 01:21:15,556
You're living with
a dying woman in a world
1431
01:21:15,692 --> 01:21:17,893
also in its death throes.
1432
01:21:20,364 --> 01:21:22,925
Do you really think
the situation
is that desperate?
1433
01:21:23,060 --> 01:21:27,465
Yes. Read the science
and see what the world
is doing with it.
1434
01:21:27,601 --> 01:21:31,570
They're releasing more CO2
into the air than ever before.
1435
01:21:31,705 --> 01:21:33,505
Sooner or later,
1436
01:21:33,641 --> 01:21:38,409
and I fear it will be sooner,
all this will be shot to hell.
1437
01:21:38,544 --> 01:21:42,049
Nothing is going to hasten
the end of the planet
1438
01:21:42,184 --> 01:21:45,081
more than the survival
of neo-liberalism
1439
01:21:45,217 --> 01:21:46,847
and the rise of the far right.
1440
01:21:46,982 --> 01:21:50,750
And we have both of them here,
marching side by side.
1441
01:21:54,087 --> 01:21:57,229
Sorry, I didn't want
to bring you down, but...
1442
01:21:58,526 --> 01:22:00,532
I get riled up with this.
1443
01:22:00,668 --> 01:22:04,031
You cannot go around
telling people that
there's no hope.
1444
01:22:04,166 --> 01:22:05,733
It's tragic.
1445
01:22:05,869 --> 01:22:08,401
And maybe it's really
unpleasant of me to say so,
1446
01:22:08,537 --> 01:22:10,745
but I've completely lost faith
1447
01:22:10,881 --> 01:22:12,909
in people doing
the right thing.
1448
01:22:13,045 --> 01:22:15,482
I'm living every day
expecting to find
Martha's body in her bed,
1449
01:22:15,617 --> 01:22:19,487
but that doesn't stop me
from enjoying every minute
with her,
1450
01:22:19,622 --> 01:22:21,583
just the opposite.
1451
01:22:21,718 --> 01:22:24,984
I'm learning from her
and you should, too,
1452
01:22:25,120 --> 01:22:28,029
because there are lots of ways
to live inside a tragedy.
1453
01:22:29,930 --> 01:22:32,467
Of course it's painful,
1454
01:22:32,602 --> 01:22:34,629
but I can take it.
1455
01:22:35,738 --> 01:22:37,904
And I'm trying to live
1456
01:22:38,039 --> 01:22:40,601
with the same joy that she has,
1457
01:22:40,737 --> 01:22:43,572
and with the same
appreciation, so...
1458
01:22:43,707 --> 01:22:46,408
the last thing I need
is a speech like yours.
1459
01:22:46,543 --> 01:22:48,016
I've always admired you
for that.
1460
01:22:49,375 --> 01:22:50,976
What?
1461
01:22:51,112 --> 01:22:53,318
You're one of the only people
who knows how to suffer
1462
01:22:53,454 --> 01:22:56,024
without making others
feel guilty about it.
1463
01:23:24,014 --> 01:23:25,020
[sighs]
1464
01:23:38,332 --> 01:23:40,560
Do you think
it will be much longer?
1465
01:23:40,695 --> 01:23:43,962
No, it'll be soon. Any day now.
1466
01:23:45,269 --> 01:23:47,069
You have to be prepared.
1467
01:23:47,204 --> 01:23:48,536
I know the police.
1468
01:23:48,672 --> 01:23:50,411
They'll ask you
all sorts of questions,
1469
01:23:50,546 --> 01:23:53,309
they'll dig into
your relationship
like scavengers.
1470
01:23:53,444 --> 01:23:55,147
You need
a kind of mental script.
1471
01:23:55,283 --> 01:23:58,019
No, I thought about it,
I do have it.
1472
01:23:58,155 --> 01:24:01,017
Good. Stay strong
and stick to your story.
1473
01:24:01,153 --> 01:24:02,652
And when it happens,
1474
01:24:02,787 --> 01:24:05,223
you should call the police
before you call me.
1475
01:24:05,359 --> 01:24:06,554
No, I need to call
her daughter.
