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1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,546
So the restaurant
is fully booked?
2
00:00:04,547 --> 00:00:06,214
Oh! Say you're Steve Martin!
3
00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:07,549
What if I said...
4
00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:10,385
I'm Steve Martin?
5
00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:11,803
Hello?
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,682
It's impossible to get a weekend
dinner reservation in this city.
7
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:19,018
I can't keep asking my dates
to come with a full stomach.
8
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,856
It... It's creepy as hell.
9
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:26,526
I finally got into that NYU
study for extreme sleepwalking.
10
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,319
All it took was
security footage of me
11
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,947
in pajamas driving
that city bus.
12
00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:33,575
So what about you, Judge?
Any fun weekend plans?
13
00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:35,577
You know she doesn't.
She's just gonna lie
14
00:00:35,578 --> 00:00:38,496
and give us the plot
to a '90s movie.
15
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,123
So you knew I wasn't coaching
16
00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:42,752
a Jamaican bobsled
team last weekend?
17
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,962
Alright, look.
Jake's out of town,
18
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,922
so my life's been
kind of boring lately,
19
00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:51,134
but next weekend, I am
driving across country
20
00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,427
in my blue convertible
21
00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:55,263
with my best friend
Thelma and...
22
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:56,848
Whatever! Just call court!
23
00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,726
The People vs. Jane Doe.
24
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,437
A living Jane Doe.
How refreshing.
25
00:01:02,438 --> 00:01:04,147
When the defendant was arrested,
26
00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:05,815
she refused to give her name
27
00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:09,611
and threw her wallet into
the water of a hot-dog cart.
28
00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:11,654
Please take off your
hat and glasses.
29
00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:15,451
I only allow anonymity in my
courtroom during Secret Santa.
30
00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:23,333
You're Mayim Bialik!
31
00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:26,461
TV's Blossom is
in our courtroom!
32
00:01:26,462 --> 00:01:28,379
Can we not make a
big deal out of it?
33
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,298
I put my pants on
one leg at a time
34
00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:31,674
just like any other five-time
35
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:34,511
Emmy-nominated
actress with a PhD.
36
00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:36,679
You don't understand.
When I was a kid,
37
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,057
I would pretend that I was
best friends with Blossom.
38
00:01:39,058 --> 00:01:42,561
I could do your entire dance
from the opening credits.
39
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:45,522
Is this like that
"Blossom" episode
40
00:01:45,523 --> 00:01:47,607
where a stolen item
turned up at a garage sale
41
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,317
that you and Six were hosting?
42
00:01:49,318 --> 00:01:51,027
I physically assaulted a guy.
43
00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:54,030
Dr. Bialik was dining
in a vegan restaurant
44
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:56,491
when she attacked the
chef with a tofurken,
45
00:01:56,492 --> 00:01:59,787
which is like a
turducken, but for no one.
46
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,747
Your Honor, the restaurant
claims to be vegan,
47
00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,541
so can you imagine
my client's outrage
48
00:02:04,542 --> 00:02:07,168
when she discovered
the secret menu item,
49
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:11,549
which was a bacon sandwich
where the bread is steaks?
50
00:02:12,675 --> 00:02:14,259
Okay. I-I think
I've heard enough.
51
00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:15,718
Um, not guilty.
52
00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:18,848
And I fine the
restaurant $10 million.
53
00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:21,307
It's a vegan restaurant!
54
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,810
They don't have
that kind of money.
55
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,895
You're right. I can't be fair.
56
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:29,065
But good luck finding a judge
who isn't a huge "Blossom" fan!
57
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:38,283
{\an8}I can't believe I totally
embarrassed myself
58
00:02:38,284 --> 00:02:39,576
{\an8}in front of Mayim Bialik.
59
00:02:39,577 --> 00:02:40,994
{\an8}Younger me is so
pissed right now,
60
00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:43,580
{\an8}she's going through
another goth phase.
61
00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:45,915
{\an8}Who cares what an actor thinks?
62
00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:47,417
{\an8}Though I guess if we
had paid more attention
63
00:02:47,418 --> 00:02:48,835
{\an8}to John Wilkes Booth,
64
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,130
{\an8}things might have
shaken out differently.
