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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,439 Lock down Ireland and New York. 2 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:12,879 And here, in the UK, we have shut down a few things 3 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,959 but should the UK be considering a national lockdown? 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,640 Here's a little song while you think. 5 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,919 - ♪ I can't recall the first time... ♪ 6 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:23,920 Can't believe the karaoke place has shut down. 7 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,000 I love karaoke. 8 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,319 I'm allowed to be sad, Aine. 9 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:30,919 Yeah, I know it's serious. 10 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,319 - They shut down all the... - I know the Irish airports are shutdown. 11 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:34,359 It's still my hen. 12 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:36,119 - I am actually devastated 13 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,119 that the cock-sucking class I booked got canceled 14 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:40,039 'cause that was so you. 15 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,079 Ow! Shona, stop it. 16 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:43,199 - Oh, I even hurt my hand. - Good! 17 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,479 Good! Good that it hurt your hand. 18 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,399 - My friend just canceled her whole wedding next month 19 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:48,879 because her mum has asthma. 20 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:50,199 It's too dangerous. - Seema! 21 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,559 - Why would you say that? - Read the room. 22 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,039 - My wedding is in less than two months. 23 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,680 - Sorry, sweetheart. Facts though. 24 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,399 Do you think it's too early for breakfast Prosecco? 25 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:58,599 To add to the orange juice. 26 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,239 - No, sure. It's all paid for. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 27 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,399 - Yeah, exactly, yeah. Definitely. 28 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,839 Is she okay? 10:30 in the morning. 29 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,599 - Not really. Vish, um... 30 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,120 He's not supposed to tell me this, so don't tell her I told you. 31 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,880 Actually, she'll probably tell us later. 32 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,399 She's mad pissed because 33 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,799 she found out her husband spent 250 quid in a lap-dancing club. 34 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:18,800 She only found out... 35 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:20,959 She only found out when she read the bank statements. 36 00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:22,479 - Oh, my God! 37 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,719 Well, at least, so he paid the hard-working woman 38 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,119 above the living wage. 39 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,959 Because it's actually very vulnerable 40 00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:30,319 to do a sexy dance for someone, you know? 41 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:31,479 - What? 42 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:32,599 Here we go. 43 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:34,199 Oh, there she is! 44 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,799 Look at all that pineapple for one woman. 45 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,039 Are you ladies the hen? 46 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:41,919 - Uh, yes, I think, madam, that it is safe to assume 47 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,799 that we are the hen. LOL. 48 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:44,839 Ah! Shona! 49 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:46,639 - It's fun. - It's two of us now. 50 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,959 - Don't put it on! - You said you wanted fun! 51 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,799 - Look at our nails, Mammy. - Ooh. 52 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,919 - Got my pedi. 53 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:53,359 It's almost like you're here, Mammy. 54 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:54,360 There's Seema. 55 00:01:54,361 --> 00:01:55,599 - Hiya! 56 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,119 Oh, hi, Seema. 57 00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:58,319 She looks drunk. 58 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,559 Oh, and the Irish government is locking me up. 59 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,639 Not even giving me the chance to go out and die, 60 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:03,759 never mind live. 61 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,679 - Yeah, you're over 70, Mammy. 62 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,439 - "Over 70," it's insulting. 63 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,799 But, look... I have survived a war. 64 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:11,760 So this is nothing... 65 00:02:11,761 --> 00:02:14,039 - What war did you survive? 66 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,759 - The Vietnam War. 67 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:18,919 - Oh, yeah, I forgot you were in 'Nam, Mam. 68 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:22,159 - Oh, but, now, how is my investment doing? 69 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:23,160 - Uh... 70 00:02:23,161 --> 00:02:26,079 - Oh, she got in trouble with her boss for sleeping with one of the parents. 71 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,079 - So not so good. - Oh, no. 72 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,359 - Shona, that's not funny. 73 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:30,479 James still isn't talking to me. - It happened. 74 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,719 - Yeah, but it's not funny though. So don't make jokes. 75 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,479 - "Oh, what a web we weave." 76 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,959 - "When first we begin to deceive." Yeah, I know the poem, Mammy. 