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Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
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2
00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:05,186
Then I shall throw in
this mechanical French hater.
3
00:00:06,401 --> 00:00:09,019
I'm a rich businessman looking
for younger partners.
4
00:00:09,181 --> 00:00:10,700
You'll get...
5
00:00:10,999 --> 00:00:14,278
I don't see how we have become so
rich so quickly. Good, isn't it?
6
00:00:14,279 --> 00:00:17,838
I can be educated
at boarding school!
7
00:00:17,839 --> 00:00:19,598
I wish I might go to school!
8
00:00:19,599 --> 00:00:23,278
'Miss Primly Tightclench
is a fine governess.'
9
00:00:23,279 --> 00:00:27,318
Look at the newspapers to see how
awful it is for the poor poor.
10
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,678
It's throwing food!
11
00:00:29,679 --> 00:00:32,718
'It's better your husband
hear the truth from you'
12
00:00:32,719 --> 00:00:36,038
than from a newspaper.
I am French.
13
00:00:36,039 --> 00:00:39,319
No-o-o! Get out!
14
00:00:40,519 --> 00:00:41,998
No!
15
00:00:41,999 --> 00:00:44,719
He suspects nothing.
16
00:01:47,879 --> 00:01:49,639
It's just such a good deal!
17
00:01:57,919 --> 00:02:00,518
My dearest dead wife.
18
00:02:00,519 --> 00:02:03,198
I leave this in memory of you, here
19
00:02:03,199 --> 00:02:06,838
where we spent the happiest
days of our lives.
20
00:02:06,839 --> 00:02:09,158
And, oh, what joy we had.
21
00:02:09,159 --> 00:02:11,439
Until I became a rich businessman...
22
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,558
and you turned out
to be secretly French
23
00:02:15,559 --> 00:02:19,838
and hurled yourself
into the Thames out of shame.
24
00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:22,799
Goodbye, dearest Conceptiva.
25
00:02:41,719 --> 00:02:45,519
Oi, hop it,
you Pre-Raphaelite pervert!
26
00:02:46,839 --> 00:02:49,918
Only half-drowned, eh?
27
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:54,318
But fully rich by the look of you.
28
00:02:54,319 --> 00:02:59,999
And there's much reward
for rescuing rich folks.
29
00:03:01,999 --> 00:03:03,479
Oh!
30
00:03:08,799 --> 00:03:11,759
Lady Swellsmore sent
these in condolence.
31
00:03:18,279 --> 00:03:22,518
I cannot bear colour.
32
00:03:22,519 --> 00:03:24,958
Everything must match my mood.
33
00:03:24,959 --> 00:03:27,078
Your supper, sir.
34
00:03:27,079 --> 00:03:29,278
Coal soup, charcoal pie and,
35
00:03:29,279 --> 00:03:32,319
for pudding, a really, really
old banana.
36
00:03:33,799 --> 00:03:35,799
Thank you, Servegood.
37
00:03:37,039 --> 00:03:39,118
Oh!
38
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,919
Actually... What?
39
00:03:42,039 --> 00:03:44,958
It's just there is a fine line
40
00:03:44,959 --> 00:03:47,998
between grieving and racism.
41
00:03:47,999 --> 00:03:50,519
Have I crossed it? No, no!
42
00:03:52,039 --> 00:03:53,319
Yes.
43
00:03:56,559 --> 00:03:58,718
You need time to mourn,
my friend.
44
00:03:58,719 --> 00:04:02,318
Perhaps if you signed the business
over to me for a while?
45
00:04:02,319 --> 00:04:06,838
No. I must continue
with my businessy burden.
46
00:04:06,839 --> 00:04:08,758
Of course.
47
00:04:08,759 --> 00:04:11,038
Has Victor been informed at school?
48
00:04:11,039 --> 00:04:14,878
I have sent my man Pusweasel to
impart the dead mothery news.
49
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:19,798
As his name implies,
he is a man of infinite kindness
50
00:04:19,799 --> 00:04:23,198
and will break it gently.
51
00:04:23,199 --> 00:04:27,398
Wake up! Your mother's dead!
I'm sorry, what?
52
00:04:27,399 --> 00:04:29,959
Your ma's gone and died,
deaded herself.
53
00:04:32,599 --> 00:04:33,838
But how?
54
00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:36,879
Hurled herself into the Thames
like an 'omesick herring.
55
00:04:38,119 --> 00:04:39,558
Drowned?