65
00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:53,882
{\an8}Oh. She's still here.
66
00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:56,217
{\an8}You think I should talk to
her and try to redeem myself?
67
00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:57,760
{\an8}Oh, Abby, yeah.
68
00:02:57,761 --> 00:03:00,430
{\an8}I... And I mean this from
the bottom of my heart.
69
00:03:00,431 --> 00:03:02,141
{\an8}I don't care.
70
00:03:02,975 --> 00:03:04,684
{\an8}I just don't want to
sound like some stalker.
71
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,769
{\an8}You can't pull off stalker.
72
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:10,774
{\an8}I could totally buy you
as lonely Victorian ghost.
73
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,276
{\an8}Okay. I'm gonna
introduce myself.
74
00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:15,779
{\an8}Gonna play it supes cool.
75
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:21,951
{\an8}50 bucks says she passes out
before they make eye contact.
76
00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:23,620
{\an8}I don't bet on friends.
77
00:03:23,621 --> 00:03:25,413
{\an8}Told you I could take
the moral high ground.
78
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:27,207
{\an8}Pay up, Sandy.
79
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,627
{\an8}Hi, Abby. My name is Mayim.
80
00:03:30,628 --> 00:03:32,587
{\an8}I mean, your name is Abby.
81
00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:35,715
{\an8}I mean, I'm Ab-im. No. No
one's Ab-im. Apologies.
82
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,634
{\an8}I'm sorry. A-Are you
okay? Do you need help?
83
00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:40,386
{\an8}I'm a doctor, but not that kind.
84
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,138
{\an8}I was just trying to say hello,
85
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:45,058
{\an8}- but I'll stop bothering you now.
- You know what? Please don't.
86
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,559
{\an8}Everyone assumes
when you're famous,
87
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,852
{\an8}you've got tons going on.
88
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:50,146
{\an8}but honestly my
life's pretty boring.
89
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:53,983
{\an8}I've stretched out my
skincare routine to 17 steps.
90
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:55,401
{\an8}Mine's at 18!
91
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:56,819
{\an8}You know, sometimes
I play a game
92
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,529
{\an8}where I take a melatonin and see
93
00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,782
{\an8}how many I can get
through before I pass out.
94
00:04:00,783 --> 00:04:03,701
{\an8}- I play the same game!
- Ohh!
95
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,578
{\an8}Okay. I'm just
gonna shoot my shot.
96
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,538
{\an8}Is there any chance
you'd want...
97
00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,415
{\an8}Do the "Blossom" opening
credits dance with you?
98
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:12,502
{\an8}Do you have any idea how many
people ask me to do that?
99
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:14,545
{\an8}Zero. I'd love to.
100
00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:15,880
{\an8}Amazing!
101
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:19,175
{\an8}Um, Siri, play my
wedding processional.
102
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:25,723
{\an8}♪ Stop all your fussin',
slap on a smile ♪
103
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:29,937
{\an8}♪ Come out and walk in
the sun for a while ♪
104
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:36,652
{\an8}Huh. So dancing
can be nonsexual.
105
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:39,862
{\an8}I can't believe I
danced with Blossom!
106
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:42,198
{\an8}You know, I've actually done a
lot of things besides "Blossom."
107
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,367
{\an8}"Call Me Kat." "The
Big Bang Theory."
108
00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:46,286
{\an8}Huh. You were in that?
109
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,206
I only remember the girl
with the high voice.
110
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,001
She was great.
111
00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:56,921
Well, that's it!
112
00:04:56,922 --> 00:05:00,550
Society is officially crumbling!
113
00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,552
Time to fill your
bathtubs with water
114
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:05,013
and melt all your fillings.
115
00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:07,432
Did someone see a
dog in a sweater?
116
00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:09,183
Oh! No! Worse than that.
117
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:11,728
I'm running for the elevator
because the doors are closing.
118
00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:13,896
I yell at the dude
inside, "Hold it!"
119
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:17,859
He does nothing. What
happened to civility?
120
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:19,235
You know, what
happened to the days
121
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,778
of three-martini lunches
122
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:25,034
and - and gentlemen with
big ideas like... war?
123
00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:28,327
You're not wrong.
