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1
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,439
Lock down Ireland and New York.
2
00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:12,879
And here, in the UK, we
have shut down a few things
3
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,959
but should the UK be
considering a national lockdown?
4
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,640
Here's a little song
while you think.
5
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,919
- ♪ I can't recall
the first time... ♪
6
00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:23,920
Can't believe the karaoke
place has shut down.
7
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,000
I love karaoke.
8
00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,319
I'm allowed to be sad, Aine.
9
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:30,919
Yeah, I know it's serious.
10
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,319
- They shut down all the...
- I know the Irish airports are shutdown.
11
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:34,359
It's still my hen.
12
00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:36,119
- I am actually devastated
13
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,119
that the cock-sucking
class I booked got canceled
14
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:40,039
'cause that was so you.
15
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,079
Ow! Shona, stop it.
16
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:43,199
- Oh, I even hurt my hand.
- Good!
17
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,479
Good! Good that
it hurt your hand.
18
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,399
- My friend just canceled
her whole wedding next month
19
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:48,879
because her mum has asthma.
20
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:50,199
It's too dangerous. - Seema!
21
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,559
- Why would you say that?
- Read the room.
22
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,039
- My wedding is in
less than two months.
23
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,680
- Sorry, sweetheart.
Facts though.
24
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,399
Do you think it's too early
for breakfast Prosecco?
25
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:58,599
To add to the orange juice.
26
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,239
- No, sure. It's all paid for.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
27
00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,399
- Yeah, exactly, yeah.
Definitely.
28
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,839
Is she okay? 10:30
in the morning.
29
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,599
- Not really. Vish, um...
30
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,120
He's not supposed to tell me this,
so don't tell her I told you.
31
00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,880
Actually, she'll
probably tell us later.
32
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,399
She's mad pissed because
33
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,799
she found out her husband spent
250 quid in a lap-dancing club.
34
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:18,800
She only found out...
35
00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:20,959
She only found out when she
read the bank statements.
36
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:22,479
- Oh, my God!
37
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,719
Well, at least, so he paid
the hard-working woman
38
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,119
above the living wage.
39
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,959
Because it's actually
very vulnerable
40
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:30,319
to do a sexy dance
for someone, you know?
41
00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:31,479
- What?
42
00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:32,599
Here we go.
43
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:34,199
Oh, there she is!
44
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,799
Look at all that
pineapple for one woman.
45
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,039
Are you ladies the hen?
46
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:41,919
- Uh, yes, I think, madam,
that it is safe to assume
47
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,799
that we are the hen. LOL.
48
00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:44,839
Ah! Shona!
49
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:46,639
- It's fun.
- It's two of us now.
50
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,959
- Don't put it on!
- You said you wanted fun!
51
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,799
- Look at our nails, Mammy.
- Ooh.
52
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,919
- Got my pedi.
53
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:53,359
It's almost like
you're here, Mammy.
54
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:54,360
There's Seema.
55
00:01:54,361 --> 00:01:55,599
- Hiya!
56
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,119
Oh, hi, Seema.
57
00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:58,319
She looks drunk.
58
00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,559
Oh, and the Irish
government is locking me up.
59
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,639
Not even giving me the
chance to go out and die,
60
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:03,759
never mind live.
61
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,679
- Yeah, you're over 70, Mammy.
62
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,439
- "Over 70," it's insulting.
63
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,799
But, look... I have
survived a war.
64
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:11,760
So this is nothing...
65
00:02:11,761 --> 00:02:14,039
- What war did you survive?
66
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,759
- The Vietnam War.
67
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:18,919
- Oh, yeah, I forgot
you were in 'Nam, Mam.
68
00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:22,159
- Oh, but, now, how is
my investment doing?
69
00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:23,160
- Uh...
70
00:02:23,161 --> 00:02:26,079
- Oh, she got in trouble with her boss
for sleeping with one of the parents.
71
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,079
- So not so good.
- Oh, no.
72
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,359
- Shona, that's not funny.