56
00:04:39,559 --> 00:04:41,558
Yeah, or poisoned,
57
00:04:41,559 --> 00:04:43,878
impaled on an underwater spike
58
00:04:43,879 --> 00:04:47,599
or eaten to death by eelsharks.
Probably very painful.
59
00:04:49,519 --> 00:04:52,479
Enjoy your first night with no
mother, young culley.
60
00:04:56,719 --> 00:04:59,038
Why am I kneeling like this?
61
00:04:59,039 --> 00:05:02,078
Oh! I didn't know as you'd live.
62
00:05:02,079 --> 00:05:05,639
If not, bit of rigor mortis,
you'd make a lovely footstool.
63
00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:10,718
I thank you for saving my life,
crone.
64
00:05:10,719 --> 00:05:13,719
Oh, that's nice.
65
00:05:15,719 --> 00:05:19,398
But kind words
don't butter parsnips.
66
00:05:19,399 --> 00:05:22,078
You want money? No!
67
00:05:22,079 --> 00:05:25,518
Just an appreciation.
68
00:05:25,519 --> 00:05:26,759
You want money.
69
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,198
If I did, I'd say, or my name isn't
Mrs Graspia Grumblechoop.
70
00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:32,638
Which it is.
So you don't want money?
71
00:05:32,639 --> 00:05:33,838
No!
72
00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:37,638
Though here's my invoice
for saving you.
73
00:05:37,639 --> 00:05:39,798
Payable now, in money.
74
00:05:39,799 --> 00:05:41,678
Alas, I have no money.
75
00:05:41,679 --> 00:05:45,798
Surely you have a rich husband?
76
00:05:45,799 --> 00:05:49,679
Wealthy father? Generous, fat uncle?
77
00:05:50,999 --> 00:05:53,158
I... I do not know.
78
00:05:53,159 --> 00:05:57,118
Why, I know nothing,
not even my own name!
79
00:05:57,119 --> 00:05:59,238
Oh, so that's your game!
80
00:05:59,239 --> 00:06:03,758
Not a fun game like Poke The Beggar
or Slappy Foreign Punch Punch.
81
00:06:03,759 --> 00:06:07,038
You're an invoice-evading
mock amnesiac!
82
00:06:07,039 --> 00:06:08,318
Not mock!
83
00:06:08,319 --> 00:06:10,758
My mind is as blank as a...
84
00:06:10,759 --> 00:06:12,678
As a...
85
00:06:12,679 --> 00:06:16,718
No, my amnesia stretches even
unto similes and metaphors.
86
00:06:16,719 --> 00:06:20,718
Oh, great! Can't remember
your own name,
87
00:06:20,719 --> 00:06:23,958
but you can remember literary terms.
What a pretty pig in a pickle!
88
00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:26,878
Oh, alliteration.
89
00:06:26,879 --> 00:06:29,158
I want paying!
90
00:06:29,159 --> 00:06:33,518
And luckily for you,
there's always ways
91
00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:35,479
a girl can make money.
92
00:06:43,719 --> 00:06:47,719
I have seen you about,
hunched and wretched creature.
93
00:06:48,999 --> 00:06:52,238
What do you want?
My name is Smalcolm.
94
00:06:52,239 --> 00:06:56,078
When my ma died, I was terrible sad
95
00:06:56,079 --> 00:06:58,638
and I thought at such a time,
96
00:06:58,639 --> 00:07:01,958
you could do with a chum?
97
00:07:01,959 --> 00:07:05,798
A chum? Why, a chum is all I ever
dreamed of from school!
98
00:07:05,799 --> 00:07:07,558
Then chum might I be?
99
00:07:07,559 --> 00:07:11,239
Chum might you be indeed, Smalcolm.
How joyful this makes me!
100
00:07:13,119 --> 00:07:17,879
Oh, though I have just remembered
that my mother is dead.
101
00:07:19,959 --> 00:07:21,799
There, there, chum.
102
00:07:24,919 --> 00:07:26,238
Posture!
103
00:07:26,239 --> 00:07:28,438
But my mama is dead!
104
00:07:28,439 --> 00:07:32,078
That is no reason for slack
spineitude. Does the Bible not say,
105
00:07:32,079 --> 00:07:35,998
"Be not a bent-backed griever,
but weep straightly that thy tears
106
00:07:35,999 --> 00:07:38,558
"may flow unto heaven
and water God's tomatoes"?
