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1
00:00:01,905 --> 00:00:04,925
We had the greatest day. I
laughed at all of his jokes.
2
00:00:05,028 --> 00:00:06,728
I did the whole, "you're
so fascinating.
3
00:00:06,830 --> 00:00:08,770
"Please continue talking
about yourself" gambit.
4
00:00:08,872 --> 00:00:11,372
I pulled out all the stops.
He still hasn't called.
5
00:00:11,474 --> 00:00:13,964
I'll take things I don't
care about for $100, Alex.
6
00:00:15,999 --> 00:00:17,339
Good morning.
7
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:18,620
Good morning. Good morning.
8
00:00:18,721 --> 00:00:20,821
Jamie, I really enjoyed
the mayor's chat
9
00:00:20,923 --> 00:00:22,753
with the transit authority
commission last night.
10
00:00:22,845 --> 00:00:24,025
It was a very effective speech.
11
00:00:24,126 --> 00:00:25,506
Thank you.
12
00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:28,428
Can you do me a favor and read
this line I've circled there?
13
00:00:28,530 --> 00:00:30,550
"We're all so very proud
of our new unique...
14
00:00:30,652 --> 00:00:33,962
"Unique New York, New
York, Newark connector."
15
00:00:34,056 --> 00:00:37,236
Took the mayor about 25
minutes to get through that.
16
00:00:37,339 --> 00:00:39,199
You might want to start
reading these things aloud,
17
00:00:39,301 --> 00:00:40,681
especially with the arrival next week
18
00:00:40,782 --> 00:00:43,062
of the six sikh sheiks
from sheik-Al sham.
19
00:00:44,666 --> 00:00:46,666
You're making that up, right?
20
00:00:47,228 --> 00:00:48,808
Okay, next item.
21
00:00:48,910 --> 00:00:51,650
The mayor's taping an episode
of counterpoint tomorrow.
22
00:00:51,753 --> 00:00:53,173
We will make sure that he is prepared.
23
00:00:53,274 --> 00:00:54,904
Topic, superstores in urban centers.
24
00:00:54,996 --> 00:00:56,856
Oh, I hate those stores!
25
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,057
Last time I went to one,
26
00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:01,099
I got lost for the better
part of a weekend.
27
00:01:01,202 --> 00:01:03,182
Well, Paulie, that's why we
tie a balloon to your wrist
28
00:01:03,284 --> 00:01:05,234
before we send you down
to the xerox room.
29
00:01:05,325 --> 00:01:07,425
That builder center they
opened up in Brooklyn
30
00:01:07,528 --> 00:01:09,388
knocked out eight mom and
pop hardware stores.
31
00:01:09,489 --> 00:01:11,389
That's a good issue for us.
32
00:01:11,491 --> 00:01:15,001
These stores are going to provide tax
revenue to this city in the amount of...
33
00:01:15,095 --> 00:01:17,475
Every year, it'll be...
34
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:19,577
Geez, we should know this.
35
00:01:21,301 --> 00:01:22,761
In a second, Paul.
36
00:01:22,862 --> 00:01:24,182
I want information.
37
00:01:24,263 --> 00:01:25,493
Exactly how much money
is the city's getting,
38
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,325
I wanna know how many
jobs will be created,
39
00:01:28,427 --> 00:01:30,127
I want... I want to know
40
00:01:30,229 --> 00:01:32,229
what you're chokin' on, Paul.
41
00:01:32,912 --> 00:01:35,092
Nothing. I got a tickle in my throat.
42
00:01:35,194 --> 00:01:36,704
Paul's got the bug. We've all had it.
43
00:01:36,795 --> 00:01:38,255
Not me. And you know why?
44
00:01:38,357 --> 00:01:41,537
Because I take over 40
vitamins and minerals a day.
45
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,640
It's called a bowl of total, Stuart.
46
00:01:44,603 --> 00:01:46,753
American's onto your little secret.
47
00:01:46,845 --> 00:01:49,945
You all get sick because you're weak.
Sickness is all up here.
48
00:01:50,048 --> 00:01:52,428
The only thing that can fight
off a virus is hearty resolve.
49
00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:53,510
Are you with me, Paul?
50
00:01:53,611 --> 00:01:55,471
I amb, bike.
51
00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:56,923
Feelin' strong?
52
00:01:57,015 --> 00:01:59,075
Got the strength of 10 men!
53
00:01:59,177 --> 00:02:01,197
You like crackers and ginger ale?
Love 'em.
54
00:02:01,299 --> 00:02:02,799
Great. 'Cause you're
about eight hours away
55
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,900
from wishing to god you
could hold 'em down.
56
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:24,580
How you doin', honey?
57
00:02:24,681 --> 00:02:26,681
Oh...
58
00:02:27,524 --> 00:02:29,074
No, no, no, nothing to be afraid of.
59
00:02:29,165 --> 00:02:31,145
Yes, there is. You're lying to me.