1476
01:24:06,690 --> 01:24:08,162
I should call her
before I call you.
1477
01:24:08,297 --> 01:24:10,626
Okay, but be careful
what you say to her.
1478
01:24:10,761 --> 01:24:13,359
I had to tell the lawyer
about the situation.
1479
01:24:13,494 --> 01:24:16,763
Why do we have to
go through all this,
like we're criminals?
1480
01:24:16,898 --> 01:24:18,368
Shouldn't dying people
have the right
1481
01:24:18,504 --> 01:24:19,899
to end their lives
with dignity?
1482
01:24:20,034 --> 01:24:22,303
They will, once
our teetering health system
1483
01:24:22,438 --> 01:24:23,903
completely collapses.
1484
01:24:24,779 --> 01:24:26,741
[birds chirping]
1485
01:25:01,078 --> 01:25:02,117
Martha?
1486
01:25:22,664 --> 01:25:24,499
[Martha] Dear Ingrid,
1487
01:25:24,634 --> 01:25:27,331
today is such a beautiful day
1488
01:25:27,467 --> 01:25:30,807
that it seemed to me
it was the moment to leave.
1489
01:25:30,943 --> 01:25:34,540
It consoled me that you weren't
in the room downstairs,
1490
01:25:34,676 --> 01:25:36,884
even though that was the idea.
1491
01:25:37,019 --> 01:25:40,514
But you know I always improvise
1492
01:25:40,650 --> 01:25:42,387
and I'm almost happy that,
1493
01:25:42,523 --> 01:25:45,585
while I fade away
on the lounger,
1494
01:25:45,720 --> 01:25:47,459
you're out in the world,
1495
01:25:47,595 --> 01:25:51,531
experiencing something
different to my death.
1496
01:25:51,667 --> 01:25:54,862
No one will be able
to accuse you of complicity.
1497
01:25:56,170 --> 01:25:57,801
You have accompanied me
1498
01:25:57,936 --> 01:26:02,507
as much as any human being
can accompany another.
1499
01:26:02,643 --> 01:26:05,609
Call my daughter
and tell her I'm sorry.
1500
01:26:06,917 --> 01:26:09,316
And thank you, love.
1501
01:26:34,974 --> 01:26:36,002
Martha.
1502
01:26:39,675 --> 01:26:41,249
I'll do whatever you want.
1503
01:26:46,448 --> 01:26:47,552
[sniffling]
1504
01:27:01,002 --> 01:27:02,996
[birds cawing]
1505
01:27:08,844 --> 01:27:11,438
We had dinner
and then we watched
a Buster Keaton movie.
1506
01:27:11,574 --> 01:27:12,940
I told you this already.
1507
01:27:13,075 --> 01:27:15,116
And you didn't notice
anything strange,
1508
01:27:15,252 --> 01:27:17,384
anything that made
you suspect...
1509
01:27:19,954 --> 01:27:21,322
Try to remember.
1510
01:27:21,457 --> 01:27:23,950
I remember it perfectly,
it was a fun night.
1511
01:27:24,086 --> 01:27:26,722
There were no gestures?
Nothing she said?
1512
01:27:26,858 --> 01:27:29,625
We said goodnight
and then I went upstairs
1513
01:27:29,761 --> 01:27:32,224
and I stayed up late
reading a book
1514
01:27:32,360 --> 01:27:34,930
that Martha had recommended
called Erotic Vagrancy.
1515
01:27:35,065 --> 01:27:37,762
It's about Elizabeth Taylor
and Richard Burton.
1516
01:27:37,898 --> 01:27:39,407
- Do you know it?
- No.
1517
01:27:39,542 --> 01:27:41,969
Martha and I both thought
that it was really fun.
1518
01:27:42,105 --> 01:27:44,345
Try to answer
only the questions I ask you.
1519
01:27:48,417 --> 01:27:49,779
What'd you do
the following morning?
1520
01:27:52,220 --> 01:27:54,278
I had lunch with a friend.
1521
01:27:54,413 --> 01:27:56,485
And when I came back,
I called out for her
1522
01:27:56,620 --> 01:27:58,288
and when she didn't answer,
1523
01:27:58,423 --> 01:28:00,158
I went to her bedroom.
