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1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,546
- So the restaurant
is fully booked?
2
00:00:04,547 --> 00:00:06,214
- Oh! Say you're Steve Martin!
3
00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:07,549
- What if I said...
4
00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:10,385
[Nerdy voice]
...I'm Steve Martin?
5
00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:11,803
[Normal voice] Hello?
6
00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,513
[ Groans ]
7
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,682
It's impossible to get a weekend
dinner reservation in this city.
8
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:19,018
I can't keep asking my dates
to come with a full stomach.
9
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,856
It-- It's creepy as hell.
10
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:26,526
- I finally got into that NYU
study for extreme sleepwalking.
11
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,319
All it took
was security footage of me
12
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,947
in pajamas
driving that city bus.
13
00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:33,575
- So what about you, Judge?
Any fun weekend plans?
14
00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:35,577
- You know she doesn't.
She's just gonna lie
15
00:00:35,578 --> 00:00:38,496
and give us the plot
to a '90s movie.
16
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,123
- So you knew I wasn't coaching
17
00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:42,752
a Jamaican bobsled team
last weekend?
18
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,962
Alright, look.
Jake's out of town,
19
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,922
so my life's been
kind of boring lately,
20
00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:51,134
but next weekend,
I am driving across country
21
00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,427
in my blue convertible
22
00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:55,263
with my best friend Thelma
and...
23
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:56,848
Whatever! Just call court!
24
00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,726
- The People vs. Jane
Doe.
25
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,437
- A living Jane Doe.
How refreshing.
26
00:01:02,438 --> 00:01:04,147
- When the defendant
was arrested,
27
00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:05,815
she refused to give her name
28
00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:09,611
and threw her wallet into
the water of a hot-dog cart.
29
00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:11,654
- Please take off
your hat and glasses.
30
00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:15,451
I only allow anonymity in my
courtroom during Secret Santa.
31
00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:23,333
You're Mayim Bialik!
32
00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:26,461
TV's Blossom
is in our courtroom!
33
00:01:26,462 --> 00:01:28,379
- Can we not make
a big deal out of it?
34
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,298
I put my pants on
one leg at a time
35
00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:31,674
just like any other five-time
36
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:34,511
Emmy-nominated actress
with a PhD.
37
00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:36,679
- You don't understand.
When I was a kid,
38
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,057
I would pretend that I was
best friends with Blossom.
39
00:01:39,058 --> 00:01:42,561
I could do your entire dance
from the opening credits.
40
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:45,522
Is this like
that "Blossom" episode
41
00:01:45,523 --> 00:01:47,607
where a stolen item
turned up at a garage sale
42
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,317
that you and Six were hosting?
43
00:01:49,318 --> 00:01:51,027
- I physically assaulted a guy.
44
00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:54,030
- Dr. Bialik was dining
in a vegan restaurant
45
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:56,491
when she attacked the chef
with a tofurken,
46
00:01:56,492 --> 00:01:59,787
which is like a turducken,
but for no one.
47
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,747
- Your Honor, the restaurant
claims to be vegan,
48
00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,541
so can you imagine
my client's outrage
49
00:02:04,542 --> 00:02:07,168
when she discovered
the secret menu item,
50
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:11,549
which was a bacon sandwich
where the bread is steaks?
51
00:02:12,675 --> 00:02:14,259
- Okay.
I-I think I've heard enough.
52
00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:15,718
Um, not guilty.
53
00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:18,848
And I fine the restaurant
$10 million.
54
00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:21,307
- It's a vegan restaurant!
55
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,810
They don't have
that kind of money.
56
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,895
- You're right.
I can't be fair.
57
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:29,065
But good luck finding a judge
who isn't a huge "Blossom" fan!
58
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:36,072
{\an8}?
59
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:38,283
{\an8}- I can't believe
I totally embarrassed myself
60
00:02:38,284 --> 00:02:39,576
{\an8}in front of Mayim Bialik.
61
00:02:39,577 --> 00:02:40,994
{\an8}Younger me is so pissed
right now,
62
00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:43,580
{\an8}she's going through
another goth phase.
63
00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:45,915
{\an8}- Who cares
what an actor thinks?
64
00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:47,417
{\an8}Though I guess
if we had paid more attention
65
00:02:47,418 --> 00:02:48,835
{\an8}to John Wilkes Booth,
66
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,130
{\an8}things might have
shaken out differently.