60
00:02:31,247 --> 00:02:32,227
Not true.
61
00:02:32,328 --> 00:02:34,028
You know Charlie Morris, right?
62
00:02:34,130 --> 00:02:36,970
Yeah. He's debating the mayor
tomorrow night on counterpoint.
63
00:02:37,894 --> 00:02:39,904
Here it comes.
64
00:02:40,456 --> 00:02:42,236
I'm replacing him on the show.
65
00:02:42,338 --> 00:02:44,338
What happened to Charlie?
66
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:46,800
We like Charlie.
67
00:02:46,902 --> 00:02:48,642
Charlie's easy to deal with.
68
00:02:48,744 --> 00:02:50,754
Charlie likes a nice steak dinner.
69
00:02:51,667 --> 00:02:53,327
Well, Charlie should
lay off the red meat,
70
00:02:53,428 --> 00:02:55,548
because Charlie went in for a
double bypass this morning.
71
00:02:56,591 --> 00:02:57,971
Okay, note to self,
72
00:02:58,073 --> 00:03:00,163
cancel Charlie's cheese-of-the-month
Christmas gift.
73
00:03:01,836 --> 00:03:03,656
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know.
74
00:03:03,758 --> 00:03:05,018
Hope it's not a problem for ya.
75
00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:07,659
Oh, hey, it's not a problem for me.
Why would it be?
76
00:03:07,762 --> 00:03:09,742
Alrighty then.
77
00:03:09,844 --> 00:03:12,394
One, two, three...
78
00:03:12,486 --> 00:03:14,066
Hey, what are you, uh...
79
00:03:14,168 --> 00:03:16,268
What do you know about
superstores, anyway?
80
00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:17,830
You mean besides what I learned
81
00:03:17,932 --> 00:03:19,912
during my four-part
series on them last week
82
00:03:20,014 --> 00:03:21,884
that you told me you watched and loved?
83
00:03:21,976 --> 00:03:24,996
I taped them. And I'm
planning on loving them.
84
00:03:25,098 --> 00:03:27,238
Hello, Michael. Ms. schaeffer.
85
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:29,561
No. You can understand if
I don't feel comfortable
86
00:03:29,663 --> 00:03:32,853
consorting with my opponent?
87
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:36,106
I'm just kidding. Just kidding.
That's my game face, you see.
88
00:03:37,190 --> 00:03:38,770
Pretty good, huh? Huh?
89
00:03:38,872 --> 00:03:40,872
Want to see the other side?
90
00:03:54,446 --> 00:03:57,106
Nikki Faber, you want to
talk to me about something?
91
00:03:57,209 --> 00:03:59,789
You see? I didn't have to say a word.
You knew.
92
00:03:59,892 --> 00:04:02,072
This is why I come to you.
You are so sensitive.
93
00:04:02,174 --> 00:04:03,964
Ah, yes, sensitive.
94
00:04:04,056 --> 00:04:06,796
That's hetero-speak for gay.
95
00:04:06,898 --> 00:04:09,678
No. I'm just saying you
know how men think
96
00:04:09,781 --> 00:04:12,241
because you are one,
but you also date men,
97
00:04:12,343 --> 00:04:14,333
so you also understand what
a woman has to deal with.
98
00:04:14,425 --> 00:04:17,145
Let's face it. You're homosexual,
but you're bi-helpful.
99
00:04:18,790 --> 00:04:20,410
Fair enough. What's your problem?
100
00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:21,771
He still hasn't called.
101
00:04:21,873 --> 00:04:23,293
Well, I'm sorry. I really am.
102
00:04:23,394 --> 00:04:26,544
Nope. Nope. I need more than that.
I need to know why.
103
00:04:26,637 --> 00:04:27,977
Okay, give me a minute.
104
00:04:28,078 --> 00:04:30,258
Wait. I'm getting something...
105
00:04:30,361 --> 00:04:31,861
I'm getting something.
106
00:04:31,962 --> 00:04:34,022
Uh, he's walking past a phone.
107
00:04:34,124 --> 00:04:36,034
He... he stops! He stops!
108
00:04:36,126 --> 00:04:37,266
He's dialing your number.
109
00:04:37,367 --> 00:04:40,427
The phone should be
ringing right about...
110
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:41,950
Now!
111
00:04:42,052 --> 00:04:44,052
Oh, how cool that would have
been if that had happened.
112
00:04:46,456 --> 00:04:47,716
Forget it.
113
00:04:47,817 --> 00:04:49,817
Hey, come on. Just trying
to cheer you up. Come here.
114
00:04:53,182 --> 00:04:54,162
Poor Nikki.
115
00:04:54,263 --> 00:04:56,893
Yeah. I wonder
116
00:04:56,986 --> 00:04:59,686
if that guy has any idea
how much she likes him.
117
00:04:59,789 --> 00:05:02,189
Come on. How could a guy not
know when a girl was into him?
118
00:05:03,592 --> 00:05:05,492
I really like your sweater, James.