73
00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:30,479
James still isn't talking to me.
- It happened.
74
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,719
- Yeah, but it's not funny though.
So don't make jokes.
75
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,479
- "Oh, what a web we weave."
76
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,959
- "When first we begin to deceive."
Yeah, I know the poem, Mammy.
77
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,399
- Yeah, well, you
should never lie.
78
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,159
You'll always get caught out.
79
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,599
- Yeah, the reception
is bad, Mam.
80
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:43,919
I'll call you tomorrow. - What?
81
00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:44,920
- Bye. I love you.
82
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:50,519
- See her aghast face?
83
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,040
- Shona, that's...
84
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,560
- "Don't put me
back in the box."
85
00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:01,359
Yeah, she said because
her mother had asthma,
86
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,119
she had to cancel
the whole wedding.
87
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:04,559
I mean, doesn't...
88
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,479
your, uh, uncle have asthma?
89
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,440
- Yeah, he did, before he died.
Yeah.
90
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,160
- Oh, shit. I'm sorry, honey.
I forg...
91
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:15,959
I forgot. When was that again?
92
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,919
I'm just messing with you.
He's not dead.
93
00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,479
But he does have asthma, yes.
94
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:20,680
Oh, you prick!
95
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,919
- Listen, worse case, we can
just do it in the back garden.
96
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,359
- Yeah, that's what they all say when
they don't want to get you pregnant.
97
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,279
Wa-wa. Nice one.
98
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,680
- Wa-waaaaa.
99
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,840
- Listen, uh,
speaking of that, um,
100
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,799
remember when I told you
that Gaya had adopted kids?
101
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,000
Gaya, your ex.
102
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,199
Yeah, she's a great person.
103
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,760
- Well, uh, I realize that...
104
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,200
you know, we've... we've
never talked about that.
105
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,760
- Well, I mean, we... we have.
106
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:56,839
Having a baby, we...
107
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:57,879
Because I'm so old...
108
00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,200
- Well, I refute
that but, no, just...
109
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:02,720
You know, adoption.
110
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,320
Or is it just like a...
a total blanket...
111
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,600
over kids, eh, so to speak?
112
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:13,360
- Yeah, I...
113
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,080
I mean, I just don't
want anymore...
114
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,200
changes I... I suppose. I...
115
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:23,279
I... I don't know, honey.
116
00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:26,159
It's my hen and, you know, I'm
three sheets to the wind. I...
117
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,799
- Oh, Shona!
- Get in here.
118
00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,599
- Oh, I'm... I... I've got to go.
- Anyway, I got to...
119
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:34,079
- Okay. Uh, well, hey, you know,
don't fall in love with the stripper.
120
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,799
I don't think I could
recover from the heartache.
121
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,759
- Okay, well, you know,
I'll let him fuck me.
122
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:39,760
I just won't kiss him.
123
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:41,960
I love you.
124
00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:43,120
- Yeah, love you.
125
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:48,160
Inside!
126
00:04:48,161 --> 00:04:50,960
Come on, get in here!
127
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,800
♪ C'est La Vie by B-Witched
playing on stereo ♪
128
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:57,319
- Oh, my God!
129
00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:00,080
- Oh, my God!
- Yay! It's your hen!
130
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,279
- Oh, my!
131
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:07,159
Cocktails! - Barman, woo!
132
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:08,239
- Oh, my God, you got karaoke!
133
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,399
- Karaoke!
- I love karaoke.
134
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,039
- That flu is not
gonna stop karaoke.
135
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:14,319
Oh, my God! Look at my hair!
136
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,119
- And your crown, madam.
137
00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:17,800
- I'm not wearin' that.
138
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,319
- ♪ And then I go
and spoil it all ♪
139
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:26,119
♪ By saying something
stupid like I love you ♪
140
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,719
- Aw. Yay!
141
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:29,039
- Your voice, Shona.
142
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,319
- ♪ I love you ♪
143
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,679
- Oh, don't. I get sad.