1524
01:28:00,293 --> 01:28:02,222
But she wasn't there.
1525
01:28:02,358 --> 01:28:06,394
So I went into the backyard
and that's when I saw her.
1526
01:28:06,529 --> 01:28:09,295
And, at first, I thought
that she was asleep
on the lounge chair
1527
01:28:09,430 --> 01:28:12,238
and I got really nervous
and I called the ambulance.
1528
01:28:12,373 --> 01:28:13,732
And they got there very quickly
1529
01:28:13,868 --> 01:28:15,743
and then the EMTs saw her
1530
01:28:15,878 --> 01:28:18,476
and then they said
there was nothing
that they could do.
1531
01:28:18,612 --> 01:28:20,373
Nobody buys this pill
by accident
1532
01:28:20,508 --> 01:28:22,713
if they're
not thinking of suicide
or killing someone,
1533
01:28:22,848 --> 01:28:24,444
so, you didn't know
anything about this?
1534
01:28:24,579 --> 01:28:26,279
About what?
1535
01:28:26,415 --> 01:28:28,048
About her being in possession
of this illegal compound.
1536
01:28:28,184 --> 01:28:31,655
No. She was taking medication
for the pain,
1537
01:28:31,791 --> 01:28:33,623
you know, patches and pills,
but she...
1538
01:28:33,759 --> 01:28:35,858
she never shared
the specifics with me.
1539
01:28:36,956 --> 01:28:38,661
It is strange that,
1540
01:28:38,796 --> 01:28:40,158
if you two
were such good friends,
1541
01:28:40,293 --> 01:28:43,396
that she didn't say
anything to you.
1542
01:28:43,531 --> 01:28:48,035
You can't just
walk into a drugstore
and buy this pill.
1543
01:28:49,212 --> 01:28:50,642
It's very difficult to come by.
1544
01:28:52,073 --> 01:28:55,142
I think when she rented
the house,
1545
01:28:55,277 --> 01:28:57,851
she already knew what she was
gonna do, right?
1546
01:28:57,987 --> 01:28:59,780
It's possible,
1547
01:28:59,916 --> 01:29:02,323
but she didn't
tell me anything.
1548
01:29:02,459 --> 01:29:04,283
She was exhausted
from the last treatment
1549
01:29:04,418 --> 01:29:05,983
and she wanted to take a break
before going back
1550
01:29:06,118 --> 01:29:08,121
for the next round of chemo.
1551
01:29:08,256 --> 01:29:09,996
She wasn't the type
to throw in the towel.
1552
01:29:10,132 --> 01:29:12,058
She didn't complain?
1553
01:29:12,194 --> 01:29:14,666
She didn't say anything
that made you sense...
1554
01:29:16,201 --> 01:29:17,833
the end?
1555
01:29:17,969 --> 01:29:19,198
It was a great responsibility
for you.
1556
01:29:20,638 --> 01:29:22,201
She complained sometimes.
1557
01:29:24,713 --> 01:29:29,173
What did she complain about?
What did she say?
1558
01:29:29,308 --> 01:29:32,552
She'd lost the capacity
for attention.
1559
01:29:32,687 --> 01:29:36,688
She couldn't read or write,
for example.
1560
01:29:38,593 --> 01:29:40,186
Her life was reduced
to surviving.
1561
01:29:40,321 --> 01:29:43,588
You know, I find it
very hard to believe
1562
01:29:43,723 --> 01:29:46,060
that she didn't say anything
that made you suspect the end.
1563
01:29:46,196 --> 01:29:48,467
It was more than evident
that she was very sick,
1564
01:29:48,602 --> 01:29:50,062
but she wanted to
take a vacation
1565
01:29:50,198 --> 01:29:51,202
before going back
to the hospital.
1566
01:29:51,338 --> 01:29:53,739
I told you this already.
1567
01:29:53,874 --> 01:29:59,238
So, we also spoke to some
of Martha's close friends.
1568
01:30:00,981 --> 01:30:04,177
In general, they all coincide
with your testimony.