67
00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:53,882
{\an8}- Oh. She's still here.
68
00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:56,217
{\an8}You think I should talk to her
and try to redeem myself?
69
00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:57,760
{\an8}- Oh, Abby, yeah.
70
00:02:57,761 --> 00:03:00,430
{\an8}I-- And I mean this
from the bottom of my heart.
71
00:03:00,431 --> 00:03:02,141
{\an8}I don't care.
72
00:03:02,975 --> 00:03:04,684
{\an8}- I just don't want to
sound like some stalker.
73
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,769
{\an8}- You can't pull off stalker.
74
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:10,774
{\an8}I could totally buy you
as lonely Victorian ghost.
75
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,276
{\an8}- Okay.
I'm gonna introduce myself.
76
00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:15,779
{\an8}Gonna play it supes cool.
77
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:21,951
{\an8}- 50 bucks says she passes out
before they make eye contact.
78
00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:23,620
{\an8}- I don't bet on friends.
79
00:03:23,621 --> 00:03:25,413
{\an8}Told you I could take
the moral high ground.
80
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:27,207
{\an8}Pay up, Sandy.
81
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,627
{\an8}- Hi, Abby. My name is Mayim.
82
00:03:30,628 --> 00:03:32,587
{\an8}I mean, your name is Abby.
83
00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:35,715
{\an8}I mean, I'm Ab-im. No.
No one's Ab-im. Apologies.
84
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,634
{\an8}- I'm sorry. A-Are you okay?
Do you need help?
85
00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:40,386
{\an8}I'm a doctor, but not that kind.
86
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,138
{\an8}- I was just trying
to say hello,
87
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:45,058
{\an8}but I'll stop bothering you now.
- You know what? Please don't.
88
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,559
{\an8}Everyone assumes
when you're famous,
89
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,852
{\an8}you've got tons going on.
90
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:50,146
{\an8}but honestly
my life's pretty boring.
91
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:53,983
{\an8}I've stretched out
my skincare routine to 17 steps.
92
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:55,401
{\an8}- Mine's at 18!
93
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:56,819
{\an8}You know,
sometimes I play a game
94
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,529
{\an8}where I take a melatonin and see
95
00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,782
{\an8}how many I can get through
before I pass out.
96
00:04:00,783 --> 00:04:03,701
{\an8}- I play the same game!
- Ohh!
97
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,578
{\an8}Okay. I'm just
gonna shoot my shot.
98
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,538
{\an8}Is there any chance
you'd want--
99
00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,415
{\an8}- Do the "Blossom"
opening credits dance with you?
100
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:12,502
{\an8}Do you have any idea how many
people ask me to do that?
101
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:14,545
{\an8}Zero. I'd love to.
102
00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:15,880
{\an8}- Amazing!
103
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:19,175
{\an8}Um, Siri, play
my wedding processional.
104
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,761
{\an8}[ "Blossom" theme plays ]
105
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:25,723
{\an8}- ? Stop all your fussin',
slap on a smile ?
106
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:29,937
{\an8}? Come out and walk in the sun
for a while ?
107
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:36,652
{\an8}- Huh. So dancing
can be nonsexual.
108
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:39,862
{\an8}- I can't believe
I danced with Blossom!
109
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:42,198
{\an8}- You know, I've actually done a
lot of things besides "Blossom."
110
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,367
{\an8}"Call Me Kat."
"The Big Bang Theory."
111
00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:46,286
{\an8}- Huh. You were in that?
112
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,206
I only remember the girl
with the high voice.
113
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,001
She was great.
114
00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:56,921
- Well, that's it!
115
00:04:56,922 --> 00:05:00,550
Society is officially
crumbling!
116
00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,552
Time to fill your bathtubs
with water
117
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:05,013
and melt all your fillings.
118
00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:07,432
- Did someone see
a dog in a sweater?
119
00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:09,183
- Oh! No! Worse than that.
120
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:11,728
I'm running for the elevator
because the doors are closing.
121
00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:13,896
I yell at the dude inside,
"Hold it!"
122
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:17,859
He does nothing.
What happened to civility?
123
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:19,235
You know,
what happened to the days
124
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,778
of three-martini lunches
125
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:25,034
and - and gentlemen
with big ideas like... war?
126
00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:28,327
- You're not wrong.
Ever try to get
127
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,288
the new Travis Scott Nikes?
128
00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:31,414
Hm?
129
00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:33,375
Forgot who I was talking to.