Ever try to get
124
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,288
the new Travis Scott Nikes?
125
00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:31,414
Hm?
126
00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:33,375
Forgot who I was talking to.
127
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,127
But that's the world.
What can you do?
128
00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:37,920
Oh, no. I'm gonna do
something, you know.
129
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,089
Because as those doors
were closing, I reached in
130
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:42,925
to try and stop
them, grabbed this.
131
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:45,928
When I find the owner
of this pocket square,
132
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:49,849
there will be... a reckoning.
133
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,392
This gets a reckoning,
134
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:54,313
but when someone pants'ed
me in court, nothing?
135
00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:58,149
Guess who just had the most
fun weekend of their life.
136
00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:01,319
It wasn't me. I couldn't
get a dinner reservation,
137
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,112
so I put a chef's hat on my mom
138
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,782
and pretended her
apartment was a pop-up.
139
00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,450
But then word got out
and I couldn't get
140
00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:10,036
a reservation there, either.
141
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,038
It was me. I had
the fun weekend.
142
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,748
Oh. Did you finally start
143
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:16,376
that "Little House on
the Prairie" OnlyFans?
144
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,921
Mayim and I hung out,
and we had the best time.
145
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:22,131
We went shopping. We
prank-called Joey Lawrence.
146
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,758
She snuck me into
a Mensa meeting.
147
00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:26,011
I got to wear glasses.
148
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,890
We have different ideas of
what makes a fun weekend.
149
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,518
So you and your new
celebrity friend
150
00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:34,977
spent the whole
weekend together?
151
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:36,479
Yeah, and some of this morning.
152
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,814
She was at my apartment
when I woke up.
153
00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:40,233
- Ah.
- She came by with a gift.
154
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:41,943
Oh.
155
00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:45,822
It's a picture of
you... fast asleep.
156
00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:47,825
Taken without your knowledge.
157
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:51,411
Oh, this doesn't raise
any red flags, does it?
158
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,622
She brought me a gift and
wants to be around me?
159
00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:55,998
No. It's flattering.
160
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,792
I mean, if she's
obsessed with me at all,
161
00:06:57,793 --> 00:06:59,919
it's in a totally
normal and healthy way.
162
00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:03,339
Hey! Just a reminder!
163
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:06,927
Even in the dark, we
can hear your zippers!
164
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,345
Abby?! Are you okay?!
165
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,140
This feels healthy.
166
00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:13,724
Mayim. What are
you doing here?
167
00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,309
Well, I was just in
the neighborhood,
168
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,727
and it's a good thing I
was 'cause it looks like
169
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:19,021
my best friend needs a lantern!
170
00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:20,898
And on the bright side,
now you can't work,
171
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:23,902
so there's nothing
to keep us apart.
172
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:30,533
Great. It's like a snow day.
173
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,827
Except everyone is scared.
174
00:07:32,828 --> 00:07:35,122
Hey. Where's your hat?
175
00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:48,384
You wanted to talk?
176
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:51,095
Is this about my not
wearing a bra to work?
177
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:54,891
Because I have a doctor's note
saying that I don't need one.
178
00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:56,684
I actually just
wanted to circle back
179
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,311
on the stuff you were
saying about Mayim.
180
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:01,397
Oh, you mean the fact that
she's a textbook stalker?
181
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,357
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
182
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,942
Yeah, she's a little clingy,
183
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:06,903
and I'm pretty sure she
chewed through a power line
184
00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:08,279
and blamed it on
a family of rats,
185
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:11,240
but "stalker" makes
her sound crazy.
186
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:15,119
The question is, what
type of stalker? Hmm.
187
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,746
Does she want you
all to herself,
188
00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:18,456
like in "Fatal Attraction"?
189
00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:21,417
Is it a "Single White Female"
where she wants to be you?
190
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,961
Or is it the Julianne Special
191
00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,380
where she just wants
your whole life destroyed
192
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,842
while looking fabulous doing it?
193
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,094
I think we just need to have a
conversation about boundaries.
194
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:33,763
I mean, how is she
supposed to know
195
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:35,389
I don't want her digging
through my trash?
196
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,516
She's not a mind-reader.