107
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,279
Where in the Bible does it say that?
108
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,558
Book of Gardeners.
Chapter two, verse eight.
109
00:07:42,559 --> 00:07:45,238
I wish to see my papa,
that we may comfort each other!
110
00:07:45,239 --> 00:07:46,678
Papa!
111
00:07:46,679 --> 00:07:49,999
Silence! You must wear
the posture gag.
112
00:07:54,999 --> 00:07:56,878
Miss Tightclench.
113
00:07:56,879 --> 00:07:59,598
I wish to see Victoria, that we
may comfort each other.
114
00:07:59,599 --> 00:08:01,958
Alas, she blames you for her
mother's death.
115
00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:05,718
Why, she said that hugging you would
be akin to hugging a cold,
116
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:09,639
flinty rock which had
indirectly murdered her mother.
117
00:08:16,199 --> 00:08:18,759
Oh, that must be difficult to hear.
118
00:08:21,159 --> 00:08:23,878
Perhaps you would like to sign
the business over to me?
119
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:27,638
Now is not the time, Grimstone.
120
00:08:27,639 --> 00:08:30,518
If only there were some way
for me to vent this grief.
121
00:08:30,519 --> 00:08:33,798
I would cry were it not illegal
for a man to show emotion.
122
00:08:33,799 --> 00:08:37,999
Sir, I may be able to help.
123
00:08:45,079 --> 00:08:47,479
It's all right, he's with me.
124
00:08:55,079 --> 00:09:00,198
Here, sir, you may vent your grief
far from the eyes of the law.
125
00:09:00,199 --> 00:09:04,118
Why, Servegood! Is this a weep easy?
126
00:09:04,119 --> 00:09:07,838
It served me many a night
when my Towser died of the mange.
127
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,398
Your poor dog.
128
00:09:09,399 --> 00:09:10,719
Wife, sir.
129
00:10:03,439 --> 00:10:05,038
Oh, I can't do it.
130
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:07,478
You have to. Now,
one last practice.
131
00:10:07,479 --> 00:10:08,998
In 'Ertford,
132
00:10:08,999 --> 00:10:11,038
'Ereford and 'Ampshire,
133
00:10:11,039 --> 00:10:15,319
'urricanes 'ardly hever 'appen.
134
00:10:17,119 --> 00:10:20,358
Rich men love a posh girl
who can talk Cockney.
135
00:10:20,359 --> 00:10:22,358
Now, get to work!
136
00:10:22,359 --> 00:10:24,518
Oh, the shame!
137
00:10:24,519 --> 00:10:27,398
If in my unremembered life
I had a family,
138
00:10:27,399 --> 00:10:30,118
I hope they are not witness to this.
139
00:10:30,119 --> 00:10:33,278
Unless I did something even more
demeaning, in which case I hope
140
00:10:33,279 --> 00:10:35,719
they see this and think
I've come up in the world.
141
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:39,278
Might you be looking for company,
sir?
142
00:10:39,279 --> 00:10:40,798
What sort of company?
143
00:10:40,799 --> 00:10:43,199
Why, a little...
144
00:10:44,319 --> 00:10:46,558
Cockney company.
145
00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:49,998
If... If I were,
how much would it cost?
146
00:10:49,999 --> 00:10:52,198
A shilling for a dropped aitch,
147
00:10:52,199 --> 00:10:55,559
half a crown
if you want the whole rhyming slang.
148
00:11:00,079 --> 00:11:02,798
All right, me old China?
149
00:11:02,799 --> 00:11:04,878
Look at me plates of meat.
150
00:11:04,879 --> 00:11:08,238
Cor blimey, 'ave a banana!
151
00:11:08,239 --> 00:11:12,918
Oh yes! Do you have any
hake or haddock?
152
00:11:12,919 --> 00:11:17,318
'Ave I hany 'ake or 'addock?
153
00:11:17,319 --> 00:11:20,558
I should bleedin' well cocoa!
154
00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:23,518
'The griefboil is lanced.'
155
00:11:23,519 --> 00:11:27,118
Thank you Servegood. Thank you.
156
00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:30,238
Ah! Grief burp, sir? No.
157
00:11:30,239 --> 00:11:32,478
I fear I just saw
a vision of my dead wife.
158
00:11:32,479 --> 00:11:35,718
Yes. I had those, sir.
159
00:11:35,719 --> 00:11:37,479
Poor Towser.