1569
01:30:06,212 --> 01:30:08,887
But one of them, Stella Byrne,
1570
01:30:09,022 --> 01:30:11,459
told us that, after Martha
finished her chemotherapy,
1571
01:30:11,594 --> 01:30:14,424
that she proposed
that she accompany her
1572
01:30:14,560 --> 01:30:16,892
to a house in the country
1573
01:30:17,027 --> 01:30:19,929
where she intended
to commit suicide.
1574
01:30:23,965 --> 01:30:26,100
Asked her to, and I quote...
1575
01:30:27,573 --> 01:30:28,773
"Be in the room next door."
1576
01:30:32,313 --> 01:30:34,606
And her friend refused.
1577
01:30:34,741 --> 01:30:37,612
I wasn't in the room next door,
I was in the room downstairs.
1578
01:30:37,748 --> 01:30:39,143
When I spoke to Mrs. Byrne
1579
01:30:39,279 --> 01:30:40,519
and informed her
of the suicide,
1580
01:30:40,655 --> 01:30:42,616
she told me
she wasn't surprised.
1581
01:30:42,751 --> 01:30:45,357
There's another word
for what Martha did,
it's called euthanasia.
1582
01:30:45,492 --> 01:30:46,989
Well, call it what you want,
1583
01:30:47,124 --> 01:30:50,695
but, for me, what your friend
did is a crime
1584
01:30:50,831 --> 01:30:53,858
and, as a policeman,
as a human being,
1585
01:30:53,993 --> 01:30:56,396
as a man of faith,
1586
01:30:56,531 --> 01:31:00,333
I'm radically opposed
to anyone committing a crime.
1587
01:31:00,469 --> 01:31:02,510
And, of course, anyone aiding
and abetting in one.
1588
01:31:09,614 --> 01:31:11,442
[cell phone clicking]
1589
01:31:12,946 --> 01:31:15,349
[line ringing]
1590
01:31:15,485 --> 01:31:17,789
Damian, can you come down
to the police station, please?
1591
01:31:18,555 --> 01:31:19,856
This is endless.
1592
01:31:19,992 --> 01:31:23,022
How do you explain
that your friend Martha
1593
01:31:23,157 --> 01:31:24,931
was so explicit with Mrs. Byrne
1594
01:31:25,066 --> 01:31:27,191
and yet she didn't tell you
anything about her intentions?
1595
01:31:27,326 --> 01:31:28,834
I'm not gonna say another word.
1596
01:31:28,969 --> 01:31:31,199
If I'm under arrest,
then tell me the charges.
1597
01:31:31,334 --> 01:31:33,238
Otherwise, I'll wait
in the hall for my lawyer.
1598
01:31:33,374 --> 01:31:34,740
Very foresighted of you.
1599
01:31:34,875 --> 01:31:36,702
What made you think
you'd need a lawyer?
1600
01:31:36,837 --> 01:31:39,972
Why don't you ask your friend,
he witnessed the interrogation.
1601
01:31:40,108 --> 01:31:44,181
[sighs] I think you're lying.
1602
01:31:44,316 --> 01:31:46,346
And that you're
the kind of person
who wouldn't say no
1603
01:31:46,482 --> 01:31:48,985
if a friend asked you
for help committing suicide.
1604
01:31:51,522 --> 01:31:52,584
Let her go.
1605
01:31:52,720 --> 01:31:53,561
[buzzes]
1606
01:32:01,696 --> 01:32:03,169
Hey.
1607
01:32:03,304 --> 01:32:04,701
- Hi.
- Hi.
1608
01:32:04,836 --> 01:32:07,240
- How are you?
- I'm okay.
1609
01:32:07,376 --> 01:32:09,169
This is my lawyer, Sarah.
1610
01:32:09,304 --> 01:32:11,005
- Hi. Pleasure.
- Thank you for coming.
1611
01:32:11,141 --> 01:32:12,747
Of course.
Damian's filled me in.
1612
01:32:12,882 --> 01:32:14,846
Is there anything I should know
about the interrogation?
