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1
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♪ Play it how I may
2
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:58,058
♪ I was made that way
3
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:01,353
♪ Can't help it
4
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:07,150
♪ Men cluster to me
5
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:12,030
♪ Like moths around a flame
6
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:16,618
♪ And if their wings burn
7
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:22,624
♪ I know I'm not to blame
8
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:27,921
♪ Falling in love again
9
00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:33,135
♪ Never wanted to
10
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:37,848
♪ What am I to do
11
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:43,520
♪ Can't help it
12
00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:48,066
♪ Can't help it. ♪
13
00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,496
I'm so glad
you could come.
14
00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:03,582
Fine, now what's the message
from the underground?
15
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,125
Let me get out of here.
16
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,209
You hated my act.
17
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,920
No, I didn't hate it,
but this place looks
18
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,590
like they're holding
a Gestapo convention.
19
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:14,301
All the other men
are crazy about my act.
20
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:17,846
Lily, I wouldn't risk my life
to see Gypsy Rose Lee.
21
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,222
Where's she playing?
22
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:21,641
At her burlesque house
in New Jersey.
23
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:24,227
If that's the kind of
girls you want to see,
24
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:26,188
then why don't you go
down the street
25
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,189
to the Can-Can Club.
26
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:28,774
Lily...
27
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,525
haven't you
forgotten something?
28
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:31,568
What?
29
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:33,028
A message from
the underground.
30
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:36,490
Please sit down.
31
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,248
The Gestapo is going
to get a list
32
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,626
with the names of all
of our underground people...
33
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,085
Including you
and your men.
34
00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:50,712
How are they
going to do it?
35
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:54,049
It is to be delivered
to Major Hochstetter
36
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,342
by a traitor
in the underground.
37
00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:56,927
He's a double agent.
38
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,178
When?
39
00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:02,057
I do not know; I am to receive
more information later.
40
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,767
You, uh...
better go now.
41
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,770
What, and miss
your next show?
42
00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:09,272
You do not have to stay
for me, Colonel.
43
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,358
Lily, I lied to you.
44
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:12,108
You did?
45
00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:16,655
I would risk my life
for Gypsy Rose Lee.
46
00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:20,951
Would you, um...
like me to sing
47
00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:22,869
something special
for you?
48
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:26,498
Yeah, but I am afraid
I won't be able to stay.
49
00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:33,880
Colonel Klink.
50
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:36,299
He has been making a play
for me every night.
51
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:37,467
You're kidding.
52
00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:40,345
He has the finesse
of an octopus.
53
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,721
With a monocle.
54
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:42,806
Yeah, well, good luck.
55
00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:44,140
I'll see you later.
56
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,649
Guess who.
57
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:55,026
Count Dracula.
58
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,320
Colonel Klink.
59
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,823
Well, I was close.
60
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,547
Hey, anybody talk
to Colonel Hogan
61
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,132
when he came back
last night?
62
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,675
No, he came back
awfully late.
63
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,510
If you had a rendezvous
with Lily Frankel,
64
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:21,845
would you
come back early?
65
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,471
I wouldn't come back
at all.
66
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:26,057
Once I'd like to meet a woman
in the underground
67
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,350
who looks like
Lily Frankel.
68
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:28,935
The last underground
woman I met
69
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,520
looked liked
she could play tackle
70
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,896
for the Chicago Bears.
71
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:32,897
Who was that?
72
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,858
Aw, that agent
from Holland.
73
00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:36,985
She did play tackle
for the Chicago Bears.
74
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:37,986
That was Dutch Croneburg.
75
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,029
Oh.
76
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:41,698
Well, I guess
I may as well take her name
77
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,116
out of my
little black book.
78
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:45,452
Hi, fellas.
79
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:46,453
Hi. Good morning, Colonel.
80
00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:47,537
How was it last night?
81
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:48,913
Just another death-
defying adventure.
82
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,915
What did Lily Frankel
have to tell you, Colonel?
83
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,751
I'm afraid I got
bad news for you.
84
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,377
She's married.
85
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,129
No, not that bad.
86
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,715
Just the Gestapo's about
to wipe out our whole operation.
87
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,050
You're kidding!
88
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,593
How'd they
find out?
89
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:02,677
They haven't yet,
90
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,554
but a double agent's
going to deliver
91
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:07,140
a list of all the underground
people to Major Hochstetter.