119
00:05:05,594 --> 00:05:07,604
Thanks.
120
00:05:08,397 --> 00:05:10,397
My old girlfriend gave this to me.
121
00:05:11,119 --> 00:05:13,119
God, she was hot.
122
00:05:18,046 --> 00:05:19,986
Mike,
123
00:05:20,088 --> 00:05:22,388
my worst fear has been confirmed.
124
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:29,675
Coughing in my face
was your worst fear?
125
00:05:29,777 --> 00:05:32,837
No. That tickle has blossomed
into full-blown influenza.
126
00:05:32,940 --> 00:05:34,360
I got the shakes, the chills...
127
00:05:34,462 --> 00:05:36,842
Paul, you could tell me you
had the boogie-woogie fever.
128
00:05:36,944 --> 00:05:38,414
I'd still drag you in
there by your tongue.
129
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,725
I can't talk.
130
00:05:39,827 --> 00:05:42,887
I feel like somebody stuck
a hairdryer in my mouth.
131
00:05:42,990 --> 00:05:46,930
Go take care of yourself. Drink a
bottle of moisturizer or something.
132
00:05:47,034 --> 00:05:49,064
It's just a daily briefing.
I think I can handle it.
133
00:05:49,156 --> 00:05:51,576
Oh, you're a very kind
and generous man.
134
00:05:51,678 --> 00:05:54,978
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go home.
You count that as a sick day.
135
00:05:55,081 --> 00:05:57,081
Bless you, sir.
136
00:05:59,606 --> 00:06:03,106
Good afternoon, class. My name is Mr.
Flaherty.
137
00:06:03,209 --> 00:06:06,269
I'll be your substitute press
secretary for the afternoon.
138
00:06:06,372 --> 00:06:08,672
Let's kick off with some questions.
139
00:06:08,774 --> 00:06:10,044
Yes.
140
00:06:10,136 --> 00:06:11,996
Mike, any truth to the rumor
that the mayor's office
141
00:06:12,097 --> 00:06:15,957
is considering changing city zoning
laws to bring in superstores?
142
00:06:16,061 --> 00:06:17,681
No comment.
143
00:06:17,783 --> 00:06:20,293
Meaning that you haven't done anything,
or you're withholding information?
144
00:06:20,385 --> 00:06:23,945
Surprisingly, I have no
comment on my no comment.
145
00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:26,850
Okay, let's move on.
146
00:06:26,952 --> 00:06:28,852
The city hall Santa claus
will be in the lobby
147
00:06:28,953 --> 00:06:31,143
all this week between the
hours noon and 3:00 P.M.
148
00:06:31,236 --> 00:06:33,776
Between noon and 3:00. Where do
those hours leave working mothers
149
00:06:33,878 --> 00:06:35,418
who want to take their
kids to visit Santa?
150
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,120
You'll have to check with Mrs. claus
151
00:06:39,764 --> 00:06:41,354
regarding Santa's schedule.
152
00:06:41,445 --> 00:06:44,185
We have him from between
noon and 3:00 P.M.
153
00:06:44,288 --> 00:06:46,068
So, you're leaving
them no other option?
154
00:06:46,170 --> 00:06:49,690
Perhaps they can visit one of
the other 700,000 Santa clauses
155
00:06:52,096 --> 00:06:54,396
in New York City. We have
him between noon and 3:00.
156
00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:56,498
Are there any other questions?
Please, someone else.
157
00:06:57,901 --> 00:06:59,881
Why don't you just call him?
158
00:06:59,983 --> 00:07:03,733
I can't. I'm not a caller.
I'm a callee.
159
00:07:03,827 --> 00:07:05,647
I go out on a date. I come home.
160
00:07:05,749 --> 00:07:08,609
I listen to my messages.
It's a very nice life.
161
00:07:08,711 --> 00:07:10,971
But to be a caller? No way!
162
00:07:11,074 --> 00:07:12,704
You make that first phone call,
163
00:07:12,795 --> 00:07:14,415
it's all down hill from there.
164
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:16,757
Next thing you know, you got a thousand
cats, you're living in Brooklyn.
165
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,580
Can I borrow you for a second?
166
00:07:19,682 --> 00:07:21,582
If you want any more superstore facts,
167
00:07:21,684 --> 00:07:25,114
ask someone else, because
super Carter is super tired.
168
00:07:25,207 --> 00:07:27,627
I'm sorry about that. No. Check that.
169
00:07:27,729 --> 00:07:31,009
I'm super sorry about that.
It'll just take a sec.
170
00:07:33,575 --> 00:07:35,355
Hey, Nikki, you feeling
a little better?
171
00:07:35,457 --> 00:07:37,537
Oh, yeah. Carter's
really helping me out.
172
00:07:38,580 --> 00:07:40,400
What is it about men, James?
173
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:43,322
Uh, you're going to have to
be a little more specific.
