Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:37,378 --> 00:00:45,438
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru
2
00:00:51,378 --> 00:00:53,937
Fish on a string! Fish on a string!
3
00:00:53,938 --> 00:00:56,697
Delight the children,
hypnotise the cat.
4
00:00:56,698 --> 00:00:59,177
Fish on a string! Fish on a string!
5
00:00:59,178 --> 00:01:02,217
Delight the kiddies,
confuse the kitties.
6
00:01:02,218 --> 00:01:04,617
It is our newest product.
The Piano Sofa.
7
00:01:04,618 --> 00:01:06,417
So exhilarating to play!
8
00:01:06,418 --> 00:01:08,777
And so comfortable when you stop!
9
00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:12,337
Can I interest you in our
safari buffet?
10
00:01:12,338 --> 00:01:17,337
There's giraffe giblets, snake-etti,
tinned tiger or zebra cordial.
11
00:01:17,338 --> 00:01:23,137
And we stock all the bacons
from mouse to elephant.
12
00:01:23,138 --> 00:01:26,178
And I'm sure your nephew
would enjoy reading this, sir.
13
00:01:28,578 --> 00:01:31,777
And then you turn this handle
14
00:01:31,778 --> 00:01:34,577
and by the queenie position system
or QPS,
15
00:01:34,578 --> 00:01:38,777
it locates out glorious monarch
wherever she is in the world.
16
00:01:38,778 --> 00:01:41,217
So patriotic and so portable.
17
00:01:41,218 --> 00:01:44,057
I'll take it and I'll pay
twice the asking price.
18
00:01:44,058 --> 00:01:46,698
Then I shall throw in this
mechanical French hater!
19
00:01:51,218 --> 00:01:53,297
I do wish we didn't stock that.
So crude.
20
00:01:53,298 --> 00:01:54,857
But it sells so well.
21
00:01:54,858 --> 00:01:58,097
Britain's France haty-ness
is our financial gain.
22
00:01:58,098 --> 00:02:00,937
Oh, dearest, I'm sorry that you,
Victor and Victoria,
23
00:02:00,938 --> 00:02:02,738
have to sully your hands with work!
24
00:02:02,739 --> 00:02:05,297
But we enjoy it. Don't we children?
25
00:02:05,298 --> 00:02:07,377
Very indeed, Papa.
26
00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:10,177
But I have ambitions,
to earn enough money
27
00:02:10,178 --> 00:02:12,217
to spare my family from toil,
28
00:02:12,218 --> 00:02:15,377
so we may lead a life
of luxury and loveliness.
29
00:02:15,378 --> 00:02:18,657
We are happy as we are.
Count your blessings.
30
00:02:18,658 --> 00:02:22,017
I do, my dear, every day.
Currently, I have seven.
31
00:02:22,018 --> 00:02:26,257
It's just sometimes I think
I would like eight or 19.
32
00:02:26,258 --> 00:02:29,137
Dear silly, lovely,
ambitious Jedrington.
33
00:02:29,138 --> 00:02:32,578
Letter for
Mrs Conceptiva Secret-Past!
34
00:02:34,258 --> 00:02:35,578
Can I help you?
35
00:02:36,578 --> 00:02:39,417
I'll take these, please.
36
00:02:39,418 --> 00:02:41,257
Were you eavesdropping?
37
00:02:41,258 --> 00:02:43,697
I may have heard something.
38
00:02:43,698 --> 00:02:45,937
I think you should leave.
39
00:02:45,938 --> 00:02:48,097
What if I told you
I'm a rich businessman
40
00:02:48,098 --> 00:02:51,137
looking for younger partners
who'll become rich themselves?
41
00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,778
I think you should stay.
42
00:02:53,978 --> 00:02:57,977
Alas, I have to rush to
a meeting of the Plutocrat Society.
43
00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:04,018
But... call on me, tomorrow.
44
00:03:14,858 --> 00:03:16,977
Everything all right, dear?
45
00:03:16,978 --> 00:03:19,378
Yes, of course.