130
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,127
But that's the world.
What can you do?
131
00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:37,920
- Oh, no. I'm gonna do
something, you know.
132
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,089
Because as those doors
were closing, I reached in
133
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:42,925
to try and stop them,
grabbed this.
134
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:45,928
When I find the owner
of this pocket square,
135
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:49,849
there will be... a reckoning.
136
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,392
- This gets a reckoning,
137
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:54,313
but when someone pants'ed me
in court, nothing?
138
00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:58,149
- Guess who just had the most
fun weekend of their life.
139
00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:01,319
- It wasn't me. I couldn't
get a dinner reservation,
140
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,112
so I put a chef's hat on my mom
141
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,782
and pretended
her apartment was a pop-up.
142
00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,450
But then word got out
and I couldn't get
143
00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:10,036
a reservation there, either.
144
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,038
- It was me.
I had the fun weekend.
145
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,748
- Oh.
Did you finally start
146
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:16,376
that "Little House on
the Prairie" OnlyFans?
147
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,921
- Mayim and I hung out,
and we had the best time.
148
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:22,131
We went shopping.
We prank-called Joey Lawrence.
149
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,758
She snuck me
into a Mensa meeting.
150
00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:26,011
I got to wear glasses.
151
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,890
- We have different ideas
of what makes a fun weekend.
152
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,518
- So you and your new
celebrity friend
153
00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:34,977
spent the whole weekend
together?
154
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:36,479
- Yeah, and some of this morning.
155
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,814
She was at my apartment
when I woke up.
156
00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:40,233
- Ah.
- She came by with a gift.
157
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:41,943
- Oh.
158
00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:45,822
It's a picture of you--
fast asleep.
159
00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:47,825
Taken without your knowledge.
160
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:51,411
Oh, this doesn't raise
any red flags, does it?
161
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,622
- She brought me a gift
and wants to be around me?
162
00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:55,998
No. It's flattering.
163
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,792
I mean, if she's obsessed
with me at all,
164
00:06:57,793 --> 00:06:59,919
it's in a totally normal
and healthy way.
165
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,504
[ Electricity crackles ]
166
00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:03,339
- Hey! Just a reminder!
167
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:06,927
Even in the dark,
we can hear your zippers!
168
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,345
- Abby?! Are you okay?!
169
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,140
- This feels healthy.
170
00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:13,724
- Mayim.
What are you doing here?
171
00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,309
- Well, I was just
in the neighborhood,
172
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,727
and it's a good thing I was
'cause it looks like
173
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:19,021
my best friend needs a lantern!
174
00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:20,898
And on the bright side,
now you can't work,
175
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:23,902
so there's nothing
to keep us apart.
176
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:30,533
- Great. It's like a snow day.
177
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,827
Except everyone is scared.
178
00:07:32,828 --> 00:07:35,122
- Hey. Where's your hat?
179
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,883
[ Knock on door ]
180
00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:48,384
- You wanted to talk?
181
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:51,095
Is this about
my not wearing a bra to work?
182
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:54,891
Because I have a doctor's note
saying that I don't need one.
183
00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:56,684
- I actually just wanted
to circle back
184
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,311
on the stuff
you were saying about Mayim.
185
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:01,397
- Oh, you mean the fact
that she's a textbook stalker?
186
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,357
- Well, I wouldn't go that far.
187
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,942
Yeah, she's a little clingy,
188
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:06,903
and I'm pretty sure she chewed
through a power line
189
00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:08,279
and blamed it
on a family of rats,
190
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:11,240
but "stalker"
makes her sound crazy.
191
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:15,119
- The question is,
what type of stalker? Hmm.
192
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,746
Does she want you
all to herself,
193
00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:18,456
like in "Fatal Attraction"?
194
00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:21,417
Is it a "Single White Female"
where she wants to be you?
195
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,961
Or is it the Julianne Special
196
00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,380
where she just wants
your whole life destroyed
197
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,842
while looking fabulous doing it?
198
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,094
- I think we just need to have
a conversation about boundaries.
199
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:33,763
I mean,
how is she supposed to know
200
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:35,389
I don't want her
digging through my trash?
201
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,516
She's not a mind-reader.
202
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,810
- Let me talk to Mayim.
203
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:41,437
Now, I have a little free time
204
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:45,816
since the oligarch I'm dating
was poisoned-- again.