92
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,559
And our names are at
the top of the list.
93
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:10,852
What are we going to do?
94
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:13,688
I suggest we plan
a mass escape.
95
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:14,773
Right.
96
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,983
What, and leave
all this?
97
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,276
Colonel Hogan?
98
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,028
Schultz, haven't you
ever learned to knock?
99
00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:22,655
I'm sorry, but I have
very bad news for you, boys.
100
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,908
That's all right, Schultz,
been a day of bad news.
101
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:25,909
What is it, Schultz?
102
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,410
All you boys
have to leave.
103
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,245
We know that,
what else is new?
104
00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,246
Carter.
105
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:31,372
What do you mean,
Schultz?
106
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:33,833
The prisoners of Barracks Two
have to double up
107
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,460
with the prisoners
of Barracks Five.
108
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,086
Hey, hold on,
Schultz.
109
00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:38,505
Those are my orders.
110
00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:40,173
They bringing in new
prisoners, Schultz?
111
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,342
No, but the Gestapo is
rounding up
112
00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:43,885
all the underground agents.
113
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:46,721
We are not going to give up
our barracks for civilians.
114
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:47,764
Yeah, he's right.
115
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,265
Put those draft dodgers
someplace else.
116
00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:51,100
I'm going to have
a word with Klink.
117
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:54,938
You have to wait
until he wakes up.
118
00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:57,065
He's still asleep
at 11:00?
119
00:05:57,106 --> 00:06:00,109
When you dance the night away
with Lily Frankel,
120
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:03,363
you need all the rest
you can get.
121
00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,240
I don't have to answer
to you, Hogan.
122
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:06,491
Dismissed.
123
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,284
If you weren't the playboy
of the Western world,
124
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:10,286
the Gestapo wouldn't be
pushing you around.
125
00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:12,622
Look, Hogan, I just got a call
from General Burkhalter.
126
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:13,790
Already I'm in hot water.
127
00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:15,291
Why don't you put
your feet in it?
128
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:16,709
You must be pretty tired
from all that dancing.
129
00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,628
Oh, please, Hogan,
don't make jokes with me.
130
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,505
I've got General Burkhalter
on one side,
131
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:21,881
Major Hochstetter
on the other side
132
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,424
and I'm right in the middle.
133
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:24,592
Doing the Peabody
with Lily Frankel.
134
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,012
Klink, have you
ordered the prisoners
135
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,138
out of Barracks Two?
136
00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:30,682
We were just
discussing that, Major.
137
00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,517
What are you doing
discussing Gestapo orders
138
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:33,685
with a prisoner?
139
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:36,062
I was not discussing it
with Colonel Hogan at all.
140
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:37,605
Actually, the conversation
had just gotten around
141
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:38,815
to Colonel Klink's dancing.
142
00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:42,193
Do you do the Peabody,
Major?
143
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,486
The Peabody?
144
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,071
Dismissed, Hogan.
145
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:47,991
Get him to tell you
about Lily Frankel.
146
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:50,952
What about Lily Frankel?
147
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,870
You mean you haven't told
Major Hochstetter?
148
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,247
Hogan, dismissed!
149
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:55,039
Please.
150
00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:58,334
Hogan, where are you going?
151
00:06:58,376 --> 00:06:59,335
I've been dismissed.
152
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:00,712
By him, not me.
153
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,964
Believe me, Major,
there is nothing to tell.
154
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,841
I have spent
a couple of evenings
155
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:08,970
with the lovely, charming
and talented Lily Frankel.
156
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,264
Who happens to be in
love with Colonel Klink.
157
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:12,849
Hogan, you're going
too far.
158
00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:16,185
Let's just say that she
has a mad crush on me.
159
00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:18,104
She does?
160
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,522
Which is strange
because the rumor is
161
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:21,190
she goes for
Gestapo men.
162
00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:22,567
She does, huh?
163
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:25,278
Yeah... every year she
sends Himmler a valentine.
164
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,446
She does...
165
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:28,156
Hogan, please.
166
00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:31,617
Klink, you and I have
an engagement tonight
167
00:07:31,659 --> 00:07:35,330
with the lovely, charming
and talented Lily Frankel.
168
00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,874
See you at 7:00, ja?
169
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:38,708
At 7:00.
170
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,461
Heil Lily!