174
00:07:43,424 --> 00:07:46,214
All right. Why is it if
a guy likes somebody,
175
00:07:46,307 --> 00:07:49,527
he can't just pick up the
phone, call 'em, let 'em know?
176
00:07:49,630 --> 00:07:52,850
Hey, I like somebody, I'd tell
them I like them right away.
177
00:07:52,953 --> 00:07:55,523
And if someone likes me, I'd want
to know as soon as possible.
178
00:07:56,757 --> 00:07:58,757
Some people call that desperate.
179
00:07:59,199 --> 00:08:01,019
I prefer needy.
180
00:08:01,121 --> 00:08:03,781
You have no idea how
adorable you are, do ya?
181
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:06,694
Why can't I find a guy
like you, James, huh?
182
00:08:12,452 --> 00:08:14,452
Bye, Nikki.
183
00:08:16,816 --> 00:08:19,236
Maybe... Maybe I went a little too far
184
00:08:19,339 --> 00:08:21,039
with the whole Santa claus thing.
185
00:08:21,140 --> 00:08:23,640
But I'm telling you, when
I saw you come out there,
186
00:08:23,743 --> 00:08:26,573
I felt like I was at
a shooting gallery.
187
00:08:26,666 --> 00:08:30,446
Every time your little duck head
popped up from behind that podium...
188
00:08:30,549 --> 00:08:32,909
Ooh! Ping! Ping! Ping,
ping, ping, ping!
189
00:08:33,712 --> 00:08:35,212
God, it was fun!
190
00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:37,544
Oh, yeah, it was a hoot.
191
00:08:37,636 --> 00:08:39,696
You have any idea how much
damage you've caused?
192
00:08:39,798 --> 00:08:43,738
Thanks to you, Paul's pulling the night
shift next week in a Santa suit.
193
00:08:43,842 --> 00:08:45,572
The only thing those
kids are going to get
194
00:08:45,577 --> 00:08:47,312
for Christmas is a wet, hacking cough.
195
00:08:47,405 --> 00:08:49,825
Worst part is, you're down
there doing all the shooting,
196
00:08:49,928 --> 00:08:51,268
and I'm up there dodging the bullets.
197
00:08:51,369 --> 00:08:54,189
I wish, just once, the shoe
was on the other foot.
198
00:08:54,292 --> 00:08:55,992
I wish I got to ask you the questions.
199
00:08:57,335 --> 00:08:59,155
Uh, Mike, it's Randall.
200
00:08:59,257 --> 00:09:02,477
I've come down with
that thing Paul's got.
201
00:09:02,580 --> 00:09:05,560
I'm too sick to do that TV show.
I'm sorry,
202
00:09:05,663 --> 00:09:07,673
but you're going to
have to fill in for me.
203
00:09:12,549 --> 00:09:14,209
Okay.
204
00:09:14,311 --> 00:09:15,971
Now I wish I'd win the lottery.
205
00:09:17,394 --> 00:09:19,624
Huh. Nothing.
206
00:09:19,716 --> 00:09:23,256
Well, I'll just have to
settle for taking you down.
207
00:09:23,359 --> 00:09:25,359
Bring it on, lover.
208
00:09:31,367 --> 00:09:33,707
Carter, have a minute? Something
important's going on.
209
00:09:33,809 --> 00:09:36,069
I know. Mike's going to war.
210
00:09:36,172 --> 00:09:39,202
He's not going to let us rest
until we get him 100% prepared.
211
00:09:39,295 --> 00:09:41,495
Yeah. You think Nikki likes me?
212
00:09:43,178 --> 00:09:46,318
Likes you as in as a coworker,
or likes you or as in
213
00:09:46,421 --> 00:09:48,461
"this is going to be the longest
conversation of my life"?
214
00:09:50,385 --> 00:09:53,285
Nicky said, "why can't I
find a guy like you, James?"
215
00:09:53,388 --> 00:09:55,848
And who's more like James than James?
Oh, boy.
216
00:09:55,951 --> 00:09:57,691
Here she comes. If you hear
anything, let me know.
217
00:09:57,792 --> 00:09:59,652
Okay, James.
218
00:09:59,754 --> 00:10:02,144
I'm telling you, Mike, this
is all the information
219
00:10:02,236 --> 00:10:03,896
we have on superstores.
220
00:10:03,998 --> 00:10:07,598
Everything there is to know is
condensed into this little, tiny...
221
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:11,453
Ten thousand pound book?
222
00:10:12,927 --> 00:10:14,267
Would you like some help with that?
223
00:10:14,368 --> 00:10:15,668
No, no. My arms are just tired.
224
00:10:15,769 --> 00:10:17,769
I worked out at the gym this morning.
225
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,712
You know what, Mike, I could
organize all the facts
226
00:10:20,814 --> 00:10:21,964
so that it's easier for you to follow.
227
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,635
See, I believe in paying
attention to details.