46
00:03:32,498 --> 00:03:34,978
I have been seeking a young partner
for some time.
47
00:03:34,979 --> 00:03:37,857
I did consider having
multiple candidates,
48
00:03:37,858 --> 00:03:41,657
forcing them to do a series of
demeaning weekly tasks
49
00:03:41,658 --> 00:03:44,177
masquerading as business challenges
50
00:03:44,178 --> 00:03:46,138
and then firing them one by one.
51
00:03:47,938 --> 00:03:49,617
But that just seemed ludicrous.
52
00:03:49,618 --> 00:03:52,417
More like music hall larks
than business sense.
53
00:03:52,418 --> 00:03:56,697
Yes, you see,
we think alike already.
54
00:03:56,698 --> 00:03:59,657
In fact, you remind me of myself
when I was your age.
55
00:03:59,658 --> 00:04:01,777
Really? Yes.
56
00:04:01,778 --> 00:04:07,857
For when I was your age,
I was the same age as you are now.
57
00:04:07,858 --> 00:04:13,337
And I too had a hungry ambition,
that longed to taste of success pie
58
00:04:13,338 --> 00:04:14,817
and money gravy.
59
00:04:14,818 --> 00:04:16,417
They sound delicious.
60
00:04:16,418 --> 00:04:17,897
They are.
61
00:04:17,898 --> 00:04:21,817
And you shall dine on them daily
as soon as you sign this contract.
62
00:04:21,818 --> 00:04:25,617
Well... If you're worried about what
you get from the deal,
63
00:04:25,618 --> 00:04:30,017
this chart explains everything.
64
00:04:30,018 --> 00:04:32,537
I'm sure I don't have to tell a man,
such as yourself,
65
00:04:32,538 --> 00:04:34,137
what all this means.
66
00:04:34,138 --> 00:04:36,338
No... of course not.
67
00:04:38,218 --> 00:04:40,097
Maybe a bit.
68
00:04:40,098 --> 00:04:44,617
Obviously, there will be maximal
profitisation
69
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:45,977
of throughput outcomes
70
00:04:45,978 --> 00:04:50,217
in the positively extruded
asset yield actualisation.
71
00:04:50,218 --> 00:04:51,937
Obviously...
72
00:04:51,938 --> 00:04:54,577
Your mutualised share-tranche,
is the equivalent
73
00:04:54,578 --> 00:04:58,137
of an actimised
accrual on a stipendiary roo ha ha,
74
00:04:58,138 --> 00:05:01,777
with collateral umbification of 94%.
75
00:05:01,778 --> 00:05:04,698
In short, you'll get...
76
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:10,417
Let us have a drink
while you consider.
77
00:05:10,418 --> 00:05:13,297
Maybe a shorry or a brindy?
78
00:05:13,298 --> 00:05:17,417
I have never heard of shorry
or brindy. They are special drinks...
79
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:18,738
for the rich.
80
00:05:19,738 --> 00:05:22,097
Part of a world...
81
00:05:22,098 --> 00:05:24,258
that you will soon enjoy.
82
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:28,938
Then I shall have a brindy.
Little taste of your future.
83
00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:40,617
Ooh, strong.
84
00:05:40,618 --> 00:05:43,777
Like the rich. Like you if you sign.
85
00:05:43,778 --> 00:05:48,297
It really is strung!
Ooh! I'm already dronk!
86
00:05:48,298 --> 00:05:52,377
The only way to be for any massive
life decision. Now, come on, sign.
87
00:05:52,378 --> 00:05:55,818
Oh! Why not! For though this seems...
88
00:05:56,858 --> 00:05:58,457
suspiciously easy,
89
00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:02,297
what possible harm could come of it?
None whatsoever!
90
00:06:02,298 --> 00:06:04,137
Terms and conditions apply,
91
00:06:04,138 --> 00:06:06,497
levels of harm will go up
rather than down,
92
00:06:06,498 --> 00:06:08,937
contract may contain traces of evil.
Hmm?
93
00:06:08,938 --> 00:06:11,617
Nothing, I was just...
clearing my throat.