77 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,399 - Yeah, well, you should never lie. 78 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,159 You'll always get caught out. 79 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,599 - Yeah, the reception is bad, Mam. 80 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:43,919 I'll call you tomorrow. - What? 81 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:44,920 - Bye. I love you. 82 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:50,519 - See her aghast face? 83 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,040 - Shona, that's... 84 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,560 - "Don't put me back in the box." 85 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:01,359 Yeah, she said because her mother had asthma, 86 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,119 she had to cancel the whole wedding. 87 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:04,559 I mean, doesn't... 88 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,479 your, uh, uncle have asthma? 89 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,440 - Yeah, he did, before he died. Yeah. 90 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,160 - Oh, shit. I'm sorry, honey. I forg... 91 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:15,959 I forgot. When was that again? 92 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,919 I'm just messing with you. He's not dead. 93 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,479 But he does have asthma, yes. 94 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:20,680 Oh, you prick! 95 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,919 - Listen, worse case, we can just do it in the back garden. 96 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,359 - Yeah, that's what they all say when they don't want to get you pregnant. 97 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,279 Wa-wa. Nice one. 98 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,680 - Wa-waaaaa. 99 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,840 - Listen, uh, speaking of that, um, 100 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,799 remember when I told you that Gaya had adopted kids? 101 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,000 Gaya, your ex. 102 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,199 Yeah, she's a great person. 103 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,760 - Well, uh, I realize that... 104 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,200 you know, we've... we've never talked about that. 105 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,760 - Well, I mean, we... we have. 106 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:56,839 Having a baby, we... 107 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:57,879 Because I'm so old... 108 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,200 - Well, I refute that but, no, just... 109 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:02,720 You know, adoption. 110 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,320 Or is it just like a... a total blanket... 111 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,600 over kids, eh, so to speak? 112 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:13,360 - Yeah, I... 113 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,080 I mean, I just don't want anymore... 114 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,200 changes I... I suppose. I... 115 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:23,279 I... I don't know, honey. 116 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:26,159 It's my hen and, you know, I'm three sheets to the wind. I... 117 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,799 - Oh, Shona! - Get in here. 118 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,599 - Oh, I'm... I... I've got to go. - Anyway, I got to... 119 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:34,079 - Okay. Uh, well, hey, you know, don't fall in love with the stripper. 120 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,799 I don't think I could recover from the heartache. 121 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,759 - Okay, well, you know, I'll let him fuck me. 122 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:39,760 I just won't kiss him. 123 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:41,960 I love you. 124 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:43,120 - Yeah, love you. 125 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:48,160 Inside! 126 00:04:48,161 --> 00:04:50,960 Come on, get in here! 127 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,800 ♪ C'est La Vie by B-Witched playing on stereo ♪ 128 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:57,319 - Oh, my God! 129 00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:00,080 - Oh, my God! - Yay! It's your hen! 130 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,279 - Oh, my! 131 00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:07,159 Cocktails! - Barman, woo! 132 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:08,239 - Oh, my God, you got karaoke! 133 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,399 - Karaoke! - I love karaoke. 134 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,039 - That flu is not gonna stop karaoke. 135 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:14,319 Oh, my God! Look at my hair! 136 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,119 - And your crown, madam. 137 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:17,800 - I'm not wearin' that. 138 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,319 - ♪ And then I go and spoil it all ♪ 139 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:26,119 ♪ By saying something stupid like I love you ♪ 140 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,719 - Aw. Yay! 141 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:29,039 - Your voice, Shona. 142 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,319 - ♪ I love you ♪ 143 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,679 - Oh, don't. I get sad. 144 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,039 - ♪ I love... ♪ 145 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,919 I do love you, I do love you. 146 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,919 - Are you having a nice night? - I love the night. 147 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,039 - I just wanted your hen... - It's so fun. 148 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,959 - On a scale of parties, Shona, it's... 149 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,439 - ♪ I love you ♪ 150 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,279 - uh, professional. 151 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,280 Fuckin', I don't know, me on top? 152 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:51,680 - Doggy style. 153 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:55,759 - That's my brother, Jesus! 154 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:58,399 Ugh! - Oh, my God. Your kennel-loving brother. 155 00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,759 - Hey, Sho. 156 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,159 I just want to say I'm really sorry I can't be there. 157 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,279 And I love you so much, you mad fucker. 158 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,359 Guys, would you just be quiet? 159 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:09,360 I'm trying to do a video message for my friend. Oh, my God! 160 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:13,799 Sorry, listen, I'm just gonna have to send this anyway even though it's shit. 161 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,159 I miss you lots. I love you. 162 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:16,239 Bye. 163 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:17,799 Aw. 164 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:18,919 - Me too. 165 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,079 - She hated you. 166 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,359 - Oh, my God. What a passive-aggressive bitch. Honestly. 