All language subtitles for Emil.And.The.Detectives.1964.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

(dramatic music plays)

(up-tempo music plays)

(male narrator)
This is the story of a crime,

just as it happened, from its beginning,

in the quiet little town of Neustadt.

Emil Tischbein, young,
eager, unsuspecting,

holds a ticket
on the morning bus to Berlin.

A holiday and a mission.

This man is a skrink.

August Grundeis, alias "The Mole,"

with a police record
as long as your arm.

A fugitive from justice.

Once more, Hilda Tischbein
repeats the instructions

her son has heard time and time again.

He only half-listens.

A man accustomed to pursuit
learns to be cautious,

alert... inconspicuous.

He learns to avoid
all contact with the law.

- (no audio)
- (up-tempo music continues)

(man) Hilda Tischbein
waits for the right moment

to give her son a certain envelope.

Money for his grandmother.

And so the pieces
begin to fall into place.

The pattern for crime is set.

(horn honking)

Events now begin to move rapidly
toward their inevitable climax.

(up-tempo music continues)

(mouthing) Hi.

Have a jellybean?

No, thank you.

(car horn honks)

Next corner, please.

(car horn honks)

(sirens approaching)

Let me off, please.

What do you think you're doing?

Hey, little boy, come back here!

Hey!

- (honks horn)
- Man, don't get excited.

You're a stranger around here,
aren't you?

- Maybe.
- (honking)

- Don't you think that's funny?
- No.

Too bad for you,
a laugh is worth something.

Hungry? Need a job?
No money in your pockets?

Gustav Fleischmann Employment Service.

That's me, Gustav Fleischmann.
We'll fix you up in no time.

I'm not hungry, I don't need a job,
and I've got some money.

And I'm busy right now, so goodbye.

Gustav Fleischmann's Guide Service.

High rate tours at low rate prices.

No need to look further, I know Berlin
like I know the back of my hand.

Now I can help you make out
a list of things to see.

And I could give you a punch in the nose
if I wasn't so busy.

Sir?

Excuse me, but a man
in that cafe stole my money.

(man) What?

A man in that cafe stole my money!

Oh. You are the boy who
pays no attention to traffic signals.

(car horn honks)

But he stole some money
I was taking to my grandmother!

Four hundred marks!

- You saw this man take your money?
- No, I didn't exactly see...

Well, now look,
maybe you lost your money.

That's possible, isn't it?

Little boys lose things.

No, it was pinned inside my coat.

And if you don't hurry up
and arrest him, he'll get away!

There's a police headquarters
on Spandauer Damm.

You go there and report this theft
to the desk sergeant.

But he'll get away!

But you see I can't just
walk up to a man and arrest him

when I don't have any proof.
You can understand that.

And it's rush hour.

One moment, sir.

May I introduce myself?

Gustav Fleischmann and associates.

You won't get anywhere
with the brass buttons,

they're too busy directing traffic. Now
what you need is a private detective.

It's lucky for you I came along.

Why, we've handled
more than one sticky case.

Why, just last week we found
Frau Bäckermeister's cat

when everyone has given up.

It was a tough job, too. Hey!

Hey, stop!
Hey, wait a minute!

Look, kid, what's the rush?
It was a tough job, too.

You see, this cat's been hit
on the head, it's a little off,

you know what I mean?

That's the one, huh?
Some skrunky thing to do.

Tell me exactly what happened,
as much as you can remember.

Well, I was coming to Berlin to...

(up-tempo music plays)

(narrator) Even as Emil Tischbein
tells his story,

a web of crime is being
spun tighter around him.

Somewhere, in this cafe,
are the other two skrinks.

Look at him.

He acts like all the police in Berlin
are after him.

They are.

(man) I don't like it. He's got
no business on a big job like this.

Can't you say "project," Müller?
"Project" instead of "job."

Cigar, please.

- (Müller) I say we dump him.
- (man) There's just one problem.

You don't find men with his
particular skill on every street corner.

In his field, he's a champion.

(chuckles sarcastically)
He don't look like any champion.

And anybody can dig. I can dig!

We don't want someone to dig, Müller.

We want someone to tunnel.

Light, please.

Oh.

Call it what you want...

...look at all the people
that have dug out from behind the Wall.

Lucky amateurs.

How would you like to go back and
use the tunnels they left behind them?

But when he tunneled under the Wall?
A masterpiece.

It's in use every day,
has been for months.

A fortune in black market goods
has passed through it.

He looks like some kind of a rat.

A mole, Müller.

He looks like a mole.
That's what they call him.

Give me a pen.

- (Müller) I don't like it.
- Yes, Müller.

I don't like it at all.

I heard you the first time, Müller.

Could we have our bill, please?

And could you do me the favor
of delivering this newspaper

to the gentleman in the checkered suit?

See the one I mean over there?

Don't worry, Müller.
The Mole will make no trouble for us.

I have it all worked out.

- (head thuds)
- Ooh!

- (music ends)
- (audience applauds)

And I kept on following him,
'cause I didn't know what else to do.

And this is where I ended up.

- (Gustav) He's paying his check.
- With my money.

OK, I'll take your case for 20 marks.

- Twenty marks?!
- Fifteen.

I've only got 40 marks.
That's gotta last me my whole trip.

You wanna get your goods back, don't ya?

You don't want your poor old godmother
to starve to death?

- Grandmother.
- All right, special holiday rate.

Ten marks, plus expenses.

You're getting a lot for a little.