144
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,039
- ♪ I love... ♪
145
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,919
I do love you, I do love you.
146
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,919
- Are you having a nice night?
- I love the night.
147
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,039
- I just wanted your hen...
- It's so fun.
148
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,959
- On a scale of
parties, Shona, it's...
149
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,439
- ♪ I love you ♪
150
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,279
- uh, professional.
151
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,280
Fuckin', I don't
know, me on top?
152
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:51,680
- Doggy style.
153
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:55,759
- That's my brother, Jesus!
154
00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:58,399
Ugh! - Oh, my God. Your
kennel-loving brother.
155
00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,759
- Hey, Sho.
156
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,159
I just want to say I'm really
sorry I can't be there.
157
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,279
And I love you so
much, you mad fucker.
158
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,359
Guys, would you just be quiet?
159
00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:09,360
I'm trying to do a video message
for my friend. Oh, my God!
160
00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:13,799
Sorry, listen, I'm just gonna have to
send this anyway even though it's shit.
161
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,159
I miss you lots. I love you.
162
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:16,239
Bye.
163
00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:17,799
Aw.
164
00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:18,919
- Me too.
165
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,079
- She hated you.
166
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,359
- Oh, my God. What a
passive-aggressive bitch. Honestly.
167
00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,119
"Oh, you're movin' to
London now, are ya?
168
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:25,959
"I bet you'll have
a lovely time there.
169
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,519
Oh, it will be really
hard to find work."
170
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,159
Oh, will it, Louise?
171
00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,279
Will it be hard to
find work in London?
172
00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:32,599
Oh, fuck off.
173
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:36,559
♪ She tells him your life ain't
gonna be nothing like my life ♪
174
00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:38,919
♪ You're gonna grow
and have a good life ♪
175
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:42,479
♪ I'm gonna do what
I've got to do ♪
176
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,679
♪ So rockabye baby... ♪
177
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:48,879
- I don't mind the strip club.
I'm loose and fun.
178
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:52,479
I just don't want to feel like some,
"Oh, don't tell her indoors" 1950s wife.
179
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:53,280
- Yeah, yeah.
180
00:06:53,281 --> 00:06:55,559
- Also, one of those girls
could have been your daughters.
181
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,199
- I mean, I don't
have a daughter
182
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,999
and your daughter is six, so...
183
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,799
Shona, pull up your knickers.
184
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:01,640
The police are here.
185
00:07:01,641 --> 00:07:03,999
- What do you mean, "The police are here"?
What are you talking about?
186
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,759
I don't know what they want.
187
00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,479
Oh, shit.
188
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,359
♪
189
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:11,759
- Fuck off!
190
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,079
A little secret. It's not real police.
Oh, ho-ho.
191
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,239
- How are you, Mr. Officer?
- No! Aine!
192
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,839
Go on, get in there.
193
00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:20,080
You're under arrest.
194
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:23,319
- It's my worst...
- You're under investigation.
195
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,359
- My worst nightmare.
196
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,959
Anything you say or do
could be used against you.
197
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:31,160
- What is happening? Oh, no.
198
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,239
Oh, no, no. Really?
199
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,280
- Yes!
- Really?
200
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,919
- Thank you.
- You can thank my husband for that.
201
00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,839
- Anytime.
- Oh, that's so kind of you.
202
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,159
Now, again, as I said, don't
put your hand on top of those.
203
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,959
It'll just squash, and they're so lovely.
- Great.
204
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:51,279
- ♪ So the train
of pain remains ♪
205
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:54,279
♪ And so everything
stays the same ♪
206
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,199
- Do you think he
wants to adopt?
207
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,320
- I don't know. It's for
you guys to talk through.
208
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:01,959
- Jesus! I just...
I just don't think
209
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:05,560
I've ever really asked him
what he wants, you know?
210
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:07,520
Fuck!
211
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:12,000
He'd do anything for
me, Seema, you know?