171
00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:43,713
Uh... Hitler.
172
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,427
Hogan, why do you hate me?
173
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,678
Hate you, Colonel?
174
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,139
It's not enough that
I'm caught in the middle
175
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,390
between Burkhalter
and Hochstetter,
176
00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:56,559
but now you're destroying
my personal life.
177
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,186
Ah, I wouldn't
worry about it.
178
00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:00,229
Hogan, you don't understand.
179
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:03,566
The lovely, charming and
talented Lily Frankel and I
180
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:06,569
are on the verge
of a... a relationship.
181
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:07,904
Hochstetter's
no match for you
182
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,406
when it comes
to romance.
183
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,617
You know, you're right.
184
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:17,038
I keep forgetting
how attractive I am to women.
185
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:17,997
Yeah.
186
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,085
Okay...
187
00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:23,920
Kinch... you, Carter
and Newkirk will use
188
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,047
the tunnel under Barracks
Five for your escape.
189
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:27,048
Got you.
190
00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:28,800
LeBeau, you and I
will go out
191
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:30,259
through the tunnel
under Barracks Nine.
192
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:31,761
There you are,
sir.
193
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,012
We got enough
dynamite here
194
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,347
to blow up
the ruddy camp.
195
00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:36,224
Yeah, and I know just where
to place the stuff.
196
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,266
Don't tempt me.
197
00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:39,227
I would love to put
one stick of dynamite
198
00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:40,478
under Klink's quarters.
199
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,438
He's not there... he and
Hochstetter are in town
200
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,106
dancing their feet off
with Lily Frankel.
201
00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:46,484
We'd better work fast before
they get back. You're right.
202
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,778
All right, Newkirk, you and
Kinch start wiring the dynamite,
203
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,446
Carter starts the timers,
LeBeau, watch the window.
204
00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:51,364
LeBEAU:
Right!
205
00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:52,114
Here you go.
206
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:55,117
Schultz is coming!
207
00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:56,118
All right,
put it all away.
208
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:04,126
The fuses.
209
00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:08,631
What are you doing?
210
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,133
It's the last place anyone
would look for dynamite.
211
00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:16,973
Hi, Schultz.
212
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,808
If you're making a bed check,
we're all here.
213
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,309
I just wanted
to be sociable.
214
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:21,894
Just because you're
a social democrat,
215
00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:23,646
you don't have to be
social.
216
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:24,647
Very funny.
217
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,983
Cigar, Colonel Hogan?
218
00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:28,150
Oh, congratulations,
Schultz.
219
00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:29,652
I didn't know
your wife was expecting.
220
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:30,987
Expecting?
221
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,447
I borrowed them from
Commandant Klink's office.
222
00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:37,368
He and Major Hochstetter
are in town dancing.
223
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,663
They could get arrested
for that, even in Germany.
224
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:43,749
Not with each other.
225
00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:46,961
With Fräulein
Lily Frankel.
226
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,337
Who's minding the store?
227
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,880
The SS troopers.
228
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:50,881
SS troopers?
229
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,049
Yeah.
230
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,634
They're taking over
from our guards.
231
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,387
See for yourself.
232
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,432
He's right...
SS men on the gate.
233
00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:01,392
They're also
up in the guard tower.
234
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,852
Yeah, and they're standing guard
235
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,228
outside the fence
near Barrack Five.
236
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,023
And they're having a meeting
at Barracks Nine.
237
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,357
Schultz, Klink can't
let the Gestapo
238
00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:09,567
take over this camp.
239
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:11,569
There's nothing
he can do about it.
240
00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:14,155
Well, I'm going to go
see the general... Schultz!
241
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:15,156
What's the matter?
242
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:16,699
I wanted to throw the match
into the stove.
243
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,451
That's the one place
you can't put it.
244
00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:20,369
But it's freezing cold
in here!
245
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:21,954
We've got to keep it
cool in here.
246
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,497
LeBeau's making
icebox cookies.
247
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,541
Icebox cookies?
248
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:26,542
Are they good?
249
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,294
They're dynamite.
250
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,712
Dynamite.
251
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,088
Yeah. Come back
in an hour,
252
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:32,673
we'll have coffee
and cookies, huh?
253
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,050
I'm going to have
icebox cookies.
254
00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:35,593
Yeah, thanks
for the cigar, Schultz.