167 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,119 "Oh, you're movin' to London now, are ya? 168 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:25,959 "I bet you'll have a lovely time there. 169 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,519 Oh, it will be really hard to find work." 170 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,159 Oh, will it, Louise? 171 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,279 Will it be hard to find work in London? 172 00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:32,599 Oh, fuck off. 173 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:36,559 ♪ She tells him your life ain't gonna be nothing like my life ♪ 174 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:38,919 ♪ You're gonna grow and have a good life ♪ 175 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:42,479 ♪ I'm gonna do what I've got to do ♪ 176 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,679 ♪ So rockabye baby... ♪ 177 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:48,879 - I don't mind the strip club. I'm loose and fun. 178 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:52,479 I just don't want to feel like some, "Oh, don't tell her indoors" 1950s wife. 179 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:53,280 - Yeah, yeah. 180 00:06:53,281 --> 00:06:55,559 - Also, one of those girls could have been your daughters. 181 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,199 - I mean, I don't have a daughter 182 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,999 and your daughter is six, so... 183 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,799 Shona, pull up your knickers. 184 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:01,640 The police are here. 185 00:07:01,641 --> 00:07:03,999 - What do you mean, "The police are here"? What are you talking about? 186 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,759 I don't know what they want. 187 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,479 Oh, shit. 188 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,359 ♪ 189 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:11,759 - Fuck off! 190 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,079 A little secret. It's not real police. Oh, ho-ho. 191 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,239 - How are you, Mr. Officer? - No! Aine! 192 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,839 Go on, get in there. 193 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:20,080 You're under arrest. 194 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:23,319 - It's my worst... - You're under investigation. 195 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,359 - My worst nightmare. 196 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,959 Anything you say or do could be used against you. 197 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:31,160 - What is happening? Oh, no. 198 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,239 Oh, no, no. Really? 199 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,280 - Yes! - Really? 200 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,919 - Thank you. - You can thank my husband for that. 201 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,839 - Anytime. - Oh, that's so kind of you. 202 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,159 Now, again, as I said, don't put your hand on top of those. 203 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,959 It'll just squash, and they're so lovely. - Great. 204 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:51,279 - ♪ So the train of pain remains ♪ 205 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:54,279 ♪ And so everything stays the same ♪ 206 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,199 - Do you think he wants to adopt? 207 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,320 - I don't know. It's for you guys to talk through. 208 00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:01,959 - Jesus! I just... I just don't think 209 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:05,560 I've ever really asked him what he wants, you know? 210 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:07,520 Fuck! 211 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:12,000 He'd do anything for me, Seema, you know? 212 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:14,360 He could kill for me. 213 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,119 I think. 214 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:20,239 - Maybe you could have one kid, a really small one, 215 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,719 who could type and be handy? 216 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,239 - ♪ And the days become the night ♪ 217 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,799 - Sorry if I was bitching... 218 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:31,039 ♪ Sorry I was bitchy earlier about James ♪ 219 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,759 And Richard... 220 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,479 - ♪ Thank you, sister ♪ 221 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:37,559 - ♪ You got to fight for it, baby ♪ 222 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:42,079 ♪ One affair with a widower shouldn't ruin ♪ 223 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,239 ♪ Everything ♪ 224 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:44,440 - She wasn't his wife, Shona. 225 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,360 She wasn't his wife. 226 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:48,839 I don't want to look. 227 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:50,408 - Please, Shona. Don't annoy me. 228 00:08:50,420 --> 00:08:51,999 Just look, would you? - No. 229 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,999 - Beyoncé'd fucking look for Solange. 230 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,680 Come on. - Oh, my God! 231 00:08:57,560 --> 00:08:59,040 I worry it could be cancer, Shona. 232 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,040 I truly do. 233 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,320 - It's not cancer. 234 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,120 It's a hemorrhoid. It's a hemorrhoid. 235 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,799 - You are... You are... 236 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,239 - Do you get enough fiber? 237 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:26,240 - It's private. 238 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,960 Oh, my God. It's fucking... 239 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:32,080 It's fucking huge. 240 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:36,479 What, are you trying to birth Gregg Wallace out of your bum hole? 241 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,239 - Mean sport, Shona. 242 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:39,919 - You should see a doctor. 243 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:40,920 - I can't. 244 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:48,960 I can't go and see a doctor and show my pickled asshole, Shona. 