205
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,526
But, you know, the good news is,
206
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:50,071
if she is a stalker,
you really don't have to worry
207
00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:53,200
until she infiltrates
your social circle.
208
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,077
[ All laughing ]
209
00:08:56,078 --> 00:08:59,121
- We are so excited to welcome
you into our social circle.
210
00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:01,916
- Well, I am so excited
to be welcomed.
211
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:04,627
And I'm really sorry
about your sleep issues.
212
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:06,963
I'm a neuroscientist,
so I can get you
213
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,756
into the sleep study
all the celebrities use.
214
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,091
- That would be incredible.
215
00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:11,467
I can't keep
waking up in Delaware.
216
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,135
- Ohh!
217
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:16,138
And, Wyatt, if you ever need
to impress a date, let me know.
218
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,266
I'm a neuroscientist,
so I can get you
219
00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:20,601
into all the best restaurants
under the city.
220
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:21,894
- Don't you mean in the city?
221
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:22,979
- [Whispers] No.
222
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:26,232
- [ Gasps ] What...
223
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,984
That's so nice!
224
00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,694
And if there's anything
we can do for you...
225
00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:32,446
- Well, actually, I'd love to
pick your brains about Abby.
226
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:34,323
You know, small stuff
like favorite foods,
227
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:37,827
allergies,
reaction time when startled.
228
00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:40,663
- Are you throwing her
a surprise party?
229
00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,415
- Sure.
230
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,458
So just put all those tidbits
in a list.
231
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:46,711
And if there's anything she's
touched, that would be great
232
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,671
'cause I could use
her fingerprints.
233
00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:51,049
Uh, for the party!
234
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:55,845
- I just need security footage
from one elevator.
235
00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:59,181
Well, if you don't have
access to it, who does?
236
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,977
What do you mean
"the highest bidder"?
237
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,937
- That's a beautiful
pocket square.
238
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,481
- Oh, yeah, it belongs
to a Grade-A jackass
239
00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,859
who doesn't hold elevators.
240
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,777
- When the small niceties
crumble,
241
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,654
is society so far behind?
242
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,865
- That's exactly what I said!
243
00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:18,159
But he remains at large,
looking ridiculous
244
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:22,455
without a--
without a single pop of color.
245
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:24,206
- Well, maybe I can help.
246
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:26,083
You know, as a neuroscientist,
247
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,711
I studied the effects
of sewing on the brain.
248
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:34,008
This was clearly stitched
by a man in his early 80s,
249
00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:35,593
French-Canadian.
250
00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:38,220
Straddling two worlds
but belonging in neither.
251
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:40,973
- Wait a minute. That describes
only one haberdasher
252
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,391
in New York--
Jacques Bernard!
253
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:45,186
But he's never gonna
reveal his client list.
254
00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:47,981
- Well, he would
if we had his granddaughter.
255
00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:52,152
Just hypothetically.
256
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:56,864
I-I'll get us some coffee.
We'll find his weakness.
257
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:59,742
- And maybe a Danish?
258
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,410
- Two coffees, please.
259
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,412
- Hello, Mayim.
260
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:06,207
Interesting to see you spending
so much time in a place
261
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:09,043
that's basically
an indoor bus stop.
262
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:10,920
You must really care about Abby.
263
00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:13,214
- Well, who wouldn't?
She's a special person.
264
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:15,383
- Alright. Spare me, stalker.
265
00:11:15,384 --> 00:11:19,428
I know that you are nuttier
than a bag of trail mix.
266
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,598
- Uh, Julianne,
you have me all wrong.
267
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:25,935
I'm not a stalker.
I'm just a regular gal.
268
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:29,773
Where would I even find
a woman-sized birdcage?
269
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:33,442
It would take the type of money
that only a regular cast member
270
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,986
on several genre-defining
sitcoms could afford.
271
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:38,198
Am I right, girlfriend?
272
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:44,078
- Hey, Dan.
Have you seen Julianne?
273
00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:46,122
I haven't been able
to reach her.
274
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:48,040
- Have you tried a step stool?
275
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,251
- Good news, Dan!
I got the lab results and--
276
00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:52,670
Oh. Hi, Abby.
- Mayim. You're here.
277
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:55,464
Right in the bull's-eye
of my social circle.
278
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,007
- She's using science
to help me track down
279
00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:58,717
the owner
of the pocket square.
280
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:02,138
Probably better than my method,
just screaming at strangers.