255
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:39,805
Well, we can forget about going
out through the tunnels.
256
00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:41,140
What's wrong
with trying
257
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:43,059
to overpower the SS
guards at the fence?
258
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,226
I don't know
about you,
259
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:45,686
but their cannons
and machine guns
260
00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:47,980
always take the fun
out of it for me.
261
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,732
It was such a good plan.
262
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:50,900
It's all Klink's fault.
263
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,777
If he wasn't in town
dancing every night,
264
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:53,861
the Gestapo couldn't
take over.
265
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,237
Ain't it marvelous?
266
00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:57,823
Every officer in Germany wants
to be Erich von Stroheim
267
00:10:57,865 --> 00:11:00,159
and we wind up
with Fred Astaire.
268
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:08,334
Colonel Hogan.
269
00:11:08,375 --> 00:11:09,335
Is Lester Lightfoot in?
270
00:11:09,376 --> 00:11:10,336
Yeah.
271
00:11:10,377 --> 00:11:12,254
Is he in a good mood?
272
00:11:13,672 --> 00:11:14,924
Does that answer
your question?
273
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:17,384
He must have had a big night
on the dance floor.
274
00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:19,595
I think he's having taps
put on his boots.
275
00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:22,765
Come in, come in.
276
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:25,142
Got a minute, Colonel?
277
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:26,435
For you, Hogan, anytime.
278
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:28,729
You certainly seem on top
of the world this morning.
279
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,606
Oh, yes, and
I owe it all to you.
280
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,483
Me, sir? Oh, if
it weren't for you,
281
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,443
Major Hochstetter would
never have gone with me
282
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:35,861
to see Lily Frankel.
283
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:37,196
I take it he wasn't
any competition.
284
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:38,447
Competition?
285
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:40,157
She couldn't keep
her hands off me.
286
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,660
It's nice to know you haven't
lost the old magic, sir.
287
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:44,036
Oh, you should
have been there.
288
00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:45,454
I danced every dance
with her,
289
00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:46,914
while Major Hochstetter was
sitting there
290
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,833
with sauerbraten on his face.
291
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:51,669
Well, you could have asked Lily
to dance with him at least once.
292
00:11:51,710 --> 00:11:53,254
Hogan, you don't understand.
293
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,631
The man can't dance.
294
00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:57,591
You're kidding.
295
00:11:57,633 --> 00:12:00,594
Confidentially, I've never seen
a Gestapo man that could.
296
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,263
Oh, they're great
goose-steppers,
297
00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:03,973
but nothing
on the dance floor.
298
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:05,099
Yeah.
299
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:07,935
Uh, how's Hochstetter
taking all this?
300
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,104
He is consumed
with jealousy.
301
00:12:10,145 --> 00:12:11,897
Is that why he
took over your camp
302
00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:12,898
with his guards?
303
00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:14,316
Only temporarily.
304
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:15,317
Hogan, have a cigar.
305
00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:16,610
Oh, thank you, sir.
306
00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:18,904
I suppose you have another date
with her tonight, huh?
307
00:12:20,155 --> 00:12:23,576
Would, uh... Fred miss a night
with Ginger, huh?
308
00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:26,370
You know, sometimes it's smart
not to see them every night.
309
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,496
It keeps them guessing.
310
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,957
Other men can play that game;
I can't.
311
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,166
Why not?
312
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:33,711
The last time I missed a date
with a woman,
313
00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:35,671
it took two policemen
and a priest
314
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:37,965
to talk her out of jumping.
315
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:54,189
I thought I heard
a dog truck coming.
316
00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:58,193
You did...
Here it comes now.
317
00:12:58,193 --> 00:13:01,238
You sure you don't want me
to come with you, Colonel?
318
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,657
It's better if
only one of us goes.
319
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,046
Go on, Heidi.
320
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:18,422
Heidi, please go, go.
321
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:19,632
That a girl.
322
00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:31,185
Keep a bone burning
in the window for me.
323
00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:49,286
You took a chance,
Colonel Hogan.
324
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,663
The place is swarming
with Gestapo and SS men.
325
00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:53,916
I know, but we've got
to have more information
326
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,084
about this double agent.
327
00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:56,960
He is coming here tomorrow
night to meet Hochstetter.
328
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:57,961
Does he know him?
329
00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:00,756
No, he's expecting me
to point him out.