94
00:06:11,618 --> 00:06:14,177
Now... sign.
95
00:06:14,178 --> 00:06:15,217
Sign.
96
00:06:15,218 --> 00:06:17,457
Signy-sign, signy-sign,
sign, sign.
97
00:06:17,458 --> 00:06:18,938
Oh, what the heck!
98
00:06:20,098 --> 00:06:21,258
Get in!
99
00:06:22,818 --> 00:06:26,697
You will quite possibly not regret
it at first, Jedrington.
100
00:06:26,698 --> 00:06:28,257
I'm sure I shall not.
101
00:06:28,258 --> 00:06:30,498
Ooh, I really am quite dronk.
102
00:06:43,818 --> 00:06:45,178
And turn.
103
00:06:47,618 --> 00:06:53,138
Ha! The shares in our company
have risen so fast they have had
to append a new bit of paper.
104
00:06:54,938 --> 00:06:56,418
Whoosh.
105
00:06:58,898 --> 00:07:01,577
Drink, sir?
Ah, whosky, delicious.
106
00:07:01,578 --> 00:07:04,457
I love having servants.
They do so much for you.
107
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:08,458
Drink, madam? I can make
my own drink, thank you.
108
00:07:17,378 --> 00:07:20,177
I still do not see how
we have become so rich so quickly.
109
00:07:20,178 --> 00:07:25,137
It all involves words such as
"leveraging", "collateralisation"
and "platyhelminth".
110
00:07:25,138 --> 00:07:28,377
Is a platyhelminth not a type
of flat, unsegmented worm?
111
00:07:28,378 --> 00:07:32,297
That just goes to show how little
you understand of business, dearest.
112
00:07:32,298 --> 00:07:35,537
But listen...
113
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:38,217
More money being delivered.
Do not question it.
114
00:07:38,218 --> 00:07:41,617
I question it not, Papa,
for instead of working,
115
00:07:41,618 --> 00:07:45,097
I enjoy such luxuries
as bathing in jam!
116
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,337
I have just had my fifth bath
of the day.
117
00:07:47,338 --> 00:07:50,537
And you forgot to dry yourself
properly, dearest.
118
00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:52,137
And I question it not,
119
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:55,177
for it means I can be educated
at boarding school!
120
00:07:55,178 --> 00:07:58,577
You know what they say about it -
"Give me the boy at seven..."
121
00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:02,217
"And I'll give you the empty husk
of an emotionally stunted man."
Exactly!
122
00:08:02,218 --> 00:08:04,137
A man fit to rule an empire!
123
00:08:04,138 --> 00:08:08,537
And here is the man who made
this possible, my excellent partner,
Mr Grimstone!
124
00:08:08,538 --> 00:08:10,017
Victor,
125
00:08:10,018 --> 00:08:11,817
you lucky boy.
126
00:08:11,818 --> 00:08:14,497
St Nasty's is the best school
in Britain.
127
00:08:14,498 --> 00:08:16,178
It sounds so horrid.
128
00:08:17,658 --> 00:08:18,738
No...
129
00:08:19,818 --> 00:08:21,617
It is a happy place...
130
00:08:21,618 --> 00:08:26,178
full of jolly rough-housing
and mannish horseplay
and horse-ish man-play.
131
00:08:27,658 --> 00:08:29,777
I sent my own son there.
132
00:08:29,778 --> 00:08:35,058
I cannot wait! There will be japes
and larks and silly moorhens galore!
133
00:08:36,658 --> 00:08:39,657
My manservant Pusweasel
will escort you there.
134
00:08:39,658 --> 00:08:42,778
He awaits you... outside.
135
00:08:43,818 --> 00:08:47,818
Is this a lark, Mr Pusweasel?
It is for me, young cully.
136
00:08:53,538 --> 00:08:56,818
Such a funny jape! Eurgh!
137
00:09:04,858 --> 00:09:06,937
He just hit Victor with a cudgel.
138
00:09:06,938 --> 00:09:10,417
See! The jolly rough-housing begins!