197
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,810
Let me talk to Mayim.
198
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:41,437
Now, I have a little free time
199
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:45,816
since the oligarch I'm
dating was poisoned... again.
200
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,526
But, you know, the good news is,
201
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:50,071
if she is a stalker, you
really don't have to worry
202
00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:53,200
until she infiltrates
your social circle.
203
00:08:56,078 --> 00:08:59,121
We are so excited to welcome
you into our social circle.
204
00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:01,916
Well, I am so excited
to be welcomed.
205
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:04,627
And I'm really sorry
about your sleep issues.
206
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:06,963
I'm a neuroscientist,
so I can get you
207
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,756
into the sleep study
all the celebrities use.
208
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,091
That would be incredible.
209
00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:11,467
I can't keep waking
up in Delaware.
210
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,135
Ohh!
211
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:16,138
And, Wyatt, if you ever need
to impress a date, let me know.
212
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,266
I'm a neuroscientist,
so I can get you
213
00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:20,601
into all the best
restaurants under the city.
214
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:21,894
Don't you mean in the city?
215
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:22,979
No.
216
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:26,232
What...
217
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,984
That's so nice!
218
00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,694
And if there's anything
we can do for you...
219
00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:32,446
Well, actually, I'd love to
pick your brains about Abby.
220
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:34,323
You know, small stuff
like favorite foods,
221
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:37,827
allergies, reaction
time when startled.
222
00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:40,663
Are you throwing her
a surprise party?
223
00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,415
Sure.
224
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,458
So just put all those
tidbits in a list.
225
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:46,711
And if there's anything she's
touched, that would be great
226
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,671
'cause I could use
her fingerprints.
227
00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:51,049
Uh, for the party!
228
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:55,845
I just need security
footage from one elevator.
229
00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:59,181
Well, if you don't have
access to it, who does?
230
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,977
What do you mean
"the highest bidder"?
231
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,937
That's a beautiful
pocket square.
232
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,481
Oh, yeah, it belongs
to a Grade-A jackass
233
00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,859
who doesn't hold elevators.
234
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,777
When the small niceties crumble,
235
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,654
is society so far behind?
236
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,865
That's exactly what I said!
237
00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:18,159
But he remains at large,
looking ridiculous
238
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:22,455
without a... without
a single pop of color.
239
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:24,206
Well, maybe I can help.
240
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:26,083
You know, as a neuroscientist,
241
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,711
I studied the effects
of sewing on the brain.
242
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:34,008
This was clearly stitched
by a man in his early 80s,
243
00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:35,593
French-Canadian.
244
00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:38,220
Straddling two worlds
but belonging in neither.
245
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:40,973
Wait a minute. That describes
only one haberdasher
246
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,391
in New York...
Jacques Bernard!
247
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:45,186
But he's never gonna
reveal his client list.
248
00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:47,981
Well, he would if we
had his granddaughter.
249
00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:52,152
Just hypothetically.
250
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:56,864
I-I'll get us some coffee.
We'll find his weakness.
251
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:59,742
And maybe a Danish?
252
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,410
Two coffees, please.
253
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,412
Hello, Mayim.
254
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:06,207
Interesting to see you spending
so much time in a place
255
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:09,043
that's basically
an indoor bus stop.
256
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:10,920
You must really care about Abby.
257
00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:13,214
Well, who wouldn't?
She's a special person.
258
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:15,383
Alright. Spare me, stalker.
259
00:11:15,384 --> 00:11:19,428
I know that you are nuttier
than a bag of trail mix.
260
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,598
Uh, Julianne, you
have me all wrong.
261
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:25,935
I'm not a stalker. I'm
just a regular gal.
262
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:29,773
Where would I even find
a woman-sized birdcage?
263
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:33,442
It would take the type of money
that only a regular cast member
264
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,986
on several genre-defining
sitcoms could afford.
265
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:38,198
Am I right, girlfriend?
266
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:44,078
Hey, Dan. Have
you seen Julianne?
267
00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:46,122
I haven't been
able to reach her.
268
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:48,040
Have you tried a step stool?
269
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,251
Good news, Dan! I got
the lab results and...
270
00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:52,670
- Oh. Hi, Abby.