And here comes old Sticky Fingers.

- Well, all right.
- Good. Come on.

I'll keep track of him.
You go in and get that bill.

- Give the waiter one from your pocket.
- What for?

You said you pinned the money
inside your coat?

So, we can identify it
with the pinholes, pinhead.

OK, get goin'.

Hey, wait a minute.
What if I lose you?

Don't.

Excuse me.

I got it!

- It was the most important part.
- I know, it's evidence.

No, not that, farm boy, this.
It's about some secret meeting,

but the name of the hotel
went skrinking off down the gutter.

Well, why can't we just, uh...

- Where is he?
- Huh?

(scoffs) I thought you were
gonna keep track of him.

(groans)

First, I have the man and not the proof.

Now I've got the proof,
and you lost the man.

- Take it easy.
- You take it easy,

it's not your 400 marks!

Do you want me to take the case or not?

I'll give you back your lousy ten marks,
plus five of my own.

That's better. Come on.

- Where are we going?
- To get the others.

Well, then, back again?

Didn't you go to the police headquarters
like I told you?

He decided to put
a private detective on the case.

I hope that Emil
has some interesting news.

Something I can use in my column.

It's not so easy writing a column for
every single issue of the school paper.

You just run out of things to say.

Then, when you don't
have anything much to say,

you have to say it in a different way,
or real funny.

And that isn't too easy either.

Is this the bus from Neustadt?

- What? The bus from where?
- Neustadt.

- Berlin Tourist Express...
- Yes, I know the name.

If that's the Berlin Tourist Express,
it's the bus from Neustadt.

- There must be some mistake.
- Mistake?

- What mistake?
- Where is my grandson?

I don't know anything about grandsons.

- Just buses.
- Well, there you have it.

Call your father.

(girl) Just a second, Nana.
That won't help any.

- The boy is too young.
- What good will it do?

I knew something would happen.

What's happened?
We don't know anything happened.

Emil is not on the bus, there's the bus,
and Emil is not on it.

I've got a schedule.

- There's an 8:00 bus...
- I told Eva he was too young.

- Maybe you read the letter wrong.
- I warned her.

An eight can look like a three,
and your eyes aren't too good.

Your eyes wouldn't be so good either
if you were my age.

Look, we can go back to your apartment,
I'll stay for dinner,

and then we'll come back
to meet the 8:00 bus.

- Well...
- It's raining anyway, Nana.

Let's go home, OK?

And I can use your typewriter
to do my column. Come on, Nana.

Please?

(horn honking)

(horn honking)

- Hey, where do you think you're going?
- Hey, get out of the way!

(horn honking)

(horn honking)

Oh. Master Reinhardt,
where are you going?

- (bike bell ringing)
- Wait.

Bring your suitcase.

Where are we going now?

- Headquarters.
- Oh.

- (Gustav) Here, let me carry that.
- Thanks.

- Is this headquarters?
- Of course not.

If headquarters is in this building,

- why did we go up and around, and...?
- Secrecy.

What?

We prefer to keep
our headquarters a secret.

Shh.

Hi, Gustav. What's up?

Something big. All clear?

Sit down.

All right, let's get started.
Has everyone got their badges?

- Good. Now then...
- Wait a minute.

Where's your badge?

I know it was there this morning
when I was dressing.

Hey, this isn't my sweater, it's yours.

Well, maybe I'm wearing your sweater,
but this is my badge.

(boy) What are you talking about?
That's where I always pin...

All right, fellas. All right, all right!

Don't worry about it. Now this is
our client, Emil Tischbein.

Fresh from Neustadt.

- My name's Hermann.
- Hi.

I'm Hans and this is
my younger brother, Rudolf.

- I'm only ten minutes younger.
- Eleven.

I'm Reinhardt Bertram Hohenfeld.

- Nice to meet you.
- We call him the Professor.

Because he talks a lot.

Because I try to give careful
consideration in matters,

- instead of acting in an impulsive...
- (both) See what I mean?

- Dienstag's my name.
- Hi.

- What happened to your leg?
- Fell over a trash can on our last job.

Now, Emil here, is in a tough spot,
and it's up to us to get him out of it.

- He's been robbed.
- (boys) Robbed?!

Four hundred marks!

- Whoa! That's a lot of dough!
- Wow.

(Reinhardt) That's a considerable
sum of money.

- Now here's what we do. I'm going...
- (girl laughing)

Come on, tell me something.

- I thought you said it was all clear.
- It's only my skrinky sister.

Talking on the telephone, as usual.

(girl) I can't even make...

Now look, if this is
gonna be headquarters...

Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

Anyway, we know the skrunk
that pulled the job.

Great, all we gotta do
is grab the money back.

That would make us thieves too.

Look, if somebody takes something
from me and I take it back,

- I'm not any thief.
- Yes, you are.

- It's really a moral issue.
- (both) Moral issue?

(all arguing indistinctly)

Forget it, Prof.

Sir, I'm not a thief and you know it.
What're you trying to do to me?

- Knock it off.
- What do you...

Do you want to hear
about the case or not?

Now, first of all,
we have to find this crook.

You know, I wonder at the
advisability of taking this case at all.

This is a serious situation.

We're not gonna
shoot it out with this crook.

All we have to do is find him and then
turn him over to the brass buttons.

Yes, but there are extenuating circum...

You don't have to come along,
Professor, you know?

Professor, why don't you
just extenuate your circumstances

long enough to hear
the whole story, huh?