212
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:14,360
He could kill for me.
213
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,119
I think.
214
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:20,239
- Maybe you could have one
kid, a really small one,
215
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,719
who could type and be handy?
216
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,239
- ♪ And the days
become the night ♪
217
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,799
- Sorry if I was bitching...
218
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:31,039
♪ Sorry I was bitchy
earlier about James ♪
219
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,759
And Richard...
220
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,479
- ♪ Thank you, sister ♪
221
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:37,559
- ♪ You got to
fight for it, baby ♪
222
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:42,079
♪ One affair with a
widower shouldn't ruin ♪
223
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,239
♪ Everything ♪
224
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:44,440
- She wasn't his wife, Shona.
225
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,360
She wasn't his wife.
226
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:48,839
I don't want to look.
227
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:50,408
- Please, Shona. Don't annoy me.
228
00:08:50,420 --> 00:08:51,999
Just look, would you? - No.
229
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,999
- Beyoncé'd fucking
look for Solange.
230
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,680
Come on. - Oh, my God!
231
00:08:57,560 --> 00:08:59,040
I worry it could
be cancer, Shona.
232
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,040
I truly do.
233
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,320
- It's not cancer.
234
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,120
It's a hemorrhoid.
It's a hemorrhoid.
235
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,799
- You are... You are...
236
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,239
- Do you get enough fiber?
237
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:26,240
- It's private.
238
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,960
Oh, my God. It's fucking...
239
00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:32,080
It's fucking huge.
240
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:36,479
What, are you trying to birth
Gregg Wallace out of your bum hole?
241
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,239
- Mean sport, Shona.
242
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:39,919
- You should see a doctor.
243
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:40,920
- I can't.
244
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:48,960
I can't go and see a doctor and
show my pickled asshole, Shona.
245
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,640
The NHS is already under
enough stress as it is.
246
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,759
It wouldn't be fair on them.
247
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,960
♪
248
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:03,160
- Hi, Marcia.
- Hello, my little friend, prince.
249
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,359
- Aine?
- Yes.
250
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,359
I have a T-shirt to show you.
It's so funny.
251
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,119
- Oh, funny is my buzzword, man.
252
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:10,639
Bring it down.
253
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,319
- You know, I was worried
254
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,519
about whether going to France
would upset him too much... - Yeah.
255
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,639
- or... or that he
wouldn't want to come back,
256
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:19,359
but he seems okay.
257
00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:22,039
Oh, and, do you know, he's
so excited to see you.
258
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:24,679
- Do you know what he's like?
He's actually like my little pal.
259
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:25,959
Like I really,
really missed him.
260
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,440
- Yeah. Um, listen.
- Yeah?
261
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,240
- I think the reason
I'm here tonight...
262
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:34,240
is because...
263
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:36,920
he's got a new girl on the go.
264
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,359
No lie. - Really?
265
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:40,639
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
266
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,759
I found a couple of hair
pins in his room this week.
267
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:43,960
Hairs on the pillow.
268
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,079
- Pillow? God, that's, um...
269
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,239
Oh, my God. That's...
270
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:51,759
You'd make a good CSI
detective, wouldn't you? Jesus!
271
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,279
- Don't tell him I said that.
272
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,439
Just between us
downstairs staff.
273
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:56,799
- Come on there, Marcia,
274
00:10:56,800 --> 00:11:00,199
we're hardly, um, Downton
Abbey here, you know.
275
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,159
- No, I know, but I mean, the
last one never even asked my name.
276
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:04,719
- Did she not? Oh, my God.
277
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:05,560
- Look.
278
00:11:05,561 --> 00:11:08,879
- Ah, that is so original.
279
00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,879
Oh, my God, let... Do
you have your phone?
280
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,799
Oh, my God, we're getting a picture.
Getting a picture.
281
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,639
Here we go. I'm... Oh-ho-ho-ho.
- Hang on...
282
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,000
Etienne, I thought the
T-shirt was just for me.