245 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,640 The NHS is already under enough stress as it is. 246 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,759 It wouldn't be fair on them. 247 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,960 ♪ 248 00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:03,160 - Hi, Marcia. - Hello, my little friend, prince. 249 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,359 - Aine? - Yes. 250 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,359 I have a T-shirt to show you. It's so funny. 251 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,119 - Oh, funny is my buzzword, man. 252 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:10,639 Bring it down. 253 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,319 - You know, I was worried 254 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,519 about whether going to France would upset him too much... - Yeah. 255 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,639 - or... or that he wouldn't want to come back, 256 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:19,359 but he seems okay. 257 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:22,039 Oh, and, do you know, he's so excited to see you. 258 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:24,679 - Do you know what he's like? He's actually like my little pal. 259 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:25,959 Like I really, really missed him. 260 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,440 - Yeah. Um, listen. - Yeah? 261 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,240 - I think the reason I'm here tonight... 262 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:34,240 is because... 263 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:36,920 he's got a new girl on the go. 264 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,359 No lie. - Really? 265 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:40,639 - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 266 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,759 I found a couple of hair pins in his room this week. 267 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:43,960 Hairs on the pillow. 268 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,079 - Pillow? God, that's, um... 269 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,239 Oh, my God. That's... 270 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:51,759 You'd make a good CSI detective, wouldn't you? Jesus! 271 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,279 - Don't tell him I said that. 272 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,439 Just between us downstairs staff. 273 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:56,799 - Come on there, Marcia, 274 00:10:56,800 --> 00:11:00,199 we're hardly, um, Downton Abbey here, you know. 275 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,159 - No, I know, but I mean, the last one never even asked my name. 276 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:04,719 - Did she not? Oh, my God. 277 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:05,560 - Look. 278 00:11:05,561 --> 00:11:08,879 - Ah, that is so original. 279 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,879 Oh, my God, let... Do you have your phone? 280 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,799 Oh, my God, we're getting a picture. Getting a picture. 281 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,639 Here we go. I'm... Oh-ho-ho-ho. - Hang on... 282 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,000 Etienne, I thought the T-shirt was just for me. 283 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:21,639 - Thought you went to the pub. 284 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:25,759 - Yeah, but it was a bit more of a sort of, um, member's bar thing. 285 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,199 But, yeah, pub-ish. Yeah. - Yeah! 286 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,759 - Hmm, he looks like a... 287 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,440 He looks like a model in one of them country catalogs, don't he? 288 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,679 - Yeah, very... It's very stylish. 289 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:39,240 - Uh, thanks, Marcia. I think. 290 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,320 Um... 291 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,279 - Well, I'm off, em, eh... 292 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,919 because I am going to the pub. - Ah. 293 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:49,719 - Uh, uh, yeah, just to see some friends, so... 294 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,079 - Near here or? 295 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,039 'Cause I've actually, uh, just ordered a taxi. 296 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,079 So I... I could give you a lift, 297 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,399 uh, if you wanted, to the... the pub. 298 00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:00,079 - Oh, yeah. Great! Thank you. 299 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,079 That'll be handy. - Very well, great. I'll drop you off. 300 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,719 - Thanks, really, Richard. Yeah. - Great. 301 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,599 Uh... I'll, uh, just grab my coat. - Yes. Yeah. 302 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,200 - Okay. - Lovely. Okay. 303 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,360 Em... Oh, so handy. 304 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,920 Okay, well, you both have fun then. 305 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,919 - Yeah, okay. Um, yeah, see you soon. 306 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,599 Um, uh, bye, Etienne. 307 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,239 Bye, stupid. 308 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:25,879 - Oh, no, Etienne. 309 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,799 Don't call me stupid, I'll get all upset and sad. 310 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,719 Thanks for doing this, Jim. It'll be good to get the word out there. 311 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,600 Yeah, yeah. I... I... So... So, as she was saying... 312 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,839 - Gambling, tobacco companies. 313 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,520 Deforestation... - Um, deforestation. 314 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,879 And most people, um, and we mean most, 315 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:46,319 don't know that their money, their pensions, small and big, 316 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,519 are mostly directly invested in funding those things. 317 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:50,999 - Yeah. Yeah, it's mad. 318 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,479 - And... And the investment world pretend like there's nothing they can do about it. 319 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:56,279 But we... we don't believe that. 320 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:57,839 - Yeah, no, I get it, I get it. Okay. 321 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,960 'Cause your... your investments don't cost the earth, so... Get it. 322 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,240 - So, do you... do you have a pension, Jim? 323 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:05,559 I sure do. 324 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:07,279 - And do you know what it funds? 