Emil, you describe old Sticky Fingers
and Hermann can draw him up for us.

- Hermann's very good with a pencil.
- You got any paper, Dienstag?

- Sure.
- Come on, Emil.

(Emil) He's pretty hard to describe.

- Where can I put these?
- I'll take them for you.

OK, men, take a look at this.
Now, we've already got one clue.

He tried to destroy it,
but I was right on the job.

You missed the most important part,
the name of the hotel.

Sure, that's what makes
the case interesting.

Now, unless I miss my guess,

this means our man's gonna be at some
hotel at 6:00 for some kind of meeting.

It's 4:30 right now, so...

I haven't finished my conversation yet,

so don't touch the telephone,
or I'll break your arm.

When last seen, the crook was
walking near the Memorial Church.

So we'll start
with the hotels in that area.

I figured if he was going far,
he'd have hopped a taxi.

- Dienstag, you stand by the phone.
- Right.

Professor, make me a list
of the downtown hotels.

Emil will stay here, and if you think...

If you think you've spotted
the crook, call in.

- Crook? What crook?
- (Dienstag whistling)

Little boys.

- You'll have to do something about her.
- I'll handle it.

Hey, Gustav, I better
call my grandmother...

Send her a note, then you won't have
to tell her any more than you want to.

She won't worry so much.

- Hermann, you take a note for Emil.
- Aw, heck!

Every job's important. And don't let
anybody know where it came from.

Professor, you get some rations
together. Sausage, cheese, crackers.

Hermann, how's the picture coming?

- Good job.
- That's extremely thorough.

He resembles a rodent!

- That's him all right.
- He wears a checkered suit,

with a big silver chain
across the front.

- And he wiggles his ears.
- He does?

- Extraordinary.
- Keep that in mind, men. Now, let's go.

(Emil) Just a second, Hermann,
I'm almost done.

Hey, Gustav, wait a second.
Can I be one of the detectives?

Of course not, you're the client.

OK, men, let's go.

- Hans you go with...
- I'm Rudolf.

Hans, you go to the Hilton
on Budapester Strasse.

- Rudolf, you go to the Metro.
- Right.

- Professor, you go to the...
- I put the address on the back.

Right.

Be careful.

- This must be your biggest case yet.
- Right.

- I'm almost glad you got robbed.
- (up-tempo music plays)

Sometimes they play records in there
to each other for hours.

I think we'd better
take care of her... right now.

(record stops)

Yeah, that's the one. Sure.

Just a minute. What do you want?

Heinrich is here.

- Heinrich? Where?
- At the front door.

Günther?

It's my mother, I have to run.

I'll talk to you later. Goodbye.

- Come on!
- (door opens)

Heinrich's her new boyfriend.
Günther's her old one.

They don't know about each other yet.

- (knocking on door)
- Dienstag! You little brat!

- (continues knocking)
- Nothing to do now but wait.

I'm giving you one more chance,
then I'm gonna do something terrible!

Come on, Dienstag,
let me in there, please?

(man on TV) Attention all units
in section 14.

Be on the lookout for a
middle-aged man traveling alone.

- (continues shouting indistinctly)
- Exercise extreme caution,

as this man is armed and desperate.

(TV continues, indistinct)

(dramatic music plays on TV)

(tires screeching)

(siren blaring)

- I don't know where he is.
- Mind if we come in?

(woman) Yes. I mind very much.

- OK, then we wait in the hall.
- No!

Get away from here.
I don't want to talk to you.

And I already know what you want,
and I don't want to hear it!

Get out of here and leave me alone!

- (mail slot opening)
- (man on TV) Maybe you know it,

maybe you don't.
But your precious Wolfgang

is up to his ears in robbery,
blackmail, and tonight he...

(turns TV off)

Who's out there?
Tell me or I'll scream.

I'm looking for Frau Heimbold.

- What do you want with her?
- I've got a message.

What sort of a message?

It's a personal message.

- Is this Number 15 Rosenheimer Strasse?
- You came to the right mail chute,

but Frau Heimbold happens to be
busy right now. Who's it from?

It's from... It's important.

Oh, well I'm her granddaughter,
I can take the message for her.

- Do you want me to scream?
- Stop saying that.

Why can't I give a message
to my own grandmother?

Because... because I don't think
my friend would like it.

And just why is your friend sending
mysterious messages to my grandmother?

- Your grandmother?
- Yes, my grandmother.

She could be somebody else's
grandmother, too.

- So he is in Berlin!
- No! I mean... Who?

- (chuckles)
- Emil.

I don't know what you're talking about.
What do you mean?

And he is in
some kind of trouble, isn't he?

- I didn't say anything about Emil.
- Who are you anyway?

Why did he send you with a note?
Why didn't he come himself?

Be... Because he can't.

You've kidnapped him!
That's a ransom note!

- (screams) Help! Police!
- Ow!

(pants dramatically)

- He's been kidnapped! Kidnapped!
- No, no!

- No, he's not kidnapped.
- Poor Emil!

- He has to see a man about some money.
- Money?

Nevermind, just give this note
to Frau Heimbold. I've gotta go!

(Pony) Wait a minute!
If Emil's in trouble...

I don't know anybody named Emil!

(door closes)

"Dear Nana, don't worry, I am fine.

I will come as soon as I can,
but now I am very busy. Love, Emil."

Nana, I'm going out
to follow up a lead on a story.

(Gustav honks horn)

(car backfiring)

When you've parked the car, Müller,
come up to the room.