283
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:21,639
- Thought you went to the pub.
284
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:25,759
- Yeah, but it was a bit more of
a sort of, um, member's bar thing.
285
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,199
But, yeah, pub-ish. Yeah.
- Yeah!
286
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,759
- Hmm, he looks like a...
287
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,440
He looks like a model in one of
them country catalogs, don't he?
288
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,679
- Yeah, very...
It's very stylish.
289
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:39,240
- Uh, thanks, Marcia. I think.
290
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,320
Um...
291
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,279
- Well, I'm off, em, eh...
292
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,919
because I am going to the pub.
- Ah.
293
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:49,719
- Uh, uh, yeah, just to
see some friends, so...
294
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,079
- Near here or?
295
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,039
'Cause I've actually,
uh, just ordered a taxi.
296
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,079
So I... I could give you a lift,
297
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,399
uh, if you wanted, to the...
the pub.
298
00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:00,079
- Oh, yeah. Great! Thank you.
299
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,079
That'll be handy.
- Very well, great. I'll drop you off.
300
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,719
- Thanks, really, Richard. Yeah.
- Great.
301
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,599
Uh... I'll, uh, just grab my coat.
- Yes. Yeah.
302
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,200
- Okay.
- Lovely. Okay.
303
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,360
Em... Oh, so handy.
304
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,920
Okay, well, you
both have fun then.
305
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,919
- Yeah, okay. Um,
yeah, see you soon.
306
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,599
Um, uh, bye, Etienne.
307
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,239
Bye, stupid.
308
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:25,879
- Oh, no, Etienne.
309
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,799
Don't call me stupid, I'll
get all upset and sad.
310
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,719
Thanks for doing this, Jim. It'll
be good to get the word out there.
311
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,600
Yeah, yeah. I... I... So...
So, as she was saying...
312
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,839
- Gambling, tobacco companies.
313
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,520
Deforestation...
- Um, deforestation.
314
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,879
And most people, um,
and we mean most,
315
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:46,319
don't know that their money,
their pensions, small and big,
316
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,519
are mostly directly invested
in funding those things.
317
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:50,999
- Yeah. Yeah, it's mad.
318
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,479
- And... And the investment world pretend
like there's nothing they can do about it.
319
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:56,279
But we... we don't believe that.
320
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:57,839
- Yeah, no, I get it, I get it.
Okay.
321
00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,960
'Cause your... your investments
don't cost the earth, so... Get it.
322
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,240
- So, do you... do you
have a pension, Jim?
323
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:05,559
I sure do.
324
00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:07,279
- And do you know what it funds?
325
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:08,719
- I sure don't.
326
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,159
Do you have children?
327
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,160
- Three.
328
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:14,639
- Well, I can imagine that
they'll care how it is invested,
329
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,239
if they've no world to inherit.
330
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,759
- Uh, now a side note,
331
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,199
just because, like, we wanna
champion diversity at the magazine.
332
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,440
So are you... are you...
333
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:23,799
straight, Charlotte?
334
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:24,800
- Why...
335
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:26,679
I mean, what's that got
to do with anything?
336
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:30,559
- Well, as I said, we... we... we
wanna champion anyone outside the box,
337
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,000
you know, managing to make a go
of it, especially in the city.
338
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,680
- Am I "A brown lesbian
managing to make a go of it"?
339
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:38,320
- Um...
340
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:39,720
Funny.
341
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:40,720
- Do... Don't put that in...
342
00:13:40,721 --> 00:13:43,560
- Oh, God, don't worry, girls. I know
how to sell a good profile piece.
343
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,200
Well, uh, right, uh...
344
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,759
Um, oh. Yeah, probably need to warm
you up a bit. Readers like smiles.
345
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,599
So, uh, tell each other a joke.
346
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,880
- Ugh. I don't know any.
- Um...
347
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,680
What do you call Postman
Pat on his holidays?
348
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:00,479
- What?
349
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:01,480
- Pat.
350
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:04,519
It's the only one I know.