139
00:09:10,418 --> 00:09:12,857
How I wish I might go to school.
140
00:09:12,858 --> 00:09:16,137
Alas, I am a girl so it is illegal.
141
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:19,297
But, my littlie,
not illegal to have a governess.
142
00:09:19,298 --> 00:09:23,537
A governess? A seemingly stern
but secretly warm-hearted governess?
143
00:09:23,538 --> 00:09:26,017
Oh joy!
Why does she need a governess?
144
00:09:26,018 --> 00:09:28,217
To learn to be a lady...
145
00:09:28,218 --> 00:09:30,617
rather than a slattern
or flibbertigibbet.
146
00:09:30,618 --> 00:09:36,218
And Miss Primly Tightclench
is a fine governess.
147
00:09:53,418 --> 00:09:55,617
My governessing covers many things.
148
00:09:55,618 --> 00:09:58,497
Posture, decorum,
how to stand properly,
149
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:02,017
deportment, posture, comportment,
carriage, bearing, posture,
150
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:06,017
musculo-skeletal straightening,
posture, good-stancing and posture.
151
00:10:06,018 --> 00:10:07,697
It's mostly posture, to be honest.
152
00:10:07,698 --> 00:10:10,857
Mama, she seems such fun! Does she?
153
00:10:10,858 --> 00:10:13,097
Oh, I'm a laugh a minute, me.
154
00:10:13,098 --> 00:10:14,177
Well...
155
00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:17,098
decade. Victoria, follow me!
156
00:10:18,138 --> 00:10:19,338
Posture!
157
00:10:20,858 --> 00:10:22,217
Posture!
158
00:10:22,218 --> 00:10:23,617
Now, to business.
159
00:10:23,618 --> 00:10:26,457
I thought we could expand
160
00:10:26,458 --> 00:10:29,457
with new branches called
The Old Shop Of Stuff Metro
161
00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:31,577
and The Old Shop Of Stuff Express.
162
00:10:31,578 --> 00:10:33,098
W-w-wha-what?
163
00:10:35,098 --> 00:10:37,098
I'm- Are you talking?
164
00:10:38,178 --> 00:10:41,897
Alas, men cannot hear women
when they talk about business
165
00:10:41,898 --> 00:10:45,337
due to their high-pitched,
weak-brained voices.
166
00:10:45,338 --> 00:10:48,378
It is a true fact
of Victorian science.
167
00:10:49,578 --> 00:10:51,258
But I have written
a business plan.
168
00:10:53,058 --> 00:10:54,417
I cannot see it.
169
00:10:54,418 --> 00:10:58,297
Dearest, you must do
as the wives of other businessmen do.
170
00:10:58,298 --> 00:11:00,578
Charitable works
and... pretty simpering.
171
00:11:04,258 --> 00:11:07,058
I shall go and do some charity,
then. Yup.
172
00:11:13,538 --> 00:11:18,058
Do you know, she actually thought
a platyhelminth was a type of worm.
173
00:11:33,338 --> 00:11:36,538
Please, ma'am,
someone delivered this for you.
174
00:11:49,338 --> 00:11:50,497
Oh...
175
00:11:50,498 --> 00:11:51,697
Ooh!
176
00:11:51,698 --> 00:11:53,138
Ooh... Ooh!
177
00:11:54,858 --> 00:11:57,578
Will you PLEASE stop doing things
for me!
178
00:12:09,058 --> 00:12:12,417
Always a pleasure
to welcome a new boy.
179
00:12:12,418 --> 00:12:16,337
Is this school? Am I at school?
Oh, joy!
180
00:12:16,338 --> 00:12:18,138
No joy here, young cully.
181
00:12:19,938 --> 00:12:21,377
Damn you, Smalcolm!
182
00:12:21,378 --> 00:12:23,618
Oh! Oh! Sorry, sir.
183
00:12:27,258 --> 00:12:29,257
Is this my dormitory?
184
00:12:29,258 --> 00:12:33,337
Full of new chums to share
in pillow-fights, midnight feasts
185
00:12:33,338 --> 00:12:37,138
and fumbled adolescent acts I shall
never mention to my future wife?