Hey, watch where you're...

I can't take too much more
of this waiting.

(sighs)

Dienstag, look out!

(telephone rings)

Hello.

- Right.
- Who is it? Did they find him?

Check. Right.

- What happened?
- Gustav, Hotel Kreid.

- He wants you to come over.
- Right.

It's on Enge Strasse.
Turn right outside for about a block.

Turn right again, keep on going,
and you can't miss it.

Thanks...

...for everything.

(telephone rings)

Hello? Oh. One moment, please.

Just let me get my hands on you!

(no audio)

- (rings bike bell)
- Look out!

Why don't you look where
you're going? Oh, it's you.

I delivered your message.
Anything happen?

Hotel Kreid. Gustav's waiting.

Climb on.

- That's him all right.
- Shall we call the police?

- Not yet.
- (both) But I thought you said...

I think we're onto something big.
Something bigger than just 400 marks.

Thank you.

It's a great honor
to be working with the Baron.

I never thought I'd have the chance.

How long will the job take?

It's hard to say.

What do you mean "hard to say"?

Müller, please, Müller.

Have a little respect for
Herr Grundeis' professional integrity.

I presume there are many variables?

Soil conditions, shoring problems?

Especially under that street.

It takes study.

What do you propose?

The average weight of vehicles
passing over that street?

- The average weight?
- Trucks, busses,

- American cars, and street cars.
- There are some street cars

and a few trucks from the furniture
warehouse on the next corner.

Actually, it's a very
short distance if we start here,

where I have it marked, at the old ruin.

There's the basement,
and this underground passage

- takes us within 20 yards.
- (August) Yes, but...

I understand your tunnel under
the Wall was over 100 yards.

- One hundred and three.
- How long did it take you?

- Forty-three days.
- Forty-three days?!

What did you use, a teaspoon?!

No, a soup spoon, about so big.

A beautiful piece of work.

- Thank you.
- What about this job?

We've got only two days.

The holiday, you know. We don't
want to pop into that bank vault

on the day the place is open
for business, do we?

You can get started right now.

You must forgive Müller,
he's very impatient.

But, you see,
there is this time pressure.

Müller, cigar.

Please.

If you could see your way clear
to start tonight.

- Well, uh...
- Ah, there's a good fellow.

Müller, light.

I believe you'll find everything
you need is already there.

Just awaiting your master touch.

(Gustav whistles)

What're you doing up here?

- There's your man.
- Where?

Right...

- He was there.
- Look!

- Where?
- Right here.

- What?
- My badge!

- It was in my pocket the...
- There he is!

Let's go.

(whispering) Stay back and stay quiet.
We don't want him to make a run for it.

- (bike bell sounds)
- (Reinhardt) Gustav! Emil!

- Headquarters told me where you were.
- Got the rations?

- (Rudolf) I'll take them.
- (Hans) You'll eat 'em.

- (Rudolf) No, I won't.
- Shh!

- (Rudolf hiccups)
- Shh!

- Quiet.
- I can't help it, I swallowed my gum.

(muffled hiccup)

(hiccups)

Wow, look at that place.

- (Emil) Where's he going?
- (Gustav) I don't know.

- What's he doing in this place?
- Highly irregular.

You bet your skrunky buttons it is.

I knew we were on to something big.

- I just want my money.
- (hiccups)

All right.

- Now here's what we do...
- Look!

Emil Tischbein, what are you up to?

Pony!

- How'd you find me?
- I followed your messenger.

Good job.
Who is she, Emil?

Oh, Gustav Fleischmann,
may I present my cousin,

- Brunhilde Heimbold.
- Hi. My friends call me Pony.

Get rid of her.

- Pony, what'd Nana say about the note?
- Nothing, she never saw it.

(Emil) Wasn't she worried
when I wasn't on the bus?

I told her she probably
read the letter wrong.

And you'll be coming in on the 8:00 bus.

- What's going on around here?
- It's got nothing to do with you.

If there's a good story in it, it does.

Writing a book?

- No, I'm a reporter.
- A reporter?!

- Emil, I'm telling ya...
- Look, Pony,

you go on back to Nana's and I'll be
there and explain everything then.

Not on your life.

Do you want me to get rid of her?

Just try it and I'll go straight to Nana
and tell her all about the money.

(mouthing silently)

She's your problem, Emil.
Come on, men.

All right, Pony, but you have to promise
you won't get in the way.

Excuse me for saying so,
but I don't have to promise anything.

(Gustav) All right, men,
listen carefully.

Hermann, you take
the corner on the back.

Hans, you take the corner
on the other side.

Rudolf, you take the front corner,
I'll be at the front door.

Stay in sight of each other
and keep quiet.

But if the crook runs for it, yell your
heads off. Professor, get the police.

Good luck.

(Emil) You'd better go home before
Nana starts worrying about you, too.

And give up a chance
to interview the criminal?

- (chuckles) No, thanks.
- Hey, wait a minute.

- You can't stick around here.
- Remind him

I could ruin the
whole thing if I wanted to.

Well, she is my cousin,
and I am the client.

All right, all right.

Just keep her out of sight.

(hiccups)

- (Rudolf hiccups)
- (Hans) Shh!

(Rudolf hiccups) I can't help it.

- (Hans) Gustav.
- (Hermann) Keep him quiet!

- (Rudolf) I'm trying.
- (Gustav) Cut that out.

Stop that noise.

(bell tolling)

It's that partially
demolished building over there.