325 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:08,719 - I sure don't. 326 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,159 Do you have children? 327 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,160 - Three. 328 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:14,639 - Well, I can imagine that they'll care how it is invested, 329 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,239 if they've no world to inherit. 330 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,759 - Uh, now a side note, 331 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,199 just because, like, we wanna champion diversity at the magazine. 332 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,440 So are you... are you... 333 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:23,799 straight, Charlotte? 334 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:24,800 - Why... 335 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:26,679 I mean, what's that got to do with anything? 336 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:30,559 - Well, as I said, we... we... we wanna champion anyone outside the box, 337 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,000 you know, managing to make a go of it, especially in the city. 338 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,680 - Am I "A brown lesbian managing to make a go of it"? 339 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:38,320 - Um... 340 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:39,720 Funny. 341 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:40,720 - Do... Don't put that in... 342 00:13:40,721 --> 00:13:43,560 - Oh, God, don't worry, girls. I know how to sell a good profile piece. 343 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,200 Well, uh, right, uh... 344 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,759 Um, oh. Yeah, probably need to warm you up a bit. Readers like smiles. 345 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,599 So, uh, tell each other a joke. 346 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,880 - Ugh. I don't know any. - Um... 347 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,680 What do you call Postman Pat on his holidays? 348 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:00,479 - What? 349 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:01,480 - Pat. 350 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:04,519 It's the only one I know. 351 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,199 - You know, you could have careers as models, 352 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,959 if this, you know, this doesn't work out. 353 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:09,999 - I don't know about that. 354 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,240 I, uh, still got sausage eyes from my hen do last night. 355 00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,960 Small... Small hen do. I'm just gonna put these on. 356 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,320 - Thank you. 357 00:14:21,321 --> 00:14:24,279 - Heya! Come here, big man. 358 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:28,079 Oh, fucking... How handsome are you? Christ! 359 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:31,159 No wonder you've no personality. There's just... There's no need for one. 360 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,359 - Look at you, William Wallace. 361 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:35,479 - Aahh. And this is... - This is Mark. 362 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:37,239 - Oh, hello! Hi. - Hi. 363 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,799 Sorry, you're gonna have to... 364 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:39,520 - Aine. 365 00:14:39,521 --> 00:14:40,679 - Aine? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 366 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,599 And, unfortunately, I have no personality either, 367 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:43,560 'cause I'm so attractive. 368 00:14:43,561 --> 00:14:46,279 So... sorry about that, it's gonna be a shit night. 369 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,279 - I'm just stuck here with two attractive dry shites. 370 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,120 Yeah. That's the deal. 371 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:52,959 Hey. - Oh, get a fucking room. 372 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,760 - Oh, no, we actually reserved this one. So would you mind fuckin' off? 373 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,160 - I fuckin' love Irish women. 374 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,039 Right. Shall we get fucked up on this overpriced menu? 375 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,279 - Babes, don't worry about the price 376 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,119 'cause I actually work as a tutor for a really wealthy guy. 377 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,719 So, I got this. Honestly, don't... It's on me. Let me. 378 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:15,279 - Hey, listen, um, tell me a little bit about this, um, boss guy of yours? 379 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,608 - Well... - 'Cause uh... I've 380 00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:17,959 heard he's a real asshole. 381 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,000 - A massive asshole, you can see it from space! 382 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,959 You! No. 383 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:27,479 - I think the key thing to say is, even if you don't want to actively do good 384 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,439 but you just don't want to actively do harm. 385 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,559 - Girls, I'll... I will do my best to try to convince our readers 386 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,359 to give their money to a hungover Irish woman and a brown lesbian. 387 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,160 Your words. Don't worry. I'm on your side. 388 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:43,120 - Charlotte. 389 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,959 Charlotte, I'm sorry. I... I... I don't... 390 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,840 - They can write what they want, and I can handle it. I work in the city. 391 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:53,080 What I can't handle is... is you look right through me now, 392 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,119 when we speak, even... Even when we fought the other week. 393 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,159 This... this fakeness. 394 00:15:58,160 --> 00:15:59,799 - What do you mean, "fakeness"? 395 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,959 - Have you ever felt like you're the part of someone's autobiography 396 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,599 where they learn from a situation, looking back, 397 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,400 but... but you're the casualty of them learning that lesson? 398 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,079 I feel like... that's what I am for you... 399 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,960 Was for you. 400 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,600 Made you realize that you love Vish or... or men or whatever. 