186
00:12:38,898 --> 00:12:40,657
Hold on...
187
00:12:40,658 --> 00:12:42,257
Where ARE my new chums?
188
00:12:42,258 --> 00:12:46,977
The only chums you'll have
will be misery, pain and hunger!
189
00:12:46,978 --> 00:12:50,538
What odd names!
Are they from the North?
190
00:12:56,338 --> 00:12:57,858
Time for sleep.
191
00:12:59,418 --> 00:13:02,417
Tomorrow, japes aplenty!
192
00:13:02,418 --> 00:13:04,658
School is br-r-rilliant...
193
00:13:07,178 --> 00:13:08,458
I think.
194
00:13:09,898 --> 00:13:14,538
Ah, I do enjoy a bracing walk.
How are you defining "walk"?
195
00:13:16,898 --> 00:13:19,258
Come, let us eat! Walk on.
196
00:13:22,938 --> 00:13:25,898
Argh! Get off! I can WALK, you know!
197
00:13:29,698 --> 00:13:30,738
Now...
198
00:13:31,738 --> 00:13:34,497
what shall we eat? How about beef?
199
00:13:34,498 --> 00:13:37,777
I hate beef.
Very good. Beef it is. Servegood?
200
00:13:37,778 --> 00:13:39,218
Two beef coming up, sir.
201
00:13:52,978 --> 00:13:55,017
So we now use lunch artillery.
202
00:13:55,018 --> 00:13:57,297
Such luxury
when so many are so poor.
203
00:13:57,298 --> 00:14:02,777
It is what the rich do. There must be
a better use for such devices.
204
00:14:02,778 --> 00:14:04,178
Does something bother you?
205
00:14:08,058 --> 00:14:10,617
It's just... this SUDDEN wealth.
206
00:14:10,618 --> 00:14:15,057
It's good, isn't it? I now wear
silk trousers and diamond underpants.
207
00:14:15,058 --> 00:14:17,857
Which are INCREDIBLY uncomfortable.
208
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:20,857
I miss the children, and you.
209
00:14:20,858 --> 00:14:24,017
But we are rich now, so the children
must be kept from us
210
00:14:24,018 --> 00:14:27,217
and we must have bedrooms
a safe distance from each other.
211
00:14:27,218 --> 00:14:28,937
They are a carriage-ride apart.
212
00:14:28,938 --> 00:14:30,657
I wish to visit my wife.
213
00:14:30,658 --> 00:14:31,898
Very well, sir.
214
00:15:02,018 --> 00:15:04,217
We have so many servants.
215
00:15:04,218 --> 00:15:06,337
We barely do anything for ourselves.
216
00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:07,457
Nonsense.
217
00:15:07,458 --> 00:15:08,498
Drink!
218
00:15:12,218 --> 00:15:15,377
Mmm, "cloret."
219
00:15:15,378 --> 00:15:19,017
I am so wealthy now the rumour is
I shall soon be given a knighthood
220
00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:20,498
for my services to money.
221
00:15:20,499 --> 00:15:23,457
Only if the business
continues successfully.
222
00:15:23,458 --> 00:15:26,337
Do you not worry that it
is excessively leveraged?
223
00:15:26,338 --> 00:15:29,137
The debt-to-capital ratio
is far from optimum.
224
00:15:29,138 --> 00:15:32,657
No, I've checked that.
And it's totally optimum.
225
00:15:32,658 --> 00:15:35,737
Now, enough of matters which
you clearly don't understand.
226
00:15:35,738 --> 00:15:38,778
R-r-r! Are you sure
there's nothing wrong, my love?
227
00:15:43,218 --> 00:15:46,777
There is something... Your beef.
228
00:15:46,778 --> 00:15:48,418
Your beef, sir.
229
00:15:54,698 --> 00:15:57,377
Mmm! Delicious! Ooh!
230
00:15:57,378 --> 00:15:59,737
Oh... shrapnel.