281
00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:04,265
- I analyzed the fabric
and found traces
282
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:06,225
of egg, sausage,
and horseradish.
283
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:09,145
- Horseradish. That is the
sandwich at the cafeteria!
284
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:10,479
They use the horseradish
285
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,149
to mask the taste
of the salmonella!
286
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,151
You know what?
I'm gonna call the local E.R.
287
00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:17,404
See who they've admitted today.
288
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,115
- [ Chuckles ]
That Dan is really something.
289
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:23,033
I know all you see
is a gruff curmudgeon,
290
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:24,743
but give him a chance.
291
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,370
He'll really surprise you.
292
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:28,164
- Hey!
I'm always surprised by Dan!
293
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:30,166
If I was one of those goats
that fainted
294
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:33,169
whenever they were surprised,
I'd never be awake!
295
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:36,464
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. I know
what you're worried about.
296
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:37,715
- You do?
297
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,634
- You're not gonna lose me.
298
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:44,139
In fact, let's find brothers
and marry them right now.
299
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,142
- I would, but I-- I really
need to find Julianne.
300
00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:51,812
- Julianne? Tall woman, slim,
not a neuroscientist?
301
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:54,482
She mentioned something about
wanting to take some time off
302
00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:57,067
and not wanting anyone
to bother her.
303
00:12:57,068 --> 00:13:00,697
If I were you,
I'd never think about her again.
304
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,286
- There's something
I need to tell you guys.
305
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,872
It's gonna sound crazy.
Just hear me out.
306
00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:12,333
I think
Mayim kidnapped Julianne.
307
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:14,460
- My Mayim?
- She's my Mayim.
308
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:17,046
- What? She's not your Mayim
or your Mayim.
309
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:19,089
She's my Mayim,
and she's only talking to you
310
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:20,508
to get closer to me!
311
00:13:20,509 --> 00:13:22,676
- Someone is
full of themselves.
312
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:25,012
- Judge, should we
be worried about you?
313
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:28,140
Are you chewing nicotine gum
instead of regular gum again?
314
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:31,268
Because you know
that gives you the zoomies.
315
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:33,395
- Nicotine gum. Remember
to add that to Mayim's list
316
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:36,398
under "Frequent Blunders."
- What list?
317
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:38,734
- Well, it was supposed
to be a surprise,
318
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,569
but she has a list of things
she wants to know about you.
319
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:43,113
- That's right. The woman
you accused of being insane
320
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,573
actually cares
so much about you,
321
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,408
she wants to know your
Social Security number,
322
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,911
the duration of
your menstrual cycle...
323
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:51,331
Oh. Now I hear it.
324
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,126
- I don't feel good about
breaking into Mayim's apartment.
325
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:57,753
- We're not breaking in.
326
00:13:57,754 --> 00:14:00,422
We're entering with permission
and snooping without.
327
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:03,133
- I don't want to upset Mayim.
She got me in to see the doctor
328
00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:06,095
that cured Usain Bolt's
restless legs syndrome.
329
00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:09,098
Imagine how fast
that leg was going.
330
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,308
- And I have dinner reservations
under her name.
331
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:12,601
I don't want to
burn any bridges.
332
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:13,978
- You don't want to
burn any bridges
333
00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:15,729
with a kidnapping stalker?!
334
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,606
- Not until Sunday.
335
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,149
- Okay. We'll be subtle.
336
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,151
Mayim can't have any clue
we're onto her.
337
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,444
- What are you guys--
- [ All scream ]
338
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:24,655
- Hey! Hey!
- This wasn't my choice!
339
00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:26,783
I'm sleepwalking!
340
00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:31,287
- Um, you know, we were just, uh,
stopping by to tell you
341
00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:33,539
that I found brothers
for us to marry.
342
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,124
- I'd love to
hear more about it.
343
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,625
Why don't you come in?
344
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:40,005
And, uh, pardon the mess.
I just remodeled.
345
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,464
- Huh. It's super dark in here.
346
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:44,633
- Oh. I'll get the lights.
347
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,761
- [ Gasps ]
348
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,098
Whoa!
349
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,475
- Well, this is cozy.
350
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:56,520
- You see? She turned her
apartment into my office.
351
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,648
Except better!
352
00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:02,318
Oh. Julianne.
You're safe and alive.
353
00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:03,777
You're alive and you're alive,
354
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:06,739
and we're all gonna
stay that way, right?
355
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,657
- You're so clever.