351
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,199
- You know, you could
have careers as models,
352
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,959
if this, you know,
this doesn't work out.
353
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:09,999
- I don't know about that.
354
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,240
I, uh, still got sausage eyes
from my hen do last night.
355
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,960
Small... Small hen do. I'm
just gonna put these on.
356
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,320
- Thank you.
357
00:14:21,321 --> 00:14:24,279
- Heya! Come here, big man.
358
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:28,079
Oh, fucking... How handsome are you?
Christ!
359
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:31,159
No wonder you've no personality.
There's just... There's no need for one.
360
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,359
- Look at you, William Wallace.
361
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:35,479
- Aahh. And this is...
- This is Mark.
362
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:37,239
- Oh, hello! Hi.
- Hi.
363
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,799
Sorry, you're gonna have to...
364
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:39,520
- Aine.
365
00:14:39,521 --> 00:14:40,679
- Aine?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
366
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,599
And, unfortunately, I have
no personality either,
367
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:43,560
'cause I'm so attractive.
368
00:14:43,561 --> 00:14:46,279
So... sorry about that,
it's gonna be a shit night.
369
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,279
- I'm just stuck here with
two attractive dry shites.
370
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,120
Yeah. That's the deal.
371
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:52,959
Hey. - Oh, get a fucking room.
372
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,760
- Oh, no, we actually reserved this one.
So would you mind fuckin' off?
373
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,160
- I fuckin' love Irish women.
374
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,039
Right. Shall we get fucked
up on this overpriced menu?
375
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,279
- Babes, don't worry
about the price
376
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,119
'cause I actually work as a
tutor for a really wealthy guy.
377
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,719
So, I got this. Honestly, don't...
It's on me. Let me.
378
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:15,279
- Hey, listen, um, tell me a little
bit about this, um, boss guy of yours?
379
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,608
- Well... - 'Cause uh... I've
380
00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:17,959
heard he's a real asshole.
381
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,000
- A massive asshole, you
can see it from space!
382
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,959
You! No.
383
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:27,479
- I think the key thing to say is, even
if you don't want to actively do good
384
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,439
but you just don't want
to actively do harm.
385
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,559
- Girls, I'll... I will do my best
to try to convince our readers
386
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,359
to give their money to a hungover
Irish woman and a brown lesbian.
387
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,160
Your words. Don't worry.
I'm on your side.
388
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:43,120
- Charlotte.
389
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,959
Charlotte, I'm sorry. I...
I... I don't...
390
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,840
- They can write what they want, and
I can handle it. I work in the city.
391
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:53,080
What I can't handle is... is
you look right through me now,
392
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,119
when we speak, even... Even
when we fought the other week.
393
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,159
This... this fakeness.
394
00:15:58,160 --> 00:15:59,799
- What do you mean, "fakeness"?
395
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,959
- Have you ever felt like you're
the part of someone's autobiography
396
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,599
where they learn from a
situation, looking back,
397
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,400
but... but you're the casualty
of them learning that lesson?
398
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,079
I feel like... that's
what I am for you...
399
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,960
Was for you.
400
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,600
Made you realize that you love Vish or...
or men or whatever.
401
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:20,799
But I am a real person
who's in that story,
402
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,200
and I deserve to be seen and for
you to bother to be upset about.
403
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,439
I am worth that.
- I know you're worth it.
404
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,799
- You diminish me as a person
by removing any care for me.
405
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:31,800
- I'm sorry.
406
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,000
Charlotte, I'm really sorry.
I...
407
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:37,800
I just...
408
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,160
I'm just...
409
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,559
I'm just...
410
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,000
I'm just very fuckin' hungover.
411
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,240
I'm sorry.
412
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:53,680
I'm sorry.
413
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:57,520
I'm just...
414
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,639
I just... When you told me
that you were falling for me...
415
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:03,359
- I knew... I knew it was that.
416
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,639
- No, um, maybe I'm
a fuckin' psychopath.