1613
01:32:14,981 --> 01:32:16,749
Well, he treated me
like I was the killer.
1614
01:32:16,884 --> 01:32:18,583
- But you were with me.
- He doesn't care.
1615
01:32:18,718 --> 01:32:20,053
He insists that I'm implicated.
1616
01:32:20,188 --> 01:32:21,556
Okay, but...
1617
01:32:21,691 --> 01:32:23,690
He spoke to a friend
of Martha, Stella Byrne,
1618
01:32:23,825 --> 01:32:25,721
who said that Martha
had approached her first
1619
01:32:25,856 --> 01:32:27,221
and she refused to help her.
1620
01:32:27,356 --> 01:32:29,186
Okay, well, I'm sure
everything was recorded.
1621
01:32:29,322 --> 01:32:30,896
- Mm-hmm.
- [door opens]
1622
01:32:31,032 --> 01:32:33,760
Um, and this police officer
witnessed everything.
1623
01:32:33,896 --> 01:32:35,195
You can come in now.
1624
01:32:35,330 --> 01:32:36,802
I'll go in alone.
I'm her attorney.
1625
01:32:38,773 --> 01:32:40,432
Don't worry,
this is all very clear.
1626
01:32:42,773 --> 01:32:43,905
Thank you for coming.
1627
01:32:44,041 --> 01:32:45,706
- My pleasure.
- [door buzzes]
1628
01:32:45,842 --> 01:32:47,977
Jesus! What an asshole!
1629
01:32:48,113 --> 01:32:50,644
I've never been treated
like that before.
1630
01:32:50,780 --> 01:32:53,212
You were unlucky enough
to come up against
a religious fanatic,
1631
01:32:53,348 --> 01:32:54,618
but he's not gonna
bother you again.
1632
01:32:54,753 --> 01:32:55,918
I'm gonna file a complaint.
1633
01:32:56,053 --> 01:32:58,122
Thank you so much
for everything.
1634
01:32:58,257 --> 01:33:00,253
You still need to be available
for the next 48 hours
1635
01:33:00,388 --> 01:33:03,092
until forensic formalities
are done.
1636
01:33:03,227 --> 01:33:05,232
Um, I told them to call me
if necessary.
1637
01:33:05,367 --> 01:33:06,766
I'll be at the house.
1638
01:33:06,901 --> 01:33:07,795
Do you have
all the information you need?
1639
01:33:07,931 --> 01:33:09,770
Yes, Damian gave it to me.
1640
01:33:09,905 --> 01:33:11,967
Just give me a call
if anything comes up, okay?
1641
01:33:12,102 --> 01:33:13,638
I'm gonna head back
to the office.
1642
01:33:13,773 --> 01:33:14,936
I'm really sorry for your loss.
1643
01:33:15,071 --> 01:33:16,305
- Thank you.
- Thanks, Sarah.
1644
01:33:16,441 --> 01:33:18,237
Bye.
1645
01:33:18,373 --> 01:33:20,106
I can't believe
Stella told him that.
1646
01:33:20,241 --> 01:33:21,815
Well, he probably cornered her,
1647
01:33:21,950 --> 01:33:23,743
and they have Martha's computer
and her cell phone.
1648
01:33:23,878 --> 01:33:24,879
[Ingrid] Mm.
1649
01:33:25,014 --> 01:33:26,479
Do you know if they talked?
1650
01:33:26,614 --> 01:33:28,920
No, I don't know,
she didn't tell me anything.
1651
01:33:30,084 --> 01:33:31,816
What do you wanna do?
1652
01:33:31,951 --> 01:33:34,018
I need to go back to the house
and pack up Martha's things.
1653
01:33:34,154 --> 01:33:35,127
[cell phone ringing]
1654
01:33:35,262 --> 01:33:36,125
Sorry.
1655
01:33:37,627 --> 01:33:39,132
Hello?
1656
01:33:39,268 --> 01:33:40,492
Uh, speaking.
1657
01:33:42,603 --> 01:33:43,863
[whispers] It's Michelle.
1658
01:33:43,998 --> 01:33:45,167
Martha's daughter?