- Mayim. You're here.
271
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:55,464
Right in the bull's-eye
of my social circle.
272
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,007
She's using science
to help me track down
273
00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:58,717
the owner of the pocket square.
274
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:02,138
Probably better than my method,
just screaming at strangers.
275
00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:04,265
I analyzed the fabric
and found traces
276
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:06,225
of egg, sausage,
and horseradish.
277
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:09,145
Horseradish. That is the
sandwich at the cafeteria!
278
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:10,479
They use the horseradish
279
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,149
to mask the taste
of the salmonella!
280
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,151
You know what? I'm gonna
call the local E.R.
281
00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:17,404
See who they've admitted today.
282
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,115
That Dan is really something.
283
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:23,033
I know all you see is
a gruff curmudgeon,
284
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:24,743
but give him a chance.
285
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,370
He'll really surprise you.
286
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:28,164
Hey! I'm always
surprised by Dan!
287
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:30,166
If I was one of those
goats that fainted
288
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:33,169
whenever they were surprised,
I'd never be awake!
289
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:36,464
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I know
what you're worried about.
290
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:37,715
You do?
291
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,634
You're not gonna lose me.
292
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:44,139
In fact, let's find brothers
and marry them right now.
293
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,142
I would, but I... I really
need to find Julianne.
294
00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:51,812
Julianne? Tall woman,
slim, not a neuroscientist?
295
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:54,482
She mentioned something about
wanting to take some time off
296
00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:57,067
and not wanting
anyone to bother her.
297
00:12:57,068 --> 00:13:00,697
If I were you, I'd never
think about her again.
298
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,286
There's something I
need to tell you guys.
299
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,872
It's gonna sound crazy.
Just hear me out.
300
00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:12,333
I think Mayim
kidnapped Julianne.
301
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:14,460
- My Mayim?
- She's my Mayim.
302
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:17,046
What? She's not your
Mayim or your Mayim.
303
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:19,089
She's my Mayim, and
she's only talking to you
304
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:20,508
to get closer to me!
305
00:13:20,509 --> 00:13:22,676
Someone is full of themselves.
306
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:25,012
Judge, should we be
worried about you?
307
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:28,140
Are you chewing nicotine gum
instead of regular gum again?
308
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:31,268
Because you know that
gives you the zoomies.
309
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:33,395
Nicotine gum. Remember to
add that to Mayim's list
310
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:36,398
- under "Frequent Blunders."
- What list?
311
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:38,734
Well, it was supposed
to be a surprise,
312
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,569
but she has a list of things
she wants to know about you.
313
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:43,113
That's right. The woman
you accused of being insane
314
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,573
actually cares so
much about you,
315
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,408
she wants to know your
Social Security number,
316
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,911
the duration of your
menstrual cycle...
317
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:51,331
Oh. Now I hear it.
318
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,126
I don't feel good about
breaking into Mayim's apartment.
319
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:57,753
We're not breaking in.
320
00:13:57,754 --> 00:14:00,422
We're entering with permission
and snooping without.
321
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:03,133
I don't want to upset Mayim.
She got me in to see the doctor
322
00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:06,095
that cured Usain Bolt's
restless legs syndrome.
323
00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:09,098
Imagine how fast
that leg was going.
324
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,308
And I have dinner
reservations under her name.
325
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:12,601
I don't want to
burn any bridges.
326
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:13,978
You don't want to
burn any bridges
327
00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:15,729
with a kidnapping stalker?!
328
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,606
Not until Sunday.
329
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,149
Okay. We'll be subtle.
330
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,151
Mayim can't have any
clue we're onto her.
331
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,444
What are you guys...
332
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:24,655
- Hey! Hey!
- This wasn't my choice!
333
00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:26,783
I'm sleepwalking!
334
00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:31,287
Um, you know, we were just,
uh, stopping by to tell you
335
00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:33,539
that I found brothers
for us to marry.
336
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,124
I'd love to hear more about it.
337
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,625
Why don't you come in?
338
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:40,005
And, uh, pardon the
mess. I just remodeled.
339
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,464
Huh. It's super dark in here.
340
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:44,633
Oh. I'll get the lights.
341
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,098
Whoa!