- You've got proof of all this?
- Incontrovertible.

- What?
- Foolproof proof.

- Is he still in there?
- Sure. I've got the place surrounded.

Which one had his money stolen?

(Emil) Me, sir.

- (man) What would he be doing here?
- That's what we'd like to know.

It's very peculiar, very suspicious.

(water running)

There's lots of places he could hide...

- ...if he wanted to.
- Where did you come from?

Number one guard
between Hans and Gustav.

All right.

It's a holiday,
and on holidays boys play games.

- I know that.
- That's not fair.

Just because you can't find a crook,
that doesn't mean there isn't one.

Every holiday it's the same thing.

Let's pull a prank on Officer Stucke.

It's easy to trick Officer Stucke
if you've only got the nerve.

(imitating child's voice) "I dare you.
I double dare you."

Now I tell you something.
Officer Stucke's

- up to here with pranks.
- Yes, sir.

Now I think you'd better
all go home to bed.

It's late... and these
old ruins are dangerous.

Next time I won't be so patient.

- I'm hungry.
- Me too.

Glad we don't eat early at my house.

Having veal stew tonight, that's one
of the best things my mother makes.

(Reinhardt) I really should be going.

The butler will undoubtedly be waiting
up for me to finish our chess game.

(Pony) We'd better go too, if we're
gonna be at the bus terminal by 8:00.

No, I can't go. What would I say?

Hello, Nana. I'm sorry, but I lost
the 400 marks I was bringing ya.

You'll have to get along without it.

But you didn't lose it, you got robbed.

What difference does that make?

Nobody can blame you for getting robbed.

So what? I still don't have the money,

and I'm not gonna meet Nana
till I get it back!

- But, Emil, it won't work out.
- All right, I'll stay here with Emil.

The rest of you men can go home now,
but be back in the morning, 8:00 sharp.

You mean you're gonna
stay here all night?

How else are we gonna find this crook?

What makes you so certain
he'll turn up here again?

Because a criminal always returns
to the scene of the crime.

- Right.
- But that's fallacious reasoning.

- The crime wasn't committed here...
- Look, have you got any better ideas?

If he doesn't show up
then we've lost him, that's all.

(Pony) Well, I don't know.
If you ask me...

Nobody's asking you,
but since you've butted in,

- you'll take care of Emil's family.
- What?

First, go to your old man,

tell him it was your grandmother
that got a call from Neustadt.

- And Emil's not coming till tomorrow.
- Why not?

He got sick or the bus was full, can't
you think up anything for yourself?!

- I can think of something...
- Then go to your grandmother,

tell her it was your old man
that got the call.

- Women.
- If this plan doesn't work...

Nevermind about that.
We're not giving up this case.

Now we have to do what we have to do.

Now move out.

- Good luck, Emil.
- Good luck, Gustav.

- See ya, Emil.
- Eight o'clock.

- Bye, Gustav. Good luck.
- Bye, Gustav.

Gustav, if you could
give me your address,

I could stop by and tell your father.

(Gustav) It's payday,
he won't be home till late.

Besides, he doesn't care what I do.

Well, good night.

- What are you looking at?
- Nothing.

Nothing at all.

- Good luck, Emil.
- (Emil) Thanks.

(Emil) Gustav?

Gustav, I'm glad you didn't
want to give up the case.

I mean... thanks.

- (thundering)
- Ten marks'll be enough thanks for me.

Come on, we'll take turns on guard.

(thundering loudly)

(rain falling)

Looks like we're in for a rough night.

(birds chirping)

(car backfiring)

(backfiring continues)

(car door closes)

Thank you.

(whispering) Lay low.

I've seen those two before.

Of course you have, in the hotel room.

Take it easy.

I'd forgotten how fresh the air is
so early in the morning.

- And how quiet.
- The little rat is probably asleep.

It's a splendid time
for our sort of business.

Everyone is inside his house,

no meddling questions, no prying eyes.

Crimes are only committed at night,
by tradition.

We ought to shake off the old ideas.

Hurry up, before they get away.

You go on, I'll go around back.

Ah!

What are you doing?

Taking my morning exercise,
what do you think? Get going.

(water running)

(muffled, indistinct voices)

(Müller) If he's supposed to be so good
what's taking him so long?

(voices continue, indistinct)

(Müller) What's he been
doing all night, anyway?

He's probably just sitting down
laughing at us.

I don't see why we can't
just walk in the bank,

stick a gun in their faces and
take the money, like we always do.

(Baron) Müller, if you don't stop
grumbling, I make you wait in the car.

This caviar's superb.

(speaks French)

Lemon wedge, please.

Thank you.

The wine, Müller, the wine.

The taste of caviar should never be
allowed to linger for very long.

It goes stale.

- What vintage is this?
- Fifty-nine, like you said.

- It's gone sour.
- (gasping)

- It's the stuff.
- (Baron) The what?

The powder, the nitro powder.

- Don't shake it.
- Do be more careful, Müller.

(gasps)

The wine, the wine.

Delightful bouquet.

(Gustav's horn honks)

(horn continues honking)

- Did you hear something?
- An automobile horn from the street.

Have we heard street noises before?

Well, I don't think there's any cars
going through this building.

- (chuckles)
- Very amusing.

Huh.

Emil!

I heard a voice, too.

Cover my caviar.

Well, did you find something?

Not yet.

We're just wasting time.

I'm going back and see
what's taking Grundeis so long.

Always impatient, aren't you, Müller?