417
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:09,119
But it was just this sudden
weight of your feelings,
418
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:11,799
and... and... and Vish,
and my love for him,
419
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,160
and our families, and our
business, and fuckin'...
420
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,480
Jesus, what we're trying to build
together here, and I just...
421
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:21,240
Ugh, I just thought it
would be better for us to...
422
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,520
And for you as well, if... If
it was just clean and cold.
423
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,760
- Fuck's sake, Shona, that
is a teenage boy's logic.
424
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:31,680
- Yeah, maybe.
425
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,319
But, then, you know, when you
tell me about your head stuff,
426
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,959
I just think, with Aine and...
- Ouch!
427
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:41,439
- No, I don't mean it like that.
428
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:44,159
I feel... embarrassed
even saying that out loud,
429
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:47,279
but I just didn't think I
could be there for you too.
430
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:48,639
Okay? Not properly.
431
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:50,119
She just needs me so much.
432
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,640
- No. No. You need
her to need you.
433
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:58,200
May as well put your stupid Irish face
on the cover of Co-Dependents Anonymous.
434
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:01,641
- Well, wouldn't be very fuckin'
anonymous then, would it?
435
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,440
- I've spent the last four months
talking to my therapist about you.
436
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,160
- Go on then.
437
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,679
- She said to avoid you and
any other women in the closet.
438
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,039
- Well, I'm not...
439
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,160
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, you always said.
- I mean, I hope that you would've seen...
440
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,800
- Well, yeah, you did
a good enough job.
441
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,000
Not like you have...
442
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:30,920
What was it you said that time?
443
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,760
- "Panic eating a
melting ice cream."
444
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,759
God, I hope this Jim fucker
doesn't come back in.
445
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,880
Could you imagine this
for "women in business"?
446
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,079
- But she, you know...
- I fuckin loved...
447
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,359
- She talks about,
like, em, democracy,
448
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,359
and how, like, politicians
have to go on TV
449
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:00,839
because that's how they talk to us.
- Yeah.
450
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,399
- Like the people they represent.
- Well, that's... Yes, part of their job.
451
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:04,799
- We gotta question them, you know?
- Part of their job, yeah.
452
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,088
- We gotta see if
they're telling
453
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:07,399
the truth. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
454
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,160
Who's this?
455
00:19:08,161 --> 00:19:11,279
- It's, em, a podcast
episode, the...
456
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:12,879
- It's the Desert Island, um...
- It's, um...
457
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,519
- But we can't remember.
- Yeah, can't remember her name.
458
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,679
- It's... But it's her... Uh, it's
her Desert Island Discs interview.
459
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:19,919
- I think they might
be shutting up.
460
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,399
- A dome...
- She dedicates that song to her kid.
461
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:23,599
- I think they
might be closing up.
462
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,719
- My heart nearly
fell out of my chest.
463
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:29,479
'Cause I also... I grew up with
a single-mother family, you know?
464
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,440
- Sorry. What, em, did your...
Did your dad... did he die or...
465
00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:34,200
- Yeah.
466
00:19:34,201 --> 00:19:35,519
Em, did you say they
were closing up?
467
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:36,839
- Mm, yes.
- What, it's closing time?
468
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:38,600
- Time to go.
- Noooo.
469
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:42,920
- Who're you texting?
470
00:19:42,921 --> 00:19:44,481
- She's fun, man.
- Who are you texting?
471
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,519
She's fun, man. It's
good to see you laughin'.
472
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,040
- Well, she's also
very sweet too.
473
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:51,760
She's amazing.
474
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,719
Oh, she bloody
talks a lot though.
475
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,319
- Ah, says the
one-man chat show.
476
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,039
- Yeah, that's different
though, isn't it?
477
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:00,279
I mean, we haven't seen
each other in a long time.
478
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,119
You know, I didn't expect her to
come in and do a fuckin' show.
479
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:07,279
- I... I thought that at first, but she...
she calms down.