401 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:20,799 But I am a real person who's in that story, 402 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,200 and I deserve to be seen and for you to bother to be upset about. 403 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,439 I am worth that. - I know you're worth it. 404 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,799 - You diminish me as a person by removing any care for me. 405 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:31,800 - I'm sorry. 406 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,000 Charlotte, I'm really sorry. I... 407 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:37,800 I just... 408 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,160 I'm just... 409 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,559 I'm just... 410 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,000 I'm just very fuckin' hungover. 411 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,240 I'm sorry. 412 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:53,680 I'm sorry. 413 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:57,520 I'm just... 414 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,639 I just... When you told me that you were falling for me... 415 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:03,359 - I knew... I knew it was that. 416 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,639 - No, um, maybe I'm a fuckin' psychopath. 417 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:09,119 But it was just this sudden weight of your feelings, 418 00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:11,799 and... and... and Vish, and my love for him, 419 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,160 and our families, and our business, and fuckin'... 420 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,480 Jesus, what we're trying to build together here, and I just... 421 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:21,240 Ugh, I just thought it would be better for us to... 422 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,520 And for you as well, if... If it was just clean and cold. 423 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,760 - Fuck's sake, Shona, that is a teenage boy's logic. 424 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:31,680 - Yeah, maybe. 425 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,319 But, then, you know, when you tell me about your head stuff, 426 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,959 I just think, with Aine and... - Ouch! 427 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:41,439 - No, I don't mean it like that. 428 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:44,159 I feel... embarrassed even saying that out loud, 429 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:47,279 but I just didn't think I could be there for you too. 430 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:48,639 Okay? Not properly. 431 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:50,119 She just needs me so much. 432 00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,640 - No. No. You need her to need you. 433 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:58,200 May as well put your stupid Irish face on the cover of Co-Dependents Anonymous. 434 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:01,641 - Well, wouldn't be very fuckin' anonymous then, would it? 435 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,440 - I've spent the last four months talking to my therapist about you. 436 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,160 - Go on then. 437 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,679 - She said to avoid you and any other women in the closet. 438 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,039 - Well, I'm not... 439 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,160 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, you always said. - I mean, I hope that you would've seen... 440 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,800 - Well, yeah, you did a good enough job. 441 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,000 Not like you have... 442 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:30,920 What was it you said that time? 443 00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,760 - "Panic eating a melting ice cream." 444 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,759 God, I hope this Jim fucker doesn't come back in. 445 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,880 Could you imagine this for "women in business"? 446 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,079 - But she, you know... - I fuckin loved... 447 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,359 - She talks about, like, em, democracy, 448 00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,359 and how, like, politicians have to go on TV 449 00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:00,839 because that's how they talk to us. - Yeah. 450 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,399 - Like the people they represent. - Well, that's... Yes, part of their job. 451 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:04,799 - We gotta question them, you know? - Part of their job, yeah. 452 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,088 - We gotta see if they're telling 453 00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:07,399 the truth. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 454 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,160 Who's this? 455 00:19:08,161 --> 00:19:11,279 - It's, em, a podcast episode, the... 456 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:12,879 - It's the Desert Island, um... - It's, um... 457 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,519 - But we can't remember. - Yeah, can't remember her name. 458 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,679 - It's... But it's her... Uh, it's her Desert Island Discs interview. 459 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:19,919 - I think they might be shutting up. 460 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,399 - A dome... - She dedicates that song to her kid. 461 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:23,599 - I think they might be closing up. 462 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,719 - My heart nearly fell out of my chest. 463 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:29,479 'Cause I also... I grew up with a single-mother family, you know? 464 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,440 - Sorry. What, em, did your... Did your dad... did he die or... 465 00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:34,200 - Yeah. 466 00:19:34,201 --> 00:19:35,519 Em, did you say they were closing up? 467 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:36,839 - Mm, yes. - What, it's closing time? 468 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:38,600 - Time to go. - Noooo. 469 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:42,920 - Who're you texting? 470 00:19:42,921 --> 00:19:44,481 - She's fun, man. - Who are you texting? 471 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,519 She's fun, man. It's good to see you laughin'. 472 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,040 - Well, she's also very sweet too. 473 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:51,760 She's amazing. 474 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,719 Oh, she bloody talks a lot though. 475 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,319 - Ah, says the one-man chat show. 476 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,039 - Yeah, that's different though, isn't it? 477 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:00,279 I mean, we haven't seen each other in a long time. 478 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,119 You know, I didn't expect her to come in and do a fuckin' show. 479 00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:07,279 - I... I thought that at first, but she... she calms down. 480 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:08,599 Hey, I'm not being shady or anything. 481 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,199 She kept me on my toes, all good. 482 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:14,119 You know, you just don't wanna end up with some messy bitch who lives for drama. 483 00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:14,920 - Oh, come on, mate. 484 00:20:14,921 --> 00:20:16,919 - No, no, it's just, uh, it's like... It's a phrase. 485 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,039 She's... Listen, she's fun. I like her. 486 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,959 I'm only saying this because you're like a brother to me. 487 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,919 And you're also now a fuckin' legend to me 488 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,080 because you're banging your son's teacher. 489 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,480 That's the fantasy, pal. 490 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,168 - Heya. - Ah, we thought you 491 00:20:34,180 --> 00:20:35,399 got flushed down the toilet. 492 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,439 No. This place is so fancy, 493 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:41,159 it just took me ages to, you know, get all the free soaps and bits in my bag. 494 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,199 - Oh, yeah. Get what you can from these places, that's what I say. 495 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:48,639 Hey, my love, it's been an absolute pleasure. - Oh... You too. 496 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:50,559 You know, we should do this again sometime. 497 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:51,839 - Oh, yeah. That'd be so nice. 498 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,240 - Yeah, I'm gonna be back in London 499 00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:55,960 in about a month or so. 500 00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:57,999 - Mm. 501 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,800 - You know, if this cough thing doesn't get me. 502 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:04,240 He was so fun. 503 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:06,040 Yeah. 504 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,479 I have to let you go, don't I? 505 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:12,480 - What? 506 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:14,120 - Oh. 507 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,048 You said you were tired with Etienne back and 508 00:21:16,060 --> 00:21:17,519 everything. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. 509 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's... Yeah. 510 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,480 - Oh, my God. 511 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,239 She's run out of words. 512 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:28,720 - What? No. 513 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,880 No, they're all still in there. Just, um... 514 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,040 You don't get to hear them right now, so... 515 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:37,720 - Okay. - Yeah. 516 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,440 Can I have... Can I have one word? 517 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,400 - One word? - Yeah. 518 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,040 - Banana. 519 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,000 - That's a good word. 520 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:52,920 You okay? - Mm-hmm. 521 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:54,800 - Sure? - Yeah. 522 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:55,800 - Okay. 523 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,959 ♪ 524 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:02,399 Hello, I'm Lauren Laverne, 525 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,959 and this is the Desert Island Discs podcast. 526 00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,359 My castaway this week is Dorothy Byrne, 527 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:11,439 the trailblazing, award-winning, grandam of television journalism. 528 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:12,599 She spent... 529 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,639 politicians not telling the truth 530 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,999 is not some eccentric view of my own. 531 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:22,719 It's one shared by the British people. It was really depressing... 532 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:23,720 Grenfell. 533 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:26,600 Poor families. 534 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:28,480 - Hmm. 535 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:29,880 No justice for any of 'em. 536 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,240 Not bloody fair this life, eh? 537 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:36,200 - It's awful. 538 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:46,519 For a long period, just one piece of music 539 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,719 which would keep her quiet. 540 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:52,479 I hated it, but it would definitely remind me of her. 541 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,679 - ♪ Round and round Round and round ♪ 542 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,839 ♪ The wheels on the bus go round and round ♪ 543 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,319 ♪ All through the town ♪ 544 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,119 ♪ 545 00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:06,159 ♪ The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish ♪ 546 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,799 ♪ Swish, swish, swish Swish, swish, swish ♪ 547 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,839 ♪ The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish ♪ 548 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,399 ♪ All through the town ♪ 549 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,840 ♪ 550 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,199 ♪ The horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep ♪ 551 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,679 ♪ Beep, beep, beep Beep, beep, beep ♪ 552 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,839 ♪ The horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep ♪ 553 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,679 ♪ All through the town ♪ 554 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,400 ♪ 41636

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