Your impatience will put you
back in prison if you're not careful.

(sneezes)

Emil!

Emil!

(Rudolf and Hans)
Emil! Emil, where are you?!

I bet Gustav's just trying
to get himself some breakfast.

(Reinhardt) Then where's Emil?

- I don't know.
- Hey! There he is, up there!

- (boys shouting at once)
- (Reinhardt) What did you say?!

I don't know where he is.

- (Reinhardt) You don't know?!
- That's what I said.

We split up to search this place,
and I haven't seen him since.

Those two characters from the hotel
showed up and disappeared.

Then Emil disappeared.

And that's the whole story.

Fine bunch of detectives.

We don't only lose our man,
we lose our client.

I don't wanna play anymore.

Yes, Müller.

This whole thing is beginning
to make me nervous.

- (Baron) I can see that, Müller.
- What are we gonna do about him?!

(Baron) You needn't
concern yourself with that.

I'm taking full responsibility
for our young guest.

I didn't mean any harm.

- I was just doing some exploring.
- A victim of circumstance.

Alas, so are all of us...

...victims of circumstance.

Well, it won't do us any good
to sit around, shaking our heads

- like a bunch of skrinky old women.
- (bike bell rings)

This is all I need.

Good morning.
What happened last night?

I thought about you two
when it started to rain last night.

And your story worked perfectly
on the family. Where's Emil?

We don't know where he is,
we've lost him.

- Lost him? Is this a joke?
- Do you see anybody laughing?

Four persons have disappeared in
this building within the last 14 hours.

All right, let's get moving.
Rudolf and Hans, spread out

and go through this junk pile from
front to back. Look under every brick.

(Rudolf) OK.

- Hermann and Professor, come with me.
- I'm going to the police.

They won't listen, haven't you
got that through your big brain yet?

There's no alternative.

All right. Go ahead, I'm tired
of arguing. You do what you want to.

You two get moving.
Hermann, you come with me.

You're still playing detective?

Emil might be hurt,
or in some kind of danger.

And you're still pretending
like you're on television

- or in the movies or something?
- Who asked your opinion?

You never ask for anybody's opinion,
because you think you're so smart.

But this is one time
you aren't so smart at all!

Come on, Professor,
the police will listen to my father.

Great, just great.
You know, that's just what Emil wants.

That's why he hired us
in the first place.

So we'd run and squeal to his family
about the money he lost.

I don't know what Emil wants,
and neither do you.

Not anymore.

Fine, go ahead. And good luck, you'll
need it. Since you're more to blame

- than anybody else.
- What?

If you hadn't told that big lie
to your family,

Emil wouldn't have
been here today to get lost.

- It was your lie.
- I didn't tell it.

But I... I was only trying to help.

Well, I guess you can
explain that to your old man.

Don't let him scare you.

How would you like a fist
right in your big mouth?!

That would prove one thing for sure.

That you know you're wrong,
and can't think what to do about it.

It won't be easy to go to the police
and tell them what we've been doing,

and how we've lost Emil.

But what if we don't go?

What if tonight comes and
we still don't know where Emil is?

Do we still keep it to ourselves?

Sooner or later we'll have to tell.

And what will people
think about us then?

And, in the meantime,
what's happening to Emil?

I don't want things
to get any worse than they are.

I'm going to the police right now.

And the rest of you
can come along if you want to.

Or stay here.
It doesn't make any difference.

When are you going
to be through down there?!

In 43 days?!

Yell just a little louder, Müller,
and they'll be able to hear

- at police headquarters.
- (growls)

Did you say something?

So there you are!
Where's my 400 marks?!

Grundeis?

What's the boy talking about?

On the bus from Neustadt
he picked my pocket!

You risked a million mark project
for pocket change?

There was a time, a much happier time,

when I didn't have to
associate with pickpockets.

I told you we were making a big mistake.

Or hoodlums.

Stupid little sneak, thief! (groaning)

- You... you. I break you in two!
- Müller!

- (Müller) Come back, you little rat!
- Pull him out! Let me at him!

I'll teach you to mess up
a big job like this.

- Müller! Control yourself, I mean it.
- (grunts)

Just leave things to me, please.

What's he doing down there anyway?

Little boy...
you should never have come here.

In case anybody's interested,
I've reached the vault.

Why didn't you say so, you idiot?

(August) You didn't give me a chance.

- Let's go.
- What about the boy?

(Baron) You bring the boy.

Come on.

(both grunting)

- (Müller) Why you... I...
- (Baron) Müller.

Take my ankles.

Easy now. Pull.

(grunts)

Ooh! You're pulling my legs off.

(all straining)

(Baron grunts)

(snarling)

I'm reminded of a summer
in Monte Carlo, '37, I believe.

Help me up.

- (grunting)
- There was a Countess,

I can't recall her name right now,
but she was very important that year.

Grundeis, flashlight.

She had splendid entertainment.

I will never forget a costume ball
she gave in the cellars of her villa.

That's my boy. Get in there.

Everyone was asked to dress
as a famous criminal.

I went as Leon Duval, the jewel thief.

My pockets stuffed to overflowing
with imitation jewelry.

Simple, but imaginative.

Everyone thought it a charming idea.

It was the height of the Riviera season.

Servants were hard to come by.

Three of my men were
on the Countess' staff that night.

Before the evening was over, my pockets
were stuffed with very real jewels.

The imitations had been given
in exchange.

'Twas was a night to remember.