160
00:11:42,439 --> 00:11:45,199
You wanted to see me?
161
00:11:48,399 --> 00:11:49,679
Was that artillery fire?
162
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,998
Conceptiva achieved much poverty
relief with her food cannons.
163
00:11:52,999 --> 00:11:56,838
I have decided to continue the daily
meal salvoes in her honour.
164
00:11:56,839 --> 00:11:58,558
As you wish. Muppet!
165
00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:02,079
Grimstone, does our business do good?
166
00:12:08,359 --> 00:12:10,998
No, sorry. I don't understand.
167
00:12:10,999 --> 00:12:15,038
Well, we've recently halved
the wages of the shop workers.
168
00:12:15,039 --> 00:12:16,918
Was that... good?
169
00:12:16,919 --> 00:12:18,638
Yes.
170
00:12:18,639 --> 00:12:21,198
They must now work longer hours,
171
00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:24,278
leaving them less time
for immorality
172
00:12:24,279 --> 00:12:26,638
such as drinking, dancing
and sleeping.
173
00:12:26,639 --> 00:12:30,598
Therefore, they will reach heaven
much more easily.
174
00:12:30,599 --> 00:12:34,078
And sooner due to exhaustion.
Why do you ask such questions?
175
00:12:34,079 --> 00:12:35,799
Just curious.
176
00:12:37,239 --> 00:12:39,878
And I suppose I was
a bit up all night,
177
00:12:39,879 --> 00:12:42,639
tormented by a vision
of my dead wife.
178
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,798
Conceptiva! Is that you?
179
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:49,238
"Yes, it is me. Definitely not a
figment of your guilty imagination."
180
00:12:49,239 --> 00:12:51,038
Why would I feel guilty?
181
00:12:51,039 --> 00:12:52,718
"Because you caused my death."
182
00:12:52,719 --> 00:12:54,359
Ye... Right, yes.
183
00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:58,358
If you are troubled,
184
00:12:58,359 --> 00:13:01,518
perhaps you'd like to sign the
business over to me for a bit?
185
00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:05,478
No. I have been inspired by this
vision. It is soon Easter.
186
00:13:05,479 --> 00:13:09,238
What better Lenten sacrifice than
to turn our business
187
00:13:09,239 --> 00:13:11,839
into a charity to
alleviate poverty?
188
00:13:14,479 --> 00:13:15,759
Sorry, slipped.
189
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:19,118
In fact, I go now to investigate
the lives of the poor,
190
00:13:19,119 --> 00:13:22,239
the better to understand how
we may aid them.
191
00:13:28,799 --> 00:13:32,198
To disguise myself, I have replaced
my rich clothes with these rags
192
00:13:32,199 --> 00:13:34,958
whilst you, Servegood,
being of the servant classes,
193
00:13:34,959 --> 00:13:38,798
will blend in naturally.
Truly we are chameleons, sir!
194
00:13:38,799 --> 00:13:40,159
Aha, a hovel!
195
00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:45,798
He looks the sort. How so?
196
00:13:45,799 --> 00:13:48,718
Clearly a rich philanthropist
in disguise.
197
00:13:48,719 --> 00:13:50,838
The East End's full of them.
198
00:13:50,839 --> 00:13:54,878
Awight, mate?
Innit, yes? Geeza!
199
00:13:54,879 --> 00:13:58,278
Oh, sod off, you obvious toff!
200
00:13:58,279 --> 00:14:01,518
I am not a toff... innit.
201
00:14:01,519 --> 00:14:03,718
Door, Servegood.
202
00:14:03,719 --> 00:14:04,759
Sir!
203
00:14:11,119 --> 00:14:14,718
Is anybody in here poor?
204
00:14:14,719 --> 00:14:16,919
I'm poor. Excellent!
205
00:14:18,439 --> 00:14:19,879
What is your name, wretch?
206
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,038
My name...
207
00:14:22,039 --> 00:14:24,798
is Mr Jolliforth Jollington.
208
00:14:24,799 --> 00:14:27,319
Jolliforth!
209
00:14:28,759 --> 00:14:31,558
Come on, earn some money.
210
00:14:31,559 --> 00:14:36,519
It is Easter soon, and I want
an Easter feast. That man.
211
00:14:37,839 --> 00:14:41,278
Dear old friend of bygone days,
how did this happen?
212
00:14:41,279 --> 00:14:43,398
How kind of you to ask.