1659
01:33:45,999 --> 01:33:47,200
Yes, of course.
1660
01:33:47,336 --> 01:33:49,338
No, no, of course
you can come over.
1661
01:33:49,474 --> 01:33:52,713
I'm headed there right now.
I'll text you the address.
1662
01:33:54,110 --> 01:33:56,178
Okay, I'll see you soon. Bye.
1663
01:33:58,187 --> 01:34:00,849
Wow. Wow.
1664
01:34:00,984 --> 01:34:02,914
I'm headed back to the city,
1665
01:34:03,050 --> 01:34:05,858
so tell me when you're back
and I'll help you
with your move.
1666
01:34:07,056 --> 01:34:08,960
Thank you for everything.
1667
01:34:11,791 --> 01:34:14,031
And you can tell me
how it went with Michelle.
1668
01:34:14,664 --> 01:34:15,527
I will.
1669
01:34:17,566 --> 01:34:19,773
- Thanks. I'll call you, okay?
- Okay. Take care.
1670
01:34:21,837 --> 01:34:23,843
[birds chirping]
1671
01:34:53,475 --> 01:34:54,709
Hello, I'm Michelle.
1672
01:34:55,574 --> 01:34:56,568
I'm Ingrid.
1673
01:34:57,707 --> 01:34:58,537
Hi.
1674
01:35:02,145 --> 01:35:04,719
- Let's go inside, okay?
- Yeah.
1675
01:35:08,015 --> 01:35:09,020
Come on in.
1676
01:35:15,226 --> 01:35:16,889
Do you wanna see
your mother's room?
1677
01:35:17,024 --> 01:35:18,656
Yes, please.
1678
01:35:18,791 --> 01:35:20,658
It's right down there.
Right down the hall.
1679
01:35:48,761 --> 01:35:50,154
I made some coffee.
1680
01:35:50,290 --> 01:35:51,562
Would you like some?
1681
01:35:51,698 --> 01:35:53,291
Uh, I also have tea.
1682
01:35:53,427 --> 01:35:55,763
No, coffee's great. Thank you.
1683
01:35:55,898 --> 01:35:56,903
Here you go.
1684
01:36:01,467 --> 01:36:02,738
Did she tell you about me?
1685
01:36:02,873 --> 01:36:06,071
Of course she did.
1686
01:36:06,206 --> 01:36:10,408
And she told me
you were very upset
that you never met your father.
1687
01:36:10,544 --> 01:36:11,942
So she told you
about my father?
1688
01:36:12,078 --> 01:36:13,418
She did.
1689
01:36:13,553 --> 01:36:14,887
[coffee pouring]
1690
01:36:15,023 --> 01:36:16,557
Don't you think
she could have helped him
1691
01:36:16,692 --> 01:36:18,450
when he came back from the war?
1692
01:36:18,586 --> 01:36:21,059
She helped him
as best she could.
1693
01:36:21,194 --> 01:36:24,231
Your father came back
very badly damaged
1694
01:36:24,367 --> 01:36:26,965
and he wanted to
move to another city
and start a new life.
1695
01:36:27,101 --> 01:36:30,830
His plans never included you
or Martha.
1696
01:36:30,965 --> 01:36:34,666
And your mother
accepted the end
of the relationship and...
1697
01:36:36,075 --> 01:36:37,702
And she saw him
in such a bad way
1698
01:36:37,837 --> 01:36:39,946
that she gave him a kiss
to give him some peace
1699
01:36:40,081 --> 01:36:42,278
and that kiss turned
into something more.
1700
01:36:44,348 --> 01:36:46,216
And you are the fruit
of that moment.
1701
01:36:47,814 --> 01:36:50,550
My mother never told me
anything about that.
1702
01:36:50,686 --> 01:36:52,823
It's a difficult thing
to explain to a child.
1703
01:36:52,959 --> 01:36:54,554
She could have told me later.
1704
01:36:55,621 --> 01:36:56,996
By then you were so estranged
1705
01:36:57,131 --> 01:36:58,899
that she didn't feel
it was possible anymore.
1706
01:37:00,360 --> 01:37:02,501
She was a teenager,
1707
01:37:02,637 --> 01:37:03,836
she had a life to live,
1708
01:37:03,971 --> 01:37:06,465
and your father
moved to San Diego
1709
01:37:06,601 --> 01:37:08,040
and he made no effort
to know you.
1710
01:37:19,146 --> 01:37:20,382
So, Ingrid,
1711
01:37:22,357 --> 01:37:25,552
do you think
I was totally mistaken
about Martha?
1712
01:37:26,659 --> 01:37:29,462
You were unfair,
1713
01:37:29,597 --> 01:37:32,790
but no one can blame you
for wanting to know
who your father was.
1714
01:37:35,834 --> 01:37:37,167
It's a sad story,
1715
01:37:37,302 --> 01:37:39,170
it was very painful
for both of you.
1716
01:37:43,207 --> 01:37:44,844
Don't be so hard on yourself,
1717
01:37:44,980 --> 01:37:46,573
Martha wasn't
the perfect mother.
1718
01:37:48,208 --> 01:37:49,510
No, she wasn't.
1719
01:37:54,150 --> 01:37:55,714
Can I stay here tonight?
1720
01:37:55,849 --> 01:37:58,717
Yes, of course.
This is your mother's house!
1721
01:38:01,388 --> 01:38:02,386
[crickets chirping]
1722
01:38:02,522 --> 01:38:04,896
[Ingrid] Dear Martha,
1723
01:38:05,032 --> 01:38:07,601
I thought you'd like to know
I've come back to the house
in the woods
1724
01:38:07,737 --> 01:38:09,233
to gather up your things.
1725
01:38:11,532 --> 01:38:14,002
Your daughter came to see me.
1726
01:38:14,137 --> 01:38:15,668
I'm still shaking.
1727
01:38:16,711 --> 01:38:19,444
She looks so like you.
1728
01:38:19,579 --> 01:38:22,914
She asked me if she could stay
and sleep in your bed...
1729
01:38:23,049 --> 01:38:24,611
and, of course, I said yes.
1730
01:38:26,750 --> 01:38:29,055
I think your death
has brought her closer to you.
1731
01:38:33,160 --> 01:38:35,795
I never thought
I'd inherit her,
1732
01:38:35,930 --> 01:38:37,932
even if it's just for a day.
1733
01:38:39,164 --> 01:38:41,364
The house is filled with you.
1734
01:38:44,405 --> 01:38:48,065
When I came in,
after talking to the police,
1735
01:38:48,200 --> 01:38:50,571
the first thing I saw
was the door of your room,
1736
01:38:52,043 --> 01:38:54,575
and it was open.
1737
01:38:54,710 --> 01:38:57,813
And I said to myself,
"She's alive."
1738
01:38:57,948 --> 01:38:59,844
[birds chirping]
1739
01:39:31,779 --> 01:39:33,944
I came out here
to listen to the birds.
1740
01:39:36,619 --> 01:39:38,421
Your mother
would get up like this,
1741
01:39:39,560 --> 01:39:40,819
at dawn,
1742
01:39:42,060 --> 01:39:43,492
and lie right there.
1743
01:39:48,671 --> 01:39:51,368
Look, it's snowing.
1744
01:39:53,167 --> 01:39:54,404
[sighs]
1745
01:39:55,204 --> 01:39:56,967
[wind blowing]
1746
01:40:00,441 --> 01:40:01,741
The snow is falling.
1747
01:40:04,447 --> 01:40:05,749
It's falling on the lonely pool
1748
01:40:05,885 --> 01:40:07,186
we never used.
1749
01:40:09,550 --> 01:40:10,816
It's falling on the woods,
1750
01:40:11,893 --> 01:40:14,023
where we walked and you lay,
1751
01:40:14,159 --> 01:40:16,525
exhausted, on the ground.
1752
01:40:19,265 --> 01:40:21,464
Falling on your daughter
and on me.
1753
01:40:24,832 --> 01:40:26,964
Falling upon the living
and the dead.
1754
01:40:26,964 --> 01:40:31,964
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1755
01:40:26,964 --> 01:40:36,964
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