228
00:10:24,738 --> 00:10:26,918
Uh, whether it's the
exact number of new jobs
229
00:10:27,020 --> 00:10:29,440
that superstores generate
for the city, or, uh,
230
00:10:29,542 --> 00:10:32,592
timing the perfect dinner,
so it coincides with sunset.
231
00:10:41,714 --> 00:10:43,724
Your shirt's buttoned wrong.
232
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,478
Damn!
233
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,300
Mike, we've been at this
since 6:00 this morning.
234
00:10:50,402 --> 00:10:52,182
Maybe you've got enough information.
235
00:10:52,284 --> 00:10:54,314
That's impossible. My
mind is like a machine,
236
00:10:54,406 --> 00:10:56,386
and it can store an
endless supply of facts.
237
00:10:56,488 --> 00:10:58,028
I can spit 'em out on demand.
238
00:10:58,130 --> 00:11:00,430
Stuart, your birthday is may 24, 1964.
239
00:11:00,532 --> 00:11:02,192
Nikki, your mother's
maiden name is shaunessy.
240
00:11:02,294 --> 00:11:06,004
James, you had an erotic dream
about Barbra Streisand.
241
00:11:06,097 --> 00:11:08,097
Mike, that was our secret.
242
00:11:10,622 --> 00:11:13,462
No, no. The secret part was
she was dressed up as yentl.
243
00:11:17,108 --> 00:11:20,008
Mike, I've looked over Ashley's tapes,
244
00:11:20,111 --> 00:11:21,851
and she doesn't have
a lot of weaknesses.
245
00:11:21,952 --> 00:11:24,092
However, I may have found
an achilles' heel.
246
00:11:24,194 --> 00:11:26,064
For some reason
247
00:11:26,156 --> 00:11:28,476
she seems to care deeply about you.
248
00:11:30,561 --> 00:11:32,461
I'll give her my hurt face.
249
00:11:32,562 --> 00:11:34,602
She always caves in when
I give her my hurt face.
250
00:11:37,888 --> 00:11:39,828
Exactly. And if you get
in any real trouble,
251
00:11:39,929 --> 00:11:41,949
may I suggest leaning across the table,
252
00:11:42,051 --> 00:11:44,551
and discreetly threatening to
break up with her. Hi, Ashley.
253
00:11:44,654 --> 00:11:47,724
Hey. Look at this!
254
00:11:47,817 --> 00:11:50,877
A binder full of data,
an overworked staff,
255
00:11:50,980 --> 00:11:54,240
and a very tense deputy mayor.
All for little me?
256
00:11:54,343 --> 00:11:58,053
Well, Mr. Flaherty, I do declare,
this war's already over.
257
00:11:58,147 --> 00:12:00,247
Oh, no, this war hasn't even begun.
258
00:12:00,349 --> 00:12:02,949
See this book? Ash, everything in here
259
00:12:03,832 --> 00:12:05,012
is in here.
260
00:12:05,113 --> 00:12:06,663
Well, good luck.
261
00:12:06,755 --> 00:12:08,895
I just want to say it's
been nice knowing you.
262
00:12:08,997 --> 00:12:11,937
You're an excellent dancer.
You make wonderful soups,
263
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,140
and I really enjoyed that
weekend in bucks county.
264
00:12:14,242 --> 00:12:16,712
I appreciate that, Mike,
and, uh, by the way,
265
00:12:16,805 --> 00:12:18,065
we never went to bucks county.
266
00:12:18,166 --> 00:12:19,946
Sorry.
267
00:12:20,048 --> 00:12:22,048
Got a lot of stuff up here.
268
00:12:25,933 --> 00:12:28,283
Oh, sorry, sir. I didn't think
you were coming in today.
269
00:12:28,376 --> 00:12:29,836
Shouldn't you be at home resting?
270
00:12:29,937 --> 00:12:31,957
Probably, but Helen didn't
want me getting the help sick.
271
00:12:32,059 --> 00:12:34,059
They're very important to her.
272
00:12:37,304 --> 00:12:39,134
I'm sure the help appreciates it.
273
00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:41,266
Probably be reflected in
your Christmas bonus.
274
00:12:42,829 --> 00:12:45,209
You're preparing hard for
that debate with Ashley, huh?
275
00:12:45,312 --> 00:12:47,012
Oh, yes, sir. We're
going to make us proud.
276
00:12:47,113 --> 00:12:48,463
I'm sure you will.
277
00:12:48,555 --> 00:12:50,955
Care to take a little walk down
memory lane with me, Mike?
278
00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:53,938
Uh... how...
279
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,980
How long a walk do you
think that'll be, sir?
280
00:12:56,082 --> 00:12:58,082
'Cause I got this TV thing.
281
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,445
Look at this here.
282
00:13:04,570 --> 00:13:06,570
That's me in high school.
283
00:13:08,013 --> 00:13:09,153
Prom night.
284
00:13:11,617 --> 00:13:13,957
College days, uh...
285
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:16,919
Oh, there's me and my fraternity
brothers on luau night.