213
00:14:43,399 --> 00:14:47,078
Well, after debtor's prison
I got myself back on my feet.
214
00:14:47,079 --> 00:14:49,958
Opened a little shop,
very much like yours.
215
00:14:49,959 --> 00:14:52,398
You were my inspiration.
216
00:14:52,399 --> 00:14:54,318
Oh, well...
217
00:14:54,319 --> 00:14:58,638
We sold a range of small,
tasteful objects and pants.
218
00:14:58,639 --> 00:15:02,078
Called KnickKnacks and Knickers.
It did well.
219
00:15:02,079 --> 00:15:05,998
Until one day, one of your
shops opened opposite.
220
00:15:05,999 --> 00:15:09,198
28 minutes later,
my own shop went bankrupt.
221
00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:12,518
My fault!
No, no, dear chap. Not at all.
222
00:15:12,519 --> 00:15:15,359
Well, maybe a bit.
223
00:15:21,239 --> 00:15:24,998
Oh, you have a mouthful of jam.
224
00:15:24,999 --> 00:15:27,278
Yes, it is jam-like, isn't it?
225
00:15:27,279 --> 00:15:30,118
But no, in this instance it's blood.
226
00:15:30,119 --> 00:15:34,678
From the consumption I now have due
to living in such awful conditions.
227
00:15:34,679 --> 00:15:36,318
All thanks to you.
228
00:15:36,319 --> 00:15:39,598
I am sorry. Oh, don't worry,
229
00:15:39,599 --> 00:15:43,638
I've found a way of dealing with
it by becoming incredibly bitter.
230
00:15:43,639 --> 00:15:46,558
In fact, I might change my name
from Jolliforth Jollington
231
00:15:46,559 --> 00:15:49,318
to Bitterforth Bitterington. Really?
232
00:15:49,319 --> 00:15:54,078
No, I won't be able to.
Because I'll be too dead.
233
00:15:54,079 --> 00:15:57,518
Come, old friend. Let me take you
to my home, help you recover.
234
00:15:57,519 --> 00:15:59,318
Too late, life ruiner!
235
00:15:59,319 --> 00:16:03,398
The cold numbness of creeping
death approaches!
236
00:16:03,399 --> 00:16:06,959
I can't feel my hands.
Or my shoulders.
237
00:16:08,679 --> 00:16:11,838
Though my elbows
really, really hurt.
238
00:16:11,839 --> 00:16:13,719
Ow! Mind my elbows!
239
00:16:15,079 --> 00:16:17,598
I am so cold!
240
00:16:17,599 --> 00:16:19,679
But I can see Jesus!
241
00:16:21,599 --> 00:16:24,838
And he's lit a lovely fire for me.
242
00:16:24,839 --> 00:16:26,878
And put the kettle on.
243
00:16:26,879 --> 00:16:29,838
What's that, Jesus?
244
00:16:29,839 --> 00:16:33,158
Yes, I'm with Jedrington.
245
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:35,599
I know, he is awful.
246
00:16:37,559 --> 00:16:40,358
Oh! Here I come, Jesus!
247
00:16:40,359 --> 00:16:43,519
White with two sugars, please!
248
00:16:45,279 --> 00:16:47,319
A biscuit might be nice.
249
00:16:49,119 --> 00:16:51,679
No! He is dead!
250
00:16:52,759 --> 00:16:53,959
Joy, he lives yet!
251
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:58,358
I... forgive... you.
252
00:16:58,359 --> 00:17:01,838
Thank you...
253
00:17:01,839 --> 00:17:03,278
Not!
254
00:17:03,279 --> 00:17:04,838
Really dying now.
255
00:17:04,839 --> 00:17:05,879
Ah!
256
00:17:21,559 --> 00:17:23,359
Jedrington?
257
00:17:25,799 --> 00:17:27,638
Ooh, cannon dinner time!
258
00:17:27,639 --> 00:17:31,358
God bless the late
Conceptiva Secret-Past!
259
00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:35,798
Why, that is my name!
I am remembering!
260
00:17:35,799 --> 00:17:37,639
I remember every...
261
00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:46,358
The death of his friend has
pushed him close to the edge.
262
00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:49,358
One final shove will give me
263
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:52,558
sole control of the business.
264
00:17:52,559 --> 00:17:55,918
Then my fiendish plan can proceed.
265
00:17:55,919 --> 00:18:00,199
Do you want me to kick his stomach
out until he hands it over, sir?
266
00:18:01,199 --> 00:18:02,718
No.
267
00:18:02,719 --> 00:18:05,878
Cunning must
come before stomach kicking.
268
00:18:05,879 --> 00:18:09,039
And you're as cunning
as an 'edgehog, sir.
269
00:18:10,279 --> 00:18:11,838
You mean fox?
270
00:18:11,839 --> 00:18:14,718
Hedgehog's far more cunning.
271
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:17,358
Every raided henhouse,
every dead chicken.
272
00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:19,558
That's hedgehogs, that is.
273
00:18:19,559 --> 00:18:23,318
They pin the blame on the fox.
274
00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:25,519
That's how cunning they are.
275
00:18:26,759 --> 00:18:31,158
Ah! Then I shall play the hedgehog.
276
00:18:31,159 --> 00:18:33,118
A vision of his dead wife
277
00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:36,719
inspired this
"help the poor" nonsense.
278
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:43,718
Well, I shall provide him
with a vision of my very own.
279
00:18:43,719 --> 00:18:49,398
But first, I think it's
time for young Victor to... Heh!
280
00:18:49,399 --> 00:18:52,679
Complete his studies
at St Nasty's.
281
00:18:54,599 --> 00:18:58,198
Right, science practical.
282
00:18:58,199 --> 00:19:00,558
This is the world's first
283
00:19:00,559 --> 00:19:03,198
fully automatic boy caner,
284
00:19:03,199 --> 00:19:05,878
the Beating Jenny.
285
00:19:05,879 --> 00:19:10,798
It can thrash 200 boys an hour
at any intensity
286
00:19:10,799 --> 00:19:13,678
from Avuncular Buttock Pat
287
00:19:13,679 --> 00:19:16,638
all the way up to Death By Spanking.
288
00:19:16,639 --> 00:19:19,998
Smalcolm, dear chum! Help me!
No chums here, young man!
289
00:19:19,999 --> 00:19:25,558
Nor friends, pals,
buddies or homies.
290
00:19:25,559 --> 00:19:28,999
Wait! He isn't tied in properly.
291
00:19:31,639 --> 00:19:34,838
I... I wasn't winking
if that's what you thought, sir.
292
00:19:34,839 --> 00:19:38,599
It was merely a twitch,
cos I'm a freak.
293
00:19:40,039 --> 00:19:42,199
Good. Right, here we go.
294
00:19:47,719 --> 00:19:49,398
Ha-ha-ha!
295
00:19:49,399 --> 00:19:50,599
Argh!
296
00:19:56,159 --> 00:19:58,359
Oops! My bad.
297
00:20:00,239 --> 00:20:01,598
It's called a mattress.
298
00:20:01,599 --> 00:20:04,278
It's the only one in the whole
North of England.
299
00:20:04,279 --> 00:20:06,759
Arrgh!
300
00:20:07,879 --> 00:20:11,359
I say, what a stroke of luck!
301
00:20:13,159 --> 00:20:15,678
I may yet save my family.
302
00:20:15,679 --> 00:20:16,999
To London!
303
00:20:19,759 --> 00:20:22,079
Right, back to sleeping
on gravel then.
304
00:20:23,559 --> 00:20:25,198
Jedrington.
305
00:20:25,199 --> 00:20:27,558
I have good news,
306
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:30,318
and I have bad news.
307
00:20:30,319 --> 00:20:33,118
Your son is missing,
308
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:36,679
presumed dead after
a caning accident at St Nasty's.
309
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:42,278
Oh! To hear such news on Easter Eve.
310
00:20:42,279 --> 00:20:45,678
Pray, what is the good news?
311
00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:49,718
The good news is you won't have to
tell your daughter the bad news,
312
00:20:49,719 --> 00:20:53,318
because she has run away.
313
00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:54,958
"Dear Papa,
314
00:20:54,959 --> 00:20:58,998
"I can no longer live with a father
responsible for Mother's death,
315
00:20:58,999 --> 00:21:02,318
"not to mention one who has never
given Miss Tightclench a raise.
316
00:21:02,319 --> 00:21:05,278
"Bye! Victoria."
317
00:21:05,279 --> 00:21:06,958
This is not her handwriting.
318
00:21:06,959 --> 00:21:09,959
That is how distressed she was.
319
00:21:11,279 --> 00:21:13,638
Changed her writing.
320
00:21:13,639 --> 00:21:15,518
Where has she gone?