356
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,578
I'm gonna drop this
in the kitchen.
357
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,330
- Don't worry.
We're here to save you.
358
00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:17,166
- Save me?
I'm having a wonderful time.
359
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:20,003
You know, Mayim is
deliciously bonkers.
360
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,671
- Wait. So this isn't
as bad as it seems?
361
00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:25,674
- Oh, no. It is.
You're not safe here.
362
00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:27,301
Didn't you get my texts?
363
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,470
- Ah. Yeah, I got 'em,
and I came to Crazytown anyway!
364
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,889
Of course
I didn't get the texts!
365
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,599
- Ah. They didn't go through.
366
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,851
- Sorry. Your devices
won't work in here.
367
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,978
This is a cellular dead zone.
368
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,563
I don't like distractions.
369
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:42,816
The only downside is if
something terrifying happens,
370
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:45,195
you can't call for help.
371
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:50,408
- Mayim! Look! So listen. The
cafeteria gave me all their--
372
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:54,579
[ Chuckles ] Just a sec.
373
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,665
[ Knock on door ]
374
00:15:57,666 --> 00:16:00,377
So, hey, Mayim!
Nope. Still weird.
375
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,462
- Okay. Well, I guess
we should be going.
376
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,756
- Oh.
377
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:09,009
- No. Please.
Make yourselves comfortable.
378
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:11,221
[ Locks clicking ]
379
00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:16,309
In my opinionation, you're
gonna be here a long time.
380
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:22,481
[ "Blossom" theme playing ]
381
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,191
- ? Stop all your fussin' ?
382
00:16:24,192 --> 00:16:25,567
- Abby, isn't this fun?
383
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,361
This is your dream, right?
384
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:30,030
- It's everything I wanted.
[ Chuckles nervously ]
385
00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:32,199
- You know what? Actually...
386
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,701
- [ Music shuts off ]
- Let's take a break.
387
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:35,869
It's time for my surprise.
Don't go anywhere.
388
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:38,497
Kidding. You can't.
389
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,082
- Okay. We don't know
how much time we have
390
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:42,251
to find a way out of here.
- Yeah, yeah. Come on.
391
00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:44,670
[ Rattling ]
Listen. We can take her!
392
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:47,256
There's only one of her,
and there's...
393
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:49,299
four and a half of us!
394
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,843
- Really?
We're in mortal danger,
395
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:52,553
and you're still making
height jokes?
396
00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:55,806
- Oh, the unexpected timing
makes it funnier.
397
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:58,726
- Maybe we can go
through the window!
398
00:16:58,727 --> 00:16:59,893
[ Chuckles ]
399
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:01,478
- [ Gasps ]
400
00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:04,398
- Maybe we can go through
the brick wall!
401
00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:06,567
- No need, Wyatt.
If I can sleepwalk my way
402
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:09,069
into the Met Gala, I can
sleepwalk us out of here.
403
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,864
Now, hush!
404
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:16,910
Oh, shoot. I can't sleep
without my retainer!
405
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:19,288
- Okay. The remote is
the only way out of here.
406
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:20,748
We just need to figure out a way
407
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:23,000
to distract her long enough
to steal it.
408
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,378
- So how do I look?
409
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:31,675
- So it is "Single White Female."
410
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:34,970
I read you as
"Fatal Attraction."
411
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:37,431
Oh. My bad. [ Snorts ]
412
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:39,308
- Mayim,
what do you want from me?
413
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,894
- Isn't it obvious, Abby?
I want your life.
414
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:44,563
- Excuse me. You could pick
any life in the city,
415
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:47,025
and you chose hers?
416
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:50,944
You know Kelly Ripa lives here?
417
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:52,321
- Abby has it all.
418
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:53,947
I want a coworker best friend,
419
00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:57,534
a debonair surrogate dad,
a hot nerd,
420
00:17:57,535 --> 00:17:59,077
a "will they, won't they"
with a cougar
421
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,498
fresh out of her cage.
422
00:18:02,707 --> 00:18:04,666
- I think you're misreading
that relationship.
423
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:06,877
- Oh, she's not.
424
00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:09,506
- Oh. Best-friend selfie?
425
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:11,924
- I can get the remote
426
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,218
just like snatching
a pocket square
427
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,761
from that jerk in the elevator.
428
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,304
You know, Mayim,
I gotta be honest with you.
429
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,597
I don't care anymore.
430
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,390
I don't care
what you do to Abby.
431
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:24,061
You can be her.
You can cook her. I don't care.
432
00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:27,898
All I care about is the
vulgarian who took my dignity.
433
00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:30,943
Now, will you help me go through
these receipts or not?
434
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:34,530
- I think that would be kind of
rude to my other prisoners.
435
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,031
- Yes, we could ask someone
436
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,866
who's not a neuroscientist
to do it.
437
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:40,619
- Well, that's dumb.
Give me those.
438
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,205
- Okay. Good. You know,
there was an interesting one...
439
00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:45,207
- Ohh!
- Yeah, yeah, I got it!
440
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:46,583
- What are you--
- Abby! Here!
441
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:47,876
- We're getting out of here!
442
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:49,753
See you in hell, Bialik.
- Come on.
443
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:52,214
[ Sour alert tones ]
444
00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:53,423
- [ Shrieks ]
- Sorry.
445
00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:54,925
Only works with my fingerprints.
446
00:18:54,926 --> 00:18:57,971
Come on.
That's, like, Evil Genius 101.
447
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:02,599
Abby, I thought
you were my friend.
448
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,853
But if you're not my friend,
then you're my enemy.
449
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:09,565
And there's only one thing
to do to an enemy.
450
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:12,527
And scene! Scene. Scene.
451
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,862
- That was amazing!
How did it feel?
452
00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:17,239
- It felt good.
It felt really, really right.
453
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,782
- Can someone explain
what's going on?
454
00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:20,951
- Oh. Everybody, this is Bryan.
455
00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:23,037
He's my acting coach.
456
00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:26,582
This whole thing has been
character research
457
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:30,169
for playing the role
of a stalker in a new play.
458
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:34,923
- "The Cable Gal." What?!
459
00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:37,176
Why? Who wants this?
460
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,220
- I'm really sorry
for the inconvenience,
461
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:41,930
but I had no choice.
462
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:45,017
It was the only way I could get
authentic reactions from you.
463
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:47,020
- Chills. I have chills.
464
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,105
- All this for a play?
465
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:53,108
Rich people really
do love to waste money.
466
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,693
- I've got to tell you, Mayim.
467
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,070
As far as actors go, I mean,
you've got my respect.
468
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:58,405
You had me the whole time.
469
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,073
Uh, except when
you called Wyatt hot.
470
00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:02,534
Then I-- [Trumpets lips]
got out of it a little bit.
471
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,704
But just a little bit.
472
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:06,955
- I do feel much better.
473
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:09,041
Weirdly not as much
as I should.
474
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,627
I'm kind of disappointed
you don't want my life.
475
00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:13,754
- Oh. Don't take it personally.
476
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:16,256
I'm sure there's a lot of people
who would want to be you.
477
00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:17,758
Just not me.
478
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:20,470
Because, I mean, come on.
I'm Mayim Bialik.
479
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:27,309
- You know what? It was nice of
Mayim to get us into previews.
480
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,729
Hey. Two coffees. She's got it.
481
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,980
Well, I'm just gonna
go ahead and say it.
482
00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,273
The play was bad.
483
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:35,817
- The nudity
did not serve the story.
484
00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:38,445
{\an8}- [ Gasps ] Abby, be cool.
485
00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:39,571
{\an8}- You know I can't!
486
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,907
{\an8}- Just-- Shh! That navy suit.
487
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,534
{\an8}Look. That's what goes
with this pocket square.
488
00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:46,578
{\an8}Yeah. Alright, Elevator scum.
Why don't--
489
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,330
{\an8}[ Shrieks ]
490
00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:49,790
{\an8}[ Head rattling ]
491
00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:53,418
{\an8}Oh. This box.
It's for you, Abby.
492
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:56,381
{\an8}- Oh. It's from Mayim.
493
00:20:57,131 --> 00:21:00,300
{\an8}Aww. She got me a hat.
Oh. There's a card.
494
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:02,928
{\an8}It says "I'm so sorry...
495
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,179
{\an8}- Aww.
496
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:07,058
{\an8}- ...I didn't kill you
when I had the chance."
497
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:11,269
{\an8}- So was Mayim behind the
pocket square the whole time?
498
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:16,024
{\an8}Or is this just her way to play
mind games to get attention?
499
00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:19,946
{\an8}[Dramatically] I'm gonna
tell you! I hate actors!
500
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,119
{\an8}It's funny!
501
00:21:26,169 --> 00:21:30,719
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