286
00:13:17,022 --> 00:13:19,022
Nice grass skirt there, sir.
287
00:13:20,265 --> 00:13:22,485
Would you look at where you're
holding that tiki torch?
288
00:13:22,587 --> 00:13:24,007
Yeah, yeah.
289
00:13:24,109 --> 00:13:26,409
You know, sir, I probably
should just hang on to this
290
00:13:26,511 --> 00:13:28,511
until you retire from politics.
291
00:13:29,954 --> 00:13:31,824
There's a lot of memories
in this thing, Mike.
292
00:13:31,916 --> 00:13:34,656
Who's that?
293
00:13:34,759 --> 00:13:37,339
That's Valerie horn,
294
00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:38,781
the one that got away.
295
00:13:38,883 --> 00:13:40,223
Old flame, huh, sir?
296
00:13:40,324 --> 00:13:42,874
She was the tennis coach
at my club the summer
297
00:13:42,967 --> 00:13:44,547
that I graduated from college.
298
00:13:44,648 --> 00:13:46,268
And, um...
299
00:13:46,370 --> 00:13:49,550
Well, when we met, the
attraction was instant.
300
00:13:49,653 --> 00:13:53,203
And by the third set,
we'd fallen in love.
301
00:13:53,296 --> 00:13:55,276
Wow, that's a...
302
00:13:55,378 --> 00:13:57,558
That's a beautiful story, sir.
303
00:13:57,661 --> 00:14:00,841
Boy meets girl, boy falls
in love with girl.
304
00:14:00,944 --> 00:14:03,554
Deputy mayor's late for a
television appearance.
305
00:14:04,747 --> 00:14:07,967
Sadly, that's when the
competition kicked in.
306
00:14:08,070 --> 00:14:12,980
The friendly games became more
and more hotly contested.
307
00:14:13,075 --> 00:14:18,175
At one point, I tattooed her
thigh with an overhead that...
308
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,280
Pssh!
309
00:14:21,123 --> 00:14:22,833
Did you at least give her that little
310
00:14:22,925 --> 00:14:24,785
"it's all right" wave?
311
00:14:24,886 --> 00:14:27,446
On match point, I finished
her off with an ace.
312
00:14:28,170 --> 00:14:29,430
I was so happy
313
00:14:29,531 --> 00:14:31,471
I tossed my racket up into the air,
314
00:14:31,573 --> 00:14:34,483
and as I was waiting
for it to come down,
315
00:14:34,576 --> 00:14:37,476
she walked off the court and
out of my life forever.
316
00:14:37,579 --> 00:14:39,659
You think the competition
drove you apart?
317
00:14:41,462 --> 00:14:42,842
Yeah.
318
00:14:42,944 --> 00:14:44,954
Yeah, I guess it did.
319
00:14:46,347 --> 00:14:48,767
But that was a long time ago, Mike.
320
00:14:48,869 --> 00:14:50,809
Sir, uh, Valerie...
321
00:14:50,911 --> 00:14:52,911
Mmm-hmm?
322
00:14:53,354 --> 00:14:54,544
Well, what's she doing now?
323
00:14:54,635 --> 00:14:56,535
She went on to become the most famous
324
00:14:56,637 --> 00:14:58,677
lesbian tennis player on
the eastern seaboard.
325
00:15:01,481 --> 00:15:02,981
Maybe he's right. I never thought
326
00:15:03,083 --> 00:15:05,513
that competition was a problem
between Ashley and me,
327
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:08,745
but lately, it's been spilling over
so much into our personal life.
328
00:15:08,848 --> 00:15:11,588
To an outsider, it probably looks more
like a contest than a relationship.
329
00:15:11,691 --> 00:15:14,491
But I could be overreacting. I
don't know. What do you think?
330
00:15:16,055 --> 00:15:19,675
I'm sorry, Mike, I can't
hear a word you're saying.
331
00:15:19,779 --> 00:15:21,899
My ears are packed with fluid.
332
00:15:24,023 --> 00:15:26,253
Thanks for the help, Paul!
333
00:15:26,345 --> 00:15:28,345
What?
334
00:15:33,552 --> 00:15:36,112
I don't even think James knows I exist.
335
00:15:39,678 --> 00:15:41,698
Why don't you try sitting next
to him and talking to him
336
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,140
until he loses the will to live?
337
00:15:43,241 --> 00:15:45,661
You're so silly.
338
00:15:45,763 --> 00:15:48,633
I just want to know if you
think that I should tell him.
339
00:15:48,726 --> 00:15:50,306
Yes!
340
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,408
For god's sake, please tell him now.
341
00:15:55,613 --> 00:15:57,623
I can't!
342
00:15:58,135 --> 00:16:00,135
Whoa, whoa, whoa, where
you rushing off to?
343
00:16:01,098 --> 00:16:02,718
Mike's show comes on in an hour.
344
00:16:02,820 --> 00:16:04,600
That's not what you're
here to talk about, is it?
345
00:16:04,701 --> 00:16:06,641
No. No, no, no. Big development.
346
00:16:06,743 --> 00:16:08,333
Nikki asked me to buy her a drink.
347
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:09,525
What do you think I should get her?
348
00:16:09,626 --> 00:16:11,726
I don't know. How about a drink?
349
00:16:11,828 --> 00:16:13,248
That's the thing. She
said "surprise me."
350
00:16:13,350 --> 00:16:15,350
Serve it to her naked.
351
00:16:26,762 --> 00:16:30,552
Well, I did it. I'm a caller.
352
00:16:30,646 --> 00:16:32,706
There's no shame in that.
What happened?
353
00:16:32,808 --> 00:16:35,788
Got the machine. Jeff, Amy, and
the kids aren't home right now.
354
00:16:35,891 --> 00:16:37,891
Please leave a message after the beep.
355
00:16:39,174 --> 00:16:41,204
Well?
356
00:16:41,296 --> 00:16:42,756
I think it's obvious.
357
00:16:42,858 --> 00:16:45,178
Jeff and his sister
Amy run an orphanage.
358
00:16:48,984 --> 00:16:51,914
James, whatever you're getting
me, make it a double.
359
00:16:57,752 --> 00:17:00,132
Sounds like you're getting
an earful, buddy.
360
00:17:00,234 --> 00:17:02,944
You must get this all day long.
361
00:17:03,037 --> 00:17:05,137
Oh, yeah. When I go
home to my girlfriend
362
00:17:05,239 --> 00:17:06,379
and want to talk about it,
363
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:07,980
it's the last thing she wants to hear.
364
00:17:08,082 --> 00:17:09,662
Mmm-hmm.
365
00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:11,773
I think she's leaving me.
366
00:17:14,007 --> 00:17:16,427
Listen to this.
367
00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:18,730
I come home, and there's
a guy on the machine...
368
00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:21,603
Now, what is even more galling
369
00:17:21,695 --> 00:17:23,715
is while the government
claims to be acting
370
00:17:23,817 --> 00:17:24,877
in the best interests of the people,
371
00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:26,358
they completely ignore the fact
372
00:17:26,459 --> 00:17:29,039
that neighborhoods and
businesses will be destroyed.
373
00:17:29,142 --> 00:17:30,362
And that's just irresponsible.
374
00:17:30,463 --> 00:17:34,133
Strong words. Counterpoint, Mr.
Flaherty?
375
00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:36,227
It's a complex issue.
376
00:17:37,109 --> 00:17:39,109
Reasonable people are
going to disagree.
377
00:17:41,634 --> 00:17:43,644
Scathing retort.
378
00:17:44,436 --> 00:17:46,816
Do you dare rebut, Ms. schaeffer?
379
00:17:46,919 --> 00:17:49,539
Well, I'm sure as Mr.
Flaherty is aware,
380
00:17:49,641 --> 00:17:53,231
that a superstore invasion will
cause a traffic nightmare,
381
00:17:53,325 --> 00:17:55,985
pollute the air, and
decimate small businesses,
382
00:17:56,087 --> 00:17:57,867
destroying people's lives.
383
00:17:57,969 --> 00:18:01,929
If that doesn't deserve a
counterpoint, I don't know what does.
384
00:18:03,975 --> 00:18:05,975
Mr. Flaherty? Well?
385
00:18:07,098 --> 00:18:09,838
Owen, it's a free country.
386
00:18:09,941 --> 00:18:12,181
What am I going to do, criticize
her 'cause she's got an opinion?
387
00:18:13,144 --> 00:18:15,154
Well, that's, uh...
388
00:18:15,786 --> 00:18:18,426
That's kind of what we do on this show.
389
00:18:20,230 --> 00:18:21,970
Um...
390
00:18:22,072 --> 00:18:26,182
Why don't we think about that
during this commercial break?
391
00:18:26,276 --> 00:18:27,416
And clear.
392
00:18:27,517 --> 00:18:29,797
Excuse me, I'm going to
go wake up the crew.
393
00:18:32,923 --> 00:18:36,273
Well, hey. I think it's going great.
What do you think?
394
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,106
Are you kidding? I'm
walking all over you.
395
00:18:38,208 --> 00:18:40,748
This isn't a rehearsal.
The cameras are rolling.
396
00:18:40,850 --> 00:18:43,510
Yeah, well, maybe I
decided it isn't healthy
397
00:18:43,613 --> 00:18:44,873
for us to be fighting all the time.
398
00:18:44,974 --> 00:18:47,324
It sounds to me like
you're just not prepared.
399
00:18:47,416 --> 00:18:51,516
From 1974 to 1994, the city lost
50,000 jobs in retail employment,
400
00:18:51,620 --> 00:18:53,400
while those in the
suburbs gained 204,000.
401
00:18:53,502 --> 00:18:55,562
Superstores will create
13,000 jobs and generate
402
00:18:55,664 --> 00:18:57,814
more than $100 million
in excess tax revenue.