321
00:21:15,519 --> 00:21:17,838
No idea...
322
00:21:17,839 --> 00:21:19,999
Papa!
323
00:21:22,639 --> 00:21:24,598
Oh! I hear her voice!
324
00:21:24,599 --> 00:21:27,398
A guilty manifestation of her
presence!
325
00:21:27,399 --> 00:21:29,078
Yup, definitely that.
326
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:34,399
You'll probably want to sign
the business over to me now then.
327
00:21:36,199 --> 00:21:37,558
Yes.
328
00:21:37,559 --> 00:21:38,798
No.
329
00:21:38,799 --> 00:21:40,558
I don't know!
330
00:21:40,559 --> 00:21:43,238
I need to think.
331
00:21:43,239 --> 00:21:46,038
Sleep on it.
332
00:21:46,039 --> 00:21:48,758
The answers to such things
333
00:21:48,759 --> 00:21:51,359
often come in the night.
334
00:21:56,959 --> 00:22:01,838
Bonjour. Je suis une femme.
Comment allez-vous?
335
00:22:01,839 --> 00:22:05,038
Eh? What's that babbling babble?
336
00:22:05,039 --> 00:22:09,558
Oh, lawks!
You've turned French on me!
337
00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:12,838
J'ai besoin d'une boisson.
338
00:22:12,839 --> 00:22:14,518
Avez-vous du pastis?
339
00:22:14,519 --> 00:22:19,958
Ah. But there is money
in this Gallic turn of events.
340
00:22:19,959 --> 00:22:23,918
Plenty of unsavoury sorts
want Frenchness.
341
00:22:23,919 --> 00:22:27,078
Ou est la plume de ma tante?
342
00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:30,838
C'est sur le pont d'Avignon.
343
00:22:30,839 --> 00:22:35,279
♪ Alouette, gentille alouette... ♪
344
00:22:36,999 --> 00:22:40,878
Jedrington Secret-Past!
345
00:22:40,879 --> 00:22:42,598
You are a bad man!
346
00:22:42,599 --> 00:22:45,838
I know! And to rub that in,
347
00:22:45,839 --> 00:22:48,958
you shall receive visits
from spirits,
348
00:22:48,959 --> 00:22:51,559
who will impart moral lessons!
349
00:22:54,639 --> 00:22:59,119
Behold, the ghost of Easter past!
350
00:23:02,719 --> 00:23:06,438
What do you want with me,
dread rabbit?
351
00:23:06,439 --> 00:23:09,759
Behold Easter past!
352
00:23:10,799 --> 00:23:15,918
This is you and your family,
last Easter...
353
00:23:15,919 --> 00:23:18,318
Look at how happy you were.
354
00:23:18,319 --> 00:23:22,438
Before you ruined everything!
355
00:23:22,439 --> 00:23:24,278
Yes!
356
00:23:24,279 --> 00:23:30,118
Whereas this Easter,
you have a dead wife,
357
00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:32,678
a probably dead son,
358
00:23:32,679 --> 00:23:34,879
and a missing daughter.
359
00:23:37,759 --> 00:23:40,598
And... I can't emphasise this
enough...
360
00:23:40,599 --> 00:23:43,078
it's all your fault!
361
00:23:43,079 --> 00:23:49,998
Yes, my fault! Oh, show me no more,
dread, rabbity spirit!
362
00:23:49,999 --> 00:23:52,438
There is much more to show!
363
00:23:52,439 --> 00:23:55,798
But for now, I shall leave you
364
00:23:55,799 --> 00:23:58,879
to have a good, guilty think.
365
00:24:05,799 --> 00:24:08,239
You have found a third
player for our next vision?
366
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,759
Yes, sir. This is Gob.
367
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:17,598
Ah! I asked for a small, frail boy!
368
00:24:17,599 --> 00:24:21,558
He's an old army friend, sir.
Very good actor.
369
00:24:21,559 --> 00:24:24,838
He and I were a huge hit
as Romeo and Juliet
370
00:24:24,839 --> 00:24:28,158
up on the North West Frontier.
371
00:24:28,159 --> 00:24:29,758
Good kisser, too.
372
00:24:29,759 --> 00:24:33,079
He'll have to do.
Positions, everyone!
373
00:24:40,759 --> 00:24:45,158
Now, behold the pain
you have wrought
374
00:24:45,159 --> 00:24:48,439
in Easter Present!
375
00:24:49,559 --> 00:24:52,838
Oh, dear wife.