330
00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:02,758
All right, we've got
to act fast, Lily.
331
00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:04,885
Call Hochstetter; tell him
you want to go dancing
332
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:05,886
with him tomorrow night.
333
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:07,012
But he cannot dance.
334
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:08,180
I know that.
335
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:09,556
For you, he'll learn.
336
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,433
How is that going to help?
337
00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:14,770
While he's taking six lessons
from Madame LaGrange
338
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:17,856
for his date with you,
I'll be meeting the agent.
339
00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:19,608
What about Klink?
340
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:20,776
Break the date.
341
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,778
Tell him you've got
to be with Hochstetter.
342
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,404
I do not know
what's worse,
343
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:26,490
an evening with a man
learning to dance
344
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,409
or one with a man who
will never learn to dance.
345
00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:31,787
Klink is not dazzling
you with his footwork?
346
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:35,791
Just pray that Germany
falls before my arches.
347
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:38,293
Lily, I promise you,
348
00:14:38,293 --> 00:14:40,129
this is your last
dangerous assignment.
349
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:41,922
From now on,
simple things,
350
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:45,300
like blowing up bridges,
derailing trains.
351
00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:47,719
I'm not complaining.
352
00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:50,389
It's just that
I prefer dancing
353
00:14:50,430 --> 00:14:53,100
with someone
I'm attracted to.
354
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:54,768
Anyone I know?
355
00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:56,145
Yes.
356
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:59,731
He's someone
very close to you.
357
00:15:00,816 --> 00:15:01,817
What's this?
358
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:02,943
What's what?
359
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:05,487
A blonde hair.
360
00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:07,281
Oh, it must be from Heidi.
361
00:15:07,322 --> 00:15:09,783
You go from one girl
to the next.
362
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:10,826
Oh, you'd like Heidi.
363
00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:11,994
I'm sure I would.
364
00:15:12,035 --> 00:15:14,454
Oh, yes, she's got big,
beautiful brown eyes,
365
00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:18,041
cute little nose, great legs,
all four of them.
366
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,334
I am not interested...
367
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:23,046
All four of them?
368
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:25,757
Mm-hmm...
and she likes bones.
369
00:15:29,928 --> 00:15:30,762
Get out of here.
370
00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:38,770
Good luck.
371
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,570
May I speak with
Major Hochstetter, please,
372
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,238
at Gestapo headquarters?
373
00:15:53,368 --> 00:15:54,369
Colonel Klink,
374
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,038
may I see you
a minute, please?
375
00:15:56,079 --> 00:15:57,706
Hogan, we are on
an inspection tour.
376
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,333
Well, it'll just take
a second, Major.
377
00:15:59,374 --> 00:16:00,667
May we borrow
your phonograph, sir?
378
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:02,377
Why would you want
to borrow my phonograph?
379
00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:04,004
Klink, how can you
discuss this nonsense
380
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,631
when we have
important work to do?
381
00:16:05,672 --> 00:16:08,216
Madame LaGrange is giving
dance lessons in the barracks.
382
00:16:08,216 --> 00:16:09,301
She needs some music.
383
00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:10,260
Madame LaGrange?
384
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:12,054
You have a lady
in your barracks?
385
00:16:12,095 --> 00:16:14,890
Actually, LeBeau was
Madame LaGrange before the war.
386
00:16:14,931 --> 00:16:16,933
Had a string of dance schools
across France.
387
00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:18,560
Really?
388
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,687
You know, walk in, dance out.
389
00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:22,731
Of course you can have
my phonograph.
390
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:25,817
Always happy to have others
share the joy of dancing.
391
00:16:25,859 --> 00:16:28,278
It's a pity you haven't
mastered the art, Major.
392
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,446
After you, Colonel.
393
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:35,369
Arrest Corporal LeBeau in
Barracks Two for interrogation
394
00:16:35,410 --> 00:16:37,412
and bring him
to the cooler immediately.
395
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:43,752
They come for LeBeau?
396
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,796
He's sitting in the
cooler right now.
397
00:16:45,837 --> 00:16:48,548
Good. The Gestapo just picked
up the phonograph from me.
398
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:49,591
The plan's
working... beautiful.
399
00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:51,760
Yep... I got to get
back to Klink.
400
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,095
Colonel, are you sure
Hochstetter's
401
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:55,472
going to get LeBeau
to teach him to dance?
402
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:58,642
Carter, I have never been as
sure of anything in my life.
403
00:16:58,683 --> 00:17:00,560
Well, I wish I
was that confident.
404
00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:02,562
You would be...
if you saw Lily Frankel.
405
00:17:08,693 --> 00:17:09,528
Gin.
406
00:17:14,282 --> 00:17:15,867
Wait outside.
407
00:17:15,909 --> 00:17:18,328
You're wasting your time,
Major Hochstetter.
408
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:20,539
You're not going
to get anything out of me.
409
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,625
I haven't asked you
anything yet.
410
00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:24,793
All you're
going to get
411
00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:26,503
is my name, rank
and serial number.
412
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:27,546
And a dancing lesson.
413
00:17:27,587 --> 00:17:29,381
A dancing lesson?!
414
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,633
And if you ever tell anyone...
415
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:34,803
I will have you kept
in this cooler for a year.
416
00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:35,929
Under the Geneva Convention,
417
00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:38,014
I don't have to teach you
to dance.
418
00:17:38,056 --> 00:17:40,100
Take your choice, eh...
Waltz, fox-trot
419
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,477
or shot as an
escaping prisoner.
420
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:46,148
Fox-trot.
421
00:17:46,314 --> 00:17:47,816
Wise choice.
422
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,572
We can't dance
to this one.
423
00:17:53,613 --> 00:17:54,739
Why not?
424
00:17:54,781 --> 00:17:56,408
"It's a Long Way
to Tipperary"?
425
00:17:56,449 --> 00:18:00,829
It's not only the wrong
tempo, it's the wrong war.
426
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:02,664
Can I see you
a minute, Colonel?
427
00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:03,748
Dismissed, Hogan.
428
00:18:03,790 --> 00:18:04,541
Very important, sir.
429
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:05,834
Look, I cannot
be bothered
430
00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:07,002
with your trivialities.
431
00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:08,753
Did you know that
Hochstetter arrested LeBeau
432
00:18:08,795 --> 00:18:10,005
and is holding
him prisoner?
433
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:10,839
We're all prisoners.
434
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:11,798
You too, sir?
435
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,009
I'm a prisoner of love.
436
00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:15,844
Oh, how long
are you in for?
437
00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,470
Let's not
make light of it.
438
00:18:17,512 --> 00:18:18,555
Lily Frankel called me
439
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,849
and broke a date with me
for Hochstetter.
440
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:22,851
Is that as important
as the fact
441
00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:24,311
that he's interrogating
one of your prisoners?
442
00:18:24,352 --> 00:18:25,770
Surely you're jesting.
443
00:18:25,812 --> 00:18:28,064
What does General Burkhalter
have to say about this?
444
00:18:28,106 --> 00:18:29,524
You don't think I would tell
445
00:18:29,524 --> 00:18:30,692
General Burkhalter
about Lily Frankel?
446
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:33,111
I mean about Hochstetter
taking over your camp.
447
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,362
Hogan, I'm not going to have
448
00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:35,864
General Burkhalter
involved in this.
449
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:38,658
You're right, knowing how
the general hates the Gestapo,
450
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:41,119
probably come here and throw
Hochstetter in the cooler
451
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,203
and ruin his evening.
452
00:18:42,203 --> 00:18:43,705
Hogan, don't tell me
453
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:45,582
what you think
General Burkhalter will say...
454
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,542
He does hate
the Gestapo, doesn't he?
455
00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:49,544
That way LeBeau'd be out,
456
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:50,921
and you'd be in town
457
00:18:50,962 --> 00:18:52,714
dancing your way
into Lily's heart.
458
00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:58,970
Get me
General Burkhalter.
459
00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:11,107
Ah, General Burkhalter,
how very good to see you.
460
00:19:11,149 --> 00:19:15,195
Klink, why are the SS
guards around the camp?
461
00:19:15,236 --> 00:19:16,780
Well, you see, Major
Hochstetter insisted...
462
00:19:16,821 --> 00:19:18,531
Major Hochstetter...
463
00:19:18,573 --> 00:19:21,660
Who gives the orders here,
he or you?
464
00:19:21,701 --> 00:19:23,578
I give the orders
here, sir...
465
00:19:23,578 --> 00:19:24,871
with minor exceptions.