(Müller grunting)
Him and his charming ideas!

I'll give him a few charming ideas.

(grunts, screams)

(Baron) You know, the one party
paid my way that entire season.

And the way I lived in those days,
that's saying something.

One day, I'm going to write my memoirs.

All right, Müller, hurry up. Hurry up.

(Müller) I'm coming as fast as I can.

(screams)

- Hey!
- Look out, Müller.

Yes, it's been a beautiful life.

Müller, light, please.

Light your own cigar
if it's such a beautiful life!

You know I never carry matches.

(grumbles)

Emil! (echoes)

- Who's missing?
- Emil Tischbein.

- Our client.
- Your client.

- (all talking at once)
- We're not getting anywhere this way.

Let one person tell it. Now...

Well, well, so it's our
group of detectives.

(man) Do you know these boys, Stucke?

Oh, yes, last night they had me busy
searching in an old bomb ruin,

over on Lindenstrasse.

They trapped a dangerous
criminal in there.

I never said he was a dangerous
criminal. I said he was a thief.

Well, I'll tell you what we'll do.
We'll go through the rogue's gallery

and see if you can spot this criminal
you've been after.

It would be a great help to us
if you knew just who we are looking for.

- We'll split up and save time.
- Right.

(tapping)

It's thick.

Eighteen inches or more.
There isn't much reinforcement.

- It's probably steel mesh.
- (creaking)

- That looks dangerous to me.
- It is.

- But I was so rushed, that of course...
- Yes, yes, I understand.

Be as fast as you can, Müller.
I'm not eager to be buried alive.

(Müller continues tapping)

Wow, this is enough
to give you nightmares.

(Rudolf) That's what I was thinking.

(Hermann) Gosh, I didn't know there were
this many crooks in the whole world.

I guess I'd better do it.

Call my father.

How much longer?

One minute.

- Emil!
- (bell tolling)

(horn honks)

- (bell tolls)
- (explosion)

(grunting)

(coughs)

(Baron) Müller?

(August) It's too narrow, isn't it?

- I misjudged.
- (Baron) So I see.

Seems I'm surrounded by incompetence.

Some dynamite will finish it up.
Over here.

Never mind. We'd have to wait
another hour for the clock to strike.

None of us can squeeze through
a hole that size.

None of us?

- Hey... the boy.
- (Baron) Of course.

And now, my young friend,
I want you to do something for me.

I want you to crawl into that hole,
and hand out all the money you can find.

There'll be quite a lot.

What if I... say no?

I wouldn't if I were you.

I don't wanna look like a crook.

Crooks, as you will find out someday,
look like anybody else.

And usually are. Untie him, Müller.

Ah. Wow.

Something tells me...
we're making another big mistake.

Ouch! (groans) My leg!

That'll do, boy.

- Grundeis, give the boy a boost.
- (Müller groaning)

He can't reach the opening by himself.

Ouch!

(Baron) All right, boy, get on with it.

I'm becoming very bored with you.

I won't do it.

Now then, let's start
with those sacks over there.

The ones hanging up.

There. Now drag it over here to me.

Here.

(ripping sounds)

(panting)

- Get your hands out of that!
- (shouts)

- (Hermann) There he is right there!
- (Reinhardt) Where? Let me see!

- (all shouting)
- He stole Emil's money, that's the one.

- (man) Grundeis?
- (Stucke) The Mole?

I thought he left Berlin.

He did. He was seen
in Munich a month ago.

- (all chattering)
- I found another one.

Hey! There's that tall guy!

The one at Hotel Kreid.

- (Stucke) Bruno Müller.
- Bruno and Grundeis working together?

- Here's the last one!
- Hey, there's that other guy!

- Werner von Breugel.
- (man) The Baron!

- (Stucke) This time you went too far.
- (all shouting)

- (man) It's impossible.
- (shouting continues)

Wait. Wait a minute.

Von Breugel is dead.

Dead?

All right, you kids
had better run along now.

We might as well go back.

(Hermann) Well, at least we tried
to do the correct thing.

(Hans) Maybe Gustav already found him.

(Rudolf) Yeah,
maybe he already found him.

If von Breugel's dead,
why is he still in the books?

We are not sure he is dead.
He vanished nearly 20 years ago.

If the Baron was alive, he wouldn't
be associating with small time crooks

like Grundeis and Müller.

(Emil) I can't find any more.

Look in every corner,
everywhere, there must be more!

Nevermind, that's enough.
Come on, Müller, let's get out of here.

- It's getting stuffy in here.
- (Müller) Give me that basket!

(Baron) All right, Grundeis,
you stay and help the boy out.

(snarls)

Excuse me, I'd like to call my father.

No more games.

(telephone rings)

Hello, Sergeant Schiller speaking.

What's that?

Please try to calm yourself,
I can hardly understand you.

Who is this?

Heimbold. How do you spell it?

- H-I-M...
- H-E-I-M-B-O-L-D.

(stammers) Yes, I've got that.

Now what is this about a missing boy?

Your nephew?
And what's his name, Herr Heimbold?

- What?
- Emil Tischbein.

That's right.

- That's what he said.
- It's my father.

What's that, Herr Heimbold?

An explosion?

- On Lindenstrasse?
- That's the old building!

As a matter of fact, Herr Heimbold,
we are on the job already!

Get the patrol car, Stucke!
One of my men is on his way.

Your daughter and some
of her friends were here, and...

Just a moment, Herr Heimbold.

Try to calm him down. It isn't
good for a man to be so excited.

Hello, Papa?

Papa, you there?

- (car horn honking)
- Hello, Papa? Can't you hear me?

Hello? Hello?

(line clicks off)

- Fill in the hole.
- What?

So that's why you weren't
worried about the Mole.

(chuckling)

Müller?

If my calculations are correct,
when that clock strikes again,

the world will be
rid of the Mole once and for all.

(August) Hey! What're you doing?

Let me out of here!

(chuckling)

Dig! If you don't want to spend the rest
of your life down here, you better dig!

(Baron) I must say,
it's been a delightful morning.

I've enjoyed it immensely.

The trouble with modern criminals
is that they have no imagination.

I think, perhaps,
I shall winter in Rome this year.

Hold my cane.

I'm going down that ladder
to find out what's happened to Emil.

Don't let those two get away.

Müller?

Cigar.

- (honking horn)
- Emil?

Those crooks!

Those double-crossing, murdering crooks!

Look who's talking.

We have to prevent them
from reaching their car.

You forgot to set the brakes again.

- Where are the twins?
- Don't know. Come on.

Emil, where are you?

Faster, faster!

- (Emil) Help!
- (Gustav) Emil!

- (Emil) Is that you, Gustav?
- Just a minute, Emil.

- (August) It's dynamite!
- I can't budge it.

(Emil) Hurry up, get us out!

(August) Put it out!
Hey, you, put it out!

OK, OK, I'm hurrying. It's just that
I have a little problem here.

- (August) Help! Hey!
- (Emil) Hurry up!

(both grunting)

- (Emil) Help!
- (grunting)

(both whimpering)

(bells tolling)

(siren wails)

You stay here.

- But I gotta see Emil.
- No arguments.

(bell chiming)

(explosion)

Wow.

(water rushing)

Hey! Help us out of here!
The water's coming!

- We will be drowned!
- Help! Gustav!

(both grunting)

Help! Get us out of here!

- It's cold. Help!
- Help!

- Help!
- Help!

- Help! Please!
- Gustav! Please...

- (chattering) Cold.
- (August) Help!

(exhales)

- Man, what a blast!
- Are you all right?

Yeah, I think so.

- (grunting)
- (coughing)

Gustav, help! Please.

- (grunting)
- Help!

- Help, help.
- (coughing)

(screams)

(panting)

(screams)

- Who are you?
- That's Emil.

Then who are you?

"Gustav Fleischmann and Associates."

- Private detectives?
- At your service.

- There's your crook, men.
- (August grunting)

(sputtering)

(screams, panting)

(chuckles)

Hey, what's going on?

Those men have a basket of money,

and every few blocks
they stop and give some of it away.

Hey, come on, you guys,
they're giving away money! Come on!

Hurry! Come on, quick!

What are they doing?
What... What do they want?

Pay no attention.
It's obviously some game.

Just keep walking.

(children shouting)

(children clamoring)

(children cheering)

Come along, Müller.
This is no time to play with children.

See what I mean? Come on,
there's more where that came from.

(siren wails)

(children screaming)

(all shouting)

Come on, Baron. Your public has

- a right to know what you look like.
- Please, take your hat down.

(man) Let's have a big smile now.

- (man 2) Please, Baron, one picture.
- (telephone ringing)

Thanks.

Let's have one more now.
Would you mind doing that again?

I know of a lovely little prison in
Bavaria with a good view of the Alps.

All right, let's go.

A perfect place to write my memoirs.

I'll have to see the commissioner
about arrangements right away.

- Keep moving.
- (children chattering indistinctly)

Youth is best here.
Put them close together, everybody.

- Right over here, boys.
- (Gustav) Get your hat on.

Let's see those badges.

- Hold it.
- All right, men, show your badges.

- No smiles
- (man) Look at me.

When you get the reward, you'll have so
much you won't know what to do with it.

- Yeah.
- (man) Good.

What are you gonna do with it all?

Well, I think you and the detectives
deserve some of the reward money.

- Oh, well...
- We agreed to do this for a set fee.

- That amount is...
- Didn't you ever hear of a bonus?

- More than once I told you.
- Yes, you did, Müller.

May I trouble you for a light, Captain?

- Sergeant.
- (children chattering indistinctly)

- (twins) See ya, Emil.
- (Hermann) Bye, Emil.

- (all talking at once)
- Hey, Gustav!

(Hermann) Congratulations
on that reward.

Now, you must understand
that I get the byline.

So long.

- Now, come along, boys.
- (boys all talk at once)

Well, boys, the Commissioner
said to give you a good ride.

Get in, boys. Get in boys, get in.

- (excited chatter)
- Hey, wait for me!

Come on!

- (Rudolf) Hey, scoot over.
- Hey, where's Gustav?

- Gustav!
- I've got something else to do.

- (all chattering)
- (Hans) Come on, Gustav!

(siren wails)

Frau Tischbein, Herr Tischbein,
are you ready for the big tour?

- Tour?
- I can show you Berlin

like you've never seen it before.

The Berlin they don't put
in travel folders. Beautiful? You bet!

Exciting? Yes, sir!

And... free of charge.
Right this way, please.

(tires screeching)

(narrator) Emil Tischbein will
long remember this holiday in Berlin.

And other people will speak of it, too,
as the day it rained greenbacks.

But a detective doesn't
have time for memories.

Frau Bäckermeister's cat
will soon be lost again,

and the world is full of skrinks.

(horn honking)