We are so poor and hungry.
376
00:24:52,839 --> 00:24:54,718
Yes, dear husband.
377
00:24:54,719 --> 00:24:58,558
We definitely both feel
more miserable
378
00:24:58,559 --> 00:25:02,558
than we have ever felt
miserable before!
379
00:25:02,559 --> 00:25:04,998
Who are these people?
380
00:25:04,999 --> 00:25:09,558
Just some of the many wretches
whose lives you have ruined
381
00:25:09,559 --> 00:25:11,598
with your business.
382
00:25:11,599 --> 00:25:15,238
A business you really ought to get
rid of as soon as possible.
383
00:25:15,239 --> 00:25:16,358
Yes, I should.
384
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:20,518
At least we still
have our beloved child.
385
00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:24,518
Hark! I hear his dainty tread!
386
00:25:24,519 --> 00:25:27,438
Dear Ti... Massive Tim!
387
00:25:27,439 --> 00:25:31,199
Sit on my knee, beloved chi... Oh!
388
00:25:32,399 --> 00:25:36,118
How is your cough, tiny mite?
389
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:39,718
Oh, fine.
Probably not deadly.
390
00:25:39,719 --> 00:25:43,478
If only we could afford medicine!
391
00:25:43,479 --> 00:25:45,518
Still, it is nearly Easter.
392
00:25:45,519 --> 00:25:48,878
Even though I'll
probably die soon,
393
00:25:48,879 --> 00:25:52,359
God bless us, every one!
394
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:57,558
Except for Jedrington Secret-Past.
395
00:25:57,559 --> 00:25:59,559
God unbless him!
396
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:08,399
What have I done? What have I done?
397
00:26:14,039 --> 00:26:16,798
What visions will
you show me, spirit?
398
00:26:16,799 --> 00:26:20,478
Easter's not the same without Tim.
399
00:26:20,479 --> 00:26:23,878
No! Not Massive Tim!
Where is Massive Tim?
400
00:26:23,879 --> 00:26:25,638
Let him not be dead!
401
00:26:25,639 --> 00:26:29,759
Though he is still here...
Oh, joy! Not dead!
402
00:26:30,999 --> 00:26:33,358
Leg or breast?
403
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:37,198
No! He is to be eaten
by his own family!
404
00:26:37,199 --> 00:26:40,358
And it is all my fault!
405
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:43,439
Aargh!
406
00:26:46,079 --> 00:26:50,278
I have gone mad with guilt
and am off to take my own life.
My dear friend, how awful!
407
00:26:50,279 --> 00:26:53,238
Don't suppose you want to sign the
business over first?
408
00:26:53,239 --> 00:26:56,838
As the spirits commanded!
409
00:26:56,839 --> 00:26:58,799
Are those rabbit whiskers?
410
00:27:00,279 --> 00:27:03,758
No. Oh.
411
00:27:03,759 --> 00:27:05,679
Aarrghh!
412
00:27:23,519 --> 00:27:27,159
Arrgh! Arrgh! Sir! Sir! Sir!
413
00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:38,318
This is where Conceptiva
met her end.
414
00:27:38,319 --> 00:27:42,398
It is only fit I meet mine
here also.
415
00:27:42,399 --> 00:27:45,838
Servegood, you have been
a loyal servant,
416
00:27:45,839 --> 00:27:47,078
friend, even,
417
00:27:47,079 --> 00:27:48,638
so I wish you to have
418
00:27:48,639 --> 00:27:52,198
this enormous sum of money
as severance pay.
419
00:27:52,199 --> 00:27:55,158
Now I must ask one last service.
420
00:27:55,159 --> 00:27:57,599
Give us a shove, will you?
421
00:27:59,479 --> 00:28:02,358
The finest service
I can do you now
422
00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:06,118
is not to let you
take your own life.
423
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:10,878
Quite right, Servegood.
You've totally talked me out of it.
424
00:28:10,879 --> 00:28:14,678
Oh, dear. I've dropped my watch.
I'll get it, sir.
425
00:28:14,679 --> 00:28:15,999
Bye-e-e!
426
00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:25,558
O-o-o...
427
00:28:25,559 --> 00:28:30,438
o-o-o...
428
00:28:30,439 --> 00:28:31,519
o-o-o!
429
00:28:34,399 --> 00:28:35,839
Goodbye, sir.
430
00:28:38,668 --> 00:28:43,968
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