466
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:28,750
Klink, I want you to
replace the Gestapo guards
467
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,835
with your own guards
immediately.
468
00:19:30,877 --> 00:19:31,878
Yes, sir, right away.
469
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:32,879
Schultz!
470
00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:33,922
Yes, Herr Kommandant.
471
00:19:33,963 --> 00:19:36,216
See to it that
all the Gestapo guards
472
00:19:36,257 --> 00:19:37,842
are replaced by
our guards immediately.
473
00:19:37,884 --> 00:19:39,386
Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.
474
00:19:39,427 --> 00:19:41,137
May I say so,
Herr Kommandant,
475
00:19:41,179 --> 00:19:43,014
I'm glad that
Major Hochstetter
476
00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:45,809
is not pushing you
around anymore.
477
00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:47,268
You may not say so.
478
00:19:47,268 --> 00:19:48,645
Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.
479
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,690
Nice to see you
again, General.
480
00:19:51,731 --> 00:19:53,900
I wish I could say
the same, Hogan.
481
00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:56,653
I want to talk to you
in your office, Klink.
482
00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:58,613
Major Hochstetter still
hasn't released LeBeau, sir.
483
00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:01,366
Major Hochstetter
has one of your prisoners?
484
00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:02,450
That's right,
General.
485
00:20:02,450 --> 00:20:04,703
He's got LeBeau
in the cooler right now.
486
00:20:04,744 --> 00:20:07,288
Who knows what kind
of torture he's giving him?
487
00:20:10,333 --> 00:20:13,086
I am sorry, LeBeau,
I did not mean this.
488
00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:15,380
All right, all right,
let's try it again.
489
00:20:15,422 --> 00:20:16,464
This time you lead.
490
00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:21,803
Now, you hold this hand
491
00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:24,389
and you put your
other hand on my hip.
492
00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:26,975
Must I put my hand
on your hip?
493
00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:29,102
If you think
I'm going to dance
494
00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:30,687
cheek-to-cheek with
you, you're crazy.
495
00:20:30,728 --> 00:20:32,147
Ja...
496
00:20:32,188 --> 00:20:33,982
all right...
497
00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:35,233
all right.
498
00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,485
Now, you start
with your left foot.
499
00:20:37,485 --> 00:20:38,486
Yes.
500
00:20:38,486 --> 00:20:39,237
Left, right!
501
00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:40,738
Left, right.
502
00:20:40,780 --> 00:20:42,240
Right, left.
503
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:44,367
How am I doing,
LeBeau, huh?
504
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:45,076
Not too bad.
505
00:20:45,118 --> 00:20:46,995
Good.
506
00:20:48,496 --> 00:20:50,165
I can hardly wait
to see
507
00:20:50,206 --> 00:20:51,833
the look
on Klink's face
508
00:20:51,875 --> 00:20:53,501
when he sees me
dancing with Lily.
509
00:20:56,296 --> 00:20:58,006
May I cut in?
510
00:20:58,047 --> 00:21:02,218
The next dance will
be yours, General.
511
00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:03,178
General!
512
00:21:05,346 --> 00:21:09,517
Guard, release this man
from the cooler.
513
00:21:09,517 --> 00:21:11,519
Arrest Major
Hochstetter.
514
00:21:11,519 --> 00:21:13,354
On what charge?!
515
00:21:13,354 --> 00:21:16,983
Dancing with a
prisoner, Major.
516
00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:18,109
Ja, uh...
517
00:21:25,366 --> 00:21:27,035
I think you're
in trouble, Fred.
518
00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:28,203
Hochstetter looked
pretty good.
519
00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:32,999
This is to inform you
520
00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:35,335
that Major Wolfgang Hochstetter
is under house arrest
521
00:21:35,376 --> 00:21:37,462
at Stalag 13.
522
00:21:37,503 --> 00:21:40,590
Now, we are aware that there
is nothing in the regulations
523
00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:43,051
that specifically
covers this case,
524
00:21:43,051 --> 00:21:45,178
with the exception
of Article 2b,
525
00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:49,974
section three, paragraph two,
"Dancing with Another Officer."
526
00:21:50,016 --> 00:21:52,977
Klink, you've got to be
more specific.
527
00:21:53,019 --> 00:21:56,105
You know Berlin wants
every detail in a report.