231
00:15:59,738 --> 00:16:01,777
If one's spine is not straight,
232
00:16:01,778 --> 00:16:06,017
one's morals cannot be either.
Does it not say in the Bible,
233
00:16:06,018 --> 00:16:09,537
"Bendy neck and bendy back
makes one weak and morally slack"
234
00:16:09,538 --> 00:16:11,537
Where in the Bible does it say that?
235
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:14,417
Paul's letter to the Chiropractor.
236
00:16:14,418 --> 00:16:17,217
Sorry to interrupt...!
Posture! Oh! Erm...
237
00:16:17,218 --> 00:16:19,577
I am about to launch my new charity
238
00:16:19,578 --> 00:16:22,537
and I want Victoria to come
and watch. Oh, yes, please!
239
00:16:22,538 --> 00:16:26,577
No. She is still too posture-weak.
Thanks to your slack mothering,
240
00:16:26,578 --> 00:16:30,217
it is as if her spine has been
removed and replaced with jelly.
241
00:16:30,218 --> 00:16:32,897
Or socks. Take her
from my tender care now
242
00:16:32,898 --> 00:16:36,257
and you condemn her to be an opium
fiend and/or lady of the night.
243
00:16:36,258 --> 00:16:40,017
But, I don't... Get out!
Aagh! Posture! Oh! Aagh! Out! Out!
244
00:16:40,018 --> 00:16:41,617
Oh, Mama! Posture!
245
00:16:41,618 --> 00:16:44,577
A-agh! Posture...
246
00:16:44,578 --> 00:16:51,137
It is good to welcome other richly
charitable ladies. Lady Havemuch.
247
00:16:51,138 --> 00:16:54,777
The Duchess of Money. One only has
to look at the newspapers to see
248
00:16:54,778 --> 00:16:57,098
how awful it is for the poor poor.
249
00:16:58,538 --> 00:17:02,177
Jumped up riff-raff. How dare she
tell us to do more for the poor?
250
00:17:02,178 --> 00:17:06,137
I already do loads.
I recently took in an orphan.
251
00:17:06,138 --> 00:17:08,497
You saintly she-beast.
252
00:17:08,498 --> 00:17:11,017
It was my nephew,
Freddy, Earl of Bessex.
253
00:17:11,018 --> 00:17:14,097
But now we can relieve
at least some of their woes,
254
00:17:14,098 --> 00:17:18,618
and these weapons of mass opulence
may be used for good.
255
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:35,018
Blimey! Some toff's
firing food at us!
256
00:17:36,898 --> 00:17:40,738
So let this be our first salvo
in our war against poverty!
257
00:17:48,378 --> 00:17:50,698
Riff-raff. Pious prole!
258
00:18:08,298 --> 00:18:11,457
Oh! It is from Victor.
259
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:15,137
"Dearest mama and papa,
school is such fun.
260
00:18:15,138 --> 00:18:19,698
"Lessons are plentiful and varied.
I am learning Scripture..."
261
00:18:20,978 --> 00:18:22,657
Ohhh! "Latin..."
262
00:18:22,658 --> 00:18:24,737
Ha-ha-ha! Oohh!
263
00:18:24,738 --> 00:18:25,857
"Geography..."
264
00:18:25,858 --> 00:18:28,657
"Mathematics..."
265
00:18:28,658 --> 00:18:32,457
"and Chemistry."
266
00:18:32,458 --> 00:18:35,017
Oh, no! A-a-agh!
267
00:18:35,018 --> 00:18:39,578
"It is brilliant, and I am
definitely very happy, not sad."
268
00:18:41,978 --> 00:18:45,178
Well, that at least has cheered me.
269
00:19:14,098 --> 00:19:18,977
As per my business plan we have
now opened 12 new branches
270
00:19:18,978 --> 00:19:22,817
of the Old Shop of Stuff Metro
and the Old Shop of Stuff Express.
271
00:19:22,818 --> 00:19:27,938
We really are being businessmen,
aren't we? Clever, clever us.
272
00:19:30,138 --> 00:19:31,737
What the devil?