403
00:18:57,906 --> 00:18:59,906
But that's not the point.
404
00:19:01,149 --> 00:19:04,169
I need to know that our
relationship can survive this.
405
00:19:04,272 --> 00:19:06,092
Honey, we always fight.
406
00:19:06,194 --> 00:19:08,744
Not like this, not in public, you know?
407
00:19:08,837 --> 00:19:10,697
It's not like some boggle game at home,
408
00:19:10,799 --> 00:19:12,979
where sometimes I win
and sometimes you win.
409
00:19:13,081 --> 00:19:14,981
Mike, you never win.
410
00:19:15,083 --> 00:19:17,273
I just want to know
411
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:19,725
that you're not going to end up a
lesbian tennis player in Rhode Island.
412
00:19:21,609 --> 00:19:24,509
Okay, Mike, I'm trying
to follow you here.
413
00:19:24,612 --> 00:19:27,032
But all I can say is that
I love the way we are.
414
00:19:27,134 --> 00:19:29,284
I love that we don't back
down from each other.
415
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:32,076
And I love being with someone
who keeps me on my toes.
416
00:19:32,179 --> 00:19:34,559
And I love that you're not
threatened by a strong woman.
417
00:19:34,661 --> 00:19:36,661
And I love that you believe that.
418
00:19:37,184 --> 00:19:38,894
So, what's the problem?
419
00:19:38,985 --> 00:19:40,525
I don't know, maybe there isn't one.
420
00:19:40,627 --> 00:19:42,287
You're telling me it
wouldn't bother you
421
00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:45,569
if I said your pollution theory
was completely specious?
422
00:19:45,672 --> 00:19:47,372
Ooh, a $5 word!
423
00:19:47,474 --> 00:19:50,264
Somebody has been thumbing
through their dictionary!
424
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:52,101
It is going to be so
much sweeter beating
425
00:19:52,106 --> 00:19:53,856
you now that you're going to be trying.
426
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,580
Uh-huh, see? Therein lies your problem.
427
00:19:56,682 --> 00:20:00,232
Beating me when I'm trying.
Can't be done.
428
00:20:00,326 --> 00:20:01,466
Wait a minute. The other
day, when we were...
429
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:03,387
I wasn't trying.
430
00:20:03,489 --> 00:20:04,589
What about when we were skiing...
431
00:20:04,690 --> 00:20:06,690
I felt bad for you and let you win.
432
00:20:07,252 --> 00:20:08,392
When that red light goes on,
433
00:20:08,494 --> 00:20:10,724
I'm going to knock that
smirk right off your face.
434
00:20:10,816 --> 00:20:14,576
Do you have any idea how sexy
you are to me right now?
435
00:20:16,261 --> 00:20:17,841
I want you so bad.
436
00:20:17,943 --> 00:20:18,923
And we're back.
437
00:20:19,024 --> 00:20:20,854
Oh! Um...
438
00:20:20,945 --> 00:20:24,065
Okay. Are you folks ready?
439
00:20:25,950 --> 00:20:27,690
See, that's what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about
440
00:20:27,792 --> 00:20:30,742
huge plastic containers
filled with malted milk balls
441
00:20:30,835 --> 00:20:32,855
for, like, 99 cents.
442
00:20:32,957 --> 00:20:34,097
Ugh!
443
00:20:34,198 --> 00:20:36,438
I can't breathe. I can't
breathe through my nose.
444
00:20:37,521 --> 00:20:39,181
Oh! My throat is so sore,
445
00:20:39,283 --> 00:20:41,293
I can barely breathe through my mouth.
446
00:20:43,767 --> 00:20:45,767
I'm sicker than you.
447
00:20:47,451 --> 00:20:50,031
Mike, I'm telling you that my sinuses
448
00:20:50,133 --> 00:20:53,263
are so congested, I feel like
my head is going to explode.
449
00:20:53,897 --> 00:20:55,897
You're lucky.
450
00:20:58,661 --> 00:21:01,971
If I had what you had,
451
00:21:02,065 --> 00:21:04,065
I'd be snapping my fingers with joy.
452
00:21:04,867 --> 00:21:08,247
But I have what I have.
453
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,910
So, my joints are so swollen, I can't.
454
00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:15,524
Mike, let's call a truce.
I love you, honey.
455
00:21:16,558 --> 00:21:17,618
I love you too.
456
00:21:17,719 --> 00:21:19,539
Don't go kissing me.
457
00:21:19,641 --> 00:21:22,561
Why? Because I'm sicker than you?
458
00:21:31,172 --> 00:21:33,172
I win.
459
00:21:38,219 --> 00:21:39,959
James?
460
00:21:40,061 --> 00:21:42,061
Nikki?
461
00:21:43,264 --> 00:21:45,274
James.
462
00:21:46,627 --> 00:21:48,627
Karen?
463
00:22:03,763 --> 00:22:06,173
I am so sick of straight people.
35617
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