342
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,475
Well, this is cozy.
343
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:56,520
You see? She turned her
apartment into my office.
344
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,648
Except better!
345
00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:02,318
Oh. Julianne. You're
safe and alive.
346
00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:03,777
You're alive and you're alive,
347
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:06,739
and we're all gonna
stay that way, right?
348
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,657
You're so clever.
349
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,578
I'm gonna drop this
in the kitchen.
350
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,330
Don't worry. We're
here to save you.
351
00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:17,166
Save me? I'm having
a wonderful time.
352
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:20,003
You know, Mayim is
deliciously bonkers.
353
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,671
Wait. So this isn't
as bad as it seems?
354
00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:25,674
Oh, no. It is.
You're not safe here.
355
00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:27,301
Didn't you get my texts?
356
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,470
Ah. Yeah, I got 'em, and I
came to Crazytown anyway!
357
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,889
Of course I didn't
get the texts!
358
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,599
Ah. They didn't go through.
359
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,851
Sorry. Your devices
won't work in here.
360
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,978
This is a cellular dead zone.
361
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,563
I don't like distractions.
362
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:42,816
The only downside is if
something terrifying happens,
363
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:45,195
you can't call for help.
364
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:50,408
Mayim! Look! So listen. The
cafeteria gave me all their...
365
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:54,579
Just a sec.
366
00:15:57,666 --> 00:16:00,377
So, hey, Mayim!
Nope. Still weird.
367
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,462
Okay. Well, I guess
we should be going.
368
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,756
Oh.
369
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:09,009
No. Please. Make
yourselves comfortable.
370
00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:16,309
In my opinionation, you're
gonna be here a long time.
371
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,191
♪ Stop all your fussin' ♪
372
00:16:24,192 --> 00:16:25,567
Abby, isn't this fun?
373
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,361
This is your dream, right?
374
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:30,030
It's everything I wanted.
375
00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:32,199
You know what? Actually...
376
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,701
Let's take a break.
377
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:35,869
It's time for my surprise.
Don't go anywhere.
378
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:38,497
Kidding. You can't.
379
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,082
Okay. We don't know
how much time we have
380
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:42,251
- to find a way out of here.
- Yeah, yeah. Come on.
381
00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:44,670
Listen. We can take her!
382
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:47,256
There's only one of
her, and there's...
383
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:49,299
four and a half of us!
384
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,843
Really? We're in
mortal danger,
385
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:52,553
and you're still
making height jokes?
386
00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:55,806
Oh, the unexpected
timing makes it funnier.
387
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:58,726
Maybe we can go
through the window!
388
00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:04,398
Maybe we can go
through the brick wall!
389
00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:06,567
No need, Wyatt. If I
can sleepwalk my way
390
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:09,069
into the Met Gala, I can
sleepwalk us out of here.
391
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,864
Now, hush!
392
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:16,910
Oh, shoot. I can't sleep
without my retainer!
393
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:19,288
Okay. The remote is the
only way out of here.
394
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:20,748
We just need to figure out a way
395
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:23,000
to distract her long
enough to steal it.
396
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,378
So how do I look?
397
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:31,675
So it is "Single White Female."
398
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:34,970
I read you as
"Fatal Attraction."
399
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:37,431
Oh. My bad.
400
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:39,308
Mayim, what do you want from me?
401
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,894
Isn't it obvious,
Abby? I want your life.
402
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:44,563
Excuse me. You could pick
any life in the city,
403
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:47,025
and you chose hers?
404
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:50,944
You know Kelly Ripa lives here?
405
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:52,321
Abby has it all.
406
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:53,947
I want a coworker best friend,
407
00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:57,534
a debonair surrogate
dad, a hot nerd,
408
00:17:57,535 --> 00:17:59,077
a "will they, won't
they" with a cougar
409
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,498
fresh out of her cage.
410
00:18:02,707 --> 00:18:04,666
I think you're misreading
that relationship.
411
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:06,877
Oh, she's not.
412
00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:09,506
Oh. Best-friend selfie?
413
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:11,924
I can get the remote
414
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,218
just like snatching
a pocket square
415
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,761
from that jerk in the elevator.
416
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,304
You know, Mayim, I gotta
be honest with you.
417
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,597
I don't care anymore.
418
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,390
I don't care what
you do to Abby.
419
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:24,061
You can be her. You can
cook her. I don't care.
420
00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:27,898
All I care about is the
vulgarian who took my dignity.
421
00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:30,943
Now, will you help me go
through these receipts or not?
422
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:34,530
I think that would be kind of
rude to my other prisoners.
423
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,031
Yes, we could ask someone
424
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,866
who's not a
neuroscientist to do it.
425
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:40,619
Well, that's dumb.
Give me those.
426
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,205
Okay. Good. You know, there
was an interesting one...
427
00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:45,207
- Ohh!
- Yeah, yeah, I got it!
428
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:46,583
- What are you...
- Abby! Here!
429
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:47,876
We're getting out of here!
430
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:49,753
- See you in hell, Bialik.
- Come on.
431
00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:53,423
Sorry.
432
00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:54,925
Only works with my fingerprints.
433
00:18:54,926 --> 00:18:57,971
Come on. That's,
like, Evil Genius 101.
434
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:02,599
Abby, I thought
you were my friend.
435
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,853
But if you're not my friend,
then you're my enemy.
436
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:09,565
And there's only one
thing to do to an enemy.
437
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:12,527
And scene! Scene. Scene.
438
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,862
That was amazing!
How did it feel?
439
00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:17,239
It felt good. It felt
really, really right.
440
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,782
Can someone explain
what's going on?
441
00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:20,951
Oh. Everybody, this is Bryan.
442
00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:23,037
He's my acting coach.
443
00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:26,582
This whole thing has
been character research
444
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:30,169
for playing the role of
a stalker in a new play.
445
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:34,923
"The Cable Gal." What?!
446
00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:37,176
Why? Who wants this?
447
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,220
I'm really sorry for
the inconvenience,
448
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:41,930
but I had no choice.
449
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:45,017
It was the only way I could get
authentic reactions from you.
450
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:47,020
Chills. I have chills.
451
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,105
All this for a play?
452
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:53,108
Rich people really do
love to waste money.
453
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,693
I've got to tell you, Mayim.
454
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,070
As far as actors go, I
mean, you've got my respect.
455
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:58,405
You had me the whole time.
456
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,073
Uh, except when you
called Wyatt hot.
457
00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:02,534
Then I... got out
of it a little bit.
458
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,704
But just a little bit.
459
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:06,955
I do feel much better.
460
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:09,041
Weirdly not as much as I should.
461
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,627
I'm kind of disappointed
you don't want my life.
462
00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:13,754
Oh. Don't take it personally.
463
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:16,256
I'm sure there's a lot of
people who would want to be you.
464
00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:17,758
Just not me.
465
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:20,470
Because, I mean, come
on. I'm Mayim Bialik.
466
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:27,309
You know what? It was nice of
Mayim to get us into previews.
467
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,729
Hey. Two coffees. She's got it.
468
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,980
Well, I'm just gonna
go ahead and say it.
469
00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,273
The play was bad.
470
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:35,817
The nudity did not
serve the story.
471
00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:38,445
{\an8}Abby, be cool.
472
00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:39,571
{\an8}You know I can't!
473
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,907
{\an8}Just... Shh! That navy suit.
474
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,534
{\an8}Look. That's what goes
with this pocket square.
475
00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:46,578
{\an8}Yeah. Alright, Elevator
scum. Why don't...
476
00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:53,418
{\an8}Oh. This box. It's
for you, Abby.
477
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:56,381
{\an8}Oh. It's from Mayim.
478
00:20:57,131 --> 00:21:00,300
{\an8}Aww. She got me a hat.
Oh. There's a card.
479
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:02,928
{\an8}It says "I'm so sorry...
480
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,179
{\an8}Aww.
481
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:07,058
{\an8}I didn't kill you when
I had the chance."
482
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:11,269
{\an8}So was Mayim behind the
pocket square the whole time?
483
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:16,024
{\an8}Or is this just her way to play
mind games to get attention?
484
00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:19,946
{\an8}I'm gonna tell
you! I hate actors!
485
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,119
{\an8}It's funny!
37280
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