273
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:38,218
Sir, unless I am mistaken, that is
the sound of a lady running amok.
274
00:20:00,898 --> 00:20:02,498
Mary-Anne!
275
00:20:04,058 --> 00:20:07,378
Conceptiva. What ever is the matter?
276
00:20:20,618 --> 00:20:24,857
We must hire a lawyer,
stop these libellous letters.
277
00:20:24,858 --> 00:20:27,858
To be a libel, it must be untrue.
278
00:20:29,018 --> 00:20:32,857
Of course it's untrue.
My wife has no secrets.
279
00:20:32,858 --> 00:20:34,297
But...
280
00:20:34,298 --> 00:20:37,218
Conceptiva? Do you have a secret?
281
00:20:40,178 --> 00:20:43,657
Conceptiva, answer me!
I think she just has.
282
00:20:43,658 --> 00:20:49,057
But with a subtle feminine language
beyond our logical male brains.
283
00:20:49,058 --> 00:20:51,778
Sir, if I may be of assistance?
284
00:20:54,418 --> 00:20:57,778
Would sir say that
madam is looking wistful?
285
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:02,417
Partly wistful, partly contemplative.
286
00:21:02,418 --> 00:21:03,898
Wistlative, then.
287
00:21:06,658 --> 00:21:09,738
Plus sighing and staring
out of the window...
288
00:21:10,898 --> 00:21:15,497
Ah, alas, it translates as,
"Yes, I do have a secret,
289
00:21:15,498 --> 00:21:17,617
"but cannot bear to share it."
290
00:21:17,618 --> 00:21:19,497
No!
291
00:21:19,498 --> 00:21:21,338
If secret there is one...
292
00:21:22,618 --> 00:21:26,498
then libel there is none.
293
00:21:39,058 --> 00:21:42,178
If you have a secret,
you must share it with me!
294
00:21:45,698 --> 00:21:48,817
I see that you have finally
found a use for her.
295
00:21:48,818 --> 00:21:50,818
She is now my mood-maid.
296
00:21:59,178 --> 00:22:02,258
This could not have come
at a worse time for me.
297
00:22:07,858 --> 00:22:11,098
Any hint of scandal
could cost me my knighthood.
298
00:22:13,258 --> 00:22:17,417
That is all you care about?
What have you become?
299
00:22:17,418 --> 00:22:18,658
I merely meant...
300
00:23:03,178 --> 00:23:07,617
I think it better your husband
hear the truth from you
301
00:23:07,618 --> 00:23:09,738
than from a newspaper.
302
00:23:23,418 --> 00:23:25,538
I've come to tell you my secret.
303
00:23:29,498 --> 00:23:31,178
Sir, could...?
304
00:23:37,938 --> 00:23:40,497
There is a stain on my character
that can never be erased.
305
00:23:40,498 --> 00:23:42,817
Oh, blinking cripes!
306
00:23:42,818 --> 00:23:45,737
As you know, when he was
a subaltern, my father fought
307
00:23:45,738 --> 00:23:47,658
at the second Battle of Waterloo.
308
00:23:52,298 --> 00:23:55,778
After the battle,
he scoured the field for wounded.
309
00:23:58,738 --> 00:24:01,138
Alas, there were few he could aid.
310
00:24:02,698 --> 00:24:05,058
But enough dead to sadden the soul.
311
00:24:13,298 --> 00:24:18,377
Back then, whole families
followed men on campaign,
312
00:24:18,378 --> 00:24:24,418
and on that gory field he found a
soldier and wife, embraced in death.
313
00:24:26,258 --> 00:24:29,977
In their embrace
was a child, still alive.
314
00:24:29,978 --> 00:24:33,537
My father's heart melted
at the sight of this orphan child,
315
00:24:33,538 --> 00:24:36,017
and he sought to raise me himself.
316
00:24:36,018 --> 00:24:39,217
And this is your secret?
That you are adopted?
317
00:24:39,218 --> 00:24:41,857
But, there is no shame in that.
318
00:24:41,858 --> 00:24:43,418
You do not understand.