528
00:21:56,147 --> 00:21:58,232
You're quite right, General
Burkhalter, quite right.
529
00:21:58,232 --> 00:22:03,488
Place of dancing, the cooler;
name of song, "Melancholy Baby."
530
00:22:03,529 --> 00:22:05,490
General, do you remember
who was leading?
531
00:22:05,531 --> 00:22:07,867
I think it was LeBeau.
532
00:22:07,909 --> 00:22:10,620
Didn't Major Hochstetter
have his hand on LeBeau's hip?
533
00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:13,831
You are right, Klink;
LeBeau was following.
534
00:22:13,873 --> 00:22:16,167
Put down, Major Hochstetter
was leading...
535
00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:18,086
and, uh, quite badly,
I might add.
536
00:22:18,127 --> 00:22:21,756
Headquarters is not
interested in your opinion.
537
00:22:21,756 --> 00:22:22,590
Yes, sir.
538
00:22:22,757 --> 00:22:23,633
Strike the last.
539
00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:24,968
You may go, Fräulein Hilda.
540
00:22:25,009 --> 00:22:25,760
Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.
541
00:22:27,178 --> 00:22:29,389
And now, General Burkhalter,
542
00:22:29,430 --> 00:22:30,765
if you will excuse me.
543
00:22:30,765 --> 00:22:32,976
Where are you
going, Klink?
544
00:22:33,017 --> 00:22:35,103
I have a marvelous evening
in town planned.
545
00:22:35,103 --> 00:22:36,354
Forget it.
546
00:22:36,396 --> 00:22:37,730
But General Burkhalter,
547
00:22:37,772 --> 00:22:40,441
I have an engagement
with a beautiful fräulein.
548
00:22:40,441 --> 00:22:43,236
Which would you prefer, Klink:
549
00:22:43,277 --> 00:22:45,571
an engagement
with a beautiful fräulein
550
00:22:45,613 --> 00:22:48,282
or a chess game with a general
551
00:22:48,282 --> 00:22:50,451
who can transfer you
to the Russian Front?
552
00:22:56,249 --> 00:22:58,084
White for you, sir?
553
00:23:03,214 --> 00:23:10,138
♪ Poverty... may come to me
554
00:23:10,138 --> 00:23:13,808
♪ That's true... ♪
555
00:23:13,850 --> 00:23:18,479
♪ But what care I?
556
00:23:18,521 --> 00:23:22,650
♪ Say, I'll get by
557
00:23:22,650 --> 00:23:27,405
♪ As long as I
558
00:23:27,447 --> 00:23:32,034
♪ Have you...
559
00:23:39,417 --> 00:23:41,461
How did you like
my number?
560
00:23:41,502 --> 00:23:43,171
I think our friend
just arrived.
561
00:23:43,171 --> 00:23:44,839
You hated it.
562
00:23:44,839 --> 00:23:45,798
I loved it.
563
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,175
Do you really mean it?
564
00:23:47,175 --> 00:23:50,595
I swear on a stack of
Jeanette MacDonald records.
565
00:23:54,557 --> 00:23:56,517
Excuse me, fräulein,
566
00:23:56,559 --> 00:23:59,020
but have you seen Major
Hochstetter this evening?
567
00:24:05,151 --> 00:24:06,777
Would you like a beer?
568
00:24:06,819 --> 00:24:08,070
No, thank you.
569
00:24:08,112 --> 00:24:10,615
I must be leaving this place
as soon as possible.
570
00:24:10,656 --> 00:24:13,326
We've arranged for
the Gestapo to protect you.
571
00:24:13,367 --> 00:24:14,744
Good.
572
00:24:17,038 --> 00:24:17,663
Good.
573
00:24:19,540 --> 00:24:22,293
Auf Wiedersehen.
574
00:24:22,335 --> 00:24:23,211
Wiedersehen.
575
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:29,008
Miss Frankel,
would you care to dance?
576
00:24:29,050 --> 00:24:30,843
I would love to.
577
00:24:30,885 --> 00:24:32,720
This may be
our last dance.
578
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,639
I'm to leave for England
in an hour.
579
00:24:46,943 --> 00:24:49,904
You dance
beautifully, Colonel.
580
00:24:49,904 --> 00:24:51,405
Why not?
581
00:24:51,447 --> 00:24:54,200
I took six lessons
from Madame LaGrange.
40950
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