480
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:08,599
Hey, I'm not being
shady or anything.
481
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,199
She kept me on my
toes, all good.
482
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:14,119
You know, you just don't wanna end up
with some messy bitch who lives for drama.
483
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:14,920
- Oh, come on, mate.
484
00:20:14,921 --> 00:20:16,919
- No, no, it's just, uh, it's like...
It's a phrase.
485
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,039
She's... Listen, she's fun.
I like her.
486
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,959
I'm only saying this because
you're like a brother to me.
487
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,919
And you're also now a
fuckin' legend to me
488
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,080
because you're banging
your son's teacher.
489
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,480
That's the fantasy, pal.
490
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,168
- Heya. - Ah, we thought you
491
00:20:34,180 --> 00:20:35,399
got flushed down the toilet.
492
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,439
No. This place is so fancy,
493
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:41,159
it just took me ages to, you know, get
all the free soaps and bits in my bag.
494
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,199
- Oh, yeah. Get what you can from
these places, that's what I say.
495
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:48,639
Hey, my love, it's been an
absolute pleasure. - Oh... You too.
496
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:50,559
You know, we should do
this again sometime.
497
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:51,839
- Oh, yeah. That'd be so nice.
498
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,240
- Yeah, I'm gonna
be back in London
499
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:55,960
in about a month or so.
500
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:57,999
- Mm.
501
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,800
- You know, if this cough
thing doesn't get me.
502
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:04,240
He was so fun.
503
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:06,040
Yeah.
504
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,479
I have to let you go, don't I?
505
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:12,480
- What?
506
00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:14,120
- Oh.
507
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,048
You said you were tired
with Etienne back and
508
00:21:16,060 --> 00:21:17,519
everything.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry.
509
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's... Yeah.
510
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,480
- Oh, my God.
511
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,239
She's run out of words.
512
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:28,720
- What? No.
513
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,880
No, they're all still in there.
Just, um...
514
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,040
You don't get to hear
them right now, so...
515
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:37,720
- Okay.
- Yeah.
516
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,440
Can I have... Can
I have one word?
517
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,400
- One word?
- Yeah.
518
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,040
- Banana.
519
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,000
- That's a good word.
520
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:52,920
You okay? - Mm-hmm.
521
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:54,800
- Sure?
- Yeah.
522
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:55,800
- Okay.
523
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,959
♪
524
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:02,399
Hello, I'm Lauren Laverne,
525
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,959
and this is the Desert
Island Discs podcast.
526
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,359
My castaway this week
is Dorothy Byrne,
527
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:11,439
the trailblazing, award-winning,
grandam of television journalism.
528
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:12,599
She spent...
529
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,639
politicians not
telling the truth
530
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,999
is not some eccentric
view of my own.
531
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:22,719
It's one shared by the British people.
It was really depressing...
532
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:23,720
Grenfell.
533
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:26,600
Poor families.
534
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:28,480
- Hmm.
535
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:29,880
No justice for any of 'em.
536
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,240
Not bloody fair this life, eh?
537
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:36,200
- It's awful.
538
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:46,519
For a long period,
just one piece of music
539
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,719
which would keep her quiet.
540
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:52,479
I hated it, but it would
definitely remind me of her.
541
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,679
- ♪ Round and round
Round and round ♪
542
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,839
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
543
00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,319
♪ All through the town ♪
544
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,119
♪
545
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:06,159
♪ The wipers on the bus
go swish, swish, swish ♪
546
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,799
♪ Swish, swish, swish
Swish, swish, swish ♪
547
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,839
♪ The wipers on the bus
go swish, swish, swish ♪
548
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,399
♪ All through the town ♪
549
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,840
♪
550
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,199
♪ The horn on the bus
goes beep, beep, beep ♪
551
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,679
♪ Beep, beep, beep
Beep, beep, beep ♪
552
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,839
♪ The horn on the bus
goes beep, beep, beep ♪
553
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,679
♪ All through the town ♪
554
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,400
♪
41636
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