319
00:24:44,618 --> 00:24:50,098
That dead soldier was not
a British soldier. He was...
320
00:24:51,338 --> 00:24:52,658
French.
321
00:24:53,938 --> 00:24:55,858
I am French.
322
00:24:57,778 --> 00:25:01,218
Je suis Francaise.
323
00:25:04,418 --> 00:25:08,017
A-a-a-a-a-a-agh!
324
00:25:08,018 --> 00:25:11,458
Get out! Get out!
325
00:25:19,258 --> 00:25:20,818
Yes?
326
00:25:22,258 --> 00:25:25,537
I need to see my daughter. You
cannot. She is on the posture-rack
327
00:25:25,538 --> 00:25:29,137
and then is to be starched
to rigidity. But... No!
328
00:25:29,138 --> 00:25:31,058
Then can you tell her I said...
329
00:25:34,298 --> 00:25:37,018
goodbye.
330
00:25:48,018 --> 00:25:49,578
Conceptiva, wait! I...!
331
00:25:53,138 --> 00:25:55,018
She left this, old friend.
332
00:25:56,538 --> 00:25:59,697
"Dearest Jedrington,
I go now to end my life.
333
00:25:59,698 --> 00:26:02,857
"Tell the children I love them.
PS, je suis desole."
334
00:26:02,858 --> 00:26:06,898
We must stop her! She may be French,
but she is still my wife!
335
00:26:08,898 --> 00:26:10,418
Hop on, sir.
336
00:26:21,538 --> 00:26:25,378
Excuse me, is this
where people come to...?
337
00:26:32,498 --> 00:26:34,737
I'll take that as a yes.
338
00:26:34,738 --> 00:26:37,178
Goodbye, cruel world!
339
00:26:39,418 --> 00:26:41,098
A-a-a-a-a-agh!
340
00:26:44,298 --> 00:26:47,617
Conceptiva!
If you can hear me, listen!
341
00:26:47,618 --> 00:26:52,497
I have been selfish and stupid!
I do not care about your Frenchness!
342
00:26:52,498 --> 00:26:56,857
In fact, je t'aime!
Oh, well said, sir.
343
00:26:56,858 --> 00:26:59,098
Conceptiva! Oh, Jedrington...
344
00:27:00,898 --> 00:27:05,057
Conceptiva! I'm so glad
you didn't jump! Mr Grimstone...
345
00:27:05,058 --> 00:27:08,058
Because now I can push you instead.
346
00:27:09,498 --> 00:27:14,217
Aa-a-a-gh! Ohh! Can't let you
blab away like that!
347
00:27:14,218 --> 00:27:17,938
Now, we must do this properly.
348
00:27:25,698 --> 00:27:29,497
Jedrington! We have found her!
349
00:27:29,498 --> 00:27:32,817
Oh, thank the Lord. I am coming,
my love! I am coming!
350
00:27:32,818 --> 00:27:36,297
Goodbye, Conceptiva.
I am coming! Oh!
351
00:27:36,298 --> 00:27:39,418
Ya-agh! I am here! A-a-a-a-agh! No!
352
00:27:42,058 --> 00:27:45,057
Conceptiva! Conceptiva!
353
00:27:45,058 --> 00:27:48,017
She'll not have survived, sir.
Huge drop that is.
354
00:27:48,018 --> 00:27:50,617
And the current
here's mighty strong.
355
00:27:50,618 --> 00:27:55,818
Plus, unlikely though it seems,
there are sharks.
356
00:27:56,938 --> 00:28:00,137
Leave it, sir.
Violence never solved anything.
357
00:28:00,138 --> 00:28:03,137
Apart from the Battle of Waterloo.
And Agincourt. And...
358
00:28:03,138 --> 00:28:05,098
What have I done?
359
00:28:07,778 --> 00:28:13,018
So, the first part of my complex,
evil plan has succeeded.
360
00:28:14,898 --> 00:28:17,658
And he suspects nothing.
361
00:28:17,683 --> 00:28:22,983
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru28029
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof